| I'm looking for a place to start | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 17 2017, 12:40 PM (25 Views) | |
| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:40 PM Post #1 |
|
The thing was that Everitt had never been happier in his life and that scared him. The last time he had been happy, everything had crashed and burned around him. It was just he couldn't be sure if it had been his own doing or if it had just been the way things fell. Honestly, when he looked back on things, he had to admit it was his own fault. <i>He</i> had been the one to fall asleep at the park where his daughter was taken. <i>He</i> had been the one who had almost beaten the murderer to death. <i>He</i> was the one who had ignored his wife so long she filed for divorced and then ignored that for so long that she had thought suicide was the answer. With that as his evidence he was pretty sure he was right. Being happy...it just wasn't something he was use to. There was no happiness for the Walker family. Except for Denny, who seemed pretty content with the lot his life had given him. Except for Brook, who had turned her life around after she more or less disowned herself from their parents. Maybe he was just being pessimistic, but the problem with being happy was that someone could take it away from you. You could get so much, get so far and that was as much as you had to lose. He had had a good job, a beautiful daughter, and a kind wife; that was three things he had stood to lose. When he had tried getting his feet back under him, when he had gotten a decent paying job as a bodyguard, that had been taken away from him too. It had been snatched away with accusations of sexual assault and molestation. Even when that had been proven false, even when his partner had said nothing happened he didn't want and he was twenty and he was an <i>adult</i>, that shit followed you around for the rest of your life. <p> For eight years, he had let himself wallow in the worst part of his life. What was the point of allowing himself to get up in the morning? What was the point of trying to be better? Instead he just lived his life taking on infidelity cases, locating lost people, family concerns, threats...then he would come home, drink beer and maybe have some dinner and then go to sleep. The only way someone could take that away from him was if they killed him and honestly, he hadn't much cared at that point. But fate or gods or whatever apparently <i>liked</i> when he lost it all because it gave him more. The Cunningham parents came into his office one day and talked about how the police were doing nothing and they needed the help. The more they talked, the more Everitt had realized...they didn't remember him. He had been <i>nothing</i> to them, especially since he had left their sight. So of course Everitt had taken their money and took on work. And they had given him Hayden, who was another thing he stood to loose. Some would say that having Hayden wasn't exactly the best thing in the world, that he was more of a burden than a blessing, especially Hayden said that. Hayden was a spoiled brat, a fact that Everitt had pointed out to him a few times, and had a chip on his shoulder that was the biggest thing Everitt had ever seen, not that Everitt necessarily blamed Hayden for it. When your parents who had loved and cherished you for most of your life, to the point of being overprotective decided you weren't worth their time anymore because you were gay? Everitt figured that was a pretty good reason to be angry at everyone. <p> But...but they were happy. Everitt thought maybe they'd just have a tumble. Hayden would find the man of his dreams, the man that completed him, and maybe Everitt would find a nice woman or man to settle down with and they would go their separate ways. He didn't hope for anything...maybe that was key to happiness. Never hope, never get excited, never let yourself open yourself to the possibility of being hurt. But with Hayden that was hard. Hayden was...he hesitated to say he was perfect because he wasn't. Neither of them were, both of them were broken and shattered people. But Hayden was perfect in his imperfection. Brook liked to say he needed someone to fix him, he needed someone to patch him up at every crack and fill the emptiness. He needed someone who would get him going and would help him. Everitt felt he needed someone that <i>made</i> him want to get better. If someone just fussed over him, what was he learning? It wasn't doing anything. It was a bandaid over a wound, not fixing it. Hayden had been that for him. He had snatched away his beer in the mornings and over lunches, he had shrieked like pterodactyl over some of the food that had been left in his fridge, he wasn't shy about being demanding for this or that thing. It was like Everitt was unearthing himself from a forest floor where moss and leaves had fallen on top of him, shaking himself off so he could slowly learn to be human again. Every day Everitt worried that Hayden would be taken away, that something would come up and ruin it all for him because heaven forbid Everitt Laurie Walker was happy. <p> Really the morning had started out pretty normal. It was a day off for both of them. Those were coveted days in the Walker-Cunningham household because neither of them were exactly known for relaxing. Hayden always had some project going on, always creating and working on something. At the height of Everitt's moods, he was much the same; he liked working. When he had been younger, he had wanted to make a difference in the world and help people; even when he felt his darkest, he had always wanted that. Days off were a rare thing in their household and sometimes all they did was lie in bed and Everitt couldn't say he hated that. But they had had plans, he knew. He didn't make plans usually, but Hayden had said there was something going on. There was something he had wanted to see or do and he had told Everitt that was what they were doing. Everitt had shrugged and said all right, but the thing was hayden was still in bed. That, in and of itself, wasn't abnormal nor normal. Hayden sometimes crashed hard after a creating binge, sometimes he couldn't be bothered to sleep. But Hayden had been <i>excited</i>. He sat on the edge of the bed. "<b>Hey, kid, you up?</b>" |
![]() |
|
| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:40 PM Post #2 |
|
Hayden had always been told that he was special. From the day he had been born, his parents had always told him that he was special. Being a child, he had believed it. He had believed the words that he was special and that it somehow made him better than others. He was a Cunningham. He was rich. He was smart. He was higher than the rest of the world. It wasn't until he was a little older, until he had gone to an actual school rather than having a private tutor, that he had realized that special could mean other things to other people. It was then that he realized special could mean different and that different wasn't considered good. The other children didn't have a device on his ear like he did. The other children weren't inventing things like he was, they weren't bored like he was, they were content to sit and listen to the lectures in the classroom and learn things by rote. They were content to pick on him as if that would do... what? Force him to change? It had just made Hayden all the tougher. The boarding school had been an enlightening time in his life. It had been where he had realized that he was different - in more ways than one. Thanks to the fact that he hadn't been in an actual school for years, his parents had made it seem as if everyone was like him. As if the world was full of young children with deafness, who knew sign language and were little inventors - but now he had been forced to learn that it wasn't like that at all. He was special and he was an oddity as well. A few years had rolled on by as he chewed on that, and he had been forced to find out more about himself. The fact that he was gay, that girls held little interest for him outside of friendship (not that he had many of those) and the fact that, yet again, he was "special" for all the wrong reasons. It was something he had never noticed as being strange simply because he had never had anything to compare it with. Sometimes, his fingers would just seem to not work. Sometimes, he had muscle spasms in his legs or his arms. Sometimes, he got headaches so serious he couldn't even climb out of bed. His parents treated it as if it were normal. As if everyone had these things and you just had to soldier on. One day, at boarding school, he had woken up with his entire right arm paralyzed. The ensuing panic, trip to the school nurse and arrival of his parents had given him knowledge that, yet again, he was different. It was a rare neurological disorder and it would clear up - sometimes within an hour, sometimes within a month - and he needn't worry about it. Now that he was older, they had said (as if they had been the ones to tell him before and he had ignored it), he had to be aware that it could happen at anytime. He could be walking and his leg would be paralyzed. He could be driving a car and suddenly his left side would no longer function. He could be writing and suddenly a finger would be numb. It was going to happen and he had might as well get used to it had been the attitude. He hadn't wanted to just "get used to it". For the first time, he had been wholly angry with his parents. In the end, though, they had been right because there was nothing to be done except as they said. Just get used to it. So he had. He had fought past it, ignored it, and done the best that he could in life. In all actuality, it wasn't as prominent as the fact that he had been born deaf. He even forgot, sometimes, that he had it at all. He was aware that it existed, of course, and he took steps to make himself a little bit safer in regards to it - mostly in that he very rarely ever drove - but for the most part he just did his best to pretend that he didn't have it. He didn't want it to impact his life any further than it already had. He'd had other things to worry about, anyways. Things like his parents pulling him from boarding school to go back to private tutoring, graduating from home schooling, going to college. Then he'd had bigger issues such as a handsome bodyguard that had worn away the self control he had, a handsome bodyguard that Hayden had found himself kissing and kissing and never wanting to stop... and then they had been caught and the roof had fallen in. He hadn't blamed the man. It wasn't his fault. Hayden had been the one to make the moves. Hayden had been the one to throw caution to the wind. He had boldly said as much to his parents. He had expected yelling, tears, begging, saying that surely it was just a phase. He had expected a rough patch before reconciliation of some sort. After all, his parents had always said he was special and perfect. They had spent thousands upon thousands of dollars in getting his implants, in private tutors and pricey boarding schools, in making sure he was well off, in paying for his expensive college. They loved him, didn't they? He was their special child, a child with problems but a genius. The stony silence that he had been met with had been unnerving. Then he had just received a simple letter - a letter - on an office letterhead saying that he would receive no more money, that every service that they paid for was now on him, and that they wanted no more contact with him. He was no longer their heir, he was out of the will, and he was no longer their son. It had hurt so much he had been left reeling and unable to recover. He had done the only thing he knew how to do at that point, which was simply to be angry and focus that anger on making sure he moved money to a bank account they couldn't touch, that he squared away debts, that he burned his way through college with an intensity that left heads reeling, that he landed a job that paid well - all in the hopes that one day they would change their mind. One day, they would remember he was special and that they loved him. At least he had found Everitt. What were the odds that his parents would have hired the same man that had caused the trouble in the first place? What were the odds that Everitt wound give in to Hayden's suggestions? What were the odds that Everitt had not only wanted that romp together but had wanted more? Hayden hadn't been used to a man who wanted more. He hadn't been used to a man who wanted to stick around. He knew quite well that he chased people off with his personality. He took insult too quickly, he judged people too harshly, he thought he was better than the rest of the world because he was intelligent. Plenty of people had told him to his face that he was just too difficult to work with. He had expected to hear the same from Everitt. He still expected to hear the same from Everitt. Instead, the older man just dealt with it. Some days, he just shrugged and said 'okay, kid' in that tone that said he was humoring Hayden. Some days, he rolled his eyes and was silent. Some days, he grabbed the back of Hayden's neck and said things that meant that Hayden was getting too harsh to deal with. They had... grown together, he supposed. Hayden had started to learn to shut his mouth and think. Everitt had learned to have an interest in life and to take care of himself a little better. Not perfect. They would never be perfect. They were flawed together and maybe that was enough. Of course, that might all change. Hayden hadn't mentioned anything about this to Everitt. He knew about the deafness - you would have to be hard pressed to not notice the implant after as much time as they had spent together both in the past and now - but not about the other disorder. Hayden kept it to himself mostly because he didn't want to be treated different. Maybe, in some way, he was tired of being different and special... and he had had at least one person tell him that they didn't want to deal with his problems, both attitude and neurological. The problem with hiding it, though, was that, eventually, it came out. Eventually there would be a day where it happened and today seemed to be the day. Why today, he had to moan to himself mentally. Why today, of all days? They had a day off together. They had a day to do whatever they wanted and Hayden had wanted to go to this exhibit. He had been awake for an hour or so, but with eyes firmly closed and jaw clenched at the pain in his head. He was determined to suffer through it. He would deal with a migraine for what he wanted to do... but then there was a numbness to his left leg that was all too familiar. He probably wouldn't even be getting out of bed today. But Hayden was nothing if not stubborn. So he opened his eyes at Everitt's words, looking over at him. Then he slowly and carefully pushed himself into a sitting position. "I'm up, I'm up," he said, the pain of his headache - now pounding rather than throbbing thanks to his actions - adding irritability that he didn't really want to direct at the older man. He shifted along the bed, practically dragging his leg rather than moving it naturally, and then moved to sit to the edge of the bed as well. Then he pushed himself up, wobbling but managing to get himself standing fully. For a second, he thought maybe it was just numbness. Maybe it had fallen asleep and it would wear off in a few seconds - surely the tingling would start at any moment. Then he took a step forward and he crumpled to the ground in an undignified heap, looking for all the world like an exceedingly angry cat. "Son of a bitch!" the words exploded out of him in a way that said he wasn't hurt in the least but that he was more than a little pissed. |
![]() |
|
| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:41 PM Post #3 |
|
Hayden was taking a long time to wake up, but even as Everitt thought that, there was a part of him that knew Hayden had been awake for awhile now. It was one of the benefits of being a werecoyote, a benefit that he had honestly just felt was more natural than anything else. He had gotten use to knowing what a body sounded like when it was awake, asleep, or even unconscious. The heart sounded a lot different between the three, the sound of breathing was different too. In theory he could known Hayden was awake before Hayden himself really knew. But there was something else that he was catching, something he couldn't quite place. Scenting things had always been harder for Everitt. Denny had been a master at sniffing things out, Brook had always been better at spotting things, Everitt had always known how to listen. But right now, there was something in the air that he tried to place. It was hard for his brain to understand that sometimes emotions had scents, that someone who was scared or happy or angry had a scent...but then Brook had always pointed out that it changed a person's biological scent easily enough. There were so many glands at work that of course it made sense that emotions had scents; it was just a bit more complicated than 'happiness smells like sunshine and lollipops'. Right now, there was something off with Hayden's scent that he couldn't quite place it other than the fact that it wasn't happiness and excitement about getting to go on an adventure today. <p> Hayden pushed himself up in the bed slowly, carefully, like a man who was hurting. That was only helped by the fact that when Hayden spoke, he sounded pained as well. "<b>What's up, Hayden?</b>" Everitt sometimes wished he was the less blunt one of the family. He wished he was smarter like Brook. Brook would have taken one look at Hayden and <i>known</i> what the issue was. If she didn't know, she would gently prod and observe. Everitt had never been that good. He was a man that needed things told to him. He was good at sniffing things out, he was good at following and tracking and eventually putting two and two together, but sometimes he had trouble finding the two. His former wife had always complained that he didn't understand, that sometimes when she said she was okay, he had just taken it at face value. She had always been upset when Everitt had pointed out that if she hadn't been fine, why had she said she was fine then? Gently he reached out so he could cup Hayden's cheek, carefully let his fingers stroke over the skin there. The skin around his eyes looked tight, he looked like he was wincing. A headache maybe? But then when had a headache ever caused that much pain? Maybe a migraine. Everitt had never had one of those before, not that he really knew. Then again maybe he had because he tended to categorize things as a lot more black and white; if your head hurt, clearly you were just dealing with a headache, right? The subtleties of differences between a migraine and a headache were usually lost on him. When he had been explained migraines before (like he was a moron), he couldn't resist going 'so like a really bad headache?' just to be a dick. <p> But Hayden was moving, dragging himself along the bed and when he got to the edge, Everitt almost wanted to believe that things were fine. That was when Hayden stood, wobbling a tiny bit but then he stabilized...only for Hayden to try walking forward and he just <i>crumpled</i>. "<b>Hayden!</b>" There was a panic in his voice, a fear that could only be borne of not understanding what had happened, because as far as he had seen, Hayden had just dropped. Maybe this was a normal thing because while Everitt's heart felt like it was in his throat, Hayden had just sounded angry and looked like an upset cat. It took him only a second to get off the bed, to move to sweep Hayden up into his arms. It was a move that had always made Hayden squeak, though Hayden would say he had <i>not</i> squeaked to his dying breath, but it felt almost natural for him to do. "<b>What happened?</b>" this time he could hear in his own voice that his question was more serious. It was the tone of voice that said he wasn't going to listen to 'I'm fine' or 'It's nothing, I'm okay'. Everitt may have been willing to let the world pass him by, but he wasn't going to let someone he loved be hurt. He wasn't going to let Hayden just try to assure him when he knew that something was very wrong. He wasn't a coyote for nothing, he would say when someone complained. And Hayden mattered to him, Hayden was important to him. He had become one of the most important things in his life. How could he just let Hayden tell him he was fine when he wasn't? It would lead to Hayden trying to pull the idea that he was fine too and do things they normally did and then he would wind up worse off than he was. <p> He moved them towards the bed, twisting himself around so he could settle on it. Once there, he scooted back so he could put his back to the wall with Hayden in his lap. He wouldn't say it was the most common way for them to sit; Hayden had never seemed big on it unless he was intent on kissing Everitt or enticing him into having a little more fun, but right now it was what Everitt wanted. It let him feel like he could curl around Hayden, wrap him in a protective casing and take care of him. Maybe that was why Hayden didn't seem to care for it in the long run. He had always been a strange combination of independent and vulnerable. "<b>What can I do to help?</b>" Even as Everitt said it, he found himself nosing into Hayden's hair, just snuffling around it. The way the news talked about wereanimals, they could never seem to decide if all wereanimals just acted like their animal side or if it was just the born ones. The media did really like to talk about it for better or for worse. Personally, Everitt had never really noticed an increased bit of animal instinct but he couldn't deny that he found comfort in it. He couldn't quite groom Hayden's hair like he would when he was coyote, but he could nuzzle it, he could stroke his fingers through it, he could pet it. All of these things he could at least do and maybe it would bring some comfort. |
![]() |
|
| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:41 PM Post #4 |
|
The worst part of the migraines was the simple fact that everything hurt you - sight and hearing and sometimes scent, too. He had a relief from the sound if he kept his implant receiver off but, if he did that, he wouldn't hear anything at all. Some days that was a blessing but that was usually when he was alone. Everitt never was much of a chatty talker and Hayden wanted to hear him when he talked. Leaving the receiver off meant he could only lip read - which was minimal, honestly - or that he could sign. Everitt had learned some but he wasn't fluent. It was just easier to reach for it in the way that he did every single morning and pull it over, fiddling with it for a moment. It was such a strange thing that he couldn't explain to anyone unless they also had one. One moment there was nothing. Nothing but dull vibrations that he might feel but no sound at all. Then there was sound. It always took a second for him to adjust to it and, today, it just made him wince somewhat with the way that his head still pounded and now there were sounds infiltrating in on that as well. He shifted a little and then Everitt spoke and that was one thing Hayden couldn't regret. He loved the sound of Everitt's voice. He turned his head a little and then just shrugged, ready to say it was nothing at all. Then Everitt shifted closer and put a hand to his cheek, turning his head some and stroking his fingers over Hayden's cheek lightly. "Just a headache," he said. It was much more than a headache but Hayden didn't want to stress Everitt out nor did he want pity or sympathy. He didn't want to be taken care of. He didn't want to become a burden. He had to be able to take care of himself even if some days he wanted to do nothing but leave everything up to someone else entirely. The problem with trying to be self sufficient, however, was that sometimes it backfired tremendously. He could have just said he wasn't feeling well and left it at that. Everitt would have understood. He was stubborn and determined, however. He wanted to go to this thing. He wanted a day with Everitt. He didn't want to be denied by his body. Unfortunately, his body had other ideas. He would have much preferred it to go along with him. He sat fuming on the floor and he heard the note of almost sheer panic in Everitt's voice and knew there was no excusing this one. He could say a number of things - he tripped, his leg was asleep - but Everitt would see through it. He wasn't an idiot. If he demanded that Hayden try to walk again the lie would be found out and why lie over something like that? Sure, he wanted to be independent but he also didn't want to damage the one good relationship he'd had in years. He shouldn't have been surprised at Everitt's next move but he still let out an undignified squeak as the older man just suddenly swept him up into his arms. Hayden loved it; he loved the strength in those arms and the way that they held him so tightly. He also hated it, though, because he wanted to be independent. He wanted to not have to be picked up. When he tried to vocalize it, he just sounded like a spoiled brat, though. Everitt asked him what had happened and Hayden hesitated for a moment before he just gave a small sigh. "My leg is numb," he finally just said, stalling a little bit for time. Realistically, he supposed that wasn't the most comforting of things to say. People's legs didn't just go numb for no reason at all, after all. He hoped that the rather accepting and blase way that he referenced it meant that Everitt wouldn't start to panic about that. The older man closed the small distance between the bed and where they were. Rather than lying Hayden down, however, he just sat on the bed and shifted back until his back was against the wall. He just lowered Hayden down into his lap and kept his arms wrapped tightly around him. A part of Hayden wished he would just... go. Go make food or a drink or something. Let Hayden sit and sulk over all of his ruined plans. A part of him liked this, though. They didn't get many chances to just sit like this. He fell silent, even as Everitt asked him what he could do to help. He couldn't stop the small snort as Everitt nosed about in his hair and actually snuffled against it somewhat. A part of him always just... forgot that Everitt was a werecoyote. He knew it. He had known it for awhile. Yet a part of him was always surprised when Everitt did something that reminded him of what he was. He relaxed even further against Everitt as he pet over his hair. Finally, he drew in a breath and let it out in a long, deep sigh. "I have a... condition. There's a lot of detail that I could go into but the basic gist of it is that, once in awhile, parts of my body will go numb or even become paralyzed. It's not permanent," he hastened to assure him. "At least, the numbness and paralysis isn't. The condition is for life. And sometimes it will only last an hour or two... sometimes it could be months." He had never had that happen, thankfully. The longest had probably been a week and it had been a minor thing that had been more inconvenience than anything else. But it could happen. "I didn't want to tell you," he finally admitted. "I didn't want to chase you off and I already had someone say they didn't want to deal with it." It wasn't something he would normally admit. Everitt deserved to know that much, at least. |
![]() |
|
| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:41 PM Post #5 |
|
Everitt watched Hayden, resisting the urge to be all over him. He would say he had never been an overly clingy person, he would say any time he was it was the instincts of an animal coming to play. His former wife would have argued both points; she had always claimed he was smothering her and then when it came to the animal instincts card, he always seemed to have them when he was doing undesirable behaviors. Personally, he didn't see what the big deal was about being concerned, about asking minor questions, but apparently that had been smothering. Realistically, he had always been a quiet man, preferred to keep his silence. Add to that that Hayden tended to clam up the more pressure was put on him, it was just easier to wait and pat down the clamoring want to curl around Hayden, to hold him, to cover him up until he didn't feel poorly. He raised an eyebrow as Hayden said it was just a headache. For a long moment, he let it sit, curling his fingers back so he could brush his knuckles over the skin. "<b>That's the biggest load of bullshit I've heard in awhile, kid.</b>" Whenever they had gone out with associates of Hayden's (never friends; Hayden didn't <i>have</i> friends. It was a fact that Hayden seemed proud of, but if anyone asked Everitt, it sounded kind of lonely), people always seemed just so surprised at how Everitt talked to Hayden. Personally he didn't see how it was so terrible; it was always blunt and unaffected. Did everyone else have problems, or did no one actually challenge Hayden? Oh Everitt had some idea of that. He knew that someone didn't become as spoiled as Hayden was by being told 'no' constantly, but he had thought maybe with the way Hayden insisted everyone disliked him for the most part that maybe there had been no one calling him out. They had let him have his way, so Hayden just had never been use to people saying that they knew he was lying through his teeth. <p> At least Hayden wasn't yelping in agony. The fact that Hayden was just sitting there and looked more put out than anything else (pained put out, but still just put) helped calm jangling nerves. Being able to pick him up helped all the more. Everitt had tried to curb those kinds of reactions as much as he could. While his ex-wife had said he tended to lean towards smothering, he never <i>tried</i> to smother people. He tried to be aware of how he was...and he succeeded for the most part. He let people live their lives, but he didn't think it was smothering to offer comfort or be worried. At most picking Hayden up would be considered overkill...at the same time, he knew Hayden hated it. He was an independent man, he had developed and grown into such a person who seemed to think any sort of help meant weakness. But Hayden had never smacked him for it, had never pushed him away or gotten angry enough that Everitt recognized it as a "thing to never be done ever again". "<b>It's numb?</b>" he repeated. His first instinct was to tell Hayden to shake it off. That was what you did when something was numb, right? That was a fine and easy fix...except this was Hayden. This was <i>Hayden</i>, who brought 'need to know' to a whole other level. He didn't think Hayden would ever purposefully hurt him in a way by keeping information from him, but the fact of the matter was that, realistically, if it was an easy fix, if it was something that could just be shaken off...Hayden wouldn't have done it. He wouldn't have let Everitt pick him up, he wouldn't have said anything about it. He would have told Everitt to just wait a damn minute and then he would sullenly wait until his leg was unnumb again. Having Hayden say it made him wonder if maybe they were going to have to amputate the leg. <p> It took a long, long moment for Hayden to relax. Everitt was actually surprised that Hayden relaxed at all. There was nothing more dangerous than Hayden's pride that had been pricked multiple times. At best, he would lash out and try to hurt everyone else around him to make them think they didn't <i>want</i> to help anymore. At worse, he would be sullen enough that he would be left alone...when he really needed the help. Maybe this was Everitt's calling in life. He wouldn't say that he <i>never</i> got hurt or insulted, but it was a slower burn, it was easier to roll off his back. And patience always came with a reward, he knew, because Hayden finally spoke. When Hayden spoke, though, he could feel his body tensing. 'Paralyzed' was not a word he took lightly, not when the doctors had been ranting and raving at him that if he kept doing what he was, he was going to become the first wereanimal in history to be paralyzed. He frowned to himself, hiding his face in Hayden's hair for a long moment. "<b>It doesn't matter if it's not permanent,</b>" he finally said. Because it didn't. It didn't matter that it was only a temporary thing because it still caused distress for however long it was. "<b>I may not be the smartest man in the room, kid, but the fact that this condition you got is for <i>life</i> technically kind of makes it permanent.</b>" It just wasn't permanent in the strictest senses of the word. It would go away...but it would be there. It would be waiting for whatever triggered it. He couldn't say he was the most scientifically minded person in the world – he was very much what the more intelligent people hated; he needed things dumbed down to a level he could understand and too many big words and he zoned out – but he could at least assume that. When Hayden said that he hadn't wanted to tell Everitt, that someone had all ready left him because of it, Everitt tightened his arms around him. "<b>You're not gonna chase me off, Hayden,</b>" he said softly, "<b>I understand being worried that I wouldn't understand but...it's kind of something I would have liked to know rather than just having it happen.</b>" And it would have happened at some point. If not today, then sometime in the future. "<b>You would have saved yourself a nosy coyote, too, if I had known this was just something that happened.</b>" That wasn't exactly true. Everitt might have been saved a bit of a heart attack, but he still would have scooped Hayden up and held onto him as tight as he could. |
![]() |
|
| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:42 PM Post #6 |
|
Hayden could feel Everitt's eyes on him. It was something he had gotten used to over the time that they had been together. It was something that simultaneously irritated him and pleased him, if that was possible. He wanted to be independent and he didn't need someone fussing over him... but it was nice to know that Everitt cared. It was hard for Hayden to admit to wanting or needing help and it was equally hard for him to accept it. So he usually just... ignored whenever Everitt was getting all protective and watchful. He figured the other man could stare all he wanted. Everitt usually waited until Hayden said something before he acted. Usually. There were times, though, where he apparently decided enough was enough. He let his eyes dip close a little as Everitt brushed his knuckles against his cheek and then when he spoke Hayden couldn't stop the tiniest of winces, both at the sound when his head was still pounding and at the fact that Everitt had apparently decided enough was enough at this point. He wanted to huff and get offended, like he often did, but he was hurting. It seemed like too much of an effort to get angry right now. So he just let his eyes close all the way so that he didn't have to see the concern in the older man's eyes and so he didn't have to deal with the light in the bedroom. "It's a migraine, okay?" he finally grumbled the words out. "I get them a lot." He hadn't ever mentioned that to Everitt and, honestly, he had never seen a reason to. Most of the time when he got them it was when he was at work. The other times it had been when he and Everitt were in their own places. It wasn't something that had ever come up before and, really, it didn't need to. He got migraines, yes, but he didn't get them to the level that some people did. He'd never had to throw up because of one or passed out because of one. He just usually had to take time away from the glow of a computer was all. "Yes," he responded grumpily to Everitt's repeating of his statement. He could feel the concern radiating off of the other man, could feel the confusion. The arms were just a little bit tighter and there was even more concern radiating from Everitt's eyes. Hayden knew he should offer more than just that, but he didn't. Everitt hadn't asked and he was stalling the inevitable. He didn't want to tell Everitt. He didn't want to see pity on his face or to have the older man decide he didn't want to deal with all of this. Not for the first time, he was glad that Everitt usually didn't press him. He might ask pointed questions but if Hayden was being silent he would just sit and wait until that silence bugged Hayden enough to speak. He could feel Everitt's arm tensing around him and there was a tension in the body that he was leaning against as well. He gave a small huff as Everitt spoke and said that because the condition was for life it still made it permanent. "I can go years without something happening. It's not really all that permanent." He could argue semantics all day, but in the end it didn't matter. They were both right and they were both wrong. Really, his head hurt too much to want to sit here and argue... which was probably a sign of how poorly he was feeling. Hayden could argue for hours when he got into it. Everitt tightened his arms again and Hayden just turned his face into the other man, closing his eyes again and resting his face against Everitt's chest. "I know. I'm sorry." It was hard to pull apologies from him normally. It felt like only recently had Hayden ever felt the need to even give them. It was hard to think that Everitt would want to stay with him, though. He was harsh and snotty and had a tendency to speak without thinking. He was deaf, which plenty of people would have found that hard enough to deal with and now Everitt had found out that he had a neurological condition as well. That had already chased one person off, so why not Everitt, too? His parents had disowned him without a second thought, so why not Everitt, too? It was easy to think that all or one of these things would be the final tipping point into causing Everitt to be tired of him and then Hayden would be alone again. He gave a soft snort. "You're always a nosy coyote so I don't see why knowing would change much of anything." Hayden fell silent again for a few minutes, trying to will some sort of life back into his limb. He wanted so much to have what he had planned for the day happen. He had been looking forward to the exhibit itself but he had been mostly looking forward to having a day with Everitt that was just the two of them. It was the two of them not thinking about work or any of the other things that dragged them down. It was going to be them having fun. A date. Now it had been ruined. "I really wanted to go do this together," he finally admitted in a sullen undertone. He turned his head some so he just rested his face further against the older man's chest. He knew that he could have gotten crutches or even a wheelchair but his pride refused that. He wasn't going to be seen looking like that. He wasn't going to go out and get pitying stares or eyes rolled at him. He wasn't going to sit there and be any kind of a burden to Everitt. "Maybe it'll clear up in a little bit," he said, knowing that it probably wouldn't. If it was going to be a short episode it was usually a very short episode where whatever appendage or digit was numb long enough to realize that it had happened and then it dissipated. The fact that this was lingering meant that, at the very least, it was going to be an all day sort of a thing. |
![]() |
|
| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:42 PM Post #7 |
|
He kept his touch as gentle as he possibly could while at the same time keeping it there, keeping it in a way that Hayden might find comfort in it. Hayden had always been a prickly sort, he could take offense at things Everitt had never considered being offended at, but equally he could be prickly without the attention. Everitt had finally come to the conclusion that he wasn't going to let it bother him, he wasn't going to let Hayden's moods dictate what he wanted to do. Brook would have had a fit, would have said it sounded like he was trying to step over Hayden. But it was more that Everitt had spent an entire chunk of his married life trying to match up with his wife, trying to do everything the way she wanted that had gone against his natural instincts. Sure, the way he had said it sounded like he meant to ignore all of Hayden's needs, but it wasn't that. It was more doing what he felt <i>he</i> needed and watching Hayden's reactions and adjusting until they were <i>both</i> happy. "<b>Oh a migraine? Well that just cures every bit of worry. Common are they? Gee, I don't know what I was getting all bothered for,</b>" he deadpanned. It did help relieve some tension, he helped him breathe a little easier, but it by no means made anything okay. A part of him felt Hayden understood that, that logically he would feel the same way when Everitt complained of his knees. And while he knew objectively that Hayden understood that, it had never stopped Hayden from being a brat about things before. Besides humans were notoriously good at being contrary. They knew one fact to be true, but they kept doing what they did in spite of the knowledge. "<b>Is there anything you take for them?</b>" he asked a little more gently. Not <i>too</i> gently, because Hayden had the biggest chip on his shoulder Everitt had ever seen. Too much sympathy and kindness or gentleness was usually met with glaring and yowling like a wet cat. <p> Everitt tightened his arms a little bit more around Hayden, making them a bit more of a cage, as his wife would have called. She had never seemed to understand that it was just as much for him as it was for anyone else. It was a way to comfort himself. Everitt had never been the type to go and hide and lick his wounds in privacy; he did better wrapping them up and then holding on to someone he loved and just...resting. Sitting there, inhaling Hayden's scent and assuring himself that Hayden was just being mostly Hayden, it helped more than being told everything was fine. He snorted slightly as Hayden commented. "<b>I can go years without ever transforming, too, but it doesn't make it anything but permanent.</b>" He felt they were vaguely similar enough to compare. Hayden's was a genetic disorder, there were some talks out there about being a wereanimal was a genetic disorder if you were born into it. Hayden may not have anything happen to him for years, Everitt never had the biggest urge and drive to transform at any point in his life. It didn't change that Everitt was still a werecoyote and it could still happen to him, just like it could very obviously happen to Hayden. Eventually, though, Hayden turned slightly, turned enough that he could press his face against Everitt's chest. He smoothed his hands over Hayden's back, let his hand run up that he could twist a bit of hair between his fingers. The apology he gave was a surprise, though. It was a big enough surprise that for a moment, he was just quiet. Hayden rarely apologized...at least to him. Brook had developed an <i>art</i> in getting Hayden to apologize, but at the same time, Everitt had always been a little more...indifferent to the slights he was given and even more indifferent to the need to apologize. Was it silly to think he needed to be careful in how he responded? "<b>Hey,</b>" he said softly, "<b>we're still learning about each other. And I blame the assholes who made you think anyone would abandon you more than I think you deserve the blame.</b>" And wasn't that just...normal couple stuff? The worry that one behavior or the other would send the person packing. There was always that one thing they had in their life – a verbal tic, a personality trait, some disorder, some damn fetish of all things – that was just too much. "<b>I would have been <i>less</i> of a nosy 'yote,</b>" he countered, "<b>I bet if I had known, I would have let you be completely.</b>" It was a lie. Even if he had known, he would have done his version of fussing. He just wouldn't have been so surprised and clipped at points. <p> Hayden went quiet and Everitt contented himself in nosing against Hayden's hair. It wasn't quite grooming, but it still felt like an instinct he was willing to indulge in. He felt like he was allowed to indulge just the tiniest of bit, that after the scare they had, he was allowed to have his own version of fussing. He was silent for a long moment after Hayden said he really wanted to do this thing they had planned together. "<b>Me too,</b>" he said softly. It felt like a gamble admitting that because this was Hayden. Hayden had all these strange things he had to be contrary about. If Everitt had gone with the idea of saying 'it's fine, it's no big deal', Hayden would have convinced himself that Everitt hadn't wanted to go in the first place. Everitt had made no secret that it wasn't his style, but he had also pointed out that, really, if he didn't want to do something, he wouldn't do it. Hayden would have taken it further to be that Everitt had never wanted to do it at all. But at the same time, admitting that he had wanted to go – which he had, because he had wanted to spend time with Hayden – might make Hayden try even harder to get up and move, to try and be "better" before he was ready. He pressed a kiss to Hayden's head. "<b>We'll give it a bit,</b>" he agreed easily. "<b>But if it doesn't, we can always order in some food and put something you want to watch on.</b>" It wasn't the same as going to the exhibit. Hayden had wanted to see it, he had wanted to go out. Staying in for their date didn't have the same appeal as going out, but in the end, what else could Everitt offer? They were at least still together, they could at least doing something with each other. And maybe it would clear up within a couple of days and they could make some last minute arrangements to go see it. |
![]() |
|
| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:42 PM Post #8 |
|
Hayden kept his eyes closed still, refusing to open them for the moment. He didn't want to deal with the light or with Everitt's steady gaze. He was generally a laid back man but when he wanted to he could have a piercing gaze. Maybe it was because he was a wereanimal and a predatory one to boot. Predators always had intense gazes. He brushed that thought away because if he focused on it he was going to start thinking about all sorts of things in the way that his mind liked to. If it was anything vaguely scientific his brain always wanted to jump through all sorts of topics. "Shut up," he groaned the words out as Everitt gave him the most deadpan and sarcastic response ever in response to his attempt to calm Everitt down. If there was one thing that pissed him off, it was someone getting into a smart ass mode with him - probably because he was so good at doing it himself. He gave a small huff before he opened his eyes as Everitt spoke again. The older man's tone was gentler this time and Hayden actually hesitated for a moment to give him an answer. It wasn't so much that he was ashamed, but it was still hard for him to admit to needing help or even to admit, sometimes, that he knew there were solutions but he avoided them because he didn't want the help that they provided. Finally, slowly, he just shook his head. "No, not really. I usually just let them go away." Aspirin and even the migraine medicines didn't always make it go away, anyways. Sometimes, none of the time honored remedies helped. Usually it was time and just resting that made his go away although he was sure Everitt was going to make a face at the fact that Hayden just usually didn't take anything. A part of him wanted to squirm away, to push at Everitt, to lash out at him when the arms tightened around him. It was always up in the air as to when something like that affected him. Mostly it only had to do with enclosed spaces but, sometimes, it was when a person got too close and things like Everitt holding to him tightly made him feel as if he were caged in. He had gotten better about it, though. The claustrophobia still hit in crowded places and small spaces but, with Everitt, it had gotten better with just one person. Still, sometimes he wanted to tense up and push away just to get some breathing space. It had helped, though, to realize that Everitt did it not to trap but to relax himself, to ensure himself that Hayden was okay. It was a lot harder to be angry when you realized that. After a moment of tension, however, he relaxed into the older man's hold more. "You're splitting hairs," Hayden protested. "The actual condition itself is permanent, yes, but the effects of it are not if you want to get technical about it. Just as you can go years without transforming and, if you do, the transformation isn't a permanent thing." He gave Everitt a slightly sour look because he didn't want to argue this - even though he was usually up for a good argument, honestly. Right now, though, he was grouchy and tired and his head was still pounding. It was hard to stay mad when you were tired and your head hurt. He made a small sound as Everitt ran his hands over his back in a gentle pattern, as the older man moved his hand up to play with his hair. He felt the slight bit of shock that went through the other man at his apology. He could feel and hear Everitt breathing and he almost dreaded the response... but Everitt was different than him. Everitt was more forgiving and Everitt wasn't the type of man to rub Hayden's apology back in his face. Some days, Hayden was pretty sure he was the worst kind of person and that Everitt probably deserved someone who wasn't so touchy and bratty about things. Hayden turned his face more into Everitt's chest as the older man spoke softly. He didn't respond to the words, warming though they were, and just made a small noise. It wasn't quite a whimper, not quite an agreement or a dismissal; just a noise to show that he had heard Everitt's response. Because there were some things he didn't think he could ever have a response to and statements like that was one of them. He gave a tiny snort as the other man spoke. "You would have been just as nosy and there's not a chance in hell you would have let me be." Hayden knew that much. Everitt might have been less panicked and more prepared, but he still would have fussed and hovered in the same way that he was doing now. It was always the weirdest feeling whenever Everitt started nosing against his hair. It was a move that wasn't wholly like that of an animal but equally it wasn't wholly like that of a human. Which, he supposed, was a fairly accurate assessment. Everitt was a wereanimal and that was really something that was both human and not human at the same time, animal but not animal. Hayden had always been confused by it but he had come to realize that Everitt used it to calm himself down just like the arms around him. It was also a way for him to show attention and concern without vocalizing it. So Hayden let him do it even when there were times he wanted to shove Everitt away and ask what he was doing and to tell him, firmly, that he was most definitely not allowed to go licking Hayden's hair. He shifted just a little as the other man admitted that he had wanted to go and do this with him. He knew it was partly a lie. Everitt couldn't really give two ticks about science things and the like but Hayden had slowly, almost unwillingly, come to the realization that sometimes Everitt wanted to do something simply because Hayden wanted to do it. That Everitt wanted to just see him be excited about something even if the other man didn't care about it. It wasn't a foreign concept, no, but it was still something that had taken Hayden awhile to get used to. Hearing Everitt admit that, it made him want to get moving and just try to... hobble along or something of the sort. That was hard, however, when there were strong arms holding him. Everitt pressed a light kiss against his hair and he could only sigh and relax against the older man again. "It doesn't usually clear up so quick," he finally admitted in a soft mumble. It was hard to admit that. It was hard to admit to any weakness. Everitt probably deserved to know, though, that this would last at least the rest of the day most likely if not another day or two. He wanted to grumble and snap that how would a movie and some take out food help? But maybe Brook was rubbing off on him or maybe he was changing after all this time with Everitt but he knew Everitt didn't deserve his attitude. He'd had a scare and he was trying to do something to make the sudden disaster of their day better for Hayden. He gave another sight. "Yeah, I guess." It was lackluster but, compared to how he normally was, it was probably something to be considered as a giant break through. |
![]() |
|
| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:42 PM Post #9 |
|
He wondered if he should be running off to get a cool cloth or something. That was what some people did, didn't they? He wished he knew more about migraines. The fact of the matter was that when he heard about them, it always seemed to be as if they were discussing really bad headaches. That was the way people made it out to be. It was just a really bad headache that hurt a lot. He may have even had one once or twice, but he had always just called it a headache. He still didn't always know the difference, even when someone had described that migraines were worse and they couldn't be fixed with just aspirin. He had shrugged it off, figuring it didn't matter to him so much as long as he tried to help. Hayden groaned at him to shut up and he couldn't help his snort. One of the things he had fast learned about Hayden was the fact that he said things like 'shut up' and 'don't be stupid' all the time. Usually it was in a harsh enough tone that whoever had been the victim of Hayden's tongue usually felt insulted or hurt and would react to that accordingly rather then just shrugging it off. Maybe that was asking a lot or expecting too much because Hayden could get <i>mean</i> when he said shit like that. Even just telling Everitt to shut up, he knew a more sensitive person would fluff up and huff and say they were just trying to help. Those were the kind of people that didn't really know Hayden, he felt. When Hayden spoke again, his face screwed up a tiny bit. "<b>Really? That sucks.</b>" Because even if they were just "bad headaches", the idea that Hayden couldn't do anything for them was honestly really crummy. He couldn't take or do anything and that just meant lying around in pain until it went away. It sounded rough, hard, and there was a part of Everitt that wanted to say there had to be <i>something</i>. Instead he reached out and gently brushed some of Hayden's hair back. "<b>I guess, then, all you can do is rest until it's gone, huh?</b>" He felt like he should be able to do more, but he couldn't. Not without Hayden saying there was actually some secret cure. <p> Hayden was too tense and there was a part of Everitt that wanted to hug him tighter, hold him closer in an effort to soothe him. Unfortunately, he had been dating Hayden too long to know that would be a good idea. Or maybe that would be fortunately? He didn't know. All he knew was that Hayden sometimes didn't like the feeling of tight arms around him. It went with his claustrophobia, he said, and it was like the migraine thing. Everitt had always thought that was just something in relation to enclosed places, or at most, crowded places. He had never for one moment thought that Hayden would be effected by a hug, by Everitt trying to hold him...but it had happened. It had happened a few times and after the first time, Everitt had tried to be aware. Was this one of those times? He had a long moment of panic, wondering if he should let go, and then Hayden relaxed. He didn't quite melt against Everitt, but it was close to. "<b>Well how else am I suppose to win an argument with you then? By being smart? I think you have me beat in that respect.</b>" Everitt was a man who had had potential once, but it had never been nurtured. He felt like that was a fact. Nowadays he had more...practical knowledge, he supposed. Whatever one would call it, Hayden had him beat on smarts and sometimes the only way Everitt could beat him was to get on technicalities. "<b>But all right, I'll concede to the smarter one in the room.</b>" He moved his head, moved so he could nose through some of Hayden's hair. Sometimes it just wasn't worth arguing. Sometimes it just was easier to let it go. That was the thing with Hayden; he was too smart and too jaded for him to actually have a proper argument sometimes. Everitt could argue with his brother and sister, he could argue with his parents, he could argue with some of the few friends he had, but that was because they weren't as smart as Hayden – or, in Brook's case, too nice to use her intelligence as a full on weapon. With Hayden, there was an art to letting go of the argument. With Hayden, sometimes you had to because if you tried arguing, Hayden would get more mad and up in arms and then he would get <i>mean</i>. No one wanted that because then Everitt would have to deal with the fall out and Hayden would be surly for days. More then that, Hayden would probably worry about the relationship. He would convince himself it wouldn't work and it might start to fall to pieces. At least Hayden turned against him more at his response, making a soft noise that made Everitt card his fingers through the soft hair even more. "<b>Well,</b>" he said in response, "<b>no, you're probably right there. I can't let you be for one instance. I love you too much.</b>" The words felt almost taboo. It wasn't like he and Hayden had refused to say those words to each other, they just...didn't say them often; they didn't throw it around almost casually like some couples. It was more of a thing that they just knew. Right now, though, he thought maybe Hayden needed the reminder. <p> At least Hayden was letting him do this. That was always the toss up – sometimes Everitt felt like he <i>needed</i> to do something to comfort himself whether it was cuddling or protecting or even being petted...and sometimes Hayden <i>needed</i> to have his space and to be left alone. That was, he supposed, part of being in a working relationship. Sometimes you had to bend or know when to bend in a situation. Sometimes it left you feeling hollow inside, sometimes it left you feeling like you weren't getting enough, but it was just a thing. At least Hayden was letting him do this now. He didn't have to. No one ever had to give into another but from Hayden, it was like an even better gift. Hayden shifted in his arms but he didn't protest, he didn't call Everitt a liar, which he sometimes did. If Hayden were feeling particularly stand offish, he would snarl at Everitt and tell him not to offer his pity. Even when he wasn't feeling all that stand offish, it seemed hard for him to understand that Everitt just liked being with him. It didn't matter what they were doing, they were together. It made everitt angry, actually angry, that he had to feel that way, that he had to be surprised that someone wanted to be with him. Or maybe Hayden just had never felt that way about anyone else before. Hayden relaxed more against him as he admitted that it didn't clear up quick. He took that information in, pondering it, mulling it over...probably longer then Hayden would have liked. "<b>Then we'll keep doing what we're doing until it clears up,</b>" he said simply. To him, it was simple. Hayden had been living with this long enough that he knew how to live his life, which meant he knew how to get around or what he needed to do so that he would be okay. For Everitt, all it meant was that today they would order in and watch movies that hayden liked because it was an event they were going to that Hayden wanted to see. Then they would go back to their normal lives and then when it cleared up, they would plan the trip again. Easy enough. He pressed another kiss to Hayden's temple at the lackluster response. "<b>I know it isn't what you really want, but...</b>" He gave a tiny shrug. What else could they do? |
![]() |
|
| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:43 PM Post #10 |
|
Hayden just closed his eyes for the moment, trying to will the pain away in a way that he knew wouldn't work. Honestly, it probably made it worse because he was tense and focusing on the pain. It was just something that he always told himself and yet he continued to do it. A habit, by now. It really wasn't helped much, either, by his irritation at Everitt's sarcasm nor at the simple fact that Everitt was talking and making him talk. Whenever that happened, it was like someone was rattling gravel around in his head; maybe not huge, maybe not damaging, but enough of an annoyance that it only added to the general pain. Why, of all days, did this all have to happen? A migraine he might have worked through; he had done it before. Despite his words to Everitt, sometimes doing small things helped ease it enough that he could function. He had worked through plenty of migraines in the past. This was not going to be one of them, though. It pounded hard in his skull - another reason why he was so irritable when, normally, he probably would have just ignored Everitt's sarcasm - and when combined with his leg it was just not going to be something that disappeared quickly. He gave a small laugh that held little humor in it. "To put it crudely, yes." Not that there were many other ways to put it, to be honest. He couldn't stop the tiniest of content sighs as Everitt reached out to gently brush his hair back. He opened his eyes a little to look at the other man and then shrugged his shoulders a little. "Somewhat, yes." Because he wasn't going to admit it out loud, but Everitt could probably guess in an instant that Hayden hardly ever rested during things like that. Not unless he absolutely had to. Everitt didn't tighten his hold on him. In fact, outside of resting around him, the arms could almost have not been there. It was something that Everitt must have learned over their time together and it was something that always helped Hayden to push past the feeling and to accept what Everitt was doing. Usually, anyways. Some days there was no hope for it but today wasn't going to be one of those days. Eventually he just rested in the circle of Everitt's arms as the older man held him close. He gave a slight snort that jarred his head somewhat and he closed his eyes for a moment against the pain. "If you say so," he said, in a tone that held no little amount of scoffing. It was actually an improvement, honestly. Once, not so long ago, he would have scoffed audibly and said that of course Everitt wasn't as smart as him. No one was as smart as him. Time with Everitt, with Brook, had changed him somewhat. Time and love with Everitt had taught him other things and now he recognized there was never a good response to a statement like that if you wanted to avoid hurting feelings. He gave out a huffed out sigh as Everitt said he would concede defeat to the smarter one in the room and then started nosing about in his hair. It was familiar and comforting and so Hayden just let it happen. "Thank you, finally; that's what I've wanted to hear for months." Nowadays, it wasn't as true as it once had been. He supposed he was learning to be more accepting and how to compromise, even if it was a rather steep climb. Everitt continued to card his fingers through his hair and Hayden gave another soft sigh, letting his eyes slip closed for a moment. The older man spoke again after a moment and Hayden couldn't stop himself from jerking slightly at the words. He wasn't offended by them nor scared nor angry. He was just surprised. It wasn't as if they didn't say them. They had said them several times before. It always startled him, though, because they didn't make a habit of it like some couples did. He didn't say it back. Not because he didn't feel it, but because it always felt somewhat cheap to him to say it right after someone else had. "It's because you're nosy," he said instead, lightly. Instead of teasing, though, he just turned and nuzzled up under Everitt's chin in a way that said things similar to the words that he should probably say more. A part of him wanted to lash out at Everitt. He wanted to rant and yell and push him away. He wanted to be snide and cruel. The part of him that had changed somewhat, however, recognized how unfair that would be. Everitt didn't do that to him. Everitt hadn't done anything to him. Hayden's own body had turned against him and the only blame there was to place could be placed squarely upon himself, he supposed. Or genetics. It was hard, though. It had been hard to learn that, hard to learn that he couldn't just lash out at everyone and anyone to make himself feel better. Sometimes there was nothing that could be done about anything and you just had to... sigh, accept it and move on. So, instead of all of that, he just curled up more into Everitt's arms, trying to fight off both the anger and the despondency that came with having so much excitement about something only to have it all come crashing down around your ears. Everitt was quiet for a good span of time after Hayden's words and, as always, that tiny prick of fear worked its way into him, telling him that surely this time it would be the last straw. This time, Everitt would say enough was enough. Instead, though, Everitt just said that they would do what they were doing until things changed. "I guess," he huffed a little, even when he was secretly pleased at the words. He turned his head away a little as Everitt responded to his lackluster words and said that he knew it wasn't what Hayden wanted to do and then gave a shrug that said, clearer than words, 'but what else can we do'. He gave another sigh and just burrowed his face somewhat against Everitt's chest."It sucks," he finally said, out loud; it was a rare admission from him. Despite his tendency to rant, he kept a lot of his cards close to his chest and didn't always divulge how something might have upset him. It was one more sign of how much he trusted Everitt and how he had changed. After a moment, he leaned back a tiny bit to look at the older man. "Can we get pizza?" |
![]() |
|
| Everitt Walker | Nov 17 2017, 12:43 PM Post #11 |
|
He supposed the worst thing about this for him was the coyote brain he had going on. He didn't know if there was some part of his brain that had more animal instincts or if he had an extra part that was all animal instincts, but whichever it was, he could feel himself snarling and chomping at the bit that he had to do <i>something</i>. His mate was hurting, in pain, and there had to be a way to fix it. An animal, he felt, probably didn't know of things like pain killers and sleeping things off, but he did, so there was a strange mishmash of feelings on what could be done right now. Ultimately, he felt, his hands were tied. "<b>Well, you know me, don't know how to put things anyway else.</b>" It had been one of those things that had equally amused Hayden and pissed him off to no end. When Everitt was following Hayden to some kind of high end party, either as a plus one or a body guard, it had always made Hayden smirk when he had dumbed things down to the most simple terms. He had never understood why, personally; maybe it was because the people they had been at parties with were so hoity toity that it seemed scandalous to bring them down to his level, to remind them that Everitt understood things and could put it in terms that made it all seem not so special. On the other hand, it annoyed Hayden to no end when he would do that with something he was working on, something he felt he was so much more advance and superior for. It usually resulted in Hayden practically shrieking that it wasn't at all like how Everitt was saying it, god. He found himself playing with Hayden's hair absently, something he could do that comforted him at at least somewhat."<b>Can I get you anything?</b>" he found himself asking, feeling a little helpless in his offer. "<b>I know sometimes when Brook gets this way, she would use a cold cloth or pain killers.</b>" But he couldn't be sure Brook had migraines and not just bad headaches. He remembered her being worse than him; his headache/migraines, he simply toughed it out. Hers, he remembered, had been bad enough she hadn't been able to open her eyes. <p> People always thought living with Hayden must have been hard. Well, they wouldn't be wrong. Hayden was a puzzle box that Everitt wasn't entirely sure there was any solving to...but you could figure out patterns. Hayden was easy to follow the patterns of, he had found, that to the untrained eye would seem random. Or, more accurately, people just would lose patience right away because Hayden was, to put it nicely, aggressive and frustrating. People didn't have the necessary skills to put up with Hayden, which was primarily patience and a little bit apathy. One had to have a thick skin when dealing with Hayden because he would sling barbs and harsh words, trying to hurt whoever before they could hurt him or to prove to himself that no one would be sticking around. But more than that was just waiting things out. It would have been easy for Everitt to have hugged on tight to Hayden, to have held him and not worried about anything else. That would have only served to make Hayden react like a scalded cat, running off to hiss and spit at anyone that came close. Instead, he had waited, he had been patient, he had only given a little and he had received a lot. "<b>I do. You're the brains of this operation,</b>" he gave a gentle kiss to side of his head. "<b>Besides, I'm the rational one, so I think it works out.</b>" Hayden wasn't above a little poking, though. People seemed to think that if Everitt wasn't seething and rolling with hidden anger, then he was a doormat. Always saying yes to Hayden, always doing what Hayden wanted, never arguing. It was just Everitt rarely saw the point of arguing and it wasn't like he was completely passive to Hayden's words. Sometimes he just figured poking was how he got back at his lover. Again it was that whole learning how to handle Hayden. Some days it felt so easy, he was surprised no one else had managed it before. Not that he <i>wanted</i> Hayden to have been with someone else but...He would never understand people. "<b>Well, I try to only use it on very special occasions, it's a gift.</b>" Everitt rarely showered Hayden in praise, something that in the beginning had both bothered and confused Hayden. He was use to being a prodigy and Everitt could see he was smart, but it was a fact, right? Why did he need to go around continually stating a fact? Did he have to go around going 'water is wet'? Maybe that made him a bad boyfriend. Hayden jerked a little in his arms, startled but not really at the admission, but just...that was what Hayden did. "<b>It's more romantic the way I said it,</b>" he pointed out. He knew he had said the right words, though, because Hayden nuzzled up under his chin in a way he never would have normally. <p> When Hayden curled into his arms more, he wanted to tighten his hold, but he refrained. Instead, he stroked Hayden's hair, gently and carefully teasing his fingers against the ear he found. Hayden would have hated him, but a part of him liked having Hayden this way. Of course he didn't like the idea of Hayden being in pain or unhappy, but Hayden was so fiercely independent. He did things in his own way and sometimes (most of the time) it didn't involve anyone else. He was as prickly as a cactus. They had their little moments – when they went to bed at night and Hayden put his head on Everitt's chest, when a storm came and Hayden practically hid underneath Everitt – but generally they existed close to each other. And half the time when something was wrong, Hayden would just say he was handling it and let him be. It was nice to hold him, nice to feel Hayden lean in close and snuggle up to him. "<b>It's all we can do,</b>" he offered at the huffed words, "<b>I know it sucks we can't go through with our plans, but we have each other.</b>" A part of him wondered if that was what Hayden wanted to hear or not, but it was all they could do. At least they did have each other, though, at least they lived in the same apartment. Sure, the day's events might have been canceled, but they lived in the same apartment and they had all ready had plans to do it. It wasn't like Hayden would go off to work, it wasn't like Everitt would look at his watch and say 'guess I better get to some calls'. They had a day open to them, so they would enjoy it even if it wasn't what they had intended in the first place. For all the grief he had with his parents, they had taught him to be happy with what he got. Just because one thing was lost to him, it didn't mean everything was. "<b>To put it crudely,</b>" he mimicked Hayden's earlier words. There was nothing else to be done and it <i>did</i> suck. Everitt wanted to rail against it, honestly, but...but well, what else could they do? What would getting angry achieve them? "<b>I got a good place on speed dial,</b>" he offered as an answer to Hayden's question. In the grand scheme of things, pizza was a little price to pay for Hayden to feel a little bit better, he felt. |
![]() |
|
| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:43 PM Post #12 |
|
Some days, Everitt's fussiness got to him. Maybe it was because, after his parents, he had trained himself to be independent. He didn't have maids to clean up after him. He didn't have a doctor on speed dial - technically. He had Nicholas, but that was different. He didn't have his parents handing him money, telling him how smart he was or coddling him. Instead, he only had himself. For eight years, he had been forced to be on his own and it had taught him how to take care of himself both as a general adult and as an adult with varying disabilities and health issues. He had been forced to learn how to balance school and work and social life, how to budget his money, how to deal with coworkers and rude people in grocery stores and every manner of things that he'd never had to before. He had learned how to drag himself through pain and illness because he simply had to do so and he wouldn't show his weakness to anyone, even himself. When Everitt started fussing, sometimes he loved it; sometimes he practically preened at the attention. But, sometimes, it reminded him that he was weak and helpless - or seemed to be - and he hated that so much. "Yes you do," Hayden said with a snort that he wished he hadn't given, considering that it just made his head pound worse. "You just don't want to or you're being lazy most of the time." It was something he'd noticed. Everitt, when he wanted to, could put things just perfectly fine and he could make his point clear. When he didn't want to, though, he could be lazy about saying things and not bother to couch anything he said. Sometimes it pissed him off to no end, but that was just life with Everitt he was finding. Everitt reached out to play with his hair and Hayden let his eyes slip closed again, enjoying the gentle touches for the moment. "I'll be okay," he said in response to Everitt's question. Sometimes he took things, but most of the time he didn't... and he had found usually it didn't help much when he did. Maybe it was because Hayden had spent a life on medication it felt like and so his body really didn't receive as much aid from something so mundane anymore. "But thank you," he added, almost lamely, trying to remember that Everitt was always on him for at least pretending to be grateful, trying to remember that Everitt didn't have to offer to help him at all... but he still did anyways. Maybe he didn't say it or think it enough, but he was grateful for Everitt. Most people would probably simper and coo and say there, see, he did have a heart... but while Hayden was grateful for Everitt in a lot of ways, sometimes including those sappy romantic ways, the fact of the matter was that he was just grateful that Everitt understood him and understood his wants and his needs. Everitt understood Hayden's hang-ups in ways that not many people did. Everitt had told Hayden some about his past, both as a child and his life with his previous wife, and Hayden was pretty sure that Everitt just understood because some of the things Everitt had encountered in his own way. So things like right now, he had learned to just let Hayden have his space, his time, and to not trap him. It ended up ten times better for the both of them if Everitt just waited and Hayden was glad for it. It allowed them both to move forward. He knew, of course, that it wasn't always that way. Everitt made mistakes and Hayden knew that he was always waiting to pounce on those mistakes but... but most of the time it was okay. Most of the time they worked because of Everitt's understanding. He let his eyes dip closed some as Everitt kissed against the side of his head. They shot open again as Everitt continued on. "Are you saying I'm irrational?" he asked, some ice to his tone - and he wasn't quite sure if it was himself actually being angry or just not controlling his tone as well as he should. Sometimes, though hard to believe, he didn't even know himself. It was a by product of being so constantly on guard and angry. Sometimes, you were unsure of how to be anything but. "You could do it more," Hayden grunted the words out. He had always been told how smart he was, how clever, how good and wonderful. He was special. Now, hardly anyone told him that and it was... disheartening to go from one extreme to the other. Many days, he sat and waited for someone to say he had done well and then could only feel confusion when they didn't. "Most things are more romantic the way you say them," Hayden grudgingly admitted at Everitt's words. Not that Hayden didn't try but... well. He had always just been too curt and hard and himself to be the kind of romantic some people were. Everitt, at least, had him beat there. Everitt just shifted him somewhat in his hold and very lightly stroked his hair. When the rough, course fingers stroked against his ear he couldn't help the light shiver that he gave. Maybe he mentally felt his ears were sensitive - a by-product of his just knowing the problems he had - or maybe they would have been that way even if his hearing was stellar. Whatever the case, it was always a sure fire way to get a reaction out of Hayden. Everitt didn't follow up on it, though. He just continued to gently tease fingers through his hair. At least he had Everitt. At least he had warmth to lean again and arms around him. Months ago, he wouldn't have even had that. He didn't really want to hear the offered words, but he knew that Everitt was right. It didn't mean he had to like it, of course, but he knew there was not a damn thing that either of them could do about the situation. "Well, you can be quite entertaining," he stated, dryly. It was a way to say that he liked having Everitt there without actually saying it. It was something he had gotten pretty good at, honestly. Thankfully, it seemed as if Everitt was very good at reading into his words. He gave a light huff at Everitt mimicking what he had said earlier, but he supposed he couldn't blame him. Hayden had put it crudely. He just turned his head some, rubbing his cheek against Everitt's shoulder for the moment. "Really, your definition of good or mine?" Hayden asked. It was a tease, but he had realized a long time ago that most of his teases fell flat. He was too harsh, too mean, too rude about things. Everitt never seemed to mind, though. |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Brooklyn · Next Topic » |







8:37 AM Jul 11