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Simon Watches ECW - 1997
Topic Started: May 17 2013, 10:26 PM (6,991 Views)
Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas, Since 7/13/1996 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
April 24th, 1997
Pittsburgh, PA


In the back, Rick Rude says it looks like the Triple Threat is splitsville, and says Brian Lee has the hots for Francine, and he thinks the feeling's mutual. He says Shane can't click his heels three times and make it all okay, because he's a 250 pound boil on the booty of life, and he's 215 pounds of Oxy 5.

NINETEEN SIXTY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE YEAH.

In a pretape, Shane Douglas is with Francine and cuts a promo. He says both his title and Francine are something he wants, but he's not man enough to fake, and he flexes, and says it's something Rick Rude used to have, but he's not man enough to show anymore. He says Rick Rude has nightmares about how he's lost everything and is a shell of himself, fifty pounds lighter, gold gone, and three inches shorter. He says he's a man, and Rick Rude is just like a woman, good for nothing. Francine is briefly upset, but follows him out of the room.

In a pretape, Raven cuts a promo. He says they took everything away from him. They took the women he loved, the Nest he built, the cult he developed, the following he amassed, and the devotion he controlled. He says he had no remorse, guilt, or conscience, and he truly has nothing left to live for. Except to take Terry Funk and Tommy Dreamer with him. Quote the Raven. He says Stevie earned his keep, and it's time for one final mission, to burn this place to the ground. To kill the dream. He says all is forgiven, and it's time to come home. He says he misses Stevie, and it's okay. He keeps saying all is forgiven. Quote his brother, forevermore.

In a pretape, Stevie Richards says all is NOT forgiven, and says every victory he gets is a victory over people like Raven, who used him and laughed at him and never believed in him.

ECW CHAPTER TWO - ECW ARENA - MAY 10TH:
-FUNK VS. RAVEN VS. DREAMER VS. STEVIE FOR THE ECW TITLE

In the back, Joey talks about having footage of an incident with Chris Candido that they can't legally air yet, so he throws it to a match instead. Before that, he shows clips of JT Smith's return at the Barely Legal pre-show to help Chetti against the FBI, but says it was for one night. Since then, the FBI have put out a contract on Chetti.

Match #1: Spike Dudley/Chris Chetti vs. Little Guido/Tracy Smothers w/ Tommy Rich
Tracy now hails from Nashville, Italy. This has a surprising amount of matwork for an ECW undercard match, but Smothers vs. Spike ruled. Chetti has a hot tag and it's fine. Tommy Rich accidentally punches Little Guido, and Chetti gets a roll up for the win. BOOOOOOOOOOO.
**

GREAT MOMENTS IN A CAREER: Terry Funk returns to attack Cactus Jack in 1995

The video finally airs, and it's Chris Candido and Sunny coming to the building together. Candido's arm is still in a sling and he wants to her about all these horrible things in his life like his arm and Brian Lee. RVD walks in too, and he grabs Sunny's ass, which hey, it's 1997 so fair enough. Candido attacks him, and they get pulled apart. RVD says all disrespect intended, and he walks off laughing.

In the back, Joey Styles says Shane and Francine are on a plane going to an undisclosed location to try and recruit a new Triple Threat member.

Now in an entirely new arena, Chris Candido is on the mic and rants about RVD, but Joey keeps talking over it, because ECW fans are stupid and can't connect the dots without this asshole spelling everything out, I guess. RVD comes back out to fight and Sabu comes with Alfonso for a 2 on 1. Wait, what? Who is what here? Taz then comes out to clean house and clears the ring of RVD and Sabu. Alfonso has to stop Sabu from getting back in. I guess Taz is using that favor then. Candido offers an honest handshake, but Taz hits a Northern Lights Suplex. Taz gets on the mic and says he's not some hokey babyface, and says Sabu and RVD are dead.

Match #2: Balls Mahoney vs. Corp. Punishment
This happens. Mostly a showcase for Balls. He hits a sweet Flying Elbow for the win.
*1/2

TERRY FUNK MOMENT: Funk returns to help Tommy vs. Cactus

In the back, Alfonso cuts a promo with Sabu and RVD. He says he hates Taz's guts and says he's a crier and he's not extreme like Sabu. He says he made Taz and put him in magazines and got his contracts. RVD says to calm down, and says while he's on camera and shows clips of his high spots. He says he knows they want this on their Monday night show, and he's looking forward to taking it a bit easier. He says he's a hard worker and all but he's 26 and he doesn't want scars and bandages all over him. Sabu is mad at this, but RVD says it works for him, and he gets Fonzie and Sabu mad about Taz again. RVD is the best.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas, Since 7/13/1996 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
May 1st, 1997
Waltham & Revere, MA


The RVD and Candido backstage fight airs again to open the show.

In the back, Joey Styles talks about an incident between Raven and Stevie Richards during a Raven promo they recorded before the show, and he talks about how it raises issues of if Stevie Richards has left the BWO to rejoin the Nest, and theorizes about house show match ups and how it could bring the ECW Title back to the Nest if they're re-aligned and goes on and on about everything that COULD happen. Joey Styles is the worst.

Match #1: The Blue Meanie/Nova vs. Little Guido/Tracy Smothers w/ Tommy Rich
Wonderful comedy match until it got serious. Tracy's dancing is the best, but this loses steam when the BWO has to actually wrestle, and you remember that these guys still fucking blow in the ring. Guido and Tracy both looked great, but they can't do everything for the opponents. Rich hits Meanie with an international object, and Smothers covers to win.
*3/4

In a pretape, The Eliminators talk. Saturn says the belts are back where they belong, and to be the World Champions in ECW, someone has to best the best tag team in the world, but the path to victory is blocked with an obstacle that cannot be passed. TOTAL ELIMINATION!

Another horrible Eliminators video to a House of Pain song airs.

In a pretape, Bill Alfonso is with Sabu and Rob Van Dam. He says his team always gets bamboozled and hoodwinked by crooked referees in Queens, and the entire state of New York is crooked. He says Sabu is going to put people through tables, and he challenges every tag team there is, and says he hates New York. He says he'll be here to make sure his team, the best team, gets the best deal. Rob Van Dam calms him down, and says the good news is Rob Van Dam's coming to Queens, and he's interested in exploring other employment options too, and says he's only an hour from the Tower. Sabu is mad, and RVD says he'll be there on the weekends, but he wants to work Mondays too.

Before the next match, RVD has the announcer say he's looking into moving to Stamford, CT or Atlanta, GA.

Match #2: Rob Van Dam w/ Bill Alfonso vs. Spike Dudley
Awesome RVD showcase. Spike does stuff, and it's like 75% good, but he's still really inexperienced, and it shows. RVD wins with the Van Daminator, and poses while pinning him.
**

Sabu comes out, and he and RVD hit Spike with the Event Omega.

I usually don't cover HYPE CENTRAL~, but Joel Gertner debuts his neck brace this week as I skipped through it.

Coming back, Tommy Dreamer is standing over Gertner and being held back. Louie Spicolli throws the Wolfpac sign up at him and laughs and says to calm down, so because he's the worst in ECW, Tommy threatens to break his fingers, and Louie goes away for his match.

Louie vs. Chetti is clipped and Tommy Dreamer cuts a promo in the back saying he doesn't like Louie and his big mouth, and he's going to get in his face now. He comes out to the ring and they fight after Louie throws up the sign again, and this totally came from out of nowhere. I don't get it. Tommy breaks Louie's fingers and then Pillmanizes his hand in a chair. What the fuck?

The Raven promo that they've hyped up all episode finally airs, and he is somewhere in the basement of a building. He has a hammer in his hands and says he's dealt with more pain, suffering, and anguish than any human being should have to bear. He's suffered at the hands of his parents and his friends, and he's tired, he's real tired. He stands up and says he's sick and tired of hurting, and if his life is going to be a living Hell, then he invites Tommy Dreamer, Terry Funk, and Stevie Richards to join him. He says he's not waiting, and he goes into the BWO locker room. He says he and Stevie have one more mission together, and Stevie says no, so Raven kicks him in the dick and beats on him with a garbage can. He yells at him to end his pain and take him out, before he sits next to him and keeps repeating "End my pain, Stevie" to end the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas, Since 7/13/1996 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
May 8th, 1997
Asbury Park, NJ


The show opens with Bam Bam Bigelow in the crowd as a spectator.

Clips air of The Gangstas vs. The Eliminators vs. The Dudley Boyz in a three way dance for the Tag Titles. New Jack does another balcony dive, this time onto Bubba. Big Dick Dudley gets involved and somehow he's able to pin New Jack after a Chokeslam? Joey says Bubba was stretchered out after the dive, so I guess he got replaced. Anyways, The Eliminators retain with the TOTAL ELIMINATION~ on Big Dick. About three minutes shown out of nearly 25.

After the opening video (NINETEEN SIXTY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE YEAH OW), Joey Styles is in the ring and he introduces the new co-host of ECW, "Ravishing" Rick Rude! He comes out to "The Stripper", because I guess his theme is the only one they cared about properly having the rights to. Rude says as he's just the man for the job and he might not have Joey's gift of gab, but he promises to show the extreme wrestling from the wrestler's perspective, with just a twist of rudeness. He promises to add his own Rude kind of color to commentary, and he promises Shane Douglas and the bitch he hangs with that he will continue to fuck with The Franchise.

Clips air of Shane Douglas and Francine in the ring, and they single out Bam Bam Bigelow in the crowd, as Joey narrates over it, so we can't hear anything he says. Probably for the best. Rick Rude says it's obvious Bam Bam had eaten dinner and desert, because Shane Douglas would only be a snack for the big man. He says everyone saw the PPV when his own bodyguard cleaned the lint from Francine's belly button from the inside out, and Shane had nothing to do or say about it. He says he pretends everything is alright, and either Shane's one kinky cat, or he's got the balls of a mouse.

RUDE CAM: Rick Rude has a camera to find out the scoop on the Stevie Richards situation. I don't know how anyone could believe he's back in the Nest when all that happened was Raven kicking him in the dick and losing his mind. But okay. Rude knocks on the BWO locker room, and can't find him, and Joey promises comments.

ADDED TO "CHAPTER TWO" ON MAY 10TH, LIKE IT MATTERS SINCE IT'S NOT EVEN RELEASED ANYWAYS:
-SABU AND ROB VAN DAM VS. TAZ AND CHRIS CANDIDO
-THE ELIMINATORS DEFEND THE TITLES

Match #1: Tommy Dreamer w/ Beulah vs. Corp. Punishment
STOP BOOKING HIM. This is butchered by a commercial, but I think that's for the best, since what was shown was pretty terrible. It's 30 seconds of Hip Tosses by Tommy, and coming back, Louie is standing over Tommy after hitting him with his hand cast, AND THE REF CALLS A DQ. LOLECW.
1/4*

Louie does the Tommy (Raven) pose, and then throws up the Wolfpac sign again. Louie puts a table up in the ring and really throws some awesome right hands to bust him open even more. Louie puts the table up slanted, AND HITS THE SPICOLLI DRIVER THROUGH THE TABLE! YEAH! Tommy totally had this coming, he overreacted completely last week. Tommy Dreamer is helped to the back, and this takes forever. Tommy sold this more than every single table bump off the stage in 1996, which is pretty fucked up. But it looks good for Louie, so I'll take it.

RUDE CAM: Meanie tries to get in the BWO locker room, but Raven is in there, and he kicks he and the camera out.

TERRY FUNK MOMENT: The Funk/Shane press conference fight

In front of the ocean, Tommy Dreamer says he's going to make Louie drown in his own blood. JESUS, THAT WAS SO BAD.

Match #2: Shane Douglas [c] w/ Francine vs. Balls Mahoney [ECW Television Championship]
Shane keeps goading BBB. They stall for sooooooooooo long with Shane threatening to leave unless Balls drops the chair, and by the time they start, I no longer can summon the strength to care. This happens when Shane Douglas tries to do this kind of thing and it isn't that weird 6 months in 1996 where he was almost great. THEN THEY WORK ARM HOLDS FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES. THE FUCK? Shane takes over with like 90% dick focused offense. This is AWFUL. Balls fights back, but Candido runs out and hits him with his own chair FOR ANOTHER DQ? HOLY SHIT, THIS COMPANY FUCKING BLOWS AFTER BARELY LEGAL. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?
*

Bam Bam Bigelow hops the railing to save, and yep, of course he turns on Balls Mahoney. Because why save the surprise for an opponent who was actually a threat or involved in the angle like Brian Lee? Just use it on this loser. I'm glad Bam Bam is here now, but holy shit, that was a shitty and rushed way to get him in the middle of stuff.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas, Since 7/13/1996 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
May 15th, 1997
Philadelphia, PA


Clips of Shane/Bam Bam vs. The Pitbulls opens the show. It looks decent, like The Pitbulls and Shane care again, and Bam Bam is Bam Bam. Rick Rude comes out and takes Francine to the back, and it's blurred out because tits popped out, I guess. Aw man. And then we cut to the credits, because lol matches.

In the ring, Joey Styles brings out Rick Rude, and it's basically the same idea as last week. He says he's been a bit hungry, but he can get anything he wants at Francine's restaurant. He says the black angus is juicy and tender, but the red snapper is a little bit fishy. He says he gave her a really big tip though. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH.

JUNE 7TH AT THE ECW ARENA - WRESTLEPALOOZA 97!

Match #1: Tommy Dreamer w/ Beulah vs. Louie Spicolli
Louie is dressed like Tommy to be a dick. this was a really great 6-7 minutes, but that was also upsetting because they were clearly just getting started. Awesome brawling and Louie bled a ton. Tommy ripped one of his pant legs and slaps the shit out of him and Tommy as the old guard is a lot of fun. They have some great stuff back in the ring and Tommy hits a shockingly great Enzuiguri to win right as it's getting great.
**3/4

Louie attacks Tommy from behind, AND HE HITS BEULAH WITH THE SPICOLLI DRIVER! FUCK YEAH! He leaves, and people pour out to try and help her. Joey and Rude sell this like the worst thing in ECW history, but she was getting Piledrivers like every few months from Tommy Dreamer in 1995!

RUDE CAM~ shows Tommy going nuts in the back, and Terry Funk calms him down so people can get her to the hospital.

On HYPE CENTRAL~, Gertner insults Rude's failed acting career and says he got beat out for a role in Thunder in Paradise by James Neidhart, and says he is the true thunder from down under with the lightning rod in his pants. He says the truth about "Rank" Rick Rude, and says when Ravishing Rick was supposed to be getting rough and ready after shows with girls, he chose to retire and watching Cartoon Network. He says Rude has a broken neck and back, and he can't do the pelvic thrust anymore, but he is the master now, and Shane Douglas told him that he, Joel Gertner, isn't just the quintessential studmuffin, but simply ravishing.

Match #2: Taz/Chris Candido vs. Sabu/Rob Van Dam w/ Bill Alfonso
This was a little disappointing, but ECW is so bad lately that I'll consider this a great match for ECW 1997. Candido doesn't want to tag out to Taz, who really wants at Sabu especially. Things break down into a wonderful match at the end after a few Sabu and RVD botches, but the last 5 or so minutes is awesome. Francine comes out to give Candido a chain, but Taz won't let him use it, and they miscommunicate. Candido ducks under a chair throw from RVD that hits Sabu and Candido hits a beautiful Bridging German to win.
***

Taz and Sabu fight on the floor going into commercial.

Another Eliminators music video airs, now to a song I don't know.

Coming back, RVD is on the mic. He says it's bad enough that he has to work in front of you losers, but getting pinned? He says something's really wrong with that and says that wouldn't happen where RVD was working where belonged, and everyone knows, and then the sound shits itself, but the crowd waves goodbye, so I guess he's teasing leaving.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas, Since 7/13/1996 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997

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ECW The Buffalo Invasion
May 17th, 1997
Buffalo, NY

Match #1: The Pitbulls vs. Little Guido/Tracy Smothers w/ Tommy Rich

This is the best Pitbulls match in at least a year, maybe a year and a half. It's almost all due to the FBI taking huge bumps, and having some wonderful stooging. The Pitbulls, to their credit, stick to basic power offense since it's all they're capable of. Rich cheats, and the FBI has a really good control segment on #2. They do a quick hot tag, and Guido loses to the Superbomb. They got way more out of 15 minutes than I ever would have expected.
**3/4

Match #2: Balls Mahoney vs. Bill Wiles

This was a match. Balls did stuff and won with a chair shot.
*

Match #3: Taz vs. Spike Dudley

Awesome 5 minutes for a Taz showcase. Spike had a great offensive near the end, but Taz survived, and put on the Tazmission for the win.
**1/2

Match #4: Shane Douglas [c] w/ Francine vs. Chris Chetti [ECW Television Championship]

Hey, no thanks. This is kind of hilarious, as Shane Douglas tries to put Chetti over big, but he is just not good enough at anything. Shane sells his basic holds like death, but they're really limp and loose, so he comes off as a jabroni. If you're gonna pretend to be the Ace, you've gotta work like it. The Ace shouldn't get dominated by a guy with like 4 months experience. Shane has some good work on the neck, but then fitting with his usual laziness, he puts on a Half Crab for no real reason. Chetti gets on a Figure Four and Francine distracts the ref, SO RICK RUDE COMES OUT! YEAH! He lifts her dress up and lifts her upside down. He carries her to the back while basically eating her out, because he's Rick Rude. They do stuff, and Shane wins with the Side Belly to Belly.
**1/4

Raven and Tommy Dreamer have a Dream Partner Tag, and both men come out. Raven has the new Nest of Chastity and Lupus with him, and then Tommy comes out. Tod Gordon is in the ring and say they can pick anyone to be their partner, and Tommy Dreamer of course picks Terry Funk. Raven is up, and he picks Stevie Richards! He takes a while to come out, and he us also confused.

Match #5: Terry Funk/Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven/Stevie Richards w/ Lupus & Chastity
This is fun. Raven is almost never in this early on, but instead keeps insulting Stevie on the mic from the apron, saying to take cheap shots and that he didn't raise him to be a pussy. It breaks down into a wonderful wonderful chaotic brawl, but then settles down again. They do a whole thing about legal man rules and then at the end, the ref counts pins for everyone, so fuck that. God damnit. Louie Spicolli runs out to cost Tommy a pin on Raven, and Raven and Tommy fight away. Louie gets Funk up for the DVD, but Stevie hits the Steve Kick, and takes the pin on Funk to win!
**3/4

Match #6: The Eliminators [c] vs. The Gangstas vs. D-Von Dudley/Big Dick Dudley w/ Joel Gertner & Bubba Ray Dudley [ECW Tag Team Championship - Three Way Dance]

Bubba broke his ankle at the PPV, so Big Dick is replacing him for a bit. It was just Elims/Dudz for like 5 minutes until The Gangstas came out, and The Gangstas are so much less cool on one of the ECW releases where it's just techno. This ends up going on WAAAAAAAAAY too long at like 18 minutes, which is the most frustrating problem ECW has. It finally ends when The Eliminators pin both Mustafa and Big Dick at the same time after Total Eliminations.
**

After the match, Bubba also gets one.

Bill Alfonso comes out and says he owns this place because he's Sabu's manager. He says to tune in and watch he and Mr. Monday Night, Rob Van Dam, but then doesn't finish his point and talks about how much Buffalo sucks, and says he's going to get ECW banned from Buffalo, so they never come back. Tod Gordon comes out and Alfonso says he hates ECW. Gordon says ECW is coming back soon. Alfonso challenges him to fight, so they have another awful fight and Gordon wins.

Louie Spcolli comes out in a Beulah t-shirt, and he gets on the mic. He brags about costing Terry Funk and Tommy Dreamer their match, and says he's the new hardcore Innovator of Violence. He says Tommy failed again at beating Raven, and after the match, he and Raven beat the fucking shit out of him again in the back. He says Tommy won't be back out here, and he's sorry their match can't happen. He says he broke that fucking cunt Beulah's neck, and tells the ref to count him out, because fuck Tommy Dreamer, fuck their match, and fuck that broad - OH WAIT, HE ALREADY DID. LOUIE IS AWESOME! The ref counts, and Tommy comes out limping!

Match #7: Tommy Dreamer w/ Beulah vs. Louie Spicolli
Lesser than the Philadelphia match, since this was more of an arena brawl and they focused on lame "let's throw each other into stuff" spots instead of actual hate-filled brawling and scrapping. Really good once they got back to ringside though. Louie tries to use Beulah as a shield, but she kicks him in the dick and Tommy wins with a DDT.
**1/2

Post-match, Louie now hits Tommy with the Death Valley Driver!

Match #8: Terry Funk [c] vs. The Sandman vs. Stevie Richards vs. Raven w/ Lupus & Chastity [ECW World Heavyweight Championship - Elimination Match]
This only got 10 minutes, but it might have been better off for it, since they couldn't overstay their welcome now. Nothing great, but an enjoyable little brawl. Raven tries to get Stevie to help him, but after berating him again STEVIE HITS HIM WITH THE STEVIE KICK AND SANDMAN COVERS TO ELIMINATE RAVEN! WHOA! Stevie gets a ton of shine in the next five minutes, AND STEVIE EVEN ELIMINATES SANDMAN WITH THE STEVIE KICK! FUCK YEAH! Funk then hurls a piece of guardrail onto Stevie's neck to win, and I'm pretty sure that's what broke his neck.
**1/2
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas, Since 7/13/1996 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
May 22nd, 1997
Buffalo, NY


The final moments of Shane/Chetti air to open this week.

NINETEEN SIXTY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE YEAH

Taz vs. Spike Dudley airs.

A highlight video airs of the Buffalo Invasion, recapping matches not aired in full, including the four way ECW Title match, Tommy/Louie, and the three way dance for the Tag Titles.

PULP FICTION FINALLY RETURNS:
-Raven says Jim Morrison never sold out, Janis Joplin never sold out, Kurt Cobain never sold out, but in the 90s, it's all the rage to sell out to corporate America. So when one of your ECW superstars abandons the promotion to work on Monday nights, he feels their pain. When someone who's spilled their lifeblood for this company leaves for personal and financial gain, he feels their pain. He asks how RVD could leave like that, and starts smirking.
-The Pitbulls are mad at RVD for leaving and challenges them to come back to ECW so they can rip out his skull and shit down his neck, and #2 says to bring Sabu back with him, so they can fuck him out of the sky. What?
-The Sandman says he'd give up cigarettes, and he'd come to work sober, just to get the chance to get Rob Van Dam in the ring
-Bill Alfonso says he loves Vince McMahon
-Terry Funk says he's been everywhere in the world, he loves his freedom to go freely, but when Rob Van Dam began associating with those people, he gave away the freedom that individuals have in ECW, and became one of 100 other mass products that Vince McMahon puts out.
-Shane Douglas says WWF stands for We Want Franchise, but they can't have him, so they took Van Dam. Yep, that's what it was. You'd NEVER leave ECW for the WWF, right? Fuck you.
-Louie Spicolli says if Rob Van Dam goes to the WWF again, he asks him to say hi to Shawn and Hunter for him
-Tommy Dreamer says RVD is a traitor now, and he sold out
-The Dudley Boyz speak. Bubba says RVD is a piece of crap, so it only makes sense that he came from ECW. Terry Funk is an old piece of crap, The Sandman is a drunk piece of crap, The Pitbulls are pieces of crap from Philadelphia, The Gangstas are pieces of crap, and The Eliminators? Pieces of crap who stole their belts. Tommy Dreamer? The Innovator of Craps.
-The Eliminators don't care about where RVD wrestles, but Saturn says he only cares about that RVD used their hard work as a stepping stone
-The FBI argues, and Tracy accidentally calls him Rob Van Ham. Tommy Rich thinks they're talking about Jean Claude Van-Damme
-Bill Alfonso says with RVD working everywhere, he's almost made up all the money Taz lost him at Barely Legal
-Chris Chetti talks. Shut the fuck up.
-Tod Gordon says RVD is a shrewd businessman, and he's positioned himself where he can make more money in ECW because people want to see him get his ass kicked, but it won't happen, because he suspends Van Dam indefinitely from ECW

Raven/Stevie vs. Funk/Tommy airs to end the show.

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas, Since 7/13/1996 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
May 29th, 1997
Monaca, PA


The show opens with Taz opening up a Chetti vs. jobber match, and he chokes them both out. Taz gets on the mic and says Taz is the baddest motherfucker in pro wrestling before he leaves.

In the back, Joey Styles and Rick Rude talk. They hype up Sabu's return to ECW on June 7th (All the listings for this show say June 6th, 1997, so I don't know who's right. I'll side with Wikipedia and put it as June 6th in the review) and Joey says Sabu and Rob Van Dam are on a tour of Japan, and rumor says they've been having problems.

A recap airs of last week's tag team match, and Joey announces Terry Funk vs. Stevie Richards for the ECW Title on June 7th at the ECW Arena.

In a pretape, Stevie Richards cuts a promo. He says he was born in Philadelphia, and grew up all his life in a small neighborhood named Port Richmond. He graduated from Central High School, and he remembers one Friday night, he did his homework as fast as he could, so he could go to the Civic Center and see Arn and Tully defend the titles against his favorite team, The Midnight Express. He says they won the titles that , and that was the day he knew he wanted to be a professional wrestler, and he knew he wanted to be a superstar. He says it was his dream to get recognized on the street, and for someone to say he was their favorite. He says ever since he went into wrestling school, people told him he'd never make it, but he just need a chance. He says in 1995, he got a chance when a man came along and offered to teach him. He taught him he abused him, he slapped him and spat on him, and he humiliated him. He sold out, not to a corporation, but in front of everyone's eyes in ECW. He says he can end his pain, unlike Raven, because he doesn't think Raven WANTS to end his pain. And he's going to do it on June 7th, when he becomes the World Heavyweight Champion in a building he lives 10 minutes away from. This went on like 6-7 minutes and got fucking unbearable by the end.

ADDED TO THE JUNE 7TH CARD:
-THE DUDLEY BOYZ VS. THE SANDMAN/BALLS MAHONEY
-RAVEN VS. TOMMY DREAMER IN THE FINAL SHOWDOWN. Probably could have given this some more hype, considering.
-MORE SURPRISES THAN EVER!

Before the match, Joel Gertner says he taught Marv Albert everything he knows about announcing, and Marv taught him everything he knows about lovemaking. It's okay to nibble, it really is. He calls himself now the simply ravishing studmuffin, The International Man of Mystery, Joel "Not Conceited, Just Convinced" Gertner. The Dudleys are now introduced as the Former Intercontinental United States Television and Western States Heritage Tag Team Champions.

Match #1: The Dudley Boyz w/ Joel Gertner vs. Spike Dudley/Mikey Whipwreck
MIKEY LIVES! He looked great in this, easily the best of the four. Awesome punches, beautiful dive, and crisp basic babyface stuff as always. Mikey overestimating Spike's weight and throwing him up for a dive but launching him over Bubba to the floor was hilarious. Mikey then died on bumps and both Mikey and Spike were perfect FIPs. Unfortunately, it ended pretty quickly after Mikey's hot tag. He gets hit with a chair, and Spike is then beaten with the 3D.
**3/4

Mikey attacks them with chair shots in revenge, and Big Dick Dudley comes out. He doesn't go down, and Chokeslams Mikey. They beat on Mikey with a 3 on 1, and take out jobbers when they try to save. Balls Mahoney runs out with a chair, and hits Bubba and D-Von with it. He hits Big Dick twice, but he stays vertical, and a third chair shot knocks Big Dick down to the floor! The Dudley Boyz retreat.

In the back, Joey and Rude hype up June 7th again, and Rude says if Francine's a problem at ringside, he'll have to get involved, and get to the bottom of the problem. Joey guarantees that this is card you don't want to miss, and goes nuts with the hard sell.

Balls Mahoney is still in the ring and says nobody wants to get in the ring with him, and asks anybody to come give him a match. Balls says there's one guy who has balls as big as his, and pulls out a can of beer and says if he can beat him, he can have it, and this brings out The Sandman.

Match #2: The Sandman vs. Balls Mahoney
This is good while it lasts. Balls hits a chair shot before Sandman can use the cane, so he takes over. Good chair stuff and work on Sandman's cut, but when he tries to use the cane, it ends up costing him. Sandman comes back and knocks him out of the ring with several cane shots. The Dudley Boyz then run out to attack Balls Mahoney, and it's not a DQ, but it is the end of the match.
**1/4

The Sandman tries to save, but also gets beat up. Tommy Dreamer runs out to save, but then Louie Spicolli comes out to get him. Terry Funk is brought out and then Stevie, and this is all some bullshit to get Terry and Stevie alone in the ring, and Stevie now cleanly lays out Terry Funk with the Stevie Kick, and poses over him to end the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas, Since 7/13/1996 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
June 5th, 1997
Waltham, MA


In the back, Joey Styles says that Stevie Richards has suffered a serious injury (the neck thing from the ending of Buffalo Invasion), and as a result, ECW has been thrown into disarray. They say Stevie/Funk is off, and it will instead by Terry Funk vs. Chris Candido at the Arena for the title, which will probably be way better. Joey then says the winners of Dudleys vs. Sandman/Balls will get a title shot later in the night against The Eliminators. ALSO HEY WHAT THE FUCK, JOEY SAYS IT'S TAZ/SABU II THIS WEEKEND. JESUS DUDE, MIGHT WANNA ANNOUNCE THAT A LITTLE FURTHER IN ADVANCE.

Clips air of recent Funk/Stevie altercations, because they're promoting a match that isn't happening.

In the back, Chris Candido fake cries for Stevie. He says his arm was in a sling and he missed Barely Legal, but nobody cried for him, even though Chris Candido was the one who brought ECW to PPV. He asks what Stevie ever did or who he ever beat, and says he's a joke and a moron and he's not even a real wrestler. But he is, and he's going to beat Terry Funk and his shot at Barely Legal should have been his, and he's going to take him out just for the fun of it. He says he's still mad at Terry for beating his grandpa in MSG, and says Terry Funk is all luck, just like when he subbed in for his idiot brother in 1975 and pulled one over on Jack Brisco. He says he beat 3 guys in one night for the NWA Title, so he's better than Terry Funk ever was.

BUY BARELY LEGAL ON VHS!

In a pretape, Taz cuts a promo. He says he has Sabu one more time, and the first time, it was about who the better man was. He showed him and everyone that he was the better man when he made him quit. This Saturday, it's going to happen again, but he doesn't care if he wins or loses, because he's in it to choke his skinny ass out. He stuck his hand out, stupid move on his part, but on Saturday, the only hand shaking is gonna be when the ref checks him when he's unconscious. He says he's choking Fonzie out too. "SABU! I'M GONNA CHOKE YOU OUT......AGAIN."

Match #1: Taz/The Eliminators vs. Sabu/Rob Van Dam/D-Von Dudley w/ Bubba Ray Dudley, Big Dick Dudley & Bill Alfonso
Really fun 10 minutes. The first few minutes is clearly them killing time, but once it breaks down into a brawl, it's great. The camera stays on the ring, so nobody gets caught waiting for shit on the floor, and they have lots of cool spots in the ring. Sabu/Taz is teased and delivered, and then Taz gets D-Von in the Tazmission. Sabu breaks it up with a Flying Legdrop to both men in a great nearfall, but then D-Von gets up into the Total Elimination, and is pinned.
**3/4

HARDCORE HEAVEN 1997: AUGUST 17TH! LIVE ON PPV!

A long retrospective of Raven vs. Tommy airs, showing their first match on 4/8/95, the Piledriver to Beulah, the awesome nightclub brawl, the hand breaking, the chair shot heard 'round the world, the Double Dog Collar match ending, Raven tying Tommy to the wall in the Eagle's Nest, their match in December 95, the pregnancy angle, the ECW Title match in Tokyo, and then Tommy interfering in Funk/Raven at Barely Legal. It's a shame they never really recaptured how hot this feud was from January to July 1995.

In a pretape, Raven is sitting back in the classroom from some of his first promos, and "I HATE DREAMER" is written all over the chalkboard.

In a pretape, Tommy Dreamer says this Saturday night, their lifelong hatred is over.

In a different pretape, Raven says Tommy couldn't beat him in Philadelphia, he couldn't beat him in Florida, he couldn't beat him in New York, or in Tokyo, mixed in with clips of these matches.

In another pretape, Tomy msays there's been too much pain, too many people involved, and too many innocent victims. This Saturday night, they're all alone, and he's going to run him out of ECW. He can live with that, and if Raven can't, that's his burden. His cross to bear. ZOOM IN ON SHITTY HOUSE OF PAIN T-SHIRT.

In a really cool thing, the camera switches between promos, with both men saying "Quote the Raven, nevermore."

Awesome hype job, I am excite now.
Edited by Big Tuna, Jun 15 2013, 06:44 PM.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas, Since 7/13/1996 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997

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ECW WRESTLEPALOOZA 1997
JUNE 7TH, 1997
PHILADELPHIA, PA


In the ring, Joey Styles brings out Rick Rude, and they discuss the card.

Before the opening match, Shane Douglas has Francine pull put a Flyers t-shirt, and Joey says they just got swept in four straight by the Red Wings. Shane gets a broom in and sweeps the t-shirt out of the ring in one of his more inspired blatant cheap heat schemes. But because this is Philadelphia, and they have no loyalty and are punk made bitches, they cheer this and he sort of becomes a face for the night. God damnit.

Match #1: Shane Douglas [c] w/ Francine vs. Chris Chetti [ECW Television Championship]
This is at least only 7 minutes instead of 10+ like in Buffalo. This is a totally different match than in Buffalo, and is about the same quality. They just do an all action match instead of trying a real wrestling match, and they have some good nearfalls. The crowd chants "LET'S GO FRANCHISE!" and that's weird. Chetti lands on his feet after missing a Moonsault, and Shane hits the Side Belly to Belly to win.
**1/4

Match #2: The Pitbulls vs. Little Guido/Tracy Smothers w/ Tommy Rich

Another super fun FBI carryjob, but it's half the time of the Buffalo match, also clocking in at 7 minutes. Rich is wearing a sweet "TRUST ME" t-shirt. Guido bumps around huge and the Pitbulls have lots of cool power spots. #1 gets isolated after Rich interferes and they have a fun little control segment. #2 has the hot tag, and this is just a super entertaining match. The FBI are like 2007 Chris Hero at this point, where they're clearly the most entertaining act on the card and probably deserve more time and spotlight, but are just so perfect that it's hard to complain. Big power run and Guido loses to the Superbomb. FUCK IT. LOVED THIS.
***

Before their match, Joel Gertner asks the crowd to give it up for the Detroit Red Wings! He says everyone in Philadelphia should be shot at sunrise, and the only Stanley that Philadelphia will ever have is a fat slob that sits in the second row. He says because of the Flyers, two performances of the circus were cancelled, and he could not go see them. D-Von hugs him. D'awwwww. He says by the looks of these freaks tonight, the circus is in town. Mongoloids, misfits, and welfare recipients of all ages, it's time for the greatest show on Earth.

Because this is an ECW 2000-1 DVD release, I finally hear the Motorhead version of "Enter Sandman", and it as awful as I was told.

Match #3: The Sandman/Balls Mahoney vs. The Dudley Boyz w/ Joel Gertner, Big Dick Dudley, & Sign Guy Dudley [#1 Contender's Match]
This was kind of a mess, but it had more good parts that outright BAD parts. Crowd brawl was sort of middling, but the stuff at ringside or in the ring was always good while that happened. Balls eventually gets beat with the 3D on a chair in the ring.
**

The Sandman runs them off with cane shots, but now The Dudley Boyz get a title shot vs. The Eliminators later in the night.

Before the title match, Stevie Richards comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says this was supposed to be his big chance, to wrestle in front of his hometown fans for the World Heavyweight Title, but he's been sidelined with a neck injury, and the doctors say he might not ever wrestle again. He says he idolizes and respects Terry Funk more than anybody, and if he does eventually recover, he's coming back and he hopes he does get to face him for that title. He hugs Terry and leaves, and then goes to ECW, because lololololol.

Match #4: Terry Funk [c] vs. Chris Candido [ECW World Heavyweight Championship]
Candido is mocking Funk by wrestling in Funk-style gear. This is good. It's not great, but it's good. Terry Funk winning the title was an incredible moment, the kind of thing that could only happen in ECW and thus increases the legend of Funk and the company as a whole, but he's clearly not meant to be a long reigning champion and part of me thinks if Raven wasn't leaving for WCW, he might be champion again or that Stevie was supposed to get it, because something just doesn't feel right. Terry's selling was incredible and allowed Candido to control on offense. Candido goes apeshit on the neck, and Funk's selling is again great. Candido drops down to avoid a punch, and Funk gets an Oklahoma Roll to retain!
**3/4

Shane Douglas comes out to argue with Candido about his loss.

Match #5: Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer [The Final Showdown]
Beulah, Chastity, and Lupus are on the floor. This was fucking GREAT, I don't know why people call it disappointing. I mean, okay, maybe people expected more for the blowoff of the longest running feud, but it was their best match together and yeah. Great crowd brawl, full of both insane spots like Raven jumping off the bleachers with Tommy to throw him through the merch table, Piledrivers onto tables that don't break, a table slipping out from under them on the first Piledriver try, a missed Splash through another table, Raven pushing Tommy off the Eagles' Nest ladder into a vending machine and then to the floor, etc. There's also great moments to get over how desperate both men are, like Raven constantly kicking at Tommy when both men are trying to get up. Shane Douglas and Francine are watching the show from the stage in the back. There's more great little touches, like them slipping out of Irish whips and collapsing due to exhaustion. Raven looking at Beulah before dropping an elbow to the groin was awesome. The stop sign callback was also a cool thing. They went a little nuts at the end with DDT stuff, but the interference worked. The callback with a hairspray spot ruled, and Raven started to try and appeal to Beulah to help after his lackeys were gone, but she low blowed him. They had some great nearfalls, but Louie Spicolli running in wasn't at all necessary. Tommy dispatched him, and then hit a DVD on Raven, followed by a final DDT on the sign to win and FINALLY pin Raven. Awesome match, and I think any idea of it being disappointing comes from the ending. After like 3 or 4 DDTs, it should have taken something special to do it, some kind of huge bump, but that's the only real flaw there. They could have done more callbacks, but with ECW, I'll take what I can get.
***1/2

Tommy celebrates to MASSIVE "ECW" chants, BUT THE LIGHTS GO OUT?! THEY COME BACK ON, AND RVD AND FONZIE ARE THERE AND RVD HITS THE VAN DAMINATOR! YEAH! RVD'S IN A RAW SHIRT! FUCK YEAH SELLING OUT! RVD keeps fighting too long though, and Tommy fights back! He gets RVD down, AND THE LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN! SABU IS IN THE RING WHEN THEY COME BACK ON AND HE THROWS A CHAIR AT TOMMY! Louie holds Beulah back, and Raven gets up. He pushes RVD and Sabu off, but then looks at Tommy, AND RAVEN WALKS OUT OF THE RING AND OUT OF ECW! AWESOME SET UP FOR THE RETURN, HOLY SHIT. They keep on Dreamer in a 2 on 1, but he comes back off of a whip, AND HITS A DOUBLE DDT! THE LIGHTS GO OUT A THIRD TIME!

Posted Image

JERRY LAWLER IS IN THE RING WITH THE MIC, AND THE CROWD LOSES IT'S SHIT. Axl Rotten and Chris Chetti run in from the back, but RVD and Sabu immediately take them out and protect the King. Meanie and Nova try and also go down, and the same goes for Guido and other lower midcard guys. Lawler asks if this is the big time ECW, and RVD hits someone else with a chair. "THIS BINGO HALL OUGHTA BE BUILT OUT OF TOILET PAPER, BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING IN IT BUT SHIT!" RVD takes out Balls Mahoney and Lawler says he's Mr. Monday Night, and asks if they've got anybody tough. Alfonso calls out Shane Douglas to try and stop it, but he gets on the mic and says he's got no part in this and he's got nothing to prove, and to kick all the asses they want. Lawler says Extremely Crappy Wrestling doesn't have anyone tough and nobody wants a war with him. AND FUCKING "NATURAL BORN KILLAZ" HITS JESUS CHRIST WHAT?! THE GANGSTAS COME OUT, BUT RVD AND SABU TAKE THEM OUT TOO! HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE GREATEST ECW ANGLE EVER. Lawler taunts Tommy on the mat and says to kill the crap. Lawler asks where Paul E is, and points at Beulah and says to look at the slut. TOMMY TACKLES LAWLER, BUT RVD IMMEDIATELY CUTS HIM OFF WITH ANOTHER CHAIR SHOT! Lawler starts teeing off on Tommy with the best punches ever, BUT NOW THE SANDMAN RUNS OUT! HE POPS A BEER, BUT IT ALLOWS SABU TO TAKE HIM DOWN TOO. SHIT. RVD hits him with the Van Daminator, and Sabu holds Tommy for Lawler to punch. Lawler asks if that's all they've got, AND TAZ COMES OUT! Sabu wants to fight him, but RVD, Fonzie, and Lawler get him to leave, and they all bail.

Taz gets on the mic and says to bring their three pussies out here to fight him and says to bring that decrepit piece of Memphis scum, that piece of shit Jerry Lawler, and he calls him out to fight him. From the stage, Shane Douglas gets back on the mic and says to calm down, because he did his job and ran the fuckers off. Taz says not to ever interrupt him when he's talking, and to mind his business and go fuck that little rat. Taz calls Sabu out to come get some, or RVD if he wants it, and says to come lay him out too. EMTs and referees clear the ring, and Taz says he's not leaving until Sabu comes out, and he's sick of the shit going on in this company. He says he's not waiting until the main event to fight Sabu, and calls Alfonso out. He comes out and Taz says he's got 15 seconds to talk before he chokes him out, and he calls him fat boy and says Sabu's not going to come out. Taz grabs him for a Suplex, but Sabu then comes out and pulls him down. AND IT'S ON!

Match #6: Taz vs. Sabu w/ Bill Alfonso
Fuck, this was disappointing. Only like 7-8 minutes, which is insane. The first half is generic stompy and punchy stuff from Taz focusing sort of on Sabu's injured ribs, but then that's abandoned as soon as they get going with spots. They have some cool ones as always, but it gets cut WAY short. Taz gets the Tazmission, but Sabu flips back to pin Taz in the hold!
**1/4

Referees have to pull Taz off of the hold, SO TAZ CHOKES OUT A REFEREE! GERMAN SUPLEX TO ANOTHER! Joey says that's his first loss since September 1995, AND TAZ CHOKES OUT THE THIRD REF! TAZ GETS FONZIE AND PUTS HIM IN THE TAZMISSION! TAZ CHOKES HIM OUT TOO!

Taz gets the mic again, but Shane Douglas cuts him off and says to take it easy, because he's choked everyone out, and says to take a walk and let the next fucking match happen. Shane and Francine are now joined by Candido and Sunny. Sup Sunny. He says he's enjoying himself tonight, and he's seen enough of his ass, and tells him to get the fuck out. Taz says Shane's a smart man with a little penis but if he wants to invite him to leave HIS ring, then he should come and make him. Shane says as much as he'd like to come down and teach him how to throw a Suplex properly (lol), he's already shown what a great athlete he is, and he gets nothing from educating Taz. Taz says he'll make a deal, and says if he comes in this ring and faces him, he guarantees he'll make him tap out within 5 minutes. Shane says he'll put the belt on the line, but they should sweeten the pot, and if he lasts the five minutes with him, WHICH IS A FUCKING FOREGONE CONCLUSION, he takes his ass out of ECW for 30 days. Taz thinks about it and says to make it 60 days, and Shane says he's dumber than he fucking thought, and his family's gonna starve. Taz says get his narrow ass in the ring to test it, and fuck it, since he loves the number so much, HE'LL MAKE HIM TAP OUT IN THREE MINUTES! Shane says he's on, and goes to the ring!

Match #7: Shane Douglas [c] vs. Taz [ECW Television Championship vs. Taz Being Gone For 60 Days - Three Minute Challenge]
This is an awesome two minute thirty second match. Shane targets the neck, and looks the best he has in...I don't know, a year? Since the Pitbulls feud began at least and made him mediocre again, so about a year. Taz comes back, and gets on the Tazmission! Shane fights it, but Taz rolls him away to the middle and locks his legs, AND SHANE TAPS! YEAH!
**

Candido consoles Shane in the ring, and Francine breaks down crying.

Before the Tag Title match, D-Von gets on the mic and tells Brother Gertner to testify. He says he has good and great news. First, 2-0 RED WINGS, END OF THE THIRD PERIOD, BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR. In better news, the moment of truth has arrived. Tod Gordon comes out, and says they both know that Perry Saturn has a severe leg injury and a torn ACL and a broken tibia and has surgery on Tuesday. He says he'll be out for one year (LOL), and says he unfortunately has to ask The Eliminators to come out and surrender the titles. They come out and Kronus is ready, but Saturn is in a knee brace and on crutches in his street clothes. Saturn says they knew here tonight, they probably were going to lose the belts, but if they want the belts, they've gotta beat them to win them!

Match #8: The Eliminators [c] vs. The Dudley Boyz w/ Joel Gertner, Big Dick Dudley, & Sign Guy Dudley [ECW Tag Team Championship]
This is more an angle than a match, and mostly Kronus in the ring. Saturn gets involved with some stuff, but keeps hurting the leg. Kronus fights on his own and you start to realize there's a reason this guy's career as anything significant more or less ended when Saturn went to WCW. Saturn hits the Flying Elbow with one leg, AND PINS D-VON WITH IT! WHOA! I did not see that coming.
*3/4

Saturn has to be stretchered out to end the show.

This isn't the best ECW show ever from a pure match quality perspective, as that's Barely Legal at this point, but this might be my favorite ECW show ever, just because pretty much every match had a point and didn't overstay its welcome, and provided something worthwhile.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPIONS

ECW Hardcore TV
June 12th, 1997
Philadelphia, PA


Joey and Rude recap the card in the ring to open the show.

In a pretape, The Dudley Boyz cut a promo. D-Von says that though he walks through the valley of the shadow of death, he has compassion for Brother Perry Saturn. Blessed is he who risks life, limb, and salvation to pass the Dudley Boyz into total elimination, and they mock how The Eliminators keep yelling TOTAL ELIMINATION~. Bubba says Saturn is useless and they can't beat them without their move, and it's a matter of time until they hand them their asses and take those belts back. Bubba then commands Big Dick to go steal them a Buick, because they've got a show to get to.

Raven vs. Dreamer airs, along with the post-match.

Then Taz vs. Sabu.

Followed by Taz vs. Shane. Awesome awesome episode, pretty much recapping one of the best 40 minute or so blocks in ECW history.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPIONS

ECW Hardcore TV
June 19th, 1997
Philadelphia, PA


In a pretape, Taz calls out everyone, and says even though he's the new TV Champion, he doesn't give a damn about anyone, and he's going to tell the truth about Wrestlepalooza 1997.

The post-match of Raven/Dreamer up until Taz clears the ring airs again.

NINETEEN SIXTY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE YEAH

The Rude Cam gets comments from Tommy Dreamer after the show, and he says this was the highlight of his career, he finally pinned Raven. He thanks Van Dam and Sabu and says God blesses Jerry Lawler, because now he doesn't just have something to die for, he has something to live for, and that's a piece of his fucking ass.

Stills air from Tommy Dreamer invading USWA TV and ECW on Raw, as Joey Styles talks about the war that's been kicked off, and says nobody in the Memphis locker room had the guts to stop Tommy Dreamer and Jerry Lawler wasn't there, which was followed by their boss Paul E. going on WWF television and saying that Jerry Lawler is Brian Christopher's father, and says this is all Rob Van Dam's fault. Rude says he came back here to call ECW, and he chose ECW specifically, and he doesn't want to talk about shit like Jerry Lawler when he can talk about men like The Sandman and Tommy Dreamer and hell, even Shane Douglas. Rude says if Lawler wants to shoot, the combined age of Lawler's last two girlfriends is 24, but he wants to talk about ECW.

A pretape airs from Jerry Lawler, and he says he has something he needs to say. He says if Paul wants to shoot with him, they can tell it like it is. He says wants everyone in this organization and all these sick, degenerate, supposed fans to know what the story is, and says some of ECW's wrestlers like Rob Van Dam came to work in the WWF, and some of those fans chanted "YOU SOLD OUT!" He says it's time to smarten everyone up, and says Paul's the one trying to sell out, and he can help him do it by saying the word to Vince McMahon, and says he can get him a job in the WWF where everyone really wants to work. He says Paul and his organization isn't a pimple on the ass of the WWF and they know it, and asks if Paul wants to keep shooting now. He says he came to see ECW and he saw 1500 shitbags and homeless perverts crawling in off the street, and says those aren't fans to be proud of. He says ECW is has-beens like Funk or never-will-be's like Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman, that degenerate dope addict. He says to get ready, and they're playing now.

HARDCORE HEAVEN 1997" AUGUST 17TH! PPV!

Taz vs. Sabu airs again, followed by Taz/Shane.

In a pretape, Taz says he makes a former NWA, Intercontinental, ECW TV and ECW World Champion tap out in under three minutes, because he could and because he wanted to. He says he brags about snapping necks at will, but he taps out in under three minutes, because ECW is about wrestling. Violence and competition and aggressiveness, and all of that stuff, that's what it's about. He asks who gives a fuck who Lawler's kid is or about RVD wanting to jump. He asks why ECW wants to stop Van Dam and says to let him go. Taz says this war is stupid and a waste of time by Tommy, Sandman, and Paul E. He says they don't need PPV because you need to experience ECW and Taz live, and asks if Vince wants him now, if he wants ECW now. He says he can't have either, not as long as he holds a title in ECW, because he represents this company on TV. As long as he has this belt, ECW won't go down. He says he cares about this belt now, and challenges anyone in the world to step up to the plate. BEAT ME IF YOU CAN, SURVIVE IF I LET YOU.

Eliminators vs. The Dudley Boyz ends the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Eliminators, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPIONS

ECW Hardcore TV
June 26th, 1995
Waltham, MA


These matches are from the June 20th show, and The Eliminators come out. Joey says Saturn is being banned from wrestling again, so Kronus has to defend the titles by himself! BUT SATURN BREAKS HIS CRUTCH OVER BIG DICK'S HEAD TO EVEN IT UP SORTA! The Dudley Boyz regroup on the floor and the opening video hits.

Coming back, Tod Gordon is in the ring, and Joel Gertner says since his injury, Perry Saturn has been stalking the Dudley Boyz, SO THEY ARE FILING A RESTRAINING ORDER, AND HE HAS TO LEAVE RINGSIDE! A-FUCKING-MAZING!

Match #1: John Kronus [c] vs. The Dudley Boyz [ECW Tag Team Championship]
Saturn and Gertner and Sign Guy and Big Dick are on the floor. Fun 5 or so minutes. Kronus bleeds a lot and shows good fire, and has a good comeback. He fights off Big Dick again, but then Dick whips him into the 3D, and The Dudleys regain the titles. YEAH!
**

In the back, Joey and Rude announce a show for this Saturday in the ECW Arena and it will have Dreamer & Sandman vs. RVD & Sabu! I guess RVD has been reinstated then?

Match #2: Shane Douglas/Bam Bam Bigelow/Chris Candido w/ Francine vs. The Pitbulls/Balls Mahoney
I'm glad the Triple Threat finally gets to have a trios match, so I can judge if they're actually a good stable. They don't have the best opposition, but the Pitbulls stick to short bursts of power offense and Candido feeds really well for them. Bigelow is great, because he is Bam Bam Bigelow. They do a great job putting over how much of a difference he makes, as he's always the one to turn the tide. Francine gets involved, so Rude comes down mid-way through and makes out with her to take her to the floor, before swiveling his hops over her and leaving. Candido and Shane were both solid, but BBB was clearly the best guy on the team. There were some weird flow issues that always hinder Shane/Pitbulls matches, but it was good as a whole. #1 powerbombs BBB off the top when he tries a Moonsault, but Shane hits him with a chain and rolls Bigelow on top to win.
**3/4

In a pretape, Jerry Lawler is standing in front of the WWF interview backdrop. He says on Saturday night in Phildelphia, ECW presents an all-star card IN A BINGO HALL. He says that's gotta be a joke, and there's only 2 real wrestlers on the whole card with Rob Van Dam and Sabu, and they're the only two athletes in this ECW scam Paul is running. He again calls Sandman a dope addict and says Tommy Dreamer is the only man he's ever seen with a charisma bypass. He says Paul is trying to use The King to draw a card, but he's been there and done that, he came, saw, and conquered, and he knew he was in Philadelphia when he got off the plane and the stench dropped him to his knees. He says once is enough for the King, and he doesn't care who he drops a rumor too, because he's not coming to that Bingo Hall.

In the back, Rick Rude says it wasn't the stench, because Jerry Lawler's lived half his life on his knees, either looking his girlfriends in the eye, or making friends with the businessmen in Memphis.

Before the main event, RVD and Sabu come out and attack Tommy Dreamer, and Louie Spicolli comes out to start the match anyways.

Match #3: Tommy Dreamer vs. Louie Spicolli ["I Quit" Match]
Fun match for 4 minutes, and as always, I wish they got more time. Tommy's selling is very good, and Louie has some cool spots, especially him choking Tommy with a broken off table leg. Tommy finally catches Louie coming off the top with an atomic drop, and then grinds a pair of pliers into his groin until he quits.
**

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Top 25 Matches of the Half-Year:

1. Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer, Wrestlepalooza (June 7th)
2. Sabu vs. Taz, Barely Legal (April 13th)
3. Great Sasuke/Gran Hamada/Masato Yakushiji vs. Dick Togo/TAKA Michinoku/MEN'S Teioh, Barely Legal (April 13th)
4. The Great Sasuke/Gran Hamada/Gran Naniwa vs. Dick Togo/TAKA Michinoku/Men's Teioh, Webster (February 14th)
5. Sabu vs. Chris Candido, CyberSlam (February 22nd)
6. Taz vs. Rob Van Dam, Hostile City Showdown (March 15th)
7. The Sandman vs. Terry Funk vs. Stevie Richards, Barely Legal (April 13th)
8. Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm, Barely Legal (April 13th)
9. Sabu/Rob Van Dam vs. Taz/Chris Candido, Chapter Two (May 10th)
10. The Pitbulls vs. Little Guido/Tracy Smothers, Wrestlepalooza (June 7th)
11. Terry Funk/Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven/Stevie Richards, The Buffalo Invasion (May 17th)
12. Raven [c] vs. Terry Funk, Barely Legal (April 13th)
13. Taz/The Eliminators vs. Sabu/Rob Van Dam/D-Von Dudley, Hardcore TV (June 5th)
14. The Pitbulls vs. Little Guido/Tracy Smothers, The Buffalo Invasion (May 17th)
15. Terry Funk [c] vs. Chris Candido, Wrestlepalooza (June 7th)
16. The Dudley Boyz vs. Spike Dudley/Mikey Whipwreck, Hardcore TV (May 29th)
17. Tommy Dreamer vs. Louie Spicolli, Chapter Two (May 10th)
18. Raven [c] vs. Steve Williams, Crossing the Line Again (February 1st)
19. Chris Candido vs. Louie Spicolli, Hardcore TV (March 13th)
20. Shane Douglas/Bam Bam Bigelow/Chris Candido vs. The Pitbulls/Balls Mahoney, Hardcore TV (June 26th)
21. Terry Funk vs. Brian Lee, House Party 97 (January 11th)
22. Terry Funk [c] vs. The Sandman vs. Stevie Richards vs. Raven, The Buffalo Invasion (May 17th)
23. Raven [c] vs. The Sandman, Hardcore TV (January 30th)
24. Taz vs. Spike Dudley, The Buffalo Invasion (May 17th)
25. The Dudley Boyz [c] vs. The Gangstas vs. The Eliminators, Hardcore TV (April 10th)

Wrestler of the Half-Year: D-Von Dudley (28 Points)

Tag Team of the Half-Year: The Eliminators (20 Points)
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz, Since 6/20/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
July 3rd, 1997
Philadelphia, PA


In the ring, Joey Styles welcomes everyone to ECW An Orgy of Violence, and brings out Rick Rude. They talk about the card and Joey asks Rude to keep down the orgy in his hotel room tonight so he can get some sleep in the room next door. Joey hypes up RVD/Sabu vs. Tommy/Sandman and Rude repeats his line about Lawler on his knees, and he calls Lawler to come to the ring and kiss his ravishing ass, and Rude moons the camera.

NINETEEN SIXTY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE YEAH

Match #1: Bam Bam Bigelow w/ Shane Douglas & Francine vs. Pitbull #2
THUNDER KISS 65 DOUBLE DOSE! This is a pretty great Bigelow match. Awesome punches, great dropkick, fantastic Bear Hug, etc. Pitbull #2 has some awesome power offense on his comeback, and BBB makes everything look really good. Then it kind of goes to shit when fucking Bam Bam Bigelow needs help here from Douglas and Francine. Pitbull #1 comes out to help, but Candido grabs #2's leg out of nowhere, and Bam Bam hits a Bulldog to win. God damnit, ECW. The normal match was fine.
**3/4

Match #2: Chris Candido vs. Tom Prichard

THE BODYDONNAS EXPLODE! Good back and forth stuff, but nothing overly great. Candido hits a Superbomb for the win.
**1/2

Candido gets on the mic and says 8 years ago, Dr. Tom took him under his wing, and said to forget about Zip, because Dr. Tom Prichard can still do it, brother. They shake hands, and Dr. Tom leaves.

Match #3: Sabu/Rob Van Dam vs. The Sandman/Tommy Dreamer
Fonzie and Beulah are at ringside. Someone has a sign saying "WWF FEARS BONG HITS". Joey finally makes sense of this by saying RVD is working without pay because of the suspension. This was very very good, but something was missing to make it great. RVD especially shined with his offense and bumping. Lots of cool mirror spots throughout the match, and two refs got taken out. Tod Gordon came out to try and count the fall, but Alfonso stopped him, AND RVD HIT GORDON WITH A CHAIR! SABU HITS AN ARABIAN FACEBUSTER TO PUT HIM THROUGH A TABLE HOLY SHIT! Dreamer and Sandman get RVD and Sabu up for a Stereo Piledriver thing, BUT THE LIGHTS GO OUT! LAWLER'S BACK AND SAVES! YEAH! But they fight off RVD and Sabu, and Tommy holds Lawler for a caning...BUT THE LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN! JIM CORNETTE IS HERE AND HITS DREAMER WITH THE TENNIS RACKET! LAWLER HITS A DDT ON DREAMER! They keep beating on them, and RVD and Sabu hit stereo Arabian Facebusters for the win.
**3/4

They keep on the attack, and Lawler uses the cane. He also knocks trash thrown into the ring out of the air with the cane, and it rules. They take Tommy's shirt off and Cornette just goes ape shit on him with the tennis racket.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz, Since 6/20/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
July 10th, 1997
Philadelphia, PA


Footage airs of the recent WWF invasions, both at Wrestlepalooza and Orgy of Violence.

In the back, Joey Styles and Rick Rude announce that Hardcore Heaven 1997 on PPV will be on August 17th and from Ft. Lauderdale, FL. Rude talks about the post-show party and says he'll have to get a six pack of Trojans. Joey says they now clear 70 million homes and 4.6 million in Florida. Rude is taken aback, and says with 4.6 million Floridians watching, he'll have to get the 12 pack.

In a pretape, Jerry Lawler is back in front of the WWF logo. He says he is ECW, and that stands for Exposing Crappy Wrestlers, and he's exposing Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman for what they really are, nothing. He came in their backyard with his pal Jim Cornette, the only one Paul E. hates more than him, and he left Tommy and Sandman laying twice. He says those boys went to the hospital, and if Tommy had to go to the hospital after he caned him between the legs, he had to see a gynecologist. He says ECW sucks.

Match #1: Taz [c] vs. Louie Spicolli [ECW Television Championship]
This is from an outdoor show in Belmar, NJ. Awesome 30 second squash, although Louie probably deserved better. Tazmission ends it.
3/4*

In a pretape, Taz cuts a promo. He says at the end of June, he fought John Kronus in the ECW Arena, and it was a great match. He choked him out, but people didn't leave talking about their match or how the ECW wrestlers busted their ass, but they left talking about Jerry Lawler and Jim Cornette invading, and how Sabu and Van Dam are with them. He asks who gives a fuck, and says it's messing him up and he's watching Raw and asking which of his coworkers is gonna jump tonight, OR WHICH ONE OF HIS BOSSES IS GOING TO DO COLOR COMMENTARY TONIGHT. He turns the camera at Paul E., who turns it away and Taz says he wants to be on TV, and there he is. He says he's got a message for Vince, and says to ask everybody about what he is. BEAT HIM IF YOU CAN. SURVIVE IF HE LETS YOU.

Match #2: PG-13 vs. Mikey Whipwreck/Spike Dudley
FUCK YEAH! They were on WrestleMania BITCH. This was clipped, but looked awesome and had enough to qualify it as a real match. PG-13 has a bunch of awesome stooging comedy spots, and Wolfie D has an awesome right hand at the start. Spike was a great FIP, and PG-13 had a good control seg. Mikey gets pulled under the ring by someone hiding under the ring, and Spike gets beat after a Tilt-a-Whirl Splash.
**

Mikey gets out, AND PULLS JASON OUT! YES! He rolls him in, but Jason runs away. AND HE RUNS AND HUGS PG-13! YES!

A clip airs from ECW 1993 with MATTY IN DA HOUSE asking Jason who he's going to manage. He instead asks how he likes his new suit. Matty yells and it cuts away.

Match #3: Lance Storm vs. Tracy Smothers w/ The FBI
This is solid. This is the debut of the crowd chanting "WHERE'S MY PIZZA?". Lance's forearms still suck, since he should never throw strikes ever. Tracy does his thing, but this is mostly for Lance to show off, and he hits a Springboard Back Elbow off the top to win
**1/4

HEATWAVE '97 - JULY 19TH IN THE ECW ARENA!

Footage airs of Tommy's caning at the hands of The Sandman in 1994.

In a pretape, Beulah says she's seen Tommy Dreamer get tossed down bleachers and the Eagle's Nest and she's seen him get stitches in the back of his head and not bat an eye, but this was different. She says she was there in the hospital as he was screaming in pain like she's never heard him scream before. She says she's there every day and sees his pain, and she doesn't want him to come back, despite knowing that he will. He says that's troubling for her, but worse for Jerry Lawler, because payback's a bitch. In ECW, they believe in an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth...and he's going to be in a lot of pain.

Clips air from the ECW Arena show, and Taz is on the mic. He heckles a fan in a Raw is War t-shirt until he gives it to him, AND TAZ LIGHTS THE SHIRT ON FIRE IN THE RING WHAT THE FUCK?!
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz, Since 6/20/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
July 17th, 1997
Asbury Park, NJ


The show opens with a pretape from Shane Douglas and Francine at the beach at night. Shane apparently goes swimming in his gear. He says you make history by blazing the trail, and with Francine behind him, he's not afraid to do what most men wouldn't. He says he wasn't afraid to face Taz, but he played a mind game with him, because he could never beat him on his worst day and on Taz's best. Wait, what? That's horrible. He says he traded in the 15 pounds of the TV Title so he can get his World Title back. That's pretty fucking stupid and buries the TV Title. Awful idea. He says Terry Funk has what they want, and he let Terry and Scotty and Sandman and Mikey hold it for a while, but nobody's been the champion he was. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh man, what a piece of shit promo.

In the back, Joey and Rude announce Funk/Douglas as the main event for Hardcore Heaven. Meh. They also announce The Sandman vs. Sabu and a Tag Title match for the PPV, and Rude says it's Dudz/Gangstas at Heatwave this weekend.

Before Taz/Nova, Taz gets on the mic and calls Stevie a pussy for leaving to go wipe Raven's ass in WCW.

Match #1: Taz [c] vs. Nova w/ BWO [ECW Television Championship]
They have a black guy to replace Stevie named Thomas "The Inchworm" Rodman. Another Taz squash that's about a minute, and he wins with the Tazmission.
3/4*

Taz takes out Rodman, so Meanie takes off his BWO shirt and runs away.

BUY BARELY LEGAL ON VHS!

Match #2: Shane Douglas/Bam Bam Bigelow/Chris Candido w/ Francine vs. The Pitbulls/Balls Mahoney
The Pitbulls and Balls come out, and Balls gets in, but the Pitbulls get blindsided by Bam Bam and Candido on the floor. They beat down Balls in a 3 on 1, AND THE GANGSTAS COME OUT! YEAH! BUT THE DUDLEY BOYZ ATTACK THEM TOO! The Eliminators come out to get involved, and it's a big brawl and the match just kind of disappears behind this superior brawl. Shane and Balls moves into the ring, and that kinda sucks again. Shane finally ends it after BBB interference with the Side Belly to Belly. What a piece of shit.
*

In the back, New Jack cuts a promo. He says he's held close friends in his arms as they died. Tonight, he held Mustafa as they put him in an ambulance, and he watched it. He says he's had it with the Dudleys, and they've pushed him to a point where he doesn't care no more. He says they're going to get them in a cage, and he promises they're going to take them out. Bubba, D-Von, Big Dick, they're going to take them out. The only way they'll survive that night is if they kill him. Dead. He says he's gonna testify now, they're going down.

PULP FICTION:
-Joel Gertner says New Jack has made a promise, and he makes a guarantee of his very own, and says if The Dudley Boyz do not enter Hardcore Heaven 1997 wearing the ECW Tag Team Titles, he will shave his head. No, he will shave his head AND his chest, live on PPV.
-RVD, Sabu, and Alfonso are standing by. Alfonso says he's the best manager ever and says they're beating everyone like they own them. RVD asks how Paul can be made at him for going on every show he can to spread his name, and that makes Paul E. a sell out too. He says he did sell out, he sold out the ECW Arena. He and Sabu, that is.
-Jim Cornette says it had to come down to a couple of Southern boys who know real wrestling when they see it, and says he'd rather skinny dip in the septic tank of a slaughterhouse, but if the opportunity arises, he'd love to stick it to Paul E. He says now a days, you never know what's gonna happen. Even the smart folks of ECW, who are really just as stupid as everyone else.
-Tommy and Sandman say they were here since the start and ECW is in their hearts and blood, and every single time they've got RVD and Sabu and Lawler, something happens. He says they need a third man in the cage Saturday night (awesome job promoting that guys), and he wants their man to be the other guy who's stayed loyal no matter what, and that's Taz.
-Taz says he's a solo wrestler and he ain't no company guy, and he's not gonna be their partner. He says he respects them a little bit and they work hard and that's great, but he stand alone, and he won't waste time on their silly feud.
-Shane Douglas turns down being the third man. NOBODY ASKED YOU, YOU DISLOYAL PIECE OF SHIT.
-Lawler says he'll be in a cage where all the ECW fans belong
-Alfonso says they're not the ones who are trapped

In the back, Rick Rude goes insane and says Jerry Lawler's been jacking people around his whole career, including him, and they need to settle this shit once and for all, and says if his neck wasn't fucked, he'd be glad to step in and end this, and says to lock the door and finish it. Rude then storms off the set.

Clips of Tommy's injury air again, mixed in with clips of him talking about his ballsack injury.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz, Since 6/20/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
July 24th, 1997
Philadelphia, PA


The show cuts into the ending of the Dudleyz/Gangstas cage match for the Tag Team Titles. New Jack does a cage dive, Bubba seems to have re-injured his ankle, and it looks like a really fun match, so it's a shame it got clipped like this. D-Von gets knocked off the cage to the floor, and Bubba hits New Jack with a Super Bubba Cutter, BUT HE HURTS HIS LEG, AND MUSTAFA COVERS TO WIN THE TITLES! FUCK YEAH!

In the ring, Joey Styles welcomes everyone to Heatwave '97! He sees The Blue Meanie at ringside in a Taz t-shirt, and he requests an interview. FUCKING LANCE WRIGHT comes back to interview him and Meanie starts babbling like a god damned retard about choking people out. Lance asks if he's mocking Taz, so Meanie runs away. Joey makes Lance go into the crowd after him, and then brings out Rick Rude to do their usual thing. Rude says he signed a two year contract with ECW, and he's really happy about it. :(

In a HH97 ad, Joey announces Taz/Candido for the TV Title, which is totally out of the blue, but should be good. Also, Tommy Dreamer has challenged Lawler to fight him on the PPV.

In a pretape, The Dudley Boyz are with Joel Gertner, and the Tag Titles. Joel says the ECW Tag Titles have to be defended on the PPV, and what better team to defend them than the best tag team in the world, The Eliminators! Oh, he forgot that Perry Saturn has a bum leg, and everyone laughs. Joel then says they should be defended by the recognized Tag Team Champions, The Gangstas! Joel says if they can show up to Hardcore Heaven, they'll hand the belts over. D-Von says they whooped their asses and Bubba says they're their bitches now. He says even Big Dick is a bitch, but he growls, so Bubba says he's only half a bitch. Gertner says The Gangstas merely forgot the belts when they were loaded into the ambulance, with New Jack's blown out back and Mustafa's brain damage. He says if The Gangstas cannot make their title defense, then it's only fair that the title revert back to previous ownership.

Match #1: John Kronus w/ Perry Saturn vs. Pablo Marquez
EL PUERTO RICANO'S BACK! YEAH! EPR is a solid jobber again, and Kronus wins with a 450 Splash.
*1/2

Clips air again of the WWF stuff.

Match #2: Terry Funk [c] vs. Shane Douglas w/ Francine [ECW World Heavyweight Championship]
This was a great Funk performance. Shane didn't really bring a lot to this, but Funk was throwing punches and weapons and selling a ton, and made this good. Candido gets involved and Francine bites Funk's ear open, and Funk starts punching referees when they try to check on his ear. Francine starts biting at it again, and the referees finally call it a DQ. Pretty lame finish. Not sure why this even got booked before the PPV.
**1/2

Everyone comes out for the Cage Match with only like 5 minutes left and there is no third man. Lawler says this is another ECW rip off, AND RICK RUDE COMES OUT AND SAYS THEY'VE GOT A PARTNER! Rick Rude gets in the cage with Tommy and Sandman and they face off against the three, BUT RUDE TURNS AND CLOTHESLINES TOMMY! YEAH! Rude leaves, and it's a 3 on 2. Beulah slaps him on the floor, SO RUDE THROWS HER INTO THE CAGE WALL AND SHE'S DEAD. Rude throws chairs into the cage and he locks it as Sandman and Tommy get beaten down to end the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Gangstas, Since 7/19/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
July 31st, 1997
Buffalo, NY


The ending of last week's show airs again.

It continues when Rude stays at ringside after Beulah is taken away, AND TERRY FUNK COMES OUT! HE STALKS RUDE, BUT CANDIDO AND DOUGLAS ATTACKS HIM! Funk fights back against them, and it's kind of a mess. The beatdown in the ring is fantastic, and Bigelow comes out to ram Funk into the cage, AND RAKES THE BLOODY EAR ACROSS THE CAGE JESUS CHRIST. The locker room empties, but Lawler & Co. knock them down as they try to get in. Anyways, it gets AMAZING when SABU AND VAN DAM HANDCUFF TOMMY TO THE CAGE LIKE HE DID TO RAVEN TWO YEARS AGO. OH FUCK. NO CHAIRSHOT, BUT LAWLER PUTS ON THE TESTICULAR CLAW. He lets go and RVD then hits a chair shot. Lawler yells that he's the king, and this is fantastic. They crucify The Sandman across the ring from Tommy and they cane him. Lawler says to finish them off, AND THEY HIT STEREO VAN DAMINATORS!

BUT TAZ COMES OUT FINALLY! FUCK YEAH!

There's so many great ideas here that got molded into something more coherent and with a better payoff with the ROH/CZW Cage of Death, between the turn inside the cage against the invaders, the locker room trying to get in to help, and Taz involvement which basically mirrors what was done with Homicide. TAZ THROWS CANDIDO INTO THE CROWD AND TAKES HIS KEY TO UNLOCK THE CAGE! FUCK YEAH! RVD AND SABU SCALE THE CAGE TO GET OUT, AND TAZ CHOKES OUT LAWLER! BUT BIGELOW AND CANDIDO GET IN TO SAVE. Sabu and RVD drag Lawler out, and Shane, Rude, and Francine get back in. Bam Bam and Shane stretch Taz out, and Candido hits a Diving Headbutt to the ribs! They do it again, and Taz sells broken ribs, and Shane keeps knocking Funk away through the door. Shane wears out Taz with a chair AND CANDIDO PUTS THE KNOCKED OUT TAZ INTO THE TAZMISSION! OH FUCK. The Triple Threat and Rick Rude pose in the ring, and that was all fucking amazing.

Coming back, Rick Rude is in the ring in Buffalo for this week's show, and he says what he'd like to have right now -- and keeps getting drowned out by boos for several minutes -- IS FOR ALL YOU FAT, OUT OF SHAPE, BUFFALO BONEHEADS to keep the noise down while he shows the most devastating force in pro wrestling today, and brings out The Triple Threat. He says he had a choice to make, and he chose to have Rick Rude as an ally, and says he made an indecent proposal for a decent result. Francine said everyone called her a whore anyways, so this time the trick is on everyone else. Rude gyrates as they all celebrate.

Joey recaps all the Tommy/Lawler stuff, set to "C.R.E.A.M.", and reveals that Rude also took money from Lawler in addition to selling out to the Triple Threat.

In the back after Heatwave, Taz goes to a bloody Tommy Dreamer, and says he's got a fucking partner.

Match #1: Sabu w/ Bill Alfonso & Rob Van Dam vs. Bill Wiles
Fun Sabu showcase. He hits all his stuff clean, and hey, it's entertaining. Sabu wins with the Camel Clutch.
**

Post-match, RVD hits the Van Daminator, and Sabu hits the Arabian Facebreaker. RVD gets on the mic and says that was a performance worthy of Monday night.

HARDCORE HEAVEN: AUGUST 17TH! Tommy/Lawler seems to be official judging by the video.

A highlight video airs of the Buffalo show, with clips from every match. BARRY HARDY WAS ON THE SHOW! AWESOME!

In a pretape, Rob Van Dam cuts a promo with Fonzie and Sabu. He says The Sandman is gross, he's a disgusting alcoholic. He then pats Fonzie on the back and says not that there's anything wrong with that, alcoholism is cool now and then. Also, he smokes and has gross yellow teeth. He again apologizes to Fonzie, and tells Sabu that Sandman's sweat is probably toxic, but he knows he'll kick his ass. RVD then says to whoever his opponent is for the PPV - because he knows a lot of people are jockeying for that spot - if they put in a good effort, he'll put in a good word for them. Not in ECW, but in a real company, because he's Rob Van Dam.

PULP FICTION:
-Candido says he's a serious guy and at Hardcore Heaven, he's getting his first ever PPV match as Chris Candido, without any gimmicks, and Shane has to worry about Terry Funk and Rick Rude worries about Francine, but he's not worried about Taz, because he choked him out with his own hold. He says he started ECW too, and he was there while Taz was jumping around in fur like an idiot. He goes to his locker room and says he signed that contract the first moment it was in his hand, but he hasn't found anything from Taz yet. He opens his locker room, AND THE CONTRACT IS THERE AND SAYS "TAZ" IN BLOOD! OH SHIT!
-Taz says he signed his death warrant in his own blood, and now it's time that he tastes Candido's blood.
-New Jack said he told them he was gonna get them, and this isn't gonna put him down. He says Mustafa's laying up somewhere, but that ain't gonna put them down, and they're taking their belts on the PPV. He says he's been shot and stabbed and this ain't shit. BUT THE DUDLEY BOYZ ATTACK HIM! The Eliminators try to save, and a brawl ends the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Gangstas, Since 7/19/1997

ECW Hardcore TV
August 7th, 1997
Monaca, PA


In the back, Rick Rude is with the Triple Threat, and has his arm over Francine. He says everyone asks why he did it and why he turned his back on ECW, Tommy, and Sandman. He says The Sandman offers him a cold beer and a filterless cigaratte to put his neck on the line, and Tommy Dreamer has his thumb up his ass and doesn't offer him anything. No money, not a shot at Beulah, and not even a peak at her McGillicutty. Shane Douglas though, he offers him a warm cooch, so he had to REALLY consider that. Lung cancer and dialysis or nights of heavenly bliss. He says you can judge a man by the company he keeps, and he sees the next TV Champion and Bam Bam Bigelow and the next ECW World Champion. Shane then ruins it by talking and says three and a half years ago, they put ECW on the map and they crossed the line, and said he carried he and Sabu for sixty minutes because SHOOTS ARE COOL. He says in 1994, Terry Funk knew his time was running out and The Franchise's was coming to fruition, and they're shutting the cover of Terry Funk's book and opening one called Franchise. Awful line. He says it's his belt, and on August 17th, they'll walk out of the arena calling him champion and calling Funk retired, because it's his belt.

Match #1: Rob Van Dam w/ Sabu & Bill Alfonso vs. Mikey Whipwreck
Really fun 5 minute match. RVD has great bumps and is really a fantastic and perfect act at this point. His natural tendency to care more about cool spots works with his character more than it did anywhere else or at any other time. Mikey is Mikey, he's a wonderful underdog. Lots of cool spots here. Sabu keeps interfering and they hit the Slingshot Legdrop/Rolling Splash combo behind the ref's back to beat Mikey.
**1/4

In the ring, Joey Styles opens the show, but Rick Rude comes out. Joey says he's not a commentator anymore, but Rude grabs the mic. He says the people have mistaken him for someone who gives a shit, and says to save their ass breath for someone who takes them seriously. He brings out the next ECW World Heavyweight Champion, ugh, Shane Douglas. He politely asks the sound guy to stop his music. Shane says it's great to be home, and asks Rude to go warm Francine up, and he shrugs and goes to give her the pipe/kite. This town that is close enough for Pittsburgh to pretend that it's Pittsburgh (much like how any show in that area of MA becomes Boston) chants for this shiftless fuck, proving what an awful place it is. He says an audience finally has some god damn taste and calls the Triple Threat the most dominant force, and Sabu, RVD, and Fonzie come out. Fonzie says they mean no disrespect, but he's looking at the best team in the world. RVD says he likes him, he's no Monday night wrestler like him, but for a weekend warrior, he does a hell of a job. Shane says fuck the WWF, and Terry Funk comes out! He says he doesn't have to come out and use the f word like all these idiots in his town. SO SHANE SAYS "FUCK AMARILLO" AND TERRY HITS HIM! A three way brawl breaks out, and Bigelow and Candido come out to help Shane. The locker room empties and everyone hates each other. Awesome segment.

THIS SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE ECW ARENA - FUNK VS. SABU FOR THE ECW TITLE IN A NO ROPES BARBED WIRE MATCH!

In the back, Joel Gertner talks with The Dudley Boyz behind him, and they still have the Tag Titles. He says The Gangstas somehow managed to win the titles, and says every contract has stipulations. If the Dudley Boyz did not show up to Hardcore Heaven with the titles, he said he would shave his head and chest, but there's another one stating that ECW is contractually obligated to have a title defense on that show, and with The Gangstas out of action, they would be stripped of the titles. Some team has to defend those titles, and he has has just the team. The team that shows up at Hardcore Heaven, thus helping him keep all his hair, are the only team strong enough and healthy enough to do the job. And therefore, the only team to ever win the titles by losing a match.

Clips air of Jason working out. HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW PUMP?

Match #2: Chris Candido vs. Spike Dudley
CANDIDO COMES OUT TO "WAR MACHINE" IN A TAZ SINGLET. SO AWESOME. This is an awesome Candido showcase going into the PPV, and Spike does his job very well. Candido keeps using Taz offense too, just to drive home that he wants to die. Spike is DEAD after the best looking Blonde Bombshell Superbomb yet.
**

Via satellite, Taz is standing by at his dojo. He says he's 400 miles away, and Candido's a real entertaining guy. He says he didn't make him mad, nothing really gets to him. He cuts a promo while sparring with students, and says maybe he has to get mad and starts mauling them with Suplexes, and they have to pull him off of the Tazmission on one poor bastard as he yells for Candido.

In the back, Terry Funk cuts a promo. He says Philadelphia adopted him and Amarillo is his home, but he has places that he hates going to, like Pittsburgh, because they're all inbred like Shane Douglas and even more ignorant. He says he finds out now that he's going to Fort Lauderdale, FL for a pay-per-view. He hasn't been in Florida in 10 years, and he left the state because of all the stupid crackers and THAT THICK PIG LIPPED EGG SUCKING DOG DUSTY RHODES! YES! He says he's coming back now for the PPV and it's not the crackers that are the problem, it's the Haitians and the people from all over the South that have infiltrated Florida, and those stupid ignorant crackers educated those people and taught these people how to murder and rob cars and they taught them rape and insanity, these stupid Florida fools. He says he's the pride of Philadelphia and Amarillo, and he wants to go home, not to Florida. He says he's getting out soon, but he's not getting out without the ECW Title, and he's going to give it his last breath. He says to look at his body and his arms and ask if he cares about barbed wire or if he's afraid of Sabu. He says he'll walk through the barbed wire with his hand above his head, and he's going to walk to Florida surrounded by crackers, pigs, and dogs, throwing all kinds of animal crap at him, and he's going to be on that PPV and he's going to go through that match and walk away from the professional wrestling world with this belt around his waist. Holy shit, that was FUCKING INSANE.

A highlight package of this Golden Dome show airs to end the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Terry Funk, Since 4/13/1997 - LONGEST REIGNING CURRENT CHAMPION
ECW Television Champion: Taz, Since 6/7/1997
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Gangstas, Since 7/19/1997

All copies of Born to Be Wired I can find don't have any sound on the file. I don't exactly know what's up with this, but the matches I want air on ECW TV anyways, besides the main event. This is famous enough to be easy to find, so here it is.

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Terry Funk [c] vs. Sabu [ECW World Heavyweight Championship - NO ROPES BARBED WIRE], Born to be Wired (August 9th)
Corino/Homicide is better, as is Jacobs/Whitmer and Cactus/Sandman and probably Sandman/Rave ntoo, but this is the most gruesome NRBW match ever. That holds it back somewhat, as because of Sabu's horrifying injury, the match is stopped basically and they have to kill time while he can tape his torn up bicep back together. Every NRBW match has one or two moments of one guy pulling the barbed wire out of his flesh to get over the brutality, but that's like every spot here, and it's legitimately unnerving. They both get tangled up at the end and can't get out in a famous spot. They have to improvise and Sabu just kind of pins Funk in it to win. This is not a great match, it's kind of a mess, but it's totally worth seeing.
**3/4
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