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Simon Watches WWE - 2011
Topic Started: Jun 2 2012, 08:58 PM (12,838 Views)
Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Zack Ryder/Primo vs. Yoshi Tatsu/David Hart Smith, Superstars (February 3rd)
Good work once again between these two teams. Primo takes some awesome bumps early on before they isolate Yoshi after a huge bump off the apron. Good control seg as usual from Zack and Primo. DH has a decent hot tag, and Yoshi gets back in to finish it with the Roundhouse Kick on Ryder.
**1/2
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 12/19/2010
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov, Since 12/6/2010
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE Smackdown
February 4th, 2011
Long Island, NY


Booker T comes out to open the show, and he is replacing Striker on commentary. Oh dear.

There is a pinata above the ring.

Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero come out to open the show and she says as acting GM, she has set up several qualifying matches for Elimination Chamber, and then books Edge/Kelly Kelly vs. Ziggler/LayCool in the main event, with the World Title on the line! She calls K2 out to the ring, and Kelleh comes out. She blames Kelly for costing Ziggler the title, and says she's going to cost Edge the title tonight. She hits Vickie, but then LayCool comes out to attack her. Edge runs out to save, and all the heels leave.

Match #1: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov w/ Tamina
Decent 3 minutes. Slater hits a Reverse DDT on Vlad and Gabriel wins with the 450 Splash.
*3/4

Match #2: Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston [EC Qualifying Match]

Cole says Edge and Ziggler are both in. This is not as great as their 2010 series, due to Kofi now refusing to even sell a limb briefly after Drew has great work on it. Drew has great work on the ribs here, but Kofi's not selling shit. Luckily, Kofi doesn't get rewarded tonight and Drew wins with the Future Shock after ADR distracts Kofi on the tron.
**1/2

Match #3: Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger [EC Qualifying Match]

Below average work. Swagger stinks it up on offense, and can't decide if he's working the ankle or the midsection, so Rey sells neither as punishment. Rey wins with the 619 and Penguin Splash, and Cole keeps getting on Rey for what he did to Cody's face.
**1/4

The fiesta for ADR is set up, but Rosa Mendes and Hornswoggle come out and do something before ADR and Ricardo come out. DESTINY~ and all that nonsense. He tells Hornswoggle to try and get candy out of the pinata, but Hornswoggle hits ADR in the knees with the stick instead. ADR kicks him in the head in response and beats on him, until Kofi Kingstons out to save. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. ALL OF THIS. BOO. Ricardo distracts Kofi, and then ADR puts on the Cross Armbreaker until referees come out.

Match #4: Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero [EC Qualifying Match]
This is a minute and Kane wins with he Chokeslam.
3/4*

Chaperone trailer again.

Match #5: The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett w/ The Corre [EC Qualifying Match]
This is about 2 minutes. They seem truly terrified of letting them have a real match, which is probably fair. Zeke DESTROYS Show with a Lariat behind the ref's back and Wade covers to win.
*1/2

Show tries to attack them post-match, BUT ZEKE FUCKING BODYSLAMS HIM AGAIN WITH NO PROBLEM!

Match #6: Edge [c]/Kelly Kelly vs. Dolph Ziggler/LayCool w/ Vickie Guerrero [World Heavyweight Championship - Spear Still Banned For Edge]
This is mostly bullshit, and like 80% of this is the girls doign stuff. Edge and Dolph do nothing meaningful. Kelly wins at the end with the Spear on Layla.
*1/2

Vickie fires K2 post-match, and books Edge/Ziggler next week with her as the ref, and Dolph hits the Peace Zig. Everything but NXT is horrible.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 12/19/2010
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov, Since 12/6/2010
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE Raw
February 7th, 2011
Milwaukee, WI


Vince McMahon comes on the stage and says the special host of WrestleMania XXVII will be introduced next week!

Randy Orton comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says punting Husky IN. THE. SKULL., but that does not make he and CM Punk even. CM Punk comes out, and he sits down on the stage as he is now accustomed to doing. He says this isn't over, he agrees, and says Randy's the one who started this, and shows footage of Orton punting him back in 2008 to cost him the World Title. Ah, 2008. So much promise. Punk says Orton doesn't care about anyone but himself, and he promises Orton will never again be WWE Champion as long as they are on the same show. He says he's going to eliminate all his competition before the Chamber, starting with Orton, and the rest of New Nexus comes out with him. They beat on Orton, AND HOLY SHIT, NEW NEXUS ACTUALLY LAYS OUT ORTON! WHOA!

During the break, Anon GM rings in and books all of New Nexus in individual matches tonight, and then Punk vs. Cena.

Truth comes out for the match vs. Mason, and gets the name of the city wrong, yelling Green Bay instead. Amazing work.

Match #1: R-Truth vs. Mason Ryan
This is one of the worst matches of the year so far. Sloppy and embarrassing and shows how unprepared Mason is for live TV/any TV/any wrestling match. Mason wins with the Brock Lock.
45/poop

He refuses to let go, and the ref reverses the decision.

In the back, Punk tells Mason he did well, and he says he wants people injured tonight.

Match #2: Eve/Tamina/Gail Kim vs. Melina/The Bella Twins
Waste of 2 minutes. Faces win.
1/4*

Elimination Chamber hype video. MIKE KNOX SIGHTING!

Match #3: John Morrison vs. Michael McGillicutty
This sure happened for 2 minutes. JoMo wins with Starship Pain.
*1/4

Morrison celebrates to the stage, BUT CM PUNK RUNS OUT AND SPRAYS AN AEROSOL CAN IN HIS EYES! He hits a Roundhouse Kick, and leaves Morrison down.

The Miz and A-Ri come out, and he gets on the mic. He asks Riley to leave and asks Jerry Lawler to come in so he can talk to his next challenger. He says he was pulling for King last week, and says he sees himself as a more successful modern day Jerry Lawler, since he's actually going to defend the WWE Title at WrestleMania. Lawler says his road to WrestleMania has always been under construction, but he's finally going to get his WrestleMania moment after he beats Miz for the title! Miz tries a cheap shot, but Lawler fights him off. Ted Jr. comes out to help, and Bryan runs out to save. Anon GM books a tag.

Match #4: Jerry Lawler/Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz/Ted DiBiase w/ Alex Riley
This is a lot of fun. Lawler and Bryan do 99% of the work, but whatever. Lawler has a good hot tag, and after Danielson takes out Miz with the Tope Suicida, King gets Ted with the Fistdrop off the middle buckle for the win.
**1/2

Sheamus comes out for his match, and Josh rushes down and interviews him about what MOK said. Sheamus asks what and Josh says someone said that Mark was saying Sheamus shouldn't be in the Chamber after not having won a match in months. Sheamus says Mark couldn't fit in one of the pods and he's been here for 15 years without even coming close to the main event, and he's a joke. Fuck yeah. Plant that seed. Instead of Otunga coming out, Mark comes out to fight. He lays out Sheamus with TWO World's Strongest Slams, and he leaves.

New Nexus watches in the back, and Punk just shrugs.

Match #5: Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella
This is about two and a half minutes and had far too much Santino offense. ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker.
*3/4

Vickie and Dolph are in the ring and they hype up the title match on SMOCKDAWN. John Cena comes out and they try to capture lightning in a bottle again by trying to do-over the INCREDIBLE segment from December 2010, but the magic is not there. Ziggler and Vickie end up walking out in protest. Cole complains about Cena always doing the same thing, and Lawler's like "Cena never repeats himself!" God damnit. You both suck.

2 21 11. THAT'S GOTTA BE STANG

Match #6: John Cena vs. CM Punk
Disappointing, as it's only 5 minutes. It's still Punk vs. Cena, and it's great. Lawler refuses to give Punk credit for anything, despite him controlling 90% of this match. Both men have awesome body punches in this. Cena makes his comeback, and New Nexus comes out to the ring. Cena gets a blatant low blow for the DQ.
**1/2

Cena slides out and comes back in with a chair, and he runs them off.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 12/19/2010
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov, Since 12/6/2010
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE NXT
February 8th, 2011
Green Bay, WI


TONIGHT: An elimination! Probably that Saxton faggot.

IMMUNITY POINTS:
Curtis: 3
Everyone else: 0

They do the stupid air castle joust game. Bateman wins his round. Brodus refuses to get on the thing, and says he'll make his statement in the ring. Saxton then beats Bateman. Bullshit. Horrible competition. The replay shows it was even, so they have a rematch. Saxton then wins again. BOOOO.

Match #1: Derrick Bateman vs. Byron Saxton
This is decent enough. The highlight is Masters trying to start another "TURD!" chant, and succeeding. Bateman wins with the LeBell Lock.
*3/4

Elimination Chamber video again.

Before the main event, Ziggler mocks Truth by yelling "MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN!" Ziggler then elbow drops a cheesehead helmet thing.

Match #2: Brodus Clay vs. Johnny Curtis
This is not awful, but too long. Josh says he was just told he gets to decide who has the most immunity points tonight. More TURD stuff on the stage, and Ziggler leaves in protest. Brodus wins with a slam.
*3/4

Striker is with everyone for the elimination, and now suddenly Brodus and Curtis are tied for having 3 points and the other two now have 2 points. What? Curtis gets immunity because the crowd likes him more and Josh points out that Clay just beat Curtis and this is stupid. AND BYRON IS GONE! YES! FUCK YOU, BYRON! The Pros say goodbye to Turd Jr.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 12/19/2010
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov, Since 12/6/2010
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE Smackdown
February 11th, 2011
Green Bay, WI


TONIGHT: Edge vs. DOLF~ for the belt with Vickie as ref

Yo, fuck this ADR/Kofi feud.

featured an opening in-ring segment in which Ricardo Rodriguez introduced Alberto Del Rio, with Del Rio driving out and entering the ring, decorated with flowers and balloons; Del Rio then cut a promo about the various things he love before saying he loved destiny the most; Del Rio then insulted the Super Bowl Champion Green Bay Packers, many of whom were shown sitting ringside, before saying he would become World Heavyweight Champion; WWE IC Champion Kofi Kingston then interrupted, mentioned Del Rio beating him the previous week with a kendo stick, and then pulled a kendo stick out from under the ring before cornering Del Rio with it; Kingston held off from hitting Del Rio before eventually winking at him, repeatedly hitting him with the weapon, and then destroying the various props in the ring

Match #1: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston
This sucked. Like three minutes of super loose and full of daylight Kofi offense, and his shitty Ranhei, before ADR gets the Cross Armbreaker to win. This is a pretty horrible way to build a title challenger.
*1/2

In the back, Todd interviews Edge and he mocks Todd for implying that this might be fair tonight. He says he has no idea how he'll retain.

They cover the Packers' Super Bowl win with that faggot Aaron Rodgers having title belts. The Packers are in the front row with cheap looking Big Gold Belts. They don't deserve expensive ones.

Match #2: Justin Gabriel w/ The Corre vs. Vladimir Kozlov w/ Santino Marella
This is like 90 seconds and useless. Gabriel wins with the 450 Splash after Corre interference. The Corre's theme is getting closer to the awesome version of "End of Days".
*1/2

Santino gets hit with Wasteland post-match, and Zeke kills Kozlov with the Uranage too.

Match #3: Drew McIntyre vs. Chris Masters
This is AMAZING for 2 minutes. Tons of nasty strikes, huge bumps from both guys, everything looked super crisp, etc. Great preview for their amazing Superstars match in the spring. Drew backflips out of a backslide and hits the Future Shock to win.
**

Drew gets on the mic, and he says he holds Edge responsible for Kelleh Kelleh being fired.

Clips air of Cody's face injury, and Cole says Cody has has successful facial surgery.

In the back, Todd asks Rey about Cody. He says it's just a broken nose and it wasn't intentional, and these things happen. He says he's focused on the Chamber in 9 days and on Wade Barrett tonight.

Cole: Booker, Wade's out there all by himself. What match are you watching?

Booker: I don't know yet. We shall see.

Match #4: Rey Mysterio vs. Wade Barrett
Booker says they other Corre members are nobodies piggybacking on Wade's talent. Goddamnit, that's not how you do this. This is better than I expected, but Wade is clearly not used to working a big vs. little structure, or in the very least, he hasn't done it in a while. Rey has his nice "chopping the tree down" type spots. Wade's offense does not go well in a match like this. Gabriel comes out for a distraction and MWAY hits the Wasteland to win.
**1/4

The rest of the Corre comes out, but The Big Show runs out to fight them away. He goes for Wade, BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT, ZEKE HITS SHOW WITH A FUCKING SUPLEX?! JESUS CHRIST.

Match #5: Kane vs. JTG
Short squash.
3/4*

Elimination Chamber video airs again.

Match #6: Eve vs. Layla w/ Michelle McCool
Layla does what she can, but this is mostly Eve stuff, and she wins with a roll up.
1/2*

Match #7: Edge [c] vs. Dolph Ziggler [World Heavyweight Championship - Special Referee: Vickie Guerrero - Spear Still Illegal]

This is more about the referee stuff and only 7 minutes, so this is their worst match together. Good stuff at the end though before booking kicks in. Vickie goes down and Edge hits the Spear. They both get up and Edge hits another one. Clay Matthews hops the rail and somehow has the authority to count three.
**

Vickie is up now, and she disputes it, and they argue over who is champion to end the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 12/19/2010
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov, Since 12/6/2010
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE Raw
February 14th, 2011
Anaheim, CA


Josh is replacing Jerry Lawler, who is at the funeral of his mother.

TONIGHT: CENA VS. PUNK WITH EVERYONE BANNED FROM RINGSIDE, Morrison vs. Truth, and Orton vs. Sheamus

Match #1: John Cena vs. CM Punk
Hey, this was fucking great. That tends to happen when these two get time. Lots of amazing Cena selling, and Punk strikes. Cena again throws some great body blows and breaks out his awesome Gutwrench Suplex. When Punk gets knocked to the floor, someone in a Nexus armband slides him a chair from under the ring. He slides it in to distract the ref, and then he hits Cena with a pipe! Punk gets back in, and he hits the GTS to win.
***

Alberto Del Rio shows up and talks about destiny a lot, and how it doesn't matter who wins the SD Chamber on Sunday. Edge comes out and says he has a destiny of his own, and he attacks ADR. He Spears him off the apron, and then Vickie Guerrero comes out. She shows footage of Edge using the Spear last week, and then introduces THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION DOLPH ZIGGLER! YEAH! He comes out and Vickie says the coronation will be this Friday and she will also prove that Edge assaulted T'Lo, and he will lose his job too .

Match #2: Eve [c] vs. Natalya [WWE Divas Championship - Lumberjill Match]
This could have been decent, but the stip kills it. Eve gets a roll up to win.
3/4*

Mark Henry comes out for a match, but fucking Sheamus attacks someone from behind AGAIN, and hits the Bro Kick. Sheamus gets on the mic and says that is an example for five other fellas in the Elimination Chamber.

Match #3: The Miz w/ Alex Riley vs. Daniel Bryan
Miz is again willing to play a role and let Danielson do most of the work to make this a great match. This went how I want a Miz title match to go. He can control using his intelligence, but in a straight match, he gets dominated until he can come up with a smart counter. He doesn't really have a control seg here, and it's just 10 minutes of great back and forth. He drops Danielson face down to block a Victory Roll, and then hits the Skull Crushing Finale to win.
***1/4

Post-match, Miz wishes Lawler condolences, but he hopes he doesn't use the loss of his mother as an excuse after Elimination Chamber.

Match #4: John Morrison/R-Truth vs. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty w/ Mason Ryan
Well, this...this happened. Morrison beats Joe with the Jimmy Rave Knee.
*3/4

included an in-ring segment in which Ariel Winter, of 'The Chaperone,' introduced the Great Khali, alongside Runjin Singh, for the Khali Kiss Cam; Singh then said fans in the arena and people backstage would participate, which led to Maryse opting not to kiss Ted Dibiase Jr. but kissing Yoshi Tatsu, William Regal kissing Zack Ryder, and culminating with Ariel kissing Hornswoggle

Match #5: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
This was a nothing match once again, but at least it was only 5 minutes. Orton wins with the RKO.
*3/4

New Nexus comes out to attack them. Truth, Morrison, and Cena also run out to save, and Randy hits Otunga and McGillicutty with the RKO, and Punk gets the FU. They're always so close to booking a legitimate top heel threat, and then they do something like this.

Yo, so this guy Dwayne Johnson returned? Pretty decent promo, no big deal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8ejiG5-BtA
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 12/19/2010
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov, Since 12/6/2010
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE NXT
February 15th, 2011
San Diego, CA


In the back, Bateman challenges Bryan to a match so that he can be in the ring with the best to improve. Danielson accepts, and they walk away with matching trunks with DB on the back of them. Fuck, they were not only a great pairing, but they were both willing to be in a tag team. This pairing will be over in 3 weeks. :(

Striker is in the rign with the three rookies and Striker says one more elimination will be next week, and in two weeks, the winner will be announced. They have a pinata challenge, and they have to run the NXT Dollars that fall out up to their pro, and whoever has the most wins. Brodus wins.

Match #1: R-Truth vs. Brodus Clay
Short and boring. Clay wins with the Tongan STO.
*1/4

OH! WRITTEN IN THE STARS!

They now have another challenge and it's WWE Jeopardy, but if they get an answer wrong, a bucket of water falls on them. A question about SD's debut is in the 1980s category. Brodus wins this too after they give up and randomly end this.

They kill time by reairing Rock's promo.

Match #2: Daniel Bryan vs. Derrick Bateman
Ziggler again scores with the live mic saying, "This isn't ROH, don't shake hands. OR IS IT?!" causing Danielson to crack up. This is a very good Danielson carryjob. Lots of classic Danielson spots. Ricardo breaks up some matwork by yelling "THE CHARGERS SUCK". Danielson is perfect at knowing what kind of offense to give Bateman and exactly how much, as at no point does it blatantly feel like "oh, this is where Bateman has some offense", and felt like he earned it. He's still pretty inexperienced, but he has one hell of a Lariat. Danielson wins with the LeBell Lock.
**3/4
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks, Superstars (February 17th)
Masters carries Reks to a great 5 minute heavyweight slugfest. Masters leans into all of Rek's strikes and makes him look amazing. Good story at the end, with Reks being flustered at having to face someone his own size and making a mistake that costs him his winning streak. He tries to go up top and he jumps, but Masters catches him by the arm, and he puts on the Masterlock to win.
**3/4

The Usos vs. Yoshi Tatsu/David Hart Smith, Superstars (February 17th)

This kind of blew. The Usos are dreadfully plain on offense.DH continues to be not offensive, and then Yoshi is great as usual. Big bumps, lots of crisp kicks, etc. DH has the hot tag, and tries to show personality, and it is hilarious. The Usos pull a twin switch on DH and they get a roll up to win.
*1/2

Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Zack Ryder/Primo, Superstars (February 17th)

This was pretty good stuff. Zack and Primo shine on their bumping and stooging, and Kozlov has some awesome offense when he's in. Good control seg and cut-offs of Santino by Zack and Primo. Vlad gets in for a nice hot tag, and Santino gets back in to hit Primo with the Cobra to win.
**1/4
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 12/19/2010
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov, Since 12/6/2010
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE Smackdown
February 18th, 2011
San Diego, CA

Match #1: John Cena/Randy Orton/Edge/Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/R-Truth vs. CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler/Sheamus/Drew McIntyre/Kane/Wade Barrett

They get like 15 minutes, and this is a lot of fun. Edge still has the belt, and Cole says he's not stripped of it yet. The first half had faces in control obviously, and they did a good job having it be guys like Dolph and Drew, who are still willing to take huge bumps and sell a ton, instead of like fucking Kane or Wade or Sheamus. Really awesome Rey/Punk section too. Rey is a good face in peril, and Punk has a lot of great cut offs. You get the big finishing run you'd expect and then Edge beats Ziggler AGAIN with the Spear, continuing their goal of this feud ensuring that nobody could ever buy Dolph as a top guy.
***

Vickie comes out after and orders Edge to hand over the belt for using the Spear last week, and claims he attacked Teddy, and fires him.

In a pretape, Cody Rhodes cuts a promo. It's mostly dark, and he has a face mask on. He says his operation was a success, but he's missed out on the Rumble and the Elimination Chamber, and he hasn't gotten to get on the road to WrestleMania. He says badmouthing Rey is a step backwards, because he's 10x the man he could be. He announces that he's cleared for travel and he has a very important announcement next week.

Match #2: Eve/Beth Phoenix vs. Layla/Maryse w/ Michelle McCool
TEAM ERECTION. They win after something.
3/4*

They reair Rock's promo again. So good that it made me shake!

Match #3: The Miz w/ Alex Riley vs. Kofi Kingston
This was a match. Miz works the midsection, Kofi doesn't sell it, they do some boring stuff. ADR comes out for a distraction and Miz gets the Skull Crushing Finale to win.
**

Match #4: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov [c] vs. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel w/ The Corre [WWE Unified Tag Team Championship]

This is about 2 minutes before Zeke and Wade attack the champions for a DQ.
*1/4

Big Show comes running out to save.

Vickie is in the ring with the title, and she brings out THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, DOLPH ZIGGLER! FUCK YEAH! PERFECTION!

Posted Image

With something great happening, T'Lo is awakened to ruin it. Booker yells THAT'S THADDEUS, DAWG! Teddy says he knows they're surprised to see him, since they had the most to gain from his attack. He says they did it, and she says it was all Dolph! He is pissed, and T'Lo rehires Edge and books a title match right now!

Match #5: Dolph Ziggler [c] w/ Vickie Guerrero vs. Edge [World Heavyweight Championship]
This is about 3 minutes of Ziggler bumping around and failing to do his offense before Edge wins the belt with the Spear. Why even do this? What the fuck did this accomplish, besides cementing that Ziggler is not main event material (which is bullshit anyways)?
*3/4

Edge celebrates with the belt and T'Lo fires Dolph. Motherfucker.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 2/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov, Since 12/6/2010
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


Posted Image

WWE Elimination Chamber 2011
February 20th, 2011
Oakland, CA

Match #1: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

This was their least shitty match together. Almost a good match, ended up just being below average. ADR realizes Kofi can't sell a limb, but he still makes a mistake working the body at all, as he works the ribs and midsection. Kofi still won't sell shit. Kofi has a lot of horrible punches when he comes back. ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker.
**1/4

In the back, Randy Orton STANDS~

Hype video for the Chamber.

Match #2: Edge [c] vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett vs. Kane vs. Drew McIntyre [World Heavyweight Championship - Elimination Chamber]
Edge and Rey start, and Rey again does a good job carrying Edge in a Chamber match. Wade is in next, and contributes nothing but a warm body. Kane is in next. Rey continues to carry the match all by himself. It's not amazing, but it is very good. Drew is in next, AND LAWNDARTS REY THROUGH THE GLASS! FUCK YEAH! Drew wrecks Wade's shit too, and is amazing. Show is in last and quickly KOs Wade to eliminate him. The other four spam stuff on Show, and Kane eliminates him with a Chokeslam. Drew also gets one and is out. :( Kane tries one on Rey, but Edge Spears him, and he is gone. They go back to Rey/Edge for the last 10 minutes, and it's mostly great. They end up going on too long with egregious kickouts, and it gets boring by the end. Edge wins with a second Spear.
**1/2

ADR comes out to attack Edge and he puts on the Cross Armbreaker, BUT CHRISTIAN FINALLY MAKES HIS RETURN FOR THE SAVE! YEAH! Christian lays him out with the Killswitch, and he and Edge celebrate.

Short WrestleMania ad.

Booker T gets in the ring to announce that he will be on the new season of Tough Enough, and he introduces the 3rd host, Trish Stratus! Trish says she came to see Lawler win the WWE Title, and Booker does the Spinarooni.

Chaperone trailer.

Match #3: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov [c] vs. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel w/ Ezekiel Jackson [WWE Unified Tag Team Championship]
Average short affair. Vlad breaks out the GODDAMNED HEADBUTT TO THE CHEST for old times' sake, but that's the only thing of any importance happening in the ring. The Corre wins clean with the 450 Splash on Vlad.
*1/2

In the back, Todd interviews Miz. He says it's not 1983, when it was good to be King, and it's not 1999, when you could smell what the Rock is cooking, and says 2011 is his year. He says he'll deal with The Rock later, and he'll deal with Lawler tonight. He does the whole deal in monotone and it just fucking sucks that he's being forced into the SRS INTENSE HEEL mold. He's not Jericho. Nobody's going to be 2008 Chris Jericho. Just let him be The Miz, it's what got him here to begin with. Shit.

Vickie Guerrero comes out and says Dolph being fired is unfair, and says it was a crime of passion. T'Lo comes out and says he's still in a hiring mood, and Kelly Kelly comes out. She goes for Vickie, but LayCool then comes out to save. Trish Stratus comes out to run them off. She botches due to having heels on, but whatever.

Hype video for Miz/King.

Match #4: The Miz [c] w/ Alex Riley vs. Jerry Lawler [WWE Championship]
This is awesome. Lots of great Lawler sells and punches and Miz works this like he did vs. Danielson on Raw, where he gets beat up a lot, but gets his shots in through intelligence and luck/interference. A-Ri gets ejected and then Cole tries to distract Lawler, but King throws Miz into him. At one point, Booker just starts yelling lyrics from "California Love", saying "FROM OAKLAND TO STACKTON, THE BAY AREA AND BACK DOWN, THE KING IS PUTTING THE MACK DOWN!" Miz wins with the Skull Crushing Finale.
***

Cole gets in to raise Miz's hand.

2 21 11

In the back, Cena is eating Fruity Pebbles. Todd asks him about Rock's promo, and Cena hypes up the Chamber instead.

WRESTLEMANIA 27: OH! WRITTEN IN THE STARS! 42 DAYS AWAAAAAY!

Match #5: John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus vs. John Morrison vs. R-Truth [Elimination Chamber Match]
Morrison and Sheamus start off, and Morrison's stuff is perfectly showcased in a match like this. Morrison takes lots of huge and impressive bumps too. Orton was in next, and mostly looked good. At the very least, the best he's looked since 2009. CM Punk is in next, but his door is stuck, and Orton is easily able to corner him, and he hits the RKO to eliminate him. Anon GM rings in for the greater good and says the door botched it, so Punk gets to go back in the pod and come out last! Cena is in next. Truth is in next, but quickly loses to the Bro Kick. Punk is in last, and waits until Orton is down to come out. He does an awesome mockery of Orton beating up the canvas, and eliminates Orton with the GTS. Punk does an amazing job here, really stealing the match. Some cool stuff happens. Morrison climbs up to the ceiling, AND FALLS DOWN ONTO SHEAMUS TO ELIMINATE HIM AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! The final 5-6 minutes of Punk/Morrison/Cena is all really great. Morrison misses the Jimmy Rave Knee and hits his knee off the pod. Great selling from all three guys. Punk gets JoMo out with the GTS, but then Cena immediately catches hm with the FU over the top to the steel grating for the win. Great match.
***1/4
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 2/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel, Since 2/20/2011
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011

WWE Raw
February 21st, 2011
Fresno, CA


2 21 11 ROUGHLY 59 MINUTES OR SO

John Cena comes out to open the show AND DERP ITS GREAT TO BE HERE ON MONDAY NIGHT RAW GUYS. He talks about winning the chamber to get a shot vs. Miz at WrassleMonia, and says everyone keeps talking about The Rock. He then delivers a pretty great battle rap: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J47l-88qtrw A little wonky early on with the forced gay jokes, but it gets really awesome by the end.

TONIGHT: Cole interviews Lawler

Match #1: CM Punk vs. John Morrison
This is really great for 3 minutes. Everything looks great, they have perfect chemistry, and Morrison's selling of his knee is fantastic. Punk kicks Morrison's bad leg when he tries the Jimmy Rave Knee, and then hits the GTS to win.
**1/2

Punk gets on the mic, and calls out Randall Keith Orton. He says Nexus has the night off. He says on September 7th, 2008, Randall made a choice to kick him in the skull, and he doesn't deserve to be on WrestleMania, and he says if he shows up to Raw next week, he would hurt him. Orton comes from the crowd and attacks. He sets up for the RKO, but Punk rolls out. New Nexus comes out, and Punk stops them from interfering, and they leave.

We're supposed to do ADR/Kofi AGAIN, but Kofi attacks ADR as he comes out. ADR ends up dominating him and kills Kofi's arm.

The Miz and A-Ri come out and they say everyone should be embarrassed at how the jumped up and down for The Rock, and all The Rock could say about him is that he sucks. REALLY? He keeps doing stuff and Anon GM rings in. He books Cena and Miz vs. The Corre for the tag titles.

Match #2: The Bella Twins vs. Eve/Gail Kim
Short and inoffensive. Bellas win.
1/2*

The countdown strikes zero.

THERE AIN'T NO GRAVE~! The Undertaker comes out, taking his sweet time as usual. And then Triple H comes out. He points at the Mania logo and they both nod. H gives a crotch chop, Taker signals for death. Not a ton to recap here.

OH! WRITTEN IN THE STARS! 41 DAYS AWAY!

Match #3: Sheamus vs. Mark Henry
This was really awesome for 4 minutes. Great preview of what they'd go on to do in the summer/fall/will do once MOK returns and reclaims his god damn belt. Sheamus undoes a turnbuckle pad, but then Mark splashes him against it, AND HITS THE WORLD'S STRONGEST SLAM! FUCK YEAH!
**1/2

In the back, Danielson and Gail are laughing and Sheamus happens to walk by. Sheamus threatens them and because of his stupid accent, it sounds like he yells, "HOW BOU I RIP OFF YER HEAD AND FUCK YOUR GIRLFRIEND?"

HALL OF FAME, CLASS OF 2011: HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cole is in the ring, and he brings out Jerry Lawler. He says he will be the bigger man tonight, and asks a bunch of dickish questions about if he'll get out of the spotlight now, how much better the Miz is than him, and if he's done being a complete failure. Cole asks how it feels to let down his deceased mother, and Lawler grabs him by the collar. He says he's tired of him, and he challenges him to a match at WrestleMania! Cole calls him a senile old man and he refuses. Lawler keeps pestering him and says he can finally prove he's such a tough man now, so Cole throws water in his face and he runs away.

Fucking Chaperone trailer.

Match #4: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel [c] w/ The Corre vs. John Cena/The Miz w/ Alex Riley [WWE Unified Tag Team Championship]
This was 3 minutes of not much. Miz beats Slater with the Skull Crushing Finale.
*1/2

Wade declares their rematch clause is happening right now.

Match #5: John Cena/The Miz [c] w/ Alex Riley vs. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel w/ The Corre [WWE Unified Tag Team Championship]
This gets like 10 minutes and is actually not bad. Miz shows a lot of potential as a babyface. Fuck that, Miz is a really great face in peril. What the hell? Not just better than expected, but he did a ton of little shit that showed he really got it. Great cut-off spots, and he did his usual offense with a much better sense of urgency and desperation as he tried to get the tag. Cena has a decent hot tag, but then Miz hits him with the Finale, and Slater covers to win.
**3/4

No real reason why they had to do two title switches here. Or one at all.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 2/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel, Since 2/20/2011
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011

WWE NXT
February 22nd, 2011
Sacramento, CA


Earlier tonight, Truth tells Curtis that no pros will be there tonight. Danielson tells Curtis the same thing and says if he's eliminated tonight, he will punch him right in the mouth.

Striker brings the rookies onto the stage. They have a ridiculous obstacle course that is not even worth recapping. Curtis wins.

Match #1: Derrick Bateman vs. Johnny Curtis vs. Brodus Clay
They do stuff for longer than they should have, and Curtis wins for some reason.
**

They re-play Cena's rap on Rocky.

It is time for the elimination. Derrick is gone, and this entire show is finally exposed as a fucking sham once and for all.

DB2 FOREVER.
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John Cena vs. CM Punk, Chile (February 23rd)
Heeeeeey, what's up fancam? Some really great Punk stalling before they get going. And it's Punk vs. Cena, so when they get going, they do some incredible work. No real fancy matwork, but since it's a fancam, you wouldn't be able to see all the little stuff anyways, so I am fine with that. Punk's control seg deliver again. They changed up their finishing a lot and still had some great nearfalls. Cena wins with the FU. Nothing incredible, but really interesting to see.
***

Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks, Superstars (February 24th)

This is only like 2-3 minutes, so it is not as good as last week. Solid power match and another cool Masterlock based finish. Reks struggles to block it, so Masters knees him in the gut from behind and gets it on for the win.
**

Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase w/ Maryse, Superstars (February 24th)

Really great section of Danielson torturing Ted to start. Ted took over, and he continues to look improved against Bryan. You can it's just Danielson, but there's a noticeable improvement between the Ted who fought AmDrag at Survivor Series and this Ted. Not quite great, due to an abrupt finish. Yoshi Tatsu comes out in a suit to give Maryse flowers. She is pleased and Ted is mad. She hits him with the flowers in walks off, and AmDrag puts on the LeBell Lock to win.
**3/4
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 2/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel, Since 2/21/2011
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE Smockdawn
February 25th, 2011
Sacramento, CA


In the back, T'Lo books Edge/Kelleh vs. Drew/Vickie tonight and says if Vickie's team loses, she is fired too.

Match #1: Rey Mysterio vs. Kane
OH FUCK YOU.

Josh: Booker, you've fought him, how does Rey make you change your offense?

Booker: Yeah, he's definitely got an uphill battle here against Kane, dawg. Kane was so impressive in that Chamber match. As far as Rey's offense goes, he can fight from above or below, you know dawg, so Rey has to take the fight to Kane any way he can, but this is gonna be a great match.

Booker is having a completely different conversation than Josh and Cole. It's truly spectacular. This match was horrible. Kane controls 90% of it, working on the back, and Rey refuses to sell any of it. Rey wins with a roll up.
*3/4

Rey gets back in after Kane leaves, AND DUSTY RHODES COMES OUT! He hugs Rey and gets on the mic. He says first of all, he wants to apologize for his son's behavior lately, and he asks Cody to come out to the ring right now. Cody comes out in a suit and with the protective mask on, without the music. It's gone. :( Cody says he didn't want to do this out here, because everyone is staring at him. He says Rey is responsible for him not being in the Rumble or the Elimination Chamber. Dusty says he's lost focus on winning titles and going to WrestleMania. Dusty says men like The Miz and Edge played to win titles and that's why they're already going to WrestleMania, but Cody wanted to play "dashing", and he wants him to apologize to Rey. Cody apologizes to his dad, and then Rey. Dusty shakes Rey's hand, BUT DUSTY REFUSES TO LET GO, AND CODY ATTACKS REY! FUCK YEAH! They beat him to the stage, and Cody keeps throwing him face-first into the wall. He takes off Rey's mask, but people run out to cover Rey up before anyone can see him. Cody and Dusty hug. Awesome angle, shame a full Rhodes Family stable didn't happen.

Match #2: Rosa Mendes vs. Layla w/ Michelle McCool
This is about a minute before Michelle attacks for the DQ.
1/4*

Match #3: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger

This was pretty horrible again, but at least it was only like 2-3 minutes. Kofi's arm is all taped up, so Jack clearly targets the ankle. Awesome job. Swagger wins with the Ankle Lock.
*1/2

They replay Cena's promo again.

In the back, Vickie asks Chavo for help, but he brings up all the times she's treated him like crap and used him, and he leaves.

Match #4: The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett [Corre Banned From Ringside]
This proves my original hypothesis about this pairing, as they get some 7 minutes, and it sucks. Show wins by count out.
*1/2

The rest of The Corre comes out to attack Show, but Show gets a chair, and they all bail.

RAW REBOUND. Focuses on H/Taker. The narration of it probably is longer than the actual segment between them.

Match #5: Edge/Kelly Kelly vs. Drew McIntyre/Vickie Guerrero
Only so much Drew can do here, especially when he gets no real offense. K2 beats Vickie with the worst Spear of all time.
*1/4

Vickie gets the goodbye song, but then ADR ambushes Edge and puts on the Cross Armbreaker to end the show.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 2/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel, Since 2/21/2011
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE Raw
February 28th, 2011
Buffalo, NY


Triple H comes out to open the show, and Lawler and Josh officially announce Taker/H. He says he's done everything there is to do and he's beaten everyone worth beating, past or present, and he and Taker can both look in the locker room and realize that there's no big challenges left. Wow. Okay, really? I get the point he's making, but that could have been said a lot better. He says he's outlasted everybody, except for one man, The Undertaker. He says the last two of the era will meet (Kane is sad). He says Taker lives for The Streak, and The Streak is the only challenge he has left, so he's going to end The Streak or die trying. Sheamus comes out and HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU SHEAMUS. KICK TO THE DICK. BIG BEATDOWN. PEDIGREE THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE. BACK TO THE MIDCARD, FAGGOT.

After break, Sheamus is getting up, but Anon GM says he has a match now, and Evan Bourne returns! FUCK YEAH!

Match #1: Evan Bourne vs. Sheamus
Bourne wins with Air Bourne in about 30 seconds.
1/4*

Michael Cole comes out to the ring and calls Lawler into the ring. He reminds Lawler that he can't hit him and Cole says nobody has more guts than him. Cole says he accepts, if he gets to pick his own cornerman and the guest referee. Lawler accepts, and Cole introduces his trainer for the match, and it's just Jack Swagger. He comes out and then puts Lawler in the Ankle Lock as Cole yells at Lawler.

NEXT WEEK: STEVE AUSTIN IS THERE

Randy Orton comes out AND. TALKS. LIKE. THIS. He says he will make CM Punk eat food through a straw. The New Nexus comes out to the stage and Punk says he's going to put him in the ground. Anon GM rings in and books Orton/Punk at Mania. He says Orton will face all the New Nexus members in coming weeks, and in each match, either the NN member will be allowed ringside if they win, or banned if they lose.

Match #2: Randy Orton vs. Michael McGillicutty
They do things and moves and Randall wins with the RKO.
*1/2

Orton then punts him.

Miz and A-Ri come out. He says Rock will respond to Cena tonight, but says this is now The Miz's show. Derp biggest star, must see, media covers him, etc. John Cena comes out and says Miz has OCD, and he's obsessed with being awesome, but the medical report says he's merely average. A-Ri says he now realizes why someone decided to nickname toilets "Johns". OH MY GOD, THAT WAS BAD. Cena just cringes and says that's why nobody takes Miz seriously. He tells him to fire Alex Riley and then GAY JOKES. He challenges A-Ri and says if he wins, A-Ri is gone. Miz accepts if Cena agrees to say that he is awesome should Riley win. Cena says that is like the least embarrassing thing he would be forced to do in the last year, and Anon GM makes it a Cage Match.

Match #3: Divas Battle Royal
A Bella wins. Who cares?
Farting Jerk Off.

ROCK PROMO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cA5Y2Tue3DU

A video airs of Shawn Michaels talking about H/Taker. Nothing of value is said, which is not shocking, because it's a segment with Shawn Michaels talking.

D-Bry comes out, but Miz and A-Ri attack him from behind since everything else is horrible on this show so far. Miz then joins commentary.

Match #4: John Cena vs. Alex Riley [Steel Cage Match]
Miz talks about tweeting on commentary, so that's the beginning of that horrible thing. This isn't awful, but it is hardly good at all. A-Ri makes himself look like a total moron with a spot where Cena is on the ropes and Alex is in the middle of the ring, and then throws a dropkick at the air and takes a back bump. Cena powers his way out the door as Miz tries to force it shut to win.
*3/4

Miz hits the Finale on the floor post-match.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Top 10 Matches - February 2011:

1. The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan, Raw (February 14th)
2. John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus vs. John Morrison vs. R-Truth, Elimination Chamber (February 20th)
3. The Miz [c] vs. Jerry Lawler, Elimination Chamber (February 20th)
4. John Cena vs. CM Punk, Raw (February 14th)
5. John Cena/Randy Orton/Edge/Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/R-Truth vs. CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler/Sheamus/Drew McIntyre/Kane/Wade Barrett, Smackdown (February 18th)
6. John Cena vs. CM Punk, Chile (February 23rd)
7. Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase, Superstars (February 24th)
8. Daniel Bryan vs. Derrick Bateman, NXT (February 15th)
9. John Cena/The Miz [c] vs. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel, Raw (February 21st)
10. Edge [c] vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett vs. Kane vs. Drew McIntyre, Elimination Chamber (February 20th)

Wrestler of the Month: John Cena (18 Points) *First win in like 5 years

Tag Team of the Month: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel (6 Points)
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 2/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel, Since 2/21/2011
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE NXT
March 1st, 2011
Cleveland, OH

Match #1: Brodus Clay vs. Johnny Curtis

Brodus quickly wins with a Splash.
*1/2

Things happen.

Curtis wins.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 2/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel, Since 2/21/2011
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE Smackdown
March 4th, 2011
Cleveland, OH


TONIGHT: Edge/ADR contract signing

Match #1: Edge vs. Drew McIntyre
Drew does what he can, but Edge is beyond a shell of a good pro wrestler by this point, with like a month left. Drew has some really great arm work once more, but Edge refuses to sell it and wins with the Spear.
**1/4

TONIGHT: Kane vs. Big Show, The Undertaker returns

Cody Rhodes comes out and yells not to look at him. He says last week was the best feeling he's had in months, but it was only a fraction of the damage that Rey inflicted upon him. He says he wants more and challenges Rey to a match at WrestleMania, and he promises to expose Rey's face on the grandest stage of all.

In the back, The Corre half-heartedly gives Kane a pep talk.

Match #2: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel [c] w/ The Corre vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov [WWE Unified Tag Team Championship]
This happened, I guess. Slater beats Santino with his horrible Reverse DDT. I can put up with a lot of goofy WWE finishers that used to be transitional moves or goofy old school stuff, but for whatever reason, the Reverse DDT as a finish for anyone but Sting greatly upsets me.
*1/2

CHRISTIAN FINALLY RETURNS NEXT WEEK!

They replay Triple H's promo from Raw.

The Undertaker comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says he finds it mystifying that the strongest and greatest do not know when to leave well enough alone, and there are mountains that cannot be moved, seas that cannot be sailed, and streaks that cannot be ended. He says he and Triple H are the last of a dying breed (this world is cold, bundle up?). He says Triple H is the best World Heavyweight Champion of the last 15 years. Wow, okay. I mean, if he literally just means the World Heavyweight Championship, he's probably not wrong. Although the only person who's had a chance to hold it nearly as long as H since he lost it 7 years ago was Batista. And I mean, Batista's fine and all, but come on. At least they're not blatantly lying anymore and saying Triple H is the greatest champion ever. So that's an improvement, WWE is gradually getting more in touch with reality. He says Triple H is gambling his legacy and if he wins, he will be undoubtedly be the greatest of all time, but nobody wins when they gamble with the devil. And when Triple H loses, he will join the long list of names. He says he plays no games and bows to no King, and he will learn the lesson that 18 others learned, that he is the last outlaw, and he will find out what it means to rest in peace.

Video airs of the Sin Cara press conference.

Match #3: LayCool vs. Beth Phoenix/Rosa Mendes
This is like 90 seconds. Michelle sneaks in a Yakuza Kick on Beth and Layla covers to win.
1/2*

Match #4: The Big Show vs. Kane

This is about a minute before the Corre runs in to attack Show.
3/4*

They beat down Show, but Kane gets back in, and the two of them run off the Corre. KANE FACE TURN.

Match #5: Jack Swagger vs. JTG
One minute squash for Jackie Swagger. Ankle Lock ends it.
1/2*

Cole gets on the mic and he puts Swagger over. He then announces that he will announce his special referee on Monday.

RAW REBOUND.

T'Lo is in the ring for the contract signing. ADR and Ricardo come out first, and he makes Ricardo sing the Mexican national anthem. Edge comes out to interrupt, and he sits down. The crowd chants "USA!" so I guess they're really huge fans of Teddy Long. They talk about DESTINY~ again. They sign it, and then they fight. ADR puts on the Armbar, and Christian comes out to save. Poop.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 2/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel, Since 2/21/2011
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE Raw
March 7th, 2011
Dallas, TX


The Undertaker comes out to open the show and says there can only be one Last Outlaw. God damnit. He says people think
The Streak may break, either due to Triple H or Father Time. He shows clips of a friend of Triple H's who thought they had what it took, and derp it's the greatest of all time until we get Ric Flair back, Shawn Michaels. He says it will be Anything Goes and No Holds Barred at WrestleMania, and the end result is iron-clad, and that is that Triple H does not end The Streak, and he dies trying, and he will REEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSST IN PEACE. FUCK YEAH. KILL HIM.

In the back, New Nexus attacks Randall, and Punk makes him Go To Sleep. Punk tells them to drag Orton to the ring.

Coming back, they beat Orton up in the ring, but referees come out to break it up, and Anon GM books Orton vs. Otunga now.

Match #1: Randy Orton vs. David Otunga w/ New Nexus
This is about 2 minutes of horrible looking Otunga offense before Orton wins with a flash RKO. At least Orton made an attempt to sell the beatdown during the match.
1/2*

Mason goes in, but Orton hits the RKO too, no longer selling the beating at all. Orton fights off Punk, and then punts Otunga.

Cole announces that Miz said on TWITTER~ that he is boycotting the show tonight until he gets respect.

It is supposed to be Christian vs. ADR right now, but Del Rio says he will fight Christian eventually, but he wants Christian to beat his bodyguard first, and Brodus Clay comes out!

Match #2: Christian vs. Brodus Clay w/ Alberto Del Rio
This is pretty good for the 3-4 minutes it gets. I'm positive that they have a good 10 minute match in them, solely because it's babyface Christian. Lots of awesome bumps and what not, and he wins with a Tornado DDT. I'd complain about the ineffective use of a bodyguard with him losing in his first appearance, but Brodus is doing fine enough.
**

ADR puts on the Cross Armbreaker post-match.

They re-air Rock's promo, in clipped form.

SIN CARA: COMING SOON!

HALL OF FAME, 2011: SUNNY! YEAH! Bob Armstrong is also in the class now.

Match #3: Eve [c] vs. Nikki Bella [WWE Divas Championship]
Brie and Gail are also ringside. This sucks, and Cole gets on the mic and starts yelling that nobody cares and that they should wrap it up. Eve wins with a move.
1/9*

Coming back, Cole is in the ring and he introduces his referee. He is a former WWE Champion, a true legend and icon in WWE history, and he is from the state of Texas. He says they all can feel it, AND IT IS JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD! OH MY GOD YES! YES! The greatest announce team of the last 10 years and JBL takes time to shit on the state of Texas and says he's so proud of Michael Cole. He talks about Lawler being a bully to Cole, and he says he hates bullies. So great. He puts over Swagger as a great guy to train him, and he says he will be unbiased and impartial, because nobody can buy JBL. He goes to sign it, and Steve Austin comes out! They yell at him, and JBL gets the Stunner, and Austin signs the contract! Cole starts to cry, and Austin pours beer on him before drinking a lot. JBL gets back up and Austin offers him a beer. JBL accepts it, and then gets the Stunner once more.

Lawler comes out to replace Cole on commentary with Josh.

Match #4: Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
This is about 75 seconds and is more of an angle, but it's these two and they work great together. Sheamus seems to hurt his ankle when he gets knocked off the apron and he loses by count out.
*1/4

Daniel leaves and Sheamus gets on the mic. He admits he's on a losing streak, but he challenges Daniel to a US Title match next week and says if he doesn't win, he'll quit.

Match #5: CM Punk w/ Mason Ryan vs. R-Truth
This is only about 2 minutes and really rushed. Punk hits the GTS, but then puts on the Anaconda Vice for the win.
*3/4

Mason hits Truth with a horrible looking Shoulderbreaker post-match.

A much better video with Shawn Michaels airs now, talking about how Triple H's dark side is the key to beating Taker, if there is a key.

NEXT WEEK: SNOOKI

Vickie Guerrero comes out and introduces the newest member of the Raw roster, DOLPH ZIGGLER! YEAH! Anon GM rings in and says Dolph was hired, but not Vickie, but she can have a job if she beats Trish Stratus next week on Raw!

Match #6: John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero
Good stuff for 4 minutes or so. Ziggler looks great in control, and then JoMo has a solid comeback. Ziggler goes to the eyes and hits the Peace Zig to win.
**1/4

Chaperone trailer. Fuck you.

John Cena comes out and gets on the mic to end the show. Blatant pandering about there being a 50/50 split, before getting to business. He says since Rock doesn't like rap music or being addressed with rap music, he'll address him using hip hop! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlFAJXP3UQs I BRING IT VIA SATELLITE~! Miz comes from the crowd and hits Cena with the belt. He says nobody in the past can compare to him, and he is the star of WrestleMania, not The Rock, and Rock is WrestleMania's Ryan Seacrest. He then hits the Skull Crushing Finale and People's Elbow before informing us that he is awesome.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Miz, Since 11/22/2010
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge, Since 2/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/19/2010 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 1/7/2011
WWE Tag Team Champions: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel, Since 2/21/2011
WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 1/30/2011


WWE NXT
March 8th, 2011
Houston, TX


William Regal and Todd Grisham are the new announce team! Yeah!

Striker introduces the pro and rookie combinations, BUT FIRST, HIS GUEST HOST, MARYSE! She introduces the rookies instead, and I guess there are no pros yet? It's Darren Young (who already had a job in the WWE about a month and a half ago), Conor O'Brien, Lucky Cannon now working a gay gimmick, Byron Saxton, Jacob Novak, and Titus O'Neil! YES! MAKE IT A WIN! They announce that the winner of this show will win a spot on NXT Season 6. AMAZING. Striker says there is no immunity, and they announce pros. Darren Young gets Chavo Guerrero, and Chavo has the fucking audacity to tell him to get noticed. Conor gets VLADIMIR KOZLOV! YES! Tyson Kidd gets Lucky Cannon unfortunately. Saxton gets Yoshi Tatsu. Novak gets JTG. AND TITUS GETS HORNSWOGGLE! OH. MY. GOD. YES.

Match #1: Darren Young vs. Jacob Novak
Darren does what he can. Novak is not awful, and Young has very good looking offense. He needs a better finisher still, but he wins with the Hurts Donut. Regal spent about half the match putting over Skip Sheffield.
**

In the back, Yoshi tries to talk to Maryse. Byron comes up and asks Yoshi how he can win NXT, so Maryse walks off. Yoshi yells that his timing is horrible in broken English, and he leaves.

RAW REBOUND!

Chaperone trailer.

They do a Boot Camp obstacle course. It is for Redemption Points, which are literally the same thing as immunity points. Darren Young wins.

They re-air the Cole/Lawler seg.

A video airs on Byron Saxton.

Match #2: Titus O'Neil vs. Lucky Cannon
Lucky is still horrible as a heel. Regal points out that Titus is learning things from Finlay, in a second hand type of way. Titus looks improved, and has a great Jumping Shoulderblock. He wins with the Lo Down.
*1/2


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