| Simon Watches WWE - 2013 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 20 2014, 06:42 PM (16,510 Views) | |
| Big Tuna | May 16 2014, 02:49 PM Post #81 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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B-SHOWS Kane vs. Seth Rollins w/ The Shield, Main Event (May 15th) The stip for Hell No/Shield for the PPV is announced as a tornado tag. Bryan isn't here with a prior commitment. Miz has an unintentional amazing call by saying The Shield are hard to handle because they're like rabid wolverines, but then so is Daniel Bryan, in a way. Rollins takes a lot of big bumps to try and make this all work but it is not very good. Kane is in a singles match in the year 2013. Ambrose causes a DQ after the Chokeslam. *3/4 Kane goes to Chokeslam Ambrose, BUT REIGNS KILLS WITH THE SPEAR. YEAH. TRIPLE POWERBOMB, NO! THE USOS COME TO SAVE?! FUCK YEAH! THE USOS RUN OFF THE SHIELD! FUCK YEAH! Edited by Big Tuna, Apr 7 2018, 05:15 PM.
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| Big Tuna | May 16 2014, 03:55 PM Post #82 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Smackdown May 17th, 2013 Wichita, KS Miz TV is up in the ring, because fuck everything. He brings out The Big Show and Randy Orton as his guests. Miz says they have an Anything Goes match at Extreme Rules and asks Big Show about the RKO last week. Show says that's exactly the thing The Miz would say, and Orton only was able to hit him from behind. Show says he won't need weapons and he has one on the end of his wrist. It won't be an RKO, it will be a TKO. Orton says this PPV is in his hometown and asks if he's going to let him beat him in his hometown, and says the Viper will strike down the giant, and he might not get back up. Swagger comes out to say stuff, then ADR, and then Sheamus, and Mark Henry. I got tired of watching this, honestly. T'Lo comes out to book a six man TAG TEAM MATCH PLAYA. Match #1: The Shield w/ Dean Ambrose vs. The Usos This is an awesome two minute preview of what the teams are capable of. The Usos bring great punches and kicks and all that stuff, but then instead of moving to a logical cut off and control segment, REIGNS KILLS ONE OF THEM WITH THE SPEAR FOR THE WIN! *3/4 They keep on the attack, but Kofi Kingston comes out to save, and The Shield exits. In the back, Teddy is talking to Miz, and says he feels like he never left. Sandow comes over and says he never should have returned, and he wants his own show. Teddy says he'll take that under consideration, and books them against each other tonight. You're the worst, Teddeh. RAW REBOUND: CENA/RYBORK! Match #2: The Prime Time Players vs. Tons of Funk w/ The Funkadactyls This at least gets the pairing on the board with 3 minutes. Decent enough because now there's some Tensai stuff. Brodus gets the hot tag, unfortunately, and they beat D-Young with the Double Splash. *1/4 Match #3: Chris Jericho vs. Antonio Cesaro Cesaro does his best again, to no avail. Jericho has jumped headfirst into this whole mediocrity and occasional sucking thing. Cesaro doesn't get to do anything cool and just sort of is bumped around for Jericho's routine stuff. Oh hey, shoulderblocks for a comeback! Shitty double axe handle! GO HOME. UGH. STOP. THIS IS EMBARRASSING. Best part of this is Cesaro's super tight rear chinlock that actually looks like it could choke somebody out. First one like that since peak heel Orton's ones in 2004. Cool finish as Jericho schoolboy escapes the Deadlift Gutwrench into the Walls for the tap. Still, mostly mediocre or shitty. Can't wait until Jericho's gone again. Used to be one of my favorite wrestlers, so this is a shame. *3/4 Fandango tries a sneak attack, but Jericho runs him off. Jericho then hits Cesaro with a Codebreaker, because he's rude. Match #4: The Miz vs. Damien Sandow This is also quite bad! Sandow is super boring again, and Miz is terrible. There's an argument that Sandow being boring is an intentional measure to be more heelish, but this isn't the WWE where that works anymore, and hasn't been for a long long time. Even JBL turned up the brutality and stiffness when he got his singles push. Miz is proof that in-ring ability matters now even a little bit, because his matches on top flopped, and now he's here. Miz wins with his shitty Figure Four. *1/2 Match #5: Kaitlyn vs. Aksana They get like 4 minutes, but this is less eye breaking violent Aksana and more barely trained Aksana, unfortunately. Kaitlyn comes back and wins with the Spear. 3/4* RAW REBOUND: BORK/H! Match #6: Randy Orton/Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show/Mark Henry/Jack Swagger Managers are on the floor. This is decent and MOTN almost by default. Quality control work from Big Show and Mark and Sheamus is a decent FIP, since he's apparently fine getting the shit beaten out of him. Swagger then gets in and it goes to shit, because he's super average. Orton is a good hot tag and beats Swagger with the RKO. **1/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 16 2014, 10:42 PM Post #83 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Kofi Kingston, Since 4/15/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No, Since 9/16/2012 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPIONS CURRENTLY WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 ![]() WWE Extreme Rules 2013 May 19th, 2013 St. Louis, MO Match #1: Chris Jericho vs. Fandango w/ Summer Rae This happens! Jericho at least does a dive here and tries a little more than usual. Fandango tries some stuff, but yeah, he's not very good. He's an awesome dude with a ton of charisma, but he really just can't go in the ring at a high level. Fandango's control seg shows how kind of lost he is in between spots, and it's to a point where a 2013 Chris Jericho comeback actually improves the match. Fandango gets to kick out of the Lionsault, since that's been nuked to the point of parody Angle Slam style. Jericho wins with the Codebreaker, and this is finally over. *3/4 In the back, Josh asks Sheamus about the strap match. Sheamus asks how he's supposed to win a match favoring Mark Henry and says everyone's seen Mark's world records, but trucks don't hit back. He does. So the World's Strongest Man is going to find out what happens when he goes extreme. That wasn't an answer at all, you fucking maroon. Match #2: Kofi Kingston [c] vs. Dean Ambrose [WWE U.S. Championship] For the first time, a Shield member comes out alone. This is not very good, but it's better than the last match. It's six minutes and basically all spots, and since Ambrose is there, half of them are fun and interesting. Kofi's still the worst, but Ambrose does the best he can to make him suck less in the confines of a match like this. He eventually saves the title, sort of, and wins it from Kofi with the Headlock Driver. ** The Shield comes out and hugs Ambrose in celebration before they leave. ![]() Match #3: Sheamus vs. Mark Henry [Strap Match] This isn't very good. Problem number one is that it's only eight minutes and you need more than that to work an effective strap match. Problem number two is that in a PG environment, it's hard to make this work. Strap matches, bullrope matches, and Dog Collar matches (or any match with two guys bound together) need a lot of violence and blood to work, and if you can't do that, it's pointless. And problem three is that it's hard to work a great strap match even if you have time and the benefit of blood and shortcuts. Triple H vs. The Rock was good, but that was pinfall only. Eddie vs. JBL is the only one in WWE I can really think of, and that had blood, time, AND one of the greatest of all time. So yeah, it's two good wrestlers being handicapped in multiple ways, so of course it's not very good. Strap shots are good though, and these two work well together. They do the thing where both have three, and then Sheamus gets out of the World's Strongest Slam. He hits the Brogue Kick, and then touches the last corner to win. ** In the back, AJ is on the phone with Ziggler, and hangs up when Kaitlyn comes over. She says according to Vickie, AJ is too distraught over Ziggler's injury to face her for the title. AJ says she thought she would appreciate the extra time to focus on her secret admirer, and asks if he's too afraid to be seen in public with her. Kaitlyn says at least with Ziggler's head injury, she's no longer his #1 headache, and calls her Looney Toons. AJ is mad and says to do that again, so Kaitlyn drops the THAT'S ALL, FOLKS. She leaves and AJ says it's appropriate she's quoting a pig, so Kaitlyn tackles her, and they're pulled apart. Match #4: Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger [#1 Contender's "I Quit" Match] Managers are there, and say it with me now.,..THIS. SURE. HAPPENS. They do the double limbwork thing again and it's two average wrestlers plugged into a great formula. Benoit and Jericho had an incredible Submission Match based on dueling limbwork, but they sold and had lots of cool stuff to do instead of just slamming limbs off stuff and stomps and kendo stick shots. They also abandon double limbwork and just do stuff, which is more true to who they are, but just as middling and average. Swagger gets the Patriot Lock on, and Zeb steals Ricardo's towel and throws it in! The ref calls it, but they then use INSTANT REPLAY~ to mock some sports thing at the time that I've forgotten, and it's restarted. This should obviously mean the end to most screwy finishes if it's now allowed, but it's WWE 2013 before the summer improvement, so FUCK any of this mattering. Swagger then ends up quitting to the Cross Armbreaker. **1/4 In the back, Josh interviews Rybork. He says the difference between he and Cena is that Cena is a liar. He can spout garbage about never giving up, because words are all he has. He can never give up, but tonight, he's not GETTING up. He should have been WWE Champion six months ago, but people played by their own rules and it didn't happen. He's learned what you have to do, and tonight is his night. RYBACK RULES. Match #5: Team Hell No [c] vs. The Shield [WWE Tag Team Championship - Tornado Rules] It's kind of a shame. Team Hell No never really lived up to their potential in the ring until their last month as champions, and their best title match is the one here where they lose the belts. This is only 8 minutes, but it's SO FUCKING GREAT. Due to the stipulation, it being so short makes sense. The Shield still manages to isolate Bryan a little despite the rules by keeping Kane outside of the action at points, so this has some great flow. Kane and Bryan work together, but they aren't the unit The Shield is and forget about the guy on the floor. Kane gets hit with the Liu Kang Knee and Spear in succession, and then Bryan is alone. Reigns has him in a Torture Rack and Rollins comes off with another knee to the face causing Bryan to flip down and that gets The Shield the titles. Low level great again, but on an undercard of shorter matches than we should have seen, it's awesome to see them use the time so well. *** Post-match, Ambrose comes out, and they celebrate with the titles, leading to this amazing picture in the back. ![]() They plug the post-show. Match #6: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show [Extreme Rules] This is really good because it's fairly short for them at 13~ minutes and they get a ton of weapon stuff to use to make it all work very well. Show gets violent and Orton's putting on something like 60-70% effort here and takes some big bumps. They use chairs, a ladder, kendo sticks, etc. There's a great story of Show destroying or discarding every weapon Orton tries to use, but when the match goes on and Orton gets closer and closer, he starts to use them. His big set up as a ladder over two chairs to try a Vader Bomb, but he also pays for his weapon use as Orton moves due to the set up allowing him to recover, and Show takes a hell of bump onto the ladder. Orton follows with a Hanging DDT from the top rope now, and then the RKO, BUT SHOW KICKS OUT. Orton uses a chair, but he also pays for focusing more on causing pain than winning with a Spear. Orton recovers though with an RKO on the chair, AND ORTON BREAKS OUT THE PUNT TO DO IT. Really simple and well done stuff. *** A hype video airs for the title match. Match #7: John Cena [c] vs. Ryback [WWE Championship - Last Man Standing Match] This is again a really simple thing done right. Cena has a formula for these Cena vs. Monster LMS matches now, and while he's not getting the shot to do anything with blood or show-stealing violence like he did against Umaga (because H/Bork needs the crowd alive and some shortcuts too) and also doesn't have an opponent that good, he can still plug Ryback into enough stuff to give a great match. The spots build up and the count allows for a lot of selling from Cena and stuff to overcome, etc. It slows down some at the end near the set, but the finish is amazing as Ryback runs Cena through the huge lighting grid on the set and to the back. They're both out for 10, and Cena retains on a draw. *** A hype video airs for the main event. Match #8: Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman [Steel Cage Match] Or, The One Where They Finally Get It Right. Triple H should never have been presented as Brock's equal because it makes no sense to anyone who isn't Triple H. However, Triple H as a physically overmatched but smarter past his prime veteran is perfect against Brock, and it's so good that the first two matches seem much worse in retrospect when you realize that this match seems to take place outside the actual feud they had and with a totally different and better dynamic THAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE ALL ALONG! This feels like it took place in a world where they had their first match at WrestleMania, and Brock just ran through H when he thought he could be Brock's equal. He gets the jump on Brock as Brock comes out first to take over and then Brock gets to take some awesome cage bumps. And yeah, H can only do that for so long before Brock takes over and he has some awesome cage violence too. INSANE HIP TOSSES ACROSS THE RING INTO THE CAGE WALLS. Brock is too overzealous though, and hurts his knee, and Triple H destroys his knee. H can't contend with Brock one on one, but if he cuts out a leg, he has a real shot. The only real flaw with this so far is the SUPER loud spot calling. It does take a little away when I can clearly hear them yelling stuff. I can usually ignore a lot of that stuff, but it's so blatant here. There's a great moment where Brock panics at the start of the knee work and goes for the Kimura, and H goes to the knee to escape. Brock almost botches the first F5 because he's on one leg, and then his knee buckles on a second to let H really take over. Triple H's Figure Four and Sharpshooter aren't very good, but it kind of goes with the past his prime guy sort of deal. This is also one of those matches where the wrestlers are working a different story than the commentators are telling. And yeah, Brock's selling is AMAZING. He hobbles on it for the rest of the match and always sells it after he does stuff. Brock's the best. Triple H cuts off a climb with a chair shot to the knee against the cage and goes up, AND PULLS OUT A SILVER PAINTED SLEDGEHAMMER OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE. AMAZINGLY SMART SPOT. FUCK YEAH THIS MATCH. Brock avoids the shot, but H goes back to the knee. Paul Heyman finally comes in to save, BUT GETS THE PEDIGREE. BROCK GETS ONE TOO, BUT HE KICKS OUT! H goes to the hammer, but Heyman manages to get a low blow. Brock hobbles to the hammer and uses it to stand up, AND KNOCKS H OUT WITH THE HAMMER YEAH! BROCK THEN HITS ANOTHER F5 TO WIN! This has flaws, but I loved this match a lot and the good stuff they did was just so fucking great. ***1/2 Post-match, Brock puts the hammer in H's hands like a dead viking holding a sword. The best. |
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| Big Tuna | May 17 2014, 11:48 AM Post #84 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Raw May 20th, 2013 Kansas City, MO An ambulance comes out to open the show, and Ryback then steps out of the back. He has the mic, and climbs on top of the ambulance. He goes over the draw last night and said he beat John Cena so bad that he couldn't answer the ten count, and shows footage from backstage of Cena refusing to leave in an ambulance. Ryback says Cena is too prideful, and it's going to be his downfall. He says he's going to make John Cena leave in an ambulance and he challenges him to an Ambulance Match at Payback. He says he won't stop there and he's going to make the ambulance go to the morgue instead, and he'll send all the fans there with John Cena. RYBACK. RULES. TONIGHT: HEYMAN'S NEWEST CLIENT Match #1: Chris Jericho/The Miz vs. Wade Barrett/Fandango w/ Summer Rae This sure sucks! They don't do a lot though as it's only 5 minutes and clearly designed to set up a feud. Fandango ends up getting off the apron so Wade is by himself for all the match, and Fandango just dances with Summer to his music on the floor. Wade is hit with the Codebreaker and then taps to the Figure Four. *1/4 Post-match, Jericho and Miz run off Fandango. Jericho then dances with Summer before he shoves her away and down and leaves. Vickie Guerrero comes on the stage and in a blatant shill for the WWE App voting, says it's Jack Swagger vs. either R-Truth, Khali, or Randy Orton. I WONDER WHAT MATCH THEY WANT. In the back, Kane asks Daniel Bryan if he's ready. Bryan says now neither of them is the Tag Team Champions, and Kane says negativity isn't productive. Bryan says Kane said to embrace the hate, but he feels naked without the title. Kane says he's also not wearing a shirt or pants, and Bryan asks how he can make jokes. Kane says he's confident and knows they get a rematch, but if they want a chance, Bryan can't show weakness. Bryan asks if he's calling him the weak link, and Bryan yells that he is NOT the weak link. Kofi comes over and tries to get them together as a unit for their match, and Bryan says he'll see them out there. Match #2: Sheamus vs. Titus O'Neil w/ Darren Young This randomly gets six minutes and is actually pretty solid. They really slug the shit out of each other and get stiff and violent. Titus has some awesome strength spots and throws too, and Sheamus is good when he actually has some stuff to fight back from. Sheamus does his thing with the White Noise and then wins with the Brogue Kick. ** Paul Heyman comes out and he introduces the new Paul Heyman guy...and it's fucking Michael McGillicutty. Not like Kassius Ohno or Antonio Cesaro or any rebranded lower card guy with amazing skill but lacking charisma like a Tyson Kidd or Drew Mac or even a big return. NOPE. FUCKING JOE HENNIG. He says his name is Curtis Axel now. This is clearly not an actual Paul Heyman guy, but there's guys like this before. See, Heidenreich. Triple H comes down when Heyman keeps saying Axel's new name over and over, and he gets the mic. He tells Curtis to step aside while adults are talking, and basically buries him immediately. H says he want to war last night, and he lost. Triple H says he'd like to beat the crap out of him though, just because he can. Axel stands up for his new manager and challenges H tonight and says the game's changed. H drops him with a slap and accepts and says he'll beat up Paul after. Not a great debut. Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Big E. Langston Ricardo and AJ are on the floor. This was a decent four minutes, and Big E had a great block to the Armbreaker on the floor by casually swinging ADR into the post. Otherwise, this sort of just happened, and AJ raked ADR's eyes allowing Langston to win with the Big Ending. ** TONIGHT: SHIELD VS. KOFI/HELL NO Match #4: AJ vs. Layla Solid 2 minutes, and AJ wins with the Black Widow. *1/2 Match #5: Cody Rhodes vs. Zack Ryder This is joined with both in the ring before the bell, so it's clearly a set up for something. They at least have a decent 2 minute Cody squash before whatever it is, and it ends cleanly with the Beautiful Disaster. Ryder gets more TV time in 2013 than I remembered so far, even if it's jobber stuff exclusively. Not like his talent level warrants anything else though. *1/2 Ryback comes out, and Cody bails. Ryback hits Ryder with the Shellshocked, and then carries him up the ramp. He puts him into the ambulance and then drives it out of the building. The Shield comes out for the match, and they get the mic first. Ambrose says they brought power back into these titles, and now Kofi Kingston and Team Hell No believe. The Rock didn't believe either, and they broke him down. The Undertaker didn't believe, and now he's resting piece. Ryback didn't believe, and they broke him down so bad that he snapped, and the real reason John Cena was carted off last night is because of what they did to him. One by one, they all go down by the swift arm of justice. Rollins says he's heard it said that justice is blind, but after what they did last night, justice can see just fine and everyone else can now see justice. Rollins says the scary part is that this is just the beginning. Reigns says the ending stays the same. You put them in front of them, and they take them out. The Hounds of Justice run this yard. BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD. Match #6: The Shield vs. Team Hell No/Kofi Kingston This also gets a ton of time at 19 minutes. FUCK YEAH SHIELD. KOFI HAS ANOTHER GREAT MATCH BECAUSE OF HOW AMAZING SHIELD V. BRYAN IS. They get a great control segment on Kofi, and they have that mark of a great in-ring trio or quartet, which is that they're all so different, so a control seg from The Shield is so varied and different from match to match. The key to making a Kofi match this great is that he's basically a warm body for control segments and a generic dive, so he doesn't get to actually be Kofi Kingston. Bryan has a great hot tag, and then is also isolated. Ambrose is super vicious, Rollins has a lot of cool moves, and Reigns is the best power guy in the company. They keep yelling that Bryan is the weak link, which makes him go even crazier on the comeback, and Kane gets the hot tag. KANE EVEN HAS SOME FUCKING HUSTLE IN HIS STEP FOR ONCE. BRYAN AND KOFI HIT OPPOSITE SIDE STEREO TOPES. FUCK YEAH. Kofi is sent into the post though, and Ambrose suplexes Bryan on the floor. Kane tries to Chokeslam Reigns, BUT ROLLINS FLIES IN WITH THE LIU KANG KNEE TO SAVE! AND REIGNS SPEARS KANE FOR THE WIN! Best Shield match yet. ***3/4 In the back, the doctor tells Triple H that he has a head injury from last night, but he doesn't care. In the back, Kaitlyn and Natalya talk about who the admirer is. Cody Rhodes walks by and Natalya steals his phone to check his messages, and it's not him. But he is posting pictures of his mustache to the internet. Obviously, Randy Orton wins the vote. Match #7: Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter These two had a really good match in 2010 that was still kind of boring even while being worthwhile. Swagger has only gotten worse and worse and more boring since then, and while Orton is a better babyface than he was in 2010, he's not a carrier. This gets like 13 minutes and I'm glad WWE is giving dudes more time now, but this was the wrong match to do that with. Orton has his leg worked over sort of in that noncommittal Jack Swagger style. Orton's not super into selling it either, and works at I wanna say 35% effort here. Orton actually gives Swagger some counters to his stuff, because fuck life. Orton then hits the RKOUTTANOWHERE for the win. ** Match #7: Triple H vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman This is not very good. It's more of an angle than anything, and Triple H is more affected by the head injury than anything Axel does. Meanwhile, Curtis Axel is a guy pegged as boring. Good mechanically, but lacking in any kind of intangibles or presence or charisma. This is his big shot against one of the top guys ever, and he...proves everybody right. God damnit, Joe/Michael/Curtis. His work on the head is good, not great. It's also the kind of thing where clearly anyone worth a damn would have been able to capitalize when H is groggy after every move, but Axel just keeps getting beaten up. H eventually stays on the floor and keeps drinking water and sits down and the show and match just kind of ends. *3/4 Okay then! |
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| Big Tuna | May 17 2014, 12:35 PM Post #85 |
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WE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE NXT May 22nd, 2013 Orlando, FL Match #1: Sami Zayn vs. Curt Hawkins Good showcase for the debuting student of El Generico. He's got a lot of his trainer's stuff down and does it maybe even a little better than Generico at points. It's a very rare thing to debut in a place and immediately be the best guy there, counting NXT as its own separate world, and Zayn is clearly the best NXT-only guy on the shows. Tons of fire, super crisp, great selling, lots of cool offense. Ohno was previously the best, but he's still kind of handicapped by a lot of booking and his opponents, and Zayn is much more versatile. He wins with a neat Springboard Tornado DDT. ** TONIGHT: BRAY WYATT VS. COREY GRAVES A horrible video on Corey Graves airs. UGH STAY DOWN SHUT UP. I HATE YOU. Match #2: Antonio Cesaro vs. Yoshi Tatsu Fun minute squash. Yoshi has his awesome kicks and some flying, but then Cesaro shuts him down hard with the Pop Up European, and then wins with the Neutralizer. * Post-match, Cesaro gets on the mic and asks where the competition is. He says there's nobody that can hold a candle to what he does in the ring on any show, BUT SAMI ZAYN COMES OUT! He asks if he said he has no competition, and Cesaro says he's a bright one. Zayn says he's competition and says something in Arabic and asks if Cesaro speaks that one, and says it in French. Cesaro says to make his day, and the match is on! Match #3: Antonio Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn Cesaro matches up just as well with Generico's student as he did the Generic Luchador himself. Weird. This isn't great yet, because it's only five minutes and the story they're telling doesn't require a great match here. Cesaro dominates the new guy aside from a few pockets, because the story of the feud is Sami's slow progression, but as the first chapter here, it was amazing. Zayn takes some awesome stuff, his comebacks rule, etc. Cesaro blocks an inside cradle and deadlifts him up for a Suplex, BUT ZAYN GETS OUT INTO A SCHOOLBOY FOR THE UPSET! YEAH! **3/4 Post-match, Cesaro attacks and hits the Neutralizer. A video then airs on Bray Wyatt. This is pretty smart, as they clearly understand that a bunch of people are now watching this episode alone for the debut of Zayn. RAW REBOUND! The debuting Enzo Amore comes out to the ring with the mic. He says he's a certified G and a bonafide stud and he sees a bunch of fake tough guys. Everybody's real until a real situation shows up. Everybody's a G until a G walks in the room. BADA BOOM. REALEST GUY IN THE ROOM. Oh my god, he's amazing. I want to see him die, and then I regret that, as Mason Ryan comes back. Match #4: Mason Ryan vs. Enzo Amore Well, this is a Mason Ryan squash, so it's super awful. 1/4* RAW REBOUND #2! Match #5: Bray Wyatt w/ The Wyatt Family vs. Corey Graves Bray does the best he can, and looks the best he has yet. Bray makes this work basically on his own with his awesome offense and cut offs. Graves takes some really shitty bumps on all the big stuff, like he's afraid of getting hurt or something. There's some interference and then Bray wins with Sister Abigail. ** Kassius Ohno runs out for the save, but he gets a 3 on 1 eventually, and is also hit with Sister Abigail. |
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| Big Tuna | May 17 2014, 01:37 PM Post #86 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Smackdown May 24th, 2013 Wichita, KS featured an opening in-ring segment of Miz TV in which Mike Mizanin said he would soon regain the WWE IC Title and then introduced Fandango, with Summer Rae, as his guest to discuss his actions in the tag team match on Raw - leaving WWE IC Champion Wade Barrett to dance with Summer Rae at ringside; moments later, Barrett interrupted with comments towards both men, with Miz noting he would challenge for the title later in the night; Barrett responded with an elbow to the face and the two brawled until Barrett escaped to the floor and Miz was held back by referee Mike Chioda Match #1: Wade Barrett [c] vs. The Miz [WWE Intercontinental Championship] This is joined after the break, and Fandango is watching at ringside. Miz is extra strength bad here and botches or makes everything look terrible, and Wade isn't really putting in any effort either. This is really bad. Fuck this match and feud. Fandango decides to save a horrible Miz match with dancing at ringside, and then saves us from the match continuing any longer and kicks Miz in the head for the DQ. 3/4* Post-match, Fandango hits Miz with the Flying Legdrop, and then Wade hits Fandango with the Bullhammer before he leaves. In the back, Kane goes to Bryan and says he knows he's upset, but they're still a team. THEY lost the tag titles, and HE lost on Monday. Bryan asks if he's saying he lost because he wasn't there, and he know what everyone is thinking. HE IS NOT THE WEAK LINK. Match #2: Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter Swagger is now back to his natural state as a jobber to the stars. This is basically a five minute Bryan showcase as he just uncorks all of his super super heated hot tag stuff on Jackie Swagger. He goes back to his roots with the fucking head of Jack Swagger getting kicked in and then puts on the Yes Lock to win. **1/4 Kane and the referee have to pull him off post-match. Bryan yells that he's not the weak link. The opening of Raw and Rybork's promo is re-aired. Damien Sandow is in the ring and says in recent weeks, competitions of brute strength have taken precedence over intelligence, and this is appealing to the lowest common denominator. The camera pans out and he's in the ring with a table and Matt Striker. Sandow says he has a Gordian knot here, and tells the tell of the knot and how no man could untie it and asks Striker as an educated man to try and untie it. Striker sort of tries it and can't, and Sandow says he just renewed his idiot license and embarrassed the Substitute Teachers Union of America, and he's what's wrong with the education system. Sheamus then comes out and says he finds it troubling that this is what he does with his time. Sheamus says he's pretty smart and he can solve this puzzle. Sheamus takes too long, and Sandow says to watch and learn. AND SANDOW PULLS OUT BOLT CUTTERS AND CUTS THE KNOT. AMAZING. Sheamus says he got them and he tries the Brogue Kick, but Sandow rolls out. He says he knew he would resort to brute force when he's not smart enough. Sandow says nobody can rise to his mental challenge, so Sheamus then throws Striker through the ropes into Sandow like a fucking bully, and says that's Newton's law of gravity. Oh my god, Sheamus is such an asshole. Match #3: The Big Show vs. Chris Jericho This was not very good. This is kind of weird as Show just sort of goes away for a while after this if I remember right, and not after the death punt. Show does stuff, and Jericho is Jericho in the year of this review. They fight on the floor and Jericho hits the Codebreaker on the floor, which should really hurt him more than Show. But he gets back into the ring to win by count out. *1/2 Show brings a chair in, but Jericho gets it and runs him off with the chair. RANDOM STRONG JERICHO BOOKING NOW, GO. The Heyman/H/Axel stuff from Raw airs. Before the match, Paul Heyman gets on the mic and he brags that his new client left Triple H dazed and confused on his first attempt, and beat him so badly that Triple H physically could not continue a match for the first time in his career. Match #4: Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman vs. Sin Cara This is a 3 minute squash, but for some reason, it's under Sin Cara's lighting. Good stuff from Sin Cara though, and like always, Axel is competent and good, but not very interesting. He wins with the McGillicutter, and needs a new finish and a new finish name. *3/4 Match #5: Dean Ambrose [c] w/ The Shield vs. Kofi Kingston [WWE U.S. Championship] This is all of two minutes or so, before The Shield attacks Kofi for a DQ. They pretty clearly held back here, which is fine, because it's a set up for something else. 3/4* It's a 3 on 1, but Randy Orton and Sheamus run out to even it up! They get The Shield out of the ring, and Teddy Long comes out to make the match! Match #6: The Shield vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus/Kofi Kingston This is only around 10ish minutes and not the 15-20 they've been getting on Raw, BUT HOLY SHIT, IT'S STILL FUCKING GREAT. The Shield again figure the only way to get a great match when Kofi Kingston is in there is to let him do as little as possible. Great control stuff, and Orton has an awesome hot tag, but it's a swerve as they isolate him AFTER ROMAN HITS THE SUPERMAN PUNCH ON THE APRON WHEN ORTON STICKS HIS HEAD THROUGH! FUCK YEAH! Control seg on Orton rules, but he hits his awesome Superplex and tags in Sheamus. Sheamus has the best hot tag of his life and it's great because he's constantly looking around to make sure they're all taken care of, but he forgets Roman when he's trying to win the match. He takes out Rollins with the Brogue Kick, BUT ROMAN KILLS HIM WITH THE SPEAR. ORTON HITS THE RKO TO ROMAN ON THE FLOOR THOUGH! FUCK YEAH EFFORT! Kofi finally has to get in and gets a hot nearfall off of a fucking Crossbody. That's how good this is. Rollins trips him up in the corner though, and Ambrose hits the John Woo Dropkick and then the Headlock Driver for the win. ***1/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 17 2014, 03:35 PM Post #87 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Raw Calgary, Alberta, Canada May 27th, 2013 My bad. Accidentally x'd out of this when I was reviewing the main event, and I guess it got lost when I tried to re-open it. Oh well. featured an opening graphic noting Memorial Day; included an in-ring promo by WWE World Champion John Cena, to a mixed reaction, in which he discussed his no contest match with Ryback the previous week; the crowd eventually chanted "We want Bret," with Cena noting they were in Calgary and Bret Hart would be honored but that would be later; Cena then said his match with Ryback would be 3 Stages of Hell at Payback with the first being a lumberjack match, the second a tables match, and then an ambulance match; moments later, Ryback interrupted and said he himself was the devil; after Ryback went backstage, Paul Heyman interrupted and introduced Curtis Axel, then saying Cena could face Axel later in the night if he was looking for a fight; Cena then accepted; featured an ad promoting '12 Rounds II;" included an ad promoting the WWE app; featured a "Did you know?" graphic which read the previous week's Raw was the most watched entertainment show on cable TV for the 10th straight week; included a backstage segment in which Daniel Bryan & Kane discussed whether Bryan was the weak link, with Kane saying the only one who thought Bryan was the weak link was Bryan himself; moments later, Bret Hart said Bryan & Kane were one of the best tag teams but their tension could tear them apart; Hart then said he thought Bryan was one of the toughest WWE superstars he's seen and left; Kane then questioned why he could say the same thing and have it no matter, with Bryan saying Hart was the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be whereas Kane was just Kane; featured an ad promoting Hire Heroes USA; included exclusive footage following the previous week's show of Triple H being tended to; featured an ad promoting WWEshop.com; included the announcement a portion of sales on this date to WWEshop.com would go to Hire Heroes USA; featured a backstage segment in which Shawn Michaels warned Cena about going out later in the show, with Cena noting Michaels too wasn't one to heed advice; included a Memorial Day naration by Cena in which he thanked those who served the country; featured an in-ring semgnet of the Highlight Reel in which Chris Jericho introduced his guest as Paul Heyman and questioned him about the whereabouts of CM Punk; after Jericho claimed Heyman was just as shocked as the rest of the world when Punk walked out of the ring weeks earlier, Heyman said he and his client would comment further in the coming weeks; Jericho noted the next pay-per-view would be in Chicago and Punk could prove he was still the best in the world by facing him at the show; Heyman then accepted the challenge on behalf of Punk; included an ad promoting the WrestleMania 29 DVD and Blu ray; featured a look at the Rock starring in 'Fast 6,' the top movie in America; included a backstage segment with Axel and Bret in which Axel said Bret might have known his dad but not him; Axel then told Bret to enjoy his night while he goes off and beats the WWE World Champion; featured a vignette promoting the debut of the Wyatt Family; included a video package on the WWE's partnership with the National Guard; featured the announcement Randy Orton would face WWE US Champion Dean Ambrose on Smackdown: Alberto Del Rio pinned Big E Langston (w/ AJ) at 4:18 with a roll up after Langston hit the unprotected corner head-first; Ricardo Rodriguez served as ADR's ring announcer for the match; during the bout, World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler cut an insert promo from his iPhone in which he said seeing Langston deliver more beatings was getting him healthier; late in the match, AJ removed the turnbuckle padding; after the contest, AJ yelled at Langston about the loss before he turned and left the ring without her ** WWE US Champion Dean Ambrose pinned Kofi Kingston with the modified bulldog at 8:32; during the bout, Randy Orton & Sheamus were shown backstage discussing the Shield; after the bout, WWE Tag Team Champions Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns celebrated with Ambrose in the ring before the appearance of Daniel Bryan & Kane; moments later, Bryan & Kane brawled with the Shield and tossed Ambrose to the floor *3/4 WWE Tag Team Champions Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns defeated Daniel Bryan & Kane at around the 20-minute mark when Rollins pinned Kane with a springboard knee to the head, moments after Bryan leapt to the floor and was speared by Reigns; during the bout, WWE app footage showed Darren Young & Titus O'Neil cutting a backstage promo on wanting the tag team titles; late in the bout, there were chants of "This is awesome;" after the match, WWE US Champion Dean Ambrose came out to celebrate (the bout began during the commercial break) ***1/4 Fandango (w/ Summer Rae) pinned WWE IC Champion Wade Barrett in a non-title match at 1:47 after guest referee Mike Mizanin dropped Barrett with the Skull Crushing Finale; a WWE app poll determined in what capacity Miz would serve in the match - guest ring announcer, time keeper or referee; following the commercial break, Jerry Lawler announced the results of the poll - 5% for time keeper, 10% for ring announcer, and 85% for referee; during Fandango's entrance, it was announced Alberto Del Rio & Miz vs. Barrett & Big E Langston would take place on Main Event; after the match, Miz kicked Fandango in the head and then counted a pinfall after a dazed Summer Rae fell on him 1/2* The Great Khali (w/ Natalya Neidhart & Hornswoggle), Brodus Clay & Tensai (w/ Cameron & Naomi) defeated Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, & Jinder Mahal at 3:05 when Clay pinned Slater with the splash after Khali chopped Slater in the head; prior to the bout, WWE app footage showed 3MB interrupting Natalya's birthday party backstage; after the bout, Clay took the mic, noted it was Natalya's birthday, and then had Khali sing Happy Birthday to her 1/4* Nikki & Brie Bella defeated WWE Divas Champion Kaitlyn & Natalya Neidhart at 3:31 when Natalya was pinned after Kaitlyn accidentally speared her partner, and was then knocked off the apron by the Bella; after the match, the Bellas took the mic, sang Happy Birthday to Natalya, and called her a loser 3/4* Randy Orton & Sheamus defeated Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow at 15:44 when Sheamus pinned Sandow with the boot to the face; during the bout, WWE app footage showed Paul Heyman giving Curtis Axel a pep talk backstage **3/4 Curtis Axel (w/ Paul Heyman) defeated WWE World Champion John Cena via count-out in a non-title match at 11:56 when Cena left the ring to approach an ambulance that drove into the arena; during the bout there were dueling chants for Cena; after the contest, Ryback ran from backstage to brawl with Cena, with Cena avoiding being put through the entrance stage before Axel was announced the winner ** |
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| Big Tuna | May 17 2014, 04:22 PM Post #88 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE NXT May 29th, 2013 Orlando, FL TONIGHT: THE BATTLE ROYAL Match #1: The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt vs. Sawyer Fulton/Travis Tyler Really good squash for the champs for a minute or two. Harper beats one of them with the Rolling Lariat. *1/2 From the studio, Stephanie McMahon announces an NXT Women's Championship and a tournament to begin next week. Match #2: Emma vs. Audrey Marie This is Marie's last match, I think, so Emma mostly just gets to do stuff as a showcase. Marie is not happy about the dancing at all, and Emma keeps dancing during stuff. She wins with the Emma Lock. *3/4 In the back, Renee Young tries to interview Scott Dawson and Garrett Dylan, but a greasy Frenchman says he is the manager and he talks. He tells them to come with him and says to make some money. Match #3: Scott Dawson/Garrett Dylan w/ Sylvester LeFort vs. Brandon Traven/Jake Carter He is named during the intro. The redneck team is pretty solid, although nobody here is really great. They do a lot of mean and nasty face punching and fish hooking and nose pulling, and all that great type of stuff. Dawson has a fantastic Double A Spinebuster, and Dylan follows with a fucking Double Axe Handle to Traven on the mat for the win. He's gonna need something better there. *1/2 Match #4: Big E. Langston vs. Derrick Bateman This is also the last match for Bateman, as the second dumbest WWE release of 2013 after Ohno. Big E at least squashes him good and wins with the Big Ending. * Post-match, Langston hits it again for the FIVE count. He then joins commentary for the battle royal up next. RAW REBOUND! Match #5: #1 Contenders Battle Royal There's eighteen dudes here, and it's most of the roster. The standouts are the usual folks - Ohno, Neville, Bray, etc. Ohno and Bray have some awesome exchanges. This sees the debut of young Rusev as a warm body to be eliminated, as well as a return of a jobber form Aiden English. Mason Ryan eliminates a lot of the jobbers. FUCK IT. HE JUST THROWS EVERY JOBBER OUT. Including poor Yoshi Tatsu. And then he fucks this up by press slamming Zayn out onto all the jobbers, so it's down to Mason, Bo, Neville, Ohno, Graves, O'Brian, and Bray. NEVILLE ELIMINATES MASON WITH A RANA! YEAH! Hero and Graves team up to throw Conor out, AND THEN BRAY COMES AND TIPS THEM BOTH OVER AND OUT! Bray has an awesome run of offense on the remaining two, but Neville gets rid of him. Neville then carries Bo through an ending sequence and has an awesome spot with one foot of his on the floor and using the BOTTOM rope to get back in. Bo gets his knees up on the Red Arrow and throws him out to win. UGH TERRIBLE. Awful result, but this was super well laid out and flew by. **1/2 |
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| Big Tuna | May 17 2014, 06:24 PM Post #89 |
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Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett, Main Event (May 29th) Midcard Sheamus is awesome. He's still an awful character as the Sandow feud illustrates, but when he gets like 15-20 minutes like this and can get into a slugfest, he's a very good wrestler. These two work well together as always, and this is their best match yet. The start isn't amazing, but it's not as slow as usual. Wade breaks out his awesome Cactus Elbow. He continues some cool stuff and they have a great finishing run instead of just Sheamus' comeback. Lots of cool counters that I was caught off guard by, and Wade tries what gave him his biggest win so far in this MWAY iteration with throwing Sheamus into the post and then trying the Bullhammer, but Sheamus gets a stationary Brogue Kick instead of running with it and gets the win. *** Antonio Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel, Main Event (May 29th) Not great like that one, but a fun showcase for Cesaro again. He does his basic stuff and it looks amazing. Gabriel sort of comes back, but Cesaro cuts that off with an amazing Rear Chinlock. He basically chokes him out with it and then hits the Neutralizer for the win. This was more of an effective squash than a great one, but hey. *3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 17 2014, 08:19 PM Post #90 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Smackdown May 31st, 2013 Edmonton, Alberta, Canada TONIGHT: KANE/ROLLINS. BRYAN/REIGNS. ORTON/AMBROSE. Match #1: Kane vs. Seth Rollins Bryan and Reigns are on the floor. This was a lot better than their Main Event match from before the PPV, as it went maybe like 5-6 minutes instead of 10-15. Rollins did more than just bump around too as he got in a bunch of offense. They did a Half Crab as the hold coming back from commercial, and Kane actually sold that a little coming back. The ref deals with a Reigns distraction, AND IT ALLOWS BRYAN TO GET THE SHIELD BACK AND HE PUSHES ROLLINS OFF THE TOP! CHOKESLAM, AND KANE PINS ROLLINS! **1/4 Match #2: Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns Again, tag partners on the floor. This is fucking great. This is also only six minutes unfortunately, so it's more of a bunch of Bryan stuff and Reigns not showing everything he can do. Hard to be mad at a match being cut short as part of an angle when the angle is both this fucking great and leads to amazing matches AND they get a chance to have a real match later in the year. Rollins helps push the bottom rope to Reigns to break the Yes Lock, and then Kane hits him with the Big Boot. Reigns slaps Kane from the ring, so Kane punches him and the ref calls a DQ. **3/4 The Shield leaves with a won, and Bryan is mad. Bryan yells that Kane doesn't think he can do it and he tried to help him. Kane says Bryan's the best in the world, not the weak link, and Bryan says he doesn't need anybody's help and he can do it on his own. Kane says to get over it, and Bryan storms off. included an in-ring segment in which Damien Sandow made fun of the crowd and introduced his game of hiding a ball underneath one of three cups; moments later, Sheamus interrupted, noted Sandow got the best of him the previous week with the knot, but wanted a try at the cup game; Sheamus guessed the wrong cup, with Sandow insulting him before offering him another try with just two cups; moments later, Sheamus took one of the cups from Sandow as the crowd chanted "Show your ball," with Sheamus revealing Sandow hadn't hid the ball under any of the cups; Sheamus questioned how, if Sandow was so smart, how did he get caught cheating and then kicked him in the face Before the next match, Heyman gives Curtis the mic and he brags that he's undefeated, and he beat Triple H and John Cena in back to back weeks. Match #3: Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman vs. Sin Cara This is now two minutes. Cara has some decent stuff and Joe is a surprisingly good lucha bumper. He wins with the Perfect Plex, which is an upgrade for him, although it's not a good move as it draws focus on how he's clearly NOT his dad. *1/2 Match #4: Alberto Del Rio vs. Big E. Langston This goes four minutes again, so I guess we're just going to do this exact match with different endings until Ziggler comes back? This is the worst of their matches as it has the least of the ADR showings. Instead of just doing his cool kicks, he does some shitty babyface offense. AJ rakes his eyes on the floor though, and Langston shoves him into the post. He brings him in, and hits the Big Ending to win. *3/4 RAW REBOUND! They then air Cena/Axel again. Ryback comes out for his match in an ambulance again. Match #5: Ryback vs. Kofi Kingston This is back where Kofi belongs. Ryback pretty much destroys him and then wins with Shellshocked. * Post-match, Ryback puts a table into the ring, and he Powerbombs Kofi through it. He does this two more times with two different tables, and then leaves. In the back, Renee Young interviews Chris Jericho and asks about his match at Payback. Jericho says if you sleep with dogs, you get fleas, and when you associate with Paul Heyman, you get so much more than that. He makes up a bunch of shitty dog diseases to try and be funny and says he's going to spay and neuter CM Punk. Holy shit, we're a long fucking ways removed from 2008 Chris Jericho micwork. That was just sad. Match #6: Chris Jericho vs. Cody Rhodes Cody does what he can, but Jericho is just, ugh. His mediocrity makes me so upset. Jericho does stuff, has a shitty comeback, and wins with the Walls of Jericho. *1/2 The first Wyatt Family teaser airs. Match #7: Randy Orton vs. Dean Ambrose Another decent one, but Minimal Effort Randy shows up to this episode, so it's the worst of the three Shield matches tonight. Randy starts to make his comeback, and then Reigns and Rollins come out and they attack him for the DQ. ** Kane and Bryan come out to save, and ignore Kane because this is the sort of famous part where BRYAN CLEANS HOUSE ON ALL THREE SHIELD MEMBERS AND IT'S THE GREATEST FUCKING THING EVER. Everyone YES's to end the show, and this is also probably when that comes back for good. |
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| Big Tuna | May 17 2014, 08:30 PM Post #91 |
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Top 10 Matches - May 2013: 1. The Shield vs. Team Hell No/Kofi Kingston, Raw (May 20th) 2. Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar, Extreme Rules (May 19th) 3. John Cena/Team Hell No vs. The Shield, Raw (May 13th) 4. The Shield vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus/Kofi Kingston, Smackdown (May 24th) 5. The Shield [c] vs. Team Hell No, Raw (May 27th) 6. Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett, Main Event (May 29th) 7. John Cena [c] vs. Ryback, Extreme Rules (May 19th) 8. Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose, Smackdown (May 10th) 9. Kofi Kingston [c] vs. Antonio Cesaro, Main Event (May 1st) 10. Randy Orton vs. The Big Show, Extreme Rules (May 19th) This is the first month in 2013 that every match in the top 10 was *** or higher. Congratulations, WWE! You're great again, even if it's mostly on the back of one story! Wrestler of the Month: Daniel Bryan - 21 Points Tag Team of the Month: The Shield - 19 Points |
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| Big Tuna | May 18 2014, 12:27 AM Post #92 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Raw June 3rd, 2013 Hartford, CT Horrible McMahons stuff to open the show! Nope! featured an opening segment in which Stephanie McMahon was introduced, entered the ring, and said she had made an executive decision to not allow Triple H to compete as scheduled later in the night against Curtis Axel; after the crowd booed, she told them to try not to be so selfish and the decision was not theirs to make; moments later, Vince McMahon came out, asked the crowd not to boo his daughter, and said they care more about Triple H than they do; after the crowd chanted for Triple H, he reminded them WWE is about family entertainment and not a blood sport; McMahon said the crowd chanted "One more time" after Kofi Kingston was put through a table, and he wasn't going to risk the health of his son-in-law; Vince then said Axel was beneath Triple H and maybe the crowd was too The Shield comes out with them in the ring, and in another subtle thing that makes sense after the conspiracy is revealed in August, they allow the McMahons to leave when previously attacking basically everyone. Match #1: The Shield vs. Randy Orton/Team Hell No YES. FUCK YEAH SHIELD STUFF. FUCK YEAH BRYAN AGAIN. This is so cool to watch as it's a time period where Shield is making the leap to becoming an all-time great team AND Bryan is putting on the kind of work to go down as one of the greatest of all time, and they're using each other to do it. Control seg on Kane is good, and then Randy gets in for the first hot tag. He's isolated with some cool stuff, and Ambrose is particularly great as he steals a lot of basic Orton stuff with the stomping sequences and Lou Thesz Dick To Face to taunt him. They have great cut offs, and YEP. BEST HOT TAG EVER. Awesome stuff at the end too. Kane tries a Double Chokeslam, but Reigns pushes his hand off Rollins, who hits an Enzuiguri, and Reigns follows with the Spear. BUT ORTON SLIDES IN AND RKOS ROLLINS! FUCK YEAH, I'M CHEERING FOR ORTON WHAT IS GOING ON. RKO ON REIGNS - NO! REIGNS SHOVES HIM INTO BRYAN, AND AMBROSE HITS BRYAN WITH THE HEADLOCK DRIVER TO WIN! Each time, I feel like I find something new and awesome about Shield matches. This time, it's how within a span of 10 seconds, the faces seem to have the win wrapped up, and then it's over in the blink of an eye. ***1/2 TONIGHT: ADR/LANGSTON AGAIN BECAUSE FUCK YOU In the back, Orton argues with Bryan and says he wants to beat The Shield as much as them, but it didn't happen yet and things just happen. Bryan asks if that's an apology and says he knew Kane thought he was the weak link, but now he knows Randy does too. Bryan says they don't respect him, and Kane says he's lost touch. Bryan says reality is that he's the weak link and until he beats The Shield, he hasn't proven anything. Bryan says he'll have to find another way to do it, and he's going to have another match and he's going to beat the respect out of someone and maybe then they'll finally respect him. included a backstage segment in which Triple H arrived to the building, walked into Vince's office, and confronted he and Stephanie about taking him out of his match; Triple H said he was wrestling and questioned who was going to stop him, with Vince telling him not to do something he might end up regretting Match #2: The Usos vs. The Prime Time Players This is JIP after the commercial, and the Usos now have their face paint and can become great with all the pieces together. They sell it big on commentary that this is sort of a psuedo #1 Contenders Match. PTP have a decent control seg but then dat Usos hot tag. Flying Splash ends it. ** Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Big E. Langston Ricardo and AJ are both there. And holy shit, this goes just under five minutes again. The Shield stuff shows that whoever's laid out TV in the last month understands that things build, but they have just been running this match for three Raws now in lieu of any kind of mic work for ADR/Ziggler (which I can assume is at Payback in 13 days, but hasn't been announced) or even angles. This is whatever, and as Big E tries to roll backwards out of the Cross Armbreaker, ADR grabs his leg and holds him down on the mat for a pin. *3/4 Damien Sandow comes out to do commentary. Match #4: Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes This is a solid five minutes. Sandow claims that he wasn't caught cheating on Smackdown, because he's a magician and vanished the ball. They do a great job of changing up some of the traditional Sheamus spots and Cody does a great job of constantly moving around for position on the mat when in control to make it feel like a real contest. Unfortunately after all that, it ends abruptly with the White Noise followed by Brogue Kick. ** Post-match, Sheamus goes to shake Sandow's hand. After being bullied for the last two weeks, Sandow obviously refuses so Sheamus fakes leaving and cheap shots him with the Brogue Kick. SERIOUSLY, WHAT AN ASSHOLE. HE'S MAKING SANDOW INTO A BABYFACE. In the back, Triple H leaves and says he's going to wrestle Curtis Axel next week. In the back, Bryan kicks stuff and Ryback comes over and says to watch it. Bryan asks or what he'll do and says he doesn't intimidate him. Ryback says he put Kofi Kingston in surgery, and Bryan says he's not afraid. Ryback says to prove it and fight him and calls him small guy. Bryan says to underestimate him and see what happens. Ryback says he knows what happens because Bryan is the weak link. And after tonight, he's the missing link. ![]() In the back, Vince finds Heyman and Axel. He says he likes Curtis Axel, and says they're not going to see that match with Triple H next week, but he still likes him. Paul is happy and goes to leave, but Vince books John Cena vs. Curtis Axel tonight in a No DQ match! Match #5: Fandango vs. The Great Khali This is pretty bad. The women are on the floor, and then Fandango leaves to take the count out loss after 90 seconds. 1/4* The Miz comes out to stop Fandango from leaving, BUT THEN WADE COMES FROM BEHIND WITH THE BULLHAMMER. EAT SHIT, MIZ. Fandango leaves down the side of the ramp, and Cole says it's Wade/Miz AGAIN next. Match #6: Wade Barrett vs. The Miz This is all of three minutes after being JIP and is them going through the motions on their tenth fucking match or whatever. Wade is in control, and Fandango comes out to distract Wade. Miz comes back, and he wins with the Figure Four. This is the worst feud. Why does the IC Title even exist? 3/4* Coming back, Jerry Lawler is in the ring, and he brings out Chris Jericho and Paul Heyman for a contract signing for Jericho/Punk at Payback. Heyman signs immediately and asks if Jericho is really ready to face the BEST IN THE WORLD. Jericho asks how he can be the best in the world when he's not here and says HE'S the best in the world. As he has shown by losing every important match he's had since 2012, including a bunch of them to CM Punk. And of all people, CHRIS FUCKING JERICHO SAYS YOU CAN'T CALL YOURSELF THE BEST WHEN YOU GO ON VACATION? WHAT? A bunch of stuff cut out with Jericho's horrible jokes, and Jericho says he knows where to file the paperwork, and he shoves it down Paul's points. Match #7: AJ/The Bella Twins vs. Kaitlyn/The Funkadactyls This sucked. The last time this match happened, it was perfect as it was all AJ in the ring and what not. Now, she refuses to get in to fight Kaitlyn, and the Bellas do a bunch of awful stuff, and Kaitlyn ends up beating one of them with the Spear. Not enough Naomi on offense either. 3/4* In the back, Kane talks to Bryan before his match. Kane says this is crazy and says fighting Ryback tonight is a mistake when he's already worked and Ryback is hurting people. Kane says Bryan has nothing to prove to him or anyone else, and Bryan thinks about it and shakes his head. HE'S WRONG. HE HAS SOMETHING TO PROVE, AND BEATING HIM WILL PROVE IT. AND HE'LL PROVE IT ON HIS OWN. He tells Kane to stay away from him tonight and says he doesn't want him anywhere near him tonight. Kane says he's got it, and says he's out of here and says to call him when he finds his mind. Another Wyatt Family vignette airs. "Send us somebody. Just don't send anyone you want back." Match #8: Daniel Bryan vs. Ryback Best Ryback match ever, as Bryan continues his recent streak of refusing to have bad matches. He takes a bunch of huge bumps for Ryback and Ryback does fine for himself, and then DAT FUCKING COMEBACK JESUS CHRIST. He gets close with the Yes Lock, but Ryback gets out to the floor. He dodges the Tope Suicida to send him into the announce table, and then puts a table in the ring. He Powerbombs Bryan through the table for the DQ. *** John Cena then runs out and clears Ryback from the ring and the main event is next. Match #9: John Cena vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman [No Disqualification Match] Again, as I was saying in the review of the 5/27 Raw before I was an idiot and x'd out, this sure fucking happened. Cena is competent and Axel is competent, but Cena isn't really interested in having a great match here, so it just sort happens because Axel can't force greatness. He can barely force above average. There's a table at ringside, and Ryback comes out and he rams Cena through it. Cena is then counted out so Axel gets another super cheap win. ** |
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| Big Tuna | May 18 2014, 01:13 AM Post #93 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE NXT June 5th, 2013 Orlando, FL JR comes out to preside over the contract signing, and brings out Big E. Langston and Bo Dallas. Big E. signs and Bo says he wants to say something. The crowd chants NO MORE BO and says last week, Big E. looked at him like he was a joke and he's not a joke. He says Langston's moved to bigger and better things like WrestleMania and being best friends with the World Champion, and he's doing things that HE should be doing, and he'd do anything for the NXT Title. He says he needs to be champion, and it will take three seconds. This starts a FIVE chant. He goes to sign, but Big E stops him. He says he earned respect for Bo when he saw him fight Big Show last year, even though he got knocked out. He says Bo might want to be him, but he's the baddest man NXT has ever seen and Bo is a geek. He probably lives at home with his momma and sleeps in his pajamas with footies on them. He wakes up smiling, goes to sleep smiling, smiles everywhere, and he can't be him. He's gonna crush his dreams, and do it in FIVE. Bo signs and shoves the contract at Big E and leaves. FIVE. In the back, Renee Young is with Corey Graves and asks about the Wyatt Family and his tag title shot. Graves says tonight, the Family falls. He says he doesn't play games and The Wyatt Family is fighting a one man army, and they're going to stay down. She says Ohno is his partner and Graves says he doesn't like him, but he wants the Tag Titles more than he dislikes him. He then poses with his stupid hand tattoos. What an idiot. Match #1: Tamina Snuka vs. Paige [NXT Women's Championship Tournament - Quarterfinals] Boring few minutes, all due to Tamina barely showing up. Tom Phillips is an idiot and tries to say that Tamina has WWE Championship bloodlines despite Jimmy Snuka never actually winning anything important besides Best Murder Cover Up 1984. Tamina does her squash stuff, and then Paige gets her knees up on the Superfly Splash and cradles her to win! * In the back, Renee interviews Kassius Ohno. She talks about his apology and then attack by the Wyatt Family. He says his plan of attack is to attack. Bray likes to surround himself with fortress with his impressive army, but he's diving headfirst into the fortress walls, and he's going for the gold. He says Corey Graves wants to be this lone wolf, but it didn't work out so well for him. It's not about them, it's about taking from Bray Wyatt. Match #2: Mason Ryan vs. Colin Cassidy FUCK YEAH BIG CASS DEBUT. This was bad though, since Mason Ryan is the worst. Rack Neckbreaker gives him the win. Look at him. Look, he runs like a Welshman. 1/4* In the back, Renee interviews Sami Zayn. She talks about his debut a few weeks ago, and Zayn says it was a good night. He says he'll hand it to Cesaro for being great, but he was just better, and maybe on other nights too. Cesaro comes over and says all he got was a cheap win. Zayn says the only cheap thing was his attack after the match. Cesaro says he's ticked him off, and that won't end well. He says to meet him again in the ring, and Zayn says he accepts if Cesaro tells him where he got his sweet purse. Cesaro slaps him, so they have a pull apart. Match #3: Conor O'Brian vs. Alex Riley Another bad squash here, but less bad in comparison to what it followed. Other Ascension Dude watches from the stage, and Conor thankfully has a new finish. He makes A-Ri tap out to a sort of Octopus Stretch on the mat named the Stockade. 3/4* Match #4: The Wyatt Family [c] w/ Bray Wyatt vs. Kassius Ohno/Corey Graves [NXT Tag Team Championship] This was great! I'm kind of pissed Hero and Harper dragged Graves to a great match and he gets points for it, but it was also easily the best Graves performance ever. He had some decent jabs and didn't do a lot, but was confined by two veterans in Hero and Harper to only doing the things he's good at. Good Wyatt control segs again and Hero had a killer hot tag. Great moment as he fakes out Brodie to put his hands up when he rolls, expecting a kick or elbow and blocking, BUT HERO INVENTS A ROLLING HEADBUTT WHAT THE FUCK? AMAZING. Graves takes out Rowan, but then Bray cheap shots Hero. GRAVES HITS A FUCKING CORKSCREW PLANCHA ON BRAY WAT. Harper knocks him off the apron though and catches Hero getting up from the cheap shot with the Rolling Lariat to win. *** |
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| Big Tuna | May 18 2014, 01:56 AM Post #94 |
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Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro, Main Event (June 5th) FUCK YEAH THIS PAIRING. WWE is now dropping the great matches on almost every show. I assume Smackdown will continue being super super mediocre unless a Shield tag happens. This pairing is always great, but this is a legitimate classic match and one of those matches where everything that can go right goes amazingly right. It's only 13 minutes and sort of a new age Benoit/Regal (although not as great) in that everything has some goal and nothing feels wasted. Super great matwork early on and lots of struggle over everything. They tease stuff that's paid off and have revenge spots using the post. Cesaro goes to the arm when he's in trouble, leading to an incredible counter of the White Noise as CESARO BREAKS IT UP WITH AN UPSIDE DOWN KIMURA, THEN GOES INTO A CROSSFACE CHICKENWING. There's an extended Crossface Chickenwing sequence on WWE TV in 2013. Cesaro knocks Sheamus out of the air with a European Uppercut and breaks out an amazing Flying Knee Drop. Sheamus blocks the Neutralizer and tries the White Noise again, BUT CESARO GETS THE UPSIDE DOWN KIMURA! SO SHEAMUS RUNS BACK AND HITS IT INTO THE TURNBUCKLES JESUS CHRIST. Cesaro gets up and Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the win. **** The Usos vs. Team Rhodes Scholars, Main Event (June 5th) Hey, yeah! This gets 10ish minutes and is a really great match again too! WWE TV has turned a huge corner for match quality, it seems. The Usos have their fun stuff in the first half before the heels take over. Flying Forearms and uppercuts and kicks, and then Cody does some awesome stuff. Sandow does alright and doesn't bore me to tears, but it's really Cody's control segment with lots of vicious basic stuff. Great Usos hot tag and finishing run. Cody runs into a Superkick and then a Flying Splash and the Usos win again. Turns out that when you give a talented team a little bit of flourish, a decent amount of time, and consistent wins, they'll get really over. *** |
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| Big Tuna | May 18 2014, 03:21 AM Post #95 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Smackdown June 7th, 2013 Long Island, NY TONIGHT: JERICHO/AXEL! Not sure why I capitalized that. My bad. The show starts with Miz TV, and he brings on Orton and Team Hell No as his guests. Miz mentions that Bryan was pinned by The Shield and Bryan stops him. He says before he starts to stir the pot, he wants to say something. Bryan says he's had a lot of time to think since Monday, and he knows Randy didn't intend to hit him and says Kane is the best partner a guy could ask for, and he pushed him away when he was trying to help against The Ryback. Kane asks if he's letting go of the weak link garbage. Miz asks if Bryan thinks he gets the respect he deserves, and Bryan says sometimes. Miz asks if other times he feels like a goatfaced vegan troll, and Orton says to watch what you say to the kid because his head's all messed up. Bryan says his head is NOT messed up, and Kane disagrees. Bryan asks if he's messed up because he wants people and his partner to respect him. Kane says they and everybody respect Daniel. Orton says he tends to respect him less and less the more he whines about being the weak link. Kane says to let it go and says they had The Shield beat before. Bryan agrees and says UNTIL he got caught. He didn't get caught because he's the weak link, but because Randy got in his way. Miz asks Randy how he feels and Kane tries to end this. Bryan yells at Kane to have his back and not his, and Kane yells that he's always had his back, but he's REAL tired of him not trusting him. Bryan asks why he should and asks how many times he's left him with The Shield alone and when people call him the weak link, Kane halfheartedly comes to his defense, and says Kane was FORCED to team with him. If he had Randy or John Cena or anybody but him, HE'D BE OUT OF HERE IN TWO SECONDS. AND KANE SAYS HE'S HAD ENOUGH AND LEAVES, AND SAYS RANDY'S ON HIS OWN. Miz asks if they just broke up, and Bryan asks if this is his fault too. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. Teddy comes out and goes to default setting and books Bryan and Orton vs. Reigns and Rollins! YEAH SHIELD TAG TO SAVE SMACKDOWN! Before the next match, Heyman brags about his client beating Triple H and scoring two consecutive victories over the WWE Champion. Axel says he's beating another former World Champion tonight, because he's PERFECT. Match #1: Chris Jericho vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman This sure happens. Jericho is the first over guy to be fed to Curtis Axel as part of his "LOOK AT HIM. REACT OR SOMETHING. HE'S BEATING PEOPLE YOU LOVE." push for 4-5 months here. He's totally competent and makes a fine jobber to the stars like he had been doing on NXT. He's exactly the dude Jericho should be beating to build himself back up for the Punk match. Jericho is whatever too when he's the one who would have to lead this. At least he's gone in July, I think. Jericho has it sewn up, but Paul points to the stage AND CM PUNK'S MUSIC HITS! Jericho is distracted by the ruse and Curtis schoolboys him for the win. *3/4 In the back, Ryback finds Kane and asks if he liked him putting Daniel through a table and says he bets he'd like to do that. KAne says he'd like to see him try that on him, and Ryback says he knows Ryback rules. Kane says he's tombstoned a priest, lit a man on fire, and buried his brother alive. Whatever his rules are, they don't apply to him. Hahahahahahahaha, the "top" heel just got punked out by Kane. On the plus side, nobody watches Smackdown. The Wyatt vignette from Raw airs. RAW REBOUND: H STUFF EDITION! Alberto Del Rio vs. Heath Slater is supposed to happen, but 3MB jumps him before the bell. He fights them all off with cool kicky stuff AND THEN RICARDO DOES A DIVE FUCK YEAH! ADR celebrates with him in the ring, but via satellite, DOLPH ZIGGLER DOES THE SLOW CLAP. YEAH! HE'S BACK! He congratulates him and says that was great for someone's not him. He says stealing the spotlight is kind of his thing, and says he's just been cleared so he's going to show off in his face this Monday on Raw. Match #2: Ryback vs. Kane Hey, this sucks again. This is at least like five minutes instead of ten, but yeah. Lots of shitty punches, sloppy power offense, and really just the worst kind of generic WWE main event power fighting between a super average guy and a kind of shitty power guy. A table is set up and Kane fights back, but Ryback Powerbombs him through it for the DQ. 3/4* Coming back, Damien Sandow is in the ring on the mic. He says Sheamus has failed all his intellectual challenges, and this is because he is not now and will never be his intellectual equal. He says there is no man who is his intellectual equal and says he's seen preschools with higher standards than Nassau Community College. The camera then pans out and Sandow says his only computer is Deep Blue, a supercomputer. He says this is the machine known for winning the greatest chess match in history and it knows no equal. It says he is too kind, AND HE YELLS "SILENCE" AT THE COMPUTER. Sandow says he will challenge and defeat Deep Blue in a chess game, and says this may take some time. This feud is kind of weird logically, but these segments are the best thing Sandow has ever done and among the best things any "intellectual" heel has ever done. Sheamus comes out to interrupt. He says he can beat this computer in one move, and Sandow laughs and says he's on television and says not to embarrass himself. Sheamus asks if he's scared and Sandow says to give it a try. SO SHEAMUS BROGUE KICKS THE COMPUTER WHAT THE FUCK. HE IS SUCH A BULLY. Sandow is mad and Sheamus asks if he wants to go. Sandow punches him in the mouth finally to stand up for himself and Cole calls it a cheap shot. Sandow having enough of the bullying and showing some courage is such a great face turn. Sandow keeps throwing him into the wood table he had set up and gives the bully what he deserves. In the back, Randy Orton tells Bryan that Kane's gonna be okay and Bryan says he didn't ask Kane to stand up for him, but he's glad to hear that. Orton says to put all his problems aside tonight so they can team up, and Bryan says he doesn't have problems, and he has a mission. He says he's going to be the one to beat The Shield and tells Orton to stay out of his way this time. Orton says he's not Kane, and while they're partners, they're not PARTNERS. He's not going to humor him like Kane, and while he respects what he can do, he doesn't like him. The Miz joins commentary for the next match. Match #3: Fandango w/ Summer Rae vs. Zack Ryder This is a two minute Fandango showcase so whatever. He wins with the Flying Legdrop, and they've given these Long Island retards their precious hometown jobbers. 3/4* They re-air most of Rybork/Bryan from Raw and then a chunk of Cena/Axel. Match #4: The Shield vs. Randy Orton/Daniel Bryan This is only nine minutes because hey, fuck, we needed to see the last 20 minutes of Raw, I guess. But again, here's the thing. I've grown sort of accustomed to saying matches can't be GREAT with this little time, but it's been so long since people used time this well. Look back at the best eras. In 2000, H, Benoit, Jericho, Rock, etc. all regularly had great matches with 5-10 minutes. A lot of the SD6 stuff too. And Bryan and The Shield are in that rarefied air where it seems like as long as they get at least that much and REALLY get to go, THEY WILL ALWAYS HAVE GREAT MATCHES! Bryan's hot tag is awesome again, and as long as the body of the match is at least good (which you can say for this), his insane hot tag will elevate a match to being great. REIGNS IS HIT WITH THE RKO! BRYAN ACCIDENTALLY DROPKICKS ORTON IN THE CORNER THIS TIME, BUT HE TAKES DOWN ROLLINS INTO THE YES LOCK ANYWAYS! THEY'VE GOT IT, BUT AMBROSE COMES FROM THE CROWD FOR THE DQ! *** Post-match, Bryan runs off Rollins and Ambrose, but when they're gone, Orton spins him around and hits the RKO! |
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| Big Tuna | May 18 2014, 04:25 PM Post #96 |
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Raw June 10th, 2013 Richmond, VA Match #1: Triple H vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman This isn't a match so much as an angle, but it's a surprisingly entertaining angle that revolves around Vince and Triple H both being lunatics. The match itself goes maybe two minutes and whatever, and then Vince McMahon comes out. He rings the bell and says the match is over and Curtis Axel wins. He leaves, and Triple H then restarts it. Vince comes back out and says it's over, so Triple H makes it a sixty minute iron man match. Vince cancels it, and steals the ring bell, so the match never starts again. Wonderful fuckery. NO CHANCE TONIGHT: CENA/RYBORK FACE TO FACE! KAITLYN'S ADMIRER REVEALED! included a backstage segment in which Triple H and Stephanie McMahon discussed Vince McMahon's actions at ringside, with Stephanie begging Triple H not to hurt Vince; Triple H eventually told Stephanie to go talk to Vince because it wouldn't end well if he did it himself Match #2: Kane vs. Dean Ambrose This is decent enough. Kane's not having a great singles match in 2013, period, but Ambrose does a good job making it decent for 7ish minutes. The other two members of The Shield come through the crowd when Kane looks like he's about to win, and they cause the DQ. ** Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton run out separately to make the save. The Shield retreats and Bryan and Orton argue. TONIGHT: BRYAN VS. EITHER REIGNS OR ROLLINS. VOTE ON THE APP In the back, Bryan and Orton are arguing again, and Kane tries to keep the peace. Brad and Vickie come over and they say it's the Shield vs. Bryan and Orton for the Tag Titles at Payback! Kane asks why he's not in the match, and Vickie says by virtue of his win, he's going to challenge Ambrose for the US Title at Payback. Coming back from break, Lawler announces that it's Bryan vs. Seth Rollins tonight. Cole then says on commentary, it will be Orton/Reigns too. Cole says from what he understands, Bryan and Rollins have never faced in their careers. My gut actually burst from laughing. PAYBACK PRE-SHOW: SHEAMUS VS. DAMIEN SANDOW! That might actually be good, based on Sheamus' good streak in real matches lately. Wade Barrett comes out to do commentary, and since Fandango was injured with a concussion or something, it's now Wade/Miz for the IC Title at Payback, because fuck this belt. Match #3: The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes Another waste of Cody as Miz runs through him in two minutes and wins with the Figure Four. The bits of Cody doing stuff were good enough to make this not completely useless, but yeah, The Miz is close to the worst. Kofi and Bo Dallas and a few other NXT dudes are the only ones stopping him. *1/4 Post-match, Paul Heyman comes out and announces that Fandango's spot in the triple threat match will now be filled by Curtis Axel! MARK HENRY RETURNS NEXT WEEK YEAH included a backstage segment in which Stephanie found Vince, who said he was doing the best thing for buisness and told her to keep Triple H away from him prior to the bout, Jericho listed the many top stars he has faced on Raw over the years, then noting CM Punk out of all of them was the man that takes him to the limit; Jericho then said they both shared the mindset that they were the best and said Punk-Jericho III was a match he had to win; moments later, Ziggler, with AJ & Big E Langston, interrupted, discussed his concussion, and said he went out every night to earn his title; Ziggler then said he would do it again at Payback against ADR; Jericho then goaded Ziggler into a match, with Ziggler sending Langston out instead Match #4: Chris Jericho vs. Big E. Langston w/ Dolph Ziggler & AJ Decent enough. Langston has a great power game yet again, and Jericho seems to be trying. He's replaced the shitty axe handle with a great looking Crossbody that he probably should have been doing all along. ADR comes out to throw Ziggler into the apron and it distracts Big E, so Jericho can hit a Codebreaker for the win. ** Zeb Coulter is on commentary for the next match, and he complains that Sin Cara has no respect for America, and says he likes Cesaro for coming to America properly and learning the language. Match #5: Antonio Cesaro vs. Sin Cara Really good 4 minutes with these two again. Cesaro has a bunch of cool bumping and is the best base for Sin Cara. Cesaro wins clean this time with the Neutralizer. ** featured a backstage segment in which Vickie ate a Hardee's burger, noting they were sponsoring the show; moments later, Vince walked in and said Vickie was putting the Ryback vs. WWE World Champion John Cena match at Payback in jepoardy by having them face to face later in the show; Maddox then suggested having the lumberjacks for the match ringside to ensure the two don't get physical Match #6: Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns Both Bryan and Rollins are on the floor. This is decent enough for a below 50% Orton effort. Reigns did cool stuff and controlled and then clearly they were holding back for a match between them one day that actually matters that we still haven't gotten to. Interference happens for the DQ. ** Bryan comes in to save, and his match is next. Match #7: Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins These two have had a million matches since January 2008 it feels like, but this was the best. It's pretty much all action and thusly can't really be on the level with a lot of the Shield tags as of late, but everything was super crisp and amazing, and it flowed very very well. Reigns gets on the apron to interfere, but Orton sweeps his legs out. Bryan dodges a Stinger Splash and gets the inside cradle for the win. *** Post-match, Rollins tries to attack, but Bryan hits a head kicks and Randy hits Rollins with the RKO! Kaitlyn comes out to the ring and says she wants to know who her secret admirer is and asks them to come out now. AND IT'S BIG E. LANGSTON! Kaitlyn is surprised and Big E. says he never knows how to express himself like this, but she's all he can think about. They go to kiss and he dips her for it, BUT THEN THROWS HER DOWN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Big E. leaves, and AJ comes out. Langston high fives her and AJ asks if she feels worthless and alone like she felt when she abandoned her. AJ says she's been used by men for the last year while Kaitlyn chased the title. AJ says she was shattered, but shattered glass cuts pretty deep. Kaitlyn says she's crazy, but AJ says she's smart and can beat her where it counts. She gets to shove her off the pedestal now and says Kaitlyn is trash. Kaitlyn cries instead of beating the shit out of her. This was great in theory, but the execution was kind of weird. Still though, I want to see Kaitlyn kill AJ now, so job well done. Match #8: Damien Sandow vs. R-Truth Squash by Sandow. He has a few decent things, but a year in, he's still very much throwing stuff against the wall in-ring-wise. Sandow does a new Side Effect type move for the win. *1/2 Sheamus comes out to steal the spotlight unnecessarily, and says he'll see him in Chicago. included a backstage segment in which Vince and Triple H argued in the office, with Stephanie caught in between; moments later, Stephanie yelled at them to work it out and stormed off; Vince then said Triple H was bigger than a match against Axel, and should act like the man; Vince then said Triple H could have his match the next week if he wanted it, with Triple H agreeing with Vince that he didn't need the match; Vince then said he wanted to see it, with the two arguing more until Stephanie walked back in and offered a group hug featured a closing segment in which Sheamus, Mike Mizanin, Darren Young, Titus O'Neil, R-Truth, Curtis Axel, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Sin Cara, Zack Ryder, Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre, the Great Khali, Jimmy & Jey Uso, WWE IC Champion Wade Barrett, Kane, Ted Dibiase Jr., Antonio Cesaro, William Regal, Langston, Bryan, and others surrounded the ring; moments later, Cena came out with Ryback then appearing out of the back of an ambulance and standing at the entrance stage; Cena then took the mic and said Ryback was scared to face him in the ring; the two then had words about their upcoming match, with Cena eventually going to the floor twice in an attempt to go after Ryback but was pushed back into the ring by the lumberjacks; moments later, the two began fighting as all of the lumberjacks held them apart as the show ended |
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| Big Tuna | May 18 2014, 10:08 PM Post #97 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE NXT June 12th, 2013 Orlando, FL TONIGHT: LANGSTON/BO FOR THE BELT! Antonio Cesaro jumps Sami Zayn before the bell, and rams his ribs first into the post before their match. Match #1: Antonio Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn This is fucking great. They get like 10-15 now and it's the best non-Regal match in the history of NXT at this point. Insane Claudio strength spots, awesome Sami Zayn selling and bumping that he clearly picked up quick from his trainer who was the best babyface of a generation. Awesome awesome awesome awesome comeback with a few nearfalls like the Claudio's Weakness Cascading Yoshi Tonic. They play off the finish to the first match, but Cesaro kicks out of the schoolboy and into DAT REAR CHINLOCK. He gets him up and then hits the Neutralizer to win. *** Match #2: Scott Dawson/Garrett Dylan w/ Sylvester LeFort vs. Baron Corbin/Travis Tyler Syl is just the sleaziest looking dude ever. Another great Dawson performance and Dylan is alright too. The rednecks had the same kind of shitty finish too, which is a shame. *1/4 Match #3: Bayley vs. Alicia Fox [NXT Womens Championship Tournament - Quarterfinals] Babyface Bayley is here! This is only like two minutes, which is upsetting, but it was good enough. Bayley has THE OFFENSE~ and Alicia wins with dat Scissors Kick. *1/2 A hype video airs for the main event. Match #4: Big E. Langston [c] vs. Bo Dallas [NXT Championship] On his probably last match, Langston shows how ready for the main roster he is as he carries the shit out of Bo and basically squashes him to make this good. Bo doesn't get to do anything, so this is the best he's looked in a match yet. Bo pulled down the top turnbuckle though, and shoved Big E into it twice before the Shitty Belly to Belly wins him the title. ** Post-match, the crowd turns their back on Bo and boos. |
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| Big Tuna | May 19 2014, 01:41 AM Post #98 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Big E. Langston, Since 1/9/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Smackdown June 14th, 2013 Greensburo, NC TONIGHT: SHIELD VS. HELL NO/ORTON Daniel Bryan comes out to open the show, and he gets on the mic. He says if you asked him when he debuted in the WWE if he would be the World Champion, he would have said YES. If you asked him if he would lose it in 18 seconds, he would have said no. If you asked him if he could win the tag titles with anyone, he would have said YES, but he never thought he'd spend nine months with the Devil's Favorite Demon. But that doesn't change the fact that Team Hell No is one of the best tag teams in WWE history and asks Kane to come out here. Kane comes out and says this isn't the time or place for this and he's interested in their match tonight and that alone. Bryan says he's sorry that he's about to win the titles with someone else and they won't be teaming anymore. Kane asks if he's breaking up with him or something, and says the same thing will happen when he wins the US Title. Bryan says he could be right, but they could still team if he did that, but not when he and Randy win the tag titles. Kane asks how he can call it a given when even they couldn't beat The Shield and he despises Randy Orton. Bryan asks if he's saying he doesn't think he can do it, and Kane says he doesn't. Bryan asks if it's because he's the weak link and says they're going to win, AND HE'LL PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT HE IS NOT THE WEAK LINK. FUCK YEAH. He says if they win, then maybe it means Kane's the weak link. He chokes Bryan, but Randy Orton runs out to break it up. He says he needs Bryan at 100% for Payback so he needs them to not do this. The Shield comes on the tron from backstage and says not to mind them because they want to watch. Ambrose says he'd be mad if he gotten beaten up for six months, but they're mad at each other and not us. Ambrose says every super team has put together has found out that The Shield is untouchable and asks if they believe in The Shield yet. Tonight is going to be like every other night. Reigns says they're going to lose tonight and this Sunday, and that's why the hounds run this yard. Match #1: Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro YEAH THIS AGAIN FUCK YEAH. Obviously not as good, but a great 7-8 minutes. Cesaro gets the absolute best out of Sheamus every time, and Sheamus is kind of a bump freak in these kind of slugfests. Lots of cool moments and awesome shots, and Sheamus hits a legitimately out of nowhere Brogue Kick for the win without even making his usual comeback. *** As Sheamus celebrates on the stage, Sandow runs and attacks from behind. A hype video airs for CM Punk's return. Match #2: The Great Khali vs. Heath Slater Everyone is here on the floor, and this is exactly the bad type of match you would expect. BUT SLATER WINS WITH A BASEMENT DDT FUCK YEAH. 1/4* Match #3: Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston vs. Alberto Del Rio/Chris Jericho AJ and Ricardo are on the floor. This is decent enough for seven minutes, but it is no Sheamus/Cesaro. Jericho seems to try a little harder against Big E and Ziggler, and while Ziggler isn't in a lot, he's real good here. ADR has a good hot tag of his near kicking, and gets ANOTHER pinfall win over Ziggler with a cradle. Although credit to WWE, they do a great job of making it look like Ziggler is winning. Y'know, since he basically HAS to win this match at Payback to be taken seriously as a top guy. Hey, wait a minute. God damnit. ** They re-air the AJ/Kaitlyn seg from Raw. Kaitlyn vs. Aksana is supposed to happen, but Kaitlyn destroys her and the match never happens. RAW REBOUND! There's supposed to be a Wade/Axel match, but Wade gets on the mic. He says there's a chance he could hurt the new Paul Heyman Guy, and there's even a SLIGHT chance he could be hurt, and asks if it doesn't make business sense for this match not to happen. Paul is intrigued by this, so Miz comes out to make gay jokes and oh god damnit, we're getting a Miz match. Or not. The match happens anyways. Match #4: Wade Barrett vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman This is like a minute before Miz interferes on Wade and Curtis hits the McGillicutter to win. 1/2* Post-match, Miz hits Axel with the Skull Crushing Finale. Match #5: The Shield vs. Randy Orton/Team Hell No This should have been the PPV match, but whatever. It's amazing. AGAIN. They do the classic Shield stuff in the first two thirds, but also have some great touches building on past matches like Rollins blocking the Double Hanging DDT and them figuring out how to swarm Kane to immediately cut off his hot tag. Bryan has THE best hot tag of his career so far and everything cool about them is seemingly doubled here. They build off the previous Shield wins too, with Bryan surviving a cradle after missing the Diving Headbutt here, and Orton avoiding being thrown into Bryan again. KANE CATCHES REIGNS TRYING TO SPEAR HIM THROUGH THE BARRICADE THIS TIME HOLY SHIT TLC CALLBACK. KANE CHOKE THROWS REIGNS AND AMBROSE OVER THE TIMEKEEPER'S BARRICADE THIS TIME HOLY SHIT! ROLLINS HITS THE BUCKLE BOMB, BUT KANE PUSHES HIM OFF THE TOP INTO ORTON'S RKO! BRYAN PUTS ON THE YES LOCK, AND ROLLINS TAPS! THE SHIELD FINALLY LOSES AND I'M MARKING OUT BRO! ***1/2 If this is on PPV when people watching have zero idea it's coming (or even on Raw), this would go down as an all-time great memory. But it's on a taped show in one of the more baffling decision in WWE in recent memory. Still, amazing job and kind of a masterclass of building things up for like six months and then paying them off in beautiful order. |
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| Big Tuna | May 20 2014, 07:41 PM Post #99 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Dolph Ziggler, Since 4/8/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett, Since 4/8/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: Kaitlyn, Since 1/14/2013 NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 Match #0: Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow This gets 10ish minutes, so it's okay. Sandow has a few cool ideas like a sort of elevated baseball slide under the bottom turnbuckle and around the post to Sheamus. He has some decent mini control segments, still with a few problematic parts, but Sheamus then comes back fairly easily all the time. Sheamus is getting MUCH better about working the rope clubbing spots more organically into his matches too. To make up for the creativity, he beats Sandow with the White Noise and then Brogue Kick sequence. **1/4 ![]() WWE PAYBACK 2013 JUNE 16TH, 2013 GOD'S COUNTRY THE ALLSTATE ARENA CHICAGO, IL Match #1: Wade Barrett [c] vs. The Miz vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman [WWE Intercontinental Championship] Decent enough 10 minutes. Wade and Curtis' stuff looked real good for the most part here, and the layout helped a lot, so this is one of the better Miz matches of the year. Axel has a Saito Suplex that either looks super great or looks really terrible. It's great here. Good counters near the end, and a really smart finish too. Miz has the Figure Four on Wade, BUT AXEL COVERS WADE WHILE HE'S TRAPPED FOR THE WIN. **1/2 Post-match, Axel celebrates a ton. Joe winning his dad's belt on Father's Day is a nice little thing. MARK HENRY: RETURNS TOMORROW NIGHT! moments later, Axel and Heyman celebrated backstage until they were confronted by Triple H; without saying a word, Triple H wouldn't allow Axel to pass until Vince McMahon appeared and congratulated both Axel and Heyman; after Axel and Heyman left, McMahon talked about how excited he was to see Triple H vs. Axel on Raw, with Triple H saying he wasn't interested Match #2: Kaitlyn [c] vs. AJ w/ Big E. Langston [WWE Divas Championship] This is really good, but not the amazing match it was hailed as at the time. I think a lot of that had to do with expectation, but it's still a really good match by any standards. Perfect big/little deal with a sneaky little one for once in a Divas match of this style. Kaitlyn's also pissed and keeps making mistakes so AJ can take over. Some good counters and shit, and Kaitlyn has it won with a Spear, but wants to punish AJ more. She misses another and hits the turnbuckles, and AJ puts on the Black Widow to win the belt. **3/4 Post-match, Kaitlyn cries. In the back, the other divas hug her. Another Wyatt Family vignette airs. Match #3: Dean Ambrose [c] vs. Kane [WWE U.S. Championship] Again, this is whatever. 2013 Kane doing slow and plodding 2013 Kane stuff and Ambrose trying the best he can to have some decent stuff in between all of that. Some stuff happens and they give Ambrose probably the cleanest win a non-mastodon heel's going to get on Kane. He DDTs him on the floor and then gets in to win by count out. *3/4 RVD RETURNS AT MONEY IN THE BANK ![]() Before the tragedy, we get this shining moment of rare success by Team Rocket in their last real moment. ![]() Match #4: Dolph Ziggler [c] vs. Alberto Del Rio [World Heavyweight Championship] Everyone is on the floor, and this is EASILY their best match. It's the best ADR performance ever and probably Ziggler's too, although there's a lot more to pick from with him. The concussion is a thing pretty much immediately and Ziggler takes hellacious bumps on everything so it looks deadly to his head. The referee is clearly corrupt too, as after ADR shoves Langston first, Langston is ejected for shoving him back. Ziggler continues with amazing rag doll selling and ADR gets more and more aggressive and dickish, and they do a really organic double turn. Of course, this is easy to do when you have a babyface who still isn't over despite having like one loss in the last six months and a heel that everyone's wanted to turn face for like a year and is actually a relatable human being and not just "LOOK AT ME I LOVE AMERICA AND HATE BULLIES". Anyways, Ziggler is down on the floor after a head kick and refuses to have the match stopped. ADR hits another kick to the head and throws him in before punting AJ's belt. Ziggler has a comeback, but can't really capitalize, and ADR hits a nasty Basement Superkick to win. ***1/2 Post-match, Ziggler is helped to the back by AJ and referees to a huge ovation. Yeah, fuck it. Lets use Ziggler's momentum to try and get ADR some heat. Maybe this time, it'll actually fucking work, unlike when he feuded with Sheamus for six months, beat Big Show, won the Royal Rumble, etc. This match feels like the first part to an amazing story where Ziggler comes back as a babyface to regain the title, but that never fucking happens because Ziggler getting over and being a real champ was never really part of the plan. They adjusted the match so it would work better, but not the actual story. Classic WWE. Fuck who's actually over and fuck what anybody wants, the Chosen Ones are going to be World Heavyweight Champions, god damnit, and they're going to go over your favorite people until you fucking react. 2012 had Sheamus, and 2013 has Del Rio. PLEASE DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. ADR comes back out and says to give it up for the new champion. The boos aren't half as loud as the Ziggler chants. YA FUCKED UP. A hype video airs for Punk/Jericho. Match #5: CM Punk w/ Paul Heyman vs. Chris Jericho Holy shit, what a disappointment. Muttonchops Punk is known for kind of just going through the motions with a few exceptions, but this isn't even totally on him as much as it is Jericho. This is textbook 2013 Jericho trying to do a lifeless super indy kind of epic. Matwork that goes nowhere and meandering basics in the first half, and finisher kickouts for the sake of them in the second because that's just what you do to make a match epic these days. Punk wins with two GTS's in a row. Blegh. ** Match #7: The Shield [c] vs. Randy Orton/Daniel Bryan [WWE Tag Team Championship] This is good, because it can't not be, but it's a low level great match compared to their other stuff together. Reigns has amazing power stuff, Rollins plays his part really well, Orton tries, and Bryan is Bryan. The control segs were fine and then Bryan's hot tag ruled. Orton and Bryan almost hit each other on accident again, but they stopped it. Orton then saw the Spear coming and moved away, but Bryan got mowed down. He hits Reigns with the RKO, but Rollins throws Orton out and hits Bryan with the Blackout for the win. *** A hype video airs for the main event. Match #7: John Cena [c] vs. Ryback [WWE Championship - Three Stages of Hell] If not for Cena/Rock, this could have been the worst WWE Title match on PPV in 2013. They give them three of the absolute worst gimmick matches ever in Lumberjack, then Tables, and then Ambulance. Cena is a great big match worker, but these require some impossible miracles to make work, and he doesn't have that in him for someone as rough as Ryback. Ryback gets the first one with a pin in the lumberjack match with the Shellshocked. Tables match is the best of all of them, I guess. Cena puts him through a table with the FU. Then the ambulance match is whatever. They have a terrible fight on top of the ambulance to set up a terrible spot at the end. Cena FUs Rybork through the roof of the ambulance to win. Blegh. You can buy something like JBL getting Chokeslammed through the roof of his limo because of the sun roof or someone being put through the stage, but this is just bad. *3/4 |
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| Big Tuna | May 21 2014, 02:24 PM Post #100 |
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The Master and Ruler Of The World
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WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013 WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013 WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013 WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013 NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013 NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013 WWE Raw June 17th, 2013 Grand Rapids, MI ADR and Ricardo come out to open the show and basically gives up on this face experiment once and for all. He says people say his win was controversial but Ziggler beating him was controversial. He says he gave the fans everything, but they gave him nothing and cheered for Dolph Ziggler. He said they even chanted "USA" after he beat Jack Swagger at WrestleMania, so he's back to fighting for himself. He says he's the best, and CM Punk and Paul Heyman come out. Punk says the last time he saw ADR with a belt was when he beat him for the WWE Championship and held it for 434 days. Punk says there's only one best so he's here to challenge him. Heyman stops him and says his clients don't fight for free, but Punk cuts him off and says he doesn't want a title shot when Ziggler deserves one, but he wants a match to prove he's still the best. ADR says no, but Vickie and Brad come out, and Vickie makes the match. TONIGHT: VICKIE'S BIG SURPRISE! BRYAN VS. ORTON! In the back, CM Punk talks to Paul Heyman. He says he told him last night and he'll tell him now and Punk says he doesn't need his help to win matches like Axel or Brock, because he's the best in the world. He says he's never been Paul's client, he's his friend, and while he'll always be a Paul Heyman Guy, he doesn't want him out there anymore. Wade Barrett comes out for his title rematch, but Vickie comes out and says instead of his rematch, he's facing someone else, AND CHRISTIAN RETURNS! YEAH! This should be a fun two months before he's hurt again. Match #1: Christian vs. Wade Barrett Christian is STILL just the best. He takes some awesome bumps, has a killer dive, and gives Wade a lot before a cool little finishing run of counters and shit, ending with the Killwitch. And he does this all in three minutes. That's the sign of an all time great like Christian, that he can show up and immediately make 75% of the roster look like they have no fucking idea what they're doing. ** Another Wyatt Family vignette airs. There's voting for Orton/Bryan, and it doesn't really matter because this vote was 11 months ago, guys. Match #2: Sheamus vs. Team Rhodes Scholars This is also only like 3 minutes, but keeping in WWE's continuing trend into becoming a good promotion over the summer, it actually goes how a handicap match between a big tough guy and two sneaky smaller guys should. He beats them up for a bit, but he gets distracted with one, and Sandow schoolboys him for the win. Not amazing, but it at least wasn't upsetting. *3/4 Post-match, Sandow airs, and Sheamus hits Cody with the Brogue Kick. There's a rumor that Mark Henry is retiring tonight. RVD. MONEY IN A BANK. included a backstage segment in which Vickie, with Brad Maddox, spoke to Triple H about ADR vs. Punk, Christian's return, and Rob Van Dam's return, with Triple H finding negatives in Vickie's performance on each; Triple H then told Vickie to make an example of the Shield later in the show In the back, Kane talks to Daniel Bryan. Bryan stops him and says he doesn't want to hear him say that he told him so and says Kane's happy because Team RKNo didn't win the titles and it means he's still the weak link. Kane says he also lost last night, and he's not ever called him the weak link. Bryan says he doesn't want to be a part of a team anymore, and says the only way he'll be able to prove he's not the weak link is beating Randy Orton tonight and eventually winning the WWE Championship. Kane says he wants that too, and they both sort of agree to move on. A NO DQ match is chosen as the stip. Match #3: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton [No Disqualification Match] Really good, but almost entirely due to Bryan. Orton was back to barely trying here and just sort of did stuff with half-assed effort while Bryan was Bryan. He broke out a missed Tope Suicida into a header on the rail, and then his comeback was awesome. Randy started trying near the end, because he's a finishing run guy. Then it ends abruptly as Orton hits his Back Suplex on the barricade thing. The ref and the doctor check, and the doctor says to stop it. What, he doesn't get the option like Ziggler did? I get it's for safety and shit and this wasn't part of the story, but this comes off horribly a night after an angle involving something like this. **3/4 included an in-ring promo by WWE Divas Champion AJ, with Big E Langston, in which she said she is a good example for women everywhere and there was no one as strong, brilliant, and corageous as her; AJ then challenged any woman backstage to come out if they thought they were as strong a woman; Stephanie McMahon then walked out, said AJ set a bad example for women everywhere, and it was time she started acting like a champion; AJ went on to say she was Stephanie, just younger, with Stephanie saying she could make sure AJ didn't keep her job; moments later, Kaitlyn, Layla, Natalya Neidhart, Cameron, Naomi, and Alicia Fox walked out to the entrance stage; after Stephanie told her never to interrupt her again, Kaitlyn confronted AJ, tackled her in the ring, and attacked her until Langston pulled AJ to the floor and carried her up the ramp Match #4: Dean Ambrose [c] vs. Kane [WWE U.S. Championship] OH MY GOD, FUCK THIS MATCH. WHY IS THIS A THING STILL? This is all of like 90 seconds. Cole says Bryan has possible nerve damage. After Kane goes on a run of stuff, Reigns and Rollins come down to attack for the DQ. 3/4* Post-match, Kane gets the Triple Powerbomb. In the back, Vickie Guerrero goes to punish The Shield, but Vince McMahon comes over and tells them to keep up the good work, so she chickens out. Zeb Coulter comes out and says America is under siege and says their own government is spying on them and lying to them, and every day, they have foreigners flooding their country like rats in the streets. They are at war and at war sometimes, it causes some very unusual alliances. So Jack Swagger and he are proving they're not prejudicial, are working with a man with integrity and respect who wasn't technically born in the US, but has the American spirit inside of him. He speaks five languages, the most important one being English, and Cesaro comes out! YEAH! He then belts out a "WE THE PEOPLE!" Match #5: Antonio Cesaro w/ Zeb Coulter vs. William Regal Great three minutes, and just a taste of their NXT match in six months or so. Great matwork and striking and Cesaro power spots. He wins with the Neutralizer. ** John Cena comes out, and he gets on the mic. He puts over a crowd reaction again and whatever. It's 2013, we're kind of just all over this as a wrestling watching people. He puts over the crowd for honesty and whatever and talks about how he'll be ready to face the winner of Money in the Bank for the WWE Title. He says the next person to hold this title will earn it, and the champ is here. He goes to leave, but Mark Henry comes out. He puts his wrestling boots on the stage and comes out to the ring, and tells Cena to put his guard down. He tells John to stay and he wants to tell him something and everyone in the back. And then yeah, MARK'S AMAZING JACKET. ![]() I can't do this one justice, bros. Watch it again. You know what happens, MOK fakes it and destroys Cena. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NoxXRr0zuI In the back, Renee goes to interview Mark Henry, and he says she believed just like everyone believed and John Cena believed. "Y'ALL A BUNCH OF PUPPETS." He says he's challenging John Cena for the WWE Title right now, and says he's gonna give up one of those boots when he loses it in Cena's rear end. Match #6: Chris Jericho vs. Heath Slater w/ 3MB Decent two minutes to give Jericho another win. Codebreaker ends it. *1/2 The Miz comes out to do commentary. Match #7: Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman vs. Sin Cara Joe squashes Cars AGAIN. This one's only two minutes too, so whatever. They did better in the past. Curtis wins with a DDT, constantly searching for the least impressive finisher possible. *1/2 SMOCKDAWN: BRYAN VS. AMBROSE included a backstage segment with Vince, Vickie, and Maddox in which Vickie said Cena would face Henry at Money in the Bank; moments later, Stephanie walked in and said the show was out of control; Triple H then walked in and said he told Vickie to make an example of the Shield; after Vince and Triple H left, Stephanie told Vickie not to listen to either of them and implied she should listen to her In the back, Paul Heyman stops Punk before the main event and says he loves him and wishes him luck. They then hug, and Punk walks off. Match #8: CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez This is better than Punk/Jericho, because 2013 ADR is better than 2013 Jericho. It also doesn't try for epic and is fine being a 8ish minute set up for a few angles. Muttonchop Punk is still not trying super hard and clearly moves and bumps like an unmotivated banged up guy. ADR does some alright stuff and Punk hits the GTS. ADR rolls out to take the count out loss and bails so Punk wins. ** DOLPH ZIGGLER RUNS OUT TO ATTACK ADR FUCK YEAH! He chases him to the back BUT BROCK LESNAR THEN ALSO COMES OUT FUCK YEAH! He gets on the mic and goes to speak, but he then suddenly hits Punk with the F5 to end the show. |
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6:53 PM Jul 10