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Simon Watches ECW - 1996
Topic Started: Apr 13 2013, 09:33 PM (8,215 Views)
Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

I have the first two shows and it's under two weeks before I can torrent again, so hey, whatever.

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: The Sandman, Since 12/9/1995
ECW Television Champion: Mikey Whipwreck, Since 12/29/1995
ECW Tag Team Champions: Cactus Jack/Mikey Whipwreck, Since 12/29/1995

ECW Hardcore TV
January 2nd, 1996
Queens, NY


Highlights of Holiday Hell open up the show.

The Stevie/Missy Hyatt segment is then aired.

Scorpio vs. Mikey Whipwreck then gets shown in full.

ECW RETURNS TO QUEENS, NY - FEBRUARY 3RD, 1996

A horrible music video tribute airs to Public Enemy, since they're finally leaving now.

Public Enemy vs. The Gangstas from HH is then shown too. FUCK YOU, LEAVE ALREADY.

PULP FICTION TIME YEAH:
-The Gangstas ask why everyone thought they was gone, and says they're gonna crash this here house party, because ECW sent them home with no pay. Public Enemy is dead, and The Gangstas done took over
-PE say stuff
-Raven and Cactus Jack are standing by, and Jack does a play by play of him helping Mikey win the titles. He hands all the belts to Raven and brings Mikey over and says he brought him here to kneel at his altar, but Raven says he doesn't want him. Jack says they neet a white meat babyface with guts and fire. Mikey says he doesn't want to be with either of them, and Raven shoves Cactus, and he keeps yelling "FIRE!" and "PIZZAZ!" so Raven leaves.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: The Sandman, Since 12/9/1995
ECW Television Champion: Mikey Whipwreck, Since 12/29/1995
ECW Tag Team Champions: Cactus Jack/Mikey Whipwreck, Since 12/29/1995

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ECW House Party '96
January 5th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


Joey Styles opens the show, until Bill Alfonso and Taz come out. Bill does his thing and yells a lot about how he hates everyone and yells at Joey for not doing more interviews with Taz, so Joey tells him to shut up. Taz backs Joey into the corner, and says he's tired of his shit, and he's gonna break his neck. The crowd chants for Sabu and Taz says he's not coming. 911 comes out, and Taz has no fear. YEAH! THE ROSTER COMES OUT TO PULL THEM APART! YEAH! Taz decides to murder El Puerto Ricano with a Tazplex after 911 leaves. He goes for another, but Joey gets in the way and begs him to not kill him. Taz throws him into the corner, and 911 runs back out! CHOKESLAM ON TAZ, BUT THE ELIMINATORS COME OUT TO SAVE! FUCK YEAH! IT'S A 3 ON 1, AND 911 EATS TOTAL ELIMINATION! Jason and Alfonso shake hands, but Taz pulls Alfonso away from him. Taz and Alfonso leave, and Rey runs out for the match.

Match #1: Rey Misterio Jr./911 vs. The Eliminators w/ Jason
Surprisingly fun. Rey cleans house for a while with crisp and fancy lucha, giving 911 time to actually sell taking the Total Elimination. They eventually get rid of him with cool power stuff. Taz comes back out to attack 911, and then leaves. 911 recovers, so that was entirely pointless. It had no effect on the match either, as in a cool but slightly convoluted spot because of how long it takes to set up, Rey jumps off 911's shoulders to Kronus on Saturn's shoulders in a Doomsday Rana of sorts for the win.
**1/2

The Eliminators attack post-match and they kill 911 with a second Total Elimination. AND THE PITBULLS COME OUT TO FIGHT! THEY HAVE A BRAWL! Jason and Francine fight too, and Kronus throws #1 out onto 911. Saturn hits #2 with one of his awesome Superkicks, AND FRANCINE RECEIVES TOTAL ELIMINATION TOO?! HOLY SHIT! SHE'S DEAD. The Pitbulls run back in, but Jason gets his tag team out of there and they check on Francine. She gets stretchered out. Great angle. I wouldn't call it some of the best shit I've ever seen, but it was well done.

Match #2: Rob Van Dam vs. Axl Rotten
YEAH RVD'S HERE! Not sure why that excites me. RVD shows off his stuff, and he's pretty good by this point. Axl has some decent stuff so it's not totally 100% about RVD, and Axl finds ways to keep himself over. RVD wins with the Split Legged Moonsault.
**1/4

Before the TV Title rematch, Scorpio tries to talk shit to Mikey. He says everyone says he's always going to get his ass kicked, but if Scorpio wants his belt back, then he'll give it to him, AND MIKEY HITS HIM WITH IT! YEAH!

Match #3: Mikey Whipwreck [c] vs. 2 Cold Scorpio w/ Woman [ECW Television Championship]
This is great yet again, and a perfect continuation of the story of the first match. Scorp knows he can lose to Mikey now, so once he gets his opening, he's actually vicious instead of super cocky. But it gets to him because he is incredibly prideful, so he starts to show off as a way of showing Mikey that he isn't shit. Mikey's selling is really fucking incredible again, and it adds a lot to the comebacks. They tell a wonderful story of Mikey being able to beat Scorpio if Scorpio is dumb, and Scorpio being surprised at how much it takes near the end to do it, but then in classic ECW fashion, they fuck it up, as there's a horrible looking ref bump, and Raven comes out to hit Mikey with the Evenflow. Scop then hits the Tumbleweed to regain the title. Great match though.
***

In the next match, Taz finally debuts "War Machine" as his entrance music, and Alfonso is wearing an Emmett Smith jersey to mock Philadelphia.

Match #4: Taz w/ Bill Alfonso vs. Hack Myers
Good Taz showcase, as he does holds and throws for 4 minutes. Joey Styles confuses a Triangle Choke and a Fujiwara Armbar somehow, continuing to be the world's most hit-and-miss commentator. Tazz dumps Hack on his head, and wins with the Tazmission.
**

The crowd chants for Sabu again, and Taz grabs the mic. He says they've been chanting for him for two months, but he hasn't had the balls to come find him. He says if you want to know where Sabu is, they should go find Paul E, and look under the table he's at and they'll find Sabu doing what he has to do to keep his job and what he did to get back into ECW. He says this is the beginning of all the beatings he's gonna dish out and the beginning of their path of rage. So on behalf of Bill Alfonso and the Human Suplex Machine, everyone here can fuck off.

Match #5: Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Jimmy Del Ray
Bubba has Sign Guy, Chubby, Dances With, and Big Dick Dudley with him. Del Ray has Mr. Hughes. UGH NO. GO AWAY. HOW DID HE KEEP GETTING WORK?! This is only 3 minutes, unfortunately. The Dudley clan coming out with a box of pizza, Bubba smiling like a retard, Sign Guy with a sign saying "IT'S BUH BUH TIME!!!", and all of this set to "Highway to Hell" is just so perfect. Del Ray is fantastic as your slimeball Southern heel, and Bubba works well as a monster retard face. He wins with a DDT in a horribly short match. :(
**

The Dudleys celebrate, but Hughes gets in the ring with JDR, and says they've got someone to help him speak and help him learn some other things too...

AND UGH, IT'S SHANE DOUGLAS!

How is he going to teach him to speak? Before he became a Dean, was he a speech instructor? The fucking mutants cheer for this goddamn wretch, and he gets on the mic to kill another half an hour. Hilariously, Joey Styles ruins it before he even comes out, by yelling "IT'S THE FRANCHISE" before the music really kicks in, since they'd given "Perfect Strangers" to several people in 1995. He's throwing up the Triple Threat/3D sign again, despite Benoit and Malenko being off doing significantly better things. Maybe he's here to teach the Dudleys the 3D? He says there have been purgatorious times for all of them in the last six months. All of them? No, fuck that. ECW got really good in the last six months. AWFULLY CONVENIENT, ISN'T IT? He says lots of things need fixing around here, and he is the world's greatest wrestler in addition to being the world's greatest English teacher, and he'll teach him proper English, and this is how, and he slaps Bubba. :( ! Bubba looks really sad, like he wants to cry, and Shane says the Franchise is back. That makes me sad too. Not sure why this is his big return, but then who gives a shit?

Joey Styles is in the ring, and he brings out Stevie Richards! He comes out with Beulah and The Blue Meanie. Joey congratulates him on making out with Missy Hyatt, and Stevie says he is now "Studly" Stevie Richards, the King of Swing. He says she's warm for Stevie's form, as everyone saw in Queens, and by the way, Studly Stevie is the only American Male, because he's better looking than Riggs and has a better body than Bagwell. Joey asks if this is why they're taking up time, so he could brag about his kiss. Stevie says his man Raven, he started partying in December, and maybe he neglected Beulah a little, so he's here to give her some Christmas cheer, but she shoves him off and says no. He tries it again, and she says she doesn't want to be touched. He says to stop making him look bad and asks why it is, and she says she's pregnant! Stevie celebrates, and Raven rushes out. He is mad and calls her stupid for not taking the pill. she asks why he cares, because it's not his, AND RAVEN ATTACKS STEVIE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She says it's not his either, so Raven moves in on her. She says it's Tommy's, AND RAVEN CHOKES HER! WAIT, WHAT? TOMMY TRIED TO PILEDRIVE HER LITERALLY A WEEK AGO. WHY WOULD HE TRY AND PILEDRIVE A GIRL HE'S BEEN SECRETLY FUCKING? Tommy runs out to save, and he DDTs Raven to start a brawl. Beulah hits Stevie and Meanie with a frying pan. He brings Raven back in and DDTs him on a stop sign and then hits a Piledriver into a pie. That is how this brawl ends. With a piledriver into a pastry. That was horrible. Tommy then hugs Beulah and they leave together, so it least it ended on a better note.

Match #6: The Sandman [c] w/ Woman vs. Konnan [ECW World Heavyweight Championship]
This went 14 minutes and that's like 10 minute too long. Really more like 14 minutes too long, but hey. Konnan gets treated like shit by the fans, and that's the best part of this. They try and wrestle in the first half and maybe a little longer, and it is SO FUCKING BAD. Sandman then makes them brawl, and that's okay. They end up knocking each other out with halves of a broken table, and the ref counts. Sandman gets up before 10, so he wins.
*

Match #7: Sabu vs. Stevie Richards w/ The Blue Meanie

This was strange. They tried some random wrestling early on, and it looked good, but was very clearly them killing time. Then they moved into big table and chair spots, and they had some very nice ones. There wasn't much of a flow, but as a collection of spots, they were cool and nothing was super contrived or bad looking, so I didn't mind it. Sabu won with a Super Arabian Facebuster.
**1/2

The PE does their bit, and the crowd chants that they will be back. They pander and The Gangstas come out. New Jack calls them bitches for taking the easy way out to WCW and tells them to go tell the fake Gangstas with the flames on their shit, Harlem Heat, who invented the X, and then calls Sherri an ugly ass rat cunt. Okay then.

Match #8: The Gangstas vs. The Public Enemy
FUCK YOU. I WIN. THEY'RE GONE. Look, this wasn't good. Their Hardcore Heaven match was a total mirage, as every other meeting's been total ass, and this is no different. PE are the worst tag team or even act in wrestling history to ever convince anyone they were really good. I can't even think of anyone that's close, because even with other flashes in the pan, there's SOMETHING where they were good. PE wins horribly with the Drive By on Mustafa.
*1/4

The horrible PE video closes out the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: The Sandman, Since 12/9/1995
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: Cactus Jack/Mikey Whipwreck, Since 12/29/1995


I lack the Hardcore TV for the rest of January, but I managed to find some things from the 1/27 ECW Arena show on a show entitled ECW Unreleased in a pack of rare/fancam shows from 1996, so there's that! It's only 38 minutes long and is clearly a huge clipjob, but hey, whatever.

ECW Arena
January 27th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


Stevie Richards and The Blue Meanie are in the ring, and Stevie officially names them The Fabulous Ones, AND THEY DO THE FARGO STRUT! AMAZING!

Before a Dudleys vs. Axl/JT match, Bubba tries to say his name, but JT Smith keeps taking the mic away from him to try and be Italian, and says he loves his pasta linguizi. Axl says to shut up and let the moron say his name so they can get down to business. JT then decks Axl with the mic to start the match.

Match #1: JT Smith/Axl Rotten vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Dances With Dudley w/ Big Dick, Sign Guy, & Chubby Dudley
Bubba immediately kicks JT in the gut and hits the Bubba Bomb for the win.
FUCK YEAH

Axl then asks JT what the fuck is wrong with him, and he low blows him before it cuts away.

Quick cut to Cactus Jack in the ring with Joey Styles, and he says he saw his oldest friend Shane Douglas complain about how if you want to be a star in the WWF, you have to kiss Vince McMahon's ass, but compared to kissing their asses and Tod Gordon's ass, Vince McMahon's ass is fine with him, and he'll pucker up. And the same freaks here tonight will be chanting his name in the Philadelphia Spectrum by the end of the year when he's wristlocking Mabel. So close.

It then cuts to the end of a Headhunters squash.

Clips air from the first RVD/Sabu match which was on this show. They do some remarkably insane stuff, but we never see a finish as the last thing is Sabu doing a Moonsault from the top rope to RVD on a table in the crowd.

Before the next match, Cactus reveals an AMAZING WW F'N F t-shirt.

Match #2: Cactus Jack/Mikey Whipwreck vs. Tommy Dreamer/Shane Douglas
Tommy clearly wants at Jack, and he uses Mikey as a shield. Tommy doesn't want to fight him, but Mikey gets pissed at Tommy for treating him like a lesser being, and attacks him! FUCK YEAH MIKEY! They do a bit of actual wrestling, and it's not pretty, but is better than expected. Shane has actual good work on Mikey, the best he's looked as a heel in ECW yet in the ring. Not going to call it a career high because hey, DAT STEAMBOAT TAG TEAM. Tommy stops Shane from using a chair on Mikey and says to save it for Cactus. AND MIKEY COMES BACK WITH CHAIR SHOTS TO BOTH MEN! MIKEY DOES A CROWD DIVE! AMAZING! Jack gets on the mic and says if Mikey wants to hit Tommy with chairs, he'll join him, but they don't need chairs to beat a never will be like Shane Douglas, and he was too much of a coward to fight him before he left but now that he's come back on his hands and knees, he wants to WRESTLE! This would have been AMAZING right before the match, but in the middle of it, it's another shoddy ECW booking idea that fucks up a match's flow. The brawl goes between meandering and cool. Mikey and Douglas are surprisingly carrying the match, since Tommy is sort of just doing stuff and Jack is working more character stuff. RAVEN RUNS DOWN AND BLINDS HIM WITH HAIRSPRAY AND EVENFLOWS DREAMER! YEAH! TOMMY GETS UP AND ACCIDENTALLY DDTS SHANE! AHAHAHA! Typical of ECW though, as he kicks out, and they go for a little bit longer. Cactus debuts the drop toehold on the chair here, and that ends it. So Raven's interference meant absolutely nothing. FUCKING ECW GODDAMNIT.
**1/4

Woman and Sandman have a lot of dissension coming to the ring, which hadn't been teased at all and there's no real reason for it. Joey says it's because Sandman doesn't like her managing wrestlers in WCW, but that's a super flimsy excuse.

Match #3: The Sandman [c] vs. Raven [ECW World Heavyweight Championship]
Woman, Stevie, and Meanie are all there. This is also clipped a ton, so only 4 minutes get aired. What is aired is FUCKING GREAT though. Sandman's lost his shit and goes nuts with cane shots, catching the ref with one too. He hits Stevie and Dreamer, but Raven low blows him and canes him. Tommy runs out to DDT Raven, and Cactus does the same to Sandman. They fight away, and Shane Douglas runs out to join in. Raven covers, but Sandman has enough time to kick out. He has this awesome desperate comeback, but misses the Flying Legdrop, and Raven hits the Evenflow to win! With the entire thing aired, this could have been AMAZING.
**

Sandman is mad, and Woman opens a beer for him and says this is great. She says now he can come with her, and he asks what that means. She says it's nationwide TV, more money, and he gets to come with her! YOU ARE NOW IMAGINING SANDMAN IN THE DUNGEON OF DOOM. BENOIT/SANDMAN FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE AFTER BENOIT/SULLIVAN! HOLY SHIT THIS IS AN AMAZING ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! Sandman says he's the king of extreme and he's got a little loyalty to the ECW unlike her. She says she MADE him, and she can break him. Sandman asks who the hell she thinks she is, BITCH. 2 Cold Scorpio comes out to make the peace and says this is their manager. Scorpio asks how much money she's talking about, and they both tell him to choose. Scorpio says Sandman ain't giving him no ass, and he teases going with Woman, but says he's gonna go with....AND HE POINTS TO SANDMAN! YEAH! Sandman says she's not walking out on them, and Scorp says Eddie and Dean got to go out the front, but she's going out the back, and he carries her off to the back, taking time to feel up her ass as he does so. Fuck yeah Scorpio. He comes back out and they drink together and hug. SO GLAD Sandman finally officially turned babyface, and it was a great angle.


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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: Cactus Jack/Mikey Whipwreck, Since 12/29/1995

ECW Hardcore TV
January 30th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


Hey, this was also in the set!

In a recap from HCTV last week, Tommy Dreamer and Shane Douglas talk in the back. Shane says he wants to be his partner to fight Cactus and Tommy asks what his conditions are. Shane says whichever one of them gets a singles title first, they owe the other the first title shot, and Tommy agrees.

And it turns out, this episode is more or less the same shit compiled for that ECW Unreleased thing. No wonder it was around 40 minutes long!

Son of a bitch.

In the back, Shane Douglas cuts a promo. He says he was like a patient fisherman in that match, trying to draw Cactus Jack into getting hardcore with him, and he wouldn't catch the hook at first, but when he saw the blood on his friend Mikey Whipwreck, Cactus finally took the bait, and it was by design that he slammed his face into that chair. They show clips of him doing this, and it was the move that pinned Shane. So...he designed it to lose? What? That's terrible. That makes no fucking sense. Go home, Shane. He says they'll get hardcore on february 17th in the ECW Arena.

In the back, Raven is with his new valet, Kimona Wanalaya. YEEEEEEAH. He says this is end game for Tommy, because he's got a new girl and the gold. He doesn't love Beulah and he never did, and he walks away. :(
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

I accidentally erased half the review. LOL?

ECW Big Apple Blizzard Blast
February 3rd, 1996
Queens, NY


Taz vs. Shark Attack Kid: **
-Taz called out 911 and Gordon said he left. He went after Gordon, SO BAM BAM BIGELOW MADE HIS DEBUT TO RUN THEM OFF?!

The Headhunters vs. El Puerto Ricano/Axl Rotten: *1/4

Cactus Jack/Mikey Whipwreck [c] vs. The Eliminators: **1/4
-The Eliminators win the title after Cactus and Mikey have problems, and then Raven and Cactus beat up Mikey. Francine then fakes being interested in them so that The Pitbulls can attack The Eliminators and they cut some of Kronus' shitty hair.

Match #4: Tommy Dreamer/Shane Douglas vs. Raven/Stevie Richards
Beulah, Kimona, and Blue Meanie are on the floor. This was an awesome formula tag translated into the style, which so many people just can't do. Stevie gets beat up a ton early on, before they can take over. Fabulously, Stevie puts on a Razor Ramon t-shirt and throws a toothpick at Shane to mock him. Raven and Stevie control Tommy, and it's surprisingly great as a basic tag team control segment. Lots of good hope spots and cut-offs, and Stevie's progression continues, as he's able to cut Tommy off without help. Shane has a good hot tag, and I'm starting to think he might just be really good as a babyface. They cut him off with an illegal object, but then because it's ECW, normal booking won't work, and Sandman comes in and canes all the heels and the ref and leaves. Raven gets back up really quickly and they just keep controlling Shane. SO WHY THE FUCK EVEN BOTHER? IT ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING AND HELPS NOBODY. THIS IS THE WORST BOOKING TREND. UGH. That just really entirely takes me out of a match to see that kind of thing, and it blows. Shane is a solid FIP too, and Stevie even gets a visual pin, which is awesome. Tommy gets in, and the finishing run is good too. They have some quality nearfalls, and Beulah tapes a frying pan to Tommy's foot, AND HE HITS STEVIE WITH A FRYING PAN ENZUIGURI TO WIN! AMAZING. They deserve credit for having a mostly good match in spite of everything.
***

Dreamer chases Meanie once the rest of the Nest abandons him, and Douglas then hits Meanie with the frying pan. Fuck it, I like this team. I want tons of rematches, and then them vs. Raven/Cactus, but the window for that has closed, I think.

Match #5: Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Juventud Guerrera
This was so disappointing. I love Juvi so much, but this was kind of a mess despite all the totally awesome spots. Those were fine, but the structuring was horrible. Like, they had parts where it was this that felt like Juvi hated Rey and Rey hated Juvi, and then they'd instantly turn it into a respectful spotfest. Rey broke out the awesome Punk/Jeff chair around the neck spot, AND THEN FUCKING WAITED FOR JUVI TO GET BACK IN? UGH. They did more cool shit and Rey countered Splash Mountain into a Frankensteiner to win.
**1/2

Coming back, Joey Styles brings out Taz and Bill Alfonso for an interviews. Taz says he knows 911 left in fear (as earlier in the show, Tod Gordon said 911 didn't want to fight Taz and had left), and Rey Misterio Jr. came back out. He says 911 is his friend and he might not be here, but that doesn't give Taz the right to run his mouth and he's not afraid of him. Alfonso yells at him to show respect to his man Taz, so Rey kicks him! Taz attacks, but Rey fights him off with lucha, until Taz catches him out of the air and hits the Taxplex. TAZ THEN CHOKESLAMS REY! OH SHIT! El Puerto Ricano, JT Smith, and SHAH come out with referees to get in the way, and Taz and Fonzie leaves. Smith then yells at Rey for stealing his moves and kicks him before Hack Myers punches him away.

They basically re-do the Sandman/Woman/Scorpio angle from the last show for some reason, complete with Scorp carrying her out of the building.

Sandman is alone in the ring, and Stevie and Meanie come out. Stevie says he has a message for The Sandman from his man Raven, and says he's allowing Sandman to back out of his title rematch, and Sandman laughs and says no. Stevie says he better do it, or he'll kick him in the face. Meanie says he'll do it too, and Stevie says he can do it then. Sandman laughs again and says if he can kick him in the face, he'll give up his title shot. Meanie can't get above Sandman's stomach, so Sandman canes him. Sandman tells him to tell Raven that he's coming back for his belt, bitch, and he leaves. Stevie checks on Meanie, and Raven and Kimona come out. Stevie says he won't believe what happened, and Raven calls him a moron. He says he gave him this thing as a flunkie, and he gets the crap beat out of him every single time. Secondly, he couldn't handle giving Beulah her pills one a day, so he slaps him. Then, he sends him to give a message to a man who cannot drink or handle his liquor, and he's this close to being fired. He tells him his surprise better be big, and slaps him again. Stevie says they're gonna be on every news program for his surprise, and pulls a piece of paper out of Meanie's pocket and says he's suing Missy Hyatt for sexual harassment! How will this please Raven? Missy comes to the ring and asks what he's doing and says that was probably the best day of his life. Raven says her other option is to join up with the champ, and it ain't like she hasn't been there before. Hyatt says he doesn't measure up and talks about Beulah and Tommy. Raven goes after her, BUT SANDMAN RUNS OUT AND CANES RAVEN! Hyatt says she knows he's had career problems and he needs to be nurtured by mama. She lights the cigarette for him, and they pose.

JT Smith comes out with his head wrapped before his match vs. Bubba. He tries to pay Bubba $100 to call the match off because he has severe head trauma after being shot to death. Bubba takes the money since it's probably more than his actual paycheck, but Big Dick Dudley makes him give the money back, so JT low blows him before the bell.

Match #6: JT Smith vs. Bubba Ray Dudley w/ Big Dick, Sign Guy, & Dances With Dudley
This is all of 30 seconds and Bubba wins with the Bubba Bomb.
FUCK YEAH

Bubba dances post-match. It's incredible.

Match #7: Sabu vs. Mr. Hughes
This happened alright. No idea why Hughes was allowed to go 12 minutes, but Sabu does what he can. Some cool Sabu table spots, and yeah. I love some Sabu, but I'm waiting for him to have a really great opponent still. Sabu hits a backwards diving Arabian Facebuster for the win.
**

Match #8: The Sandman/2 Cold Scorpio vs. The Gangstas

This is fun, and they match up really well. Sandman is awesome at adding little touches to a plunder brawl like this to make it beyond just dudes using weapons for however long it goes, and Scorpio adapts fairly well and can put his awesome offense into a brawl like this in a good way. Jack and Sandman end up getting into a huge fight outside the ring, and it comes down to Scorp and Mustafa in a singles match, so Scorpio can win with the Tumbleweed. That's almost like psychology with Sandman distracting New Jack to take it from a tag match into a singles match of sorts, but I have doubts that it was intentional.
**1/4

New Jack goes nuts on Sandman with the cane, until Scorpio runs him off. He revives Sandman this time with a cigarette, and they celebrate.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
February 6th, 1996
Queens, NY


Rey vs. Juvi opens the show.

FEBRUARY 17TH - ECW ARENA:
-CACTUS JACK VS. SHANE DOUGLAS
-RAVEN [c] VS. SANDMAN FOR THE ECW TITLE
-THE ELIMINATORS/STEVIE RICHARDS VS. THE PITBULLS/FRANCINE IN A DOG COLLAR MATCH
-SABU!
-TAZ!
-2 COLD SCORPIO!
-TOMMY DREAMER!

MARCH 8TH-9TH - "THE BIG ASS EXTREME BASH" - QUEENS, NY ON 3/8 - ECW ARENA ON 3/9!

In the back, Cactus Jack and Mikey Whipwreck are standing by. Cactus has a Mr. Potato Head doll and is using to retell how he lost his ear in Germany. He says Mikey is the only one who stood by him, not Tommy, not Shane, and definitely not the ECW fans. He says he's been his crutch, his sunshine when skies are grey, and asks Mikey if he'd kill a man if he wanted him to, and Mikey says he guesses. He says they're like the Smoking Gunns almost, and says if Mikey shows that FIRE~ and HEART~, then Vince will love him. Mikey says he's happy here, and he leaves. AMAZING.

Cactus/Mikey vs. The Eliminators then airs.

PULP FICTION:
-New Jack says The Gangstas don't like nobody, not even each other, and they want that first shot, AND NEW JACK PUNCHES OUT A LIGHTBULB WHAT THE FUCK
-Cactus Jack says he tried to show Mikey how cool fall foliage could be, but Mikey was too cool to care. He introduced Mikey to Leonard Cohen and said it was his favorite cassette tape, but Mikey took it out and putt in the satanic ritual music of Ozzy Osbourne, AND EXPECTED HIM, THE PARENT OF TWO CHILDREN, TO TAKE IT! He says he knows Mikey doesn't have money, so he paid for gas and food, and Mikey only ate Doritos. AND HE LEFT THEM IN HIS CAR, AND HE MADE HIM EAT THE DORITOS GOD DAMNIT. DON'T YOU KNOW DORITOS ARE BAD FOR YOU, MIKEY?!
-Mikey shrugs and says he likes Doritos
-Cactus Jack is now joined by Raven and Cactus says Vince asked him to bring Mikey with him, but he's making him into a liar. He says he's going to slap him around like he were his own child, but the only difference is that there's no laws to stop him this time. And what Uncle Vince wants, Uncle Vince gets.
-JT Smith tries to sing Dean Martin
-Bill Alfonso yells that New York is the worst and says their escorts charge too much
-The Eliminators say they want the titles. Francine is still hot.
-Tommy Dreamer is with Beulah and says when she was in Raven's corner, and he tried to show him her pain, she faked it
-Raven says he'll always love somebody
-Beulah says she's glad Raven has a new girlfriend, so Tommy can dump her on her head
-Scorpio says he's got love in his heart too, and says he wants to show off what he loves, and he raises up the TV Title and kisses it. He says now all the hos is for 2 Cold.
-The Pitbulls brag about taking Kronus' hair
-Saturn shaves his own hair and asks if they think he cares about his hair. He keeps repeating that and then says he hangs himself every day too, and his hair is worthless, and the only thing that matters is their titles. Wait, Saturn hangs himself every day?
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
February 13th, 1996
Queens, NY


The Taz/Joey Styles segment from 2/3 airs, with 911 being revealed as having left the building and not wanting to fight Taz.

The Sandman/2 Cold/Woman retread seg from 2/3 also airs again, before going into the amazing Raven/Stevie/Hyatt stuff right after.

And then the Raven/Stevie vs. Tommy/Shane match!

A Taz video set to "War Machine" ends the show. Awesome stuff, and they focus on him calling out 911.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

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ECW CyberSlam '96
February 17th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA

Match #1: Judge Dredd/The Bad Crew vs. Dirt Bike Kid/Don E. Allen/Dino Sendoff

This is 2 minute of horrible. The Bad Crew are in no way the same people as Disorderly Conduct, so Biggie was confused. Also, it goes to an actual finish before the interference, as The Bad Crew wins with something. Best part of the match was the crowd chanting "YOU ALL SUCK!" at them.
45/Poop

The Sandman runs in and canes everyone. He yells YOOOOOOO several times, and says it's time to get extreme, before he leaves.

Match #2: Spiros Grekko vs. El Puerto Ricano
This can't have been what he meant. EPR bumps well enough to get this an actual rating, but he's clearly carrying this fucking sack of shit. Biggie is wrong again, as Spiros wins with a Fuckhandle Slam of some kind after four horrid minutes.
3/4*

Match #3: Taz w/ Bill Alfonso vs. Joel Hartgood

FINALLY SOMETHING GOOD! Taz squashes are the best, and he's now throwing an even more insane Lariat, in addition to the throws. Tazmission gets him the win.
**

Taz gets the mic and he calls the kid just another victim. The EMTs come out and try to stretcher Joel out, but Taz flips the stretcher over. The jobbers from the opener try to save, but they also all get dumped on their heads. AND MIKEY RUNS DOWN! FUCK YEAH! MIKEY HITS FONZIE AND GETS SOME OFFENSE IN, but then Taz kills him too. I WANT THIS MATCH NOW! He puts on the Tazmission and stretches him instead of choking him.

Joey Styles is in the ring after the static cut and talks about Cyber Slam being this internet convention, AND THE LIGHTS GO OUT! FUCK YEAH! Oh, it's just Brian Pillman. Okay then. He's starting the whole LOOSE CANNON~ gimmick and keeps calling Eric Bischoff a piece of shit. The fans cheer, so he calls them a bunch of marks who think they're smart, and it's the first instance of "smart mark" being said on a show. I still don't like this entire character, it's aged so poorly, and I get why it matters and how cutting edge it was, but whatever. There's a horrible sign that says "PILLMAN - DON'T WORK ME", which is just, ugh. He tries to dick his dick out and piss in the ring in this shithole, and security cuts him off. Paul, Tod Gordon, and Shane Douglas come out to calm him down and Brian says he doesn't care about him or his smart marks, BOOKER MAN. Police come in and Douglas yells that he's shooting, and is clearly mad that someone can do a terrible shoot promo on his level. Brian gets dragged out to the floor and gets in a confrontation with an obvious fan plant. He throws him in the ring until Shane Douglas runs back out to save. He tells security to throw Brian out or he'll beat his fucking ass tonight, and after a long struggle with the cops, they get him taken out the back door.

Match #4: Mr. Hughes vs. Bubba Ray Dudley w/ The Dudleys
This is 30 seconds. Big Dick breaks his crutch on Hughes' back, and Bubba then hits a splash to win.
FUCK YEAH

Mustafa comes out by himself and says New Jack's jailing down the way in Atlanta, so he's gonna need a partner to face dem Headhunters. Damien Kane and Lady Alexandra, managers of The Headhunters, come out and Kane says he'll offer him a job in their stable, shining shoes. He says the only job he wants is a handjob from his lady, and he punches Damien. The Headhunters then wobble out to attack him, AND OH FUCK, REALLY? THE HARRIS TWINS COME OUT TO SAVE AND THAT'S A MATCH. CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY.

Match #5: The Bruise Brothers vs. The Headhunters w/ Damien Kane & Lady Alexandra
Horrible, just goddamned wretched. It's only 4 minutes, but god damn, that feels like an eternity. One of the Headhunters has a Harris beat after the Moonsault, but the ref counts the pin as the other Bruise Brother beats the other Hunter with a Big Boot. Joey says these two teams were custom made for ECW, and that's a pretty damning statement.
FUCK YOU

Joey Styles is in the ring next, and he brings out Tommy Dreamer and Beulah, and talks about Tommy's separated shoulder. Before Tommy or Beulah can say anything, Raven comes out with Kimona, Stevie, and Blue Meanie. Raven says if he thinks that shoulder was payback for what he did, he's sadly mistaken. In China, they cut off your hands for stealing. In Indonesia, they cut off your feet for running from the police. In Thailand, if you're caught lying, they cut off your tongue, and he got his girlfriend pregnant! Shane Douglas and The Bruise Brothers come out to back Tommy up, and Tommy tells Shane to get her out of here. He takes Beulah to the back, AND THE HARRIS BROTHERS TURN ON TOMMY. AHAHAHAHAH FUCK YOU. They repeatedly full him dick first into the post as punishment.

Match #6: JT Smith vs. Axl Rotten
This is not bad. Very fun short match, as Axl pretty much beats the shit out of JT for 95% of the match, and JT Smith being JT Smith, he takes a ton of insane and awesome bumps. He gets a chair once he takes over and fakes falling off the top with it to lure Axl into posing to the crowd, and then JT hits him in the back with it for the win.
*3/4

JT keeps beating on Axl, but Hack Myers runs out to save.

Match #7: The Eliminators/Stevie Richards vs. The Pitbulls/Francine [Triple Dog Collar Match]
This feels like their worst match together. Stevie immediately Superkicks Francine and unhooks himself, so he can walk around and interfere. This is very aimless brawling without a ton of story, psychology, or cool stuff until the second half. Glad to see the PE's legacy is still here. :( Stevie and Saturn are very clearly the best guys in this and drive it, occasionally doing cool things that keep it as something decent. It picks up briefly when they go to the Eagle's Nest for dives and table spots, but settles back down. The Pitbulls fight back and Saturn and Kronus both eat the Superbomb. Stevie gets one too, with a Neckbreaker thrown in as he lands, and Francine crawls on top to win. Egh.
**

The Eliminators display their trademark incredible selling, as they're right back up. They hit both Pitbulls with Total Elimination, and then also hit it on Francine.

Match #8: 2 Cold Scorpio [c] vs. Sabu [ECW Television Championship]
This is a very interesting match. With the length and how they worked it, it really should have been bad. But it wasn't, it was really fucking good. It's go-go-go for the most part for 30 minutes exactly, but they manage to build the pace up and not repeat themselves, and they actually sell, so it works in spite of itself. I love Sabu and all, but I'm pretty sure Scorpio was the glue here for the most part. I say for the most part because Sabu injuring himself forced him to sell too. They also had some awesome psychology where Sabu kept bringing chairs and shit in, and Scorpio struggled to force him into a pure offensive display as a wrestling match, but once he did, he was able to dominate. Repeatedly though, he gets too cocky and it lets Sabu turn the tide. It stops him from ending it after 450 Splash, and he misses the Tumbleweed then. Sabu hits the Arabian Facebuster, but the time expires! I liked this more than Biggie, but I also didn't really expect a ton.
***3/4

Match #9: Cactus Jack vs. Shane Douglas

Awesome Foley showcase. Shane was there too and had a few nice things, but this was very much a Cactus Jack match. Huge bumps everywhere, great cumulative selling, that classic hint of desperation behind everything, etc. Shane has a surprising dive off the top to the crowd though, so good for him. Strikes are back to being pretty shitty though. Cactus has a wonderfully violent control seg, lots of nasty strikes. The referee passes Shane handcuffs, and I guess he's a heel now? I don't know. He handcuffs Jack and goes all Royal Rumble 1999 on him. Cactus demands that Mikey helps him, and when Douglas has him in a Figure Four, Mikey comes out. He hits Jack with a chair though, and the referee counts Cactus down. Felt much more about the angle than the match.
**3/4

Match #10: Raven [c] vs. The Sandman [ECW World Heavyweight Championship]

Kimona, Stevie, Meanie, and Missy Hyatt are on the floor. This is what I'd expect and want from these two, at least in the first half. Sort of sloppy, but in more of a reckless way than an unskilled way. Under 10 minutes, full of hate and fire, etc. It then breaks down with a catfight in the middle of the match. UGH. ECW STOP DOING MID-MATCH ANGLES, UGH. Picks up again at the end, and Raven throws Sandman off the top into an open chair, before then hitting the Evenflow on the chair to win.
**1/4

Raven, Stevie, and Kimona leave, but Meanie is an idiot and mocks Sandman by opening a beer. He dances, but it spills and Sandman is thusly revived. Sandman beats the shit out of him with the cane and the show ends with him screaming for "mommy", which is really goddamn creepy. I guess that's Missy? She comes back out and lights his cigarette for him.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
February 20th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


In the back, Missy Hyatt is with The Sandman. She says mommy likes it when he uses the big stick so hard that it explodes, and she wants to see it tonight. Sandman says what mommy wants, mommy gets, and he spits beer and they leave.

That fucking atrocious six man airs.

The long Pillman seg then occurs.

In the back, Taz and Bill Alfonso talk. Alfonso says Bam Bam and Rey Misterio need to stay away and says he loves the WWF and Vince McMahon, but that big jobber who lost to a football player has no place here. He says his man is making him a lot of money, and he's eating steak every day, god damnit. Taz shoves him away finally and tells Rey and Bam Bam to stay in their own promotions, because this one is his.

Headhunters vs. Bruise Bros. is then up NAH.

The Triple Dog Collar match airs, with much clipping.

Hughes vs. Bubba airs, but this has the full Dudleys entrance, which is always so much fun.

In the back, The Pitbulls are mad. They say it's time for them to eliminate The Eliminators. They breath very heavily.

The awesome Tommy/Beulah/Shane/Bruise Bros./Raven's Nest seg ends the show.

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

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ECW Just Another Night
February 23rd, 1996
Glenolden, PA


Before the match, JT Smith tries to teach his partner, Joel Hartgood, some Italian dance. He can't do it right, so JT hits him with a chair and leaves him to a handicap match.

Match #1: The Bad Crew vs. Joel Hartgood
This is all of a minute and they win with a Powerbomb followed by a Flying Splash.
1/2*

The Sandman comes out and canes everyone before leaving. I love his new role of destroying terrible opening match guys to pop the crowd. It'd be easier to just not insist on opening shows with awful wrestling, but it's ECW, I'll take what I can get.

Before their match, Stevie and The Blue Meanie do the Fargo strut again. It's still the best.

Match #2: Stevie Richards/The Blue Meanie vs. The Pitbulls w/ Francine
This happened. Totally just an overlong Pitbulls squash. Stevie didn't get enough offense, but he's a comedy undercarder, so I get it. Pitbulls beat Meanie with the Superbomb.
*3/4

Match #3: Bill Alfonso w/ Taz vs. Tod Gordon w/ Bam Bam Bigelow

GREAT. This is like 2 minute of nothing, before Taz punches out Tod and Alfonso covers to win.
1/4*

Taz brings a chair in, but Bam Bam gets in. Taz hits him in the head, AND BAM BAM STANDS STRAIGHT UP AND NO-SELLS! FUCK YEAH! Fonzie and Taz leave.

The Eliminators come out for a title defense against the Dudley Boyz, but they attack all the other Dudleys. Dances With Dudley DIES on the Total Elimination, and the others take him to the back. BUT BIG DICK FIGHTS THE ELIMINATORS AND CHOKESLAMS THEM BOTH! FUCK YEAH BIG DICK! Security takes him away, and Bubba attacks both Eliminators to begin the handicap match for the belts.

Match #3: The Eliminators [c] vs. Bubba Ray Dudley [ECW Tag Team Championship]
This is 6 minutes and it's solid. They have some cool offense going on for a few minutes, BEFORE HACK MYERS RUNS OUT TO TAKE THE TAG! SHAH! He does some things and is very blatantly there to eat the fall. Bubba gets thrown out and Saturn dives on him after the Total Elimination gets hit on SHAH. Kronus covers Hack for the win.
**1/4

Match #4: The Sandman vs. Axl Rotten

Not great, but a fun all over the pace brawl. Solid punches, good use of weapons, nothing too ridiculous, etc. Axl works great as subtle heel, stalling to start, and then drinking beer over Sandman once he's in control. He has some really great slaps too. Sandman retrieves the cane for his comeback, and that's awesome. He then quickly wins with the Flying Legdrop.
**3/4

Sandman puts over Axl on the mic post-match and gives him beer. Axl leaves and The Sandman celebrates.

Cactus Jack comes out to chants of "MANKIND" and he says he has a special going away present for all the fans, and it's something they haven't seen for far too long on this show, and BRINGS STEVIE AND BLUE MEANIE BACK OUT! YES! FARGO STRUT FOR THE SECOND TIME TONIGHT! AWESOME! Bigelow clotheslines them both down and they bail. Cactus says Bam Bam is coming from where he's going, and he won't be losing to any football players at WrestleMania. Bigelow says he was told to lay down for Taylor, but nobody's telling him to lay down for Cactus. UGH.

Match #5: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Cactus Jack w/ Stevie Richards & The Blue Meanie
This could have been AMAZING, but it was 3 minutes of a very by-the-numbers affair. It's these two in 1996, so everything they do lands well and looks good and has some nice force and energy behind it, but it's also only 3 minutes. Bam Bam gets a clothesline off the ropes and surprisingly wins with it.
**

All three attack Bigelow after the match, but he fights them off. TAZ RUNS OUT FROM BEHIND THOUGH, AND HE GETS ON THE TAZMISSION! BIGELOW GOES DOWN TO IT HOLY SHIT! EL PUERTO RICANO, HARTGOOD, AND BUBBA RUN OUT AND PULL TAZ OFF! Bigelow is OUT, and Taz murders the babyfaces too with various throws. All the heels leave together.

Match #6: 2 Cold Scorpio [c] vs. Sabu [ECW Television Championship]
This is only a 20 minute draw now, and it is fucking great again. Scorpio pulls a Sabu and botches a springboard early on. This is more or less a house show version of their first match, but shorter. Same general idea and structure, a total offensive display with a lot of the same stuff. They change up enough so you can't accuse them of just running the same match. Scorpio uses more groundwork to control Sabu now, and there's less of an opening third devoted to how hard Sabu is to control once he gets a chair. Which was AMAZING at CyberSlam, but it's a house show, so you can't hold it against them. Sabu gets a full Benoit on the scale of not giving a single fuck about your health on a Tope Suicida, AS HE PROPS SCORP AGAINST A TABLE FOR THE TOPE SUICIDA, AND IT DOESN'T BREAK AND HE DOES A HEADER INTO IT AND THEN OFF THE FLOOR! Match can really only go downhill from that, since Sabu is a little fucked up after that. He recovers, AND HITS A CROSSBODY OFF THE APRON THROUGH THE TABLE! FUCK YEAH! They do the same finish as the first match.
***

They shake hands post-match, but Scorpio then lays out Sabu with a clothesline. Scorpio takes his time leaving though, and Sabu runs out and attacks him going into the back! FUCK YEAH!

Before the main event, Shane Douglas gets on the mic. He says he sees Raven with his entourage of freaks and says he sees him wearing what belongs to him, and what he wears is the belt that HE made famous. He says he looks at his freaks and thinks that maybe he should get someone to watch his back, and fans try to get the spot. Shane says as much as he knows anyone here could kick Stevie Richards' ass, he'll do it on his own, because he doesn't want any excuses coming from his mouth. And when he leaves with HIS title, he wants everyone here to go forth and tell the others that The Franchise is back where he belongs, as the ECW World Champion! Hey, that was his best promo ever. Concise, with some cool lines and fan interactions, and it hyped the crowd up more and...nope, he's still talking. He tells Vince McMahon to suck his ass and says The Franchise is gonna teach him, Raven, and his freaks a little wrestling lesson. Goddamnit, Shane. So close, and then you fuck it up at the end.

Match #7: Raven [c] vs. Shane Douglas [ECW World Heavyweight Championship]
Raven has Kimona, Stevie, and Meanie in his corner. This is really interesting, and Joey totally misses out on what's going on as usual, because he's talking about Raven's current stuff and all the interference and Shane being this classical worker, but the story they're playing out is the two most cerebral men in ECW history to this point having a chess match. It shows, as they're constantly trying to bait the other into messing up early on. Even as far as mechanics go, their cerebralness shows. They're not the best bumpers of strike throwers, and it's why their stuff doesn't hold up as well as other people's (Raven's holds up better because he has more toys to work with in terms of booking and interference), but when either gets to do something like this against a competent opponent, it's very good. Shane gets upset with Stevie's constant Dean Douglas jokes, so he goes after him, and that's what Raven needs to take over. Brian Pillman comes out with a press pass and a camera during this, smoking also. Shane fights back, and then goes after Pillman too, until security ejects him. This is ANOTHER bullshit mid-match angle, but it works best here, as the story so far is that in a battle of mental ability like this, Shane is losing because he keeps getting distracted. Finishing run was just a little too overbooked though, and it puts a damper on this, unfortunately. I really wanted to give this the three, but a Cactus Jack run in on top of a ref bump and Nest interference and the Pillman thing was what stopped it. Stevie is able to slip in the Stevie Kick, and Raven hits the Evenflow on the chair to win.
**3/4

The Sandman comes out to save, and Shane proposes that whichever one of them beats Raven for the ECW Title first gives the other the first title shot. The Nest attacks again, but they fight them off. Sandman nods at him and hands him a beer as a way of accepting.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
February 27th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


In the back, Raven is with The Bruise Brothers. He says he should have known that two men railroaded by the system would never side with Tommy Dreamer. He says Tommy took his girl and took his life, but people will always be seduced by power. Kimona walks in and takes off her top as he poses.

Posted Image

Quote the Raven, nevermore.

Footage airs via Fan Cam from 2/23 of the Shane/Pillman incident.

MARCH 8TH - BIG ASS EXTREME BASH NIGHT ONE - QUEENS, NY:
-SCORPIO/SABU III FOR THE TV TITLE!

MARCH 9TH - BIG ASS EXTREME BASH NIGHT TWO - ECW ARENA:
-RAVEN VS. DOUGLAS FOR THE ECW TITLE!
-THE ELIMINATORS VS. THE PITBULLS FOR THE ECW TAG TITLES!
-REY VS. JUVI IN A BEST OF THREE FALLS MATCH!

Also loved that they used "Cut Your Hair" by Pavement for this. Not the kind of song I imagine for an ECW hype piece.

JT Smith vs. Axl Rotten is aired.

HYPE CENTRAL. BUY THE AWFUL NEW BUBBA SHIRT.

Shane Douglas vs. Cactus Jack then airs.

Taz vs. Joel Hartgood also airs. I usually skip the replayed matches, but this was such a great squash that I watched it again.

Theoretically, it's Pulp Fiction time, but only one promo airs while the music plays. Shane Douglas gives us lessons in an extreme life. Lesson number one, is for Cactus to tell Vince he said hello. Number two, Brian Pillman is no loose cannon. Number three, Shane Douglas is the true loose cannon. None of those were lessons. No wonder you got fired as a Dean. He then goes into a great segment and says the man with no ethics drives the hardest bargain, and he's ensuring himself title shots no matter who's the first to win the ECW Title. He then claims he and Tommy's deal was that he would protect Beulah and the baby, not just to team with Tommy, in exchange for a future title shot.
Edited by Big Tuna, Apr 19 2013, 10:44 PM.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
March 5th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


A weird video airs of Brian Pillman fighting a gigantic pencil in his house.

The Shane Douglas promo from the end of last week's show airs again.

ADDED TO MARCH 8TH:
-RAVEN VS. SANDMAN FOR THE ECW TITLE!

ADDED TO MARCH 9TH:
-THE GANGSTAS VS. THE SANDMAN/2 COLD SCORPIO
-SABU VS. FMW'S BIG TITAN

2 Cold Scorpio vs. Sabu from 2/17 is aired now, and only 35 minutes of the episode are on the file, so it cuts off near the end. Great episode! Very enlightening stuff.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

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ECW Big Ass Extreme Bash
March 8th/9th, 1996
Queens, NY/Philadelphia, PA


NIGHT ONE - QUEENS:

The Queens show begins with Sandman caning tons of jobbers, continuing his new role.

Brian Pillman is in the front row.

Joey Styles brings Shane Douglas out for an interview, and we're back to lame generic music. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND. Shane says he's had all of Brian Pillman he's going to take. Joey urges him not to stoop to his level and Shane says he's not going to waste an ounce of sweat on his little ass. He then says to hell he's not, and he goes out after him. He says he can fight him like a man, or he can drag his ass over here and show him what Extreme is all about. Pillman says he has a ticket and Shane says he'll give him 3 seconds, but Pillman pulls a woman and baby in the way. WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER BRINGS AN INFANT TO THIS SHOW?! Pillman says this is his sister and nephew, and says he'll fight Shane once he quits ECW, just like he quits everything. Brian says he gets thrown out like a real man and dares Shane to be a real friend to Tommy Dreamer, a mother and her child. SHANE GOES TO HIT HIM, BUT PILLMAN BLOCKS WITH THE KID! Shane backs off, so Brian slaps him and they get pulled apart. Shane flips out at Tod and Paul and demands Brian comes back out before leaving after it's broken up. Bill Alfonso then comes out, and antagonizes Tod. They fight and Taz comes out to attack Tod Gordon, BUT BAM BAM BIGELOW MAKES THE SAVE AGAIN! YEAH!

Before Cactus/Jericho, Cactus Jack is billed as from Stamford, CT, "The most hardcore place in all mankind"! AMAZING! Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie come out and say as a going away present, they want to let him be the third Fabulous One and do the Fabulpous Fargo Strut with them. Cactus says he feels like the luckiest man on Earth, pulling a Lou Gehrig, and they do the strut. I LOVE EVERYTHING. Jericho then dropkicks Stevie and Meanie out. :(

Match #1: Chris Jericho vs. Cactus Jack w/ Stevie Richards & The Blue Meanie
This is good, not great. Foley bumps all over to make Jericho come off well, and he tries super hard too. He has some good stuff, but he's hardly great yet. The sloppiness that kind of held him back until he really became great in 2000 is there more than ever, and his Spinning Wheel Kick is actually laughable here. But it picks up once Cactus takes over and does some truly fantastic work. Awesome spot where Jericho counters the Cactus Clothesline into a Belly to Belly to the floor. They go a little far in "making" Jericho here, with him kicking out of tons of shit and winning clean, but it was a nice gesture. He beats Foley with kind of a shoddy looking Bridging German.
**3/4

The Queens show is clipped all to shit, and that full match is only online because it was on some WWE DVDs.

-Taz beat Mikey in what looked like a great squash. Bam Bam came out to save, but Taz clipped his knee and choked him out with the Tazmission.
-Bubba and Dances With Dudley beat The Headhunters, and Mustafa tried to save when they beat up the Dudleys post-match, until New Jack made his return to save Mustafa.
-Rey Jr. beat Juvi in a Best of Three Falls match that was probably amazing

Match #2: Raven [c] vs. The Sandman [ECW World Heavyweight Championship]
About 8-9 minutes out of 12 air here, so I feel like that's enough to count this, as opposed to 2-3 minutes for the other clipjobs. Stevie, Meanie, Kimona, and Missy are on the floor. The crowd isn't as hot as an ECW Arena crowd might be, so that takes away, since they wrestle a kind of match that can be turned into something great with a hot crowd. Weapons, catfight, Raven's usual dog and pony show, etc. Shane Douglas comes out to hit Raven with a chair and he beats on Stevie, but Meanie is still there to pull Raven away from a pin. Shane beats them both to the back with a chair, and that's the least offensive ECW Mid Match Angle yet, because it impacted the match by getting rid of the lackeys. Sandman brings a guardrail section in, but Raven hits the Evenflow on it to win.
**1/4

NIGHT TWO - PHILADELPHIA:

Joey Styles introduces The Gangstas, and some random black girl tries to fuck New Jack in the ring before she's dragged away. New Jack says he missed these crazy retarded motherfuckers here in ECW, and rants about being in an Atlanta jail and says the big boys play there, but this is where the real motherfuckers get down and says it don't mean shit what happens in WWF or WCW. That worthless fuck Damien Kane comes out and offers to manage them against Scorpio and Sandman tonight, but they attack him, and he bails. He says they made a huge mistake and New Jack says tonight, they can put those fat motherfuckers in the match too, because he's got five weeks of being in a jail to make up for.

About a minute airs of JT Smith vs. Axl Rotten. It looks good, but it's a minute aired out of the seven that the match took. JT Smith wins with a pin using the ropes.

Match #3: The Bad Crew vs. El Puerto Ricano/Damien Stone
Damien Stone is the future Nunzio. EPR misses a dive, so this godawful tag team destroys Nunzio for a bit. They hit a Doomsday Device, but after 2 minutes, Brian Pillman comes out with somebody in a suit and a Eagles linebacker and he beats up everyone to end the match. Okay then!
3/4*

Pillman demands that Joey Styles comes out here right now, and he comes out to interview him. Brian goes on another nonsensical lunatic rant, and says he loves Joey. He tells Shane that when the student is ready, the master will appear, and calls himself the Rogue Horseman and holds up four fingers. He tells Shane to go back to class and quit wasting his time slapping around 12 year olds. Shane Douglas interrupts from the Eagle's Nest and calls him a redneck from Atlanta. LOL GEOGRAPHY. He says he's ready for his lawyer to sue him for slapping him around, and apologizes to his Eagle friend and says he left Kevin Greene in Pittsburgh. He comes down to fight him, and Pillman leaves with his people. Just like last night, Shane throws a fit while Joey, security, and Tod Gordon try to calm him down.

ECW is back to generic music for this show, so the amazing Dudleys entrance is lessened. :(

The last minute of The Eliminators vs. Bubba Dudley & Hack Myers airs. Exact same stuff as the 2/23 house show.

Match #4: Chris Jericho vs. Taz w/ Bill Alfonso
This is a fun 6 minutes, and more importantly, it's shown in full! It feels like Jericho plugged Taz into the first few minutes of the touring match he was doing with Chris Benoit everywhere at this point, and Taz can hold up his end of the matwork, but it obviously is lesser than the match up they are copying initially. Taz keeps going for Suplexes on the hurt neck from last night, but Jericho avoids them for a while until he just DIES on a Uranage Plex. Jericho refuses to let the ref stop it, but then taps out in the Tazmission. With a few more minutes, this really could have been great, but it's very much worth seeing. Better than Jericho/Foley, and also really great subtle booking to put Taz over. Jericho hung tough and beat Cactus Jack, one of the toughest guys ever, and Taz beat him in 6 minutes, under half the time it took Jericho to beat Cactus.
**3/4

Taz refuses to let go after the match. Damien Stone comes out to pull him off to no avail, and The Eliminators also try to help, but Taz won't let ho. Joey Styles talks about Jericho's training under and with the Harts, Benoit, and Pillman, which is a great segue FOR PILLMAN TO COME OUT AND SORT OF SAVE?! WHAT? Taz lets go and Pillman dares Taz to put it on him. Taz kills Damien with a throw, AND SHANE DOUGLAS RUNS OUT FOR PILLMAN. ANOTHER PULL APART. Pillman quickly leaves with his entourage as the entire locker room holds Shane back. He stops trying to get Pillman, and checks on Jericho in the ring. He has a brief staredown with Taz too, but Alfonso and Taz leave.

Match #5: Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Juventud Guerrera [Best of Three Falls Match]
This is unfortunately the final match in ECW for Rey, but it's possibly his best. Really really great stuff, carried a surprising amount by the storytelling. Juvi failed before when he tried to out-Rey Rey, so at first he tries to contain him. The first fall is all about that failing completely, as Rey can't be held on the mat and counters everything. So instead of trying lots of pretty high flying like last time, Juvi is Juvi, and combines huge bombs like a Brainbuster with some flipping attacks, and hits a pretty Bridging Dragon Suplex to go 1-0. Juvi gets too cocky though, and Rey comes back with only insane high flying spots so Juvi can't really do his thing. Hilariously, Joey Styles says "We've got the summer Olympics coming up in Atlanta and Rey...well, no, he wouldn't want to go to Atlanta." LOL. FUCK YEAH WCW. STEAL ALL THE TALENT. Juvi takes control back, but he gets too cocky and tries a pretty high flying move instead of what worked in the first fall, and Rey dropkicks him out of the air. Almost to prove a point, Rey then evens it up with a Doctor Bomb. They go totally nuts in fall #3 and it goes outside, which is sort of famous footage. Juvi Powerbombs Rey on a car, and Rey later jumps off the car to hit a Huracanrana. Juvi then stupidly tries to Splash Mountain him for the win, BUT YOU CAN'T SPLASH MOUNTAIN BOMB REY MYSTERIO! He counters with the Frankensteiner to win.
***1/4

The fans chant "TABLES!" over and over, so Rey obliges the goddamned mutants, and Powerbombs Juvi off the apron through one.

Match #6: Cactus Jack vs. Mikey Whipwreck
This is the final Foley match in ECW. Mikey has a neck brace on, and Cactus works on the neck. But since he's leaving, he gets a huge ovation all match, but he's still working heel. Weird stuff. Anyways, it's an amazing prime Foley control segment. Nothing fancy, but everything looks really crisp and violent. Mikey has his usual fantastic desperate comeback, and both men take some nasty bumps. Classic chaotic Foley brawl. Goes a little long before the end, as they kind of just fill space with chair shots everywhere. Foley finally wins with a Piledriver on the chair.
***1/4

Post-match, Cactus stalks Mikey for more, but then hugs him. Mikey leaves, and Cactus begins to give a farewell speech, and puts over everyone from the fans to the wrestlers and promoters to the building itself and says this is more special than WrestleMania, but that's clearly not something he would know yet. He gives his special R.I.P. Cactus Jack shirt to the retarded fan he's talked about a few times, and makes him get a standing ovation. A retarded person won't get that kind of a response in ECW until Justin Credible. That's not true, he would never be that over. My bad. He puts over two guys who have made this company what it is, and asks them to come on out here, AND STEVIE RICHARDS AND THE BLUE MEANIE COME OUT! FUCK YEAH! "New York, New York" plays, and they do the Rockettes dance. He then legit thanks Paul and Tod, before they Fargo Strut all the way to the back.

Match #7: The Bruise Brothers vs. The Pitbulls w/ Francine
17 MINUTES. This was so so so so so so bad. Felt like a Public Enemy tribute match with the ridiculously useless brawling for a retarded amount of time. It broke down and the ref died. Stevie and Meanie came out to help the newest Nest members, but Tommy Dreamer then made the save, and they ran off the heels, and that's the end of the match. Okay then!
1/2*

Two minutes of a 12 minute Sabu vs. Big Titan then air also. Titan is shitty, and Sabu wins with an Arabian Facecrusher.

Before the ECW Title match, Stevie tries to get out of Raven defending the title as he has the gout, but Shane attacks him anyways and the bell rings.

Match #8: Raven [c] w/ Stevie Richards, The Blue Meanie, & Kimona vs. Shane Douglas [ECW World Heavyweight Championship]
Raven immediately goes back to spamming the Evenflow. God damnit. They also randomly do count out tease spots, which hasn't been a thing all night. They do the cat and dog show, but a much lesser version of it. Shane tries to fuck Kimona and she likes it because whooooooooooooooore. They have ref bumps and run ins, and Raven hits the Evenflow on the chair to win. I hate the style Raven's used since he won the title. The dog and pony show is fine, really. I fucking love that shit, but it's always like 10 minutes or less, so they have no time for a match to develop before it breaks down into that stuff.
**1/4

The Nest beats on Shane after the match, and Tommy Dreamer runs out to save! He has a chair and hits Stevie and Meanie, but Raven attacks Tommy. The Sandman runs out to cane the Bruise Brothers and Tommy gets Raven with a DDT! Tommy gets a chair and moves in on Raven, and Sandman comes in with a cane. They argue over who gets to kill Raven, and Shane yells at them to remember the deal, BUT IT ALLOWS RAVEN TO ROLL OUT! Sandman says "FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE DEAL" and goes to cane him, but Tommy saves! Tommy shoves him back and leaves, and Shane laughs behind both their backs, with this somehow being a plan. Kind of a shitty plan, since he lost the title match. Anyways, Sandman goes to cane him again, but 2 Cold Scorpio comes out and says to save it for their match. Shane then leaves.

Match #9: The Sandman/2 Cold Scorpio vs. The Gangstas vs. The Headhunters [Three Way Dance]
Missy Hyatt is there along with the godawful managers for the Hunters. They do lots of stuff, but it's mostly plunder and clubbering and just a bad match. Some cool stuff, but really just kind of a mess, and it's a shame Scorpio got caught in a match like this instead of something better. Sandman eliminates a Headhunter and then the final 5 minutes are better. The Gangstas are still painfully sloppy, so of course they pin the best wrestler in ECW to win this after Scorp gets pinned.
*1/2
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
March 12th, 1996
Queens, NY


The Shane/Pillman seg from 3/8 opens the show.

In the back, Alfonso rants about how he hates Bam Bam Bigelow. Taz says at least he's not a chickenshit like 911, but he just hopes he can stick enough long enough so he can choke him out.

A longer version of the Gangstas/Headhunters brawl from 3/8 airs.

Chris Jericho vs. Cactus Jack airs.

ECW RETURNS TO QUEENS - APRIL 13TH, 1996!

Match #1: Taz w/ Bill Alfonso vs. Mikey Whipwreck
IN FULL! YEAH! It's only 4 minutes, but it's a great squash. Mikey dies and shows heart, and gets in some offense before he dies on some Suplexes. Taz puts on the Tazplex for the win.
**

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
March 19th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


The Shane/Pillman seg from 3/9 airs.

Pitbulls vs. Bruise Brothers airs again, in full, for some unknown reason.

ECW ARENA - MARCH 30TH - SET TO "LIVE AND LET DIE" FUCK YEAH:
-TOMMY/SANDMAN/DOUGLAS VS. RAVEN/BRUISE BROTHERS

Rey vs. Juvi from 3/9 airs.

PULP FICTION:
-Brian Pillman lights stuff on fire in a restaurant kitchen
-Taz yells WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT TAZ?
-Missy Hyatt says mommy loves how Sandman dishes out pain. Sandman turns his back and she says she likes how he takes it even better and there's scratch marks all over it. Sandman says what mommy likes, mommy gets. SO WEIRD.
-JT Smith tries to cut a promo and the ECW backdrop falls on him. He even botched a promo.
-The Eliminators laugh and Saturn says their only regret in eliminating Francine is that she wasn't pregnant like Beulah because they could have gotten two for one
-Missy says mommy doesn't like Shane Douglas, so after their tag match, she wants him to cane Shane Douglas and everyone in sight
-Raven says there's one fundamental difference between he and Tommy. He loves everything, but he's only loved one thing his entire life. He's love Beulah since he was 11 years old, and Tommy only loved her after he had her and he found what was in her box.
-A chef in the restaurant asks Pillman for an autograph and he does it. They shake hands and he says Brian is much nicer now, and Brian says it's all a work.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
March 26th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


Footage airs of a house show brawl between Tommy Dreamer & Shane Douglas and The Bruise Brothers.

Highlights air of Cactus/Mikey and his farewell.

Taz vs. Chris Jericho airs.

ANNOUNCED FOR MARCH 30TH:
-2 COLD SCORPIO VS. RVD FOR THE TV TITLE
-TAZ VS. BUBBA

Joey Styles recaps the 1994 Tommy Dreamer/Sandman feud to show the bad blood that could stop them from co-existing on March 30th, along with Sandman vs. Shane Douglas over the ECW Title in 1995. THE CONTINUITY. Good for you, ECW.

Raven vs. Shane airs.

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
April 2nd, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


The 3/30 ECW Arena show never got its own release, but some stuff has come out on HCTV, so we'll be covering that this and next week.

Joey Styles introduces the show and Damian Kane and Lady Alexandra come out and say words. He says he brought them The Bad Crew, but they didn't listen, so he got The Headhunters, and they're the top team in wrestling, but they still need to learn to listen. He says this taping is their first to go nationwide and he wants a match tonight! Joey says they have a match up, and El Puerto Ricano comes out. He gets beat up by this worthless fuck, and Mikey Whipwreck comes out to fight Kane.

Match #1: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Damien Kane w/ Lady Alexandra
Kane looks barely trained and this is a huge waste of Mikey. He does stuff for a few minutes and wins with the Frankensteiner.
*1/2

Footage airs of The Gangstas murdering Chad Austin and The Blue Meanie. They especially murder Chad Austin with chair shots. I'd say it's an unprofessional beating, but y'know, New Jack. After the match technically ends, New Jack gets on the mic and says he didn't make any of the fans like him, they did that shit on they own. He says they've been here six months and they ain't got no title shot, so it's time to turn the heat up on this motherfucker. He says they don't entertain, and they can ask that motherfucker in the back how entertained he was, and he calls out The Eliminators to rock this bitch.

4/13 - QUEENS, NY:
-SANDMAN/SCORPIO VS. THE GANGSTAS VS. THE HEADHUNTERS MOTHERFUCKER GODDAMNIT WHY AGAIN?

ECW ARENA RETURN - 4/20:
-RAVEN VS. SHANE DOUGLAS FOR THE ECW TITLE - ONE FALL TO A FINISH - NOT SURE WHY THAT'S EMPHASIZED, ALL THEIR MATCHES HAVE ENDED WITH A PINFALL

Clips air of The Eliminators defending against The Dark Riders. Joey says the challengers are dominating Southern promotions. They don't look like much but about 90 seconds airs, as they clip after individual piece of offense, so you can't even say if they're bad or not. They beat one of them with the Total Elimination. Saturn gets on the mic and calls The Gangstas out if they want . They come from the crowd and have an AWESOME brawl as "Natural Born Killaz" keeps playing. Mustafa eats the Total Elimination on the stage, and they isolate New Jack in the ring after the song ends. Mustafa tries to get in the ring but is taken to the back, AND THE ELIMINATORS SANDWICH NEW JACK IN BETWEEN TWO TABLES AND TAPE THEM AROUND HIM! TOTAL ELIMINATION WITH THE TABLES! The Gangstas get stretchered out.

Joey Styles says Brian Pillman will not be given a forum to speak on ECW television again unless he accepts a match against Shane Douglas. Looks like that's the end of it then. Oh well.

As Bubba does his name routine, TAZ SLAPS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM! BUBBA CLEARLY SAYS "LET'S WRESTLE, YOU SON OF A BITCH" WITHOUT STUTTERING!

Match #2: Taz vs. Bubba Ray Dudley
Alfonso and the Dudley family are on the floor. This is another fun Taz showcase. Bubba does basic stuff and is not that good, but he is capable of taking some amazing and huge bumps on Tazplexes. Tazmission gets the win.
*3/4

Taz doesn't let go, so Big Dick hits him with the crutch! He bails out and Bill Alfonso yells at Big Dick and he presses Fonzie up, BUT TAZ CLIPS THE BAD KNEE! He rips off the brace and beats on Big Dick Dudley AND PUTS ON A LEGBAR BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sign Guy gets in, but Alfonso hits him with a chair. Taz gets up and gets the mic and says it doesn't matter if they're 200 or 300 or 400 pounds, and everyone will be just like them, just another victim.

PULP FICTION:
-Taz says Brian Pillman looked in his eyes and he ran, but at least he looked in his eyes first like a man
-The Pitbulls say they were bred to fight. Francine looks hot again. They call themselves the Mad Dogs of War
-A doctor reports on Raven's foot surgery and says he will walk again
-Sandman and Missy stand by, and Sandman says the old saying is "Make love, not war." But he does both, and Missy says what mommy wants, mommy gets. CUT IT OUT.
-JT Smith says Hack Myers smells bad, and his mom is a bad cook. He then starts singing "Fly Me To The Moon".
-The Eliminators say The Gangstas come from the hood, and so do they. They grew up in the projects and survived on the toughest streets, but so did they. But they won't let them drag them back where they tried so hard to get away from, they think it'd be easier if they just killed them where they stand.
-Shane Douglas says you can hate him all you want, but when it comes to Raven's ECW Title reign, he's everybody's only hope
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
April 9th, 1996
Philadelphia, PA


In the ring, Joey Styles brings out Raven and he comes out limping with Kimona, his doctor, and The Bruise Brothers. The doctor says this started with the gout, but he injured his foot, and Raven undertook emergency surgery to reconstruct his foot. Joey says he has a new boot on, and the doctor says he shouldn't be wrestling. The Sandman comes out and says if he can wrestle drunk, Raven can wrestle with the foot. He comes after Raven, but the Harris brothers cut him off with a Double Chokeslam. Shane Douglas and Tommy Dreamer both come out to save, and it breaks down. Tommy puts Raven in the Figure Four, AND BRIAN LEE DEBUTS TO SAVE! He keeps beating on Tommy until Shane comes back in with a chair and Brian Lee leaves.

In the back, Raven has The Bruise Brothers and Brian Lee with him. Brian says ECW wants an asskicking, and Primetime Brian Lee is here. The Brothers say for what Tommy's done to this man, he will pay.

Raven's music hits, but he never comes out, so Joey throws it to a new match.

Match #1: Joel Hartgood vs. The Broad Street Bully
This is immediately thrown to the back. In the back, Raven is still screaming and clutching at his foot. Brian Lee punches the lockers and says to give him his spot in the match, but Raven says they're his, and they're dead. Coming back, Axl Rotten comes out to be Sandman, and he turns it into him vs. Joel Hartgood. If that's legal, why don't people do that in every title match? God damnit, ECW. Axl wins in like 30 seconds after a barbed wire bat match.
1/4*

In the back, Brian Lee is still insisting that Raven gives them to him. Kimona says she'll fight for him, and she'll do anything for him.

Coming back, The Bruise Brothers and Kimona carry Raven out of the locker room since he can't stand really.

ADDED FOR APRIL 20TH:
-SABU VS. ROB VAN DAM
-TOMMY DREAMER VS. BRIAN LEE
-SANDMAN AND SCORP VS. THE BRUISE BROTHERS

This marks the first time The Sandman did the full entrance through the crowd, but Shane and Tommy also came from different sides of the building.

Match #2: Tommy Dreamer/The Sandman/Shane Douglas vs. Raven/The Bruise Brothers w/ Stevie Richards, The Blue Meanie, & Kimona
The minions fight as Raven stands and sits in the ring. Stevie does well, and the babyface team does a decent job of carrying the Bruise Bros. This is a match that could have been a great out of control 10 minute fight, but it's stretched to like 20 minutes. As a result it really really drags. I hate this shit where ECW matches begin as brawls and then settle into a normal tag format. I can tolerate it in places where DQs and count outs are a thing as it feels like the referee finally got control of the match, but in ECW, the opening reminds you that there are very few rules and then it settles down into this. Doesn't help that OH MY GOD IT'S THE HARRIS BROTHERS IN A REAL MATCH. WHAT THE FUCK? The Sandman disappeared at some point in that. After like 15 minutes, Brian Lee comes out to attack Tommy again, and they fight to the back, leaving Shane alone. BUT SANDMAN COMES BACK WITH THE CANE AND IT FINALLY PICKS UP AGAIN. Tommy comes back without Brian Lee, and then they had a nice little chaotic brawl, AND OH MY GOD IT KEEPS FUCKING GOING. This feels like a parody of ECW. Sandman randomly disappearing, mid-match angle with no effect, overly long, plodding hardcore stuff, Raven's dog and pony show getting to a laughable extreme, etc. Sandman gives up a sure pin on Raven to save Tommy from another dick posting. Shane hits Raven with the Belly to Belly on a door, but sees Sandman in the same situation, but he lets them post Sandman's groin so he can take the cover and pin Raven.
*3/4

The Bruise Brothers lay out Shane after the match and then they hit Tommy with a chair aided Big Boot too.

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

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ECW Massacre on Queens Blvd.
April 13th, 1996
Queens, NY


The first match is not a match, but two fantastic things start in it. JT Smith comes out with Damien Stone, and says this is his family, his cousin, and says this is Little Guido! He doesn't believe him, and JT says he's from Sicily, and they hug. Bubba and Big Dick Dudley come out with Dances With Dudley on a stretcher wheeled by Sign Guy Dudley for the amazing entrance. Bubba tries to tell everyone his name, BUT A BLACK DUDLEY COMES OUT! FINALLY! FUCK YEAH! He slaps Bubba and says this shit is gonna stop, AND HIS NAME IS FUCKING BUBBA RAY. He says his name is D-Von Dudley, and he's got three commandments. THOU SHALT NOT KILL. THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. AND THOU SHALT NOT FUCK WITH THE DUDLEYS. AND THE DUDLEYS GO WILD ON THE FBI! YEAH! D-Von hits the ref too and makes innocent retard Bubba do it. D-Von makes them leave, and JT and Guido get up. JT says they were kicking their asses, and D-Von runs back out and assaults them with a chair.

Match #1: Hack Myers vs. Billy Black
Black is one half of the Dark Riders team that The Eliminators killed on 3/30. This is not good at all. Black has one of the worst mullets of all time. This did not require 6 minutes at all. After 5 minute of horrid brawling, Black randomly throws an amazing uppercut, before then doing fuck all again. Hack wins with his shitty facebuster.
3/4*

Match #2: The Eliminators [c] vs. El Puerto Ricano/Joel Hartgood [ECW Tag Team Championship]

AWESOME squash. Just a complete massacre, and The Eliminators have gotten so much crisper since winning the titles. Some great new double teams too, the best of which is a Doomsday Device with a chair to the face. They hit both men with Total Eliminations, and pin both in stereo to win.
**

Saturn gets on the mic and call out The Gangstas, AND THEY COME OUT! YEAH! HUGE BRAWL! They beat the shit out of The Eliminators this time with weapons, and the roster has to come out to keep them apart. Joey Styles claims they have undercover cops as security tonight, and New Jack hits one of them, so The Gangstas get arrested again.

Raven comes out with Kimona, Stevie, and Meanie for his title defense. Stevie has a catcher's mask on to protect an orbital bone injury. Stevie steps over the top like a big man and then does the Diesel pose, as Meanie does the faggy Shawn Michaels dancing and posing. Damien 666 then comes out to be his opponent, so lol. During the intros, Stevie has them introduced as Big Stevie Cool and The Heartbreak Meanie. Nigger Cunt comes out to make out with Meanie, so Raven yanks her off by the hair. Kimona tries to stop him from slapping her, so he slaps her down. Stevie then begins stomping on Kimona now that he has Raven's approval, and referees come out to get her out of there. That got weird.

Match #3: Raven [c] w/ Stevie Richards & The Blue Meanie vs. Damien 666 [ECW World Heavyweight Championship]
This is a very unfortunate styles clash. Damien does his Sabu knockoff offense well, but when the crowd begins to boo him for being a blatant rip off, he gets frustrated and starts fucking up. They try and again fit way too many false finishes in when nobody in the world thought Damien was leaving with the belt. It ends up kind of devaluing the actual false finishes when they do them vs. top guys like Tommy, Sandman, and Shane, so this was kind of a mistake. At least he didn't let this goon kick out of his finish. Raven finally takes the drop toe hold into a chair for himself, and then wins with the Evenflow.
**

Before his match, Shane Douglas comes out and gets on the mic. Now that he's comfortable again, he's back to these bullshit shoot promos that made him so goddamned unbearable in 1995. He sees a fan in a WrestleMania XII shirt and says after that shit match with Shawn Michaels, he deserves some excitement. I agree in theory that the match was not great, but Shane shitting on someone for a methodical style is hilarious, considering that he's pretty old school himself. He asked who thought Mania sucked, and everyone cheers, and says he's challenging Shawn to bring his face to ECW and he'll smack it back to Stamford. He says Shawn can go on AOL and say he doesn't want to work for ECW for a couple thousand smart marks, but the real reason is that they can see through his shit gimmick. He says the toughest sons of bitches are in ECW, and because RVD broke his wrist, he's got a vacancy for his opponent, and he gives anyone in the back the same opportunity he gave to Dick Flair, Hulk Hogan, Shawn Michaels, and Razor Ramon, and that's to step up to the measuring stick of ECW. Oh nice, that means they got Scorpio out of the main event! Good stuff! Also, y'know, the first three? Fine, okay. They never really fought and while it's so annoying and bush-league, Shane can at least pretend in maycabe that they were afraid of him. But Razor fought and destroyed him twice in the last six months. He says this is a SHOOT~. Fuck shoots. Fuck you. Stop leeching off everybody else, you've shown in the last few months that you can actually be a decent wrestler without this. Just do the thing without all this ridiculous bullshit.

Anyways, Axl accepts.

Match #4: Shane Douglas vs. Axl Rotten
This is a decent 7 minute showcase for Shane. Axl does alright in the brawling sections, but he can't do the actual in-ring stuff very well, but Shane carries with some solid selling and bumping. Thankfully, Shane takes over a little bit. They have this UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGLY transition spot off a blocked DDT, and Shane hits a Belly to Belly to win.
**

After the match, Shane puts over Axl and says that's the best fight he's had in a year. Come on, really? You were fighting The Sandman and Cactus Jack in ECW in the last year, and Raven too. Axl's better than them? Shut the fuck up.

Match #5: Chris Jericho vs. Taz w/ Team Taz [Shoot Fight Rules]
This has Alfonso handcuffed to Tod Gordon on the floor and the referee is in a karate uniform. This is 3 minutes and not a lot really goes on besides some Suplexes. one of the Team Taz lackeys takes out the referee and uncuffs Fonzie, and they beat down Gordon again. He hits Jericho with a chair, and Taz puts on the Tazmission. The referee is revived, and he calls for the bell despite no tap out. What the fuck?
*1/2

They then pay off the ref, and he chokes out Tod Gordon. Taz then does the Sabu pose.

Match #6: Tommy Dreamer/The Pitbulls w/ Beulah & Francine vs. Brian Lee/The Bruise Brothers
At least this is only 12 minutes now. All it takes to get these fucking morons to blow up in "ECW!" chants is aimless brawling and chair shots. Fans are the worst everywhere. The Pitbulls get beat up on the floor, and Raven comes out to fight Tommy. He Evenflows him, and then Lee sandwiches Tommy's head between chairs that the Harri hit with Big Boots, and Brian pins him to finally end it.
*1/4

They keep on, but Francine gets in to try and stop it, AND BRIAN LEE KICKS HER HEAD OFF! The Pitbulls get back in to fight the heels away, AND HEY FUCK SELLING THAT INSANE FINISH, TOMMY'S UP AND FINE AND HITS RAVEN WITH A DDT. The Pitbulls bring a table in, and Tommy gets them to Superbomb him through Raven onto the table. Okay then. This feud has once again lost much steam.

Match #7: Sabu vs. Mikey Whipwreck
Here these two come to make the show worthwhile. This was a really goddamned spectacular spotfest. You can find hints of an Ace vs. Young Guy archetype here, and there's pieces where that happens and they do it well, but it clearly was not their aim to do that. However, Mikey does look about on Sabu's level, which is huge for him. The bread and butter is the insane spots, and in the first 75% of this, they had at least one incredible thing a minute for 10 or so minutes. Huge table spots, dives, chair spots, etc. Then after Sabu misses a Hilo into the crowd and through a table, the wear and tear shows for both guys, and it's pretty great. Mikey not being used to being in control of a top name and getting caught repeating offense because he's used to winning by roll ups or stuff like that is kind of fucking incredible. Sabu catches him taking too long for something though and jumps off a chair to the top rope and hits a Frankensteiner to win.
***1/2

Sabu shakes his hand and in a first, bows to him, and gets a "MIKEY!" chant going.

Match #8: The Sandman/2 Cold Scorpio vs. The Gangstas vs. The Headhunters [Three Way Dance - #1 Contender's Match]
All managers are there. The Gangstas show back up after the other two teams fight to start. I'm glad The Gangstas made it back out from jail for this. That was considerate of the NYPD. Scorpio is once again so out of place here. He holds his own because he's a great wrestler and can adapt, but he's clearly so far above this kind of fare. HE'S THE FUCKING TV CHAMPION. BOOK TITLE MATCHES. GONNA FINISH THE SABU/SCORPIO RIVALRY AT ANY POINT? This feels like ECW legitimately forgot they had a TV Title. This has more variance than the March version though, that's good. Gangstas win again.
**
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven, Since 1/27/1996
ECW Television Champion: 2 Cold Scorpio, Since 1/5/1996
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 2/3/1996

ECW Hardcore TV
April 16th, 1996
Queens, NY


A video airs of Marv Albert's retarded son Kevin interviewing Shane Douglas at MSG. That fucking blowhard tries to claim it's only the world's second most famous arena, and says everyone is talking about The Franchise. He repeats his challenge to the Clique and says he was in this building before, but not as The Franchise. This shooty stuff raises a weird question. If he's the franchise and all that and he can dominate ECW and was too good for WWF, then why did he lose to every top name? Uncomfortable "that was fake, BUT THIS IS REAL" type ideas. Lame. So lame.

Joey Styles talks about Shane being the first ECW Champion and hypes up the title match this weekend at the ECW Arena.

A clipped version of D-Von's debut airs. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Taz vs. Chris Jericho airs.

Eliminators vs. Jobbers and the ensuing brawl airs.

The Raven pre-match stuff airs, and it then cuts into the horrible six man.

PULP FICTION:
-Shane says he's the one man that's proven he can defeat Raven to take back the gold, but once he wins the belt, everybody knows what he'll do to keep it
-Raven just shakes his head
-Bill Alfonso yells to stop calling him Fonzie, and says Fonzie sucks just like ECW fans and Tod Gordon and Paul Heyman
-Damien Kane says nob -- DON'T CARE
-Taz says he hates the ECW fans and says he's begging those degenerates to take a bath and says they're drunk 7 days a week and pay for tickets with their welfare checks
-Brian Lee says he wants a fight with Tommy Dreamer
-Tommy bangs his head into a locker to bust himself open and says it takes a lot more than that to make him hardcore
-The Eliminators say they wanted to wrestle, not fight. They drug the violence out of them, and this is The Gangstas' fault. Saturn says all of that, and Kronus then yells BITCH! and laughs.
-Shane Douglas says his belt, HIS BELT, wants to come home, and says the truth will be told. He walks away, but Kimona is behind him with a black eye! She says this weekend, she will expose the biggest scandal in wrestling history. Quote Kimona.
-Raven says that bitch is going to cost him his title and his soul. So it is written, and so it shall come to pass. But there's one saving grace, and that's that it will hurt Tommy Dreamer too, and that means this weekend, you will see the divorce of Tommy Dreamer and Beulah McGillicutty. Quote the Raven, nevermore.
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