| My Best Laid Plans; Simon Swinger/Halo 4/28/2009 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 22 2010, 01:02 AM (443 Views) | |
| Phenetic | May 22 2010, 01:02 AM Post #1 |
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Killed BQ
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[The cameraman again waits. Simon has told him to wait here after War Games. Camera is on the curtain seperating backstage and the arena at Nemesis and stairs leading up to the curtain and presumably the entrance stage and ramp. The words that we've all now heard are recognized.] Gellar: The referee has informed me of his decision, and it is that BOTH Colossus and A Plus had the holds locked in and applied at the same time, and therefore BOTH men have been declared the winners of the War Games! [The crowd can be heard going apeshit, and officials start running up the stairs and out the curtain to help with the sheer carnage of War Games. Soon enough, Simon Swinger slowly walks through the curtain, and stands up there. He looks around, possibly pissed off but seeming somewhat happy at the same time. He wipes his face down, and looks at his hand, seeing no blood or any kind of cuts.] No blood. [Simon walks down the stairs, slowly limping a bit and lightly holding his side and back as he gets right in front of the cameraman, taking a deep breath.] Look at everyone else out there. I came in that place in the middle. Look at my face. There's no goddamned blood on my face, no cuts. [Simon accepts a towel from a stagehand and nods his head, thanking him. He wipes off his face and drapes the towel over his shoulder.] Look at A-Plus, look at Phenetic when he wakes the fuck up from that massacre. They were bleeding like hell. I couldn't see the white on my own teammate's faces, or the black. When Colossus stumbles back here after being out there for thirty plus minutes of hell, look at his face. There's going to be dry blood all over him. [Simon begins to walk away now, the camera dutifully follows its master.] Look at my face. Look how goddamned clean it is. There's no blood and there's no cuts and there's no bruises yet. Note that I'm the one man in that match who managed to avoid spilling blood. Not only does that mean I don't have to get an AIDS test from being around Phenetic's blood and having open cuts, but it shows how fucking good I am. I'm always one step ahead in this world. Like a carpenter that makes stairs. SHSNWHWKKWBWJHHBWKAJAHWCOLOSSUS OR PLUS?! [Simon continues walking down the hall, and as he hears it, he looks at the camera man. He stops walking, and nods his head after a few seconds] I don't know. I was too busy dealing with the goddamned rodent at my feet to get a good look. If I had gotten a good enough look to see who had the hold on first, then we wouldn't even be having this debate to begin with. That being said, to the victor goes the spoils. Or victors. [Simon continues walking and gets to the door labeled "SIMON SWINGER & CO." and walks in, hobbling still.] Congratulations to you both. You proved yourself worthy of the title shot, and however it goes from here isn't any of my fucking business. Colossus vs. Gogz, Plus vs. Gogz, or the dreaded triple threat all sounds like quality Immortals main events, good for you guys. You used the strategery employed by such legends as Dusty Rhodes, daddeh and The Road Warriors and Nikita Koloff and Lex Luger, and that's all great. You did fine work all match and isolated the clear week link on the team for the win. I truly have nothing bad to say about the way either of you kids carried yourself, but know this. You didn't beat Silas Stevens, you didn't beat Night, you didn't beat Halo, and you damn sure did not beat me. [Simon finally sits down on a bench in his locker room, and simply leans back against the wall, making sure to rest his back against the cold brick.] Jesus goddamn, A-Plus hurled me into that cage. That cage is not at all weak. WAKAJWHAHAKHEEYOUR PERFORMANCEHJHSJSHRAPEBHJ I was happy with my performance. We've gone over the entire "I'm the only one who didn't bleed at all" thing, which is impressive enough on its own, but there's more. Go back and watch the match when fans torrent that shit tonight. Notice who always took the lead back for Team Halo, if you even want to call it that anymore. Watch who's bouncing around the ring, watch who's taking risks and who's immediately going after the newest entries. Look at the end. Watch who's down and bloody and motionless at the hands of the opposing team, and look at who's going toe to toe with Colossus and A-Plus. It wasn't big Silas or sneaky Night or that goddamned crackhead who lost the goddamned match. It wasn't even Halo. It was me. [Simon begins to pull down his kickpads and untie his boots, stopping periodically to rub his back when it acts up.] Simon Swinger was the War Games MVP. When you think about the 2009 BQWA War Games that took place here, at The Omni, you'll- AHHWHGWGWHSPHILLIPS ARENAHFHHARGLEBARGLEOVERSHADOWEDBYBIGEVILFDHGDHGDHH [Simon glares back up into the camera, breathing heavily as he speaks.] I was in War Games. It was in the goddamned Omni. [Simon holds up one of the kickpads he pulled off. Black in color with a red lightning bolt coming from the side. Elaborate gemstones decorate the side of the lightning bolt, and Simon smiles.] Look at this fucking thing. This costs more than your entire outfit, and I bought with money made because only I can do the things I do, and tonight I proved that for the first time in this here federation. Again, I offer my congratulations to Colossus and A-Plus. Truly fine competitors, and if you were here now, I'd shake your hands, because I'm a man of my word. I do have a minor minor issue with how things went down tonight, and that is this. I don't want to come off like a jackass or a whiner or anything like that. I apologize if I do, understand the circumstances right now. I've been through hell for over half an hour, my back is killing me, I was on a losing team due to a certain someone dropping the ball in a big way, and lastly, I was fucking robbed tonight. DHHDFGHEHERAPETILLCUM HNSHFHEJFEHE WHAT DO YOU MEANSFHSHFRWHBAHAHAHA? [Simon again looks up at the camera, squinting almost in a valiant effort on his part to see past the sheer douchebaggery and ignorance in that question.] What the fuck do you think I mean? You saw the match, did you not? YESIDDIDSDDHFSHFRFWRWRG Then, you know what you saw. I know what happened, because I lived it. Myself and Halo had Colossus well taken care of, and Phenetic was doing the best he could by keeping Plus back. He failed to do that, and Halo went to attack his archnemesis. I had Colossus under control, bloody, brutalized, on his knees. Phenetic showed his greed and ignorance as he usually and demanded a kill that was completely out his league. That's fine. I stayed and stood guard for his inevitable failure. Halo was taken down by that gay ass flippity piledriver thing, and Colossus, in a HUGE FUCKING SHOCKER OF THE GODDAMNED YEAR, managed to come back on Phenetic's worthless ass and get a painful hold on. That's fine, I have no issues giving credit where it's due. The problem arises when that stupid fucking piece of jigaboo gator bait got his nose in my goddamned business after I had - [Simon stops himself, holding up one finger.] After I *thought* I had murdered him and that little twerp who tried to stop me, he took me out of my zone for a brief second to dispatch of his big lipped bloody carcass with a kick to the eye. That brief second was all it took for Phenetic to drop the ball and tap out. Not that I'm fine with that, because I'm a competitive man, and I hate losing. As a matter of fact, I hope the war goes on forever, and Phenetic gets drafted and fucking dies. However, we knew he was a week link, and you need to let some shit slide. If I'm assigning blame, he only gets 37.2% of it. [Simon pulls up the towel again, and begins to wipe off his chest, as he pulls up a t-shirt to put on.] That fucking porch monkey who should have stayed at home gets the other... He gets the other 62.8% of the blame for being a fucking failure in every aspect of his pathetic life. He failed to return successfully, twice now because of me. You're an insult to your kids, your dead brother, and that fat fuck you married, which is probably why you returned on this suicide mission you seem to be on. I would want to kill myself too, if my wife didn't even give head or was a virgin before she met me. [Simon pulls on his t-shirt. It is the epitome of class, being a Weezer t-shirt.] Seriously, I was unaware they still made women like that. How the fuck do you expect to get a decent man if you can't even suck a dick? She's clearly a great chef, considering she's about 738 pounds. You clearly have no self-respect marrying someone who looks more like a golden calf than an actual woman. DXKid isn't even a respectable wrestling name. I have to shit some of this shit slide considering I pal around with a guy by the last name of Chills and have a name like Simon Swinger, but goddamn, man. DXKid? That is the worst wrestling name I've ever heard. You're leeching the heat of other people as well as being an abomination to spell and sounding more like a 13 year old kid on a wrestling board who masturbates to Christian promos and Shelton Benjamin HOPZ than a genuine wrestler, and a former Hall of Famer to boot. SFFHSHFENHEPICNIGTUNNELCUNTHDHELHGGHEBBEWHAT DO YOU WANT? [Simon looks around, caught somewhat off guard by the somewhat obvious question as he pulls a pair of jeans out of his gear bag as well.] What do I want? I want DXKid's blood. He cost me potentially being the #1 Contender, and I want him to suffer. I won't lie, I'm not a liar. I've never claimed to hug my idol, or your idol, or that I was Jerry Lynn. I make no false claims of wanting a "good pure match". My intentions are pure and simple though. As pure as the truest of true loves of some people here, it's something special, or at least to me, it is. I want him not to every walk again, I want him to eat through a tube permanently. I had a plan tonight, and it worked to near perfection before that goddamned Mississippi house nigger stuck his massive lips into it and wrecked everything. [Simon gets up from the bench holding his back still a little, holding his clothes now] There's a saying that has just come to mind in this situation. "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." Makes sense, but right know, I have another classic saying for you. "Fuck you DXKid, I'm going to murder you like you were that big retard Lenny. Then I'm going to piss on your brother's grave, beat up your kids and hire men to seduce and possibly rape your fat disgusting wife because she's too ugly to do it to myself. I hope you choke on the cock you're sucking on when you hear of this." You can quote that. [Simon stands up now and walks over to the shower in the room with his clothes.] I'm going to take a shower and get the fuck out of here, and as this isn't a porno, I'm going to ask you to leave my room. [The cameraman noticably grabs the camera and walks to the door.] Wait a second. [Camera turns back to Swinger.] You tell Johnny Karisma that I want to talk to him as soon as possible. I've been here for nearly two months without a contract, and he's been falling back on giving me what I want as far as contractual bonuses go. I don't think he's even aware that he put a man not under contract in a match where he could potentially become #1 Contender and then win the BQWA Title. Tell him I wish to speak with him about my future here, and make sure to stress that. SFHWJSHFJWJW K SHFSWERPARTING WORDS FOR THE FANS? [Simon hesitates a bit, looking down to think of something before nodding his head.] I'm Simon Swinger. A man of great words. A man with a large ball sack. A man with the courage of a Komodo dragon. A true fucking American icon. [RANDOM EXPLOSION WSX STYLE --------> fade out n' shit] |
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| Phenetic | May 22 2010, 01:03 AM Post #2 |
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Killed BQ
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After the explosion hits, Halo turns off the television monitor in his office back in New York City. Hes taking it easy after the brutal War Games match, relaxing in the A.C., sheltered from the heat. He looks at the camera and shakes his head. He rises from behind his mahogany desk and stares at the camera man. Halo: You know I am just as mad as the next dude about our team gettin' their asses handed to them by some faggot in a doo rag and some joker that actually enjoys 90s grunge music. That really gets under my skin because if there are two things in this world I had? Its white boys stealin' my culture and white boys wearin' flannel....writing songs about their feelings.....and neglectin' to shave their face and cut their damn hair. But when you claim to be the MVP of the match? See that's where I gotta step in and correct you. Put you back in your place. You wanna talk about an MVP? How about the guy who put his team first for once? Yeah that's right, ME. I put the squad on my back, showed you dudes the ropes and how do I get repaid? By you under minding my abilities. By Phentic costing me a shot at the crown. By Silas Stevens wandering off into the Bermuda Triangle or some shit without even sayin' thank you. And by Jonathon Night, a dude who was supposed to be an impact player being nothing but creepy. So before you go runnin' your mouth about how you're the MVP? You should make sure that the guy you are trying to shit on isn't gonna call you out. Cause I got no problem takin' my frustration out on you in the ring. Halo: Let me ask you somethin'.......who the fuck are you? Where the fuck did you come from and who the fuck told you that you mattered in this place? Cause the last time I checked? I am a former World Champion three times over. I am a three time Tag Champion and I am a former Hardcore champion. I got status dawg. You got a gimmick. You have an agent? I had Drew Rosenhaus walkin' out with me to my matches making sure people didn't try and screw me over. Everything you're doing right now I have done at least two or three years ago, bruh. Its old news to the boys in the back and it aint innovative. Halo takes a deep breath and laughs. Halo: But you know what? I am being a little too rough on you right now. After all? You did hold your own in there and you were the only reliable body on our team outside of yours truly. So I guess I should probably thank you for that.... But I won't. Wanna know why? Cause that was your job, Swinger. It was your job to go out there and bust your ass and help Team Halo pick up the W. And you only did half of it. You know people can not like me all they want. They can call me a shit head, an ego maniac, but one thing they can't call me? A liar. I spit the truth non stop. Thats all I know how to do dawg: beat people up and keep it real. So you know what when I say somethin'? I mean it. It aint posturing, it aint mind games, its the truth. And I will back my words up in any way you want me to. I can out smart you? Or I can out muscle you and embarrass you on national television or on pay per view. So take these words to heart Swinger. Digest them the way the same way Big Evil's old, fat ass digests a cheeseburger: slowly. Cause the next time I take offense to somethin' you say about me? You aren't gonna like the outcome of it. I promise you that. Halo lifts the glass of wine that he has resting on the drink coaster in front of him in a cheers fashion and takes a sip before turning his back to the camera as the picture fades out. |
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9:16 AM Jul 11