| Simon Watches TNA - 2008 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 8 2012, 09:10 PM (3,966 Views) | |
| Big Tuna | Aug 8 2012, 09:10 PM Post #1 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 9/9/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim, Since 10/14/2007 TNA Impact January 3rd, 2008 Orlando, FL JB is on location at AJ's house, and his sister, dad, and old Coach are there, and AJ Styles has locked himself in his room, because he's 13. AJ yells that he's not here and JB asks what his decision is. JB says he has to decide by Sunday, and AJ yells at him to go away. JB says he'll be here all night. Jim Cornette is in the ring and says there'll be four gauntlet matches tonight to determine rankings in each division. He also books Roode/Brooks vs. Booker/Sharmell at Final Resolution. He plugs Angle/Christian, and Samoa Joe comes out to the ring. Joe asks why he's not on the PPV when he's beaten everyone, and he's given Nash and Hall, who hasn't been here in 2 months, a Tag Title shot. That is a great question. The answer is that Jim Cornette is a moron. Nash comes out with a mic and says Hall has more problems than anyone, and Joe doesn't have the right to run his mouth about Scott Hall. Joe says even the best get to a point where they have to move aside if they don't want to be put aside. Nash tells him to push his big ass then. They go to fight, but Cornette yells at them, and since he's a fucking genius, he books them as a tag team vs. AJ/Tomko at Final Resolution. In the back, Roode yells at Tracy again for being the worst manager. In the back, VKM argues again. Match #1: Tag Team Gauntlet This isn't much. This gauntlet idea is truly horrible, since these matches need lots of time to work and you have to fit four of them, plus all the awful angles an episode of Impact requires in 80 minutes or so. LAX and MCMG are the only teams trying, which can be said for TNA's tag division in general. They clearly cut out the entire finishing run for a commercial, as they come back to MCMG vs. Rock and Rave in the finals, and after 30 seconds, Shelley beats Rave with the Sliced Bread #2. *3/4 Team 3D and LAX come out, and they beat down the Guns, AND STOMP ON THEIR HANDS TO INJURE THEM BEFORE ULTIMATE X! AMAZING! They get a table, but the X Division comes out to save. In the back, Crystal interviews Angle about the match vs. Christian. He says he knows AJ and Tomko will be on his team, and he wants Tomko to officially declare that he's in the Angle Alliance tonight, At AJ's house, JB interviews AJ Styles' third grade teacher. She says AJ had bad skin and he was shy, and she says AJ needs to make a decision immediately, god damnit. Match #2: Knockouts Gauntlet This is useless. Kong comes in last, and then it rules as she kills everyone. But then ODB, Jackie, and Roxxi throw her over. Horrible. ODB wins. * In the back, Tomko says nobody demands he does anything anymore, and if Kurt wants him, he's gonna have to show him some respect tonight. Tomko comes out and calls Kurt out. Kurt and Karen come out, and Kurt says he's tired of playing games and he wants to know where Tomko stands. Tomko says he's thought about this and about loyalty, and it comes down to who he'd take a bullet for between Kurt Angle and Christian Cage. He says he doesn't want to take a bullet for anybody, and he's on Tomko's team. He says he's not for Kurt or Christian, and neither one of them has to worry about him, because he doesn't care about their match. Kurt shakes his hand and then tries a cheap shot. Tomko grabs him by the throat though, and says if he tries that again, he'll break his neck for good, and Tomko leaves. JB is back at AJ's house and says AJ has been locked in a room for 2 days. He talks to AJ's highschool wrestling coach. He says AJ has a little weakness every now and then, and he pissed himself several times. AJ says that's not true, and comes out of the room to yell at him, and he shuts the door again. This is the worst. Match #3: X Division Gauntlet Since they threw Shelley and Sabin in the tag gauntlet, there's not a lot of talent here. Best part is that Shark Boy's injuries continue to mount up. Petey beats Dutt with the Canadian Destroyer. Bullshittery. 3/4* In the back, Storm challenges EY to a best of three falls drinking challenge at Final Resolution, and reveals that one of the games will be Edward 40 Hands. Match #4: Heavyweight Gauntlet This is the least offensive of the matches. AMW and Roode and Christian and Joe looked good. Rellik was also in this, and Rellik happens to be KILLER SPELLED BACKWARDS. No idea why Christian is even in a contender's gauntlet when he's already #1 Contender. Angle takes Christian out on the floor, and it gets down to Joe vs. Nash. Nash shakes Joe's hand and walks over the top to the floor, and Christian sneaks back into schoolboy Joe to make absolutely sure he's dead as a main eventer before his actual main event push starts again. ** |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 12 2012, 08:31 PM Post #2 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 9/9/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim, Since 10/14/2007 ![]() TNA Final Resolution 2008 #1 January 6th, 2008 Orlando, FL Match #1: LAX vs. The Rock n' Rave Infection w/ Christy Hemme This was not much. Rave looks terrible here, so I assume his drug problem has gotten bad. LAX looked great, but you can only do so much with Lance Hoyt and a drugged out and not trying Jimmy Rave. They had some cool spots and Hernandez's dive is never not awesome. It's helped by being a six minute spotfest. Hernandez kills Rave with the Border Toss to win. **1/2 They attack LAX post-match, and the masked Latino Nation member comes out. She is revealed to be Shelly Martinez, who is hideous without make up. In the back, James Storm and Eric Young play Game 1. They play Never Have I Ever, which reveals that James Storm has been to the moon. Storm wins through outrageous lies, such as also being responsible for the 1967 Detroit riots, killing a lion, and he says he'll admit to do anything for a beer. In the back, Crystal is with AJ Styles and Tomko. She asks for a decision, and AJ says he guesses he has to decide yet, but he's got a few hours. Tomko says AJ is out of time, and says to worry about the title defense, and if AJ loses for them, his problems will only get bigger. Match #2: Kaz vs. Black Reign This is HORRIBLE. And gets longer than the opening tag match. Kaz wins with a terrible Bicycle Kick. 1/2* Kaz steals Misty, because he loves rats, I guess. In the back, the Angles talk, and Karen says she'll handle AJ. Kurt tells JB to follow her. Match #3: Gail Kim [c] vs. Awesome Kong [TNA Knockouts Championship - No DQ] THIS IS AMAZING AGAIN. Tons of amazing Kong and power spots. They brawl, and Kong keeps beating the shit out of Gail and then making with great cut-offs to her attempted comebacks and shit. Kim targets the arm again. Kong gets pissed at not getting the pin or anything, and starts taking out refs. She has one up for the Spiral Bomb, and Gail gets a schoolboy to win. This should have been when Kong wins the belt, so that's shitty booking, but it's TNA, so you accept it more easily. *** In the men's bathroom, Karen tries to seduce AJ. ODB then comes out of the stall and says to light a match, proving that she is a dude. Karen says she likes AJ, but AJ says she's lied to him before. Karen says she would never lie, and kisses his cheek, and says there's more where that came from. Hype video for Abyss/Mesias. NO. Match #4: Abyss vs. Judas Mesias w/ Father James Mitchell REALLY HORRIBLE. Abyss tries to work a real match. Mesias spits red mist/blood at Abyss, and then hits the Black Finisher on a barbed wire chair to win, which looked like it hurt him more than Abyss. 3/4* They try to light Abyss on fire post-match, but security unfortunately stops it. Hype video for the mixed tag. Match #5: Robert Roode/Ms. Brooks vs. Booker T/Sharmell Booker is generally decent against Roode. It's about what you'd expect from Roode vs. post-prime Booker T, it's good, but neither is really trying that hard, so it's only average. The women's stuff gets like half the match though, so that is really awful. Especially since the storyline has Traci as a face, so they have no real issue there. Sharmell rolls up Ms. Brooks to win. *3/4 Roode yells at her, so she slaps him. Roode grabs her by the hair, and Sharmell goes to help, but Roode accidentally backhands her. Booker then runs back in, and Roode flees. In the back, Crystal interviews Christian. He says he never did and never will need anyone's help. He says you can say what you want, but he liked AJ Styles and Tomko, and that's why that group happened. He says Karen can't even please her own husband, so he doubts their plan will work, and says AJ will figure out where his loyalties lie, and then Karen will have to explain why there's a new TNA Champion. Hype video for Ultimate X. They have to kill time as the Ultimate X ropes are set up, and I have no idea why they didn't do this before the show like every other Ultimate X match in history. Match #6: Motor City Machine Guns/Jay Lethal vs. Team 3D/Johnny Devine [Ultimate X Match] This feud continues to defy logic, as it delivers on PPV once again. This is good largely because of the cool storytelling of Sabin and Shelley's injured hands evening out the playing field, so it becomes a battle largely between Lethal and Devine to get to the belt, and between the tag teams to clear a path for their partner. The worst PPV match of the three in the feud, as it's not quite great, but still really good. There is a ref bump, and D-Von breaks the rules by using a ladder to get the belt down. They throw the ladder out as the ref gets up, and he calls it. Tenay yells that it's an unwritten rule, but they actually went and fucking wrote it in the first few matches, so he's full of shit yet again. **3/4 In the back, EY and James Storm have a contest to see who can go longer without pissing, and Storm runs to the bathroom, so he loses and it is 1-1. Hype video for the Tag Title match. Match #7: AJ Styles/Tomko [c] vs. Samoa Joe/Kevin Nash [TNA World Tag Team Championship] This was also good but not great. Lots of awesome AJ/Joe and Tomko/Joe segments. Nash mostly stayed out of the way. Nash walks out on Joe at the end, and Joe is left all alone. He comes close, and AJ and Joe have some of their really amazing strike battles, but he cannot handle the 2 on 1, and he gets beat after the Carnageplex/Au Revoir/Whatever their name for it is. *** In the back, EY and James Storm settle it with a normal drinking contest, and they say the first man to pass out loses. Storm has lost his pants at some point, and Eric Young passes out with a Flair flop, and Storm says he gets to choose the match for next month's match. Match #8: Kurt Angle [c] vs. Christian Cage [TNA World Heavyweight Championship] Once again, Angle wants to do his epic match, and it suffers as a result. The crowd has now also stopped caring about Angle's finishers until one or two have already been kicked out. They do things, and AJ Styles runs out and hits Christian from behind with the Superman Punch, and Angle hits the third Angle Slam to retain. **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 12 2012, 09:33 PM Post #3 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 9/9/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim, Since 10/14/2007 TNA Impact - PRINCE FOR A NIGHT January 10th, 2008 Orlando, FL In the back, Crystal interviews Roode and says Sharmell has a broken jaw. He says it was an accident, but she shouldn't have been in the ring. He says he's going to handle his business tonight, and he has a match with Ms. Brooks. Match #1: Motor City Machine Guns vs. Senshi/Elix Skipper I guess Senshi is still working here. This is an awesome spotfest, which goes without saying really. Shame there was never a Ki/Shelley match (not counting the FSM match, since that was a total house show performance) anywhere, but oh well. AS/CS Rush puts down Elix. **1/4 Christian comes out to the ting, throws out Triple X, and he gets on the mic. He says it looks like he and AJ Styles have a problem. He says he can live with AJ Styles breaking off from him, but he cannot live with how AJ cost him the World Heavyweight Title. In the back, Harris complains to Cornette about stuff. Cornette makes stupid faces. Fuck you, Jim Cornette. God fucking damnit, he is the worst. Cornette books him against Mesias, and Joe storms in and accuses Cornette of setting him up at Final Resolution. Cornette says this isn't his fault and Joe got involved on his own, and he can deal with it himself. BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BOOKED THEM AS A FUCKING TAG TEAM, JIM. BEING AN AUTHORITY FIGURE, LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. In the back, Karen is helping Kurt get dressed for some kind of ceremony. AJ gets JB to help him hide from Christian. The door opens and AJ uses Karen as a shield, but it's only Tomko. AJ hugs him and says he needs help. Tomko says if he wants to dance, he has to play the band, and he's on his own here. Tomko leaves, and AJ says Karen smells nice, and he and JB run off to hide and talk about their feelings. Match #2: Judas Mesias w/ Father James Mitchell vs. Chris Harris Mesias squash. Black Finisher ends it. 3/4* Mitchell gets on the mic and says either Chris Abyss Park will reveal the secret next week, or he will. In the back, Traci tries to be tough. Match #3: Petey Williams/Sonjay Dutt vs. Voodoo Kin Mafia w/ Roxxi Laveaux This sucked. Really really bad, and got like 5 minutes. Scott Steiner comes out and steals Petey's briefcase and replaces it with his briefcase. VKM keep arguing, and Dutt rolls up Kip to win. 1/4* Dutt runs over and steals a kiss from Val, who is not happy. Kip James gets on the mic, and says BG has to announce his tag partner next week. In the back, AJ Styles is trying to hide with JB. Eric Young finds them and says he likes to hide in the park, and AJ says that's great, and he walks off. JB asks about the coronation (?), and AJ says he's not going to the ring tonight. Team 3D and Johnny Devine come out to the ring, and they brag about beating the X Division at their own game on Sunday. They challenge the MCMG and Jay Lethal to a Street Fight at Against All Odds, and if they win, they'll give them their precious stupid belt back, but if they accept and when they lose at Against All Odds, then the X Division is dead forever. Why would Jim Cornette authorize that? In the back, Samoa Joe finds Nash, who picks up a nearby bat to fight. Joe challenges him, and Nash says he's a businessman and he's not fighting unless he sees six figures first. He says he didn't screw Joe, but he taught him a lesson at Final Resolution. He says he can help Joe and give him advice, but Joe needs to learn respect. Joe nods, and is willing to learn. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS. YOU ARE SAMOA JOE, YOU ARE PRO WRESTLING. YEAH, NASH RULES, BUT YOU SHOULD BE KICKING HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF HIS BODY AFTER BEING SCREWED LIKE THAT. FUCK YOU. Robert Roode comes out for his match, and gets on the mic. He officially fires Ms. Brooks and calls her fat ass out. She comes out crying and yells to shut up, and this is hilarious because of terrible acting. He asks Roode if he gets off on abusing women, and he says she's not a woman, so she calls him a prick named Bob. Jim Cornette comes out and unbooks the match. THEN WHY FUCKING BOOK IT TO BEGIN WITH?! He bans man on woman violence, and then the Roode fan hops the railing to beat the shit out of Ms. Brooks, and it is Rain with blond hair, and is not much. Roode says this is her replacement, Ms. Peyton Banks. On the Universal Studios lot, AJ Styles is hiding behind a bush. Match #4: LAX w/ Salinas vs. The Rock n' Rave Infection Fun 5 minute spotfest, a lot like the PPV match. Homicide beats Rave with the Cop Killa. **1/4 In the back, Crystal interviews Tomko. He says AJ's a great tag partner, but he's kind of an idiot and he has to deal with his own mess. Match #5: Tomko vs. Shark Boy Great great squash. Tomko's power offense is getting really really great. DAS BEWT ends it. ** Shark Boy is stretchered out. In the back, AJ and JB are now back in the building. Karen Angle finds AJ and takes him to the bathroom to give him some inspiration. In the back, Kaz has the rat in a cage and renames it Marlena. The Angles are in the ring coming back, so I guess Karen works real fast. There is a throne in the ring, and Kurt introduces the newest Angle Alliance member, and the Prince of TNA, AJ Styles! He comes out and Kurt puts a crown on his head. He puts him over for keeping the title around his waist, and Christian Cage comes out. Karen whispers in AJ's ear, and AJ seems pumped up. Christian comes to the ring, and then from the other entrance, Samoa Joe comes out. Joe says he's here for his title shot, and he's not asking, he's demanding it. They all yell at each other, and Cornette comes out. He books Joe vs. AJ vs. Christian for next week, and says whoever wins gets the title shot at AAO, and if AJ wins, he can have his shot, or Kurt can have the PPV off. Match #6: Gail Kim [c] vs. Awesome Kong w/ Masked Woman [TNA Knockouts Championship - No DQ] This gets 7 minutes, and is great. Lots of amazing spots on the floor, and using the ramp and shit. Kong continues to guide Gail through the best possible womens Vader/Sting match up, and then eventually also bumps well in the final moments. Kong finally wins the belt with the Awesome Bomb. *** |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 12 2012, 10:18 PM Post #4 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 9/9/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact - A FISH OUT OF WATER January 17th, 2008 Orlando, FL In the parking lot, the Angle Alliance arrives, and Angle says AJ will win tonight, and he'll have a vacation until Destination X. JB asks AJ if he doesn't want a title shot, and Karen says AJ's made his decision. MCMG and Jay Lethal come out to the ring, and yeah, they accept under the condition that if they win, then Team 3D has to wrestle with a weight limit. They accept and everyone fights. In the back, Crystal asks Abyss about the secret, and he says it will be revealed over his dead body. In the back (since JB is able to get there), I guess...there is a fish tank hospital set up. The doctors and nurses and JB are fine underwater for whatever reason, and Shark Boy is in the bed. Eric Young is also there. ![]() Match #1: Tomko vs. Eric Young Another good Tomko showcase. Lariat ends it. ** James Storm runs out and tries to steal the belt, but he bumps into Tomko, so Tomko runs him off, and Eric regains the drinking title. In the back, Crystal interviews Christian Cage. He says he doesn't care about what Tomko does, because Tomko came to him like a man and said he was standing on his own, but AJ stabbed him in the back and robbed him of the World Title, and that's not okay. Match #2: ODB vs. Angelina Love This isn't much, and ODB wins. 1/2* He gets on the mic post-match, and says he's using the title shot from the Gauntlet at AAO against Kong. In the back, Nash and Joe are seen talking in the back from far away. Back in the shark tank, Chris Harris shows up to get TV time. LAX comes over and asks if he's dying. Harris says the only thing dead here is his career. Haha, yeah. Match #3: Kaz vs. Senshi This is Senshi's last match. TERRIBLE. Kaz wins with his stupid Reverse Tombstone. *1/2 Black Reign comes out and attacks Kaz. He reclaims the rat box, but it is empty, so he beats down Kaz come more. Everything is awful. In the back, JB interviews Mitchell and Mesias, and Mitchell says the secret will change Chris' life. In the back, AJ talks to Tomko, and asks what he should do if he wins. Tomko says they won the Tag Titles without Kurt, and AJ can win the World Title on his own too. Yeah, not like he hasn't done it three times. Match #4: Abyss vs. Lance Hoyt AWFUL AGAIN. NEVER NOT HORRIBLE. 1/45* Hey, James Mitchell is Abyss' dad. The VKM come out, and fuck it. Bob Armstrong is BG's partner, and Kip is cool with it. In the shark tank, Shark Boy sits up and is now Stone Cold. In the back, Cornette makes Steiner and Petey trade back briefcases. He gives Steiner a speech about how the X Division isn't about size, but it's about being the best, and Steiner says he is the best, and storms off. Kurt Angle comes out and introduces the man who will give him two months off, Prince AJ Styles! ![]() Match #5: Samoa Joe vs. Christian Cage vs. AJ Styles [#1 Contender's Match] This is very good because it can't not be. Just never got to the next level, since I don't know. They'll do better for the rest of the year. Except Joe, who I've been waiting to fall off as a great wrestler for the last year. It's gotta happen in 2008. Anyways, AJ brings a chair in, but Joe takes it. He hits AJ with it behind the ref's back, but then sees him hit Christian, so Christian wins by DQ.**3/4 Joe wrecks shit, and Matt Morgan and Kevin Nash run out to calm him down. |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 12 2012, 11:17 PM Post #5 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 9/9/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact January 24th, 2008 Orlando, FL In the back, Cornette throws a fit. He books Lethal vs. Devine in a street fight for the title and then AJ/Tomko vs. MCMG vs. Team 3D for the tag titles in the main event. Also, tonight will involve the TNA 2007 awards. Kevin Nash comes out, and he says last week was screwed up, because Samoa Joe got screwed. He says he wants things to be made right. Matt Morgan comes out to say nobody cares and his days are done because he's the new giant in wrestling, and they brawl. Joe comes out to save, and says it looks like things will be done the hard way now. In the back, the Angles talk to AJ and ask him to set up a meeting with Tomko. AJ says Tomko's doing his own thing, and Karen whispers in his ear that she'll make it worth it. In the back, JB interviews Christian. He says Tomko is free to do what he wants now. Why is this still an issue? Match #1: Eric Young/Sonjay Dutt vs. Robert Roode/James Storm w/ Ms. Banks & Jackie Moore BEER MONEY! YEAH! Only 2 minutes, but whatever. Storm Superkicks Dutt, and then Roode hits the Payoff to win. *3/4 Traci comes out to attack Rain, and Roode and Eric separate them. Coming back, SoCal Cal and JB give Jay Lethal the award for X Division Wrestler of the Year. He kisses Val, and finally breaks his stupid fucking character. He says Johnny Devine has stolen his title and his smile, and he's going to kick his ass tonight. Match #2: Shark Boy vs. Elix Skipper This is not much, and Sharkie wins with the Stunner. *1/4 Shark Boy says that that's the fishing line because Shark Boy said so. Gail Kim is awarded Knockout of the Year. He gets the award and says Kong might have the title, but she is a disgrace to it. Why? Because she beat her? She's done nothing illegal, so Gail comes off as the sore loser cunt she is. Kong comes out with the masked women, now named Raisha Saed. They beat the shit out of Gail for being a bitch, so ODB comes out to save. Saed gets Kong to go to the back. In the back, Tomko is with the Angle Alliance. Angle says he can help him beat Christian at Against All Odds if he wants to be in the Angle Alliance. He says Karen can inspire him if he wants, and Tomko says he's married. Kurt says Karen isn't some random stripper like his wife, so Tomko chokes Kurt and says he warned him. Tomko drags Kurt out to the ring, and security breaks it up. Tomko challenges Kurt to a match next week. Match #3: Jay Lethal [c] vs. Johnny Devine [TNA X Division Championship - Hardcore Street Fight] This is a match. It's horrible because now Devine has to be the only other man in a match. They do almost nothing resembling a street fight, until the end. Bubba distracts the ref in a match where that isn't even a little bit necessary, and D-Von hits Jay with a kendo stick, and then Devine covers to win the belt. R.I.P. X Division Samoa Joe now randomly comes out to run them off, instead of any other current X Division guys. He then chokes out Devine for killing the belt off until fall 2011. There is a horrible interview with Tenay and Abyss. He says he wears the mask because he is ashamed of his parentage, and he challenges Mesias to a Barbed Wire Massacre at AAO. Booker T's debut is somehow the most memorable moment of 2007. Booker comes out to accept. He talks to Sharmell at home and says he loves her, and he's going to make Robert Roode pay. Roode is standing by in the back and says he's a terrible husband for letting him injure Sharmell, accident or not, and tells him to give her his best regards. Match #4: Tiger Mask IV/Curry Man vs. The Rock n' Rave Infection w/ Christy Hemme They are now doing the totally retarded Guitar Hero gimmick. And hey, Curry Man's here! Shame he comes in a month after Daniels is gone, and we miss out on Christopher Daniels vs. Curry Man AGAIN! This sucked though. WAY too much Tiger Mask, and he hits a Diving Headbutt on Rave to win. * Samoa Joe is given the MVP of 2007 award. Samoa Joe comes out and asks where his title shot is. JB says he got one a couple of months ago. Which is bullshit, it's been since August now, and Joe shoves him on his ass. Cornette comes out, and Joe says this award is bullshit and throws it down and breaks it. Nash comes out to calm him down as referees protect Cornette from Joe rightfully murdering him right now. Cornette is a coward and makes Joe the enforcer at Against All Odds, just like last year. Cornette says if he accepts, he'll give him a title shot next month, and Joe refuses. He says his contract is about up, and unless they want him to walk, he wants a brand new contract, and he wants more money than they gave Kurt. Match #5: AJ Styles/Tomko [c] vs. Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D [TNA World Tag Team Championship] The AJ/Tomko vs. MCMG parts were great. That still needs to be a PPV match, but I'm guessing that's out of the picture. Because my god, the world has been DEMANDING AJ/Tomko vs. BG James and fucking Bullet Bob Armstrong in the year 2008 for months now. Fuck TNA. Oh my god, fuck TNA. This isn't even funny, like TNA 2007 was. It's just fucking horrible and depressing. Karen Angle comes out and is knocked down, so AJ Styles carries her to the back. Tomko still retains the belts with a Lariat on D-Von. **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 13 2012, 08:56 AM Post #6 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 1/24/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact - BOSS OR PARTNER? January 31st, 2008 Orlando, FL In the back, AJ tries to convince Kurt not to wrestle Tomko, and says he's a 3 time World Champion too and he knows some stuff. Angle says that was when TNA sucked and tells AJ not to help Tomko. AJ then storms off like a child. Everything about that was horrible. Team 3D and Devine beat MCMG and Jay Lethal to the ring, and they put them through tables. In the back, Crystal is watching on the monitor with Steiner and says if Team 3D wins at Against All Odds, then his briefcase is worthless, and he storms off. Match #1: Scott Steiner/Petey Williams vs. The Rock n' Rave Infection w/ Christy Hemme This is only a few minutes and more of an angle than anything. Steiner abandons Petey and leaves with BOTH briefcases now, and Petey is beat with the Ghanarea. * The Armstrongs train. Why not just get your brother Brad? Then the match might not be a total waste of talent and PPV time. Match #2: Hernandez vs. Kip James Roxxi, Salinas, and Homicide are there. This is generally alright, as much as a Kip James singles match can be. Roxxi accidentally mists Kip, and Hernandez hits the Border Toss to win. *1/2 Kip clears his eyes and fires Roxxi. In the back, AJ tries to talk to Tomko to get him to back down to protect Kurt, but Tomko refuses and tells him to stay out of it. Match #3: Judas Mesias w/ Father James Mitchell vs. Kory Chavis This is also very terrible! Another overly long and mediocre Mesias squash. He wins with the Black Finisher. 1/2* Mitchell then cuts a promo about how they will murder Abyss or something. His act is real cool at first, but after like 3 years, it gets old. In the back, Crystal is in Cornette's office to give them an excuse to have a conversation. Morgan demands Cornette deals with Joe after last week. Cornette says he's finally got Joe calm, so he'll do nothing. Nash comes in and Morgan wants to fight, and Nash again demands six figures for a fight. AJ comes in and asks Cornette to cancel the Angle/Tomko tonight. So Cornette makes him the referee and says if he doesn't count to three, he's fired. In the back, Crystal tries to interview Kong, and Raesha Saed speaks for her. She tells ODB to stay away from Kong, or she will break all her bones. Match #4: ODB vs. Angelina Love vs. Roxxi Laveux Nothing much to see here. ODB has it won, but Angelina distracts the ref with the power of tits, and then throws out ODB and steals the pin. 3/4* In a pretape, Booker T is at his home. He thanks the fans of TNA for the well wishes to Sharmell, and says he'll be back to whip Robert Roode's ass as soon as she gets better. Match #5: Robert Roode/James Storm/Peyton Banks w/ Jackie Moore vs. Eric Young/Sonjay Dutt/Traci Brooks The women are horrible. Actually, the entire face team is horrible, but Storm and Roode continue to be a great duo. The cunts fight to the back, and EY gets beat with the Last Call Superkick and then the Payoff. BEER! MONEY! ** Booker T comes from the crowd, and he attacks Robert Roode. In the back, Kazarian challenges Black Reign to a match next week for the rat. Jim Cornette and Matt Morgan are in the ring with a table, and they bring out Samoa Joe and his adviser Kevin Nash for the contract signing. Why not mention this in the segment earlier? This promotion is terrible. Cornette says everything he asked for is in there, and Joe asks for a pen. Morgan throws one in his face, so Joe shoves him. Morgan piefaces him, so Joe treats him like a piece of shit and Backdrop Drivers him through the table, and tears up the contract. Match #6: Tomko vs. Kurt Angle w/ Karen Angle [Special Referee: AJ Styles] Tomko did the best he could, but this isn't anything like a real match being more about AJ as ref, and it's Kurt Angle, so making this good would be impossible . It's also only like 5 minutes. Karen distracts AJ, so Kurt can use the belt, but Christian Cage runs out. He hits Kurt with the belt and Tomko covers, and AJ reluctantly counts to three. *3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 13 2012, 09:50 AM Post #7 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 1/24/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact - FRIEND...OR FOE? February 7th, 2008 Orlando, FL ![]() THE GRUDGE MATCH 2000 YEARS IN THE MAKING! In the back, Robert Roode says Booker T should thank him, because now his stupid wife is finally losing weight. Robert Roode comes out for a match, but Booker T runs out and attacks him, and they have a mediocre pull-apart brawl. In the back, Cornette talks to Morgan, who wants to fight Joe. Cornette tells him to stay in the back so that he can sign Samoa Joe tonight and save both of their jobs. Wait, why are their jobs in jeopardy? Did TNA Management finally watch a show besides the holiday specials and realize that Jim Cornette is the worst authority figure in the history of wrestling? It took them only six months to get rid of Dusty Rhodes and install Larry, and Cornette's lasted a year and a half, so they must be getting soft. Match #1: Awesome Kong w/ Raesha Saed vs. Traci Brooks Kong kills her, so that was great. She wins with the Awesome Bomb. *1/2 Banks runs out and beats on Traci, before Kong scares her away. In the back, Roode runs away and drives off in his car. In the back, Steiner and Petey argue in Cornette's office. Steiner is mad at Cornette selling him a bill of goods when the X Division sucks now and might be dead soon, and he wants his briefcase back. Cornette books a match between them at Against All Odds for both cases. Match #2: Kaz vs. Black Reign [Rat Trap Match] This is basically an excuse for Russo to run a San Fransisco 49ers Match again, as there are four boxes on poles. Three have rat traps and one has the rat, Misty/Marlena in it. This is a really horrible match, as one might expect when you take two of the worst wrestlers in the company and then stick them in a gimmick that almost never produces good matches even with wrestlers who don't totally suck and unlike Frankie Kazarian and 2008 Dustin Rhodes, have actual redeeming qualities. Kazarian gets the rat. 1/5000000000000000000000000* Black Reign beats him up post-match and takes the rat back, so once again, nothing even remotely fucking matters and in a match for possession of said object, the loser of the matches leaves with it. Great heel trick, I guess, as it would make you want to see a rematch. Except it's a fucking rat, and literally everyone hates this feud. Hype video for the six man at AAO. Match #3: Johnny Devine [c] vs. Homicide w/ Salinas [TNA X Division Championship] Fuck it, Team 3D has already won. Them taking the single worst wrestler and biggest jobber in the division and putting the belt legitimately around his waist is such an amazing heel move, and of course, this is one heel trick TNA isn't mentioning AT ALL. Homicide does what he can, but he's not capable of carryjob. First of all, it's 2008 Homicide. He's at least two years removed from his peak, and TNA has gradually killed his work ethic in regards to singles matches too. Plus, it's like three minutes. Team 3D causes a DQ. 3/4* Hernandez runs out and clears Team 3D off. Devine eats the Border Toss. It is now time for another of the Joe contract singing segments. Joe comes to sign, and Kurt Angle comes out. He warns Joe not to cost him the title when he's the enforcer at Against All Odds. Which Joe never actually accepted, but okay, it's TNA. Angle says he'll break Joe's ankle. Joe is now back in a mood of respecting Kurt, since Joe's a bitch this week I guess. He says he'll call it down the middle, and they shake hands. Joe then Backdrop Drivers Kurt through the table too, and again leaves without signing. Match #4: Curry Man/Shark Boy vs. The Rock n' Rave Infection w/ Christy Hemme Due to being the only tag team on TV every week now, RNRI are now #1 in the tag rankings. This is really mediocre, but I guess it's MOTN. It's a super low bar, but they hurdled over it. Shark Boy beats Rave with the Stunner. *1/2 In the back, Kip tells BG that he'll be in their corner on Sunday. Match #5: AJ Styles vs. Tiger Mask IV AJ carries this sack of shit again, and it is marginally lesser than their IWA-MS match from TM4's US tour in 2007. If only because it's too short to be of any note, where as their first match was merely a good match. AJ wins with the Styles Clash. ** AJ gets on the mic, and apologizes to Kurt for last week. Hype video for Abyss/Judas. Christian Cage comes out, and he calls out Tomko to talk to him face to face right now. Tomko comes out, and Christian says he was proud of him for breaking out on his own, just like everyone else, and they're still proud, especially after he beat up Kurt Angle last week. Christian says they know where AJ Styles stands, and says he helped him out last week, so he's hoping Tomko will at least return the favor. He says he'll understand if he wants to go with his tag partner, and turns around and says here's his chance right now, but Tomko doesn't do anything, and leaves. Match #6: Christian Cage vs. Judas Mesias w/ Father James Mitchell UGH. FUCKING BABYFACE CHRISTIAN GETS JUDAS MESIAS ON THE BOARD. Mesias is not good, but Christian does enough good bumping and selling and comebacks to get something not terrible from the sack of shit. Christian wins clean with the Unprettier. Hahahahahahahahaha. *3/4 AJ Styles runs out, and he attacks Christian. Christian fights back, and Kurt Angle comes out to help. Tomko then runs out, and he saves Christian! |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 13 2012, 05:17 PM Post #8 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Johnny Devine, Since 1/24/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 ![]() TNA Against All Odds 2008 February 10th, 2008 Greenville, SC Match #1: AJ Styles/Tomko [c] vs. BG James/Bob Armstrong [TNA World Tag Team Championship] AJ and Tomko are not getting along, but refuse to give up the belts. The "tag partners who don't like each other" deal is SO played out, but when done like this, it can be pretty interesting. Certainly more interesting than this match. WAAAAAAAAY too much Bullet Bob, and there's only so much they can do with a fucking senior citizen. They cut out BG's knee to injure him, and the Carnageplex retains the belts. ** In the back, the Angle are arguing and Karen is mad that all Kurt cares about is the title. Match #2: Tracy Brooks vs. Peyton Banks No thanks! Hype video for Steiner/Petey. Match #3: Scott Steiner vs. Petey Williams [Winner Gets Briefcases] Steiner keeps yelling at Petey not to copy him. Steiner carries Petey and makes his usually shitty offense look average. A disgusting looking very black woman comes out to distract Petey, and Steiner Powerbombs him off the ropes for the win, to prevent Petey from ever getting a World title shot. ** In the back, Kurt asks JB for help with Karen, and Borash tries to fuck him. Angle then says he'll renew his vows with Karen on Impact. JB practices with him, and Kurt pretends JB is Karen and says he loves him. AJ Styles then walks in and yells that he's not cool with this and didn't sign up for this gay stuff, and he leaves. AMAZING. AJ Styles hating homosexuality literally never gets old. Match #4: Eric Young [c] vs. James Storm w/ Jackie Moore [TNA World Drinking Championship] And somehow a belt determined by who can drink the most is now defended in a normal wrestling match. It's still good though. This is one of those weird matches like Team Canada vs. AMW or Eric vs. AJ Styles where he goes out and reminds you that he is a good wrestler, and then you get pissed at him for not showing it more and being content with being a comedy character. They have some cool spots, and yeah. Moore distracts the ref on accident, and Rhino makes his return to Gore Storm, and EY covers to win. **3/4 In a pretape, Cornette says the SC athletic commission wouldn't allow the barbed wire match, so it's being held on location from Orlando and tries to get it over. But yeah, fuck that shit. Match #5: Awesome Kong [c] w/ Raesha Saed vs. ODB [TNA Knockouts Championship] Kong does her best to get something good here, and it's probably the best non-Kong/Gail match in the division, but that's not saying a lot. Decent power vs. power stuff, and Kong wins with the Awesome Bomb. ** Hype video for Abyss/Mesias. Match #6: Abyss vs. Judas Mesias w/ Father James Mitchell [Barbed Wire Massacre] Hey, at least something tops the CZW stuff for worst NRBW match I've ever seen! They had some decent spots, but this lacked a veteran of the wire like Sabu or Terry Funk or Corino or Necro to really guide the match and take it from decent to good, let alone great. A lot of those guys seem to get it after one NRBW match, which is all Abyss has had, but at the same time, those are all guys who I would put in a Top 50 of all time, and Abyss doesn't belong in a top 500 of all time, and is probably THE worst wrestler in the world at this point. Probably all points from 2007 until he vanished forever in 2012, forcing his brother Joe to come look for him. Anyways, Abyss beats Mesias with the Black Hole Slam on a barbed wire board after also hitting his dad with one. Lacked the kind of raw brutality and gruesomeness you want from an NRBW match. On some level, it captured that feeling that all great NRBW matches get to by the end, when it's hard to watch, but this accomplished that by being a terrible match, not by being a total war. *3/4 In the back, Roode says this is all Booker T's fault, not his. He says Booker gives his wife too much leeway and doesn't keep her in line, so she got what was coming. He says he hates the way Booker T looks, talks, smalls, walks, and acts, and he hates his horsefaced skanky wife the most. He says tonight will not be an accident, because it pays to be Roode. Hype video for Roode/Booker. Match #7: Booker T vs. Robert Roode w/ Peyton Banks This was good. Not great or anything, but really good. Roode has started doing Val Venis like sells for big back bumps, which I just fucking love. He also looks very Val-esque on offense. Maybe it's the new purple trunks? Regardless, it's easily the best he's looked in a singles environment so far. Anyways, they go to a double count out. **3/4 They fight to the back, and Roode drives away to escape the fight. Hype video for the six man. Match #8: Team 3D/Johnny Devine [c] vs. Motor City Machine Guns/Jay Lethal [TNA X Division Championship - Street Fight - X Division's Existence vs. Team 3D Weight Limit] Whoever gets the pin gets the belt. This was a lot of fun once again. MCMG missed dives halfway through, and then were somehow KO'd by this. This is, I believe, when they were faggots and refused to bleed in a big blowoff match like this, and were punished for it. Lethal gets rid of Bubba and D-Von though, and hits the Flying Elbow through a table on Devine to regain the belt. **3/4 Lethal celebrates with SoCal Val. Hype video for Angle/Cage. Match #9: Kurt Angle [c] w/ Karen Angle vs. Christian Cage [TNA World Heavyweight Championship - Special Enforcer: Samoa Joe] This is what it is. They have the same match as last month, give or take a few minor things. It's not Christian's fault at all, he's still great, top 5 in TNA easily, but all Kurt's big matches blend together. Christian being the one to carry the Olympian through matwork was awesome. FINISHER KICKOUTS! Joe chases an interfering AJ Styles out. Tomko comes out, and surprise, it's a SWERVE~, and he hits Christian with a chair. Angle covers to win. **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 13 2012, 06:37 PM Post #9 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact - TIL DEATH DO US PART February 14th, 2008 Orlando, FL In the parking lot, Kurt and Karen arrive in a tuxedo and wedding dress. JB interivews them and Kurt leaves. Eric Young comes up and asks JB for help and advice for his match vs. Rellik, which is KILLER SPELLED BACKWARDS, but Karen says Borash is busy being her Maid of Honor. Cornette is in the ring with the contract again and Samoa Joe comes out. Before he can sign, Christian comes out. He says Joe did a decent job chasing off AJ last night, but he left the back door open for Tomko to cost him the title. Joe says Christian's days challenging Kurt Angle for the title are over, and he's getting the next title shot. Christian asks for help against the Angle Alliance, and Joe says the enemy of his enemy is his friend, and they walk off, with Joe still not signing. In the back, Crystal interviews Tomko, and he says Christian's been using him for his whole career. In the back, JB talks to AJ. AJ is mad that Kurt is marrying his girl. Kurt comes in and tells AJ to hurry up and put on the tux, and says he's going to be his best man tonight. Team 3D has a match, and they have to make it under 275 pounds to get to wrestle. D-Von barely passes, but Bubba fails, so this is now a handicap match. Match #1: Brother Devon vs. Curry Man/Shark Boy This is short and nothing of note happens. Bubba hits Sharkie with the scale and D-Von covers to win. 3/4* In the parking lot, Booker T is pacing around and waiting for Robert Roode. It is supposed to be Scott Steiner vs. Abyss, and Scott has Black Gutterslut Rhaka Khan with him. Abyss looks at his scars AND LEAVES! YEAH! FUCK YOU, GET OUT! Steiner then issues an open challenge, and fucking Petey comes out. Match #2: Scott Steiner w/ Rhaka Khan vs. Petey Williams This is not much. Rhaka crotches Petey up top, and Steiner hits his Super Samoan Drop to win. *3/4 In the back, Angle and Tomko talk. Angle says he's glad he could put his ego aside, and Tomko says as long as he gets do things his way, they'll be just fine. In the back, Christian Cage is unconscious. Samoa Joe comes out, and says he doesn't know which one of them took Christian out, but he knows it was AJ or Tomko. He says their plan sucks, because he's got back up, and Kevin Nash comes out. Match #3: AJ Styles/Tomko vs. Samoa Joe/Kevin Nash This is good once again. Only 5 minutes, but they get a lot out of it. Joe has a great hot tag and shit. Kurt Angle runs down and low blows Joe, and Tomko hits a Lariat to win. **1/4 TNA: CROSS THE LINE In the back, Joe is mad and challenges The Angle Alliance to fight he, Nash, and Christian at Destination X. Match #4: Rellik vs. Eric Young That's KILLER SPELLED BACKWARDS by the way. Rellik also wins with a Lariat in a squash. * NASCAR bullshit. Fuck you. Match #5: Chris Sabin vs. Homicide vs. Jimmy Rave They all have NASCAR fags and their tag partners with them. They do lots of spots and Homicide beats Rave with the Gop Killa. ** Rhino comes out and says about six months ago, James Storm brought him down to his level and he let alcohol back into his life. He says he's faced his demons once again, and he's come to make things right, and says if James Storm has any balls, he'll face him in ELEVATION X. MOTHERFUCK. NO. Match #6: Awesome Kong w/ Raesha Saed vs. ODB [Street Fight] This is like 2 minutes, so whatever. Gail Kim comes out to take out Saed, but it distracts ODB and Kong hits the Awesome Bomb to win. *1/2 ODB and Gail shove each other post-match. In the parking lot, Cornette goes to Booker T and says Roode isn't coming tonight, but books Angle/Booker next week. It is time for the renewal of the vows. The priest thinks he's doing a marriage, for whatever reason. Angle, AJ, Karen, and JB come out. Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash come out and say they don't like Kurt, but say he has a chance to get out now without any consequences now. Wait, is a renewal ceremony like a moment where they can call the marriage off without any ramifications? I have no idea. Anyways, they come out to attack. They accidentally knock Karen down and chase Kurt to the back. The priest pronounces AJ and Karen as man and wife, with no "I Dos", and AJ goes for it and kisses her anyways. TNA. |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 13 2012, 08:54 PM Post #10 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact - ALLIGATOR HONEYMOON February 21st, 2008 Orlando, FL In the back, Kurt yells at Karen to fix it, because he has to worry about his title. Karen says maybe she'll find someone who appreciates her, and he yells at her to go complain to her 2nd or 3rd husband. Match #1: AJ Styles/Tomko vs. Kip James/Bob Armstrong w/ BG James BG is on crutches. This is about 2 minutes of nothing before Kip takes a crutch and hits Bob with it for a DQ to end the match. 3/4* He then also hits BG with the crutch and leaves. IT'S FINALLY OVER! In the back, Karen is waiting for AJ and hits on him to make Kurt jealous. Karen says they're legally married, because polygamy is legal in the insane territory outside space and time that is the Impact Zone. AJ says he'll take her to his favorite place, and they leave. In the back, Kip James says he just got rid of a 250 pound bag of crap. Jay Lethal comes out and thanks everyone for helping him save the X Division, and he proposes to SoCal Val, who accepts. In the back, Cornette talks to Joe. He says he doesn't care about the money and says he'll sign the contract after Destination X when he gets his title shot. Match #2: Kaz vs. Rellik That's KILLER SPELLED BACKWARDS. This sucks and Kazarian wins. 1/56* Black Reign and Rellik beat him down, and Eric Young almost goes to save, but he is scared and doesn't. Match #3: Petey Williams vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Johnny Devine SO FUCKING BAD. Steiner comes out and hits Devine with his briefcase so Petey can win. 1/2* Steiner then pats Petey on the back on the floor. In a local restaurant, AJ is buying Karen dinner, and gives her fake flowers because they'll never go bad. In a pretape, Tenay and Rhino have a sit-down interview. He says he made bad choices, but that's his fault. In the very next sentence, he blames Storm and calls him a scumbag for doing what he did to him, and says he will pay. This week, Brother Ray makes weight, but not D-Von. Match #4: Curry Man/Shark Boy vs. Brother Ray w/ D-Von This sucks and is short again. Ray uses the scale on Curry Man now to win. 1/2* In the back, Crystal talks to Kurt and he says he doesn't care what AJ and Karen are doing. AJ and Karen Angle are now at Gatorland. Karen is afraid, so AJ holds her, and she says they would make nice shoes. Match #5: ODB/Gail Kim vs. Jackie Moore/Roxxi Laveaux Story of the night. Short, nothing of any note. ODB and Gail miscommunicate and Roxxi rolls up Gail to win. 3/4* Gail and ODB brawl post-match. In the back, Crystal interviews Joe, Nash, and Christian. Christian says it was AJ who laid him out in the back last week, and he's agreed to this match at Destination X. He says AJ or Tomko could never be as good as him, and that's a hard truth to deal with, but that's the way it is, and he says it will be the Angle Alliance vs. the unlikely alliance. AJ and Karen go to AJ's room, and it's clarly not the Impact Zone, so I guess it's his hotel. Or his house is on the lot now? Either way, AJ says goodbye at his door. He says if they really are married, then he doesn't want the honeymoon to end, and kisses her on the cheek and goes inside by himself. JB is still there and says Karen looks flustered. Match #6: Kurt Angle vs. Booker T This is Angle vs. Booker T in goddamned 2008 for 5 minutes, so there's pretty much nothing good here. Robert Roode comes out to hit Booker with a chair to the back, and Angle hits the Angle Slam to win. *3/4 Christian Cage runs after Angle, and Tomko comes out, and Joe and Nash come out. Angle and Tomko bail, and Nash challenges Angle to a match next week. |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 14 2012, 12:10 AM Post #11 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact February 28th, 2005 Orlando, FL Scott Steiner/Petey Williams vs. Jay Lethal/Sonjay Dutt - *1/2 Rellik/Black Reign vs. Curry Man/Shark Boy - 3/4* Eric Young [c] vs. James Storm - **1/2 - Storm regains title, but Rhino destroys it Awesome Kong vs. Angelina Love - *1/2 Kurt Angle vs. Kevin Nash - *3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 14 2012, 05:45 PM Post #12 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact - CELEBRATE SIMON'S 18TH BIRTHDAY WITH HORRIBLE PRO WRESTLING March 6th, 2008 Orlando, FL In the back, the Angle Alliance talks. Kurt is totally cool with AJ kissing Karen again, I guess. He says he heard from Cornette that there'll be three singles matches between them and their Destination X opponents tonight, and whichever side gets 2 of the 3 wins will get the man advantage. Wait, what? Kurt says that one man will have to sit out the first 5 minutes at the PPV. That's fucking retarded. Stop trying to re-invent the wheel. Six man tags are impossible to screw up. Seriously, you can put your shittiest guys in a six man or eight man, and they'll look downright fucking competent. AJ asks where Karen is, and Kurt says at home where she belongs. Jim Cornette and Matt Morgan are in the ring, and the idea sounds stupider coming out of his mouth. It's almost impressive how Cornette has gone from one of the best guys in 95-97 on the WWF roster when I reviewed it last year to now being a guy like The Killer Bees and Shawn Michaels who invokes this rare level of hate. He then continues to earn the hate by booking Booker vs. Roode in a strap match, and if Roode wins, Banks gets to strap Tracy, and if Booker wins, Tracy gets to strap Banks. This only works when you have a manager someone really wants to see get killed and have a beloved figure on the other side to whip them. Nobody gives a shit about Ms. Brooks, Roode got face cheers half the time he was berating her, and Banks has been on TV as a manager for all of a month. Anyways, this leads to another Roode/Booker brawl. In the back, Joe says he has Tomko in a first blood match. Nash says he has AJ in a street fight. Christian then has Kurt in Six Sides of Steel. Match #1: AJ Styles vs. Kevin Nash [Street Fight] This is good because how can it not be? AJ ALWAYS delivers in Street Fights. vs. Rave, vs. Kash, vs. LAX, vs. Abyss, etc. This doesn't get the time any of those got, but for 5 minute street fights on Impact, it's the best one so far. Which is only to say it was a little better than AJ/Moore. AJ flies around a lot and Nash catches him with a Chokeslam to win. **1/4 In the back, Black Reign says Eric is right to be scared of monsters, because they are real. In the back, Banks and Brooks fight again. Match #2: Battle Royal The winner gets to choose the stipulations of their match at Destination X. Except that most of these guys don't have announced matches. And it's largely just the midcard and it is not much. Curry Man tosses Rellik to win. 1/2* Shark Boy speaks for Curry Man, and says if Bubba and D-Von make weight to face them, then it would be a FISH MARKET STREET FIGHT. In the back, Velvet Sky and Angelina Love have finally paired up. They talk to Roxxi and say they should give her a makeover. In the back, Kaz gives EY a pep talk to find his inner hero. Oh no... Match #3: Samoa Joe vs. Tomko [First Blood Match] This is good. Again, it's these two together and they have great chemistry. Tomko refuses to bleed, and then somehow, Joe gets a cut on his arm after being sent to the post. He is in the process of choking Tomko out, but the ref sees the cut and gives the match to Tomko. **1/4 Joe then kills the ref. Rhino comes out with the destroyed Drinking Title, and he says after he drops James Storm with a GORE GORE GORE and Storm falls off of Elevation X, this title would be what his head looks like. Storm then comes out, and they brawl. Jackie Moore distracts Rhino, and Storm hits the Superkick. Storm beats on Rhino with the title, and leaves. Match #4: Awesome Kong w/ Raesha Saed vs. Salinas Shelly is not a good wrestler, but Kong squashes never get old. Awesome Bomb ends it. *1/2 In the back, Crystal interviews Gail and she says if she can get Kong off of her feet, she can beat her. Match #5: Christian Cage vs. Kurt Angle [Six Sides of Steel] This is Kurt Angle at his most Kurt Angle-y. Since it's a cage match, Kurt feels he has to work a super special match and does SUPER ANGLE SLAMS FOR A 2 COUNT IN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES. WORST IN THE WORLD! WORST IN THE WORLD! I kinda want to see a Kurt Angle vs. Davey Richards match in 2012, just to see what the fuck it would look like. Anyways, after all the finishes, they do a double race spot, and Christian drops out first. ** The Angle Alliance comes out and throws Christian in the cage, and they lock the door! Joe and Nash try to get in, but AJ and Tomko are able to stop them from climbing, and Angle puts on the Ankle Lock in the cage on Cage to end the show. |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 14 2012, 11:24 PM Post #13 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 ![]() TNA Destination X 2008 March 9th, 2008 Norfolk, VA In the back, The Angle Alliance arrives and Kurt yells at AJ to stop worrying about Karen. Match #1: Motor City Machine Guns vs. LAX vs. The Rock n' Rave Infection Salinas and Hemme are both there. This is an awesome spotfest, almost in spite of the Rock n' Rave Infection. Amazing Hernandez power spots, and then DAT DIVE. Shelley and Sabin bump huge for Hoyt to make him not look totally awful. Really awesome finishing run. Homicide kills everyone with the Tope Con Hilo, and Hernandez hits Rave with the Border Toss to win. *** Clips air of the Angle/Cage finish, and JB says the Angle Alliance wants it reversed. Match #2: Jay Lethal [c] w/ SoCal Val vs. Petey Williams w/ Scott Steiner & Rhaka Khan [TNA X Division Championship] Lethal does what he can, but he's about done as a legitimately great wrestler on the level of his 2005-7 work. Like Homicide in singles match and Alex Shelley in 2006, he's started to realize TNA doesn't give a fuck if he's actually great or not, so he'll mail it in from time to time. And you cannot mail it in against Petey and expect a good match. Fuck, you can't even be the best in the company and get anything more than passable out of Petey Williams. Also, what about working a muscled up gimmick with Scott Steiner and Rhaka Khan makes Petey think, "Oh man, I should get new trunks that resemble gladiator armor"? Steiner and the gutterslut get involved. Sonjay Dutt comes out to defend Val, and Lethal rolls up Petey to win. *3/4 In the back, The Unlikely Alliance says it doesn't matter what Cornette decides, and they will win, and he's going to get Kurt Angle in a cage at Lockdown. Match #3: Kaz/Eric Young vs. Rellik/Black Reign KILLER SPELLED BACKWARDS. Eric is the only good wrestler here, and he spends half the match in the back after he runs away. He then runs out in a mask and cape and new gear as SUPER ERIC. He beats both heels with a Double DVD. * In the back, Team 3D and Angle Alliance all yell at Cornette for being horrible. Cornette continues to bail out on doing anything important, and runs away. Hype video for Kong/ODB/Gail. Match #4: Awesome Kong [c] w/ Raesha Saed vs. Gail Kim vs. ODB [TNA Knockouts Championship] Kong/Gail is great again. Tons of great power spots by Kong as always, and since Kong was in for 99% of the match, it was great again. Saed trips up ODB, and Kong wins with the Awesome Bomb. **1/2 In a pretape from before the show, Rhino is on top of Elevation X. He speaks in a monotone voice about how he will win, and says he's sorry about Storm's damn luck. He then says "How was that?" before the video cuts. Awesome production work again from the crack TNA squad. Jim Cornette is in the ring and says if Team 3D makes weight tonight, then the weight stipulation is over, but if they don't, then they are fired. Cornette says the referee's decision is final. Match #5: Team 3D vs. Curry Man/Shark Boy [Fish Market Street Fight] This was ridiculous, but that did not make it good. Lots of fish being used as weapons and fishing poles and A FISH TO THE DICK OF BUBBA RAY. Bubba is blinded with powder, and accidentally helps Curry Man 3D D-Von for the win. *3/4 In the back, Angle talks to AJ and Tomko and says AJ and Tomko are tag champions, so he'll stay out for the first 5 minutes. Match #6: Booker T w/ Tracy Brooks vs. Robert Roode w/ Peyton Banks [Leather Strap Match] They have a good match again, but it's just sort of a match. No reason at all for the strap, since they don't use it even once. Roode uses handcuffs on Booker with a punch for the win. **1/4 Banks gets ten lashes on Brooks, but Roode does the last few himself. Sharmell returns with her own belt to run off the heels. Hype video for Elevation X. Match #7: Rhino vs. James Storm w/ Jackie Moore [Elevation X] They do most of this off the scaffold and then climb up at the end. Neither is as great as AJ Styles was last year at working the gimmick, so they just do stuff on the scaffold and it happens. Rhino knocks Storm off the scaffold through a table in the ring to win. ** Match #8: Samoa Joe/Christian Cage/Kevin Nash vs. Kurt Angle/AJ Styles/Tomko [Stupid Fucking Rules Match] This is a good match. Kurt sitting out the first 5 minutes only improves things, as it's only 12-13 minutes, so Kurt misses over half the match, between the staggered entrance and him staying on the apron. All the faces are good, and Nash continues to know that he's best in short bursts, so tag wrestling is perfect for him at this point. Christian is a great face in peril, but Kurt's stuff sucks. Joe gets his hot tag, and Tomko taps out to The Choke. **3/4 Edited by Big Tuna, Aug 14 2012, 11:24 PM.
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| Big Tuna | Aug 15 2012, 02:24 PM Post #14 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact March 13th, 2008 Orlando, FL Cornette is in the ring, and he books Angle/Joe for the belt at Lockdown. He then brings out the two captains for Lethal Lockdown, Christian and Tomko! He told them both to choose their own teams. He leaves and Christian calls Tomko a lapdog for Angle, so Tomko attacks. AJ Styles runs out to help, and then Kevin Nash makes the save for Christian. In the back, Karen Angle arrives and says she has a big announcement. In the back, Steiner tells Petey if he wants to be his protege, then he'll have to undergo some initiation. Match #1: Curry Man vs. Petey Williams w/ Rhaka Khan [X-Scape Qualifying Match] This sucked, but was short. Curry Man wins with the Spicy Drop. 3/4* Steiner comes out and makes Petey get in handcuffs and walk to the back blindfolded. In the back, Team 3D storms into Cornette's office. They say the Fish Market Street Fight was ridiculous and retarded. He says if they see any of that bullshit tonight, they will kill whoever's responsible, and Cornette should kill himself for allowing this place to get so bad. I agree. Samoa Joe comes out a in a suit, and he gets on the mic. He thanks Kevin Nash for giving him some advice on how to play the game better, and it got him to this point, along with the support of the fans. He says he finally gets a fair shot at the TNA Title at Lockdown, but there are risks that go with it. He says he can't take failing again, and if he loses, he will leave TNA. In the back, Christian approaches Rhino about joining he and Nash at Lockdown, but Rhino cuts him off and refuses and leaves. Match #2: Motor City Machine Guns vs. Rellik/Black Reign That's killer spelled backwards, by the way. The Guns get squashed as their continued punishment for not blading. Weird that they get put in a position to steal the show at the PPV before this, and then go back to being punished. 1/2* They call out Super Eric, and Super Eric runs out and cleans house. In the back, AJ hugs Karen and asks where she's been, but Tomko yells at AJ to get his head out of his ass because they have a match. Match #4: Kurt Angle [c] vs. Kaz [TNA World Heavyweight Championship] Hey, this was bad again! Ankle Lock ends it. *1/2 Kurt gets on the mic and tells Joe to go train his ass off so they can have the greatest match ever. BE MORE WORRIED ABOUT WINNING. YOU ARE A FUCKING HEEL. Karen comes out and wants a separation. Kurt says he's fine with it as long as she takes the kids and he can focus on Joe, and she leaves. TNA ROUGH CUT: This is a reality TV style double talking head deal with both Kip and BG in different places. They talk about when Kip came to TNA and say that the reunion was forced on them from management and maybe it's the cause for this now, and BG says he was forced out of what he was doing at the time to team with Kip, and he regrets that. First of all, SHOOT PROMOS~. Second of all, I'm not so sure it sucked. In a way, it was genius to confine 3LK and Kip James and unmotivated Monty Brown to one singular feud so they only occupied one segment. That was part of the weird genius of TNA in the summer of 2005, where they put shitty guys against each other and didn't give them a ton of time, and focused on the matches people were willing to pay to see. Anyways, at the same time, I can't shit on the angle because it led to LAX. Match #5: LAX/Salinas vs. The Rock n' Rave Infection/Christy Hemme This was tons and tons of fun once again due to LAX refusing to stop being awesome and the women being in for all of 10 seconds at the end. The dives are hit and then Christy hits Salinas with the Guitar Hero guitar for the win. *3/4 Clips air of Lethal and Val on their date in Universal Studios. In the back, Roxxi resists TBP's makeover, so they beat her down. Match #6: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky w/ Angelina Love This is short and nothing to write a lot about. Happy Ending gives Gail the win. 3/4* Love attacks post-match, but Kim slides out. Kong then comes out and kills Gail. She hits the Awesome Bomb, and ODB runs out with a chair to save. Match #7: AJ Styles/Tomko vs. Christian Cage/Kevin Nash This was entertaining. AJ and Tomko and Christian are all fantastic together, and yeah. Kurt Angle comes out, but is held back, and it distracts AJ more than anything. Nash is again great as a hot tag, and his future is absolutely in tag team wrestling at this point. His hot tag is great, but Team 3D runs out and they attack Nash for the DQ. **1/4 They beat on Nash's knee, so I guess they are on Team Tomko now. |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 15 2012, 09:47 PM Post #15 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact March 20th, 2008 Orlando, FL Booker T and Sharmell come out and Booker -- hey, fuck it. Roode comes out. Says stuff. Roode/Banks vs. Booker/Sharmell is booked for Lockdown. In the back, Team 3D officially confirms that they would also be on Team Tomko with Tomko and AJ. Match #1: Kaz/Eric Young vs. Scott Steiner/Petey Williams This is terrible. Black Reign comes out and says evil will triumph. Eric is distracted and Steiner hits the Super Samoan Drop to win. 3/4* In the back, Christian again asks Rhino to be on his team. Rhino says no and says Christian ruins everything for his friends, and he hurts the people who love him the most, and he won't have any part of it. Match #2: Rhino vs. Tomko w/ AJ Styles This is short, at least. AJ interferes and Tomko wins with the Lariat. *3/4 Team 3D comes out to help beat up Rhino, until Christian and Nash save. Rhino now is cool with Christian and shakes his hand, so Cornette comes out and books them vs. Team 3D in the main event. Fuck you, Jim. Match #3: Sonjay Dutt vs. Homicide w/ LAX [X-Scape Qualifying Match] Short again, but Homicide refuses to let Dutt drag him down. Dutt keeps flirting with Val, and then fakes a knee injury to sneak in a roll up to win. *1/2 Dutt tries to make peace, so Hernandez kills him with the Border Toss. In the back, Booker complains to Cornette about his wife being in a cage match, and Cornette says he believes in equal opportunities. What the fuck? What kind of fucking excuse is that? Another terrible ROUGH CUT airs with them talking about how their tag team since 2005 has been forced. At least they aren't lying here. Before his match, AJ Styles introduces his special guest tonight, Karen Angle! Match #4: AJ Styles w/ Karen Angle vs. Booker T AJ ruled here, to get over that he was trying super hard for Karen. Roode came out, and got escorted out. Sharmell and Banks fight, but it only distracts AJ, and Booker hits the Scissors Kick to win. This was not bad in general, and with more time, they might be capable of a great match. ** A video airs of Kurt Angle sparring with jobbers in some of the shittiest fake MMA matwork this side of Team Ambition. He tells Joe to keep training because it's DAMN REAL. They announce that Kong's next challenger will be determined in an internet poll. Match #5: Christian Cage/Rhino vs. Team 3D This happens. Christian can only do so much by himself. AJ and Tomko come out to attack for the DQ. *3/4 Nash comes out on one leg to try and help, but he is beaten down too. MCMG, Curry Man, and Shark Boy all come out, and they get killed by by Team Tomko. They stood over everyone, BUT BAH GAWD THE LIGHTS GO OUT AND STING'S MUSIC PLAYS. This show is even worse than ever. This is the worst TNA has ever been. It's stopped being funny bad and is just boring bad. Back to TEW for the night! Edited by Big Tuna, Aug 15 2012, 09:48 PM.
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| Big Tuna | Aug 16 2012, 01:25 AM Post #16 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact March 27th, 2008 Orlando, FL This is the first live episode, and they make a big deal out of it. The show begins with a Roode and Banks/Booker and Sharmell brawl. Cornette breaks it up and books an "interactive" match with Booker vs. Roode tonight. He never explains what it is, which is I guess TNA giving you some kind of a hook. Tune in to see just how bad it will get! In the back, Angle talks to AJ and Tomko and says they're going to spar with him tonight in the ring. He tells them both to give him their best so he can be ready for Joe. Match #1: Alex Shelley vs. Johnny Devine [X-Scape Match] This is short and useless. Team 3D comes out to help, but the lights go out and Sting's symbol scares them away. They then do stuff and Devine uses the ropes o na roll up to win. This X-Scape match is shaping up to be potentially the worst match ever. 3/4* In a weird pretape, Lethal is in the gym while Val hangs out. Petey calls Lethal a lightweight and then Dutt comes over to flirt with Val more. In the back, Team 3D tells to Devine to finish what they started and to kill the X Division. The lights then flicker again, so they bail. Hey, Highlander Robbie is in the crowd. I'M ROBBIE. Match #2: LAX/Salinas vs. Scott Steiner/Petey Williams/Rhaka Khan TNA's quality has dropped as low as possible once Petey got back on TV regularly. That can't be a pure coincidence. Anyways, Homicide beats Petey with the Cop Killa. *1/2 Tenay has a pretape interview with Karen. She apologizes for all she's done to try and keep the belt on Kurt, but it didn't stop Kurt from becoming obsessive about the belt and Samoa Joe, etc. Tenay asks if she's dating anyone close to Kurt, and she does not choose to comment. A Consequences Creed video airs, but there is no sound. LOLLIVETNA. The interactive thing is finally explained as the fans vote between First Blood, LMS, and an I Quit Match for Roode/Booker. A video airs of Samoa Joe's training camp. He says he's training in a cage. He says it's always been Kurt and his wife or Kurt and five other guys. It is now time for the Angle Alliance sparring session. Frank Trigg does commentary. They switch off every 60 minutes. Angle is clearly carried by both, and can't beat either of them. AJ basically runs circles around Kurt. Angle eventually attacks AJ, and Tomko calms it down. Christian, Rhino, and Nash come out. Christian says they can give him a real training session, and they brawl. Team 3D comes out for a 5 on 3, but then Sting comes out to save. He then challenges Team Tomko to an eight man tonight and they accept. Hey yeah, fuck saving the match until the PPV, let's just run it now. Roode/Booker is voted to be First Blood, which I can only assume was TNA fans voting for the match that would be over quickest. Match #3: Booker T vs. Robert Roode [First Blood Match] First Blood matches suck by nature, and this feud isn't exactly lighting the world on fire as it is. The match ends on a shamefully small cut on Roode after going into the post. *3/4 The fans choose ODB to face Kong, because they are the worst. Match #4: Awesome Kong [c] w/ Raesha Saed vs. ODB [TNA Knockouts Championship] Decent enough power fight for a few minutes. Awesome Bomb wins for the champ. *3/4 Match #5: Christian Cage/Sting/Rhino/Kevin Kash vs. AJ Styles/Tomko/Team 3D This happens. The people who are good do good work, but there's three genuinely great wrestlers here out of 8, so the odds don't allow this to be consistently good. Sting makes D-Von tap to the Scorpion Deathlock. *3/4 They keep fighting, and James Storm returns to break a beer bottle on Sting's head. He helps them in a 5 on 4, so I guess it's a 5 man team now. The numbers were never stated, and with it being emphasized as 4 on 4, I just assumed. Silly me. |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 16 2012, 01:18 PM Post #17 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact April 3rd, 2008 Orlando, FL I fell asleep while watching this episode, and Windows restarted for updates. Oh well. Matt Morgan is the fifth man on Team Cage. AWFUL. MCMG/LAX vs. Rock n' Rave/Rellik/Black Reign - 3/4* AJ Styles/Tomko vs. Christian Cage/Rhino - **1/4 Shark Boy vs. Elix Skipper - * Sting vs. James Storm - ** |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 16 2012, 02:51 PM Post #18 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact April 10th, 2008 Orlando, FL Both LL teams argue to open the show. Nothing of note is said. Brawl. In the back, JB interviews Kurt. He says Joe is a great fighter and he's training with great fighters, but that doesn't prepare him to fight the greatest fighter. He says doing something and saying it are two different things, so he wants it in writing that Joe will leave TNA when he loses at Lockdown. Match #1: Consequences Creed vs. Jimmy Rave w/ Hoyt & Hemme Andy just lost his shit. Creed is average in every way, which makes him one of the better X Division guys at this point. It's still only like a minute and he hits a Devil Lock DDT to win. I refuse to call it the CreeDDT. 3/4* In the back, Cornette says Morgan is now on the full time roster. YOU MOTHERFUCKER, CORNETTE. A video airs of Steiner putting Petey through training. Which consists of him holding his head underwater and then yelling at him for being Canadian. Match #2: Motor City Machine Guns vs. Scott Steiner/Petey Williams w/ Rhaka Khan This happens, but it's better than the other tags over the last month or so involving these two, at least. Petey beats Sabin with the *1/2 Steiner then shaves Petey's head and puts a smaller silver headdress on Petey. A video airs of Joe/Angle's history. The Joe/Angle contract signing happens, and that's it. Nothing really happens, they just sign it, and both men vow to win. In the back, Crystal talks to Gail and ODB. They say they'll have Kong and Saed at Lockdown, and they vow to take out Saed, so Kong is all alone, and one of them will beat her for the title. Match #3: Roxxi Laveaux vs. Angelina Love w/ Velvet Sky This isn't much, but fuck yeah TBP entrance. Roxxi wins with a roll up. 1/2* In the back, JB interviews Super Eric, and he says he came to TNA to get rid of all the evil villains. Another terrible ROUGH CUT seg. Match #4: Super Eric vs. Black Reign Hey, this is the worst. Eric wins with a DVD. 3/4* Rellik, which is Killer Spelled Backwards, attacks post-match. Kaz comes out to save, but they handcuff Eric to the ropes. He breaks free because he is a super hero. Match #5: Team 3D vs. Sting/Kevin Nash Hey, no thanks |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 16 2012, 08:02 PM Post #19 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle, Since 10/25/2007 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 ![]() TNA LOCKDOWN 2008 APRIL 13TH, 2008 LOWELL, MA Match #1: Jay Lethal [c] vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Curry Man vs. Consequences Creed [TNA X Division Championship - X-scape Match] This sure happens. Since Lethal only gives a fuck about half the time now, there isn't a great worker in there to carry it. Lots of contrived spots, and unlike last year, there's nobody really there to fill the time well and to tie things together. It gets down to Lethal vs. Devine, and that kinda blows. Devine tapes Lethal to the ropes and climbs, but Dutt comes down to cut the tape off, and Lethal goes out the door to win. ** In the back, JB interviews Frank Trigg and he says Angle will win. Match #2: Queen of the Cage Battle Royal This is total bullshit. You have TBP, Roxxi, Tracy, Jackie, Christy, Salinas, etc., so it's hardly going to be a classic. It's a reverse battle royal, but it turns into a real match when two women get in. It obviously gets to Angelina vs. Roxxi and Roxxi wins with a lame hammerlock version of Chris Hero's Cravat Countdown thing. 3/4* In the back, New Blond TNA Interviewer Lauren, the least attractive one yet, interviews Joe. He says there is only one possible outcome tonight. BECAUSE HE IS SAMOA JOE. AND HE IS PRO WRESTLING. Hype video for VKM EXPLODES. Match #3: Kip James vs. BG James This could have been much worse. It was very very average, so I'm not praising it exactly, but it's 2008, and these two had shitty matches in fucking 1999, so yeah. BG wins with a roll up. ** Kip beats down BG post-match. In the back, Black Reign and Rellik beat down Eric Young before the clusterfuck tag. In the back, Kurt Angle cuts a promo about how Joe will tap out. Match #4: Kazvs. Rellik/Black Reign vs. Motor City Machine Guns vs. LAX vs. The Rock n' Rave Infection vs. Scott Steiner/Petey Williams [CUFFED IN THE CAGE] This match is again total fucking TNA bullshit, as the rules say the last man who is not handcuffed to the cage gets the win for his team. LAX and MCMG get handcuffed early as punishment for trying to make TNA good, I guess. Gets down to Hoyt, Rave, Rellik, and Reign. And then SUPER ERIC~ run down, and he beats up everyone and wins. Motherfucker. *1/2 In the back, Lauren interviews Joe's family and they say nothing of note. Match #5: Awesome Kong/Raesha Saed vs. Gail Kim/ODB The outfit somewhat limits what Cheerleader Melissa can do, but it's still good. They actually use the cage for once, and this is somehow MOTN so far. Kong vs. Gail is awesome, and Kong vs. ODB has some cool cage spots too. Kong accidentally murders Saed with the Rolling Backfist, and ODB beats Saed with a Splash off the middle rope. **1/2 Hype video for the mixed tag. Match #6: Booker T/Sharmell vs. Robert Roode/Peyton Banks This is at least short. It's 7 minutes of Booker vs. Roode, which is again fine, if not overly impressive. Then Sharmell finally tags in, and so does Banks. Banks accidentally slaps Roode, and Sharmell rolls her up to win. **1/4 Roode yells at Banks for being worthless and leaves. Hype video for Lethal Lockdown. Match #7: Christian Cage/Sting/Rhino/Kevin Nash/Matt Morgan vs. Tomko/AJ Styles/James Storm/Team 3D [LETHAL LOCKDOWN] Christian and AJ start, which is smart. The initial 5 minute run of Christian vs. AJ is the best part, since there's only two other actual great wrestlers, and Storm is entered in the middle and Tomko at the end. Team 3D and Sting are mailing it in, Rhino isn't having a good night, and Nash is Nash. Everyone gets in and it is a clusterfuck. AJ and Christian fight on top, and they have AJ's insane bump of the match. Rhino hits Storm with the Gore to win. **1/2 Hype video for Joe/Angle. Match #8: Kurt Angle [c] vs. Samoa Joe [TNA World Championship] This is a weird match. They try to do a MMA hybrid type deal, but it doesn't work for a number of reasons. Firstly, they work it with Angle as the bigger guy who keeps grounding Joe, so it's all fucked up. Secondly, it's very unnatural. Angle's totally forgotten how to do actual matwork by this point, and Joe's not a guy who can guide people through holds and shit. It proves how hard great shoot-style is to do, it's not just something you can decide to do. Then about halfway through, for no real reason, they stop and start throwing their bombs. Kick outs. Joe FINALLY wins the belt with the Muscle Buster. **1/2 About six months overdue at least on Joe beating Angle and even more overdue on him winning the belt. Edited by Big Tuna, Aug 16 2012, 08:03 PM.
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| Big Tuna | Aug 17 2012, 02:09 PM Post #20 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Samoa Joe, Since 4/13/2008 TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles/Tomko, Since 10/14/2007 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY TNA X-Division Champion: Jay Lethal, Since 2/10/2008 TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong, Since 1/10/2008 TNA Impact April 17th, 2008 Orlando, FL Samoa Joe comes out and gives a victory speech about how hard he's worked and what he's sacrificed. Fuck this. He's Samoa Joe (he is pro wrestling), I don't want him to talk about hard work and feelings, I want him to be a fucking mystery who kicks people's heads off their bodies. Scott Steiner comes out and says sacrifices are for losers, but at Sacrifice, he would use his briefcase and take the belt off of this pile of genetic junk named Samoa Joe. Kurt Angle then comes out and says he's using his rematch clause next week. In the back, Christian and Rhino talk. Team 3D comes over and they say they'll turn on each other again eventually, and D-Von says Rhino is a shell of himself. They shove Team 3D, and then Roode, Storm, and Kip James also beat them down. In the back, SoCal Val comes out of a bathroom with Sonjay Dutt. Sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. Match #1: Jay Lethal [c] vs. Johnny Devine [TNA X Division Championship] This is a match. Flying Elbow wins for Lethal. *1/2 Petey Williams comes out and beats up Lethal with the briefcase and cashes it in. Son. Of. A. Bitch. Match #2: Jay Lethal [c] vs. Petey Williams [TNA X Division Championship] Canadian Destroyer. Petey wins. R.I.P. X-DIVISION Mott Margan does a pretape that is way too long calling himself the Blueprint. Match #3: AJ Styles/Tomko [c] vs. Kaz/Eric Young vs. LAX w/ Salinas [TNA World Tag Team Championship] AJ/Tomko vs. LAX is really really awesome. This is only like 4 minutes though. Eric Young runs away and Super Eric returns after Kaz almost breaks his neck on the Flux Capacitor. Super Eric beats AJ to end the 6 month title run with a fucking Northern Lights Suplex. ** In the back, AJ and Tomko go to Cornette. AJ says Super Eric denies being Eric Young, so therefore that win shouldn't count, and they should still be champions. Match #4: Christian Cage/Rhino vs. Team 3D Christian tried. He really tried. But yeah, too much mediocrity here. Rhino beats D-Von with a Gore. *1/2 Team 3D argues post-match. In the back, Cornette asks Eric Young to admit he's Super Eric. Eric says that's Jim's call on the interference, and they argue about how Eric can't interfere in his own match, and Eric is mad that he missed Super Eric again, and says he's not Super Eric. Cornette says to shut up and go to the ring when he asks. Coming back, Cornette and Kaz are in the ring, as are AJ and Tomko. Super Eric comes out and says he is not Eric Young. Kaz says to admit it so they can keep the belts, but he refuses, so Cornette strips the belts and vacates them and says he'll have a decision next week. How is this a thing that needs considering? AJ and Tomko lost the belts to someone who wasn't in the match that they signed for, so they're still the champions. Match #5: Awesome Kong [c] w/ Raesha Saed vs. Roxxi Laveaux [TNA Knockouts Championship] This is solid. Roxxi is a warm body in the ring for the Awesome Kong show, but it is still good. Roxxi is decent enough. Awesome Bomb ends it. *3/4 In the back, Kurt Angle tries to get into his locker room, but it is reserved for the World Champion, so Joe is already in there. Why is this at the end of the show? Match #6: Sting/Booker T/BG James vs. Robert Roode/James Storm/Kip James w/ Jackie Moore Roode and Storm did well for themselves, but this was not much. Storm goes to use the beer bottle, but Morgan runs out and takes it away. Booker beats Storm with the Scissors Kick. *3/4 Booker yells at Morgan for helping him. And partially for being terrible, I assume. |
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Anyways, AJ brings a chair in, but Joe takes it. He hits AJ with it behind the ref's back, but then sees him hit Christian, so Christian wins by DQ.




7:02 PM Jul 10