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The Five Stages of Grief
Topic Started: Sep 3 2010, 03:51 AM (130 Views)
Johnny Kerosene
Member Avatar
United States Champ
Denial

Johnny: Man Brian, I still can't believe what happened out there at Hatewave.

The Spectacle are sitting on a bench in a locker room, clad in typical attire, likely just having completed a workout session.

Brian: I know, dude. But we have to put the past behind us if we're going to be able to-

Johnny: Are you kidding? That was one of the greatest matches I've ever been a part of.

Brian: Really? I don't see how you see it like that when-

Johnny: See it like what? It was an absolutely incredible battle, from beginning to end. Even YA, you know... I can't like 'em, but I've got to respect them. They gave us absolutely everything they had. It's really impossible to not respect that coming from anyone, you know?

Brian: Well, I guess you do have a point there.

Johnny: And when Mike put Havok in the Burn Notice and made him tap out, I tell you, that's got to be one of the greatest moments in CZW history.

Brian: Yeah, but... wait, what did you just say?

Johnny: When Mike made Havok tap, to win the match and retain the Beautiful Agony name. Dude, you were obviously there; you know what I'm talking about.

Brian: Um... That... that is not how it happened at all.

Johnny: Dude, that's totally how it happened. I was right there. Mike made Havok tap, and Havok most definitely did not pin Mike, losing the match for us and causing the entire Beautiful Agony stable to be dissolved. I mean, that would just be ridiculous.

Brian: But that's exactly what happened. Mike got pinned. We lost. BA got dissolved. Everything you just denied was true.

Johnny: ... That. Would just. Be ridiculous.

Brian: Johnny, you can't-

Johnny: Ridiculous!

Brian: Stop acting like this and just admit that we lost. It'll be fine. We'll rebuild-

Johnny: I firmly stand behind the alternate history I have cultivated!

Brian: So... you admit it's alternate history. You're aware this is all a lie.

Johnny: ... ... ... ... No...

Brian: Yes.

Johnny: Maybe?

---

Anger

Johnny: They will pay for what they have done to our legacy. Justice shall be served.

Johnny Kerosene is backstage at an event, brandishing a cricket bat. Brian is a ways back but quickly runs to catch up.

Brian: Hey. Dude. Glad I found you. Listen, I- Hey, where'd you get that thing?

Johnny: Oh, this? Oh, I've had this bat for a while now. I felt like I should do more to appreciate my English heritage, and also breaking keytars over people was really starting to get expensive.

Brian: Well, why haven't you used it for anything?

Johnny: I was gonna. I even hid it under the ring during the War Games match at Hatewave.

Brian: Then why didn't- hold on. You hid a weapon under the ring for a match fought inside a cage?

Johnny: Yeah... I'll admit I didn't think that one through. But anyway. Now that Kirkland and Shane think they've destroyed us; they think they've demoralized us, but no. That ain't gonna be how it's gonna end. And this bat of justice along with the Blood Moon will be their downfall. They will be destroyed just as hard as Beautiful Agony ever could have been.

Brian: The Blood Moon?

Johnny: Blood Moon. You know, that sweet moonsault footstomp I did in the match?

Brian: Oh yeah. That looked pretty sick.

Johnny: Yeah, I liked it too. I mean, you know me and moonsaults; I gotta use any move named after Keith. And I figure, launching from the sky, stomping right down on all your internal organs... if you ain't coughing up blood, I did something wrong. So, y'know... Blood Moon.

Brian: You probably didn't need to explain all that.

Johnny: Meh. Anyway! Justice!

Brian: You really seem a lot more collected that I would have expected here. What's the deal? I mean, you were in a horrible rage after Kimo said that stuff about you and Nickelback...

Johnny: Brian. You can't even begin to compare those two things. This is the complete desecration of everything in this great sport that I have held dear, and the other involves Nickelback. Can you really not see why I wouldn't be more angry about the second one?

Brian: Hmm... okay, yeah, I see where you're coming from there.

Johnny: Actually, I might want to get a different bat, or at least sand the paint off of this one or something... it's still got the BA logo on it, so I think every time I hit someone with this thing I gotta give Havok a royalty. That could get more expensive than the keytars.

---

Bargaining

Johnny Kerosene is sitting at a table in an empty gymnasium, looking bored. Suddenly, he heard the sound of someone coming in and turns his head excitedly... only to see that it was Brian Blaze.

Johnny: Oh. It's just you. No offense.

Brian: I found these flyers... what are you doing here exactly?

Johnny: Well, look. Obviously, Beautiful Agony ain't coming back. Havok owns the name, we can't team up with either Mike or Eddie, I think they might have restraining orders against us or something... I'm not entirely sure on the details for that one, but that's okay, y'know? It'll be okay. 'Cause there's nothing stopping us from building ourselves a new stable, right?

Brian: I guess not.

Johnny: Right. And as long as we're down here in Australia, Land of All the Wildlife Trying to Kill You, we find ourselves a solid local wrestler and begin... The Commonwealth. A British guy, A Canadian guy, an Australian guy... Commonwealth! Our logo can be a coin with the Queen on it!

Brian: Well... I suppose there are worse ideas out there for a stable...

Johnny: Exactly, my man.

Brian: So who are our candidates then?

Johnny: Well, actually...

The camera pans around to show just how empty the gymnasium is.

Johnny: There really hasn't been anyone.

A tumbleweed drifts across the court.

Johnny: 'Cept for that tumbleweed. He's got some pretty sweet technical skills, but his charisma is abysmal. He wouldn't be a good fit.

Suddenly, another figure enters the room. He seems to be a rather large man, and not in the muscular way.

Guy: Hey! You guys are still taking tryouts, right? 'Cause I'm totally ready to be a part of CZW!

Brian: Well, I guess that's better than nothing... wait a minute... you look familiar, but I can't seem to place... no, yeah! I know you!

The camera flashbacks to openings from previous Overdrives.

'MARRY ME ROWAN!!' held by a fat guy

Brian (V.O.): You're that fat guy with the creepy signs...

And "I LOVE FISCUS. YES, LIKE *THAT*" by the same fat guy as last week.

Brian (V.O.): ...who keeps sitting in the front row...

And "BRING BACK JENA CYDE" by the same fat guy as last week, making this his third in a row Overdrive at front row.

Brian (V.O.): ...at all the Overdrive episodes!

Fat Guy: Hey now. I'm trying to lose weight here. I got a plan. When I go to eat a Triple Baconator, I take off the bun.

Johnny: Okay, first of all, how the bloody hell did you even get to Australia. How can you possibly afford this?

Fat Guy: Credit cards! They're like free money!

Johnny: Okay... second, you're not Australian, and we really need a local for this whole thing to work-

Fat Guy: Hey, I'm just as Australian as you're Bri-

Johnny: Say one more syllable and I'm gonna need a new table.

Fat Guy: Fine. Whatever. You're missing out.

Brian: You're still gonna cheer us on, though, right?

Fat Guy: Well, yeah! I love you guys!

Johnny and Brian look at each other worringly.

Fat Guy: Yes, like that.

Johnny: Okay, you can leave now.

Brian: Johnny, listen. We don't need a stable. Unlike some people, we can stand by ourselves without anyone else to hold us up. As much as Mike and Eddie helped us out, I think it's high time we taught everyone out there that The Spectacle doesn't depend on stables to be a force. You hear?

Johnny: ... Yeah. Yeah, I hear. Not like we have much choice though, unless you wanna take a chance with Tumbly X over there.

---

Depression

Johnny: Maybe they're right, Brian. Maybe they really are right. Maybe they were what was keeping us together. Maybe we are just going to fall apart.

Brian and Johnny are sitting in a hotel bar, each with several shot glasses amongst them, most of them empty.

Brian: Don't say that.

Johnny: I don't wanna say it, man. I don't. But what if it's true? What if this has demoralized us? What if we can't win anymore? I mean, that fight at Hatewave... it was an amazing fight. We did literally everything we could, and they beat us. We didn't get tricked. We didn't get, y'know, cheated... no. We just got beat. We just... we got beat, dude. Plain and simple, clear as crystal and all that shit. We got beat. And now, and now... there is no we.

Brian sighs deeply before he begins to speak.

Brian: Come with me, Johnny. I gotta show you something.

Brian walks out of the bar as Johnny follows. Brian makes his way to his room, where he shoos out a scantily-clad girl before closing the door. Johnny watches as Brian lifts a duffel bag up onto the bed, and he unzips it to reveal Brian's half of the Global Tag Team Championships.

Brian: You see this?

Johnny: Mm-hmm.

Brian: You know what this is?

Johnny: Of course I know what it is, it's-

Brian hauls off and smacks Johnny is the face with the belt. Johnny is knocked off his feet, but not badly hurt as he looks up at Brian, stunned.

Brian: There is goddamn well too a we!

Johnny: But-

Brian: There is a we, Johnny! We won these titles! Not with Mike, not with Eddie. Us! Hell, we won them from Mike and Eddie, for fuck's sake! They might be gone, but that's over and done with. We are not! You know you got it bad, Johnny? Do you? You think Mike doesn't have it bad, seeing his friendship with Havok tear apart brick by brick, finally culminating in a crushing defeat? Or how about Eddie? He's gotta put all this shit behind him and beat the former World Goddamn Heavyweight Motherfucking Champion, or his ass gets canned. Would you rather be in that position? Would you now?

---

Acceptance

Johnny: No. No, I wouldn't.

Brian: Then sit down, shut up and retain for their sake.

Johnny: I will. No. We will.

Brian: Damn right we will! And tell me why we will, good sir.

Johnny: Because Kirkland and Shane ain't got nothing on us! Sure, they're good fighters. But something seems wrong there. Kirkland and Shane. Kirkland... and Shane. Ryan Shane? Really? The guy that used to team with the waffle guy? I mean, I guess some straightedge curse out there done went and got his panties even more in a bunch than usual and decided that he wanted to be Kirkland's tag team partner instead of Mike King. And that's all well and good I guess- oh no wait it's not. And you why? Because tag team competition is a whole damn different beast than a stable war. You have one, only and exactly one person other than yourself that you can depend on. And since you only have that one you better damn well be able to depend on them. You better damn well be able to achieve some kinda perfect synchronization with them. Can Kirkland and Shane do it? Shit, I don't know. No one knows, least of all them, 'cause it ain't like they've been doing anything like this anytime recently. Whereas me and you, Brian? In the stable match, we may have lost. But in tag team warfare, we are still undefeated. No one else can achieve the level of teamwork we can accomplish. No one else is greater than the sum of their parts than The Spectacle, and we will prove it yet again right there in that ring!

Brian: Fantastic! Now how about Timmons and Mountain Man?

Johnny: Timmons and- wait, they're in the match, too?

Brian: Apparently. That's what it says on the card.

Johnny: Really. Huh. Well, I mean, it's pretty obvious that The Next Generation is quite possibly the thirdest wheel that ever done wheeled. But just for argument's sake let's say that they actually have something to contribute to this match. What the hell good are they? C'mon. Seriously now. Bring it down low and let's have a little talk. What the hell have either of them done anytime recently? What has Timmons ever accomplished that he didn't need hella outside intervention to get? What has Mountain Man ever accomplished, in general? Sure, a lot of his recent losses have come to Garrett William, and I'd hate to have to fight a guy who keeps getting threatened with ring-outs 'cause he's larger than the actual ring, but that's nothing less than ridiculously poor judgment on the Mountain's part to get into a feud with him in the first place. Furthermore, how'd they even get into this match? I can think of five other teams more deserving of a Number One Contender spot, including Idolized.

Brian: Idolized got fired.

Johnny: I stand by my statement. Anyway! You're totally right, Brian. We don't have Mike and Eddie by our side anymore, but that changes nothing. Hell, this won't demoralize us; it inspires us! We're gonna retain for their sake and not give Youthful Aggression any chance at having a last laugh.

Brian: You're damn right, Johnny. Now get out of here; I kicked out my date to inspire you into that rousing speech.

Johnny: Oh, right. Sorry.

Brian: Felicia! Or whatever your name is! You can come in now, it's cool.

Johnny smiles and nods as he leaves the room.

Johnny: It's cool.






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