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Please pray for healing.
Topic Started: Feb 13 2009, 08:08 PM (427 Views)
Pilgrim
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Advanced Member
Sometimes us guys feel like we need to be strong and not admit that we are up against something that we can not deal with. I am in such a place that I am up against something that I cannot deal with.

Nine months ago my wife left me and my two daughters left with her. Since then numerous times I've reached out to her to try to convince her that separation is wrong and not Gods way and that we made a life long commitment. Once again today I met with her and admitted my short comings and failings in our relationship, not once making any accusation, and expressing my belief that she should come back home. I had a glimmer of hope in my heart that she might soften, but she remains as cold and hard as an iceberg. The glimmer of hope was stamped out. I know not what else to do. I,m done.

We had sought counsel from an apostolic pastor about a year before she left. Believe it or not he recommended divorce as an option if we couldn't work things out. I have no doubt that this advice emboldened her to do what she did. Also, about 1 1/2 years before she left I had left the IC and at that time our pastor said that he would work against me if I would attempt to take my kids out of "his" church. So you can imagine where he stands in all of this.

I need God to heal the bitterness I have in my heart now toward my wife and especially toward her pastor and the pastor that we counseled with. Also the pain of rejection is more that I can bear. Death would be far easier to deal with that this rejection.

I do not like to make such personal information available on a public forum but I have no christian fellowship and no one to turn to.

From my personal experience over the last few years it is becoming a struggle to keep from becoming cynical and bitter toward Christians in general and apostolics in particular. Sadly I see more compassion in people that don't have as much truth as apostolics.
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SisterACTS
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Pillar
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so thankful you spoke up and let us know about your situation...that's what we are suppose to be here for.

Somewhere in Corinthians it says for us to [paraphrase] "comfort one another with the comfort we were comforted with" (comfort from the Comforter).

Quote:
 
Sadly I see more compassion in people that don't have as much truth as apostolics.


I, too, have experienced this. I figure God could use a donkey to speak, so He can use anyone to show a measure of who He is....and He has in my life. I have just learned to be thankful for those people and those moments.

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bloodwashed
Established Member
James 5:16
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Pilgrim,

Although I have no righteousness of my own, I have Jesus Christ who is our righteousness, and I will be praying fervently for your situation.

Stefanie
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Mama Hen
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Conni
Oh brother, you have my prayers. You truly do. I can not imagine the hurt you feel, but I do know that when hurt is dished out from the hands that are supposed to show us the most love, it hurts worse than any other.



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WildernessWillie
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We will most certainly add you to our prayers.
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David
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Thank you for giving each of us a chance to pray and to be a part of God's methods for burden sharing.

I will commit to being a part of this by joining together with my brethren.

In the former delivery systems that many here have experienced, there was often an effort to swiftly separate members of natural families. These efforts often escalate to adversarial positions where entrenched zealotry becomes a divisive stance that blocks access in places that should be some of our most open doors.

To see it happen involving a father and his children or a husband and a wife is such a glaring witness that much of this struggle is with the strongholds of carnal-mindedness (very capable of operating on either or both sides); human politic and its fervor for mote-building.

When circumstances cause us to experience a lowness or humility involving situations lacking human solutions, we are more likely to focus our hope on the one who is faithful and true. My hope is that all of us find increase through our intimate communion with our Father in heaven when circumstances bring such heaviness.
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Pilgrim
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Thank you for your prayers.
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BereanChristian
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Brother, I will be praying for you, as well.

I know what you are going through, because I have been there.
I don't have the time to go into any detail right now, but I will share more with you.

You WILL get through this, as difficult as it is, and I believe you can end up in a better situation than ever before.

Hang in there, brother, and if you'd like to call, let me know and I'll give you my cell #.
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BereanChristian
Advanced Member
I had thought of posting this before but had thought it was something better done face-to-face. A brother in need, however, requires that I set aside my discomfort and minister to that need if I am able, and I do believe I can help.

I was married to a Christian woman for 11 years. Right after our 10th anniversary, I began to suspect that she was having an affair - something which she denied.
One day I was working on a Bible study on my computer and stumbled across chat room conversations she had been having with more than 100 men. These were conversations of an explicit sexual nature. I began searching the computer to see if there was any other evidence of immorality and discovered she had taken out personal ads in two online dating services - and she had dozens upon dozens of conversations there that were recorded, and it became clear that she had been meeting these men as well as becoming drunk on alcohol.

It was so bad that she was leaving the kids with her sister during the day while I was at work so she could rendezvous with these men and then get back before I got home from work.

When I confronted her with this evidence, she said she didn't see why anything had to change. She wanted to remain married to me, and have a house to live in, but also wanted to continue seeing these men.

I told her that was unacceptable. I asked her to go to marriage counseling with me, and she went only the first time. After that I went by myself.

I was torn apart. I could not get her to stop what she was doing. I canceled her personal ads only to find that she took out new ones. I asked her to stop calling these men only to find cell phone bills totaling $1000 a month, then $800 the next month all to various men.

She finally told me that she felt she might have a demon and consented to allowing me to cast it out - something I have had some experience with. What happened was absolutely amazing - a spiritual battle took place right there in my basement. To keep this story short, there were more demons than I could handle by myself, and I called the only other brother I had fellowship with at the time to help me with this and could get only voicemail. I was on my own and it was too much for me to handle. It was sort of a case of casting one out only to have it go into another person present, and then have it leave that person only to have it go back into the first person. There is more to this story, but I won't go into it here. The bottom line was that I was unable to accomplish anything and she wasn't very interested in telling the unclean spirit that it was not welcome. She had given it a right to be there which I could not override.

Well, I soon discovered that she had not paid a single bill in 4 months. The utilities were about to be turned off, the cell phones canceled, both cars were being repossessed, and the house was being repossessed.

She had been spending all of our money on her affairs. I found phone numbers of four of these men and called them. I explained that I was her husband and wanted them to stop all contact with her. They all agreed, saying they had no idea she was married. I believe them.

I finally suggested a separation and I looked into a legal separation for financial protection. I had discovered she had taken out three or four credit cards and they were all maxed out.

I refused to divorce her, or to start any separation proceedings. I hold to my vows before God very strongly and if any of this action was going to be taken it would have to be taken by her.

I got her parents involved, and they did their best to help me. My mother-in-law even managed to keep her from leaving me twice, but was ultimately unsuccessful.
My wife announced to me and her mother (who was there one morning trying to talk sense into her) that she wanted a divorce.

A year later, on our 11th anniversary, the divorce papers were final.

How to explain the emotions I was going through?
I was a mess. I was humiliated.
A licensed minister, I resigned and tore up my license.

I went back to the IC for fellowship and help - and I received very little. That pastor actually said the divorce was my fault - he knew next to nothing about the situation, but he called up several pastors in the IC and told them I was the one at fault in the relationship. He did this because he felt it would force me back into a relationship with my wife, even though she initiated the divorce and wanted no part of me. It took quite a while to fix my relationships with these pastors, and it involved having much of my family going to bat for me.

I must confess, that suicide was constantly on my mind. I eventually went on some medication to help with the anxiety attacks I was having, but the side effects were terrible and I only took one dose.

By this time I had only one brother I could turn to for fellowship and support, and luckily for me, he had also been through this same situation himself years before and was able to help me.

Eventually I was able to heal and recover. I met a wonderful woman of God whom I married a year and a half ago and I have never been more happy and fulfilled in my life. She is my soulmate and partner in the Lord, and I wish I had met her years ago.

Yes, we will walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but the Lord is faithful and will not leave us there. He will bring us out as long as we remain faithful to Him and do not turn from the faith.

That was the one single thing that I held to, and I clung to it for dear life: my faith. I never gave it up and the Lord brought me out of that terrible situation to a place where I am stronger today than I have ever been.

I too, have children, two girls and a boy, and being apart from them is the hardest part of what happened.

So I know what you are going through, and I hope that by sharing some of my situation, I can help to carry some of your pain.

My prayers are with you, and if you ever need someone to talk to or someone to just listen or pray with, just let me know.

Even today I am still ashamed to admit that I have been divorced - even though it was not my fault, and even though I did everything possible to fix my marriage. The word divorce just has a stigma about it that I am ashamed to be associated with.

I know the pain you are feeling. It was a close companion for a year. But it does go away. It does get better. Just hold on to the Lord and whatever you do, don't depart from the faith. Your brothers and sisters in Christ are also here to help hold you up. Lean on us.

God bless you, brother.

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