| Simon Watches WWE - 2013 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 20 2014, 06:42 PM (16,512 Views) | |
| Big Tuna | May 3 2014, 06:26 PM Post #41 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw - OLD SCHOOL RAW March 4th, 2013 Buffalo, NY They have the Attitude Era tron look with the 1996/7 RAW lettering under the tron in a great sort of deal going on. TAKER'S GONG STARTS THE SHOW! He takes the slow walk to the ring and stops midway up the ramp to bring up fire as the WrestleMania logo comes on the tron. Basically being all like HEY FUCKERS IT'S MANIA TIME WHO'S UP. They then throw it to an awesome opening video going into the 1993/4 Raw introduction video with current guys. CM Punk comes out with Paul Heyman and down to the ring, which has the New Generation apron and 80s SNME rope set up. Punk says he should be main eventing this year's WrestleMania. He should be defending HIS Championship in the main event, but he's not. Not because of anything he did or didn't do, but because of the fans and this company. They stole from him, they screwed him out of what he holds most precious. But if he can't be in the main event of WrestleMania, HE SEES NO REASON TO BE AT WRESTLEMANIA. That's what he was originally coming out here to say, but what he JUST saw gives him purpose. SO HE'S GOING TO TAKE THAT EVERYONE ELSE LOVES. THE STREAK? 20-0? HE'S GOING TO BEAT THE UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA. People roll their eyes at 434 and love 20-0, but he's got a new number. 20-1. that 1 is CM Punk, and he's beating The Streak. Randy Orton comes out and says he's beaten CM Punk at WrestleMania, and when he lost to Taker, he was just a boy. Big Show comes out and says he's the only one who had what it took to beat Taker at WrestleMania, and he never got pinned by Taker at Mania, which is a neat little stat. Sheamus comes out and also wants it, and Vickie comes out and books a four way for the shot. TONIGHT: CENA/ROCK POINT-COUNTERPOINT, TRIPLE H ADDRESSES BORK Match #1: Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro This could have easily been their best match yet. Cesaro starts it off hot with offense and then Ryback does some cool power stuff as he remembers his roots. However, it's completely butchered by a commercial that gets rid of a lot of Cesaro's control segment, so it comes back and we get Ryback's comeback. Cesaro cuts off the Meat Hook with an uppercut, but then Ryback blocks the Neutralizer into Shellshocked for the win. This is four minutes with the commercial edit. Ugh. **1/4 As Ryback leaves, Mark Henry comes out for his match and they have an awesome staredown. Match #2: Mark Henry vs. Zack Ryder This is all of a minute, but MOK murdering Ryder is pretty great. World's Strongest Slam ends it. This is also the debut of Zack Ryder's AWFUL gear with a "PUSH ME" button on the back. At worst, he's stealing from TARO and at best, it's super whiny and passive aggressive. *1/4 Before the next match, Miz brings out Ric Flair as his manager, and even calls him his mentor. NO. STOP IT. GOD DAMNIT. AND HE'S AGAINST ZIGGLER TOO, WHO WAS ORIGINALLY SUPPOSED TO GET THE FLAIR MENTORSHIP. FUCK THIS COMPANY. Match #3: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz AJ, Langston, and Flair are on the floor. These two work well together as usual, but they don't get to do half of what they're capable of with only 6-7 minutes, so this isn't much. Ziggler bumps around a lot and then Flair cuts off Big E's interference. Miz kicks out of the rollup that the distraction causes, but then he puts on a good Figure Four for once to get the win. The MITB curse rolls on. **1/4 The Rock comes out and says FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO BUFFALO. Unfortunately, they don't boo him out of the building like the last time he was here. John Cena then comes out and says he had to come out here right this second because he's waited for this moment for a year. Rock can't understand why because he's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who conquered everything from the WWE to Hollywood and to WWE again. The Rock doesn't fail at anything, so he can't get that he told everyone that he HAD to do something and failed like he did last year. The Rock is responsible for his collapse, but he's also responsible for his turnaround because he needed the motivation, and Rock winning the WWE Title did that. He says he has a chance to change the story and rewrite history and he's not going to throw that away again. Rock says he loves the passion and desire and he wanted Cena to win this shot because he's the only one in the WWE that has that kind of fire and passion besides The Rock. Fuck you. Rock says in 34 days, he's not getting redemption, he's getting his ass kicked. Cena quotes Mike Tyson by saying in order to be the greatest that ever lived, you have to beat everyone living, and says he's accomplished everything but beating the Rock. Rock then quotes Lance Armstrong and says winning's about heart. He says Lance was full of crap and so is John Cena. They then both say they're going to win and stare each other down. In 2012, they had an amazing build based on two guys who hated each other, and now they're jerking each other off and saying bland things. It's all backwards. Jim Duggan comes out with Dusty Rhodes and Sgt. Slaughter in his corner. Match #4: Jack Swagger vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan Swagger has Zeb with him as usual. This is a minute before Swagger hits Duggan with the 2x4. 1/2* He hits Dusty and Sarge with it too, and puts Duggan into the Patriot Lock. And the crowd goes mild. MARINE 3 SNEAK PEEK. In the back, Swagger and ADR have a generic pull apart. The Prime Time Players bring their manager for the night out AND IT'S TED DIBIASE! EVERYBODY'S GOT A PRICE! Match #5: Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players w/ Ted DiBiase Not sure why this isn't a title match after the win on SD, but whatever. This is only three and a half minutes like usual on Raw these days because they've been booking the undercard in 1999-2000. Kane has the hot tag and he gets the win with the Chokeslam on Young. *3/4 Post-match, Ted puts a $100 bill in Young's mouth and leaves. Bryan comes back in and pockets the bill. Tons of Funk come out to fight 3MB, and then Honky Tonk Man comes out next. Slater takes his mic and says they're the new rock stars of the WWE and he needs to go back to Vegas with all the other Elvis impersonators. HTM leaves, and the match happens. Match #6: Tons of Funk vs. Heath Slater/Drew McIntyre This is 30 seconds before HTM distracts Drew and Tensai rolls him up to win. 45/Poop Honky Tonk Man gets back in, and he breaks the guitar on Slater and dances. Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston is supposed to happen, but Fandango again refuses after his name is said wrong. ALSO, ANN DANGO/MRS. FANDANGO I DEBUTS HERE. HNGH ANN DANGO. Triple H comes down to the ring and he gets on the mic. He goes over how in 2012, Brock Lesnar broke his arm twice. After he recovered from SummerSlam, he started training. He was training and training and training and he was hoping that someone, ANYONE, would give him a reason. Nobody gave him a reason good enough but he was ready, and Brock gave him a reason. And last week, he was ready. If Brock thought they were done after SummerSlam, he should feel the 12 staples on his head and know they were just getting started. It's obvious why he's here today, because in five weeks, it's WrestleMania and he's calling him out. Brock usually does destruction, but he split him wide open last week. He's back, the Game is back, and he's calling him out for WrestleMania. He asks Brock if he's going to show up and fight or if he's going to sit there and bleed. That ruled, and further proof that Triple H is at his best when talking about pro wrestling shit like blood and fighting and in short stuff like this. A pretape promo from The Shield airs. Ambrose says everybody wants to make history and they're all throwing their hat in the ring to face The Undertaker at WrestleMania. Good for Randy and Sheamus, but they can't help bu t feel like maybe they're forgetting something. Rollins says 20-0 is impressive, but he's not the only one riding an undefeated streak and they've yet to be beaten. Ambrose says the eye of justice is always watching everybody, even Big Show. Reigns says Big Show got one cheap shot and it'll never happen again. Rollins wishes them all good luck tonight, and Ambrose says nobody can beat them. Believe that. Believe in The Shield. Match #7: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Wade Barrett Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter come on the stage to watch. This is your classic four minute ADR showcase that isn't impressive and swallows a midcarder whole. Neither man is trying especially hard tonight. ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker, and whatever. *3/4 THIS FRIDAY ON SMOCKDAWN: ADR/ZIGGLER IV Match #8: The New Age Outlaws vs. The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes OUTLAWS ARE MOTIVATED, SO THIS RULED. This is three minutes, but The Colons try and it's just a blast. Gunn has a really good hot tag and Primo and Epico take some great bumps to make this work. Gunn wins with the Fameasser. ** On the stage, there's a 90th Birthday celebration for Mae Young. CM Punk interrupts and comes out for the main event. Match #9: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus vs. The Big Show vs. CM Punk w/ Paul Heyman [Winner Faces The Undertaker At WrestleMania 29] This is just about the lamest and most limp-dicked way to get to a Taker match at Mania, but I sort of love the concept of a bunch of dudes fighting for the opportunity to try their hand at an impossible task. This is a fun match. It's not great, but there's enough cool stuff between the three others to mix it up for 10~ minutes, and Punk is still amazing at this point. They sort of kill time with shitty Big Show/Sheamus stuff before a great finishing run. Sheamus hits Big Show with the Brogue Kick, but then turns into the RKO. Punk gets a head kick on Randall and hits the GTS to win. **3/4 Post-match, Taker comes out and stares down Punk from the stage. |
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| Big Tuna | May 3 2014, 07:58 PM Post #42 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE NXT - SIMON'S 23RD BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA March 6th, 2013 Orlando, FL Dusty Rhodes comes out onto the stage. He says security is beefed up and he books the #1 Contender's three way again. British Ambition is supposed to have a match, but Neville comes out by himself. He says he doesn't know where Grey is as he disappeared all of a sudden when they were warming up earlier today, but he'll do this on his own. Match #1: Adrian Neville vs. Scott Dawson/Judas Devlin This is a quality Neville showcase. He's cut out a lot of nonsense since his first match in NXT and is mostly doing cool looking spots and hard hitting. Midway through, The Wyatt Family drags out an unconscious Oliver Grey and drops him onto the stage. Neville wins with the Red Arrow. *3/4 Neville immediately runs up to the stage to help Grey along with referees. Match #2: Leo Kruger vs. Yoshi Tatsu Real fun Kruger showcase again. He does some arm stuff that's good, and then wins far too quickly with the London Dungeon. He needs to work on his Lariat game if he's going to be Nigel McGuinnessing like this. *1/2 Match #3: The Funkadactyls/Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox/Aksana/Audrey Mare FOXANA DEBUTS! YEAH! This was a blast. Alicia vs. Sasha is quality, Aksana stiffs Cameron, and Naomi guides beautiful Audrey Marie through some stuff. Naomi goes on a tear with her offense, and then wins with a super pretty Calf Kick. ** In the back, Tom Phillips interviews Bo Dallas, who says words. Bo is STILL crowing about his WWE run against Wade Barrett, which has apparently been dropped, so whatever. Bray Wyatt comes over and says luck is what he'd call that. He says he saw that The Shield laid him out, kind of like he did. Had he not refused his hand, they could have protected him. No luck necessary. Bo says he wants nothing to do with his family and says to stay away from him. What a terrible brother. NEXT WEEK: ADR COMES TO NXT! In the back, Renee is with Summer Rae, who makes her refer to her as the First Lady of NXT, Summer Rae. She says Paige got attention because she's attainable, but Summer Rae CLEARLY isn't. The next time she ever steps on the set, she better be called the right name, and she'll treat Renee like she treated Paige, like trash. Emma will find out next week. Ta-ta. Match #4: Conor O'Brian vs. Corey Graves vs. Bo Dallas [#1 Contender's Match] This is super awful. Lots of super super generic WWE house style without any creativity to it or different approach. Generic brawlers in there with a generic babyface. Lots of shitty striking and a lot of downtime too, because nobody cares about any of them. Bray Wyatt comes out and he pulls Graves out after Bo hits his Belly to Belly. Conor then hits a shitty Full Nelson Slam for the win. What a terrible match. 1/2* |
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| Big Tuna | May 3 2014, 09:13 PM Post #43 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett, Main Event (March 6th) Orton again takes it super super easy on Main Event, and it seems he's also done some reverse motivation on Wade, who after a few nice months of putting in effort, looks like he's back on his wonderful not trying streak. They have a routine boring ass match where Wade does stuff, then Randy comes back with his usual stuff, making their cool Raw match in January feel like a fucking mirage. At a certain point, seeing good wrestlers fucking dog it is more upsetting than bad wrestlers have a bad match when they can't do anything better. So fuck these two for such a lifeless and dull 15 minutes. Randy wins with the RKO, and I think I'm done watching Orton matches on Main Event unless Ziggler, Bryan, Cesaro, or The Shield is there with him. *3/4 Cody Rhodes vs. Zack Ryder, Main Event (March 6th) This is three minutes and gets the same rating as the last match, but better because THERE'S ACTUALLY SOME FUCKING EFFORT. Cody avoids the Broski Boot, and hits the Beautiful Disaster followed by the Cross Rhodes for the win. *3/4 Antonio Cesaro vs. Sin Cara, Main Event (March 6th) This is four minutes, but Cesaro is probably the best guy in the company now and gets a great four minutes out of a luchador. FUCK THAT, THIS IS THE BEST MATCH SIN CARA'S HEAD IN WWE. He seems to be motivated like he hasn't been in two years. It's like someone told him how great a base Cesaro was and that he had lucha experience, so they went nuts with the kind of fancy lucha stuff Sin Cara always had in him but stopped breaking out because nobody besides like Rey and Bryan could hang with him. But he does it against Claudio, and even breaks out DAT CASCADING YOSHI TONIC! He catches Claudio up top, but then Claudio tries a Super Ricola Bomb before Cara gets a Super Huracanrana for the win! **1/2 Team Rhodes Scholars vs. The Usos, Superstars (March 7th) This was great! Really perfect kind of seven minutes, and it's the best either team has looked this year. The Usos get to do a bunch of high octane stuff with punches and kicks and FLYING FOREARMS OF BABYFACE FUCK YEAH. Sandow has an actual awesome transition as he kicks the middle rope out from the side as an Uso is on it and he takes a header down into the top buckle. Cody carries the control seg and then the other Uso has a great hot tag. They have great stuff, and Sandow is gotten rid of with a Superkick, but it leaves The Uso open for Cody to hit the Beautiful Disaster for the win. *** |
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| Big Tuna | May 4 2014, 02:16 AM Post #44 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Smackdown March 8th, 2013 Albany, NY R.I.P. PAUL BEARER JBL is absent, so Cole is here to fill in with Josh. ![]() featured an in-ring promo by Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter in which Coulter told the crowd to admit they shared the same views as Swagger and himself, and that they were just too scared to say or do anything about it; Swagger said he was taking America back, with Coulter saying those who disagreed were part of the problem; moments later, World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio, alongside Ricardo Rodriguez, interrupted and showed a video of Rodriguez, as Coulter, and himself, as Swagger, trash talking Mexican food Match #1: Team Hell No vs. Heath Slater/Drew McIntyre w/ Jinder Mahal Solid four minutes. Bryan gets to do some cool stuff with Drew and Slater for a bit before Kane gets in to clean house. Bryan tags himself back in and Kane almost hits him on accident. Slater tries to capitalize with a schoolboy, but Bryan kicks out into the No Lock for the win. ** In the back, Striker is with Team Rocket and asks Dolph about the match. Ziggler says the universe voted him in to face ADR tonight, because they want to see Dolph Ziggler steal the show, because Swagger and Coulter like him because he's at least American, and it's about the briefcase. And with all these stars aligned, history will be made. In the back, Ryback and Mark Henry have another staredown, and Rybacks walks to the ring. BRAD MADDOX JOINS COMMENTARY BEFORE THE NEXT THING YEAH! They re-air Triple H's promo from Raw. Before the next match, Sandow gets on the microphone and he says Ryback was left behind by evolution, which is bullshit because everybody knows Evolution is a mystery. Ryback cuts him off to come feast. FEED ME MORE. Match #2: Ryback vs. Damien Sandow Three minute squash. It's pretty cool how WWE's decided in 2013 that they just don't need midcard heels anymore. Cole mentions that it's Rhodes Scholars vs. Outlaws on Raw, so that's a thing. Ryback makes his usual comeback and he wins with Shellshocked. *1/2 Clips air after Raw went off the air, where The Shield came out and beat down The Big Show INCLUDING THE FUCKING TRIPLE POWERBOMB In the back, Striker talks to Big Show and he says it's Show/Sheamus tonight. He says one of The Shield's guys got in his way and he knocked him out, just like he'll knock Sheamus out tonight. He blames Orton and Sheamus for this to begin with because he got caught in the middle of their thing against The Shield, and he really doesn't care. FANDANGO DEBUTS TONIGHT! Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler Everyone is ringside. They get 10 minutes, so this is a lot of fun again and has another infuriating finish as WWE eats its fucking young to try and get ADR over. There's some awesome shenanigans where Ricardo accidentally throws the water bucket on AJ when Big E moves, and she chases him around the ring. Langston stops her, but the referee unfairly ejects them and not Ricardo who started it. In the back, Swagger and Zeb see that and Zeb says Ricardo needs to learn a lesson. The commercial and that part cuts out most of Zig's control seg, so we get the finishing run only in full. ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker, and that's a FOURTH match in a month he's won over Ziggler. WWE having so much TV time is a good thing for viewers, but god damn, it handicaps a lot of stuff like this when they don't think anything out. **3/4 In the back, Bryan sees AJ wet and embarrassed and asked what happened to her. AJ asks if he gets a kick out of seeing her humiliated and Bryan says he didn't even see what happened, but yeah. AJ asks if he's still mad about the wedding, and she says her boyfriend still has MITB, so she'll be with the World Heavyweight Champion, and one who actually can handle her. AJ says she knows how to get along with her partner, and Bryan says he didn't just carry a briefcase, he WAS the World Champion. AJ then says that he lost it in 18 seconds, and he says she should be used to things lasting that long with Ziggler. ZINGER. Match #4: Mark Henry vs. Yoshi Tatsu Another really short sub-minute MOK squash. He beats poor Yoshi with the World's Strongest Slam. Maddox says Yoshi Tatsu is his favorite wrestler of all time. * They air Trump's HOF video again. Match #4: Kaitlyn vs. Tamina This is all of 90 seconds, so whatever. Tamina basically squashes Kaitlyn for whatever reason, and wins with the Drop. 3/4* In the back, Team Rhodes Scholars is watching and Cody asks Damien what he thinks of Kaitlyn. Fandango is supposed to debut vs. Justin Gabriel, but he refuses because Lillian also can't say his name right. RAW REBOUND! Match #6: Sheamus vs. The Big Show This is also a set up for an angle, but they do slightly better than Show/Orton last week. These two work better together than Show and Orton though. They do some quality work that's more in line with their great HIAC match than the other stuff. But it's only like 5-6 minutes before The Shield comes to surround the ring and the match sort of ends. **1/4 Randy Orton runs out to even it up, and The Shield leaves. Big Show then knocks out Sheamus with the KO Punch, and Orton follows with an RKO onto Big Show. |
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| Big Tuna | May 4 2014, 03:01 PM Post #45 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw March 11th, 2013 Indianapolis, IN The urn is up in the ring as a tribute to Paul Bearer. The Undertaker comes out and he kneels in front of the urn doing his pose, BUT CM PUNK COMES OUT TO INTERRUPT! Punk says him coming out here is misunderstood a little bit because he's here to extend his heartfelt condolences. He wants to extend his heartfelt apologies for his loss...AT WRESTLEMANIA! The silver lining in all this is that to Paul Bearer, he will always he perfect at 20-0. But to everyone else in 4 weeks, he'll be 20-1. They won't play tributes to Paul Bearer in 4 weeks, they'll show tributes to HIM, and in 50 years people will remember where they were when CM Punk beat The Streak. During the commercial, Kane came out to run off Punk. In the back, Kane is furious and looking for Punk. He throws A-Ri across the jobbers locker room and storms out when nobody knows where CM Punk is. Match #1: The Big Show vs. Seth Rollins w/ The Shield This is all of 30 seconds, so whatever. The Shield eventually interferes for the DQ. 1/2* Show fights them all, but Reigns mows him down with the Spear. They then hit Show with the Triple Powerbomb. BELIEVE. In the back, CM Punk complains to Vickie and Mad Ox about Kane, so they book Punk/Kane tonight in a No DQ match. Match #2: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston This gets 8-9 minutes so it rules again. They do an awesome opening thing with Bryan in control and back and forth, and then Big E gets on the apron to stop a dive. The commercial AGAIN cuts out Ziggler's control segment. It's at the point where either it's some weird conspiracy against him or he's just awful at timing. They get a big long finishing run though, which is probably why that happened. Lots of cool nearfalls and counters. Interference helps distract D-Bry, and the Peace Zig gets the win! DOLPH ZIGGLER FINALLY WINS A MATCH AGAIN! And OF COURSE Daniel Bryan is the only one he can beat. *** Post-match, AJ has Big E hit Bryan with the Big Ending. A video airs going over the H/Bork feud so far. It's supposed to be Tensai vs. Fandango, and Fandango comes out. He says he won't wrestle until Naomi can say his name. Tensai takes the mic from her and says his name. Fandango says he has to let the a's breath again and he's also a disgrace to the world of daaaaaance, but he just cost the world a chance at seeing Fandango wrestle. They promote Rock's movie some more. Before the Outlaws tag, Sandow and Rhodes get on the mic. The following interpretation is brought to you by taste and good form. OH, YOU WERE NOT AWARE OF THIS? YOUR POSTERIOR BETTER CONTACT SOMEONE AT ONCE. Ladies and gentlemen and people of all age, taste and decency proudly presents to you the reunited future tag team champions and best friends, The Essence of Mustachioed Magnificence, The Intellectual Savior of the Masses, TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS. Match #3: The New Age Outlaws vs. Team Rhodes Scholars This is a 90 minute match to set up a wonderful angle. This seems like it could be a pretty solid match but then BORK PLS. BROCK COMES OUT AND ATTACKS THE OUTLAWS. 3/4* F5S FOR BOTH OF THEM. YEAH, MURDER. Paul Heyman gets on the microphone and says Triple H wants Brock to know that The Game is on, but Brock Lesnar doesn't play games. He hurts people. Take Shawn Michaels for example, Triple H's best friend. Brock Lesnar broke his arm. Take Vince McMahon, Triple H's father in law, Brock broke him in half. And now the last traces of DX are laid to waste and F5'd into oblivion. The question is if Brock Lesnar will fight Triple H at WrestleMania, and the answer is YES. BUUUUUUUUUUT Brock Lesnar will only fight him if they can name the stipulations, and Brock won't tell them until after the contract is signed. Match #4: Mark Henry vs. Kofi Kingston Another great MOK squash, but the most satisfying one yet because Kofi dying is always the best pleasure. MOK eats him alive and refuses to bump for Kofi's horrible offense except on a dive. MOK catches him jumping and hits the World's Strongest Slam to win. *3/4 In the back, Cody is flirting with Kaitlyn and Damien Sandow comes over. Sandow says since their certain victory was taken from them, he's made other plans tonight for them with much more suitable companions, and brings the Bella Twins back. They say the boys and division need them, and Kaitlyn walks away annoyed. Vickie comes over and books them in another match tonight against Sheamus and Orton. Match #5: Ryback vs. Heath Slater w/ Drew McIntyre This is super short at about a minute. Slater dies in great ways and Ryback wins with Shellshocked. * Ryback then also hits the move on Drew, but Mark Henry comes out. He picks up Drew and hits the World's Strongest Slam! Ryback follows by hitting Drew with Shellshocked a second time. They stare each other down, and Mark hits Drew with a second World's Strongest Slam. They jaw at each other and referees come out to stop any potential fight. Another trailer airs for The Call. Match #6: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Antonio Cesaro ADR does an inset promo saying he was born in Mexico, but made in America. Horrible pandering. This is about four minutes, and Cesaro carries ADR for the first time. Cesaro is amazing again and ADR gets to break out some lucha stylings too against a guy who can bump properly and base for him. ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker. ** In the back, Josh tries to interview Kane, but he's just staring at the urn in his hands. A hype video airs for Rock/Cena. They use the song they used to hype the Cena/Orton Iron Man Match, and it really doesn't fit as well as it did there. Match #7: Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Team Rhodes Scholars Decent showcase for the superface team, but not a lot else. Cody isn't trying very hard, and Sandow is Sandow. Orton is a shitty FIP, and Sheamus gets a hot tag and does his thing with his same boring ass comeback that hasn't changed a bit in a year and a half. Sheamus beats Sandow with the Brogue Kick. *3/4 During the commercial, The Shield attacked and laid out Team Whitesnake near the stage. Rollins his the Liu Kang Knee off the stage to Orton , and Reigns hits Sheamus on the stage with the Spear. included an in-ring segment of the Highlight Reel in which Chris Jericho introduced Mike Mizanin, with the two discussing 'The Marine 3;' moments later, WWE IC Champion Wade Barrett interrupted and showed a clip of 'Dead Man Down,' adding that was a real movie; Miz then said it was only a matter of time before Barrett lost his belt, with Barrett and Jericho then coming face to face; after Jericho noted he was a 9-time IC champion and could go for 10, Brad Maddox appeared at the entrance stage and, as Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler talked over him and said it was the worst segment in the history of Raw, said Barrett would defend the next week against the winner of Miz vs. Jericho Match #8: Chris Jericho vs. The Miz [IC Title #1 Contender's Match] Barrett is on commentary. This is pretty bad, as Miz extinguishes Jericho's sort of hot streak since the Rumble with a bunch of bumbling sloppiness. This is at least only like three minutes before Wade Barrett does the obvious thing and attacks both men to cause a no contest. *1/2 They fight back, and Wade is hit with the Codebreaker and then the Skull Crushing Finale. Before the next match, Zeb gets on the mic. He says he's looking at a problem right now in Sin Cara and said that's Senor Sin Cara. A man who didn't have the decency and respect to learn English but still has been welcomed here. He says the fans have been programmed the cheer him because he has a nice little entrance and bounces around like a nice little Mexican jumping bean. He can tell people agree with them by looking in their eyes, because they know what he is. He's a thief, and every night there's another little Sin Cara with his band of amigos sneaking across the border to take something from an American. He blames the fans for enabling it by not saying anything about it. He says not to be afraid because they're not afraid, and if any of them are afraid, they'll say it for them. Swagger says he'll bring the title back to where it belongs. WELCOME TO JACK SWAGGER'S AMERICA. WE THE PEOPLE. Match #9: Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter vs. Sin Cara This is under two minutes, so whatever. During the match, they announce Wade/Jericho/Miz for the IC Title next week so Wade can finally defend the title again for the first time since the first SD of the year. Patriot Lock ends it. *3/4 Post-match, ADR runs out and puts Swagger in the Cross Armbreaker before Zeb pulls him out. Match #10: CM Punk vs. Kane [No Disqualification Match] This isn't great, but it's a great feelgood match to send off Bearer before they begin the angle stuff. Punk bumps around a lot and then has the usual good control segment. Kane comes back and they do some chair stuff to earn the stipulation. The gong distracts Punk and Kane then wins with the Chokeslam. **1/4 Post-match, Kane poses with the urn and Taker comes onto the stage. BUT PUNK ATTACKS KANE FROM BEHIND AND HE STEALS THE URN! |
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| Big Tuna | May 5 2014, 12:13 AM Post #46 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE NXT March 13th, 2013 Orlando, FL Match #1: Kassius Ohno vs. Derrick Bateman Ohno stared down Regal again when he came back. This is an awesome showcase for Hero as he hits really hard and has some inventive Cravat based attacks. Bateman has some stuff, but then Ohno abruptly knocks out Bateman with a Yakuza Kick for the win. On one level, it's a great way to work the KO gimmick to have it really come out of nowhere like that. On the other hand, it's pretty jarring and hurts match quality sometimes. *3/4 Post-match, Ohno looks at Regal, AND HE PUTS BATEMAN IN A REGAL-STRETCH TYPE APPLICATION OF THE HANGMAN'S CLUTCH! Regal runs down to pull Ohno off, and then he checks on Bateman. Ohno tries a cheap shot, BUT REGAL SCORES WITH A LEFT HAND TO DRIVE OHNO OFF! YEAH! In the back, Renee is with Bo Dallas. He says Bray Wyatt has his attention now, and he's not going to like it. He says he's going to do something to Bray Wyatt and he can't even explain it. Okay then. I mean, cool, but then why cut a promo? Match #2: Emma vs. Summer Rae This was great until the finish. Emma has a lot of energy, but then Summer hit a nasty snapmare near the corner so that Emma's leg hit the bottom rope. She then went to town with some great knee work and Emma's selling was exceptional, especially for a WWE Diva. She got some roll ups but couldn't do much due to the leg. Summer then unfortunately hit her shitty Spinning Heel Kick for the win that this time sort of just hit her with the thigh. ** Post-match, Paige returns to run Summer off. In the back, Renee asks Adrian Neville for an update. He says Oliver Grey is just fine, but Bray Wyatt and The Family won't be, and what they did doesn't work with them. He sets an open challenge for any member of the Family to fight him next week. In the back, Striker asks Big E. Langston about his new #1 Contender. He says Conor earned his shot by beating two men, but if three ain't enough, then two certainly isn't. Bray Wyatt comes out and says in his world, there is no time. There are no machines and no distractions. No phones, no communication, the women protect the young. They come from the dirt, and they are not afraid to make the ultimate sacrifice. The question he has to ask Bo Dallas is how far he's willing to go. If he's not willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, he's already lost. Match #3: Bray Wyatt vs. Bo Dallas Bray does what he can to carry his bro. He has some solid control stuff, but hasn't put the pieces together yet for the awesome offensive arsenal he has by this point in May 2014. Then after getting zero offense in during the match, I think, Bo hits the shitty Side Belly to Belly out of nowhere to pin Bray clean. Wait, what? BO DALLAS CAN'T EVER DROP FALLS. LOOK, HE WINS EVERYTHING. REACT. *3/4 Luke Harper and Erick Rowan run down to attack Bo post-match. Bray sits in the corner laughing as they beat down Bo, BUT UGH BO COMES BACK AND RUNS THEM BOTH OFF. Bray then strikes and hits Sister Abigail before they leave. Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo come out for the main event segment and he gets on the mic. He says his name and says of course they already know that. He puts over NXT BUT ANTONIO CESARO COMES OUT! YEAH! He says he's the greatest champion in the WWE right now, and he challenges him to a Champion vs. Champion match to prove it. Dusty Rhodes comes out and says Cesaro doesn't make matches. He says he can give him a Champion vs. Champion match, but he brings out Big E. Langston to have it! Match #4: Big E. Langston vs. Antonio Cesaro This is criminally short, but Cesaro does the best he can with the time and a somewhat limited opponent. Big E tries super hard and will do basically anything, but he's a guy that needs to be led a little. Cesaro has an awesome control segment for the majority of this. Big E starts a comeback and Corey Graves runs out to attack for the DQ. ** Big E easily gets rid of him, but then Conor O'Brian comes to attack. They both beat down on Langston as Cesaro leaves. Big E gets one of the shittiest double team beatdowns ever to end the show. |
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| Big Tuna | May 5 2014, 08:26 PM Post #47 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Smackdown March 15th, 2013 Ft. Wayne, IN Match #1: Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Team Rhodes Scholars This got 5-6 minutes, but was still basically just a showcase that dragged on too long. If you're gonna do a match only benefiting one side where the heels barely get offense, just do a squash. Don't lie about what your goals are. Sandow and Sheamus continue to lifelessly go through stuff. They hit hard enough, but there's no real creativity to anything and a lot of clubbing blows. Cody does some cool stuff though and can actually fill a control segment better than Sandow. He's still not great, but he's a world better than Sandow. Orton has the hot tag and also completely runs through Cody with his boring ass Powerslam/Hanging DDT/RKO sequence for the win. FUCK THE MIDCARD. SNIFF. *3/4 SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA. SHIELD. FUCK YEAH! They come on the tron instead and Ambrose says to relax. They don't have to be afraid, at least not tonight. That ring they stand in is theirs and they can ask The Big Show about that. They served justice to him just like every other major force. Ryback, Sheamus, Orton, Cena, The Rock. Rollins says they've flattened Cena and Rock like roadkill, but those two criminals continue to take from them by being the main event of WrestleMania, and the most dominant force doesn't even have a WrestleMania match. That's injustice. Ambrose tells them to find a partner to meet them at WrestleMania. Orton says he's in and Sheamus says he'll see them at WrestleMania. Rollins says this is now the showcase of justice. BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD. TONIGHT: RYBACK/MOK! In the back, Big Show goes up to Orton and Sheamus. He says he wants on their team and says they need someone who never stops and who destroys everyone and in lieu of recent events, he wants the Shield. Sheamus says he agrees, and then Ryback walks over and says that's why they picked him. Show is mad, so he leaves. Match #2: Kaitlyn/Layla vs. Tamina/Aksana This was a good 4 minutes, and in a little bit of shaming for the guys, better than the opener. Layla took some big bumps, and both Aksana and Tamina had some great power offense to actually give this a real dynamic. Kaitlyn had a decent hot tag, and after she got rid of Tamina and killed Aksana with a Spear, Layla stole the tag and hit her Springboard Crossbody for the win. Looks like they're developing a little Kaitlyn/Layla feud here, but that never ends up really happening, so whatever. You can tell Finlay's back working with the girls though. ** after the bout, Cameron & Naomi spoke with Nikki & Brie Bella backstage and talked about how much the Bellas influenced them; moments later, the Bellas insulted Cameron & Naomi before attacking them until referees and officials pulled them away RAW REBOUND! Match #3: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kane Team Rocket and Bryan are both on the floor. This is again Dolph taking a lot of big bumps to make a 2013 Kane singles match work. Ziggler got to actually take over in a match without interference, which goes a long way to making him legit again after the last two and a half months of losing everything. Shame it's on Smackdown. They have a good little deal and Big E attacks Bryan on the floor for the distraction. Kane goes to take him out, but Dolph gets him coming back through the ropes with the Fameasser, and follows with the Peace Zig for the win! **1/2 Kane gets up after the match, but Langston lays him out with the Big Ending. Another horrible ADR/Ricardo mockery of a Zeb video airs. In the back, Jack Swagger finds Jericho laughing and they agree to a match later. The Great Khali (w/ Natalya Neidhart) fought Fandango to a no contest; following his entrance, Fandango said Khali and Natalya's pre-match dance was unacceptable and then had Khali say his name; after Khali said it several times, Fandango said it was horrible and he wouldn't be wrestling The Rock/Cena video airs again. In the back, Striker interviews Team Whitesnake, AND THE SHIELD ATTACKS. FUCK YEAH. Match #4: Mark Henry vs. Ryback This is a single lock up before The Shield comes out and it stops being a match. BELIEVE Mark Henry steps out of the ring, and Ryback fights all three. He does well for a little bit before he suffers the Spear from Reigns, and then he gets the Triple Powerbomb. The Shield leaves, and Mark Henry then gets back in and vultures him some by hitting the World's Strongest Slam as Rybork is already hurt. AND THEN AGAIN. AND A THIRD TIME. MOK yells that he ain't none of these punks he's been running through. Match #5: Chris Jericho vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter This begins Jericho's horrible 2013 run where he was dropping falls to every average midcarder on the roster to the point where it's more of an upset if Chris Jericho actually wins a match if he's to come back any time soon. This isn't anything special, because Jericho isn't capable of carrying anyone. Matches vs. Punk and Bryan ruled because they're two of the best at this point, but this was whatever. Swagger decides halfway through his control seg to target the leg but then Jericho is the first one to reverse the Patriot Lock anyways, and doesn't sell. They do unreleated stuff and Jericho gets beat by the Doctor Bomb. That was actually worse than I thought it would be! Neat! ** |
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| Big Tuna | May 6 2014, 06:38 PM Post #48 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw March 18th, 2013 Pittsburgh, PA John Cena comes out to open the show and gets booed. He asks if there's a lot of Rock fans here then, and also gets booed. Hey WWE, take a fucking hint! Cena says he's going to win at Mania, but he gets interrupted by the Prime Time Players. Except, it's not Titus O'Neil...it's PANCAKE PATTERSON! ![]() He says his name is Rufus "Pancake" Patterson. They call him that because HE FLATTENS FOOLS. THAT'S WHAT HE DO. Cena says he needs medication, and D-Young says they are the medicine. Rufus does the MILLIONS OF DOLLARS dance, but says his gout just flared up. Cena says they got something here but their timing's off because he's talking about WrestleMania. Rufus says nobody wants to see this match at WrestleMania, and they want to see the Prime Time Players. D-Young says he wants his deserved Coco Pebbles box cover, and he wants Cena right now. Match #1: John Cena vs. Darren Young w/ Pancake Patterson This is all of 90 seconds as Cena runs through stuff and wins with the FU. * A recap airs of The Shield's attack on SD. Match #2: Ryback vs. David Otunga Another really short squash, but this one is worse because Otunga is a horrible bumper/wrestler. Rybacks wins after Shellshocked. 3/4* Post-match, Ryback says that he;ll take care of Mark Henry before WrestleMania, but Mark Henry comes out. Vickie and Teddy come out to stop him and Vickie says she's pulling Ryback out of the six man tag at WrestleMania so he can fight Mark Henry at WrestleMania! Ryback is mad, and hits Otunga with Shellshocked again. Fandango fought the Great Khali (w/ Natalya Neidhart) to a no contest; following the entrances, Fandango took the mic and had Natalya pronounce his name; she then told Khali to go after him, with Fandango leaving the ring with his dance partner and saying Khali and Natalya cost the fans the chance to see him wrestle Before the next match, Sandow says the R in R-Truth stands for repugnant. Match #3: Damien Sandow vs. R-Truth This is horrible, but only three minutes. R-Truth mostly just runs through his terrible offense until Sandow runs away to take a count-out loss. Because I guess they're fucking building up R-Truth for something. * In the back, Cody is watching with the Bella Twins. Kaitlyn comes over and says she's made post-show plans already, so he can have these two idiots. The Undertaker comes out to the ring and he gets on the mic. He says Punk sealed his own fate by making this personal, and there's no escaping. He's going to hurt him and he's going to hurt him bad. He has once chance to save his own soul, and he wants his urn back. A mockery of Paul Bearer's voice is heard, and then CM Punk is on the tron with the urn making the voice. Punk says no disrespect intended, but he could never hit the high notes. Punk says this wasn't just a personal loss, it's a professional one too, and says Paul wants him to know that if Taker gets counted out or DQ'd, it's still a loss. Punk says Taker is the all time best at WrestleMania, and he knows that, but he's never faced him. Taker is the best at WrestleMania, but he's the best in the world all year round. Taker answers to a higher calling and his powers, but he doesn't do that. He IS a higher power. He wasn't born for this and it's not his destiny to beat The Streak, but he's the one man that can shoulder that burden, because he doesn't care. He starts tossing around the urn and drops it. Punk picks it back up and again says no disrespect intended before it cuts out. Taker is not pleased. TONIGHT: BORK/H CONTRACT SIGNING Match #4: Team Hell No vs. The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes This is a quality showcase for the champions. Primo, and to a lesser extent, Epico work their jobber magic to make everything look awesome and take huge bumps for Kane's hot tag. AJ comes out to skip around the ring for a distraction, but Kane kicks out of the roll up. Bryan cuts off Primo and Kane hits Epico with the Chokeslam for the win. ** In the back, Josh asks Chris Jericho about the match tonight. He says he's the winningest man in Intercontinental Championship history and this is a big impact to make going into WrestleMania. Fandango comes over and Jericho asks what his name is. Fandango says his name and Jericho does some horrible mockeries of his name. Fandango says Christopher will learn to pronounce his name properly, and he leaves. Jericho then finally scores a good one and says he didn't get his movie tickets yet. Match #5: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Cody Rhodes This at least got 10 or so minutes. Cody had some quality control stuff, having gotten over his problem in 2010-12 to where he can now do stuff that's still kind of basic, but with actual struggle and grit to it. His next problem to get over is focus, as he works on the knee and arm at various points and never really get to focus on either like he should, so there's no real focus. ADR makes a comeback and they have some cool things before ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker. I don't think ADR has really lost all year, which sucks. **1/2 Post-match, Jack Swagger runs out to attack ADR. He throws him out and puts Ricardo in the Patriot Lock before referees pull him off. HALL OF FAME 2013: BOOKER T FUCK YEAH Match #6: Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Heath Slater/Drew McIntyre w/ Jinder Mahal Solid showcase again. This one's only three minutes, so at least they're not pretending this is an even match and giving it far too much time. Drew and Slater make everything look awesome and then Slater goes down to Orton and the RKO. *3/4 SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA. SHIELD. The Shield comes down to ringside, and attacks, but The Big Show comes out to save, and they drive The Shield off again. However, this time they do it without fighting each other afterwards. WRESTLEMANIA 29: 20 DAYS AWAY! Match #7: Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston vs. Kofi Kingston THE ETERNAL STRUGGLE. Dolph carries Kofi through a 4-5 minute spotfest again. It's not amazing, but it's better than them trying to work any kind of a long match. It sucks when Kofi does stuff because Dolph's weakness is bumping huge for everyone. It's great against dudes who are actually good at offense, but when Kofi comes along with his limp wristed bullshit and Dolph taking huge bumps on shit that doesn't look like it could kill a toddler with Fragile X Syndrome. And of course, we have to protect this fucking waste of air by having Langston attack him before Ziggler hits the Peace Zig to win. Ziggler beat Kane on SD without Big E having to do much besides a distraction, so now fucking Kofi Kingston is arguably stronger than Kane. GOD DAMNIT. *1/2 Team Hell No comes onto the stage, and Kane says he's not in a great place right now and they've seen what Langston can do OUTSIDE the ring, and challenges them to a tag match. AJ takes the mic and says they accept, but only if the Tag Titles are on the line at WrestleMania, and Bryan says YES. The Cena/Rock music video airs again. I guess this is what happens when you decide to build Mania around a guy here half the time. Match #8: Wade Barrett [c] vs. The Miz vs. Chris Jericho [WWE Intercontinental Championship] This gets time at least, at some 9ish minutes. It's pretty bad though. Jericho is absolutely going through the motions, which dooms this. He can't really go at a high level anymore with average guys, but he's great at layout, so he might have been able to at least make this average. Miz is awful, Wade has lost his motivation again. Lots of sloppiness. Miz hits Jericho with the Skull Crushing Finale, but then Wade rolls him up to win. *3/4 featured a closing in-ring segment in which Triple H came out to sign the contract to face Lesnar at WrestleMania; moments later, Paul Heyman appeared with security and showed footage of Triple H's altercation with Lesnar weeks earlier; Heyman then joked that the stipulation is for Triple H to be blindfolded and shackled, then saying Triple H would have no excuses; Heyman then joked the loser should get Stephanie McMahon, with Triple H then attacking him and the security guards; moments later, Triple H laid Heyman on the table, slapped and choked him before signing the contract and tipping over the table; Lesnar then appeared with a steel chair, with Triple H then pulling out a sledgehamemr; Heyman then stood at the entrance stage with a mic and announcing the WrestleMania match would be no holds barred and with Triple H's career on the line |
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| Big Tuna | May 6 2014, 10:09 PM Post #49 |
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE NXT March 20th, 2013 Orlando, FL TONIGHT: NEVILLE VS. HARPER Match #1: Justin Gabriel vs. Leo Kruger Yes, we needed a rematch! Thank God! This is a better version of what they tried last time. They focus less on arm work here, and it's only a short segment, not the entire deal. They spend more of the time they're given on a finishing run and a few cool moves. Kruger goes back to the arm and wins with the London Dungeon. ** In the back, Renee interviews Audrey Marie and she says the calm always comes before the storm. Now Sasha Banks knows she's coming, and there's still nothing she can do. RAW REBOUND! Coming back, William Regal is in the ring with the mic. He says he's asked Dusty Rhodes to have some time and he'll try not to keep it too long. He says last week, he let everyone down by not being a professional last week, and asks Kassius Ohno to come out because he owes an apology. Kassius Ohno comes out to the ring and Regal says they've known each other a long time and he's sorry for whatever's gone on between them. He says he doesn't want him to become a man who at 45 lies awake at night thinking of all the liberties he's taken and offers a handshake. Ohno gets on the mic and says that he's idolized him from the moment he stepped on US soil for how vicious and ruthless he was. He and CM Punk traveled halfway across the country to spend a week at his training camp and pick his brain and learn that bit of villainy. He wanted to be like him, so he went to England and did camps and did tournaments in Europe and lived in dojos in Japan with Regal advising him every step of the way. He made sure the right people saw his footage and now he's here. Regal said he wants him to have an incredible career and he deserves it. Ohno says that's all well and good, but he's on the rise and Regal keeps trying to give him advice, AND HE DOESN'T NEED HIS ADVICE BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT HIS CAREER ANYMORE. Regal USED to take pride in destroying people and now he's content to kick back and pull faces and laugh with the people while they're laughing AT him because he's a joke. Hero asks what his legacy really is and says in a 30 year career, what people will remember is the time he got on his knees and put his lips on Vince McMahon's ass, BUT REGAL CLOCKS HIM WITH A PUNCH TO THE FUCKING EAR TO DROP HIM! Ohno leaves, and Regal looks disappointed with himself. THIS IS THE GREATEST FEUD! RAW REBOUND #2: PUNK/TAKER EDITION! Match #2: Paige vs. Bayley Bayley debuts! This is basically a showcase for Paige though, as Bayley isn't REALLY Bayley yet, just a generic babyface person. She's solid enough in what she gets to do, and Paige puts on the Torture Cloverleaf for the win. Really really good two minute squash. *3/4 Summer Rae comes out to try a sneak attack, but Paige turns around, so Summer backs up the ramp without attacking. WRESTLEMANIA 29: 18 DAYS! Match #3: Adrian Neville vs. Luke Harper w/ The Wyatt Family This isn't the best they can do, but it was a solid primer. Harper's still adjusting a little bit, I think, since he's not throwing the kind of awesome blows he is in 2014, but he has the solid power game. Neville is improving constantly at this point in his NXT performances. Great forearms and comeback, and he even gets a nice Flying Forearm. There's Wyatt distractions though, and Harper hits the Rolling Lariat to win. **1/4 The Family targets him post-match, but Oliver Grey and Bo Dallas run out to save! |
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| Big Tuna | May 6 2014, 10:23 PM Post #50 |
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The Usos vs. The Prime Time Players, Main Event (March 20th) Usual good 10 minutes. It's not one of their best efforts due to a somewhat lax PTP performance, but The Usos take some great bumps and have a lot of good offense. PTP are super super entertaining but never really put it all together in the ring, which is a shame. Miz is on commentary and acts like they're the next big things because they use social media well, because he's a useless fucking shill who understands nothing. The PTP have SOME good stuff to fill a control segment, but their transitions are always really generic. The Shield and Team Hell No are changing the standard for tag stuff at this point, and PTP can't keep up in the new division. The Usos can and do. Uso hot tag and finishing run are great again, and D-Young gets beaten with the Pop Up Samoan Drop and Flying Splash. **1/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 7 2014, 06:49 PM Post #51 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Smackdown March 22nd, 2013 Cincinnati, OH The show opens with Miz TV, and Sheamus and Orton are already there. Miz immediately asks who their partner would be without Ryback, and Orton says he thinks it should be The Big Show, and says he saved them on Raw. Sheamus admits that he saved them, but he doesn't trust Big Show. Orton says he doesn't trust anybody, but they have to do what it takes to survive, and all three of them need each other to fight the Shield. He says it's the devil you know to help you fight the one you don't, and Miz brings out The Big Show. Miz says Show ended their team by knocking him out, so agrees that he's not to be trusted. Show says his opinion doesn't matter and says he's dated women bigger than him. Show says he's the only one to drop a Shield member and while he doesn't like the two of them, nobody can stop them as a unit. Sheamus asks if he'll leave them hanging if it gets tough, and Show asks if he left him hanging when he beat him for the title. Orton plays peacemaker and Miz points this out and asks what the world is coming to. Show tells Sheamus to pull his head out of his ass, but Booker T comes out. He books them together as a trio tonight without bothering to say who the opponents are. TONIGHT: SWAGGER/JERICHO II Match #1: Mark Henry vs. Zack Ryder This is like 30 seconds before Mark decimates Ryder with the World's Strongest Slam for the win. 3/4* Post-match, Mark hits two more and yells "HOW MANY CAN HE TAKE?" Ryback comes out for the staredown and Mark says he calls the shots, but Ryback drops him with the Meat Hook, and Henry rolls out and leaves. The Booker T HOF video airs again. Match #2: Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston vs. Kofi Kingston Of course they now get 7-8 minutes after I was thankful they had a short one on Raw. Fuck. AJ does commentary. This is whatever. It's a moderate improvement form Raw as Dolph leans into Kofi's stuff a lot more and doesn't let him really do a lot of his trademarks, so Kofi can't fuck up those. He still can't seem to do a fucking Crossbody right, or a lot of other stuff, so Dolph can only do so much against the worst wrestler in WWE to regularly get TV time and be booked like a good wrestler. Kofi dives onto Big E on the floor, but Ziggler then hits the Fameasser on the floor! He rolls Kofi in and hits the Peace Zig for the win. *3/4 Post-match, Big E. Langston lays out Kofi again with the Big Ending in revenge. RAW REBOUND: PUNK/TAKER EDITION! Match #3: Chris Jericho vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter This isn't as long as last week, so there's much less wasted time. Cole mentions that Ricardo suffered a broken ankle after Raw, and ADR isn't here tonight. Jericho tries to do a lot of young athletic babyface stuff early on that just looks like shit. In 2013, Chris Jericho is forcing us to confront our own mortality by showing everyone how fucking old he's gotten. Bryan and Punk managed to put him in matches that hid this while still being exciting, but Jack Swagger isn't capable of anything approaching exciting in a wrestling ring. Fandango comes out to distract Jericho, but the match carries on for a bit. He kicks Jericho when he tries the Lionsault, and Swagger hits the Doctor Bomb to win. ** Post-match, Fandango hits Jericho with a Flying Legdrop. The Rock/Cena video airs again . Coming back, Team Rhodes Scholars are in the ring with the Bella Twins. Sandow says he and his best friend are proud to present the class of the divas division, the only women with beauty and intelligence (ahahahahaha) enough to accompany them, The Bella Twins. Match #4: Team Rhodes Scholara vs. Tons of Funk The women are all on the floor. This is under a minute as they go to a double count out when they try to break up a girl fight. 1/4* Post-match, the faces run off the heels. Wade Barrett is at ringside to continue his feud with The Miz. Match #5: Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz Cesaro tries to carry this load of shit again, and he does a decent job for two and a half minutes. He does basically everything he can on offense including a great knee to a charging Miz, the double stomp, and some cool throws. Then everything goes to shit as part of the standard WWE start/stop push and Miz makes Cesaro tap to the Figure Four. *3/4 RAW REBOUND: H/BORK EDITION! Match #6: Randy Orton/Sheamus/The Big Show vs. 3MB 3MB MAIN EVENTS SMACKDOWN! This is basically a squash, and whatever. Big Show KO punches Drew, and Sheamus then tags himself in and Brogue Kicks Jinder for the win. Big Show isn't happy. *1/4 They argue post-match and Randy tries to break it up. The Shield comes out but the faces stop arguing long enough to face off The Shield, and they don't end up getting in the ring. |
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| Big Tuna | May 7 2014, 11:50 PM Post #52 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw March 25th, 2013 Philadelphia, PA TONIGHT: ROCK IS HERE CM Punk and Paul Heyman come out to open the show and Paul is carrying the urn. They keep throwing it between them in increasingly overblown fashion, and it's awesome. Punk gets on the mic and says people say The Streak will never be beaten, that The Deadman is unstoppable on the grandest stage, and in hushed tones they say that this urn feeds The Undertaker's power and represents his spirit. "They" say a lot of stupid things, and asks Paul who they are. Punk picks the urn up and says his opinion is the only one that matters. He says The Undertaker went 20-0 and it's a hell of a legacy that should have ended at WrestleMania 28 with THE perfect ending. He says The Undertaker came on his show when he hadn't even considered challenging him three weeks ago, and now his Streak is going to be broken by a man not afraid of the dark, The Streak, and a man who happens to be the best in the world. He says he took the urn because it means so much to The Undertaker, but it doesn't mean a damn thing to him. JUST LIKE THE STREAK, AND ALL HE WANTS WITH THE STREAK IS TO BREAK IT. He says if he was given his rightful match, The Undertaker and he would have never crossed paths and he would have gone 21-0. He would have gone 30-0! He would have gone 50-0! BUT THERE'S NOBODY IN THE WORLD BETTER THAN HIM, AND NOBODY WHO CAN BEAT HIM. HE IS THE ONE IN TWENTY AND ONE. He starts to repeat himself a little bit and says he's waiting. The lights go out and the gong sounds. Taker is in the ring coming back, and drives Punk away and Heyman grabs the urn and runs away with it before Taker can get it back. TONIGHT: ROCK AND CENA HAVE A Q & A FROM A HALL OF FAME PANEL! Fandango is supposed to have a match, theoretically, but Chris Jericho runs out to attack him. He runs Fandango off, and Jericho has a match instead. Match #1: Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston vs. Chris Jericho This is another classic terrible Raw editing victim as it's eight minutes or so, but a commercial cuts it down to five. It's not tragic though, because it's 2013 Jericho, so whatever. Jericho's comeback is consisting of just shoulderblocks, so fuck him at this point and the brief mirage he pulled off in February. They barely get to do anything interesting either as Jericho puts on the Liontamer and Ziggler taps out for some reason to end his winning streak. *3/4 Post-match, Langston lays out Jericho with the Big Ending. Team Rocket leaves, and Fandango comes back down to hit Jericho with the Flying Legdrop. He yells at Jericho to say his name, and gets on the mic to pronounce his name again. WRESTLEMANIA 29: 13 DAYS! In the back, Striker interviews Sheamus and shows the footage from Smackdown of the end of the match and post-match. Sheamus says he originally didn't trust the Big Show, BUT THE SHIELD COMES AND ATTACKS SHEAMUS FROM BEHIND AND BEATS HIM UP. FUCK YOU. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR FUCKING WITH HUNICO. Randy Orton comes to save, but also gets beat up before The Big Show comes to run them off. Match #2: Mark Henry vs. The Usos Great 90 second handicap squash. The Usos get to do some great strikes before they die, and they take some good bumps too. Mark beats one of them with the World's Strongest Slam. *1/2 Post-match, he hits the other Usos with two World's Strongest Slams, and then goes back to the one he pinned, and hits a Big Splash. "I CAN DO DIS ALL DAY" Match #3: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Antonio Cesaro Ricardo is on crutches. This is only three minutes and more of an angle, but Cesaro does the best he can here with the time he's given. Cesaro's offense is all awesome, but ADR makes his comeback. Jack Swagger and Zeb come out to attack Ricardo, and ADR goes out after him. CESARO WINS BY COUNT OUT AS A RESULT! YEAH! *3/4 Swagger bails, and ADR goes back in to put Cesaro in the Cross Armbreaker. Poor sportsmanship. Fucking Mexicans. Match #4: Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players Team Rocket comes onto the stage to watch. This got 4 minutes, so it was largely another showcase for the champions because they don't give a fuck about the tag titles having good matches anymore at this point, because this company is the fucking worst until April. D-Young has a great Belly to Belly on Bryan as a transition spot, but that's the sole highlight. They break it off too early as Kane has a pretty lukewarm tag and this isn't what it could be. Kane beats D-Young with a Chokeslam. *3/4 featured an in-ring promo by Triple H in which he discussed putting his career on the line against Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania, with Triple H saying he wasn't coming to wrestle or fight but to kick Lesnar's ass; moments later, WWE IC Champion Wade Barrett came out for his match and told Triple H to leave ringside, with Triple H kicking him in the groin Match #5: Wade Barrett vs. The Miz Wade is still hurting, but this is the match of the episode that gets 10 minutes. Fuck this company, holy shit. Wade does some boring generic stuff and refuses to put in effort here for some reason. I guess he figured it was a lost cause having a good match with babyface Miz. And Miz proves him right with the shittiest offense. It's like he's still trying to do everything Jericho does, but he skipped to copying old 2013 Jericho despite being young enough to theoretically do more. Wade works the back and Miz sells nothing before winning with the Figure Four. You could have done this in 2 minutes and given 8 more to Cesaro/ADR with the pre-match angle. If this is going 10 anyways, why even bother? *1/2 In the back, Bryan and Kane. Bryan says he needs Kane to be there 100%, and Kane says he knows what he's doing. Bryan says Ziggler and Big E are different and says he goes nuts every time AJ's around. Kane and Bryan argue over who hasn't gotten over her, and Kaitlyn comes over and says AJ's screwed them all over, but they need to move on like she has. Kaitlyn calls AJ crazy, so AJ attacks her out of nowhere. Bryan and Kane pull AJ off and throw her out of the locker room. Match #6: The Shield vs. Zack Ryder/Justin Gabriel/The Great Khali This is fucking SHAMEFUL. The Shield has a better 2 minute squash than any of the other real matches on the show. Everything they does is intense and connects perfectly, and they're all so different, like any great trio. Ambrose holds Gabriel in a Bow and Arrow Hold, and Rollins comes off with a Flying Knee Drop and gets the pin there. ** Khali attacks post-match, but he gets the Triple Powerbomb! The face trio comes out to run The Shield off again. In the back, Striker interviews Chris Jericho. He's mad and says Fandango has kicked his ass twice in a row but proven nothing, but at WrestleMania 29, he'll get his chance because it's going to be Y2J vs. Fandango. He says to be careful what he wishes for and says he will never EVER be the same again. Match #7: Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Tons of Funk The women are there again. This at least gets two and a half minutes, so it's a rare match that's longer on Raw than Smackdown. Sandow doesn't do a lot of interesting stuff, but at least he's not Brodus. Cody vs. Tensai was a solid pairing from what they showed, but there's FAR too much Brodus and Sandow here. The girls fight again, but Brodus is distracted and Cody beats him with the Beautiful Disaster. *1/2 Another preview of GI Joe: Retaliation airs. Match #8: Ryback vs. 3MB Great squash due to Drew and Slater being total lunatics at this sort of thing. There's even a brief 3MB control seg before Ryback gets back in touch with his roots and mows down all of them. Heath and Jinder both get hoisted up and Ryback hits the Double Shellshocked for the win. ** THIS FRIDAY: RYBORK/MOK WEIGHTLIFTING COMPETITION! Match #9: AJ vs. Kaitlyn This is only two minutes, so it's nothing compared to what they'll go on to do against each other in the next six months, but it's still two good wrestlers trying their best to make due with the low amount of time. Kaitlyn accidentally runs shoulder-first into the post on the floor on a missed Spear, and AJ rolls in for a count out win. *1/4 Jerry Lawler is in the ring and he introduces the panel of judges as Bret Hart, Booker T, Mick Foley, and Dusty Rhodes. He then brings out Cena and Rock, and Foley asks his question first. He says he teamed up with The Rock at WrestleMania XX and he felt regret for losing the match but for costing The Rock what he thought would be his final WrestleMania ever. He says he felt weight off his shoulders when The Rock beat Cena last year and asks Cena if he can live with the regret that could accompany another loss. Cena says April 7th will be a historic day and win or lose, it's safe to say that it will change the face of the WWE forever. Yeah, totally. Cena says last year, he didn't think losing was an option until he lost, so now he knows losing is a real option. Cena says Donovan McNabb's name to get boos from Philadelphia and says statistically, he's the best QB to put on an Eagles uniform but the people boo him because he never won the big one and because Philly is super terrible. He says WWE fans want a man who can win the big one and if he loses, he'll carry that kind of legacy. BULLSHIT. YOU'RE A 10 TIME PLUS WWE CHAMPION, YOU FUCKING ASS. Cena says Rock doesn't know anything about failure, not yet, but he will. Rock responds with his CFL story and the story of his horrible WWF debut to talk about failure. Bret Hart is up next and says it pained him to watch them get overtaken with bad blood and says he can see that something's changed and asks them both what happened. Rock says two guys went at it and there were no cheap shots and he beat John. John didn't bitch, moan, or complain, and he took it like a man and he can respect that. Cena says this started when he called Rock out in an interview and says Rock finally proved that he loved WWE and says he chose "Once In A Lifetime" as a tagline because he thought Rock was done last year, but he came back again to win the title. Nice attempt at a cover, but I don't think anybody buys it. Cena says he handled his loss like a man and in 13 days, they'll see how Rock handles his. Booker T asks the next one and says he's the only one here who's been in the ring with both of them and asks them why each man thinks he'll win. Cena says he'll win because he has to. Rock asks if that's it and asks what kind of weak answer that is. Rock says to tell the truth and Cena says because Rock didn't beat him. He cannot beat him, HE BEAT HIMSELF. That's the first time he's said that in public, but it's fact, because he got caught up in one personal bad decision. Cena now claims it's the only time he ever cost himself the match, ignoring both MITB 2011 and Night of Champions 2012, among others. He says he had Rock beat, but he's never going to do what he did again, and he does it his way this year because he knows he can. He knows he's better than The Rock, that's his reason. Rock says if he had him beat, he would have beaten him, period. Rock says Cena will never be the man, and Dusty says to take the gloves off. It's not about respect or redemption, it's about winning and losing. Dusty asks what they REALLY want and Cena says he wants to dominate The Rock. He wants to hand Rock a loss so devastating that he realizes that he's the man now and a loss that will haunt him. Rock says he's not wired that way, and he'll still be WWE Champion in two weeks and Cena will ask himself why he couldn't do it. He says Cena brings it like nobody else but challenges him to prove him wrong right now. They have a shitty fight and Rock hits the Rock Bottom. That went almost 30 fucking minutes and was absolutely awful. |
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| Big Tuna | May 8 2014, 07:15 PM Post #53 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE NXT March 27th, 2013 Orlando, FL Match #1: Kaitlyn [c] vs. Natalya [WWE Divas Championship] Oh, neat. They have a nice little match, and Regal unfortunately tells us that the main event of NXT is Orton vs. Sandow, because WWE is invading NXT tonight or something. They have a solid power match based on the idea that Nattie's never been overpowered before and it throws her off. They get like 8 minutes too, which helps them actually turn this into a real match. Kaitlyn escapes the Sharpshooter and sends Nattie head-first into the bottom buckle, and follows with the Spear to win. **1/4 In the back, Scott Dawson interviews ADR. The backstage monitor says NXT: ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA on it. He talks about Jack Swagger. NO, FUCK YOU. LEAVE OUR GOD DAMNED NXT ALONE. IT'S NOT OUR FAULT YOU HAVE FUCKING TEN HOURS OF TV A WEEK BETWEEN RAW, MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN, SUPERSTARS, AND SMS AND CAN'T BUILD AN APPEALING CARD WORTH A SHIT. NOW YOU HAVE TO RUIN NXT TOO? AGAIN? Match #2: Brodus Clay w/ The Funkadactyls vs. El Local Typical Brodus squashing, and Ricardo is no great jobber. Big Splash ends it. 1/2* RAW REBOUND! In the back, The Shield cuts a promo. They introduce themselves again, and Ambrose says Orton, Show, and Sheamus think they're beyond reproach. These chosen ones think they're under some safety net and above the law, but they're not. Rollins says they're agents of change and there will be casualties and sacrifice. It's not always pretty, but they have a duty and will do it swiftly. Reigns says mercy is for the weak and Sheamus, Orton, and Big Show are all weak. At WrestleMania, they have zero tolerance. The walls of justice are closing in, and at WrestleMania, they would crush them. Believe in The Shield. In the back, Dawson interviews John Cena. He basically repeats everything from Raw. AT COMMENTARY, OHNO PROTESTS THIS BULLSHIT INVASION AND LAST WEEK'S THING AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF REGAL! Referees make him leave. Match #3: Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow HOUSE SHOW RANDY'S HERE, GUYS! Sandow controls with lots of punching and stomping, and the punches aren't good enough to rely solely on them either. Randy uses is Flying Dick Thesz Press here, so that's super bad. The problem here is basically that they do a routine minimal effort match, but neither is good enough or versatile enough to make that good or entertaining. Sandow does things, and Orton makes his same routine comeback to win. Hanging DDT hits and is followed with the RKO for the win. *3/4 Fuck this episode. Fuck this company. |
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| Big Tuna | May 9 2014, 06:34 PM Post #54 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Smackdown March 29th, 2013 Hershey, PA included an opening in-ring promo by WWE World Champion the Rock in which he talked about his history in Hershey as a teenager before discussing facing John Cena at WrestleMania; moments later, John Laurinaitis walked out, introduced himself to the Rock, and said Teddy Long granted him a chance to come out; Laurinaitis noted John Cena was the one that had him fired and offered to be in the Rock's corner for WrestleMania; Rock had the fans answer on his behalf, which was no, with the Rock then shaking Laurinaitis's hand before hitting him with a spinebuster and the People's Elbow; Rock then told Cena he was going to get beaten again at WrestleMania TONIGHT: ORTON/SHEAMUS/SHOW VS. CESARO/RHODES SCHOLARS The Miz comes out to do commentary on the opener, and Miz/Barrett for the IC Title is announced for the Mania pre-show. Match #1: Chris Jericho vs. Wade Barrett Wrestling doesn't matter at all in Mania build most years, so this is eight minutes cropped down to four and a half. From like 2001-2011, they seemed to have an understanding of how to use commercial breaks without hurting the flow of the match, but it seems like they've completely lost the idea of that. A commercial break should come after the transition to heel control or some kind of a dive, and then you'd show the transition coming back, or even have the transition come after the commercial. For the last year or so, they've taken commercial breaks after generic opening stuff, then come back with the heel in control and mention nothing, usually losing half or more of the control segment. It's a fucking tragedy, because it's so easy to do right and they just put zero effort into it. ANYWAYS, THE MATCH. It was Jericho/Wade in 2013, whatever. They had four and a half minutes and wasted like 2-3 on generic stuff that didn't look good or mean anything. Miz distracts Wade and Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the win. *3/4 Post-match, Jericho calls out Fandango. He comes out and teases coming in, but he then refuses and leaves. A hype video for H/Bork airs. A sit-down interview airs between Josh and Paul Heyman. Josh tries to get a response to what Hunter said on Raw, and Heyman refuses and says he's here because Brock wants it on the record that he's going to crush Triple H at WrestleMania. Then Triple H has to sit at a desk and watch people compete about the way he can only fantasize about competing, because that option was taken away from him. Eventually, he'll resent the entire locker room and he'll be no leader because of his jealousy. Eventually, the locker room will rebel against Triple H and says Triple H made two big mistakes. First, he thought he could compete with Paul Heyman intellectually, and he was wrong. Then he thought he could compete physically with his client, and Triple H is no match for Brock Lesnar. On the stage, Booker T and T'Lo bring out Mark Henry and Ryback for a Bench Press Challenge. Booker gets in between them and says if they touch each other, they're banned from WrestleMania. Mark Henry gets 53 reps in with 225 pounds on the bar, which Cole claims is a world record. I want to believe that, because fuck yeah Mark Henry, but it came out of Michael Cole's mouth. Booker repeats that the world record is 51, so it's probably true. Ryback gets to 52, BUT MARK PUSHES THE BAR DOWN TO CHOKE HIM AND LEAVES. FUCK YEAH. DAT RON SIMMONS/LUDVIG BORGA BUILD. Mark leaves, and people tend to Ryback after the bar is lifted off. Match #2: Daniel Bryan/Kaitlyn vs. Dolph Ziggler/AJ Kane and Langston are on the floor. This is only three minutes. We all know that at this point, the Smackdown before WrestleMania is almost entirely a clip/hype show that isn't worth reviewing, but they're doing a lot of that here too. The people involved here really did try to do something with the time though and every thing they do here is fucking great. Bryan/Ziggler is the best, AJ/Kaitlyn is the best womens match they have, and both get about equal time. Kaitlyn wipes AJ out with the Spear to win. ** In the back, The Shield cuts a promo. Rollins. Reigns. Ambrose. They are The Shield, and Ambrose says WrestleMania is almost upon them. The showcase of the immortals, all those cliches. The worst cliche is when three arrogant fools said they can put aside their differences to fight a common enemy. Reigns says they'll choke on cliches and fail like everyone else. Rollins says the strength of their purpose is stronger than any one of them, and they don't stand a chance. Ambrose says a giant, a viper, and and irishman are too combustible to mix. This is not a game, this is a story about justice, and they write the book at WrestleMania. Believe in The Shield. Match #3: Jack Swagger vs. The Great Khali All the usuals are ringside. They have a terrible match for 3 minutes and then go to a double count out as Swagger puts Khali in the Patriot Lock on the floor. 1/2* Post-match, Ricardo comes out to distract Swagger and Zeb, and ADR runs in from the crowd. He puts Swagger in the Cross Armbreaker, and then runs them off with one of Ricardo's crutches. RAW REBOUND: TAKER/PONK EDITION! In the back, wonderful Renee Young interviews the trio of Orton, Sheamus, and Show. Orton says they have a common enemy, so nothing else really matters. Sheamus says they won't have any problems and starts to argue with Show until Randy says to focus and says they're all on the same page. Match #4: Randy Orton/Sheamus/The Big Show vs. Antonio Cesaro/Team Rhodes Scholars Solid showcase for 7 minutes. There's again horrible TV layout, but there's enough talent here with Cesaro and Cody on the heel side to overcome that. Sheamus is trying and Orton is almost trying, I think. He's SO good as coasting that it's honestly hard to differentiate between minimal effort and average effort sometimes. Sheamus has a good hot tag and Sandow and Cesaro break up his usual finishing sequence. Show KO Punches Cesaro and then choke throws Sandow into the RKO! Cody gets up into the Brogue Kick and is beaten. **1/4 Post-match, The Shield goes to come down, but the faces go into the crowd to meet them and they chase The Shield away through the crowd to end the show. |
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| Big Tuna | May 9 2014, 06:39 PM Post #55 |
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Top 10 Matches - March 2013: 1. Team Rhodes Scholars vs. The Usos, Superstars (March 7th) 2. Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler, Raw (March 11th) 3. Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler, Smackdown (March 8th) 4. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus vs. The Big Show vs. CM Punk, Raw (March 4th) 5. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kane, Smackdown (March 15th) 6. Alberto Del Rio vs. Cody Rhodes, Raw (March 18th) 7. Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro, Raw (March 4th) 8. Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz, Raw (March 4th) 9. Sheamus vs. The Big Show, Smackdown (March 8th) 10. Adrian Neville vs. Luke Harper, NXT (March 20th) Wrestler of the Month: Antonio Cesaro & Dolph Ziggler (TIE) - 14 Points Tag Team of the Month: Team Hell No & Team Rhodes Scholars (TIE) - 8 Points |
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| Big Tuna | May 9 2014, 08:52 PM Post #56 |
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw April 1st, 2013 Washington, DC TONIGHT: FAGGOT IS HERE TO TALK ABOUT BORK/H. GREAT. John Cena comes out to open the show and gets on the mic. He says he stands here in a house divided, between Cenacrats and Rockpublicans. Fuck you, go home. God damnit, that was BAD. He says he respects The Rock for the superstar that he is and because he's worthy of being called the WWE Champion. Lots of boos. Cena says last year, he would question Rock's passion and Rock would make fun of his t-shirt and personal life, and those childish games are over. The Rock's come back and done everything he said he would do. Cena claims The Rock is the greatest WWE Champion of all time which gets even more boos. Cena says he does the impossible and says The Great One will fall. IT ALSO GETS BOOED. Cena says his time is now. MORE BOOS. The WWE Universe rejecting this main event completely and mostly booing both men is easily the best part of this build. He repeats more stuff he said in last week's segment and ends with that next week, the champ will be here. Match #1: Randy Orton/Sheamus/The Big Show vs. 3MB Solid three minutes for a showcase again. Drew gets to do a few bits of actual offense and is awesome at it. Slater takes some awesome bumps. Show gets in to clean house and Jinder gets beaten with the JO Punch. *1/2 The Shield comes down through the crowd, but they stop on the stairs and Ambrose has the mic. He congratulates them on the big victory and says to keep celebrating and enjoy it now, because they won't leave them with anything to celebrate on Sunday. They'll leave them wondering just where it went wrong and Rollins says they've finally convinced themselves and the people that they're on the same page. Justice never lies though, and they know the truth. Reigns says they're not a team, and they're not really even on the same page. People want to believe in them, but their team is phony, and the whole world will BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD. In a pretape, Jack Swagger and Zeb are near the capitol building. Zeb says just like Ricardo's ankle, their country is broken and Jack Swagger knows how to fix it. Jack says empires crumbled because the people became week. Borders are broken, resources have been robbed, and crime rates are up, so yes, people have grown week. Everyone knows something's wrong and it's time to stand up and say no more. At WrestleMania, he'll break the champ's ankle and the spirit of all those who seek to steal the American Dream, and a Real American will become the new World Heavyweight Champion. Welcome to Jack Swagger's America. WE THE PEOPLE. In the back, Striker interviews ADR. He says America is the land of opportunity and freedom of speech is something Jack Swagger has. But if he doesn't like what he says, he has the freedom to do something at WrestleMania. Zeb Coulter's challenged him tonight, but he's nothing but a big fat pinata that he's about to break. Match #2: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler Everyone is on the floor. Another really good 7 minutes of cool stuff going back and forth, but not great as they clearly hold back. When your match is all about doing cool stuff without a ton of substance, you really can't hold back and all and be trying for a great match. Daniel gets distracted by dropkicking Langston off the apron, and Ziggler rolls him up with the tights for the win. **3/4 Post-match, Big E. hits Bryan with the Big Ending. Kane attacks him to save, but is against both guys, and he also gets laid out with the Big Ending. included an in-ring promo by Shawn Michaels in which Michaels discussed Triple H facing Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania; moments later, Triple H joined him in the ring, with Michaels saying the Undertaker respected him when Michaels put his career on the line at WrestleMania but Lesnar had no respect for anyone; Michaels went on to say Triple H better kick Lesnar's ass, and he would be in Triple H's corner to see him do it; Lesnar & Paul Heyman then came out, with Heyman saying Lesnar would destroy Triple H and could even break Michaels arm again; Heyman went on to say Triple H was comitting professional suicide Match #3: Wade Barrett vs. Zack Ryder Miz is on commentary again. This gets 4 minutes for some reason, because we need to make an already struggling title holder look about even with Zack fucking Ryder. Bryan/Ziggler could have used 2-3 of these, but whatever. Wade obviously wins with the Bullhammer. *1/4 Match #4: Mark Henry vs. Santino Marella Minute long Mark Henry squash. Cole mentions that Booker T's no-contact clause was for all of the remaining time for WrestleMania and not just that show. World's Strongest Slam ends it. * Post-match, Ryback comes down to the ring. Mark says he's probably real upset, but all he could do was smile. Ryback then picks up Santino and press slams him into Mark Henry to take him over the top to the floor, and Ryback also never technically touched him. In the back, Striker interviews CM Punk. He talks about the disrespect to Paul Bearer, and Punk asks if he's supposed to give a damn. He's getting in The Undertaker's head because he's trying to win, and the only legacy he cares about is his own. Undertaker is more aware with the breaking of Paul Bearer's streak of waking up every morning than his WrestleMania streak, and that's what he wants. The Undertaker is coming to break his bones and scar his face, but all he's concerned with is winning by any means necessary. Match #5: Alberto Del Rio vs. Zeb Coulter Ricardo and Swagger are on the floor. This is like 30-45 seconds before Zeb steals a crutch and hits ADR with it for the DQ. 1/4* Post-match, ADR goes after him, but Swagger beats up Ricardo and takes the other crutch. They wear out ADR with crutch shots. The Rock comes out and gets on the mic. Finally, he's come back to DC or whatever. Fuck this. I'm so close. Match #6: Chris Jericho vs. Antonio Cesaro This gets like 9-10 minutes, so it's another very good but not great one, because it also feels fairly held back on Jericho's end. Cesaro really reigns Jericho in and makes him work a more basic style instead of trying to do stuff he physically can't do anymore. Fandango comes out midway through to watch. He interferes later, but Jericho knocks him off the apron. Cesaro's taken to yodeling during matches, and he becomes the first man in forever to tap out to the Walls of Jericho, continuing his month long losing streak, not counting the angle last week. **3/4 Post-match, Fandango again attacks and hits two Flying Legdrops. Match #7: The Funkadactyls vs. The Bella Twins The male tag teams are on the floor. This gets like 5 minutes, so they at least get to try and do stuff. Naomi is decent, but the other three all suck, so this is a long dumpster fire. Big Titty Bella rolls through a Crossbody from Cameron and grabs the tights for the win. 34/Poop The Undertaker comes out for the main event segment and gets on the mic. He says CM Punk's historic title reign lasted well over 400 days, but the pain waiting for him at WrestleMania will last an eternity. He says it was him who decided to make this personal, and for that, he will suffer. Taker says defeating him at WrestleMania is no longer good enough and the disrespect he's shown Paul Bearer will cause him to pay the ultimate price. He says The Streak may come to an end in his current state of mind, but he will never live to talk about it. Druids then come out AND PAUL HEYMAN COMES OUT DRESSED AS PAUL BEARER AND HAS THE URN AGAIN. Taker is clearly furious about the reminder of when Paul Heyman forced him to murder Paul Bearer once. Taker storms up there and attacks the druids, BUT ONE OF THEM UNCLOAKS HIMSELF AND IT'S CM PUNK AND HE ATTACKS TAKER. PUNK HITS TAKER WITH THE URN AND POURS THE ASHES ON UNDERTAKER TO END THE SHOW HOLY SHIT. |
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| Big Tuna | May 10 2014, 12:20 PM Post #57 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE NXT April 3rd, 2013 Orlando, FL FUCK YEAH LAST SHOW BEFORE MANIA! TONIGHT: LANGSTON/CONOR O'BRIAN FOR THE NXT TITLE! Tony Dawson is joined this week by Kassius Ohno and Brad Maddox on commentary. Match #1: Adrian Neville/Bo Dallas vs. The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt During this, they say that the Wyatts' attack tore Grey's ACL, so he's out for like 6 months or more. Bo is still dogshit and Rowan is whatever, but when Harper is on offense or Neville is in, this is good, and Neville/Harper is great. There's an awesome sequence teasing Neville cleaning house for the end before Harper cuts him off with DAT BIG BOOT. Control seg on Neville is awesome and their best yet, and Rowan looks the best he has yet. Which unfortunately means a mediocre Bo Dallas hot tag and then a win, because Bo can't drop falls as the personification of the desperate "LOOK, HE WINS EVERYTHING. CHEER FOR HIM." push. Neville dives onto Bray and rowan, and Bo hits Harper with the Shitty Side Belly to Belly for the win. With a competent hot tag, this would be a great match. **3/4 Cena's promo from Raw is re-aired. And then The Rock's. AT COMMENTARY, REGAL RUSHES ON AND ATTACKS OHNO AND IT IS FUCKING AMAZING. He fish hooks him until Ohno gets off the table and runs away. Match #2: Summer Rae/Audrey Marie vs. Paige/Sasha Banks Solid three minutes. Sasha has some great lucha type offense and evasions. Audrey isn't horrible, and Summer actually looks like the worst one in this with her kind of sloppy Maryse tribute act being more obvious than usual. Summer bails out and runs to the back rather than face Paige, and Audrey is quickly finished with the Paige Turner. *3/4 Match #3: Big E. Langston [c] vs. Conor O'Brian [NXT Championship] This is absolutely a match that happens. Big E. is unable to do what he always does against a lacking opponent, which is taking ridiculous bumps for his size and trying super super hard. Conor brings nothing to this and does stuff, but nothing that E can really do anything with. He makes the comeback and wins with the Big Ending. *1/2 Post-match, Big E hits it again for the FIVE count. |
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| Big Tuna | May 10 2014, 08:17 PM Post #58 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: The Rock, Since 1/27/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 12/31/2012 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 ![]() Match #0: Wade Barrett [c] vs. The Miz [WWE Intercontinental Championship] This is 4 minutes, but since it's Mania, everyone's trying hard at least. They had an intelligent working of a match with this little time and just did a lot of back and forth. The second half of this was good, but the first part was kind of rough and full of shitty kicking/punching stuff that neither does well enough to focus on as much as they do. Miz has a cool takedown into the Figure Four to win the title, but that's about all the value this had. Not one of the better pre-show matches of the year, especially when they start to get actual focus in the coming months. *3/4 WWE WRESTLEMANIA XXIX APRIL 7TH, 2013 MET LIFE STADIUM EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ ![]() Awesome set. It feels like a perfect "fuck you" to people saying they wanted more epic WrestleMania sets, as they responded with an almost comically large stage area and the Brooklyn Bridge. Match #1: The Shield vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus/The Big Show This was a blast. Everyone is trying hard for the 10-11 minutes this gets, and the Shield can do no wrong in a six man tag environment. The faces looked like a real team, but still couldn't overcome enough to stop control segments, since they got caught up competing with each other to have fun. Sheamus has a great hot tag, but he gets wiped out by a beautiful Tope Suicida from Rollins. It actually hurts me to note how much developmental improved him. They go for the Triple Powerbomb, BUT SHOW HITS A FUCKING THREE PERSON SPEAR HOLY SHIT. He waits for the tag, but Orton tags himself in before Sheamus can reach Show, and Big Show is not happy. Orton cleans house, AND INTERCEPTS ROLLINS OUT OF THE AIR WITH THE RKO. BUT THEN REIGNS HITS THE SPEAR. Show watches as Ambrose pins Orton! *** Post-match, Show hits both Sheamus and Orton with the KO Punch and leaves. For once, Sheamus is actually not in the wrong. However, Orton totally had that coming. From Show's perspective, Orton recruits him to the team so that they have someone big enough to dismantle The Shield, but then tries to leech off his work and steal the win? Fuck that. A hype video airs for Cena/Rock super early on in the show. The best part of this is that before they throw it to the video when they're just talking about the match, they use "Victory" as background music. Match #2: Mark Henry vs. Ryback This is not very good. If this match was going to work, it needed to be all action and like two bulls fighting with constant smacking off of each other and power spots. Instead, Mark Henry dominates and it forces Ryback to try and sell. Which, hey, Ryback's terrible at selling. This is coming off the heels of Ryback stating in a bunch of media going into Mania that his goal was to try and take Cena's spot and be the top guy for a long time. Not sure what happened exactly, but it's hardly a coincidence that he says that and the WWE immediately stops putting him in positions where he's protected anymore. That all being said, Mark Henry dominating someone is always a blast because nobody works as a strong big man like he does. Ryback sort of comes back and gets him up for Shellshocked, but MOK grabs the top rope and falls down with a splash to Ryback's back. He then rolls him over to win, and Ryback looks like a huge chump. But whatever, because FUCK YEAH MARK HENRY WITH A MANIA WIN. *3/4 Post-match, Ryback attacks Mark Henry like a sore loser and hits Shellshocked. A video airs on WWE's partnership with the Special Olympics. God, fuck this company. It's cool that they're partnered and all, but the constant patting themselves on the back nature of these videos is beyond annoying. Fuck you, okay? We get that you're a good humanitarian company and whatever. Shut the fuck up about it, jesus. Match #3: Team Hell No [c] vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston w/ AJ [WWE Tag Team Championship] Somehow this is the shortest match on the show at six minutes. Still, it's a lot of fun. They do a wonderful 18 seconds tease after Dolph kisses AJ on the apron, and then Bryan gives us DAT TOPE SUICIDA. Big E has some sweet power spots too, and it's really just the best use of six minutes by some talented guys. Ziggler eats the Chokeslam and then a Diving Headbutt, and the champions retain. **3/4 In a video, Cena shills for Make-a-Wish. Laying it on REAL thick tonight. Match #4: Chris Jericho vs. Fandango w/ Ann Dango This is not very good. I really like Johnny Curtis, he's got a ton of charisma, but he's not a great wrestler. He's super average, and then 2013 Jericho is also really average. Just a weird, kind of sloppy, kind of disjointed, match. The finish is Jericho getting caught and the Walls reversed into a cradle, and it looks really really awkward and bad. Fandango wins, but loses a lot in reality because his big moment fucking tanked. ** A video airs on The Rock. It's a bunch of people on the street spouting Rock's catchphrases. The P. Diddy concert is next. This is better than the Kid Rock concert, I guess. He does "Victory", "Mo Money, Mo Problems", and then the quality dips when he's not with B.I.G. anymore I guess, because we skip all the way to "I'm Coming Home". BOO NO "COME WITH ME". The crowd doesn't care all that much again though, because your WrestleMania is NOT your casual WWE crowd. A hype video airs for ADR/Swagger. Coming back, Swagger and Zeb are already in the ring with the jobber entrance. Zeb says New York now isn't worth the beads they paid for it, and it's just a cesspool of criminals and illegals that snuck across our borders speaking Spanish and Italian and Greek and Chinese and something called Yiddish as they plot god knows what against them. Zeb says he knows they agree with him even though they boo, and either you're too afraid to say something or too gutless to do anything about it. Real Americans aren't, and Jack Swagger will reclaim this country when he walks out the World Heavyweight Champion. WE THE PEOPLE. Match #5: Alberto Del Rio [c] vs. Jack Swagger [World Heavyweight Championship] Both Ricardo and Zeb are on the floor as usual. This is a Jack Swagger/ADR match without a ton of new ideas or effort even, so it's whatever. I say there's no effort because it's fairly slow and routine and it's nothing you couldn't see on a random Smackdown where this match belongs. ADR sort of sells his leg and Swagger sort of sells his arm, and ADR wins with a Cross Armbreaker. Really lifeless match. It's not even bad, it's just so fucking AVERAGE. But they don't deserve an average score for such a match. The loudest the crowd got during this was chanting "WE WANT ZIGGLER". **1/4 WWE also loves the National Guard! And puppies! And babies! A hype video airs for Punk/Taker. Living Colour plays CM Punk out, and WWE has a few GOAT entrance photpgraphs for this match. Taker also has one of the all-time best entrances ever, and THE best entrance visual in a long time, if ever. ![]() ![]() Match #6: The Undertaker vs. CM Punk w/ Paul Heyman This is the MOTN, furthering Taker's claim to the Mr. WrestleMania crown, although the competition isn't as steep this year. When the crowd is doing dueling chants early on, the commentary goes super quiet, and in a rushed tone, JBL lies and says 80,000 people are behind The Undertaker. THANKS, VINCE. MY EARS SURE DECEIVED ME, ALMOST LIKE WHEN I THOUGHT I HEARD "LETS GO ZIGGLER" CHANTS LAST YEAR AT NO WAY OUT. Anyways, the match is amazing. It's super smart too as Punk at this point and with his booking isn't going to be able to do an emotional epic like the DX series from 25-28, so he doesn't even try, and it's more a classic heel/face match. Punk rushes Taker for once and tries to get him pissed off enough to make mistakes or tire himself out. It fails and Taker goes into his amazing methodical yet super brutal punishment routine. Punk finally catches Taker relying more on punishment than winning and takes over. There's a great subplot where Punk can't keep Taker down for any real long control segment, but he has him scouted enough that he can counter everything he has and keep shutting him down in bursts. Taker fights back though, and AGAIN is more caught up in revenge on the floor. SO PUNK KICKS HIM ONTO THE TABLE AND HITS A FLYING ELBOW ONTO THE UNBREAKABLE TABLE AND BASICALLY DESTROYS HIMSELF! ![]() Taker gets back in and now the narrative starts to shift as Punk gets closer and closer to pins. Some great moments like Taker sitting up out of the Anaconda Vice, and the great spot where Taker shifts himself on the GTS so the knee only hits his gut, and he rebounds with a Tombstone, BUT PUNK KICKS OUT! Punk ends up hitting Taker with the urn to block the Last Ride, and it's SUUUUUUUUUUUUPER close and probably the loudest nearfall reaction of the show. ![]() Punk tries the Tombstone, but Taker gets down from that. Punk gets out of the Tombstone to try the GTS, but Taker also gets down and hits a second sort of running Tombstone for the win! This made perfect use of the 22 minutes it got, had a clear narrative that holds up, and it also gradually shifts that so by the end, Taker takes the first chance he can get when Punk's hubris eventually shines through and wins. This is also kind of the death of Best In The World-level CM Punk that we've seen since 2010 or so, which I'll go into more detail on when he returns as a banged up unmotivated weird muttonchop having shell. **** A video airs now on John Cena. Hype video for H/Bork. Match #7: Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar [No Holds Barred - H's Career On The Line] Shawn and Heyman are at ringside. This is whatever. It's WAY too long at 23 minutes. I won't say exactly that they don't mesh because I remember their third and final match at Extreme Rules being really great, but it's so weird that it took them three matches to figure out what should have been super easy. These two aren't equals in anything, and it shouldn't be this type of power battle. But I guess we needed Triple H to publicly jerk off one more time before we got the proper match at Extreme Rules and the awesome Triple H we've had since summer 2013. This also has kind of a dead crowd outside of big spots, because I guess somebody thought this could follow the Taker match. That being said, this is MUCH better than SummerSlam as there's no attempt at arm work that's no sold by H and it's just a brawl for most of it. Both men takes some awesome bumps, but Bork obviously wins the bump-off. This is just kind of an uninspired overlong generic brawl with chairs and steps. Triple H hits a Pedigree on the steps to win. **1/2 EXTREME RULES: MAY 19TH! A tribute to the HOF class airs. Match #8: The Rock [c] vs. John Cena [WWE Championship] Fuck this match. Fuck the build to this match. I know some people somewhere had to be super into this match and the build because the PPV numbers were really really good, but nobody on the road to Mania seemed to enjoy it and it never once felt like the huge match they wanted it to be. The match itself was terrible and among the worst Mania main events ever. A lot of those matches like Hogan/Bundy or LT/BBB or H/Orton at least did SOMETHING right even if they weren't the most exciting matches ever. This is in that league with Cena/Miz and Taker/Sid and Hogan/Sid as the absolute very worst. Almost nothing here works like it should. Most of the moves get booed in the first half. Cena overbumps for a lot of stuff to try and make this work. Rock is sucking wind early so they have to slow it down when that's the last thing this match needs with a kind of hostile crowd. There's no real story or flow to this too, it's just back and forth guys doing stuff. They give that up to do finishers without a lot of rhyme or reason too. The count is 2 FUs, 1 STFU, 1 People's Elbow, and 3 Rock Bottoms. Cena also steals one Rock Bottom, and basically everything they hit or go for in a 10 minute span is one of those four moves or the Pinebuster to set up. Cena's second FU wins the title, and it's super abrupt, but that was bound to happen in a match with no real flow or planning and where they just sort of did moves followed by other moves. Super super lifeless and dull with an obvious outcome never really put in doubt at any point in the match. *3/4 Post-match, Rock gives Cena the belt and raises his arm and his face perfectly sums up this show. It's resigned and accepting and just so disappointed and upset in a quiet depressed way. |
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| Big Tuna | May 11 2014, 01:08 AM Post #59 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 1/11/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: The Miz, Since 4/7/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw April 8th, 2013 East Rutherford, NJ John Cena comes out to open the shows to a lot of boos. THE CHAMP IS HERE. The crowd boos literally everything he says, establishing the tone of this GOAT-level Raw right off the bat. Cena says he should have adulation, respect, and cheers. The cheers! He tries it again and says they've known each other for 10 years now and they seem a little bit angry. They're clearly mad at the fact that WrestleMania is over, so he gets it. He goes into his deal about how it doesn't matter if they like him, and it gets a "BORING" chant. He says this Raw last year, Brock Lesnar came back to whip his ass, which gets the first cheer of the night. He says he might do a dance with a shake or twist, but he thinks he knows what they want. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE HEEL TURN? ![]() THE BEST. Cena says he's The Man now because he beat The Man last night and this is his post-WrestleMania celebration. He says he's not gonna rest and drop balloons to celebrate, he's fighting tonight for this. He says he doesn't know who the #1 Contender is, AND MARK FUCKING HENRY COMES OUT! SHIT YEAH! He says the problem with asking for trouble is that trouble might just find you. Now see., he won his match last night, but he ALSO won. He yells at Cena to look at him when he's talking to him and not to pay attention to them, and says he destroyed Ryback last night. With all this talk, they need to have some action. Cena says he's got a fight and accepts the title match. Booker T comes out and says he cannot and will not have him making WWE Title matches. He says The Rock is entitled to a rematch, and Cena asks if Once in a Lifetime is now Best out of Three. Booker T says the Rock is the #1 Contender but Rock was injured last night and won't be here. Or ever again in the ring. Yay! Booker says if MOK can beat Cena tonight, he'll get his shot. Mark says all Cena's jokes are gonna get him tonight is entered into the Hall of Pain. BRING YA A-GAME. TONIGHT: ADR VS. SWAGGER/ZEB IN A HANDICAP MATCH! Match #1: Daniel Bryan vs. Big E. Langston Everyone is on the floor and for some reason, this only gets two minutes. This is especially maddening when you see that the next match got much more, but it's a solid enough two minutes. Ziggler pushes Bryan off the top and then Big E. hits the Big Ending for the win. *1/2 Match #2: The Miz [c] vs. Wade Barrett [WWE Intercontinental Championship] THIS gets 10 minutes, so fuck everything. It's the best match they could have though, as they're both really motivated to make up for a subpar 4 minute pre-show match and the crowd is insane for MWAY as it's largely Europeans still in town from Mania. They do an actual big spot going into the commercial break as Wade breaks out the Hanging Neckbreaker onto the apron. Wade also does his sweet Cactus Elbow. There's still a few flubs from Miz, but you expect failure from him by now. Wade regains the belt with the Bullhammer. **1/4 In the back, Sheamus goes to Brad and Vickie and he is mad. He says he told people that Big Show couldn't be trusted and he was right and he wants a match with The Big Show. Brad says he'll owe them one and Sheamus says all he wants is to kick the head off that giant piece of crap. Vickie says she'll give him a match, and Sheamus leaves. In the back, Randy Orton asks Booker T for a match with Big Show tonight. He says he told Sheamus that he could trust Big Show, and he wants to right that wrong. Booker says he just saw that Vickie booked Sheamus/Show, and Orton flatters Booekr and says Booker is an actual GM and now just a supervisor, so Booker says he's got his match then. Before the handicap match, Zeb says their country is now in even worse shape and asks the crowd for their support. He says he volunteered to go to Vietnam because he loves his countrym and he stands in the ring with Jack Swagger for the same reason. Their country is on the verge of tyranny and anarchy and when Alberto Del Rio, he wants them all to stand up as one and give him a rousing rendition of "USA! USA! USA!" The crowd does NOT chant for America. Fucking Jersey. Match #3: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Jack Swagger/Zeb Coulter This is whatever. It's a set up to something fantastic so I can't complain too much, but they probably didn't need 8 minutes and a commercial break there to do this though. Swagger works on the leg and it's as dry and unimaginative as always. ADR gets the flash Cross Armbreaker, and Swagger taps again. *3/4 Post-match, ADR can't stand. He sits in the corner and Ricardo and the doctor check on him. BUT NEVERMIND THAT SHIT. DOLPH ZIGGLER IS FINALLY CASHING IN, AND THE CROWD IS GOING FUCKING APESHIT. Match #4: Alberto Del Rio [c] vs. Dolph Ziggler [World Heavyweight Championship] FUCK YEAH THIS MATCH. This is the best of the short cash-in matches as they pack a TON into two minutes. Ziggler goes for the leg, but ADR comes back and hits the best Quicksilver Kick of his career. There's some amazing drama with the Cross Armbreaker due to how Ziggler's been booked in 2013, and WWE accidentally booked the most dramatic MITB cash in match ever. ZIGGLER HITS THE PEACE ZIG THOUGH! AND FINALLY...FUCKING FINALLY...ZIGGLER WINS THE BELT! ** Team Rocket hugs in the ring as Ziggler celebrates with the title, and it's such a fantastic feel good moment. The Undertaker comes out next and he gets on the mic. He says he dedicated last night to the memory of Paul Bearer, BUT AGAIN, NEVERMIND ANY OF THAT. SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA. SHIELD. THE SHIELD COMES OUT AND SURROUNDS THE RING. BUT TEAM HELLO NO RUNS OUT TO MAKE THE SAVE! FUCK YES. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS FUCKING GREAT! The Shield retreats and this happens during the break: ![]() In the back, Josh interviews Dolph Ziggler and his backup and he says he's been too damn good for too damn long and he KNEW he needed the right time and place and it was tonight. He knows it's the day after, but THIS IS HIS WRESTLEMANIA MOMENT. Now he's going to take his new title, shine it up, and show it off. IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME. FUCK YEAH. Match #5: R-Truth/Santino Marella/Zack Ryder vs. 3MB Well, okay. This is a step down. Drew is awesome again here and does sort of a Double A Spinebuster into the apron on Ryder. Also had a great Sick Kick. Santino does his hot tag and whatever, and Slater loses to the Cobra. This wasn't bad or anything, but I have no idea why it was on Raw and not like Superstars or SMS. *3/4 Sheamus and Orton both come out to challenge Big Show. The crowd boos both of them. Commentary says it's going to be a WWE Active poll after the break. Coming back, Orton wins with 77% but Vickie and Booker come out and book them against each other, so the poll is entirely pointless. Match #6: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus This isn't a good match, because this pairing has been super super mediocre dating back to 2010, but it's a total crowd rebellion. It starts with a "MIKE CHIODA" chant that they try to ignore but Orton is clearly salty about. Then a BORING chant and a rare WE WANT BIG SHOW one. Then a massive "RVD" chant breaks out. AMAZING. THEN ONE FOR JBL. THEN A LAWLER CHANT. EVEN FUCKING MICHAEL COLE GETS A CHANT. The match continues and it's two skilled guys working a house show match. Orton hits a dropkick, AND THE FANS CHANT "ECW". THEN THEY DO THE WAVE. Sheamus and Orton look furious and this match isn't good, but it's absolutely must see as this weird piece of performance art by a crowd in open defiance of a boring match. Apropos of nothing, a "RANDY SAVAGE" chant breaks out. Followed by an "HBK" chant. They have a decent finishing run and Big Show comes to attack them both. **1/4 Show throws Sheamus out and KO Punches Orton. "THANK YOU BIG SHOW" chants happen and he beats them up a little more on the floor before throwing Orton across the announce table and leaving. Match #7: Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston This is all of 90 seconds and also not good, but it features the AMAZING chant where the crowd just hums Fandango's theme. Jericho comes out to attack Fandango for the DQ. 1/2* Jericho keeps up the beating and hits multiple Codebreakers before leaving, and the crowd continues. Fandango is basically dead, but he corrects the pronunciation of his name from the mat and gets a HUGE pop for it. In the back, Josh interviews Paul Heyman. He says last night his client got knocked out cold 90 seconds into a match with Triple H, but it still took him 23 minutes to beat Brock Lesnar and says Shawn Michaels got his face smashed in and Triple H has a bad left arm, both thanks to Brock Lesnar. His client is ready for a fight tonight BUT HE DOESN'T LET HIM FIGHT FOR FREE. Heyman says CM Punk will tell you himself how he feels...NEXT WEEK. Match #8: Tons of Funk/The Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Scholars/The Bella Twins Fun 3-4 minutes. Naomi makes with the fun high flying on the Bellas, Cody tries super hard, and then Tensai has an awesome hot tag. Sandow gets beat with a Double Splash from the big dudes. ** Match #9: John Cena vs. Mark Henry This is another match as a set up for an entirely different angle as a swerve. It's twice in one night, but they did them really well. This is good teaser for what they have in the tank for MITB, but it's still only three minutes. Cena shoves MOK into the post on the floor and slides in to win by count out. *3/4 Mark Henry comes back in to attack Cena, and he hits the World's Strongest Slam. He holds the WWE Title up over Cena, BUT RYBACK COMES OUT TO SAVE! He runs Mark Henry off and the crowd weirdly goes wild for Ryback. He helps Cena up, AND THEN KILLS HIM WITH THE CLOTHESLINE. MAAAAAAAAAAAASSIVE POP. SHELLSHOCKED. RYBACK HOLDS UP THE TITLE AND THE CROWD YELLS "FEED ME MORE" IN ANOTHER BIG REACTION. This crowd is the all time fun crowd. There's a lot of amazing crowd in wrestling history. Calgary for IYH in 1997, Chicago for some major PPVs, Philadelphia in the 90s, Charlotte and Greensburo in the 80s, Reseda for PWG, etc. Those are all amazing serious crowds, but this was a show driven by an insane and hilarious crowd. It was so good that they've actually kind of ruined post-Mania Raw crowds by not only making them a thing in WWE's eyes and the majority of the fans' eyes, but also giving future ones an impossible standard to live up to. What a fantastic show. |
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| Big Tuna | May 11 2014, 01:56 AM Post #60 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 DAT CHAMPIONS LIST WWE NXT April 10th, 2013 Orlando, FL TONIGHT: REGAL/OHNO Match #1: The Shield vs. Percy Watson/Axl Keegan/Scott Dawson Great squash by The Shield for the minute it lasted. Rollins kills Keegan with the Bow and Arrow Flying Knee with Ambrose's help, and then beats him with the Standing Sliced Bread #2. *1/2 Post-match, they hit Dawson with the Triple Powerbomb. Ambrose takes the microphone and says once again, justice has been served at NXT. Rollins says they are the most dominant and efficient force in the history of the WWE. They run Raw and Smackdown and now and forever, they run NXT. BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD. Fucking faggot Corey Graves comes on the tron and he says he doesn't believe in The Shield, and NXT is his personal wasteland not theirs. They've cost him the NXT Title twice, so he challenges one of them to fight him next week and he'll make them stay down. Terrible. Rollins accepts. In the back, Tony Dawson interviews Summer Rae, who makes her introduce him right. He asks her about running away and Summer says she just remembered that she left her curling iron in the locker room, and they should be thanking her for proper fire safety. In the back, Renee Young interviews Emma and asks how it's going so far in NXT. She says her path has gone a lot like Lady Gaga's so far. Renee asks if that's the best thing to say, and Emma says she's right and it's more like Madonna's. Renee is confused and says people think she's a klutz. Emma laughs it off and says that's the kids these days with their Electric Slides and Macarenas. But the real wave is the Emmalution. She does her dance and then trips walking away. Match #2: The Funkadactyls vs. The Bella Twins Naomi does what she can, but the other three are terrible. Cameron is a bad FIP and The Bellas are bad at wrestling, so the control seg isn't much. Naomi never actually gets the hot tag as they keep her out and beat Cameron with that double leg roll thing that Los Guerreros used. 3/4* In the back, Tony is with Kassius Ohno and he's wearing a REAL MAN'S MAN shirt to mock Regal. He says everyone thinks he's obsessed with William Regal. He's not obsessed, but he has watched every match. The Queensbury Cup, brass knuckles, King of the Ring, kissing ass, all of it. He's seen so much of Regal and heard so much of him, but after this match, nobody's going to see him again and nobody's going to hear him again. IN TWO WEEKS: NXT'S NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS! KAITLYN/AJ FOR THE DIVAS TITLE! CESARO/NEVILLE FOR THE US TITLE! BIG E/BRAD MADDOX FOR THE NXT TITLE! BARRETT/BO FOR THE IC TITLE! Match #3: William Regal vs. Kassius Ohno The only thing wrong with this is that it's 14 minutes edited down from 20, but it's still the best match of 2013 so far. There's some incredible matwork based on the student/teacher vibe, and Hero starts in with the nasty head kicks. Regal sells losing his equilibrium gradually, but works over the hand. THERE'S LEGITIMATE HAND WORK IN A WWE MATCH. He bends the fingers in really nasty ways and brings stomps and knees, and Hero has to pop his fingers back in at a point. He sells the hand really well too and it stops him from grabbing the Cravat, which has always been his go-to move to shut somebody down on comebacks and his submission finish comes from that. But he doubles down on head kicks and Regal gets even more wobbly. There's a great sense of sad inevitability as Regal can barely stand without his balance, BUT HE CUTS OFF A RUNNING ELBOW WITH A FOREARM OF HIS OWN. KNEE TREMBLER, AND REGAL SOMEHOW WINS! FUCK YEAH! **** |
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6:53 PM Jul 10