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Courage; Johnny Kerosene's RP
Topic Started: Dec 3 2009, 01:14 AM (186 Views)
Johnny Kerosene
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United States Champ
We fade in to a fairly simple backdrop standing behind two folding director's chairs. The one to the right holding the frame of the fairly experienced backstage reporter Ryan Lewis, the other the not nearly as experienced subject of the coming interview, his keytar slumped along one of the chair's legs and he in his typical wrestling attire, complete with several bandanas.

Lewis: I'm here with one of the newest stars of CZW-

Kerosene: That's right I'm here!

Lewis: Right... one of the newest stars of CZW, Johnny Kerosene. Johnny, to start with, I think the fans want to know-

Kerosene: Well, I didn't have anything planned, but I ain't exactly averse to it, you know?

Lewis: Um, what?

Kerosene: What?

Lewis: What are you talking about?

Kerosene: ... It ain't obvious?

Lewis: ... What I'm trying to say is, you've proven yourself through tryout and exhibition matches and are getting this opportunity on the grand stage. However, there have been some criticisms about your fighting style.

Kerosene: What do you mean by that? Who's been saying that there's something wrong with how I fight?

Lewis: Well, from what I've heard, you're not very technically sound, and-

Kerosene: Not technically sound? Not technically sound then? What do you even mean, man? You are looking right now at the inventor and the innovator of the eleven-sixteenths nelson!

Lewis: ... The what?

Kerosene: Allow me to demonstrate... You! Backstage assistant!


Johnny points to an employee or the other side of the camera, then claps his hands twice.

Kerosene: Cardboard me!

The employee complies, bringing in a cardboard cutout of a CZW wrestler. Well, sort of.

Posted Image

Johnny looks understandably confused.

Kerosene: Who the bloody hell is this asshole?


Employee: Sorry. This is the only one we could find on such short notice.

Kerosene: Ah, I guess it'll do then.

Johnny stands up and gets behind the cutout, attempting to grapple it and having an understandably difficult time since, well, it's a cardboard cutout and not exactly flexible.

Kerosene: Right. So to perform the eleven-sixteenths nelson, you stick your arms in like this, pull and twist like that, point your elbow like so, and then you remember that this is a scrap and not a game of grab-ass and you just dropkick him.

He does so, though he doesn't hit flush and the cutout only weakly tips over.

Kerosene: What I'm trying to say is, this ain't the Olympic Games. Grappling for grappling's sake ain't worth no more than a hook to the jaw, and that makes it pointless. In fact, it's more than pointless, it's like... like negative three points. Yeah. Negative three. That's a good number for it, I think. Negative four; nah, that's too much. But three. Right, three.

Lewis: With all due respect, I don't think it's a good idea for you to invalidate an entire style of-

Kerosene: Well, yeah maybe I would grapple if, you know, I was one of them ginormof**ks y'all see sometimes, with a shoe size of hojillion and a ring size of bracelet, but I ain't. This is me and this is how I fight.

Lewis: Fair enough, I guess. Now onto the second criticism, which is that you don't seem to take any of this seriously.


Kerosene: Well, why should I?

Lewis: You... Well, I mean, you should realize-

Kerosene: Fine, fine. Look then. You wanna see my serious face? Alright. One serious face, coming right up.

Johnny walks right up to the camera until his head is taking the entire screen, then gives a grim expression.

Kerosene: This is my serious face.

He spoke in a gravelly tone which notably did not have a British accent.

Kerosene: Wrestling fans, do you adore my serious face? ... I didn't think so.

Johnny walked back to his seat, his accent immediately snapping back as he spoke.

Kerosene: Right. People don't want that. And besides, I could worry, yeah, I guess I could. I mean, you know, Extension Discord just one day right out of the blue threw me out, and I was wondering if I'd ever get that kind of fame again. And now that that's coming up, yeah I could worry about what'll happen to me. But that ain't it. That ain't what got into the business of shredding, and that ain't what got me into the business of scrapping. What is there then? What? All there is is to keep on keeping on.

Lewis: Well then what you do think about your first match: a Triple Threat with The Custodian and Sean Hustle.

Kerosene: Well, The Custodian. You know, that's the kind of guy I can really respect. Blue collar worker, probably cut his teeth in a bunch of bar brawls; I can respect that. Sure, he's probably not very bright, nor can he outrun me in the ring, but I respect him. Can't strike or fly as well as me, certainly can't shred the keys like I can, he sort of smells like ammonia and canned lentil soup, and sources say that his wife looks like someone stepped on a cat shit and then dipped it in thousand island dressing, but the point- and this is important- is that I respect him. And respect is... what's the word; tantamount in this business, wouldn't you say?

Lewis: And Hustle? Do you respect him, too?

Kerosene: Not as much, no. See, he's been gone for a while, right? And I think that's gonna be his biggest weakness in this match, you know?

Lewis: You mean ring rust, that sort of thing?

Kerosene: What? No. No, not at all. It's about fear and doubt. He's been in this situation before, so he knows exactly what he was capable of. But all that really means is that he's got that lingering thought in the back of his head: what if I can't? What if he's not as good as used to be? Whether or not he really is, that's irrelevant, see? He's got that doubt inside him; he's got to. Whereas I? I have no f**king idea what I'm capable of! So I'm fearless by default. All I got to do is try my damnedest and let the chips fall where they may, right? Right.

Lewis: I guess so. Well, do you have any last words?

Kerosene: As I matter of fact, I do.


Johnny gets up and picks up his keytar, holding it delicately, as if it was an antique.

Kerosene: I don't know how many of y'all out there have been blessed enough to play one of these beauties, but... they're heavier than they look.

Johnny turns to the camera and gives a very sly smile.

Kerosene: All I'm saying.

---

OOC: Edited to fix the broken pic. >_<
Edited by Johnny Kerosene, Dec 3 2009, 02:52 AM.
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