| I couldn't catch my breath | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 17 2017, 12:28 PM (9 Views) | |
| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:28 PM Post #1 |
|
Everitt had been born as a wereanimal. It had just always been a fact of his life, just like Denny before him, just like Brook after him. He didn't know what it was, but the fact that he was born this way? It had made people almost weird when they met him. He could admit he understood why people were nervous when they first found out. After all, he had just admitted to being a wild animal. The control of wereanimals varied from person to person; while some were perfectly in control after a change, others were filled with the senses of a panicked animal. Which, again, he could understand because when someone changed, they were still who they were but at the same time, there were an animal's instincts at play. An animal who was suddenly thrown into a small enclosed space, that had a sudden heart rate spike, and in a wild mind all that meant danger. Everyone knew that most animals didn't attack humans except for when they were very nervous or scared, but what was them changing shape in the middle of a place that was unnatural for them? Add to that that there were some very...not nice wereanimals out there. Wereanimals that used their abilities to harm and maim. He had seen a couple when he had been an actual cop, when he had gone on calls for this or that thing. The thing was that Everitt understood the fear of humans in the face of that because it wasn't like there were wererabbits or weresqurriels. It got annoying sometimes when they acted like <i>he</i> had no control, but he could understand, people didn't know him at first. That was why he usually waited to tell anyone for awhile; he did a couple full moons around them so they recognized he was in control. In essence, he was showing them that not all wereanimals were bad. <p> But sometimes he himself forgot that not all wereanimals were good. It was like normal people, he knew. It was the fact that not everyone was <i>born</i> into the life, thus not everyone had the same control. Not everyone was able to ignore the moon as readily. Some people got itchy and irritable and aggressive the closer the moon got. It was just a fact of the matter, wasn't it? It made people do stupid things. And then there was this whole <i>culture</i> around being a wereanimal. He remembered hearing the news reports that talked about the urban legend of how people with AIDS use to sleep with people and leave messages like 'you're part of us now' and how people were doing the same thing were therianthropy....but that had turned into a semi-false statement. People all over the world were planning to get changed, be it vampire or wereanimal, and the world had begun asking the question would it change them. Would a world of vampires and wereanimals change the dynamics of the world? Granted, it was the news media had blown the numbers out of proportions. There were plenty of reasons people didn't actually get bitten; people worried about what God would think, if they wouldn't wind up hating a longer life span, they didn't want the loss of control...some people had stupid reasons like they wanted to be able to walk in the sun, they wanted to continue enjoying their favorite foods, they didn't want to risk the somewhat random allergies a wereanimal had. But sometimes those rumors of people forcing others to become wereanimals was true. They just weren't done in the very clever ways people said it was. It wasn't like someone could mix a little contaminated blood in a drink, there wasn't really a risk of transmitting during sex...it was very hard to make it look like an accident. <p> Then again, the wereanimal that had attacked Hayden hadn't meant for it to be an accident. Or at the very least he hadn't meant for it to be a <i>subtle</i> accident. Honestly Hayden didn't know much about what happened. He had been busy with tailing some man, another husband who the wife thought was unfaithful. Personally Everitt always figured why people needed someone like him when they could easily have a discussion with the partner...But it kept him in a job. It had been an easy job too. Right up until he got the phone call that said Hayden was in the hospital, there had been an accident. So many things had flown through Everitt's head. Hayden was a computer scientist, but what if it had been like a chemical accident? It wasn't like this was a place of super powers when someone was hurt like that. Then came the more <i>rational</i> worries of what if Hayden had been hit by a car, what if he had gotten in a car accident. This was New York, it could be anything. But when Everitt had gotten to the hospital, Hayden had looked almost fine. If Everitt hadn't noticed the pinkish wounds and the sheer devastation in Hayden's eyes, he might have thought all was well. But those pinkish wounds were damning. They were wounds that were healing. Normally wounds didn't heal that fast, even when someone had been infected with therianthropy. Usually it took a couple of days, weeks to find out if it took. Then it had been revealed that Hayden may or may not have had it, but someone wanted to try a "radical" new attempt at curing him. They had wanted to infect him to fight the infection. Unfortunately, it had been in amongst the rabies shots to make sure Hayden would be okay and apparently Hayden hadn't been given the chance to say no, he didn't want that. And it was almost like this puff of nothing when he realized that just like that, Hayden was a werecat. <p> There wasn't anything for the doctors to do anymore. They apologized, they said they would talk to the board about the previous doctor, they gave them both pamphlets...it was kind of like when Everitt had first had his kids. All these pamphlets on what do you do now, how do you adjust your life. Except this was worse, this was two hundred times worse. Everitt had taken Hayden home at that point, brought him back to a place that would smell like them both and was closed in and comfortable. They had discussed Hayden becoming a wereanimal before. It had always been an idle question of if Everitt would bite him but Hayden always said no, he wanted to think about it. The change would be different for him, he pointed out, and this was like someone asking to marry them if Hayden was getting bitten for the fact that he could stay with Everitt. But now the choice had been taken away from Hayden. There was nothing left for him to say he did or didn't. Everitt got Hayden settled on the couch, wrapping the blanket around him that probably smelled heavily of Everitt himself since it was always the one he woke up under when he fell asleep on the couch. He cupped Hayden's cheek, gently stroking his thumb over it. "<b>What can I get for you, Hayden? And don't say something along the lines of 'change this' because we both know I can't.</b>" |
![]() |
|
| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:28 PM Post #2 |
|
Hayden could honestly say that he, personally, had nothing against wereanimals. In fact, he had never before even thought about them before Everitt and Brook. They had just never factored into his world at all before those two. When he had met them, when he had found out that they were werecoyotes... it hadn't seemed that big of a deal. Maybe it was because he had faced enough issues due to his deafness, his neurological disorder and being gay that he thought it was a pretty mild condition to have to "accept" all things considered. He knew that Everitt, at least, had been worried but that really had never been a thing for Hayden to be prejudiced against. Despite that, he hadn't wanted to be one. They had talked about it before, idly. If Everitt bit him, he would become a werecoyote and he would have a longer life. If Everitt bit him, they could be together for a long, long time. If Everitt bit him, however, he would be forced to transform every full moon. If Everitt bit him, how would it affect his existing disorders? Wereanimals could heal wounds but pre-existing conditions they couldn't and sometimes they could even make them worse with the way the body reacted to it. And would he want to live a long, long life? Would he want to see other people around him age and die while he was only about thirty two? It had been something he had bounced back and forth in his head constantly although he had always leaned towards 'no'. Maybe that would change the longer they were together, the older he got but, at the time, he head felt like it was 'no' and would always be 'no'. He was sure Everitt understood, too. Brook might not, but Everitt did. He could give the older man credit for that much, at least. It wasn't supposed to happen to him. That thought just kept circling around in his head. It wasn't supposed to happen to him and, if it did, it was supposed to be his choice. Everitt had been working another job and Hayden hadn't minded. Honestly, the bodyguard job was more of a cursory thing. It was something more to keep Hayden from having to deal with something his parents might pull than from any real fear of someone kidnapping him or mugging him or the like and Everitt knew that. The older man took his job seriously but he was still working as a private investigator. He still took on jobs for other clients and Hayden didn't begrudge him that. Honestly, some days he was too claustrophobic and prickly for a bodyguard anyways. So he hadn't worried at all about Everitt not being there, even when he worked a little later at the research lab than he normally did - although not actually late by any means, honestly. He had left on his own and maybe, maybe, if he had true hearing - or better hearing, like a wereanimal - he might have known what was coming for him. He hardly remembered it and that was less because of panic or shock but more because it had just been so fast. He had been walking briskly, making his way down the street towards the subway. The next thing he knew, everything was just a blur of fear, of motion, of pain and confusion. It wasn't even on an isolated street, either. There had been other people around. Most of them had run the other way and he supposed he couldn't blame them. That was just survival instinct. A few had stuck around to help call an ambulance and to see if there was anything they could do. They were quite quickly moved away when the professionals got there and it was then that the realization pounded in his brain that he had been attacked by a wereanimal and that he could be contaminated. That thought had bounced around in his head the whole time, even when they had assured him that there was always a likelihood that the infection didn't take hold. They said it depended on a majority of factors. A bite didn't always mean that you would become a wereanimal yourself and neither did scratches. It was the same thing that factored into what made you catch a cold, what made you get an infection when you were scratched by something normal. Hayden couldn't bring himself to say that he got sick easily, that he was always susceptible to colds going around an office more than normal people. The words just stuck in his throat. He tried to believe them, though, because it wasn't the same. It was something different than just a cold. Maybe there was a low chance of it passing depending on the animal strain, depending on the time of the month, depending on this or that. At least, he had tried to keep that positive outlook until he had noticed the way that the painful wounds were becoming less so, the way that they were healing. The nurse had noticed too and there had been a flurry of activity and the crushing realization that because some medical professional had decided to break every god damn medical law in the books it meant he was infected. There was no chance to fight it off, no chance that it would be one of the cases that didn't result in that disease being passed on. There was no choice. That was when Everitt had barged in and he could see in the other man's eyes the realization and the knowledge behind them. Everitt didn't need to be told, although he deserved to be. He knew as well as Hayden did. The hospital had assured him steps would be taken to prevent it and the doctor would probably be dismissed, practically begged him to not take legal action and he honestly stopped listening to them entirely and shut down. He could sue them but what would it get him? Money? He made money. He had money. Money didn't make this go away. He had just shut down to almost everyone at that point, even Everitt, and just let the older man take all the pamphlets that they handed over, let him finish filling out paperwork. Hayden normally didn't like someone telling him what to do or taking control from him but for once he made no protest in letting Everitt take the lead. He scarcely noticed anything - not the conversations buzzing around him, not Everitt's words, not the drive home - until he was sat down on the couch and a blanket draped around him. The blanket smelled like Everitt rather strongly, no big surprise since it had been Everitt's blanket long before Hayden had come here and anytime the older man fell asleep Hayden would drape it on him. He felt the light touch against his cheek and Everitt asking what he could do for him. A part of him wanted to yell out 'change this' anyways because he was allowed to ask for the impossible. He was allowed to demand his life back even when it couldn't happen. Instead, he brought the blanket up more, pulling it up over his head and curling in on himself somewhat on the couch. "Nothing you get is going to make this better." Maybe he shouldn't be throwing Everitt's offer and gesture back in his face. Everitt was just trying to be a good boyfriend. It was the truth, though. Nothing was going to make this better. |
![]() |
|
| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:28 PM Post #3 |
|
Everitt's thoughts were all crashing around him; human feelings at war with animal instincts that were still technically his own. Lots of people discussed what it was to be a wereanimal. He had heard people say that the animal side of person was this different entity, something not of the human at all, almost like a split personality. He had heard people say they talked to their animal side and had to use terms that an animal would understand. For Everitt, it had always just been him. The coyote he turned into was still him and the coyote turned back into a human was still a coyote, it wasn't mutually exclusive, honestly. It just meant that his brain was yammering about his mate was hurt, his mate had been hurt so much and he needed to protect him. Then it was pushed away with the realization of...protect him from what? What was there to protect him from now? He was safe here, nothing was getting inside. Some times Everitt wished he was the animal the media liked to portray him as because a coyote wouldn't have felt the heavy feeling of guilt. Not like he was now. He lowered his hand as Hayden said nothing he did was going to make this better. "<b>I know,</b>" he said softly. He did. He had been born a werecoyote; it was just how the gene roulette had ended with him and his siblings. But he knew there were people out there who became animals under much less kind circumstances. It was rising that people were starting to make a conscious choice to become wereanimals (it was akin to marriage proposal, someone wrote once), but it didn't change the fact that most people became them from violent attacks. Either some hot shot kid thought they were somehow superman and went on a rampage or someone didn't take the needed precautions and there was a wild animal on the loose. <p> His chest hurt, his heart felt heavy. The thought that he should have been there began to circle through his head, snapping at the heels of the previous thought. He didn't voice it out loud though. Partly it was because he just wasn't the type to voice those sorts of things; he was a pretty silent man by nature, not one prone to babbling or muttering. Mostly it was because it wasn't fair to Hayden to hear that. Sure Everitt could feel like he had failed – oh did he ever feel like he failed – but he really doubted Hayden wanted to hear. Right now, Hayden probably didn't have it in him to say 'no it's not, you're fine, it happens'. Hell, with how Hayden was probably feeling, Everitt could imagine that he would be told 'yeah it is your fault'. Sure they had both agreed that it was fine that Everitt was working his real job, but...but this wasn't logical, was it? This wasn't something that allowed them to look at facts and go 'yes, this is where we went wrong'. This was emotion and fear and upset and all that went into the same hand basket. And Hayden was notorious for saying things when emotions ran high and hot. Everitt let out a small sigh because he never thought this would be a problem and he wasn't ready to deal with it. When his daughter had died, he didn't remember comforting his wife because she had pushed him away. After all, there had been a bit of a media circus involved that had taken a month to die down and she had wanted to grieve in her way and he had his. Somehow he doubted Hayden would appreciate Everitt going to get drunk though. "<b>I don't know what to say,</b>" he admitted. "<b>I know nothing is going to make it better, but the only way I can phrase it is what can I do to help?</b>" It all sounded like the same mumble of words, things that wouldn't make anyone feel better.. But there was a difference before. When he had first asked, he had vaguely been hoping that there was some easy fix out there. Now it was more just anything that might bring Hayden some kind of comfort. <p> this wasn't how things were suppose to go, he told himself. Hayden was suppose to make the choice on whether to be a wereanimal by himself. He had always said no and that was his right. It should have been Hayden saying yes and having a night of them together leading up to this. Or even Hayden saying yes to Brook and doing it that way. It was suppose to be a gentle thing that eased him into it all. This had been savage and an attack. "<b>Can I hold you?</b>" Usually, he had to admit, he didn't ask. He and Hayden worked...oddly. Everitt wasn't the sort of man that did touches casually and Hayden had always been prickly about his space was invaded. What usually happened was Everitt would sling an arm around Hayden's shoulders and see where it took him. Sometimes Hayden did nothing, which was a risky gamble on if he did or didn't want attention. Sometimes he would shrug Everitt's arm off to let him know he wanted space. Sometimes he leaned in to Everitt to let him know that he wanted the comfort. Right now he didn't dare even do that. Right now, he was pretty sure Hayden might stab him...or break down crying. Everitt wasn't entirely sure which it would be...or which one would be worse. He knew how to handle a stab wound, he wasn't entirely sure how to handle a crying Hayden. It had happened...had it ever happened since they had met? Everitt vaguely recalled something close to angry tears but then at the time, it had been very clear anger. Anger meant to stay away and Hayden would handle it. Actual crying though? Did he think Hayden would cry? He wasn't entirely sure. He would have said no on a gut reaction, but Hayden had been hurt. He had been horribly, horribly hurt and had his sense of safety robbed from him. Anything could happen. <p> Slowly, cautiously, he reached out to wrap an arm around Hayden's shoulders, pulling him closer to his side. When he met with minimal resistance, he pulled him closer, wrapping his other arm around him. Slowly he wound around the younger man, trying to be respectful of the space he probably wanted and letting him have the comfort. "<b>I'm sorry,</b>" he said softly, moving a hand up to stroke through Hayden's hair. "<b>I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you.</b>" It didn't sound pitiful to his ears, at least. He didn't sound like he was beating himself up and demanding of himself why, why, why hadn't he been there for Hayden. It just sounded like what he wanted it to be: an apology, an acknowledgment that if Everitt had been there, maybe it wouldn't have happened at all. |
![]() |
|
| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:32 PM Post #4 |
|
It wasn't the first time that Hayden was sunk in his own misery, although he wouldn't say he made a habit of being so. It was, however, the first time that Hayden was sunk in his own misery and it was through no fault of his own. He hadn't snapped at anyone. He hadn't lashed out and driven someone away. He hadn't gotten caught doing something he shouldn't. All he had done was stay at work a bit later, he had let Everitt work his other job, and he had left on his own to head down to catch the train and go home. He hadn't done anything to anyone and this time he had gotten hurt for it. A part of him felt very much like a child in this moment. He hadn't done anything so why had someone done something to him? He had never hated wereanimals. He had been minding his own business. And a part of him felt the pain of Everitt as clearly as his own and split on how he felt about that; he had hurt Everitt and he felt awful about it, but he had been hurt and he needed to lash out at something. It was a war in his own mind and he just turned his gaze away somewhat as Everitt lowered his head and said that he knew. It was a lackluster response and Hayden wanted to lash out for it but the adult part of him, the part that had started to be coaxed out more and more by Everitt and by Brook, said that Everitt had done nothing wrong except acknowledge that Hayden's statement was right. Nothing that anyone did was going to change things or make it better; not unless a cure was invented overnight. He blinked his eyes, trying to dismiss the pricking feeling in them. He didn't cry (a lie because he did cry - although usually out of anger rather than sadness) and he wasn't going to cry now. He didn't want to cry. Hayden wrapped the blanket tighter around himself, brought it up on his body enough that he could make it also into a sort of a hood to go over his head. It didn't fully obscure his face, but it did obscure most of his features. It also muffled sound, however, and he didn't like that. Right now, though, he just wanted to be encased in the warmth and in the scent of Everitt. Even if he was mad at... everything, the world, the were that had attacked him, the stupid doctor with his fancy ideas, Everitt for not being there he still didn't want to start lashing out at the other man. Everitt really hadn't done anything to deserve that, Hayden knew. More than that, though, he didn't know what he would do if he pushed and pushed and hurt Everitt so badly that Everitt finally said he was done with him. Hayden didn't think he could have handled Everitt leaving him on a normal day. If he left him after all of this... well, he didn't know what he would do. He just shrugged the blanket up a little more, tightening so that no more than the circle of his face showed from beneath the blanket now. When the older man spoke, Hayden wanted to lash out again. He wanted to scream - even though he didn't honestly raise his voice all that often - and yell and to ask 'then what good are you' of the other man. He didn't, though. He just looked at him, sullenly, as Everitt rephrased his question in a way that showed how much Everitt was trying and how little Hayden was giving him to work with. The problem was that Hayden didn't have anything to give him to work with. Beneath the hurt and the anger there was nothing but numbness at the moment. "I don't know," he finally said. It wasn't his being avoidant. It was the truth. Hayden didn't know what anyone could do to help him or the situation. He felt as if he didn't know anything at all. They were silent again and Hayden couldn't blame the older man. Everitt had been trying since the moment he had come to the hospital. He had tried to engage Hayden. He had tried to comfort Hayden. They both knew that when Hayden was really upset or angry, however, he just shut down on the conversation and went inward. Having the knowledge, however, didn't do much for Everitt in the moment. The older man was clearly upset by what had happened and he was trying for Hayden. Hayden, however, kept shutting him out and pushing him out and rejecting every offer that the other man had made. What more could Everitt say that he hadn't said already? Hayden expected the other man to leave for a bit, to let him be and deal with it privately. He expected Everitt to disappear to make a phone call and for Brook to show up. He expected many things but he didn't expect the almost hesitant question. Everitt didn't always ask him, even though he knew that Hayden got touchy about his personal space and had a decent amount of claustrophobia that made it hard at times for him to accept things such as that. For a moment, Hayden debated on what response he wanted to give. He wanted to shove Everitt away and yell at the older man to leave him alone... and he also wanted nothing more than to feel strong arms around him and to give himself the illusion that everything was okay, that he was safe and things weren't any different than they had been this morning. "Fine," he finally said, his words tired and lackluster, broken a bit from the hurt and the shock and the indecision of his own mind. Slowly the older man reached an arm around to hook around his shoulders and pull Hayden closer. Slowly he drew Hayden against his side and then turned to wrap his other arm around him. Slowly he worked them both into a position where Everitt could curl around Hayden in a familiar protective ball. The older man's hand went up to stroke through his hair and he apologized softly, saying that he was sorry that he hadn't been there to protect him. Hayden drew in a deep and shuddering breath before his own arms wound around Everitt, fingers digging in tight enough to hurt. He drew in another breath and then the prickling returned and he knew he couldn't fight the onslaught, couldn't fight the surge of tears that worked their way up. His body shook somewhat with the choked off sob that he gave and he pressed his face against Everitt's chest, trying and failing to stifle the flow of tears and sobs that poured out of him. He wanted to demand why had he told Everitt to not be there, why had Everitt agreed, why had this happened to him? The words didn't come though and, really, Everitt knew the questions without Hayden having to voice them. Everitt was probably asking them, too, after all. |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Brooklyn · Next Topic » |







8:37 AM Jul 11