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Spectacular News; OD RP DC
Topic Started: Oct 1 2010, 02:33 AM (97 Views)
Brian Blaze


The scene opens with Brian Blazer and his tag team partner Johnny Kerosene hanging out in front of the Adelaide Event Center in Australia. Johnny is rocking a what would now be considered old school Beautiful Agony T-Shirt as he stands there with his hands in the pockets of his tight black leather pants as Brian looks on awkwardly.

Brian: Man, what is up with those pants?

Johnny: Dude, I’m a rock star.

Brian: Dude, there are anorexic people who couldn’t fit into those pants.

Johnny: What? You’re insane man these are awesome, these are what’s hot.

Brian: Ya ever see that episode of Friends where Ross gets Leather Pants man?

Johnny: Ummm no.

Brian: Alright dude, just remember if you find yourself getting too hot in those things don’t come crying to me for help buddy.

Brian turns around and he is much more casual. Wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that reads make awkward sexual advances not war. Johnny reads the shirt and simply shakes his head as he starts walking.

Brian: You’re shaking your head at my shirt? LOOK AT WHAT YOU’RE WEARING!

Brian then runs to catch up to Johnny as he starts talking again.

Brian: Well as I’m sure you know we have a Damage Control match coming up.

Johnny: I have heard such thing my friend. The two of us taking on Kimo Newton. I mean an undefeated tag team who are currently the tag team champions taking on a guy who wants to be on Reality TV.

Brian: I don’t think that is the message that Kimo is trying to get out there man.

Johnny: What? Didn’t he refer to himself as the Mad Real World?

Brian: Isn’t that a Chapelle’s Show skit man?

Johnny: What? No, probably, then what point is he trying to make?

Brian: Ummm, The Saviour of Reality.

Johnny: What does that even mean?

Brian: He is going to save us from fakes and bring us back to reality?

Johnny: Well let’s say if he can saviour his upcoming reality of being unemployed….

Brian: NICE!

Brian and Johnny high five as they continue there conversation.

Brian: However, the off chance we lose this thing, we had a good run man.

Johnny: What?

Brian: I mean we’ve been Tag Champs for over half a year now. We have never been defeated for the belts. We’ve both had great careers I mean losing wouldn’t be all that horrible wouldn’t it?

Johnny: Are you being serious?

Brian: I mean at least we lasted longer than Jesse Montana and Alan Fiscus. Nothing to be ashamed of there.

Johnny: Brian what is going on with you friend?

Brian: Get your head wrapped around this Johnny. Derek Damage is going off of his god damn rocker here. I mean Eddie is going into his second Damage Control Match It’s only a matter of time before we’ll be facing off against each other in a Damage Control match man. I mean obviously we go on to win this match against the Real Hawaiian Punch Drinker however what matters here is it’s only a matter of time until we’re all collecting unemployment checks. I mean this is where were heading because some insane old man can’t handle the fact that some sexy woman is running his company right now.

Johnny: Do you think they’d send me back to Bristol?

Brian: They’ll send ya back wearing a dress the queen would wear with a crown stamped on your ass. It’s quite obvious that Damage doesn’t care about anyone in CZW anymore not even the people that are making him money.

Johnny: Yeah, wait who are those people?

Brian: That’s us dude, we’re the freaking tag team champions. We’re the god damn Spectacle. We go into every Overdrive give the fans exactly what they wanna see yet we are continuously disrespected by the upper brass. Fighting for our lives? What is wrong with this organization that they are making handsome people like us fight for our careers. This is Balderdash.

Johnny: Well it is but those are the circumstances we are being dealt with. The hands we are being dealt. The shit we find in the toilet.

Brian: The shit we find in the toilet?

Johnny: Went for my own, it did not work out at all.

Brian: It most certainly did not.

Johnny: So what do we do my friend?

Brian: We get to the bottom of this Johnny. The only way The Spectacle knows how to.

Johnny: Spectacularly?

Brian: SPECTACULARLY! SPECTACLE AWAY!

Brian starts running with his hands over his head like he’s flying as Johnny just shakes his head and starts walking after Brian as the scene fades.

The scene then reopens with some awesome News Room music playing. Then a big CZW flashes across the screen with a voice over.
Voice over: In a world where nothing Is certain. Spectacular News is here!

The words Spectacular News then flashes across the scene as it shows both members of the Spectacle standing back to back with there arms crossed as the picture shatters into a million pieces like glass as it goes to a big news desk with Brian Blaze sitting behind it as he drinks from his mug that has a big red four on it and he looks into the camera.

Brian: Hello ladies and gentlemen thank you for tuning into Spectacular News on Channel Four I am your Anchor Oliver Closeoff. Our top breaking story right now Derek Damage gone clinically insane? That seems to be the case as he is making people fight for there careers to make a perfect CZW. Some view this as very Hitleresque comparing it to the search for Hitler’s “Aryan Race” However what is Derek Damage’s real problem. We go now to Homer Sexual with the story, Homer.

The scene then cuts to Eddie Rowan who is standing outside of an old folks home with a Channel 4 microphone in hand as he begins to speak.

Eddie: Yes thank you Oliver we are here outside of the Old Folks home that Derek Damage is believed to be staying at with his blushing bride of Farrah Fawcett. That should say it all right there however I have more here. People have been saying for years that Derek Damage is simply off his rocker when he replies by saying he’d be on his rocker if he could just find it. However as everyone mentions that his rocker is just in the lobby no idea why he can’t find it. This is Homer Sexual, in front of a Old Folks Home, Signing Off.

Brian: Troubling, troubling stuff. Thank you Homer. Moving on the next story The Spectacle that team everyone seems to love is taking on former reality star Kimo Therapy. What’s that? Oh I apologize his name is Kimo Newton and he was never on Reality TV he is the Saviour of Reality. Well I’m hosting the news bitch so what does that say about you Saviour of Reality. However, I digress. This match is going to be contested under the very same Damage Control rules that seem to be so very controversial however it must really hurt one Kimo Newton as he has to face off against two men in his Damage Control match. We now turn to the Spectacular Poll…..That’s what she said…… Do you think it is fair what Kimo Newton is going through. Two percent of you said yes one percent of you said no and ninety seven percent of you said who the hell is Kimo Newton. Now we go to the streets to hear what more people had to say with our street correspondent. Jack Kingoff!

The camera then cuts to Jonny Kerosene standing in the street.

Johnny: Hello and I am Jack Kingoff right here in the street next to this lovely young lady what is your name dear?

Laura: My name is Laura and I think it’s truly awful what they are doing to The Spectacle. I mean making them face some smelly Hawaiian with there careers on the line. I mean he is the Saviour of Reality? Well here is some reality you need to save yourself from. You stink and you only wish you could do what The Spectacle have done. Enjoy your forced Vacation.

Just then a young man steps into the picture with a Spectacle Shirt.

Johnny: Ah young man what do you have to say?

Kid: Well I play a lot of EWR. So I find it incredibly disturbing when after every episode of Overdrive a warning pops up on my Television Screen saying Kimo Newton was overused on the last edition of Overdrive and the fans are starting to get sick of him. It’s just creepy. It’s not right. I can’t waint until Kimo Newton is no longer on the roster of CZW.

Johnny: There you have it Kimo Newton. Go back to Hawaii you over exposed stank. This is Jack Kingoff, signing off.

The scene then cuts back to Brian in the studio sitting in a recline with no pants on as his leg is crossed so you don’t see his junk.

Brian: Thank you Jack. Now here I am with my final thought. Why do we have to continue to put up with this. With the likes of Alan Fiscus, Jesse Montana having been fired why do we have to continue to give up…… the talent. I mean we were off to a great start by getting rid of Tolwar and Croft and now we have to chance to get rid of more. Kimo Newton is going to get fired. Kimo Newton is going to lose and it will be considered as a great day in CZW. It will be considered a triumph in CZW. Why should we have to bother with losing the actual talent in the organization when we have the garbage to get rid of. Which is why I am in such favour of Damage Control Matches. A chance to let the true talent shine. True Talent can’t shine any brighter by taking out the dim bulb opponents like The Spectacle is primed to do.

Then a picture of Kimo Newton knocked out in a CZW ring shows up besides Brian’s head as he continues.

Brian: Look, a picture of Kimo drunk and passed out in the middle of the ring. This guy is no Pro Wrestler and he is juggling personalities like paranoid Schizophrenic. I’m being told that this is a picture of Kimo after a loss but that isn’t news. Losers lose matches. Drunks make the news for the things they do. Therefore here we go. We get rid of what we don’t need. People like Kimo Newton. Kimo Newton a favour is going to be done to CZW at the demise of you. At the sacrifice of you CZW improves when you lose your job Kimo Newton. The thing is thanks to Damage Control CZW will get a lot less real and thankfully continue to be Spectacular! This is Oliver Closeoff signing off.

The news music starts to play as Brian stands up with his dress shirt being just long enough to cover his manliness as the scene fades.
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