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Simon Watches WWE - 2012
Topic Started: May 12 2013, 05:02 PM (12,946 Views)
Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Heath Slater vs. Justin Gabriel, Superstars (February 9th)
This gets 8 or so minutes, so we finally see what they can do. This was really really really good. Gabriel has good arm work early on, and Heath was nice at being the cheap shot taking heel, as always. Kind of lost me in the middle since neither is great at filling time in the middle of the match, but the finishing run was great. Gabriel has some nice forearms in him, and Slater breaks out that sweet Super Powerslam again. Gabriel wins with the 450 Splash.
**3/4
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Smackdown
February 10th, 2012
Tulsa, OK


TONIGHT: BRYAN VS. ORTON!

Sheamus comes out to open the show, and he reiterates that he's going to announce which title he's going to challenge for at WrestleMania after the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view. He talks about being bullied as a kid and ugh, whatever. He says he's not going to change for anyone, he won't get a tan or lose his accent. Wade Barrett thankfully comes out and says if he's wise, he will go after the WWE Championship, because in 9 days, he'll be the World Heavyweight Champion, and he would beat Sheamus AGAIN at WrestleMania. Cody Rhodes comes out and says he's the only one of them to currently be a champion or to have ever WON at WrestleMania, and then The Big Show comes out. To wrap this up, TAG TEAM MATCH PLAYA.

Match #1: The Great Khali vs. Jinder Mahal
This is 2 minutes, and Khali wins with the Tree Slam.
1/4*

In the back, T'Lo and Aksana make bedroom eyes at each other before Daniel Bryan comes in. He asks if it's true, and T'Lo asks what he means. Bryan yells at him for having a BBQ in the parking lot, and says he's more mad that he's eating the charred flesh of a dead slaughtered animal than that he didn't invite him. He says vegans don't eat any animal products, and Teddy asks what he eats. Bryan says he's sick and can't compete, but Long says he's also sick of him preaching, so he will compete.

Match #2: Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Fox
This is a solid squash. Beth wins with the Glam Slam.
*

She tries another one, but Tamina comes out, and Beth leaves.

The Rock's video airs.

Match #3: Sheamus/The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes
They get 10 minutes, so hey, time for a real match. Booker tries to argue that Cody and Wade shouldn't believe they'll win the Chamber. Amazing. This is below average because everyone in this is kind of just whatever, and they're understandably trying to stay at 100% for the Chamber. Sheamus has a good hot tag, and he beats Wade with the Brogue Kick.
**

In the ring, Michael Cole brings out AJ for an interview. Cole then yells at her and says nobody even knows who she is, so nobody can support her. He says he's just playing, and says he wants to know who she blames for her injury. She says Daniel asked her to be at ringside on Raw, but she doesn't blame The Big Show, and he wouldn't hurt her on purpose. She says Cole's worse than The Big Show, since he keeps stirring everything up, and says he's NEVER believed in Daniel Bryan. She says he's insulted Daniel, her, and all the Divas, and he's a biased and obnoxious jerk. He tries to speak, but she says she wasn't finished, and says as far as she's concerned, the entire WWE would be better off without him. YEAH! He says he's doing his job and he says Daniel set her up to get run over and she has no self-respect. He says after the Chamber, her and her boyfriend will be footnotes, and Daniel Bryan comes out. He says he will break both of his arms, so Cole leaves. He says she's been through enough and says he can't harass her because of their issue. He says he is more than a footnote, he is a great wrestler, THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! YES! And, he is a role model. He says he took a nature walk on Sunday while the rest of them watched men through a PIGskin ball, stuffing their faces with the flesh of murdered animals, and drinking bottle after bottle of beer and soda. He asks if they recycled or thought about the environment at all. He says he's going to take AJ home, AND HE'S LEAVING IT IN A PRIUS!

In the back, Teddy says he'll provide transportation for AJ to go home, but if he walks out on this match, he's stripping him of the title.

Match #4: Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico w/ Camacho
Ted still has a soft cast on his hurt wrist, and they have a solid 3 minutes as usual. I think they have a great Superstars match in them. They do stuff, and Ted wins with a roll up. BOOOOOOOOO.
*3/4

The Elimination Chamber video airs again.

Hey, so Big Johnny kept his job. Thanks, Board!

The Big Show comes out to do commentary.

Match #5: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton
This is great! One of the matches where Orton tries. Daniel targets the arm, and Orton's selling is really good. He holds his arm after using it, adjusts his offense, and sells in little ways, like having to use his right arm to push himself off the mat instead of using both. They saved stuff clearly, but this was still great. Daniel tries to leave, but Show stops him and throws him down and back in, so the ref DQ's Orton!
***

Orton hits the RKO but is mad. He goes out and shoves Big Show, so Show shoves him down. They fight at ringside to end the show, and yeah.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Raw
February 13th, 2012
San Diego, CA


In the back, Kane says he will do anything to get John Cena to embrace the hate. He says tonight, John Cena will embrace the hate, and someone will take a ride in this, and the camera zooms back to reveal an ambulance.

In the ring, Jerry Lawler is hosting a debate between the Raw E.C. participants. Great. Lawler asks why they will win, and John Laurinaitis comes out with David Otunga. He thanks the Board for keeping him on hand and thanks everyone too. Punk then answers the question and promises that this debate will not end in violence, so they can have a classy debate. He says he's going to win because he's the best wrestler in the world. Vickie says before the rebuttal, she wants to outlaw booing. Ziggler says he's a better wrestler than CM Punk, and he's the best at everything. That's kind of his deal. He asks Truth if he even knows what state they're in, and Truth says if he's elected, he'll trade Vickie Guerrero to Smackdown for Hornswoggle and a box of spiders. BUT YOU FEAR SPIDERS WTF. Ziggler asks how he even works here, and Truth calls King "your honor". He says he's going to make spider stew, high in protein and low in carbs, and it will give him the energy to outlast them in the Elimination Chamber. GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Holy shit, what? The Miz then says words, and Ziggler says Miz is being serious now, so he's scared. ZING! He tries to insult everyone, and fails on every one. Kofi says to just shut up, and says he's no afterthought and says he's been overlooked forever, and that changes in the Chamber. HA! He says he is surrounded by neophytes in this ring and says he is the best in the world at everything he does, and says nobody's been in more Chamber matches than him, and the last time he was in one, he beat The Undertaker for his title. He tells Punk to look at him when he talks, boy, and Punk keeps ignoring him. He tells him that his master has come back for his title. Punk says he wasn't listening, and he was remembering when he was 7th on Dancing with the Stars, and asks him to repeat himself. Ziggler says this is all a joke and Lawler announces Kofi/Jericho, Punk/Miz, and Ziggler/Truth tonight. EW. Jericho gets in Punk's face, but Kofi then hits him with Trouble in Paradise.

Match #1: Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston
This gets 5 minutes, but that might do it a disservice, since it's more time for Kofi to be terrible. Jericho is still kind of a shell of his former self, and can no longer carry Kofi. Jericho wins with the Codebreaker.
*3/4

In the back, Shawn and Triple H hug. Go away.

In the back, John Cena talks to Zack Ryder, and he's still in a wheelchair with a brace and roses. He says he's more beat up than ever, but he can't stay away from Eve. He says he's gotta tell her, and Cena says he gets it, but Kane's going to do something horrible again. He asks Zack to stay here, and he says he'll bring Eve to him, and says not to leave. He says he's got his back.

In the back, David Otunga tells Johnny that he has an idea that can make him permanent GM of both shows.

Daniel Bryan comes out to sit at ringside, and they announce Bryan/Orton II for SD. Nice!

Match #2: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show
Decent match for five minutes, but whatever. It's Orton/Show. Hard to care. They work a nice power/intelligence story. Orton flubs one RKO, but hits the second, and that signals Bryan to come in and hit him with the title belt for the DQ.
**

Bryan then also hits Show with the title belt.

Shawn Michaels comes out and he gets on the mic. Cole again spreads the lie that he's the greatest in-ring performer of all time. Jesus, you can maybe buy the all-around argument, but turning it into solely in-ring? They're just rubbing it in everyone's faces now. He says you can't have WrestleMania without Mr. WrestleMania. Correct, so he's here to convince The Undertaker to wrestle! Good! He says he watched last week, and he was waiting for Triple H to say he accepts, but he was shocked when he didn't say that, so he got on the phone and said he has to be here tonight to talk to his best friend. He says it dawned him, and says he got him and everyone, he's the Cerebral Assassin, he's just baiting him. So really, the reason he came here was for Triple H to come out to announce that he's going to end The Streak this year at WrestleMania! Triple H comes out and gets the mic. He says it's great to see him, and while he understands that it's hard to tear himself away from Texas and hunting wabbits with Elmer Fudd to come here, and it'd be nice if they didn't see him just at Mania. NO, STOP. Shawn asks to tell him the news, and H says he wished he would have called him if this is his only reason, because he's NOT going to be facing The Undertaker at WrestleMania this year. Shawn says he gets that he has to do the thing with the suit, and H says that's not what it is. He says he saw him last year, what he did to The Undertaker, he lost the battle, but won the war. He says he has to end him to beat him, and he's not willing to do that. He's not that guy anymore. Shawn laughs and says that's what he does, he's a closer, and he ends careers. Shawn said he always stayed by his side, and asked if he married that chick and suddenly just became one of them. He asks if he's a corporate sell out now, and H says it's not selling out, it's investing the future. He says he gets that he doesn't get it, and Shawn rambles about being a simple man, and says when a man challenges him, and he backs down, that makes him a coward. He says he can wrap money around it and put it in a suit, but a coward is still a coward. H says he doesn't get it, and says he has a responsibility because this is all going to be his one day, and says The Undertaker isn't an opponent anymore, he's a brand, and he's good for business, and he can't end that brand just because he wants to. He says the three of them are the end of an era, a different breed, a smash mouth style where they put everything on the line that doesn't exist anymore. Wow. YEP, NOBODY ELSE DOES THAT. He says he won't end that era, and The Undertaker is all that's left, and he can't end it for any reason. Not for the fans, not to feed his own ego, and not to feed Shawn's ego, so he can live vicariously through him to get done what he couldn't do. Shawn stops H from leaving, and says that was an awesome speech, and it probably works on a lot of people. He says he's at peace, but Triple H has no peace, and he wants him to look him in the eye and tell him he doesn't want to end The Streak, to tell him no. Then they do ACTING. They take off their jackets and prepare for angry sex, but then Triple H says no, and Shawn leaves. Triple H goes to leave, but the lights go out and the gong hits. Another video airs, now with The Undertaker hearing the speech from last week. He says this is not over, and he will get what he wants. Also he's cutting his hair. He says to keep his pity and give him what is his. Immortality.

Match #3: R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero
This was 2 minutes and Truth wins with a roll up. :( Waste of Ziggler.
*1/4

In the locker room, Zack Ryder is still waiting and Santino gives him romance tips. How is it taking Cena so long to find Eve?

Beth Phoenix comes out to do commentary.

Match #4: Tamina vs. Brie Bella w/ Nikki Bella
Solid squash, but under a minute. Tamina wins with the Superfly Splosh. Tamina/Beth is announced for Elimination Chamber on commentary.
3/4*

In the back, John Cena is talking to Josh. GO FIND EVE FOR YOUR FRIEND. WHAT THE FUCK?

A video airs on The Rock's media tour, hyping up WrestleMania, over the last week.

In the back, Kane has chased Eve into the ambulance, and he shuts the doors. John Cena runs over and attacks him for the save. He tries to get in, but Kane then throws him into the doors and drives the ambulance away, but Eve just gets out. She hugs Cena and then makes out with him as Ryder wheels over. BAD FRIEND, CENA.

Coming back, Ryder wheels himself down the hall, and Eve tries to explain and says it was the heat of the moment. She apologizes for him seeing that, and says she cares about him. She says she wants them to be friends, and he keeps going off.

Match #5: CM Punk vs. The Miz
This gets 5 minutes, and Punk tries his best to carry 2012 Miz. Miz bombs on offense, refusing to put force behind anything, but Punk still sells a ton for him, with his usual great arm selling. Miz taps to the Anaconda Vice.
**

In the back, the ambulance backs up.

John Cena comes out to the ring and says that was a bit of an awkward moment. He says he's sorry to Zack and says this was Kane's plan, to turn his friend against me, to turn the WWE Universe against him. Yep. Kane did that. He says he's alone with no other choice but to embrace this hate, and it's a solid plan. Woulda worked on anybody else. He says it won't work on him, and a loud "WE ALL HATE YOU" chant breaks out. He says it's been like 6 years, and people like that don't get it. You condescending ass. He says his kindness is not weakness, and he doesn't need to hate. He says he'll adapt, overcome, and win, like always. I do love some Confident Ace Cena. He says Kane leaves in an ambulance, and as for Dwayne...but Zack Ryder wheels himself out instead. With great effort, he gets in the ring on crutches, and he wants to fight. Cena takes his shirt off to fight. YEAH. FIGHT A CRIPPLE. Zack asks if he was ever really his friend, and Cena doesn't reply. Zack goes to swing, but Cena blocks it. Zack falls down, and yells to get away from after Cena tries to help him up. He goes away to the back and to his wheelchair on the ramp, and Kane is on the tron and says Cena is in denial. He stole the one true love of his only friend, and he thought HE was sick, but he would never dream of that. He truly has embraced the hate! But he feeds off of hate, so he will NOT overcome, adapt, or win. Zack is on the stage, BUT KANE COMES AND WHEELS HIM OFF THE STAGE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE NXT
February 15th, 2012
Fresno, CA


Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks come out, and apparently after the end of the main event, Matt Striker came out to tell the ref about cheating, so Hawkins punched him out. They sit on the turnbuckles facing the crowd in a cool little new bit, and say they should be on every show, but they have to beg for matches, and Striker had it coming. Hawkins says Striker saved his job by being an announcer after he sucked in the ring. Hawkins says this show needs change, and Striker comes out to tell them this is all ridiculous, and they're both phonies. Striker says he needs some help with this show, and he's brought in a substitute, AND REGAL GETS UP FROM COMMENTARY! He says he's in charge for the night, and books Curt in a match and bans Reks from ringside. Curt says that's not fair, and Regal tells Reks to leave and take a bath. He says if he wants to face the finest competition, and brings out Tyson Kidd!

Match #1: Tyson Kidd vs. Curt Hawkins
Good WWE MOVES~ match. Kidd's stuff is all on point, and Curt is solid again without taking any thunder away from the babyfaces. Really the perfect guy to get undercard babyfaces over, and Tyson Kidd wins with his sweet Sharpshooter.
**1/2

Match #2: Titus O'Neil vs. Yoshi Tatsu

Really good 3 minutes. Lots of great Yoshi kicks and Titus power spots, and he wins with the Clash of the Titus.
**

Titus gets on the mic, and says to shut up. He asks Regal if he saw what he did, and he asks for competition, and says he wants Alex Riley since that's everyone's hero. A-Ri comes out, and says he should SAY IT TO HIS FACE. He says he lives by the idea that you've gotta be about it, not talk about it, and tells him to be about it. He drops his mic to fight, and Titus leaves the ring. He says he doesn't have a problem facing him, but he just won a match, and tells him to save it for next week.

In the back, Kaitlyn and Alicia Fox talk and Kaitlyn admits she hopes BetaMix breaks up. Johnny Curtis comes over and asks if they want to check out the new disco ball in his van. They leave, and then Curtis signs for Bateman's candy and flowers from Maxine.

Match #3: Percy Watson vs. Michael McGillicutty
Regal says it can't be more than another year before McGillicutty gets noticed and makes a big impression. Whoa. He has some good stuff again, but Percy kills the match with his boring offense again. He wins with the Flapjack deal again. BOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
*1/2

In the back, Kaitlyn tries a box of candy and the note says it's for Kaitlyn from Bateman. OH SHIT. GOD DAMNIT, CURTIS.

RAW REBOUND!

Kaitlyn is at commentary for the main event.

Match #4: Derrick Bateman/Justin Gabriel vs. Johnny Curtis/Heath Slater
Good 5 minutes. The show is totally stolen by Regal trying to pick up Kaitlyn, and he says he's had 16 wives, and asks if she wants to be number 18. She asks about 17, and he says he's married to #17 now, but he can get rid of her. AMAZING. She keeps saying she and Derrick are just friends. Derrick has this great hot tag, and beats Slater with the Headlock Driver.
**1/4

Maxine comes out with the box of candy and hits Kaitlyn with it. They fight, AND REGAL TAKES SOME OF THE CHOCOLATES OUT AND EATS THEM! Bateman tries to pull them apart and takes her to the back, and Curtis smells like a creep from behind the steps.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Smackdown
February 17th, 2012
Fresno, CA


In the back, Teddy talks to Randy. He says the doctor won't clear him for the Elimination Chamber or tonight, and has Randy escorted from the building.

Match #1: The Big Show/The Great Khali vs. Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett
Luckily, this was only 3 minutes. Cole says Daniel Bryan isn't even here yet. Wade/Khali is still the worst, and Cody/Show is the best match up by virtue of being mediocre. Show beats Wade with the Chokeslam.
*1/2

Khali goes to celebrate, and Show kills him with the KO Punch.

In the office, MOK comes in and he tries to strongarm his way into being the last man in the Chamber. Teddy says he's suspended, and Big Show comes in. He says he wants Bryan tonight too, and MOK says he wasn't done, SO BIG SHOW KNOCKS HIM OUT TOO. He screams for Bryan, and Teddy says he's not here, so Show wrecks the office and storms out.

Match #2: Ted DiBiase vs. Hunico w/ Camacho
This was, for like the fifth time, a good 2 minute match. Hunico wins with a roll up and cheating.
*1/2

RAW REBOUND - DX EDITION!

Match #3: The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes vs. The Usos
They get like 5 minutes, so this is a good match. They get time to work a real tag, and have some cool spots between them. Cole says The Big Show has been escorted out of the building. Good Usos hot tag, and yeah. Prime gets his knees up on the Flying Splash, and hits the Lungblower to win.
**1/4

The Elimination Chamber video airs again.

Daniel Bryan comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says last Monday was the time to show what he's about, and he says The Big Show is gone, and Randy Orton is gone, and that's really convenient, and says if either of them were REAL men, or if they had guts, they'd be out here to face him now. He says they're afraid like everyone else, because he just keeps on winning. He says nobody ever had any faith in him, but he proved everybody wrong, and he would do it again this Sunday. He makes Lillian announce him as the winner by forfeit and he celebrates in the ring. Teddy comes and books him in a match vs. Sheamus next!

Match #4: Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
Really good 5-6 minutes as an appetizer for their actual feud. They show off some of their stuff and hit hard, but save actual counters and big offense. Sheamus has an awesome adrenaline comeback, but Danielson saves himself by spitting on him. Sheamus goes nuts in the corner and shoves the ref down, so he's DQ'd, and AmDrag runs away with the belt.
**1/2

In the back, Teddy has both Cody and Wade in his office, and they both demand to know who else is in the Chamber, and Teddy books a battle royal for anyone who wants to try and get in the Chamber, from Raw, SD, or NXT, or whoever.

The Rock's media video airs again.

Match #5: Jinder Mahal vs. Ezekiel Jackson
This is 90 seconds, and Jinder wins. Horrid.
1/2*

Match #6: Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Tamina/Alicia Fox

Solid 3 minutes. This is all about Tamina before the title match, but the DOD get to destroy Alicia for a bit before the hot tag. Tamina wins with the Superfly Splash.
*1/4

RAW REBOUND - KANE/CENA EDITION!

Match #7: Wild Card Battle Royal
This is the entire mid and lower card. This ruled because literally everyone in there is going nuts trying to impress someone to finally get a push. The guys who've been your undercard/C-Show workhorses like Kidd, Baretta, Drew Mac, Primo, Slater, etc. all stand out. Kidd is out early on unfortunately, and Drew shows some awesome strength spots, since he's in there with a lot of small guys. Yoshi takes a huge back bump to the floor when Hunico tosses him out, but not quite worthy of the Paul London Award for Complete Recklessness in a Battle Royal Eliination. Hawkins comes close on his elimination, but you get DQ'd if you land on your feet, despite his then nasty fall back on his head. The Colons have some awesome double team eliminations, AND PRIMO DUMPS EPICO OVER! FUCK YEAH PRIMO! Gets down to Drew, Primo, Zeke, Jinder, Gabriel, Santino, and Otunga. Primo and Gabriel have an AWESOME exchange on the apron, AND PRIMO TAKES A FACE-FIRST BUMP TO THE FLOOR TO WIN THE LONDON AWARD! YEAH! Zeke then clotheslines Gabriel off. ZEKE TORTURE RACKS JINDER UP AND DROPS HIM OVER! YEAH! FINAL FOUR IS ZEKE, DREW, OTUNGA, AND SANTINO! MOST IMPRESSIVE ZEKE'S BEEN IN 2 YEARS! DREW RULES IT TOO AND HE AND ZEKE CLUB THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! THIS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE TO BE A GREAT BATTLE ROYAL! WAT. But then Santino dumps Drew out. :( SANTINO LOWBRIDGES ZEKE OUT, AND HAS THIS AMAZING COMEBACK ON OTUNGA! Santino's obvious win from that final four happens, and it's very good. FUCK IT, I LOVED THIS.
***
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

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WWE Elimination Chamber 2012
February 19th, 2012
Milwaukee, WI

Match #1: CM Punk [c] vs. Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz vs. R-Truth vs. Kofi Kingston [WWE Championship - Elimination Chamber Match]

Punk and Kofi started out, and Punk manages to prove his BITW name by carrying Kofi, possibly the worst wrestler in the WWE for 5 minutes. I say that, and I don't really count shoddy rookies or big dudes like Khali or Kane or Show (which is why Show and MOK stand out for being actual great wrestlers when they want it), since none of those guys are given the time or position Kofi is. His job is literally to have good matches, and he's the worst. But Punk carries him, as always. Always hilarious when Kofi almost fucks up his big athletic spots. DOLPH DOES PULL UPS IN HIS CHAMBER POD! He's in next, and jump starts shit with cool chamber spots and lunatic bumping. Dolph ducks under springboard tries from both faces, AND THEY COLLIDE IN THE AIR! YEAH! Truth is in next, and hey, whatever. ZIGGLER TAKES A GROSS OVERHEAD THROW TO THE CHAMBER FLOOR. Punk eliminates Truth quickly with the Flying Elbow, thankfully. Miz is in next, and continues to make it so that Punk and Ziggler are the only good people here. Jericho's in last, and eliminates Dolph with the Codebreaker. BOOOOO. He does a cool spot ramming the door of the pod into Punk after trapping him. Kofi tries the Ranhei on the floor, BUT BECAUSE HE CAN NEVER FULLY ROTATE, HE HURTS HIS HEAD AGAHAHAHAHAHAH. Jericho makes him tap to the Walls, and as the door is opened, Punk kicks Jericho in the head. He falls out to the floor and is injured, so, whatever, down to Punk and Miz. They do some stuff, and Punk wins with the GTS. One of the most uneventful Chamber matches ever.
**1/2

Highlights air of Santino's battle royal win.

In the back, Santino tries to eat raw eggs and is dressed as Rocky.

A new John Cena video airs, showing him working out. Lots of NXT guys and guys that are now on WWE are there, like Big E. Langston, Roman Reigns, Tyler Black, Percy Watson, Consequences Creed, and Derrick Bateman. They all talk about Cena opening his gym to everyone and being there for advice, and it makes him come off as a really good guy. If the intention is to frame this as charismatic superstar vs. likeable normal guy, they're doing a stellar job.

Match #2: Beth Phoenix [c] vs. Tamina [WWE Divas Championship]
Decen power match. Beth wearing a red plaid belt against a Snuka was an awesome little touch that only Cole picked up on. They do stuff, and Natalya survives the Superfly Splash. She recovers, and hits the Glam Slam for the win.
**

DON'T BE A BULLY. BE A STAR.

In the back, Santino has a ham hanging from the ceiling, and he punches it. Make sure to hit the bone, since this IS Elimination Hambone. Hilarious that the music in the background is a variant of Eugene's theme.

John Laurinaitis comes out with David Otunga, and he gets on the mic. He informs everyone of his name in rank and says Teddy Long should also have to go in front of the Board, since he has heard complaints about him as well, and Alberto Del Rio comes out! He calls Teddy a dog and says he plays favorites and holds grudges, and he would rather try to get with rats than do this job. He says he is corrupt and is a good for nothing piece of trash. He says Laurinaitis should be permanent GM for Raw AND Smackdown. MARK HENRY THEN COMES OUT! YEAH! He says Teddy is a bully and he was wrongly suspended, and says he doesn't like Johnny or know him, but he's got to be better than Teddy. CHRISTIAN ALSO RETURNS! He says while Randy Orton fakes a concussion, he had legitimate injuries but Teddy forced him to wrestle, and they became even worse, and he's asking the Board to name this man as Smackdown's GM. Johnny asks for a group picture, so this happens:

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WRESTLEMANIA: 42 DAYS AWAY!

Match #3: Daniel Bryan [c] vs. The Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Wade Barrett vs. Santino Marella vs. The Great Khali [World Heavyweight Championship - Elimination Chamber Match]
Show and Wade start. Great. Whole lot of nothing, and Cody gets in. Cody's the first one to take some big bumps off the steel floor, and then Santino is in. With this, the crowd starts to give a shit. Cody continues to be the MVP as the only one really taking HUGE bumps through his entire stay, and good work in control. Khali is in next, and within a minute, Big Show hits him with the Spear to get rid of him. Sterling contribution. Bryan taunts Show from the pod, BUT BIG SHOW CLIMBS UP AND BREAKS THROUGH THE CHAIN CEILING! SHOW GETS IN AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM! AMAZING! Danielson gets in legally and Show throws him through the pod. Cody finally hits Show with two Disaster Kicks, then a shitty DDT. Wade hits a Flying Elbow that he hurts himself on and Cody steals the pin, AND BIG SHOW IS GONE! SANTINO ROLLS UP CODY FOR THE WIN! WHAT?! Wade destroys Santino with awesome chamber offense, and he and Danielson have a good match. He breaks out the Nigel Lariat, and just destroys Danielson using the pod and Chamber wall. He fights Santino, but Danielson hits the Diving Headbutt, AND SANTINO STEALS THE COVER! SANTINO IS IN THE FINAL TWO! They have an awesome finishing run, and Bryan wins with the LeBell Lock. This picked up steam pretty much until the end, and the last 10-15 minutes was super fucking great. Everyone but Khali came out of this looking better.
***

Sheamus comes out as he's celebrating, and he gets into the Chamber. He looks like he's going to fight, and blocks a kick from Bryan, and hits the Air Raid Crash. Sheamus celebrates over him, because beating up a man who valiantly retained his title in a tough match is the babyface thing to do.

In the back, Natalya farts and Hornswoggle eats cheese. Gabriel comes over and Hornswoggle names all the cheeses. They see Jack Swagger and Vickie and he says there's cottage cheese too. Swagger knocks Hornswoggle's cheese head off, and they argue, so Teddy books them in a match next. BOOOOO. The faces leave, and Swagger says one man SHOULD be running both shows. Teddy says he agrees, and he says it should be him, playa.

CHECK ONE TWO.

AW YEAH.

Match #4: Jack Swagger [c] vs. Justin Gabriel [WWE U.S. Championship]
Vickie and Hornswoggle are there. This is 3 minutes, and whatever, and Swagger wins with the Ankle Lock.
*1/2

TOMORROW ON RAW: THE UNDERTAKER CALLS OUT TRIPLE H!

Hype video for Cena/Kane.

Match #5: John Cena vs. Kane [Ambulance Match]
This is not good. This had no reason to main event either, and was 22 minutes, which is totally insane for these two. It's not even bad in and of itself, could have used more bells and whistles (which, it's the main event, there's no excuse to not use them) or less time, but it's just kind of a match. They brawl everywhere, but both look afraid of actual collisions or bad landings, so it's unbearably safe and feels like a lie. Cena hits the FU off the ambulance into crash pads and puts him in to win.
**

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Raw
February 20th, 2012
Minneapolis, MN


In the back, Eve talks to the Bellas. She says she was using Zack Ryder to get ahead, and she's going to do the same to John Cena now, and he's standing there like "lol", and he shakes his head and walks off.

John Cena comes out to the ring and Eve immediately comes out crying. She says it was all a misunderstanding and she needs to explain. She says that was all out of context, and Cena tells her to speak up. Cena says he's heard enough though and says Eve has been sipping the skank juice, and her plan is to use her assets to further her career. Eve says they're friends, and Cena says she cost him a damn good friend, and he lost a broski for a hoeski. Massive "HOESKI!" chant breaks out. He tells her to hold out for The Rock, since she's self centered and disingenuous, so she and Rock are both scandalous bitches and perfect for each other. She collapses crying, and he tries to help her up. So he backs off and referees come out. He says he's disease free, and would like to keep it that way, and he leaves. Okay then.

TONIGHT: THE UNDERTAKER!

TOMORROW ON SUPER SMOCKDAWN: PUNK/BRYAN II!

Match #1: Sheamus vs. Mark Henry
Awesome for 3 minutes. They clearly are an amazing pairing, so long as a strap isn't between them. MOK clubs the fuck out of Sheamus for 3 minutes, and him breaking out of the apron forearms after like three of them was fantastic. But then unfortunately, Sheamus hits a flash Brogue Kick for the win.
**

In the back, Teddy goes into Johnny and Otunga's office. Johnny says Otunga was behind last night's round of support, but he likes it too. Teddy says he likes it too, and says he should be the GM of both brands. Johnny asks if Teddy ever noticed how much taller he is than him, and Teddy says he didn't know they could stack compost that high. He says Sheamus/MOK was good, but Johnny says he's booking a 10 man battle royal with 5 from each show to see who fights CM Punk at WrestleMania. Teddy says Smackdown will win, and Otunga asks if he thinks SD is better. Teddy says not necessarily, but anyone from SD could beat him. Otunga accepts.

Match #2: Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes
OH BOO NOT THIS TEAM. BOOO. Primo tries, but this is like 90 seconds, so there's nothing of value happening here. Kofi beats Primo with the Trouble in Paradise, since this episode is apparently designed to drive me insane.
3/4*

HALL OF FAME 2012: RON SIMMONS! DON'T STEP TO RON!

In the back, Josh interviews Chris Jericho. He says last night was a travesty of justice. He said he was never eliminated, and CM Punk cheap shotted him and he woke up backstage. He says it was unfair, and he deserves a title match regardless. He says CM Punk has no conviction or heart to let that victory stand, and he is the best in the world at everything he does.

Match #3: David Otunga vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Both GMs are there. No idea why Teddy chose Zeke, he hasn't won a match in like 6 months. This is pretty bad, again getting like 90 seconds. Bowtunga hits his awful Spinebuster to win.
1/2*

WRESTLEMANIA: 41 DAYS AWAY! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOMETIMES!

The Undertaker comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says for nearly a year, every moment of every day, he's lived the memory of the beating he took from Triple H last year at WrestleMania. He says it's been a hell based on uncertainty, and he can no longer bear it. AND THE CROWD "WHAT"'S HIM! GOD DAMNIT MINNESOTA. He says he never expected Triple H to say no, but he missed the point, because the choice was not his to make. This has to come to end, because their era has to come to an end, because they are the last of their kind. He says the suit, tie, the liabilities...they're just layers covering up who he really is, and he has to end the uncertainty. He says he WILL come out here, look him in the eyes, and he won't lie to him. Triple H comes out and says three weeks ago, he issues a challenge and he looked him in the eye -- BUT TAKER YELLS TO SHUT UP! WHOA! He says he can save his pity, he doesn't need it, but what's pitiful is his damn excuses NOT to do this. H says he gets how bad he wants this, and he's right, it is the End of an Era, but their fate is not to end it, their fate is to ensure it carries on. His fate is to help mold the next generation and ensure the WWE is still here, and Taker's fate is to be the leader, to carry that torch, and he won't be the one to extinguish that flame. Taker asks if it's bad for business if he's gone, or if it's bad that he'll be gone if he accepts. Triple H says he's never been more certain of anything in his life, and he's probably certain deep down, and says he's not asking for redemption or vengeance, he's asking him for an end. He says he won't do it, and tries to leave, but Taker again calls him a coward. He gets back in and says he's sick of this coward thing, and almost accepts, but says that's not going to work. He leaves and gets halfway up the ramp, and Taker says he gets it. He says Triple H knows that if Shawn couldn't do it, he can't, BECAUSE HE KNOWS SHAWN WAS ALWAYS BETTER THAN HIM. That does it, and Triple H gets back in. YEAH! FUCK SHAWN MICHAELS. Triple H says this has nothing to do with he and Shawn and said Shawn couldn't get the job done, and he knows that he can, and he can do what Shawn couldn't do, he can finish it. They all know it. He says if he wants it, if he wants an end, he's got it! YEAH! He says if they do it, they go all the way. HELL IN A CELL! FUCK YEAH! Taker leaves, they blast "The Memory Remains" to hammer that point home.

Match #4: Daniel Bryan vs. Santino Marella
This is a minute, and Bryan wins with the LeBell Lock.
3/4*

Match #5: The Bella Twins vs. Kelly Kelly/Aksana

This is longer than the last match, barely. God damnit. The Bellas do a twin switch, and one of them beats Aksana with the X-Factor.
1/2*

John Cena comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says he was interrupted earlier, but he wants to talk about The Rock and WrestleMania. Y'know, the guy who isn't here this week. He says he'll be here next week to address him, and says he finds it hard to even call him The Rock. He says he's Dwayne now, captain of Team Film It. He says he's not the People's Champion anymore, he's a champion with people, with his entourage. He says he's supposed to say he's looking forward to WrestleMania, because he respects The Rock. HE DOESN'T. He says he respects and congratulates Dwayne Johnson for all his box office hits, and he even convinced the WWE Universe that he has a mangina, and he can make his boobs bounce. But he has a legitimate beef with Dwayne Johnson, the same one he's had for 7 years. Next week, he's going to show up, raise an eyebrow, and hold The Millions in the palm of his hand like only he can, and then kick it back to Hollywood. He says that's what'll happen, and says this isn't promotion for a movie for him. He shits on his movies and says it should have been 3 Rounds, tops, but he's most proud of always showing up and never leaving, through everything. He says the first time Dwayne got a taste of the bright lights, he was out of here faster than you can say "Rocky, don't go!" Then he came back a year ago, finally, he came home, and he's never leaving again. And then he left. Again. He says he only came back to promote Fast Five and launch his Twitter account. He says April 1st means everything, because he's fighting for everyone in the back who just wants to do this, and then apologizes to Vince, and says all he wants is to be a professional wrestler. He says he can't wait for April 9th, when he's on Monday Night Raw and Dwayne is on a movie set. He says he wants everyone enjoy this, because they've got 41 days of one hell of a ride, and as much as he wants to entertain, as much as Dwayne wants to bring it and put the boots to the asses, he doesn't got the club in the bag, son. He's here, he's been here, he'll always be here, and he'll have to kill him to beat him. He says he'll see him next week, movie star. HOLY SHIT, YES. THIS FUCKING PROMO. This is maybe the best John Cena promo ever. Confident in his position as Ace, presented as defending pro wrestling, and making no poop or gay jokes, and being self depreciating without going overboard. This is what he needs to be ALL THE TIME.

CM Punk comes out to sit at commentary.

Match #6: #1 Contender's Battle Royal
Everyone in the Chamber matches last night is in this, obviously sans Punk and Bryan. This is a huge mess, and people get hurt and it's sloppy. Just not a good match. Everyone gets Khali out first. Kofi and Miz have terrible sections fighting each other. Pretty much like you'd expect, Ziggler is the only one who cares here. Kofi and Truth get rid of Miz with a horrible looking Double Dropkick. SANTINO ELIMINATES BARRETT! YEAH! THEN TRUTH! Show press slams Ziggler out, but overshoots and Ziggler just fucking BOUNCES into the table and takes Wade down, and Wade immediately knows he's injured and starts pounding the floor and yelling curse words as medics rush over. Great work, Show. Kofi re-focuses the match on his shitty offense to ruin it again. Jericho pushes Kofi off the top though, and this match's curse continues, as he fucks up his knee on the steps. PUNK MAKES AN ADAMLE JOKE ON COMMENTARY! BEST IN THE WORLD! Cody gets rid of Santino, and then Show throws him out. Jericho tries to do the Benoit/Show spot from the end of the 2004 Rumble, but he is no Chris Benoit, so it looks awful. Cody helps pull Show down from the floor, and Jericho wins.
*3/4

CM Punk gets in and offers a handshake, but Jericho backs off and leaves.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Smackdown
February 21st, 2012
Rockford, IL


TONIGHT: PUNK/BRYAN II! MOK/SHOW!

Daniel Bryan and AJ come out to open the show, and Bryan gets on the mic. He says back in July, when he said he was going to main event WrestleMania, nobody in this arena believed him, and nobody at home believed him. Yet here he stands, YOUR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. YES! He says he is a role model, he is the real Rocky Balboa story, not Santino. YO AJ, HE DID IT! They kiss, and he keeps yelling YES! He says Sheamus attacked him when he was hurt, and his moment was ruined. He says he will show everyone that he will be victorious tonight and at WrestleMania, and The Miz comes out! He looks almost proud and asks who could have thunk it. He says he's wrong though, because he believe he'd become a World Champion, because he taught him everything. He says he knew he had the skill and attitude, but he's not here to steal his spotlight, he's just here to congratulate him. He says as he continues to follow in his mentor's footsteps, they should team up, but Sheamus then comes out. He says he too would like to congratulate him, but on being a massive arse. THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD, SHUT UP. He says he's no role model, he's just a coward, and he'd rather hide behind a woman than fight like a man. He says after WrestleMania, nobody will talk about him, and they'll say he got exactly what he deserved. Miz says he deserves to be taken down a notch or two, and asks how dare he interrupt him and steal THEIR thunder. Sheamus tells him to let the lads actually on WrestleMania talk. BRYAN SLAPS SHEAMUS AND BAILS! YEAH! Sheamus throws Miz out, and they have a match when the show resumes.

Match #1: Sheamus vs. The Miz
This is only like 4 minutes, so it's not too bad. Solid showcase for Sheamus going into Mania, and he wins with the Air Raid Crash.
**

In the back, Teddy and Aksana make the fuck eyes and she wants him to be double GM too. Johnny and Otunga come in, and Teddy welcomes them to the show, his show. He says he's chosen a good place for their office, and he sends them to the men's bathroom to set up shop. Otunga says his office should be in the dumpster, just like he'll feel when he beats his boy Zeke again. Teddy tells them not to forget to flush.

Match #2: Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero
Dolph tried, man. He tried his best. But he can't carry Kofi, Truth, AND Swagger when he's only in there for half the match, and that's like 90 seconds, since this was only three minutes. Ziggler goes to the eyes against Kofi, and hits the Peace Zig for the win.
*1/2

The Ron Simmons HOF video airs again.

WRESTLEMANIA: 40 DAYS AWAY!

Match #3: The Great Khali vs. Drew McIntyre
This is 30 seconds and Khali wins with the Baba Chop. God fucking damnit, they're making it a chore to get to the main event.
45/Poop

In the back, Striker interviews the Big Show. He says Cody is on the top of his list, just like he knows he's on Mark Henry's. He says he's going to rectify that by knocking him out, but if he gets his hands on Cody Rhodes, in the ring or in the back or wherever, he's going to snap his neck.

Match #4: Mark Henry vs. The Big Show
This is enjoyable for 4 minutes before booking kicks in. MOK gets in some more great trash talk as he crushes Show with his knee. "SNEAK UP ON ME! SNEAK UP ON ME! CAN'T DO IT WHEN I'M IN YO' FACE, CAN YOU? GET YOUR ASS DOWN. YOU IN MY HOUSE. I'M THE SHOT CALLER TONIGHT." Show comes back, and Cody Rhodes comes up. He says it must not be WrestleMania, since Show is in control, and shows clips of Show/Akebono. Show chases him to the back, and thus MOK wins by count out.
**

RAW REBOUND!

Match #5: David Otunga vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Both GMs are there again, and this is pretty much the exact same match. Also 90 seconds, and Zeke again loses to the Spinebuster.
1/2*

RAW REBOUND #2: CENA STUFF!

Match #6: CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
They get like 15 minutes, so this is great. Very similar to the first match, but not as good because it's more about booking than the first. Still though, these two for 15 minutes. Bryan works the arm and Punk sells like a champ. But they do an entirely different set of arm work and arm selling. Bryan tries to bail, but Sheamus comes out and rolls him back into a Roundhouse Kick for the win. Johnny comes out and restarts it due to outside interference! YAY! It goes right to a break, and upon return, Daniel has won using the ropes. GREAT JOB ON THE TIMING THERE. BOOOOO. Teddy comes out and restarts it again. They do lots of stuff at the end and they manage to make the Superplex Cradle spot look good for once, as Danielson gets caught trying to floar over after a rest, and it is a draw.
***

Johnny and Teddy argue about who won to end the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE NXT
February 22nd, 2012
Rockford, IL


Matt Striker tries to intro the show, but Hawkins and Reks come out. They call him a joke and say last week was unfair. Reks says he's not them and never will be, and it's time he was unprepared for something, but Tyson Kidd comes out to save. He tells them to apologize for being terrible. Hawkins asks why he's not on their side, and Kidd says he believes there's a lot of untapped talent here, but it's not them. Reks says they're next in line and Kidd says he beat Hawkins, and he wants to beat Mr. All Show No Go, Tyler Reks, so Striker books it.

Match #1: Tyson Kidd vs. Tyler Reks w/ Curt Hawkins
Great carryjob by Tyson Kidd, and probably the best Reks match since the feud with Masters in 2011. Kidd isn't on Masters' level exactly as a C-show standout due to his matches lacking the amazing selling, but he's probably the best one in WWE today, since they refuse to let Drew work. Anyways, Kidd only lets Reks do offense that looks legit painful, and he comes off as a monster for it. Kidd has his cool spots, and he blocks a Legdrop into the Sharpshooter for the win.
**3/4

In the back, Bateman and Maxine talk. Bateman asks if she's seen the court-mandated therapist, and she says yes. Maxine says she has to get off this show, and says if he wants to stay here with Kaitlyn, then fine. Bateman says he likes this show, and he walks off to find Kaitlyn. She asks how it went with crazy, and he asks how the Bay of Pigs went. They high five, and Bateman walks off. Johnny Curtis then comes over and taunts her about clearly liking Bateman. She says she likes the way the toothpick looks in his mouth. He asks if she wants to chew it, so she knees him in the dick and leaves.

RAW REBOUND - TAKER/H EDITION!

In the back, Striker is playing guitar and Kaitlyn comes in. She says he's doing a great job, and he is clearly smitten. She asks for another match with Maxine, and Maxine comes in. She tells Kaitlyn to shut up and says she wants off this god forsaken show. Striker says they'll have their match next week, and he tells Maxine that if she wants off this show, she can do certain things that he cannot to ensure that, but says respect might go a long way. She says Reks and Hawkins were right, he is a joke, and she leaves. Kaitlyn says he's not a joke, and high fives him before leaving.

WRESTLEMANIA: 39 DAYS!

RAW REBOUND - CENA/EVE EDITION!

In the back, Kidd is on the phone with Trent Baretta, and wishes him luck in his recovery from injury. :( McGillicutty storms in after he hangs up, and says this is a joke. Kidd asks if he's alright, and he says he drove six hours in a blizzard, and he's not even booked. Kidd says nobody has a perfect record, and Michael says they've known each since they were kids, and he still doesn't like him. He says he was never one of THEM, The Usos, Ted Jr., Cody, a second generation. He will never be one of them, it's not in his blood. Kidd challenges him next week.

Darren Young comes out to do commentary, as does Percy Watson.

Match #2: Titus O'Neil vs. Alex Riley
This was not great. They tried, but lots of sloppiness from Riley and just kind of a match that happened. Titus gets a pin with his feet on the ropes to win.
*1/2

From the tron, Striker says he has a big announcement for next week's one year anniversary of NXT Redemption, and books the four of them in a tag match again.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Raw
February 27th, 2012
Portland, OR


TONIGHT: THE ROCK IS HERE!

CM Punk comes out for the third match with D-Bry, but Chris Jericho comes out before Bryan, and he gets on the mic. He asks if he was expecting somebody else, and says this is a little more important. He says he's very very good, he's one of his favorites, but he's not as good as he is, he's not the best in the world at everything he does, and he knows it. He says he never had to call himself the best in the world. HAAAAAAAAAAA. He is part of a special breed of performers, the last of a dying breed that toured the world honing their craft, working their way up to the WWE, that cared more about having the best matches than politics, because they knew that no matter where they were, they would outshine everybody else. It's a little bit tragic, actually. He says they were given nothing and took nothing, and it made him bitter and he got a bad attitude because he knew he was the best. And now, he's just like him, a rebel that defied expectations, but that's because he just wants to be him. Punk tells him to stop and says he knows how good he is, everyone does, and his problem is him insinuating any theft on his part. He says he's fought for everything he has, and he didn't invent saying he was the best. He says Bret Hart was doing it when he was a kid and before Jericho started to wrestle, and asked if Jericho gave that to him, and asked if Jericho invented Canada too. Jericho says Punk needs to take HIM seriously, because he's the best in the world at everything he does, and he's beaten everyone. Punk says he watches him, and asks who he's trying to prove it to, and says he doesn't even believe himself that he's the best anymore. He says he's a little cocky, sure, but at least he's not jealous. He says he came from the shadows Jericho did, but he surpassed everything he did. He says Jericho beat Rock and Austin in the same night, but he was never really The Man like he's The Man now, was he? Oh man, that's doubly depressing. He says Jericho says he's the best at what he does, but he's the best WRESTLER in the world. Distinction's very simple, this is who he is and what he does, while he chooses to write books and have a radio show and be on game shows and be a rock star, while he's here on top swimming with sharks while Chris Jericho is dancing with stars. Punk says all he had to do was ask him, not jump him or play his stupid games, and says everybody points at the sign, but he's going to point at his title, because that's all they need. They don't need celebrities or a special entrance or his stupid jacket, and all they need is a ring to find out who the Best in the World is, and after WrestleMania, when he's STILL the WWE Champion, it won't be the end of the world, just the end of his.

Match #1: CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan w/ AJ & John Laurinaitis & David Otunga
They only get like 7 minutes now, so this is the least of their matches. Teddy Long also comes out to watch with Santino, so this immediately becomes a backdrop to the GM angle. Otunga gets on the apron after a double down and Santino gets on the apron and hits the Cobra. Johnny pulls him down and Teddy and Laurinaitis argue. Danielson bails with the title, but Sheamus throws him back in, and Punk hits the GTS to win.
**3/4

Johnny has the match reversed, so Daniel Bryan wins by DQ. Long and Johnny argue in the ring, and Punk leaves. Chris Jericho attacks him on the ramp though, and puts on the Liontamer. Referees come out to pull him off.

A video airs, recapping H/Taker II from last year, with various guys on the roster sucking their dicks.

Match #2: Kelly Kelly vs. Nikki Bella w/ Brie Bella
Cole focuses on Kelly's tweets about Eve's turn. DON'T CARE. This is 90 seconds and K2 wins. Hey, whatever.
1/2*

TONIGHT: CENA VS. MIZ, MOK/CODY VS. SHOW/SHEAMUS

Match #3: John Cena vs. The Miz
This is 4 minutes, and it happens. Cena showcase basically, and he wins with the FU and then STFU.
*3/4

Match #4: The Colons [c] vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth [WWE Tag Team Championship]

Rosa and Vickie are ringside. Solid match, due to Primo and Ziggler carrying things. Good finishing run, and Kofi hits Swagger with the Trouble in Paradise. Primo hits the Lungblower on Jack and shoves Kofi out, so Epico can steal the cover for the win. YAY!
**1/4

Kane comes out and destroys everyone.

Eve comes out and cuts his overlong promo about doing what she had to do to get ahead in a man's world.

In the back, Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox ask her what's gotten into her, and she laughs and walks away.

Before the final match, Cody Rhodes gets on the mic, and he presents another amazing Big Show highlight from WrestleMania, and he shows him losing to Floyd Mayweather at WrestleMania XXIV.

Match #5: Sheamus/The Big Show vs. Mark Henry/Cody Rhodes
Cody immediately runs away and Show destroys MOK and Sheamus then tags in to steal another win with the Brogue Kick. :(
FUCK LIFE

A recap airs of Cena's promo from last week.

NEXT WEEK: SHAWN COMES BACK AGAIN UGH

The Rock comes out, and he gets on the mic. FINALLY, etc. He says this feels so damn good and he talks about trending a lot. He says he's not here every single week, he was here every week for years, and he was born here, and does all of that stuff. He says he meant that he was never going away, and he didn't mean that he would be here EVERY night. He says unlike this person he's facing, he respects the audience's intelligence enough not to have to spell that out, because they get it. He says he used to think Cena was a phony, but he's not, he's that guy who ran him down last week, but the truth is, they've talked on the phone before, on Twitter. He says he doesn't want to talk to him anywhere, and calls him a Kung Pao Bitch. Great stuff, Rock! He says he grew up in professional wrestling and he was always taught that nobody would fight for him but him. He says when he was a babyface and getting booed out of the buildings, just like John, nobody like Stone Cold fought for him, and says nobody fought for Triple H, Foley, Randy Savage, and asks if anybody fought for Roddy Piper. He says nobody fought for them, because they were MEN, and he said he prefers John fighting for the boys, because he fights for the people. He says they're tired of him shoved down their throat every single night, and says Kung Pao Bitch is now trending. He then talks more about how he can make chants and make things trend. He finally gets on topic and says Cena's camo works great, because nobody can find his balls. John Cena FINALLY comes out and gets on the mic. He says Kung Pao Chicken is a great comparison, because you can go to every Chinese place, AND IT'S ALWAYS THERE. He says this is classic Rock too, but he didn't come out to mock the People's Strudel, or whatever he calls his penis now. He says like the people, he loved The Rock, until he met Dwayne Johnson, and he's a self-centered egotistical see-through son of a bitch that wouldn't care if the WWE closed its doors tomorrow. He doesn't need respect and loyalty to trend worldwide JUST LIKE HE DOESN'T NEED NOTES FOR HIS PROMO ON HIS WRIST. He says April 1st, when The Millons see Cena vs. The Rock, he's going to be eyeing up Dwayne Johnson, and he doesn't like him. Dwayne is afraid, because he's fighting a dude who may not have balls, but a dude who's going to beat the hell out of him at WrestleMania. Cena leaves and says to continue trending. AWESOME. He says it's like John to come out, run his mouth, and walk out before he slaps the lips off his face. He says Rock IS Dwayne, that's the same man, and rambles about this before saying it doesn't matter. IF YA SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN. That was pretty bad.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE NXT
February 29th, 2012
Seattle, WA

Match #1: The Prime Time Players vs. Percy Watson/Alex Riley

Solid PTP showcase. Nothing amazing from anyone, but neither PTP member is awful and Riley is a decent FIP. Percy's hot tag sucks, but hey, he's fired by now at least. D-Young beats Percy with the Death by Roderick.
*3/4

It's supposed to be Bateman/Slater, but Justin Gabriel, Alicia Fox, and Kaitlyn are in the ring in chairs. Derrick Bateman comes out and is confused. Kaitlyn says this is a safe place, and Bateman says he has a match. Gabriel says he does not have a match tonight, and Kaitlyn says this is an intervention. AMAZING! Alicia says this is for 5'5'' of pure evil, and Bateman says she's a peach. Gabriel says Maxine is evil, and asks him to remember when he was single and happy. Alicia says Maxine is INSANE, and Gabriel says she beats up random crew members. Bateman asks if Kaitlyn set this up, and he says he has a match. Kaitlyn shows a video of Maxine being insane, and says that is not healthy. Bateman says she's okay at home and he doesn't want to die alone, and he loves her, sorta. Kaitlyn says that's not love, and he asks what is then, AND KAITLYN MAKES OUT WITH HIM FINALLY! YEAH! Maxine runs out and they fight before being pulled apart. Maxine leaves, and Bateman is confused.

In the back, Tyson Kidd is walking, and Natalya stops him. She wishes him luck, and says he's a Hart in her eyes. McGillicutty comes over and says something smells rotten, and it's not Natalya for once. He says the only reason a Hart talks to him is because they feel sorry for him, and he calls him a loser. Natalya says that's not true, and tells him to teach him a lesson.

Match #2: Tyson Kidd vs. Michael McGillicutty
This is a great match for 4 minutes. The story adds a ton to it, as McGillicutty is trying to show up Tyson as a generational wrestler, but Kidd is clearly better, so he rubs Joe's face in it. Joe has some great bumps and sells again. Kidd has some awesome stuff, and Joe awesomely kicks out Kidd's knee to block the Sharpshooter, and then hits a nasty boot from the mat into the temple. He then hits his lame Neckbreaker to win, which is like the least brutal looking thing he does in the ring.
**1/2

RAW REBOUND!

In the ring, Matt Striker has the mic and says they've gone through six ring announcers, 12 different announce pairings, and about 30 new superstars, but he's been the only host. Maybe because he's the only one stupid enough to take this job, but he does love this stuff, and he thanks the fans. He says this was supposed to be a show for the unseen and maybe he messed up and let the inmates run the asylum so he has an announcement, and Reks and Hawkins come out. Hawkins says they bring change and Reks says this could be amazing, and they come out with chairs to sit on the set. Striker says not to fall asleep like the crowd does during his matches, and Curt says he's going to hand his job over. Striker says he's wrong, but this show needs some veteran leadership to make the matches while he stays on as host, SO HE GOT WILLIAM REGAL! YEAH! Regal gets in the ring and says he has something very special for them next week.

Match #3: Kaitlyn vs. Maxine
Both Bateman and Curtis come out to do commentary, and it steals the show. Still though, the women hit hard and have some cool stuff. Kaitlyn gets a roll up to win.
*1/2

Maxine piefaces Bateman and shoves Curtis, and goes to Regal. She gets up in his face and says she's looking forward to working closely with him, and she leaves. Regal says he's very corrupt and his morals are weak to end the show. NXT is the best.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Top 10 Matches - February 2012:

1. CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan, Smackdown (February 21st)
2. Daniel Bryan [c] vs. The Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Santino Marella vs. Wade Barrett vs. The Great Khali, Elimination Chamber (February 19th)
3. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton, Smackdown (February 10th)
4. Wild Card Battle Royal, Smackdown (February 17th)
5. Heath Slater vs. Justin Gabriel, Superstars (February 9th)
6. Tyson Kidd vs. Tyler Reks, NXT (February 22nd)
7. CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan, Raw (February 27th)
8. Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Baretta, NXT (February 8th)
9. Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett, Smackdown (February 3rd)
10. Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Baretta, NXT (February 1st)

Wrestler of the Month: Daniel Bryan (14 Points)

Tag Team of the Month: The Colons (5 Points)
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Smackdown
March 2nd, 2012
Seattle, WA


TONIGHT: ORTON/BRYAN II!

Sheamus comes out to open the show, and he gets on the mic. He talks about going to WrestleMania to challenge for the World Heavyweight Title, and says Bryan's changed since becoming the champion, and he can sympathize. He says when he won the WWE Title early in his career, he became kind of a bully until some people set him straight and showed him he was wrong (/buried him horribly in a most hilarious fashion), and he wants to do the same for Daniel Bryan when he kicks his arse. Vickie and Ziggler come out and Vickie said the best part of that story was when he stopped talking. Ziggler says he doesn't want to spoil this moment, but nobody cares, and that the people really want is to see the Show Off in the main event and says Sheamus' hair on fire. Sheamus says that joke's older than his grandmother Vickie, and she says she's just experienced. Teddy comes out and books them in a match next.

Match #1: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero
This got 8 minutes, and it was really good. I wouldn't quite call it great, since it was more of a Sheamus showcase than an even match where Ziggler got to shine too. However, they both did awesome, and didn't blow through a ton of stuff, since they're going to probably do this match 20 more times in 2012. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Jack Swagger when he tries to get involved, and then blocks the Peace Zig into the Air Raid Crash for the win.
**3/4

At ringside, Cole and Josh announce that next week, Teddy will run Raw and Johnny will run SD.

In the back, Johnny and Otunga come into Teddy's office, and John says he's here for an apology for attacking him on Raw, because he hurt his back. Otunga says a civil lawsuit is being considered, and Teddy says he won't apologize, because everyone enjoyed it. He says he got a laugh out of it, and Johnny says he's going to run SD right next week. Teddy books Otunga vs. Khali on Raw.

Match #2: Santino Marella vs. Heath Slater
Decent 2 minutes before the Cobra gives Santino the win.
*1/4

The recap video of H/Taker II airs again.

Match #3: Natalya vs. Eve
This is a solid 2 minutes. This is basically just two minutes of matwork, which is surprisingly good. Eve wins with a Victory Roll.
*1/2

Cody Rhodes comes out, and he gets on the mic. He again mocks Big Show's WrestleMania success, and he said he did a favor to Big Show by costing him a WWE Title shot at WrestleMania, because he would have lost that too. He shows the losses to Akebono and Floyd Mayweather again, until The Big Show comes out to get him. Cody bails out through the crowd. Show wants to go after him, but Teddy Long comes out to stop him. He says he can't let him rampage into the crowd while he's mad, but he books Show/Cody at WrestleMania. Welp, goodbye Cody's momentum! See you again in, to this point, never. Along with him trying.

Match #3: The Big Show vs. Mark Henry
MOK does his best and puts over Show. God damnit. Some good power spots from both guys and they get a solid 5 minutes. Show kicks out of the World's Strongest Slam, because god, he really needs to be built up to face fucking Cody Rhodes. I hate everything. Show wins with the KO Punch.
**1/2

In the back, Teddy tells Drew that this is his one last chance, and if he loses this match next, then he's fired.

In the back, Striker interviews Randy Orton. He says for a while, he wasn't feeling himself, and he's back to normal. And that means angry and hell bent on revenge for costing him the opportunity to main event WrestleMania, and Daniel Bryan doesn't fully appreciate the price he'll have to pay tonight.

Match #4: Drew McIntyre vs. Justin Gabriel
This was so so so so so so good. Just, fucking amazing performance by Drew. BUT LOL ONLY 2 MINUTES. FUCK LIFE. Vrutal corner Lariats, awesome DDT bump and selling, and Gabriel wins with the 450 Splash.
**

Teddy comes on the tron, and fires Drew. Again.

The Rock/Cena confrontation from Raw airs again.

In the back, Striker interviews Daniel Bryan, and he has AJ with him. He says he is beyond butterflies in his stomach, and says Sheamus had the audacity to say he's changed, but he's wrong. He's still confident and down to earth and gets the hometown pop for saying he's from Aberdeen, WA, but says he moved to Vegas as soon as he could for turn it around. He says he's still a vegan and it means he's healthier than all of them, he still doesn't own a TV, and he's still the love of AJ's life. He's still a role model, the one who beat two giants in a cage, the survivor of the Elimination Chamber, and YOUR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. YES!

Match #5: Daniel Bryan w/ AJ vs. Randy Orton
This wasn't as good as the first match, since this only had 6 minutes, but it was clearly on the way to being great before booking happened. Orton has some great revenge stuff going after the head early on, before he hurts his head again. Daniel then goes after the arm, and Orton sells really well. Kane comes out, and Danielson gets in and gets a count out win.
**3/4

Kane and Orton fight as Danielson and AJ bail. Kane hits the Chokeslam and welcomes Randy back.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Jack Swagger, Since 1/16/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Raw
March 5th, 2012
Boston, MA


Shawn Michaels comes out to open the show, because fuck everything! He gets on the mic and says several weeks ago, he came out here and caused a little trouble, strangely enough. Boston keeps chanting for him, because it's the worst crowd. He says it got heated between he and Triple H, but he really wanted him to take this match, but something made him change his mind. He says the match will happen, but he didn't get a chance to see it, so he'd like to see what made Triple H change his mind! Do you not own a TV? You have a Twitter, so clearly you knew. You lying fuck. He calls Triple H out to tell him himself, and Triple H comes out. Shawn apologizes for what he said to make him take the match and said every dirty, underhanded thing he could think of, but he's a man honor and conviction. So he HAS to know what The Undertaker said to make him mad. The video then airs, and Shawn is pissed. Triple H says it has nothing to do with who's better, but he's tired of it, of listening to it, to listening to people like The Undertaker talk behind his back about how he couldn't get the job done. He's tired of people calling Shawn a failure, because he was never as good as he thought he was in the first place. Well, they're right. Triple H says he believes that Shawn is the greatest in-ring performer of all time. GET OFF YOUR KNEES AND STOP LYING. He says that's why he's going to end it, the Streak, the era, everything, and he's going to do what everyone runs their mouth saying he couldn't, and he's going to do it for both of them. Shawn sarcastically thanks him, and says Triple H in his suit has it all under control. He says it hurt him to tell him last year that he didn't think he could do it, and he was right. He says this year, he knows who's going to win, and he'll be right again. Because he's been made the special referee! COLLUSION.

TONIGHT: PUNK/SHEAMUS VS. BRYAN/JERICHO! CENA AND ROCK ARE BOTH HERE!

Match #1: Jack Swagger [c] w/ Dolph Ziggler & Vickie Guerrero vs. Santino Marella [WWE U.S. Championship]
Johnny and Otunga immediately come out, and this is a mediocre match as a backdrop for the GM feud. I know this leads to a fun match on Mania that gives lots of talented guys a shot to make the show that they wouldn't otherwise make for more than 1-2 minutes, but this feud suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. Ziggler keeps interfering, and Kofi, Teddy Long, and Aksana then came out. Santino wins with a roll up after Teddy shoves Laurinaitis down. Gross.
*

Johnny protests, so Teddy has him escorted out since he's in charge tonight.

In a pretape, The Rock is at the harbor and says he's giving Cena some history lessons tonight. Lesson number one, in 1773, the people of Boston had had enough of the British, and Cena is like the British, because they were sick of him. He says tonight is The Rock Revolution, and in 1773, they had the Boston Tea Party. He then throws shitty Cena merch off the bridge, among them the Cena alarm clock and the Cena garden gnome. Then all the clothes and yeah.

Match #2: Eve vs. Alicia Fox
This is 30 seconds, and Kelly Kelly is on commentary to talk about her bullshit Twitter arguments with Eve. Eve gets a roll up to win.
45/Poop

Zack Ryder comes out on with a cane and says to not bother. He says he's glad they never hooked up, because it's broskis before hoeskis.

In the back, Eve catches up with Zack and makes out with him, and he falls for this. Fair enough. Also more murdering him as anything important, but oh well.

In a pretape, John Cena is in the stands before the show. He says WrestleMania 28 will be full of moments, but all eyes will be focused on two men. He says it's more than a match, it's everything and a once in a lifetime opportunity. He says he can't deny that The Rock is the most successful superstar in the history of the WWE, and he's done everything and became a star outside too. He says he won't go to WrestleMania honored to be along for the ride and happy to be there, but he needs to win. He says he grew up around here, and now Boston's the city of champions, but for a long time, it was the city of heartbreak, and the worst thing was when the Patriots went 18-0 and lost the SuperBowl to the Giants. NO, THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME. He says nobody remembers second place. If that's your point, don't use that. Everyone remembers that, because everyone hates the Patriots. He says he's proud of his career, but WrestleMania is everything, and if he doesn't win, he's another name that The Rock beat, but if he can walk into The Rock's backyard and win, then he wins the big one. He says this event will break records and no one will remember second place, and he needs to win. This was an overproduced piece of shit, and could have used with an interviewer or someone to guide him better.

Match #3: CM Punk/Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan w/ AJ
This gets about 8 minutes, so it's pretty good stuff. Lawler states emphatically that CM Punk is the best in the world. CONTINUITY ERROR. Lots of good exchanges, but they're clearly holding back. Punk/Bryan rules, and Sheamus/Jericho is alright. Punk's back selling is great, and it allows Jericho to get a cradle for the win!
**3/4

Jericho holds up the WWE Title on the floor, before he slides it in to taunt Punk.

In another pretape, The Rock is in front of the Paul Revere statue. He talks about this and about Paul's midnight ride. He says it could have been Cena on that horse, we would all be sipping tea and blessing the Queen, and beats up a cardboard cut out. He says if that were the case, he would have to travel back in time to whoop Cena's ass and Ben Franklin would have known who really invented electricity and he would have had ALL that Boston Cream Pie. He says he's coming to the TD Garden to get in his face tonight.

THIS FRIDAY: JOHNNY RUNS SMOCKDAWN!

Match #4: The Big Show vs. The Miz
This is like 2 minutes and 90 seconds of that is Cody Rhodes coming out and mocking Show. He says he wanted to go back 10 years to find out what The Big Show was doing at WrestleMania X8, but he found this instead, and shows him at WWF New York signing autographs instead. Show quickly KO Punches Miz to win. Probably better than a real match would have been.
1/4*

WRESTLEMANIA: 27 DAYS AWAY! BIG TIME!

In another pretape, The Rock is outside the state house and the Boston Common. He says they fought for independence here and says he has the great American fighting spirit and the will to overthrow, and The Rock Revolution will overthrow Cena. GOD DAMNIT ROCK. YOU FAILED. He says the next stop is MAKING history on April 1st, and says to mark his words, because he will fall to The Rock. He tells John to get ready, because he's coming tonight, if you smell, etc.

NEXT WEEK: THE UNDERTAKER AND SHAWN MICHAELS TALK!

Match #5: Kane vs. R-Truth
Kane wins in 90 seconds with a Chokeslam. This happened.
3/4*

Post-match, Orton comes out and hits the RKO. He says it's good to be back. I love their ongoing conversation.

John Cena comes out, and he gets on the mic. He talks about how full the building is and is still booed. He says FINALLY, The Rock is back, the REAL Rock, the one he needs to face at WrestleMania, and he's been giving history lessons all day. He says they're entertaining and electrifying and it's everything The Rock needs to be, but asks what The Rock's really saying. He says he stood in this ring face to face with him and told him what his problem is, but Rock's obsessed with breakfast cereal and doesn't like his clothes and talks about new names for his penis, and asks if he's fighting The Rock or The Situation. He says he's trying way too hard and asks how his midlife crisis is going, and says last week, Rocky got SHOOK UP. He wasted 20 minutes on some twitter thing, and he was stumbling on his words like it's the middle of winter. And after all he's said, that means Rock got shook by a prep school thug with no balls, who looks completely ridiculous, and says to look at how awful this outfit is. He says Rocky's got his University of Miami swagger back, and responds to boos by saying he didn't say Boston College, because he wasn't doing keg stands and headbutting people. This is like 10000x better than that pretape. He says Rocky wants to go face to face again, but he thinks that's a mistake, since his best stuff lately is all pre-recorded or via satellite, but hey. He says he's hoping The Rock comes out tonight, not Dwayne, because he gets nothing from beating "Dwayne". He calls Rock out, and he comes down to the ring. He gets on the mic and says not to think he won't say it again, because FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO BOSTON! He says he'd look him in the eye and tell the world what he sees, and that's fear. Fear that he's taking everything away when he beats him. He says he hears the fear and doubt in his words, and says he didn't shake his confidence, and says to look at him, because he's never been more confident. He says t their cores, he's a man, and Cena is a boy, and he's always going to be The Rock's bitch. Rock leaves and that was SOOOOOOO much better than last week. Cena says he doesn't care if he's 6'4'' and 265, the point is he's gonna have to rip his throat out to beat him. The Rock has other options, and he doesn't. He's half right, if he beats him, he loses everything, but if he thinks for a second he's afraid, he's lost his damn mind, not just his confidence. He says he's not going down in history as The Rock's bitch, he's the SON OF A bitch that's gonna make history by whipping The Rock's ass.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE NXT
March 7th, 2012
Mohegan Sun, CT


Matt Striker is in the ring and says every match tonight is from the twisted mind of this man, and brings out William Regal! He says he's going to try and give everyone what they want, and books Titus O'Neil vs. Percy Watson in the main event. Please be the end. Maxine comes out. Dat ring gear, man. She says she looks forward to working underneath him. Regal says he's looking forward to seeing her in action tonight, and brings out Tamina.

Match #1: Tamina vs. Maxine
Good 3 minutes. Maxine has some nasty offense, but Tamina hits the Samoan Drop and Superfly Splash to win.
*1/2

Regal says under his watch, NXT is one nation under a groove.

Curt Hawkins & Tyler Reks come out and they get on the mic. Hawkins says he was supposed to take over the show last week, but they got Sir William Regal instead. Reks says he walks his old butt down the ramp and talks all night, and now he has this pathetic segue into being Striker's replacement, because he and Striker are both has-beens who couldn't do it in the ring. Regal gets up and gets a mic and says he'll choose to ignore that speech for the moment, but if they'd like back in the ring, he has a job for them. He gets a mop and bucket from somewhere, and says after how they've treated everyone, they'll do whatever he wants, and says the only thing they're good enough for is cleaning toilets. He says if they don't, he never has to book them again and they leave with the mops, but no bucket. Idiots.

Match #2: Johnny Curtis vs. Yoshi Tatsu
Yoshi made Creepy Curtis look awesome in the 5 minutes this got, and Curtis actually broke out some nice and original work on the arm. Yoshi's selling could have been better, but his bumping was pretty great. Curtis hits the Falcon Arrow AND HE WINS WITH IT! THE DEAL IS DONE!
**1/4

In the back, Kidd asks Joe for a rematch, and he laughs and says no. Kidd says he left him standing, and that was a mistake if he wanted to be like this. Joe laughs, so Kidd knees him in the gut. He goes down and Kidd tells him to consider that rematch when he gets up.

In the back, Maxine finds Johnny Curtis rubbing lotion on himself. She says she hates him, but says Derrick's coming, so play along. They pretend to make out and Bateman comes over, and asks if this is a rerun. She gets off, but Curtis doesn't want to stop. Bateman asks where Kaitlyn is and if Maxine slashed her tires or something, since that's what crazy chicks do. Curtis says after they made out last week, she probably quit, and Maxine says he better find his new girlfriend, because they have a mixed tag next week. They leave, and behind Bateman, Maxine shoves Curtis away. Bateman then bumps into Reks and Hawkins as they're taking out the trash. He says they stink, and he sack taps Hawkins before leaving. Percy then comes over and mocks their outfits.

RAW REBOUND!

Match #3: Darren Young vs. Jey Uso w/ Jimmy Uso
Jimmy is on commentary, and he is horrible. He cannot string sentences together. Regal tries to set up an arranged marriage between The Usos and his conjoined twins, and asks if they know how much he spends on three armed t-shirts. Really good 5 minutes, since both guys are super crisp. Nothing great or anything, but whatever. D-Young avoids the Running Asshole, and gets a schoolboy to win.
**1/2

Match #4: Titus O'Neil vs. Percy Watson

This isn't great since Percy is useless, but Titus is awesome. Some great punts and power offense, and especially amazing trash talk. Probably the #2 trash talker in the WWE, obviously under MOK. Horribly, Percy wins with the Fuckjack Slam.
*3/4

Reks and Hawkins attack Percy from behind and throw him out. Hawkins gets on the mic and says to consider his mess cleaned up. Reks says they're just getting started.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero vs. Kofi Kingston, Superstars (March 8th)
Ugh. Dolph again carries Kofi to something really good. Kofi not being athletic enough for his athletic trademarks is one of the more hilarious things in recent WWE history. Ziggler again bumps his ass off to carry Kofi, but also breaks out the old Benoit baseball slide to a guy lying on the apron spot. Kofi has trouble even doing basic roll ups, but as always, the only thing he can do right is a finishing run of counters. Ziggler has some cool stuff, but not enough of it to cover entirely for this sack of shit. Because life is terrible, Kofi wins with the Trouble in Paradise.
**3/4
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Smackdown
March 9th, 2012
Mohegan Sun, CT


A cage is being lowered around David Otunga and John Laurinaitis in the ring to open the show, and Johnny gets on the mic and welcomes everyone to his episode of Smackdown, and he thanks the Board. He says he is the man to run both shows, and says Teddy Long never started off SD with a cage match or one for the title, and books Santino vs. Swagger in a US Title cage match right now. WHY?!

Match #1: Santino Marella [c] vs. Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero [WWE U.S. Championship - Steel Cage Match]
This is a good match. It's Swagger vs. Santino, so there's an obvious ceiling for them, but they did well. Some cool counters and what not. Ziggler tries to interfere, but the referee ejects him. Vickie accidentally slams the door on Swagger's head, and Santino crawls out to retain.
**1/4

TONIGHT: SHEAMUS/ORTON/SHOW VS. BRYAN/MIZ/CODY, DANIELSON & SHEAMUS FACE TO FACE

In the back, Johnny has Teddy with him and books Kane vs. Aksana, and Johnny says he tried to be nice, but he wouldn't. Teddy says not to do this, and Johnny makes him say please. He then makes him apologize for being a dick lately, but Johnny says it's not good enough, and challenges him to a match tonight. Teddy asks to call it off if he beats him, and Johnny says if he beats him, then Aksana will face Kane. Wait, what?

The DX segment from Raw airs again.

Drew McIntyre comes out and says he's been given an opportunity to win his job back against an opponent of John Laurinaitis' choosing. The Great Khali comes out, but Otunga comes out, and says he's not in the match. Then why'd he come out? What? Hornswoggle then comes out, and Otunga says that's his opponent.

Match #2: Drew McIntyre vs. Hornswoggle
At least Drew has his job back. This was an awesome squash, since Drew kept beating the shit out of a midget. The ref finally stops the match and Drew wins.
*1/4

Khali gets back in and kills Drew with the Baba Chop. God damnit.

Match #3: Mark Henry vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Awesome MOK squash. World's Strongest Slam ends it in about two minutes.
**

Match #4: Theodore Long vs. John Laurinaitis

Aksana and David Otunga are both in their corners. Johnny yells at Teddy to lay down and he refuses, so Johnny calls Kane out to the ring. Orton comes out and RKOs Kane on the floor, and Teddy gets a roll up to win. Horrible.
45,000/Poop Thousand

Match #5: Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes

Primo does the best he can to carry three other guys here, but then unfortunately loses to Black Finisher.
*3/4

RAW REBOUND!

THIS WEEK ON RAW: THE ROCK CONCERT III AND JOHN CENA RAPS!

Michael Cole is in the ring, and he brings out Daniel Bryan (with AJ) and Sheamus for his interview. Cole asks about luck, and Bryan says when you're this good, you don't need luck. It's living a clean vegan lifestyle combined with the application of proper scientific wrestling, in addition to his charisma and undeniable sex appeal that contributes to all his success. Sheamus says he's been lucky all his life, he's lucky to be in the US and in the WWE and in the main event of WrestleMania. SUCK UP MORE, DICK. He says he also makes his own luck, and that's what he does, and he's fought his way back to the top in the last year, and at least he's not hiding behind a 98 pound girl who should be wearing a Catholic girls uniform. AJ says from her point of view, and Bryan says to shut up, very kindly. AMAZING. Sheamus says Bryan's the one who wears the skirt, not AJ, and he's an arrogant whiny little wimp, but at WrestleMania, his luck is gonna run out.

Match #6: Sheamus/Randy Orton/The Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan/The Miz/Cody Rhodes w/ AJ
Booker tries to claim Legacy split because Cody was jealous of Orton. And the cycle continues. This was surprisingly great though, I wasn't expecting this. Heels all worked really well together and they built up the two Mania matches perfectly. Cody is afraid of Show, and Danielson isn't quite afraid of Sheamus, but picks his spots. They eventually isolate Sheamus because of it, and surprise surprise, Miz is best in a tag team environment. Orton has a great hot tag. Show chases Cody to the back and Sheamus attacks Bryan in revenge on the floor. Miz is left alone and Orton wins with the RKO.
***

Kane comes out and he and Orton fight again and into the crowd to end the show.
Edited by Big Tuna, Jun 1 2013, 06:41 PM.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Raw
March 12th, 2012
Cleveland, OH


Jerry Lawler is in the ring to open the show and he hypes up the two concerts with Cena and Rock, and brings out Cena first!

AND "BASIC THUGANOMICS" HITS! CENA COMES OUT IN A THROWBACK WITH THE CHAIN! AWESOME! Nobody reacts because none of the kids remember this or something :( There's an awesome little accidental deal with the "New Deadman Inc." line where he's looking up in the direction of the WrestleMania sign. MANIA 30 PLS. Anyways, here we go.

"Rock wanted me to write his song tonight
But I would never be his mouthpiece
Rock's like LeBron James
He took his talents straight down to South Beach
And for the past few weeks, Rock's been legitimately pissed
If you get stuck singing your song tonight, Rock, it's all in the wrist!
Could we please have a week where you don't come out here and choke?
You may be GI Joe this summer, right now you're a GI Joke
Ever since I opened my mouth against you, you've been beggin' me to back off
So if Rock and Dwayne the same person, I think y'all both are jack offs
And after April 1st, you won't be makin' no more movies
You're gonna need surgery on your face, just like you had it on your boobies
Those poppin' pecs, they've had more work than a locker room full of Divas
I've got a gift for Rock tonight, I'm gonna give him a Cleveland Steamer
Team Bring It? He's Team Lost It, and the truth is getting scary
Because they weren't chanting "Rocky" last week, they were chanting "Tooth Fairy"
Keep making fun of this Fruity Pebble, Rock, cause I ain't even close to sick of it
I'm Mr. Kung Pao Chicken, you're just Miami Fried Chickenshit
And no, no, I don't have balls, but I've got something in their place
I'm gonna beat your ass at WrestleMania, and put my nuts dead in your face."

Not his best obviously, but it smokes what Rock came out with.

Match #1: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero
They get like 8 minutes, so this is very good, but lesser than their Smackdown match. Daniel Bryan is up in the skybox with AJ and Josh Mathews. Ziggler takes some amazing bumps as always. Josh asks about Bryan telling AJ to shut up, and Bryan says he would never say that or upset AJ. He asks AJ if he was rude, and she says no, and Bryan ends this so we can watch the match. They do stuff, but still hold back some, and Sheamus hits a flash Brogue Kick that seems to happen right as they were starting a great finishing run.
**1/2

At ringside, they announce Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny for WrestleMania, with the winner's team controlling RAWR and SMOCKDAWN. Otunga and Santino are announced as captains.

John Laurinaitis comes out to sit ringside for a mixed tag. Santino and Aksana come out, but John says this is no longer a mixed tag match, and it is now a handicap match, and brings out Otunga and Mark Henry instead!

Match #2: Mark Henry/David Otunga vs. Santino Marella w/ Aksana
Solid 90 second MOK squash.
*1/2

Kofi and Truth try to come out to help Santino, but MOK slaughters Kofi with the World's Strongest Slam like the piece of bitch that he is, and then hits Truth with a Big Splash. Johnny introduces MOK as the second member of his WrestleMania team.

A video airs on WrestleMania coverage on Extra.

In the back, Zack Ryder finds Eve. He says she hasn't responded to him all week, and asks if she's playing him. She says no, and says they should be friends with benefits, and he is cool with that, which is understandable. Since he's being written basically as a 15 year old, this is a classic teenager mistake.

In the back, Miz goes into Johnny's office, and asks to be on his team for WrestleMania, since he's undefeated at WrestleMania. Miz brings in the star of Psyche, White Psyche, and says he's on this week's episode. Johnny says if Miz can win his match tonight, he's on the team. Miz asks who his opponent is, and Johnny says it's CM Punk.

Match #3: Brodus Clay w/ The Funkadactyls vs. Jinder Mahal
This is 30 seconds and Brodus wins with a Big Splash.
1/4*

Shawn Michaels comes out, and he gets on the mic. He talks about being referee and has the footage from two weeks ago air on the tron. The Undertaker comes out to the ring, and also gets the mic. Shawn says they shared a locker room for 20 years and always had respect, but he never figured he wouldn't have the guts to say something like that to his face. Taker asks if he wants him to call him a failure, a loser, someone who couldn't get the job done, and says he needs to stop and think about if he's repeating his words, or if he's repeating the words chosen for him by his good friend. He says he needs to let all his insecurities, but Shawn interrupts, and says Taker BEGGED for this match, not him. Shawn says Triple H beat him half to death last year, and he needs validation. He says he told Triple H he knew who would win because of that, and Taker says he should know that whatever happens, win or lose, he can accept the outcome. But what he's not prepared to accept is him sticking his ego in this. He says what can't happen is for the outcome, win or lose, to not be pure. And if the outcome isn't pure, he promises him, there will be hell to pay. Shawn says it's ironic that even with his career over, he could still be the guy to end The Streak. Taker stops him from leaving and says he WILL beat Triple H, The Streak WILL continue, and he will officially end an era. But if he doesn't do the right thing, he will officially end him. Shawn pats Taker on the arm and leaves. BOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Triple H meets him on the ramp, and they share a look, before Triple H stares Taker down and smiles.

James Roday comes out to be guest ring announcer.

Match #4: CM Punk vs. The Miz
This is like 3 minutes, and Punk wins with the Anaconda Vice. Oh well.
*3/4

From backstage, Chris Jericho mockingly applauds and congratulates Punk. He says he can smirk if he wants, but he sees the fraud inside him. He says he's a fraud as a person, because he did some research on him, and found out his secret. He says he never explained the reasons why he's straightedge, and it's because his father is an alcoholic. He says alcohol is in his blood, so he'll be come just like his dad, and he's found something that Punk cares about now. He says he's going to take his title, his nickname, his bravado, and he's going to drive him to embrace his destiny.

A video airs to promote David Otunga's legal services.

Match #5: Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero
Well, this happens. It is quite dull, mostly due to Swagger's control segment. They get like 5 minutes, and Randy wins with the RKO.
*3/4

Kane's pyro hits, but nobody comes out.

NEXT WEEK: CENA VS. MOK

The beyond horrible Rock Concert III is next. I can't. I'm sorry. I can't.

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE NXT
March 14th, 2012
Columbus, OH


TONIGHT: BATEMAN/KAITLYN VS. CURTIS/MAXINE

In the ring, William Regal says tonight is all tag team matches! YEAH!

Match #1: The Usos vs. The Prime Time Players
This was very good. They work some hard head Samoan spots, which will always be great. D-Young takes an awesome corner bump to the floor, and both Usos have awesome dives. PTP control seg left something to be desired, but the Uso hot tag and finishing run was great. Titus O'Neil gets beat with the Flying Splash.
**1/2

Earlier tonight, Reks and Hawkins interrupted Percy and A-Ri playing basketball to be dicks. Regal came over and said he thought they were going to be on their best behavior, and books them in a tag match unless they want to be janitors again this week.

Match #2: Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks vs. Alex Riley/Percy Watson
This was not very good. Percy again seems like he's just going through motions. Hawkins beats Percy with a Flying Elbow.
*1/2

In the back, Maxine is decorating Regal's office, and replaces Striker's picture of Ronald Reagan with one of the Queen. Kaitlyn comes in and asks why her flight was almost canceled again like last week, and if she knows anything about that. Maxine says she might and asks why she's here. She says she and Derrick were playing tag, and Derrick comes in. He asks what's up and Curtis then comes in. He asks if they wanna do this right now, and they can to his van. Kaitlyn whispers that she's scared,and her reactions really make Curtis even creepier. He says he'll go back to his office then, and Maxine leaves first. He starts smelling Kaitlyn's hair, before Maxine drags him off by the ear. Kaitlyn then tags Bateman and runs away, and he chases her. This is the best storyline.

Michael McGillicutty comes out, and he gets on the mic. NO. BAD. PUT IT DOWN AND LEAVE. He says Kidd is a fly buzzing around his head, and Tyson Kidd is pathetic. He says he's another average everyday loser like everyone here. Tyson Kidd comes out obviously, and says the people here might not have a microphone, but he does. He says he's been wrestling for half his life and he had his first match in this ring when he was 16, and he gets the heart that it takes. Mike says enough with the heart, and he never was a Hart, and it doesn't matter what he does, how long he's here, because he will NEVER be a Hart. They have a great brawl, and some fan yells that Kidd's more of a Hart than Mike is a Hennig. Awesome. Mike bails, and yells that he's got his rematch.

WRESTLEMANIA: 18 DAYS AWAY!

RAW REBOUND!

Match #3: Derrick Bateman/Kaitlyn vs. Johnny Curtis/Maxine
This wasn't great, but Curtis was so entertainingly weird here, constantly trying to hit on both women. Bateman beats Curtis with the Headlock Driver in about 2 minutes.
*1/4

Bateman and Kaitlyn kiss on the stage, and Maxine yells at Curtis in the ring.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011
World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011
WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011

WWE Smackdown
March 16th, 2012
Columbus, OH


Christian returns to open the show, and the Peep Show set is up. He talks about the 12 man tag match at WrestleMania, and he brings out John Laurinaitis and his team captain, David Otunga. Johnny welcomes him back, and Christian says with Mr. Excitement and Captain Charisma, this ring is honored with charisma, and this man has no honor, and brings in Teddy Long and Aksana. They say R-Truth is now on Team Teddy too, since he hates winning. He says they're free to negotiate with him to be on their team, and they both know what he wants. ONE. MORE. MATCH. YEAH! Teddy says no, and Johnny says yes if they win, so he agrees to be on his team. Otunga pulls out Christian's t-shirt and they all hold it up. Awesome. Teddy says since he's back, it's time for action. Johnny says Christian isn't cleared yet, so Teddy books Otunga in a match right now against his newest team member, Kofi Kingston! TEDDY, ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO WIN THIS THING.

Match #1: Kofi Kingston vs. David Otunga
Everyone stays ringside. Otunga is actually better than Kofi here, because he doesn't reach beyond what he's capable of, and his basic offense is at least reasonable looking. That does not mean this is good at all. Kofi wins with his stupid fucking kick.
*1/4

In the back, AJ comes out of the locker room in a dress, and Daniel Bryan is waiting. AJ says she loves the dress, but it doesn't fit right. He says he doesn't know what the problem is, and says it looked better on the mannequin. He says they're going to be a new power couple like Savage and Liz or Triple H and Stephanie, and he wants her to be a champion too, so he's got her a title match, and just like in life, he'll be in her corner, and all she has to do is listen to him.

Match #1: AJ vs. Nikki Bella
Danielson and Brie are at ringside. This was only 2 minutes and mostly Nikki in control as Danielson yells at AJ to get up and fight back. She does, and Danielson alerts the ref when they try the twin switch. AJ gets a roll up for the win.
3/4*

TONIGHT: SHEAMUS VS. JERICHO!

RAW REBOUND!

In the back, Striker interviews Cody Rhodes and asks about WrestleMania. He says this (shit) is chess, not checkers. He says 364 days, The Big Show is a destroyer, THE most dominant, but on that one day, he's a choke artist, and he's never won a singles match at WrestleMania. Cody says people ask how he's going to beat a giant, and says to watch.

Match #3: Cody Rhodes vs. The Great Khali
Solid three minutes, and a good preview to put Cody over as able to beat a giant. Cody wins with the Beautiful Disaster.
*1/2

Randy Orton comes out, and he gets on the mic to talk about his thing with Kane that's being inflicted upon everyone. He says he doesn't like being hunted, but he wants to know why. He says he's not like John Cena, he embraces the hate, and it embraces him back. He calls Kane out, and Kane comes to the stage. He shows video of their match from 2011 where they shook hands, and hey yeah, this is about Kane being mad about his own humanity again. Fuck it, they're having a match at WrestleMania.

Match #4: The Big Show vs. Drew McIntyre
Drew does an awesome job putting Show over in the 2 minutes this goes. After the KO Punch and Chokeslam, the referee stops the match.
*3/4

Match #5: Mark Henry vs. Yoshi Tatsu

This is another glorious squash for Mark Henry. He is the greatest. World's Strongest Slam ends it.
**

Before the main event, Chris Jericho gets on the microphone. He says a lot of people want him to apologize for Raw, but he won't do that, and you can't go over the line when you're telling the truth, which is what he did. He says Punk is a fraud again, and when he beats Sheamus tonight and wins the WWE Title at WrestleMania, he'll celebrate with a cocktail.

Match #6: Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho
This happened. The finishing run was good, but because it's post-2007 comeback Chris Jericho, he doesn't give a singular fuck about any kind of real story beyond doing stuff before finisher counters. But it's still Chris Jericho, and he has a good mind for finisher counters. Daniel Bryan and AJ come out to watch midway through, and at the end, Bryan kicks Sheamus on the floor and he is counted out.
**1/2

Jericho keeps attacking Sheamus, but he comes back. Bryan and AJ leave, and Sheamus hits Jericho with the Brogue Kick.

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