| Simon Watches WWE - 2012 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 12 2013, 05:02 PM (12,945 Views) | |
| Big Tuna | Jun 4 2013, 11:41 PM Post #41 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE Raw March 19th, 2012 Philadelphia, PA TONIGHT: CENA VS, MOK! H, SHAWN, AND TAKER GO FACE TO FACE TO FACE! CM Punk comes out to open the show, and he gets on the mic. He says Chris Jericho isn't here tonight, because that's the type of man Chris Jericho is and he's lucky he's not here. He says this story isn't Chris Jericho's to tell, but a lot of people know it because he's talked about it before (WrestleRave promo). CONTINUITY! He says he sees everyone here and says everyone's been negatively effected by alcoholism, and because this a cesspool, that's booed. He says he won't let Chris Jericho tell some kids that because their parents have a problem, that they got dealt a bad hand, that they can't overcome like he did. He says his father had a problem, but he got better, and he's proud of him. He says if there's a monster inside him, he's going to become that monster, to fight the monsters of the world like Chris Jericho. He says nobody's past dictates their future, especially not his. He says he's real, he's true, he's straightedge, and at WrestleMania, he's going straight through Chris Jericho like the obstacle he is, and proving that he is the best in the world. Jericho comes on from the studio and says he wants him to listen to him, and it's why he's not there now. Jericho says he's right, he was out of line, and he's sorry. He says he crossed the line, and he won't talk about his father. BUT HIS SISTER, THAT'S ANOTHER STORY! Punk says to shut up, and says his sister had drug problems, and drug addicts will do anything for their fix. He says he knows he'll pretend he loves her like he lies about loving his dad, and says there's a pattern, and he'll end up just like them. He says he can overcome addiction, but he'll never overcome losing to him. Punk yells for Jericho, and the next part is bleeped, so I assume he calls him a mother fucker. He says he's full of shit, and that's exactly what he's going to beat out of him. Before the first match, Cody Rhodes comes out with a full recap of all Show's big losses at WrestleMania. Match #1: Kane vs. The Big Show This is under a minute. Cody puts on boxing gloves and distracts Show when he climbs up to the middle rope. Kane Chokeslams him out of the corner to win. 1/2* Cody handcuffs Big Show around the middle ropes post-match, and he tees off on him with the boxing gloves. Show is cut free and he yells at Cody to run. Cody leaves, and Show stumbles around in the ring. Match #2: Santino Marella vs. David Otunga Both GMs are there. This is about a minute and forty five seconds and 30 seconds of that is a pose down. So yeah, they've basically abandoned trying to have real matches at this point in the Mania build. Ugh. Power through it and we get to Extreme Rules. Santino stomps on Johnny's phone, but then Otunga hits the Spinebuster to win. 3/4* Teddy slaps Ace, and he runs away. What a cowardly bitch. LORD TENSAI! This should be great, I'm glad to see Giant Bernard coming back for a push. He'll be a great top level monster. A pretape from The Rock airs, and he's in front of the Rocky statue. FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO PHILADELPHIA. He says this is the city that loves you back and it's always sunny here, and it's the city of asskickers. He says this statue represents that and says he stood in front of this statue when he was 12 and became inspired. He talks about headlining his first WrestleMania here, and says in order to be the greatest of all time, he has to beat John Cena. He says he's coming to get some tonight, and he's driving down Broad Street to the Spectrum, and the roof is going to blow off and he's going to send John a message. If you smell, etc. Clips air of a rally before the show that Zack Ryder held to try and get on Team Teddy. Match #3: Daniel Bryan w/ AJ vs. Zack Ryder This is also 2 minutes, and Bryan wins with the LeBell Lock. *3/4 Match #4: John Cena vs. Mark Henry They get 5 minutes, so this was a low level great match. I'm still upset this has yet to happen for at least 10 minutes at any point. It's a classic Cena/Monster match, immediately getting over the power both with brick wall spots and failure to lift Henry. It got butchered by a commercial, so there's like 3-4 minutes of this we got robbed of. Fuck. Cena does his thing and manages to get MOK up for the FU to win. **3/4 The Rock comes out, and he hits Mark with the Rock Bottom to send his message. More clips from Extra airs of some divas angle with the host leading to a tag at Mania. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON'T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE. The Miz is in the ring, and he says in 1987, King Kong Bundy went from being in the main event of WrestleMania to being in a midget match, and he will NOT go from the main event to not even being on the card, and he issues an open challenge to prove that he belongs on Team Johnny. Sheamus then comes out to accept. Match #5: Sheamus vs. The Miz Sheamus gets a three minute showcase. Okay then. Sheamus wins with the Brogue Kick. *3/4 Josh interviews Randy Orton on the stage, and he asks about Kane, and asks how he'll beat the monster. Orton says he already beat the monster last summer, and made the monster human, and he should ask how the monster can beat him. He says Kane's gone back to his roots, but he's going to beat the humanity back into him. Before the next match, Vickie announces that her clients are the newest members of Team Johnny. Match #6: Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger Aksana and Vickie are on the floor. This was also three minutes. Why not just run a six man and give it five minutes? Ugh. Ziggler wins with a Fameasser on Truth after Vickie shoves his foot off of the bottom rope on the cover. *3/4 Aksana and Vickie get pulled apart. Footage airs from an MSG house show, where Triple H won a six man tag by hitting Ziggler with the Tombstone. Full match was Punk, H, & Orton vs. Jericho, Cody, and Ziggler, which probably ruled. Shawn Michaels comes out first, and goes over the match. He claims everyone is talking about HBK once again, and that's not even a little true! Shut the fuck up! He says it's pretty cool holding the end of an era in his hands, and everyone wants to know what his pediction is, and says you'll have to wait until WrestleMania. He says he can give an opinion, and says it's hard for him to be unbiased, and says "End of an Era" is code for "The End of The Streak". He says he's stood in Triple H's shoes and he saw the end and he knew it was inevitable, and The Undertaker is in the same place. The Undertaker comes out now and says Shawn did enough talking last week, and it would be in his best interests to shut up and listen. He says he's already told him that this match has to remain pure, so before he and his buddy start making plans -- and that's Triple H's cue to also come out. Triple H says to stop worrying about him, because as much as Shawn's ego wants this to be about him, it's not. He says it's about the two of them, and it always has been. He says they've had parallel careers for two decades, only connected by the Cell, and out of 24 Hell in a Cell matches, and they've been in 19. Not a coincidence. It's not a coincidence that he took the match away from The Undertaker, and it's where he learned just what it takes to end a career. He says everyone will see the end of an era, and that's his. He says he knows EXACTLY what it'll take, and Taker asks if he's sure. He says his mind and body and soul and career and wife and kids, all this, even his life, and asks how much he's willing to put on the line. Triple H says if it means giving him the end he deserves, then he is, and he will. Taker goes to leave, but turns around. He asks if he remembers when he said Shawn was better than him. H nods, and The Undertaker says he is. He leaves, and Shawn is laughing as Triple H is mad. |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 5 2013, 12:49 AM Post #42 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE NXT March 21st, 2012 Newark, NJ TONIGHT: KIDD/MCGILLICUTTY II! Match #1: Justin Gabriel vs. Curt Hawkins This was a great match for two and a half minutes. Hawkins had some great looking offense, and Gabriel bumps big. Hawkins gets distracted by yelling at Regal. He says he runs this show, and Regal asks Josh if that's true. Josh says Regal actually runs the show, and Regal starts laughing and says he's damn right. Gabriel wins with the 450 Splash. ** In the back, Derrick and Kaitlyn arrive holding hands, and Bateman has a stethoscope around his neck for some unexplained reason. Tamina congratulates them, and they leave, and the Prime Time Players come in. Titus does a weird preacher voice and says she's looking so good she reminds everyone that there is a God. He says he's taken, but his boy is not, and D-Young asks why the Usos always hate on him, and Titus mocks their stomping dance. She says to cut that out, and the Usos come over. Right Uso asks what this is, and she says she was just leaving. Left Uso says it wasn't cool mocking their heritage, and Titus says he's just having fun. He says he'll see D-Young in the ring and Right Uso says he'll see Titus too if he gets his Cosy dad looking ass involved, and Titus says he ain't wanna see him too. Match #2: Darren Young vs. Jimmy Uso w/ Jey Uso Jey goes commentary now. He cannot speak either, but this match is very good for 5 minutes. Jey makes up for his bad speaking by sensing the crowd is dying and getting up to start a chant and round of clapping before Jimmy's comeback, which was really a great idea. They do good solid stuff, but Young hits the Death by Roderick for the win. Regal also rules, selling it as singles experience giving D-Young the edge over a tag specialist. **1/2 In the back, Tamina are watching. At ringside, Josh gets a text to say his car is stolen, so he rushes off to the back. In the back, Maxine talks to Johnny Curtis. Maxine says Josh will look for his car, so commentary will be empty. So she's going to get next to Regal and try and get off this show. They hide behind a wall and hear Josh and Striker talking. Curtis says he's got a better plan to get her down there, and he waits. Someone comes up and turns, but it's only Striker, AND CURTIS WRAPS A RAG AROUND HIS MOUTH AND SAYS HE'S SORRY AS HE DUMPS HIS UNCONSCIOUS BODY INTO AN EQUIPMENT CASE. HOLY SHIT. Maxine says this isn't her plan and he says she's welcome. She asks what that is, and he says it's chloroform. She asks why he has that, and he asks why he wouldn't have chloroform. She says to get rid of him, so he shuts the lid. She says she's going to commentary and says to stay with him and not leave. Maxine walks away, and Alicia Fox walks be. He asks what's up and she cringes and walks away. AND CURTIS PULLS THE RAG BACK OUT AND WALKS AWAY AFTER HER. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT. Maxine comes out to do commentary with Regal, and keeps sucking up. She brings him a gift basket too. Match #3: Tyler Reks vs. Percy Watson This is a bad match, but the commentary makes it worth seeing. She keeps hitting on Regal, and he eventually stops trying to stop her, so she gives him a foot massage. She then moves to a hair massage and a back rub. Percy wins with the Fuckjack Slam. 3/4* At commentary, Maxine says she can give him a deep tissue massage tonight and do anything he desires. He says he desires that they head back to his -- and the show cuts to commercial. Awesome. Coming back, Josh is back and says his car is fine, and this is all confusing. Regal says he shouldn't be left alone ever, and he almost got himself fired for ruining this desk. RAW REBOUND! In the back, Curtis wanders back to the equipment carts and Maxine comes over, so he sits on one. She says nothing went as planned because that idiot came back, and asks him to get Striker out. He says they should just go make out instead and not look in the cart. She asks if he killed him, and he says no. She asks why he's so weird, and he says she's weird. They open the case, and he's gone. They find a note and it says they know what they did and have Striker, and they have demands. She asks what happened, and Bateman and Kaitlyn come over, with his stethoscope halfway down her shirt, and Curtis shakes both their hands. Maxine asks why they did this to them, and they are both confused. They backpedal out, and Maxine shoves Curtis in the cart now. Match #4: Tyson Kidd vs. Michael McGillicutty They get like 8 minutes, so this kicks ass. Cool spots, inventive counters, solid middle, etc. What you want from one of these matches, and Joe held his own end up well. Both men take crazy bumps too. Joe does about a 7.5/10 level Ortonlock. Joe throws a SWEET Saito Suplex too. Pretty innovative for 2012! Kidd avoids the McGillicutter, and gets a slingshot O'Connor Roll to win! NXT sliding scale gets this all the points. *** Mike gets on the mic and says he's going to regret ever crossing him, and says he's going to hurt him where it hurts the most. In his heart. |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 5 2013, 06:56 PM Post #43 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE Smackdown March 23rd, 2012 Newark, NJ TONIGHT: PUNK/SHEAMUS VS. BRYAN/MIZ Daniel Bryan and AJ come out to open the show. Bryan says firstly, YES! YES! YES! He asks AJ to tell everyone what it's like to be in love with the World Heavyweight Champion. She says he'll be in her corner, but he says to answer the question. She says it's heaven. She says Daniel has the softest lips, and they spoon at night, so he cuts her off when she calls him Danny. He says it's Daniel in public, and she says Daniel is brave, courageous, generous, and as a vegan, his body is his temple, his mind and spirit are pure, and he makes her feel safe. He tells her to say something, and she is hesitant because it's personal, but he says it's true. AJ says Daniel Bryan is a great lover, and at WrestleMania, he will make that brute tap out. He guides her, and she says he will become the greatest of all time. YES! YES! YES! YES! Sheamus then comes out to ruin it by speaking. He says he threw up in his mouth. SHUT UP. He says Daniel is a sniveling little coward and calls him Danny Boy. He says if he doesn't like that, he really won't being called Former World Heavyweight Champion, and says he's going to kick his teet down his troat. Match #1: Mark Henry vs. R-Truth Awesome MOK squash once more, as he destroys Truth for 90 seconds and wins with the World's Strongest Slam. *3/4 HALL OF FAME 2012: YOKOZUNA! YEAH! Clips air again of Ryder's rally. In the back, Teddy is with Kofi, Santino, Aksana, and Ryder in his office. Teddy says he's distracted by Eve lately, and he doesn't want that situation on his team. That's smart. Ryder says he has proof he can be on, and brings on Hornswoggle with a team flag and has Hornswoggle on mascot. Teddy says he likes the flag and mascot, but he needs something big. Zack then brings in Khali in Zack's merch, and says if he's in, Khali is, so Teddy says they're in. Everyone WOO WOO WOO's. Match #2: AJ vs. Brie Bella This is again really short. Danielson and Nikki are at ringside. AJ wins with a schoolgirl. 3/4* Brie and Nikki then randomly argue about whether Johnny or Teddy is better. NAH. Match #3: Zack Ryder vs. Jack Swagger Hornswoggle and Vickie are there. This was weirdly good, since for the first time in a while, Swagger embraced his size and amateur background and did lots of cool power throws. Hornswoggle and Vickie do stuff, and Ryder wins with the Rough Ryder in a good 5 minutes. **1/4 Match #4: The Big Show vs. Kane Cole says that Cody Rhodes is not here. Show is motivated, so this was not awful. Kane wasn't though. At all. So it was one sided in terms of quality. Cody Rhodes ran out from the crowd to attack Show for the DQ. *3/4 Show chases Cody away through the crowd, and mows over some plants. Show stops when Cody is gone, and Randy Orton comes from the other side of the crowd, and he hits Kane with the RKO! Match #5: Brodus Clay w/ The Funkadactyls vs. Heath Slater Slater makes Brodus look awesome. Slater's the first guy to actually get in offense on him for a bit, and dies on bumps. Brodus wins with the Big Splash. *1/2 In the back, Ryder finds Eve and he says it worked just like she said, and he's going to WrestleMania. She says THEY'RE going to WrestleMania. He says she's smart too, and she pretends to get mad and walks off, and then smiles to the camera. Hahahaha, Zack Ryder is an idiot. He clearly watches the shows since he puts clips on his show, but he doesn't see this blatant plotting? RAW REBOUND! Christian comes out to do commentary. Match #6: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Great Khali Johnny, Otunga, and Teddy are both ringside. Christian asks Cole to be their mascot, and Ziggler does what he can here for three minutes. Johnny tries to screw Khali and rings the bell as soon as Ziggler gets the Sleeper on. Teddy gets on the mic and restarts the match, but Ziggler refuses, so Khali wins by count out. * Kofi and Santino run Ziggler down to the ring and throw him into the Baba Chop. Match #7: CM Punk/Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan/The Miz w/ AJ This only got like 6-7 minutes due to this show being a terribly laid out one in terms of timing, but whatever. Punk/Bryan cannot be fucked with. Punk is a good FIP, and Bryan keeps antagonizing Sheamus. He has a great brief hot tag, and practically murders Bryan with the rope forearms, before he tags Miz back in. Sheamus pretty much immediately mows down Miz with the Brogue Kick to win. This needed so much more time. **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 5 2013, 09:19 PM Post #44 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE Raw March 26th, 2012 Atlanta, GA TONIGHT: CENA AND ROCK GO FACE TO FACE Match #1: Sheamus/Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan/Kane w/ AJ Hey, it's Team Friendship! I'll count it! Bryan gets a pre-match kiss from AJ. Both match ups with Bryan are great, but the Kane match ups are terrible or average. They get 8 minutes to have a real match, and both Orton and Sheamus get in great hot tags. AJ distracts Sheamus, and Kane slips in a Chokeslam. Bryan steals the pin to win! **1/2 Clips air of Rock interfering in Cena/Miz last year. Michael Cole is in the ring in a Team Johnny t-shirt, and he gets on the mic. He says he is the official commentator for Team Johnny at WrestleMania, and brings out Johnny. He introduces his flagbearer, Vickie Guerrero, and then his captain David Otunga. Booker T then gets on the mic and introduces Teddy Long and Santino. Match #2: Santino Marella vs. David Otunga Teddy, Hornswoggle, Johnny, and Vickie are ringside. This is 90 seconds like all their matches and full of interference. I hate this match up now, but at least it's not Kofi there. Santino wins with the Cobra. *1/4 Teddy and Johnny argue in the ring, and The Miz runs out, and he drops Santino with the Skull Crushing Finale. Johnny shakes his hand and says The Miz is the last man on his team. TONIGHT: PUNK VS. CHRISTIAN Clips air of Rock and Cena agreeing to the match a year ago. An incredible End of an Era hype video airs, showing both men's career highlights and then this year's build. Match #3: Kelly Kelly vs. Eve w/ Beth Phoenix This happens, and Kelly wins with a roll up. 1/2* Clips air of Rock & Cena teaming at Survivor Series. Before Punk/Christian, Chris Jericho is on the tron. He says Punk isn't the best, and at WrestleMania, he's going to beat him and expose him. He says he's a personal fraud too, and says his father is an alcoholic and his sister is a drug addict, but he has new information. He says he's found out some facts about his mother. She's actually a normal human being, which is nice for him. But when he was digging, he found out that Punk's birthday is before the marriage of his parents, so he's a bastard! Christian attacks, but Punk snaps, and he destroys him. He hits the Crucifix Elbows on the floor and throws him into the steps. Punk puts on the Anaconda Vice, and has to be pulled off by referees. Match #4: Brodus Clay w/ The Funkadactyls vs. Curt Hawkins Another one minute squash. Brodus wins with the Big Splash. 3/4* A recap airs of Cena's AMAZING promo a month ago. At ringside, commentary says Christian has been re-injured and would not compete at Mania. Match #5: The Big Show vs. Primo w/ Epico & Rosa Mendes This is a 45 second squash. ![]() 1/2* Cody Rhodes comes on the stage with a mic, and says at WrestleMania, Big Show has become a verb. Nobody wants to "Big Show" at WrestleMania, and says at April 1st on April Fool's Day, Big Show will be the biggest fool of all. LORD TENSAI! In the back, Eve finds Zack Ryder, and says she's sorry about Smackdown, and she took it out on the wrong person. They go to kiss, and Eve stops him and says after WrestleMania, it'll be time to celebrate. In the back, Josh interviews CM Punk. He says to ask Christian how he feels, and says he knows he's not off limits as the WWE Champion and he's out in the open, but his family's off limits. He says his father had problems, but what he's said about his mother and his sister are lies. He's not a bastard, he's the best wrestler in the world. WRESTLEMANIA: 6 DAYS! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOMETIMES. Match #6: Mark Henry vs. The Great Khali Johnny and Teddy are there. MOK wins with the World's Strongest Slam in under minute because it's the Mania go home show. 1/2* Johnny throws Teddy in the ring with Mark Henry. The rest of Team Johnny comes out, and Drew McIntyre is filling in for Christian! AWESOME CHOICE! Team Teddy comes out and they fight. The sides are still uneven, so Booker T comes in to save! Team Teddy runs off Team Johnny, and Teddy offers Booker T a spot as his sixth man, and he accepts. It is then Spinarooni time. The Rock comes out for the main event segment, and he gets on the mic. FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO ATLANTA. The chants mix, so it sounds like "FRUITY ASSES", and it's amazing. He says eight years ago, he had his last WrestleMania match, and since then, the question's been asked about when he's coming back. He says he always said he didn't know, no matter who told him, if it was his dentist or Hollywood starlets. He says last year he knew, when The Rock went down to Georgia (he was looking for a soul to steal), and says when he gave John Cena the Rock Bottom heard around the world, that's when he knew that the wait was over. He says since he left, Cena became The Man and the heartbeat of the industry, but he's never faced anyone like The Rock. John Cena comes out, and also gets the mic. He says as usual, he's only half right, because he's never seen anything like John Cena, because for a year, he's listened to his best trash talker of all time, and he's here like he is every single night, happy to be here, with a smile on his face. Cena says he's not the first, and after Rock left, there was this 10 year gap, and any time someone wanted to make a name or an impact, one dude got caught up in it every time, and it was him. He says you can't deny the electricity he brings, but you can't deny the emotion that HE brings either, and starts a "LET'S GO CENA"/"CENA SUCKS" chant. He says everyone else before him in a similar situation has turned their backs on the crowd, but he rises above and he wins, and that's what always gets them. They drop their Ace and say they've got him now, but nope. He rises above, and he wins. Some people here hate that, but they know what he knows, that he's going to win at WrestleMania. He says he's been an active member of the WWE longer than Dwayne, and man, he blew up in the Attitude Era, and WWE could do no wrong, and he came back. He says he's had some great moments here, but he's been here when it wasn't so cool to be a WWE Superstar. He says after WrestleMania, life goes on for The Rock, and he'll be in GI Joe. He says this role will launch him into a new atmosphere of superstardom. After WrestleMania, this is still his life though, and this is still his office. He says he'll be god damned if he comes in a visitor, as good as he is, and takes his life from him. He says he's just getting started, and nobody remembers second place, and everybody knows he can't lose and he has to win. Rock says it's just as important to him, and says what the people know is that The Rock ain't no god damned visitor. This house, this office that's his, he helped build. He says they know that there's nobody else here that Cena couldn't overcome except The Rock. He says they know that The People's Champion has come back to beat him, and that's what drives him. He says he has to beat Cena to become THE greatest of all time, because he beat Austin and he beat Hogan. And on a personal level, he just doesn't like him, and because of that, in six days, The Rock is going to give him the ass kicking of a life time. He knows it, The Rock knows it, and the people know it too. Cena says it was a fine speech, and he's glad he thinks that way, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE THINKS. He repeats that he'll win, and says the headlines reads what he predicted, that Cena whips The Rock's ass. They then stare each other down. |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 5 2013, 09:48 PM Post #45 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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CM Punk [c] vs. Dolph Ziggler [WWE Championship - Best of Three Falls], Charlotte (March 25th) This is a house show level match, but these two are still working at a high level for house shows. Pretty much a classic three fall match forula. It starts slow with mat stuff, but if you're gonna have anyone on the roster work a headlock for 5 minutes, Punk's the guy to do it. Ziggler has some fantastic stooging before he takes over, and he works on the sort of hurt midsection. Great hope spots and cut offs. Ziggler removes the top turnbuckle pad and throws Punk into it, after distracting the ref with a chair, and that gets the first fall. As always with these things, the guy holding the camera is a complete tool. Ziggler continues to have a great control segment. He gets shoved off the top though, and Punk hits the Flying Elbow, AND USES THE FIGURE FOUR IN CHARLOTTE TO GO 1-1! YEAH! Really great final fall full of reversals and what not. They did a ref bump, and Jericho came down to hit the Codebreaker, but it failed. Punk kicked him off the apron when he came back, and then dodged a Stinger Splash. Ziggler hit the exposed buckle, and Punk then hit the GTS for the win. ***1/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 5 2013, 10:23 PM Post #46 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE NXT March 28th, 2012 Atlanta, GA Match #1: Hunico vs. Derrick Bateman Camacho and Kaitlyn are ringside. Hunico is amazing here and gets a great match out of Bateman in the 5 minutes they had. Bateman is in a very Benoit-ish mood here, breaking out a beautiful Snap Suplex, some killer chops, and one of the more reckless Tope Suicidas in the last 5 years of WWE. Hunico has some great stuff too, and he wins with an Angle Slam. **3/4 They splice in clips from the "Once in a Lifetime" documentary throughout the show. The End of an Era video airs too. Then a hype video for Punk/Cena. Finally, we are back to NXT. CURTIS TIME! Maxine is on the phone and is asking for a list of stuff. Curtis comes over and asks if she got the goods on Regal. Maxine says yes, and he's into some freaky stuff. He says that's weird, and speaking of weird, he heard a rumor that WWE hasn't found Striker, and they got a stunt double to announce Superstars, and he's just as long winded and terrible, but fatter. Percy and A-Ri come over, and Percy is mad at her stealing his spotlight. She says he wouldn't have to worry about that if anyone cared about him. She asks if they did it, and A-Ri says she's crazy. He asks why Curtis doesn't have a shirt, and he says he doesn't need a shirt. A-Ri and Percy leave, and Curtis and Maxine walk down the hallway, trying to figure out who left the note. They say Gabriel is too soft, but they hide behind another cart when they see Titus. He's singing "Moves Like Jagger", and D-Young comes over with a pot. He says it's a coconut tree for Tamina. Titus puts the plant on a bench, and he says to wine and dine her at McDonalds or something, or maybe lie to her. Darren says he won't lie to him, and Curtis and Maxine come over. Maxine asks if they did this, and they say she's crazy and leave. She then gets a text and someone says after WrestleMania, they'll give them what they want, and they'll give them Striker back. Curtis says he's done getting weird, and they'll find this guy. Match #2: Titus O'Neil vs. Jey Uso Both partners are on the floor and on commentary. Oh dear. This is the worst of three PTP/Usos singles matches, but it's not BAD, just that D-Young is a better wrestler than Titus. Titus is so far improved in 2012 though, he's got some great power offense. Titus gets his knees up to block the splash, and hits Clash of the Titus to win. **1/4 And since SD is now a huge recap show before Mania, that'll do it! |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 5 2013, 10:27 PM Post #47 |
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Top 10 Matches - March 2012: 1. CM Punk [c] vs. Dolph Ziggler, Charlotte (March 25th) 2. Sheamus/Randy Orton/The Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan/The Miz/Cody Rhodes, Smackdown (March 9th 3. Tyson Kidd vs. Michael McGillicutty, NXT (March 21st) 4. CM Punk/Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan, Raw (March 5th) 5. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton, Smackdown (March 2nd) 6. Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler, Smackdown (March 2nd) 7. John Cena vs. Mark Henry, Raw (March 19th) 8. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston, Superstars (March 8th) 9. Hunico vs. Derrick Bateman, NXT (March 28th) 10. Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler, Raw (March 12th) Wrestler of the Month: Sheamus (16 Points) Tag Team of the Month: The Usos/The Prime Time Players/Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (2 Points) |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 6 2013, 02:30 AM Post #48 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 12/18/2011 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes, Since 8/12/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 ![]() ![]() WWE WRESTLEMANIA XXVIII APRIL 1ST, 2012 MIAMI, FLORIDA Lillian Garcia sings "America the Beautiful" to open the show. Solid. Match #1: Daniel Bryan [c] w/ AJ vs. Sheamus [World Heavyweight Championship] This is enraging. Daniel gets his good luck kiss from AJ as he usually demands, and then he turns around. Should be a great hard fought match. ![]() 18 seconds. Son of a bitch. This...I get it. I hate it, but I get it. I get the idea. Cowardly heel champion gets his comeuppance in the same way he won the title. And it would have been more effective if it wasn't against a guy like Bryan who everybody loves. And because it happened to a guy like that, it launched the huge "YES!" phenomenon and doomed Sheamus' reign from the start. He's a decent babyface (at this point), but now he becomes the guy WWE used to screw over Danielson. In the back, Team Johnny is in their locker room. The Miz says he's going to lead them to victory and said to follow the example he set when he won last year's main event. Ziggler responds with "Ugh." and everyone goes back to talking to each other. AMAZING. Otunga and Big Johnny come in, and Laurinaitis is in an incredible white suit. He says they create a moment tonight, etched in history like Hogan slamming Andre or Steve Austin refusing to submit to the Sharpshooter. Match #2: Randy Orton vs. Kane This happens. It's not BAD. This is in one of the worst spots ever, in that it's a slower match that has to deal with a crowd already not to receptive to these types of matches in a spot where a lot of people are going to be pissed off after the opener. But it's good for them. There's clearly a ceiling for an Orton/Kane match, and they hit it. Orton works better with guys his own size, and Kane is...well, Daniel Bryan's yet to revitalize Kane in 2012, so he's not of much use again. They do stuff, and Kane wins with a Chokeslam off the top. **1/4 In the back, Santino is with the captain from The Deadliest Catch and Mick. They are all dressed as fishermen and plug the show and eat crab legs. They attack them with Cobra and Socko, and other guy elbow drops a crab. Ron comes by and gives a totally unwarranted DAMN. Match #3: Cody Rhodes [c] vs. The Big Show [WWE Intercontinental Championship] Solid 5 minutes. This is also upsetting, but not as much. Cody has good leg work and bumps around very well, and does a decent job putting some meat into this shell of a match. Show fires back and destroys Cody with his Spear, and then hits the shittiest KO Punch in years to win clean! So, Cody gets beat by the guy he's spent all month saying sucks at WrestleMania. Great booking! This is literally the kind of situation DQs and count outs were invented for, and now nobody gains anything, so that's really frustrating. This is also the last time it looked like Cody might become anything more than a midcarder. ** A video airs to promote the lifestyle of WWE Divas, for some reason, before focusing on the build to this year's Divas tag. Match #4: Kelly Kelly/Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix/Eve This is your popcorn match of the night, although I'm not so sure about the placement, since it's not like they need to calm the crowd down from anything. It gets time, and that'd be cool if the babyface side had someone better than just competent. This is best known for someone's bronzer rubbing off on Maria's pants so it looks like she shit her pants. Maria rolls up Beth to win. Moving on! *1/2 In the back, Matt Striker interviews Shawn Michaels. He asks about the match and Shawn says something ends tonight, either The Streak or Triple H. But both of those things are still here. Son of a bitch, we were all duped. He says again that he has the power in the palm of his hand, and walks off smiling. JR comes out to call Hell in a Cell, thankfully. ![]() ![]() ![]() Match #5: The Undertaker vs. Triple H [HELL IN A CELL - Special Referee: Shawn Michaels] This is a WrestleMania Epic. I've written at length about the problems these matches can have on a rewatch, because a lot of times, they only work in the moment. The Undertaker, more than anyone else regularly cast in them, understands how to maximize this style, and he's done it against Batista and Shawn twice. Last year, there was a problem with the middle of their match being overlong and having maybe 20-25 good minutes in 30. I've also said the wait to tell if one of these matches is classic is if I still react to big spots nearfalls after the fact, knowing the result. I do here. They fill time so much better here, and everything makes sense. Taker dominates to begin, for a number of reasons. He's pissed about last year, he needs to get the jump to avoid any referee shenanigans, he wants to reclaim the Cell as his own, any of those explanations work. And it's a Taker control segment, so you get tons of amazing punches, headbutts, kicks, body blows, etc. H takes control and Taker DIES on a few key bumps. Like last year, Triple H wears him out half to death with chair shots, and Taker's selling is out of this world great, to the point where you kind of cringe at some of the stuff he takes as a result. Shawn gets in the way here, as they overdo the idea that he CAN stop the match, but Taker refuses. Shawn's awful acting is what gets in the way more than his actual presence. He almost calls it, BUT TAKER PUTS ON HELL'S GATE TO STOP HIM! FUCK YEAH! H saves with a hammer shot, BUT TAKER THEN GETS IT ON HIM TOO! Great callback to last year with H scrambling to grab the hammer, but ultimately still failing, saved by the lack of a referee. Charles Robinson comes out too, BUT TAKER IMMEDIATELY CHOKESLAMS HIM! BUT SHAWN HITS HIM WITH A SUPERKICK! PEDIGREE TO FOLLOW, AND TAKER KICKS OUT! YEAH! BEAT TAKER MANIA NEARFALL EVER. Shawn collapses and starts crying, before he randomly pulls out an actual good facial expression and camera shot. ![]() The quote from The Usual Suspects immediately comes to mind. "How do you shoot the Devil in the back? What if you miss?" H gets up, BUT TAKER DOES A ZOMBIE SIT UP AND AMAZING COMEBACK! FUCK YEAH! Triple H does a Pedigree, but this is one of the only unnecessary moments in the match, as after the DX Combo, nobody really buys this as a big possible finish. They both crawl up, AND TAKER STEPS ON THE SLEDGEHAMMER AS TRIPLE H TRIES TO PICK IT UP. SO FUCKING BADASS. Taker gets the chair and pretty much does the exact same beatdown in a beautiful revenge spot. Triple H uses the sledgehammer to try and stand up in the corner, and Taker just kind of looks at him. TRIPLE H LUNGES FOR IT, BUT TAKER EASILY BLOCKS THE BLOW. He takes the hammer and H falls in the corner. In easily the greatest singular moment of his career and one of the only times I've ever yelled "FUCK YEAH" at anything Triple H ever did, if not THE only time, he gives a crotch chops and Taker kills him with a hammer shot, and then the Tombstone to win. ****1/2 Probably the best Taker Mania match ever. Only real contender is vs. Ric Flair, and they're so different. That had less time and was less ambitious, but this was something else. They went as big as possible with everything and hit at something like a 96-97% accuracy. Glad they didn't even attempt another Taker Epic at WrestleMania 29, because nothing would top this in this regard, especially coming right after this. I liked the cage match with Brock from this year's Extreme Rules a TON, but I can't think of any good reason why this isn't Triple H's retirement match. ![]() SUPPORT THE ARMY. BUY SLIM JIMS. The 2012 Hall of Fame class comes out and does stuff. In the back, Josh interviews Flo Rida. Heath Slater comes on and says not to interview Florida, but to interview him. He says he's a real rock star, The One Man Southern Rock Band. Flo Rida comes out, and Heath calls him Florida. He says they should do a duet and Heath challenges him, so Flo Rida shoves him on his ass. Match #6: David Otunga/Mark Henry/Dolph Ziggler/The Miz/Jack Swagger/Drew McIntyre vs. Santino Marella/Booker T/Kofi Kingston/R-Truth/Zack Ryder/The Great Khali [Winner's Team Runs Raw & Smackdown] Of course, you have all the various people at ringside. John Laurinaitis, The Bellas, Vickie, Aksana, Teddy, Eve, Little Jimmy. This is fun 10 minute fireworks festival to get a bunch of people on the show. Ziggler, MOK, Drew, Booker, Santino, and Ryder all shine especially, and Ziggler/Ryder is a really really good match up. Big finishing run, and Ryder and Santino have great hot tags. Eve tried to get in, but it distracts the ref, and Miz beats Ryder with the Skull Crushing Finale. **1/2 Eve then kicks Ryder in the dick to really drive home his total burial over the last three months. Don't you fucking DARE get over entirely on your own. AXXESS FOOTAGE. BE A STAR RALLIES. READING STUFF. General highlight video of the events of WrestleMania week. In the back, John Laurinaitis stops CM Punk as he comes near the curtain, and he says if CM Punk is DQ'd, he will lose the title to Jericho! CM Punk is not pleased Match #7: CM Punk [c] vs. Chris Jericho [WWE Championship - Title Changes Hands on DQ] Hey, this is also great. Not as great as I remember, but that'll happen. They stuff with Jericho trying to force Punk into a DQ was good, but once it failed, he took advantage of Punk being angry to take over. Punk has a great dive and then Jericho's Suplex off the apron is really brutal. Jericho works on the back a little, but not nearly enough. Punk's selling is strangely weak, since he's usually great at that, but they had enough cool stuff in the finishing run to cover up for it, and it wasn't egregious no-selling. Really cool finishing minute of submission trading, and Punk wins with the Anaconda Vice. *** WRESTLEMANIA XXIX: APRIL 7TH AT METLIFE STADIUM! Brodus Clay comes out to kill time by dancing and bringing out his momma. They then dance some more. The hype video airs for Cena/Rock. MGK performs "Invincible" for a while, before he leaves, and John Cena comes out on his own. That's nothing compared to Flo Rida, who performs both "Good Feeling" and "Wild One", before The Rock comes out. ![]() Match #8: John Cena vs. The Rock I want to call this a Cena carryjob, but that's not true. Yeah, it's true that he guided it, and when Rock got blown up, he covered incredibly, but this is the one match of this comeback where The Rock actually brought it at a top singles level. Cena's surprise at Rock controlling early on is great. Cena flips the switch and starts to dominate while working on the ribs, and has some great stuff there. They trade bombs, and Cena spaces everything out well so it's not...well, so it's not like their second match, where it's just a ton of spam. Cena finally gives in and gets cocky at the end by doing the People's Elbow, and it costs him when Rock hits a second Rock Bottom to win. *** Edited by Big Tuna, Jun 13 2013, 12:23 AM.
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| Big Tuna | Jun 6 2013, 01:58 PM Post #49 |
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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. I accidentally refreshed the page right before the last segment. WWE Raw April 2nd, 2012 Miami, FL PEOPLE POWER BEGINS! Rock wants to be WWE Champion! Santino Marella [c] vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger [WWE U.S. Championship - **1/2 Lord Tensai vs. Alex Riley - ** CM Punk [c] vs. Mark Henry [WWE Championship] - ***1/2 So yeah, this match rules. MOK wins by count out. Johnny comes out to book a rematch because PEOPLE POWER. Chris Jericho then breaks a bottle of something on his head and pours the drink on him. Then, as if to sum up this feud, he slips on the liquor on the floor and falls down before leaving. Sheamus comes out, but ADR comes out before he can talk. They agree to a match on SD, and the crowd responds with lots of "YES!", "DANIEL BRYAN!", AND "SI!" chants. Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston - *1/4 Show comes out to taunt Cody now to cost him the match. In the back, Abe Washington tries to recruit MOK and gives him a card. Eve came on the stage and says she had her WrestleMania moment and confesses to manipulating Zack, etc. She puts over Big Johnny. The Miz vs. Zack Ryder - **1/2 They randomly try SUPER HARD, and this is weirdly great for 3 minutes. John Cena comes out to the ring and he looks sad. He says he never thought of losing, but now the only thing he can do is do it right. He says everyone takes defeats in life, and he won't make any excuses. He says everyone wants to know how he'll react, and the fans chant "YOU'RE A LOSER!" and then "YES!" He says he won't lash out at the WWE Universe and thanks everyone for supporting him. He keeps going on and on without saying anything and says he invites The Rock down to the ring. I'm sorry, what? You said losing this would be the end of the world, and you're out here like an asshole totally ignoring that? Hell of a heel turn starting here. Can't wait until he finishes it in the fall! Anyways, The Rock does not come out. But someone else does. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 9 2013, 09:58 PM Post #50 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE NXT April 4th, 2012 Orlando, FL Match #1: Percy Watson vs. Tyler Reks w/ Curt Hawkins OH COME ON. NO. This was less awful than last time, I guess. Percy wins with a roll up. *1/2 Hawkins and Reks corner Percy after the match, and Regal says to stop. He says they only have themselves to blame and if they harm Percy or anyone else, he'll suspend them for six weeks, so they leave. In the back, Natalya is at wardrobe, and Michael McGillicutty comes over. He says if he wins his match tonight, he gets a rematch with Tyson Kidd next week, but he's worried about living up to his family name, and he wanted to talk to her because she gets it. She says to cut the crap and says not to ever involve her family in his vendetta against Tyson. She leaves for her match, and Mike is mad. Tyson Kidd is now on commentary. Match #2: Natalya vs. Kaitlyn This is the best Divas' match of the year, since they have a nice teacher vs. student deal. Natalya is so clearly above Kaitlyn and guides her, but they have some good matwork and offense for the 4 minutes this gets. Kaitlyn gets a cut on the chin, and they kind of rush to the finish after that, and Natalya wins with the Sharpshooter. ** Kidd gets in the ring and celebrates with Natalya. Match #3: The Usos w/ Tamina vs. The Prime Time Players I love this pairing. This isn't their best match though, as it's more about selling the Young/Tamina thing than a great match. Still though, Titus has some great power offense in the control segment, and whichever Uso gets the hot tag does a great job. D-Young gets distracted trying to hit on Tamina, and Titus is hit with the Samoan Drop and Flying Splash to end it. **1/4 Young and Titus argue post-match. RAW REBOUND! In the back, Bateman and Percy are hanging out and talking to Kaitlyn about her loss. Derrick says everyone loses sometimes, and Maxine comes over and is freaking out. Bateman asks them to give them a moment, and Kaitlyn looks pissed, but he says it's fine. They leave, and he says to just calm down, and she refuses. Johnny Curtis comes over and says he got a text about the kidnapping in the basement, so they leave. Bateman yells that it's getting weird, so from off-screen Curtis yells "THAT'S MY LINE!" So Bateman says that was his fiancee. Tyson Kidd then comes up and wishes him luck vs. McGillicutty tonight. In the basement, Curtis and Maxine are waiting. Curtis says he's been in this boiler room before with a fan, and things got real weird, BUT HAWKINS AND REKS ATTACK?! WAT. Reks puts Curtis to sleep and Hawkins says they're the kidnappers, but they're going to frame them unless they can get Regal off their backs, or they're finished. Hawkins says this is blackmail, and they leave. Curtis gets up and says he doesn't get outdone by homeless looking guys, and Maxine says they don't know how weird they can get. Curtis gets back up and leans against her all creepy like, but now she likes it, and he says things are gonna get REAL weird next week. I LOVE NXT SO MUCH. Match #4: Michael MCGillicutty vs. Derrick Bateman Enjoyable match. Bateman continues his weird Benoitisms by throwing these insane chops and doing the Missile Dropkick off the apron. He keeps up the cool and stiff offense on his comeback, but Joe had kind of a shitty control segment again, which is a bummer because he'd been improving lately. Mike wins with the McGillicutter. **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 10 2013, 01:37 PM Post #51 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE Smackdown April 6th, 2012 Orlando, FL TONIGHT: SHEAMUS/ADR To open the show, Otunga came out, and he introduced the new Smackdown GM, John Laurinaitis! They come to the ring and Johnny welcomes Smackdown to an era of PEOPLE POWER! They ask Teddy Long to come out so he can think Theodore for his years of service to Smackdown. Teddy comes out, now in a plain suit, because he is sad. He says now that he's unemployed, he can tell him to go to Hell. He thanks the fans for making this the best job of his life, and he hopes they've had fun watching Smackdown. He gets the crowd to give a "HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA", but Johnny won't let him leave. He wants to give Teddy a job, but Teddy says no until they talk about his grandkids' college fund. Otunga says the fund belongs to the Smackdown GM and not just Teddy, and says if he takes the job, it's safe. So Teddy shakes Johnny's hand and takes it, and Johnny makes him tell everyone that he's better than Teddy. He leaves, and Johnny books Orton/Kane in a No DQ match. NO COME ON. FUCK THIS. He then books R-Truth vs. Mark Henry and Otunga now. Match #1: Mark Henry/David Otunga vs. R-Truth SQUAAAAAAAAAASH. MOK hits the World's Strongest Slam, and Otunga tags in to take the pin. *1/2 Match #2: Randy Orton vs. Kane [No Disqualification Match] This kinda blows. They sort of tried at Mania, but this is a lot of generic punch kick stuff with one or two "Hey look! It's a no DQ match!" spots. They throw a ton of chairs in, but use none of them, and Orton just kind of wins with the RKO. This was really elementary and boring. *1/2 Some jobber named Barry Stevens is on the mic and says the people are rude, BUT RYBACK DEBUTS. YEAH! RYBACK RULES. Match #3: Ryback vs. Barry Stevens DED. This lacked the kind of insane power offense that made his future squashes so great, but it was good for a minute. He wins with the Shellshock. *1/2 Daniel Bryan and AJ come out to the ring, and Daniel gets on the mic. He says something went wrong, and he figured out what it is, but he stops. AJ takes the mic and says he's a great wrestler and he's a great person, and she's not the only one that thinks that. A huge "YES!" chant breaks out and AJ says to listen to them and everyone on Raw. Bryan says it kind of feels like they're mocking him, and says if they were supporting him, they wouldn't chant "YES!" for The Rock, and even if they meant it, all the chants in the world don't make it better that she cost him the World Heavyweight Title. He yells about 18 seconds and says he beat two giants in a cage and overcame 5 men, and in 18 seconds, it was all over. He says that was the kiss of death, and she says to stop. She says he wanted it, and he says this is her fault and he had everything. Daniel says he hopes she's happy with herself, because she will never ruin his life like that ever again, and she asks if he's doing this. Daniel says he is, because he has a rematch clause with Sheamus, and he's going to do it by himself. He tells her to go cry over her disgusting cheeseburgers that she loves so much, because he's ready to get rid of all of this dead weight. AJ says they can go talk, and Bryan says he's not talking to her anywhere and he will never kiss her again, because they're through. He says to get out of his ring and yells to get out, so she leaves and walks away crying. Cody Rhodes comes out to do commentary. Before his match, Show plays the clip of him knocking out Cody. Match #4: The Big Show vs. Heath Slater This is one minute, and it is a great squash because Slater is the best. KO Punch ends it. *1/2 Clips air of Jericho's attack on CM Punk from Raw. In the back, Johnny is in his office with The Bella Twins, and Sheamus comes in. He says he was asked to come here, and Johnny then tells Nikki that she has a match against Beth next, because she supported Team Teddy. They leave and Johnny says it's a new day on Smackdown. PEOPLE POWER! Sheamus asks what that means, and Johnny says it means good sportsmanship and he asks him to stop cheap shotting people. That's fair. Sheamus says he'll only kick people who deserve it, and tells some stupid Irish story that is vaguely threatening to Johnny. What a rudo. Match #5: Beth Phoenix vs. Nikki Bella This is like a minute, and whatever. Kelly Kelly comes out to distract Beth for no real reason before the match, and she does it during the match, so then Nikki gets an X-Factor for the win. 1/2* In a pretape, Damien Sandow is standing by. He says entertainment in their society is at a tragic all time low, riddled with nonsensical pop culture with no redeeming qualities. Gone are the days when the masses were captivated by the great works of Shakespeare and Mozart, abhorrently replaced by observing the lives of housewives or fist pumping along with pounding bass in a sea of hands and false bravados. One can judge a civilization on their entertainment, and that means they are a people of laziness, mediocrity, and complacency. He says he's here to save you from this said ignorance. You're welcome. RAW REBOUND! Match #6: Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio Thankfully, this is only like 7 minutes. But man, they just do not click AT ALL. Del Rio works the arm, and Sheamus has no interest in selling it. Ricardo distracts the ref and ADR brings a chair in. Sheamus knocks him down and takes it, but the ref sees him standing over Alberto with it, and ADR holds his face, so the ref DQs him! **1/4 Sheamus then Brogue Kicks the referee, because he's a bully with poor anger management skills. |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 11 2013, 11:50 AM Post #52 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE Raw April 9th, 2012 Washington, D.C. TONIGHT: THE THREE STOOGES GUEST STAR! PUNK/MOK II FOR THE WWE TITLE! John Laurinaitis and David Otunga come out to open the show and Johnny brings out the new face of the WWE and says this man is a dominant legitimate athlete who will carry the WWE banner for years to come. He first shows the recap of Bork's return, and brings out Brock Lesnar! He gets the mic and thank Mr. Laurinaitis for having the wisdom to bring legitimacy back to the WWE, and John Cena comes out. He says he never got to thank him for last week, AND CENA SLAPS THE SHIT OUT OF BROCK. BROCK TAKES HIM DOWN AND GOES NUTS! ![]() ![]() They have to be pulled apart by literally the entire roster, and it is amazing. Cena's mouth is busted up, and he starts laughing and smiling and it's the most badass thing he did since that initial promo on Rock in February. Brock is pulled back from Cena again and then Cena tackles him down, before they get pulled apart for the final time. HA HA NEVERMIND, BROCK JUMPS AND PUNCHES CENA AGAIN AND THEY START THROWING PUNCHES AGAIN! They finally get Bork out of the ring, and it's over. AWESOME angle. Sells how badass Brock is that it takes Mark Henry, Dustin Rhodes, AND William Regal at the forefront to finally get him out of there. In the back, Johnny and Otunga blame Teddy for not containing John Cena, and they tell him to go tell Cena to explain himself. Eve comes in but Johnny says it's hectic, and they should do a one on one appointment later. She says to call her, and he says he will. Match #1: Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. Brodus Clay/Santino Marella Vickie and the Funkadactyls are at ringside. During this, Cole announces Cena/Lesnar for Extreme Rules. That's really the only thing worthwhile here. Ziggler tried, but this is part of that six months where he's just totally wasted. Brodus has the hot tag, and Ziggler again makes him look good before being pinned after the Big Splash. ** In the back, Johnny talks to Miz, and says he has big plans, but they should talk next week. Teddy comes in and Johnny yells at him for being late and asks where John Cena is. He comes in, and Cena asks what he wanted. Legitimacy? He says he's not the actor who just left to keep his face in tact, because he likes getting hit just as much as he likes hitting people. He says he brought in a wrecking machine to put him out of business, but he's just getting warmed up. Cena challenges him to find him an opponent tonight, so Johnny tells Teddy to go tell Otunga to get ready. In the back, Santino is looking for the Three Stooges. Match #2: Cody Rhodes vs. R-Truth This is a minute before Show comes out to play clips of Cody losing again, and Truth wins with the Black Finisher. 1/2* In the back, Santino finds The Three Stooges and....you know what? Nope. I'm not doing this. Match #3: Lord Tensai w/ Sakamoto vs. Yoshi Tatsu Another awesome squash from Bernard. The crowd ruins Tensai already with "ALBERT!" chants. The internet ruined wrestling with this. Nowadays, some asshole would start a "MEAN MARK!" chant at Survivor Series 1990 and ruin everything or "DINGO WARRIOR!" at Ultimate Warrior in 1988. It doesn't allow anyone to reinvent themselves, and it sucks. I anticipate the "HUSKY HARRIS!" chants in coming weeks as I type this and am prematurely upset. Anyways, Tensai wins by ref stoppage after the Baldo Bomb. *3/4 Post-match, he puts Yoshi in THE CLAW. CM Punk comes out for the WWE Title match, but he gets on the mic first. Punk says straight edge was a choice not to be cool or trendy, but a way of life, and he has his reasons for being that way, and he's never talked about them because they're very personal, and nobody should care anyways. He says for the last month, Chris Jericho did everything he could to get under his skin, but when it came down to it at WrestleMania, he still won. He took it too far last week, and Chris Jericho comes on the tron. He says he smells just like his dad used to, and asks if he's still drunk. He calls him CM Drunk. Match #4: CM Punk [c] vs. Mark Henry [WWE Championship] This is like a minute, and Punk goes nuts on Mark Henry with some awesome stuff. He hits him with a monitor for the DQ unfortunately. * They keep fighting, but Chris Jericho comes out with a pair of six packs of generic beer to distract Punk, and he turns into the World's Strongest Slam! MOK hits it again, and he leaves as Jericho gets in. He pours beer on Punk on the mat, but Punk tries to fight back. Jericho hits the Code Breaker, and pours more on him. Referees come out to get him to stop, and Punk starts to get up, but Jericho hits another Code Breaker, and he holds up the WWE Title. Match #5: Alberto Del Rio vs. Zack Ryder This is 90 seconds, so whatever. Good action though. ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker. *1/2 More Three Stooges stuff. They come to the ring, but Kane kills all of them. Fair enough. In the back, Josh interviews Mark Henry. He says he's beat the WWE Champion twice now, but he's escaped without the title. He says he talked to John Laurinaitis, and next week it's no disqualification and no count out, and that means you're looking at the next WWE Champion. Replays air of Bork/Cena. In the back, Josh interviews Brock and asks if he's proud to be back. He says he's proud of everything he does, and says he left eight years ago, and he left to become the UFC Champion, and their success was on his blood, sweat, and tears. You're damn right he's proud, proud that Johnny had the wisdom to bring him back and put him at the top. He says John Cena could never hold his jockstrap in a million years, and he knocked his pretty little mouth out of his face. He says he's a war machine and a proud asskicker, and he's not here to make friends. A blowjob video airs for End of an Era. There is apparently live Smackdown tomorrow, but I don't have an episode for this week. Oh well. Match #6: John Cena vs. David Otunga w/ John Laurinaitis This was a match. Cena did some stuff and it was good, but then Otunga had to have a main event control segment, and that blew. Cena hits the AA, and puts on the STFU for the win. ** Bork runs out and kicks Cena in the dick and hits the F5. BORK PLS. |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 11 2013, 12:02 PM Post #53 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE Smackdown April 10th, 2012 Hampton, VA This is the episode I do not have. featured an opening segment in which Gene Okerlund introduced World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus, who then came out to the ring and cut a promo saying there was no excuse for his actions against referee Chad Patton the previous week and apologized to Patton and the fans; moments later, John Laurinaitis interrupted, replayed footage of Sheamus kicking Patton the previous week, and demanded Sheamus apologize to Patton; after Sheamus said he just did, Laurinaitis said he didn't hear it and had him do it again; Laurinaitis then had him re-apologize to the other referees and officials as well as the fans; after Sheamus did, Laurinaitis said Sheamus was on probation and would be fired if he touched another referee, accident or not; Laurinaitis then fined Sheamus $500,000 - the largest fine in WWE history - and said Daniel Bryan & Alberto Del Rio would team against Sheamus & Okerlund; included a backstage segment with Bob Orton Jr. speaking to Randy Orton about Randy's match with Mark Henry later in the show; featured a "Did you know?" graphic which read WrestleMania talk on Twitter trended at #1 in the world 14 times; included a backstage segment with Heath Slater talking with a reluctant Tyson Kidd about tagging up against Jimmy & Jey Uso later in the show, with Slater bringing in Jimmy Hart as their manager for the night; featured footage of John Cena taping an episode of SyFy's "Dream Machine;" included a "Did you know?" graphic which read the previous week's Smackdown was SyFy's most watched program for the 80th consecutive week; featured an in-ring segment of Piper's Pit in which Roddy Piper reviewed what happened to Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania 28, as well as Bryan blaming his loss on AJ; after Piper introduced Bryan, Bryan said he had been granted a title rematch with Sheamus at Extreme Rules and it would be a Best 2 out of 3 falls match; Piper responded by saying AJ was in the building and asked for her to come to the ring; after she did, she said everything was her fault and that Bryan was a nice guy, then apologizing to Bryan for costing him the title at WrestleMania; after Piper stepped in and tried to convince AJ that Bryan wasn't for him and was just using him, Bryan interrupted and told AJ to leave the ring if she really loved him; Piper tried to talk her out of it but she left anyway, with Piper then telling Bryan to not tell a lady to shut up, yell at her, or use her as a human sheild, which only makes a coward out of him; Piper then said Sheamus would kick Bryan's head off his shoulders twice, with Bryan then saying he would prove he was better than Sheamus, then slapping Piper and leaving the ring; included an ad promoting 'You Think You Know Me: The Story of Edge;' featured an ad on the new WWE.com; included a vignette by Damien Sandow in which he belittled social media rather than reading novels, adding he would be the ideal to follow; featured a backstage segment with Sheamus and Okerlund in which they discussed their upcoming tag team match; included a "Don't try this at home" PSA; featured an in-ring promo by Cody Rhodes in which he said 'Blast from the Past' was a waste of time and the future would see him regain the WWE IC Title from the Big Show; moments later, Dusty Rhodes walked out and said Cody came into the WWE the most gifted athlete since Shawn Michaels but was now poking a grizzly bear; as Cody went to leave the ring, Show walked out to the entrance stage and showed a clip from one of Rhodes' "Dashing" vignettes before laughing and going backstage; moments later, Cody left the ring as Dusty danced to his theme music; included an ad promoting WWE's new YouTube content: Mark Henry defeated Randy Orton via count-out at around the 11-minute mark when, after Kane appeared on the big screen and showed he had attacked Bob Orton Jr. bakstage, Orton left the ring to find his dad; Bob Orton Jr. was shown watching the match backstage during the contest; after the bout, after Orton found his dad, Kane assaulted Randy with a pipe Ryback pinned Benny Camer with a Samoan Drop at the 35-second mark; prior to the bout, Hillbilly Jim, Pat Patterson, Ted Dibiase, and Tony Atlas were shown watching on backstage and making fun of Camer's chances; Camer briefly took the mic before Ryback's entrance to note it was his WWE debut Jimmy & Jey Uso defeated Tyson Kidd & Heath Slater (w/ Jimmy Hart) at 2:37 when Slater was pinned with the splash off the top; prior to the bout, Josh Matthews noted the teams Hart took to the tag team titles, mistakenly including Demolition; Mick Foley provided commentary for the contest; late in the contest, Foley left the broadcast table, quoting Owen Hart in saying "Enough is enough and it's time for a change" in regards to Hart speaking on his megaphone; after the bout, Foley applied the Mr. Socko Mandible Claw on Hart before saying something muffled over the megaphone The Great Khali, Natalya Neidhart, & Alicia Fox defeated Drew McIntyre, Nikki & Brie Bella at the 55-second mark when Fox pinned one of the Bellas with a bridge after McIntyre walked out of the match, yelling "I'm better than this;" after the bout, Mae Young walked out to the entrance stage, kicked Khali in the shin to bring him to his knees, and kissed him on the lips before then dancing with Neidhart and Fox Hunico (w/ Camacho) defeated Jim Duggan via disqualification at 1:00 when Duggan hit Hunico with his 2x4; during his entrance, Hunico cut a promo making fun of the old timers on the show, adding he was the future of WWE; late in the bout, Duggan called for Sgt. Slaughter to come out; after the bout, Slaughter put Hunico in the Cobra Clutch World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus & Gene Okerlund defeated Daniel Bryan & Alberto Del Rio at 3:25 when Sheamus pinned Bryan with the boot to the face; Ricardo Rodriguez served as ADR's ring announcer while Howard Finkel announced Sheamus & Okerlund; late in the bout, Dusty Rhodes, Tony Atlas, Hillbilly Jim, Jimmy Hart, Sgt. Slaughter, Pat Patterson, Roddy Piper, Ted Dibiase, and Jim Duggan ran out, distracting Bryan; after the contest, Rodriguez was attacked by the legends in the ring; moments later, Michael Cole entered the ring and mocked the legends before he was kicked from the ring |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 11 2013, 05:39 PM Post #54 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE NXT April 11th, 2012 Hampton, VA Maxine comes out with Curtis for the opening match, and Regal gets on the mic and tells her to stay away from the ring. Match #1: Percy Watson vs. Johnny Curtis w/ Maxine Maxine instead hangs around Regal at the commentary table. This isn't great, but it could have been a lot worse. Percy's finally using his athleticism for some cool spots, and it took him long enough. Maxine starts whispering in Regal's ear, and he takes off his headset and talks off-mic with her. Regal gets back on and is mad about someone taking liberties and he says he knows what happened to Matt Striker. Regal and Maxine then go to the back, and this distracts Percy so Curtis gets a roll up to win. *3/4 In the back, Reks is drinking a half gallon of milk while Hawkins talks. Maxine comes by and they ask if she did the thing about Regal and Striker and she yells at them to watch the show, and says Regal will be with them shortly. She asks for Striker, and Hawkins says they don't get him until they know she didn't double cross them. She asks how he is, and Reks says they swept him under the rug. They leave, and she is mad, but then pours water under her eyes. Bateman and Kaitlyn come over in matching shirts, and she starts fake crying and hugging Derrick. He keeps trying to push her off, and she says Reks and Hawkins are mocking her and they don't like him either. Bateman says that's a lie, and she's the worst thing that ever happened to him, but they're not booked, so whatever. Kaitlyn is confused, and Bateman says they should get in the mix and see what happens, and she shrugs, and they leave. In the back, Titus tries to win Tamina over by giving her Darren Young's idea of a coconut tree, because I guess he kept it there for a month. She says this is surprisingly sweet, and leaves. He starts dancing, and Tamina goes around the corner. Darren sees it and is mad, and goes up to Titus, as he is dancing. He says he knew he liked Tamina, and that wasn't cool. Titus says he's not really that interested in her, but he just did it to prove he's got more game than D-Young, and dances off again. In the back, Bateman and Kaitlyn hear someone yelling in a closet. They go in, and Matt Striker is blindfolded and his mouth is taped shut. They free him and Hawkins' cane is nearby. He stumbles around and they try to take him to the doctor, but Striker says to let him handle this, and he walks away. RAW REBOUND! In the back, Regal finds Reks and Hawkins, and says if Striker is harmed, there will be dire consequences. They go to find Striker, but he is gone. Curtis and Maxine come over and she says she doesn't know where Striker is. She asks if there isn't a ransom note this time, and Curtis says that's ironic. Maxine leaves, and Curtis starts singing "Ironic". IT'S LIKE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY. Match #2: Tyson Kidd vs. Michael McGillicutty This is really good, but not quite great since they only get about 6 minutes here. Some cool stuff with the apron skirt, and Kidd's revenge spot where he pulls it over Joe's head like a hockey jersey and goes nuts with punches was really great. McGillicutty uses the Sharpshooter, but Kidd gets to the ropes. He tries the Perfect Plex for the first time, but Kidd blocks and puts on his awesome Sharpshooter/Triangle Choke combination hold to win. **3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 11 2013, 10:05 PM Post #55 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE Raw April 16th, 2012 London, England TONIGHT: PUNK/MOK FOR THE WWE TITLE WITH NO DQ OR COUNT OUT! Match #1: CM Punk [c] vs. Mark Henry [WWE Championship - No Disqualification, No Count Out] Great match, but you knew that. It's these two for 12 minutes. They do lots of cool big vs. little stuff, and there's some really unique stuff on the floor like Punk doing a Railrunner Bulldog to get MOK down, and the not so unique but always amazing Punk/Joe toss into the barricade spot. This lacks the kind of frantic energy and special vibe of their first match, which isn't their fault because that was just a crazy crowd. Punk ends up hitting sort of 187 on MOK to win. *** Jericho comes on the tron from a bar and applauds. He says this place reeks of beer, but it might be him after last week. He says he can't wait to get his hands on him, and says he's been granted a WWE Championship match. He says the concession he had to make is that it's the two of them in a Chicago Street Fight! Punk asks if he's supposed to be scared, and says that's great, because now he gets to kick his ass in his hometown in front of his friends and his family. His dad, his sister, his other. Jericho says to save his whiskey talk and beer muscles and begs him to come to Extreme Rules sober so he doesn't have any excuses. Jericho shows footage of Punk going into a pub earlier today, and Punk says he doesn't drink, but his friends do, and he was having a bite to eat. Jericho says he could have done it anywhere, but he chose to surround himself with alcohol because he wants it deep inside. He said he's driving him to the bottle, slowly but surely, and after he's taken his beliefs and self respect, he's taking the WWE Title too. In the back, R-Truth is dressed as Sherlock Holmes, and reveals that Little Jimmy's last name is Watson. He tells Teddy he's going to find him a new job. Match #2: Santino Marella [c] vs. David Otunga [WWE U.S. Championship] This was at least only 2 minutes. Santino wins with the Cobra. * An amazing pretape interview with Brock Lesnar airs. He says he's not a Superstar, he's an asskicker. He's Brock Lesnar, that's it. He says nobody in the WWE, past or present, has his accolades or drive. He says he didn't come back because he misses anybody, because he doesn't care about anybody but Brock Lesnar, and this is just business. He says John Cena isn't the real guy, and he has his spot because he left, and if he didn't leave, Cena would be carrying his bags. He says it doesn't matter what's running through Cena's mind compared to what's running down his leg. PISS. He says he's scared pissless, and he's shitting his pants. He says April 29th is an Extreme Rules match, and his objective is utter frickin' chaos, and he's coming for a fight. Before their match, Kane murders Zack Ryder on the floor, because why not? He then talks about Randy Orton, since that's a feud now again after seemingly being over since Smackdown a week ago. In the back, Daniel Bryan finds Kofi talking to AJ. He says just because he dumped her doesn't mean it's open season, and tells AJ to watch what happens tonight when he gets Kofi in the LeBell Lock. He says to wait, because he's better than Gene LeBell ever was, and it's now the YES Lock, because when the ref asks if he quit, he's going to say yes. YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! John Cena comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says last week, Brock fired a shot heard around the world, and John Laurinaitis was the one diving out of the ring while everyone else pulled them apart, and he says WrestleMania could be the end of his era with this guy in charge who seemingly wants to get rid of him. Cena says he claims legitimacy as a way to try and get rid of him, but after a year of kissing up to movie stars, Brock is all about destruction and dominance, and at Extreme Rules, he stands for torture. He says Brock's only goal is to replace him, because he's won everything, and fear can be overcome, and he's coming to Chicago to fight. John Laurinaitis comes out and books Cena vs. a mystery opponent tonight in an Extreme Rules match. PEOPLE POWER! NEXT WEEK: THREE HOUR RAWR WITH A CENA/BORK CONTRACT SIGNING! Bryan/Sheamus at ER in a Best of Three Falls match was announced on SD. Match #3: Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston Bryan did the best he could to carry this loser, and got probably the best 7 minute match someone's going to get out of Kingston in 2012. Kofi refused to sell arm work early on, so Danielson switched to a more general attack, and it worked better. Kofi contributed nothing and is probably the most useless guy Danielson's carried since 2009 Eddie Edwards or even Brent Albright. Danielson wins with the YES Lock. **3/4 Bryan refuses to let go, and Sheamus runs out to save. Match #4: Dolph Ziggler vs. Brodus Clay Vickie, Swagger, and The Funkadactyls are on the floor, and this is under 30 seconds before Swagger attacks for the DQ. Why even ring the bell? 1/4* Clay runs off both men by himself because fuck everything. In the back, Johnny tells Otunga to focus more on his legal advisory role to him than his in-ring career, and Eve comes up. She asks for their one on one appointment, and all three go into his office to get dat cack. R.I.P. Chief Jay Strongbow. In the back, Truth tells Teddy he should be the GM of Smackdown, and Teddy leaves. Worthy use of time here. Match #5: The Big Show/The Great Khali vs. The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes This is a 90 second squash of the champions, because......I don't know. I have no idea. Tree Slam and Chokeslam get simultaneous pins, and Abe Washington watches from the stage. 3/4* Video airs of WWE's tour of Russia. People on this part of the globe only have televisions made out of old screen doors, sticks and mud. I highly doubt our buyrate cracks 0.1 in the Great Red Omega. God damnit. John Cena comes out, and his opponent is Tensai. YEAH! Match #6: John Cena vs. Lord Tensai w/ Sakamoto, John Laurinaitis, & David Otunga [Extreme Rules Match] Really good 7 minutes, since it's Cena vs. Monster. Not quite great, since Albert is still clearly getting a handle on the new character and working out the kinks. But he throws tons of awesome shots and power moves and Cena's selling is decent as usual. Otunga interfered and gets an FU, but Cena turns into green mist and Tensai wins with the Baldo Bomb. **3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 12 2013, 12:05 AM Post #56 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE NXT April 18th, 2012 London, England They do a "PREVIOUSLY....ON NXT!" opener, with Derrick Bateman narrating, just completely full of puns. He's doing it over what sounds like somebody beatboxing. This is the greatest show in the history of the WWE. Match #1: Percy Watson vs. Johnny Curtis w/ Maxine Maxine joins commentary this week and says it was all Curtis' fault for whatever happened to Striker. This totally detracts from the match, but that's probably for the best. Percy wins with the Fuckjack. *3/4 Regal gets on the mic and makes Johnny Curtis join commentary for Maxine's match. Match #2: Maxine vs. Kaitlyn w/ Derrick Bateman Curtis totally steals this match in return. Bateman joins in, and Curtis says Maxine is a huge liar and was behind everything. Regal asks if he kidnapped Striker, and Curtis says he's never kidnapped anyone in his entire life. Regal says he should try it, because it's quite fun. They do some fun mat stuff, and Maxine puts on the Dragon Clutch to win. Josh says the wheels have fallen off NXT Redemption, and everyone breaks out laughing and says that was like six months ago. *3/4 Regal gets on the mic and asks Maxine to come out to the floor too. He says he has to talk about them kidnapping Matt Striker, and says they both said horrible things about each other and says he's going to make them stay together and makes Maxine into Curtis' manager if they want to remain employed. He makes them sign a contract to confirm it, and handcuffs them together. He says he got arrested once and kept these, but the key is somewhere at the CID in Blackpool, and wishes them luck. In the back, Titus presents Darren Young with Smackdown contracts from Mr. Laurinaitis, and D-Young says "Tamina who?" and they hug and celebrate finally leaving NXT. In the back, Reks and Hawkins are worried about being fired tonight, and Hawkins says he's going to blame it on Curtis and Maxine. They come over, still handcuffed, and are mad. Percy, Bateman, and Kaitlyn walk past and laugh at them. Kaitlyn asks if she isn't used to those by now, so Maxine tries to hit her, but falls down because Curtis is too far away. Kaitlyn leaves too, and Curtis and Maxine awkwardly storm off. Hawkins says he's got this. Reks and Hawkins come out to the ring and they get on the mic. Reks says there's a lot of rumors going around about them and Matt Striker, and Hawkins says he knows Regal has friends in the truck since he's worked here 100 years, but that footage was doctored. Striker comes out and has Hawkins' cane. He says he's enough of a moron to leave a smoking gun behind, and everyone knows what they've done, and he knows it too. Hawkins asks what he's going to do, so Striker hits him. Regal says to stop it, and he says he's had enough of dealing with them. He says they've been worse than anyone and more of a pain to him than anyone in 29 years, and books Tyler Reks vs. Curt Hawkins, AND THE LOSER GETS FIRED! YEAH! He makes Matt the referee too. Match #3: Curt Hawkins vs. Tyler Reks [Loser Leaves NXT - Special Referee: Matt Striker] Good partner vs. partner match. Lots of evasions and counters, and it's better than I would have expected. Reks wins with a schoolboy. Wait, he's the one they keep? Wat. **1/4 Hawkins argues with Striker, so he punches Hawkins, and fires him. Regal confirms that he is fired, and he brings Tyler Reks back to ringside. He shakes his hands and Reks says Regal isn't bad after all. Regal laughs and says he's wrong again, BECAUSE HE'S FIRED TOO! HOLY SHIT YES. NXT SOMEHOW GOT EVEN BETTER NOW. |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 12 2013, 01:52 PM Post #57 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE Smackdown April 20th, 2012 London, England TONIGHT: ORTON/SHEAMUS/KHALI VS. BRYAN/MOK/CODY! Well, almost great. Daniel Bryan comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says at WrestleMania, he was distracted, and Sheamus took the easy way out with a cheap shot. He took the cowardly way out. YES, he did. He says he will be fired if he attack their referee at Extreme Rules, and says their rematch will be in the same city of Chicago where he won Money in the Bank when nobody expected him to. He says he's going beat Sheamus twice in Chicago, and they won't be fluke victories like WrestleMania. He asks if he'll retain the title, and answers with YES! YES! YES! YES! AJ comes out, and Bryan is annoyed. She asks if they can talk about them, but he tells her to go away. He says he has no problems, because he got rid of her. AJ is sad, but then wishes him good luck. He says he wishes he never even went out with her to begin with, and he wishes she was never born. He walks out, and she cries a lot. Match #1: AJ vs. Natalya AJ snaps and beats the shit out of Natalya in the corner in under a minute, and is DQ'd. 1/2* AJ leaves, and cries again. In a pretape, Damien Sandow says we shouldn't be concerned with the lives of unhealthy hoarders and which celebrities can garner the most votes with their sad versions of dances. He says the regrettable masses should fear not, because he will take them to new heights of moral and ethical capacity. You're welcome. Before the match, Brodus brings out Hornswoggle to dance with them, and he is dressed like Brodus. Match #2: Brodus Clay w/ Hornswoggle & The Funkadactyls vs. Hunico w/ Camacho Hunico did his best in a little over a minute to make Brodus look decent. Brodus wins with the Splash. *1/4 Kofi Kingston says not to try what he does in the ring at home. Why would anyone do that? Nothing he does looks like it could hurt anybody, and he never wins anything important. Have a main eventer give this speech, not the worst wrestler on the roster (who is treated like a good wrestler and given longer matches). In the back, Teddy is looking for Aksana, and runs into PTP. D-Young says he didn't think they were ready, and Titus says he didn't think they were prime time players. Johnny comes over, and they thank him. They say they ARE prime time players, and Titus sings and mocks him with a dance as they leave. Johnny says he's signing young and fresh talent, and with all his jobs, he wears a lot of hats, and puts a Queen's guard hat on Teddy and has him stand outside his office and be silent. In the back, Striker interviews Randy Orton. He asks about the attack on his dad, and Randy says his dad is the toughest man he knows and he'll be fine in time. He can't say the same for Kane, and says Kane finally became a monster at WrestleMania, but at Extreme Rules, they have a Falls Count Anywhere match, and Kane will find out what kind of a monster he can be. Match #3: The Usos vs. The Prime Time Players Proving that NXT is it's own separate universe, no mention of their months long feud that JUST ended is made. This is a really good three and a half minutes, because these two have a match down by now. Great Usos hot tag, and one of them takes a CRAZY bump over the top and face-first to the floor. D-Young and Titus then hit Legal Man Uso with a Flying Hart Attack. **1/4 RAW REBOUND! Match #4: The Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio Great. This is happening again. This is only 5 minutes, and whatever. This is not a great match, at least not with this face/heel combination. ADR bumps a lot, and that's not really his strong suit. Although that implies he has a strong suit, so maybe that's not the best choice of words. Cody comes out with a distracted ref, and his Show with the Beautiful Disaster, and ADR covers to win. ** Cody runs away through the crowd. Match #5: Ryback vs. Denny Lerman This was only a minute, but it was an awesome squash. Shellshock ends it. *1/2 The amazing Bork interview airs. PISS. In the back, Teddy is guarding the door and Aksana walks over laughing with a tall and very European looking man. Johnny comes out and shakes his hand and says this is Smackdown's newest acquisition, ANTONIO MOTHER FUCKING CESARO. SHIT YEAH. Before the main event, Cody attacks Khali's knee to take him out, because thank God. The Big Show comes out to replace him, which is still an improvement. Match #6: Daniel Bryan/Mark Henry/Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus/Randy Orton/The Big Show This gets like 15+ minutes, and it's really good. Not quite great, since Show wasn't trying, and Cody is...god damnit. Alright look, Cody Rhodes isn't great. But for most of 2010 and 2011, he had a cool gimmick that covered for it and was protected, but now he has none of that and is exposed as another generic WWE guy who doesn't do a whole lot of stuff that's interesting or great, and he cannot carry this match, despite that he's given the most time in the ring. This is why it fails to be great. Anyways, Sheamus has a good hot tag vs. Bryan, and the finishing run rules. Cody breaks up a cover and is cocky on the floor, but turns into the KO Punch. Bryan tags out to MOK, but he gets the Brogue Kick, KO Punch, and RKO in succession and is beat. **3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 12 2013, 05:26 PM Post #58 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix, Since 10/2/2011 WWE Raw April 23rd, 2012 Detroit, MI In the ring, Teddy has the table set up for the contract signing, and he brings out John Cena first. John Laurinaitis comes out instead of Brock Lesnar, and he said he didn't tell Teddy to do this now and denies any knowledge of this, and says they'll do the contract signing on Brock's terms later tonight, and tells Teddy to tell Mr. Cena to leave his ring. Teddy is sad, but asks Cena to leave. Johnny welcomes everyone to Raw. PEOPLE POWER! OH SHIT, NO, EDGE IS HERE. He comes out to the ring and gets mad at Cena applauding him, so he gets on the mic. He says he's running out his contract now, but he came here to talk to him. He says he doesn't even know who this John Cena is, but he came to talk to the John Cena who was his greatest rival ever, the guy who responded to his dad being slapped by beating him in his match in his hometown, the guy who chucked him in the Long Island Sound. He says he knows people change after big losses, Andre after Hogan, Bret after the Screwjob, even Rock after Lesnar, so maybe this is because he lost to Rock at WrestleMania. He says he can't lose and says not to put his hands up and to listen to him. He says they're polar opposites but they always loved this and this was all they wanted to do, and Brock's here for the money, nothing else. He needs to wake up, or it's a slap in the face to everyone else like him. He says he's not asking him to beat Brock Lesnar, he's TELLING him to. Match #1: Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston OH COME ON, NO. FUCK YOU. Yeah, this sucked. Jericho can't do it by himself anymore, and Kofi is the worst. Kofi uses Shadows Over Hell too now, and they do stuff. Usual counters of contrived stuff, shitty strikes, botching, etc. Jericho wins with the Code Breaker and then the Liontamer. ** A highlight video airs of Bork murdering Jeff Hardy in his debut. The Bork interview airs again. In the back, Josh interviews CM Punk, and he says Chris Jericho got him a present, and it is this huge bag of liquor. He picks up a bottle of Jack to show it off, and gives the rest to Josh because he has no use for it, and says he's going to give Jericho a present of his own in 6 days. Match #2: Lord Tensai w/ Sakamoto vs. R-Truth KILL. He wins with the Claw STO. *3/4 Kane comes out to talk about his match with Randy Orton. Hey, nah. Orton is in the back and has Paul Bearer tied up, and puts him in a freezer in revenge, and Kane says his real father is the devil, and says sorry to Paul. He leaves, but Orton runs down to fight him, an he hits him with a pipe in revenge. Kane flees through the crowd, and Paul Bearer will now remain in that freezer until he finally dies in 10 months. Match #3: Alberto Del Rio/Cody Rhodes vs. The Big Show/The Great Khali Why? Cody/Show for the IC Title in an unnamed stipulation match is made for E.R. This happened, and was not much. ADR ends up walking out on the match, and Cody is hit with the Baba Chop and then the Chokeslam, and he is beaten again. *1/2 In the back, Chris Jericho tells Johnny, Eve, and Otunga that he saw CM Punk drinking, and they need to strip him of the WWE Title. Eve says she's read up on WWE policy, and any WWE superstar is prohibited from consuming alcohol within 12 hours of a WWE event. This must be a very recent rule. She says she can strip him of the title, and Johnny says he needs credible proof, and Jericho says to have a field sobriety test in the ring, and they agree to it. In the back, Josh tries to interview Brock, but Brock chokes him up against the wall. Brock walks off, and Josh says he's just trying to do his job, so Brock hurls him into the other side and some pipes and shit and knocks over the interview set. Eve comes out before the next match, and makes it into a Lumberjill Match, since the Bellas keep cheating and all the other Divas don't really do anything most weeks. Match #4: Beth Phoenix [c] vs. Nikki Bella [WWE Divas Championship - Lumberjill Match] This occurs as well. Three hour Raws are the worst. I'm gonna kill myself at some point once I get to July, aren't I? This is a thing, and Beth hurts her ankle on the floor. She gets rolled back in though, and Nikki wins with a roll up to get the title. Well that kind of sucks. Lawler says she was on the verge of the longest reign ever and then lost. LOLOLOLOLOL. MARYSE'S RECORD WILL LIVE FOREVER. I think it was hers? 3/4* In the back, CM Punk acts drunk. Field Sobriety Test: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13VtFDIF4VE Incredibly overlong and lame. Clips now air of Brock Lesnar murdering Hogan in August 2002. MOK vs. Sheamus is supposed to be next, and that should be co -- no? Nope. There's a special referee, and D-Bry comes out. Match #5: Sheamus vs. Mark Henry [Special Referee: Daniel Bryan] This is 90 seconds, because it's three-hour Raw and that means FUCK YOU. MOK gets a clothesline and Bryan gets a fast count to give him the win. * Sheamus attacks Henry after the match, and he hits the Brogue Kick. That wasn't Mark's fault, come on. Daniel then attacks him from behind as punishment, and he puts on the Yes Lock for a while. In the back, Josh interviews Sheamus, and he calls Daniel Bryan a sniveling coward and a snake in the grass, hiding behind a referee's shirt. He asks if he knows what happened to all the snakes in Ireland, and says he's not a Saint, but Daniel Bryan should start praying. Match #6: Santino Marella/Zack Ryder vs. The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes This gets 3 minutes, so it's not a total waste of time. Decent comedy showcase, and Santino beats Primo with the Cobra. *1/2 In the back, Kane talks Paul out of the freezer, and he thanks his son for saving him. Kane says he's here to save him from him, and then puts him back in the freezer. Wait, what? Then why even do anything? That made no sense. In the back, Abe gives The Colons his cards, and says they deserve more than being treated like jokes. Match #7: Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. Brodus Clay/Hornswoggle Vickie and The Funkadactyls are at ringside, and this is also about 90 seconds, because again, fuck you. Vickie slaps Clay for the DQ. * Vickie tries to beg off with dancing, but then Hornswoggle bites her on the ass, and she runs away. The babyfaces then all dance. Clips air of Brock winning the WWE Title at WrestleMania 19. The Brock interview airs for the fourth time in a week. The contract signing table and chairs and stuff is back up in the ring now, and John Laurinaitis comes out to oversee everything. He says Extreme Rules is the first PPV under the PEOPLE POWER era, and he's excited about the main event. He brings out the new face of the WWE, Brock Lesnar, and he comes and sits down. John Cena is supposed to come out next, but he doesn't come out when his music hits. Brock gets on the mic and calls him out, and calls him Little Johnny. He says got flown out here for a contract signing with a guy who's too scared, and says that's fine. He says he was late here, and he has some business they should discuss, since Cena doesn't have the balls to show up. They both sit down and Brock says he wants some , and says there's supposed to be a match, but he's not happy with how things have turned out, so he has some demands...requests. Small ones. He says he has a copy of his changes, and he hands them to Laurinaitis, and wants them agreed on before he signs this contract. He says he's not the little naive farmboy that was here 8 years ago. He's an enterprise, he is this company, and the WWE needs Brock Lesnar. He says first off, anything he wants to do about him, he has to run it by him. Since all major decisions go through him, when he comes to Raw, he wants Vince's private jet to and from the venue. He says beating people up makes him happy, and he'll show up when and how he wants, and he wants more money too. He says he's got another one, and says if he's the face of the WWE, then this show is now WWE Raw Starring Brock Lesnar, and if he agrees to all these terms, he'll sign his contract. Johnny has this amazing look of now realizing what he's brought in, but he shakes his hand. Brock makes him tell everyone he agrees, and he does. Brock signs and John Cena finally comes out, AND HAS THE CHAIN WITH HIM. HOLY SHIT YEAH. Cena just stares at him like and idiot, and Brock says to sign it. Cena signs it and Brock says he's scared, so Cena throws the contract at him. They cock their firsts to fight, but Bork leaves. Okay then. |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 12 2013, 06:52 PM Post #59 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Nikki Bella, Since 4/23/2012 WWE NXT April 25th, 2012 Grand Rapids, MI Matt Striker is in the ring again, and says Josh is not here tonight since Brock killed him. He says Josh is the glue that holds the table together, so he's going to go back to commentary tonight. He says in good news, Hawkins and Reks are officially fired and congratulates Darren Young and Titus O'Neil for getting drafted to Smackdown. He says Regal is out working hard to bring new talent to NXT and not here, and he brings out Regal's replacement for the week as match booker, Hornswoggle. God damnit. SOMEONE IN WWE FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS SHOW. FUCK. Striker goes to commentary, and Little Bastard books Percy Watson and Tyson Kidd vs. Johnny Curtis and Michael McGillicutty! He then calls out his guy Derrick Bateman! BUT JTG COMES OUT TO ATTACK HIM? OH GOD, THEY'RE COMING TO RUIN NXT. JTG says this show is whack, and this used to be good when he was on every week when they had challenges and stuff. He says Regal won't book him, and Bateman comes in for revenge, so Hornswoggle books it. Match #1: Derrick Bateman vs. JTG Bateman continues to show just SO much potential as a babyface. Huge chops, big clotheslines, lots of fire. Dude's funny, has a lot of energy, and brings it in the ring. I don't get how he doesn't have a job and so many others do. Striker and Hornswoggle sort of rule on commentary, and Striker tells him to stop calling the holds because it's what got him here. Bateman wins with the Headlock Driver. ** Striker kicks Hornswoggle off commentary because he keeps using pronouns. In the back, Johnny Curtis and Maxine arrive, and Curtis has a "LET'S GET WEIRD" shirt on. Scott Armstrong handcuffs them together, as per Regal's mandate. Hornswoggle shows up and he books Kaitlyn & Tamina vs. Maxine & Natalya. RAW REBOUND! In the back, Kidd and Percy are talking, and Kaitlyn comes up. She asks what the name of that new hold was, she and Bateman were wondering. Kidd says he's thinking about letting the WWE Universe name it, and Natalya comes up. She says to stop flirting, and Kaitlyn says she wasn't. Natalya says she was just friends with Derrick too, and now they're together, and she's protecting her turf. She says to watch herself, and she leaves. Kidd and Percy have no idea, and she says every woman on this show is crazy, and she leaves. Kidd and Percy say it never ends on this show. Match #2: Kaitlyn/Tamina vs. Maxine/Natalya w/ Johnny Curtis They get uncuffed before matches, I guessed. CURTIS DOES COMMENTARY AGAIN! He opens up with "LET'S GET WEEEEEIRD, STRIKER! WHO'S THAT BLOND BEHIND US?" Curtis starts laughing and asking if Striker remembers when he chloroformed him. Natalya is now crazy too for no reason, and the control seg on Kaitlyn is good. Maxine is beat with the Superfly Splash, and Curtis is mad because now he has to be handcuffed again. **1/4 Striker makes her do commentary, because Curtis is next. In the back, Percy is hurt holding his knee and says McGillicutty did it. Kidd comes out, and Striker makes it into Kidd/Curtis, and Joe does commentary too. Match #3: Tyson Kidd vs. Johnny Curtis This is really good, and Curtis lets Kidd guide him to a fun little match. He goes after the arm, and Kidd's selling is awesome. McGillicutty is great on commentary, constantly shitting on Kidd for being a midget, and he mocks Striker for quoting Low Ki with the "size of the fighter" line. They have some good nearfalls, and Kidd wins with the Triangle Sharpshooter. **3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Jun 12 2013, 07:47 PM Post #60 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Santino Marella, Since 3/5/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Big Show, Since 4/1/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Colons, Since 1/15/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Nikki Bella, Since 4/23/2012 WWE Smackdown April 27th, 2012 Grand Rapids, MI TONIGHT: SHEAMUS VS. MOK IN A REAL MATCH! Daniel Bryan comes out to open the show, and he talks about WrestleMania again, and says that loss should go on AJ's record, since she was the reason he lost, the anchor that dragged him down, and since he's cut her loose, there's no way he'll lose at Extreme Rules. He says people have accused him of being an unfair referee, but he shows slow motion video of his count to prove he gave a fair count. Awesome. He says he will regain the title, and asks if Sheamus took a cheap shot? YES. Is Sheamus' title reign a fluke? YES. Will he win in Chicago? YES! YES! YES! YES! And then Alberto Del Rio comes out to ruin things. He mocks him by continually saying "SI!" He says he will be the next World Heavyweight Champion after Extreme Rules, and nobody will remember him. The Big Show comes out and is a piece of shit and runs them off for no reason, and has a match with ADR next. Match #1: The Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio This is like 3 minutes, and whatever. Cody comes out to attack for the DQ. *1/4 Cody brings in a kendo stick and steel chair. Show no-sells the cane shot, and he punches the chair out of Cody's hands, so Cody Rhodes flees. In the back, Johnny tells Eve that he needs her help changing Smackdown, so Eve makes all the backstage workers wear name tags. Teddy Long comes over and says if Eve is the executive administrator, he asks what his job is, and Johnny says he's just going to report to Eve now. She says to go get a name tag. In a pretape, Damien Sandow says he is here to help you. He says great luminaries like Voltaire and Sir Isaac Newton understood the importance of sharing knowledge with the masses, but this standard has fallen by the wayside. He says the WWE is a prime example, as the majority of the roster corrupts the masses with nonsensical catchphrases and vile theme music, serving only to drive the WWE Universe to worship these idols. Fear not, salvation is on the way. You're welcome. Match #2: Nikki Bella w/ Brie Bella vs. Alicia Fox This is like 90 seconds. Twin switch spot gives them the win. 1/4* In the back, PTP goes to Yoshi and asks who his partner is tonight, and Ezekiel Jackson comes over and says he is. Titus says he got him a big strong partner. Zeke's big and he's strong, BUT HE AIN'T GOT NO CUTS. HE'S BIG, HE'S STRONG, BIG ZEKE AIN'T GOT NO CUTS. In the back, Teddy is in a maid uniform with a huge sticker on his chest saying "TEDDY" on it, and he is dusting the office. Aksana comes in and Teddy says he's glad she's still by his side. She says when he had power, she never noticed his age to have grandkids. Johnny and Eve come in, and Johnny says her friend Antonio has his tryout match tonight, and she's going to be the ring announcer. She leaves, and Eve tells Teddy to go fill in for Josh on commentary as the official voice of his administration, instructed by Johnny on the headset. She then gives him a People Power t-shirt to wear. Teddy has a smaller isolated table next to the real commentary table, and he cannot talk unless he is instructed to. Match #3: The Prime Time Players vs. Ezekiel Jackson/Yoshi Tatsu This is under 2 minutes unfortunately, but it was a solid PTP showcase. They win with a Powerbomb/Flying Clothesline combination on Yoshi, almost killing him. *1/2 included an in-ring segment in which Cole interviewed Randy Orton about his feud with Kane, with Cole starting the interview by saying Laurinaitis had ordered that if any superstar lays their hand on an announcer then the superstar would be immediately suspended; after Cole showed a video package recapping the feud between Orton and Kane, he asked Orton what it would be like to face a monster he created as a result of his failure at WrestleMania; Orton then said he would beat Kane in their falls count anywhere match at Extreme Rules; moments later, Mahal interrupted, saying Orton and Kane would eliminate each other on Sunday, creating the path for him to go to the top; Mahal then said he would wait for Orton on the other side of the pay-per-view; Orton then asked if Mahal was an announcer, then dropping him with the RKO after he said he wasn't. Aksana comes out to do guest ring announcing. Match #3: Antonio Cesaro vs. Tyson Kidd This is a minute, but it ruled as far as putting Claudio over. He destroys Kidd with the Pop-Up European, and debuts the Neutralizer to win. *1/4 Teddy is made to go raise his hand, and then Cesaro starts making out with Aksana, and Teddy has a sad. FUCK YEAH CLAUDIO. VERY EUROPEAN. A hype video for Cena/Bork airs. Match #4: Cody Rhodes vs. The Great Khali Cole says the Cody/Show stip would be determined with a spin of a wheel. This is 2 minutes, so it's nothing...and Cody loses clean to the Tree Slam. What? I knew they weren't pushing the dude that hard anymore after WrestleMania, but holy shit, I didn't know they'd just outright abandon him. 3/4* Before the squash, the jobber says he's going to beat Ryback and use it to finally get out of this horrible town. HEY FUCK YOU, I LIVE HERE. JUST GET ON A TRAIN, SHIT. Match #5: Ryback vs. Jacob Kaye RYBACK KILLS HIM AND AVENGES US. *3/4 After the match, Ryback yells to give him more. Close. In the back, Striker tries to interview AJ, but Kaitlyn comes up and says to leave her alone, because she's in a bad place. He leaves, and Kaitlyn says she knows this hurts, but it's a good thing. She says Daniel Bryan was a jerk and he treated her horribly. He says he used her and gave nothing back, and he didn't even love her, so AJ slaps Kaitlyn! She is taken back, and AJ is also shocked by it. Kaitlyn leaves, and AJ looks sad again. Match #6: Sheamus vs. Mark Henry They get like 8 minutes, so this is really good. Not great, since I think MOK is hurt at this point, but they did some good big man spots. Sheamus wins with a Brogue Kick. **3/4 Daniel Bryan comes out, and Sheamus starts leeching off of him and yelling "YES!" over and over again. Fucking piece of shit. Some up with your own material, you hack. |
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6:53 PM Jul 10