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But perhaps I will come of age
Topic Started: Nov 17 2017, 12:24 PM (13 Views)
Everitt Walker
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Everitt wouldn't say he had dated a <i>lot</i> in his youth. There had never really been a ton of interest. Honestly speaking, the few people he had dated had more or less asked him and it was more he didn't see a problem with it, so they had dated. They had done the kissing stuff, the heavy petting stuff...but the people always got tired with him first and broke up with him, which he was never overly upset about. They said he didn't make them feel special and he had always wanted to know what they meant by "special". They were always talking about how he made them feel as if he wouldn't be broken up if they left – to which he had pointed out that he <i>wouldn't</i>, they had only been dating for a little while, who had time to form an actual attachment in that time? But they had wanted someone who would be upset, who got jealous, who wanted to be with them but apparently be with them in a way that was considered okay by them. Some of them had even gotten frustrated with Everitt...and in return, Everitt had had his fair share of throwing his hands in the air and saying they should just write down what they wanted in a boyfriend and he would just act the part since <i>apparently</i> they didn't want him to behave like himself. Everitt was always the bad guy when they got frustrated, he had found. Always. It had followed him right up to his ex-wife. She had been a lot like those people he use to date too, always telling him that she wanted to matter to him. That had hurt him because she <i>had</i>. She had mattered more than anyone else he had ever dated, for the first time in his life he had realized what his ex-girlfriends and boyfriends had been wanting. And yet he <i>still</i> hadn't done it right.
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Things were different with Hayden, he had realized. Hayden had been this guy that Everitt had loved the idea of physically – small and handsome and so god damn <i>needy</i> that he had hardly waited for privacy to kiss Everitt (which had gotten them both in trouble). But Everitt was old enough to have known and understood that physical attraction was just that. Physical. It didn't mean they were meant to be or they had some true connection...but then they had met again and Everitt had realized he liked Hayden. He realized that he didn't like seeing Hayden kissing and making out with men that weren't him. He realized he didn't like seeing these men take from Hayden even when Hayden wasn't giving. When Eveirtt had pointed that out to Hayden, Hayden had always shrugged and said whatever, everyone was getting what they wanted, what did he care. But Everitt had. He had cared and he had said as much one night when he had pinned Hayden back against a wall, kissing him deeply and searchingly. He had realized that night it wasn't just a physical thing for Everitt. He had wanted what everyone asked of him: he wanted to matter to Hayden, he wanted to feel special and make him feel special. It had just been all a little too sappy for him to verbalize, so he had just settled on confessing and letting Hayden confess in return. They had...formed a relationship that was a bit rocky and still had their problems but they were happy. That was what was important right? They had to be happy to be work. And then they kind of...forgot about each other's personalities. Everitt forgot that Hayden could be possessive of Everitt to the point of treating Everitt like his favorite toy and Hayden forgot that Everitt had practically slammed him against a wall out of jealousy.
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Jealousy just didn't make its way into things...at least on Everitt's side. Everitt was the calmer of the duo, he was always told. He was the voice of reason and the voice of reason never got jealous. Except when it did. He didn't realize it was going to be a thing until Nicholas Bratu had shown up in New York. Everitt had heard bits and pieces about him over the years – very tiny things, just Hayden bitching about how one doctor wasn't at all like Doctor Bratu or maybe a doctor would have lasted longer if they were Doctor Bratu. But Hayden had never really expanded on him. It was just a name that got tossed around a few times. And then he had showed up and Hayden had practically <i>fawned</i> over this...this <i>corpse</i> of a doctor. Apparently Doctor Nicholas Bratu had assisted on Hayden's implants, had been Hayden's doctor since <i>childhood</i>. He had been the doctor to give Hayden physicals and to make sure his implants were still in working order...he had been the doctor that had almost been like a father figure because while Hayden's parents had given him everything before, Nicholas Bratu had given him freedom and independence. Nicholas Bratu had been as snarky and sarcastic and with the same surly personality. He had called Hayden out numerous times but not in an unkind way and, Hayden said, it always made him feel as if he was being given the chance to fail. In a good way, of course. He was being given the opportunity to take responsibilities in his own hands and he had consequences. He was treated <i>normally</i> by Nicholas Bratu. And then when Hayden's parents disowned him, Nicholas Bratu had been the one to at least cushion the fall out somewhat. He had been there for Hayden more than a doctor should have.
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All while Hayden had told him this, Everitt had wanted to sullenly snap that Nicholas Bratu left too. Nicholas Bratu had gone all the way to <i>Texas</i> apparently...but he didn't. That was mean and unfair and Everitt <i>liked</i> Hayden, he didn't want to stick a thorn in his side, he didn't want to hurt him that badly. So instead, he had sulked. He had remained sullenly silent as Hayden had gone on and on about how wonderful Nicholas Bratu was and that he was making <i>plans</i> with this doctor. Every moment that passed Everitt got grouchier and grouchier. It was just his former doctor, he wanted to say, why would you spend time with your former doctor? It wasn't like they were friends...or more. There was the very real, very worrying thought that Hayden had carried a torch for this man. And worse than that that his return meant Hayden realized he still liked him. Hayden was a smart man – vastly more intelligent than Everitt – what if he wanted a man that was just as intelligent as him? What if he wanted someone who was just as snarky? What if Everitt wasn't good enough for Hayden now that Nicholas Bratu was in town?
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Hayden Cunningham

Hayden had spent much of his life being told how special he was, practically being coated in the knowledge. He had also spent quite a lot of his life being smothered. Not physically. He wasn't ever told to not do this or that because it was dangerous or dirty. Instead, he was told that it was beneath him. He was told that just wasn't something a Cunningham would do. And a majority of the time he wasn't even told. The other person was told for him that Hayden couldn't do that or didn't want to do that. When someone asked Hayden a question, nine times out of ten his mother or father would be the one to answer. It had never seemed like a big deal at first because that was all he had ever known and all he was used to. It wasn't something that he had realized was them trying to forestall any awkwardness of his being deaf by making it so they answered the questions he might miss - never mind that at five and six even with normal hearing he probably would have missed questions and context no matter how intelligent he was. He honestly had never realized any of that was strange until he had been old enough to really start to understand his doctor, of all things. Doctor Nicholas Bratu had been the one to be his doctor since he was a baby. He had been the one to give the rundown of implants, had been the primary care doctor for Hayden for years and years, and he had been the one to make sure that once Hayden could really understand him and speak his own mind to ask questions of Hayden and make sure that his parents let him talk for himself. It was an independence that he hadn't ever even known existed before. Visits to the doctor were never a trial for him because he got to see Doctor Bratu. Every year he would see him, sometimes multiple times when he was doing poorly. As he grew older, the good doctor even dared to kick Hayden's parents out of the consultation room so Hayden would have a chance to really talk and speak to him one on one. If he were honest with himself, he had probably had something of a teenage crush on the man. Nothing that would ever last or mean anything, but he was a handsome man that talked to him as an equal.

When his parents had disowned him, Nicholas Bratu was the only person he could think of to run to. Having a twenty year old kid show up on his doorstop in the middle of the night, needing a place to stay, probably hadn't been something that he wanted to deal with. Hayden staying for a week or two to get his life straightened out probably hadn't been something he wanted to deal with. Yet Hayden had never felt like a burden. He had never felt like he was being judged. The man had offered him a room from his home, a place to stay and had offered help in writing him recommendation letters and in making sure what money he could get was squared away. In that time, Nicholas had become more like a mentor and a father than Hayden's own father. That was probably why it had hurt so bad when the man had left for Texas. The admonition that he had only really stayed so long in New York for Hayden hadn't helped. He had never quite said how much having yet another parental figure walk out of his life had hurt but Hayden had survived it. More than that, Hayden's... connection with him had survived too. They weren't quite what you would call friends. In a way, they were something like father and son but that wasn't right either. Hayden could honestly say that he felt more affection for Nicholas Bratu as a father than his own father but that didn't quite make it a familial relationship. The closest he could come was a mixture of a mentor - someone who aided him and who had similar interests to his own to guide him in in the first place - and a father. It helped that they both had the same personality in many ways and that Hayden had learned an awful lot about being snappy and sarcastic from his doctor. Somehow, some way, Hayden had been able to keep that one relationship going despite the distance. They communicated via email mostly, Nicholas sent him gifts every year for his birthday and Christmas and Hayden had even attended his wedding. It had been a long time since he had seen him, though. Probably since the wedding.

So Hayden was excited. He didn't have many people that he could call friends. He had Everitt and Brook, Tristan he supposed, and outside of them? He didn't have anyone but the doctor that had taken care of him for most of his life. He was so excited that he hadn't immediately noticed that anything at all was wrong. It had only been natural for him to share how excited he was with Everitt. They weren't perfect by any means but they had come a long way and Hayden had learned to be at least somewhat more open with Everitt once he had found that Everitt wasn't going to scoff and mock the things that Hayden liked, just like Hayden (surprisingly) wasn't going to do the same to Everitt. Well, not unless it was eating food past its expiration date anyways. So at first, he had been excited to tell Everitt about one of the few meaningful relationships that he had ever had, about how much the man had helped him, about how excited he was to see him again and about how they were going to go out to lunch and catch up. Hell, Hayden may not have much to do with children but he honestly wanted to hear about Nicholas' children, to hear that he was happy with the woman that he had fallen in love with. Maybe they would fiend something scientific to go and check out since they were both in their own fields of science. What he hadn't expected was Everitt to be jealous. Maybe he should have because both Hayden and Everitt both could get insanely jealous at the right times. It was just... this didn't seem like something to be jealous over.

It hadn't taken him awhile to notice, too. He had been going on and on and it was only about halfway through that he had begun to realize that Everitt wasn't really responding. He was grunting out sounds, making short, one word answers and looking more and more sullen with every single mention of Nicholas Bratu. For once, rather than opening his mouth right away Hayden had just fell slowly and hesitantly silent. Finally, he slid across the couch so that he could be closer to Everitt. He pressed against his side and slid a hand up the other man's shirt. Rather than initiating anything sexual, however, he just let his hand rest against Everitt's chest, petting lightly here and there as he rested his head against Everitt's shoulder. "Baby, are you jealous?"
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Everitt Walker
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Finally Hayden went silent. Honestly Everitt had expected him to be texting Nicholas – could Nicholas even text? He was a vampire, he was dead, what did he know about technology, why would Hayden like someone <i>that</i> much when they were probably confused with a cell phone? It wasn't like Everitt's case. Everitt had just had everything decades older because he had been dirt poor and spent most of his money on beer. He at least knew how to work the stuff. But then he felt the couch shift and Hayden was suddenly against his side, pressing against him and sliding a hand up his shirt and putting his head on Everitt's shoulder. When Hayden asked if he was jealous, his first reaction was to want to lean away, turn himself away from Hayden as he angrily declared no, why would he ever be jealous? But the thing was he knew that would hurt Hayden. That would do <i>more</i> than hurt Hayden. It would make Hayden feel as if he was being punished for being happy and then he wouldn't want to share anything with Everitt anymore. Hayden would turn icy to him surely, he would become cold and maybe keep distance with him through out Nicholas' visit and possibly beyond that. Everitt didn't want that. He huffed a tiny sound as Hayden petted his chest, running his fingers over it in a way that would normally have made Everitt croon. "<b>I'm not jealous,</b>" he grumbled a tiny bit, trying to make sure it wasn't too sullen or defensive. He wasn't sure how he was going to follow this up now, honestly, because he had said it and if Hayden didn't get angry, he was going to have to play it up, wasn't he? If he didn't, Hayden would either get mad at him for lying or mad at him for not behaving in the way that said he was totally fine with Nicholas Bratu. Shit, even when he thought the name he could feel his lips twist in mild distaste, that didn't bode well.
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Instead of focusing on that, he wrapped an arm around Hayden, pulling him closer. He didn't know how to deal with this. He couldn't remember the last time he dated someone and felt this possessive of them. Granted, he had been <i>told</i> he was always a possessive sort of person, especially by his ex-wife. She had always told him he tried to box her in or that he always loomed behind her. He didn't <i>remember</i> doing that, honestly. Protective he would admit to because he wanted partners safe, but possessive? Not until Hayden. Hayden was like this weird kind of beacon that Everitt always wanted to be around, that he wanted to continually to watch over...and he could admit that maybe when Hayden chatted with other people he got jealous. But Hayden didn't <i>gush</i> over people. He didn't sound so excited that someone he use to know was in town. Maybe that was an indicator that Everitt should stop being a jerk about all this. Hayden didn't have many people he was happy with so maybe Everitt shouldn't try to steal him away from the ones he did have. IT was a lot harder to want to do that, though, then <i>knowing</i> he had to. "<b>So what do the two of you have planned for the time he's going to be here?</b>" He tightened his arm a little bit around Hayden, maybe the only sign that he didn't want Hayden running off with the vampire. He had to be able to do this, he told himself. Hayden had mentioned how much it hurt to have Nicholas Bratu move to Texas, as if he were losing another father...he had also heard about how firm Nicholas Bratu had been, how he hadn't caved to Hayden's demands or the guilt of Hayden losing someone important to him. Hayden had gotten over it, he said, but Everitt figured that he could be upset for both of them.
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Even as he told himself not to get annoyed, he could feel it creeping along his spine. What was worse was the annoyance wasn't geared towards Hayden. Maybe that should have been a good thing, but he would have felt at least marginally better if he could respond to something, if he could snap and snarl rather than sit and feel his mood dwindle harder. Nicholas Bratu was just a friend, a mentor to Hayden. He wasn't some ex-boyfriend who Hayden was still pining after. The biggest problem was that Nicholas Bratu was everything Everitt wasn't. He was older, more mature. <i>He</i> certainly hadn't lost his life to drinking (Everitt ignored the idea that it was because Nicholas was a vampire and couldn't really drink). He was smart and sarcastic; he was a perfect match to Hayden's own personality. They could talk about intelligent things, they could talk about everything at their own speed without having to pause and explain something to Everitt, or to start explaining something and then saying 'oh you wouldn't understand'. Everitt had grown use to the conversations Hayden with Brook, but those had never made Everitt uncomfortable. Brook was just Hayden's friend, he knew, and Brook was a little too female to be catching Hayden's eye. Nicholas Bratu wasn't too female. In Everitt's opinion he was a little too male. He could feel his face dipping into more of scowl even when he told himself not to. "<b>It sounds like you'll both have fun.</b>" At least his voice sounded at least somewhat pleasant. It wasn't bitter or snarly or passive aggressive. But then again, Everitt had never been much of a passive aggressive type. That had always been more of his mom's thing than the kids. It had always boggled Everitt's mind how people wouldn't just face things head on and let it all happen and talk about it slyly. But then again, maybe that was just his lack of intelligence at play here.
<p>
He ran his hand over Hayden's back, resisting the urge to ask when Nicholas Bratu was leaving, resisting the urge to demand more of Hayden's time than he had all ready been given. Even as he thought that, he found himself asking, "<b>How long is he staying again?</b>"
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Hayden Cunningham

Hayden had to wonder just what he was supposed to do here. He wasn't going to deny that he was irritated. It felt like he wasn't allowed to be excited and happy, like he wasn't allowed to have friends. Even as he thought that, he knew that wasn't quite right. Everitt had never had a problem with Hayden being friends with Brook or with Tristan. He had seemed almost proud of that, honestly. It hurt, though, to have Everitt just go so sullen and quiet the moment that Hayden had gotten so excited about the return of his mentor. Hayden didn't have many things that he got excited for. He didn't have many friends and people that mattered in his life. Now he felt like he was being punished for being excited that one of the few people in the world that mattered to him was returning for a few days and that he would get to see him. It wasn't as if he got to see Nicholas all that often, either. He hadn't seen him since Nicholas had been married. They didn't talk on the phone all that much. They didn't text all that much. Honestly, Hayden emailed him more than anything. Granted, they did a fair bit of correspondence through said emails but it still wasn't like he was constantly talking to or even going on about the doctor. Was this how Everitt felt when Hayden just shut down on an entire conversation? Hayden continued to lightly pet his fingers over the older man's chest and he quite firmly kept his head right where it was, making it quite clear that he wasn't going to be moving. "You're not?" Hayden asked him. He knew he could - sometimes unintentionally - turn his words into something that sounded like mockery. He did his best to make sure this sounded like nothing more than the verbal equivalent of a raised eyebrow; a statement that was fairly certain that the other person was incorrect but that wasn't going to call them on it and give them a chance to explain.

Hayden just kept petting Everitt's chest, even as he asked his question, even as they talked. The first sign that things weren't quite right had been Everitt being mostly silent, outside of some small grunts and noises to show he was still marginally listening. The next sign was the arm that Everitt hooked around him. It wasn't uncommon for it to happen, of course. Everitt hooked him all the time. Usually, though, Everitt sent out some feelers to see if Hayden even wanted to be so close, if Hayden wanted to cuddle. This was Everitt forcing the issue in a way that he normally did not, which meant he was feeling either uncomfortable or protective. Possibly both. So, rather than pushing Everitt away or making annoyed noises like he might normally have done - depending on how much he didn't want to be cuddled or how much he wanted to pretend that he didn't want to be cuddled, anyways - he just let Everitt pull him even closer than he had been and he settled in against the older man's side, still keeping his hand against the bare skin of Everitt's chest. He was mildly surprised at the question but, then again, maybe he shouldn't be given that it sounded like someone was pulling teeth out of Everitt's mouth at the same time as he was asking it. He was trying to pretend like it wasn't a big deal. "I don't know, probably lunch a few times. I'm sure he'll want to check on my implants and tell me my current doctor isn't doing a good job. Maybe there's some kind of scientific debate or presentation happening at the same time. Other than that..." Mostly it was about the talking. It would be hearing the snide and sarcastic words and voice of Nicholas but then also get to hear all about how his little wife had him wrapped around her finger and all about the five children that now filled his home. It was about spending time with the man that was more father than his father had ever been.

Hayden wasn't someone who could sense things like emotions. He wasn't some kind of psychic or empath. He wasn't some kind of wereanimal that could smell or sense changes in another. Still, it was easy to feel the way that Everitt shifted and the emotions that were practically rolling off of him. His boyfriend wasn't happy and it showed. He was just doing his best to not show it, was all. Hayden was still a bit irritated. It still felt like Everitt had decided that he wanted to be jealous about the one positive relationship in Hayden's life before Everitt had showed up. Objectively, he recognized that he got pretty terribly jealous of Everitt many times. If he looked at someone who was even vaguely attractive, if he was talking to someone for too long, even sometimes of Everitt's family members. He could get just as jealous and possessive as Everitt could. Still, the less objective and more bratty part of his brain said that was different. He let out a slight huff. "I'm sure we will," he said with a huff, his tone just a little bit haughtier than he wanted it to be right now. The fact of the matter was that he didn't know if "fun" was the right word. Enjoyable, maybe. It wasn't like he was going out with a friend to party the night away. It wasn't like he was going out with Everitt to have a good time. It was more meeting a like-minded person and enjoying the time spent together. Maybe that could be defined as fun but, well, it wasn't what he thought of when he thought of Nicholas Bratu. He thought of admiration and strength and clever wit, trading sarcastic replies and talking about their fields, talking about their lives. It was a different sort of a thing.

Hayden made a small noise as Everitt ran a hand over his back, pressing just a little bit closer to the older man. When Everitt asked how long Nicholas would be staying he shrugged his shoulders a little. "A couple of days to a week, I think." Maybe Nicholas would stay longer, but Hayden didn't think so. He had a wife and a family to think of. Hayden couldn't even begin to imagine trying to corral five children on your own so he doubted that Nicholas' wife would appreciate doing so for an extended amount of time. After a moment, he sat up a little, not quite pulling out of Everitt's hold but enough to look at the other man. "Ritt, he's like my father. And even if I wanted him - which I don't, I have my own man don't I? - he is so straight. He has five kids Everitt. Five. And he is so totally wrapped around his wife's finger. She is an incredibly sweet and nice and tiny werewolf lady who would probably, I don't know, rip my eyes out for making a move on him if I wanted to." He let himself press back in against Everitt's side. "But I don't because he's like my father and you're my baby." It was maybe the most he had said about his relationship with Nicholas and with Everitt. Hayden didn't want to get caught up in bull shit, though. Everitt could be jealous but Hayden didn't want it to get to the level that it damaged them - or his own jealous fits, either. He wanted to keep Everitt as long as he could.
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Everitt Walker
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The worst thing about all of this was that there didn't seem to be any path for Everitt to take that would make him more pleasant. There was no higher road that he could see. He tried – god knew he was trying – but every time he tried to go 'this is just a mentor' or 'he's Hayden's friend and Hayden has so few of those', he remembered just how <i>excited</i> Hayden was. How he had practically bounced in place and chattered endlessly about all the things he had planned for the visit and Everitt was reminded that Hayden didn't really get that way with him. Brook would say it was his own insecurities at play, Denny would say that Hayden was being a prick. Everitt, personally, was more inclined to side with Brook because Everitt had seen Hayden being purposefully mean and dickish, this wasn't that. Everitt supposed the worst thing about all of this was just the fact that he <i>understood</i>. He understood Hayden was excited, he understood Hayden hadn't seen this man in a few years, he understood that Hayden was....this was all for Hayden. It was hard being mad and staying mad and wanting to stay mad in the face of that. Because he wanted to be upset and he was, but recognizing that he was in wrong kind of through a bucket of water on the heat. He tried to keep his jaw from clenching when Hayden pressed him on that. "<b>I'm not.</b>" That sounded a lot more normal, thankfully. That sounded a bit more true, like he <i>wasn't</i> jealous but not fully what he wanted or needed...like the fact that he was fully pulling off the "I'm not jealous card". Brook would probably tell him to just be <i>honest</i> with his feelings, explain that he was jealous but it was because Nicholas Bratu stood as a much more intimidating figure in terms of intelligence. Denny would probably tell him to not even bother because Hayden would probably only hear "I'm jealous" and get insulted.
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At least Hayden hadn't responded poorly. Everitt liked to think he was in control of his emotions, of that coyote side that some people liked to bring up to disregard what he was saying or feeling. Others time, he wasn't so sure. What would he have done if Hayden had shoved him away? Right now, he probably would have snapped and snarled and sulked, none of which would have endeared him to Hayden in that moment. He listened to the younger man talk, saying all of the things that were probably going to happen. It was all simple stuff, he told himself. People went out to lunch all the time and it sounded like Nicholas Bratu was being a good doctor or at least, he was being a doctor who had taken care of Hayden for years. "<b>You...you should ask Brook,</b>" he finally offered. It still like his teeth were jammed in some tool and being wiggled around, but he was trying. He didn't <i>want</i> Hayden upset. Even at his lowest moments, he had never really seen the appeal of making someone feel as miserable as him, it just left <i>two</i> people unhappy rather than fixing anything. At the same time, he knew he had very little to offer them. He couldn't offer them anything that would probably be welcomed; he'd tell them maybe a movie, maybe a bar, but there was little else. "<b>She's usually pretty up to date on that stuff. Though maybe it wouldn't work out. The stuff she hears about is always tossed out to students, so I doubt it would be very interesting to people who have been doing this for awhile.</b>" He could feel his mouth becoming sour, tasting almost vile to him as he realized that even when he was trying to offer something that <i>would</i> be of interest, he was failing miserably. Had he been that out of touch? What was he even trying to do here because it sure didn't seem like salvaging anything. At this point, even if he said Hayden should just go have fun in the most pleasant of voices, Hayden would assume he was being sarcastic and mean.
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That became all too apparent when Hayden watched him, looking far too annoyed and when he huffed as he said that he was sure they would. It felt like something out of spite now. Oh, Everitt was sure that Hayden would have fun, but now it would almost be a challenge. It would be his spending as much time as he could with Nicholas Bratu and talking about him almost endlessly, he was sure. Because that was what Hayden did. He would rub everyone's face in it, make them regret what they had said, and be smug about it. And really, Everitt would only have himself to blame for that, because he had caused all of this. He wanted to snarl and say something, anything. Maybe tell Hayden to just go then, maybe to just throw his hands in the air and say good, maybe to just walk out with actually saying anything. But Hayden pressed closer and Everitt did like the feeling of petting his back. When Hayden said that Nicholas Bratu could be there for up to a week, it took a lot of will power to not screw up his face in annoyance, to not snarl. Instead, he just gave a grumbly grunt, which probably wasn't all that good either for the situation. When Hayden sat up and stared at him, Everitt braced himself to be snapped at, to be told that Everitt was being dumb and possessive and <i>boxing Hayden in</i>. All the things his former wife had done when they had gotten into arguments. Instead, Hayden stressed that Nicholas Bratu was like his father, that he was married, and had five kids. The longer he spoke, the more Everitt sank down on the couch, feeling his face becoming more and more sullen. If he hadn't had an arm around Hayden, he probably would have crossed his arms over his chest and left it at that, but even when he could feel jealousy in him, he wanted to be close to Hayden. Or maybe that was because of it all. "<b>Just because he has five kids doesn't mean he's straight. It just means he likes kids,</b>" he muttered. "<b>If she tried to hurt you I would break her spine.</b>" Maybe later, after all was said and done, he would feel guilty about saying that. But the fact of the matter was that right now, she was some distant and shapeless thing that didn't really effect him in anyway except to be a potential threat to Hayden and that was something he wouldn't stand for.
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Hayden pressed back in against him, curling up there in a way that Everitt couldn't resist pulling him closer and wrapping him up in his arms. "<b>I'm not smart,</b>" he finally said, "<b>I can't be anything like Nicholas.</b>" Even as he said it, he felt his face twist up. "<b>He actually talks the same language as you and you don't have to dumb down anything you say to him. I don't know anything about interesting science things. I'm just...</b>" He frowned to himself, thinking over the words carefully until he decided on them, "<b>I'm not good enough to keep you happy.</b>" Because surely Hayden would prefer someone who could talk about the same things, who wanted to do the same things. Surely Hayden would want someone who would go to science things because they were excited about it too, rather than because it was just something Hayden liked.
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Hayden Cunningham

Hayden felt his jaw set just a little bit as Everitt just ardently denied that he was jealous. It was such an obvious thing, and yet Hayden knew he couldn't say anything about it. To do so would be hypocritical - not that he would admit that out loud - but not only that it would just make Everitt angry. There had been very few times that Everitt had been actually angry with him and Hayden hadn't liked it. He hadn't known what to do to make Everitt not angry and it had spiraled. It had taken the both of them slinking off like wounded dogs and regrouping to fix the problem. It had even taken Hayden calling or visiting Brook once or twice to figure out why Everitt was so mad and how to fix it ("apologize and mean it" Brook always said, as if it were so easy). Hayden hadn't been kept locked away in some ivory tower... but in many ways, he felt as if he should have been simply because it would have given him more of an excuse for the fact that sometimes he just did not understand the way that other people worked. He supposed it was because his parents had kept him somewhat segregated from the world and even when he had been in a boarding school it had been a very specifically chosen boarding school with families similar to their own and they had built him up so much by that time that he was sure he was better than all of them. Hayden had no idea how to interact with people at times and it never showed more than when he was trying to figure out how to handle a problem with someone that he cared about. "Okay, you're not," he finally said in response to Everitt's statement. His tone said that he didn't in the least bit believe it but that he was going to allow for the words to stand. It was something that Everitt had done to him quite a lot and he was quite sure the older man wasn't going to like having those same words and tone turned on him but it was about the only thing Hayden could say or do that wasn't going to cause a bigger fight.

Hayden turned his gaze up towards Everitt as he hesitantly spoke and said that he should ask Brook. Hayden considered all of the potential responses he could have to that. Finally he just shrugged. "Maybe." Maybe she might know and maybe she wouldn't. Maybe she might side with her brother or maybe she wouldn't. Right now, Hayden wasn't feeling too much like he wanted to extend a hand to anyone else. It was always a problem that he was trying to work on and yet he never seemed to fully get anywhere. He was independent and determined to never have to depend on anybody. A lot of people just thought that was who he was, a part of his character; some people even saw it as a good thing. Hayden, and a few others, knew the real reason was that if he didn't depend on anyone else he couldn't be hurt by anyone else. He couldn't have the rug pulled out from beneath him if he was the one in control of it. Furthermore, he grew tired of people always trying to do things for him and treating him like he was completely broken just because he was deaf. It had resulted in a personality that didn't allow for help from someone else, no matter how small and insignificant the help might be. "I'll talk to her, but she'd probably want to come along and I don't think that they'd get along." Maybe that was wrong. Nicholas wasn't outright awful. He could be just as bad - worse in some ways - as Hayden but he wasn't generally mean to people who he felt didn't deserve it. Still, if Brook scolded Hayden she would undoubtedly do the same to Nicholas and then there would be strife. Hayden selfishly didn't want to have to deal with that. He didn't want to have to deal with two people that he rather liked being at odds with one another.

Hayden knew that he should have probably kept his mouth shut. The problem was that it was hard to do that when you were annoyed, when you were feeling hurt. Some people, he knew, had no problem in turning the other cheek but Hayden had never been one of those people. He hurt, and so he was going to make everyone else hurt. He knew, of course, that it wasn't the right way to go about doing anything but that honestly never stopped him from doing it. They were well worn patterns in his life that he had grown so used to that he sometimes did it without even thinking now. Hayden considered huffing and pulling away, but instead he stayed where he was. Everitt already knew he was pissed and since Hayden was trying to make him feel better - probably unsuccessfully at this point - he wasn't going to achieve his goal if he just yanked himself away from the older man and went off to sulk. Instead, he remained where he was as Everitt continued to pet his back - although it was tempting to pull away when Everitt just grumbled and grunted in response to his words again. He wanted to just shove at Everitt and declare that fine, if he didn't want to talk to him he didn't have to. Instead he remained where he was, feeling Everitt sinking down and looking more sullen. "So he could be bi, sure, except he's not. Trust me, he is very straight." That sounded almost bad to say, as if Hayden had tried something and been rejected. They had just talked once in awhile and Nicholas had simply said he liked women, that he might be able to admit or appreciate that a man could be attractive but that it was objective and not a desire. The man liked women and that was the end of the story. "Though he also likes kids a lot, too," he acquiesced somewhat. He blinked a little at Everitt's next words and a part of him was, well, horrified at the mere suggestion. Another part of him that he didn't want to admit to absolutely thrilled at it - that Everitt would be so protective that he could do that to someone else. He shifted just a little in the older man's lap. He did his best to ignore those thoughts. "She's very nice, stop," he told the older man with a light swat to his arm.

A part of him wanted to pull away because Everitt was getting a little choking in the tight hold that he had on him - not so much physically but Hayden was feeling a bit confined again. Still, he kept himself there. He was trying to calm Everitt down and yanking away was either going to make him sullen or make him snag Hayden back, which would just annoy Hayden and spiral them both. So he settled in and then he froze a little as Everitt spoke again. This time, he did wrench away a little bit from Everitt; enough that he could straighten up and look at him with a fierceness in his blue eyes. "The only time I have ever thought you sounded stupid was right now," he said, trying to not snap the words out. He knew sometimes he talked above Everitt but, really, he had never once thought of him as less than intelligent. Maybe old fashioned or hard, maybe not a genius, but never an idiot. Without thinking overly much, he brought his hand down and actually curled it into a ball before he punched it into Everitt's side. It probably hurt, but Everitt was a werewolf and Hayden wasn't all that strong. It wouldn't do much damage at all. "I never asked you to be anything like Nicholas or anyone else that I work with or like your brother or your sister," he hissed the words out. "I just want you to be you." Because Everitt was patient with him and kind. He was rough at times, but he could be gentle too. He protected Hayden, made him feel safe, and he was always there for him. "I don't want to be with someone that you think is good enough for me because I already have someone that's good enough for me."
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