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Simon Watches WWE - 2013
Topic Started: Apr 20 2014, 06:42 PM (16,506 Views)
Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Top 10 Matches - September 2013:

1. Randy Orton vs. Goldust, Raw (September 9th)
2. The Shield vs. Daniel Bryan/The Usos/Dolph Ziggler/Rob Van Dam/The Prime Time Players/Kofi Kingston/R-Truth/Zack Ryder/Justin Gabriel, Raw (September 23rd)
3. Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns, Raw (September 16th)
4. Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes, Raw (September 2nd)
5. Daniel Bryan/The Usos vs. The Shield, Smackdown (September 20th)
6. The Shield vs. Dolph Ziggler/The Usos, Raw (September 30th)
7. Randy Orton [c] vs. Daniel Bryan, Night of Champions (September 15th)
8. Sami Zayn vs. Jack Swagger, NXT (September 4th)
9. The Usos vs. Tons of Funk vs. The Real Americans, Raw (September 16th)
10. The Shield vs. Dolph Ziggler/The Usos, Smackdown (September 13th)

Wrestler of the Month: Dolph Ziggler - 21 Points

Tag Team of the Month: The Usos - 17 Points
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves, Since 7/17/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/15/2013

WWE NXT
October 2nd, 2013
Orlando, FL

Match #1: Fandango/Summer Rae vs. Santino Marella/Emma

They ran this a bunch in WWE 2014 on main shows, and it was terrible. This is a blast because they have the freedom to really play around with stuff in NXT. Emma turns Santino's cobra into two cobras AND THEN THE EMMA DANCE. AMAZING. Santino's pratfalls are also actually funny when nobody is rubbing them in and they're not the point of the match. There are cobra nanigans, and Santino wins with the Cobra.
**

TONIGHT: NEVILLE/GRAVES VS. THE ASCENSION FOR THE BELTS

Match #2: Kassius Ohno vs. Luke Harper w/ The Wyatt Family
This was basically a three minute Harper showcase because Ohno's being punished still before being let go. He gets in some great shots and there's clearly the promise of a great match, but it's not this one. Harper wins with the Discus Lariat.
*3/4

In the back, Enzo and Big Cass cut the best promo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6IpZH_J-sY

Match #3: Adrian Neville/Corey Graves [c] vs. The Ascension [NXT Tag Team Championship]
Terrible. This is where everything goes wrong. They isolate Graves and whatever. Neville has a briefly good hot tag and urn of stuff, and then Graves gets back in. He gets cut off, and they easily beat him with the Fall of Man. TERRIBLE.
*1/2

Match #4: Bo Dallas Invitational

The first entrant is some random jobber who gets a "LETS GO THIS GUY" chant. Bo eventually beats him with an actual good Spear, due to the jobber bumping. Bo pats him on the back before throwing him out. Bo asks who else wants to RSVP for the Bo Dallas Invitational, and Leo Kruger comes out. FUCK YEAH. Antonio Cesaro also comes out AND THEY FIGHT OVER WHO GETS IN. FUCK YEAH THAT PAIRING. They fight to the back and a masked man comes out. HE DODGES THE SPEAR AND HITS THE HELLUVA KICK FOR THE WIN! AWESOME! Not much of a match, but amazing booking.
*3/4

HE UNMASKS AS SAMI ZAYN! FUCK YEAH!
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/15/2013

WWE Smackdown
October 4th, 2013
Baton Rouge, LA


featured an opening in-ring promo by the Big Show in which he said he had enough frustration and would take the Shield down with him when he faced them in a handicap match later in the show; moments later, Triple H walked out, said he considered Show a friend and that's why he made sure Show no longer owed the bank; Triple H then said he bought Show's debt, implying that Show now owed him, and changed the main event so that Show would face the Shield & Randy Orton in the main event

Match #1: Rob Van Dam vs. Fandango
Both managers are ringside. RVD showcase yet again, since he's not working an even match with anyone who isn't Orton, Shield, or ADR. This is three minutes of shitty RVD offense before Summer trips him for the DQ.
1/2*

Post-match, RVD fights back on Fandango, and he hits him with the Van Terminator with a trash can.

Match #2: R-Truth vs. Ryback w/ Paul Heyman & Curtis Axel
This is a squash, and it's also pretty terrible. Everything that isn't involving The Shield in some manner or isn't NXT is super terrible right now. They announce Axel/Truth for the PPV. Rybork wins with Shellshocked.
3/4*

Post-match, Axel taunts Truth.

In the back, Renee interviews ADR. He says he can use a trash can too, but then he'll put RVD in it and back to the dump where he belongs. A stagehand gives Del Rio the broken trash can as a present from RVD, so he throws it away and storms off.

Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler
BECAUSE FUCK YOU AND FUCK DOLPH ZIGGLER, I guess. I assume someone is mad that he's still getting huge pops, but if they wanted to slow that, they should do it on a show people actually watch. Anyways this got 10 minutes and it was great. As long as they don't totally half ass the first part of the match, the second part is great enough due to how often this has happened in 2013 that they can put on a great match with time. ADR took some good bumps and then Ziggler was Ziggler. Cool counters at the end, and of course, ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker. LOOKIT, HE BEAT THAT GUY YOU FAGGOTS STILL LIKE FOR SOME REASON. BOO HIM. MAKE SOME FUCKING NOISE ALREADY.
***

In the back, Renee interviews Slater and Jinder. Heath says he asked for this rematch and says they have to get rid of the bull. Heath asks if Renee has a small cage, and she says no. Heath asks about a rope, and Jinder says he knows Drew has a rope, but he's not here. They storm off.

Match #4: Los Matadores w/ El Torito vs. Heath Slater/Jinder Mahal
Same basic deal as Monday, and they win with the Double Rack Drop.
*3/4

Post-match, El Torito dives onto 2MB on the floor.

included Young conducting a backstage interview with Paul Heyman, Ryback, & WWE IC Champion Curtis Axel regarding their upcoming Battleground matches against CM Punk and R-Truth, respectively

LOOK AT ALL THE PINK STUFF. AND NOW THIS VIDEO. WWE HATES TIT CANCER. WHAT A GREAT COMPANY. FUCK.

SNIFF.

Match #5: Brie Bella w/ Big Titty Bella vs. Aksana
This is a match that happens and is a train wreck. Aksana is barely trained and Brie is too important to recklessly throw around and be stiff with, and useless LTB wins with the X Factor.
1/4*

Kofi/Bray is announced for Battleground, as it shapes up to be the most obviously filler PPV in quite a number of years.

Match #6: Kofi Kingston vs. Big E. Langston
Kofi basically undoes Punk's work in under a minute, as he beats Langston with a poorly applied roll up in 45 seconds.
1/2*

The Wyatt Family comes out and when the lights are on, Kofi is on the ramp between Bray and the other two. Bray promises that on this Sabbath, the first shall fall.

RAW REBOUND!

Match #7: The Big Show vs. Randy Orton/The Shield
This is all of five minutes, and again kind of obvious as filler. It's a lot of Big Show offense and then general clubbing and then more Show offense. None of the stuff that makes The Shield great or what Orton's capable of. Ambrose comes in with a chair and Show punches it away for the DQ.
*3/4

They keep beating on Show with the chair, and then The Usos run out. They fight Rollins and Reigns away into the crowd, and Daniel Bryan runs out. He attacks Orton and puts on the Yes Lock. Ambrose makes the save, and Orton is able to escape while Bryan hits Ambrose with The Knee.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/15/2013

Match #0: Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow
House show effort, I think. It may also just have been Sandow being the most boring man alive and Ziggler unable to really deal with that well. Ziggler has a good comeback after a lot of nothing, but this is like 8 minutes all together, so they can't really afford for Sandow to tank half the match with his boring control segment that people claim is him working heel because Mike Rotunda apparently got super popular under the radar in the last five years. Ziggler does an alright job leading a finishing run and kicks out Sandow's knee before hitting the Peace Zig to win.
**

Posted Image

WWE Battleground
October 6th, 2013
Buffalo, NY

Match #1: Alberto Del Rio [c] vs. Rob Van Dam w/ Ricardo Rodriguez [World Heavyweight Championship - Hardcore Rules]

They get sixteen minutes, so we get lots of sloppy highspots here. Alberto tries, but RVD is gonna be RVD, and shit was occasionally tough even in his prime 10-15 years ago. They use weapons for some SLIGHTLY less routine stuff though, so this winds up being better than their first PPV match although not in a blowaway way. ADR ends up stomping RVD's arm inside a chair and he puts on the Cross Armbreaker with Rob's arm in the chair before RVD taps.
**1/4

In the back, The Real Americans talk. Zeb asks for a valid reason why people still live here. He says what they saw was a growing illegal Hispanic population and maple syrup chugging Canadians also sneaking across their borders. Buffalo's main claim to fame is a deep fried chicken with flavoring. They need to take Santino and Khali and deep fry them too and they'll do that tonight. WE THE PEOPLE.

Match #2: The Real Americans vs. The Great Khali/Santino Marella
Zeb and Hornswoggle are on the floor. This generally happens for six minutes and continues to totally waste Cesaro. Khali eventually is pinned following the Giant Swing.
*1/2

BOO BREAST CANCER. CHEER WWE. ESPECIALLY JOHN CENA BECAUSE HE HATES BREAST CANCER MORE THAN ANYONE EVER.

Match #3: Curtis Axel [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. R-Truth [WWE Intercontinental Championship]
This sure happens also. We're aware this PPV is filler as it's only three weeks before Hell in a Cell, so no feud will actually end here, but god damn dude, at least pretend you give a shit. This only gets seven minutes, but that's like being happy you're only getting slapped in the face for seven minutes and not fifteen. It's still terrible. Joe wins with the McGillicutter.
*

Match #4: AJ Lee [c] vs. Brie Bella [WWE Divas Championship]

Tamina and Big Titty Bella are on the floor. This also wasn't very good because Brie is the worst actor of all time and this had AJ working on her arm and the match was ruined by Brie just looking bored with this whole "wrestling" deal. Tamina attacks Nikki on the floor to distract Brie, and AJ rolls her up to win. AJ's great armwork for 80% of this was a saving grace.
*1/2

A hype video airs for Rhodes/Shield.

In the back, Renee is with DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS. Dusty says family's at stake and people are looking for jobs and out of work everywhere, and they know what it is to be down and what they're going through right here. He says they're going to leave with their heads held high no matter what. Goldust says The Shield have run roughshod, but they'll reveal the hounds of justice as puppets and lapdogs. Cody says they fight for family.

Match #5: Cody Rhodes/Goldust w/ Dusty Rhodes vs. The Shield w/ Dean Ambrose [RHODES' CAREERS ON THE LINE]
This is basically perfect for 13 minutes. They could do better with more time and arguably do, but this is an amazing emotional deal on top of being an airtight tag match. Goldust is back in a HUGE way. People always talk about Arn and Bobby Eaton as the best tag guys ever, but on the face side, I can't think of anyone better than Goldust. He lights everyone up with the punches and is an amazing FIP. Lots of great cut off spots from Reigns and then Cody has a great hot tag. It goes a little short for what they have in the tank, AND DUSTY CUTS OFF DEAN'S INTERFERENCE WITH THE BIONIC ELBOW ON THE FLOOR FUCK YEAH! GOLDUST TACKLES REIGNS ON THE FLOOR, AND CODY HITS ROLLINS WITH CROSS RHODES FOR THE WIN!
***3/4

Babyfaces come out to celebrate with the three Rhodes.

HELL IN A CELL: OCTOBER 27TH!

Match #6: Bray Wyatt w/ The wyatt Family vs. Kofi Kingston
Back to the normal boring ass PPV. That's harsh for a Bray match and he's clearly better than this, but it's also an eight minute Kofi match where he gets WAY too much offense for what's clearly a match to further establish the other guy. Bray looked awesome, but whatever. Sister Abigail ends it.
*3/4

Post-match, Harper and Rowan attack Kofi. Bray gets on the mic and says there is no good or evil or wrong, and it's mannequins trying to force-feed you what their ideals of purity are, but he will be the only one left in time. One by one, they will fall. Follow the buzzards.

Match #7: CM Punk vs. Ryback w/ Paul Heyman
Another performance by CM Punk in 2013 where he just doesn't give a fuck. It's hard to blame him for this one. He pretty much crippled himself and destroyed his body for 3-4 months in 2012-13 trying to get Ryback over as a top guy, and it never really took, so fuck it. On top of that, Ryback almost killed him a few weeks ago, so he's not letting that happen again. Ryback doesn't do much and Punk has a good comeback, but doesn't put in a ton of effort otherwise. Decent finishing run and the ref catches Paul trying to interfere with a kendo stick, and Punk uses it to slip in a low blow and he rolls up Ryback to win.
**

featured a backstage segment with Brad Maddox on the phone with Triple H & Stephanie McMahon, with Maddox telling Vickie Guerrero that the McMahons left him in charge and they had to do something to make sure - after the Rhodes family winning - that their other plans came to fruition; Vickie laughed at him and walked away

Hype video for the main event.

Match #8: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton [Vacant WWE Championship]
This is total filler because everyone in the world knows this will be a HIAC match too. They get around 25 minutes and Orton puts in ZERO effort for the first time in a singles match in some time. Glad that regular Randy finally broke through Orton's streak of motivation that started around the spring. He just does stuff and then Bryan does a cool run of stuff in the second half, which Orton just sort of lets happen again. Pretty routine and then Bryan has the Yes Lock on. The Big Show comes out, and he pulls the referee out! KO PUNCH TO BRYAN FROM THE FLOOR! Maddox comes out with Scott Armstrong and sends him running down, which I'd totally forgotten about. He slides in as Orton covers, BUT SHOW PULLS THE CORRUPT REF OUT AND KNOCKS HIM OUT TOO! Orton yells at Show, so Show gets in and knocks him out too and the show sort of ends.
**3/4

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/15/2013

WWE Raw
October 7th, 2013
Pittsburgh, PA


eatured an opening in-ring promo by Stephanie McMahon in which she said she was angry, the fans were angry, Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton were angry about the Big Show's actions the previous night, with Stephanie then telling Show to join her in the ring; Stephanie then dressed Show down, reminding him of how many times Triple H has bailed him out of trouble; Show nonchalantly said "I'm sorry" and asked if he could go now, with Stephanie telling him that the WWE owned him and told him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness; when he refused, Stephanie said he had no heart and no soul; Show laughed and said he knocked Orton out because he couldn't take it any more, but knocked out Bryan because she told him to; Show said Brad Maddox was a pawn of Stephanie and her "son of a bitch" husband; Stephanie responded by repeatedly slapping Show and firing him, with Show then leaving the ring

TONIGHT: BRYAN/DEM FIGHTIN RHODES BOYS VS. THE SHIELD

Match #1: Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow
This gets nine minutes now and was better. Sandow put actual effort into a chinlock now as he's probably heard the news about the World Title at HIAC and realizes he needs to actually try and justify this push before it's nuked. Ziggler takes a bunch of bumps, and this is WAY better than at the pre-show. They naturally have an abrupt ending then, of course. Ziggler matches can't be great anymore. Ziggler wins with the Fameasser, because MITB is a curse.
**1/2

In the back, Stephanie gives Brad the riot act about all that went wrong at Battleground and says it's all his fault. She threatens to fire him and everything, and tells him to go publicly apologize and tell the WWE Universe how he'll make it up to them.

Match #2: Alicia Fox/Aksana/Rosa Mendes vs. Natalya/Eva Marie/JoJo
This is the debut of the two new girls, and they are AWFUL. Natalya makes it good when she's in there against Aksana or Fox, but this is largely a dumpster fire because the others have to do stuff. Natalya gets back in and makes Alicia tap to the Sharpshooter. I'm still mourning Aksana's release.
3/4*

included an announcement by Maddox at the entrance stage in which he said Bryan vs. Orton would battle for the vacant WWE World Title at Hell in a Cell, with the fans picking one of three WWE Hall of Famers as the guest referee; Maddox then introduced Booker T, with Booker saying why the fans should vote for him

Match #3: Los Matadores vs. Drew McIntyre/Jinder Mahal
El Torito and Heath Slater are ringside. Same deal as the last two times, and they beat Drew with the Double Rack Drop.
*1/2

Post-match, Heath chases Torito in the ring, but gets tripped, and the little bull hits him with a Flying Rana.

Paul Heyman comes out with Rybork and Axel. Paul says he's still the BEST IN THE WORLD and the only way he could beat Ryback is with a low blow. Ryback complains, so CM Punk comes out to say stuff. He owns up to it and says he kicked him in the balls and he's done it before and he'd do it again any time he wanted, because that's what happens when you're a bully and you pick on someone smarter than you. R-Truth then comes out for a terrible looking tag.

Match #4: CM Punk/R-Truth vs. Rybaxel w/ Paul Heyman
The struggle is real. This somehow gets the same amount of time as Dolph/Sandow, which god damnit. Despite all the btbs, I really hate writing stuff like how they could have improved stuff and the show as a whole with minor changes because I feel like that's annoying to read. But the logical thing is to cut this in half and give that extra 4-5 minutes to Dolph/Sandow OR to the main event, which is also only around 10 minutes. Truth is a terrible FIP, and Punk has an alright hot tag, but is in the match for maybe eight minutes total. Truth ends up beating Axel with the Scissors Kick.
*3/4

The next candidate is introduced AND IT'S FUCKING BOB BACKLUND HOLY SHIT YES! Bob gets the mic and says he's been a good guy and he's been BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD and he doesn't care who wins or loses and he's gonna do the job that's gonna be the best job of all time. PRIORITY, GOOD DECISIONS, IN THE RING. AND IF IT GETS OUT OF CONTROL, HE'LL PUT THAT PERSON IN THE CROSSFACE CHICKEN WING. STAND UP STRAIGHT WHEN HE ADDRESSES YOU. I have no idea how Bob Backlund didn't win.

Match #5: Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston
Another ten minute one for some god damned reason. This isn't good. Orton's realized his main event push is safe now, so he's over trying in these kind of unimportant showcases. So he's just sort of doing stuff, and then Kofi is terrible with all of his offense and strikes. Orton ends up using the barricade to floor Hanging DDT on Kofi, and rolls him in after that to get the pin.
*3/4

POST-MATCH, BRYAN RUNS OUT AND STARTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF ORTON FUCK YEAH. Agents have to pull him off, and Orton runs away.

featured a backstage segment with Vickie Guerrero and World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio in which ADR praised Vickie and said he trusted he would find him a good opponent

The final candidate is introduced and god damnit, it's Shawn Michaels. I don't even need to recap the actual vote after this, because Shawn obviously runs away with it. Fuck everything.

Before the next match, Vickie introduces ADR's opponent as Ricardo. It's announced on commentary that RVD is taking time off, so we've also survived that plague.

Match #6: Alberto Del Rio vs. Ricardo Rodriguez
This is all of thirty seconds, so more of an angle than anything else. Vickie takes the mic after the bell and says ADR will defend the title at Hell in a Cell against John Cena! He is thrown off, and Ricardo schoolboys him to win.
Andy's Laugh

Post-match, ADR destroys Ricardo and SENDS. A. MESSAGE.

Match #7: Fandango w/ Summer Rae vs. Zack Ryder
Two minute showcase for Fandango, again a total waste of time as they keep pretending they're going to ever do anything with Fangando. Flying Legdrop ends it.
3/4*

Match #8: The Real Americans vs. Santino Marella/The Great Khali

Zeb and Hornswoggle are on the floor. This is the same deal as last night basically, but now only four minutes. The purpose is basically getting the Cesaro Swing on Raw in a weird acknowledgement that nobody watched Battleground at all. Cesaro beats Khali after the swing again.
*

Post-match, he tries it on Hornswoggle, but Khali and Santino save.

Miz TV is up next, but The Wyatt Family immediately comes out. When the lights are on, Miz has slid out to the floor BUT BRAY IS ON THE RAMP TO BLOCK HIM! YEAH! Miz manages to get by him and shoves Bray into the other two. He retreats and Bray laughs like a maniac.

included a backstage segment with Stephanie and Maddox, with Triple H walking in, saying he just arrived, and he would go out to make sure the main event was best for business

Triple H comes out to sit ringside for the main event.

Match #9: Daniel Bryan/DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS vs. The Shield
Also only 9 minutes, but it's these six, so it's impossible to fuck up. Aside from Cesaro, it's probably the six best guys on the roster and two unstoppable combinations. Goldust is fucking amazing with his punches, and Cody is motivated by his brother's recklessness and takes a big bump off the top to the floor. He's a good FIP and they have a really good finishing run before Ambrose is DQ'd for bringing a chair in, but Bryan runs him off. Triple H restarts it as No DQ, but it only goes on another minute tops. Bryan hits the Tope Suicida to Ambrose and Reigns, but Orton sneaks out and hits the RKO on the floor. He rolls Bryan in, and Rollins covers to win.
***

Post-match, The Big Show comes out and cleans house on everyone and hits Triple H with the KO Punch. I'm glad fucking Big Show got to be the one to hit the first shot on evil boss Triple H. It's great that WWE can take chances on new main eventers like Big Show instead of giving that moment to Bryan or anyone else who might benefit from it.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/15/2013

WWE NXT
October 9th, 2013
Orlando, FL

Match #1: Antonio Cesaro vs. Leo Kruger

Awesome match. They started off really really nasty with a lot of Finlay-esque style brutal spots like blinding someone with the ring skirt, throwing people into the apron from the floor, etc. Cesaro edged out Leo once he managed to turn it into an actual wrestling match, which was a cool little piece of storytelling that you don't see a lot. He survived the Pop Up European Uppercut and the Alpamare Waterslide, but Cesaro did the chinlock run into the Neutralizer for the win.
***

Post-match, Cesaro hits Kruger with a flying knee off the top TO THE FUCKING THROAT HOLY SHIT. Kruger rolls around holding his throat and I guess this is how we write off that character. :(

TONIGHT: RVD VS. AIDEN ENGLISH

Match #2: Charlotte w/ Bayley vs. Santana Garrett
This is a Charlotte showcase, so it's pretty bad. Charlotte wins with the Basement Diamond Dust. The highlight is Summer Rae and Sasha Banks coming down to watch.
1/2*

Post-match, Charlotte and Bayley leave and Summer gets the mic. She says they're the First Lady and the Boss of NXT, and dubs them the Beautiful Fierce Females. Paige comes out to attack, but falls to a two on one before Emma comes to save! Yeah!

Match #3: Mojo Rawley vs. Danny Burch
FUCK. YEAH. MOJO. HE DOESN'T GET HYPED. HE STAYS HYPED. Burch is a good little jobber and has mean spirited stuff before Mojo makes the comeback and wins with Hyperdrive.
*

Match #4: Enzo Amore/Colin Cassidy vs. Alexander Rusev/Scott Dawson w/ Sylvester LeFort

This is a lot of fun again but is just a squash. Because Enzo and Big Cass are so beloved and in an unintended way, it's classic WWE booking now to try and use them to get other people over instead of capitalizing. Rusev dominates Enzo and wins with The Accolade.
*1/2

Rusev then beats up Big Cass post-match.

Match #5: Rob Van Dam vs. Aiden English
Useless five minute RVD showcase. Frogger ends it.
*1/4
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/15/2013

WWE Smackdown
October 11th, 2013
Columbus, OH


Lost this one. OH WELL.

Smackdown! - 10/11/13 - featured an opening in-ring promo by Vickie Guerrero in which she said Big Show's house had gone up for sale and he was unemployed; moments later, World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio interrupted and asked Vickie to reconsider his title defense against John Cena at Hell in a Cell, with Vickie telling him to kiss her on the lips; after he did, Vickie said he should kiss her on the butt and that she wouldn't reconsider; Damien Sandow then came out, said ADR was a phoney, and that ADR didn't want a match against Cena because he knew he would lose; Vickie then set up a non-title match between the two for later in the show, with ADR then jumping Sandow before Sandow attacked ADR in the corner and cleared him from the ring; included an ad promoting WWE Brawlin Buddies; featured a "Did you know?" graphic which read the WWE app had been downloaded more than 8 million times; included a video package on R-Truth and Natalya Neidhart visiting a children's hospital; featured Renee Young conducting a backstage interview with Cody Rhodes & Goldust on winning at Battleground and facing the Wyatt Family; included an ad promoting 'Goldberg: The Ultimate Collection;' featured the announcement Triple H was knocked out for more than 3 minutes at the end of Raw, and that he may have sustained a broken jaw; included footage of John Cena on 'Good Morning America' earlier in the week; featured a Susan G. Komen for the Cure PSA with Titus O'Neil; included an ad promoting CM Punk's new T-shirt; featured a look at WWE '14:

WWE IC Champion Curtis Axel (w/ Paul Heyman) pinned R-Truth with the modified neckbreaker at 10:34; prior to the bout, it was announced CM Punk would face Ryback at Hell in a Cell - 3/4*

Los Matadores (w/ El Torito) defeated Los Locales (Ricardo Rodriguez & Tyson Kidd wearing masks) at 3:46 when Rodriguez was pinned with the double Samoan Drop; after the bout, the two hit the move on Kidd, with El Torito jumping into the ring onto Kidd during the move - *3/4

Brie Bella, Cameron & Naomi (w/ Nikki Bella) defeated Natalya Neidhart, Kaitlyn, & Eva Marie (w/ Kaitlyn) at 2:58 when Naomi pinned Kaitlyn with a roll over - 1/2*

World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio defeated Damien Sandow in a non-title match at 15:02 via submission with the cross armbreaker after ADR kicked Sandow's injured knee - **

The Great Khali, Darren Young & Titus O'Neil defeated Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, & Jinder Mahal at 5:04 when Khali pinned Slater with the chop to the head - *1/2

Cody Rhodes & Goldust defeated Luke Harper & Erick Rowan (w/ Bray Wyatt) at 12:58 when Cody pinned Harper with an O'Connor Roll after Harper struck the corner; prior to the Wyatt Family's entrance, a dark promo from Wyatt aired from backstage - **3/4
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Shield, Since 5/19/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Daniel Bryan, Since 9/15/2013

WWE Raw
October 14th, 2013
St. Louis, MO


Shawn Michaels comes out to open the show and he gets on the mic. He goes over his history with Triple H and then how he trained Daniel Bryan and how he has a long history with Randy Orton. He says the first Hell in a Cell match was here in St. Louis with him vs. The Undertaker. He says he respects both competitors and the Cell itself, but Randy Orton comes out to interrupt him. He says this is a crock, and Shawn Michaels has always resented him because he's always been better than him. They say stuff for a while and Orton says if he screws him over like he always does as a referee, he'll never come back, and Orton tries a cheap shot. Shawn ducks it and tries the Sweet Chin Music, but Orton quickly slides out to the floor. The Miz runs out to attack Orton again and they get pulled apart before their match NEXT!

Match #1: Randy Orton vs. The Miz
This is a thing again. They can't even have the decency of starting this during the break so weh ave to get all seven minutes. Orton doesn't give a shit because this match doesn't and Miz is The Miz. Orton puts like 15% effort into the control seg and Miz has the worst babyface comeback in wrestling. Miz is distracted by the Wyatts on the stage and the RKO ends it.
*1/2

Post-match, Bray gets on the mic and says Miz is the epitome of everything he loathes about this world. The diamonds and red carpet. He asks how much it will take to satisfy his obsession with fame. He says not to be afraid as he's tangled in the spider's web, because he doesn't wish to see him suffer as he puts him down. Follow the buzzards.

Match #2: Santino Marella vs. Fandango w/ Summer Rae
This is two minutes and yet again totally nothing. Summer distracts Santino and Fandango gets a schoolboy for the win.
3/4*

TONIGHT: SHIELD VS. DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS FOR THE BELTS!

included a backstage segment with Paul Heyman and Brad Maddox in which Heyman proposed CM Punk face Ryback & WWE IC Champion Curtis Axel in a handicap match; Maddox then said Punk and Ryback would compete in a Beat the Clock challenge, with the winner chosing the stipulation for their match at Hell in a Cell

A John Cena hype video airs.

Match #3: Los Matadores vs. Heath Slater/Drew McIntyre
Torito and Jinder are there. This got four minutes, so we actually got a brief 3MB control segment. I already miss 3MB. Drew vs. Primo is pretty awesome, since Drew takes great bumps and is a really good base for the high flying. Slater is beaten with the Double Drop thing.
**

after the match, Mahal chased El Torito before he too sustained the double Samoan Drop, with El Torito jumping onto Mahal during the move

included an in-ring segment by Stephanie McMahon and Triple H in which Stephanie recalled Show knocking Triple H out the previous week, noted they were selling Show's house, and pressing charges; Stephanie then noted Michael Cole's comments on WWE.com about rumored injuries to Triple H, adding none of them were true; Triple H then took the mic, said he had sacrificed much to ensure the future of the company for the fans, and yet they all chanted "Yes!" while he was knocked out the previous week; Triple H then said if the fans wanted him to be the villain, he could do that and anyone who even thought the word "Yes" had better start praying; Bryan then appeared at the entrance stage and mocked Triple H by leading the crowd in chanting "Yes!" until he was attacked from behind by World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio; after ADR jumped Bryan, Stephanie noted Bryan would face ADR later in the show

Match #4: Ryback w/ Paul Heyman vs. R-Truth [Beat The Clock]
This gets 5:44. The match totally dies because HOLY SHIT IT'S RYBACK VS. R-TRUTH FOR ALMOST SIX MINUTES, OF COURSE IT FUCKING SUCKED AND WAS BORING AND KILLED THE CROWD. This is one of those matches where the crowd turned on it and just chanted random stuff. Ryback eventually wins with Shellshocked.
1/2*

included a backstage segment with Stephanie, Brie & Nikki Bella in which Stephanie congratulated Brie on her engagement and said she would face Tamina later in the show

Match #5: The Real Americans vs. Tons of Funk
Zeb and the women are on the floor. This is a decent showcase, but there's like 85% Swagger doing boring routine leg work on Tensai here, so fuck this on the whole. Cesaro has some awesome strength spots in the finishing run and beats Brodus with the Neutralizer.
*1/4

Post-match, Tensai gets the swing.

CANCER IS BAD GUYS

Match #6: Brie Bella vs. Tamina w/ AJ Lee
WHY DID THIS ALSO GO FOUR MINUTES? WHAT IS WITH ALL THE WRESTLING GOING ON TONIGHT? Furthermore, if you're going to run a show with a lot of wrestling, I mean, don't use really shitty wrestlers? This sucked many dicks. Tamina wins with a Big Boot.
1/2*

Post-match, she hits the Dad Splash and AJ puts on the black Widow for a while.

In the back, Bryan yells at Maddox and Stephanie and says not to take this out on his fiancee. Stephanie says not to get emotional and that's not her fault and he should go attend to his fiancee.

Match #7: CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel w/ Paul Heyman [Beat The Clock]
This is a match that happens. Punk sort of tries, but Axel is just not working out at all. Stuff happens and Punk wins in 5:30ish with the Go to Sleep.
*3/4

Post-match, Punk says it's going to be him vs. Ryback and Paul inside Hell in a Cell.

Match #8: Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio
This was good, not great. Bryan generally lets the other guy try their hand when they're someone who's actually getting pushed and stuff instead of guiding them, and it means ADR is free to really dull this up a whole lot with his bullshit SENDING A MESSAGE style routine work. Bryan has a good comeback, but then Orton shows up in the trainer's room with Brie. Bryan runs out to the back and ADR wins by count out, also regaining the Review Title.
**1/4

In the back, Bryan gets there and Orton is gone, but then cheap shots Bryan.

In the back, Triple H tells The Shield that the main event is now No DQ and says to finish it.

Another Cena video airs.

Match #9: The Shield [c] w/ Dean Ambrose vs. DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS [WWE Tag Team Championship - No Disqualification Match]
This isn't as good as the PPV match, but it's still amazing and one of the best of the year. They have more time to fill here, so there's some extemporaneous stuff early on, but it's all decent enough. Goldust is the best dude, and The Shield have the best control segments. Awesome Cody hot tag, but Ambrose gets involved and the No DQ thing gets to work. Goldust saves Cody from the Triple Powerbomb and he cleans house with chairs, but Reigns cuts that off and yells that you never put the chair down. Cody gets hit with a Powerbomb into the railing on the floor, BUT GOLDUST GOES APESHIT ON AMBROSE AND REIGNS FUCK YEAH! He has an awesome fight with them on the floor, but Ambrose shoves him back JUST in time as Reigns runs AND SPEARS GOLDUST THROUGH THE BARRICADE OH MY GOD YES! They go to get Cody, BUT BIG SHOW COMES FROM THE CROWD. KO PUNCH TO AMBROSE. HE CATCHES ROLLINS' DIVE AND KNOCKS HIM OUT TOO. THEN ONE TO REIGNS IN THE RING! Big Show leaves and Cody covers to win the titles!
***1/2

Triple H comes out and is furious, and top babyface Big Show leads the crowd in his trademark "YES" chant.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 10/14/2013

WWE NXT
October 16th, 2013
Orlando, FL


TONIGHT: SAMI/BO FOR THE TITLE!

Match #1: The Ascension [c] vs. Adrian Neville/Corey Graves [NXT Tag Team Championship]
This happens. It's mostly facilitating an angle, but we get a nice Neville run before that happens. He hurts his knee and Graves gets in. He tags Neville back in, but Neville's leg is hurt with some good selling. He accidentally knocks Graves off the apron and they beat Neville with the Partial Elimination.
*1/2

Post-match, Graves turns again and beats down on Neville.

Match #2: Tyler Breeze vs. CJ Parker
This was like a minute before Tyler went to the eyes and hit the Beauty Shot to win.
1/2*

Post-match, CJ lays out Tyler, AND HE STEALS HIS PHONE. YOU THIEF.

Match #3: Paige/Emma vs. Summer Rae/Sasha Banks
YEAH BFFS! This is a fun three minutes. Summer is a bitch and Sasha vs. Emma is fun. Paige has a good hot tag, but Summer cheats and beats Paige with the Hog Log.
*1/2

Match #4: Bo Dallas [c] vs. Sami Zayn [NXT Championship]

Sami steamrolls Bo early and wins with a Helluva Kick, but Bo's foot is on the bottom rope. JBL comes out to restart it. Sami then does the absolute best he can and drags Bo to a great match. This means it's just a whole thing of nearfalls. Bo's are pretty terrible and come from mid range offense, but Sami breaks out some cool high flying and high impact stuff. Bo runs forward and sends Sami into an exposed steel buckle though, and he gets a schoolboy after that to win.
**1/2

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 10/14/2013

WWE Smackdown
October 18th, 2013
Kansas City, MO


featured an opening segment in which Lilian Garcia introduced Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox in the ring, with the two saying the Big Show would not be allowed in the building after what happened on Raw; moments later, Daniel Bryan interrupted, said he would beat Randy Orton at Hell in a Cell, and told them both there was a rumor that Show was already in the building; Bryan then introduced Show, whose music played before he admitted Show wasn't yet there; he instead introduced the new WWE Tag Team Champions - Goldust & Cody Rhodes; Vickie then yelled that the three would face the Shield later in the show

Match #1: The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt vs. The Miz/Kofi Kingston
As much as I love Luke Harper and kind of like Erick Rowan, it's still them for five minutes against the two worst main roster guys in the WWE. This is basically just a squash once Kofi gets in, which is nice, except that he's terrible and makes everyone against him look lesser. Harper wins with the Discus Lariat.
*1/4

Post-match, Bray cuts a promo from the rocking chair. He says he knows what Miz is feeling right now, and it's okay to be afraid. HE IS THE HAMMER THAT EVERYBODY FEARS, and she is the voice that drives the nail. He says to enjoy his world as long as he can, because they're going to take it all away. Follow the buzzards.

Match #2: AJ Lee vs. Brie Bella
Tamina and BTB are on the floor. This is 2-3 minutes again, and has way too much of Brie doing stuff to be anything of value. Nikkia sends Tamina into the post to distract AJ, and Brie hits the X Factor to win.
1/2*

included a segment in which Show walked through the crowd and into the ring, taking the mic from Lilian and showing his autographed ticket from Daniel Bryan; Show then thanked the crowd for their support during a trying time and said he knew how many fans wanted him to get his job back; Vickie & Maddox then stormed out and told him to leave the ring; after Maddox reminded Show that he had already lost everything and told him to leave, Show knocked him out with a punch and led the crowd in a chant of "Yes!"

Match #3: CM Punk vs. Big E. Langston
Punk again puts in the effort in a match against someone good, and Langston looks great again. Awesome power offense and he takes some pretty great bumps too. Punk makes his comeback and they trade some nearfalls. Punk escapes the Big Ending and hits a high kick and the Go To Sleep for the win.
**1/4

Post-match, Ryback and Axel come down to attack Punk, BUT BIG E. MAKES THE SAVE! FUCK YEAH! Punk fights off Rybork, AND AXEL GETS THE BIG ENDING. EAT SHIT BAD CHAMPION.

included Josh Matthews conducting an in-ring interview with World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio about his challenge of John Cena at Hell in a Cell; after a video package aired on Cena, ADR said he represented all the Mexicans while Cena represented the gringos, then adding Cena should have to start from the bottom and not against the champion upon his return; ADR then said he would show Cena what he would do to his injured arm before taking Matthews to the mat and briefly applying the cross armbreaker

Match #4: The Usos vs. The Real Americans w/ Zeb Coulter
Coulter is doing commentary, and he keeps targeting Los Matadores. This is a five minute set up for an angle, so it's not their best, and Cesaro is literally only in long enough to do the swing. Late in this, Los Matadores and El Torito come out and Torito gores Zeb in the dick. The Real Americans are distracted so The Usos can do their thing and Swagger is beat with the Flying Splash.
*3/4

ON RAW: ORTON/BRYAN CONTRACT SIGNING

Match #5: Daniel Bryan/DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS vs. The Shield
This is only like nine minutes, but you have the two best teams in WWE, the best wrestler in the world (it's either Goldust or Bryan, not sure), and Cody is also very good. I was starting to think this was only going to be a good match as the commercial cut out a lot of the Shield's control segment and what not, but then the finishing run was just great enough with some really nice changes. Reigns spears the steps and is out, but then Rollins Powerbombs Cody into Goldust on the floor to take them both out. Bryan hits the Tope into Rollins AND Ambrose to counter that, and rolls Ambrose in to hit The Knee for the win.
***
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 10/14/2013

WWE Raw
October 21st, 2013
Memphis, TN


As always, fuck everything associated with Big Show vs. The Authority.

eatured an opening in-ring promo by Triple H and Stephanie McMahon in which they previewed the Hell in a Cell card; moments later, the Big Show appeared on the big screen via satellite and said Triple H didn't have any respect for anyone; as Stephanie questioned the ringside crew as to how Show appeared on the big screen, Triple H said he had disdain for Show and was glad Show was done; Show said he was suing Triple H for the money still owed him; Show and Stephanie argued before Stephanie had the feed turned off

Match #1: Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose
This got something like twelve or thirteen, so it has a full opportunity to be good. And it is reasonably good, but just not great. For whatever reason, Ambrose struggles in a WWE TV environment to have a great singles match. It's the whole deal with him working the character as a disorganized crazy person who does a lot of stomps and punches and erratic stuff. Bryan does a comeback, it's kind of just happening and he wins with the Yes Lock.
**1/2

CM Punk comes out next and he says words about Ryback and Heyman. OH MY GOD I DON'T GIVE A SHIT THIS FEUD IS ALMOST OVER FINALLY.

In the back, Shawn greets Hunter and Stephanie and they all hug. Shawn asks if he honestly doesn't think Bryan can become champion. Triple H says of course he can BECOME champion, but asks Shawn if he's seen him and if they really want that as the face of the company. Shawn says they said the same thing about him, which might be why he was the face of the company during a real down time, and got to pretend to be Ace while Bret rested. Stephanie freaks out about Big Show hacking the show somehow, and Shawn says she used to love it when they did it. Stephanie says it's different. Shawn says thankfully, he hasn't had to grow up, so he's going to go have some fun.

Match #2: Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella
The usuals are ringside. Santino is Elvis. They do things, and Santino wins in like 90 seconds with the Cobra.
1/2*

Post-match, Santino starts a chant for Jerry Lawler because Memphis.

Match #3: Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler
Obvious showcase for five minutes which meant that Orton didn't give a shit or try especially the Raw before a HIAC match, but Ziggler did a good job with what he got in. Some decent counters before Orton shrugs off the Peace Zig attempt and hits the RKO to win. We've fallen a long way in the last year as far as this pairing goes.
**

Another video on this up and coming John Cena airs.

Match #4: The Bella Twins vs. AJ Lee/Tamina
This gets five minutes, so we can't say they didn't get time to do their best. This ends up being good sort of because AJ and Tamina have a good control segment. Tamina is at least good on offense when she gets to do power stuff. Brie has a bad hot tag and AGAIN beats AJ with the X Factor.
*1/2

In the back, Paul Heyman's beautiful and insane "Volcano" promo happens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EscFy7mX2Iw

A video airs on the Shawn Michaels Wrestling Academy.

Match #5: The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt vs. The Miz/Kofi Kingston
This was better than on SD, as it seemed to be a normal match instead of an overly long squash. Good control stuff on Miz, and they didn't let him come back so much as make the tag. Kofi has a shitty hot tag, but Harper is great about bumping to try and carry him, and manages to only bump for lucha stuff and dives, barely selling Kofi's weak ass bullshit strikes. Kofi hits Rowan with the kick, but then Harper hits the Rolling Lariat to win.
*3/4

Post-match, they beat up Miz and tie him up in the ropes. Bray gets in and on the mic and says he's won wars without so much as lifting a finger. He beats The Miz thinks he doesn't know him, but he does. He asks if he believes in the creator of life, laughter, and death. He does, BUT HE IS NOT HERE TO CONVINCE HIM THAT HELL IS A REAL THING. He's just here to lead him to the gates. Follow the buzzards.

Axel vs. Langston is supposed to happen. Ryback gets involved before the bell, so CM Punk comes to save, and it's a tag match now.

Match #6: CM Punk/Big E. Langston vs. Rybaxel w/ Paul Heyman
This was absolutely a match for six minutes. It was about 4-5 minutes of Rybaxel doing super boring and routine stuff to Punk before Langston's awesome hot tag. He cleaned house and beat Axel with the big Ending to win.
*1/2

Post-match, Punk chases Heyman off into the crowd.

In a pre-tape, R-Truth shills merch.

Match #7: The Real Americans vs. Tons of Funk
Usual parties at ringside. Three minute Americans showcase, and Zeb keeps going on commentary and yelling about his new bullwhip if that bull comes after him again. This is like 2:50 worth of Swagger outside of the Giant Swing, so fuck this match on the whole. Swagger makes one of them tap to the Ankle Lock.
3/4*

HELL IN A CELL KICKOFF: KOFI/SANDOW. NOPE.

Another Cena video airs.

DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS come out to do commentary.

Match #8: The Shield w/ Dean Ambrose vs. The Usos [#1 Contender's Match]
This gets a little over ten minutes before booking happens, so it's great. The body of the match is better than the body of the MITB match, because both Reigns and The Usos have been continually improving since then in terms of little things that you need for a match body. There's a big dive early on, several awesome Uso bumps to transition, etc. There's a really good hot tag but then Ambrose provokes the champs on the floor. They fight and a huge brawl breaks out with everyone and the ref throws it out.
***

After the break, the obvious three way is booked.

Triple H and Stephanie are in the ring for all the usual contract signing trappings. Both men come out, along with Shawn. They gave Randy the floor first since he's the face of the WWE. Orton says he'll give him credit because he keeps getting up and herp derp he won't get up this Sunday. He says he's survived The Undertaker and beaten Cena and Sheamus in the cell and Bryan has no idea what he's getting into. Bryan says that' about what he expected from him and says if it wasn't for The Shield and The Authority and namely Triple H, he'd be standing here as the WWE Champion. They also both know he's more than capable of smashing in the face of the WWE. He thanks him for allowing him to prove time and time again that he's an A player, for exposing himself as a patsy, and for showing Triple H and Stephanie as selfish, insecure, narcissistic spoiled brats. They sign and Triple H says he's seen guys like him come and go a million times. Guys like Jericho, Edge, RVD. All very talented guys, very popular, but never The One. If they were the face of the WWE back in the day, they'd all be working for Ted Turner right now. Triple H managing to exist in an era of both Stone Cold AND The Rock while also getting literally every booking advantage and milking that to pretend he was a star for like 15 years after is among the best long con games in wrestling history. Bryan says he talks a big game and says to trade his suit in for boots and he'll show him how good he is. Triple H says that shows how out of it he is and he's not getting back in the ring to fight anyone BUT a star. To face the Undertaker, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, but not him. He wouldn't waste his time fighting someone like him, and Shawn Michaels should have never wasted his time training him. Shawn says he didn't waste his time, he's good. Shawn asks H what's happened to him and talks about the crowd loving Bryan and asks what he has against him. He asks if it's because he's proven him wrong. Big Show comes out on a fucking truck out of nowhere to YES and bryan hits the solid Knee Plus to end the show. OKAY THEN.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 10/14/2013

WWE NXT
October 23rd, 2013
Orlando, FL

Match #1: Emma vs. Sasha Banks w/ Summer Rae

Good one for five minutes. Really good basics and cool transition-y stuff from Emma. Summer gets involved, so Paige comes out to attack her. It distracts the referee, and Sasha rakes Emma's eyes and gets an inside cradle for the win.
**

In a video from last week after the match, Bo Dallas says he's taking a well deserved vacation and touring the world as part of his Bo Dallas vs. The World tour and he's going to give 10,000 squirt guns to starving children in BOlivia. Until he sees you again, konichiwa. That's Japanese for goodbye! Don't stop BOlieving!

On the stage, Corey Graves cuts a promo about how he loves the taste of dick, and when big burly dudes mount him, all he can do is STAY DOWN. Then Neville attacks him for a pull-apart.

Match #2: The Ascension vs. Two Jobbers
Another bad one here. Fall of Man ends it. Highlight is a classic "LETS GO THESE GUYS" chant.
1/4*

In the back after the main event last week, Sami Zayn was interviewed. He says he's fine with the first restart, but asks where JBL was to do the same thing when Bo clearly cheated. He says he's not saying there's a conspiracy, but this king of thing never happened under Dusty Rhodes, so it seems a little weird. He says the next time he wins the NXT Title, he's not letting it go.

In the back, Renee interviews JBL. He says Sami Zayn made baseless accusations, and you're not going to see him for a while, because he takes that kind of thing very seriously. He can apologize to him, and then he'll think about bringing him back.

Match #3: CJ Parker vs. Alexander Rusev
Rusev is doing more of his current entrance and stuff here, and is still a wonderful squash guy. Rusev runs through CJ in short order, AND LANA DEBUTS AND COMES OUT TO WATCH. HNGH. AWESOME. Rusev wins with the Accolade.
*1/4

Post-match, she leaves while watching Rusev.

During the break, Breeze comes out and steals his phone back and cuts off some of CJ's dreads.

Match #4: Adrian Neville vs. Corey Graves
This wasn't amazing or long, but it was at least logical. Neville got some big stuff off early, but his leg was still bothering him and Graves worked on it. Credit to this horrible asshole, he at least did some good leg work for once. Neville's hope spots were all roll ups, and he got cut off and had to tap to the Lucky 13. I'm glad his 2014 work has all been absolutely terrible, because the last six months of 2013 are making me think Graves might actually be improving.
**1/2
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 10/14/2013

WWE Smackdown
October 25th, 2013
Birmingham, AL


TONIGHT: BRYAN/RHODES BOYS/MIZ VS. ORTON/SHIELD!

There's a long Triple H/Cole interview to open the show. Nothing of any real note is said, and I kind of just want to get to HIAC. Bryan comes out and basically restates Shawn's points and his own from Raw and says he's going to be the WWE Champion.

The Miz comes to do commentary next.

Match #1: The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt
This is more of an angle and only two minutes long, so at least they're not exhausting it before the match happens roughly 10,000 times in 2014. Miz goes over to attack Bray, and then Rowan chases him away. Harper is alone then and gets beaten with a Double Superkick.
*1/4

Match #2: AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella

Tamina and LTB are on the floor. This is again two minutes and yeah, whatever. Tamina throws Brie into the steps as revenge for Raw, and AJ puts on the Black Widow to win.
3/4*

The video on John Cena's career airs.

In the back, The Wyatts have destroyed The Miz. YEAH DEATH KILL

Before the next match, The Real Americans come out to watch.

Match #3: Los Matadores vs. Heath Slater/Drew McIntyre
JBL says Zeb says the matadores kidnapped the bull and he's a hostage. This is another two minute showcase match, and the Double Drop beats Drew.
*1/2

Paul Heyman and the moderately dangerous alliance come out and Heyman says this is a preview of Sunday and introduces CM Skunk. It is a dude in Punk's merch and type of gear with a white stripe in his hair.

Match #4: CM Skunk vs. Ryback/Paul Heyman w/ Curtis Axel
This is a squash and Paul pins the jobber after the Shellshocked from Rybork.
3/4*

Post-match, Paul says just like that, he's going to pin CM Punk on Sunday and prove that he is the BEST IN THE WORLD.

In the back, Big E. Langston goes into Vickie's office. He says he wants in the main event now that Miz is out. Vickie says she'll ask Triple H and he asks if she's the actual GM or if he's in Brad Maddox's office, so she puts him in the match.

ADR comes onto the stage and says words.

Match #5: Fandando vs. The Great Khali
Summer, Natty, and Swoggle are on the floor. This happens for ninety seconds before Natty doesn't like Summer's interfere and chases her into the ring and the ref calls for the bell because he's confused or something. Maybe he just wanted the first excuse for this match to be over too, which is fair.
1/4*

After the bell, Khali lays out Fandango with the brain chop.

Match #6: Daniel Bryan/DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS/Big E. Langston vs. Randy Orton/The Shield
I was really excited for this, but it's super disappointing. A lot of this is Orton doing a Randy Orton house show deal where he does a lot of stomping and limp offense with maybe 25% effort because there's no need to try hard before a PPV, brother. The Shield didn't really get to work a Shield Match, and basically everyone was weirdly taking it slow because of it when almost none of these guys usually do. There's a great final 2 minutes as if to rub in how good this COULD have been if Randy was replaced by someone who tried. Bryan beats Orton with the knee.
**
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: VACANT
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 6/16/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: Alberto Del Rio, Since 10/14/2013

Posted Image

The really weird poster choices continue.

WWE Hell in a Cell 2013
October 27th, 2013
Miami, FL

Match #1: DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS [c] vs. The Shield vs. The Usos [WWE Tag Team Championship]

Cole says Big Show is barred from the building now due to a restraining order the Authority filed. They also mention that it's Ambrose/Big E for the US title tonight. Anyways, the match is fantastic. They build the action up incredibly well, etc. Mostly a match of cool stuff, but it's brilliantly put together. Shield has a great control seg on Goldust with some inventive cut offs and then there's a big awesome finishing run. Cody does a Superplex to Rollins onto everyone on the floor for the big huge spot of the match. Awesome stuff inside, and Goldust punches Rollins back into the Cross Rhodes to end it.
***1/4

In the back, H and Shawn laugh about something. Probably how they've taken over the company in a 20 year long game.

featured an in-ring segment in which Mike Mizanin took the mic, said he wasn't cleared to wrestle, but he wanted Bray Wyatt in the ring; moments later, Wyatt appeared on the big screen, called Miz "Hollywood," and said it pained him to see Miz that way; after Wyatt's feed went out, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan were shown in the ring and double teamed Miz as the crowd chanted "We want Kane;" eventually, Kane came out and sent Harper & Rowan to the floor before dropping Miz with the chokeslam

Match #2: Fandango/Summer Rae vs. The Great Khali/Natalya w/ Hornswoggle
Why is this happening on PPV? This isn't good. Fandango/Khali is terrible, and Natty vs. Summer kind of happens. I like Summer as a personality a lot, but she's still not a great wrestler, despite the effort. She ends up getting a roll up to beat Natalya for the upset.
3/4*

Upstairs, the panel says words. The highlight is Kaitlyn saying not to underestimate AJ's pigtails and Ziggler says "nailed it", winks, and then Ziggler and Kaitlyn high five.

Match #3: Dean Ambrose [c] vs. Big E. Langston [WWE U.S. Championship]
Over the last six or so months, Big E's shown an ability to have these awesome ten-ish minute big man slugfests on PPV, and while this isn't two big guys throwing down, it's Big E doing a bunch of reckless shit and really looking fantastic. Ambrose has a great Finlay-style use of the ring frame spot as a transition, but then after Big E's Jimmy Jacobs style Spear through the ropes to the floor, Ambrose takes the count out to retain.
**1/4

Post-match, Langston hits him with the big Ending.

Before the next match, Heyman comes out on a cherry picker and gets himself on top of the Cell so Punk can't get him.

Match #4: CM Punk vs. Ryback/Paul Heyman [HELL IN A CELL]
This probably tops Orton/Sheamus or Taker/Bossman as the most unnecessary HIAC match ever. There's a few nice Ryback power things using the cell on the floor, but Punk is clearly not trying. It's easy to compare the two Cell matches they had, and this is lacking significantly. Punk just sort of makes the comeback normally and hits the GTS to win.
**

Post-match, Punk climbs the cage with a kendo stick. He destroys Heyman and hits the GTS on top of the cell AND OH MY GOD IT'S FINALLY OVER. YES.

CANCER IS BAD.

Before the match, Zeb has the mic. He says their opponents tonight should be in a cell and they have never proven they're legally allowed to be in this country, just like most of this crowd. He says that bull attacked from the rear a bonafide US war veteran. He's embarrassed and ashamed they have to breath the same air as three border hopping bandidos. And that's no bull. WE THE PEOPLE.

Match #5: The Real Americans vs. Los Matadores
This wasn't amazing, but it was a fun enough six minutes. Cesaro still didn't get to do much, but Swagger felt like trying and it was against smaller guys who will bump big for him. Los Matadores had some cool stuff and after a Cesaro/Swagger miscommunication knocks Cesaro to the floor. They hit a shitty version of the Get Well Soon with a flying forearm instead of a kick for the win.
**1/4

Post-match, Zeb is gored again and El Torito dives on Cesaro.

A hype video airs for ADR/Cena.

Match #6: Alberto Del Rio [c] vs. John Cena [World Heavyweight Championship]
This sure happens. 2012 ADR is back here apparently, as he does his listless dull arm work. Just a ton of super basic shit. Cena doesn't really seem interested in this match, let alone selling during it. This match is like a massive advertisement for my bed. ADR does a lot of arm work, but Cena is so fucking mad about cancer existing that he forgets to sell OR powers through because at least he doesn't have arm cancer. He wins with a flash FU.
**

SURVIVOR SERIES: NOVEMBER 24TH!

Match #7: AJ Lee [c] vs. Brie Bella [WWE Divas Championship]
Both seconds are on the floor. This is again a match that happens. It's even worse than their last PPV one, because this has Brie trying to act and actually do real moves, and it's absolutely awful. Brie accidentally hits BTB through the ropes from inside the ring, and AJ takes over and wins with the Black Widow shortly after. LTB is still terrible.
3/4*

Hype video for the main.

Triple H comes out to ringside before the bell and tries to shake both men's hands first. Orton does it, and Bryan refuses. He leaves as the thing lowers, and watches from outside the Cell.

Match #8: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton [WWE Championship - HELL IN A CELL - Special Referee: Shawn Michaels]
Orton tried here and they had enough shortcuts to make this great, both in terms of weapons and booking. Bryan is a lunatic to help make this work, and hits two reckless Topes to Orton against the cage before doing one right into the cage when Orton moves. Some good payback spots using the cell wall, and Bryan imports the "move onto a pile of chairs" spot from the indies. Triple H starts yelling at Shawn to count three, and then an obvious ref bump happens. They open the cage, but Bryan has it won with the Knee. Triple H throws Bryan back to check on Shawn, and Bryan hit H with the knee. Shawn then reveals his obvious turncoat nature and hits Bryan with the kick. Orton covers to win. Fart.
***

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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: Randy Orton, Since 10/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013

WWE Raw
October 28th, 2013
Orlando, FL


TONIGHT: SHAWN EXPLAINS HIS TREACHERY, ORTON HAS A CELEBRATION FOR A SUPER OBVIOUS RUN IN BY WHOEVER IS THE NEXT CHALLENGER, AND PUNK/RYBORK IN A VOTING MATCH BETWEEN STIPS THAT ALL BASICALLY MEAN NO DQ

John Cena comes out to open the show with some mic work as Raw reverts to its default setting. He says he's baaaaaack and asks if people missed him. He talks about JBL doubting him and does a terrible impression and thanks him for the motivation. He says he's back as the World Champion and he has to wear this brace and ice it and talk to doctors, but he's back and ready to go. He says ADR has a rematch, and if he wants some, he can come get some. THE CHAMP IS HERE. Damien Sandow comes out and says the uncrowned champ is here. Sandow says he's not fooled and it's impossible for a tricep to heal in the amount of time he was gone and Cena's afraid and more hurt than he lets on. Sandow teases cashing in and fakes Cena out, but then attacks his arm with the briefcase. He throws his arm into the post and steps and barricade and then hits him with a chair a ton and THEN cashes in.

Match #1: John Cena [c] vs. Damien Sandow [World Heavyweight Championship]
This is one of John Cena's all time greatest burials, but after the last year and a half of super milquetoast Sandow performances on his way up the card, it's only fair that he gets killed on an actual main event try. Hilariously though, this is the best he's looked ever as he destroys an arm. Like, you couldn't try this hard on the way up the card, buddy? Cena kicks out of Sadnow's old finish, AND KICKS OUT OF HIS BRAND NEW ONE TWICE. FUCK YEAH. The match isn't great because it's about arm work and Cena sort of just forgets about it when it's time to come back again, so whatever. Cena gets a second flash FU, and this time he can actually make the cover for the win.
**1/2

In the back, The Shield cuts a promo. Ambrose says this is their most important night, and he's being forced to defend his title again against Big E. Langston. He says he's a human bulldozer and he felt it last night, but last night was Big E's privilege to share a ring with him. Rollins says they made a mistake last night and underestimated Big E. Langston and tonight, it's rectified. Ambrose says this is their only title and he'll get the job done like he always does, and Reigns and Rollins look annoyed. Ambrose says he's the baddest man alive. Believe that. Roman turns back to the camera and says to BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD.

Match #2: Dean Ambrose [c] vs. Big E. Langston [WWE U.S. Championship]
This is all of ninety seconds before The Shield gets involved for the DQ. Good ninety seconds though.
3/4*

The Usos come out to save and Maddox makes a six man.

Match #3: The Shield vs. Big E. Langston/The Usos
This is JIP, so only five minutes, but holy shit, this fucking ruled in the finishing run. They isolate an Uso and it's fine, although we clearly lost a lot of it and the finishing run is 60-80% of the match. AWESOME Uso hot tag and offensive run. Big E gets in to take out Ambrose and it's just Tag Shield vs. Usos and that's the best thing. Lots of high flying and superkicks. They hit a double one on Rollins, BUT REIGNS HITS A DOUBLE SPEAR FOR THE WIN. FUCK YEAH IT'S THE ROMAN REIGNS GOD KILLER PUSH.
**3/4

Shawn Michaels comes out and he gets on the mic for his explanation. He asks Daniel Bryan to come out and hear his explanation face to face and Bryan comes out. Shawn says he didn't intend for that to happen and said he called it down the middle. Then he saw what he did to Triple H and he knows nobody will understand but he's his best friend, and that won't ever change, and he acted rashly. He asks Bryan to shake his hand and accept his apology, but Bryan just stares at him. Shawn says he's done unbelievably well and went farther than he could have imagined, but he took him to finishing school last night. This is the WWE, and he has to learn that here he can't trust anybody. Not him, not his future wife, nobody. Shawn says he's being gracious enough to apologize and he can show him the respect he's earned and shake his hand. Bryan shakes his head, and Shawn finally snaps and calls him a self righteous little puke. He says for seven months, he'd heard people call him a B+ player and stuck up for him, and quite honestly, he doesn't know or care. He IS an A+ player, always has been, and always be. For the love of God, he's Shawn Michaels, and he's giving him the chance to shake his hand. AND BRYAN TAKES HIM DOWN INTO THE YES LOCK AND BRYAN TAPS OUT. FUCK YEAH. I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD LOVE BRYAN MORE.

In the back, Renee interviews Bryan, but then her spidey sense kicks in and she bails. THE WYATT FAMILY ATTACKS BRYAN YEAH! They take him over to the wall with steel stuff. Bray says the devil made him do it, AND HITS SISTER ABIGAIL INTO STEEL STUFF. THEN RAMS A CART INTO BRYAN'S HEAD!

Match #4: 3MB vs. Los Matadores w/ El Torito
Handicap match changes nothing as it's another Colons showcase. Slater has a net to catch El Torito, but can't get him. Some decent offense from Drew and Slater, and then Drew is beaten with the still unnamed double team Rack Drop.
*3/4

Post-match, they put the net on Slater and Torito jumps off the top onto him.

Match #5: AJ Lee/Tamina vs. The Bella Twins
This is no good, yet again. Brie is supposed to sell being worried about Bryan and distracted because Cole says she's not allowed to leave until the match is over. She cannot act at all, so this obviously fails. Big Titty Bella taps out to the Black Widow.
3/4*

Match #6: Kane vs. The Miz

This is a minute long and Kane wins with the Chokeslam. Awesome.
1/2*

Post-match, Kane gets on the mic and says he has something to say to Stephanie McMahon. She comes onto the stage and Kane says she's been on a power trip and has ruined lives, but in this day and age, it's what's best for business and therefore, the monster is hers to unleash. He walks up the stage and hands off the mask and leaves. CORPORATE KANE.

In the back, PTP shills merch.

The fans choose No DQ, as opposed to a tables match or falls count anywhere.

Match #8: CM Punk vs. Ryback [No Disqualification Match]
This is only four minutes and is basically another squashing of The Rybork. Punk hits the elbow/armpit drop through the table again and puts on the Anaconda Vice for the win.
*1/2

Post-match, The Wyatt Family comes out. Punk tries to fight them off, but he gets swarmed on and beaten down. Bray hits Sister Abigail and again says the devil made him do it.

Match #9: DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS vs. The Real Americans w/ Zeb Coulter
This is a ton of fun for 8-9 minutes, and any kind of match without clipping could be great. Cody and Goldust do their thing early on, and Cesaro actually gets to contribute to a match for once. He's in charge of the cut offs to Cody, so those rule. Goldust has a hot tag and it's not his best, but still rules. Swagger makes Goldust tap out to the Patriot Lock because somehow, this is all a plan to push Jack Swagger again.
**3/4

featured a promo at the entrance stage by Alberto Del Rio in which he called World Heavyweight Champion John Cena a thief and he would hurt Cena's arm until he got the title back

Match #10: Natalya vs. Summer Rae
All the dudes are ringside. This gets five minutes for some reason. It's good because Nattie is good if not great, and Summer tries really hard. Khali hits Fandango with the brain chop on the floor, and Nattie comes back and wins with the Shartshooter.
*1/4

featured a closing segment in which the entire roster stood at the entrance stage, with the Shield surrounding the ring as Triple H and Stephanie McMahon came out; Triple H then took the mic and talked about WWE World Champion Randy Orton's rise from a part of Evolution to become the face of the company; Triple H referred to Orton as the "A+ player" and introduced him; Stephanie then took the mic and said Orton wasn't just the champion for the fans, he was the champion for everyone who stood at the entrance stage; Orton said everyone on the stage was fantasizing about taking the title from him, but it wouldn't happen; moments later, Big Show ran out but was met by the Shield in the aisle; Jimmy & Jey Uso, WWE Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Goldust them fought them off, with Show running in the ring and scaring Orton and Triple H to the floor; Show then took the mic, said he had friends that could make his bail if Triple H had him arrested, and said his lawsuit would cost Triple H millions of dollars; Show said he had nothing to lose, with Orton then hitting Show in the back of the head with the title belt; Orton attempted it a second time but Show knocked him out with a punch; Triple H then took his jacket off and undid his shirt but stepped down from the apron as Stephanie held him from getting into the ring as the crowd chanted "Let's go, Big Show"
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: Randy Orton, Since 10/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013

WWE NXT
October 30th, 2013
Orlando, FL

Match #1: Enzo Amore/Colin Cassidy vs. Alexander Rusev/Sylvester LeFort

This is a cover for another Rusev squash. He destroys Cass with kicks and knees and then Enzo. Syl tries to come in, but Rusev hurls him out and puts Cassidy in The Accolade for the win. :(
*1/4

Lana comes out to watch, and follows Rusev out of the arena.

RAW REBOUND.

Match #2: Aiden English vs. Jason Jordan
Another decent Aiden squash. He does the Take a Bow for the win. That idiot Tom Phillips tries to call it the Director's Cut when a.) that's Goldust's move and b.) Aiden has a thing he yells before the move that is clearly finishing move name material.
*1/2

The crowd chants for an encore and Aiden sings again. Roses are thrown. NXT is the best.

Match #3: Paige vs. Summer Rae
I'm starting to think Paige is never going to actually defend this title. This is good again as Summer's improved a good amount and has some great bitchy mannerisms to go with the offense. Tom Phillips is again the worst as he keeps interrupting Regal and Renee making jokes. They never really get a big comeback though, as Paige gets a flash Paige Turner to win. Clearly this is the only Paige match anyone in WWE saw before calling her up.
*1/2

Sasha Banks comes out to attack, and Emma comes out to save. Paige goes to turn her around, but Emma thinks it's Summer and punches her. Sasha bails and Emma apologizes, but they have a staredown.

A vignette airs of Luke Harper being super creepy and saying he's not done playing with Ohno.

NEXT WEEK: HARPER/OHNO II IN THE FAREWELL MATCH BECAUSE WRESTLING IS SAD

Match #4: Tyler Breeze vs. CJ Parker
This is alright. Breeze is very very good, and reminds me a ton of ECW era John Morrison where he had a lot of cool highspots for later in the match, but had a lot of very brutal looking basic offense for the middle and control segments. CJ is whatever, but didn't do anything terrible tonight besides the way he looks. He wins with the terrible Shotei.
**

Post-match, he tries to cut some of Breeze's hair in revenge, but Breeze bails.
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

Top 10 Matches - October 2013:

1. The Shield vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Battleground (October 6th)
2. The Shield [c] vs. DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS, Raw (October 14th)
3. DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS [c] vs. The Shield vs. The Usos, Hell in a Cell (October 27th)
4. Daniel Bryan/DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS vs. The Shield, Raw (October 7th)
5. The Shield vs. The Usos, Raw (October 21st)
6. Daniel Bryan/DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS vs. The Shield, Smackdown (October 18th)
7. Antonio Cesaro vs. Leo Kruger, NXT (October 9th)
8. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton, Hell in a Cell (October 27th)
9. The Shield vs. Big E. Langston/The Usos, Raw (October 28th)
10. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton, Battleground (October 6th)

Wrestler of the Month: Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins (TIE) - 23 Points

Tag Team of the Month: The Shield - 23 Points
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: Randy Orton, Since 10/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013

WWE Smackdown
November 1st, 2013
Tampa, FL


The show begins with a Shield promo and Ambrose says he's getting a little sick of The Usos sticking their noses in Shield business. They've beaten them time and time again, and tonight it's no contest. Rollins says the Shield united can beat any tag team on Earth, and they prove that The Usos are no exception. Ambrose says tonight, he and Seth Rollins will make sure that justice gets served. Reigns makes another face at this but says to believe in The Shield.

Match #1: The Shield w/ Roman Reigns vs. The Usos
This is only six minutes, so it's not great. Ambrose's more old school and methodical approach doesn't work as well here in a more action packed deal, and Rollins/Reigns is a much better team because of the power/speed dynamic. Speed/normal wrestling doesn't work as well. Big E. comes down to neutralize Reigns, and an Uso schoolboys Ambrose to win.
**1/2

Post-match, Big E cleans house, but Reigns pulls Ambrose out to safety. Reigns and Langston have a staredown, but Reigns leaves.

John Cena comes out and says the World Champ is here, and Cena pretends there's still a brand split by saying it means now he's working a lot of Fridays. He says if you want some, come get some, and the Real Americans come out. Zeb has the mic and says they've never formally been introduced, but congratulates him on winning the title and for beating Alberto Del Rio and sending him one step closer to leaving their border. Zeb says these people have no moral values to speak of, Cena has a lot in common with the Real Americans. He's a true American hero and patriot and legend, like him and these two. Zeb invites him to join their struggle. WE THE PEOPLE. Cena asks Jack Swagger what happened to him and why he looks like Biff from Back to the Future, and asks where his sports almanac is. He says he's heard people talking about Cesaro and his giant swing, but all he sees are giant nipples. Cena then makes Duck Dynasty jokes about Zeb, and says he has a problem with them. They try to badmouth everyone and freedom of speech is their right, but it's his right to tell them that they're full of BS. Cena says Florida is Real America, and these people can do whatever they want just like him, and that's the American way. Damien Sandow comes out to say words, and Cody and Goldust eventually come out to save. Vickie books a six man! YEAH!

Match #2: The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt vs. The Prime Time Players
Good three minute Wyatt showcase. Harper does his thing and Rowan is inoffensive. Titus has a brief good hot tag, but Harper hits the Discus Lariat for the win.
*3/4

Post-match, Bray hits D-Young with Sister Abigail.

featured an in-ring segment of Miz TV in which Mike Mizanin said his original guest was to be Shawn Michaels but Michaels "had left the building;" Miz went on to say that if it wasn't for Michaels, Randy Orton wouldn't have won the WWE World Title at Hell in a Cell; moments later, Orton interrupted, said he would have won the title regardless, and Miz was not relevant, as made obvious by Orton beating up Miz in Miz's hometown and the crowd loving it; Orton then noted Big Show was now banned for life and asked Miz how that made him feel, then hitting the RKO as Miz went to answer

Match #3: AJ Lee/Tamina/Alicia Fox vs. Natalya/The Bella Twins
This was at least good enough to get on the board with one competent wrestler on the other side of things. Great AJ/Natalya run at the end, and she makes AJ tap out to the Sharpshooter.
*1/4

RAW REBOUND.

Match #4: John Cena/DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS vs. Damien Sadnow/The Real Americans w/ Zeb Coulter
This got 15-20 minutes and was fantastic. Cena does his thing early on, and it's fine, but it picks up a ton when Goldust gets in. He has a great hot tag, and then gets to do a long FIP run. It's great in the way that watching a master do the thing that he's better at than anyone ever is. Like Chris Benoit doing insane head-first dives or Hashimoto/Tenryu doing intense slugfests or Ric Flair working a leg, etc. The cut offs and hope spots and selling and fire, it's all perfect. Goldust's 2013 run is basically him taking the leap to all-time great status. Cody has his own hot tag and then there's a big finishing run. Cesaro gets to have a long run against Cena before Swagger gets in. Big moves happen, and Cena beats Swagger with the FU.
***1/4
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: Randy Orton, Since 10/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013

WWE Raw
November 4th, 2013
Greenville, SC


To open the show, a vote is announced between Ziggler, Big E., and The Miz to see who faces Orton tonight.

Match #1: CM Punk vs. Luke Harper w/ The Wyatt Family
Punk puts forward effort and Harper is Harper, so this is AWESOME. Punk runs straight ahead with strikes and lets Harper beat the shit out of him for most of this. Harper has amazing chops and punches, cuts off the Tope with a forearm, and has a great control segment. Punk comes back and dives onto Rowan. He ducks the Discus Lariat and gets a roll up to win.
**3/4

Post-match, all of them attack Punk, but Daniel Bryan runs out with a chair to make the save!

TONIGHT: CENA/DFRB VS. SADNOW/AMERICANS II

In the back, Renee interviews CM Punk. He says it's never a fair fight, but he's been dealing with being outnumbered for months and he can accept that. He says he knew what would happen and he's not the only one that has an issue with the Wyatts.

featured a phone interview between Michael Cole and Paul Heyman in which Heyman discussed his recovery overseas following Hell in a Cell, during which Heyman began crying and then hung up

Match #2: Ryback vs. The Great Khali w/ Santino Marella & Hornswoggle
Terrible. Also a Ryback squash, which is a terrible thing too. He wins with Shellshocked.
1/2*

Match #3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

This is absolutely terrible again. It gets seven minutes and Kofi tries to be aggressive, but he can't actually do anything properly or even in a way that looks good or even remotely painful. I have a seven month old second cousin, and I'm pretty sure he could beat up Kofi. ADR works the arm to SEND. A. MESSAGE. and Kofi can't sell anything at all, so it's the actual worst. ADR wins with the Cross Armbreaker to further his goal of SENDING. A. MESSAGE.
3/4*

A video airs on how solid Big Show's lawsuit is.

Big E. wins the vote!

Match #4: Randy Orton vs. Big E. Langston
This is pretty good. Big E. gets to show off a lot before inevitably going down, and it's the most effort Orton's put into putting someone over with a loss since Cody. Orton gets out of the Big Ending, and he hits the RKO to win.
**1/4

Tons of video of Big Show stuff. Don't care. Nobody cares.

Match #5: Tyson Kidd/Natalya vs. Fandango/Summer Rae
Kidd is back from injury, but it was a leg injury that took away like all of his energy and crispness and speed, so he's just another slow generic kicky type guy now, and it's sad. He makes Fandango tap to the Sharpshooter though.
*1/2

included Young conducting a backstage interview with Damien Sandow about his loss the previous week to Cena, with Sandow saying he would get his revenge; moments later, Zeb Colter, Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro walked in and said they and Sandow would beat Cena, WWE Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Goldust later in the show

Before the match, Cena talks the mic and talks about how cancer is still bad.

Match #6: John Cena/DEM FIGHTING RHODES BOYS vs. Damien Sadnow/The Real Americans w/ Zeb Coulter
ADR comes down to do commentary, and spends the match getting ridiculed by Cole and Lawler for only calling people perros and gringos. Fantastic. This is only good instead of great like on Smackdown. The reason is that it gets less time at only 15ish minutes and Cena works 75% of it. Cena is a fine wrestler, but he is nowhere near Goldust's level and it's strange for him to work the majority of this when there's two other guys there. Also, Cena is not good enough as an FIP to make boring loads like Swagger and Sandow interesting. Goldust rules it on the hot tag and the finishing run is killer. Cena hits Cesaro with a Crossbody, and Goldust follows with the Final Cut to win.
**3/4

included a backstage segment with Triple H and Vickie Guerrero in which Vickie informed Triple H of Show's arrival, with Stephanie walking in and saying she let Show in the building at the request of the board of directors; Stephanie said the board said there was too much at stake in the lawsuit, with an angry Triple H telling Vickie to send Show to his office

Match #7: Dolph Ziggler vs. Curtis Axel
They have a decent five minutes. Ziggler drags something not entirely shameful out of Joe, and then he wins with the Peace Zig to probably set up a title match so Ziggler can lose again because the WWE is stupid now.
**

In the back, Renee interviews Daniel Bryan and asks about earlier. Bryan says it's not a wise move to run into the mouth of madness, but he saw an opportunity for payback and he took it, and somebody else now has an issue with the Wyatt Family.

included a backstage segment in which Vickie told Triple H and Stephanie that Show demanded to meet them in the ring

Match #8: The Usos vs. Heath Slater/Drew McIntyre w/ Jinder Mahal
Good two and a half minutes. Drew got to do some stuff and then the Usos made the comeback and they beat Slater with the Flying Splash.
*3/4

Match #9: AJ Lee/Tamina/Aksana vs. Eva Marie/The Bella Twins

Look at that "face" trio. No way this is good at all. Eva does a horrible roll up on Tamina to win after avoiding the Dad Splash.
1/4*

SMOCKDAWN: BRYAN V. HARPER

Triple H and Stephanie called for Show to join them in the ring as he asked; after he came out, Show said he loved his job, despite them, and he wanted his job back; Stephanie agreed, with Show saying he also deserved a bonus and to be the face of the WWE; as Stephanie protested, Ambrose, Rollins & Reigns came through the crowd; following the commercial break, Show demanded a title match with Orton at Survivor Series; after Triple H said no, Show left the ring and said his attorney would be in touch the next morning and he would soon own all of them; as Show approached the stage, Triple H agreed to the match; Show then returned to the ring and had Triple H repeatedly tell him he had the title match; Triple H then said, since Show works for him, he would face the Shield and Orton in a handicap match

Match #10: The Big Show vs. Randy Orton/The Shield
This is all of three minutes and more of an angle. They bump around for Show until Reigns mows him down with the Spear. All four then get chairs and beat on Show for the DQ.
*

Post-match, to summarize a terribly overlong beatdown, Show is put through the announce table with the Triple Powerbomb as The Authority and Randy make mean faces.
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Big Tuna
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The Master and Ruler Of The World

WWE Champion: Randy Orton, Since 10/27/2013
World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose, Since 5/19/2013 - LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPION CURRENTLY
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel, Since 6/16/2013
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes/Goldust, Since 10/14/2013
WWE Diva's Champion: AJ Lee, Since 6/16/2013
NXT Champion: Bo Dallas, Since 6/12/2013
NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension, Since 10/2/2013
NXT Womens Champion: Paige, Since 7/24/2013
Review World Champion: John Cena, Since 10/27/2013

WWE NXT
November 6th, 2013
Orlando, FL

Match #1: Leo Kruger vs. El Local

AWESOME LEO'S STILL HERE! He destroys Ricardo for two minutes with brutal brutal offense. His beautiful Lariat, his god level Double A Spinebuster, various throws, etc. This is easily the best he's ever looked, and it's a shame he's now on the main roster with a low ceiling fun babyface gimmick instead of this thing. He wins with a Butterfly Lock.
**

Lana comes out and introduces Rusev as her new client.

Match #2: Alexander Rusev w/ Lana vs. Sylvester LeFort
SQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH. Only like 15 seconds. Accolade does it.
RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSEV

In the back, Charlotte has fixed Bayley's headband with tape and she thanks her. The BFFs come in and they give Bayley a brand new one with kittens on it and insult Charlotte. Charlotte says they think they're cool, and Bayley says they are cool. Summer says they could really USE someone like Bayley with them and tells her to think about it and then drop the trash. NO, BAYLEY. IT'S A SET UP. Bayley holds Charlotte back and then WOOOOs and Charlotte says to stop that.

Match #3: The Ascension vs. Jobbers
Another squash, but it blew. Fall of Man ends it.
1/2*

Match #4: Mojo Rawley vs. Ty Dillinger

FUCK YEAH. DON'T GET HYPED. STAY HYPED. Ty has some solid offense when he controls, and Mojo has a decent comeback. Hyperdrive for the win.
*1/2

RAW REBOUND

NEXT WEEK: NEVILLE/GRAVES BEST OF THREE FALLS FOR SOME GOD DAMNED REASON

Match #5: Luke Harper vs. Kassius Ohno
I'm 95% sure this is Ohno's last WWE match, and it's an amazing slugfest. Like some kind of a Tenryu match or an IWA-MS brawl or something equally gritty and un-WWE like. Every strike is a killer and there's so many great little touches to make this come across like a nasty dirty fight. Harper standing on Hero's foot to cut off him crawling, nudging him around on the mat with his head, Hero grabbing Harper's beard to hold him up for a punch series, etc. Hero did a great job conveying the increasing desperation against a supernatural seeming deranged redneck as his punches became faster and harder and sloppier as he started to tire himself out too. Story is great, as it's one of the best actual wrestlers and classically trained strikers who if anyone has a shot to beat down Harper, it's him, and he just completely gets outdone. It's like the battle you would see in a movie between the main villain and the #2 babyface to set up the #1 face's win. Except that never really happens because WWE is weird. Harper survives the Rolling Elbow, and then as Hero comes off for the Death Blow, Harper destroys him with a Discus Lariat that looks more like a punch lariat than anything. Near classic territory here, but not quite.
***3/4
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