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| Clean It Up; Custodian Triple Threat | |
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| Topic Started: Dec 4 2009, 12:36 AM (68 Views) | |
| Deleted User | Dec 4 2009, 12:36 AM Post #1 |
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Deleted User
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The previous images of the replay of the CZW preview show cut to static as fans everywhere wonder where the show they were watching went. After a few moments of snow, the screen fills up to a thumping beat in the familiar tune to the old 'Too Cool" theme as I-pod-commercial esque images of a tall well built man dancing fill the screen. MOPPIN' IT MOPPIN' IT MOPPIN' IT MOPPIN' IT MOPPIN' IT MOPPIN' IT <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> That was.... interesting? CLEAN IT UP!! The splash clears away as we see Custodian sitting in a chair in front of a wooden work bench with a camera pointing up at him <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Well I'm sorry you wont get to see the end of that great Underdog match folks, but I've got something even better for you! Custodian-TV! MY brand new TV Show! How did I get my own TV Show you ask? Well that's actually one of the topics we'll be covering today, by showing you, the kids at home, how YOU can get your own TV show, using the following household items... Custodian puts a container of Elmer's glue on the desk. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Some glue.... He reaches down again and pulls up a pair of sharpened pliers. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> A pair of bolt cutters and.....hrrrrmmmpphhh...... Custodian goes down and comes up straining as he deposits a big metal box that makes the wooden raff table sag under its weight on camera. It has clearly had a door of some kind knocked of the front and has stray wires flailing in the air, sparking at the ends. Bzzzaaatt....... <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> ...and the box tied to the back of your friendly neighborhood telephone pole... whoo..... give me a minute here. Custodian catches his breath then jolts back to attention. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Now then it's been suggested by me on a radio show of repute (or so I am told...) that some people out there do not like the 'character' I portray. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but it's an excuse to show off my wig collection on national TV, so let's get to our first segment... Custodian walks off camera for a moment and a second later a piece of illegible white lined paper is held up to the camera. Custodian's New Persuna Parona Gimmick <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Alright kids I got my wigs and stuff here. Now let's pick me a new personality Based on the opening to the show you may have guessed my personal favorite gimmick..... Custodian reaches into his sack of wigs and pulls out a blond one and sunglasses and puts them on. Moppy Too Hotty already has a bucket hat sitting on top of it. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian 2 Sexy || Not now, it's his break. ::> Alright! We're too cool now! Turn it up! Crank the heat! Let's do the worm... aww this is stupid... Custodian tears off the wig and glasses. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Those goggles did nothing.... to help me find a new gimmick. Hmm... maybe I'm thinking too small.... maybe, a tired and true personality that's been brought back time and time again! Custodian reaches into the bag and pulls out a black wig and a Technicolor cowboy hat and sunglasses and looks into the camera. <:: Can he fix it? || "Handyman" Custodian Savage|| Not now, it's his break. ::> OOOOOOOHHHHHH..... no that's even worse. Custodian takes off his guise and rests his chin in his palm for a moment while he drums the table with his knuckles. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Maybe I should think about personalities more close to home.... someone that CZW fans can specifically relate to.... ooh I know! Custodian ducks down again into his sack of horrors and pulls out an assortment of items. He puts on a beat up looking jacket and a black wig and places a brown paperback containing a whiskey bottle and a stuffed Bunny on the table. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> I'm so angry and depressed! *drinks from bottle*. At least I've got friends though! This is thumper! Custodian pull up the stuffed rabbit to the camera. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Say hello Thumper! Custodian moves the bunny's fuzzy arm to make it wave. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> And my partner, is off camera over there.... but you don't want to see him any way so.....this is no good either! Custodian pulls off all the pieces of his costume and puts the whiskey bottle in the trash leaving Thumper sitting on the table. The stuffed bunny's head drops onto its shoulder as if looking inquisitively at the psychotic clean up man. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Oh don' give me that look Thumper. It's not me it's you! That's just not the right personality for me..... hmm what else have I got here.... Custodian reaches into his box and comes up with an American Flag Bandanna. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Nope. Custodian tosses it aside and pulls up a black haired wig and a Dallas Cowboys shirt. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> I'm not THAT desperate. Custodian reaches in again and this time comes up wearing a Brahma bull mask. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian, the GOAT || Not now, it's his break. ::> Chocolate ra.... nope. He goes in a final time this instance coming up wearing a hairpiece. He pulls out a ringing cell phone and clicks it open. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Hello? Wrong number..... a message? Sure I can take it...... mmhhhmm...... father in hospital..... wont recieve inheritance if he doesn't arrive within the next hour....mmm...... bring inhaler..... got it. Thanks. Custodian tosses the phone over his shoulder and takes the wig off. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Oh none of these are ME! Custodian looks at the phone cracked on the ground behind him. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Hmmm.... I should give that back to him and give him that message.... Custodian looks thoughtfully into the camea for a moment but a quiver near his dimples give way to a smile. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Hahaha.... right. Well I guess you're stuck with boring old me. I am not going to change for anybody. I don't care how popular or funny someone is, the fact is I am who I am, and I am a simple man. An honest man, and a good man. And those features are permanent. From my hair to my eyes, to my uniform to my criminal record and note of discharge from St. benadict's Hospital for the Criminally Insane, those things are permanent marks on the book of my life's story, and if anyone's going to try to make me.... ... do I still have that Mr. T wig...... no I gave that to pasty looking homeless man at the grateful Dead concert.... what was I saying before? Oh it doesn't matter, because it's time for the next segment of our show! Upcoming Match Segment <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Now, as I said…I am who I am…and I can care less what Sean Hustle and Johnny Kerosene has to say about me. I’m a f**king Custodian…why the f**k should I care. I work here…I get a pay check…I go home and f**k my wife. Got it…good. Now, I’ve been a little busy over these last couple of weeks…so yeah, I just now got updated. People seem to be like…oh, he’s just a Janitor…he isn’t shit to me. Well, when I step into that ring…you will know who I am. Now, by this point…everyone else has broke down and cried about losing their last match…but you know what…I don’t care. I lose…I win…I still work here. And hell, if Sean wants to pay me to leave the match…cool. I’ll still get paid. Custodian walks over to his bar. f**k! The sudden outburst is barely audible over the loud music playing throughout the bar. But, several heads turn none the less. Once they see nothing more than Custodian sitting at the bar, his head buried in his arms, they turn back to whatever they had been doing previously. Meanwhile, the dark haired man lifts his head up, his dark eyes gazing at the TV screen that sits across from him, tucked in the corner of the room. The CzW logo flashes briefly across the screen, before it cuts to a commercial promoting the upcoming Overdrive. <::Phil The Bartender::> Custodian! You order the Crantini? The dark haired man perks up, as a few heads turn in his direction, giggling at his choice of drink. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Er...No Phil! I ordered, er, the...Whiskey! Yes! The whiskey! <::Phil The Bartender::> Oh, my bad. As Phil the Bartender turns to put the Crantini away, Custodian grabs him by the back of the shirt. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Nah, I was kidding, gimme the Crantini. Phil chuckles to himself, handing Custodian the Crantini. Custodian gulps the drink down in a matter of seconds, his eyes glazing over a bit as the alcohol kicks in. <::The Custodian::> Oh...Boy Phil...Have I got a week ahead of me... Unbeknownst to the already wasted Custodian, Phil was already at the other end of the bar, taking drink orders. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Ugh. If Johnny Kerosene and Sean Hustle weren’t such pricks, I wouldn't be in this predicament! It-Its ridiculous! Custodian lets out a small burp, the twisted taste of cranberry mixed with nachos reappearing in his mouth. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Damn it! Fu-Freakin' Hustle too...I don't get it! I've done everything within my power to make sure they would like me! I've done everything within my power to keep those two happy! Yet, Kerosene still sees a problem with every f**king move I make! Custodian twists his face up, sneering a bit, before talking in what was probably supposed to be an imitation of Sean Hustle. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Oh! Custodian! You aren't awesome enough to be a hustler! Not like me! I sleep on the street! Where do you sleep? A bed? Ha! You're lame man! Oh, what’s that you've got there? Soap? Ha! Soaps for pussies! Custodian hiccups, before reaching in his pocket and pulling out a cigarette, he searches his pocket for a lighter, but, comes up dry. Custodian taps the person nearest him on the back. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Hey, got a light? A large, black man turns around in his seat. <::Black Guy::> Mhm. The black guy whips out a comically large lighter, that better resembled a blow torch than a pocket lighter. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Thanks. <::Black Guy::> Mhm. Custodian turns back around, taking a long, long, cancer filled drag of his cigarette, before exhaling, blowing a large puff of smoke into the air. His eyes fall back on to the TV screen, where he sees a recap of the match between him and Ryan. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Oh God... Coincidentally, Custodian happened to set his eyes on the TV the very moment he came storming in and planted by Ryan. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> See! See what I did for Ryan there! How do they not respect that? I put myself on the line out there! I job to his freaking ass! ... Maybe Kerosenes just jealous...That has to be it! He's jealous that I'm stealing his thunder! And Sean…maybe I’m more troublesome than him…yeah, that’s gotta be it. Custodian grins, taking another drag of his cigarette, a gleam in his eye. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Overdrive! I'm going to PROVE why I truly am better than both those men! Then they'll have no other choice than to let me in! Oh man! I can't wait! Custodian takes one last drag of his cigarette, before banging on the bar in front of him, demanding more Crantinis, post haste. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Wow, see if I ever come back here agai- wait, what's that you say Moppy too Hotty? Custodian picks Mop up off the table and moves his thumbs around it’s handle while holding him to his ear, as if the fluffy rabbit was whispering to him. Just then, a man in a dirty looking yellow suit jumps out from off stage left and into focus. The man wears beer goggles over his eyes and has a tattered purple cape on. <:: WTF? || Urine Kyrin || Srsly... ::> RAWR! Custodian sits in his chair dumbfounded looking at the man. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Wow.... that's just low brow. What ever happened to classy comedy? <:: WTF? || Urine Kyrin || Srsly... ::> THIS SHIRT USED TO BE WHITE! <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Well... that's.... .that's just unpleasant. <:: WTF? || Urine Kyrin || Srsly... ::> I DRINK YOUR PEE! Custodian stands up and grabs Moppy from off right and cracks it over the strange man's head sending him falling onto the floor. <:: Can he fix it? || Custodian || Not now, it's his break. ::> Well folks, I better clean this mess up before he starts to smell up the joint... more.... and probably send a check down to the cable company to make up for taking their box.... wait is Montana in today? Ah well, if he's not there I have the key to the cabinet his check book's in. But before I go I just want to give my opponent for next Monday a message... I'm the custodian. Even if I lose on Monday, 'm still going to work in the company. I have nothing to gain or lose from this match. You on the other hand, have your entire reputation on the line. If you lose to an untrained guy on a national scale in your cable debut.... this early in your career... that'd just be embarrassing. I hope you've got your heart fired up for this one Custodian.... because I've got nothing on the line and you have everything. Grand debut? Perhaps, but those things come and go. I've already done more with this company than I ever dreamed I would when I took the job. We have our fun. We have our laughs. But at the end of the day.... you can get yourself riled and angry like every other guy I've faced in this business.... and I'll just keep playing it cool. We'll see how it ends up. History doesn't repeat itself, but it sure as hell rhymes. I'll see you Monday, jerks. Custodian pulls a plug and the static returns. |
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12:52 AM Jul 11