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A NEW Chris Tolwar?; Tolwar RP Forgot his login crap
Topic Started: Sep 14 2010, 12:47 AM (120 Views)
Mike King
CZW Ultimate Role Player
(The screen opens up with a fade-in from black with

Combat Zone Wrestling and Badd Company Productions presents

The Chris Tolwar Show

written on it.

Voice-Over: Welcome to the Chris Tolwar Show.

From there the words fade out as the hard rocking opening of "Nothin’ But A Good Time" by Reel Big Fish pumping with various CZW shots of Chris Tolwar wrestling in and out of the ring, various promo shots and work out photos. Before the second verse starts, the video cuts off there is a blank set.

Voice-Over: Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Tolwar!!!!!

The music continues and Chris Tolwar walks in wearing a poloshirt, a sweater tied around his neck and khaki pants. He walks onto the setand you see a couch and a table.)

Chris Tolwar: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. This is it, this is epic debut episode of “The Chris Tolwar Show.” I am Chris Tolwar of Combat Zone Wrestling infamy and this the show for the week of September13th. Now for those of you who don’t already know, this is "The Chris Tolwar Show," It is replacing “The Mike King Show” which is typically a weekly web-show on that can be streamed on the CZW website, Mike King's own personal website and downloading as a podcast for those of you who have video mp3 players through using iTunes, Zune store, Juice, Zencast or some other podcast aggravator device. BOOM, know about it!

(Tolwar pauses as he pumps his fist and there is a distinct “woof” sound heard in the distance.)

Tolwar: Thank you, thank you, you are too kind...

(Tolwar bows before continuing as the “woofs” die off.)

Tolwar: Now, now, the last few weeks have been rough on me. Mainly with Mike King pushing me away which I don’t get. It’s not like I called Amber a bitch or something when she made fun of me getting a new haircut and saying I was gonna get pussy that night, WHICH I DID. So suck is Chelsea Handler you tuna fish smelly cunt.

(A stage hand rushes up and whispers into Tolwar’s ear. Tolwar looks surprised.)

Tolwar: I did say that. Son of a bitch, son of a bitch GODDDAMNNN ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Tolwar throws his sweater that until now was tied around his neck onto the floor in a fit of rage.)

Tolwar: GODDAMN IT! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT? FUCK ME UP THE ASS WITH A METAL ROD!

(Tolwar starts crawling around the floor like a dog ass-racing.)

Tolwar: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! This is annoying watching Gilli.

(Tolwar starts kicking things around his set until security comes out and tries calming him down. This does not work until a security member brings out a bag of Chipotle for Chris.)

Tolwar: Praise God, I got my Chipotle. My writer didn't fail me.

(Tolwar hugs the man who brought the bag and then clutches the bag like he claimed King did with his title back on DeathRow.)

Tolwar: I love my Chipotle! I love my Chipotle!

(Tolwar jumps onto the couch on his set and jumps on it like a trampoline.)

Tolwar: I love my Chipotle! I love my Chipotle! I love my Chipotle! I love my Chipotle! I love my Chipotle! I love my Chipotle!

(Tolwar suddenly jumps and the couch caves in he falls through causing him to fall off it. He smacks his head hard on the hardwood floor of his set.)

Tolwar: GODDAMN IT! Who’s bright idea was it to shop at Goodwill for the couch. I wanted a couch as sturdy as the ones on Oprah’s talk shows. GODDAMN IT! And who’s the brillant one to furnish the place with wooden panel flooring, I would love to get my hands on that twat-waffle douchecanoe cock sucking mother fucker. I will break his or her back and then make her humble.

(Every staff member on set backs away from Chris.)

Tolwar: Just like that Basl St. James or Axel St. Marks or whatever his name is. He thinks he is sooo bad. He thinks he is the anti-Christ. He thinks he is so cool but he don’t have all the girls numbers and all their girlfriends and les-curious hook-ups numbers like I do. He makes references to things that only he and Mike King would know. Fuck your metaphors, similes and personification this isn’t some poetry jam or Starbucks open-mic night. This is Combat Zone Wrestling where bunny rabbits are slaughtered, wrestlers are thrown to the lion and gladiators are maimed. This is about beating people up and getting paid for it.

If you want to be a poet, go write books and get the fuck out of CZW. After I beat you Axel, Mike King I am coming for you ninja. I don’t care who wins the #1 contender’s match, I am coming for the Gold. You can’t break my boomboxes, my sunglasses or ruin my Chipotle anymore you jackass.


(Tolwar points to himself.)

Tolwar: This is the new Chris Tolwar and he is not laying down for anybody, not even his now former mentor. Chris Tolwar will choke a bitch to get somewhere just like Vince Kahn! That guy had it right and the man kept him down...

(Tolwar grabs a female staffer and starts choking her.)

Tolwar: I will inject all the milk and take all the HGH I can because Chris Tolwar will no longer be a joke, Tolwar will be a serious threat. Fear does not exist in this dojo, Pain does not exist in this dojo, Defeat does not exist in this dojo, No mercy!

(Tolwar squezes tighter and the security rush him to get him off the girl. He is taken away from her and he walks into his dressing room where you see a syringe and gallon of milk.)

Tolwar: Oh yeah! BOOM know about it indeed.

(Tolwar opens the milk and sticks the syringe in as the scene ends.)
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