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Reawakening
Topic Started: Sep 16 2010, 05:24 AM (145 Views)
R. McNeil
Member Avatar
....darkness and light
August 11th, 2009

...

...

On that day... I received my closure.


Despite this-- and I don't know why, but-- for some reason... my story wasn't over.

...

...

There was still an epilogue to be written.

...

"Tell me the truth, bud... I want to know why."



I remember the day well. After-all, it wasn't all that long ago, and while the cameras didn't seem to pick up on the event nearly as much as perhaps the fans may have wished they did, the fact of the matter was that I didn't need any film to remind me of the little things, the details of that day that closed a chapter in my life I honestly wasn't ready to close yet. I had only gotten out of the hospital a day prior, about the same time as James, actually... and it was still a few days left before our next and last appearance.


It was the place that James, who had already formally announced his retirement, would say goodbye to the fans who helped shape him into the man he'd become.
For me, I had made my decision while lying in my hospital bed, staring out the window beside me in the building during one of my rare times spent alone in the place. Toya rarely left my side, and I'd be hard-pressed to find a moment where James wasn't sending some nurse over to harass me about something, yet somehow I was able to find a moment, just a few minutes to spend on my own and think.


Those few minutes helped me make my decision, a decision that to this day I do not regret making.


"Listen, James... I don't want you to feel like I'm doing this only because you are. The fact of the matter is...this is it for me."


I remember a twinge of pain in my body, as if it were trying to agree with me. On May 27th, James and I had put each other through more hell then anyone in either of our careers could have possibly put us through. We were a unique pair, he and I... and in many ways, we had no right to be as close as we were. In our line of work, we should have been enemies. In our line of work, we should have hated each other.


Yet he and I... we redefined our line of work, I'd like to think.


We were brothers. For the both of us there was a type-of sibling rivalry, the kind that makes you want to surpass the person in something yet support them in their own efforts all the same. The kind that, though you might not admit it, makes you secretly want to see them surpass you, if only because you know that it would be because of you in some way that they were able to.


"I've been doing some thinking... well, a lot of thinking, actually. I just... if there were any note to end this career of mine on, this would be it."


I remember pausing. I remember seeing a mixture of emotions cross James's face as I turned away from him to look out at the crowd that was forming outside of the small corridor we stood in. The podium I was preparing to stand before was being taken up by Freddie Styles, who stood to address the small crowd and entertain them, so that I might have some time to prepare myself for what I was about to do.


"I..."


James had tried to say something, but his voice had choked. I stopped in my tracks and turned to see him, standing back where he had before with that trademark smirk of his plastered on his face. In any moment of weakness that James ever would show, regardless of whether he'd admit it himself or not... that smirk was his shield. That smirk was what kept others from knowing what was actually going on inside of his head; well, at least... unless they knew him well enough, that is.


I knew him well enough.


"James, Toya and I are finally getting married in the next few months. We'll probably be starting a family not long after that, don't you understand? It's the perfect time for me."


That smirk never faltered. I remember initially being confused, was it really the same smirk he'd always use to shield himself... or had he finally realized what I was trying to convey to him? I didn't know what to think, I just stood there staring at him in confusion as he first shook his head, and then brought his arms up to cross them over his chest.


"If I wasn't sensitive to just how much this means to you right now, Ron... I'd come over there and punch you right in your damn jaw."


"... wh--"


"Listen, Ron. I asked for the truth, and you told it to me. That's all I wanted. I didn't want you to keep beating around the bush; I didn't want for you to try and sugar-coat it..."



He paused, uncrossing his arms and letting his eyes trail over to the crowd standing in front of the podium, Freddie stalling as best as he could. As for James, the pause only lasted a few moments before he looked back at me, and finished what he was saying.


"... I just wanted to hear the truth. If this is what you want, that's fine, but... I do want to know, why so small?"


I sighed. For me, there were too many reasons to count... a small announcement meant less questions to answer, which meant less time to dwell over whether or not I was making the right decision. A small announcement meant taking questions for a short period of time, graciously thank the people who came, and quietly leave so that I could get back with the people I cared about, the people I needed to be with for support right now. Above all else, in many ways, a small announcement would be able to give me peace, and would allow me to step back out of the spotlight so that James might be able to stand in it alone for awhile, enjoying the victory he'd rightfully earned.


It was a back-and-forth game between the two of us throughout our careers... and I felt it only fitting that the winner be given the first chance to say goodbye. It was my decision that when I said goodbye to those people, the fans that I called my family... I would do it beside the man who made it all possible for me.


James would get his farewell, and at the end, I would share it with him. It was something I felt that the both of us deserved most of all.


And, so, I told him. I don't know how long it took for me to spill out all of it, but when I was done he simply stood there staring at me with that stupid smirk of his still plastered on his face, and yet at the time I could finally recognize it. That wasn't the smirk he used as a shield, which was just... well, to put it bluntly, that was just James's smirk. The same smirk he gave you when he was ahead of the game in the match, or when he was feeling confident about whatever was ahead of him, or when he just felt like messing with your head.


"Sounds good, Ron... I think I can handle that."


He took a step forward and I felt a grin of my own spread across my face, the two of us holding out our fists and touching them in respect. He nodded his head to me and made a motion over my shoulder, which was his way of pointing out the floundering Freddie Styles behind the podium outside to me.


"Looks like you're up, man... but, just so you know, you're gonna make a whole lot of people disappointed out there."


For once I think I was able to feel what James felt when he had that smirk of his on his face, that same sense of confidence and understanding of things to come in the face of everyone else being oblivious. He raised his eyebrow as my grin seemed to spread, a laugh escaping my lips as I turned to look out at Freddie.


He didn't know, I hadn't told him yet. Primarily for the fact that nothing was finalized... but things around the company were coming quickly to a change.


The man who was stalling for me in front of the podium would one day go on to be my successor, and I knew that long before I'd even made my announcement to the people a week before my match with James-- the announcement that revealed my newfound ownership of the SSCW, and Adam's demotion to a janitor for his misdeeds.


As for Freddie, he was still relatively new to the game, but he was smart and he was quick on his feet, and he had a sense for what was right and wrong. Watching him in action before I came around to take over made me realize what exactly he was made of as a businessman, and made me certain he would be the perfect choice for the SSCW's future.


The same night I made that announcement, I told the world I wouldn't retire-- not yet anyway--. but, for a time, I at least needed to take a long step back from things to figure it all out. I would take the time to teach Freddie, and when the time came... I would sell my stock to him, make a profit that Toya, I and our future family could potentially live off alone from the sale, and prepare myself for my next step forward in life.


I had it all figured out back then... I knew exactly what would need to be done.


And so as Freddie graciously welcomed me on the stage, glad that he would not have to stall any longer... I remember thinking back on what James had told me. It was true; sure... people would be disappointed to hear of my retirement, temporary though it may have been. Yet in the grand scheme of things, I knew that the actions I made from that day forward would dictate the life my family would be able to live in the future, and for me... that was most important of all.


It's hard to believe how much has happened since then... there's so much to talk about, you know, so many memories etched in my mind for the rest of this life of mine. I never honestly gave retirement that much thought before, never really figured I would have to for a long time... but when the day came that I was standing in front of that small crowd, announcing to them my plan of action, I think it was only then that it dawned on me.


It took speaking about my own retirement for it to finally kick in: this was it. If I were to fully retire then... it was all over, and wrestling, something that had been an integral part of my life for so very long, would be just another closed chapter in my life. Fond memories to look back on for certain, but... I would always look back and wish I could just have one more day in that ring, one more chance to fight again.


The fact of the matter is, at the time, I knew. I knew that as much as I felt content after facing James, and as much as I felt like we both deserved that last hurrah of ours to be our final match... the business would eventually pull me back in. I couldn't resist wrestling any more than I could resist breathing; it had been encoded into my very genes. In some ways, I felt like James might feel the same way, but was better at hiding it than I was.


James was always better at hiding things than I was, after-all.


Still, when I stepped down from the podium and left the questioning crowd behind me, I didn't feel regret. I wasn't ready for it to end, but I had no regrets about my actions... and I think that's what helped me move forward from there. Everything I had planned, everything I knew could be done if I just kept my head up against the pressure, was about to fall into action. It wasn't even halfway through 2009 yet and I was planning for so many years in advance that for some people it would be considered ludicrous, but... somehow, I knew. I knew what I was doing was the right thing.


The rest of 2009 was a whirlwind of emotions and amazing experiences that I will cherish until the day I die, from our retirement parties to Toya and I's wedding, and all the holidays along the way to the New Year. Speaking of, 2010 wasn't so bad either, actually... my minor forays back into the ring, albeit behind a mask, were downright liberating. All the while, my family stood by my side... they supported me in everything I did, and on the day most important to me of all, they stood by me to keep me together in my nervousness. James, Andrea... they were there with my parents-in-law that night when I needed all the support I could get.


I never left Toya's side that night, and it was the courage I'd received from the help of my family that kept me conscience enough to get to watch my son's birth, something apparently even James struggled to do with little RJ's birth and the emotion of it all.


Still, these things are small descriptions... there is so much more to say about each of them, so much of their stories left to tell; however... perhaps these stories are better left for another time. If I am to write this epilogue of mine... I have to go at my own pace, not the pace of others. There's no rushing this, after-all... it's my story, isn't it? What's there to rush when I've pretty much done everything I could have ever dreamed to do?


It's been so long now... the last time I stepped into the CZW's ring I faced a man, nothing at all like what I'd expected. That being said... the last time I stepped into the CZW's ring, I was not exactly my normal self, and it took my family yet again to help make me realize how unnecessary the things I was doing were.


I may be a remnant of the CZW's past... but I'm a past worth looking back on, aren't I? I've nothing left to fear in this place, after all-- my image, my name, my legacy... it's all been set in stone, and the fans would be quick to remind me of that if I gave them the opportunity.
So, rather than continue hiding behind a mask... why not give those fans that opportunity? Why not give them exactly what they've been waiting for all this time, and step back into the ring I knew I'd never be able to keep away from?


Why not?


A free agent, a man able to come and go as he needs to... this was all a part of the plan to, honestly. I never wanted to be tied down to an actual contract, not when I was building my family with Toya, not when I had so much going on with James and his family. I needed to be ready for anything, and being a free agent gave me that freedom, no pun intended. Still, it's so amazing to see it all happening as I'd planned it, honestly... it's almost too much to hold in. In the face of the struggling economy, in the face of everything financially that could go wrong, going wrong... James and I were able to pick ourselves up above the mess and hold out for our families.


We're not ordinary wrestlers, he and I... there's always seemingly been something more there. Something that sets us out from the rest.


Heh... what a transition. August 11th, 2009 seemingly marked the last match of my career... yet now, September 20th, 2010, I'm coming back again. You'll have to give me credit; at least I lasted just over a year, albeit my alias didn't last nearly as long.


Finally, who should my opponents be but not one, but two men in Waylon Krew and Godzilla Sawyer... Both men are incredibly gifted opponents, and I can only give them all the credit in the world for the advancements they have made in there. They could be something special, that's for certain... they both have potential to be one of the CZW's legends if either one sets his heart to it.


Still, for the sake of my image, my name, and my legacy... I cannot let either one of you defeat me.


Not on my return.


Waylon and Sawyer, you are both incredibly gifted athletes, but you've no idea what you're up against on this coming Overdrive. These fans have waited over a year to see me come back into this ring, and when I go out there... they're going to be chanting my name the same as they always have. They're going to support me fellas... and if there's one thing that always pushes me through my struggles in life, it's the support of my family.


It's nothing personal, man, but... neither of you just don't stand a chance.


My match with James, and all the things that followed, will forever remain the climax of my final chapter, of this I can be certain. Yet with this coming day, and with the two of you as my opponent... I put pen to paper for one last time, and begin writing this wrestler's epilogue. Waylon and Sawyer are only the beginning, there is much work left to be done... but when it's done, I can promise you this: everything will go according to plan, and there’s nothing either of you can do about it. Oh, right... and fellas? For old time's sake, I've got to say it:


Your Flawless execution awaits you.


See you Monday, fellas.
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