| Simon Watches WWE - 2012 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 12 2013, 05:02 PM (12,940 Views) | |
| Big Tuna | Aug 13 2013, 11:41 PM Post #141 |
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WEEKLY B-SHOW ROUNDUP Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston, Superstars (September 27th) FUCK. This gets 10+ minutes, so Kofi pretends he can do matwork like a complete pro wrestler, and it's pretty terrible when Dolph isn't guiding it. They changed it up on Monday, but this is the match you expect from them. Monkey flip bumps, shitty Kofi offense and dive, etc. Monday's match worked because the commercial break basically cut out Kofi's HORRIBLE comeback where nothing connects and it's all clearly super fake. Ziggler works the knee and Kofi of course ignores it. He then starts selling it like doom at the end, and it allows a Peace Zig to win. I admire their courage now having virtually no finishing run here when that's their bread and butter, but this was without question their worst match together as a result. *3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 14 2013, 02:22 PM Post #142 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Miz, Since 7/23/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE Smackdown September 28th, 2012 Buffalo, NY TONIGHT: SHOW/ORTON The Big Show comes out and says he wants to be World Heavyweight Champion again, and people think Sheamus can't be beaten after 6 months with the belt, but he's going to be the one who knocks him out and beats him. He says he was champion for 45 seconds, and the guy who beat him, he lost to Sheamus in 18 seconds, and he would have destroyed Sheamus. Randy Orton comes out and hey, he also wants the title because he's Randy Orton and just wants another one. ADR comes out and he says he wants another title match because Booker T's timing was unfair, but as soon as he gets in the ring, Orton drops him with the RKO. Match #1: Antonio Cesaro [c] vs. Santino Marella [WWE U.S. Championship] They got 4 minutes, so this was solid. Claudio's now starting to come out of his shell with Aksana no longer there as an anchor. Santino does stuff and Claudio makes his comeback with power and European Uppercuts before he wins with the Neutralizer. ** They reair this week's Anger Management stuff. Match #4: Beth Phoenix vs. Natalya They also get 4 minutes and have a nice heel/heel match. They start off sportingly and then start smacking each other by the end. Good matwork when it all starts and they do an actual finishing run. Natalya kicks out of the Glam Slam since Beth is on her way out by now, but Beth reverses a Victory Roll into one of her own to win. ** Eve comes out and indefinitely suspends Beth Phoenix until the investigation is concluded as to who attacked Kaitlyn. RAW REBOUND. Match #3: Wade Barrett vs. Zack Ryder This is the point where Wade totally abandons the cool striking in favor of lame wrestling stuff that he's not nearly as good at, but just keeps an elbow finisher. The Souvenir beats Ryder. *3/4 Miz TV is up now and Sheamus is on there, and just yeah, no. I refuse to watch any of this. Cole and Josh show the bracket for a Tag #1 Contender's Tournament, which is very cool: -The Usos vs. The Rhodes Scholars -Kidd/Gabriel vs. Santino/Ryder -PTP vs. Blacks -Rey/Cara vs. The Colons The interview with Jerry Lawler airs again. Match #4: The Usos vs. Team Rhodes Scholars [Tag Team #1 Contender's Tournament - Quarterfinals] This is under 2 minutes because we needed to see every Anger Management segment again, the Lawler interview, and get Miz airtime. Good stuff, I'd like a longer match. Cody beats one of them with the Cross Rhodes to advance to the semis. *3/4 BE A STAR OR SOME OTHER CAUSE. Match #5: Ryback vs. Tensai This is two minutes, but that might be for the best given what we now know about actual Ryback matches. Ryback wins with the Shellshock, doing it right when nobody is watching since Smackdown has been insistent on driving away all viewers in 2012. *1/2 In the back, ADR attacks Randy Orton. He then rams an equipment cart into him and Orton sells his stomach. The Big Show comes out for the now randomly assigned #1 Contender's Match. ADR comes out instead and says it looks like he's going to be in this match instead, but Randy Orton attacks him from behind. He throws him into the sign and ADR is knocked out by that somehow, because his shit is weak. Randy is hurt, but goes to the ring. Match #6: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show [#1 Contender's Match] Randy sells well and I loved Show's slow work on the midsection, but it goes on like 5 minutes too lomg. Lots of really painful looking stuff especially when he just stepped on top of Orton and stood on him for a while. However, Orton tries to throw lots of punches to come back, and his punches are the absolute fucking worst. They just do stuff until a finisher spam run. They then kick out of finishers on a show nobody cares about and a second Chokeslam wins the match. *3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 14 2013, 02:34 PM Post #143 |
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Top 10 Matches - September 2012: 1. CM Punk [c] vs. John Cena, Night of Champions (September 16th) 2. Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler, Night of Champions (September 16th) 3. John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio, Raw (September 3rd) 4. Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan, Smackdown (September 14th) 5. The Miz [c] vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Sin Cara, Night of Champions (September 16th) 6. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston, Raw (September 24th) 7. Jerry Lawler/Randy Orton vs. CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler, Raw (September 10th) 8. Kassius Ohno vs. Richie Steamboat, NXT (September 26th) 9. Tyson Kidd vs. Michael McGillicutty, NXT (September 12th) 10. Antonio Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel, Superstars (September 6th) Wrestler of the Month: Randy Orton - 17 Points Tag Team of the Month: The Usos/The Prime Time Players/Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara - 7 Points |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 14 2013, 07:24 PM Post #144 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Miz, Since 7/23/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE Raw October 1st, 2012 Oklahoma City, OK Cole and JR says it's JR Appreciation Night, so something awful will happen. CM Punk and Paul Heyman come out to open the show and Punk gets on the mic. He says John Cena attacks him with a pipe while his back is turned, and that's called cowardice. The actions of a scared man. So he goes to the back and runs into Mick Foley and laughs at him with disrespect. He says something under his breath because he's a coward like John Cena, so he kicks him, not from behind, but looking right in his eyes. He says Mick Foley would never say anything under his breath to John Cena or DWAYNE, and asks why he deserves this disrespect. The crowd is cheering, so Punk has to pretend to be a heel because this company makes no sense and has to call them cowards too to get any kind of boos. Punk says he listened to Mick Foley though and gave it thought, but at Hell in a Cell, THE MATCH IS STILL NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Paul shows clips of the marriage proposal from last week and says AJ never said no! However, she did violate an edict from the Board of Directors about no longer putting hands on talent, and says she must be removed as GM immediately. He says he should replace her, the one with all the experience as a GM. Vickie Guerrero comes out to try and take the job herself and has Dolph Ziggler there. Paul says this isn't about her, it's about the best in the world. Vickie says her client is the future World Heavyweight Champion. Paul says with all due respect to her client who is very good, please tell him when the future catches up to the here and now, because his client is the CURRENT WWE Champion. Ziggler keeps the peace and says this is all AJ's fault and the two of them could be co-GMs. AJ skips out to the ring and says the Board has put her on probation. She says she's been appointed a coach to help her, AND DANIEL BRYAN COMES OUT! WAT. He yells at the fans to stop it and says he's here to apologize, because her mental issues have been started by him dumping her. He says he understands because he's a hell of a catch. HE'S HANDSOME. HE HAS A GREAT BEARD. AND NOW HE IS THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS. Kane comes out too and says they've forgotten to all mention that AJ is a phenomenal kisser. Everything else Daniel said is true, except that HE IS THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS. They argue and then Punk and Ziggler start holding up their trophies and yelling at each other. AJ starts screeching and yelling to stop it and says this is her show and books Team Hell No vs. Punk/Ziggler tonight! I don't think I've actually seen this Raw! TONIGHT: SHEAMUS/BIG SHOW DEBATE BECAUSE LOLTOPICAL Match #1: Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes [Tag Team #1 Contender's Tournament - Quarterfinals] This rules again. They finally get it right and clip out the entrances so the MATCH gets 6 minutes instead of losing more for the entrances. Darren Young and Titus O'Neil come out to watch since they're in the same bracket as these two and will clearly win their match on Smackdown judging from this, which is great news. Primo and Epico bump super well, Rey is motivated, Sin Cara is crisp tonight, etc. Feels like the best possible match they can have with only 6 minutes. Rey hits a Double 619, Sin Cara takes out Primo on the floor with a dive, and Rey beats Epico with the Penguin Splash. **3/4 Match #2: Antonio Cesaro vs. Brodus Clay w/ The Funkadactyls This is only a minute, but Claudio is amazing again and ends the match with his first insane feat of strength in the WWE when he gets Brodus up for the Neutralizer for the win. *1/4 In the back, AJ and her coach, an old bald guy, walk by Kaitlyn. AJ asks how she is, and Kaitlyn says she'll be ready to go in a week, despite having her gear on now. AJ very sincerely apologizes for their problems this year, but then starts cracking up and says she's not really sorry at all, and skips away laughing. Match #3: The Miz vs. Zack Ryder This is not as good as their weirdly great post-Mania match since neither is trying that hard. Miz wins with the Skull Crushing Finale. *1/2 included an in-ring segment in which Booker hosted a debate between Show and Sheamus in which they answered select questions from Twitter about what they would do to each other at Hell in a Cell, with Sheamus then showing a Tout from a "relative" (him wearing a Rey Mysterio Jr. mask); moments later, Sheamus made fun of Show for losing the World Heavyweight Title to Bryan in 45 seconds and the fact Sheamus won it in half that time from Bryan; eventually, the two appeared to be about to fight before Show left the ring Match #4: Ryback vs. Tensai This is the hilarious match where Ryback botches picking up Tensai for the Shellshock twice in a rather unfortunate incident. Ryback ends up going back to his original finish of the amazing Lariat to win. *1/2 In the back, Cody and Sandow talk and are glad they didn't let the WWE Universe decide their name. Cody asks if he can believe that debate, and Sandow says there was not a stitch of formalwear on the World Champion. The man was not even wearing pants. Cody says they will personify championship caliber when they win the Tag Titles, and Sandow calls Sheamus a cornsilk neanderthal. Match #5: Eve vs. Beth Phoenix Solid two and a half minutes. I guess Beth's suspension only applied to Smackdown? Eve wins with the Corkscrew Neckbreaker. *3/4 In the back, Wade Barrett bumps into AJ and the coach and says to stop letting her personal relationships get in the way of doing her job, and calls her crazy. Match #6: Santino Marella vs. Heath Slater w/ Drew McIntyre & Jinder Mahal Fun 2 minutes of comedy. Santino hits the Cobra, and Drew and Jinder attack him for the DQ. *3/4 Drew hits the Future Shock, and they celebrate. Match #7: Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow w/ Cody Rhodes This was very good. It's one of those physical matches that while ultimately isn't great because they spend the first half just sort of doing stuff before a great second half, is very entertaining by the end. Sheamus has all sorts of these matches, since he has a lot of trouble filling space. Cody gets in, but Sheamus somehow hits them both with a Double Brogue Kick because he is superman and you will cheer him. **1/2 Jim Ross gets in the ring for Jim Ross Appreciation Day. Before he can say anything, CM Punk comes out to the ring with Paul Heyman. He takes Cole's mic and says to go take his seat now, and Punk yells at the crowd for being quiet. Punk asks if they think he's a bad guy, and says people are going to boo him no matter what he does, because he's not John Cena, so maybe it's time he started earning those boos. Punk starts a "JR!" chant and says JR's the best announcer ever and everyone respects him. He asks why they won't respect him and they're the ones who turned their backs on him. He asks JR for his help and asks JR to tell them that he's the best in the world. JR says he's glad Punk didn't come out here to embarrass him, because man to man, Punk's made a jackass of himself and he needs to stop this obsession. Punk looks heartbroken and says he thought JR would be the exception because they're both the best and they both get cast aside for lesser company men like John Cena and Michael Cole. Punk asks what happens then if he disrespects JR like he just disrespected him, and asks who saves him. STONE COLD? STONE COLD? STONE COLD? STONE COLD? He can't hear them, because nobody can help him. You know what 316 is now? THE NUMBER OF DAYS HE'S HELD THE WWE TITLE. Punk says only JR can help JR and tells him to say that he's the best in the world, and JR says he won't say it now. JR says he's been blessed to call the best matches ever in his life, he's called WrestleMania main events with men like Shawn and Bret and The Rock and Austin and Triple H and the Undertaker. None of them demanded to be called the best (there is, was, and ever would be?), but if they did, they had earned it. OH MY GOD BULLSHIT. ALL THIS REVISIONIST HISTORY. JR says if he wants to be called the Best, he suggests that he fights John Cena at Hell in a Cell, and if he wins, he'll tell him and everyone that he really is the best in the world. Punk is mad, so he takes off JR's hat and stomps on it. Punk says he's beaten Cena time and time again, and just like the Thunder doesn't get another shot at the Heat, Cena doesn't get another shot, because they both go to the back of the line. Punk tells him to get out of his ring or fight him, so JR goes to leave. Punk doesn't let him, and makes him to go to the back instead. Ryback comes out and leads JR back to ringside, and he challenges Punk nonverbally, but Heyman gets Punk to leave. Clips air of after Smackdown, where ADR beat up on a hurt Orton. Match #8: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston Ricardo did commentary, which was the best part of this. This sucked dick. ADR doesn't care, Kofi is Kofi and barely connects on anything to the point where you can only loosely call what he's doing pro wrestling. ADR does the Cross Armbreaker for the win. *1/4 In the back, AJ dismisses the coach because he's a nobody, and makes herself special referee. Match #9: Team Hell No vs. CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler w/ Paul Heyman & Vickie Guerrero [Special Referee: AJ Lee] This only gets like 9 minutes, but it's mostly really good. They do a lot of Punk/Danielson in the middle here, which is always good. They're clearly holding back and putting on a house show effort though, which is a bummer because if they went for it, this could be one of the best matches of the year. AJ ejects both managers, but Ziggler goes with Vickie and Punk is alone. Kane gets the tag and immediately hits him with the Chokeslam to win. **1/2 Bryan and Kane argue more to end the show. |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 14 2013, 08:14 PM Post #145 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Miz, Since 7/23/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE NXT October 3rd, 2012 Orlando, FL In the lobby before the show, Briley asked Kassius Ohno about last week. He says all he did was tech Junior a lesson last week, and if his father was home, he would have taught him the same thing, AND RICHIE ATTACKS HIM! YEAH! He beats down Ohno before getting pulled away, and he says he got taught enough. Match #1: Drew McIntyre vs. Richie Steamboat And for the second time in a row, after having a nice match one week, Richie lets me down the following. No idea how that keeps happening, but he needs to knock it off. I want to cheer for him. He botches a lot here, but Drew can get some good stuff around it. Kassius Ohno comes out for a distraction, and Drew wins with the Future Shock DDT. *3/4 Match #2: Big E. Langston vs. Aiden English ANOTHER wonderful Langston squash. He's now getting a "FIVE!" chant in addition to the count. Big Ending gets him the 5 and the win. ** NEXT WEEK: CM PUNK COMES TO NXT! Michael McGillicutty comes out and gets a SHAH chant. He says he's heard he's the #1 Contender to the NXT World Heavyweight Championship. He says this is Seth's first title defense, sure, but it's also going to be his last, and calls the paper champion out so they can talk. He comes out and says McGillicutty might get farther if he stopped talking and asked if he's ever been told to shut up. Joe deadpans it and is just like "nah", and Seth says he's good, but he runs his mouth non-stop. Joe again responds with "cool story, but no". Rollins asks if he has any respect for him, so he just says he doesn't. He calls him a paper champion again, and Rollins says title is all the proof he needs and he never had any foot steps to make a path for him. He challenges him to fight now, but McGillicutty leaves. He then very formally says goodbye, and looks mad at himself for that lame ending. Hennig as sort of this Jay Cutlerish incredibly bored guy with a large well of talent but who is afraid to put in actual work is so endearing. Ohno comes out for his match, but Richie Steamboat runs out to attack! They pull him off, and Ohno gets in the ring dazed. Match #3: Kassius Ohno vs. Percy Watson Percy is still pretty bad. Ohno does what he can, and comes back to hit the Death Blow to win. YEAH FUCK YOU PERCY. GET FIRED ALREADY. *3/4 Match #4: Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel vs. The Ascension Kidd and Gabriel do everything in their power here, but The Ascension are pretty fucking bad. Kidd takes big bumps and Gabriel has a decent hot tag, but UGH THE ASCENSION WINS. WHY?! They beat Gabriel with a shitty Total Elimination named the Fall of Man. *3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Aug 14 2013, 09:35 PM Post #146 |
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WEEKLY B-SHOW REPORT CM Punk w/ Paul Heyman vs. Sheamus, Main Event (October 3rd) This is a perfect mission statement for Main Event. I love this show, because it finally gives us the thing WWE's lacked all year, a guaranteed long and mostly great match every week, which I feel is what made WWE so great in the glory years, in-ring wise, of 02-09. They don't have a lot of focus, sure, but it's a great wrestler and a good wrestler having a 15 minute match. Lots of good counters and shit. Midway through, Sheamus pulls Punk out of the corner and the middle turnbuckle pad comes off. At the end, Punk does this super slick evasion of the Brogue Kick down into a dropkick to the knee, and Sheamus flies into the exposed steel. Punk gets a cradle after that for the win. *** Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel vs. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder [Tag Team #1 Contender's Tournament - Quarterfinals], Main Event (October 3rd) This gets 4 minutes, so it's a fun little face/face match. Kidd and Gabriel bring cool offense, and then the comedy dudes cut off that bullshit when Santino beats Kidd with the Cobra, which comes off as a large "fuck you". *3/4 Wade Barrett vs. Tyson Kidd, Superstars (October 4th) This got something close to 7 minutes instead of 2, so it was a very good match. Kidd has some super fiery and desperate underdog pockets of offense and the crowd reacts like he has a shot at it, which helps out a ton. Wade shuts him down with strikes instead of average pro wrestling, giving me hope, and he wins with The Souvenir. Best part of this was Josh making a prison rape joke as a sign that nobody in charge cares about NXT and Velocity Josh is back. **3/4 Team Rhodes Scholars vs. The Usos, Superstars (October 4th) This gets 10 and is really good. Almost as much as this exchange. Striker: The elbow of disdain by Sir Damien Sandow. I just knighted him by the way, I think. Josh: You don't have the credentials for that. Striker: I don't have the credentials for anything, but I still have this job. Josh: How do you still have this job? Striker: Shhh. Josh: It's okay, nobody watches this show. WELCOME BACK, VELOCITY JOSH! But yeah, good stuff. Rhodes and Sandow controlled most of the match, actually to the point of finding fault with how little the Usos got in, but they looked great. Cody's added the Jimmy Rave style Basement Knee to his arsenal, and it's a good cut off move. Sandow and Rhodes build to the hot tag really well, but again, it's way too short before they get cut off. Jey Usos has a sweet dive to Cody, but Sandow clips Jimmy's leg and hits the Straightjacket Neckbreaker to win. **3/4 Rey Mysterio vs. Michael McGillicutty, Saturday Morning Slam (October 6th) Rey gets SMS as much as Regal does, and they have some remarkable comedy spots. Joe mocks Rey's size to a ridiculous extent, so Rey makes Joe run the ropes for like 30 seconds straight and trips him and keeps embarrassing him back. Joe takes over and does pretty solid basic stuff before Rey fights back. Rey does the 619 to Joe's asshole and hits the Penguin Splash to win. **1/2 Edited by Big Tuna, Aug 14 2013, 09:42 PM.
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| Big Tuna | Sep 2 2013, 07:20 PM Post #147 |
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I couldn't watch SD. Too horrible. I quit. Nothing of consequence happened probably The Prime Time Players def. The Other Blacks Ryback def. Primo Layla def. Alicia Fox Wade Barrett def. Jobber Sheamus def. The Miz The Big Show def. Tensai CM Punk def. Dolph Ziggler in a match that got 6 minutes as punishment for some inane slight |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 3 2013, 10:18 PM Post #148 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Miz, Since 7/23/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE Raw October 8th, 2012 Sacramento, CA John Cena comes out to open the show and talks like he's been gone forever despite just being away for a week. He talk about shit and is generally awful again to rub in that his Reign of Terror has begun. He says he only has one arm, but if selected, he'll go to the Cell to fight, etc. He says again that it's up to CM Punk to make their match for Hell in a Cell, and tells him to be a man and agree to be a real champion and fight him finally. FINALLY? WHAT THE SHIT? Match #1: Ryback vs. The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes This got like 3 minutes was pretty solid. Primo and Epico look awesome putting over Rybork before losing to the Double Shellshock. Ryback is SUPER FUCKING OVER and now it's fucking crickets a year later. ** TONIGHT: A STATE OF THE WWE ADDRESS FROM VINCE R-Truth vs. Brodus is supposed to happen, but Truth wants to dance. They dance until Vince McMahon comes out and makes them leave his ring. Vince gets on the mic and says they just saw two grown men dancing with an imaginary child, and that's the state of the WWE. But there's room for that, vegans, leprechauns, monsters, masked men, giants, all of it. He says it's action, drama, pathos, humor, everything, but the most important thing that they have is action and they want to see the world's greatest athlete compete. The best against the best, and CM Punk then comes out with Paul Heyman. He has the stupid yellow shirt now and Vince calls it ugly and says not to disrespect him. Punk says he'll tell him about disrespect and it's been happening since he's been here. Punk says he's the one who put AJ in charge, who gave him the choice, and he's given John Cena enough shots at the belt, so he has no room to say anything. He says nobody respects him and asks if Vince respects him. Vince says he respects that he's been champion for 323 days, but he doesn't respect anyone with Paul Heyman behind them. Punk says a year and a half ago, he knew Vince wasn't a fan of his and he said he was but a spoke on the wheel, but right now, HE IS THE WHEEL. He's the best thing he has right now and he has no right to disrespect him and Paul tries to calm him down. Punk says Vince should be on his knees right now and showing him respect. They have JR Appreciation Night, but what about him? Punk says maybe he WILL walk out with the title and asks about the state of the WWE then. Vince says no one man makes the WWE anymore (now that he's destroyed the ability of any one man to be a true draw on his own as part of the groundwork for the current storyline) and it's about the WWE Universe. Vince says they want someone to shut him up and asks how dare Punk call himself an all-time great like Andre, Shawn, Bret, Rock, or Austin. Punk starts laughing out loud and says Steve Austin got to the top through shortcuts and beating up an inept billionaire, and he's only become more clueless, more inept, lost some money, and now he's a senior citizen. He says Vince has been slapping him in the face for years, and it's about time he got some of his own, AND SLAPS VINCE TO THE GROUND! YEAH! Punk and Paul leave and Vince says he'll fire him tonight if he doesn't fight him! Punk laughs and Paul says not to do it, but Punk accepts. Match #2: The Prime Time Players vs. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara [Tag Team #1 Contender's Tournament - Semi-Finals][ This got cut WAY down from 8 minutes to four because every time I start to get into WWE 2012, they pull this type of shit. Still, great four minutes. Rey and Sin Cara were motivated and flying eveywhere, and both D-Young and Titus had some great power spots in transition. Rey does his shit and hits Young with the Penguin Splash to win. **1/4 In the back, Paul tries to talk to CM Punk and says this is a can't win situation, and he's not talking about the match. He says of course he'll mop the floor with Vince in the ring, but then what? Then he has an insane billionaire now obsessing over how to ruin him and take his title. Punk says he's not worried, because nobody can take his title, and tells Paul to let him handle it. On Smackdown, Sheamus and the Big Show knocked out each other's opponents, Tensai and the Miz, to prove a point to each other. Match #3: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett This was almost good before booking happened. The Big Show comes out to watch very early on in the match. These two still have a lot of trouble filling space before finishing runs, and Wade lacks any kind of real believable offense on account of now not having won anything important in 2 years, but they were willing to smack each other real hard to try and make up for it. Before they could get going though, Tensai comes out to get revenge and Sheamus wins by DQ. **1/4 Sheamus fights them both off because YOU'LL LIKE HIM GOD DAMNIT. Show gets in and hurls Sheamus out because fuck him. Clips air of John Cena talking about titty cancer and pretending he's the top star on talk shows. Match #4: Antonio Cesaro vs. Tyson Kidd This got four minutes, so it was awesome. JBL and Cole say that JR has gone to the back to try and talk sense into Mr. McMahon. Kidd does some fun flips and shit, and Claudio catches him out of the air with the European Uppercut, before he wins with the Neutralizer. ** Match #5: Team Hell No vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio w/ Vickie Guerrero This was upsetting in how disappointing it was. They got like 13-14 minutes, and basically everyone just worked like it was a house show. ADR doesn't care, Ziggler's reigning it in BIG TIME, and this is that period where Danielson was clearly working through some injuries and a little slower. ADR and Ziggler have NO chemistry at all and just kind of did stuff for a lot of this. Kane got in, and beat Ziggler with the Chokeslam, because they must protect ADR. **1/2 In the back, JR talks to Vince. He says last week after Raw, Vince called him an American icon and his friend and he's not trying to be impolite, but he has nothing to gain from a lot of this fight. He says after King fought CM Punk, they know what happened. Vince blows it off and tells JR to call his match, so he can go wild and yell MCMAHON MCMAHON BAH GAWD MCMAHON. He makes him say it now actually and JR yells it like the trained seal that he is. featured a segment of Larry King Now in which King, alongside his wife, had a table set up at the entrance stage and brought out Miz as his guest, who noted it was his birthday before King said no one cared; King then brought out Kofi Kingston as his replacement guest since Miz was "boring;" Kingston then talked about Raw being in Sacramento before Miz cut him off and made fun of both King and Kingston, saying he's had more titles than King's had wives; King's wife then threw water in Miz's face, with Kingston then tossing Miz off the stage; Kingston then chased Miz backstage to end the segment Match #6: Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder [Tag Team #1 Contender's Tournament - Semi-Finals] This is at least short with 3 minutes, and they don't try and pretend that the jobbers have a shot. Rhodes beats Ryder with the Beautiful Disaster. *1/2 After the match, 3MB comes out to attack Santino and Ryder. In the back, Paul Heyman apologizes to Vince for CM Punk's actions, and says he's the youngest guy here who's old enough to have known his father, and he's known him since he was 14 years old, and begs him to let him broker a peace. Vince asks if he knows the difference between when he's lying and telling the truth, and says Paul has been poisoning CM Punk's mind for years, and he could actually be the best in the world without Paul there. Paul says he's here for Vince's sake, and says to not make CM Punk do to him what Brock Lesnar did to his son in law. Match #7: Eve [c] vs. Kaitlyn [WWE Divas Championship] Solid three minutes yet again with an Eve title match. Kaitlyn has her ankle taped up and sells it really well. Eve has brutal work on the leg. Eve wins with a Heel Hook. *1/2 Eve doesn't let go, so Layla comes out to save. In the back, Daniel Bryan finds Larry King and asks how he dealt with it when people said he looked like an owl. He says people say he looks liek a goat, but he's very handsome man. He then hits on Larry's wife, but she says she's not interested in men who look like bridge trolls. He says he slept under one bridge, and Kane comes over. He says Daniel does look like a goatface. They argue about who is the tag team champions, and Larry leaves. Bryan says he scared Larry King away, and Kane says he thought it was Skeletor. Match #8: CM Punk vs. Vince McMahon This one is AMAZING. Punk really shouldn't sell this much for an old man who doesn't wrestle, but Vince matches seem to operate outside of logic. They go wild here, Punk lays it in HARD, and Vince is a lunatic. Punk gets a headset to yell WHATAMANAUEVER~ at Vince, BUT VINCE DIVES OVER THE COMMENTARY TABLE AT HIM HOLY FUCKSHIT. They have a kendo stick fight too, and Punk gets a low blow. He duel wields and kills Vince with them, but then Ryback comes out to save. Punk runs away through the crowd to end the show. *** |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 4 2013, 04:48 PM Post #149 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Miz, Since 7/23/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE NXT October 10th, 2012 Orlando, FL In the back, CM Punk says one would think that being WWE Champion for so long would allow him respect and admiration, but he's been treated with contempt and seen more main events than he'd competed in. He says he's here to watch Seth Rollins defend his title, and he hopes everyone can appreciate how special it is to have the WWE Champion here as an observer. TONIGHT: ROLLINS/JOE! Match #1: Bo Dallas vs. Johnny Curtis Bo is still really really horrible. Curtis tries, but nobody can do anything with this only theoretically trained piece of shit. Bo somehow fucks up the Spear even more, but turning sideways with it, like he's trying to hit an invisible midget next to Johnny Curtis with a Crossbody while he hits the worst Spear of all time on Curtis. And because it's Bo on NXT, that gets him the win. Bag of Dicks Match #2: Kaitlyn/Alicia Fox vs. Paige/Audrey Marie DAT NXT TEAM. Paige works real hard and has both great offense and defense, and then on the apron, Audrey Marie is there to look at. Dat everything. She and Kaitlyn then randomly break out solid matwork too. What the fuck, this is actually good? Paige rolls up Alicia for the win. *3/4 In the back, Jake Carter tries to hit on some random blond girl who I think later becomes Emma, but she leaves. Trent Baretta comes in and asks if he just struck out. Carter says he has a whole team of girls and says that one wanted the top spot, but he couldn't give it to her, so she left. He challenges Trent to do something about it, so they agree on a match next week. In the back, Briley interviews Seth Rollins. He says since he won the title, all he could think about was his title defenses. He says he's not nervous, but McGillicutty should be, because he disrespected him last week. CM Punk then comes on and says just because he's the champion, it won't get him what he wants. He can say it because he's had a strangehold on this belt for a year and he's beaten everyone and everything, and he STILL has no respect. They'll tell you that you have to earn respect, but they earned both of their titles. He says to not try to earn respect, but to beat the respect out of him, and get the justice he deserves. ...holy shit. DAT FORESHADOWING. Match #3: Leo Kruger vs. Dante Dash Kruger again plays the character REALLY well, and has started throwing in some actual good and stiff squash offense. Kruger wins with the Spanky Driver thing. *1/2 In the back, Briley interviews Joe. He asks why anyone cares about respect when you can have money that comes with the title. He says Seth can have his respect after he beats him for the title, because then he'll go after CM Punk and teach him some respect after he takes the WWE Title too. CM Punk comes out to do commentary with JR and Regal in an all-time dream team. Match #4: Seth Rollins [c] vs. Michael McGillicutty [NXT Championship] Solid enough 8 minutes. SHAH does well for himself, again continuing his amazing accidental character of being a super lazy guy who's terrified of actual success, as he keeps making stupid mistakes. They do some stuff and have some really nice counters of big offense. Joe keeps avoiding the Blackout, so Rollins has to break out a Sliced Bread #2 for the pin to retain the title. **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 4 2013, 06:37 PM Post #150 |
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B-SHOW ROUND UP: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show, Main Event (October 10th) This went 15+, which is completely insane. This could be good if Orton knew how to work a big/little match like his other main event contemporaries like Punk, Cena, etc. The time also means Big Show dominates for WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too long, and Randy only has his fucking horrible punches and headbutts to fight, so this is an assload full of fuck. Show FINALLY puts Orton and all viewing this out of their misery with a Chokeslam to win. *1/2 Wade Barrett vs. Tyson Kidd, Superstars (October 11th) Another solid Wade showcase. Kidd tries to work his best approximation of the Matt Hardy/Christian TV match where you carry a mediocre guy by focusing on limbwork and sell it all match, but Wade refuses to play a long, so this is only good and not great. Kidd bumps his arm on the apron and keeps holding it, but Wade refuses to focus on it at all and does boring general body work instead. Kidd still has a wonderful comeback before losing to The Souvenir. **1/2 Antonio Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel, Superstars (October 11th) Another big "USA" chant for Europe vs. South Africa. This is better than their last match, due to Claudio breaking out more insane power offense. He uses his sweet Lariat for the first time ever as a cut-off spot, and then catches a Plancha into a Powerslam on the floor. Claudio can work a limb as good as most, but this seems like the point where he stops expecting real selling from WWE babyfaces, and just goes with general force displays for control segments. Gabriel then finds another way to keep this match from getting three by fucking up his comeback stuff. Claudio crotches him up top and pulls him off with the Neutralizer to win. Oh well, still good. **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 4 2013, 07:58 PM Post #151 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Miz, Since 7/23/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE Smackdown October 12th, 2012 San Jose, CA The show opens with an impact test between the KO Punch and the Brogue Kick. Show refuses and says he's knocked everyone out and this is stupid. Booker says it's a promotion and Sheamus says he's game. Booker says the average heavyweight boxer gets 775 force per square inch, and Sheamus conveniently gets 1322. LOOK AT HOW STRONG HE IS. CHEER FOR HIM. Sheamus goads Show into it and says his score can't be worse than his last title run. Sheamus keeps at it, AND SHOW HITS IT AND GETS 1809. FUCK YOU SHEAMUS. Show glares down at him and says he'll see him at Hell in a Cell, fella. Show is the best. Sheamus says he'll hit back at the PPV, and Tensai attacks Sheamus from behind, so Booker makes a match. Match #1: Sheamus vs. Tensai They keep running this and it gets worse every time. They basically just did a lot of moves for 3 minutes, and Sheamus won with the Brogue Kick. *1/2 In the back, Ricardo tells ADR that Randy Orton is supposed to be here tonight. ADR says he destroyed him two weeks ago, and he was destroyed by The Big Show on Wednesday, and tells Ricardo to go and find Randy Orton if he's so worried. Match #2: Santino Marella/Zack Ryder vs. Heath Slater/Jinder Mahal w/ Drew McIntyre The decision to have Drew be the one of the trio to be not in the tag team completely baffles me. This is a decent little squash and Slater beats Ryder with a Snapmare Driver. *1/4 Match #3: Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero Ziggler did the best he could, but y'know, it's still Kane even with a really good storyline. Dolph bumps everywhere and dies to make this work, before he then intercepts Kane's Flying Clothesline with a briefcase shot. The referee sees it though, and he DQ's Ziggler. **1/4 Ziggler keeps attacking, but Daniel Bryan runs out to save! Bryan and Kane argue and Kane says he had him. Matt Striker tries to break it up because he's an idiot. He asks if this bickering will cost them the Tag Titles at HIAC. Striker asks Bryan if he agrees that he's the weak link, so Bryan puts him in the No Lock. Kane pulls Bryan off and then Chokeslams Striker. In the back, Ricardo is looking for Randy and finds Hornswoggle playing with a stuffed Orton doll. He kicks it out of his hands. RAW REBOUND LARRY KING VERSION. The Miz comes out to do commentary, and they hype Miz/Kofi for the IC Title at Main Event next week. Match #4: The Big Show vs. Kofi Kingston DEATH. YES. KILL HIM MORE. This is like 2 minutes and Show wins with the KO Punch. 3/4* Miz gets in the ring and says stuff. I'm sorry, I can't care about this. In the back, Ricardo finds ADR and says he can't find him. They see a shadow, but it's just Daniel Bryan. He asks if they were expecting somebody else, and ADR says they didn't expect a goat. Bryan says if he's a goat, he's the G.O.A.T. as in GREATEST OF ALL TIME. He's also the tag team champions. ADR says he had the belt because of Kane, and Bryan says he's only here because Randy Orton hasn't found him yet. Bryan says they have a match tonight. In the back, Layla and Kaitlyn find Teddy and Booker T and they say that they found a blond wig in Aksana's bag, so she might have been the one to attack Kaitlyn at Night of Champions. Eve says she found one in Teddy's bag too, so that proves nothing. Booker takes Kaitlyn and Layla away to talk about this. THIS WEEK ON RAW: RHODES SCOLARS VS. MASKED DUDES IN THE FINALS! Match #5: Sin Cara vs. Damien Sandow w/ Cody Rhodes This is only 3 minutes, so why even bother? Stuff happens, and Braddox ejects Cody for interfering. Sandow argues and Sin Cara gets a roll up to win. *3/4 Match #6: Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio This happened. Bryan isn't at his best, yet again, in this run, and ADR is in that period where he's not on top of the card, so he's not even pretending to try. He only sort of works over the arm of Bryan, and Danielson's selling is excellent as always. Nothing really happens though, and after 6 minutes, ADR makes Bryan tap to the shitty Cross Armbreaker. **1/4 ADR calls Randall out, so he beats up ADR for a while. Smackdown is the worst show. |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 5 2013, 02:42 PM Post #152 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Miz, Since 7/23/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE Raw October 15th, 2012 Nashville, TN No sound this week! Raw - featured Michael Cole & Jim Ross on commentary; included a "Did you know?" graphic which read WWE Home Video has 6 of the top 10 selling sports DVDs in America, including Summer Slam 2012 at #1; featured an in-ring segment in which Paul Heyman, in possession of the WWE World Title, introduced WWE World Champion CM Punk, noting he had held the title 330 days; Punk then took the mic and said he didn't matter if it was JR, Bret Hart, John Cena, the Rock, a fan, or even Vince McMahon who disrespected him because he would make them all pay; Punk then said he made sure McMahon would never compete in the ring again; he then showed the poster of Hell in a Cell, which depicted him as the devil, before discussing Cena and Ryback as his potential challengers for HIAC; moments later, Punk went to unveil who his opponent would be but then said he would need to go backstage and think about it some more; McMahon then interrupted and said he would now be the one to make the decision and he would do so later in the night during a contract signing in the ring; included a Susan G. Komen for the Cure PSA in which Layla talked about losing her mom to breast cancer; featured a backstage segment with Punk and Heyman, discussing McMahon's announcement, before Punk told Heyman to go tell McMahon that he wanted to fight him later in the show; included a backstage segment in which Heyman gave McMahon Punk's challenge, with Punk being able to choose his challenger if he beats McMahon; McMahon agreed but then said he wanted his match against Heyman; featured a backstage segment in which Matt Striker stopped AJ and noted he was attacked by Bryan & Kane and wanted an apology from them; after AJ misinterpreted what he said, she set up a match between Striker and Kane for later in the show; included an ad promoting WWE's Touts; featured footage of Cena with the New York Jets the previous day at MetLife Stadium; included an in-ring segment of Miz TV in which WWE IC Champion Mike Mizanin mocked Kofi Kingston before introducing him and saying Kingston would always be a "B player" and his WWE career was forgettable; Kingston agreed and said he would make a memorable moment when he wins the title from Miz on Wednesday during WWE Main Event, then challenged Miz to a match later in the night; Miz agreed but called Kingston a novelty act while he himself was a superstar, with Kingston then attacking Miz and knocking him to the floor; featured an ad promoting 'CM Punk: Best in the World;' included a "Did you know?" graphic which read WWE has more Twitter followers than TMZ, Nike, Coca-Cola, HBO, Under Armour, Disney, and McDonald's; featured a backstage segment with McMahon and Cena in which Cena discussed his injury and whether he was ready to challenge Punk; included footage of the 2012 Social Good Summit in New York City and comments from Stephanie McMahon about WWE's initiative; featured a look at the New York Post's article about WrestleMania 29 possibly bringing in $100 million in tourism dollars; included a backstage segment with Bryan & Kane in which Bryan challenged Kane to face Big Show the next week; featured a backstage segment with McMahon and Ryback in which Ryback said "Feed me Punk;" included an ad promoting WWE '13; featured footage of Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, & Jinder Mahal walking into a bar in downtown Nashville and getting on stage until they were kicked out by security; included an ad promoting 'Barricade;' featured the announcement -- and media coverage of -- WWE hosting a Rolling Stones pay-per-view on Dec. 15; included a closing in-ring segment with McMahon, Cena, Ryback, Punk, and Heyman in which Punk signed the contract and told McMahon to do whatever he wanted to do because regardless of his opponent, he would beat them; Cena eventually told Punk to shut up and said he wanted nothing more than to challenge Punk but said Ryback was only there to kick someone's ass and Punk needed his ass beaten; Cena then chanted "Feed me more," and left the ring as the crowd chanted it and Ryback signed the contract; moments later, Punk confronted Ryback, with Ryback ramming Punk's head into the table and then dropping him with Shell Shock to end the show: The Big Show pinned WWE Tag Team Champion Daniel Bryan in an impromptu match at 6:33 with the chokeslam after catching Bryan coming off the top rope; prior to the bout, Show cut an in-ring promo about the debate he had with World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus two weeks earlier, saying it was designed to make him look like a fool; Show then showed footage of him tossing Sheamus to the floor the previous week before noting the fans and Sheamus were making fun of him for his last world title win being 45 seconds long and said he would correct that, prompting the fans to chant "45 seconds;" Show then challenged Bryan to a match then and there; Bryan, WWE Tag Team Champion Kane, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Zack Ryder, and others were then shown watching on backstage; Bryan then said there was no way he was facing Show, with AJ appearing and telling him to go out for the match; moments later, Bryan began chanting "No" as the fans and other wrestlers chanted "Yes;" after the contest, Kane appeared, laughed at Bryan, but then protected him from Show; after Show left the ring, Bryan and Kane argued Alberto Del Rio defeated Brodus Clay (w/ Cameron & Naomi) via submission with the cross armbreaker at 2:13; prior to the bout, it was announced ADR would face Randy Orton at Hell in a Cell; Ricardo Rodriguez served as ADR's ring announcer Darren Young & Titus O'Neil defeated Santino Marella & Zack Ryder at around the 3-minute mark when O'Neil pinned Ryder with the sit-down spinebuster after Ryder hit the Rough Ryder on Young; after the bout, Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, and Jinder Mahal ran out wearing leather jackets and assaulted Marella & Ryder; moments later, Slater took the mic and introduced the group as the 3MB (the bout began during the commercial break) Ryback defeated Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & David Otunga in a handicap match at 1:52 by pinning Otunga with Shell Shock after Ziggler walked out of the match; during his entrance, Ziggler cut a promo against Ryback being handed a WWE World Title shot while he himself had to earn his title shot by winning Money in the Bank; he then said Ryback was a flash in the pan that would be gone in a few months but Ziggler would still be around; Ziggler went on to say he wanted to cash in his title shot at Hell in a Cell on Punk to win the belt; moments later, Otunga interrupted and said neither Ryback or Ziggler deserved a title shot, but he himself did; as the two began to argue, AJ appeared and said Ziggler and Otunga could prove themselves against Ryback in a handicap match WWE US Champion Antonio Cesaro pinned Justin Gabriel in a non-title match at 3:53 with the Neutralizer after hitting a European uppercut as Gabriel came off the top; during his entrance, a pretaped insert promo from Cesaro aired in which he said he was elevating the belt and America WWE Tag Team Champion Kane pinned Matt Striker with the chokeslam at 2:02; early in the match, Striker took the mic and told Kane they didn't have to fight, with Kane then offering to hug Striker; Kane then didn't let go, which led to the chokeslam; after the bout, Kane took the mic and began chanting "I am the tag team champions!" after mock interviewing the unconcious Striker World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus defeated Wade Barrett via disqualification in a non-title match at 15:17 when Big Show, who came out to the entrance stage early in the match to watch, pulled down the top rope causing Sheamus to fall to the floor; after the bout, Sheamus kicked Barrett in the face and knocked Show to the floor WWE Divas Champion Eve pinned Layla at 4:40 after knocking Layla face-first off the top rope; the challenger's foot was on the bottom rope during the cover but the referee didn't see it Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow defeated Primo Colon & Epico (w/ Rosa Mendes) (sub. for Rey Mysterio Jr. & Sin Cara) at 6:53 when Sandow pinned Epico with the neckbreaker; the match was to be the finals of the WWE Tag Team Title #1 Contender Tournament but Mysterio was sidelined with the flu Kofi Kingston pinned WWE IC Champion Mike Mizanin in a non-title match at 5:20 with the spin kick to the side of the head; after the bout, Miz was tended to in the ring by a trainer |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 5 2013, 05:44 PM Post #153 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Miz, Since 7/23/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE NXT October 17th, 2012 Orlando, FL Match #1: Jinder Mahal vs. Alex Riley SO BAD. Two really shitty and barely trained bland dudes with short hair working a generic match for a while. Jinder wins with the Camel Clutch. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your souls. TONIGHT: OHNO/ASCENSION VS. STEAMBOAT/THE USOS Match #2: Trent Baretta vs. Jake Carter This was actually pretty good for these two for 4 minutes. It's not great, Vader's kid is still really inexperienced, but it was solid. He threw great body shots in the corner like his dad and had a great Lariat at a point here, so he's coming along nicely. Trent has his cool highspots, and wins with the Busaiku Knee. ** Match #3: Damien Sandow vs. Jobber Another very good Sandow squash, and he wins with the Straightjacket Neckbreaker. *3/4 Match #4: The Usos/Richie Steamboat vs. Kassius Ohno/The Ascension The Ascension is still a really horrible team, but Hero's there to guide them. He did trios matches with Team FIST in 2005 when they were still really inexperienced and awful, and they got pretty solid under his tutelage, so they could actually make these cocksuckers semi-good with a lot of these trios matches. This is basically the same, as Hero puts Steamboat in the place of Quack. He spends all match avoiding him to build up the feud, and structures it so the rookie team gets a little rub off of what they do in the ring while he essentially leads it. The Usos and Richie are all good, and made Ratface and British One look good. Richie has a decent hot tag, but when he goes off the ropes for a dive, Hero hits a forearm to the back of the head when he bounces off the ropes, and gets the pin to win. **1/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 5 2013, 06:26 PM Post #154 |
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The Miz [c] vs. Kofi Kingston [WWE Intercontinental Championship], Main Event (October 17th) This fucking SUCKED. Seriously, a match this bad seems like it requires a conscious effort, but nope, it's just two of the worst wrestlers in the entire company being given 17 minutes. Everything looks upsettingly safe because Kofi doesn't understand contact and because Miz is a fucking pussy. Kofi fucks up 75% of his athletic spots and the rest is either contrived or a shitty version of an actual good non-WWE spottier guy's offense. All their reversals and counters are really clunky and awkward too. Just a bad fucking match disguised as an epic. Kofi wins with the fucking kick. *3/4 Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder, Main Event (October 17th) This is a solid 3 minute showcase for Ziggler. These two work really well together, even in a just under three minute super sprint. Ziggler ducks under the Rough Ryder, and hits the Peace Zig for the win. *3/4 Ziggler issues an open challenge for next week, and the Ryback comes out. Aw shit. Daniel Bryan vs. Tyson Kidd, Saturday Morning Slam (October 20th) This was AMAZING. It's like 3-4 minutes, but just 100% comedy. Beard pulling, Three Stooges spots, Airplane Spin and follow-up dizziness, etc. Just a complete blast to watch. Danielson does the Lady of the Lake into a crucifix pin to win. Fantastic. ** |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 10 2013, 01:23 PM Post #155 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 10/17/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE Smackdown October 19th, 2012 Memphis, TN Miz TV opens the show because we did something wrong at some point, I guess. He announces a title rematch for the PPV because the actual switch wasn't bad enough, and then brings us to the only reason I didn't just copy and paste a run down of this piece of shit, and brings out his guests, Team Hell No. Miz says true tag teams have only one entrance not separate ones, and Kane tries to talk, but Bryan says he has this. Bryan says he'll separate his teeth from his mouth. Miz makes a goat face joke and tries to claim credit for Bryan's success. He says Bryan has a problem getting along with people, and Kane is somehow the sensible one, and at Hell in a Cell, they're going to lose. Kane says he's won tag titles with dead men, deranged psychopaths, and superheroes, so if Bryan is the problem, he is the solution. Bryan says he's not the problem, he's the reason they'll win at Hell in the Cell. Not the Devil's Favorite Demon, but the World's Toughest Vegan. Miz tries to intervene and they yell NO. Bryan says he's a former World Heavyweight Champion and he beat a giant to do it, and he's the tag team champions. They go back and forth with it, and the Big Show comes out. He says that was the biggest fluke in history, and when he knocks Sheamus out, nothing like that will ever happen to him again, and if he mentions 45 seconds again, he'll knock him out. He says maybe he should just do it now, but Kane steps in front of Bryan. He says they have a match on Raw, but they don't have to wait. Dolph Ziggler comes out and says show and Sheamus are going to kill each other, and then he's going to cash in and steal the show. He says if Bryan can do it to Big Show, it can't be that hard. Everyone argues so Booker T comes out and channels Teddy by making a TAG TEAM MATCH PLAYA. Miz tries to mock him for this and it's awful, so he books Miz/Orton first. GOD DAMNIT BOOKER. Match #1: Randy Orton vs. The Miz Hey, so this sucked. ADR and Ricardo watch from a skybox, and Josh announces Randy/ADR for the PPV. Horrible. Anyways, the match happened. Lots of slow and plodding stuff, Miz being terrified of contact, and Randy Orton yet again working at the level of his opponent, which is great when he can fight Ziggler or Punk or Christian or MOK, but when he fights The Miz, it's god damned atrocious. Orton wins with the RKO after lots of bad reversals. *3/4 In the back, Sheamus asks Teddy to book him against Wade Barrett one more time where Show can't interfere. Teddy says he'll talk to Booker, and says to make sure there's a winner, it'll be a Lumberjack Match. GOD TEDDY, YOU'RE AWFUL. FUCK. I quit, back to ECW 1999 after this one. Eve is watching. Match #2: Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel Fun three minute showcase before the Finals on Raw. Kidd shines a lot, and Gabriel happens to exist also. Kidd has Sandow in the Sharpshooter, but Cody breaks it up with the Beautiful Disaster for the win. *3/4 In the back, Teddy finds Booker T and Eve, and Eve already proposed the Lumberjack Match as a way of undermining Teddy. Fantastic. Match #3: Team Hell No vs. The Big Show/Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero Ziggler/Bryan was awesome, which makes sense since it's one of the better pairings WWE has up their sleeve. Show vs. Bryan was really good, and makes a lot more sense now with Bryan as the babyface. He takes some awesome bumps for Show, and Ziggler rules it with the control segment. It gets cut off a little too soon and Kane has a good hot tag on Dolph. Bryan gets in to end it with the No Lock. If this was a little longer and had more of a legit finishing run, it'd be great. **3/4 Team Rhodes Scolars attack them on the stage when they argue. A pretape airs of Antonio Cesaro outside Sun Studios in Memphis. He says he brings prestige back to the US Title, so he's experiencing some Americana. This is the home of legends such as Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash, and "The King" Elvis Presley. That's why they need him, because they worship such country bumpkins making honking and tonking and rooting and tooting hillbilly music that nobody else in the whole world cares about. This is a landmark in America? NOT ON HIS WATCH. He says this building should be demolished, not celebrated. Match #4: Antonio Cesaro vs. Ted DiBiase Oh, Ted Jr's back! Great. He's actually trying and motivated, which is really weird. Claudio is wonderful again, and they have a really good three minute showcase. Pop-Up European and Neutralizer gets Claudio another win, and he's the best. ** RAW REBOUND. 3MB is in the ring coming back, and Slater has the mic. He says they're the greatest group in history, and Drew dubs them the Three Man Band officially, or 3MB. Jinder says they make beautiful music and rule the day, so sit back and watch Heath Slater beat up Brodus Clay. Match #5: Heath Slater vs. Brodus Clay 3MB and The Funkadactyls are on the floor. This is not totally awful since it's under two minutes. Heath wins with the Snapmare Driver. *1/4 In the back, Striker interviews Wade Barrett. He says there's a pervading notion in WWE that Sheamus is a tough guy, but he's not convinced. He says he is convinced that he's very very stupid, because he has a huge match against The Big Show, and he should be resting, not trying to fight a tough man like Wade Barrett in a match with no escape. So by taking this, Sheamus is surrendering his title to The Big Show, and after he does the Big Show a favor tonight, he wants him to remember and repay his favor. Eve comes out to do commentary. Match #6: Layla vs. Natalya Another solid two minutes, but there's only so much they can do with that time. They have some nice holds and reversals and Layla wins with a Roundhouse Kick. *3/4 Match #7: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett [Lumberjack Match] They did their usual thing for 7 minutes or so, which is hit each other really hard in the absence of interesting ideas to kill time and then a solid finishing run. Lumberjacks get involved to drag the match down as usual, and Bryan and Kane come out to get at Team Rhodes Scholars, and it breaks down into a brawl. Sheamus wins with the Brogue Kick. **1/4 Ziggler immediately hits Sheamus with the Peace Zig, and he brings the briefcase in to cash in, but The Big Show comes out and knocks out Ziggler with the punch before the ref can ring the bell! Show shakes his head, and kicks the briefcase out of the ring before signaling for the title. |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 17 2013, 05:57 PM Post #156 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 10/17/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE Raw October 22nd, 2012 East Rutherford, NJ Match #1: Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. Team Rhodes Scholars [Tag Team #1 Contender's Tournament - Finals] During the entrances, Cole says AJ got called away to WWE HQ for an emergency meeting with the Board, but should be back before the end of the show. This was very good, but not quite great. Rhodes Scholars remind me a lot of Money Inc. They're a team that makes sense and looks great on paper and was a great use of both guys, but they're not going to light the world on fire in the ring. Cody and Sandow are both classic "good but not great" level midcard guys, but it makes them great bases for the flippy stuff. Sin Cara mostly did good, and Rey was great again. Rey has Cody beat after the Penguin Splash, but when the ref brings his arm down for three, Sandow slides under it to break the count! They get rid of Sandow, but Cody hits Rey with Cross Rhodes for the win. **3/4 From the tron, Bryan and Kane congratulate them. Bryan says the question is now if they can beat them, and they both yell "HELL NO". Kane says he'd like to perform some magic, and says now you see him and now you don't, and pulls Bryan behind him by the beard. Kane then lights off his pyro in the ring. The Miz comes out to do commentary. Match #2: Kofi Kingston vs. Michael McGillicutty Two minute Kofi showcase, so it sucked. Fucking Kick ends it. 3/4* TONIGHT: RYBORK VS. MIZ RAW REBOUND! John Cena comes out for some reason and he gets on the mic. He says CM Punk is now at 337 days, but it's going to stop at 343 this Sunday, because change is coming in the form of Ryback! He says Ryback won't complain about a brass ring or complain about conspiracies and he won't promise revolution and ice cream bars, and all he stands for is destruction. And this Sunday, the face of the WWE will change. CM Punk and Paul Heyman come out and Punk says he's not surprised that he would come out and praise the football Giants and suck up to everyone. He says he should tell everyone that the Giants suck now, but he's actually a huge Giants fan, BUT THEY'RE THE GIANTS FROM SAN FRANSISCO! He says Cena wanting change is LAUGHABLE. He says Cena hasn't been champion for over 337 days, which is the change he promised a year plus ago, and says Cena wants the title on Ryback because John Cena thinks he can beat Ryback. He says he's the best in the world and he's done everything he said he would do, and says Cena can talk for Ryback all he wants, but when he makes a promise, he comes through, and he promises to walk out of Hell in a Cell STILL the WWE Champion. He says Cena realizes he can't beat him, so now he's Ryback's cheerleader. Cena says he wanted to tell the Universe how excited he was for the PPV, and says it's not that he can't beat him, it's that he wasn't ALLOWED to beat him. HOLY SHIT, REALLY? WHAT A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. Cena says he's cleared now, and he won't mess with his match, but he'd like to mess up his face now. Cena challenges him right now and Punk walks down. Paul tries to talk him down and yells to protect himself for Sunday, so Punk stops and goes to the back. Match #3: Antonio Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel This is four minutes, and a set up for a PPV match. JR says that Cesaro is working with torn tendons in his right hand. Claudio carries Gabriel again with cool bumps and power spots, but Gabriel gets a flurry out of nowhere, and he wins with the 450 Splash in a huge upset! ** In the parking lot, Vince McMahon and AJ arrive in a limo. HORRIBLE SEGMENT RECAP: featured an in-ring segment with McMahon and AJ in which AJ discussed allegations against her, citing her fraternizing with a WWE superstar, and said she was resigning as a result; AJ went on to say the allegations were untrue and noted she grew up 15 minutes from the arena, and going from being homeless to being the boss; AJ then thanked the fans for their support and McMahon for giving her a chance; moments later, Heyman interrupted and said the board should name a replacement GM immediately and suggested it be him; McMahon said no and then introduced Vickie Guerrero as the "managing supervisor;" Vickie then appeared, with Heyman immediately praising her before suggesting to her to change McMahon's ruling of Punk facing Ryback at Hell in a Cell; Vickie said Punk would still face Ryback and announced Punk would face World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus later in the show; when Heyman complained, Vickie said it would also be a lumberjack match; after Heyman left, Vickie confronted AJ and insulted her, accusing her of having an affair and saying she disgusted her; AJ went to leave but then tackled Vickie, with the two trading blows before Vickie escaped the ring Match #4: Ryback vs. The Miz Decent Ryback showcase. Miz got too much offense for an under 3 minute match when they're still building Ryback for the PPV, but whatever. Ryback wins with the Shellshocked. *1/2 BE A STAR. In the back, Kaitlyn tells Eve that she knows it was her, and she has proof. Kaitlyn says she's still the same witch, and they get into a fight. In the back, Josh interviews Sheamus and he shows off his stupid plush toy instead of talking about either of his big matches coming up. Josh finally has to ask him a second or third time about the Lumberjack Match, and Sheamus says he loves a Lumberjack Match because he likes the chaos. Josh asks about The Big Show, and Sheamus says he doesn't worry about matches. The Big Show comes over and slaps the stupid toy out of his hands. Show says he better get serious real quick, and says he's going to knock him out easier than he slapped that toy out of his hands. Match #5: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler This gets about 10 minutes, so they tear it up like they did in 2010, but now Ziggler is even better. The commercial cuts out the control segment by Ziggler basically, so what we get is 10-11 minutes of awesome offense and counters before a killer finishing run. This is still great, because Ziggler has enough offense for Bryan to get a great finishing run with him. Bryan is waiting for the end, but gets distracted by Kane trying to lead the crowd in a YES chant. He gets on the ropes to yell at him, BUT ZIGGLER HITS THE PEACE ZIG OFF THE MIDDLE BUCKLE TO WIN! *** after the bout, Bryan and Kane argued and Bryan shoved Kane before Matt Striker came out and said Vickie Guerrero had a surprise for them; Striker then said Vickie wanted them to take part in a game to get through their issues; following the commercial break, Striker had Bryan and Kane introduce themselves, as though they were on a game show, and introduced Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow as their opponents; moments later, Rhodes & Sandow appeared at the entrance stage and said they would win the titles at Hell in a Cell but were not playing the game show and then left; Striker then said Bryan & Kane were winners via forfeit, with Kane then clearing Striker from the ring; as Striker walked up the stage, he said he didn't wish Bryan & Kane luck on Sunday; moments later, Striker walked into the Big Show, making his way out to the ring, with Show tossing Striker several feet Match #6: The Big Show vs. Kane w/ Daniel Bryan This is JIP, so it's under four minutes. Show has good power spots and strikes, and Kane is basically just there. Kane fights back, but The Rhodes Scholars come out to distract him, and Big Show wins with the KO Punch. *3/4 They attack Bryan on the floor and in the ring with Kane out, and they hold up the title belts. In the back, John Cena talks to AJ. He says if there's anything she needs, he's here for her. You lying sack of shit. AJ says Vickie said she had an affair, and Cena said all she did was say it, there's no proof. He says to ask for a name, and they'll find whoever it is and reveal that nothing happened. He says she just gave up, but AJ says Vickie claimed it was him. AJ says she agreed to resignation to protect him, and Cena said they just had a business dinner, that's all. AJ says it's a mess now, and Cena hugs her. He says he'll take care of this. This is horrible. In the back, Cena asks Vince to reconsider. Vince says there was evidence, and if it wasn't this, it would be something else because she was on probation. Cena asks about Vickie, and Vince says she's here in the interim, but it is what it is. Match #7: Alberto Del Rio vs. Zack Ryder Another ADR squash to try and pretend he matters. Armbreaker ends it. Don't care anymore. *1/4 ADR puts it back on, and the crowd goes mild. In the back, Josh interviews Dolph Ziggler. He talks about the AJ thing and says it's a shame what John Cena did to AJ, costing her her job and everything. He says he thought AJ had better taste, but he hopes Cena's happy. Match #8: CM Punk vs. Sheamus [Lumberjack Match] This gets something like 10-15 minutes, so even with the horrible stipulation, it's pretty good. This is a lot less of an effort from them than the Main Event match, as Sheamus controls the first half and basically just takes it super slow and does nothing, because he can't fill time AT ALL. Punk does some good stuff, but the lumberjack stuff is far too prevalent. It breaks down of course, and Sheamus fights heel lumberjacks. The Big Show hits him with the Chokeslam from the apron, and Punk covers to win. **1/2 Ryback comes out and Punk tries to leave, BUT THE LUMBERJACKS THROW HIM BACK IN! MASSIVE PRESS SLAM, AND THE LUMBERJACKS KEEP THROWING HIM BACK IN FOR RYBACK TO KILL! AMAZING ANGLE. Ryback ends the show by press slamming Punk out and onto the heel lumberjacks. |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 17 2013, 07:53 PM Post #157 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 10/17/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 WWE NXT October 24th, 2012 Orlando, FL Match #1: Brodus Clay w/ The Funkadactyls vs. Camacho FUCK YEAH CAMACHO. He has some good stuff, but this is pretty much all a Brodus showcase. He wins with the Big Splash. *1/4 Match #2: Kassius Ohno vs. Trent Baretta YEAH! THIS RULED. Trent is one of the better WWE style spotty guys, and as one of the guys in that Long Island group of Ryder, Hawkins, Reks, etc., he clearly loved the 2000s indy style, so getting to work with Hero feels natural. Hero plugs him into his match against a smaller guy, and it works great. Lots of arm drags and quick striking early on before a dive, but then Hero takes over and tears him up. They don't get to greatness exactly, as Richie Steamboat comes out and throws a towel in Ohno's face. He's blinded briefly, and Trent hits the Busaiku Knee to win! **3/4 Match #3: Layla/Alicia Fox vs. Paige/Audrey Marie Another good NXT divas match. Paige continues to be really awesome on offense, and Audrey isn't horrible. Layla and Audrey have the ultimate ass battle. Layla looks better than usual on offense here, really hitting everything crisply and cleanly. Paige has Layla set for the Cradle DDT, but Audrey tags herself in. Paige slams her instead and is mad at Marie. She goes to cover Layla, but Layla counters into her own roll up for the win! ** Paige and Marie argue to the back. Match #4: Bronson vs. Lincoln Broderick Two super muscled up dudes here. Bronson gets the real entrance, so this is a squash for him. Bronson hits hard and has sort of an amateur wrestling style at the same time, so he stands out a lot. Bronson does a shoot Figure Four to win in under a minute. 3/4* In the back, Kassius Ohno throws stuff. Antonio Cesaro comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says that as the US Champion, he is the champion of everyone here and as the champion, he takes this title to a level that no American can ever reach. Ask not what your United States Champion can do for you, ask what you can do for your United States Champion. He asks them all to rise for the national anthem. He pleads with everyone and people stand up, and he asks them to play the national anthem OF SWITZERLAND! AMAZING! Tyson Kidd comes out and says if he wants them to do something for him, he should cut out the man purse in America. Kidd says he wants a shot at his US Title right here, and Claudio yells in German. Kidd says he has something that's universal, and slaps him! Kidd drives Cesaro from the ring, and I am ready for this. Match #5: Seth Rollins vs. Heath Slater w/ Vickie Guerrero Solid showcase for the champion. There is no explanation of why Vickie is with Slater now, but she keeps yelling at him to be better. Seth does his stuff well and Slater isn't stupid enough to try and do anything more complicated than a basic match and some awesome stooging. Seth wins with the Standing Shiranui. ** |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 17 2013, 08:34 PM Post #158 |
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Ryback vs. Dolph Ziggler, Main Event (October 24th) Ziggler does the best he can to make Rybork look as strong as possible going into the PPV title match. He dies on everything and repeatedly tries to run away but gets caught. They sell this wonderful underdog champion story on commentary, where Ryback is running through everyone, and has CM Punk in a match that Punk's never won, in HIAC, and a match that he's only had two weeks to prepare for. Ryback never even gets knocked off his feet, and hits the Shellshocked for the win. **1/4 The Usos vs. The Prime Time Players, Superstars (October 25th) This match again! They once again have a really good tag match that isn't quite great because the PTP have trouble with their transition spots and control segments. Lots of good basics and then Usos offense early on, and then it slows down. Usos have a fantastic hot tag to go into the finish, and Jey Uso hits the Flying Splash on D-Young to win. **1/4 Antonio Cesaro vs. Derrick Bateman, Saturday Morning Slam (October 27th) This is the match where Bateman gets hurt, and pretty much his last match on main TV. They work a lot of great comedy stuff with criss-cross spots and chanting for their countries, and it's a Cesaro showcase, but Bateman still adds a lot. He has some cool power spots, and breaks out his sweet Tope Suicida as his last piece of offense on WWE TV. He then misses a Crossbody and Cesaro hits the Neutralizer to win.**1/4 |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 18 2013, 12:14 PM Post #159 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 10/17/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 I actually don't have Smackdown at all. WWE Smackdown October 26th, 2012 Kane defeated Cody Rhodes (3:16) The Miz defeated Yoshi Tatsu (3:59) Wade Barrett defeated Randy Orton (14:14) Eve Torres and Aksana defeated Layla and Kaitlyn (3:34) Damien Sandow defeated Daniel Bryan (8:13) |
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| Big Tuna | Sep 19 2013, 12:54 AM Post #160 |
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WWE Champion: CM Punk, Since 11/20/2011 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Sheamus, Since 4/1/2012 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 10/17/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Eve, Since 9/16/2012 NXT Champion: Seth Rollins, Since 8/29/2012 ![]() WWE Hell in a Cell 2012 October 28th, 2012 Atlanta, GA Match #1: Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio This happened. The finish was really really cool, but it doesn't make up for another middling ADR match on PPV. He only ever tries when he's going to win a match, which means he doesn't fucking deserve to win anything. ADR works over the arm, but again fails to do anything actually interesting with it, because he's not winning. Randy throws his horrible punches but at least sells his arm when he uses it. They have a hilarious botch where ADR jumps off the top, but Orton is too far away, so he just lands on his feet and they have an embarrassing scrap. Then the cool finish happens where Orton avoids ADR's corner enzuiguri, and catches him falling down with the RKO to win. **1/4 Clips air of the pre-show, where Cena and Vickie did stuff on the mic, and Cena fought off Ziggler. In the back, Josh interviews Vickie. She says she has pictures that prove her allegations and she invites AJ to Raw to address them in person. Paul Heyman comes over and he tries to worm his way into her good graces to get CM Punk out of Hell in a Cell. Vickie says it's clear Punk is scared of Ryback, so she will not cancel the match. Match #2: Team Hell No [c] vs. Team Rhodes Scholars [WWE Tag Team Championship] Solid match, but my point about the Rhodes Scholars stands again. They do stuff and it's not bad, but there's no real point to hook onto in it. Bryan does well, but it's getting to that point in this tag run where he's clearly healing up from injuries and not going totally all out. He's a good face in peril as usual, and Kane's hot tag is solid. Kane and Bryan have their issues and Bryan misses the knee off the apron and hits Kane. He loses it back in the ring and the ref DQs Kane for attacking Cody and Sandow in the corner when he's not legal. Awful finish. **3/4 Sandow eats a Chokeslam, and Bryan and Kane argue some more. In the back, The Miz cuts a horrible promo. Match #3: Kofi Kingston [c] vs. The Miz [WWE Intercontinental Championship] Hey, this sucked again! Basically 10 minutes of counters and blown spots with tons of distance. I tried to keep track of strikes that didn't connect, and then I lost count. They talk about Kofi now being more intense, but he wrestles the exact same match as before. Kofi's "athletic" stuff looks super sloppy, his set ups are contrived, etc. Really impressive how he manages to be easily the worst guy on the show when he's in a match with The Miz. Miz sort of works the leg, and Kofi barely sells it at all. Kofi then wins with the fucking kick, and now sells while he has the cover. 3/4* Post-match, Striker interviews Kofi and he calls himself a fucking wildcat. WRESTLEMANIA 29: APRIL 7TH! Punk/Cena is gonna rule. In the back, Kane and Bryan argue about whose fault the loss is. Kane says nobody will give him vegan candy on Halloween, and Bryan says he can't talk to anyone about Halloween with his mask. Kane says Bryan's been wearing a costume his whole life, because he's a goat. Bryan says Kane is impossible, so Kane says he's the tag Team Champions. Bryan says he's the Tag Team Champions and leaves. Match #4: Antonio Cesaro [c] vs. Justin Gabriel [WWE U.S. Championship] Claudio again carries Gabriel. The kid does stuff and whatever, and it picks up when Claudio uses him to show off all his cool power offense and some strikes. Gabriel does stuff when he fights back into this, but Claudio intercepts a springboard dive with a European Uppercut. He rolls him in and hits the Neutralizer to win. **1/4 BREAST CANCER IS BAD. BUY JOHN CENA'S SHIRT. A video on Ryback airs. Match #5: Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. The Prime Time Players This was solid again. The match on Raw had all four working a little tighter and crisper, and this was also longer. Tht meant it had more downtime in the middle, because the PTP have trouble filling time in control segments as we've seen throughout 2012 so far. They have some good stuff, but it's mixed with a lot of middling stuff. Control seg drags on a long time, but Rey's hot tag is good. He beats D-Young with the Penguin Splash. **1/4 WWE SHILLS THE ROLLING STONES' PPV CONCERT. Hype video for Sheamus/Show. Match #6: Sheamus [c] vs. The Big Show [World Heavyweight Championship] FINALLY. This is way better than it had any right to be, looking at their other matches. Really basic idea of Show totally dominating Sheamus, and Sheamus being out of his element for the first time and struggling to fight back like he usually does. Show really destroys Sheamus with his control segment, and Sheamus has the best selling of his life. He has the best comebacks of his career too and really looks like he earns them. Sheamus kicks out of the KO Punch, and Show survives the Brogue Kick. It still feels like Sheamus is getting this because he's scripted to instead of coming off like the better guy, but less so than since his huge push began. Beautiful finish happens, as Show just sidesteps another Brogue Kick and hits the second KO Punch in mid leap from Sheamus, and that finally gets the belt off of Sheamus. *** In the back, Teddy finds Eve and says he knows she's tried to make him look bad. He says she screwed over Kaitlyn and Layla, but they'll get a chance to return the favor. Zack Ryder comes over as a witch and Santino is Lady Gaga. Horrible. Nowhere near as good as Layla's version. This leads to a super forced DAMN. In the back, CM Punk goes to Vince in his office and says to call it off. Vince says he can't call off the WWE Championship match and asks if he lacks confidence. Punk says he's not and Vince asks if he's afraid, and Punk says no. Vince says to prove it then and prove that he's the best in the world, and if he leaves here tonight with the WWE Title, he just might be. Match #7: Eve [c] vs. Kaitlyn vs. Layla [WWE Divas Championship] Not a horrible use of 6 minutes to kill some time. I like the Eve/Kaitlyn pairing a lot, and Layla is generally solid enough. Shit gets bad with the finish though. Kaitlyn hits a Powerslam and has the cover, but Eve tries a Flipping Senton off the top. She barely connects but mostly overshoots them, and steals the cover on Layla to win. *3/4 In the back, Josh interviews The Big Show. He says that sounds good, The Big Show as the champion. No more 45 seconds, no more failing for 9 years. He's reached the top of the mountain, everyone's worst nightmare has come true, and back in Atlanta, The Giant is the World Heavyweight Champion again, and he dares anyone to try and come and take it from him. Try. Hype video for the main event. Match #8: CM Punk [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. Ryback [WWE Championship - HELL IN A CELL] This is rough and absolutely is the WWE being put in a corner, but a corner they also built to begin with by making this PPV. They had Cena/Punk planned, of course, but with Cena hurt, the only person with enough momentum was Ryback. So they give him this before he's even close to being ready from a story perspective. But Punk can't lose because ugh, THAT BELONGS TO ROCKY. And the Cell ruins any kind of a DQ or Count Out finish like this logically should have. So they're stuck and Punk has to do what he can. He puts on a great pinball performance around rybork's power stuff. He stays alive using experience and intelligence, maneuvering Ryback so he can use the cell, etc. Ryback survives weapon stuff too and has the Shellshocked set up, but the referee gets in the way AND LOW BLOWS RYBACK! PUNK GETS A SCHOOLBOY AND THE REF COUNTS FAST! **3/4 Punk is confused but tries to leave. Charles Robinson doesn't know how keys work, so Ryback recovers and he kills Punk and referee Brad Maddox. He ends up press slamming the ref into the cell, but Punk finally gets out the door. Ryback follows, and Paul runs away with the WWE Title. Punk scales up to the top, but Ryback follows and hits the Shellshocked on top of the Cell to end the show. |
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They work a lot of great comedy stuff with criss-cross spots and chanting for their countries, and it's a Cesaro showcase, but Bateman still adds a lot. He has some cool power spots, and breaks out his sweet Tope Suicida as his last piece of offense on WWE TV. He then misses a Crossbody and Cesaro hits the Neutralizer to win.

6:53 PM Jul 10