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Simon Watches WWE - 2013
Topic Started: Apr 20 2014, 06:42 PM (16,508 Views)
Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Family, Since 5/8/2013
Review World Champion: Randy Orton, Since 7/14/2013

WWE NXT
July 17th, 2013
Orlando, FL

Match #1: Antonio Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn vs. Leo Kruger [#1 Contender's Match]

This is great. It's a match with Cesaro, Zayn, and a competent opponent for 10ish minutes, so of course it's great. The two bigger guys basically take turns doing their great offense to Zayn, who makes it all look absolutely deadly. Then he comes back for some nearfalls before Cesaro hits the Neutralizer, but Kruger throws him out and vultures the pin for the win.
***

Match #2: Bo Dallas vs. Scott Dawson w/ Sylvester LeFort

Dawson does the best he can to make this work, but he's mostly squashed and Bo wins with the side Belly to Belly.
3/4*

Post-match, Leo Kruger attacks and hits the Krugerrand.

Ric Flair comes out to introduce his daughter for his debut.

Match #3: Bayley vs. Charlotte w/ Ric Flair
Charlotte is really fucking bad, and 10 months later, she's still super super bad. Bayley is awesome though, and at least gets this one on the board. Charlotte wins with the Basement Diamond Dust thing.
*

In the back, Sheamus is cutting a promo and says NXT is the future, BUT THE WYATTS ATTACK FROM BEHIND FUCK YEAH. Bray says it takes only one stone to knock a giant to his knees. Follow the buzzards. This should result in an awesome Midcard Sheamus match.

The first Tyler Breeze vignette airs, with him refusing people to see his face until he debuts next week.

NEXT WEEK: PAIGE/EMMA FOR THE WOMENS TITLE

Match #4: The Wyatt Family [c] w/ Bray Wyatt vs. Adrian Neville/Corey Graves [NXT Tag Team Championship]
Another good Wyatts match, but Corye Graves finally does what most intelligent people knew he would eventually, and that's drag one of these down. They pick it up halfway through when he's finally isolated, but it's more Rowan than Harper. Neville has a great hot tag again, and Bray interferes. Sheamus runs out for revenge and throws him into the steps. Graves chops Rowan's knee out and Neville hits the Red Arrow to win the titles.
**1/2
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
Review World Champion: Randy Orton, Since 7/14/2013

WWE Smackdown
July 19th, 2013
Providence, RI


featured an opening in-ring segment in which Teddy Long welcomed the fans and said Vince McMahon would be giving him a job evaluation, as he did Vickie Guerrero, and asked the fans if they would be interested in seeing him as the full-time GM; moments later, Booker T walked out, followed soon thereafter by McMahon; McMahon then said only one man could run Smackdown and asked Long what he would put on the show, with Long making Chris Jericho vs. WWE IC Champion Curtis Axel in a title match; McMahon asked Booker, who said World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton; Brad Maddox then ran out to the ring with a mic and said McMahon should have him run Smackdown as he does Raw and noted Rob Van Dam would return later in the program; moments later, Vince announced that Vickie was the Smackdown GM, with Vickie joining the other men in the ring and hugging Vince; Vickie then said she hated the fans for them costing her the job on Raw and noted there was no one in the ring or in the crowd that could do anything about her new position

Match #1: Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger w/ The Real Americans
JACKDOLPH EXPLODES A YEAR LATER! This is surprisingly what it should be in that it's a three minute Ziggler showcase. Cesaro and Zeb get ejected after a minute or two for interfering and then Ziggler makes his comeback and wins with the Peace Zig.
*3/4

Post-match, Ziggler gets on the mic. He says last Monday, he dumped his girlfriend and he's sorry. He's sorry he didn't do it a lot sooner!

In the back, AJ is furious and pounds into Big E's chest as he hugs her to calm her down.

We're supposed to get a Shield vs. Usos rematch, but they get into a fight before the bell. It's really awesome and heated, and then Dean Ambrose runs down from the crowd to make it 3 on 2. They start to destroy The Usos, BUT MARK HENRY COMES OUT TO SAVE, AND RUNS OFF THE SHIELD! I am so excited for this eventual six man.

Match #2: Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett
This is a two minute match to give Bryan a big main event style win over a midcard JTTS. It's fine enough for that, so whatever. He wins with the Yes Lock.
*3/4

In the back, Brad and Vickie go to shake hands, but she slaps him. Bitch.

featured an in-ring segment of MizTV in which Mike Mizanin introduced his guest, Paul Heyman, and gave him the mic to say whatever he wanted; Heyman said he still had love for CM Punk and advised him to "stay down" and go home or he would face the wrath of Brock Lesnar; Miz then confronted Heyman on swearing on his children and still lying, then dropped the mic and left the ring; as Miz was in the aisle, Heyman introduced WWE IC Champion Curtis Axel, and noted Axel beat Miz at Money in the Bank

Match #3: Curtis Axel [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. Chris Jericho [WWE Intercontinental Championship]
This sucks for a third time. I don't know what else to say about Chris Jericho at this point, it's just sad. This gets 10 minutes and Bryan/Wade can't get that. Shit, Ziggler/Swagger would have been a better use of time. This is Jericho's last WWE match to date though, so this at least has that bright spot. Paul distracts him and Curtis wins with the Krugerrand.
*3/4

Post-match, Ryback comes out and puts Jericho through a table with a Powerbomb to send him off.

Coming back, Damien Sandow is in the ring and he takes the mic. He says the weak cannot forgive because it is an attribute of the strong, and it was every man for himself at MITB. Therefore, he did not screw Cody and says it begs the question of why his best friend attacked him. Sandow says he won't react the way people want by condemning Cody and says they're still best friends and asks him to come out here to explain himself so they can get past this. Cody Rhodes comes out and Sandow says no explanations are necessary and says he forgives him. He says he wants to honor him by naming him Protector of the Case and holding onto it for him until he chooses to cash it in. CODY PUNCHES HIM AND CLEANS HOUSE AND HURLS THE BRIEFCASE ONTO THE STAGE!

Match #4: Rob Van Dam vs. Darren Young w/ Titus O'Neil
This is inoffensive enough. It's only three minutes and RVD hits his spots quickly and gets out. He wins with the Five Star Frog Splash.
*1/2

A Wyatts recap thing airs.

included a backstage segment with Vickie and Long in which Vickie said they were both adults and could work together, then admitted she was lying and had Long thrown out of the building by security

Match #5: Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio
This sure happened. These two have both had motivated streaks over the last few months, but by putting them back together, they fed into each other's worst habits and decided to take it super super easy. Stuff happens and ADR sort of works the arm but not really and Orton sort of works the arm but not really and then stuff happens. RKO gets Orton the win.
*3/4

Fuck this episode!
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
Review World Champion: Randy Orton, Since 7/14/2013

WWE Raw
July 22nd, 2013
Austin, TX


Brad Maddox comes out to open the show, and he announces a contract signing now between John Cena and Daniel Bryan. He brings out John Cena and asks why he picked Daniel Bryan. He says he's bigger and stronger and asks if he picked him because he knew he could beat him, and Daniel Bryan comes out. Cena says size doesn't make a champion and says guys like Shawn Michaels, Eddie Guerrero, and Rey Mysterio. I love this insane fucking talking point that Shawn Michaels broke barriers when he won the belt 4 years after Bret Hart did it as roughly the same size, and that doesn't even mention Ric Flair coming before Bret and then that dude named Randy Savage who did that shit in the fucking 80s when it was impossible in the WWF. Cena says he chose him because a lot of times, this idiot and the dumbasses he works for are too dumb to notice talent because it doesn't fit what they want, and he's more than earned this opportunity and he deserves it. Cena says if size is all that matters, Maddox can take his belt from him and go run to give it to The Great Khali. He says being the WWE Champion is about facing the absolute best competition at all times, and sometimes the best competition isn't from the most likely source. Cena signs it and says he's going to SummerSlam to DEFEND the title, not to hand it to him, and he's going to prove that he can beat the best competition. Bryan signs it too, and Maddox doesn't let him talk. Bryan yells NO and says he doesn't get to interrupt him and he's waited his career for this opportunity and he deserves this. Maddox says he'll let him prove he deserves it tonight and says he's going to have matches tonight to prove it.

Match #1: Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio
Sheamus has a large bruise on his leg that's an injury from MITB. This is easily the best match these two have ever had and likely will have, as they have a clear and obvious focus and really don't stray like their PPV series in 2012 often did. ADR keeps going to the knee and Sheamus sells really well. Sheamus can only come back when ADR gets it in his head to use the hurt knee as a distraction so he can go to arm work, which is also super smart. Sheamus makes his comeback, but his leg gives out when he tries White Noise, and ADR rolls him up to win!
***

featured Renee Young conducting a backstage interview with Teddy Long and Booker T about the ruling Vickie Guerrero was the new Smackdown GM, with Long and Booker eventually arguing before Long left

It's clarified that Bryan will face three opponents in a row tonight.

Match #2: Christian vs. Titus O'Neil w/ Darren Young
Another good Christian showcase for 5 minutes, as he gets the best out of a sort of green power dude. He builds this to exclusively highlight Titus' awesome power throws and nothing else, so it's the best Titus singles match in a while. Christian wins with the Killswitch. Titus is exactly the kind of guy who Christian and William Regal could have made into a very good wrestler with an ECW run.
**1/4

In the back, Josh interviews Ryback. Josh asks if he enjoys intimidating others, and Ryback says he does. Like him, and calls Josh a little average twerp. He hates average and in the jungle, the bigger and stronger eat the weaker and the smaller. People like him deserve to be intimidated, and if he's not, he'll prove why he should be.

Mark Henry comes out, and says he's proud of some things. He's proud to be from Texas, he's proud of the match he gave at Money in the Bank, but he's not proud of getting beaten down last week. He calls The Shield out now, and they come out. They beat on him, but The Usos come out to make the save in a switch up from Smackdown, and they run off The Shield.

In the back, John Cena goes up to Daniel Bryan, but he cuts him off. He says he doesn't care who his opponents are or how many of them there are, and Cena would say the same thing in his spot, and he wouldn't try to stop him. Bryan says this is an opportunity to prove that he belongs here, so he's going to fight and he's going to win. He tells Cena not to deprive him of this opportunity and if he comes out there at all, it proves that all he said about him tonight was nothing but a load of crap.

Match #3: Dolph Ziggler vs. Darren Young
This isn't as good, but Ziggler isn't as good as Christian, so it makes sense. Still a good four minutes. Young gets to do some stuff, and Ziggler has a nice comeback. He wins with the Peace Zig.
**

after the bout, Big E Langston ran out and attacked Ziggler as AJ watched from ringside; moments later, Ziggler knocked Langston to the floor and then slid under the bottom rope to avoid him

included an in-ring segment of MizTV in which Mike Mizanin introduced Nikki & Brie Bella, Natalya Neidhart, JoJo, Eva Marie, Cameron, & Naomi, the stars of 'Total Divas;' after Miz showed a clip from the show, he brought Jerry Lawler into the ring; Lawler then spoke to all the girls before Eva took the mic, said she didn't like how Lawler looked at her, and then slapped him; Lawler then left the ring before all the women waved to the crowd to end the segment

included a backstage segment with Maddox and Triple H in which Triple H questioned Maddox's comments earlier in the show from Bryan, then implying Vince McMahon put Maddox up to saying all of that and Maddox needed to choose which side he was on; moments later, Triple H left and Stephanie McMahon walked in and said she had an idea for Maddox

Damien Sandow comes out to do commentary.

Match #4: Cody Rhodes vs. Fandango w/ Summer Rae
This is all of three minutes, and babyface Cody continues to be very good. Fandango is super average, and Cody ends up sending him into Sandow on the apron and Cody hits Cross Rhodes to win.
*1/2

included an in-ring promo by CM Punk in which he talked about the beating he took the previous week from Brock Lesnar, in which he said Lesnar can beat him down but can't keep him down; Punk said Lesnar's weapon was fear but he wasn't afraid of Lesnar, it was Punk's ring and he had proven that against Cena, Rock, and the Undertaker; Punk then said he would "slay that beast" and would kick Lesnar's "ass" at Summer Slam, then adding it would the best versus the beast; Paul Heyman then appeared on the big screen, and implied Punk was either a coward that ran out of options or a fool for being too stupid to stay down; Punk then asked Heyman where he was, then saying he would fly, drive, or walk there; Heyman said Lesnar was in the best fighting shape of his life while Punk was still recovering from Money in the Bank and Lesnar's attack, then accepting the challenge to Summer Slam and saying the match wasn't the best versus the beast because the beast is the best;

Match #5: Rob Van Dam vs. Wade Barrett
Another decent 3-4 minute RVD showcase. Frog Splash ends it.
*3/4

Bryan comes out, and he gets Swagger first!

Match #6: Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger w/ The Real Americans
This one's only like 3 minutes, because WHATEVER. Bryan basically lets Jack do boring basic stuff to him before he takes him into the Yes Lock to win.
*1/2

Cesaro is next!

Match #7: Daniel Bryan vs. Antonio Cesaro w/ The Real Americans
This however gets 15ish minutes and is AMAZING. Cesaro does power stuff and Bryan has to survive and gets violent. There's not a lot of deep stuff here and you get the sense that they held back a little, which HOLY FUCK, that means they have some of their 2008 ROH level work in them on a WWE scale, which is going to be mind blowing. They gradually pick shit up and then Claudio hits like 20 insane European Uppercuts in a row and kills Bryan with a Lariat, but he survives and goes apeshit with the elbows. He never really even gets to make his God level comeback either, because Claudio keeps cutting it off. BRYAN COUNTERS THE POP UP EUROPEAN BY COMING DOWN INTO AN INSIDE CRADLE FOR WIN!
***1/4

RYBACK IS NEXT!

Match #3: Daniel Bryan vs. Ryback
This is 7-10ish minutes and ALSO rules. Ryback dominates with power until DAT COMEBACK. But before then, Ryback gets "YOU CAN'T WRESTLE" chants, so he does a Suplex and puts on a chinlock and yells TOO EASY. Bryan has the amazing comeback, AND THE FUCKING TOPE SUICIDA! YEAH! They tease a table bump again before they go back inside for nearfalls and Bryan basically kills himself to make this great again. Ryback catches the apron knee with a super dangerous Powerbomb on the floor and then hits another through the table for the DQ!
***

after the match, WWE World Champion John Cena ran out, knocked Ryback to the floor, and tended to Bryan at ringside; Cena then took the mic and challenged Ryback to a tables match; moments later, Vince McMahon spoke to Maddox backstage and prompted Maddox into making Bryan vs. Kane for the following week's show; moments later, as Cena's music stopped playing in the arena, Bryan crawled back in the ring and the crowd chanted "Yes!" as the show went off the air with his own music then playing
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
Review World Champion: Randy Orton, Since 7/14/2013

WWE NXT
July 24th, 2013
Orlando, FL


The show opens with a cool short hype video for the Paige/Emma match. Emma says she said she would dance her way here, and she's still dancing. Paige says Emma's in her own little world and Emma's a great dancer, but she's a great fighter.

Match #1: Paige vs. Emma [NXT Women's Championship Tournament - FINALS]
This is probably the WWE Divas MOTY, since it gets real time at 8ish minutes and they can do a lot more than stuff on real TV. There's a clear sense that Finlay is back and working with them as there's a real legit fight feel here. They're throwing each other into corner instead of whipping, throwing nasty kicks, stepping on toes, grinding forearms, etc. Good momentum swings, and Emma even breaks out a Superplex. Paige's Torture Cloverleaf fails, and she blocks the Emma Lock in turn, before hitting a Superkick and the Paige Turner to win the belt!
***

Triple H comes out to put them over and raise Paige's hand.

TONIGHT: SHEAMUS VS. LUKE HARPER

Match #2: Tyler Breeze vs. Angelo Dawkins
Breeze has an amazing entrance taking selfies of himself and posing. It's like a 2010s take on a Model Rick Martel/ECW John Morrison deal, and it rules. Breeze does some nice kicks and hits like a man while working the character amazingly. He wins with a Spinning Wheel Kick.
*3/4

Match #3: The Ascension vs. Mickey Keegan/Aiden English

Ascension squash. Terrible. Fall of Man ends it.
45/Poop

NEXT WEEK: CESARO/KRUGER VS. ZAYN/BO

Match #4: Sheamus vs. Luke Harper w/ The Wyatt Family
This is super held back because Sheamus has come here for a night off, I guess. Fuck him. He goes through the motions for eight minute and Harper doesn't really get much of a chance to show what he's really capable of in a big man slugfest like Sheamus has had with Cesaro and Wade in recent months. He hits the White Noise and then wins with the Brogue Kick in his normal routine.
**1/4
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
Review World Champion: Randy Orton, Since 7/14/2013

WWE Smackdown
July 26th, 2013
Corpus Christi, TX

Match #1: Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

This gets 10 minutes, and Sandow yet again completely fails to do a single interesting thing. He headlocks it up for the opening segment, but he fails to do anything interesting with it. You can do a ton with a headlock. CM Punk and Samoa Joe got 20-30 good minutes in two different matches based on a headlock. Damien Sandow just decides to keep going back to a basic standing one for 2 minutes before Orton does boring stuff on a night off level showing. JBL has this hilarious talking point in hindsight where he says Sandow had the switch flipped recently and with good wrestlers, either they flip the switch and become great, or they just hang around the middle of the card forever. Sandow failed to ever ACTUALLY flip the switch despite being booked as someone who did, and it caught up to him, and now he's a guy that just hangs around. LIKE HE FUCKING DESERVES. FUCK DAMIEN SANDOW. This is a WWE now inhabited by Daniel Bryan as a top level face, Antonio Cesaro as a midcard lynchpin, The Shield dominating, Christian back, Ziggler, ADR and Sheamus finally working out, etc. It's fine to be old school, but somewhere along the way, "old school" became a word people use to justify boring heels, and it's not. You know who was old school AND methodical as all hell? Greg Valentine. But he was a violent and innovative motherfucker! Sandow is a generic limp wristed cookie cutter asshole who can cut a good little promo, but fails to bring it in the ring 95% of the time. He uses a fucking shoulderblock to the gut as his transition spot. That doesn't cut it anymore. It hasn't for years. That shit hasn't really been acceptable since the early 2000s when the Radicalz came and stepped the game up of the entire company. tl;dr: Sandow is so mediocre he may actually be terrible, and Orton makes a routine comeback to win with the RKO after Cody came down to take the briefcase.
*1/2

Cody leaves with Sandow's MITB contract.

A recap of the Punk/Paul stuff airs.

Match #2: Mark Henry/The Usos vs. Wade Barrett/The Prime Time Players
I would like to see this in a real match, but MOK/Usos vs. Shield is announced for Raw, so they use this to build up the babyface team. Titus has some more cool power spots, and Wade does his thing. Mark cleans house, and he beats Titus with the World's Strongest Slam.
**

TONIGHT: RVD VS. ADR

In the back, ADR tries to hit on Vickie and says he should get to pick his opponent like John Cena did. RVD comes in and says it should be him, and Vickie says if he beats him tonight, he can have the title shot.

Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Rob Van Dam
This is only like two minutes and more of an angle than a match, so whatever. They basically do nothing big and save anything impressive or interesting for their actual PPV series. ADR fakes an injury in the corner and then the ref holds RVD back and ADR hits a Superkick to win. Good angle, but not a good match.
3/4*

In the back, Damien Sandow is asking people if they've seen Cody. He asks Mark Henry, and Mark asks if he looks like a snitch. AMAZING.

included an in-ring promo by WWE Divas Champion AJ, with Big E Langston, in which she was fine after being dumped by Dolph Ziggler and pulled out the keys to his house; Ziggler then appeared, said he had already changed the locks, with AJ having Langston grab Ziggler's stolen suitcase, and ripped up his drivers license and passport; Ziggler laughed off all of them, saying everything in the ring was replacable; moments later, the crowd chanted "You are psycho" at AJ as she threw a fit in the ring and shoved away Langston when he tried to console her; AJ then left the ring and immediately ran into a spear from Kaitlyn, with Ziggler then hitting a Fameasser on Langston on the floor

RAW REBOUND!

Match #4: The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt vs. Tons of Funk
One minute squash. But we get 30 seconds of Harper vs. Tensai, so it was good enough. Tensai is beaten after the Rolling Lariat and then a splash from Rowan.
*

Post-match, Bray comes in and hits Tensai with Sister Abigail. He gets the mic and says he suspects Kane will be looking for him, but he's never been too hard to find. Matter of fact, if you need him, he'll be right here with all his friends. They've been waiting for him. He's always been waiting for him. Look to the sky and follow the buzzards.

Match #5: Christian vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter
It is not 2009, but Christian does his absolute best to make Jackie look like a viable pro wrestler. Christian does counters and stuff and wins with the Killswitch.
**

Post-match, Damien Sandow comes out on the mic and says he's demanding Cody Rhodes is arrested for grand larceny. Rhodes appears on the tron from outside near the Gulf of Mexico. He says he'll give Sandow the briefcase if he comes and gets it. Sandow runs off after him and after the commercial, Sandow is there. He begs Cody and says he was the leader of the team, he's smarter than him and he learned so much from him, and he even has better facial hair. Rhodes says he's earned this and throws it in the water. Sandow says he can't swim, but he dives after it. He can't get it, and gets back out to end the show.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
Review World Champion: Randy Orton, Since 7/14/2013

WWE Raw
July 29th, 2013
Laredo, TX


Brad Maddox introduces Vince McMahon to open the show. He addresses everything Brad said about Daniel Bryan last week, and he says they were all true. Daniel Bryan comes out and says he heard everything Brad had to say and said he didn't believe they came from anybody but Vince himself. Vince asks Bryan if he respects John Cena, and Bryan says he respects him as a human being and a champion and that he picked him. Vince says Cena was lying to him, and says he couldn't beat John Cena at SummerSlam because he doesn't have it. He says not to take it personally either, because he didn't want Cena to win either, and the best solution would be if they locked up at SummerSlam and they both exploded, and then he would win. Bryan said in Vince's own words, it only matters what the fans think and asks if they want a new champion to a loud YES. Bryan then leaves with lots of YESing.

Match #1: The Shield vs. Mark Henry/The Usos
I'm glad WWE is seemingly done with their bad decision since mid-June of seemingly benching The Shield. This wasn't as great as this pairing clearly can be because it was only like 7 minutes and clearly only a sampler. Shield control seg barely got time to become anything, and Mark isn't exactly the best hot tag in the world. Usos got in to do cool stuff, but Ambrose got his knees up on the Usos Splash and hit the Headlock Driver to win.
**1/2

Mark Henry runs them off post-match.

TONIGHT: CENA/RYBACK TABLES MATCH! KANE/BRYAN!

In a video from earlier tonight, Ryback bullies people in catering and throws food on people. He then throws some dude through a table.

A recap airs of all the Wyatts stuff.

In the back, Kane asks Brad where the Wyatts are, and Maddox says they're not here, but he could send a message tonight against his good friend Daniel Bryan.

Match #2: Rob Van Dam vs. Fandango w/ Summer Rae
This happened, and was the worst so far of these 3-4 minute RVD showcases against lower card guys. Fandango ends up bailing for the count out loss.
*1/4

In the back, AJ complains to Big E. about how Kaitlyn keeps Spearing her because Big E. lets it happen, but then starts laughing and skips away.

Match #3: Kaitlyn vs. AJ Lee w/ Big E. Langston
Another solid one, but this is a series of diminishing returns. They do stuff, and Kaitlyn gets the win with another amazing Spear.
**

Post-match, AJ has a tantrum and Dolph Ziggler comes out. He says maybe Big E. can be her shoulder to cry on, and maybe she can return the favor when Big E. needs to cry, because he wants a match with him, and E accepts.

Match #4: Dolph Ziggler vs. Big E. Langston w/ AJ Lee
Real good 5 minutes. Ziggler dies to put over Langston's power offense, and they generally work very well. Quality big/little type stuff for transitions too. Ziggler sends Langston out, but AJ comes in and rakes his eyes for the DQ.
**1/4

Ziggler throws her off and leaves, and now Langston is mad at AJ.

In the back, Bryan goes up to Cena and asks if it's true. Cena is confused and Bryan asks if he picked him because of what Vince said. Cena says Vince preys on the human psyche to sell tickets and he wouldn't believe a word he says. Bryan says Vince has always been honest with him and Cena asks if he's calling him a liar then. Bryan stares him down, and Cena leaves.

Match #5: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio
This one gets 10ish minutes, and he again gets the best out of ADR. Apparently, ADR is also getting the opportunity to pick his SummerSlam opponent this week on SD. ADR goes to the arm, AND ACTUALLY DOES SOME STUFF BESIDES STOMPING AND ARM HOLDS. FUCK YEAH SUMMER 2013 ADR. Christian's arm selling is awesome as always. He can't do the rollthrough to the Killswitch because of it, so ADR tries his armbar takedown, but Christian rolls through and gets a cradle for the upset! YEAH!
***

Match #6: Cody Rhodes vs. Wade Barrett

This also gets 4 minutes. This is a rare taped Raw so there's a lot of focus on wrestling. Unfortunately they channeled that into 10 or so matches with 3 long ones and a bunch of these half-developed showcases instead of a normal show. Cody keeps being a natural face and they work very well together. Cody wins with Cross Rhodes.
**

Post-match, Damien Sandow comes out and damns Cody for throwing his briefcase in the Gulf of Mexico. He says he's filed a complaint with WWE and says he tried to bring him up to his level. He says he comes from a family of scholars and Cody comes from a family of clowns, and he's going to send him back to the circus.

Match #7: Daniel Bryan vs. Kane
This isn't amazing, but then this match never is. Bryan bumps around and does a bunch of cool stuff, and he counters the Chokeslam with an inside cradle for the clean win!
**1/4

Post-match, Kane hits Bryan with the Chokeslam. :(

The Wyatt Family comes out, and Kane goes after Bray, but he gets double teamed by Harper and Rowan. YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. Bray gets in once Kane has been weakened, and he hits Sister Abigail. He gets on the mic and says he heard Kane likes to call himself the devil's favorite demon, BUT HE IS NO DEMON. And the devil? He says he wants to let him in on a little secret, and says he ought to be careful who he says those things in front of, because you never know who might be listening.

A video airs of the Bellas calling Nattie an ugly duckling.

Match #8: Natalya vs. Brie Bella w/ Nikki Bella
Horrible. Nikki has a thing to make duck calls, which distracts Nattie and Brie gets a roll up to win. Typing that was exhausting.
1/2*

Match #9: R-Truth vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman

Also terrible. It's two minutes before CM Punk runs out and attacks Axel for the DQ.
3/4*

Punk throws him out and signals that Paul will die. He chases him, but Axel stops Punk. Heyman flees, and Axel gets the GTS.

In the back, Stephanie tells Vince and H that maybe they can help Daniel Bryan's image along with a corporate makeover. H says it's worth a shot.

Match #10: John Cena vs. Ryback [Tables Match]
This is whatever again. I hate this match up. I hate this episode. The table stuff they do is good, but pretty much everything else where they have to do striking or real stuff is pretty uninteresting. They set up a bunch of cool table ideas, dismantle all of them, and just do a finish with an FU through a table in the corner to win. Bravo for teasing cool stuff and then doing the most obvious possible ending.
*3/4

after the bout, Daniel Bryan came out, took the title belt from ringside, and said it would be his; Cena snatched the belt away, with the two having words before Bryan led the crowd in a chant of "Yes!"
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
Review World Champion: Randy Orton, Since 7/14/2013

WWE NXT
July 31st, 2013
Orlando, FL


TONIGHT: BO/ZAYN VS. KRUGER/CESARO

Enzo and Big Cass start the show. BADA BOOM. REALEST GUYS IN THE ROOM. Cass says since arriving as a team, they're undefeated and one thing they are NOT is S-A-W-F-T. SAWFT. They say this roster is a dance floor, and they're going to dance. Tons of Funk then come out to dance. Enzo and Cass bail, but Mason Ryan comes down to throw them in. Cass gets the Double Splash, and Mason then hits Enzo with the One and Only. They then get Mason to dance.

In the back, Dusty congratulates Paige and Emma on last week. Summer Rae comes in and is mad because she's the First Lady and she's beaten Paige. Paige says how about she breaks her face, and Summer says if Emma didn't steal a win from her, this wouldn't happen. Emma says she lost and her dancing is stupid. Dusty calms it down, and Summer challenges Emma to a dance contest. Dusty says that's ridiculous, and he loves it, so it's booked.

Match #1: Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte
Charlotte is still awful, but Sasha is alright. Sasha is sort of working heel in her control segment and it works pretty well. Charlotte then comes back far too quickly and wins with the Basement Diamond Dust.
3/4*

In the back, Renee interviews Tyler Breeze as he takes selfies. He says his debut was like him, gorgeous. CJ Parker makes his return to photobomb. He then makes her say that Tyler Breeze has left the building.

Match #2: The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt vs. Mickey Keegan/Aiden English
This is like a minute, and the Wyatts are a force of nature. Rolling Lariat and Big splash gets the win.
*

Post-match, Bray gets in and hits Aiden with Sister Abigail. The crowd chants "ONE MORE TIME", and Bray says to calm down because he has something to say. There are several different types of men in this world. Men who dream and never make it off their couch, men who dream and fail, and then men that dream and change the landscape. PEOPLE LIKE BRAY WYATT. But what about you, man? Aren't you tired of being unwanted? Aren't you tired of being an outcast, of being stepped upon? WELL THEN TODAY IS YOUR DAY. TODAY IS THE DAY BRAY WYATT DECIDED HE WAS GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING. TODAY IS THE DAY THAT HELL FROZE. TODAY IS THE DAY THAT PIGS FLEW. TODAY, HE AND HIS PEOPLE LOOK FEAR IN THE EYES AND SAY "MR. FEAR SIR, YOU ARE A LIAR!" BECAUSE TODAY IS THE DAY BRAY DECIDED TO BRING DOWN THE MACHINE. There's a massive "BRING IT DOWN" chant, and this is so fucking cool. Today they say goodbye to NXT for now. But if you need him, he's not hard to find. All you have to do is look up in the sky and FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS.

They go to leave, but Bray stops and says one more thing.

"TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME is on myyyyyyyy side."

DAT EVERYTHING. Perfect goodbye promo.

Match #3: Corey Graves vs. Scott Dawson
Neville and Syl are both on the floor. Dawson carries it with another basic old style brawling control segment. THIS is what good old school can be. He's violent and rugged and only uses stomps and punches and clubs, but they all look devastating. Graves comes back though and puts on Lucky 13 to win.
*1/2

The champions celebrate, but SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA. SHIELD. FUCK YEAH. They're on The Shield, and Rollins says The Shield is back, and they should remember them. Especially Corey, since they left him lying in a heap last time. They've even got their own titles, almost like them. But not quite. Ambrose tells Neville to listen up and says he has a belt, but he stole that spot from Kassius Ohno. He's a thief, and that's an injustice punishable by the law of The Shield. He challenges him to face Dean Ambrose one on one to make him pay. Neville gets on the mic and accepts, but only if his title's on the line right now. Ambrose asks if he knows who he's talking to, because he's not some NXT chump. He'll do it. Next week.

NEXT WEEK: AMBROSE/NEVILLE! THE DANCE BATTLE! BO DALLAS VS. LEO KRUGER FOR THE NXT TITLE!

Match #4: Bo Dallas/Sami Zayn vs. Antonio Cesaro/Leo Kruger
This was alright. Cesaro/Zayn never really happened as a conscious choice to save for their match in a few weeks probably, but it detracted from this. Zayn worked 80-90% of it, and Zayn/Kruger is still a pretty good one. Zayn and Cesaro fought up the ramp to the back and Bo was alone with Kruger. He rolled out after the Belly to Belly, but then a few moments later, he hit Bo with his best Lariat yet for the win.
**1/2
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Top 10 Matches - July 2013:

1. Dean Ambrose vs. Jack Swagger vs. Antonio Cesaro vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Wade Barrett vs. Fandango, Money in the Bank (July 14th)
2. Daniel Bryan vs. Antonio Cesaro, Raw (July 22nd)
3. Daniel Bryan vs. Christian, Smackdown (July 12th)
4. Dolph Ziggler vs. Antonio Cesaro, Main Event (July 10th)
5. Bo Dallas [c] vs. Antonio Cesaro, NXT (July 3rd)
6. Randy Orton vs. Christian, Smackdown (July 5th)
7. The Shield [c] vs. The Usos, Money in the Bank (July 14th)
8. John Cena [c] vs. Mark Henry, Money in the Bank (July 14th)
9. Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus, Raw (July 8th)
10. Antonio Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn vs. Leo Kruger, NXT (July 17th)

Wrestler of the Month: Christian - 21 Points

Tag Team of the Month: The Usos - 11 Points
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Randy Orton, Since 7/14/2013

WWE Smackdown
August 2nd, 2013
Houston, TX


TONIGHT: PUNK/FANDANGO

Alex Riley is making his debut on color commentary to sub for JBL. God DAMNIT.

ADR comes out to open the show and he talks about how he can pick his challenger. He thanks the fans for nothing and does low grade heeling to zero response outside crowd_boo.wav. He says he was going to choose both Brock Lesnar and CM Punk, but they have a match already, and then he wanted to pick Booker T but then he's retired and a disappointment. He decides to pick Ricardo Rodriguez as his challenger, but Vickie comes out. She says no and says she's revoking his picking rights since this is what he did with it. Vickie books a three way between Christian, RVD, and Randy Orton instead. ALSO FOR THE REVIEW WORLD TITLE!

A recap of the Cody/Sandow stuff airs.

Before Swagger's match, Zeb says to look at yourselves and be ashamed, but Cody takes his mic and just throws it to the floor.

Match #1: Cody Rhodes vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter
This is all of two minutes, so whatever. Cody gets no offense and then gets a sunset flip out of a gutwrench to win. Which means this was all Swagger offense, and gross.
3/4*

In the back, Josh interviews Cody Rhodes. He says he's not mad about MITB, because he knows it was every man for himself and he would have done the same, but he was tired of Sandow talking down to him and everyone and thinking he's better than everyone. Sandow then attacks Cody from behind before he gets pulled off.

Match #2: Big E. Langston vs. Sin Cara
Another short one, but this rules because it's a semi-squash. Ziggler is seen watching backstage. Big E does stuff, and wins with the Big Ending after two and a half. If this was a pure squash it might have been better, but Sin Cara doing his stuff to Langston didn't work out so well.
*3/4

Match #3: CM Punk vs. Fandango w/ Summer Rae

Another substandard Punk performance, although it's hard to get anything respectable out of a 10 minute Fandango match. Fandango does stuff and it's not bad, but whatever. Punk doesn't even bother breaking out big stuff as he hits a Superplex and then floats over into the Anaconda Vice for the win.
*3/4

In the back, Renee interviews RVD. He says he feels fantastic and he's on top of his game again. He's ready for Christian and Randy Orton, even though they're not ROB-VAN, Christian interrupts. He says some things have changed and some haven't, and mainly, people still know that Christian deserves one more match. Orton comes over and says this briefcase doesn't mean complacency, and maybe he'll wind up holding both titles. ACCIDENTAL CONTINUITY. FUCK YEAH. Orton says he has a welcome back gift of an RK - whoa. RVD says whoa and says he wants the gold. R.V.D.

Match #4: AJ Lee [c] vs. Kaitlyn w/ Layla [WWE Divas Championship]
This is in Kaitlyn's hometown, so she's clearly losing again. They only got three minutes now, but it still ruled. AJ has an amazing transition with an arm wringer Divorce Court to send Kaitlyn throat and shoulder-first into the bottom rope. Kaitlyn fights back and AJ bumps big. Layla gets in the way as Kaitlyn runs at AJ on the floor, and AJ attacks Kaitlyn. Layla smiles as AJ throws Kaitlyn into the railing and then back in, and puts on the Black Widow to win.
**

AJ and Layla leave together holding hands. HNGH.

RAW REBOUND!

Match #5: Randy Orton vs. Christian vs. Rob Van Dam [#1 Contender's Match]
Unlike RVD, Christian's come back this summer intent on proving that he's still among the very best in the world and WWE, and is doing that with carryjobs like this. They have a good layout and escalate the three way stuff throughout, and the final moments are awesome. Randy catching Rolling Thunder into the Powerslam was seriously incredible. They do a lot more cool stuff, and Orton hits RVD with the RKO, but Christian blocks one into a backslide, AND CHRISTIAN FINALLY BEATS ORTON HOLY SHIT! FUCK YEAH CHRISTIAN!
***

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Christian, Since 8/2/2013

WWE Raw
August 5th, 2013
Green Bay, WI


Stephanie McMahon comes out to open the show and says she had the idea of giving Daniel Bryan a corporate makeover and shows the video. He's getting a spa treatment, eating a steak, working out his upper body, and being fitted for a suit. Stephanie then introduces the new Daniel Bryan!

Posted Image

She leaves him to talk to the people and says he looks sharp, and he gets the mic after she's gone. He asks everyone if they like the suit, and people boo. Bryan thanks Stephanie for all the time and effort she put into all of this but it's funny because he doesn't think this is what the company actually wants. It seems to him what they want is someone who's jacked up and maybe in cargo shorts and a bright yellow t-shirt who can sell people stuff they don't actually need. Somebody like John Cena. He says he respects Cena and says Cena picked him because he thinks he's the best contender, but he doesn't think he can beat him. And why would he? He's a SUPERSTAR. He's in movies! He's on the box of cereals. CEREALS, PEOPLE. COME ON. And just look at him. He's 5'8'' with this scraggly beard from the middle of nowhere in the Pacific Northwest, and asks how he could beat John Cena who's been king of the mountain for 10 years. He'll tell you why. Because John Cena is an entertainer, AND DANIEL BRYAN IS A WRESTLER. FUCK YEAH. While he's been here in sold out arenas, he hasn't seen the holes he's dragged himself out of. BECAUSE HE IS A WRESTLER. Here's what John doesn't like to admit. Because if John gets fired tomorrow, he goes back to his mansion and he NEVER wrestles again. If he gets fired tomorrow and he just might because it's happened before, you will see him in every armory and gym and dirt boxes filled with 30 people and a ring BECAUSE HE LOVES WRESTLING. The crowd cheers and Bryan says it sounds like they love wrestling too. He says he'll dress up in a suit for now and comb his hair back for now and he'll do what they want for now, because at SummerSlam, he's going to do what everyone here wants him to do and he's going to make John Cena tap out. YES! YES! YES! YES!

Vince McMahon then comes out and says he appreciates Stephanie's efforts and Daniel's given it the old college try. He insults his fashion sense but says he's kind of warming up to him and says they've never had a dwarf with a muscularity of a toothpick who is so unkempt that he looks like a midget Mick Foley as Champion. He says maybe they can work something out if he listens to him and says this makeover needs one more thing, AND WANTS HIM TO CUT HIS BEARD OFF TO PROVE IT. He has stagehands bring out a barber's chair and says he knows what people want more than they do, and they want him to go all the way with this. Vince says if he wants to be WWE Champion, he'll get in the chair. Bryan goes out to the chair, and Vince brings out Wade Barrett as the barber. BRYAN HEADBUTTS WADE, PUTS HIM IN THE CHAIR, AND SHAVES OFF HALF WADE'S BEARD! FUCK YEAH! AND BRYAN THROWS HIM INTO THE CROWD! YES! YES! YES! YES! Bryan says Vince wants him to change, but he says NO. He's going to be who he's always been, and he will be WWE Champion. BRYAN TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT AND WEARS A T-SHIRT SAYING "THE BEARD IS HERE". FUCK YEAH THIS BUILD.

The Miz is on commentary to plug him being the SummerSlam host.

Match #1: Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Rob Van Dam
This is six minutes now, but still, whatever. They do stuff and again very clearly hold back. ADR goes to get the bucket, but RVD kicks it into his face and does his fancy leg roll up for the win.
*3/4

Post-match, ADR blames Ricardo and destroys him with kicks. He then puts his head between the post and steps and sandwiches him with a dropkick. LOOK. LOOK AT HIM BEAT UP THE ONE YOU ACTUALLY LIKE. BOO HIM. LOOK AT WHAT A BAD PERSON HE IS. BOO.

TONIGHT: PUNK/AXEL

Cody Rhodes comes out with a box and gets the mic. He says true friends stab you in the front, so Damien was never a real friend, but he has a gift for him. Cody says he's spared no expense and brings out the original MITB case covered in dirt and with plants sticking out. Damien Sandow comes out to ringside and says to put the case down and leave and he's not falling for this. Cody puts it down and steps out to the other side. Sandow goes in, and Cody slides back in to attack him. Sandow bails and Cody empties the contents and water in the briefcase.

Match #2: Mark Henry vs. Ryback
This sucks. It's 90 seconds of low level POWER FIGHT before ryback has enough and bails for a count out loss.
3/4*

featured a backstage segment with Nikki & Brie Bella and Eva Marie, with Natalya Neidhart walking in and the three insulting her for even being on 'Total Divas' before Natalya slapped one of the Bellas

John Cena comes out, and he gets the mic. Cena says he's used to being a target and a lot of times bad people are chasing the WWE Title, and it makes it easy for everyone to understand all of this, but sometimes he has to stand face to face with a real fan favorite like Daniel Bryan. He says a lot of them have chosen Daniel Bryan and he heard what he had to say. He said a lot of true things, but there was also a lot of ignorance. Bryan can judge him for his clothes and how he lives his life, but it doesn't make him fresh, it makes him just like The Rock and CM Punk and says just because he doesn't like his t-shirt or his cereal, he doesn't change for anybody. Cena went from likable to a petulant man child throwing a tantrum in 30 seconds. He says Bryan can talk hard times, but he came back to work a day after breaking his neck and right now, his elbow looks like a football, but he's still here. But he wants to glorify wrestling in a gym or auditorium, because that's where he's most comfortable, and that's where he'd MUCH rather be. He says he's been here 12 years and he's right, because he would never wrestle again if he got fired, and it's because he loves the WWE and would never tarnish wearing this title. Cena says Bryan glorifying anything he's done outside of WWE is like bragging about being an all-star in the arena football league. Fuck you. He says when he talks about what he loves, it's right in THIS ring, and if Bryan says he can't wrestle, that's VERY original. Millions of people say it all time, and have for like 10 years. Yet he's held this title 11 times and you don't get lucky 11 times. He tells Bryan to underestimate him like thousands before him, and says Bryan doesn't realize what's in front of him. If he wins, he deserves it, and if he doesn't, he has to look in the mirror and realize that he just wasn't that good. Bryan's on a hot streak, but John Cena's been mowing people down since January. THE CHAMP IS HERE. Randy Orton comes out with the briefcase, but before he can do anything, The Shield comes out! They surround the ring, but Daniel Bryan runs out to make it even! Brad Maddox then comes out and makes a six man tag in the main event.

Match #3: The Wyatt Family vs. Tons of Funk
Bray and the women are at ringside. This is again only a minute and basically the same thing as Smackdown. Which begs the question of why they do anything at all on Smackdown if they'll just redo anything good on Raw. Tensai is hit with the Rolling Lariat and Big Splash to end it.
*

Post-match, they get Clay up, and Bray hits Sister Abigail. He gets on the mic and says Kane is an illusion and a fairy tale. The demon is a lie. But him, he's much much different, man. He's the man of 1,000 truths, Bray Wyatt, the eater of worlds. And he is forever. Follow the buzzards. Kane is on the tron though and says when you pull the wings off buzzards for fun, they're impossible to follow. Kane says he sees through his haze of words. He's here to maim, disfigure, and mutilate, and he likes that. He does the same thing, but he doesn't care about a message. He does them for his own personal amusement. He says at SummerSlam, nobody escapes the ring of fire.

In the back, Josh interviews CM Punk about his match. Punk says he has a lot of admiration for Curtis' dad and his manager Bobby Heenan. When they were on camera, Perfect still was allowed to talk and think for himself, but that's not how Paul works. He says his blind loyalty to Paul Heyman is going to get his ass kicked, and says Paul's mouth has gotten him into fights he didn't want either, but that's not his problem now. Josh asks about Brock and Punk says SummerSlam will be known as the night the beast got neutered. Brock loses a match, and Heyman loses everything.

Match #4: Kaitlyn vs. Layla
This is three minutes and alright. AJ comes out for a distraction, and Layla manages to get the spin kick to beat Kaitlyn.
*1/4

Cody/Sandow is announced for Summerslam.

Match #5: Christian vs. Heath Slater w/ 3MB
Good three minute Christian showcase. He wins with the Spear.
*3/4

Match #6: CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman

This is a match that occurs. Minimal CM Punk effort again as he saves it all up for SummerSlam, and then Axel...yeah. I really don't get it, because I loved him on NXT in 2012, but seemingly the higher he's pushed up the card, the more boring he gets. Punk eventually drags Heyman into the ring and the ref calls the bell for some reason.
*3/4

BUT BROCK LESNAR IMMEDIATELY COMES OUT. YEAH! Punk gets rid of Axel with the GTS on the floor, and fights Brock. He gets down from the F5 to send him into the post, and then clotheslines him off the table! He corners Paul in the ring, but Bork gets back in and hits the F5. He then wears out Punk with the chair.

In the back, Renee interviews Heyman with Brock and Axel. Brock asks if that's the best of the best of the best of the best in the world. HE'S THE BEAST AND THE BEST. IN THE WORLD. "PAUL, SAY SOMETHING STUPID." FUCK YEAH. Paul tells her to take the microphone and give a message to CM Punk and to say he may not make it to SummerSlam, because next week on Raw and based on that beating, he's confident enough to say he's going to stand in the ring for a one on one fight with CM Punk.

Match #7: Kofi Kingston vs. Fandango w/ Summer Rae
UGH TERRIBLE. Kofi's back and in full on Kofi mode doing lots of awful looking stuff that barely looks effective. Kofi wins with the fucking kick. Somehow hitting Fandango's forearm super hard knocks the dancing man out for the three.
3/4*

featured a backstage segment with Triple H and a crying Stephanie in which she said Vince yelled at her for the opening segment, with Triple H saying Vince had "lost it" and he wouldn't let him interfere with the Summer Slam main event

Before the next match, Zeb is on the mic. He says they walked around this heartland and they have yet to feel a beat left with all the real Americans gone. Apparently all the cheese here clogged the people's arteries and their brains as well, and if they don't like it, they can make due like that overrated football team. YEAH, ZEB! The heartland belongs to REAL Americans and if they would, please rise and say in a loud and clear voice. WE THE PEOPLE.

Match #8: The Usos vs. The Real Americans w/ Zeb Coulter
Good 4-5 here. Swagger fucks almost everything he's supposed to do here up, but that's basically just some basic stuff and a punch at the end while Cesaro and The Usos have a great match for the time given. Cesaro does awesome power stuff, and The Usos do their killer hot tag. Swagger punches an Uso through the ropes when Cesaro shoves him over, and then hits the Neutralizer to win.
**1/4

Match #9: Dolph Ziggler vs. Big E. Langston w/ AJ Lee

This is also only 4ish minutes, but another good effort between the two. Kaitlyn comes out to attack AJ, but it causes a distraction and Big E. can hit his awesome body spash deal and then the Big Ending to win.
**

Match #10: The Shield vs. John Cena/Daniel Bryan/Randy Orton

You can't tell me you couldn't have cut Kofi's match or half of Punk/Axel and given this real time instead of 4 minutes. It really could have been awesome instead of just a solid 5 minute deal. It's a short Shield control segment before Bryan does his hot tag. He gets Rollins in the Yes Lock, but Ambrose and Reigns break it up and that's somehow a DQ. I would love some kind of consistency with the rules.
**

after the match, Orton dropped Bryan with the RKO before Cena and Orton had to team up to clear the ring of the Shield; Cena's left forearm was heavily taped for the match; after the Shield left ringside, Orton dropped Cena with the RKO and acted as though he would cash in his Money in the Bank title shot; moments later, the Shield returned to the ring, with Reigns hitting a spear on Cena as Orton walked away from the ring; Bryan then sustained the triple powerbomb as Orton watched from the entrance stage
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Christian, Since 8/2/2013

WWE NXT
August 7th, 2013
Orlando, FL


TONIGHT: BO/KRUGER FOR THE BELT!

Byron Saxton says that Tyler Breeze has entered the building.

Match #1: Dean Ambrose [c] vs. Adrian Neville [WWE U.S. Championship]
They have sort of a slow and average match that's clearly these two holding back. Neville hits the Red Arrow, but Reigns and Rollins comes out to attack for the DQ after 4-5 minutes.
*1/2

Corey Graves and Xavier Woods come out to make the save, and The Shield lives.

In the back, Enzo and Cass are talking to Syl and Scott Dawson. They say they hear he has Mason Ryan soon and they know he's gonna crush them, because Mason is S-A-W-F-T SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWFT. He's as positive as the brown side of a battery. Dawson says he's got this and Syl says all that matters is the money. They all agree and yell GET MONEY. Syl and Dawson leave and Enzo says that's gonna fall through. Cass says it's gonna fall through like a marble on a wet tissue.

The dance battle is next, and Byron says it's a #1 Contender's Dance Battle. Amazing. Emma and Summer Rae come out. They go back and forth for four rounds and Summer goes first.She does classical dancing stuff and Emma breaks out the chicken dance, running man, etc. Summer puts on the Fandango music for the last round, so Emma dances last to her music and does the Emma Dance. Summer yells to stop making a mockery of dance, and obviously Emma wins the crowd vote. Summer attacks and hit Emma with the Hog Log.

Match #2: Tyler Breeze vs. Danny Burch
Another really good Breeze squash, but it's only like a minute. He wins with the Spinning Wheel Kick.
*1/2

In the back, Renee is with Bo Dallas. She asks about his title match and he says he survived Cesaro and that's all that matters. Antonio's a good kid with a bright future and losing last week is on Sami. He's a good kid but he must have been nervous last week being in the ring with a champion. Bo says he's got this tonight. DON'T STOP BO-LIEVING.

NEXT WEEK: SHIELD VS. NEVILLE/GRAVES/WOOD

Match #3: Bo Dallas [c] vs. Leo Kruger [NXT Championship]
This is not good. Cesaro carried Bo by not letting him actually do anything until the very end and just doing cool offense. But Kruger is not as smart as Antonio Cesaro so he fails to do this, and isn't good enough to drag Bo to greatness in a normal match. They try and work a normal match and Kruger's stuff is pretty good most of the time. Bo is a terrible wrestler and does a lot of sloppy generic stuff that doesn't work very well. The crowd supports Leo. Bo gets on a weirdly good looking Strangle Hold Gamma type deal for the tap.
**
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

The Shield vs. Mark Henry/The Usos, Main Event (August 7th)
This at least gets 10 minutes now and is the great match they clearly had in them. Mark is treated as a proper force of nature here, the one thing that can cut off a Shield run of offense or control segment and immediately turn the tide whenever he's in. It's a pretty great use of a somewhat limited babyface Mark Henry. Usos do their stuff here and it's good, but clearly not the highs of Shield/Usos at MITB. Ambrose is hit with the Flying Splash now, BUT ROLLINS IMMEDIATELY HITS THAT USO WITH THE BLACKOUT AND PULLS AMBROSE ON TOP TO WIN!
***
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Christian, Since 8/2/2013

WWE Smackdown
August 9th, 2013
Rockford, IL

Match #1: Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam

Decent 10 minutes, but RVD is clearly past his prime and Orton isn't putting in a lot of effort on Smackdown. Some good moments though as they hit some of their old stuff from their awesome IC Title match in early 2004. Randy gives RVD enough so that his actual finishing routine is forced to have actual cool set ups. Randy moves out of the way of the Five Star Frog Fart and hits an immediate RKO to win.
**1/4

featured an in-ring segment of Miz TV in which Mike Mizanin introduced WWE Divas Champion AJ, with Big E Langston, as his guest in which Miz questioned AJ about her many failed relationships before she said all she needed was her divas title; moments later, Dolph Ziggler interrupted and was followed soon thereafter by Kaitlyn; the four then argued before Miz said Ziggler & Kaitlyn will face Langston & AJ at Summer Slam; AJ then sustained the spear from Kaitlyn and Ziggler hit the Zig Zag on Langston

Punk/Axel from Raw is re-aired because fuck Smackdown.

In the back, Vickie yells about what ADR did to Ricardo and books ADR/Christian tonight in a non-title match too. ADR asks about what if he gets hurt, and Vickie says it's a risk she's willing to take. They then say stuff in Mexican.

Match #2: Kofi Kingston vs. Fandango w/ Summer Rae
This is terrible again, and now gets five minutes instead of four. Of course, it's a super average wrestler against the worst in the company, so it's not like that one extra minute allows them to turn the corner and have a good match, so it's meaningless. The quality of this would probably be the same if they had 30 seconds vs. if they had 10 minutes. It would probably get substantially worse beyond 10 minutes though. Fandango now cheats and wins with the Flying Legdrop.
3/4*

In the back, Renee interviews Daniel Bryan. He says he likes the way he looks and asking him to cut his beard was the breaking point. Despite what John Cena says, he's never changed himself to get to the WWE, but what he can change is history when he beats him for the WWE Championship at SummerSlam. And with all apologies to Vince McMahon, the beard is still here.

Wade has shaved off all his beard instead of just keeping half :(

Match #3: Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett
This is four minutes, but these two work together well as their SummerSlam 2011 match showed. And Wade's improved a lot since then, now focusing on a lot on the striking stuff and the few actual moves he's great at. Wade does stuff and then Bryan comes back and wins with the Yes Lock.
**

In the back, Renee Young is with Damien Sandow. He introduces the chocolate MITB briefcase and says he will use it to become World Champion of the Unwashed Masses.

Match #4: Kane vs. 3MB
Squaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash.
3/4*

On the tron, Bray Wyatt cuts a promo. He says this ring of fire sounds like the kind of fight that's meant to cater to a man who calls himself the devil's favorite demon, and he likes that. He likes his style, but he doesn't think he's grasped what it's really going on. Does he think that a simple fire can trap the souls of his brothers? They're everywhere. And sooner or later, that fire will raise up around him and he will be the one locked inside with a monster. KANE'S FIRE FEARS HIM BECAUSE IT'S SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT CAN NEVER HURT HIM. Wanna hear a secret? He's already dead.

Kane lights off his pyro anyways.

A video airs of highlights from a Brock Lesnar interview. He says a lot of people see this as a personal issue between Punk and Paul Heyman with him as muscle, but it's personal between he and Punk. He's never liked Punk. He walks around calling himself the best, but he sees a joke, and he only let him exist all this time out of respect for Paul. He says the beast IS the best, and he's looking at him. Punk thinks because he taped his hands and takes beginners MMA classes that he's a tough guy, but he's not. He says he has nothing to be jealous of and he was WWE Champion when CM Punk was wrestling for 100 people in high school gyms. He says his title reign was impressive, but he's never faced anyone like him, because there IS nobody like him. Size does matter, and CM Punk will learn what it means to be victimized.

THIS WEEK: HEYMAN VS. PUNK

Match #5: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio
This gets even more time than Raw from last week, and rules again. It's a shitty booking decision in an old school style of thinking, but it's not like ADR/Christian is selling SummerSlam anyways. They got to do an opening matwork run here as this got 15ish minutes instead of 10. This gets a USA chant. God damnit Rockford. This lacked focus, but it ended being a great match through strength of offense. ADR does his amazing head stuff, and Christian guides him through the first two-thirds so ADR doesn't have his usual problem. The story is pretty great, with ADR being confident enough to not bother going to the arm until the end of the match based on his recent head kicking success. Christian counters the arm takedown into a cradle again, but ADR kicks out and hits a Superkick. He takes too long waiting for Christian to get up, and when he goes to pick him up himself, CHRISTIAN GETS ANOTHER CRADLE FOR THE WIN! STORYTELLING YEAH!
***

Post-match, ADR tries to attack, but Christian hits the Killswitch.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Christian, Since 8/2/2013

WWE Raw
August 12th, 2013
Sacramento, CA


The show opens with Bryan coming to the ring to wrestle Wade Barrett. The special referee is then introduced as Brad Maddox.

Match #1: Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett [Special Referee: Brad Maddox]
This is a five minute deal to further an angle, so whatever. Bryan does some good stuff, and gives Wade some nice stuff before he makes the comeback. Wade gets a schoolboy and Brad does a SUPER fast three count to give Wade the win.
**

Brad immediately runs away and Bryan leads a "NO!" chant.

TONIGHT: MIZ TV W/ CENA AND BRYAN! PUNK VS. HEYMAN!

Cody Rhodes comes out to do commentary. Sandow handcuffs his briefcase to the ring cables so Cody can't take it.

Match #2: Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow
Sandow gets like the millionth chance to stand out in some way and justify his push, and he again fails. They again claim Sandow is aggressive while he does clubbing and grabs a chinlock. Sandow is distracted by Cody going after the briefcase to take his focus away, and Orton hits the RKO to win.
*3/4

TONIGHT: US TITLE #1 CONTENDERS BATTLE ROYAL

In the back, The Shield cuts a promo. Rollins says this old guard running around thinking they own the place has got to go. These complacent hollowed out icons living on reputations have to go, because it's time for the new generation, and they're the leaders. They're younger, hungrier, and just better. Reigns says the challenge has been set but he doesn't think anyone's gonna accept. Nobody can compete with them and he won't beg, but he'll ask nicely. If two m en want to step up at SummerSlam and take these, they can make their move. Ambrose says nobody in this battle royal is gonna beat him, because he's unbeatable. CM Punk is a catchphrase, but he's the real best in the world. John Cena has trophy, but this is the real championship of the WWE, because it's the one people run from. IF ANDRE THE GIANT'S GHOST ISN'T IN THIS BATTLE ROYAL, THEN HE'S NOT LOSING AT SUMMERSLAM. BELIEVE THAT AND BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD.

The Brock video from SD airs.

In the back, Josh asks CM Punk about his match tonight. Punk says he doesn't think there's a man afraid of Paul Heyman in a fight. Brock told Paul to say something stupid, and Paul took that to heart by challenging him to a fight. Everything Paul does is calculated and he's sure this is a big chess game and his pawns are in place, but they've forgotten that when you come at the king, YOU BEST NOT MISS. This is promo night. Punk says the beast isn't the best. The best is the best.

Match #3: AJ Lee/Big E. Langston vs. Natalya/The Great Khali w/ Hornswoggle
Ziggler and Kaitlyn are seen watching backstage in prep for SummerSlam. This is whatever, and better when the women are involved. Kaitlyn beats AJ with the Sharpshooter.
*1/2

Post-match, Khali runs off Langston.

Vince McMahon comes out and asks Brad Maddox to come out here and explain himself. Brad Maddox comes out and says it got a little out of hand and he thought the WWE Universe would appreciate his courage to make the right decision. Vince says that was a pretty fast count and Brad says he was a little excited to be back in a referee shirt but he did the best he could. Vince says everyone makes mistakes and Brad says he wants a second chance and wants to be the referee for Cena vs. Bryan at SummerSlam. Vince entertains the idea, and Maddox says he would be impartial. Vince says at SummerSlam, Brad Maddox will be the referee. Triple H comes out and says he's not here to air any dirty laundry and he knows they haven't been agreeing on a lot lately, but given the importance, he thinks they need a special referee with guts who won't be intimidated by anyone. Triple H says he'll be the referee, and then Pedigrees Maddox.

Match #4: Kane vs. Titus O'Neil
This is a short squash. Titus doesn't get to do a lot and it's mostly that shitty 2013 Kane stuff. Chokeslam ends it.
3/4*

Post-match, the Wyatt Family does their entrance, but when the lights come back on, Kane is on the stage and they're in the ring. Kane then lights off his pyro.

included Matthews conducting a backstage interview with Nikki & Brie Bella in which Natalya interrupted and challenged Brie to a match at Summer Slam, and while she could bring Nikki and Eva Marie while she would bring Cameron & Naomi; Brie eventually slapped Natalya

Match #5: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston
THIS WENT SIX MINUTES. FUCK YOU. I AM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.

A video airs on Christian's career and title chase.

In the back, Renee interviews Christian. He says watching that video reminds him of all his hard work, especially these last few years of injuries. Long story short, he's beating Alberto Del Rio and proving that all he's ever needed is one. more. match. ADR comes over and speaks in Mexican and says stuff.

Before the next match, Zeb Coulter gets on the mic. He says this state isn't so golden anymore but looks like a rusted piece of scrap metal sitting around a junkyard. And while they sit around eating their avocados and sipping lattes and driving hybrid cars like it makes a difference, they've allowed 2.5 million illegal immigrants to inhabit this state like a hoard of rats. Where did the California Dream go? He has one of his own and says he can see it now. A big earthquake hits the fault line and this state floats off into the Pacific Ocean. And when it happens, that's 2.5 million reasons why America will be a better place to live. WE THE PEOPLE.

Match #6: The Usos vs. The Real Americans w/ Zeb Coulter
This is another blast of a 5 minute match that clearly shows they have a great 10-15 minute one in them. Cesaro does basically all the good work on his side, and the Usos continue to mix in a lot of great strikes between uppercuts and Superkicks. Great finishing run. Usos hit their dives and Cesaro tries to crotch the Usos trying the splash, but the other one SUPERKICKS CESARO FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE APRON THROUGH HIS BROTHER'S LEGS HOLY SHIT. He then gets the blind tag. The one on the top jumps over Swagger and the now legal Usos floats in with a schoolboy to win.
**1/2

Miz TV is up next, and he brings out Daniel Bryan and John Cena. Miz asks about Triple H, and Bryan says it's great that they can have the match that they and the WWE Universe deserves. Cena says this is the best Miz TV and isn't a trainwreck for once, and says Triple H knows the situation and he's the best man to keep order and call it down the middle. Miz asks about Cena's issues with Bryan, and Cena says it's not like that. There's no underlying theme and the issue is simply the WWE Title. Daniel Bryan wants to be the WWE Champion, and he IS the WWE Champion. He picked Bryan because he's one hell of a competitor and he's gonna put up one hell of a fight on Sunday. Miz says that's code for "you're going to lose" and it's obvious Cena picked him because he wanted to ride the wave of Bryan's popularity to an easy win. Bryan says it's obvious that if Miz doesn't shut his mouth, he's going to punch him in the face. Miz backs off now and Bryan says he doesn't get it why people and people like him think ALL he can do is put up a hell of a fight. LIKE THAT'S THE BEST HE CAN DO? He yells not to interrupt him and says last week, he came out and he did what he does best. He made some explosive remarks and got the Universe on their feet and saw the red light was on and grabbed the spotlight. That's why he doesn't watch television, because of him and people like him. More style than substance, in it for the fame, in it for the glory, and not in it for the WRESTLING. He says his t-shirt is a PARODY of John Cena, because he thinks John Cena is a PARODY of wrestling. And he doesn't want to be a parody. HE WANTS TO BE WWE CHAMPION FOR ONE REASON. IT'S NOT FOR FAME OR GLORY, IT'S SO EVERYONE KNOWS THERE IS NOBODY BETTER THAN DANIEL BRYAN. Cena takes off his shirt but then pauses and takes the mic. He says he almost got him and says that's a strong word, parody. He says he's not a parody and the reason he's out here is the same reason Bryan's out here, for the people. He thought he was smart enough to understand that with all the people chanting YES or NO or DANIEL BRYAN do it because they believe in him and it empowers you and all you want to do is come out and put your body on the line to try and return that love. That's why they do this and this might be just a t-shirt but that's like saying the American flag is just a cloth. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT. Cena was making great points again, and then he compared his fucking t-shirt to Old Glory. He says it's about the message and loyalty and he's been in hostile environments with his critics and as long as people are loyal to him, he fights for them and stays loyal to them. Cena says he's not the first one to come here and say Cena's what's wrong with all this or "We've Cena Nuff" or "4 Moves of Doom". He says Bryan can hear it and it's been going on for years. He's not the first and won't be the last, but he shows up for 12 years and busts his ass for people like a kid in the front row and his dad and a Make a Wish kids whose parents thank him for giving their children hope and the ability to say never give up. Oh my god, this is disgusting. USE CANCER KIDS AS A SHIELD. FUCK YOU. THIS IS THE APEX OF CENA'S YEAR OF BEING THE ABSOLUTE WORST, STARTING IN THE POST-SUMMERSLAM RAW OF 2012. Cena says Bryan will always have critics and he should be proud of everything he's accomplished but smart enough to know he's the same way and proud of what he's become. He's spent 12 years WRESTLING around the world. Sometimes they cheer and sometimes they boo and every one of those matches, he did it while he was holding this title. He says to please think he's a shell of a man who's no more than a t-shirt and wristbands because he's not the first of his peers to think that, and he's beaten them all. He's WRESTLED them and BEATEN them. Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Batista, Orton, CM Punk, The Rock -- Bryan cuts him off. He says he talks about those guys like they're so much better than him. Cena says he's on his way to greatness, but he doesn't belong in that class. Respect is earned here and says to listen to him. If he's good enough to hold this Sunday, then he earns his respect. Bryan says there it is. He spelled it out. HE DOESN'T RESPECT HIM. He's not treating this like those matches with Shawn Michaels or The Rock, because he respected those men. And why should he? He'd held the WWE Title 11 times. How could he understand the hunger that he had for holding just ONCE? Because for him, this is just another SummerSlam. But for him, this is the biggest match of his life. Bryan says there's a custom he learned in Japan that they did before big matches. It's to fire somebody up and to light that spark from one wrestler to another. They take their hand and as hard as they possibly can, they slap him in the face. He teases it and then says he wishes so bad that he could do that to him right now, but he can't. BECAUSE HE'S NOT A WRESTLER. AND HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT. Cena challenges him now and slaps Bryan before presenting his chin. Bryan shakes his head and then Triple H comes out to play peacemaker. Randy Orton then comes on the stage and holds up MITB.

Fandango (w/ Summer Rae) fought R-Truth to a no contest when, after the two had a dance off, they briefly fought and Truth knocked Fandango to the floor

Match #7: US Title #1 Contender's Battle Royal
The midcard is here, along with RVD who gets one of the only entrances. Obvious winner is obvious. Cesaro and the Usos and Wade have good showings. Rybork eliminated a bunch of dudes. They give this 10ish minutes to get some actual time, and it's very nice. It gets down to RVD, Ryback, Henry, Wade, and the Real Americans. MARK PUSHES THE REAL AMERICANS OUT WITH ONE HAND EACH FUCK YEAH MOK. AND THEN THROWS BARRETT OUT! MOK KNOCKS RYBACK OFF THE APRON YEAH! RVD ruins MOK's awesome run though and lowbridges him out to win.
**1/4

The Shield comes down, but Mark Henry comes in to help RVD after his recent Shield issues. They're still outnumbered, BUT THE BIG SHOW RETURNS TO MAKE THE SAVE! YEAH!

Paul Heyman comes out for the main event and gets on the mic. He says he doesn't blame CM Punk for everything that's happened, but he blames every single member of the WWE Universe for taking his best friend away from him, so he's going to take CM Punk away from them. Paul says he's heard this is a trap. OH, REALLY? YOU DON'T SAY? GOOD WORK, GUYS. He says it's a trap and brings out Brock Lesnar, and says this is now a handicap match. He calls out CM Punk, and the music hits, BUT CM PUNK COMES FROM THE CROWD AND HITS LESNAR IN THE HEAD TWICE WITH THE VIDEO CAMERA FUCK YEAH! HE BAILS AND PUNK HITS THE TOPE SUICIDA! PUNK WEARS OUT BROCK WITH A CHAIR IN REVENGEHe chases Paul up the ramp, and Curtis Axel comes out. Punk hits him with the GTS on the stage and yells BEST IN THE WORLD to end the show.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Christian, Since 8/2/2013

WWE NXT
August 14th, 2013
Orlando, FL


Paul Heyman is in the ring to open the show and says it's time for him to start scouting a new Paul Heyman guy. He puts over NXT big for a bit and says to chant "NXT" right now instead because he's not here to live off his past but to scout the future. He then ruins the good vibe by bringing out Curtis Axel. He says Axel is better than perfect and they came by to say hello because he's not really willing to defend the title tonight, they haven't seen a human being in Florida man enough to take it away. BIG E. LANGSTON COMES OUT FUCK YEAH. He says he thinks he is, and Axel says he's got it. Not tonight, but maybe for the Thanksgiving episode. Or Christmas, maybe. Big E. says to shut up and comes down.

Match #1: Curtis Axel [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. Big E. Langston [WWE Intercontinental Championship]
Big E. tries his best, but this isn't really going to happen as a great match ever. Big E. basically runs through him before Paul causes a DQ.
*3/4

Post-match, E hits the big Ending on Curtis and hits the five count.

In the back, Renee interviews Sami Zayn about everything. Sami says this thing with Bo is obviously an afterthought right now and he's in this thing with Cesaro for far too long. He says now Zeb Coulter is on social media with Cesaro saying he's a foreigner, and asks what gave it away. Was it him being from Canada or was it him speaking Arabic to Cesaro in person? He's not ashamed of who he is, he's Sami Zayn, the guy that beat him when he was running his mouth. He's also the guy who's challenged him to a third match and still hasn't heard back. He says he wants it in a Best of Three Falls match now to leave nothing to chance.

Match #2: Mason Ryan vs. Scott Dawson w/ Sylvester LeFort
Enzo and Cass come out to watch, and this is another Mason Ryan squash. What the fuck ever. One and Only for the win.
1/2*

He then takes out Enzo and Cass too.

Due to Emma's injury last week after the dance battle, Summer Rae is replacing her against Paige.

Match #3: Paige [c] vs. Summer Rae [NXT Women's Championship]
This was again, pretty basic. Summer does dastardly basic wrestling things, and Paige makes her suffer and does revenge spots. Paige Turner ends it. I like Summer a lot as a personality and really everything but her face, but she is clearly not on the level of a lot of the other NXT women.
*1/4

In the back, Renee interviews AJ Lee. She says AJ will defend the title next week and asks who, but AJ says she likes unpredictability, so it could be anyone. AND BAYLEY SCORES WITH THE SNEAK HUG. YEAH! Renee leaves and Bayley introduces herself and says she was following her and wanted to ask if she could wrestle her for the title. AJ says sure and Bayley says their names sound good together. Bayley says she doesn't know why people think AJ is crazy, because she's awesome. AJ is upset and Bayley says maybe after she beats her, they could still be friends. Bayley gives her another long hug.

During the break, Emma attacked Summer in the ring.

NEXT WEEK: ZIGGLER COMES TO NXT!

Match #4: The Shield vs. Adrian Neville/Corey Graves/Xavier Woods
I have no idea why Woods is in this, but this is his career match due to The Shield deciding they were going to carry two shitty wrestlers (and their good partner). Rollins and Ambrose guided Woods and Graves through stuff, and Graves was the FIP, so he had no chance to ruin it. Neville and Woods both had decent hot tags and it broke down in wonderful fashion. Woods gets hit with Rollins' Buckle Bomb and then Reigns hits the Spear to win.
***

In the back, Renee asks Antonio Cesaro about Zayn's challenge. He says he is the greatest American to ever walk and the boss of the world, and that arrogant punk calls him a coward. HE ACCEPTS. SAMI THEN ATTACKS IN REVENGE AND THEY HAVE ANOTHER PULL APART! YEAH!
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Christian, Since 8/2/2013

WWE Smackdown
August 16th, 2013
San Jose, CA


TONIGHT: BRYAN/WADE NO DQ

The Wyatt Family comes out to open the show, and Bray gets on the mic. He says hello and introduces himself and his brothers and they've come to the conclusion that their actions have been misinterpreted. He wants to tell a special little story and once upon a time there was a special little boy. He went to school but kids can be SO cruel and this special child was so much bigger, but the other kids would call him freak and beat on him and send him home in tears. Then he decided he would change the world but didn't. He found a new crutch in a mask, gave himself a new name, and that name was Kane. He allowed himself to live this lie, and he says no more lies. He knows who he is and WHAT he is. He walks on water just to prove that he can. He'll bite the head off the snake just to taste its poison. And this Sunday, one man's hell is another man's paradise. Follow the buzzards. Kane then comes out and fights them all, but gets overwhelmed and hit with Sister Abigail.

Match #1: Christian vs. Damien Sandow
Christian now realizes he has to do work for Sandow if there's going to be an interesting transition and focus, so he takes his old standby big apron bump. He sells his ribs and Sandow works on them, but because he's apparently an actual idiot, he gives that up to do generic chinlocks, so Christian stops selling and reigns himself to just do basic work on the comeback. Christian again embarrasses a young guy with a basic cradle for the win after playing possum.
**

Post-match, Sandow attacks, but Christian hits the Spear. ADR comes out and drops him, and then gets on the mic. He asks how crazy Christian is to think he can beat him, but then misses the Superkick, and Christian hits the Killswitch.

included Renee Young conducting a backstage interview with Rob Van Dam about his Summer Slam match against WWE US Champion Dean Ambrose, with Big Show and Mark Henry appearing behind him as RVD said he wasn't concerned about the Shield interfering; Show said the Shield were the hunted and Henry said RVD had nothing to worry about at Summer Slam

Match #2: Kaitlyn/Natalya vs. AJ Lee/Layla
This gets four minutes, so it's pretty solid. Too much of Layla/Natty though. Kaitlyn gets distracted by Layla's cheap shot, and AJ hits a Shining Witch to win.
*1/4

Match #3: The Shield vs. Rob Van Dam/Mark Henry/The Big Show

This is only 4-5 minutes, and is the Shield again being handicapped. And for everyone pissed about them dropping one to Christian and The Usos, THIS is the first Shield loss people should have been mad about, but it's also signaling their slide into being a backbone of the roster type deal that loses relatively frequently. It's a little upsetting, but they clearly wound up alright and them beating everyone was clearly unsustainable. They lay it out so Show and MOK at the same time are a force of nature. The Shield can usually turn the tide on one of them, but not both. Ambrose gets the KO Punch and RVD pins him with the Frog Splash.
**1/4

featured Young conducting a backstage interview with Ryback about why he wasn't on the Summer Slam pay-per-view, with Ryback saying he was left off the show because people are scared of him; Ryback then confronted a stagehand, bullied him, punched him in the gut, slapped him, and threw him across a table

Match #4: The Miz vs. Jack Swagger w/ The Real Americans
This is three minutes and horrible. Cesaro and Zeb get ejected for interference. Swagger can't do stuff well, and Miz is still really bad. Miz gets a roll up out of the Doctor Bomb to win.
3/4*

Match #5: Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman vs. Zack Ryder

This absolutely happened! Axel wins with the Krugerrand. He needs to name that move so I can top using the name of Leo Kruger's version. And then again, it's only Curtis Axel, so whatever.
*

A hype video airs for Punk/Bork.

RAW REBOUND!

Match #6: Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett [No Disqualification Match]
This gets 10ish minutes and is again a quality match. It's pretty much a cookie cutter Bryan match with a few cane shots thrown in to make the stipulation make sense. Of course, they didn't need the stip at all even for the finish, so I didn't really get why this was a No DQ. The ref goes down, so Vince waves Brad Maddox out. Wade accidentally hits him with the kendo stick. Triple H comes down to be ref, and Bryan wins with a Diving Headbutt.
**1/4
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: John Cena, Since 4/7/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Christian, Since 8/2/2013

Match #0: Dean Ambrose [c] vs. Rob Van Dam [WWE U.S. Championship]
This is a good enough 10ish minutes. I don't know if they have a better match in them because it's 2013 RVD and Ambrose doesn't feel like a guy who's going to carry RVD in a normal non-important match. They do some alright basic mat stuff and Ambrose has a good control segment happening. The Shield comes out to ringside to support Ambrose, and Mark Henry and The Big Show come out to even it up. RVD makes a comeback and hits the Five Star, but Reigns runs in with a Spear for the DQ.
**1/2

Show and Mark come in, and the Shield bails.

Posted Image

WWE SUMMERSLAM 2013
AUGUST 18TH, 2013
LOS ANGELES, CA


Since Miz is the host, he comes out in a tuxedo to hype up the double main event. Fandango and Summer Rae come out to dance.

JoJo from Total Divas sings the National Anthem.

Match #1: Kane vs. Bray Wyatt w/ The Wyatt Family [Ring of Fire Match]
This is just an Inferno Match with pinfalls winning instead of fire. It's good enough for that kind of thing and it being short allows for them to get in and make their point without it dragging on forever like the first Inferno Match. Kane/MVP is still the best one ever, but this has a totally different dynamic. The main goal here is making Bray as a legit player, and he hangs in there with Kane really evenly. The tease the fire well too. Harper and Rowan put a fire blanket over part of the flames and get in to help. They beat Kane up, and Bray hits Sister Abigail to win.
**

Post-match, they crush Kane's head in the steps again, and Harper and Rowan carry him to the back with them.

At commentary, they go over that Punk/Brock is now No DQ as both parties have agreed to it.

Match #2: Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow
Cody finally shaved his mustache. They get seven minutes here and it's another very good showing from Cody in a match that isn't great. Sandow's opportunity to show off with control work is again largely wasted. Cody does some cool stuff and does the best he can to get something out of Sandow, but the good stuff is really all on one side. As a technically solid but super boring dude, Sandow is basically the 2010s Mike Rotunda, and this shit confirms that. Although IRS would have been an amazing MITB holder. Cody wins with Cross Rhodes.
**

The Christian career video airs again.

Match #3: Alberto Del Rio [c] vs. Christian [World Heavyweight Championship]
This was amazing, and the kind of perfect 12 minutes that Christian is the king of getting out of people. ADR targets the arm early and stays on it with a bunch of cool stuff. Adding a lot of kicks to his game has really helped ADR's usual arm attack. Christian sells it super super super well as probably the best limb selling guy in WWE, and there's some great nearfalls and counters. Christian hits the Spear, but reinjures his arm and ADR puts on the Cross Armbreaker to win.
***1/4

In the ring, Renee interviews ADR. He says he's still your champion and says he represents all the Latinos.

WWE likes the National Guard. What a great company they are. Look at them. Praise them.

featured footage of Maria Menounos & Natalya Neidhart in action during WWE Axxess; included a backstage segment in which Miz interviewed Menounos about her match, with Fandango and Summer Rae dancing into the scene; moments later, Miz and Menounos danced their way off the set

Match #4: Natalya vs. Brie Bella
Funkadactyls, Big Titty Bella, and Eva Marie are on the floor. This is whatever. Wrestling skill is not an STD, so Brie is still whatever, although she's at least making an attempt. The crowd chants for JBL and Michael Cole and Lawler instead of caring about this. Brie is now just average, so this isn't terrible. Nattie wins with the Sharpshooter.
*3/4

Earlier tonight, Ryback was in catering and he was mad at a chef because the soup is cold. The chef says its gazpacho and is supposed to be cold. Ryback is embarrassed and pours the soup down his shirt.

Hype video for Bork/Punk.

Match #5: CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman [No Disqualification Match]
DIS MATCH. THIS FUCKING MATCH. Some really perfect storytelling throughout as they stick with two basic ideas. Number one, Brock underestimates Punk and that's what really allows Punk to survive. Number two, Punk is more focused on getting to Paul. Brock's taking insane bumps early on while also being able to cut off Punk's flurries with ease. Arguably, that's why he stays so confident throughout and ends up having too much fun mauling Punk to really put him away, and it allows Punk to come back. And it's still Brock Lesnar, so Punk has to use chairs and trickery and even a low blow to come back. Brock has it won, but Punk is smarter and grabs onto Heyman on the apron to save himself. He hits the GTS but Paul makes the save. Punk counters another F5 into a DDT and the Vice, but Heyman saves that too. Punk gets the Vice on Heyman, and Brock kills him with chair shots and hits a BRUTAL F5 on a chair to win. I've seen complaints about Brock giving Punk too much, but that's clearly not the case because it all felt earned and totally desperate with Punk having to throw all of himself at Brock to have a chance or resort to trickery. And in the end, Brock crushed him when he had the first real opening (now immediately taking it after slowly learning his lesson), so it all made perfect sense.
****1/2

Post-match, Punk gets a standing ovation. The panel puts the match over.

Match #6: Dolph Ziggler/Kaitlyn vs. Big E. Langston/AJ Lee
This is a total crowd refresher between the two epics and only 6 minutes, but it was really enjoyable since Ziggler, Big E, and AJ are all awesome and Kaitlyn is totally carryable. Ziggler/Big E. is an awesome pairing and AJ/Kaitlyn is an awesome pairing and yeah, just a quality piece of filler. Ziggler gets out of the Big Ending, and hits the Peace Zig for the win.
**1/2

A hype video airs for the main event.

Match #7: John Cena [c] vs. Daniel Bryan [WWE Championship - Special Referee: Triple H]
This...I don't know. I really liked it and it was a great match, but it really felt like Cena having an arm injury giving him no flexibility in the one arm held this back. They had 27 minutes but seemingly went into big stuff too soon because Cena couldn't do the kind of matwork that they would need to pull off a kind of Cena/Punk MITB type deal here, which is clearly what they were going for, making a new main eventer and all. They did stuff and it was good, but it never really came together into a really epic match that you know exists in these two. Still, fucking great the way Cena's normal WWE style offense was failing him and he got stiff and mean, and Bryan hung with it and all. The slap exchange spot was a perfect play off everything. Finishing run could have also been better laid out for maximum drama, but again, Cena's got one arm so they held back a bit. Bryan hits THE BUSAIKU KNEE THAT BEAT JOHN CENA to, well, beat John Cena. This means a ton more since Bryan's the first person to beat Cena in a singles match in 2013.
***

Post-match, Cena hands Bryan the title and the celebration begins.

Posted Image

FUCK YEAH BRYAN'S DONE IT. DANIEL BRYAN IS THE WWE CHAMPION!

Posted Image

Posted Image

Posted Image

GOD DAMNIT.

Match #8: Daniel Bryan [c] vs. Randy Orton [WWE Championship - Special Referee: Triple H]
Orton covers to win the title.
EVOLUTION IS A MYSTERY, FULL OF CHANGE THAT NO ONE SEES

Posted Image

We've only just begun.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: Randy Orton, Since 8/18/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 8/18/2013

WWE Raw
August 19th, 2013
Anaheim, CA


John Cena comes out to open the show on the mic and thanks Daniel Bryan for bringing out the best in him and says a WWE superstar should be judged on ability alone and says they don't see eye to eye and says two weeks ago, he tore his tricep and he has to take him off. EXCUSES. He says he was beaten by a better man in a clean fight last night and what happened after the match was disgusting. He says he's going to have surgery, but then brings out Daniel Bryan and said he's earned the right to call himself the champ. Cena then hands off the mic and leaves. Bryan gets his chants, but Stephanie McMahon comes out before he can speak. She says she's sorry and he won the WWE Championship and deserved it and didn't deserve to have his dream snatched away, but Triple H was just doing what was best for business. Bryan he expects that from her and her father, but Triple H was a rebel (sort of) and it's true that when you lie down with trash, sooner or later you start to stink. Stephanie says she'll let it slide, and Bryan says to give it up for her and give three cheers for letting it slide. Bryan asks if they'll fire him and says he's not afraid of that but before he leaves, he's going to get his money's worth and he doesn't care if it's Triple H or Randy Orton and he'll REALLY give her a reason to fire him. Stephanie says nobody wants to fire him and he's very valued here. He's the ultimate underdog and part of the fabric of WWE, but he needs to manage his expectations. Not everyone can be the face of the WWE or the champion, and he's like 5'8'' and MAYBE 200 pounds and they can't all be supermodels. The Universe loves him and he has a place here and he might not be an A, but he is a SOLID B+. He says he doesn't have to accept that and move on and just be in the middle of the card. HE CAN BE WWE CHAMPION AND HE DOESN'T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS. Stephanie says to calm down, SO BRYAN SLAPS THE MIC OUT OF HER HAND. FUCK YEAH. She then has security escort him out, and he NO's as it happens.

Match #1: Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow
This is slightly better than SummerSlam. It's seven minutes not counting commercial time and is aided by a commercial break clipping half Sandow's boring control segment. The other half unfortunately still remains. Chinlocks and clubbing forearms and stomps. Somehow he shows his intelligence by working generic heel moves. Cody has a small comeback, and he wins with a sunset flip out of the corner.
**

In the back, Brad Maddox shows a screen cap of Ziggler's comments on Twitter about how he's never trusted Triple H and was proven right. Maddox then says they want to give Ziggler every possible opportunity to show off, so he's going to be in a 3 on 1 handicap match against The Shield.

Paul Heyman comes out with his arm in a sling and he goes over Brock vs. Punk last night in a lot of detail and shows highlights. He says like so many young men, CM Punk flew away from the nest to prove himself, and admits that CM Punk gave Brock all that he could handle. He says it's time to put the family feud behind all three of them and says when CM Punk realizes his mistake after the beating he suffered last night and apologizes to him, he will accept him back with open arms, because he still loves him. He will lead him back to the title, WrestleMania main events, and they can be the best in the world.

TONIGHT: RANDALL'S CORONATION

Match #2: AJ Lee/Layla vs. The Funkadactyls
This is all of ninety seconds, so whatever. Naomi rolls up Layla to win.
3/4*

Match #3: The Shield vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is fun enough for 5 minutes. Ziggler is dominated in a sort of taking it easy mode for The Shield, since this is more of an angle. Then he makes a great comeback and manages to handle them all well, but Reigns cuts off his Stinger Splash with the spear for the win.
**1/4

Post-match, Ziggler is hit with the Triple Powerbomb.

Match #4: Alberto Del Rio vs. Sin Cara
Sin Cara injures his wrist a minute in, so the ref stops it. LOL.
1/2*

after the contest, ADR attempted to attack Sin Cara, then took the mic and said the Hispanic people had no heroes but he would be their hero; moments later, Ricardo Rodriguez interrupted from the entrance stage and said he represented someone new, then introducing Rob Van Dam; RVD came out to the ring and briefly fought with ADR before ADR escaped the ring as RVD attempted the Five Star Frog Splash

Match #5: The Prime Time Players vs. The Real Americans w/ Zeb Coulter
I can assume that Darren Young has come out of the closet here because they're now faces. Stuff happens and there's way too much Swagger for this to be anything decent. Darren beats Cesaro with the Gut Check.
*3/4

In the back, Renee interviews Big Show and asks about he and The Shield. He says he and Mark Henry are targeting the tag titles, but Brad Maddox comes over. He says Big Show has made some disparaging remarks about their COO. Show cited freedom of speech, and Maddox says they're all advocates, but he'd like him to express himself in a tornado rules handicap match against The Shield. Big Show asks if he's sure he wants to do that to The Shield.

In the back, Zack Ryder and Justin Gabriel shill Foot Locker. Fandango then dances.

Highlights of SummerSlam air again.

included a backstage segment in which Ryback confronted an enhancement wrestler in the locker room, threw his bag, and then bullied him into the showers

Match #6: The Shield vs. The Big Show
This is less good, and another angle. This one's only four minutes and has a lot of Show offense. He gets cut off and beat up, and then they hit Show with the Triple Powerbomb for the win.
*3/4

included an in-ring promo by Punk regarding Heyman's comments, before taking his frustration out on a booing ringside fan and daring him to get in the ring; Punk said "I will render you to tears" before telling Heyman to come out because if he was looking for an apology, he might get one; Heyman then appeared with WWE IC Champion Curtis Axel, with Punk saying he was sorry he didn't take Heyman's arm off and take it home with him; Heyman then apologized before telling Axel to go backstage and tape up his hands for a fight; he then said if Punk was still in the ring following the commercial break, Axel would finish the job Lesnar started; following the break, Punk sat in a chair in the ring waiting as Axel returned ringside; the two brawled in and out of the ring before Punk hit a running knee to Axel, in the timekeeper's area, and followed by hitting him with the ring bell; Heyman, his arm in a sling, then watched from the entrance stage as Axel targetted Punk's injured leg and hit him with the chair; Axel failed an attempt at stomping on the chair, wrapped around Punk's ankle, with Punk then using the chair to clear Axel from the ring; moments later, Punk hit Axel with the Go To Sleep onto the ring steps; Punk then stared at Heyman, who slowly walked backwards up the ramp watching Punk

Match #7: Bray Wyatt w/ The Wyatt Family vs. R-Truth
Another good 90 second squash from Bray, just like the stuff he's been doing down in NXT. Sister Abigail gets him the win.
*1/2

LOS MATADORES: COMING SOON!

Match #8: The Usos vs. Heath Slater/Jinder Mahal w/ Drew McIntyre
Yet again, it should be Heath/Drew any time a 3MB duo needs to job, but whatever. This was decent enough. A little long at close to five minutes for an obvious showcase, but Slater did a good enough job. Jinder is dogshit on offense, but tries hard on bumping at this point. Usos hot tag rules and the Flying Splash ends it.
*3/4

Match #9: Wade Barrett vs. The Miz

OH MY GOD, NO. FUCK THIS MATCH. WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR FIVE GOD DAMNED MONTHS AND IT'S WORSE EVERY TIME. THEY HAVE ONE MATCH IN THEM, AND THEY'VE JUST BEEN DOING IT EVERY MONTH. They continue the blossoming terrible feud when Fandango comes down and breaks up the Figure Four with the Flying Legdrop for the DQ.
3/4*

Fandango and Summer dance.

In the back, Brad Maddox tells Stephanie that the head of building security says Bryan is back.

Coming back, all the wrestlers are on the stage. Triple H comes down with Vince and Stephanie in the ring, and The Shield are standing guard in front of the ring. Vince says they have a champion they can all be proud of, but he's most proud of his son-in-law. He had his doubts, but he did the right thing and saw the light. They hug and H gets the mic. He says he's supposed to explain himself and why he would screw Daniel Bryan, but it makes him laugh how nobody can ever see the bigger picture. He did what he did last night to ensure the future of the WWE and did it for everyone in the crowd, on the stage, and in the ring. Triple H says he doesn't hate Daniel Bryan, he likes him. He's a big fan of Daniel and what he can do in this ring, and he's a very good little technician. He deserved to win last night, but honestly, Daniel Bryan as WWE Champion and face of the WWE? No. The fans deserve better than that. They deserve A+ talent, not B+ talent, not good little technicians. This is the way it's always been and the way it has to be. He gave them A+. H says he didn't personally want to do that because Bryan overachieved and it hurt him to do that and the new WWE Champion isn't a guy he likes. But he buried his personal feelings for what was right for everyone, and if Bryan wants to say he has a problem with it, that's selfish. Daniel Bryan needs to check his ego at the door like he does and says it's about the WWE Universe. He's about to do it again and introduces the new face of the WWE, THE COAL THAT HAS NOW BECOME THE DIAMOND (DAT CALLBACK SPOT), RANDY ORTON! Randy Orton comes out, and only Brad Maddox and curiously, Teddy Long, are applauding. He shakes hands with Vince and H and hugs Stephanie. Randy says he told everyone they wouldn't see it coming and says he owes all of this to Triple H, who gets the mic back. H says he knows Bryan is in the building and says he can get it all off his chest here. He tells everyone to let Bryan come down and he comes down. The Shield attacks on the floor, and Bryan fights them off before Roman mows him down with the Spear. H stops it and tells Bryan to come in the ring and say what he has to say. He crawls in, and gets dropped with the RKO. The heels celebrate to end the show.

Beautiful segment completely illustrating the vast long-running conspiracy in a number of ways:
-Teddy Long being the other guy applauding explains just a ton.
-Triple H's line about "good little technicians" not being allowed to be the face of the WWE brings a handful of names up in a similar spot to where Bryan is now
-The Shield being fully revealed as working for the McMahons all along thus illuminating the whole Royal Rumble screwjob
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: Randy Orton, Since 8/18/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 8/18/2013

WWE NXT
August 21st, 2013
Orlando, FL


TONIGHT: CESARO/ZAYN BEST OF THREE FALLS

Match #1: AJ Lee [c] vs. Bayley [WWE Divas Championship]
This rules for under five minutes. Bayley is starstruck, so AJ cheap shots and dominates her. Bayley comes back with HUGGING OFFENSE. AJ feigns an injury but then kicks out Bayley's legs and wins with a Shining Witch.
**1/4

In the back, Tyler Breeze has somebody take his picture, but CJ Parker photobombs him backstage again. Tyler looks at his phone and finds out, and is livid.

Match #2: The Ascension vs. Two Jobbers
Fuck it. This was bad, and the jobbers' names don't matter, because this gets no points. Fall of Man envs it.
1/2*

Match #3: CJ Parker vs. Baron Corbin

CJ is working a hippy deal and they're trying to make him a babyface, but the crowd immediately shits on how hokey and clearly bullshit this all is. CJ Parker is also not a good wrestler. He wins with a move.
3/4*

Post-match, Renee asks CJ where he's been. He says it's more like where hasn't he been, but he's found what he's looking for. He says he's just him and he's just a guy going with the flow and having a little bit of fun. UGH. Renee brings up his photobombing and he says to mellow out and calls it video loving. Tyler Breeze comes out and shows his ruined picture. CJ Parker says to chillax because it's all just a good time. Breeze calls him a Lenny Kravitz wannabe, and CJ goes to punch him so Breeze leaves and says not in the face.

Match #4: Dolph Ziggler vs. Alexander Rusev
This is Rusev's debut and he comes out with a board reading ZIGGLER and breaks it on his knee. This is a good Ziggler showcase, and he makes Rusev look awesome with a bunch of awesome big man highspots for a few minutes before he wins with the Peace Zig.
**1/4

Match #5: Antonio Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn [Best of Three Falls]

This only got like 10-11 minutes, but they actually cut out like 10 minutes here from live reports of it being like 20-30, which would have put it over the top into all time great status, but still super super amazing. Zayn jumps Cesaro and hits the Helluva Kick and a schoolboy to quickly go 1-0. Good back and forth, and Cesaro makes Zayn tap to the insane chinlock. The third fall is where they go nuts. It's not as great as some of their indy stuff and it's not as great as their 2014 stuff, but it rules. It just got overrated by people who had never seen them go to the next level before. Cesaro almost loses Sami on the pop-up European, but he walks around in a circle with him pressed up in an insane feat of strength, before hitting it. He then wins with the Neutralizer.
***

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The Master and Ruler Of The World

The Shield vs. The Usos/Kofi Kingston, Main Event (August 21st)
This is great in spite of Kofi, because Shield vs. Usos is always going to be a total blast. Great control segment on an Uso again, and unfortunately it's not on Kofi, which means he gets to actually do real offense in the finishing run. Which means this ends up just being average after Kofi's awful double chops and high flying stuff evens out the good but basic work of the others. Seth pushes Kofi off the top, and Ambrose hits the Headlock Driver to win.
**1/2

Christian vs. Big E. Langston, Superstars (August 22nd)

Yay! This isn't what it could be if they had more than 7 minutes, but Christian does a solid house show Christian match. No limbwork, but Big E. does big man spots and Christian has a good comeback. They do some cool counters and Christian gets out of the Big Ending and hits the Killswitch to win.
**1/4
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