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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 17 2017, 12:18 PM (18 Views) | |
| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:18 PM Post #1 |
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Everitt had been born a were-coyote. The fact had stuck him painfully for most of his life. It was inherently bad, he knew. The US may not have been the <i>most</i> welcoming of things not human, but it certainly wasn't the worst. People were learning that they couldn't just fire people for being a wereanimal unless there was a serious health risk, certain jobs were looking to employ more wereanimals because of various reasons. And really, being born a wereanimal had its perks. He didn't <i>have</i> to change during the full moon, he had an easier time controlling himself and <i>being</i> himself, his body didn't take as much damage as the bitten people seemed to. Ultimately, it was pretty good. But Everitt found he couldn't embrace it, he couldn't love it. He had always felt...weird around other people. He had always felt like an outsider, like there was this wall between them and him and that he was somehow this strange...animal that had learned to walk on two legs rather than a person who happened to change shapes. He couldn't even say it was because of anyone or anything in particular. Oh, sure, he had gotten a few comments from classmates when they realized what he was and that his mom happened to be Native American, but the teachers had never let it slid, they had cracked down on that faster than he could really think. But it had always stuck with him. He always felt so different even when these days people were glorifying his...condition. Everyone wanted the extra strength, the stronger senses, the healing factor. <p> No one seemed to want to think about the consequences. Oh yes, everyone talked about the "animalistic" behavior; they talked about how they were just beasts that wound up craving only meat or attacking things or whatever. Bitten wereanimals were talked about how badly the change effected them; they talked about how their bones broke and their organs failed with the intensity of the change, only to kick start again when there cells started regenerating. But no one ever talked about the born wereanimals. No one talked about what it was like to have been born with human bones and human organs...and yet, there was something inside you that pulsed animal. You had human bones, but they weren't; sometimes they shifted oddly, sometimes they ground in a way as if they were trying to be different. You had human organs, but sometimes you couldn't digest things properly like a human would and it was dismissed as a very human allergy. Sometimes joints swelled up because they hadn't been used properly but no one knew what was "proper" for them. They healed injuries fast, but no one talked about healing over wounds; they didn't talk about how a bullet could be sealed inside your body if it didn't get through an exit and how you might have to live with a longer recovery because of the tools they used to get it out. Everyone always wanted to look for the good, no one seemed to look at the bad or maybe they thought it all was worth it. <p> More than anything, no one ever seemed to talk of wear and tear. If you were a wereanimal, what did you have to worry about really? He was a werecoyote; he healed faster than a human he. He was a werecoyote, things didn't bother him much. God, when he had been young and new to the police force, he had <i>abused</i> that knowledge. He had run right into the thick of fights because he thought he had been invincible. He had used his body as a battering ram until he he had dislocated a shoulder but it was fine because he was a werecoyote and he healed fast. He had leapt from buildings onto the ground to cut people off. He had been so young and full of energy. No one had told him that shit caught up with you. No one had said he was still going to age, just a lot more slowly than humans. No one said that if you did enough consistent damage to yourself, your body just couldn't heal it. Or maybe the doctors <i>had</i> told him and he had ignored it. He could see that being a big aspect too, really. When he had been younger, he had thought he had known everything...or at least enough to just scoff and keep doing what he was doing. He was a werecoyote, he told himself; he healed so fast, what did he care about the jarring feel in his legs when he landed hard on the ground. By the time he had left the police force, the doctors had said he had so many stress fractures in his legs, they were surprised he had been able to stay moving. There had been almost a year when he had been disability after he left the force, just so his body could heal up again, just so that his body didn't have any new hurts. <p> They never told him that stuff would linger – or, again, maybe they had it wasn't what Everitt had wanted to hear. Every time he felt the swelling of his joints, the stiffness in them that left him bedridden, he told himself he was a werecoyote and he needed to get up, he needed to get moving. It never happened. Nothing was going to fix the issue, he <i>did</i> remember the doctors saying. It was always going to be an issue and all Everitt could really do was...well, they called it 'babying' himself. On days where he couldn't get out of bed, he shouldn't. Just stay in they told him; get some heat or ice on his joints to ease the swelling, take it easy, have a couple of days off. Then when he went back to work, he should take it easy. Let himself be pampered, if that was his thing. Except for the longest time, he hadn't had that option. When the pain had first started flaring, he and his wife had a newborn child who didn't have for one of her parents being too sore to move and his wife certainly couldn't take care of him <i>and</i> his child. After his wife's death, there had just been simply no one. He didn't date after her and it wasn't like he could call up his old colleagues and tell them to come over to tend to him. Maybe things could have changed with Hayden, but for Everitt, he didn't feel comfortable with it. He didn't like the idea of calling him up just for a demand of being waited on. There was a small part of him that worried if he asked, Hayden would sneer and say <i>he</i> didn't do the pampering, that was Everitt's job. And even if he had wanted to call Hayden up, he had made the mistake of leaving his phone in the living room. He'd heard it ringing a few times, but every time he had tried to get up, his had felt almost white hot pain. How had he managed before? How had he managed to force himself up when he was younger? God, he hadn't even been that much younger. He just needed to get up was all, because the phone had kept ringing. |
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| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:18 PM Post #2 |
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Hayden was... he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if he was happy. He wasn't sure if he was just coasting along. The thing was that he hadn't let himself be happy in awhile. Oh, he had been happy but... that was just having fun, wasn't it? He'd only had a couple of boyfriends that had lasted and most of those had still gotten tired of him pretty quickly. So Hayden had just shrugged and decided he would have fun rather than permanency. What did he need a boyfriend for anyways? He got what he needed from the fun romps that he had and he didn't have to worry about things like people leaving him if he wasn't doing anything other than having some fun. Then Everitt had come into his life. And, at first, Hayden had been fine to have a romp. He was sticking it in his parents' faces by making them pay money to have a handsome man that they had hired to fuck him while he was logging time. It had been enjoyable and he had liked Everitt's general sense of humor and personality, enough that he had offered to hire him to work for him; minor things. Some personal security. He didn't quite need it but there were some days he wondered if maybe his parents might not try more drastic measures or if someone might decide that the ex-heir to the Cunningham name might end up being worth some kind of ransom or something of the sort. So he had hired Everitt and it had turned... awkward. Not the work part. Everitt had been a good bodyguard. Too good, in many cases, when Hayden had been flirting the older man had chased plenty of men away until Hayden had said he was paying him to protect him not to chase away his fun. He had ended up backed into a wall with rough lips on his and stubble that burned against his chin and cheek and things had taken a strange turn from there. They had started dating and it had just been... strange. It was strange, because Everitt wasn't his normal type and there were very clear signs that Everitt was a mess and yet... he felt happy, too. And maybe there were plenty of clear signs that Hayden was a mess, too. He had wondered at himself, at the fact that he had given the older man the chance, but in the end had it mattered? They were here now. At least, he had thought that they were... here. Whatever here was. Here was... dating, he supposed. Being together, being exclusive. They had had an arrangement today. He hesitated to call it a date but, really, that was what it was. They had had a date. Except when he had texted Everitt there had been no response. He had been mildly annoyed but he had assumed that maybe he was busy. After all, he didn't work exclusively for him. He still took on private jobs as an investigator. Later, when there was still no response, he had called him. He had called Everitt several times and gotten no response and that was when he had started to worry. Had Everitt gotten tired of him already? He knew he could be a handful but Everitt had been different than his previous boyfriends. Older, more laid back and he seemed more willing to just put up with Hayden being who he was - to a point at least. He had never ignored his phone calls before, though. It hurt, a little, he realized. It hurt to think that maybe Everitt had already decided to be through with him. But maybe that was a bit much. Maybe he was busy. Maybe he was sick. Maybe, God forbid, something had happened. Hayden was not one to sit and wallow around in his misery. Not much, anyways. So he had taken himself to Everitt's apartment, he had marched himself to the door, and he had knocked. Then he had knocked again. Then there had been no answer and that was worrying. Shouldn't he be home by now? Shouldn't he be coming to answer the door? He had fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed Everitt's number again. Then he had pressed his ear against the door and heard the soft, faint jingle of the phone ringing and ringing until it went to voicemail. That was even more worrying. Everitt usually didn't leave his phone behind, though Hayden knew sometimes it happened to anyone, even someone like himself who was attached to his phone. He had stood at the door for a long few minutes, hitting the redial button, listening to the faint sound of the phone ringing again from inside and then he had abruptly cut it off. If Everitt was ignoring him then surely he would have just blocked the number or sent it straight to voicemail. He wouldn't let it sit and ring and ring and ring, right? He had gone back downstairs, hunting about until he had found the landlord. The man hadn't seemed overly thrilled at being bothered but Hayden was persistent and Hayden knew how to throw his weight around. He had added plenty of talk about how he hadn't seen his friend in weeks - one day, truthfully, but Hayden wasn't above lying in a situation like this - and he was worried. The man probably hadn't seen Everitt either, honestly, and he had eventually been bullied into grudgingly following Hartley upstairs to the apartment and unlocking the door for him. Hartley had crept about to peek to the bedroom to see Everitt stretched out on the bed, breathing. He had ushered the man out and said he was there, he looked okay and the man was probably just on the seedy side enough to not care that Hayden hadn't left with him, which was stupid, really; he would be accountable if something happened but Hayden didn't care. Hayden picked up the phone that showed all the missed messages and phone calls. It didn't look like it had been touched since the night before and he was one part angry and one part concerned. Had he been ill or just lazy? Had he been hurt or was he just sleeping off a hangover? He walked back to the bedroom and stepped inside of it. Without fully thinking about what he was doing, he threw the phone. He didn't throw it at Everitt, although he felt as if he wanted to. He just threw it onto the bed. "We had a date you know. You could have called me." Maybe he should be forgiving. Maybe he shouldn't let his attitude get in the way of... everything. Yet he could still feel himself getting angry and he could feel... it was more anger than it should be because he had thought he had been left alone again. |
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| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:18 PM Post #3 |
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What Everitt really wanted was some pain pills. Anything to help take the edge off. But if he were wishing for things that he couldn't have, he would just add that he wished he had left his phone closer to him, he wished that he had known that he was going to be this sore, he wished...he wished a lot of things. The phone kept <i>ringing</i> and it left his senses jangling. One or two calls and he would have dismissed, rolled over as much he could and gone back to trying to sleep. But it had kept ringing, it had been too many calls in the same span of time that he couldn't deny that it was very obviously someone trying to get a hold of him. Shit, that was concerning. What if it was Hayden? It was probably Hayden because – ah hell. Because they had a date. They had an arrangement that hadn't been called a date but it was very obviously going to be a date because they were going out and they were going to get food and they were essentially boyfriends. Hayden was going to think Everitt had stood him up. He was probably calling to read Everitt the riot act right now and he was probably only getting more and more angry because Everitt just wasn't picking up. The thought made him try to get his body up and moving, but his body wasn't listening, his body was struggling but nothing was following his sharp commands no matter how many times he told it to. Hadn't he learned his lesson ages ago to always keep his phone near by? Hadn't he learned because of just such an occasion? But the night before he had just tossed it down, left it where it landed so he could shower and then crawl into bed. He hadn't expected to wake up stiff. <p> His ears picked up noise around the fifth phone call. There was someone outside of his apartment, he realized. It was someone who had wandered away, only to come back and there were <i>two</i> someones. Apparently one had to be the landlord because he could hear the door opening, heard the shuffling of feet...unless it was a couple of burglars that were just making sure he wasn't home. He got his answer when Hayden breezed in, when he threw the phone at him. Everitt supposed he should be grateful; Hayden hadn't hurled into his face, which people seemed to like doing when he had upset them. Carefully he picked up the phone, looking over the calls and the texts. All of them had been Hayden. Part of him wasn't overly surprised. Hayden had been the only one he really talked with with any regularity on a social level these days, but Everitt was more surprised that <i>he</i> was surprised. Not even clients had called him up. "<b>The phone was in the other room,</b>" he offered up as his excuse. Part of him wanted to snap back, say what he had with more bite but...well, it was hard to be angry. It was hard to snarl at Hayden when it wasn't Hayden's fault that he hadn't known. Just like Everitt hadn't known he was going to wait up with hurting joints and muscles, Hayden hadn't known that was an issue Everitt had. Getting angry had Hayden for being rightfully angry would have lead to a fight and that wasn't something Everitt had the energy for. Not today, not right now. <p> But this all meant he was going to have to try and make up for the fact that he had missed it. He shifted on the bed, letting out a sharp gasp of pain as it felt like his bones were grinding in his back. They weren't suppose to do that, were they? They were suppose to have some kind of...he didn't know, lubrication? It certainly wasn't suppose be grinding. The doctors all said he was making that up, he was feeling his body trying to support him but it was weighted down. The only thing he could be doing for it was just...not pushing himself. He did, though, he pushed until he got himself up right, until he slanted forward to take some of the pressure off of himself. He ignored the voice that said maybe if he were lying down, he could take the pressure off <i>completely</i>. "<b>I know it's a bit late, but I ain't gonna be able to do our date tonight.</b>" It was probably far, far too late. Odds were good that Hayden would cross his arms over his chest and scowl at him before going 'yes, I noticed'. It seemed like the sort of thing Hayden would say and the worst thing was that Everitt couldn't even get on him for being snarky or sarcastic. It was Everitt's fault. He had been feeling poorly last night, he knew that was usually a sign of his having trouble the next day. At the very least he knew better than to just abandon his phone where he couldn't just roll over and grab it. That was the biggest sin of all and he deserved any remarks that Hayden had. <p> He lifted a hand to scrub over his face. "<b>Sorry,</b>" he offered. It took him a moment to realize that in the time he had been talking to Hayden, he hadn't said it. He hadn't apologized. God, that was almost as bad as the whole 'not having his phone' next to him. If he had taken one thing away from his mother, it was the fact that when you did something wrong, you apologized. He didn't buy into the bullshit of saying it a proper way ('I'm sorry you were offended' rather than 'I'm sorry I offended you' was too close to splitting hairs) and understanding what he had done wrong, but he knew he had screwed up. He knew he should have done so many things differently. "<b>We'll have something here, if you still want to.</b>" Maybe Hayden was too angry to want to stay, maybe he would demand why Everitt thought he was going to hang around when Everitt had ditched him. Slowly and just as painfully, he tried to get himself up into a standing position. It wasn't accurate to say that he <i>couldn't</i> move, but he always felt...brittle almost. Like he wasn't meant to be standing up. He remembered going over to a friend's house and being stuck playing with the guy's sister and her dolls; the dolls had had moveable joints, but they had been worn out so much he had thought he was going to tear a leg clean off. That was what this felt like. |
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| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:19 PM Post #4 |
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Hayden's frown only deepened as Everitt picked up the phone and scrolled through the messages. There was a look of surprise on his face, as if he hadn't even realized the phone had even been ringing and that Hayden had even been calling him. It just made him angry all over again. It just made him sure that Everitt had finally gotten tired of him. "You could have gotten it, you know," he pointed out in irritation. That was the kicker. So the phone was in the other room. Sure, you might sleep through a few phone calls but you would eventually hear them. Everitt could have grabbed the phone. If he was... whatever. Too drunk, too hungover, too tired, too sick, too done with Hayden he could at least have gotten the phone and let him know. It wasn't just that the date had been forgotten. Hayden had been left to sit there in the restaurant and wait and wait and get the pitying looks of people who knew that the second wasn't going to show. He just watched Everitt shifting in the bed, slowly pushing himself up. There was a moment for a tiny bit of flickering doubt to enter his head at the gasp but then the older man spoke and it just drove his anger right back in place again. "Yeah, you know, I kind of figured that out when you didn't answer any of my calls or texts and left me sitting there by myself," he said, feeling the anger and the bitterness crawl through him in ways that he knew that he should curb but he found hard to do so. It was hard because he had always been a brat, he had learned that the hard way. It was hard because as much as he could be a dick he still tried to believe in common courtesies like cancelling before a date or an event. It was hard because he liked Everitt and he had thought that maybe, maybe, he had finally found someone who liked him, too. "If you didn't want to or if you're tired of-" he broke himself off, feeling the hitch in his voice and telling himself to stop it. The words hadn't been said and maybe he was just building himself up. It was so easy to do it nowadays. No one that he had dated had stuck around besides Everitt. Some of them hadn't even been more than a quick one night 'you're pretty cute but you're an asshole' thing. It was so easy to believe that Everitt would end up doing the same, too. A bitter, petty part of him wanted to throw the sorry back in the older man's face and say sorry didn't cut it. He wanted to throw the offer back at him because it sounded like just something to pat him down. It sounded like words to make him be quiet and like Everitt really didn't want to do it all that much. It pricked not only at his pride - which was a fairly large thing and easily poked at - but also at his heart. He'd already lost two people in his life that he had loved. He didn't want to lose Everitt, too. "Do you even want to?" he countered, knowing that he should shut up. He should let it be. He shouldn't be pressing this so much because if he did, one way or another, Everitt probably would get tired of it. He watched the older man as he slowly moved, slowly pushed himself into a sitting position on the edge of the bed and then slowly pushed himself up in a way that spoke of being exceedingly careful and in pain. Hayden just eyed him for a moment before some of the anger dissipated back into the concern that he had been feeling when Everitt hadn't responded and hadn't been answering his door. The problem was that Hayden wasn't overly good at being concerned... sort of. He could be, but not when he had just been angry and he had never been overly good at anything like a bedside manner. He certainly hadn't been good at being apologetic possibly ever in his life... mostly because his parents had raised him to think that he would never have to. The problem with that line of thinking now was... while he didn't really have people he wanted to apologize to Everitt was the first that Hayden had ever even considered apologizing to at multiple points. It didn't make it easy when he never quite knew what to say or do. Finally, he knew he couldn't avoid it and he couldn't just... let whatever was happening happen. "Did you hurt yourself?" he finally said. He knew he snapped it out, he knew he sound angrier than he should. It was just his way most of the time. He frowned at the older man, letting his eyes sweep over him. Everitt didn't look injured but Hayden knew there were plenty of things that could happen to someone where an injury wouldn't show. Even sometimes something as simple as bending over to pick up a box could injure you and leave you laid up in bed if you did things the wrong way. "Lay back down," he finally said, still sounding far meaner than he meant to but he didn't know any other way to do it without still being mad at this moment. "So what did you do to yourself that you can't even stand up? Were you doing something stupid?" He knew Everitt sometimes took crazy risks in his job. Granted, it wasn't often because Hayden hired him on a lot as a bodyguard and most of his other jobs were - from Everitt's own words - just him catching spouses cheating and things like that. He didn't really have many dangerous jobs but they could come in. He had been a police officer before he was a private investigator and there were always going to be jobs offered to him or instances where old instincts took over. Slowly, hesitantly, he spoke again. "Do you need anything?" |
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| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:20 PM Post #5 |
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Everitt was used to Hayden being pissy. Maybe it was a terrible thing to think about someone he loved, but it was true. Hayden had the biggest chip on his shoulder that Everit had ever <i>seen</i>. He took being pissy to a whole new level. Everitt had gotten use to that. He knew that was Hayden's personality and he had accepted it. He wouldn't quite say that he liked it, but he had easily learned the difference between when Hayden was just being himself or when he was legitimately angry. And this? This was the worst thing because it was <i>hurt</i> anger. What could Eveirtt say in the face of that? Any explanation right now would be tossed aside, thrown back into Everitt's face about how it was obviously not true. "<b>I know,</b>: he sighed. He could have. It would have hurt so much, but as soon as he realized his phone wasn't there, he could have gotten up and <i>made</i> himself go get it. He winced as Hayden went on to say he had figured that out. That wasn't something Everitt hadn't planned. Really, he hadn't thought too much about the date he had missed and part of him was grateful. He didn't want to think of Hayden sitting alone in a restaurant, waiting and waiting while his brain – that had gotten use to people just outright abandoning him – told him Everitt wasn't coming. He thought of a lot of things to say – he was sorry, he didn't mean to, it wasn't the way Hayden was thinking it was – but in the end, he just wound up saying, "<b>I'm sorry.</b>" Hayden didn't seem to be in the mood for explanations. He seemed ready to be angry, ready to snarl and hiss and toss away explanations with his oh so creative mind. He listened to Hayden start talking again, saying if he didn't want to. He cut himself off before he could finish, but Everitt figured it was more 'are you tired of me' rather than just the general 'if you're tired'. And what could he say? What could he say that Hayden would believe and listen to? The thing about Hayden was that once he got an idea in his head, it stuck there. It festered for better or for worse. <p> With all the experience Everitt had with arguing, one would have thought he were use to this. But the difference was that he and Hayden had been doing pretty all right up until right then. Hayden got a little short and snippy but it was always at situations or when it <i>was</i> Everitt he was snippy with, it was easy to just pat him down, to brush him back into contentment. This was a wholly different beast. "<b>I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to,</b>" he pointed out. Everitt wasn't the kind of man that did things he didn't want to unless he wanted the other person happy. There were a few times that he had suggested they go out to do things that Everitt wouldn't have been caught dead doing normally...all because it made Hayden happy. When Hayden was happy, he always got this smile on his face and his eyes lit up. It was never a detestable thing to spend time with Hayden and he never regretted doing something that wasn't his interest because it made the other man happy to do. Having dinner with him here? Especially when they were fighting? There was nothing about that that sounded good, so he couldn't imagine making the offer if he <i>didn't</i> want to. Maybe in Hayden's head that was what people did...or worse, maybe someone had done that. Everitt couldn't say he was the fastest man about sharing feelings, but if someone was unhappy with the other, you'd think they'd be willing to just up front say that. But right now, he didn't have time to worry about that. He caught the edge of his nightstand, trying to hold himself up as his body protested it to the bitter end. All he <i>really</i> wanted to do was lie back down in bed, but if he could get out to the living room, maybe he'd be able to relax again. <p> But then Hayden spoke with all his usual tact, demanding if Everitt had hurt himself. "<b>No,</b>" he said easily. It wasn't a lie, he at least had that as part of his story. He hadn't been hurt for a long time, but his body never seemed to understand that. Hayden was commanding him to lay down again, snapping and almost snarling like an angry cat. For one long moment, Everitt debated. He debated just...forcing himself to stay up right, to prove that they were going to do what Everitt wanted, which was spending time with Hayden. But in the end, his body just couldn't do it. He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. When Hayden asked what he did to himself, if he had done something stupid, he debated for a long moment. Personally, he had lived most of his life with just going on need to know and no one <i>really</i> needed to know about his life. That was why most people didn't know he had family, he was a cop, that he had had a wife or daughter...It had been a big point in his wife's eyes of why they weren't working. He could have done the same to Hayden but – well, but he liked Hayden. He loved Hayden and wanted things to work between them. "<b>I didn't do anything stupid,</b>" he complained. He let it hang for a long moment. "<b>When I was younger, I use to do a lot more. I was a cop and werecoyote, I could take a lot more damage than my colleagues.</b>" It had been the only praise some of his colleagues had given him. He wouldn't say his life had been full of opposition, but there had been a few who had hated it and him for it. "<b>The doctors say if I had been human, I'd be pretty paralyzed at this point.</b>" They had scolded and scolded him and said he should be grateful for the days that he could hardly move. <p> Hayden hesitated again before asking if he wanted anything. It was a bit softer, not by much but anyone who had learned how Hayden work could see that he was caving in to the obvious. Everitt sighed a tiny bit. "<b>If I ask you might not do it because you're mad at me.</b>" Right now, all Everitt wanted to do was curl up and maybe have someone pet his hair. The idea of having Hayden do it was ideal but...he was mad. He felt jilted by Everitt. Who would want to pet the hair of someone who thought they had thought jilted them? |
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| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:21 PM Post #6 |
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He wasn't sure if he was angry at Everitt's calm acceptance, complete with soft sighs, of the fact that he had ignored Hayden's phone calls and hadn't gone and gotten the phone or if he was mad because he wanted to be able to accept his acknowledgement and move on and couldn't. Hayden had been told before that he glorified and practically bathed in the anger that he felt when someone had wronged him. He had denied it, but maybe it was true. Maybe he did glorify in it. The problem was that he just didn't know how to not be angry. He didn't know how to accept the apology and move on. He didn't know how to not be sullen and moody. It was just the way that he had shifted over the years. And despite that, he felt like he had a good enough reason for being angry. Everitt had stood him up. The phone had been in the apartment and he had to have heard at least one time that it had rung. It hurt an awful lot to realize that. Everitt hadn't been smothering in their time together, but he was attentive. He wasn't the kindest man in the world - no one like that would last long with Hayden, after all - but he was patient and he didn't usually do things specifically to make someone mad or to dismiss things. He was blunt and to the point. Yet he had stood Hayden up, had ignored the phone calls, and all his brain could tell him was that it was finally happening. That he had finally pushed Everitt too much and too hard. The worst part was that, for once, he loved someone enough that he couldn't even blame the man for getting tired of it all. When Everitt mumbled out an apology and neither acknowledged nor rushed to assure him that he wasn't tired of him it felt like a heavy lead brick had settled in his stomach and weights were on his shoulders. He tried to shake it off, tossing his hair a little in a familiar, haughty manner. "Whatever." He just turned a jaundiced gaze on the older man as he pointed out that he wouldn't have offered if he didn't want to. The fact of the matter was, he knew Everitt was right. He was a patient man, an attentive man, someone who took care of Hayden... but he wasn't a man who could be forced into doing things that he didn't want to do. He turned the other cheek when Hayden got rude. He scolded Hayden when he felt he had gone too far. If Everitt got fed up, he would excuse himself for the time being. He would correct Hayden. And Hayden had watched him around others. If he didn't want to do something, he would say so. If he didn't want to be around someone, he would leave. "Right. Sure." He knew the words were clipped and bitter but that was Hayden all over. He never knew when to fold and call it quits on a grudge. He never knew when to just let things go. And although he knew quite well that Everitt was not a man to just say things like that, that didn't stop his mind from saying that he was. That maybe, just maybe, he was placating Hayden rather than honestly trying to do something because he wanted to. "No? You haven't moved from that spot in over a minute. Are you telling me you're fine?" Hayden snapped the words at him. It occurred to him, not for the first time, that he didn't know Everitt as well as he should. That Everitt didn't know him as well as he should. They had met before, eight years ago, and they had reunited and yet they still knew so little about one another in the long run. Hayden hadn't told him some personal things, about his health, about some of the men he had tried to date that had only further solidified the thought that others were going to leave him eventually. Maybe he should have been more open with a man he professed to love. He watched as Everitt sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and sat in an equally heavy silence. He just frowned as Everitt spoke and let his words hang in between them in a way that suggested he was done talking. But then Everitt continued and spoke on and it was Hayden's turn to be silent for a good, long few moments. "And just when were you planning on telling me that? When were you planning on telling me that your body is like that or that you're a werecoyote?" Hayden demanded. A part of him knew he was being hypocritical. He hadn't told Everitt some things, either. At the same time, though, he didn't care. He should have been told. He should have known all of this. And, suddenly, a lot of things made sense now. Why Everitt was always tired. Why he always looked worn down and a bit underfed. Why he moved and groaned like an old man sometimes. Were creatures were supposed to eat quite a lot and Everitt practically existed on a liquid diet when Hayden had met him again. "Idiot," he ground the word out, angry all over again for a multitude of reasons... and angry at himself as well. Hayden watched as Everitt sighed and then said that Hayden might not do it because he was mad at the older man. A part of him wanted to say he was right. He was angry. He didn't want to do anything for anyone else. He wanted to wallow in his anger and his petty bitterness over what had happened. But a part of him - a newer part that had only started up in the past few months - said that Everitt was tired and in pain and that while Hayden was allowed to be mad, this was something like an extenuating circumstance... and that he loved Everitt. "Shut up. Tell me what you need." He didn't bother to reflect on the fact that he had essentially just given Everitt contradicting orders. It didn't matter. Everitt would know what he meant. |
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| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:22 PM Post #7 |
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What Everitt really wanted to do was be open and frank and just be...really honest with Hayden about how sorry he was because of all of this. But at the same time, he didn't know how. He had apologized, Hayden clearly didn't believe him...what did they do now? Everitt didn't know, honestly. He had apologized and while his parents had taught him very little, his school when he had been in elementary levels had always taught him that you if you apologized plainly, you would be forgiven. With Hayden, that wasn't always the case. Hayden had been hurt – and worst of all, Everitt could understand and couldn't blame him for being upset. Everitt would have been pretty upset too, he would have been annoyed and he might have just walked right out of there and decided later if he was ever coming back. Really, he was surprised that Hayden hadn't done just that, that he hadn't just stormed out and sulked, sulked, sulked. Maybe he would have called Everitt and broken up with him that way. Maybe he would have given Everitt the silent treatment anywhere from a week to a month then come back and scowled and curled up with him. Instead Hayden had stayed here, been haughty and said whatever. Everitt couldn't tell if it was a chance for him to fix things, to explain it all away and smooth over the anger and annoyance...or if maybe this was somehow the worse option he could ever have where it was their end of times together. He didn't like the idea of Hayden being so angry that he just shut down. "<b>I think I prefer when you yell at me,</b>" he admitted. Not that Hayden really yelled. Hayden wasn't a yeller (outside of the bed anyway), but he was a cold anger sort of person, Everitt always found. It must have been hard, Everitt thought, because the cold anger looked like someone who was deliberate, who looked like he was completely in control. That fooled people, he felt, that made them think that Hayden did what he did on purpose, rather than reacting in hurt like everyone else in the world did. It meant Hayden rarely got leeway and no one ever seemed to want to say 'it's okay, you were angry'. <p> This was harder than it had ever been with his wife. Was that a sign of some kind? He always told himself he had loved his wife – and he <i>had</i>. He had cared about her, she was important to him, but their arguments had always been easy to have, easy to say too much and go too far. With Hayden, he didn't want to be having these fights and, oddly enough, though Hayden was prickly and like an emotional minefield, he wasn't that hard to set off. Or maybe he was, but he was usually just as good to pat down, to soothe and pet and take care of. When Hayden just said 'right' and 'sure', there was a part of Everitt that just wanted to say 'well fine' and let everything disintegrate. But he couldn't do that. Love wasn't suppose to be easy, was it? Love was suppose to be hard at times. "<b>Baby,</b>" he said the word gently, "<b>I know I fucked up and I know there isn't really a way to make up for it...especially right now.</b>" Because Hayden was too angry to really be forgiving, he felt, and he still didn't think he could roll out of bed to comfort him properly that would lead to forgiveness. "<b>But I remember you complaining like a week ago that I wouldn't do something for you because it wasn't something I wanted to do and you pouted for days because I pointed out you'd be more annoyed that I wouldn't get anything out of it like you did.</b>" It wasn't that Everitt made a habit of telling Hayden no or yes, but there was just somethings he drew the line to because he wouldn't get the same effect that Hayden did and Hayden would be more upset that he had drifted mentally. <p> "<b>Well I'm not saying I'm not fine,</b>" he countered. He lifted a hand, rubbing at his face as his entire body felt taut, as he could feel the ache and the pain. "<b>It'll be a day or two, but I didn't hurt myself recently.</b>" Because his job was to more or less check on cheating spouse and custody battles and a few other things. It wasn't as bodily intense as being a cop had been. Oh sure, if he wanted it to, he could have made it that way, but more often than not, he could have just gone to the police with his findings and let them take care of it – which he had done quite a few times. He wasn't some stupid kid anymore. He wasn't stupid enough to think that he had to be everything, that he had to be the hero of someone's story. When Hayden questioned – demanded answers, really – him, Everitt wanted to counter and say that Hayden hadn't exactly been forthcoming about his own issues. But he didn't; he didn't because that would be like throwing cold water on top of an all ready angry cat. If they hadn't broken up by this point, that would have been the straw that broke the camel's back, he was sure. "<b>The body thing probably would have been in a situation like this,</b>" he said honestly, "<b>When it was hard for me to move and I couldn't do much.</b>" Because for Everitt, there was no reason to talk about it. It was just something that happened, it was just some days his body hurt too much to move and he couldn't do anything about it so he just lead it ride. If Hayden was there for that, he would have told him. "<b>As for the coyote thing...probably when I was sure that you wouldn't be disgusted with my touch.</b>" Just because Everitt hadn't experienced a life time of prejudice didn't mean he <i>hadn't</i> faced it. Just because it was illegal to discriminate against someone's species or race or sexuality didn't stop people from doing it. His life hadn't been full of dicks like that, but there <i>had</i> been people that had gotten new forks because he had used it, people who had furiously wiped off glasses because he had touched it. Maybe he was toying with Hayden's feelings for not telling him up front, maybe Hayden would get angry and say that was something you <i>had</i> to tell someone from the get go, but he hadn't. He had just...really wanted this relationship to work. "<b>But I'm your idiot,</b>" he pointed out. <p> Everitt really didn't want to have this conversation, this conversation where Hayden was trying to be a good boyfriend, but he was angry so he didn't quite know what to do or how much he wanted to do. Selfishly, Everitt just didn't want to be rejected. He didn't want to make his suggestion, only to have it thrown back in his face with a 'well too bad'. When Hayden told him to shut up, to tell him what he needed, he debated for a moment with just saying 'I'm fine'. But the problem with that was he had all ready implied that he wanted something by saying that Hayden was mad at him and wouldn't do it. "<b>Would you...</b>" it was hard to form the words, hard to get them out. "<b>Would you just lie down with me? Maybe pet my hair?</b>" There were other things he could have put in instead. He could have said just bring him some water, bring him a beer, anything that would have been less damning if Hayden turned away in a huff over. |
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| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:22 PM Post #8 |
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Hayden kept waiting for... something. He wasn't sure what. Another apology, maybe. Another admission of wrong doing. A better explanation. Maybe Everitt begging him to forgive him or, maybe, Everitt just finally having had enough of him to finally just say it. Wouldn't that be better? Wouldn't that be better for both of them? Even as his chest tightened at the thought, he told himself it would be. Then Everitt wouldn't have to pretend that he wanted to put up with Hayden and Hayden could know, again, that he had driven someone else away and he could just go back to what he had been doing before Everitt had come back into his life; mindless one night, sometimes two night, stands and then he moved on to someone else, someone who hadn't gotten a taste of his personality just yet. He just watched Everitt again and then he snorted as the older man said that he liked it better when Hayden yelled at him. "Why yell, it's not going to make anything change." And, in truth, he wasn't much of a person who yelled. He got shirty with people. He got snippy and sarcastic and scathing but he actually didn't yell all that much. He could raise his voice and get loud, but he wasn't going to stand there and yell at someone. Mostly because what he said was true. He could be cynical and bitter and snap at someone but yelling, getting even more worked up than he already allowed himself to be, wasn't going to change someone's outlook. Most of the time it just made someone respond in kind and Hayden honestly didn't like listening to people yell. Maybe he was sensitive to it or maybe he'd just had it happen enough that he didn't like it. He wasn't quite sure but he would prefer to just keep things at a moderate level of volume most of the time. Hayden wondered if he should leave. His anger wasn't dissipating. The hurt wasn't going away and he realized that, right now, he was probably punishing Everitt more than was really acceptable. Everitt had stood him up and it hurt, but what Hayden was really reacting to was the possibility that Everitt was tired of him and that Everitt could leave him and he knew it. The problem was that Hayden was never very good at policing himself and on working through his emotions. He was all too ready to just keep holding that grudge and to keep picking at it over and over again until it had been done to death. He crossed his arms over his chest as Everitt spoke and he just narrowed his eyes, watching the older man as he spoke. The fact of the matter was that he might have let the statement slide off of him but Everitt kept talking and, right now, Hayden didn't want logic. Hayden didn't want Everitt to point these things out. He didn't want to hear about the simple fact that Everitt wasn't going to do something he didn't want to do and that he would do something that he did want to do and he wouldn't budge either way. He didn't want to be happy or patted down right now. He wanted to be angry. So he did what he did best in that situation and he shut it down. Everitt had complained about it before. Other people had, too. When he finally hit the threshold of not wanting to listen and being angry, he just turned on the silent treatment. He had been called passive aggressive and bratty for it multiple times, manipulative even, but Hayden never wanted people to beg him to stop doing it. He just didn't want to deal with anything at all at that point and they could both sit in silence as far as he was concerned. He let that silence play out for awhile until the topic switched to grilling Everitt about what in the hell was wrong with him. Hayden just gave the other man a dry look at he said that he wasn't saying that he wasn't fine. He wasn't in the mood to fence words and he was sure it showed on his face. "You sure are dragging this out," he commented as Everitt just said that he hadn't hurt himself recently. He wasn't usually a man who avoided the topic at hand and it was only serving to make Hayden angrier. He crossed his arms over his chest again, just glaring at the older man still. "Well, maybe if you had told me beforehand I wouldn't be so pissed right now," he pointed out. If he had known, he would have been more lenient. If he had known, he would have been worried rather than angry. A tiny part of his brain said that wasn't fair. He hadn't outright told Everitt about his deafness for awhile even though it was obvious. He still hadn't told him about other things. He was silent again as Everitt revealed that he wanted to make sure Hayden wasn't disgusted with his touch, trying to figure out if he wanted to smack him or kiss him. He was torn between both, honestly. He wanted to say how could Everitt dare to think that Hayden would feel that way, but he knew that much. Because Hayden had things he didn't want to talk about either when it came to who he was and his issues. "Well, I won't be, so you can get over that," he said haughtily. He rolled his eyes. "God only knows why." He let that hang in a way that let it be taken either way; as to why Hayden was with Everitt or why Everitt was with Hayden. Hayden was quiet for a few moments. A nasty, selfish part of him wanted to snatch away his offering now that he knew what it was. He wanted to say maybe if he hadn't been left waiting by himself with the crushing knowledge that no one was coming he would be willing. Another part of him knew that was wrong, though. He knew that was quite honestly a point where Everitt would be within his rights to break things off with Hayden for good. It was hard to swallow down the hurt and the anger that had been going through him ever since he had been stood up at the restaurant. It was hard to try and do something for someone else while he was still roiling with anger but that same part of him realized that that was how relationships worked. You did things you didn't want to do for the other person. "Lay down, idiot," he said, still with more heat than he probably should have used. He waited until Everitt had gotten himself settled back into the bed, groaning all the way, before he squirreled his way onto the bed. He settled in up high on the bed, using that leverage both so that he could hold Everitt's head against his body and so that he could not have to share looks with the other man right now. He was still pissed and Everitt would realize it if he were lying there staring into Hayden's eyes. Idly, he brushed his hand over and over again on the dark strands of hair. |
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8:37 AM Jul 11