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| Topic Started: Sep 16 2008, 07:44 PM (42 Views) | |
| Orion Fulcry | Sep 16 2008, 07:44 PM Post #1 |
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Level One Writer
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This has been something I've been stewing over for some time now. I thought it'd be cool to have a place where you can get your posts critiqued by other members in a friendly way. So this is how it'd work: When posting, you choose a single post of yours from somewhere on this site (although I suppose other sites might be okay, too), and the next person will review/critique it. This means that once this thing gets started up, you will be reviewing someone else's post every time you want one of your own critiqued. Of course, thing should definitely be kept friendly. While there might not be a limit to how long your critique has to be, it should definitely be constructive. Don't just say it was horrible. And try not to just say you liked it. At least say what you liked about it, or how they might fix something that's horrible. And if you don't want one of your own posts critiqued, that's fine. Just critique the post above yours, and the next person will, as well. Pretty simple concept, I think. So...who wants to review my post? =3 ~~~ Orion groggily began to untie the lifeline from around his waist. He had lost track of how many times it had saved him as the ship bucked to and fro. Limbs aching from the long night spent staying alive, it took him longer than expected to loosen the knot on the rope. Finally succeeding, he staggered to his feet and looked about. The ship was in shabby shape. Ropes everywhere were tangled about themselves, and here and there, pieces of wood from mysterious sources littered the decks. "All right, everyone who is not needed for duty, stand down and get some sleep. Hazelrose, we'll need something hot to eat, preferably. Those who are on duty, get moving. Clean-up crew is with Ruva; the rest of you are with Orion. Get the sails in order and try to untangle those ropes." The sound of Commander Skahr's voice helped to focus Orion's mind. Sodden tail twitching, sending water droplets flying, he saluted - something that came much easier to him now - and made his way up into the rigging. The overbearing feeling of seasickness that had stayed with him all through the night instantly began to lessen. Taking a deep breath, and letting it out, the red squirrel scurried up to the top of the mainmast and took closer stock of the situation. After a good look, he frowned, muttered something to himself, and turned to address those who had clambered up after him. There were more than he had expected. Blinking in surprise, Orion could think of nothing to say for a moment. Finally, he gathered his wits as best as he could manage, and cleared his throat nervously. "Alright, just like Commander Skahr said, we need to get the sails into working order, and the ropes untangled as possible." He ran a paw through the wet fur on his neck and looked at the group thoughtfully. "Okay, well...I'll take five of whoever feel comfortable enough to work on the sails. We'll start on the main sail and work towards the front, then to the back. The rest of you, go ahead and start untangling ropes." There were nods and yessirs and the crew began to go about their tasks. "Oh, and one other thing." They stopped and looked curiously at Orion. "Take extra care while up here. We made it through the storm without losing anybeast. It would be pointless to lose someone now." |
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Lieutenant Orion Fulcry ((( ![]() ![]() )))Life + Universe + Everything = 42 Alt: Amos Charp | |
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| Lady Admin | Oct 22 2008, 12:15 AM Post #2 |
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Level One Writer
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So for the record, I thought this post was a great idea and didn’t want to see it get buried or forgotten. But I also had a particular post in mind that I wanted critiqued and well… I didn’t get to post it until today, so I haven’t replied until now. So, sorry Orion, for the wait! Here is my review on your post: Wonderful! In typical review fashion, however, I’ll go over the negatives before delving into the positives. Aaaand, pretty much the only thing about this post that could be seen as room for improvement was that it didn’t do much to move the thread along. Of course, you need to balance that out with the fact that you aren’t the one orchestrating the Kestrel thread, so this particular post was kind of just filler, responding to the events that Tally had set up and waiting for the next big thing to happen. But really, that’s ridiculously minor and honestly the only thing I could say for you to improve on. I liked that the post wasn’t crazy long and intensely detailed. You gave just enough information to allow a reader to form a mental image of what was happening, which is all that was needed. I thought it was pretty great that you had Orion get seasick because it evens him out as a character. He’s a big tough warrior squirrel who… gets queasy at sea. And to top it off it happens, of course, when a certain lady squirrel is about that he finds himself attracted to. Got me giggling. I also noticed how you brought out Orion’s adjustment to giving orders. He still seems to fumble with it a bit, which was nifty. So often when characters are promoted they seem to immediately know everything about their new role. In this post we can see Orion in a stage of adjustment still. We also get a look at how resourceful your warrior is. Patching sails isn’t exactly something they practice in the North Tower, but he’s been ordered to do it and takes to it with a will. I stored that away when I read it. Good quality for a budding hero to hone. ^^ Keep it up, Orion! I enjoy reading your posts and writing with you. You’re really creative and I have a fun time viewing the world through the eyes of your characters. So then, my post! It’s actually… two posts, sue me. I’m hoping this still counts considering I wrote them both, and originally they really were one post instead of two. But I ended up splitting it between Talyn and Jade. You know, more dramatic that way. Let me know, Orion, if you’d rather I just posted one of them. At any rate, these are taken from the thread “Strong Stone Walls Approach” in the Grounds and Outbuildings forum.
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maybe it is them maybe it is me or maybe it's Maybeline | |
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3:44 AM Nov 27