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Featured Attraction: The Musical!; Big Evil 1/22/07
Topic Started: Feb 24 2008, 01:54 PM (651 Views)
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[size=7]THE MUSICAL~![/size]
Starring: Big Evil, Johnny Karisma, Trish Evil, Abso Tomko, Angel, Adam Edge, Harmony, Dolly Madison, Halo, Nature, Atkie and More!


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I'm Tearing Away.
Pieces Are Falling,
I Can't Seem To Make Them Stay.

You Run Away.
Faster and Faster,
You Can't Seem To Get Away.

BREAAAAAK!

I Hope There's A Reason
For Questions Unanswered
I Just Don't See Everything.

Yes, I'm Besides You.
Tell Me How Does It Feel
To Feel Like Shit,
Just Like I Do?

I Don't Care About Anyone Else But Me.
I-I-I Don't Care About Anyone.
I Don't Care About Anyone Else But Me.
I, Don't Care About Anyone, Or Anything,
BUT ME!


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Chicago, Illinois
7:43 PM CT
January 18th, 2007
The Featured Attraction Are On Their Way To The AllState Arena.


We open to a scene of Big Evil driving a rental car recieved for Featured Attraction's time in Chicago for a short tour with the BQWA, their place of employment. In the passenger's side is Johnny Karisma. In the back, Angel and Abso Tomko. It's dark, cloudy, and just got done raining out about 20 minutes prior. They're driving down a road in the center of town, but it's not heavily congested with traffic.

Big Evil: *to camera*...Oh, hello there. My name is Big Evil.

Johnny Karisma: And he looooooooooooooves to FIGHT~!

Big Evil: You wanna shut the fuck up and let me do this please?

Johnny Karisma: Ok.

Big Evil: My name is Big Evil. And I'd like to welcome you to "Featured Attraction: THE MUSICAL~!, a one-of-a-kind play, production, theater extravaganza.

Johnny Karisma: It's going to be the fucking shit. By the way, my name is Johnny Karisma, and actually, I DO LOVE TO FIGHT~!

Abso Tomko: Finlay, ftw.

Angel: My name is An --

Johnny Karisma: SOMEBODY SHUT HIM UP.

Abso takes his large, thick hand and smacks Angel across the back of the skull, immediately shutting him up.

Johnny Karisma: So come along for the ride, folks.

Big Evil: We're currently on our way to the All-State Arena in Downtown Chicago for a BQWA House Show. Hopefully this show won't suck.

Johnny Karisma: Like every BQWA show?

Big Evil: Yeah.

Abso Tomko: I wonder if that Q.U.A.D. place is hiring?

Big Evil: HUSH~! We're not allowed to say that here.

Abso Tomko: Where?

Johnny Karisma: There.

Abso Tomko: K.

Big Evil: How about we all just shut the fuck up and listen to the radio? We don't have too much longer 'til we get to the arena. Just sit back, and enjoy the tunes.

Big Evil begins tuning through the radio stations until he hears the melodic sounds of "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen. Something clicks within all four men as they continue to drive and sing along with the song.



Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
A little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me

Big Evil seemingly takes control of the song at this point.

Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooo
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

Big Evil looks over at Johnny with a funny face as Johnny takes over.

Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooo - (anyway the wind blows)
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

All four men, Big E, Johnny, Abso and Angel, sit up straight and begin to sing in a serious, monotone voice. Big Evil and Johnny take the normal voice parts, Abso and Angel takes the lower and higher voice parts.

Big Evil and Johnny: I see a little silhouetto of a man

Abso and Angel: Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango

All Four: Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me

Big E and Johnny: Gallileo, Gallileo,

Abso and Angel: Gallileo, Gallileo,

All Four: Gallileo Figaro - magnifico

Big Evil and Johnny: But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me

Abso and Angel: He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Big Evil and Johnny: Easy come easy go - will you let me go

Abso and Angel: Bismillah! No - we will not let you go -

Big Evil and Johnny: let him go

Abso and Angel: Bismillah! We will not let you go -

Big Evil and Johnny: let him go

Abso and Angel: Bismillah! We will not let you go -

Big Evil and Johnny: let me go

All Four: Will not let you go - let me go (never)
Never let you go - let me go
Never let me go - ooo

All Four: No, no, no, no, no, no, no -

Big Evil and Johnny: Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go

All Four: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
for me
for me

At the drop of a dime, and the beat actually, all four men begin going crazy in the car. They're jumping up and down, throwing their bodies back and fourth, almost doing a mini mosh pit inside the car itself.

Big Evil and Johnny: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh baby - can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here

All four men, just as quickly as they started, come to a complete hault and go back to the pace they were before.

Abso and Angel: Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

Big Evil and Johnny: Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me

All Four: Anyway the wind blows...



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8:21 PM CST
1/18/07
The Featured Attraction have entered the arena and are in the catering area with the rest of the roster.


All four men walk into the catering area, with their travel bags in tow. Normally, they'd head to their locker room first, but after the song they just randomly broke out into, they're rather hungry and would like to satisfy the need of food. After a few seconds, all four men come back to a table with filled plates. Soon after, Trish Evil, Big E's wife, joins them from seemingly nowhere.

Big Evil: Hey honey.

Trish: Hi babe.

Johnny Karisma: Where the hell did you come from?

Trish: New Jersey.

Johnny Karisma: Why didn't you take the car with us?

Trish: Because there wasn't a part for a girl in the opening sequence :acro: .

Johnny Karisma: :D

A few tables are connected in somewhat of a rectangular fashion, so it's very easy to pick up on other people's conversation's. F.A. happen to listen in on a conversation being held by Charles Everton, Halo and Nature.

Charles Everton: I really do hate this town.

Nature: Like Ol' Blue Eyes said, it's my kind of town, Chicago is. Only the opposite.

Halo: It's just got that shitty atmosphere that NYC and LA don't got, ya know?

Charles Everton: Hence why I said it in the first place, you toerag.

Johnny Karisma: *interrupting*...Ya know, I actually grew up in Chicago.

Halo: Where the hell did you come from?

Johnny Karisma: Chicago, I just told you.

Halo: No, I mean -- *sigh* -- Forget it.

Big Evil: *to Trish*...How many more times are people going to ask "where did you come from" in this thing?

Trish: 8, I read the script.

Charles Everton: So you got to grow up in this miserable little outhouse of a city?

Johnny Karisma: It's not a mieserable outhouse, you buck tooth Austin Powers' wannabe fag!

Abso Tomko: Nice.

Johnny Karisma: It's one of the toughest places out there, man.

Halo: Then how come it didn't work for you? Haha.

Johnny Karisma: Oh, it did. I saw more in one night then you've seen in a lifetime, Halo.

Halo: Explain.

Johnny Karisma: I'm glad you said that...

The beat of "The Night Chicago Died" - Paper Lace begins to play as Johnny tears off the jump suit he was wearing to reveal a pinstripe mobster suit. Big Evil, Abso and Angel follow, tear off their clothes, to reveal themselves in pinstripe mobster suits. They all go up on a randomly placed stage where they begin dancing in unison. Eventually, they're joined by a group of back-up dancers.


Johnny Karisma: Daddy was a cop
On the East Side of Chicago
Back in the USA
Back in the bad old days

In the heat of a summer night
In the land of the dollar bill
When the town of Chicago died
And they talk about it still

When a man named John Cena
Tried to make that town his own
And he called his gang to war
Against the forces of the law

I heard my momma cry
I heard her pray the night Chicago died
Brother, what a night it really was
Brother, what a fight it really was
Glory be

I heard my momma cry
I heard her pray the night Chicago died
Brother, what a night the people saw
Brother, what a fight the people saw
Yes, indeed

And the sound of the Triple H's music rang
Through the streets of the old East Side
'Til the last of the Cena's hoodlum gang
Had surrendered up or died

There was shouting in the street
And the sound of running feet
And I asked someone who said
'Bout a fans wish they were dead.

I heard my momma cry
I heard her pray the night Chicago died
Brother, what a night it really was
Brother, what a fight it really was
Glory be

I heard my momma cry
I heard her pray the night Chicago died
Brother, what a night the people saw
Brother, what a fight the people saw
Yes, indeed

Then there was no sound at all
But the clock up on the wall
Then the door burst open wide
And Cena stepped inside
And put the WWE Title in my momma's face
And made her go away.

I heard my momma cry
I heard her pray the night Chicago died
Brother, what a night it really was
Brother, what a fight it really was
Glory be

I heard my momma cry
I heard her pray the night Chicago died
Brother, what a night the people saw
Brother, what a fight the people saw
Yes, indeed

The night Chicago died
The night Chicago died
Brother, what a night it really was
Brother, what a fight it really was
Glory be

The night Chicago died
The night Chicago died


Just at the end of the song, all of the dancers, as well as Johnny, Big E, Abso and Angel all stop in matching poses to a standing ovation from the room.

Halo: Wait a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute...

Johnny Karisma: Que?

Halo: The night that made you, obviously, emotionally tough was...WrestleMania 22...?

Johnny Karisma: Hell yeah, man. That night sucked. Cena won.

Halo: So?

Johnny Karisma: Me and my mom cried.

Halo: I'm sorry, but I don't get it. Is there somebody here that can explain that to me? Because I just don't get it. I just don't.

The scene fades.


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9:21 PM CST
1/18/07
Dolly Madison comes into the dining hall to post the evening's card, as well as the card for Meltdown.


As Dolly walks in, at first, there is a quick air of silence throughout the room. The entire roster goes quiet. But after a few seconds, all of the superstars jump up out of their seats and go running towards Dolly. Not only to catch a glimpse at tonight's card and Meltdown's card, but to barrade Dolly with questions about thier position in the company.

Dolly Madison: People...People...People...PEOPLE~!

With that infamous scowl and shout of Dolly, all of the superstars shut-up on the spot. She throws the papers she was carrying up in the air and begins to push her way through the crowd. "Don't Ask Me No Questions" - Lynyrd Skynyrd begins to play and a mysterious band 'poofs' out of nowhere playing the background for Dolly.


Dolly Madison: Well everytime that I come here nobody wants to let me be
It seems that all of my employees just want to come interrogate me
Well, I don't appreciate it and I just want to pass you by
Cause I won't tell you about your business, and definetely not about mine.

Dolly jumps up onto one of the tables and takes two huge, fat wads of cash out of her pants pockets and displays them off proudly. As she continues walking around the rectangular table set-ups, she lets the money slip from her hand out into the room filled with superstars.

Dolly Madison: Well its true I love the money and I love my brand new car
I like drinkin' the best of white wine instead of going to white trash bars
But when I go on the road, well I just got to have my time
'Cause I got to find a break in this action, else I'm gonna lose my mind

So, don't ask me no questions
And I won't tell you no lies
So, don't ask me about my business
And I won't tell you YOU'RE FIRED~!

That's right

Dolly jumps up and hits an amazing, and surprising, air guitar solo after jumping across from one table to the other table. Eventually, she jumps down and puts her arm around Halo, who looks disgusted.

Dolly Madison: Well, "what's your favorite color and do you dig the brothers," is drivin' me up a wall
And everytime I think I can rest, some fool has got to call
Well don't you think that when I go to work, I just want a little peace of mind
If you want to talk about the business buddy, you're just wastin' time

So, don't ask me no questions
And I won't tell you no lies
So, don't ask me about my business
And I won't tell you YOU'RE FIRED~!

I said don't ask no stupid questions and I won't send you away
If you wanna, join the unemployment line, then, by all means~!



Dolly drops down to one knee and throws her arms out into the air posing. She's breathing heavy. All that heavy and quick action is the most she's had in years. All the superstars look baffled and confused as to why she would desicrate a Lynyrd Skynyrd classic. A few coughs are head, soon followed by the sound of crickets.

Dolly Madison: You'll cheer for Karisma ruining his song, but you'll go stiff for me making a hit into a CLASSIC?!

The entire room sort of just "looks the other way", not really wanting to give her a yes or no answer.

Dolly Madison: If somebody doesn't cheer, you're all fired!

At the drop of a dime, the entire room begins applauding and cheering horrendously for their boss. Her ego points shoot through the roof as she fixes her over coat, turns, posts the two cards and proceeds to walk out of the room. Once she leaves, they stop applauding and go check the cards out. Suddenly, she ducks her head back in.

Dolly Madison: Oh by the way...

The entire room comes to a stand still again.

Dolly Madison: One of you didn't cheer for me...So you're fired...ANGEL~!

The entire room turns quickly, shuffling around to stare gawkingly at the Featured Attraction member, Angel. After looking around, Angel takes a deep breath and begins singing his own song.

Angel: And Now...The End Is Here...And So I Face...My Final Curtain...

Big Evil: ...Tomko

With that, Abso Tomko comes out of nowhere and nails his infamous...

[size=7]TEH BEWT~![/size]

...on Angel, sending him flying across the screen and out of the way, for the last time.


Johnny Karisma: Good boy.

Trish tosses Abso a Chocolate Chip Cookie from her purse to Abso. Abso looks insulted at first, but eventually, turns his back and gnawls away happily. The scene fades.

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We fade into a shot of the Featured Attraction locker room. Big Evil leans backwards, thinking, on a desk in his locker room. Why it's there, who knows. In the corner, Abso is standing in the corner playing a video game on his cell phone. And in the back, back part, a Janitor is cleaning up a mess made in the bathroom. Johnny walks in.

Johnny: Bigz, you gotta second?

Big Evil: Sure, what's up mayng?

Johnny: Ya know, I looked at the love you and Trish had for each other earlier and I got so jealous.

Big Evil: Why so, you get mad bitches don't cha?

Johnny: Yeah, yeah, no doubt. But still, I want what you guys have.

Big Evil: What? Sex? Children? Bills? A Home? What?

Johnny: No. You dipshit. Love. What's love like?

Abso Tomko: Yeah, what's love like man?

Janitor: Yeah, what is it like, man?

Big Evil: Well, I'd suppose that love is li -- Who the hell are you?

Janitor: Me? Oh, I'm the janitor.

Big Evil: Very well. I'd suppose that love is like...Well, there's only one way I can honestly explain it...


Big Evil: Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.

Big Evil and Johnny: When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.

Abso and Janitor: Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
looking forward to a little afternoon delight.
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
and the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting.

Johnny and Big E nod at each other, then nod in approval of Abso and the Janitor’s vocal skills.

All: Sky rockets in flight...*Johnny makes a high whistle sound*...Afternoon delight...*Johnny makes a low whistle sound*...Afternoon delight.

Big Evil and Johnny: Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
a little afternoon delight.

Sky rockets in flight...*Johnny makes a high whistle sound*...Afternoon delight...*Johnny makes a low whistle sound*...Afternoon delight.

A perverted looking Whacko pops up in the corner of the screen.

Whacko: This song is about daytime love making...the naughty type

Abso and Janitor: Please be waiting for me baby when I come around.
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down.

The perverted loooking Whacko pops up in the corner once again.

Whacko: I’m talking about enjoying a bowl of chicken soup, with a Reuben, and then making dirty Reuben love.

All:Sky rockets in flight...*Johnny makes a high whistle sound*...Afternoon delight...*Johnny makes a low whistle sound*...Afternoon delight.



Johnny: So, that's what it's like, huh big man?

Big Evil: Yeah, it sure is splendid.

Suddenly, Dolly Madison sticks her head in through the doorway.

Dolly Madison: Gentlemen...

Johnny: What the hell, you think you can just blast out a horrible rendition of Lynyrd Skynyrd and you can just go wherever you please?

Dolly Madison: Actually...yes.

Johnny: Oh...

Awkward Silence.

Big Evil: What do you want?

Dolly Madison: I've changed my mind, neither of you will be needed tonight, or tomorrow night. Consider yourselves suspended for two days from your actions on Meltdown. Good day!

Dolly slams the door behind her, awfully pissed off. Big E and Johnny's jaws drop, Abso goes back to playing his video game. The janitor, well, lord knows where he went.

Johnny: Fuck man, :( , we're done. We're history. After this suspension, we'll be jobbing to midcarders, and on the unemployment line in no time.

Abso Tomko: Not neccesarrily.

Big Evil: Que?

Abso Tomko: You guys are too pessimistic. You guys have got to keep the faith.

Johnny: I think we're losing the faith, Tomko.

Big Evil: No, he's right. We've gotta keep the faith..

All three men jump up and tear off their clothes, again, to reaveal themselves in extremely nice suits and ties.

Big Evil: If it seems like I've been lost, then let's remember
If you think I'm feeling older and missing my younger days
Oh, then you should have known me much better
Cause my past is something that never got in my way
Oh no

Johnny: Still I would not be here now if I never had the hunger
And I'm not ashamed to say the wild boys were my friends

All three men join together and start doing a slide step dance together.

Johnny: Oh, 'Cause I never felt the desire 'til their music set me on fire
And then I was saved, yeah
That's why I'm keeping the faith
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keeping the faith

Big Evil: We wore matador boots
Only LAX had them with the Cuban heel
Iridescent socks with the same color shirt
And a tight pair of chinos
Oh, I put on my shark skin jacket
You know the kind with the velvet collar
And ditty-bop shades, oh yeah

All three men are now wearing a pair of cowboy boots, a Cuban flag around their heads, bright colored socks with matching shirts and a tight pair of jeans. Big Evil, while wearing all of this, also puts on a leather jacket, flips the collar and slides his shades down from his forehead.

Big Evil: I took a fresh pack of Luckies and a mint called Sen-Sen
My old man's Trojans and his Old Spice after shave

Big Evil puts a cigarette in his mouth, only to have it whipped out, and in place, he puts a mint in his mouth. He takes a roll of condoms out of his pocket and lets them unfold down, and then a bunch of lovely lady backup dancers spray him down with some Old Spice.

Big Evil: Oh, I combed my hair in a pompadour
Like the rest of the Romeos wore a permanent wave, yeah
We were keeping the faith
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keeping the faith

All three men take this chance to break out in a dance session, including some slide stepping, spinning, shaking and dramatic puppet like movements.

Big Evil and Johnny: You can get just so much from a good thing
You can linger too long in your dreams
Say goodbye to the Oldies But Goodies
Cause the good ole days weren't always good
And tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems

Johnny: Learned stickball as a formal education
Lost a lot of fights but it taught me how to lose O.K.
Oh, I heard about sex but not enough
I found you could dance and still look tough anyway, oh yes I did
I found out a man ain't just being macho
Ate an awful lot of late night drive-in food
Drank a lot of take-home pay
I thought I was the Duke of Earl
When I made it with a red-haired girl in the Chevrolet
Oh yeah, we were keeping the faith
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keeping the faith

You know the good ole days weren't always good
And tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems

Big Evil: Now I told you my reasons for the whole revival
Now I'm going outside to have an ice cold beer in the shade
Oh, I'm going to listen to my 45's
Ain't it wonderful to be alive
When the rock 'n' roll plays, yeah
When the memory stays, yeah
I'm keeping the faith
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keeping the faith
I'm keeping the faith, yes I am
You know I'm keeping the faith, oh yes I am
You know I'm keeping the faith, oh you are

All four men fade out of the scene by dancing off the screen, leaning backwards and snapping their fingers.



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We fade into a scene of a hospital room. Laying in the bed is Adam Edge, who's still beat up and hurt from the attack on Meltdown at the hands of Featured Attraction. At his bed side is his girlfriend, Harmony.

Harmony: You ok, honey?

Adam Edge: I'm fine. I was fine five minutes ago when you asked. And I'll be fine in another five minutes when you ask again.

Harmony: ...Sorry.

Adam Edge: Babe, I'm sorry. I'm just pissed off.

Harmony: I know, I know. You have every right to be. But don't worry, you'll be out of this bed in no time, kicking their piece of shit asses!

Harmony stands up and kisses her man on the cheek.

Harmony: I'm gonna get going now, head back to the hotel. Are you going to be at the PPV?

Adam Edge: Not sure yet.

Harmony: Well, I'm sure I'll see you before then. Bye.

Adam Edge: Bye, babe.

Harmony exits the room. As she does, Adam flicks the channels on the TV. He stops on ESPN, his favorite. But what he sees pisses him off. It's a SportsCenter retrospect on Featured Attraction. The monitor he's attached to shows his blood pressure and heart rate going through the roof.


Adam: Every night I lie awake
After every hit I take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet

Adam gets up out of his hospital bed and begins making his way out of the room in a hurry.

Adam: Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream I make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don’t miss you yet

Adam walks past the other person laying in his room, who looks annoyed at him for making so much noise. He walks out into the hallway where he grabs a guitar and begins playing with the rock band, who was randomly placed in the center of the hospital.

Adam: Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
- A shot of Big Evil is seen.

Why do I love you
- A shot of Harmony’s smiling face is seen.

I hate everything about you
- A shot of Johnny Karisma is seen.

Why do I love you
- A shot of Harmony being thrown off of the stage atop of Adam is seen.

Every time I lie awake
After every hit I take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
- A shot of Big Evil is seen.

Why do I love you
- A shot of Harmony’s smiling face is seen.

I hate everything about you
- A shot of Johnny Karisma is seen.

Why do I love you
- A shot of Harmony being thrown off of the stage atop of Adam is seen.

Only when I stop to think
About you, I know
Only when you stop to think
About me, do you know

I hate everything about you
- A shot of Big Evil is seen.

Why do I love you
- A shot of Harmony’s smiling face is seen.

I hate everything about you
- A shot of Johnny Karisma is seen.

Why do I love you
- A shot of Harmony being thrown off of the stage atop of Adam is seen.

I hate
You hate
I hate
But you all love me

I hate everything about you
- A shot of F.A. is seen.

Why do I love you
- A shot of Harmony’s smiling face is seen.

Adam then throws the guitar down and runs off into the night, managing to escape a few nurses and orderlies. The scene fades.



-----------------------------------------

Trish sits sideways on a love seat in the hotel room with a glass of wine in her hand. She presses play on the stereo system. At the moment of the first beat, Big Evil slides out from behind a wall with his back turned to Trish. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of socks, tightie whitey underwear, a long white dress shirt, and a pair of sunglasses. He turns around quickly and begins dancing seductively for Trish as she laughs.

Just take those old records off the shelf
I'll sit and listen to 'em by myself
Today's music ain't got the same soul
I like that old time rock n' roll

Don't try to take me to a disco
You'll never even get me out on the floor
In ten minutes I'll be late for the door
I like that old time rock n' roll

Still like that old time rock n' roll
That kind of music just soothes the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old time rock n' roll



Big Evil stops dancing and jumps onto his wife on the couch and they begin making out. Suddenly, he’s stopped by the sound of his cell phone vibrating at the table right next to the couch. He sits up and reads that it says “KARISMA”. He opens it up and begins talking.

Big Evil: Yo man?

Meanwhile, Trish begins buttoning up her shirt and gets up from the couch as Big Evil continues talking.

Big Evil: This isn’t a good time right now man, I’ll call you back in a little bit.

Trish walks up to the door and opens it up, she has her over night bag over her shoulder.

Big Evil: Honey...Babe...where ya goin’?

Trish: When you can go one night, ONE NIGHT, with your wife without answering that damn phone for one of your buddies or for work, maybe I’ll come back.

Trish slams the door behind her as Big Evil throws his phone across the room in frustration. The scene fades.


--------------------------------------


We fade to a scene of Johnny Karisma and Abso Tomko walking into a bar together. They look around a bit at some of the sights, not so pretty to tell ya the truth.

Abso Tomko: Wait a minute, what the hell, why are we at a bar? You're straight edge.

Johnny Karisma: Yeah, but drunk chicks let their emotions pour, and I'll be the one to have their shoulder to lean on.

Abso Tomko: Good idea.

Johnny continues walking around the bar, but he just does not see anyone attractive. He decides to sing a song about it.


Johnny randomly picks up a guitar and begins walking around the bar while playing, discussing the sights he sees when he looks at some of the women.

Johnny: Jessie Baltos came from Miami, F.L.A.
Worked her way over to the BQWA
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
Hey honey
Take a walk on the wild side

Johnny walks past a mean-looking Jessie Baltos, putting lipstick on him/herself, and making smoochie faces at Johnny, who keeps walking past, looking disgusted.

Johnny: Constance came from Long Beach Island
In the backroom she was everybody's darlin'
But she never lost her head
Even when she was giving head
She says, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
I Said, Hey baby
Take a walk on the wild side

Johnny opens up a door to the backroom of the bar where we see Constance Kent with her head in Andy Chill’s lap. Constance lifts her head up, wipes her mouth, and makes a smiley face at Johnny. Andy has a look of pleasure on his face.

Johnny: And Halo and Nature go
doo do doo do doo do do doo...

Up on the small stage, Halo and Nature are dressed in drag, meant to look like early-60's black women soul singers.

Johnny: Little Fresca never once gave it away
Everybody had to pay and pay
A hustle here and a hustle there
New York City's the place where they say,
Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side
I said, Hey Babe
Take a walk on the wild side

Johnny goes to hit on Fresca, but two security gurads come and escort her out of the bar due to her being under 21. Johnny quickly turns away.

Johnny: Paige came and hit the streets
Lookin' for soul food and a place to eat
Went to the Apollo
You should've seen em go go go
They said, Hey shuga Take a walk on the wild side
They said, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
All right, huh

Paige, dressed in mid-70's disco clothes, is dancing and bumping and grinding on the dance floor, looking at Johnny with a big, gap-toothed smile on her face.

Johnny eventually says fuck it and hands the guitar to Abso, who begins to follow Johnny around.


Abso: Johnny is now just speeding away
Thought he was James Dean for a day
Then I guess he had to crash
Valium would have helped that bash
He Said, Hey babe,
Take a walk on the wild side
I said, Hey honey,
Take a walk on the wild side

Johnny sits on a bar stool, folds his arms in front of him on the counter, and slams his head down in shame.

Abso: And Halo and Nature say...
doo do doo do doo do do doo...

The scene fades to the other side of the bar...



----------------------------------


Johnny and Abso’s attention quickly turns to the other side, ya know, where we just faded to, to see a drunken Big Evil man the piano and begin singing to the listeners down in the pit.

Big Evil: It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The Regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Makin' love to his tonic and gin

He says, Big, can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes.

La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Sing us a song, you're the BIG EVIL man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright

Now Johnny at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, Big, I believe this is killing me.
As the smile ran away from his face
Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum, dum, dum, DUM, DAMN~



Big E slams his fists down on the piano followed by slamming his face down as well. Johnny motions for Abso to go help him out. Abso picks Big E up and drags him over to the bar next to Johnny.

Johnny: What the hell's wrong man?!

Big Evil: She left me! She's gone! She left me, everything, again! Gone! My wife...gone...again!

Johnny: Why man?!

Big Evil: Because I'm a PIECE...of SHIT...A PIECE OF SHIT...no other way to put it, I'm a piece of shit. I told you love is great Johnny, but it's not, it's a son of a bitch!

To shut him up, Johnny back hands Big Evil across his face.

Big Evil: Thanks. I needed that.

Johnny: You need to find her. You need to apologize to her.

Big Evil: Yeah, but how?

Johnny: Sing her a song, better yet, sing her a song from her favorite movie.

Suddenly, Big Evil pops out of his drunken stupor and remembers something.

Big Evil: Johnny, you're my fucking hero. Meet me out in the middle of the street in about two hours.

Johnny: Random, but, K.

Big Evil goes scurrying out of the bar in a hurry. Johnny and Abso walk and watch him leave. Abso then walks away and Johnny goes to the other side of the bar.

A mysterious lady walks up to Johnny Karisma who’s sitting at a table alone as Big E leaves and Abso tries hitting on some ladies at the bar.



Highway run
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind
Restless hearts
Sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love
Along the wire



Lady: Excuse me, but aren’t you the world famous Johnny Karisma?

Johnny: Yeah, why, what’s it to ya, lady?


They say that the road
Ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line
It's been you and me
And lovin' a music man
Ain't always what it's supposed to be
Oh, girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully



Lady: I’ve been watching you for quite some time.

Johnny: What, you’ve been here all night watching me make an ass out of myself?

Lady: No. I mean your career. Ever since you came to the BQWA.

Johnny: Oh, I get it. You’re a groupie. What are you looking for a one-night stand? Some free tickets? Sorry, ma’am, I don’t do that.


Circus life
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns
To make us smile
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am
Lost without you



Lady: Um, I wouldn’t quite say that.

Johnny: Listen, lady...

Johnny looks up finally and his jaw drops. The camera pans to reveal the lady...Kelly Alexia.

Johnny: ...ga-ga

Kelly: Not exactly my name, but okay.


And being apart
Ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh, girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully



Kelly, for some reason, crawls up onto the table and perches herself right in front of Johnny.

Johnny: We’re, uh, we’re gonna do it, aren’t we?

Kelly: ...Yeah.

Kelly leans forward and begins kissing Johnny all over his face.

Johnny: Everybody...in the bar...turn around...we’re gonna do it...we’re gonna make...loud animal noises

Guy: Shut the hell up and quote a better goddamned movie then Talladega Nights

Hearing this, Abso comes out of nowhere with a massive...

[size=7]TEH BEWT~ [/size]

...For the bar fly.


Johnny: ...Thank you.

The scene fades as Kelly and Johnny continue to make out.


----------------------------------------------


We fade to a shot of Big Evil, still a bit drunk, with a dozen of roses in his hand walking up to Trish’s motel door, the one she’s staying at since walking out on Big Evil earlier on. Standing behind him is Bruce Springsteen, the boss. He sits down on a chair with his guitar and begins to play

Big Evil: Ready, Bruce?

Bruce Springsteen: Yep.


She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides



Big E knocks at the door, but before he can, Trish opens the door to see what all the noise is. She looks shocked to see Bruce Springsteen, and even more shocked to see Big E.

Trish: Bruce...Springsteen? Big?

Big Evil: Hello. I'm looking for my wife. Alright. If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen. I'm not letting you get rid of me. How about that?


She'll let you in her car
To go drivin' round
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice



Big Evil: This used to be my specialty. I was good in a living room. Send me in there, I'll do it alone. And now I just... I don't know... but our little company had a good night tonight. A really big night.


You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget



Big Evil: But it wasn't wasn't complete, it wasn't nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete, because I couldn't share it with you. I couldn't hear your voice, or laugh about it with you. I missed my wife.


She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away


Big Evil: We live in a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors, I love you. You complete me. And I just...

Trish: Shut-up. Just shut-up. You had me at hello.

As Bruce continues to play behind them, with a smile on his face, Big Evil and Trish embrace and begin kissing.

Big Evil: I was hoping you’d get the obvious pun towards Jerry MaGuire.

Trish: It’s my favorite movie. Bruce Springsteen wasn’t a bad touch either.

Bruce Springsteen: Hey, uh, I’m gettin’ paid for this, right?

Big E hurries Trish along into the room and locks the door behind them as Bruce begins banging on the door.

Bruce Springsteen: Ah, hell.

The scene fades.


------------------------------------------


We now turn into a shot of Adam Edge running down a dark, woods covered street, still in his hospital clothes. Suddenly, a man pops out of nowhere.

Adam Edge: AH! WHAT THE FUCK~!

Kid Disturbed: Boo.

Adam Edge: The hell do you want? You piece of shit, I oughta beat your ass.

Kid Disturbed: Just like you beat Featured Attraction's ass?

Adam Edge: ...What do you want?

Kid Disturbed: I've been sent here by Dolly, along with a few others, to keep an eye on the hospital, make sure one of her top guys didn't go AWOL, like you were about to do, and do something they'd regret, which I'm sure you had on your mind.

Adam Edge: Then why was HE sent here?

Kid Disturbed: Who?

Atkie: Me.

Kid Disturbed: Oh, what the hell.

Atkie: It's quite simple, really, Adam. I've been sent here on my own to try and help you two out. You've both got an equal mission in life right now: to beat the bad guys. And I know just the way to do it.

Kid Disturbed: How's that?

Atkie: Follow me.

The scene fades breifly as all three men begin to walk into the woods.

------------------------------

Atkie has led Adam and Kid Disturbed out to campfire in the middle of the woods where he begins discussing some his plans with them, as well as what he thinks should be done. How else would he do it? Of course, in song. But first, Adam and Kid D plead their case.

Adam: Well a man came on the 6 o'clock news
said somebody's been shot
somebody's been abused
somebody blew up a building
somebody stole a car
somebody got away
somebody didn't get to far yeah
they didn't get to far

Atkie: Grand pappy told my pappy back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he'd done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street
For all the people to see

For some odd reason, a shot of Kid D, Adam and Atkie all in cowboy get-up riding horses is shown.

All: Now, Justice is the one thing you should always find
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we'll sing a victory tune
And we'll all meet back at the local saloon
And we'll raise up our glasses against Featured Attraction singing
whiskey for my men, beer for my horses...

We switch back to the campfire, where Kid D speaks now.

Kid Disturbed: We got too many wrestlers doing dirty deeds...

Atkie: Too much corruption and crime in the streets...

Kid Disturbed: It's time the long arm of the law put a few more in the ground...

Atkie: Send 'em all to their maker and he'll settle 'em down
You can bet he'll set 'em down...

All: Cause Justice is the one thing you should always find
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we'll sing a victory tune
And we'll all meet back at the local saloon
And we'll raise up our glasses against evil forces singing
whiskey for my man, beer for my horses
whiskey for my men, beer for my horses

He knew
Justice is the one thing you should always find
You got to saddle up your boys,
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we'll sing a victory tune
And we'll all meet back at the local saloon
And we'll raise up our glasses against evil forces
Singin' whiskey for my man, beer for my horses
Singing whiskey for my man, beer for my horses

They all laugh and chug back their bottles of beer.



Atkie: That’s what you need to do, fellas. You need to beat these sons of bitches at their own game.

Kid Disturbed: Why should we trust you, man? You’re managing Plus now, not us.

Atkie: Anyone who hates Featured Attraction is a friend of mine.

Atkie extends his hand for a handshake and respectively, is met by handshakes from Adam and Kid D. The scene fades.


------------------------------------


Just as Big E told him to do, Johnny and Kelly wind up meeting with Big Evil and Trish in the middle of a street. They’re shocked to see each other, but Johnny and Big E exchange high fives and begin telling each other about their nights.

Johnny: I’ve never felt this great man, we’re back baby

Voice: Oh, you’re not the only ones...

Music, of course, starts up, and Kid Disturbed and Adam Edge, along with a huge slew of backup dancers, come dancing onto the street, which begins having its lights flash on and off, and they begin displaying major dance moves.


Adam Edge: I’m bringing sexy back
Them other boys donno know how to act
I think your special whats behind your back
So turn around and ill pick up the slack.

Take em’ to the bridge

Dirty babe
You see these shackles
Baby I’m your slave
I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave
It’s just that no one makes me feel this way

Take em' to the chorus

Kid Disturbed: Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it
VIP
Go ahead, be gone with it
Drinks on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Let me see what you’re twerkin with
Go ahead, be gone with it
Look at those hips
Go ahead, be gone with it
You make me smile
Go ahead, be gone with it
Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone with it
And get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

Get yo' sexy on
Get yo’ sexy on
Get yo’ sexy on
Get yo’ sexy on
Get yo’ sexy on
Get yo’ sexy on
Get yo' sexy on

Adam Edge: I’m bringing sexy back
Them other fuckers don’t know how to act
Come let me make up for the things you lack
Cause your burning up I gotta get it fast



Johnny Karisma: Alright, jesus christ.

All of the dancers, including Adam and Kid, stop in mid move, and look at Karisma.

Johnny Karisma: Are you kidding me? We’ve kept this musical on par with some of the greatest songs of all-time, and what do you do?

Adam Edge: Make it sexier?

Kid Disturbed: Make it better?

Big Evil: No, assholes, you queer it up with Justin Timber-fag. Well, I’ll tell you what, you wanna play gay? You ain’t seen NOTHING YET~ !

Adam Edge: ...The hell are you gonna do? Touch Karisma in his pee pee spot? Hahaha.

Big Evil: Hey, asshole, watch it

Adam is taken a back, shocked almost.

Big Evil: That’s not Johnny. That’s Baby. And nobody talks like that about Baby...

Kid Disturbed: ...Oh good...

Big E extends his arm out to Johnny. Now, Big E is in an all black outfit, and Johnny is in a pink dancer’s outfit, complete with skirt. Johnny takes Big E’s arm and they pull in close and begin dancing.


Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
and I owe it all to you

I've been waiting for so long
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me
We saw the writing on the wall
As we felt this magical
Fantasy

Johnny turns around, with Big E’s arms around his waist, and they begin swiveling back and fourth, up and down, to the beat of the music.

Now with passion in our eyes
There's no way we could disguise it
Secretly
So we take each other's hand
'Cause we seem to understand
The urgency just remember

You're the one thing
I can't get enough of
So I'll tell you something
This could be love because

Big Evil twirls Johnny around in a circle, pushes him out, still holding his hand, and then pulling him back into his arms. They tease a kiss, but stop at the last second. They begin dancing the Lambada.

I've had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you

With my body and soul
I want you more than you'll ever know
So we'll just let it go
Don't be afraid to lose control
Yes I know whats on your mind
When you say Stay with me
tonight. Just remember

Johnny and Big E now let go of each other and grab their respective women and proceed to repeat the same dance steps as before.

You're the one thing
I can't get enough of
So I'll tell you something
This could be love because

'Cause I had the time of my life
And I've searched through every open door
Till I've found the truth
and I owe it all to you



Adam Edge: Well, son of a bitch.

Kid Disturbed: I’ll be damned.

Adam Edge: I guess that changes everything.

Kid Disturbed: I’d give them a 10, to be honest.

Adam and Kid D turn and go to walk away. A few steps later, they quickly turn around and stare dead at Big E and Johnny.

Adam Edge: Ha, yeah right, all that proves is that you guys are more gay than us. Big whoops.

Kid Disturbed: Fight us, prove you’re real men...

Suddenly...

...Trish and Kelly go scurrying away off to the sides as loads of gang members rush out to the street. The ones dressed in red, stand behind Big E and Johnny, who are now also wearing mid-80's red colored gangster outfits. The ones in blue stand behing Adam and Kid D, who are now also wearing the mid 80's blue colored gangster. This ain’t no ordinary fight...



Big Evil: They told him don't you ever come around here
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it....

Big E and Kid D entangle their arms together and begin walking in circles together slowly, Adam and Johnny do the same thing.

Adam Edge: You better run, you better do what you can
Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man
You wanna be tough, better do what you can
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

All four men break apart and go to their respective sides where they go off and show their most impressive Michael Jackson-esque dance moves.

All: Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it

Johnny Karisma: They're out to get you, better leave while you can
Don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man
You wanna stay alive, better do what you can
So beat it, just beat it...

All of the gangsters behind both sets of men run forward and begin fighting, still leaving a wide open circle for the showdown between F.A. and Adam and Kid D.

Kid Disturbed: You have to show them that you're really not scared
You're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth or dare
They'll kick you, then they beat you,
Then they'll tell you it's fair
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

Big E and Kid D begin exchanging punches. Adam and Johnny, as well, begin exchanging punches. After a while, Adam and Kid D get the upper hands with stronger punches, pushes and kicks.

All: Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

It reverses a bit, Big Evil hits a chokeslam on Kid Disturbed down onto the ground as Johnny hits the sXecution on Adam. When Adam and Kid get to their feet, they flee the scene along with all of their troops. Big E, Karisma, Trish, Kelly and their set of gangster all celebrate.

Big E and Johnny: Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right



Big Evil: Fuck yeah, we showed them nigs.

Johnny: In the most heelish style.

Big Evil: You don’t think by doing a musical, people will start to love us, do you?

Johnny: Nah. People hate musicals.

Big Evil: K.

While Big Evil and Johnny, along with the girls and Abso now, continue to celebrate in the middle of the street, Whacko once again appears out of nowhere.

Whacko: Oh, you think this night is over yet?

Big Evil: Oh jesus christ, you want to fight too?

Whacko: Not exactly.

Johnny: Then what...

Whacko: Well...

Ugh. Music starts up again, but this time, it sounds much, much different. Whacko now appears in a creepy butler’s outfit standing behind Trish and Kelly, scaring them. A whole slew of BQWA superstars come out to follow suit, dressed in halloween costumes and drag.


Whacko: It's astounding, time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely...

Kate Harrison: not for very much longer...

Whacko: I've got to keep control

Andy Chills appears with a bunch of dancers behind him. He begins doing the twist while singing.

Andy Chills: I remember doing the Time Warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me and the void would be calling...

All: Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again

A random ass shot of Dolly Madison instructing how to dance in her office is shown.

Dolly Madison: It's just a jump to the left

All: And then a step to the right

Dolly: With your hands on your hips

All: You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Time Warp again

Skye Jones: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me, no not at all
In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention
Well-secluded, I see all

Whacko: With a bit of a mind flip

Skye: You're there in the time slip

Whacko: And nothing can ever be the same

Skye Jones: You're spaced out on sensation

Andy Chills: Like you're under sedation

All: Let's do the Time Warp again

Harmony: Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing, never would again

All: Let's do the Time Warp again

A random shot of Dolly Madison instructing how to dance in her office is shown once again.

Dolly Madison: It's just a jump to the left

All: And then a step to the right

Dolly: With your hands on your hips

All: You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Time Warp again



Almost as quickly as they entered, the entire group of superstars and back up dancers go fleeing away at moment’s notice as the record comes to a screeching hault.

Big Evil: What the...

Johnny: Dude...

Big Evil: What?

Johnny: That was....AWESOME~

Big Evil: ...Shut-up.

Abso Tomko: Ya know, this is bull shit.

Big E, Johnny and the girls turn around to see Abso standing there with his hands on his hips.

Big Evil: What is?
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Big Evil
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On TBS. Very Funny.

wheres the rest of it?! :(
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Harmony
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Gogz once fucked a ginger
[ *  *  * ]
Abso Tomko: This whole thing, this whole musical ordeal. Why did we have to do it in the first place?

Johnny: Ugh. Like I said, people hate musicals, so this will make them hate us more

Abso Tomko: Then why the hell couldn’t I sing a song?

Big Evil: Ya know, if you weren’t Abso Tomko, I’d have Abso Tomko big boot yourself.

Everyone gets really, really confused.

Johnny: Easy, big fella. If he wants to sing a song, let him sing a song. We’re a few minutes short, so let him sing a song. Go ahead Abso, it’s all yours, buddy.

Abso Tomko: Noice. Here we go...

Little did Johnny know, this was the biggest mistake he’d make during this entire musical. The scene fades out and then back in quickly with Abso in extremely flashly and homosexual dancer wear, riding around on a unicycle, with about 20 other gay men, dressed in the same attire, also riding around on unicycles.


All: Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

Abso: You say black I say white
You say bark I say bite
You say shark I say hey man
Jaws was never my scene
And I don't like Star Wars
You say Rolls I say Royce
You say God give me a choice
You say Lord I say Christ
I don't believe in Peter Pan
Frankenstein or Superman
All I wanna do is...

All: Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my
Bicycle races are coming your way
So forget all your duties oh yeah
Fat bottomed girls they'll be riding today
So look out for those beauties oh yeah
On your marks get set go
Bicycle race bicycle race bicycle race
Bicycle bicycle bicycle...I want to ride my bicycle
Bicycle bicycle bicycle
Bicycle race...



Suddenly, the music comes to a complete stop. The camera pans over to see an extremely angry Big Evil and Johnny Karisma destroying the backup band, who was a cover band for Queen, with a crowbar and a baseball bat. When they notice everyone looking at them, they stop.

Big Evil: ...What?

Johnny Karisma: Let’s close this out our own way, homie.

Big Evil: K.

The scene fades to a large stage in the center of town with thousands upon thousands of people cheering and going crazy as a blues band begins playing some fast, upbeat and familiar music. It’s the opening music from the performance of “Soul Man” in Blues Brothers. Suddenly, Abso Tomko, in a black suit, white shirt, black tie, black hat and black sunglasses walks out onto stage and begins speaking.

Abso Tomko: Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d like to welcome you to the conclusion of this musical. And my god, what an amazing closing it’s going to be. If the rest of this musical was any indication, well this may just blow you out of the water. We’ve got from North Carolina, Johnny Karisma. We’ve got from New Jersey, Big Evil. Ladies and Gentlemen, they ain’t the Blues Brothers, they are, THE FEATURED ATTRACTION~

Big E walks out first and soon behind him is Johnny. They are dressed the same way Abso is. Johnny has a suitcase handcuffed to his wrist. When they get to their microphone stands, Big E takes a key and unlocks the suitcase, then unlocks the suitcase. Inside the suitcase is a beautiful golden Harmonica, which Johnny begins playing as the real song starts up.


Big Evil: Comin' to ya, on a dusty road,
Good lovin', I got a truck load.
And when you get it, you got somethin',
So don't worry, cause I'm comin'.

Big E and Johnny: Cause I'm a soul man, I'm a soul man.
Yea I'm a soul man. I'm a soul man.

Johnny: Got what I got, the hard way,
And I'll make you better, each and every day,
So honey, don't you fret,
Cause you ain't seen, nothin' yet.

Big E and Johnny: Cause I'm a soul man, I'm a soul man.
Yea I'm a soul man. I'm a soul man.

Big Evil: I was brought up, on a side street.
Learned how to love, before I could eat.
I was educated, for good stock.
Cause when I start lovin', I just can't stop.

Big E and Johnny: Cause I'm a soul man, I'm a soul man.
Yea I'm a soul man. I'm a soul man.

Johnny: Well grab a rope, and I'll pull you in.
Give you hope, and be your only boy friend.

Big Evil: Yeah.

Johnny: Yeah.

Big Evil: Yeah.

Johnny: Yeah.

Big E and Johnny: Cause I'm a soul man, I'm a soul man.
Yea I'm a soul man. I'm a soul man.
Cause I'm a soul man, I'm a soul man.
Yea I'm a soul man. I'm a soul man...



Judging by the crowd’s extremely loud and positive reaction, their heelish plan may have backfired on them.

Big Evil: ...Err, you sure this was a good idea?

Johnny: No. :(

Big Evil: Can I try now?

Johnny: Sure.

Big Evil runs off stage and rushes off the blues band. He brings back on the beaten up Queen cover band from Abso’s performance.

Big Evil: Let’s try this...


Big Evil: I've paid my dues -
Time after time -
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But I've come through

Big Evil and Johnny: We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world -

Johnny: I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortuen and everything that goes with it
I thank you all -
But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain't gonna lose -

Big E and Johnny: We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -

As they really get into the song towards the end, they notice a silence amongst the crowd. They randomly raise up all of their gold: Primetime Title, International Title, WCW Tag Team Titles, EOTY Awards, and golden fireworks and sparklers go off behind them in the sky and on the stage.

Big E and Johnny: We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world...



On that one and final note, Big Evil and Johnny Karisma pose tall. Behind them, Abso Tomko, Trish Evil and Kelly Alexia. Once they live down their charismatic ending, they look down to see the entire crowd is gone, leaving nothing and noone behind.

Big Evil: NOICE~!

Johnny Karisma: I'd sure as fuck say so.

Big Evil: So, we're still heels right?

Johnny Karisma: Yep.

Big Evil: K.

Johnny Karisma: Let's go. Let's end this.


Big E and Johnny: THEY DON'T PAY US TO BE FUCKING WITTY~!


~Fin~
















STARRING
Big Evil
Johnny Karisma
Abso Tomko
Angel
Trish Evil
Kelly Alexia
Adam Edge
Kid Disturbed
Harmony
Atkie
Dolly Madison
Halo
Nature
Charles Everton
Andy Chills
Kate Harrison
Skye Jones
Jessie Baltos
Paige
Constance Kent
Fresca
Whacko


MUSICAL CREDITS
"Tear Away" - Drowning Pool
"Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen
"The Night Chicago Died" - Paper Lace
"Don't Ask Me No Questions" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
"Afternoon Delight" - Ron Burgandy
"Keeping The Faith" - Billy Joel
"I Hate Everything About You" - Three Days Grace
"Old Time Rock'n'Roll" - Bob Seger
"Wild Side" - Lou Reed
"Piano Man" - Billy Joel
"Beer For My Horses" - Toby Keith, Willie Nelson
"Faithfully" - Journey
"Secret Garden" - Bruce Springsteen
"SexyBack" - Justin Timberlake
"Time of my Life" - Bill Medely and Jennifer Warnes
"Beat It" - Michael Jackson
"Time Warp" - Rocky Horror Picture Show
"Bicycle" - Queen
"Soul Man" - Blues Brothers
"We Are The Champions" - Queen



...Thank you, and goodnight.
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Harmony
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Gogz once fucked a ginger
[ *  *  * ]
Big Evil
Feb 24 2008, 07:19 PM
wheres the rest of it?! :(

I was having my dinner! :acro:
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

did you finish your dinner yet?

fuck.
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CM Pyro
For Admin.

She's never finished having dinner.
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Big Evil
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On TBS. Very Funny.

CM Pyro
Feb 16 2017, 04:40 PM
She's never finished having dinner.
HA
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