| A feeling I don't understand | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 17 2017, 12:46 PM (17 Views) | |
| Nicholas Bratu | Nov 17 2017, 12:46 PM Post #1 |
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Nicholas had lived a lot of places in his time, though not as many as people seemed to think. They looked at him and saw a vampire and they thought "old". They thought ancient. They thought someone who had been around the world five times. Realistically speaking, depending on what you considered to be a normal human life span, he had maybe three "lives" more or less. He had been changed when he was forty four, all ready well on his way to being an old man. And he just hadn't seen the point of moving around the first twenty or so years. He was the heir to his family estate, just because he was a vampire didn't mean he could go swanning off with his parents dead. But then he had settled that and he had moved to England. That had been another bit of his life lived away. People had always been so confused when he said he had lived in three major places all his life. They had always gone 'that's it?', but how often did they expect people to move, really? Nicholas figured it was all about the person more than anything else – some people moved at the drop of a hat, others didn't leave their homes until they were being buried in the ground. He had moved from house to house after leaving Romania, but he had always been pretty centralized. It just made sense; it wasn't like people were carrying pitchforks for vampires anytime soon. He was free to live his life how he wanted and ultimately he was comfortable. All right up until he wasn't anymore. That was the key. He settled and he was happy...and then one day, he felt agitated and fussy. It was like he had woken up, looked at the word around him and something had just seemed <i>off</i>. He didn't know many vampires, so he had no clue if that was a common enough feeling or not. <p> New York, though, had been a good choice. He had come to it when it was just beginning to <i>really</i> flourish, to become the New York that people always thought of when they thought America. It was the perfect city for a vampire, never quite shutting down. That had always been key for Nicholas. He needed a job and a life that centered around the whole fact of not being confined to robes and masks to keep from being burnt by the sun. What better job than a doctor? What better place than the city that never slept? He wouldn't say that he had been exactly <i>welcomed</i>. All people talked about how very embracing they were of other people and creatures, they were so accepting of it all. Right up until there was a doctor who sucked blood. It was a terrible whammy to some of the patients. Nicholas was old enough that he had had an awful lot of time under his belt. It would have been one thing if he was just your typical doctor who gave you checkups...but he was a pediatrician, he had a hand in being an emergency doctor, a hospitalist, an audiologist. He wouldn't say he had gotten around to everything just yet, but he had enough to be of value. He knew enough that if there was some spot that needed filling, he could do it. People seemed to generally be okay when it was an adult going to a vampire doctor. To have a vampire doctor treating someone in an emergency, when there could be all sorts of <i>tempting</i> blood? To have a vampire doctor treating a <i>child</i>, whose blood must smell like candy? That was entirely different. Nicholas had never been quite sure where the difference was, but everyone else sure seemed to see it and they sure loved to think he was knowingly crossing a line. Maybe one day he would even learn what it was. <p> Apparently Richard and Dolores Cunningham were of the same mind. They didn't want to bring their son – their precious baby boy – and put him in the dangerous hands of a vampire doctor. Because surely Nicholas would choose that moment exactly to dine upon the flesh of a newborn child. He had shrugged them off and said fine, here was a list of other doctors and he had had such smug satisfaction when they had come crawling back to him since he may not be considered the nicest of doctors, but oh he had been the most talented. He was a doctor that could be a pediatrician for their son and the audiologist who helped him. It was him who had helped them with the implants, him who had told them what, exactly, it meant. It was him who said that no, this wasn't going to magically make Hayden hear, but it would help him hear better than if they did nothing at all. So they had bitten the bullet and it had been in Nicholas' hands. He wouldn't say they warmed up to him, they still treated him as if he were eying their growing child up...then again, they probably didn't really approve how many times he had told them to shut up. It had been a pretty common phrase ever since Hayden had learned to talk. Nicholas asked if there had been any problems with his implants, Richard or Dolores would started to speak, and he snapped that he had asked <i>Hayden</i>. They had blustered so much, saying Hayden was just a child, but even if he was a kid, Nicholas figured hearing it from the horse's mouth was always better. They had <i>really</i> hated it when Hayden had turned fifteen and Nicholas had booted them out entirely. He was pretty sure the parents were swearing up and down that now it meant he was touching Hayden inappropriately, but no one ever came to call him on it. It had been...nice, in its own way. Watching Hayden grow up had been the closest thing he ever had to watching his child grow up and he had never been prouder than hearing the snide or sassy remarks. Except when hayden had told him he liked coming to Nicholas with his problems rather than his parents. His parents, he said, tried to fix it for him and gave him everything. With Nicholas, he felt like he was well and truly an adult. <p> It had made Nicholas proud to continue watching Hayden expand and grow, talking about college and what he wanted to do with his life. He could admit that he had gotten probably a bit too friendly. He had crossed the line between "patient" and "friend", but in his defense that was when Hayden had hit eighteen. On his eighteenth birthday, Nicholas had given Hayden some old book that he remembered from his own youth, complete with his address and personal phone number. It was a "just in case" sort of thing. Just in case Hayden had ever needed him outside of office hours or outside of his annual physical and check of his implants. Honestly he had never thought Hayden would <i>use</i>. Hayden was like trying to walk a cat on a leash, he had to be dragged everywhere. But there came a night when everything was quiet and peaceful, a rare night off for him. He hadn't really been settling in to do anything at all, but there was still a mild annoyance when he heard the knock at the door. For a long moment he thought about ignoring it, just pretending he wasn't there when the knock came again, a little bit harder this time. With a small sigh, he pushed himself up, wandering over to the door and opening it only slightly. At least until he saw who it was. "<b>Hayden??</b>" |
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| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:46 PM Post #2 |
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Hayden had never known there was anything ever wrong with his doctor. When he was little, he had been little of course. He was a very young child adjusting with suddenly being able to hear - sort of - and dealing with trying to learn how to hear with the new implants as well as just learning all the other basics that a baby and a toddler needed to learn. When he got a little older, his doctor was nice to him. He talked to Hayden as if Hayden were an equal and he had made check ups and times when he was sick or injured an okay situation. Maybe never precisely fun but it wasn't something to be scared of. It was almost something to look forward to because he would see Doctor Nicholas again. The older and older he got, the more and more he looked forward to those times because the doctor didn't take anything from anyone. Not even from Hayden's parents. His parents always seemed like they had been chewing on metal whenever they came to the doctor with him and it was only as he was a bit older that he found out why. Not only was it because Doctor Nicholas Bratu didn't take anything from them - they who were used to being rich and influential with anyone and everyone - but he was a vampire. He was beneath them in their eyes. It was something he had only unconsciously become aware of recently. His parents were most definitely not fond of things such as vampires and wereanimals... and other minorities. A part of Hayden had just ignored that, though. His parents were kind to him, spoiled him, took care of him and they still took him to see his doctor and that was wonderful. Doctor Nicholas shoved them out of the room when Hayden was a teenager and let Hayden talk about everything that was bothering him in his life, not just with his physical well being. Hayden had started to learn how to be quick with a comeback and a snapped line from the doctor and he had found himself feeling close to him. Closer, in many ways, than he had ever been with his own father. Hayden had never thought about that too hard. After all, his parents were his parents. He loved them. They loved him. Sometimes they made him uncomfortable with something they said or did but, mostly, he loved them and he never thought ill of them. When he had been born deaf, they had worked hard to make sure he could hear. When he had been found to have a rare neurological disorder, they had just told him that he should make sure to be careful and perhaps limit some of the things he was used to doing because if it struck when he was, say, driving a car then it might become disastrous. Hayden had just shrugged and agreed because it was true. If his foot was paralyzed while driving, well, that could end up quite terrible. It had left him feeling a bit disconcerted and limited, though, but he had just shrugged and went with it rather than arguing. His parents had praised him, as they always did. The years went on and he continued to surpass most of his peers in his school work, in being better than them, that it was almost idyllic. The only thing that had come up that was a small blot on the horizon was... well, he was gay. He had realized that back in boarding school. He had also realized, if only in the back of his mind, that his parents would not approve. He was sure they would love him but... but he didn't want them to be angry with him and so he kept that to himself. He had even kept it from the one person that he did trust because what if Nicholas had felt the same way? What if he told his parents or even just accidentally let it slip? Maybe that should have been the warning signs for Hayden. If he was worried about his parents finding out there had to be something wrong with the situation, right? He was nothing if not stubborn in all things, however, and he just continued on. At least until he was twenty. Everitt had been hired to be Hayden's bodyguard. It had been stupid, honestly. What did he need a bodyguard for? No one had ever once tried to kidnap Hayden. Sure, his parents were rich and influential and he was intelligent but it wasn't like they held the secrets of the world. His parents had been adamant though. He was going to have a bodyguard. Why now of all times.... but Hayden had just shrugged and said whatever. And the handsomest man ever had been introduced to him. So much taller than Hayden with a rugged jaw and a weathered face, with an almost beaten quality to him and yet a strength that radiated off of him with a fine layer of stubble along that jawline. Hayden had never found himself wanting so much as he had right then, never mind that the man was a hired employee of his parents and older than him. They had clashed a lot and yet at the same time they had grown closer. Close enough that finally Hayden had initiated the first kiss without bothering to worry about anything else. Everitt had responded to him and had wrapped his arms around Hayden so tight he thought he might bruise but that was fine because Hayden wanted it, needed it, and the kiss had gotten so intense and there was nothing better. At least until he had been caught. They had been caught. He had never seen his parents so angry and never known them to not listen to him. No matter how many times he reminded them that he was an adult and that Everitt hadn't even been the one to start things they weren't listening. Everitt had been dismissed and Hayden didn't know how much further they would take it. The man had done nothing wrong - save kiss an employer - but his parents would smear his name, he was sure. That hadn't been the worst of it though. That had waited for last night. He had been called to his father's office - his office - where both of his parents were. They were dressed up like this was some sort of interview. Then he had been told quite coldly and quite firmly that he was disowned. He was no longer their son. He was no longer the heir to the Cunningham name or fortune and they wanted nothing to do with him whatsoever. He had begged and pleaded, had even cried and done his best to point out that they had weathered everything before all of this. They had been fine with his being deaf and having a condition, being sickly. Why was this any different? It was just who he was. A part of his brain had said but they hadn't, had they? They had rushed to fix his problem with his hearing and keep it a secret in a way. They had made him limit activities rather than potentially have his disorder out on display. This was just one more thing they wanted to cover up. Though he had begged, again, for them to not do anything, that he loved them, he had gotten nothing but told that he needed to be out of the house by tomorrow. In the morning, there had been a letter on a piece of company paper telling him all of this information again, with further information that his bank account was being cut off, his tuition no longer paid for, that he had nothing at all but himself and whatever he could pack up and take with him. He had gone into a bit of a blind panic then as he tried to figure out what to take, what he was going to do, how he was going to survive. Going through his books, he had lit upon the one that his doctor had given him two years ago, with a phone number and an address. Full of roiling emotions and confusion, Hayden had set out for that address. When he arrived, though, he wondered if it had been a mistake. Nicholas wasn't obliged to help him or even like him after all this. He didn't know where else to go though and he had no one else he could count on. So he knocked. No response had lead him to harder knocks and he wondered if the man was even home, if he was even in the right place. Then the door opened and a familiar face looked at him. "I didn't know where else to go," he finally said by way of apology. |
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| Nicholas Bratu | Nov 17 2017, 12:46 PM Post #3 |
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Nicholas wasn't entirely sure what he had been expecting when he had opened the door, but he knew Hayden wasn't it. Hayden just standing there and looking so...small. That didn't seem right. Hayden <i>was</i> short, there was no denying that, but he had a very strong personality. He was witty and sarcastic and small that more than made up for his height. Never when Nicholas had interacted with him had he seemed small right until now. Or maybe it was more Hayden practically reeked of a vulnerability he hadn't had since he was a little kid trying to figure out why people didn't take to him right away. When Hayden said he didn't know where to go, Nicholas felt his gay set. Maybe he should have rushed to say that his house was always open to Hayden, that he made the right choice in coming there...instead, he just pulled the younger man inside and closed the door behind him. At this point, he felt, it was useless using empty words that might sound good but changed nothing. "<b>What happened?</b>" he demanded as he navigated Hayden to the couch and pushed him into a sitting position. Then he crouched before him, putting his hands to Hayden's neck, directing his face to him so he could check his eyes, then turned his head so he could do a quick surface check of the implants. Sometimes he wished that the vampire who had turned him had been stronger, older, so that she might have passed on some of the "traditional" powers to him. How nice would it have been to be able to sent injury and sickness? Nicholas was lucky when he smelled blood, but that wasn't on Hayden right now. He didn't seem hurt, but Nicholas felt better for doing the check. It gave his hands something to do and it assured him that Hayden hadn't been <i>physically</i> hurt. Not that he seemed okay by any means. <p> And then Hayden told him and there was a rolling overprotective anger that started somewhere in his face and slid all down his body. "<b>I can't say I'm surprised,</b>" he practically bit the words out when Hayden hesitantly told him that his parents had disowned him. "<b>Your parents are the biggest dicks I have ever seen in my life. And I'm including myself in that list.</b>" He had known that Hayden's parents hadn't liked anything that wasn't human, wasn't white, wasn't..."normal". It had been clear in every dealing they had had with Nicholas, he had watched it happen with various members of his staff. But honestly they had always seemed cowed when Nicholas had snapped at them that if they didn't want to deal with the undesirables in that hospital, they could just got ahead and hire their own personal white, straight, human doctor who came to their house and never step foot in there again. He was pretty sure they had even thought about it right up until Nicholas told them that if they went that route to never, ever set foot into his hospital (even if it wasn't his) again, because he couldn't promise them that someone dirty wouldn't touch them if they ever needed help – be it with surgery or working with the implants or anything else that only a hospital could provide. They had hated that, but then he found that most people who held their view points on some level thought they were right. They rationalized it; all black people were criminals, all Mexicans were illegal immigrants who didn't learn the language, vampires devoured the blood of the innocent, wereanimals were more animals than humans, gay men preyed on little boys. They knew there were cases where that was true, which meant it was <i>all</i> true. But then someone came along and pressed and pressed and exaggerated, saying things they had always thought but wouldn't say it out loud in front of them. Or at least not loud enough they could hear. He was pretty sure they had even <i>tried</i> getting their ideal doctor to come to their home since they had canceled one or two appointments with Nicholas, but they came slinking back a couple of months later. Nicholas had even been polite and <i>not</i> rubbed it in their face, but oh he had smirked pretty hard. <p> Hayden wasn't hurt, which was a relief...Though he had to wonder which would have hurt worse. Would his parents having physically hurt him been bad or was this cold, detached sort of way of doing things been bad? Personally, Nicholas would have thought getting beat would have been worse, but there were some that would say what Hayden had gone through had been even worse. At least a beating might have possibly "cured" the issue. Get slapped around a bit and suddenly the gay was gone and Hayden could be like "that cured me" and pretend even harder than he had. This, though? This was the feeling of someone who made things final. This was the sort of thing that was <i>permanent</i>. Maybe there would be coming back from it, but it wasn't likely. Nicholas certainly didn't expect anything to change. "<b>I have a spare bedroom,</b>" he finally said, "<b>and spare sheets. We'll get you set up in there.</b>" He didn't ask if Hayden had anywhere to stay. Hayden had all ready said that he had no where else to go right off the bat, though that could have just meant that he had been so out of sorts he hadn't been able to think about anything. But then one of the topics of conversation that came up when Nicholas had been giving Hayden his check ups was the fact that Hayden didn't have friends. It wasn't just that most of them couldn't stand his abrasive nature, it was like he didn't know how to interact with them. He always talked to Nicholas about how it felt like some wall between them. Personally, Nicholas blamed his parents for that, and not just because he was pissed at them right now. They had wrapped Hayden up and told him he was special, which he was, but for all the wrong reasons. They coddled him and hid him away and almost discouraged him from learning how he fit in with his peers. It was one thing to protect your child from being ostracized from classmates, it was another thing to act like he was perfectly fine and everyone was just beneath him. <p> Nicholas hesitated awkwardly for a moment before he reached out and pulled Hayden into a hug. He tugged the younger man closer, pressing Hayden's head to his shoulder and just...holding him there, letting him feel at least a somewhat living body. "<b>We'll figure this out together,</b>" he told him without thinking. It was just natural. Hayden felt like more than a patient, he had felt that way for a long time. And Hayden had trusted him enough to show up at his doorstep when he felt like he had no where else to go. That was honestly a little awe inspiring, that he had affected someone else in his life, that he meant enough to someone that they looked to him. Granted, he would have liked to find this out under different circumstances, but what could you do? |
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| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:47 PM Post #4 |
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Whatever fears that he had had about whether this was the right apartment were quickly gone when the door opened. The older man just stared at him for a long moment until Hayden had spoken, had put out the simple fact that he had nowhere else to go but to see his doctor. That spurred the other man into action. Nicholas grabbed his arm and pulled him into the apartment, closing the door behind him. As he pushed Hayden towards the couch, a curious and detached portion of Hayden's brain thought that a doctor should be able to afford a much nicer, larger and more heavily decorated apartment, shouldn't they? That was neither here nor there, though, and the thoughts were shaken away somewhat as Nicholas demanded to know what had happened. He pushed Hayden down onto the couch and then crouched down. Both of the other man's hands moved to his neck, tilting his head to look into his eyes, turning his head, feeling at his pulse - all the typical checks that a doctor might do, checks that Hayden was overly familiar with over the years. It put him somewhat at ease even as his muscles tightened up with the simple realization that he was going to have to say everything out loud. He was going to have to make it more than real. He was going to have to make it final. "My parents. They found out that I was gay. They." He paused, his sentences more stunted than they would normally be, the words hard to say despite his anger at the situation. He swallowed hard. "They disowned me." It sounded so simple when you said it out loud like that. It didn't sound like it was a terrible sentence, like it was the end of everything that he had known. It just sounded like words but they were so much more than that. When Nicholas moved his hands and Hayden looked back up at him, he didn't miss the flash of anger in the other man's face. It wasn't an uncommon look. Over the years, Hayden had seen Nicholas angry at many things. He had seen him yell at other workers and patients and definitely had seen him yell at Hayden's parents - which Hayden had silently lorded over - and yet it surprised him to see such a fierce sort of anger there. When the other man spoke, his words were bit off and full of that same anger that Hayden had seen in his face. He wanted to argue and say that no, that wasn't his parents; that no one understood his parents. The words wouldn't come, though, because he knew that what Nicholas said was true. His parents had been hard and cruel to far more people than just Hayden. Hayden could remember negative commentary about waiters or drivers, about people working in fancy stores or things they had seen on the news. With Nicholas, by the time Hayden was old enough to understand what was going on they had already learned that they couldn't get away with that. "I just thought that..." Hayden trailed off because he didn't want to say it out loud. Because he didn't need to say it out loud. They had always told him that he was special. He was a special child. He was so smart, so special, so much better than everyone else. They loved him, they said. They protected him and took care of him. He was the perfect son. He had thought that it wouldn't matter to them. They might fuss, they might ban him from Everitt because he wasn't "proper" (or try to) but, in the end, he was their special child and they would accept that. Instead, he had gotten nothing but cold, terse anger and clipped words. That had been the worst part. The disowning was terrible. It had hit him hard, he wasn't going to deny that. But the way his parents had looked at him. The way they had spoken. That had been the hardest part of it all. The cold stares, the clipped words, the way that they sounded like they were speaking to the dregs of society and not to their son; the fact that there was no more of Hayden being the special son. The one time they had referred to him outside of just using 'you' they had said 'the boy'. The boy - as if he was some hired help that they were firing or some child from another family that they were discussing. It had cut hard and deep. He was startled out of his thoughts when Nicholas spoke again. "You don't-" Hayden began to say but he cut himself off for a moment. He had come here because he had nowhere else to go. Right now, he had money that was his but a lot of the rest of his money was tied up in accounts that he was going to have to get squared away before his parents just cut it all off from him. He had college to pay for now and while he had a good amount of money things like college, books, rent and food would deplete it quickly if he wasn't careful. Then he could potentially be on the streets with mounting college loans hanging over his head. "Just for a little while," he said after a moment, determined. He wasn't going to be a burden on a man who meant a lot to him. He wasn't going to live off of a kindness forever. It would be rude and, really, Hayden had always been fairly independent. He wanted to be able to do everything on his own. He didn't want people fussing over him and coddling him. He was an adult and he would act like one. For a moment, there was silence between them but that was all right. Hayden had never felt their silences were awkward. Maybe because Nicholas was so similar to himself that it just felt the same. Then the other man reached out and pulled him into a hug. It was startling, because he didn't remember Nicholas ever really doing so before. For a brief moment, Hayden actually tensed and wanted to fight it. Some days, he didn't like hugs because he didn't like the feeling of being trapped. The body wasn't warm - being a vampire meant he was very rarely, if ever, warm - but the arms were firm and the intentions behind it were clear. For a brief moment, Hayden let himself relax, hesitantly lifting his own hands to cling to Nicholas' shirt. He didn't cry, even if he wanted to. He just held himself there for a moment before he slowly pulled away. "Thank you," he said, simply. Not easy words for him to say but they were words that deserved to be said. After all, Nicholas could have been like his parents and booted him out. He could have just been unwilling to have his life disturbed. Instead, he had opened his home to him and was clearly on his side. It meant a lot. Maybe more than the other man would know. |
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| Nicholas Bratu | Nov 17 2017, 12:47 PM Post #5 |
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Nicholas didn't like this one bit, not one bit at all. This entire situation had all this wrongness about it. Hayden shouldn't be out here, he should be tucked in his bed and sleeping away until the next day. He shouldn't be just wandering around looking like a lost puppy with an almost shell shocked looked in his face. Then Hayden's muscles tightened and for a long moment, Nicholas thought he might not get a response. Hayden had gotten awfully fond of not responding to questions. It was a habit he had brought over from being a teenager that Nicholas was sure he would never grow out of, not unless some sort of miracle happened. When Hayden finally did speak, it made Nicholas pause, not entirely sure if he had heard the words right. Hayden's parents had always been bigoted. They had hated the idea of someone who wasn't white taking care of their child, anyone who happened to not be human, anyone who wasn't straight. There was a hierarchy of course – vampires and the like were usually absolutely last resort because while all the other races and sexual orientations could be policed and arrested easily, a vampire? Well a vampire would make a fast snack of everything. He had always assumed that they would be the kind of parents that would learn their lesson when they son turned out to be something. Bitten by a vampire (who wasn't Nicholas, he would be quick to say) or gay and they would react so shocked...and then they would get over it. It was stupid to thing, it was naïve, it was...he put a lot of stock in a bigot not being a bigot just because they loved someone. He would have liked to point out to anyone that said he couldn't be an optimist and say 'well clearly I expected love to conquer all'. He had always assumed Hayden's parents would learn and accept things because they had loved Hayden so much. "<b>Well,</b>" he finally said slowly, "<b>I knew they were fuckwits, but this just goes to prove it.</b>" It seemed like such a stupid and petty reason to disown a child. So Hayden had liked men, what did it do to them? What sort of scandal was it suppose to bring on their name? He wondered if he could call them and tell them if an almost two hundred year old vampire didn't have a problem with it, what was their deal. He doubted it, he was sure he would just be adding fuel to a fire that didn't need fuel right in that moment. <p> Hayden seemed to be in a bit of shock. Well, he had been just disowned from a family where that meant something. Nicholas would have been thrown into shock himself. Especially this family. This family that had done <i>everything</i> for Hayden. The family that had come to him, then left because he was a vampire, only to return because everyone in the city had said he was the best. They had let a vampire hold their child and take care of him. They trusted a man who they didn't know alone in a room with him (he was sure they thought he was molesting him, after all, considering he had insisted on privacy). They had sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars into Hayden. For his implants, for constant doctor visits, for school...but then Nicholas had always seen that underbelly they had about it too from Hayden's own words. He didn't think Hayden understood they had been <i>hiding</i> things. They had taught him he was too good to interact with other kids and teens, but they had been embarrassed about the fact that their son was deaf or had a neurological disorder that could strike any time. That was all too embarrassing for their family, apparently. And gay? Well, if Hayden had just come out to them, they probably would have manipulated him into either hiding it or changing his story to being the straightest man in the world. When Hayden started his sentence and didn't finish it, Nicholas put a hand on his shoulder, frowning to himself. "<b>Yeah, me too,</b>" he admitted. He had convinced himself that Hayden's parents were always going to do what was best for him. He was convinced that they would do everything for him because they all ready had. It had looked enough like love that he had assumed it was a given. While he had never particularly liked them, they hadn't seemed <i>abusive</i>. Typical upper class family that had money. He had thought at the end of the day, they'd accept anything when it came to Hayden because they loved him. <p> When Hayden started to speak, Nicholas shot him a look over his glasses. It was the kind of look that stopped stupid interns from asking equally stupid questions (at least for a few minutes). "<b>I know I don't, but it's happening anyway. Remember, Hayden, I don't offer anything unless I want to.</b>" It was another thing a lot of people seemed to not understand about him. They assumed he got caught up in the same social graces as everyone else, that he would ask because he was suppose to or he offered things out of obligations. He had yelled at a good couple of nurses for that, honestly, because they had thought when he asked something, they had gone on a spiel that had jumped to 'oh you really don't care, sweet of you to ask' and 'why did you drop it so quickly after I said I was fine'. He wasn't in this life to play games, he had always told people. And Hayden...well, he would feel better knowing Hayden was there rather then wandering the streets alone. Because Nicholas knew that Hayden didn't exactly have a wide pool of people to rely on. His parents had seen to that in the beginning, his personality had made sure it stuck. "<b>Though through this all, I have to ask, what happened to the boy?</b>" There was a part of Nicholas that was ready to be angry. There had to be a boy. Hayden hadn't said 'I came out to them', which meant he had been caught by them, which meant there was a boy. Nicholas didn't really care what a person saw fit to do in their normal life – running after being caught? Well, maybe that was smart. But he had always been proud of the fact that he was very human and as a human, he would have let it pass anywhere else. This was Hayden, though, and someone running out on Hayden wasn't acceptable. "<B>We'll discuss that later,</b>" he waved away Hayden's declaration of 'just awhile'. As far as he was concerned, Hayden could move in and it would be fine. It would be maybe even...nice. It wasn't like Nicholas ever had company before. <p> He felt Hayden tense in his arms and he waited, he waited for a long few breaths. He wasn't so stupid as to assume that after every hurtful sort of situation people wanted to be hugged and coddled – some would want people to act like things were okay so <i>they</i> could be okay. But then Hayden relaxed, just the barest of bits before he clung to Nicholas' shirt. There were no tears, not that Nicholas expected there to be, and he lifted his other hand to just briefly hold Hayden's head a little. For a moment, they just sat like that, Nicholas hugging and Hayden clinging, but when Hayden pulled away, so did Nicholas. He pushed up his glasses as Hayden thanked him. "<b>Don't go telling anyone I did that,</b>" he said instead of saying 'forget it', 'don't mention', or 'you needed it'. Hayden had just thanked him, which were rare words. He wasn't going to smashing them in Hayden's face. It was better, he felt, to act like normal, or being gruff and snide really. "<b>If I go into work tomorrow and some intern hugs me, I'm going to assume you told everyone.</b>" He doubted Hayden would, though, even if he was the kind of person who would talk about the fact that he had gotten a hug. There had been a few times that Hayden had come to Nicholas' job on the guise of getting a check up (which they did), but then he just trailed after Nicholas for a little bit because he didn't want to leave just then. He had almost the same opinion of the nurses, interns, and staff as Nicholas. |
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| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:47 PM Post #6 |
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There was no sudden rush of platitudes from the other man, not that Hayden had expected any. What could he say, after all? Still, Hayden had been... maybe hoping or expecting something. Assurances that this would all blow over, assurances that his parents really did love him, a statement that Nicholas would make a phone call and he would set things right for sure. He honestly hadn't expected Nicholas to have a similar shocked expression on his face. Maybe he had naively hoped that that Nicholas actually would have expected it and that would just mean Hayden had been the silly one to expect anything different. But Nicholas looked shocked and that made it all the worse. Hayden had thought his parents would complain and bluster, that they would blame Everitt (and that Hayden would quietly work to undo whatever they tried to do to the older man) and that they would maybe try and ban him from seeing men but that they would confirm over and over again that he was their special child, that he was their baby boy, so smart, so talented, of course they loved him. It would have been easier, he thought, if he had just been stupidly expecting that. To see someone who didn't even like his parents to be so shocked that they had disowned Hayden just brought everything back around full force. He had never suffered from asthma before - plenty of other problems, but not that one - but right now he hardly felt like he could breathe at all. He wasn't gasping for air, but it was a close thing it felt like. Hayden couldn't stop himself from giving a small, bitter laugh as Nicholas commented on what he had said. It was such a typical Nicholas statement, yet it didn't do much of anything at all. Hayden couldn't bring himself to call his parents anything like that, but it didn't change the fact that they had done this to him and no one else had. Hayden waited for the other man to say that his parents would come around. That his parents loved him. That his parents would do the right thing in the end. Instead, Nicholas just put his hand on Hayden's shoulder and agreed in a way that said he knew exactly what Hayden had been about to say. That was like a punch to the gut, really. Nicholas had known that Hayden would say that he had thought his parents would always love him, that they would forgive him anything. They had spent all of his life fixing his ears, helping him with his disorder, buying him the best tutors and books, sending him to the best schools, grooming him to take over the company eventually. They had stood with him when he was proven to be deaf. When he was proven to be sickly. When he was proven to have a rare neurological condition. They had stuck with him through years of tutors that quit, of Hayden's temper tantrums and tendency to be angry, of reports from school that said he was a wonderful student but that he kept getting into trouble with the other kids and that he didn't make friends. If they had stuck with him through all of the worst possible things, why was this somehow different? He had kissed a man. He could understand that they might be mad that they had hired Everitt and he was kissing Hayden - kissing him on duty, no less - and he could even understand that they might not like that Everitt was almost thirty and Hayden was only twenty. But to react as they had just because he was gay? It didn't add up. He had always known his parents were... not the nicest about certain things. He had just never thought it would apply to him. He felt his shoulders droop somewhat as he realized that Nicholas' words were almost like the final knolls of a bell that said that was over and done. The final nails in the coffin. He gave a small huff as Nicholas shot a look at him. It was a look he was familiar with, a look that said Hayden was his favorite patient, that Hayden was more his protege than a patient, but that he didn't have patience for stupid statements regardless. "I know," he said in response to the words. He did know, because Nicholas had made it quite clear to parents, to staff, to even Hayden, that he did what he wanted and if he didn't want to do it then he wouldn't. It was something that Hayden had started to do, too. If he didn't want to do something then he wouldn't. He didn't see the point of screwing around and making two people unhappy when a simple statement meant that everything was cleared up. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised that Nicholas had offered. Hayden hesitated to claim any sort of relationship outside of doctor but the fact of the matter was that Nicholas was someone he looked up to, a mentor, and Nicholas had always allowed Hayden to visit him at work even when he had no reason to be there at the hospital. Nicholas had also spent all of Hayden's life tending to his implants, his illnesses, his disorder; Nicholas wasn't going to want to see all of the work that he had put into keeping Hayden healthy and alive go to waste because Hayden was squatting in some abandoned apartment or in some cardboard box in the alley. Not that he thought he was just that to Nicholas but... well, he could understand why he wouldn't want to see all those years gone to waste for want of a place to stay, too. He started a little as Nicholas asked what had happened to the boy. He hesitated for a moment, not sure how to say everything. "He wasn't a boy. He was my bodyguard. They fired him on the spot. They... well, they're probably dragging his name through the mud right now." It was distressing to think about, honestly. He had told Everitt to go, to not make a fuss, and that was the last he had seen of the man. It would probably be the last he ever saw of him because Hayden had no contact information and it wasn't like Everitt would want to see him again. Not after his parents got through with him. He lowered his head a little at the thought. "I told him to go, so I'll probably never see him again. Who knows what they're saying he did or what they're paying off some friend to do?" he was silent for a few seconds. "He was everything I ever wanted." It was true, too. Everitt had been so handsome, so strong, with stubble and rough, worn hands and a dry sense of humor. But he had smiled at Hayden and laughed with him, he had scolded Hayden and still put up with Hayden despite everything, and kept him safe from perceived harm. He paused, blinking a little at Nicholas. "All right," he finally said after a moment, although he was determined that he should make himself the least burden that he could possibly manage to be in his time here. Hayden was surprised at the hug, honestly. Nicholas never came off as a tender man, despite the care he had shown. Yet here he was, holding Hayden and letting him draw comfort from his presence. In those moments, it felt as if Nicholas cared more about Hayden than Hayden's own parents ever had. He tried to not think on that too much, though, and he was thankful when Nicholas allowed him to pull back with no fuss at all. He let out a small laugh, a brittle sort of a laugh that said he wasn't all that amused but that he was willing to pretend to get some sort of normalcy about him again. "I don't make a habit of spilling personal things to complete strangers." And that hug was a personal thing, given to him in a moment of weakness thanks to his parents disowning him. He wasn't going to go telling stories about that to anyone, thank you. "I think you said one of your interns hugs you anyways though." Because Nicholas ranted about them all to Hayden on a regular basis. He couldn't really keep any of them straight, honestly, but he did remember that much at least. |
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| Nicholas Bratu | Nov 17 2017, 12:48 PM Post #7 |
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Nicholas knew he had wanted to be more comforting in his life, though he could never really confirm when. People would look at him and how he acted and assume he just didn't care, that that was just how he was and he would never change, but he knew he had. There was always going to be a point in his life that he wished he were kinder, softer, more able to talk gently to someone. Right now, he wished he was because this sort of thing? It needed comfort. Hayden had been <i>disowned</i>; he wouldn't need hard truths and acknowledgments that it sucked, he needed assurances that it would get better. Nicholas could have tried saying that – his parents would take him back, his parents were just stunned and would get over it, it was all just a misunderstanding – but it would have come off as false. Everyone knew about Hayden's parents, at least in the hospital. Those kinds of bigots didn't just instantly change, they were kind of people that didn't have a change of heart because their son was different and now they realized the true meaning of diversity. He had wanted to believe they would be more accepting, that their son was more important than labels...but here was the proof, wasn't it? He needed to find assurances because he could vaguely hear the hitching breaths in Hayden and he knew that Hayden needed <i>something</i> to carry him through this, but Nicholas had nothing. Even as Hayden's shoulders dropped in a final defeated moment, he couldn't think of anything he could say to fix this. He could call Hayden's parents, but what would that change? A good angry scolding wouldn't make them realize the error of their ways...and Hayden was an adult now, not a child or teen. He was well past the age that Nicholas could tell his parents that it was illegal to do this to their child and he was going to make them a <i>spectacle</i> for what they had. "<b>Good, I'll let it slide right now because it's....an evening, certainly, but keep it in mind.</b>" It was about the only kindness he could offer to Hayden right now, it felt like, and he knew it wasn't enough. Trying to right the world by solidifying Hayden's place in it would only go so far, but at least Hayden would know nothing had changed with <i>him</i>. Sometimes it went a long way, sometimes it was just one thread that kept a person hanging on a little longer. For Nicholas, he just wanted to make sure Hayden was <i>safe</i>. <p> He raised an eyebrow as Hayden said it was his bodyguard. "<b>You know, I always assumed you'd get caught in a scandal with the help,</b>" he twisted the words in a way that made a show of what he thought of that phrasing. To Hayden's parents, everyone was "the help". They weren't doctors or bodyguards or anything really, just...the help. They were there to help further their lives and if it dehumanized them more, then all the better. Sometimes he wondered if they really thought in those kinds of terms or if it was just more unconscious on their part. Personally he preferred the former, it made it easier to hate them. "<b>They probably are,</b>" he said simply. As far as Nicholas was concerned that wasn't his problem. To Nicholas, if one was going to be making out with your employer, one should have taken steps to hide it. He didn't say that out loud, he had better sense than that. He listened to Hayden speak, listened to the words that weren't quite hysterical but Hayden was too well bred to be <i>properly</i> hysterical. "<b>Isn't that better?</b>" he asked it softly, carefully, "<b>Hayden, if they're saying those sorts of things about him, don't you think there's the potential for them to spin it as you were taken advantage of?</b>" Oh Nicholas knew his parents would never accept Hayden for being gay, not at the rate they were, but if they were telling someone that this Everitt had taken advantage of their son...well, Hayden could play it up. He could make excuses, he could say he hadn't understood and perhaps even he had made an error in judgment. There was an opening for Hayden to take...if he was willing to sacrifice who he was for the sake of hiding. Nicholas doubted he would, Hayden just...wasn't the sort to do it. He was too brash to ever hide away. It was like Nicholas; if Nicholas had been in that situation and he had the potential to lie? He would have gone the harder route of being truthful. Nicholas just felt like if he didn't suggest it, maybe Hayden might miss out on an opportunity. "<b>What kind of a man was this bodyguard to make Hayden Cunningham say such a thing?</b>" Nicholas had never had an interest in men, never in his life. They just weren't what he wanted, but to Hayden they were. He could listen if Hayden wanted to talk. <p> Hugging was a weird thing, Nicholas had always felt, but had never voiced it out loud. People heard him say it and then heard he was a vampire and then they asked how old he was. Apparently to be socially acceptable and <i>not</i> weird about it, he had to be centuries old. Almost two hundred? He should understand what a hug was, a man couldn't just believe in personal space or anything like that. He gave Hayden one finall warm squeeze to convey his solidarity or something and pulled himself back as Hayden did. The laugh was an attempt, not a perfect one, but it was an attempt nonetheless. "<b>I've found sometimes people just know,</b>" he said solemnly, gravely, as if what had just happened was a murder that needed to be covered up. "<b>Especially her,</b>" he felt his eyes narrow at the thought. "<b>Somewhere, she knows what I just did. I'll have to be extra mean on shift tomorrow.</b>" He would play up the vampire bit, play up the centuries old blood sucker routine that he had shed before even becoming a vampire. He gave a small shake of his head. "<b>Do you need anything right now? Food? Drink? I don't have much so we'd have to go get it but...</b>" But he wanted to take care of Hayden. It was an odd sort of feeling to have. He had the need to fuss, to wrap Hayden up and make all of this go away. He hadn't felt this way...ever, he didn't think. |
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| Hayden Cunningham | Nov 17 2017, 12:48 PM Post #8 |
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There was a part of Hayden that wished that Nicholas would do something, anything. Something more. Even as he thought it, though, he knew it was a pointless thought. He had known how Nicholas was since he was a toddler. He had grown up visiting the older man for appointments constantly and, when he got older, to casually observe and talk to him. Nicholas had always been this way and to expect anything different was just setting himself up for being hurt. And besides, what would he have done if Nicholas had come at him all wide arms and sad, disappointed noises? He probably would have bristled and backed away because that wasn't how his mentor acted and, honestly, Hayden wouldn't know how to deal with that kind of attention from the older man. His parents... his parents had been like that and Hayden had just accepted it. Now it would feel strange and like a slap in the face to experience that after what had happened. The older man didn't offer words of condolence or assurance, didn't even really offer much more than his presence. Hayden supposed that would have to be enough, wouldn't it? "I'll keep it in mind," Hayden said. To anyone else the words would probably seem curt and harsh but to Nicholas he was quite sure that it just sounded... normal. That was the one good thing about the other man. Hayden could probably say just about anything to him and Nicholas would just shrug it off. If he were really mad, he might get mocking or snarky right back at Hayden but otherwise he would mostly just accept everything as it came to him. Not like some people who got constantly mad or some people who were always hurt by things that Hayden said. It was refreshing, right now, to know that he could be himself at least if nothing else. Hayden gave a slight snort at the other man's words. "Yeah, well." There was something about that phrase that bothered him. In the past, it had never been a thing. He had grown up with the phrase and with the assumption that everyone who worked in some sort of capacity for someone - a gardener, a cook, a maid - was called 'the help'. It had only been from Nicholas that he had learned that it wasn't a thing that most people did. Furthermore, it was just one more cog in the machine of realizing that his parents were... not nice people. Because, inevitably, most of the people that were hired for the jobs around their home were people of color, talked to through other people or in the most condescending way possible. Even Hayden, with his limited socialization and foul moods, had often been embarrassed by it the older that he got. Hearing it brought up that way - hearing Everitt referred to as that - made things ten times worse, honestly. Again, he wished that Nicholas had more words of comfort for him even as he realized that it wasn't the man he knew to comfort like that - and it wasn't really going to help anything for him to have false comfort. "If they aren't, they will eventually." Because his parents would be incensed at a "lesser" man doing anything to their son - or their ex-son, as it were. It would be an insult to them and their opinions on everything and the way the world was supposed to work, he was sure. When Nicholas spoke again, Hayden turned a sharp glance onto him - not quite glaring but definitely close. "He didn't do anything that I didn't want and I won't let him take the fall for that." Because Hayden had wanted it, wanted him, and he wasn't going to lie about it. It would be denying himself, for one thing. For another... he had felt things for Everitt that he had never felt before. How could he look at himself in the mirror if he went crawling to his parents and said no, the man had just seduced him and tricked him and wouldn't his parents forgive him? He might not be the best person in the world, he could admit that, but he wasn't about to do that to someone he had found himself caring about. Maybe his parents still might smear the man's name but they wouldn't be doing it because Hayden had tried to use Everitt to get back into their good graces. Hayden was silent for a moment at Nicholas' question. "Someone who probably deserves better than me and this mess." Hayden had always believed he was special, but right now his self worth wasn't at the highest. Plus, he knew that Everitt had gotten frustrated with him plenty of times. He deserved someone who wasn't going to make his life difficult and who wasn't going to get his name dragged through mud. The hug went on long enough that Hayden began to feel uncomfortable. It was less about the fact that it was a hug from his mentor who usually did not hug people and more about the fact that he began to feel trapped. Hugs had always been hit or miss with him. Sometimes he was fine but sometimes... sometimes he just wanted to escape from them. Finally he pulled away gingerly. He was pleased for the hug, but there was only so much of it that he could take and he was pleased that Nicholas also pulled back with no hint of being offended or bothered by any of Hayden's actions. Hayden gave a slight snort. "Something gives it away I'm sure." Probably Nicholas' expression. Then again, everyone said he had only a few expressions and they were all angry, surly and the like. Hayden had never felt that way but then he knew Nicholas better than most people. "Good luck with that," he said with another snort. Hayden didn't know the interns that Nicholas had that well but he had heard stories... and some of them were quite persistent. Hayden was silent for a moment at the question before he shook his head. "Maybe some water." The thought of eating right now was the last thing on his mind. |
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8:37 AM Jul 11