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Simon Watches WWE - 2013
Topic Started: Apr 20 2014, 06:42 PM (16,513 Views)
Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013

WWE Smackdown
February 1st, 2013
San Diego, CA


In the parking lot, ADR is waiting with a large pipe.

Booker T is in the ring with all the former World Champions to open the show and mentions that John Cena will challenge for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania, which means they need a challenger for the World Heavyweight Championship. He says he'll give them all a chance again and says the Elimination Chamber is coming back in a few weeks! He says there's only six spots -- CHECK ONE TWO. AW YEAH. Jack Swagger randomly returns from his space odyssey and says he was left out of this gathering and he wants in. He says he's been living the life of a real American and his eyes are open now, and he's disappointed in the direction WWE is heading. He says he wants in the Chamber and he'll do the rest. Booker says he's got to prove it and earn his way in. Ziggler is on the floor and says he already has a guaranteed World Title match, so he's going to sit back, do nothing, and still have his guaranteed title match. Team Rocket leaves, and Booker says he knew he'd chicken out and books him vs. ADR tonight! The six in the ring then get addressed and Booker says he's not naming anyone yet and says to impress he and Teddy, and brings out Rey and Sin Cara for a tag match with the champs.

Match #1: Team Hell No vs. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara
After the YES stuff against Rhodes Scholars, Team Hell No seems to be working heel again and Bryan is NO'ing again. Some consistency would be nice. This is kind of a filler eight minutes as Bryan is kind of slow moving from his injuries around this time, and Kane is Kane and it's 2013 Rey Mysterio. Rey has a good hot tag and finishing run against Bryan, and because it's his hometown, hey beats Bryan with the 619 and Penguin Splash in a totally clean win.
**1/4

Post-match, Kane and Bryan argue.

A recap of ADR/Show stuff from the past week airs.

In the parking lot, Striker tells ADR about his match tonight and asks if he's waiting for the Big Show. ADR says he's just getting fresh air, and says to leave him alone.

Match #2:The Great Khali vs. Jinder Mahal
All the various people are on the floor, and Khali beats Jinder with the tree slam in under two minutes.
1/4*

In the back, Teddy tells Booker T that he brought Jack Swagger back. Team Rhodes Scholars comes in and they say that they're dissolving their team to focus on singles pursuits, but they will remain best friends, and they hug. Booker then books Sandow vs. Sheamus next and Cody says he'll be with him in spirit.

RAW REBOUND!

Match #3: Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow
This is about three minutes of Sheamus doing stuff before Sandow bails out, and then SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA. SHIELD. They come out and the match is over.
*3/4

Sheamus tries to fight all three, but he can't, and The Shield lays him out with the Triple Powerbomb.

Match #4: Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett
It took a bit, but Orton's getting his win back now. This is all of four minutes and not much to see. Neither man is trying especially hard here, unlike their Raw match, and Wade accidentally elbows the post on the floor. Randy then hits the Hanging DDT followed by the RKO for the win, to cement that Wade got a fluke a few weeks prior.
*3/4

In the back, Wade finds Bo Dallas and beats the shit out of him.

Match #5: Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston
They've been trying to push this match forever, and it still sucks. Swagger's improved somewhat and actually is working like a bigger guy. This suffers for putting him over too strong though, because it's basically a seven minute squash. Kofi gets a little bit at the end, but then he misses the fucking kick on the floor and hits the table. Swagger throws him in and puts on the Ankle Lock to win.
*1/2

In the parking lot, Big show's bus arrives and he and ADR get into a fight. ADR uses the pipe but Show gets distance and steals somebody's car to run away. He could have just run back onto his bus though.

Match #6: Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston
This is kind of a house show practice run for them. They have a rough start and Big E. gets ejected. It ends up being mostly ADR doing moves to try and get this whole working face thing down. They get a good finishing run with quality nearfalls that takes this from whatever to slightly above average. ADR wins with the shitty Cross Armbreaker.
**1/2

In the back, Big Show is back and he KO Punches Ricardo.
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Dongald Trump
I love dicks. Sexually.
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Just wanna say that I fucking love your reviews, Simon.
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CM Pyro
For Admin.

And Simon loves you.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

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IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013

WWE Raw
February 4th, 2013
Atlanta, GA


CM Punk rushes down to open the show, and he drags Justin Gabriel into the ring and demands to be introduced as the People's Champion. He goes out to commentary and yells asking if he was in that video last week, and they say no. Punk says he's had to deal with a week of questions about some conspiracy he clearly knows nothing about and wasn't involved in, and that video was used to try and discredit him. He says that wasn't a real video, and this was all a set up to steal the WWE Championship from him. He says Mr. McMahon has a broken hip AND HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED. JUST LIKE HE'LL GET WHAT HE DESERVES AT THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER. ROCK HAS THE BELT, BUT HE'S STILL THE CHAMPION. DAY 442 IS TONIGHT. Booker T interrupts and says he can choose his opponent because reasons and says the fans can vote between Orton, Jericho, and Rey as Punk's opponent.

VOTE ON THE WWE APP. YEP, THERE'S AN APP. NEWS, RIGHT?

Match #1: Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro
This wasn't great, but it was their best match together. IF it got longer, it could have been great as it's six minutes and about four of them are really good. Ryback has trouble getting started as usual, but Cesaro has a NASTY Northern Lariat to transition to control, and has some great work again. Good stuff playing on Cesaro's count out attempts, and Ryback catches a Yakuza Kick into a Powerbomb. After that, the Meat Hook and Shellshocked get the win for the Big Guy.
**1/2

In a clip from this mysterious WWE App, Rey Mysterio says people should vote for him because he's the one that beat CM Punk at WrestleMania 26 and he's also the one that took him down and cut his hair.

A video airs on The Shield's attacks.

In the back, Vickie talks to John Cena. She says she hears rumors of him calling out The Shield by himself tonight, and asks if he has a death wish. He says he won the Royal Rumble, he's going to WrestleMania, and before he does that, The Shield needs to be stopped.

On the WWE App, Chris Jericho HILARIOUSLY says that if you're really the best in the world, you don't have to call yourself that. Which I guess is his way of admitting he was never the best in the world ever, but anyone who knows anything already knew that. Jericho claims that if they vote him, they can finally find out who the best in the world is. YOU HAD A LONG FEUD LAST YEAR THAT PUNK WON EVERY MATCH IN.

Match #2: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella
90 second Swagger squash. Ankle Lock ends it, and they redub it the Patriot Act.
3/4*

WRESTLEMANIA: 62 DAYS AWAY!

Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Cody Rhodes
They now use mid-range heels instead of face jobbers for the Weekly Meh ADR Match. It is just as boring and effort lacking, and ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker.
*1/2

Post-match, ADR gets on the mic and says he's changed his ways and thanks the fans for their support and says they opened his eyes. He looks super insincere and says he fights for people being bullied like The Big Show bullied his best friend. Big Show comes on the tron from his hotel and says not to get his hot sauce blood all in a stir, but he wants a rematch on PPV. He says Booker T knows where he is, so he can sign the contract and have someone bring it over here, and tells him not to even think about trying to hunt him down tonight, because what he did to Ricardo will be nothing.

Jerry Lawler shows the results, and Chris Jericho wins in a blowout with 57%.

In the back, Bryan and Kane argue about the loss on SD and Bryan says Kane didn't do his part as his partner, PARTNER. Kane says he thought Bryan could handle himself, PARTNER. Bryan says he'll prove he can tonight, and says to stay back here so he doesn't ruin his chances to get into the Chamber.

Match #4: Daniel Bryan vs. Rey Mysterio
Yet again, WWE TV gets it completely wrong. This is eight minutes that's totally butchered by a commercial. They instead get 5 minutes of cool stuff with the control segment by Bryan almost completely cut out, so we're left with like a third of the match missing. Rey isn't his best, but Bryan gets the best 2013 Rey Mysterio has out of him. Rey misses the Penguin Splash and Bryan puts on the No Lock to win.
**1/2

NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, BECAUSE MARK HENRY IS BACK! MOK KILLS THEM BOTH. DANIELSON GOES HEADFIRST INTO THE RAILING AND MOK HITS A CRAZY SPINEBUSTER ON REY! SIN CARA COMES OUT, BUT MOK CATCHES HIM OUT OF THE AIR WITH THE WORLD'S STRONGEST SLAM! YEAH! AND ONE FOR REY TOO! MOK SCREAMS "THAT AIN'T ENOUGH" AND HITS REY WITH A VADER BOMB!

"DAT'S WHAT I DO"

In the back, Bryan finds Kane and complains. Kane says Bryan told him to stay back here, and Bryan asks when he started listening to him and says he owes him an apology. Kane says he's sorry and that their friendship means everything to him. Bryan asks if he's serious, and Kane says HELL NO and leaves.

RAW REBOUND!

At the hotel, The Big Show gets room service and refuses to pay a tip.

In the ring, Miz TV is set up, and he brings out Paul Heyman.

Before the next match, Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, and Rey Mysterio have been put in the Chamber match to fill half the spots.

Match #5: Sheamus vs. Kane
This isn't really good at all, but it's only three minutes. Lots of awkward clubbing and miscommunication. Daniel Bryan comes out, but Kane yells at him to mind his own business and Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick to win.
*1/4

Coming back, Miz TV is set up and he tries to intro Heyman, but Paul Heyman comes out and says to stop and to not say another word. Miz says he didn't introduce him, and Heyman says he'll introduce himself because he's here to clear his name and to wish Mr. McMahon a very speedy recovery from his hip surgery. Miz says nobody is buying this after last week, and Heyman says he did not know Brock Lesnar was in Las Vegas and says to look at the footage to see that he tried to stop Brock Lesnar and he told Vince to leave the ring. Miz then abruptly switches to the Maddox/Shield tape and says Paul might be the most committed liar he's ever seen. Paul asks hwo dare he try to make himself look good at his expense and says he has some questions too and asks Miz if he also believes CM Punk was screwed and that in 13 days, CM Punk will mop the floor with The Rock. Miz says he's changing the subject and Paul says to answer. Vickie comes down to the ring and says Brock was there last week because she was negotiating a secret deal so she could be promoted to be permanent GM. She says Brock signed last week, and Miz says they're probably both going to be fired now. BUT FUCK THAT. BORK COMES AND MURDERS THE MIZ. YES. BORK PLS.

Match #6: Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett
Same deal as on Smackdown. They have 4 minutes, and Orton gets his win back. I don't understand why he couldn't have done this solely on Raw to begin with, but there's a weird kind of thing in 2012-13 where these matches get repeated like the different TV shows are a house show loop in the 80s when everything was taped. This was lesser, because any match where Orton breaks out the Flying Dick Attack is lesser for it. This was also a lot more botchy. RKO wins it.
*3/4

Match #7: CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho

These two apparently work best on TV, as this is great and their Payback match later in 2013 really wasn't. It's basically a movefest, but really well laid out. Punk has some great heel moments, the best of which was yelling "ASK HIM" over and over when he had a hold on. Some super smart counters, and it's basically everything this match needs to be when we've seen it a million times since 2008. They do a lot without killing anything for the sake of trying to force a great match, and Punk wins with the GTS.
***

WWE HALL OF FAME: BRUNO SAMMARTINO

In the back, Striker interviews CM Punk. He says people think he's mad because The Rock shoots movies and commercials, but he's mad because he stole from him. He might have the physical belt, but the TITLE of Champion belongs to him. Every second, minute, day, hour, month, and year, he proves it. He's the best in the world, and at Elimination Chamber, he'll prove it again.

In the hotel, Show is on the phone and complains to Booker. He goes to get the door after a knock, and a latino guy brings him the contract. He signs it, and when Show opens the door again, ADR is there. He attacks, but Show kicks him in the dick and throws him around the hallway. ADR sprays a fire extinguisher in his face and knocks him out with a table leg before he leaves.

Brad Maddox comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says he was manipulated by Paul Heyman to help him at HIAC and he preyed on him because he knew he was an honest, hard working, up and coming superstar trying to make a name for himself, and now everybody knows the truth. He says he's glad it's all out there and he's an innocent victim. In fact, he's the hero! So it's going to be he, THE HERO, and not John Cena that teaches The Shield about justice. He sort of sounds like Bane when he says justice awaits, and then SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA. SHIELD. They come down and Ambrose has the mic. He thanks him for the invitation, but they don't need one. He wants to be the hero, but he's just a rat scurrying around under floorboards, looking for scraps. NOBODY EVER SAID JUSTICE WAS FREE. Rollins asks Brad if he understands the concept of justice and justice is The Shield putting a fame hungry weasel in his place with the beating he deserves. Reigns says last time it was business, but now they're gonna to take the time to enjoy this, little tiny man. Ambrose says they think Brad Maddox doesn't believe in The Shield. They beat on Maddox, and he eats the Triple Powerbomb. John Cena comes out through the crowd, AND RYBACK'S MUSIC HITS TOO. RYBACK ALSO COMES THROUGH THE CROWD. AS DOES SHEAMUS! THE SHIELD RETREATS UP THE RAMP, BUT BABYFACE VICTIMS OF THE SHIELD COME OUT TO BLOCK IT. THEY GET BACK IN, AND THE THREE BABYFACES BEAT THEM UP AND DRIVE THEM FROM THE RING! Awesome stuff.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013

WWE NXT
February 6th, 2013
Orlando, FL

Match #1: Kassius Ohno/Leo Kruger vs. Adrian Neville/Oliver Grey [NXT Tag Team Title Tournament - Semi-Finals]

This gets like 15 minutes, so I can't mark them down for not having the time. Grey is basically a blank slate so he's great vs. Hero and then super average against Kruger. The control segment is basically the same way, and it holds this down a lot. Neville has an awesome hot tag that gets this higher though. Ohno gets distracted taunting Regal again, and it allows Neville to do his thing and he hits the Red Arrow on Ohno to win in an upset!
**1/2

In the back, Renee Young interviews Summer Rae. Summer says she stands there like the good little ring announcer every week when she's the prettiest diva on NXT, and she's tired of hearing all the cheers for Paige. She says she's ghastly to look at where as she's the hottest thing in the WWE, so she took it into her own hands and it felt amazing.

Match #2: Conor O'Brien vs. Mike Dalton
The future Tyler Breeze puts on another decent jobber performance, but Ratface is the worst, so this isn't much. He wins with a fucking Legdrop.
1/4*

Post-match, Conor demands a five count to further antagonize big E. Big E. Langston comes out and down to the ring and hits Dalton with the Big Ending and does his own five count before he stares down the vampire bitch and leaves.

In the back, Paige yells at Dusty to book her vs. Summer next week or there won't be an NXT. She storms off and bumps into Sasha Banks, and yells to get out of her way. Sasha then goes to Dusty and he hands her a letter and says her secret admirer had it delivered to the office. She read it and it says that the admirer will bring some PDA to Valentine's Day next week.

A video recap airs of the Rumble tournament that Bo Dallas won. During this, the Grey/Neville team is officially dubbed British Ambition.

Match #3: Michael McGillicutty/Bo Dallas vs. The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt [NXT Tag Team Title Tournament - Semi-Finals]
This sucked. WAY too much Bo and Rowan here. McG had a good little hot tag, but then Bray tripped him up after under a minute. Harper snuck in the Discus Lariat for the win.
*1/4

Post-match, Bray offers Bo his hand. He refuses, so Bray sends the troops back in, and they destroy Bo too. Bray then hits Sister Abigail.

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Big Tuna
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Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes, Main Event (February 6th)
This was alright, but they've done better before and this showed very little effort. They got 10 or so minutes and once again, Sheamus is a really slow starter. Cody takes a lot of punishment once it picks up though, and there's a decent control segment. They rush through stuff at the end and Sheamus goes back in 2012 mode with the White Noise and Brogue Kick to win, completely eating an opponent alive.
**1/4
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013

WWE Smackdown
February 8th, 2013
Jacksonville, FL


included an in-ring promo by Show in which he said World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio should not have gotten away with the hotel room attack on him and the only reason he did was because he's popular; Show went on to say he would regain the title at Elimination Chamber and said ADR being suspended was only an excuse for him to get the night off; after Show said Booker T was jealous of him, Booker joined him in the ring and Show questioned him as to who gave ADR his hotel info; after Booker said it could have been anyone, he added Show would be in action against WWE Tag Team Champion Kane later in the night

Match #1: Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston
This is all of three minutes and not really much, because Cody can't carry Kofi in a normal match, especially not a super short one. Cody does an inset saying that only former champions being allowed in the Chamber isn't fair because he should be in. Cody wins with the Cross Rhodes.
*1/2

In the back, Bryan talks to Kane and says he should be his corner tonight since he's beaten Big Show before in 45 seconds and being seen with a Chamber participant like him may help Kane's cause. Kane says no more talking and says the next word he says to him will be "congratulations" after he Chokeslams Big Show into oblivion.

A recap of all the Brock stuff airs.

The Bruno video also airs.

Match #2: The Great Khali w/ Natalya & Hornswoggle vs. Titus O'Neil
Minute long squash for Khali again. Brain chop wins.
1/2*

Post-match, Mark Henry comes out and he throws Titus out and yells SIT DOWN BOY GROWN FOLKS GONNA TALK. Khali tries to fight him, but Henry lays him out with the World's Strongest Slam.

Coming back, Mark Henry is on the mic and he says the Hall of Pain is now open, and he's bent on destruction. He says Khali don't have any questions, Titus O'Neil ain't have any questions, and neither did Rey Mysterio or Sin Cara. He says this is Booker T's fault for not inviting him back to be in the Elimination Chamber and leaving him out. HOW YOU FORGET THE STRONGEST MAN THAT EVER LIVED? He says he'll make room in that match himself if nobody makes it for him, and Booker T comes out. He books MOK/Orton tonight and says if he wins, he's in.

Match #3: The Big Show vs. Kane
This happens! It's devoid of matwork, so it's yet another failure to capitalize on their incredible 2006 match. Show wins with the KO Punch.
*3/4

In the parking lot, ADR vandalizes Big Show's bus. Big Show runs out to see what happened and ADR pours orange paint on him from on top of the bus.

Match #4: Jack Swagger vs. Justin Gabriel
Another short squash for Swagger, this one about two and a half minutes. Swagger does an inset promo saying a real American takes what he wants and doesn't wait for handouts, and he'll show Booker T why the chamber match needs Jack Swagger, a real American. Gabriel contributes nothing and taps to the Patriot Act.
*1/2

FAN-DAN-GO.

Match #5: Tensai vs. Drew McIntyre w/ 3MB
This is a minute before 3MB is involved for the DQ.
*

Post-match, Brodus Clay comes out to save and the two big guys dance with the Funkadactyls.

Match #6: Antonio Cesaro vs. Sin Cara
This is also two and a half minutes because there's no actual matches on this episode. The difference is that this is a great two and a half minutes. Claudio does his thing, takes a few great lucha bumps to make Sin Cara look worthwhile, and then cuts it off with the uppercut out of the air. Neutralizer ends it after that.
**

In the back, Striker interviews Randy Orton about the match. Randy says Mark's been on the shelf for nine months and he comes back and lays guys out and thinks he can get whatever he wants. He says it's a good plan but he's a pretty big roadblock, and Mark Henry will have to be the world's luckiest man to go through him, and he'll put him back on the shelf if he's not careful.

RAW REBOUND!

In the back, Striker interviews The Miz and asks about Bork's attack on Raw. He says he's still here, and Cesaro comes over. He says only in the US, a guy like The Miz can run his mouth and stick his nose where it didn't belong, get what he deserves, and whine about it. Miz says this is where his nose does belong, and he instigates a pull-apart.

Match #7: Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry
This is all of four minutes, so it's not as good as their fall 2011 stuff. It's fairly straightforward as Mark runs through Randy for three minutes, and lets him do a basic Randy Orton comeback before he easily throws him off of the RKO. He hits a splash in the corner and then the World's Strongest Slam for a surprisingly easy win.
**
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013

WWE Raw
February 11th, 2013
Nashville, TN


Paul Heyman is in the ring to open the show and says this is not how he envisioned this, but it's something he's compelled to do, so this is a hard thing to spit out. Tonight is the last time you're ever going to see Paul Heyman. He says he's done everything with great passion, and he's made great sacrifices despite that his passions often end up betraying him. For seven and a half years, he sacrificed everything for ECW, then he gave of himself and with vision and passion, he gave you BROCK LESNAR. Then he met a man that he figured was the epitome of everything the WWE audience and pro wrestling should support. He saw the future of wrestling and the potential best of all time, and that man should still be the WWE Champion, because he is CM Punk. He says he can feel the Sword of Damocles over his head and that means it would also come down onto CM Punk, and CM Punk needs to be focused on The Rock and needs to focus on the WWE Championship, and he's become a distraction. The obsession on Paul Heyman by the McMahons isn't fair, and if he stays around, the sins of the mentor will befall upon his protege, so he's tendering his resignation. CM Punk comes out and stops him before getting the mic. Punk asks what he's doing and Paul says Vince's perception is that he hired all these people and had something to do with Brock's attack, and Punk says he won't let him do this and says he's way too important to him and this company. Punk says this is a bad dream and it all goes back to normal when he gets his title back with Paul in his corner. Paul is sold and says he will be the WWE Champion and they hug.

TONIGHT: THE RORK IS HERE!

Match #1: Mark Henry vs. The Great Khali w/ Natalya & Hornswoggle
MOK squashes him for a few minutes and he wins with the World's Strongest Slam.
*1/4

Post-match, Hornswoggle also gets the slam, and Cole notes that Henry injured Rey last week, and now there's another open Chamber spot.

Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback vs. The Shield is announced for the PPV. And to clarify, the Chamber participants are currently Orton, Mark Henry, and Bryan.

In the back, Chris Jericho asks Booker T and Teddy for a shot to get into the Chamber and Booekr says if he can beat Daniel Bryan tonight, he'll put him in the match. Jericho says he'll beat Daniel Beardan and get into the Chamber and win. NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT SUCKA.

In the back, Paul Heyman comes to Vickie's office and he tries to butter her up to add a stipulation for the WWE Title match at the PPV. Vince calls her on the phone and she puts it on speaker phone. Vince asks what his idea is and Paul says he wants it so The Rock can lose the WWE Title if he gets counted out or disqualified. Vince asks how strongly he feels about it, and Paul says he would do anything to get this stipulation there, and Vince says to put it in writing. Paul agrees, and Vince abruptly hangs up.

FAN. DAN. GO.

Match #2: Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho
This was great! Motivated Jericho continues to show up, and this is the grittiest Jericho we've seen since like 2005. They re-use a lot of classic Benoit/Jericho spots here with Crossface/Walls counter spots, the duck to the Triangle Plancha, knees to the face caught into the Walls, etc. It's only seven minutes, but like the stuff they used, they do a lot with that. Jericho gets a flash Codebreaker for the win to get into the Chamber.
***

Match #3: John Cena/Ryback/Sheamus vs. 3MB

This is fairly basic. Two minutes to put the faces over super strong going into the six man on PPV. They hit their finishers and pin the jobbers in stereo.
*1/2

Post-match, Ryback gets the mic and says this Sunday is the day he'll feast on The Shield. Sheamus says all they've been hearing is to believe in The Shield, but he believes that there's no reason the three of them can't get their own justice tonight. Cena says he hears The Shield is going to be here and they meet the sword tonight. They can be justice, but THEY are the law.

A recap of the ADR/Show stuff on SD airs.

In the back, The Big Show arrives. Alex Riley and Yoshi Tatsu are seen laughing, so Big Show knocks them both out.

Matt Striker brings The Big Show out to the ring for an interview, but Big Show knocks him out too and takes the mic. He struggles for something to say, so he throws the mic down and leaves.

Match #4: Jack Swagger vs. Zack Ryder
Swagger has some old man with him that Lawler identifies as Zeb Coulter. This is another decent squash for Swagger, and he wins with the Patriot Act.
*3/4

Post-match, Jack gets the mic and says he wants to introduce a friend of his. He is a great American, ZEB COULTER! Zeb says Zeb knows what's wrong with America, and Jack Swagger knows what's wrong, but most Americans have forgotten. Years ago, he and this man's daddy laid in a jungle in Vietnam because they were real patriots and he looks around and he sees a country he doesn't even recognize. People with faces not like his, people who can't even talk to him in his language, and he looks around and wonders where all these people came from. Most importantly, he thinks about how they can get rid of them. Real Americans know the truth, Zeb and Jack know the truth, because this is the land of the free and the home of the brave, not the home of whoever wants to cross our borders. WE THE PEOPLE.

In the back, Booker and Teddy put Jack Swagger in the chamber too. Ziggler & Co. come in and they say that Ziggler wants in so he can put an end to Chris Jericho, who doesn't even belong in this match. Oh nice, they're continuing the feud! Booker then books Ziggler/Kane for the final spot in the Chamber match.

Antonio Cesaro is on commentary.

Match #5: The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes
This is three minutes of not a lot before Cesaro attacks Miz on the floor for the DQ.
*1/2

Post-match, Cesaro GIANT SWINGS MIZ BACK AND FORTH INTO THE RAILING OVER AND OVER! IT'S THE BEST.

Posted Image

Match #6: Tons of Funk vs. The Colons
Tensai isn't in full garb yet, but it's the team's debut. The women are all on the floor. This was only a minute, so it wasn't anything special, but whatever. Tensai beats Epico with the Back Senton.
3/4*

Post-match, The Funkadactyls scare Rosa out and everyone dances.

The Shield comes down to the ring, and they get the mic. Ambrose says they stand united to shield WWE from atrocities like the ones John Cena commits every day. Like tonight, when John Cena threatened the Shield. Rollins says the three opponents are your heroes and they think they'll accomplish something by threatening The Shield. In case you haven't noticed, they deliver messages through ACTION. Reigns says THEY'RE threatening THEM, and if they want them, COME AND GET THEM. Nobody comes out and Ambrose says it's an empty threat from three morally empty individuals. Reigns says they had the whole roster last week and couldn't get the job done, and they could bring the whole world and they'd still be standing. Rollins says John failed last week, he fails every day when he gets up and exists, and this Sunday would be no different. At the hands of The Shield, John Cena will fail again. Ambrose says John Cena is a failure. He's not just a superstar, he's a philosophy. It's what he FAILS to do, the example he FAILS to set. Smiling away in his little bubble where there are no consequences and he can say and do anything, but that's not the real world. That's the John Cena Problem. Reigns says it's been a problem for the last decade, and The Shield is the solution. Rollins says he might not have intended it, Cena's standard paved the way for the Sheamuses and Rybacks of the world. He's responsible for an entire generation believing in the system. They have an opportunity to rectify a decade of injustice, and Ambrose tells the other three to breath as much fresh air as they can, because they were going to drown them on Sunday. Believe that. AND BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD. The lights go out, and they come back on with Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback in the ring. They have a great brawl, and they drive the Shield out.

Match #7: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Damien Sandow
This is also only like a minute and ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker.
3/4*

Post-match, ADR gets the microphone, and says he agrees that the time for talk is over.

In the back, Bo Dallas attacks Wade Barrett and gets pulled off.

FAN-DAN-GO.

Match #8: Wade Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston
Not sure why they did the Bo thing before this match when Wade ends up winning anyways. This isn't much good because it's a Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett match. On the upside, it's only three minutes. I don't even know why this match happened to begin with when they could have given this time to one of the other criminally underdeveloped matches this week like Cody/Miz or ADR/Sandow. Wade wins with the Bullhammer.
*1/4

THIS WEEK ON SMOCKDAWN: RANDY ORTON VS, MARK HENRY

Match #9: Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston [Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match]
This is another Kane singles match. I like Kane and all, but holy fuck, it's 2013, and he's not really good anymore. Ziggler bumps around a lot, but the commercial cuts out most of his control segment again. Kane sends Dolph into AJ on the apron and wins with a Chokeslam, because fuck it, we've gotta keep Kane strong.
*3/4

A hype video airs for the Elimination Chamber match itself, absent of the people in the match.

The Rock comes out to the ring, and he gets on the mic. FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO NASHVILLE. This begins that weird run where The Rock tells stories about growing up everywhere in the U.S. and meeting Downtown Bruno in a bar when he was 15 and buying a car from a crackhead. He then talks about having his first match here in the Nashville Fairgrounds with the dream of this title, and CM Punk and Paul Heyman come out. Rock says they were out here earlier reenacting a love scene from Twilight. Rock says they can stack the deck against The Rock, and they better bring it. Rock challenges him right now, and Punk comes out to fight. Paul causes a distraction, and Punk hits the GTS. Punk then leaves with the title.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013

WWE NXT
February 13th, 2013
Orlando, FL


TONIGHT: THE FINALS OF THE TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT!

Summer Rae introduces the first match, but then Paige runs out and chases her to the back. Paige comes back out to get the mic and says this show doesn't go forward until she gets back in the ring with her. Axl Keegan and Mike Dalton protest having their match ruined, but she slaps them so they leave. Dusty Rhodes comes out and says this show isn't just about her and she needs to get out of the ring. Summer Rae comes to the stage and says she's the first lady of NXT. Paige goes after her again, and they get separated. Summer takes a cheap shot on Paige's arm and when she's hurt, says she'll fight tonight.

Match #1: Corey Graves vs. Alex Riley
AWFUL MATCH. Lots of super awkward predictable stuff. I'm usually fine with that, but when you can see the obvious from a mile away and it's not even done well, that's a problem. Graves spends the match doing generic control work, and then suddenly goes to the leg for the shitty leg hold to win. The mark of a fucking amateur.
1/2*

In the back, Paige is getting her arm taped up by the doctor.

Match #2: Paige vs. Summer Rae
Summer needs some work, but she had some good moments here. Paige sold the arm really well and about half of Summer's work on it was really good. Like the last few NXT womens matches, they end it kind of abruptly. Summer cuts off Paige's comeback too soon by pulling her arm into the ropes and then hits a Spinning Heel Kick to win.
*3/4

NEXT WEEK: LANGSTON/O'BRIAN

As the Wyatt Family comes out, Bray finally gets the mic. He says they are bigger, they are stronger, and they are undefeatable. The underdogs are in the ring, but the world wants to see them broken, and the world gets what they want. Follow the buzzards.

Match #3: British Ambition vs. The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt [NXT Tag Team Championship]
This starts great with Grey/Harper, and Grey breaks out the rare CROSSBODY SUICIDA! Bray interferes to give his family the upper hand on Grey, who makes a great FIP. Dusty Rhodes comes out though, and he ejects Bray! Harper shines as usual, and Rowan is whatever and kind of drags it down. Neville has a good hot tag and Harper accidentally knocks Rowan off the apron. Neville takes Harper down, and hits the Red Arrow to win the titles!
**1/2
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Big Tuna
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Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler, Main Event (February 13th)
This is much more like it. They get 18 minutes or so here, and do an awesome job. ADR has early arm work for once ,and Ziggler sells it for a long time after in transition back to his stuff. ADR takes a big bump over the top to the steps to give Ziggler the edge, and then there was a lot of quality stuff. They built things up well for the end, and Big E ended up chasing Ricardo out. ADR's face stuff is still kind of clunky with things like doing a kick to the gut before the armbreaker takedown when he's capable of much smoother transitions down, but that was a minor complaint and didn't take away from this too much. ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker, because fuck Ziggler having actual momentum when he actually cashes in on ADR.
***
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013

WWE Smackdown
February 15th, 2013
Little Rock, AR


The Big Show comes out and says everybody thinks what happened was funny, and because of last week's humiliation, three innocent people got knocked out on Raw. He says Alberto Del Rio doesn't have what it takes to pin him, he's never pinned him, and he will never pin him, and the rage he has will unload on Del Rio on Sunday. He's going to ball his rage up in his fist and when it flies, Alberto Del Rio's fiesta will turn into siesta. Chris Jericho comes out to say stuff to obviously set up a match, and Booker T obliges to make the main event.

Match #1: Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry
This is alright again. It's about a 5/10 on the Randy Orton Effort Scale. Mark dominates with his usual quality big man power stuff, and Orton made just about the same comeback as last week. He throws Orton off the RKO and to the floor and then because Orton can't win, he hits Mark with a chair on the floor for the DQ like a coward.
**

Orton keeps hitting him with the chair, but Mark blocks a shot to the chest and he pulls Orton into the World's Strongest Slam. DAT'S WHAT HE DO.

In the back, Mark Henry grabs the mic from Matt Striker. He says he's been at home for nine months frustrated about his return, but it's official. The Hall of Pain is open for business, it's been getting full as of late. They're gonna like five men in steel with him and he suggests that they have law enforcement handy. The National Guard, the Army, Marines, Navy, they're gonna need it because nobody is stopping his road to WrestleMania.

A hype video for the six man tag airs.

FAN! DAN! GO!

Match #2: Tamina vs. Layla
This match is to make Tamina look like she has a shot for the just now announced Kaitlyn/Tamina for the PPV, because I guess WWE remembered the division exists outside NXT. Stuff happened for a little bit, and Tamina wins with the Superfly Splash.
3/4*

The Rock comes out and gets on the mic. FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO LITTLE ROCK. I have no idea why he's excited about that, but okay. He says CM Punk is going to get an ass kicking and keeps stalling so they can chant in that kind of forced way. He says it took him 10 years to win the belt back, and it will take one night to make sure he never touches it again. CM Punk and Paul Heyman interrupt somewhere, and Punk insists that this is a CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE because WWE's weird language rules. Punk says Rock stole this from him, and all he did was return the favor. He says The Rock's throwing a tantrum now, and he's such a hypocrite. They say a lot of stuff and Rock calls Punk a spoiled little boy for standing in the way of a steamroller of a man named the Rock. He's going to WrestleMania as the WWE Champion, if you smell what The Rock is cooking. Real inspiring and groundbreaking work there.

Match #3: Tons of funk vs. Heath Slater/Jinder Mahal
The women and Drew are on the floor. Jinder is still the worst, but this was a decent squash for the new team. Brodus beats Jinder with the Big Splash.
*

THE SHIELD HITS THE RING AND DESTROYS THE FAT GUYS. FUCK YEAH. Ambrose gets the mic and says Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback will learn the hard way that their actions have consequences. They will be put on trial and sentenced, and they will BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD.

FAN...DAN...GO!

Match #4: The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes
Miz's arm is taped up from the attack on Raw. Cody works on the arm, but Miz comes back far too easily and puts on the shitty Figure Four to win.
*3/4

Match #5: Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter vs. Zack Ryder

Same deal as Raw. Patriot Act wins.
*3/4

Post-match, Zeb does the same deal from Raw.

Match #6: The Big Show vs. Chris Jericho
Big Show ends the surprising streak of good 2013 Chris Jericho matches. Jericho used to be able to do this in 2000-1 when he was the kind of babyface who hit really hard and bumped around all the time, but that's not who he is now, so this isn't much. Show wins with the JO Punch.
**
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013

Posted Image

WWE Elimination Chamber 2013
February 17th, 2013
New Orleans, LA

Match #1: Alberto Del Rio [c] w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. The Big Show [World Heavyweight Championship]

This is alright, but it again shows that the first LMS was one of those situations where everything works exactly right. Show's power spots are good and ADR has some decent offense, but it never really comes together as a great match despite getting good at points. ADR botches the bucket enzuiguri at the end of the match, and then he makes Show tap to the Cross Armbreaker, and the feud ends. Much like the feud, it had strong points but the overall story was kind of whatever.
**1/2

A trailer for GI Joe: Retaliation airs.

Match #2: Antonio Cesaro [c] vs. The Miz [WWE U.S. Championship]
This is much better than their last PPV match. Miz's arm is the focus, and Cesaro has some awesome awesome arm work. Miz sells it this time too, and it's pretty good selling for what you'd expect. Cesaro hurts his knee and Miz starts to work on it. He accidentally knee drops Cesaro's groin in a weird spot and the ref calls for the bell, and it's really just a terrible finish to what was becoming a good match.
**1/2

Miz then drives Cesaro out with an intended low blow.

In the back, Team Hell No talks. Bryan wants to team up tonight, and Kane says this is a big match, but he'll make him a deal. Bryan watches his back, and then he ALSO watches his back, and Kane leaves.

Match #3: Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Jack Swagger [ELIMINATION CHAMBER]
Bryan and Jericho start. They have a decent period, and Jack Swagger is in at #3. He has some great aggressive moments, and Bryan starts to break out the cool spots. Kane is in after that and he and Bryan briefly team. Bryan tries a quick roll up that fails, and they fight with some good work. #5 is Randy Orton for his stuff. #6 is Mark Henry, and it picks up HUGE. Bryan is out first off the World's Strongest Slam. MARK THROWS ORTON THROUGH ONE OF THE PODS! YEAH! MARK CATCHES KANE OFF THE TOP! WORLD'S STRONGEST SLAM TO GET KANE OUT TOO! Jericho does alright, BUT MARK GRABS HIM FROM THE OUTSIDE WHEN HE TRIES A LIONSAULT ON SWAGGER AND THROWS HIM ALL THE WAY INTO THE CHAMBER WALL! JESUS CHRIST. He misses the Vader Bomb though, and a Codebreaker followed by the RKO pins MOK. :( BUT FUCK THAT, BECAUSE EVERYONE GETS WORLD'S STRONGEST SLAMMED FOR THEIR TREACHERY. Orton vs. Jericho is really good again and Orton eliminates him with the RKO. SWAGGER IMMEDIATELY GETS ON TOP WITH A SCHOOLBOY AND ELIMINATES ORTON TO WIN WHOA! That got surprisingly fun at points, but this is a 30 minute match with 10 or so that's super boring and whatever, and I can't really call that great.
**3/4

Somehow after looking through all the possibilities for the WHT scene, they're going with Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger.

A hype video airs for the six man.

Match #4: The Shield vs. John Cena/Ryback/Sheamus
This is beautiful. It's only 15 minutes, but it's a trios match done so perfectly that this kind of mastery of a multi-man non-gimmick tag hasn't been seen in the WWE since Evolution split up. There might be a 2005-7 SD six man that's this good at the formula, but one' not coming to mind. The faces start off hot, but Cena gets isolated. Awesome control stuff from The Shield, and Roman particularly shows a lot with some explosive stuff. Ryback has a great hot tag, and Ambrose suckers Sheamus out AND ROMAN SPEARS HIM THROUGH THE BARRICADE! Ryback has Rollins up for Shellshocked, and Ambrose gets in. Cena hits him with the FU and celebrates, BUT REIGNS SNEAKS IN AND SPEARS RYBACK! ROLLINS LANDS ON TOP FOR THE THREE COUNT!
***1/4

Ryback storms off post-match, upset with Cena's insistence on getting his moment instead of standing guard for him costing them the match.

prior to the bout, Ziggler walked out with a mic, complained about not being on the show, and mocked Jack Swagger for coming back from a lengthy vacation and earning a WrestleMania main event spot; Ziggler then said he had stolen more shows than the entire 2013 WWE Hall of Fame class, with Booker T then interrupting and saying he found someone that could do everything Ziggler could do and he would face Ziggler then and there and Kofi Kingston came out

Match #5: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston
This is only 3 minutes, so why even bother? Big E helps Ziggler because he apparently can't even beat fucking Kofi Kingston on his own anymore, and then he hits the Peace Zig to win.
*3/4

Post-match, Big E hits Kofi with the Big Ending.

Clips air from the pre-show where Tons of Funk beat Team Rhodes Scholars, who I guess reunited. I didn't review this because it was three minutes and I'll see it a million more times.

In the back, Tons of Funk and the ladies shill action figures.

Match #6: Kaitlyn [c] vs. Tamina [WWE Divas Championship]
Alright three minutes. Kaitlyn takes another of her endearingly reckless bumps to the floor off of hitting the post, but then comes back with the Spear for the win.
*1/2

WRESTLEMANIA: 49 DAYS

Hype video for the main event.

Match #7: The Rock [c] vs. CM Punk w/ Paul Heyman [WWE Championship - Rock Loses Title on DQ or CO]
This one doesn't go as long, but 21 is still beyond what Rock can do, and this isn't very good. LOTS of CM Punk chinlocking and it's all super loose. Rock clearly gets blown up here, because it's so much slower than the usual Punk stuff at this point. There's some decent stuff with Punk trying to win by DQ and count out, but it wasn't enough to carry this. Especially when the first half is such an obvious cover for Rock's shitty conditioning. Punk gets visual clean pins when the ref is down, so AGAIN, that's Punk being robbed by the company. Rock hits the People's Elbow, and THAT'S when the new ref slides in to count. Punk kicks out, and then a Rock Bottom gives Rock the win.
**
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013

WWE Raw
February 18th, 2013
Lafayette, LA


John Cena comes out to open the show and he hypes up WrestleMania and TWICE IN A LIFETIME, but CM Punk and Paul Heyman come out. Punk says that match is the easy way out, and Punk says The Rock beat him last night fair and square...if you want to ignore his 18 count after The Rock hit a referee, which is TWO times he should have won his title. Speaking of wins and losses, John Cena has never beaten him. Cena says he won the Royal Rumble, and The Rock is the WWE Champion, so for once, he has to sit this out and it's not about CM Punk. Punk tells him to walk away and this shot belongs to him. Cena says he knows that won't work and they agree to a match for the shot next week, because Cena's settling all his old business on the path to redemption. Punk leaves and Cena says he'll beat him, he'll beat The Rock, and at WrestleMania, the champ will be here.

TONIGHT: ROCK'S CELEBRATION

In the back, Striker tries to interview Sheamus about the loss to The Shield, and he's mad. Ryback walks by and Sheamus says he's not the only one upset and he tells Ryback that they both lost. Sheamus asks if Ryback is a machine or a big dumb neanderthal like everyone says. They almost fight, but Chris Jericho breaks it up. He says them fighting doesn't help against The Shield and says he's seen this with the NWO and Nexus and they have to stick together to save this company. He says they have to stop The Shield tonight, and he wants a six man tag tonight. They're both in.

Match #1: Mark Henry vs. Sin Cara
This is the usual fun minute-long MOK squash. World's Strongest Slam ends it.
*1/4

He keeps it up, but The Great Khali comes to save. Mark Henry backs off for some reason. Mark then does this dance:

Posted Image

Before the next match, The Shield vs. Jericho/Sheamus/Ryback is made officia.

Match #2: Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz [No Disqualification Match]
This is only like 4 minutes, and kicks off Cesaro's LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG and super upsetting losing streak. However, it IS very good for the time given. Cesaro works on the arm with good stuff, and then Miz drop toe holds Cesaro THROAT-first into the backrest of a chair, and puts on a shitty Figure Four to win.
**1/4

The following Zeb video airs from youtube, but since WWE is taking from there, I can just post a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuI2uag0lsI

In the back, Daniel Bryan finds Kane and is mad that Kane hit him last night instead of hugging him, and he went to Vickie and wanted a singles match tonight. He says he's going to fight Jack Swagger tonight and he doesn't want Kane there. Kane says he'll get a singles match too, and tells Bryan not to be there. Bryan says fine and leaves and Kane says to be a man of his word, because he doesn't deal well with snakes. Orton is there and asks if he's talking about him. Kane says he likes stepping on snakes and Randy says Kane's a lot less intimidating now that he traded in Chokeslams for hugs. Kane is mad, and Orton leaves.

In the back, Vickie tells Paul Heyman that she has dramatic news for him in the ring later.

Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Everyone is on the floor. This is only six minutes because commercials, but it's pretty much all reversals and highspots. They do a good enough job while also clearly holding a lot back. ADR blocks the Jumping DDT and puts on the Cross Armbreaker for the victory because again, fuck protecting this match when they can just further enforce that Dolph Ziggler will never ever be a top guy.
**3/4

Post-match, Big E lays out ADR with the Big Ending. Ziggler goes to cash in, but Ricardo grabs the briefcase and runs away. Big E and AJ chase him to the back and come out with the briefcase, but ADR is recovered by then and he drives off Ziggler easily. Holy shit, this is awful. They are SO desperate to make ADR work as a top face and they're destroying Ziggler to do it. This is some Christian in 2005 type sabotage of a guy they're sort of forced into presenting as near the top of the card. Unlike that though, ADR is no Cena or Batista, so it's especially wasteful.

Randy Orton vs. Kane is announced. UGH. HORRIBLE.

Wade Barrett comes out and he talks about his movie role and shows a trailer for Dead Man Down. Sheamus comes on the tron and says he's not the star of that movie, Colin Farrell is, and Wade doesn't even say a word in there. Sheamus says their time is up for this segment, so he'll see Wade later. Okay then. That was a pretty awful waste of time.

Match #4: Tons of Funk/Naomi w/ Cameron vs. The Colons/Rosa Mendes
Naomi impresses with quality flying and ass-based offense. The guys then get in and it's quickly over after a Big Splash from Brodus. This was about a minute, so whatever.
3/4*

Video airs of the press conference announcing WrestleMania XXX for New Orleans next year.

Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter are in the ring for a State of the Union Address, and Jack says last night is what happens when you live with dignity, respect, and patriotism. He conquered the chamber and put the weight of the nation upon their shoulders. He says tonight is about their country, not just him, and hands the podium over to Coulter. Zeb says its Presidents Day, so he thanks the founding fathers for creating the Bill of Rights, which gives them the right to stand out here and voice their opinions like real Americans. He says the state of their union is pathetic, but Real Americans are not to blame. The blame lies on the shoulders of the millions living in this country illegally, and they have no qualms about taking medical care, jobs, educations, and freedoms without contributing. Real Americans like them need to stand up and put a stop to it. He says the title match is more than just a World Title match, and it's more like a battle for this country's heart and soul. A real patriot on one side and on the other, a man who only came here to reap the rewards of their motherland. He says at WrestleMania, Jack Swagger reclaims America for all of them. WE THE PEOPLE.

Match #5: Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter
Bryan does his best to carry Jackie Swagger again. Danielson had taped up ribs from the World's Strongest Slams and Swagger went after it. It was all competent, but it was a Jack Swagger control segment, so whatever. Bryan had a good comeback and sold the ribs well, but then hurt his leg. Swagger went after it and won with the Patriot Act. This got 10 minutes and developed well, but Swagger is just so fucking boring and average and his rib work was the blandest shit imaginable. With almost anyone else, it'd be great.
**1/2

WRESTLEMANIA: 48 DAYS! BIG TIME!

Coming back, Vickie Guerrero and Paul Heyman are in the ring. Vickie says she will be naming a new assistant for herself, and she introduces BRAD MADDOX AS THE ASSISTANT TO THE MANAGING SUPERVISOR! YEAH! Brad comes out and says this is a reward for his loyalty (proving the conspiracy) and services to the WWE. They then do the Michael Scott/Dwight thing because people running WWE finally caught up to 2006 and watched The Office. Vince comes on the tron and says this is the real surprise and shows Paul last week saying he would do ANYTHING for the stipulation, so Vince says anything means ANYTHING. He says he could fire him right now, but he won't, and instead, he books himself vs. Paul Heyman in a fight next week!

Match #6: The Shield vs. Chris Jericho/Ryback/Sheamus
HEY, THIS RULES! It's 10 minutes, but they do just as much as the PPV match just with less time. There's a great deal where the faces can come back if it's 1 on 1 but can't ever capitalize on hitting their big moves because of how on top of it Shield is and how willing to take blows for the good of the team they are. Ryback survives the Spear this time, and Jericho has a really good hot tag. He gets Ambrose in the Walls, AND SHEAMUS CUTS OFF REIGNS WITH A TACKLE THIS TIME, SO JERICHO IS SAFE FROM THE SPEAR! BUT ROLLINS HITS THE CRAZY LIU KANG FLYING KNEE, AND AMBROSE COVERS TO WIN! I love that they thought a cohesive team without Cena would be the key, but they still got shut down just as easily in a different way.
***

On the way out to the ring, Damien Sandow has the mic and says today is President's Day, a day he holds near and dear to his heart. It is common knowledge that Sandows have served as advisors to Presidents throughout history and his great grandfather came up with the New Deal. He says he has a new deal to propose and says to allow him to save them from their own ignorance. You're welcome. He attacks before the bell and they have a shitty fight that Sandow wins. R-Truth returns to make the save. HORRID.

FAN/DAN/GO

Match #7: Randy Orton vs. Kane
Hey, this sucked! This has always sucked! Super lifeless and shitty punchfest without a lot of creativity or heat, because who the fuck could ever care about this match? Daniel Bryan comes out to distract Kane and Orton wins with the RKO.
*

The Rock's celebration is next. A marching band plays him out and Rock gets on the mic. He says CM Punk showed the world what a piece of human garbage he was when he spat in The Rock's face, as Rock has completely forgotten his streak of spitting water at people's faces and generally being a horrible human being. He says he beat his punk ass and is still the WWE Champion and now FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO LAFAYETTE. He says he's going to WrestleMania as WWE Champion but not with this belt, and they let The Rock be the guy to unveil the new title despite it being in the tank for at least six months despite having a perfect guy to unveil it as proof that the Cena Era was over. He hands it to a stagehand and says there's no reason the WWE Title should look like a toy or spin, and unveils the current (as of May 2014) WWE Title. The Rock says he wants to face John Cena at WrestleMania, and Cena comes out to the stage. BUT PUNK HITS HIM FROM BEHIND WITH THE SPINNER BELT! He looks at it and throws it down on Cena before he points to the ring and says he wants that one.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013

WWE NXT
February 20th, 2013
Orlando, FL

Match #1: Bray Wyatt w/ The Wyatt Family vs. Yoshi Tatsu

Bray wears a black butcher's apron to the ring. Bray kills him with his great offense for two minutes, and he wins with the Sister Abigail.
*3/4

Bray throws him out, and then gets on the mic. He tells Harper and Rowan to get in the ring and has them watch the clip of them losing last week. He says they really let him down, AND HOW COULD THEY? AFTER EVERYTHING HE DID. He says Luke Harper protected Erick and loved him like a brother, and he caused them to lose. HE SAYS TO HIT HARPER, AND ROWAN DOES IT. He then says Harper is his general and asks if his back hurts from carrying Erick, AND SAYS TO HIT ROWAN, AND HARPER HITS HIM BACK. They start fighting as Bray cheers them, and then says enough. He says he never wants them to taste a loss again, and they all leave.

In the back, Renee Young is with Sasha Banks and says they find out who the secret admirer is tonight. She gets a letter but then MAH GURL AUDREY MARIE ATTACKS FROM BEHIND! YEAH! She says she's been out injured and this is who they replace her with, and says to get out of NXT. Love, her secret admirer.

TONIGHT: LANGSTON/O'BRIAN

Match #2: El Local vs. Xavier Woods
Ricardo does his best to try and carry that fucking prick Consequences Creed. This ends up going on way too long and Woods wins with a Tornado DDT because he's stuck in the 1990s. Good subtle character work, I assume he's going to do a Death Valley Bomb next or a Blue Thunder Driver.
3/4*

Match #3: Audrey Marie vs. Sasha Banks

This is also pretty shitty. Marie is super cute, but a really bad wrestler and Sasha is whatever. Audrey catches her trying a wheelbarrow and hits a Wheelbarrow Facebuster to win.
1/4*

In the back, Renee is with Summer Rae. Renee says Paige's arm is badly damaged and has no range of motion. Summer says she has no range of EMOTION, and he doesn't feel bad for her. She had a match and got what she deserved. Her only regret is breaking her nail when slapping her around, and with no competition now, she can become the greatest Diva ever. She then tells Renee to only refer to her as the First Lady of NXT. Kisses!

Tony Dawson brings out Tyson Kidd. He comes down on crutches and Regal and the other commentator talk about his friendship with Kidd. Kidd says he's had knee surgery and he's going to be out for a little bit. He says he tore almost every ligament in his knee, but he will be back. Tyson talks about being a workhourse, but Leo Kruger comes out and says he's going to end his career. He says he's weak and vulnerable now like a wounded animal, and he should have stayed away. He kicks his crutches out and threatens him, but Justin Gabriel runs out to save.

Match #4: Big E. Langston vs. Conor O'Brian
Alright power match. It's not good, but it's not bad either, and that's a win for a Conor O'Brian match. Neither is amazing, but they're willing to hit each other hard and it's not too long or anything, so this is not the worst thing. They end up going to a Double DQ when the referee loses control.
*3/4
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013

WWE Smackdown
February 22nd, 2013
Biloxi, MS


featured an opening segment in which Ricardo Rodriguez introduced World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio, with ADR giving his white scarf to a ringside fan before the two entered the ring; ADR then noted he was going to WrestleMania as the defending champion to face Jack Swagger; ADR addressed Swagger and Zeb Coulter's claims that immigrants were ruining America and dared Swagger to come out so ADR would lay his "hand out" across Swagger's face; moments later, Randy Orton interrupted and said he wanted Swagger later in the show and asked ADR to step aside for one night so Orton could have him; Booker T then appeared and said ADR would face WWE IC Champion Wade Barrett and Swagger would face Orton

A new Fandango ad airs with the new pronunciation.

Match #1: Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow
As always, this is absolutely a match that happens. Sandow is allergic to doing actual interesting things in the ring, and Sheamus isn't about to try super hard on a b-show. It's your basic thing where Sandow goes middle of the road generic control stuff and Sheamus comes back and wins without much offense from Sandow. I used to think it was them trying to put Sheamus over really strong with his wins in 2012, but he's not really a booking focus anymore, so it might just be that Sheamus is super uncreative.
**

The video of the press conference airs again.

A recap of The Shield's win at the PPV airs.

A clip airs from backstage during the break, where Kaitlyn says she likes Cody Rhodes' mustache.

Match #2: Kaitlyn/Layla vs. Tamina/Aksana
Kaitlyn continues to take reckless stuff a lot, and then whatever for the other stuff. Kaitlyn wins with another Spear on Tamina,
*

RAW REBOUND!

In the back, Wade Barrett stops Swagger and Zeb and says he's glad they're speaking the truth, and he's relishing the opportunity to make Alberto Del Rio pay for the example he sets. Zeb says he's just as big of a problem because he's not from here. He's stealing a job from an American and says they should both go back to where they came from. Wade is mad, but Swagger stands in front of Zeb. WE THE PEOPLE.

Match #3: Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger
This is also very much a match that happens but it's a little worse because Orton not trying is way more obvious and much more upsetting than when Sheamus doesn't try, because Orton's ceiling is super super high. Swagger works on the leg and it's super super dry as always. Orton decides he's not going to sell the leg at all, and Swagger ends up getting a thumb to the eye and a schoolboy holding the ropes for the win.
*3/4

They replay the Heyman/Vince segment from Raw. This episode of Smackdown clearly just gave up.

Match #4: The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes
Cody does an inset promo saying that the ladies call his mustache the lovestache. This is all of three minutes again and the shitty Figure Four ends it.
*1/4

Match #5: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Wade Barrett

This is the best of the three real matches his week with stars vs. super average midcarders, as Wade is the last average of the three and ADR is at this point, the best of the three stars. He takes the classic Christian bump off the ropes to the floor and Wade has some decent offense. Swagger and Zeb come out to watch. They have some cool stuff and nearfalls, and ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker.
**1/2
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013

WWE Raw
February 25th, 2013
Dallas, TX


TONIGHT: CENA/PUNK IN A #1 CONTENDER'S MATCH! VINCE/HEYMAN FIGHT!

Vince McMahon comes out to open the show on crutches and he wants the fight RIGHT NOW. Paul comes out with the mic and says Vince has done all he could in the past to make him look like a wuss, but he's no wuss. He'll fight him now, and he kicks the crutch out! Vince eventually comes back because it's WWE, BUT THEN BROCK LESNAR COMES OUT TO SAVE! YEAH! Triple H comes out to stop that though, and they have an AWESOME brawl. The kind of brawl that their feud in 2012 should have been about, not a shitty arm breaking ordeal and months of mic work, but two dudes trying to kill each other. Brock is busted open BAD, and Triple H drives him off with a chair.

Posted Image

Match #1: Ryback vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big e. Langston
Yet another one of those matches where Ziggler is sacrificed to keep Rybork strong. Really feel for Ziggler and Cesaro in this Mania season, as they're almost constantly being fed to ADR, Orton, and Ryback in rotation. Ziggler doesn't get to do much here besides take a bunch of bumps and get a token nearfall off his kind of shitty Leaping DDT. Ryback wins with the Shellshocked.
**

A trailer airs for The Call.

CM Punk comes out, and he gets on the mic. He says this is a historic night and some of the fans are lucky enough to get to see this live, because it's the end of a long long story. People might say it's about an epic match between John Cena and CM Punk, but tonight is not about a match. It's epic, but it's NOT ABOUT JOHN CENA. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE ROCK. IT'S NOT EVEN ABOUT WRESTLEMANIA. Tonight isn't even about the people or the WWE Championship. It's about the one thing more important than anything, IT'S ABOUT HIM. It's about the most important star of this era and him ascending to the level he deserves and taking his rightful place at the Showcase of the Immortals in the main event. He's held his WWE Title longer than anyone in decades. He and he alone beat John Cena when it matters more times than he cares to remember. He's pinned the almighty Rock TWICE in four weeks. He's the best in the world. HE'S THE BEST IN THE WORLD AND THE BEST IN THE WORLD DESERVES THE MAIN EVENT. HE'S AN ICON THAT WALKS AMONGST SUPERSTARS. YOU'RE IN THE PRESENCE OF GREATNESS ON TWO FEET. HE'S IMMORTAL. HE'S THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME. A LEGEND. AND IN THIS WORLD, HE IS GOD.

HALL OF FAME CELEB WING: DONALD TRUMP

Match #2: Mark Henry vs. The Great Khali
Another 90 second squash here for MOK. World's Strongest Slam ends it.
*1/4

They then hype up Miz in The Marine 3.

FAAN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN GO. This Friday on Smockdawn!

included an in-ring segment of Miz TV with Zeb Coulter, Jack Swagger, World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio, and Ricardo Rodriguez; Coulter then said he called out Glenn Beck but since Beck didn't answer, he responded by mentioning the illegals who "drain" the American resources; Coulter then noted a foreigner could not own property in Mexico, and went on to call the illegals "criminals;" ADR cut him off and said America did not belong to Coulter or ADR but to everyone, adding he didn't like bullies and if Coulter and Swagger wanted them gone then they should try to make them; Swagger then said ADR would see them at WrestleMania and left the ring

Match #3: Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro
Only three minutes, but Cesaro tried his best. Cesaro throws a bunch of uppercuts, but when he tries one off the middle, Orton grabs him out of the air with the RKO to win.
*3/4

In the back, Team Hell No talks. Bryan says they have the Prime Time Players tonight, but he could beat them blindfolded and tells Kane to follow his lead. Kane calls him little guy and says to stand on the apron and watch because he could beat them with one arm tied behind his back. Predictably, Mad Ox and Vickie come as TEAM BRICKIE and likes it and books it so Bryan is blindfolded and Kane only has one arm.

For...reasons...they reair the amazing Cena/JBL trailer for WrestleMania 21.

included an in-ring segment in which Sheamus complained about WWE IC Champion Wade Barrett being overlooked by the Oscars, then showing a trailer of "Dead Man Down;" Sheamus then showed a clip of Barrett in the film and sarcastically made fun of his acting ability; moments later, Barrett interrupted and said Sheamus was jealous of him; the two men then had words and dodged each other's moves before Barrett escaped to the floor

Damien Sandow does commentary for the next match.

Match #4: Cody Rhodes vs. R-Truth
This is two minutes and pretty bad. Lots of hsitty Truth bumping and punching and he wins with the Black Finisher.
3/4*

Post-match, Truth knocks Sandow out of the ring when he tries to attack.

Another awesome Zeb video airs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyeKqYgw9Rc

Match #5: Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players [Bryan is Blindfolded, Kane Has One Arm Tied Behind His Back]
Also only three minutes, but basically all the show is sacrificed for the amazing main event, so whatever. There's lots of nanigans due to the stips and this never really had any kind of chance at being good with the double handicap. Kane beats D-Young with the Chokeslam.
*1/2

The Shield comes out to the ring and they all get mics. Ambrose says it's always gotta get worse before it can get better, which is kind of a perfect way to sum up the first few months of 2013. He says there will be no peace until there is justice and honor in WWE. They're the most efficient, effective, and dangerous unit in this industry and it makes a lot of people back there very uncomfortable. They can keep assembling superteams and building armies, but they still won't be able to stop them from doing the job they came here to do. Reigns says to bring every army and they'll fight and win every single time. And if you don't believe in The Shield, justice will hunt you down and grind your bones to dust. Rollins says they beat Team Hell No, Ryback, John Cena, Sheamus, and Chris Jericho -- all in matches nobody thought they could win. Rollins asks if there's anyone else to step up, and Sheamus comes out on the mic. He challenges themto come up there and fight him up here. Reigns and Ambrose go out, BUT ORTON'S COME IN FROM THE CROWD AND HE HITS ROLLINS WITH THE RKO IN THE RING! They get back in, but Orton bails through the crowd.

Match #6: Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter vs. The Miz
This isn't very good. It's Swagger vs. The Miz, and a cool new gimmick for Jackie doesn't change who he is as a wrestler. Miz is even worse. Miz catches his leg in the ropes to injure his leg, and Swagger does some boring knee stuff before he puts on the Patriot Lock to win.
*3/4

A TOUT~ airs from triple H. He says the asskicker is back and asks if Brock's going to stand around and bleed or do something about it.

Match #7: CM Punk vs. John Cena [#1 Contender's Match]
This doesn't age as well as their PPV matches, and isn't the MOTY I remembered it as. Still, it's super awesome. The difference is mostly that this doesn't have the kind of insane storytelling the others did and more so relies on a huge and amazing finishing run of counters. They set a few things up and don't really get to play around with the idea of Punk's hubris costing him and Cena now having Punk scouted this time like they probably should have. Each man has his finisher kicked out of, and Punk even breaks out a Piledriver. He misses the Flying Elbow though, and Cena hits his beautifully sloppy Rana and a second FU for the win.
***1/2
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013

WWE NXT
February 27th, 2013
Orlando, FL


In the back, Dusty has Bo and Corey Graves both summoned to his office and books them both in a three way vs. Conor O'Brian in a #1 Contender's Match. Graves says he's going to show everyone to STAY DOWN. UGH.

Match #1: Leo Kruger vs. Justin Gabriel w/ Tyson Kidd
Gabriel doesn't bring a lot to the table when he can't fly around everywhere and be channeled into something good and Kruger is NOT the guy to do that. This is SUPER fucking boring as Gabriel tries to go after the arm and do matwork and it's no good. Kruger's arm work is much better, but Gabriel doesn't want to sell it. I have no idea how they hired this flippity asshole. He can't do anything THAT impressive, he can't really wrestle well, and his selling is dogshit. Gabriel wins with the 450 Splash.
*3/4

Post-match, Leo steals one of Kidd's crutches and lays out Gabriel with it.

Match #2: Emma vs. Aksana
Emma struggles to skin the cat into the ring as she awkwardly dances. She's working more heel here and has some good looking stuff in her control segment. This gets more time than the women's matches have in the past. Aksana is basic, but she has some quality power stuff too. Aksana gets an upset win with a Double A(ksana) Spinebuster.
*3/4

In the back, Renee Young is on the scene and Bo Dallas is knocked out. YEAH!

Match #3: Corey Graves vs. Conor O'Brian [#1 Contender's Match]
Hey, this is horrible! NXT hasn't been very good in a few weeks now. Lots of slow and "methodical" work that doesn't look good or really tell any king of story or go anywhere. They finally do SOMETHING when Graves works on the leg and Ratface at least tries his hand at selling. He's not good at it, but the effort's nice. But after ten minutes of that, THE LIGHTS GO OUT AND THE SHIELD HITS THE RING TO ATTACK THEM BOTH FUCK YEAH!
*1/2

Corey Graves gets hit with the Triple Powerbomb, and then Conor O'Brian gets one too. Dean Ambrose gets on the mic and says this is just a friendly reminder to keep your guard up. You can't run from justice, and this is what justice looks like. Rollins says that's just the beginning and The Shield exists to right the wrongs of an industry gone awry. Things are going to get better, he promises, but they have to get a lot worse first. Ask John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback how bad things can get. Reigns says no one is outside the reach of The Shield, AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD.
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Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes, Main Event (February 27th)
This is good again, and this one's also shorter so that there's less obvious wasted time. Cody has a good control segment again. Basic stuff, but the holds are tight and it actually looks like he's trying to win a wrestling match. Sheamus has his super unimaginative comeback, but they put some drama into the ending run with some counters and nearfalls at least. Sheamus ducks under the Beautiful Disaster and then hits the Brogue Kick for the win.
**1/2
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Top 10 Matches - February 2013:

1. CM Punk vs. John Cena, Raw (February 25th)
2. The Shield vs. John Cena/Ryback/Sheamus, Elimination Chamber (February 17th)
3. The Shield vs. Chris Jericho/Ryback/Sheamus, Raw (February 18th)
4. Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho, Raw (February 11th)
5. Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler, Main Event (February 13th)
6. CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho, Raw (February 4th)
7. Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Jack Swagger, Elimination Chamber (February 17th)
8. Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler, Raw (February 18th)
9. Alberto Del Rio vs. Wade Barrett. Smackdown (February 22nd)
10. Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler, Smackdown (February 1st)

Wrestler of the Month: Sheamus - 15 Points

Tag Team of the Month: The Shield - 6 Points
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012
WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012
WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013
NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013

WWE Smackdown
March 1st, 2013
Oklahoma City, OK


TONIGHT: ORTON/BIG SHOW!

Match #1: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Damien Sandow
This is ABSOLUTELY a match. Sandow is again super boring and middling in every single thing that he does, and ADR needs to be pushed to do great stuff. Sandow is not going to push him at all. Jack Swagger and Zeb are seen watching in the back. ADR gets a good finishing run, because that's all he's good at. He jumped from boring straight into that kind of past his prime 2010s Chris Jericho phase where he'll rest up and do nothing interesting until the finishing run. ADR wins with a Cross Armbreaker.
**1/4

RAW REBOUND!

In the back, Bryan gives Kane a blindfold and says that's why he beat PTP on Monday instead of him. Kane says he thought that was the Chokeslam. Bryan says he talked to Booker T and this time he'll only have one arm, and Kane will be blindfolded. Kane is fine with that, and Bryan is mad that he's not more upset. Kane says since he's blindfolded, he won't have to look at his ugly goat face. Kane leaves and Bryan yells NO.

Match #2: Antonio Cesaro [c] vs. The Miz [WWE U.S. Championship - Best of Three Falls]
2/3 Falls matches don't usually go 10 minutes and shouldn't, but it was good. They do their thing to start, AND CESARO CATCHES MIZ'S CORNER CLOTHESLINE AND WALKS OUT WITH HIM TO HIT THE ALPAMARE WATERSLIDE HOLY SHIT. Miz kicks out, but Cesaro follows with The Neutralizer to go 1-0. There's a break, and during the break, Miz went 1-1 after the Figure Four. It's a taped show guys, you can show everything. :( They do some kind of generic stuff in the third fall, and Cesaro rolls through an O'Connor Roll try by Miz and grabs the tights to win.
**1/4

In the back, Sheamus talks to Randy Orton. He says his match tonight makes him a sitting duck for The Shield. Orton says he can't think about that right now, and asks what he can do about it. Sheamus offers to watch his back but since he's a loner, he probably won't be interested. Orton looks pissed that he has to say it, but thanks him.

FANDANGO.

Coming back, JR is in the ring for the big home state pop. He brings out Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter and mentions that he recruited Jack to come to WWE when he was still in college playing football and wrestling for the Oklahoma Sooners. Swagger turns the crowd by saying that's a team with no heart. JR goes back to September where Swagger told people he was taking a vacation and he's come back five months later, but he's changed. He asks what happened, and Zeb says he told Jack Swagger what the real problem and reality was in this country and says JR refuses to see. The WWE is a microcosm of what happens every day and asks how it's possible that some outsider like ADR can take a position that rightfully belongs to an American, a REAL American. He says they won't stand idly by and watch this country self-destruct. WE THE PEOPLE. JR tries to move along and asks about WrestleMania. Zeb again answers for Swagger and says the title will be around the waist of a natural born citizen who speaks English, recites the Pledge of Allegiance, and works for everything. Del Rio isn't one of them, he doesn't share their values, and he needs to leave this country. Jack Swagger is fighting for the heart and soul of their country. JR says Jack Swagger's been brainwashed, so they corner JR before ADR runs out to save.

Match #3: Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players [Kane is Blindfolded, Bryan Has One Arm Tied Behind His Back]
Kane's mask has a goat face on it. This gets seven minutes now, but it's again handicapped by the sort of double handicap stip. Bryan is the one who has to do stuff here, which means the quality is a little bit better. Kane accidentally tries to Chokeslam Bryan because he's blinded, but it allows Titus to roll up Bryan for the upset!
**

Post-match, Bryan takes off the mask and Kane is mad at it. Bryan tries to hug him, but Kane puts the goat face mask on Bryan and shoves him down.

In the back, Striker interviews Big Show. He says he has to make an impact for WrestleMania season, and there's no better way to do that than by chokeslamming Randy Orton.

In the back, Striker tries to interview Fandango. He says his name wrong, so Fandango corrects him. He says to breath in the a's. He says he's conquered the dance and now it's time to take his precision and grace to the ring so everyone in the WWE can follow his lead. He says it's not time to debut tonight and says he'll make his debut when he gets his name right.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaandaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaango.

RAW REBOUND - H/BORK EDITION

Match #4: The Big Show vs. Randy Orton
This is whatever, and an obvious set up for an angle. They do stuff and it's fine but nothing special. They're doing stuff and Orton gets Show down but then SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA. SHIELD. They come out and surround the ring, but Sheamus runs out to fight them and it's a no contest.
*3/4

Orton and Sheamus are in a 3 on 2, BUT BIG SHOW IS UP AND HITS REIGNS WITH THE KO PUNCH! The Shield pulls him out and escapes. Show goes to Chokeslam Orton, BUT SHEAMUS SAVES WITH THE BROGUE KICK TO BIG SHOW! Sheamus and Orton then shake hands, and form Whitesnake.
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