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new years resolution
Topic Started: Jan 2 2014, 06:36 PM (750 Views)
gs
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Slow down
ryker
Jan 9 2014, 12:10 PM
Thanks for the info goodspeed/ichi. I will look into them.

I have no intentions of labeling myself/joining (especially a cult). I want more to do research so I can pick out the points I like and do my own thing but it is best to have a start/something to go from so i am not starting from scratch. I don't believe in higher powers so I don't want anything that requires that. Just something that focuses on the "self" and improvement of the self.
what are you looking for exactly? a sort of "system" to follow in order to improve yourself?

what about yourself do you want to improve?
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Jack the IV
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The Gent's Club
Look at confucianism, daoism, and buddhism. Daoism is the hardest of the three to understand imo. Buddhism is really quite simple, you just have to ignore most of the twisted cult followings it has become.
In battle, in the forest, at the precipice in the mountains,
On the dark great sea, in the midst of javelins and arrows,
In sleep, in confusion, in the depths of shame,
The good deeds a man has done before defend him.
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ryker
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Incog
Jan 9 2014, 01:34 PM
wait, i thought we were a cult
we are a different breed of cult
my name is ryker
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ryker
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Oh, i don' know. I have developed a short fuse/temper over the past several years. I have two reasons i believe contribute to that.

The first being my activity levels. With kids, work, etc, I have no time to work out. I could go for a run every once in a while but I hate running. I like body contact grappling such as MMA/wrestling workouts. I think I don't have a way to expell my anger and it builds up with lack of physical activity. I am fixing this one by joining the local YMCA to go swimming/hot tub and sauna every morning before work and joining a local MMA gym for contact workouts. If I don't take care of myself/make time for myself, I won't be any good for my family.

The second being my in law situation. I really hate my sister in law and now my brother in law has been thrown into the mix. He is a child molesting mentally disabled (literally) POS. He isn't full blown retarded but is definable mentally handicap. He is actually my wife's adopted brother. My mother in law did a lot of foster care when my wife was young and adopted my wife's two brothers. one was mentally handicap from neglect and the other is normal but has obsession issues. He is 23, been married twice, engaged 4 times (in addition to his marriages). he gets into relationships where they are completely infatuated with each other but luckily he lives in his own world since he graduated high school and has little to do with anyone else. The mentally disabled one is a different story. He has had issues with raping dogs/other animals and attempting to have sexual behavior with children. Luckily it wasn't mine or he would be dead and I in jail for a long time. Since it was always caught and he is mentally disabled, he has never went to jail, only deemed mentally sick and put on mediation. He doesn't do that any longer but I still hold it against him and don't trust him around my kids which pisses my mother in law off because he has "changed". My wife an I don't buy it and refuse to let our kids be around him alone. He also doesn't take care of himself, weighs 375 lbs, and never showers. he STINKS. I yell at him to go home and take a shower or not come by anymore all the time. This too pisses my mother in law off, but he smells like rotting sores, probably has infections in his fat creases (not joking). Nothing has changed with my sister in law either. I still fight with her just as much as I ever did and her kids are at our house every day of the week. once every 2-3 weeks she shows up, takes pictures, posts them over facebook to give the impression she is a good mom when she is the shittiest parent.

I have come to the conclusion that it is NOT me, it is them, but the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over expecting different results. This is true and trust me, I am going out of my fucking mind. I have 3 options. 1st is to keep doing what I am doing until I finally snap one day (not happening).

Second is to leave my wife of which is not happening, I love my wife and kids. We get along great, it is her family that I cant stand. Just happens her mom lives with us because she can't afford to live on her own and takes care of all of her other children s problems for them. Leaving my wife is not an option as then I would probably go into depression instead of anger. Not a good trade off IMO.

The third is to change my outlook on my situation. I used to have religion to lean on. I don't have that anymore as I believe my abandoned faith is hypocritical and false. I am looking for something else that doesn't focus on the preaching of a greater power but rather the betterment of self (for me my rising anger issues). I don't want it to be an anger management program, tried that as well as a psychiatrist. Neither helped and one wanted me to go on depression drugs. I might need them but don't want to start that. I have got to believe there is something else that I can look to. That is why I was thinking of something with meditation and looking at self evaluations as opposed to teachings of a "theory". Wasn't sure if there was something like that. That was why I originally thought of Buddhism. I thought there were two branches. One that thought of him as a messiah, nut unlike the Christian Christ, and one who thought of Buddha as an idea or state of harmony. I can practice whatever it is I decide by myself but I know a community makes it easier.

I realize some of the external things that are contributing to my anger issues are both my fault (allowing my activities and doing something I love slip) and not something I can control directly (in laws). My goal is to change what I can, (the working out in a way I like) and working on my viewpoints/how I react to things I can't control. I want to still be able to be upset/mad about it but be able to react in a way different that what I have been.
my name is ryker
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gs
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Slow down
holy shit ryker your wife's parents deserve a parenting award? what the fuck happened there?

you need to get rid of that entire side of the family. you married your wife, not her siblings. talk to her about this and make it clear that you can never be happy as long as these people are around. as i've said in another thread, it is entirely your wife's responsibility to solve this problem and if she can't take that responsibility then i don't know man you're gonna have to either leave her or throw these people out of your life by any means at your disposal. but it's not you, you're definitely not the problem here.
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ryker
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Yeah, one of my sister in laws is ok and I get a long with her, but she lives in California. She pisses off michelles mom/other sister because she defends me.

The one sister in law is just a bad apple.

The two brothers are adopted. They had some serious issues when she adopted them. The older one was sexually molested by his parents (and so was their other brother/sister. Sister committed suicide recently). Daniel was neglected/not fed. Brain damage from mal-nourishment was present when he was taken from the parents and put in the foster care system. Michelle's mom adopted them but the damage was done. It is all psychological with both of them.

It is a bad situation. Michelle tries, believe me she does. The problem isn't Michelle, it is her family. She fights with them also. I make the decision to not kick her out. She watched our kids for free so we could finish college and is the reason I have a good paying job I love rather than minimum wage job I hate just getting by. Couldn't do it without her.

I know it isn't me but if I have come to terms that none of them are going to change. You can't simply will them to change as much as I want/have tried. I want to try to take a different outlook on it to calm nerves. I took up chewing tobacco again about a year ago after 4 years of being tobacco free. Awe well, I missed it anyway.

my name is ryker
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The_Fry_Cook_of_Doom
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:OOOOOOOOOOOOMAAANN
Have you considered moving to a different country?
Jam
 
It's okay to be mad at your fiends sometimes
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ryker
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Ultra-Musketeer
Jan 10 2014, 08:41 AM
Have you considered moving to a different country?
Yes :) Hospira has locations in many countries and I have thought about my family moving to one of them, but not for in law reasons lol. Might be nice to get away from them in a DIFFERENT COUNTRY though! My mom is about 2 marbles short of a loony bin also, so its a win win.
my name is ryker
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gs
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Slow down
if moving is really an option, do it.
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ryker
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to move to a different position in the site it is easy. I just have to bid. To move to another site, my current manager has to sign off on it. I will be bidding on job in corporate probably once i get enough experience/find a position i want. :)
my name is ryker
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Adams
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The Real
Ryker you seem like such a walkover. Feel sorry for you though.
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ryker
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It would probably be easier if I WAS a walkover. That is the problem, I argue with everyone (except my wife) almost every day. Half the time my sister in law goes home crying because I tell her how I see it and she doesn't want to hear it. She wants to be in her bubble where she thinks she is a good mom.

Last week I got onto her son for pestering the dog. She informed me that I was not to get onto her son, it wasn't my job. I informed her that it was my house and that I will get onto whatever child is in it as I see fit. If she doesn't like it she can figure something else out in terms of someone watching her kids (IE her mother who lives with us). She said she was his mom and had final say in who gets onto her son. I said I agree, but this is my house and it is your right as a mom to find him somewhere else to stay if you don't agree with my rules. She said I was being an ass and telling her how to raise her kid. I said its kind of hard to tell someone how to raise their kid when they don't have anything to do with the kid. She called me a dick and said she is a GREAT mom. I said being a great mom isn't comming around every Sunday, taking a bunch of pictures for the first 15 min you are there, plastering them over facebook to give the impression your great, then sitting on your ass for the next 5 hours while you deal with your hang over from the night before and go back home leaving your kids here crying.

She said I was SUCH A JERK, left crying. My mother in law got onto me and asked why I have to be that way. I told her She didn't like the way I was running MY house. She said she is going through tough times. I said, yeah I know, I hear about it ALL the time. She said that she is STILL her daughter and would never choose my opinions over hers. I said that she can go live with her other daughter then if it is so bad here (they don't get along unless they are having a hate Ryker party. she wants to be around her grandkids but not at Stephanies house). she shut up, went to her room and shut the door for the rest of the day.

It isn't that I am a walkover, it is that I have my own moral code. She helped me/my wife out, so I help her out. If she chooses to leave that is her decision but I will never tell her to get out unless she becomes a danger to my family. She knows this and when I mention she doesn't HAVE to live here and that it is I who allow her to watch the kids for FREE, that shuts her up for the day. The problem is that it happens all the time. I don't know how to keep my mouth shut. That is one thing I want to learn to do with my anger, but not keep it shut/build more anger but keep it shut by getting a different outlook on the situation. It isn't going to change because of my idiotic morals, but I have got to get a head of it somewhere.

At one time I just let it go in one ear and out the other, but it got worse and I got to be in a bad mood all the time to the point that I say whatever I want. I have no filter with them anymore and that is probably part of the problem....
my name is ryker
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ryker
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No reason to feel sorry for me though. I have a great job, 3 kids I adore, and I get along with my spouse VERY well. Her mom isn't in the greatest of health. I just need her to live for 3 more years when my youngest goes to all day school, then she can croak for all I care and then I will have the satisfaction of knowing I was right.

I have warned everyone that if anything happened to my mother in law, Michelle and I would be fine. The money that we normally spend on feeding everyone else/her taking care of everyone else, will go to daycare (will be almost none if the kids are all in all day school before she goes), and my daughter in law will be screwed without her mom to take care of her anymore. My wife's adopted brother will go into some assistance program like ACCK or something, and I will get to sit back with a smile on my face, knowing I am financially secure for life, have several opportunities in life and career etc, and her kids will grow up to hate her because Aunt Chelle/Uncle Ryker were more of a parent to them than she ever was ;)

It is sinical way of looking at it but it is true. That is why I was asking about different ideas such as Buddhism, etc. I need to get by until then, I give my mother in law 5 years or so. She smokes 3 packs of cigs a day (I make her smoke outside by the street, even made a mokers corner for her complete with a decorative ashtray/bench away from the house that looks nice to the eye but serves as a nice spot for her to do her buisness also), drings 4L of pop a day, and is falling apart.
my name is ryker
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Adams
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The Real
Put them the fuck out of your house. If your wife doesn't like it put her the fuck out too. You need to become a heartless monster. Once they realise you take no shit they won't fuck with you.

If your wife gave a fuck about you she wouldn't have allowed your life to become miserable.
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Adams
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The Real
Ryker can you cook meth?
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gs
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Slow down
watch more stuff adams

broaden your horizon
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Incog
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CHEERIO!

an all-round nasty situation for sure ryker. this has been going around for some time and clearly no solution has come to it. the way i see it, your wife is 100% fine, as are you. your mother in law kind of wants to take care of everyone, which includes the spoiled sister in law. since the situation is so shitty it's probably why she's smoking and drinking (pop isn't healthy) so much. the situation is probably literally killing her.

the sister in law NEEDS to get her shit together, get a job, raise her kids. stop drinking, etc. you see this, i'm sure your wife sees this, your mother in law probably also sees this. you three (ryker + wife + mother in law) need to sit down together, come to a consensus and then tell the spoiled sister in law to get-her-shit-together.

you aren't the problem, but that doesn't mean there isn't a problem and that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to solve the problem, even if it doesn't come from you. i realize i'm talking out of my ass and that you've already probably tried to fix this but "it's not that simple".

or maybe bring in a third party or something? try to get them to fix things up.

if everyone in there made an effort you could all fix this. if only you and your wife try it becomes much, much harder.
Black tulip

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