| Simon Watches WWE - 2013 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 20 2014, 06:42 PM (16,511 Views) | |
| Big Tuna | May 11 2014, 02:19 AM Post #61 |
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B-Show round up is back now that we have real matches on these things in the post-Mania season! The Shield vs. Kofi Kingston/Tons of Funk, Main Event (April 10th) This isn't amazing or anything, but I'll watch every Shield match. There's some awesome stuff early on with Rollins bumping around for the big guys, and Tensai again has a great run of offense ending with the Cannonball. The control seg on Tensai was obviously awesome too, but then it went down in quality when Kofi got the hot tag and they had to sell for this asshole. Rollins gets him with the Liu Kang knee though. Reigns cuts off Brodus' save with the Spear and Rollins pins Kofi to win. **1/2 The Usos vs. The Colons w/ Rosa Mendes, Superstars (April 11th) YEAH THIS MATCH AGAIN. Really fun 7 minutes. Usual kind of slow start, but then Primo has another great transition to a big Uso bump to the floor. Good control stuff by the Puerto Rican Brad Armstrong and his brother Epico. Jimmy Uso has an awesome hot tag and this feels like The Usos stepping their game up with a lot of new ideas on offense here. Epico even gets some nearfalls to change up the usual Usos comeback. The Flying Splash is hit and Primo just misses when he runs at the corner to stop it. JEY THEN SUPERKICKS PRIMO TO SAVE AS JIMMY COVERS FOR THE WIN! **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | May 11 2014, 02:34 PM Post #62 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Smackdown April 12th, 2013 Boston, MA TONIGHT: TRIPLE H TALKS ABOUT HIS MATCH Big E. Langston comes out to open the show and introduces the NEW World Heavyweight Champion! Dolph Ziggler and AJ come out, and looks awesome with Big Gold. Ziggler gets on the mic and since he debuted, he's been the most physically gifted athlete this business has ever seen, and people saw in his eyes that he was the future. And this championship proves that the future is now. He says he heard people chanting his name in WrestleMania in a match he wasn't in and that AMAZING reaction when he made history, and he knows everyone feels like they're a part of this celebration, but this title and the moment that made it mine BELONGED SOLELY TO HIM. He won this in spite of everyone and all his life, people have tried to put him down and ride his coattails because his girlfriend is hotter or his teeth or whiter or because he's better than everyone. Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter come out. He formally introduces them to Mr. Ziggler and he congratulates him on his success Monday along with every other real American and thanks him for being born in Cleveland, OH and hailing from Hollywood, FL, but aside from that, everyone knows that he should be thanking Jack Swagger. Ziggler says this is HIS celebration and Swagger blew his shot at WrestleMania so he's in the back of the line. Zeb says they'll get their shot, and they leave. Ziggler says as he was saying, nobody gets to live through the Show Off, but then ADR comes out limping. Ziggler says nobody steals his spotlight and asks if he's bummed out. Ziggler says he'll give him his rematch right now, and ADR says to relax and says he's not here to complain but he's here to congratulate him. He says he knows how cashing in MITB works and it's fine. He says he's going to get his rematch when he's healed, it will be Ziggler complaining and crying about everything, PERRO. ADR leaves too, and Ziggler says they're losing track of HIS celebration and he's tired of being interrupted, and says the next person who tries it will see why he's the World Heavyweight Champion. Chris Jericho then comes out and asks him to please SHUT. THE HELL. UP. Jericho congratulates him and says he's been babbling about how good he is and how it's his time forever now, and yells that AJ is crazy just for kicks. Jericho says he was the original show off (because in his mind, he invented everything), and it's time to stop talking and says they have a match tonight! Match #1: Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players This is 90 seconds, so whatever. Total squash by THN. Kane hits D-Young with the Chokeslam, and Bryan makes Titus tap to the No Lock. *1/4 Post-match, The Shield comes on the tron to cut a promo. They applaud and congratulate them, and Ambrose says Kane's spirits must have been raised by his brother on Monday. He says he hopes they didn't mistake their tactics for a sign of weakness or a sign that they're afraid. They know when and where to strike. Reigns says The Shield doesn't back down or run from a fight. Believe that. And believe in The Shield. Match #2: Wade Barrett vs. Santino Marella This is also two minutes, so whatever. Wade wins with the Bullhammer after cutting off Santino's comeback. 3/4* In the back, Sheamus goes to Booker and Teddy and is upset about his match with Big Show being overruled and being put against Randy Orton again. Randy Orton comes in and is upset about the same thing. Teddy says it was Booker's idea and they all make mistakes, and Booker is mad. Booker has a solution and books them against Big Show in a handicap match. TEAM WHITESNAKE GO. Match #3: Kaitlyn/The Funkadactyls vs. Tamina/The Bella Twins Also 90 seconds. This is a step back in the divas division on TV from 07-12 where most things were super terrible. A return to normalcy! Warren Harding would be so proud. A Bells pushes Naomi off the top and then instead of getting the pin there, the other Bella lets her get up and then pins her after pulling her to the mat by the hair. I guess Finlay got the night off. 1/2* Triple H comes out to the ring with some hilariously uncool sunglasses and a cast on his wrist, and he gets on the mic. TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING SUNGLASSES, THIS IS SO BAD. He says they went to war on Sunday, BUT 3MB COMES OUT TO INTERRUPT! FUCK YEAH! Slater says to shut up and listen up. Slater says you have to jump the big dogs to get noticed, so that's what they're gonna do now. They get on the apron, BUT SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA. SHIELD. The Shield comes out and they destroy 3MB. They move in on Triple H and clearly could attack, but the conspiracy long game is already here, and it's a set up for Team Hell No to come out and save. The Shield retreats before any action again. Match #4: Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. The Big Show This is four minutes and basically a set up for an angle, but it's not bad or anything. Orton's ribs are taped after the attack on Raw, and Show works them over in relaxed fashion until Sheamus cleans house. He hits Show with the Brogue Kick, but Show rolls out and he leaves for a count out loss. *3/4 In the back, Renee Young interviews Sheamus and asks about the match. Sheamus says it doesn't matter how big or strong you are, but it's about heart. BUT MARK HENRY ATTACKS SHEAMUS OUT OF NOWHERE. FUCK YEAH. "IT DON'T MATTER, HUH? DAT'S WHAT I DO." Referees make Mark Henry leave. Match #5: Antonio Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston Only three minutes and mostly back and forth, so Cesaro can't do a lot to carry this awful sack of shit. He does cut off Kofi's awful jumping punch with a European Uppercut though, which is the best. Kofi barely hits the Trouble in Paradise, but still gets the pin. ![]() *1/2 RAW REBOUND! Match #6: Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston vs. Chris Jericho Fandango comes down to watch. Commentary wastes no time ruining the singing by dubbing it Fandangoing and talking about it all the time. This was decent enough, but it's only 7 minutes and it's 2013 Jericho, so it's just a decent basic match. Big E punches Jericho from the floor when he's trying the Walls, and Ziggler rolls him up for the three count. **1/4 Post-match, Ziggler hits Jericho with the Peace Zig after the distraction from Fandango. Big E. then comes in and hits Jericho with the Big Ending. Team Rocket leaves, and Fandango hits his Flying Legdrop a few more times and pronounces his name to end the show. |
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| Big Tuna | May 12 2014, 03:52 PM Post #63 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Antonio Cesaro, Since 8/19/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw April 15th, 2013 Greenville, SC TONIGHT: RYBORK SPEAKS! CM PUNK IS HERE! Match #1: Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. The Big Show This is six minutes instead of four, so it's a little better. Sheamus takes some good bumps by Show, and Orton is trying with his hot tag. Show blocks the RKO and goes for the Chokeslam but Sheamus hits him from the side with the Brogue Kick. Orton follows with the RKO for the win. ** After the break, 3MB comes out AND THEY CALL OUT THE SHIELD. AMAZING. BUT BORK LASER COMES OUT INSTEAD AND KILLS EVERYONE. OH MY GOD, IT'S JUST THE BEST MURDER. BORK HITS SLATER WITH AN 45 ONTO THE BARRICADE AND HE FALLS DOWN ON HIS FACE. YEAH. Paul Heyman then comes out with the microphone and says he's sent his message. Paul says Triple H may have beaten his client and he may have knocked out his client, but he still left with a cast and his wrist and he's still only 1-1. He challenges Triple H to a rubber match at Extreme Rules in Brock's environment, inside a steel cage! Before the next match, Cesaro yodels. God damnit. Match #2: Antonio Cesaro [c] vs. Kofi Kingston [WWE U.S. Championship] . Cesaro again does all he can to carry this horrible horrible sack of shit for six minutes. He basically just refuses to let him do any of his bullshit offense and breaks out actual cool stuff now that nobody's holding him back because he's losing the title and match so what does he have to lose? Awesome power highspots and counters and Kofi wins the belt because it's that time of year with the Trouble in Paradise.**1/4 Post-match, Josh interviews Kofi and he says he just brought the title back home. THEN WHY ARE YOU BILLED FROM GHANA? YOU'RE NOT AN AMERICAN, YOU PANDERING FOOL. GOD. FUCK YOU. In the end, Cesaro was right. Kofi Kingston is from Ghana, SO NO AMERICAN WAS ABLE TO BEAT HIM FOR THE TITLE. Ziggler/ADR from last Monday is re-aired. Dolph Ziggler, AJ, and Big E. Langston come out and Ziggler gets on the mic. He says he's the best at everything he does, he's the best thing going today, and he doesn't care if they want to boo him because nobody's been behind him since he's gotten here BUT him and these two. ADR comes out with a limp and he says he wants his rematch tonight! I guess he's changed his mind since Friday. Vickie comes out to sanction it and ADR comes out, but Jack Swagger comes out and he attacks the bad knee again. He uses the ringpost and then puts ADR in the Patriot Lock until people have to come and pull him off. NEXT WEEK: THE SHIELD VS. UNDERTAKER/TEAM HELL NO Match #3: Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players Hey, it's this again. It gets three minutes, so whatever. Stuff happens and Darren Young eats the Chokeslam and then Diving Headbutt en route to the obvious result. *1/2 Post-match, Bryan gets Kane to YES with him. In a pretape, Ryback cuts a long promo that is pretty terrible. Basically, he's mad that Cena endorsed him in the fall and gave him his seal of approval to become a top guy and he kept saving Cena, but then Cena abandoned him against The Shield over and over and over again because John just wanted his own spotlight and forgot about his "friends". A promise of friendship from John Cena only means that as long as you don't threaten to outshine him, and then he leaves you in the dust to fend for himself. He says he's stepping out of John's shadow and he's the biggest threat to his WWE Title reign ever. RYBACK RULES. Match #4: Wade Barrett vs. R-Truth Another short and terrible one. Lots of sloppiness, lots of effort not being shown. Truth wins with Black Finisher. The part of the WWE midcard title cycle where they stop caring and have them lose every match now turns to Wade, I guess. 3/4* In the back, Teddy goes to Brad and Vickie and says Alberto can't compete and he has a solution and it's Ziggler vs. Swagger. That's a terrible match, you fucking idiot. Book your tag team matches and stop trying to do real things. Before their match, Team Rhodes Scholars get the mic. Sandow says a famed philosopher once said they are but dwarves standing on the shoulders of giants, and Cody says they will be like those dwarves and giants as they advance the cause of decency for all. Sandow says that's even in a den of ignorance like South Carolina. You're welcome. Match #5: Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Santino Marella/The Great Khali w/ Natalya & Hornswoggle Well, this is also terrible. This show is working super hard to establish the fun last week of TV as a fluke. Khali does a lot of stuff, and Sandow does the offense, so this is absolutely a thing that happens for three minutes. Sandow can't even beat Marella with a real move and has to use a roll up with the tights. I actually don't know why I'm mad, because fuck Sandow for the most part. 1/2* included an in-ring segment in which Lawler discussed Fandango's WrestleMania debut and victory, the reaction he received the previous week on Raw, and showed a look at the national media and TV coverage the dancing had received since; moments later, Lawler had Fandango come out; Fandango then took the mic and asked the fans in each part of the arena if they wanted to Fandangoing with him; after they said yes, he coached them into pronouncing his name; when they couldn't get it right, he told them to go Fandango themselves In the back, Striker interviews John Cena. He says he's not hard to find if Ryback has a problem, and he'll make it real easy to find him when he goes out to the ring ready to handle his business later. Match #6: Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger Everyone is on the floor. They at least work sort of smart with this and have Ziggler work from underneath since nobody will ever cheer Jack Swagger or care about him, but then that's the problem. Nobody will ever care about Jack Swagger, so this is a mostly silent and boring match because he's on offense and 90% of the time, whatever. He just sort of does clubbing moves and clotheslines and slams. Ziggler is a great babyface but Swagger wins clean with a schoolboy. YEAH, BECAUSE WE HAVE TO PROTECT FUCKING JACK SWAGGER. ** On the stage, ADR attacks Swagger and puts on the Cross Armbreaker and has to be pulled off in return. CM Punk comes out with Paul Heyman, limping, and he gets on the mic. He reiterates the 434 day title reign and how close he came to beating The Undertaker. The crowd chants for him for a while, and he hands the microphone to Paul Heyman and walks off. In the back, Booker T tells Teddy that he's overstepping his bounds and books Dolph/Swagger/ADR for the title at Extreme Rules. Match #7: Kaitlyn vs. Nikki Bella w/ Brie Bella BTB still isn't very good, and this shouldn't have gotten 5 minutes. Time management is still real weird. The match is like a 5 minute squash of Kaitlyn who's clearly being punished for some insane slight, I guess. TWIN MAGIC~ switch spot gives BTB the win despite LTB getting the pin. 1/4* John Cena comes out to the ring for the main event segment, and he gets on the mic. THE CHAMP IS HERE. He calls out The Ryback, and he comes out to the ring. Cena says he showed him what type of man he was last week and said he had an open challenge to anyone last week, and Ryback didn't come down but attacked him from behind instead. Cena says he knocked him down once and says he's the biggest threat, but asks if he knows who he's dealing with. He says he's been to war with Randy Orton, Triple H, and Shawn Michaels, and those were his friends (what?), but the WWE Championship is everything. He challenges Ryback right now, and Ryback leaves. The Shield then comes out and attacks Cena. Ryback watches, and Cena gets the Triple Powerbomb. |
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| Big Tuna | May 12 2014, 09:58 PM Post #64 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE NXT April 17th, 2013 Orlando, FL TONIGHT: ROLLINS/GRAVES IN A LUMBERJACK MATCH JUST TO MAKE SURE IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE GOOD Match #1: Leo Kruger vs. Justin Gabriel Yeah, whatever. Let's do this again. FUCK ME, BECAUSE THIS RULED. This is kind of a "fuck you" match as while their first two matches were whatever, this is 7 minutes and is almost perfect. Gabriel gets revenge for the first matches with some really great arm work and they have some legitimately great and stiff chop exchanges. They keep getting more violent, and Kruger looks the best he has yet. He doesn't sell the left arm though, which is the only thing holding this back. He blocks a Sunset Flip Powerbomb and punches Gabriel down to the mat beneath him. He hits a nasty Double Stomp off the middle and then puts on the London Dungeon to win. **3/4 NEXT WEEK: NXT CLASH OF THE CHAMPIONS FUCK YER A video airs on NXT's involvement at Axxess. The people talk about WrestleMania, and Seth Rollins reveals that he bought a ticket to see Mania 26 in 2010 in Phoenix. While he was ROH Champion. What a fucking mark. I remember reading an interview or something with Roderick Strong when he said once he started to get over that Punk and Samoa Joe and Danielson told him to stop working dark matches and paying for other promotion's tickets because it reflected poorly on him and his company. A bunch of people were in town for 2010 Mania weekend. Hero, Cesaro, Corino, Steen, Generico, Ambrose, etc. And none of them pulled that bullshit. And now Seth Rollins is actually awesome after WWE molded him properly, so fuck everything. There is no justice. In the back, Renee asks Paige about Summer Rae. Paige repeats Summer's amazing lie about the curling iron and says Summer loves running. Running her mouth, running from her, but she's not going to run anymore. She wants her in a match one one one and says she doesn't think Summer has the guts to face her. Summer Rae hasn't got a tough bone in her body and she'll break all of them to prove it, but Summer lays her out from behind! She asks who's running now. Match #2: Emma vs. Bayley Fun Emma showcase. Bayley is sort of working heel with a lot of aggression, and it's amazing. She does a real good job for the three minutes this gets, and Emma's commitment to the dancing gimmick is amazing. She dances during moves and pins and holds. Emma wins with her wonderful Muta Lock. *3/4 Match #3: Bray Wyatt w/ The Wyatt Family vs. Yoshi Tatsu Bray must HATE Yoshi at this point for how many times this has happened. Bray does his stuff and is continually adding in more stuff, but not all the way there yet. Bray wins with the Sister Abigail. *1/2 Post-match, Bray cradles Yoshi and gets the mic. He says NXT is a playground full of puppets to him and says this is a message. He needs them to understand that there is no man walking on two feet that is greater than he. He is the eater of worlds. It's time the beast started opening up your eyes. Match #4: Seth Rollins vs. Corey Graves [Lumberjack Match] Hey, this isn't good. Rollins does the best he can and all of his offense is perfectly fine and what not, but then Corey Graves also has to do stuff and then it falls apart. Graves goes to his bad knee work and lumberjacks keep throwing Rollins back in. The Shield comes from the crowd and take out all the lumberjacks. Rollins just sort of comes back and he wins with the Standing Shiranui. ** |
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| Big Tuna | May 12 2014, 10:27 PM Post #65 |
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IC Title #1 Contender's Battle Royal, Main Event (April 17th) This is full of midcard dudes. 3MB, Usos, Colons, Gabriel, A-Ri, Yoshi, Santino, Khali, etc. Shows how little the IC Title matters, I guess. But it's also full of guys like Drew, Usos, Slater, Primo, etc. that are legit awesome and get to actually shine, so it's not horrible, although FAR too short. A bunch of dudes team up to get rid of Khali, and it gets down to a solid final three of Primo, Gabriel, and Drew. They don't get nearly enough time as Gabriel gets Drew out with a cat skinning headscissors and then drops Primo over to win. So much potential here that isn't realized. *3/4 Wade Barrett [c] vs. Justin Gabriel [WWE Intercontinental Championship], Main Event (April 17th) This gets 10ish minutes, so they at least had time. They take a while to get going because Wade and Gabriel have NO fucking clue how to start a match in any kind of engaging way. Wade has a decent control segment at least. Gabriel has a decent comeback, but it's less the fire he had on the last NXT and more his usual slow basic high flying nonsense. Wade hits the Bullhammer from the apron and gets back in to take the pin to retain. ** |
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| Big Tuna | May 13 2014, 01:17 AM Post #66 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Smackdown April 19th, 2013 Knoxville, TN prior to the bout, Fanadngo took the mic and asked Lilian Garcia if she had ever been dipped or Fandango'ed; he then dipped her, dropped her on the mat, and said she was a horrible dancer; Marella then came out and danced with his Cobra before saying he would fight Fandango for how he treated Lilian Match #1: Fandango vs. Santino Marella Three minute showcase for Fandango and it is sure a thing. Some decent dancing comedy before Fandango takes over. Fandango wins with a Shellshock. 3/4* In the back, Booker T talks to Teddy Long and says to stop going over his head and overstepping his bounds. Big Show comes in and thanks Teddy for putting him in a tag match tonight instead of another handicap match. He leaves, and Booker is mad, and Teddy says it's Big Show & Mark Henry vs. TEAM WHITESNAKE. FUCK YEAH TEAM WHITESNAKE. I' m weirdly into this team, but I like the way it quarantines them somewhat. Match #2: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett Hey, it's THIS match again. They did stuff and it wasn't very good. Wade hits the Bullhammer, but does a super relaxed pin and Kofi gets a crucifix pin out of that for the win. The cycle continues. *1/4 In the back, Renee Young interviews MOK and asks why he's attacked Sheamus. Mark Henry says because he can and because that's what he do, BUT SHEAMUS RUNS AND TACKLES HIM INTO A RANDOM PIECE OF STEEL GUARDRAIL! Sheamus says that's what he does, fella. RAW REBOUND: WORLD TITLE RECAP! Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger Both people are on the floor. They both have injured limbs from Raw, and the match is based around this. This gets close to 15 minutes for once, and somehow THIS is the first non-Cena/Punk match all year WWE chose to give Ruthless Aggression Era TV time. The selling is alright, the work is alright, and while I applaud the logic and work, this just isn't happening. Swagger's knee work is half good, and then half good ideas that are executed bad. ADR has some truly shitty punches to fight back. His selling is also on and off. He can run but then barely walk. He can jump up the ropes, but then he's dying again. They also both forget about their injuries when they're in control, so fuck that. After a series of counters, ADR gets a cradle for the win. The effort was nice, but it's the obvious result when you plug in average wrestlers into the script of a great match. **1/2 RAW REBOUND! In the back, The Shield cuts a promo. Ambrose snaps his fingers and says to come to attention and says he hopes The Champ doesn't forget that Raw moment. Reigns says they see John Cena just fine, on his back and all alone. Rollins says Ryback watched as they dropped him from the sky and stood over him and says Ryback finally figured it out. Ryback knows how justice feels. Ambrose says it's self preservation and the look on Ryback's face Monday was the same look they saw on the face of The Undertaker two weeks ago. Fear. THE UNDERTAKER WAS AFRAID. He was never so happy to see his brother Kane and his little buddy. He might be undefeated at WrestleMania, but they're undefeated PERIOD. This Monday on Raw, they prove that nobody's immortal. Rollins says there comes a time when even legends get pushed aside, and Undertaker's time is up. Reigns says the Hounds of Justice run this yard now, big dog. Believe that. AND BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD. Match #4: The Colons/Rosa Mendes vs. The Great Khali/Hornswoggle/Natalya This is the same match as every other time they've done this. It's not good. Khali wins with a Tree Slam. 1/2* They replay CM Punk's speech from Raw. Match #6: Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. The Big Show/Mark Henry This gets 10-12 minutes and is pretty decent stuff, but not what it could be. It takes some time to pick up because there's WAY too much Orton/Big Show early on and that's not a good match. Show sells far too much for Orton's terrible punches and Show's bumping is kind of clunky for Orton's offense and it just doesn't work. Sheamus/MOK is much better. Sheamus/Show is also better. Sheamus is better than a half-assing Randy Orton. This still isn't the best they have in them as it's mostly Show and nerve holds again. Orton has the hot tag and does better against MOK. Show gets the blind tag and Chokeslams Orton to win. **1/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 13 2014, 04:54 PM Post #67 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw April 22th, 2013 London, England TONIGHT: THE SHIELD VS. UNDERTAKER/TEAM HELL NO featured an opening in-ring promo by Paul Heyman in which he discussed Brock Lesnar's attack the previous week on Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, & Drew McIntyre before Heyman challenged Triple H to a steel cage match at Extreme Rules; Heyman then said Triple H was not in London but he received an e-mail from him that said he would respond to the challenge the following week; Heyman went on to say Triple H let he and the fans down by not showing up in London; Triple H then walked out, said he lied, and accepted the challenge; Triple H then hit the Pedigree on Heyman TONIGHT: ZIGGLER/JERICHO Before the opening match, Cesaro yodels again. Match #1: Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth This is all of two minutes and most of it is R-Truth offense, so it's Cesaro's worst match of the year, and his losing streak continues. R-Truth wins with Black Finisher, and Cesaro has not won a match (not counting the count out win over ADR where he then got beat up post-match) since the March 1st Smackdown. 3/4* Earlier today, THE SHIELD ARRIVED IN A FUCKING HELICOPTER. ![]() Match #2: Damien Sandow vs. Brodus Clay The tag partners and Funkadactyls are on the floor. This is whatever and three minutes. Sandow is dead set so far in 2013 on proving how fucking average he can be and Brodus is Brodus. Sandow wins with a schoolboy with the tights. * In the back, Ziggler is admiring the World Title. AJ comes over and asks if she should be jealous, and Ziggler says she can admire it too, but he thinks she should have her own title now. They send Big E. away to make out, and Brad and Vickie come over and say if Ziggler loses tonight, then Jericho is ALSO in the title match at Extreme Rules. They replay Punk's speech again. In the back, The Shield cuts a promo. Rollins says they went to great lengths to be here tonight. Ambrose says for 20 years, The Undertaker has decided who was guilty and dole out his justice and sentenced people to rest in peace. Rollins says nobody's been able to stop him, and Reigns says until now. Ambrose says The Undertaker is in the ring on Raw for the first time in three years, and these days, The Shield IS the law. They make the rules and hand out the sentences. Rollins says he, his brother, and his little buddy are a statement that they own the night. Ambrose says for the first time in his life, The Undertaker will know what justice tastes like. Believe in The Shield. Match #3: Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston vs. Chris Jericho This isn't amazing as Jericho continues to depress everyone by looking worse and worse and absolutely being the kind of veteran who thinks he's still cool and young and athletic and really drags the match down as a result. Ziggler tries, but whatever. This needed to be a lot faster than it was to work. Jericho again tries to do something he's not athletic enough to do when he tries to do the Austin Aries headscissor counter and it looks horrible. Ziggler's control seg and the finishing run are pretty good though. Fandango's music plays as a distraction to stop the Walls of Jericho, and Ziggler then hits the Peace Zig for the win. **1/2 In the back, Josh is with Mick Foley. He says he wants to talk to Ryback in the ring later. Match #4: Cody Rhodes vs. Tensai Same deal as before with everyone on the floor. This is better because these are the better halves of their teams. Cody throws some really good jabs here. Where as Sandow just forced Brodus to adapt to his generic clubbing control seg, Cody adapts to his opponent with a lot more jumping around and high flying to wear down a bigger man. Tensai has a good comeback, and gets the upset with the Back Senton. ** In the back, Bryan has notes for Kane to go over and says he knows how to beat The Shield. Kane says he doesn't have to worry about the Brothers of Destruction, and Bryan says it's Team Hell No AND The Undertaker. Bryan says he's worried because nobody's beaten The Shield and they need to prepare. Bryan says to call him, and Kane says his brother doesn't exactly carry a cell phone. Bryan says he has diagrams and Kane says if he gets The Undertaker, he has to promise not to show him diagrams and says to not try to give The Undertaker a hug, and Bryan promises. BUT THEN THE SHIELD ATTACKS THEM IN THE LOCKER ROOM BEFORE LEAVING! SMACKDAWN REBOUND! In the back, Josh interviews Ryback and says he has a title shot against Cena at Extreme Rules. He says he's been attacked by The Shield over and over, and Cena wasn't there for him. He wanted to let John know how it felt to be alone and helpless, and says he enjoyed it. He says he'll be glad to talk to Mick Foley tonight. RYBACK. RULES. Match #5: Big E. Langston vs. Zack Ryder THREE AIN'T ENOUGH MAN I NEED FIVE. THEME DEBUT. Really fun squash from Langston as he hurls the jobber around before winning with the Big Ending. *3/4 The Undertaker comes out for the match first, but then The Shield comes out while he's alone. Team Hell No comes out to even it up to start. Match #6: The Shield vs. The Undertaker/Team Hell No This is awesome. It gets like 16 minutes, so it has all the time to become a real match. The story of this is the sort of rebirth of Bryan. Since Team Hell No started, he's been either moving half a step slower due to wear and tear, or he hasn't been allowed to really do this thing outside of a few singles matches here and there. But here, he explodes with a bunch of fiery stuff and great selling and it proves that he's so much better as a pure babyface. Shield has great control segments on both Kane and Bryan, and Bryan and Taker have some incredible hot tags. Taker and Kane fight the others on the floor, and Bryan misses a Diving Headbutt. Ambrose cradles him in the ring for the win! ***1/4 In the back, Foley tells Cena that he knows what he's doing and Cena says this is a bad idea, but he'll be watching out for him. Cena then gives Mick a chair and says to take this with him at least. Match #7: Fandango w/ Summer Rae vs. William Regal Regal loses to a super average wrestler in 90 seconds, because the WWE really felt like telling the British fans to eat their shit. Regal makes it good for what it is though, before Fandango wins with the Shellshock/Hard Knox/etc. *1/4 Post-match when Fandango and his new lady leave, Jericho throws Fandango off the stage and dances with the new girl. Kaitlyn comes out to do commentary. Match #8: Divas #1 Contender's Battle Royal Cole says the Bellas were DQ'd from this battle royal for the twin magic. This is quite the sloppy mess of a thing for 2-3 minutes, and AJ obviously wins after the set up in the back. 3/4* featured a closing in-ring segment in which Foley, with a chair, called for Ryback to join him in the ring and asked him what happened to the guy that "took WWE by storm" the previous year and noted Ryback had all the physical talents to dominate WWE for as long as he wanted; Foley then told Ryback to wake up, with Ryback cutting him off and telling him to shut up; Ryback then said he wanted a title match with Cena and got one, then said he didn't care about Foley, Cena, or the fans; moments later, the two came face to face, with Ryback tossing the chair to the floor before Cena ran out into the ring and stood between the two; moments later, Foley went to the floor before Rollins, Ambrose, & Reigns came through the crowd; Cena, in response to what Ryback did to him the previous week, left ringside and briefly allowed Ryback to be triple teamed before he assaulted the Shield with the chair in and out of the ring; Cena then climbed back into the ring before dropping the chair and hitting the FU on Ryback Edited by Big Tuna, May 13 2014, 04:56 PM.
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| Big Tuna | May 13 2014, 06:56 PM Post #68 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE NXT - CLASH OF THE CHAMPIONS April 24th, 2013 Orlando, FL Match #1: Antonio Cesaro [c] vs. Adrian Neville ["WWE U.S. Championship"] Cesaro still has the title for some reason. Is NXT NOT live? WTF?! This is kind of a dumbed down version of their 2007 matches while also being a lot more put together and crisper in a WWE kind of way. A lot of the stuff is the same, because Cesaro is just the best dude, but it's slower down so it stands out more. It makes sense, but their spottier matches were also really structurally sound too. Cesaro crotches Neville to block the Red Arrow and pulls him out into the Neutralizer for the win. *** Match #2: Kaitlyn [c] vs. AJ [WWE Divas Championship] Another decent peek at what they can do without giving away any kind of impressive match. It's very much a test run in part as they have the same kind of arm work that their PPV matches had iirc. AJ's arm work is very good, and Kaitlyn sells well enough. They sort of cut it off before Kaitlyn can really come back though, as Kaitlyn gets a Spear out of nowhere with her good arm for the win in like 3 minutes. *3/4 Match #3: Big E. Langston [c] vs. Brad Maddox [NXT Championship] SQUASH. FIVE. Big Ending ends it. *1/2 Post-match, Langston hits it again and does the FIVE count. AND THEN A THIRD FOR ANOTHER FIVE COUNT. FUCK YEAH! Match #4: Wade Barrett [c] vs. Bo Dallas [WWE Intercontinental Championship] This is a thing. Bo is super awful at being a babyface and being a pro wrestler, but Wade's striking and control segment were good enough to at least get these two on the board. Bo's comeback is dog shit and they do the absolute worst version of the "opponent jumps off the top into a forearm" spot ever, and I LOVE that spot. Wade wins. Worst match of the night. *1/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 13 2014, 10:49 PM Post #69 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Smackdown April 26th, 2013 London, England Match #1: Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger [No Disqualification Match] They try it again. This is shorter at 10ish minutes and has weapons for them to use like a ladder and chairs, so they have a better match. They sort of go to the limbs but then ADR can run around fine again and Jack's arm is totally fine to do clotheslines and power stuff. HEY, FUCK IT. NOTHING MATTERS! They trade holds and are fine until Swagger kicked out the bad knee and hit the Doctor Bomb to win. This is like Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards if one of them was Mexican and they were filtered through WWE style or something. **1/2 TONIGHT: SHOW/SHEAMUS! MOK/ORTON! UNDERTAKER/DEAN AMBROSE! Match #2: Layla vs. Aksana Decent three minutes to give Layla a hometown pop. Aksana has some really cool work on the arm and then abandons that. Layla randomly pulls out a fucking Tornado Clutch into a Skayde Special pin to win. WEIRD AND AMAZING. *1/2 They air a good chunk of the six man from Raw. In the back, The Shield cuts a promo. Rollins says on Monday, justice prevailed like it always does and The Shield were victorious. Reigns says they broke the unbreakable and it's an injustice that Team Hell No are champions. Rollins says the injustice is that The Undertaker escaped Raw, and Ambrose says that's not for long. He says he doesn't feel total satisfaction and that's because the Dead Man still walks. He has an itch that needs scratching tonight and he's going to do what nobody's been able to do in 21 WrestleManias. He's going to beat The Undertaker. You'd better believe that, because justice is the only thing immortal. Rollins says The Undertaker will NOT rest in peace, and Reigns says he WILL believe in The Shield. Match #3: Fandango w/ Summer Rae vs. Justin Gabriel This is also three minutes and lots of super average stuff. Fandango would be a perfect manager, but he's really not very good in the ring, as entertaining as he is at everything else. Fandango goes back to the Flying Legdrop for the win. *1/4 Match #4: Sheamus vs. The Big Show This gets some time, so it's solid enough. Not great like their miracle at HIAC and there's certainly some down spots in the middle or so, before it picks up. Show has a good run of domination, but that can get slow and overlong at points in recent years, and it does. Sheamus has a decent comeback, but this is cut off before they can do anything great with an admittedly cool finish. Sheamus is on the top when Mark Henry comes to distract him, and Show KO Punches him on the top rope. He falls into the ring and Show covers to win. **1/4 Match #5: Wade Barrett vs. William Regal UGH IT'S ONLY A MINUTE. Regal puts up an awesome fight before going down to the Bullhammer though. *1/2 The Heyman/H segment then airs. Match #6: Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry This is again only 4 minutes. Not a whole lot going on here before Sheamus comes out to attack Mark Henry for the DQ. *3/4 Post-match, Sheamus hits MOK with the Brogue Kick, and Orton follows with the RKO. RAW REBOUND! Match #7: The Undertaker vs. Dean Ambrose w/ The Shield This is only five minutes and isn't amazing or anything, but it's a really good little brawl. Ambrose is out of control, and Taker is really trying hard to put him over in defeat, so it's a great effort for what they had. Taker cuts off interference at the end and gets Hell's Gate for the win. ** The Shield attacks immediately. He has a great fight against them on the floor, AND REIGNS SPEARS TAKER THROUGH THE TIMEKEEPER'S BARRICADE! FUCK YEAH! They pull him over, AND THE SHIELD DROPS TAKER WITH THE TRIPLE POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE! BELIEVE. Edited by Big Tuna, May 13 2014, 10:51 PM.
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| Big Tuna | May 14 2014, 12:37 AM Post #70 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw April 29th, 2013 Columbus, OH They announce that John Cena's achilles tendon was injured last week. Match #1: Big E. Langston vs. Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Coulter [Winner's Client Chooses PPV Stipulation] Hey, this is awful because it's a shitty luchador/manager fighting a green power guy vs. a retired old guy. Everyone is on the floor, and there's a lot of stalling, and just WHY? Ricardo rolls up Zeb for the win after Big E sort of dominates while trying not to hurt anyone all match. Fuck every single thing about this. 45/Poop TONIGHT: CENA/RYBACK VS. THE SHIELD John Cena brings out Make a Wish kids and celebrates them as a fucking wall against booing. Again, this has good intentions but comes off as so desperate and self-congratulatory and makes you hate everyone involved. Cena continues his 2012-13 reign of terror by using cancer kids for heat. Match #2: Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes TRYING RANDY. WEIRD. This wasn't a great match, but it was a nice one to see to show that Randy still has the potential to try. There was a lot of rough in a good way basic stuff here, and Randy had some good sells. Cody's control seg didn't go on as long as it could have relative to Orton's though, which hurt this. Randy made his comeback, BUT CODY BLOCKED THE RKO INTO THE CROSS RHODES FUCK YEAH! Orton kicks out, and Cody panics. He tries the Beautiful Disaster again after already doing it, and Orton is ready now with the RKO for the win. **1/2 Post-match, Striker interviews Orton. He says he's ready to get extreme with the Big Show, and catches Cody charging at him with another RKO. A trailer for Total Divas airs. Match #3: Naomi vs. Brie Bella The tag partners are at ringside. This is all of a minute before TWIN MAGIC~ happens going into a cradle for the win. 1/2* Cameron and Naomi complain to the ref and he sees the footage and turns over the decision. The Bellas then lay them out and leave. The Shield comes down to the ring, and they get on the mic. They list their names and then have some more. Ryback, Sheamus, The Big Show, Randy Orton, John Cena, The Rock, AND NOW THE UNDERTAKER IS ON THAT LIST. Ambrose says generations bowed to his legacy, BUT THE SHIELD BOWS TO NOBODY. Reigns says to rest in peace, and they show the video from Smackdown. Ambrose says justice doesn't care who you are, when your number gets called justice strikes. Rollins says John Cena and Ryback haven't been forgotten by justice because -- 3MB INTERRUPTS. FUCK YES. They say they have unfinished business, and The Shield beats up 3MB. Fuck yeah jobbers having backbones. Team Hell No runs out to run The Shield off, and then they destroy 3MB. In the back, Ryback finds Cena getting his ankle taped. Ryback says he's hurt, and Cena says he can still go, and he's probably better on one leg than he is on two. Ryback says he can't take that chance and leaves. Match #4: Dolph Ziggler w/ AJ & Big E. Langston vs. Kofi Kingston Oh, okay. We're doing THIS again. Kofi is super bad as he tries to do real wrestler stuff like splashes and face kicks and Ziggler lets him do all of his bullshit, so this sucks. Ziggler plays into all of Kofi's bullshit and doesn't so much have a control segment as a long finishing run instead, so no part of this is good. Ziggler gives Kofi WAY too much for someone who's supposed to be a top guy, and wins with the Peace Zig. *3/4 Post-match, Kofi gets hit with the Big Ending because fuck him. In the back, Team Rocket walks by Kaitlyn and calls AJ crazy again. Kaitlyn says she's not holding back this time and dares her to try and take her title. Kaitlyn then gets a gift from a mystery admirer. A Bork/H recap airs. In the back, Rybork is in Brad and Vickie's office. He says John Cena will not leave him alone against The Shield again with his injury, and Vickie says it won't be a handicap match and re-books it as Ryback/Team Hell No vs. The Shield. Ryback says he's done that and he doesn't trust them and says no. Vickie is a push-over and makes it Cena/Team Hell No. Match #5: Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter vs. Zack Ryder Another bad squash by Swagger and involving Ryder. Doctor Bomb ends it. *1/4 During the commercial, Ryback just leaves. Mark Henry is in the ring for a Tug of War thing to prove he's the strongest man in the world, and says he has two opponents. Tensai comes out to be #1, and Mark Henry easily wins. Brodus Clay is next, and Mark Henry also beats him. Sheamus comes out after Mark's already beaten two guys and challenges him unless he's scared, basically bullying him into it. Mark Henry accepts, and he ALSO beats Sheamus. Sheamus is a poor loser and can't handle the humiliation when he brought it on himself, so he lays out Mark Henry with a Brogue Kick. What a piece of shit. Match #6: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Antonio Cesaro This gets 10 minutes, so it's of quality. Cesaro does the best he can and actually ends up getting the first great ADR babyface singles match since he won the title from Big Show. A lot of ADR face offense is awkward and clunky like a guy trying way too hard to give the crowd stuff to like when it doesn't work with the rest of his stuff. Cesaro breaks out a bunch of cool power stuff though between the Roderick Strong back suplex drop on the apron and throws and European Uppercut counters, etc. He lets ADR only do the stuff that works for him like the Basement Superkick and Quicksilver Enzuiguri and armbar tries, and makes the match work. Great finish as Cesaro avoids the usuai armbreaker takedown and into a Schoolboy, but ADR kicks out of that and into the Cross Armbreaker for the win. *** Post-match, ADR says the match at Extreme Rules will be a Ladder Match! included Jerry Lawler hosting an in-ring dance competition between the Great Khali, with Natalya Neidhart, and Fandango, with Summer Rae; prior to each man dancing, Lawler asked what they thought of Chris Jericho competing on 'Dancing with the Stars,' with both saying they were better; after the fans picked Khali the winner, Fandango attacked Khali from behind and then hit the legdrop off the top Match #7: John Cena/Team Hell No vs. The Shield This wasn't among their best, but it was a low level great one, as Bryan vs. Shield is the best series of the year. This is 12 minutes instead of 15-20 like last week, but that's not a huge problem because this is really tight. Cena's leg selling is amazing early on, and then Kane is also in this match. Team Hell No silently agrees to keep Cena out because he's hurt, but he eventually has to get in at the end. Before that though, Bryan is an awesome FIP as usual. Cena cleans house, but he can't hit the FU on one leg, and drops Rollins. He limps away and Roman hits him with the Spear for the win! CENA FINALLY DROPS A FALL IN 2013 AND IT'S TO THE SHIELD! *** Ryback comes out to watch as doctors tend to Cena's leg. |
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| Big Tuna | May 14 2014, 12:43 AM Post #71 |
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Top 10 Matches - April 2013: 1. William Regal vs. Kassius Ohno, NXT (April 10th) 2. The Undertaker vs. CM Punk, WrestleMania XXIX (April 7th) 3. The Shield vs. The Undertaker/Team Hell No, Raw (April 22nd) 4. Antonio Cesaro [c] vs. Adrian Neville, NXT (April 24th) 5. Alberto Del Rio vs. Antonio Cesaro, Raw (April 29th) 6. John Cena/Team Hell No vs. The Shield, Raw (April 29th) 7. The Shield vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus/The Big Show, WrestleMania XXIX (April 7th) 8. Team Hell No [c] vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston, WrestleMania XXIX (April 7th) 9. Leo Kruger vs. Justin Gabriel, NXT (April 17th) 10. Adrian Neville/Bo Dallas vs. The Wyatt Family, NXT (April 3rd) Wrestler of the Month: Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins (TIE) - 14 Points Tag Team of the Month: The Shield - 12 Points |
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| Big Tuna | May 14 2014, 01:16 PM Post #72 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE NXT May 1st, 2013 Orlando, FL TONIGHT: UGH CHRIS JERICHO IS HERE Match #1: The Colons vs. The Wyatt Family vs. Adrian Neville/Bo Dallas [Three Way Dance] Bray Wyatt isn't ringside for the first time. This is decent enough. Brodie, Neville, and Primo are all good to great. Epico is solid, and Bo Dallas makes Erick Rowan NOT the worst wrestler in the match for once. Bo is isolated by everyone and the crowd chants "NO MORE BO" for the first time. Neville has a great hot tag and pins Primo with the Red Arrow. Harper immediately follows with the Rolling Lariat to win. ** A recap airs of the Paige/Summer Rae feud. Match #2: Paige vs. Summer Rae Perfect storytelling. Summer is an inexperienced bitch who now has to pay and totally dies. She has some good knee work here and takes some awesome bumps. Due to lower expectations, I would up more impressed with her here than Paige. She tries to bail out again and fails, and Paige wins with the Paige Turner. ** NEXT WEEK: NEVILLE/BO VS. THE WYATT FAMILY FOR THE TAG TITLES! Match #3: Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt w/ The Wyatt Family Bray puts in the effort. But this is a house show for Jericho, so there's even less effort than usually in 2013. Rowan is kicked out for interfering at a point, but Harper remains to interfere behind the referee's back. Bray's stuff is decent enough, but he can't throw Jericho like others and Jericho's comeback is really bad. Shoulderblocks and terrible double axe handles. Somewhere along the way, everyone in WWE forgot how to do a double axe handle. Jericho hits the worst looking catapult EVER to send Bray into Harper and then puts on the Walls of Jericho for the win. BOO. *3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 14 2014, 03:07 PM Post #73 |
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Kofi Kingston [c] vs. Antonio Cesaro [WWE U.S. Championship], Main Event (May 1st) This is one of the finest carryjobs of all time. Kofi Kingston is a guy who might be the worst wrestler on TV if not for Bo Dallas, and both are up there with the worst in the world. Cesaro gets a great singles match out of him. Kofi Kingston hasn't had a GREAT singles match since like 2010 when he was still sort of trying and Ziggler/Drew Mac guided him, and he's regressed SO much since then. The key, it turns out, is letting him do basically nothing. Cesaro brings some amazing grappling early on before dominating. Kofi has a brief comeback, but Cesaro cuts it off before he goes after the knee. He can't stop Kofi entirely from being bad, because literally every piece of Kofi's offense is dog shit, but he cuts off a lot. The leg work is fantastic and features the WWE debut of the one legged Giant Swing. He also uses Brian Cage's FUCKING MACHINE Superplex lifting Kofi from the apron. Kofi never gets to come back and gets a flash Trouble in Paradise for the win. He no-sells to do it and during the cover, but Cesaro deserves the three here. *** The Usos vs. The Prime Time Players, Saturday Morning Slam (May 4th) SMS had turned into a bunch of Kofi Kingston and Khali showcases the last few months, so fuck that, but the return of midcard tag stuff is good. The Usos are awesome again, and the PTP still have trouble with transitions. The Usos have some really fun arm work too, but D-Young doesn't sell it for long. He has some great stooging though, and they get to do some fun schtick type stuff on SMS. Control segment on an Uso was good, and then the hot tag ruled. Titus gets a Superkick and the Flying Splash, and the Usos win. **1/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 14 2014, 04:45 PM Post #74 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Smackdown May 3rd, 2013 Detroit, MI TONIGHT: KANE/AMBROSE Before the opener, Ryback gets on the mic. He says he couldn't tag with John Cena when he was hurt and says he's not John's keeper and he chose to put himself in that match and put himself at further risk. He's the one who lost the match, even. John Cena is weak, and the bigger always eat the weak. RYBACK RULES. Match #1: Ryback vs. Daniel Bryan Bryan gets the best he can out of Rybork. He works the knees and then takes big bumps. Rybork doesn't really sell the knee at all, but Bryan still has an awesome comeback for some nearfalls. Rybork catches him jumping off the apron and rams him into the post. He then hits two Deadlift Powerbombs, the Meat Hook, and then disappointingly wins with Shellshocked. **3/4 featured Renee Young conducting a backstage interview with Ricardo Rodriguez regarding his win on Raw and competing later in the show; Alberto Del Rio then appeared, told Rodriguez to calm down, and pulled him away so they could get ready Match #2: Fandango w/ Summer Rae vs. Zack Ryder This is not very good. Fandango vs. Zack Ryder is a Fandango/Zack Ryder match. Flying Legdrop ends it. 3/4* Post-match, Fandango pronounces his name, In the back, Khali gives Kaitlyn some romantic advice and says to stop stressing out so much and relax like him. In the back, Renee Young is with Swagger and Zeb. Zeb says she's part of the mainstream media and they distort facts to fit the agenda, and the real story Monday was bravery on his part for fighting with a 102 degree temperature and vertigo. He went to work like a real American and some people even called him a role model. He says what hurts is that his victory was awarded to an illegal immigrant like Ricardo Rodriguez, and he's guilty of theft. He's going to get his win back next and unlike immigrants, Real Americans play fair. We the people. Dolph Ziggler & Co. have come down to do commentary. Match #3: Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Coulter Both actual wrestlers are on the floor. This is all of like 90 seconds and terrible before Swaggers gets in to attack Ricardo for the DQ. 1/2* ADR comes to save, and Teddy Long comes out. He gets his Teddy Long on and books a TAG TEAM MATCH PLAYA. Match #4: Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Jack Swagger/Zeb Coulter This is JIP after the commercial break and goes all of a minute as well before Ziggler and Langston attack everyone for a no contest. 1/2* Teddy Long comes back out and steps out of his comfort zone with A THREE WAY TAG TEAM MATCH PLAYA! Match #5: Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Jack Swagger/Zeb Coulter vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston w/ AJ This at least got 5 or so minutes, but the massive waste is not doing this from the get-go when it was the end result anyways. The stuff with the actual guys is pretty alright and then they go back into infuriating territory. The point of a match like this is hyping a future match without giving too much away or hurting anyone involved because you have managers and a bodyguard there as obvious fall guys. But then this is the WWE, AND DOLPH ZIGGLER IS ALWAYS THE OBVIOUS FALL GUY. He taps out to the Cross Armbreaker, because hey, fuck everything. *3/4 In the back, The Shield's camera is down and they're heard beating someone up. They go to pick up the camera and Ambrose says it breaks everyone's heart when the champ becomes a chump, and Rollins says it's like when the Phenom isn't so phenomenal anymore. Reigns says they broke Cena, Taker, and they're gonna break the little brother next. Ambrose says justice isn't vengeance, that's just his head messing with him. Justice is putting a raging monster down when he's foaming out the mouth. Rollins says justice catches up with everyone, and Kane doesn't believe them. By the end of the night, he will. And believe in the Shield. They drop the camera, and Daniel Bryan is out on the floor. The Bork/H hype video airs again. Match #6: Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow This is not much better. It's a five minute Orton showcase. Sandow fails to do ANYTHING interesting in the few minutes he has on offense, and not even in a Cody Rhodes type of basic mat stuff done with a nice sense of struggle and purpose type way. Just some boring ass generic holds and mediocre clubbering. Orton makes his usual comeback and wins with the RKO. *1/2 after the match, the Big Show walked out with a mic and talked about how Orton refused to tag him into the match at WrestleMania, allowing Sandow to jump Orton from behind and hit his neckbreaker RAW REBOUND Mark Henry defeated Sheamus in an arm wrestling contest; Josh Matthews was the MC for the contest; after the match, Sheamus took the mic, congratulated Henry, and challenged him to a rematch using the opposite arm; as the two went to start, Sheamus sucker punched him, then hit the boot to the face before yelling, "That's what I do!" Match #7: Kane vs. Dean Ambrose w/ The Shield Roman is in possession of Bryan's tag title on the floor. Kane throws Reigns and Rollins around ringside to make it 1 on 1, and all the story stuff is really good, but this is still a Kane match. Ambrose rules, but is not the carrying type. At least, not enough to carry Kane. There's knee work that Kane doesn't really sell etc. Kane fights off Reigns and Rollins again, but Ambrose gets the upset with a Headlock Driver. *3/4 Kane fights them all again, and Reigns drops him with the Spear. The Shield holds up both Tag Titles to end the show. |
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| Big Tuna | May 14 2014, 10:10 PM Post #75 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE Raw May 6th, 2013 Roanoke, VA featured an opening in-ring promo by WWE World Champion John Cena in which he sampled WWE Tag Team Champion Daniel Bryan in talking about the "Yes" and "No" aspects of facing Ryback at Extreme Rules, noting his injury would not stop him from defending the title; moments later, Vickie Guerrero interrupted and brought out Ryback so they could discuss what the stipulation would be for their title match; after Cena said Ryback could pick the stipulation, Ryback mentioned Cena's injury before saying their title bout would be a last man standing match Before the opening match, Damien Sandow does the best thing he's ever done on his own with his wonderful rendition of Randy's theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtYHJ5M9AVQ Match #1: Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow This is better than on Smackdown because Orton is more inclined to try on live TV. He's not trying super hard, but if I had to guess, he's at like 50% here instead of 25-30% like on the last few Smackdowns he's worked. Sandow does generic clubbing and chinlocking again. He's a great character, but holy shit dude, pick up the fucking pace. This is old school in a bad way. He's like an old school heel for people who haven't seen any wrestling before the year 1998. Orton makes his usual comeback and wins with the RKO. *3/4 On the stage, Big Show gets Orton with the KO Punch. TONIGHT: ADR/ZIGGLER prior to the bout, Chris Jericho cut an in-ring promo in which he said he found judges to help him grade Fandango's dancing, then introducing Brodus Clay & Tensai, alongside Cameron & Naomi; following Fandango's dancing entrance, Jericho graded him a 1 while the others gave him a 2; Fandango then took the mic and said Jericho was no dancing expert because he failed on "Dancing with the Stars;" Match #2: Fandango vs. R-Truth This is all of 90 seconds and pretty mediocre to bad to whatever, who gives a shit? The judges love Truth's dancing. Fandango takes the count out loss. 1/2* On commentary, they say that Brock and Heyman were seen at WWE HQ today, and Heyman will be here tonight via satellite. In the back, Josh is with Daniel Bryan and asks about Smackdown. Bryan says The Shield loves the word justice, and they use it to justify attacking people 3 on 1, but nobody buys it. It takes more than a Shield ambush to keep him down, and he's challenging The Ryback. Ryback comes over and says he's in no condition for a rematch, and for his own sake, he says no. Ryback says he would destroy him even if he was healthy, because he's half the man that he is. Kane then comes over and asks what about him. Ryback says there's only one real monster in the WWE. RYBACK. RULES. Match #3: Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio Everyone is on the floor. This gets 10ish minutes, so it's good. It's not great because Ziggler isn't confident enough to just completely shut down ADR's terrible face stuff and only let him do good stuff like Cesaro was. Cesaro is actively ruining stuff at this point by forcing people to be compared to him. Swagger and Zeb come out to watch midway through. Some cool spots, but I don't know, there's not a lot to this. They've had so many fucking matches by now that good not great efforts come off as average because we've seen it like 5-6 times in 4 months, if not more. Ziggles is DQ'd when Big E pulls ADR out and throws him into Swagger. **1/2 Post-match, Swagger lays out Ziggler and ADR with a ladder. In the back, Kaitlyn is with the face divas and gets a text from Secret Admirer saying he choo-choo-chooses her. Natalya and the Funkadactyls don't get it until she has to explain it. God damnit. Natalya calls Khali over and says to find out who the admirer is and go undercover. Match #4: The Shield vs. Kofi Kingston/The Usos YEAH USOS VS. SHIELD FOR THE FIRST TIME! Fun six minute Shield showcase. Uso was the FIP and we got a Kofi hot tag, so this isn't everything it could have been if they isolated Kofi and didn't let him do anything, but hey. Roman kills an Uso on the floor with a wonderful Lariat, and Rollins pushes Kofi off the top. Ambrose hits a Headlock Driver for the win. **1/4 TONIGHT: KANE/RYBORK Match #5: Antonio Cesaro vs. Zack Ryder HOLY SHIT CESARO BREAKS THE TWO MONTH LOSING STREAK! This is a solid enough two minute showcase, and Cesaro wins with the Neutralizer. *1/2 Post-match, Cesaro gets on the mic, and he says he puts the W in WWE, and nobody can compare to what he does. In a satellite interview, Paul Heyman is there and says he's here as the advocate for the Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar. He says he and his client took a self guided tour of WWE Headquarters, and he shows the video that he shot today. Brock basically goes into Triple H's office and he destroys it. But first, this: ![]() Paul says he's usually the one to discourage Brock against such acts for the legal cost alone, but then Triple H decided to hit him with a Pedigree on TV last week. So he's now going to ENCOURAGE Brock Lesnar. He's going to beg and plead with his client to destroy Triple H inside a steel cage and maim him at Extreme Rules. Triple H comes out to the ring, and totally no-sells it. He says he knows more about extreme than Paul does because he founded DX and tore through the Attitude Era with an iron fist. He says it's just stuff and he has two offices. One there, and one in this ring, and at Extreme Rules, he's coming to this office to go to work. God, Triple H is the coolest. Isn't he? ISN'T HE? At least Brock ends this Cool Rebel Sexy Corporate Badass Babyface Triple H and we get the good one. Match #6: Kaitlyn/The Funkadactyls vs. AJ Lee/The Bella Twins AJ works all three minutes of this, so it's good. She has a good control seg on Cameron and then Kaitlyn gets in. AJ tries to run, but the Bellas hop off the apron and AJ turns into Kaitlyn's Spear and gets beaten. *1/2 Mark Henry comes out to do commentary. Match #7: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett Another decent match between the two, but their worst of the year because it's a victim of the horrible time blocking of a WWE Raw episode. This is unfortunately joined in progress for some reason, and only 4 minutes. Sheamus fakes out MOK on the floor and then Brogue Kicks him when he gets up. What a piece of shit. They do some more stuff and Sheamus hits the White Noise and then Brogue Kick to win. *3/4 Post-match, Mark Henry gets in and whips the shit out of Sheamus for his insolence with a belt. He then hits the World's Strongest Slam on the floor and says he's got one for everybody. "I WHOOP THE BAD PEOPLE. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT." Match #8: Ryback vs. Kane Hey, this sucks out loud! Lots of clunky big man stuff and it's like 5 minutes of stuff that is in no way enjoyable. Ryback wins clean with Shellshocked. Poopfart Post-match, SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA. The Shield comes out, and Daniel Bryan runs down to even up the odds! Ryback walks out of the ring instead as The Shield gets to ringside. John Cena comes out to even it up again, and The Shield leaves. Ryback then comes back in and beats down all the babyfaces with a chair. Terrible show . |
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| Big Tuna | May 15 2014, 12:17 AM Post #76 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: British Ambition, Since 2/13/2013 WWE NXT May 8th, 2013 Orlando, FL TONIGHT: NEVILLE/BO VS. WYATTS FOR THE TAG TITLES! Match #1: Damien Sandow vs. Baron Corbin Ugh, great. Sandow's here to ruin this show too. He's better squashing rookie jobbers than he is at losing to actual stars, as he has some decent knees. Still, really really cookie cutter squash stuff. Why couldn't they have re-hired KC James instead? Sandow wins with the Straightjacket Neckbreaker. *1/4 Post-match, Sandow gets on the mic and says he challenges Big E. Langston for the NXT Title. You're welcome. Match #2: Paige vs. Bayley This is another good one. Bayley is working as a generic jobber, but does a good enough job. Paige takes an apron bump in a non-important match, so good for her. Reckless bumping always is appreciated in these reviews. Bayley has a sweet Exploder and puts Paige in more jeopardy than Summer did last week. Paige Turner ends it. ** Post-match, Summer Rae runs out to attack Paige, and then quickly leaves. In the back, Tom interviews Big E. Langston. He says if you think his title reign has been good, you should see his yo yo collection. Sandow comes over again and issues him a title challenge. Big E accepts and then gives him a long math equation that ends in FIVE. He feigns deafness so Sandow has to yell FIVE, and Big E then starts yelling FIVE, so Sandow storms off. Big E is the best. Match #3: Sakamoto vs. Briley Pierce SAKAMOTO GETS A SQUASH! WHOA! Briley has a lot of the same style as his brother Dolph Ziggler, but isn't as polished or good. Conor O'Brian then comes out to destroy them both, because this was too good for 45 seconds. 3/4* In the back, Renee interviews the two, and they challenge Conor to a handicap match. I think. Pierce says Conor has enemies now, and Sakamoto then just speaks in Japanese. Match #4: Kassius Ohno vs. Camacho Ohno works more face-ish here, and has another great showcase match. Great strikes and comebacks, and he wins with the Crossface Hangman's Clutch, now renamed the Kassius Clutch. ** Post-match, Ohno gets on the mic. He walks up to the stage and says he knows he's not scheduled for this but he has to get something off his chest. He apologizes to Regal but he gets cut off by The Wyatt Family coming out. Bray comes out alone and they have a great intense staredown. Bray backs off, BUT HARPER AND ROWAN ATTACK OHNO FROM BEHIND! SISTER ABIGAIL ON THE STAGE! NEXT WEEK: LANGSTON/SANDOW FOR THE TITLE Match #5: Adrian Neville/Bo Dallas [c] vs. The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt [NXT Tag Team Championship] This was a lot of fun again. Not as good as the first iteration of this pairing because this has more Bo, but it has all of the same strong points. Neville is awesome and Harper is awesome, so the control segment on Neville was the best. There was a nice play off their first match with the Family avoiding the combo of dive and Red Arrow that beat them initially. Bo is shoved into Neville on the apron at the end, and Harper hits Bo with the Rolling Lariat. Bo is FINALLY beaten and the Family gets the belts! **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | May 15 2014, 06:27 PM Post #77 |
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Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro, Main Event (May 8th) This was almost great, and Cesaro really did try his best, but Orton even defies miracle workers like Cesaro when he doesn't care. Orton is at 45-50% effort here, and Cesaro has some quality cut offs of the usual comebacks. Unfortunately again, this is a half-assed Orton showing in a match that was about a tough babyface overcoming a lot of damage. So when he's sort of just going through motions, it sort of kills that. They also clearly had so much more in them, and were just getting into a cool finishing run when it ended. Which would be fine if they didn't take it kind of slow and build up gradually to obviously go to a huge finishing run, but that's what the match was. Orton pops up suddenly and just cuts it off with the RKO to win. BOO. **3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 15 2014, 09:50 PM Post #78 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Smackdown May 10th, 2013 TONIGHT: SWAGGER/LANGSTON! BRYAN/AMBROSE! Chris Jericho is in the ring to open the show with the Highlight Reel. He brings out Ryback, and long and boring segment short because WWE is SO BAD at this point, it sets up Jericho/Ryback in the main event. Match #1: Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes Cody again does what he can with a real shitty opponent. Really good control stuff for 90 seconds with some knees and solid holds, before Kofi makes a comeback, that's whatever. They have a horribly contrived finishing run of dodges before Kofi catches Cody springboarding for his kick with the Trouble in Paradise to the shoulder or elbow, and somehow that knocks Cody out for three seconds. Kofi learned nothing from Cesaro and is still the worst in the world. *1/2 They re-air the Brock/Heyman destruction of H's office. In the back, Renee interviews Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter. Zeb says Dolph Ziggler is a man of questionable moral character and that he and ADR both have experience with ladders, but Jack Swagger served a statement Monday night, and he'll do it again on blondie's bodyguard tonight. And at Extreme Rules, every rung on that ladder is a step for real Americans, and he will do it just like the American Way, a step at a title. Step one, he wins the title. Step two, they take the country back. WE THE PEOPLE. Alberto Del Rio comes out to do commentary. The match never ends up happening though. Swagger comes out last, and Alberto Del Rio slides a ladder in when everyone else is in the ring. Ziggler goes for it, and Swagger kicks him super hard in the head. Ziggler rolls out and a brawl breaks out between ADR, Swagger, and Langston. ADR lays them out with ladder stuff before he climbs up and holds up the title. Ziggler is down and hurt, and that's the kick that concussed him and largely cost him his push. He got in some trouble for tweets about stuff while he was home injured, but if Swagger doesn't kick him super hard in the head like an asshole, then none of that happens. THANKS AGAIN, JACKIE SWAGGER. Match #2: Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose Kane and the rest of The Shield are ringside. This got nine minutes and pretty much all of it was great and worked with no wasted time or effort, so this was great. Daniel continues the hot streak with his kicks and elbows and stuff, and then Ambrose has some great offense too. He works like a crazy person who is deciding what to do in the ring literally as he does it, and it's pretty much perfect. Kane cuts off The Shield's interference after the ref misses a run in once, and then Kofi ruins it by running after Ambrose and attacking him for the DQ. *** The three of them run The Shield off and stand tall. Footage airs from earlier today of Mark Henry pulling a tractor trailer by himself as Cole says he's going to go for the world record now and pull two. Also, it's going to be Sheamus vs. Mark Henry at Extreme Rules in a Strap Match. In the parking lot, Mark Henry pulls TWO tractor trailers. Mark Henry says this is how he's gonna pull Sheamus at Extreme Rules. Titus O'Neil serves as an insprational coach during this and keeps yelling ALL DAY BABY and YEAH, MARK, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO. It's pretty awesome, and then Mark Henry obviously breaks the record because he's the greatest. Mark initially collapses but then gets up and yells that that's what he does, and Titus gets him some water. RAW REBOUND! Match #3: The Big Show vs. Tensai w/ Brodus Clay This is under a minute and ends with the JO Punch. The news of this is that Show/Orton is official for Extreme Rules. 1/2* Brodus also gets a Chokeslam too, because fuck him. Randy Orton then comes out and hits Show with the RKO. Match #4: Chris Jericho vs. Ryback This happened. Jericho is whatever, and Ryback is not a good wrestler. Being a heel now requires him to actually do a lot of offense and he's pretty bad at most of it, including the loosest Bear Hug in forever. Ryback sends Jericho dick-first into the post on the floor, and that's arbitrarily decided to be DQ worthy, so Jericho wins. *1/2 Ryback then throws Jericho into stuff. This is the worst push. |
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| Big Tuna | May 16 2014, 12:50 PM Post #79 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Raw May 13th, 2013 Tulsa, OK TONIGHT: BORK/H FACE TO FACE! CENA/HELL NO VS. THE SHIELD IN AN ELIMINATION MATCH! featured an opening in-ring segment in which Jerry Lawler introduced Fandango, with Summer Rae, and Chris Jericho, with Edyta Sliwinska, for a dance contest; Lawler then told the crowd that it wasn't a popularity contest, noting Fandango's recent dance contest loss to the Great Khali; Fandango then took the mic and said the Tulsa crowd might not like him but they had to respect his ability; Jericho responded by noting he won the musical chairs contest on Raw in 2004 and outsmarted Bob Barker on Raw and would beat Fandango in their rematch at Extreme Rules; Fandango and Summer then prepared to dance, with Summer tripping and injuring her ankle; moments later, Fandango yelled at her to get back up and stop messing around; Edyta and a trainer then tended to Summer as an upset Fandango left the ring; he then slid back inside, kicked Jericho in the face, and assaulted him around ringside; Fandango then climbed back into the ring as he and Summer revealed her injury was faked; moments later, the two left the ring together (the first time Summer Rae was referred to by the commentary team by name) Match #1: Ryback vs. Zack Ryder This is all of a minute and Rybork does stuff and wins with Shellshocked. 3/4* Clips air of Bork breaking H's arm the first time. Match #2: The Prime Time Players vs. Tons of Funk w/ The Funkadactyls This is all of 90 seconds, so whatever. Not a lot of good stuff here because it was all Clay. D-Young gets Clay in the eye from the apron with his afro pick, and Titus schoolboys him for the win! YEAH! 1/2* It's announced that Ziggler is out with a concussion. On the stage, Striker brings out Teddy Long to announce what's happening. Both groups of Langston/AJ and Swagger/Zeb interrupt at points. Zeb says Jack Swagger should be handed the belt, and Langston says that's not fair, and Teddy says Dolph will NOT be stripped of the title and it would be Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger at Extreme Rules in an "I Quit" match. God damnit, that sounds terrible. I hate you, Teddy Long. He then says one of the two will face Big E. Langston tonight too, and it's a fan vote. Match #3: Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow OH MY GOD SO BAD. This is a match between the worst wrestler in WWE and the most boring one, so whatever. On commentary, they announce Kofi/Ambrose for the US Title at Extreme Rules. Sandow does his stuff and it's whatever, and then Kofi wins with the fucking kick. 3/4* Mark Henry comes out with a huge strap. Josh is waiting to interview him in the ring and shows the video from last week. Mark Henry says that was nothing and says to wait for Sunday, and says to look at what he did on Smackdown and shows him dragging the two trucks on Smackdown, and says if he can drag them, he can drag Sheamus. He makes Josh put the strap on and shoves him down. He then drags him around the ring as he touches all four corners, and then takes the strap off Josh so he can leave. Mark says he's feeling awfully generous, and he calls Sheamus out now. Sheamus comes out and says Mark won't stop him from fighting, and that was never the goal. Sheamus says it's not a fair fight when he has the strap, and Mark asks what his problem is with that now. Sheamus comes out and gets his own strap from under the ring. Sheamus then straps MOK to drive him away. ![]() Clips air of Bork F5'ing Vince. Match #4: Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro This is all of three minutes and Cesaro is back to doing normal jobs again, I guess. Cesaro tries, and Orton wins with the RKO. WHATEVER. *3/4 Match #5: The Miz vs. Heath Slater w/ 3MB UGH BOO. This gets 4 minutes and everything is pretty bad. Miz is the, I guess, third worst behind Kofi and Bo Dallas. He tries to do a Flying Forearm and doesn't jump with it or actually hit Slater, so much as just swats at him and Slater takes a bump. Miz wins with the Figure Four as this show is super super bad so far, relying entirely on the main event. 3/4* WWE hates breast cancer. Clips air of H's return to fight Bork. MAIN EVENT: KANE VS. ROLLINS Match #6: John Cena/Team Hell No vs. The Shield [Elimination Match] This gets like 15-20ish, so it's obviously great. The match starts with awesome Bryan destruction of Rollins and Ambrose. Reigns then turns the tide with some really awesome stuff. Great Shield control segment on Bryan again, and he's the best FIP they have. Also the best hot tag. It's the same "problem" the Evolution tags had in 2004 until Shelton came along and freed Benoit of the hot tag burden. Kane has a good hot tag though and clean house. The referee is again a bitch for no reason as Kane is DQ'd for hitting Ambrose with the announce table cover. What the fuck? Give him a chair or something. Cena is next for isolation, and Reigns debuts DAT SUPERMAN PUNCH. Bryan has an amazing hot tag, but when Ambrose gets a blind tag from Rollins, Bryan misses it. Rollins sneaks in an Enzuiguri and Ambrose follows with the Headlock Driver, and Bryan is eliminated. Cena has a great offensive on his own, AND ELIMINATES ROLLINS WITH THE FU! WHOA! Reigns cuts off one on Ambrose with the Spear, and because Mike Chioda is a HUGE bitch tonight, he DQ's Reigns for that. Ambrose is too caught up in taunting Cena though, and gets taken into the STF before the other two attack Cena for the DQ. The Shield's been beaten, but not REALLY. ***1/2 Post-match, Cena gets the Triple Powerbomb. They leave, and Ryback comes out with the chair and slams it on Cena's ankle. In the back, Striker interviews Ryback about that. He says he's played by the rules and done the right thing, and it got him screwed out of the WWE Title. No more, not to him. This Sunday, everybody is gonna know and John Cena is gonna know that RYBACK RULES. Surprisingly, Swagger wins the fan vote by a third, because nobody actually cares about ADR. Match #7: Big E. Langston vs. Jack Swagger Both AJ and Zeb are on the floor. This is whatever, and not as good as their 2014 PPV match because Big E is better as a face and heel/heel matches don't work well when both are generic heels on the midcard. Swagger ends up sending Langston over the railing and gets back in to win by count out. *3/4 Alberto Del Rio comes out to fight Swagger, but Swagger gets the Patriot Lock on. Ricardo saves by throwing the bucket, and ADR puts Swagger in the Cross Armbreaker. Langston saves and ADR gets rid of him. He then runs off Swagger too, and celebrates. This entire feud is a huge mess. Kaitlyn and the Bella Twins are both on commentary, and Kaitlyn gets another present from the admirer. Match #8: AJ vs. Natalya w/ Hornswoggle & The Great Khali This is pretty good for the two minutes it goes, since they work weirdly well together. The Bellas spend the match trying to bury Kaitlyn and coming off really horrible. AJ wins with the Black Widow. *1/2 Triple H comes out for the ending segment, and the cage lowers around him. He says this Sunday it all gets settled, and says this ring isn't just his office, it's his home. He says a man he respects told him early in his career that if you want to truly be good at this, you have to learn to hate, so he did. He learned to hate and thrive on that hate and nowhere did he feel more at home was when he was in a ring surrounded by steel. He calls out Brock Lesnar right now. Brock comes out and Paul Heyman takjs instead. H says nobody wants to hear it and Paul stops Brock from coming to the ring. Heyman says they're about those little pleasures like how he's been driven to use the word hate, and says that's on the big taboo list here. They're not supposed to use unsophisticated words like that, but Triple H and his client hate each other. And on Sunday, Brock would teach him the true meaning of the word because he is a cage fighting carnivore and he's the biggest slab of meat in the WWE Universe. Brock Lesnar is ready for a fight, a fight that Triple H knows he'll have to wait for, BECAUSE BROCK LESNAR DOES NOT FIGHT FOR FREE. H says at WrestleMania, he did the unthinkable and knocked Brock Lesnar out cold and now Paul can't afford for Brock Lesnar to fight him right now and if he beats him again, Brock's mystique goes flying out the window along with Paul's meal ticket. He asks Brock if he's a beast or a bitch, so Brock goes in. Brock obviously dominates him but H throws him into the door and Brock falls out and hey, whatever. |
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| Big Tuna | May 16 2014, 02:26 PM Post #80 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE NXT May 15th, 2013 Orlando, FL TONIGHT: LANGSTON/SANDOW FOR THE BELT! Match #1: Natalya vs. Summer Rae This is decent enough. Summer again has some really good clearly Finlay influenced matwork on the arm. Natalya decides she doesn't want to sell it, because she's the worst. Paige comes out to get Summer, but Summer pushes Nattie into her on the apron and schoolboys her for the upset! *3/4 Summer then runs to the back with Paige in pursuit. In the back, Summer Rae is with newcomer Sami Zayn. She says he's debuting next week and he has a reputation internationally. He says Renee has a lovely blouse on and Curt Hawkins is a formidable opponent, but he's not that nervous. He's feeling confident and excited and can't wait for next week. Bray Wyatt comes out in his new gear with a butcher's apron and a white mask on. He gets the mic and says when he looks at his own reflection, he sees something different than what you see. He's wearing this mask because he sees something different and Chris Jericho got him thinking that he needs to go back to his roots. WITNESS THE NEW FACE OF FEAR. This is not the face of a human being, this is the face of a monster. The face of the Eater of Worlds. He wants you to realize that no matter how big you are, you can never hurt him. Because he's already dead. Match #2: Bray Wyatt w/ The Wyatt Family vs. Danny Burch Solid showcase for Bray, and these get better almost every time. Quality clubbering from both sides, and Bray wins with Sister Abigail. *3/4 In the back, Bo Dallas finds Neville and asks if he's upset about last week. Neville says he's been better, and Bo says to chin up. He says it's like John Cena says, never give up! He says Cena won the Royal Rumble, the same match that he was in, and Neville says he knows who he is. Neville says he's been looking for Bo all day, and Bo says he just entered himself in the battle royal in two weeks for a title shot. He says the spots are all full though, and wishes Neville better luck next time. Neville says he's already signed up, and says may the best man win. They shake hands and Neville leaves, and Bo doesn't look happy. Dis long term booking. Match #3: Conor O'Brian vs. Sakamoto/Briley Pierce This is a terrible squash for Conor. He wins with his shitty ass Flapjack finisher on both guys. It's 2013, man. Come on. 1/2* Post-match, another dude in a lot of black is watching from the stage. Match #4: Big E. Langston [c] vs. Damien Sandow [NXT Championship] This is it. This is the big chance here, because Sandow gets 15 minutes with a very game young talent willing to do a bunch of stuff, and he has every opportunity to deliver a quality match led by himself in a situation where most other great wrestlers could produce something noteworthy. He does better than he's been doing on WWE TV for the last six months and has some decent stuff, but it's still very very generic and not noteworthy. Sandow's big b-level move is a Jumping Edge-o-Matic that looks like shit. Big E. has a more complete offensive arsenal than this fuck. Big Ending gets the win. ** Post-match, Sandow gets another one and the FIVE count. |
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6:53 PM Jul 10