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| S.O.T.F. II; State of the Federation | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 10 2009, 12:58 AM (2,042 Views) | |
| Big Tuna | Aug 13 2009, 03:09 AM Post #21 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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The following are the views of Simon Swinger in the morning, and do not represent most of his actual normal thoughts or the views of BQWA or the Bayside Tigers. Taking a page from the champ's book: "Hey guys, it's Josh Dean! Isn't that exciting?" If this moment was a vodka ad, it would say Absolut Silence. "No? Alright then. I've got some shit to say." Simon Swinger stands up now, still dressed the same, since according to eXpo, time moves different in e-feds. He calmly walks back up to the podium, in mid-speech. "You said we're all blaming people, but I really don't fucking remember that part of my speech. Or Andy's. Or Big Evil's, for that matter. I think you're just making stuff up, Joshua. You asked who we're all trying to prove our claims of being the best to, yeah. You then proceeded to get lost in your own fucked up demented head and forget to finish that point. Some riff-raff bullshit about how the Board of Directors is corrupt and how people only care about ratings, blah blah blah. You sound like a bitter old hack who...conveniently enough, as you put it, is blaming everyone but himself for his current position in life. Which is pretty low, judging by that piece of crap hanging from your arms. I thought we'd all agreed that this is a formal affair, and a meeting of the sport's best and brightest, to discuss our current aims and goals and future aspirations? And for Phenetic to show up somehow, but that's besides the point. There's no need to sully it with the rantings of a man so delusional in his beliefs that his points just keep on circling each other without him even knowing it." A simple shake of the head, in exasperation and disappointment. "You'll have to excuse me, Joshua, but I love the English language. I do. Really. So it pains me to hear you use it with a complete disregard for logic and truth, and bastardize the tongue you speak. It pains me to have to watch you speak about how you're so disappointed in us all for enjoying money, because it's a drug or some shit. Which is pretty goddamn rich coming from a man who looks like he sleeps in a box on the streets. It pains me to hear you lecture us all about the evils of this green drug and what it makes us do, when you just revealed yourself on Meltdown to be a complete and utter hypocrite. I'm not going to go all SRS CHRIS JERICHO~ on you, because I'm not that guy, but jesus, dude. You talk about how money corrupts and it's not everything and we're all disappointing, but maybe you should take a look in the fucking mirror you're talking about. You're a once...well, the phrase is great, but I don't know if anyone would ever call you that. You're a once "great" midcard to upper-midcard talent who was let go by a General Manager with a completely irrefutable eye for talent." Look at the talent signed under his regime, for fuck's sake! "You're a guy who hasn't done shit in well over six months, and now feels fit to come over and lecture us all on morality and strength because you did a sneak attack on an injured and beaten up man, with help from two steel chairs and another person. You then say that the great ones know it's not about in ring talent, but money. Because God knows, you can't have both, right Dean? I mean, it's not like I'm standing right here as an example of that, right? You dumb son of a bitch." "Beer" by Reel Big Fish is an awesome song, btw. "This entire facade about GRRR YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN AND WHAT I'VE SEEN, I'VE SEEN THINGS THAT YOUR WORLD WOULDN'T BELIEVE I AM A DEEP AND THOUGHTFUL INTROSPECTIVE PRO WRESTLER WHO KNOWS THE PAIN OF LOSS AND SUFFERING BAAAAW~ is also pretty goddamn pathetic. And incredibly forced, I might add. I've come to find out that if someone goes right out and complains about people not understanding their PAIN AND SUFFERING~, then their pain and suffering is either not that bad, or 100% made the fuck up to give off the illusion of a tortured soul. It's not 1998 anymore, Joshua. Nobody gives a fuck about tortured souls. Fuckin...fucking EDGE was a better tortured soul than you were. I can't wait until you start doing a RUNNING HUG~ as a finish. Jesus christ." Fuck (meadam) Edge. "If it's so bad, why not elaborate on what exactly you've seen? Have you seen your homies die face down in their own blood? You've seen people shoot each other in gang bangs? Oh, but then you do reveal it! You've been in the rafters!" Simon turns his head around to the sides, and give the symbol for everyone to calm down. "It's okay guys! It's just Josh Dean playing Sting! Oh, you're so CONFLICTED~, Joshua! You rebel, you tortured soul, you wordless stubble cursed homeless street poet! God, I can't wait until you try and come down on a cable to interrupt shit with a bat and Crow facepaint! I pray to the God I don't believe in that by then, your new idol is Owen Hart." oh shit "You say none of us can experience or feel it, but goddamnit, Joshua! I've been in the rafters! I, much like Bill Clinton before me...I feel your pain! So maybe, just shut the fuck up and come back on as a regular wrestler? The mentally strong are those who have survived? Well shit, Joshua, you're the only one of them in the room! We're all just fucking corpses and zombies, aren't we, guys? We all haven't survived nearly as many trials and tribulations as Josh motherfucking Dean! Andy, remember how Ryan Murdoch threatened to murder us, and how he crippled our best friend? Remember how you had to chase eXponent for 6 months before regaining the Custom Title? Well fuck you, Josh Dean's seen worse from those rafters. Colossus, your best friend being crippled and destroyed wasn't nearly as bad as what Josh Dean's watched as a mere detached observer! Chain, the same can be said about Phenetic fucking with your family! The same with Big Evil, replacing Phenetic with Ryan Murdoch! We all suck and our problems are trivial!" Smile gone. Aw, look at that. It wasn't even genuine. "I always heard this joke about JOSH DEAN'S GOT A GUN FOLKS, AND HE'S SHOOTING! Perhaps it might be best served if you turned the gun around and away from your own head before firing next time, no? Honest to For the record, I'm Simon Swinger, Joshua. When I see something shitty, like whatever the fuck just came out of your mouth for example, I have no issues speaking my mind on the matter, and if necessary, taking action. You might ask DXKid and Maxie Mifflin and Koko B. Ware about this habit of mine. Or hell! Gogzington and Ryan Murdoch over there can tell you!" Simon nods his head, as if remembering something. "Pride comes before a fall. Right. I'll take your word for it, since you've been doing a lot of falling down lately. Sorry. Had to be said. Blah blah blah you'll kill us, murder death kill, etc. Great. Awesome. Getting kind of bored with it, to be honest. I'd rather just find out if you're legit in the ring than with a war of words, but apparently we're all locked in this press conference room for like a month. No idea why. Once again, I'm Simon Swinger, and on behalf of the Bayside Tigers and the BQWA...." AMERICAN FLAG DROPS DOWN! FUCK YEAH FOR THE CALLBACK SPOT! "...I can tell you that on August 13th, 2009, Change has come to the BQWA. I promise you categorically that I will not kill your grandparents. Goodnight." Simon Swinger walks off the stage, calmly going back to his seat, and opening a fresh can of Vanilla Coke, and grabbing a magazine from in front of him. "Saved by the Bell reunion issue of People? Seems promising." -fin-. That's how the artsy kids do it, right? |
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| Big Evil | Aug 13 2009, 03:47 AM Post #22 |
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On TBS. Very Funny.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~! Big Evil: Everybody's got a price... Big Evil throws out money. Big Evil: EVERYBODY'S GONNA PAY~! Big Evil throws out even more money to the people in the room. Big Evil: 'CAUSE THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN~! Big Evil takes all of his money back, even choking Chain out briefly, to take back a $20 bill. Big Evil: ALWAYS GETS HIS WAY~! Big Evil bumps past Josh Dean & JBL and goes back up to the stage. Big Evil: SOME MIGHT COST A LITTLE SOME MIGHT COST ALOT, BUT IM THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN, AND YOU WILL BE BOUGHT~! Big Evil heads back to his chair in the far back of the room to drink more beer and do more Coppenhagen tobacco chew. Big Evil: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~ Money, Money, Money, Money, Moneeeeeeeeeeeeey... |
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| Big Evil | Aug 13 2009, 03:49 AM Post #23 |
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On TBS. Very Funny.
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| Big Evil | Aug 13 2009, 04:01 AM Post #24 |
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On TBS. Very Funny.
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Nig Evil & Simon push everyone out of the way and take off their BDSM masks to reveal awesome red, white, yellow, grey and silver make up. Big Evil sticks his tounge out and Simon looks GAR MAD~ GWAR! Here comes the Ax Here comes the Smasher The Demolition, Walking disaster Pain and destruction are our middle names Search and destroy you Run and we'll find you There's no place to hide The Demos will get you Pain and destruction, are our middle names The Demolition You better state your act of contrition The Demolition You better state your act of contrition Here comes the Ax And here comes the Smasher The Demolition Walking disaster Search and destroy you Run and we'll find you There's no place to hide The Demos wil get you!! Demolition, Demolition Demolition Simon & Demolition Big Evil both run train on Lauren Klembara who wasn't even there a minute ago, and make her full of cum as she rips off her own boob and reveals that she is actually Doink the Clown. But too late, we both finished inside of her. HOWS THAT FOR A STATE OF THE FED?! FIGURE WHO THE DADDY IS!! i am really fucked up right now andy please dont hate m
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| Big Tuna | Aug 13 2009, 04:03 AM Post #25 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS THAT RULED. I am so glad you promo'd drunk. 2-3 times in a row. Not sure if Evil Doink counts as a promo. This SOTF2 needs a super Hall of Fame, because it embarrasses everything else in the HOF. |
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| TURNCOAT | Aug 13 2009, 07:44 AM Post #26 |
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Guys I'm shaking
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Biggie wins. |
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| Dusty Wolfe | Aug 13 2009, 01:45 PM Post #27 |
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Enhancement Talent
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Reserves a response slot. |
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| The Southside Kid | Aug 27 2009, 02:42 PM Post #28 |
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You know who I am
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OOC: I know this thread has been inactive for a minute guys, but I have something else that needs put in here, because well there isn't anywhere else I can put it. “I see that my words have rubbed some people the wrong way. Good. If you can’t handle the truth, then you need to be offended. My return was...what a little over a week ago? And only one person had the nerve to step up and say anything about it. In the six months I was gone, all of you pricks were standing in line to slander my name. Yet the day I come back, one vocalizes his opinions. And Simon Swinger, I have to say that you gained something very important by your actions. And that's a piece of respect from me. Unfortunately for you, that's about as far as it went. I listened to you go on your little diatribe a couple of days ago. What I heard spewing from your mouth, well words can't describe how bad it was. How you attempted to dissect every little nuance. Know what? That's fine. Go ahead and try to if it makes you feel better, ok tiger. My suggestion is take a seat, grab your life partner Andy Chills, your Barney look alike mascot and watch how a vet does this. Ok?" A nod from the cameraman shakes the shot up before returning to focus. Josh is still standing in the rafters, looking over at the empty arena. His facial expression is unphased, just another day at the office to him, like so many times before. "Now Simon, your delivery was good. Very convincing there for a second. I mean you almost made me believe that you were trying to make me look stupid. But in order to make an argument, you have to get your facts in order. See here in lies your problem. You think you know what is really going on. But instead you make yourself look like a tool. And I hate to be the one to tell you this, no amount of inside smark remarks will ever make up for a lack of preparation. See when you attempt to cut someone down, you must have a good argument. Like when I said we all claim to be the best, you need to have just cause to make a bold statement. Such as a resume of opponents, titles, and so on and so forth. And well that brings me to the point I somehow forgot to make according to you. Well if you would’ve been paying attention Simon, you would’ve realized the point is that we do it to appease ourselves when things don’t go our way. When we come up short of that brass ring and wonder why. But again, you weren’t paying attention. Therefore, we get a couple of big words filled in with the word fuck. Wow! Such profound elegance… as if you were trying to insult my intelligence. Do me as well yourself a favor……don’t. I never professed to be a perfect man. I never claimed this “holier than thou” persona that you seem to think I posses. Chances are I’ve made just as many mistakes as most of the roster combined. It’s probably a good bet that I’ve screwed up and had more shortcomings in my six years here than any one man should have to ever endure. Are you sure that you want to know about where I’ve been and what I’ve seen? Because I don’t think your self indulgent brain can comprehend it. But all you have to do is say the word Simon. I’m begging you to just say the word. And all the questions you seek will be answered. But for now, just try and stay with me on this. Call me a hypocrite. Guess what, you'd be right. I’m sure that you want to hear that I’m just as bad as everyone else on the roster for wanting to make money. And I’m sure that you want to hear that I combined efforts with Joe Buckshaw Lawrence for monetary gain. You would be right again Simon. I guess that’s what you want to hear. Simon Swinger is never wrong, afterall. Someone please correct me if I missed something.” Out of the camera’s view, the cameraman gives a thumbs up, signifying Josh is keeping on point. Lord knows we wouldn’t want someone to get Nazified on us for skewing off topic. “So much for that nice little argument you had going there. Now I guess you would like a reason for my foray in the rafters the last six months, because now everyone has to answer to you. Well since you must have all the answers, Scoop Jackson, it’s because I needed to wait for my right time to come back. I needed to see the cards fall into play. And what better seats in the house to watch it all unfold. But I guess that’s not epic enough for you, huh? If you would’ve been paying attention again Simon, you never let out all of the information right off the bat. I thought you were better than that. So much for that happening. But please understand Simon, I'm not mad at you for trying. In fact, I must say I'm impressed. You remind me of myself when I first started this business. Brash, cocky, and hard headed. Deny all you want, but you and I do have similarities. I too like to consider myself a straight shooter. And what I’ve seen out of you is promise, but in dire need of tweeks to your overall product. So please don’t take what I say the wrong way. But when I mentioned disappointment, you were one of the ones I was talking about. You have talent, yes, but what have you done? Who have you beaten? Maxie Muffin or whatever his name is. Before you answer that, ask yourself if you really want to drop names with me? Ok, let’s drop some shall we. A+ Acrobat Adam Edge Andy Chills Charles Everton Diabolus DxKid Glacier Griff Vain Johnny Karisma Kid Disturbed Nature Rage REO Speedealer Whacko Get the point yet? Ask if any of them if this washed up hack can go. Or better yet, watch the last couple of Meltdowns and see for yourself. Are we done here? Good. I think I’ve made my point. Fade to a stack of $100 bills. Easy payday in the books. |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 27 2009, 03:49 PM Post #29 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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Oh, outstanding Joshua. You attacked a man with multiple injuries and then laid out a retired legend. Outstanding work for someone who's so proud of his works. Nevermind that both were 2 on 1 beatings, outside of an actual match, and using weapons. For someone who takes such pride in being a dominating force, you should know that the most satisfying victory is one obtained without help and without the aid of anything other than your own body. Rattle off your list of names, that's great too. The past doesn't matter to me. Ask DXKid, since he's on that list of yours. Quite frankly, if any of those names were worth a damn, they'd still be here competing with the names of today. Which leaves all of A+ and Andy Chills. I've never had a singles match with Mr. Plus, so I really don't have shit to say there. Secondly, why would I go out of my way to face and destroy my best friend? I know you don't understand the concept of friendship, Joshua, but it's quite a nice thing. I won't fight Andy unless I have to, or he has something I would want. Like say the World Championship. I would expect him to do the same on the day which I eventually win said title. As for the rest of your incessant bullshit that absolutely nobody buys into, and do believe me when I say that, I don't really have a lot to say. You know, considering that half of it is just telling me that I'm right. Which, a man of my stature knows, but reinforcement of the truth is always nice, so I thank you for the gesture, Joshua. I mean, really Josh, you say you've been here 6 years, and THIS is where you are? Scrambling for cash and beating up defenseless people on the undercard? Giving youngins lectures on the horrors you've seen? How many people have come in after you that you've seen completely surpass you in every way? I bet THIS PISSES JOSHUA DEAN OFF. Might as well cue up "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!" for your next entrance music already, Hardcore Joshua Deaner, really. I can't wait until a rookie phenomenon drops you on your head, and you come back so delusional that you honestly believe you deserve a world title shot. I could go on and on about how you suck, have never drawn a dime in your career, are complete failure in every sense of the word, about how nobody cares about anything you will ever do, and how me responding to you is the biggest career boost you've had in at least a year, about how you have a stupid haircut, wear awful clothes, and have piss-poor grooming. Basically everything awful I could think to say about a human being, I could say about you. You want to compare accomplishments? That's great. I literally have just been here a few months. Let's wait a while and talk, since I'm sure that once again you'll have accomplished nothing of note by the time I'm more established here. Then I can rattle off a list of my own, called People Who Have Completely Surpassed Josh Dean In Every Way, Despite Him Being Here Much Longer! This list includes! Big Evil Colossus Gogz Ryan Murdoch A+ Johnny Karisma eXponent Halo Andy Chills Maxwell Starbux ChainReaction Tara Shannon Big Evil Colossus Gogz Ryan Murdoch A+ Johnny Karisma eXponent Halo Andy Chills Maxwell Starbux ChainReaction Tara Shannon By the time we meet again, look for another name on that list, and it will be "Simon Swinger" Because, using your own words, "Simon Swinger is never wrong, afterall." And hey, Josh! I saved this one until the end! Go FUCK yourself. Die. Edited by Big Tuna, Aug 27 2009, 08:17 PM.
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| Phenetic | Aug 27 2009, 04:23 PM Post #30 |
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Killed BQ
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Simon with the fatality |
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| Big Evil | Aug 29 2009, 03:39 AM Post #31 |
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On TBS. Very Funny.
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YOU LOOKIN AT THE REAL DEAL NOW GONNA KICK YOUR SORRY ASS ON THE STREET USED TO THINK YOU OWN THE STREET BUT PACK YO BAGS CUZ YO ASS IS DEAD MEAT VICTORY IS SWEET HERE'S YO RECEIPT SO WATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT IS THAT WHAT YOU GOT GONNA KICK YO SORRY ASS AND WAHTCHA GONNA DO Big Evil:I think...I think you betta recognize. GOGZ Gogz: Sup nig? Big Evil: When's the last time you had sex with your sister? Gogz: The day before...yesterday? O. Big Evil's in a limo jerking off to pictures of Kelly Alexia fucking a horse. And Skye Jone's huge soggy papper plate nipples. he picks her up in baltimore and FUCKS THE SHIT OUT OF HER at the inner harbor at the club on the inner harbor two doors down from the ESPN zone. descript ftw. BUT WAIT IM AN ASS MAN YES IM AN ASS MAN YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH "The best surprises always sneak up from behind" - James A. Johnston WWF, The Music Vol. 4 "Ass Man" (c) 1999 WWF Records i am the man i am the master and i am the ruler of the world COLOSSUS THE GAME WE PLAY IS SIMPLE TWO MEN ENTER ONE MAN LEAVES AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cue psycho music* wait for it ![]() WHATS ITS SID WHOSE SIDE IS HE ON?! IS HE FULL OF CUM OR SHIT HERE TONIGHT AT WRESTLEMANIA 13?! hehehehehe oh god i never saw what is so funny guyhs open your eyes look what you're looking at see what you see it's the power that is called the powerbomb and none gets up from that and die AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *more psycho music* BUT WAIT....A HERO COMES ALONG?! HA HA ![]() THATS RIGHT EVERYONE ITS YOUR OLD PAL AGAIN DOUBLE J HERE TO TEACH YOU A LITTLE SOMETHIN BOUT COUNTRY MUSIC AND PRO WRASSLIN AND JUST INCASE YOU FORGOT THAT NAME AGAIN IS J - E HA HA - DOUBLE F, J - A - HAHA - DOUBLE R E - HA HA - DOUBLE T GOOD OL' DOUBLE J JEFF JARRETT AHAHA OH MAN AIN'T I GREAT?! full of cum Colossus this is my promo to you. I will baet you at Revenge. So this way, if i say that, this counts a real promo. DEMOLTION SIMON ![]() ![]() ~Fin~ |
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| Dusty Wolfe | Aug 29 2009, 05:56 AM Post #32 |
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Enhancement Talent
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Oh my fucking god. Best. Promo. Ever. |
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| TURNCOAT | Aug 29 2009, 06:37 AM Post #33 |
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Guys I'm shaking
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agagagagagag |
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| Big Tuna | Nov 4 2009, 07:15 PM Post #34 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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This is now HOF'd or will be soon. |
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| Big Evil | Aug 7 2011, 04:24 AM Post #35 |
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On TBS. Very Funny.
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boop |
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9:16 AM Jul 11