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Get Your Game On!
Topic Started: Oct 15 2010, 12:47 AM (139 Views)
Deleted User
Deleted User

10/14/10: The Basement of The Ballard Household.


(It’s another cold Thursday night. Most people on a night like this would go out, get drunk, maybe try to pick up a girl at the local club, or possibly go to the local stripping joint. Not me! Some like to call it straightedge… I call it being a true gamer! The wooden basement walls have all sorts of maps taped to it. Some from official books and some drawn up by hand. On other walls you see a few dragon posters taped up to set the mood. In the middle of the room are 2 card tables set up. One where I’m sitting at with my binder of character sheets, and the other is where The DM is sitting with his many books set neatly inside of a rather large duffle bag… Perhaps he stolen it from his military obsessed father… I’m dressed in a long sleeved shirt with the words “Heavyweight” on the front of it and a pair of black sweat pants. The DM is decked out in his trademark long black wizard’s robe… To be honest with you I think it’s the same robe he used for graduation when he graduated high school but that is beyond the point.)

“Man it’s freezing in here! Can’t we turn the heat on?!”

(I breathe out a sigh seeing my own breath floating in the air.)

“Dude you know how my dad is…”


“You mean to tell me he’d notice the thermostat change even by one point?!”


(I nod my head looking over at the thermostat on the wall.)

“You know the type. Obsessed with keeping the thermostat at one temperature no matter what time of the year it is! Oh you just wait for the summer time! You’ll be peeling clothes off here!”

(The DM cringes at the thought. Can’t say I blame him.)

“Look just 1 notch before my balls got stuck to this metal chair? Please?!”

(I sigh walking over to the wall.)

“Fine! 1 notch! That’s it!”

(I turn the thermostat over and almost on cue the basement door swings open with a booming voice coming from upstairs.)

“WHO THE HELL TOUCHED THAT THERMOSTAT?!”

“See what did I tell you?”

(My dad comes storming down the steps dressed in his Dale Earnhart hat and 1997 Daytona 500 sweat shirt. Yes I know what you people are thinking. And believe me when I say that I am not entirely proud of where I came from. But it’s like they say… You can’t pick your family.)

“Boy how many times did I tell ya not to ever touch that there thermostat?!”

(My dad says as he adjusts it back to where it was.)

“Oh come on dad! It’s like a meat locker down here!”

“Good! Ma beer should be nice and cold then! Now if you excuse me Glenn Beck is coming on!”

(And with those words said he storms back upstairs slamming the basement door shut. I look at The DM who clearly has a look of complete disbelief on his face.

“Really?!”

“I told you man! My dad is obsessed!”

(The DM sighs as he grabs a blanket off of my bed and wraps it around his body.)

“How do you live like this?!”

(I shrug my shoulders looking at him.)

“Well it’s a roof over my head, free meals, and I don’t have to worry about rent!”

(The DM sits there giving me a blank stare.)

“How old are you? 30?”

“Close enough…”


(The DM blinks a few times before he continues to speak.)

“Ok so you’re telling me you’d rather live here than in your own place where you don’t have to put up with your Nascar obsessed father and your ridiculous self esteem butcher of a mother?”

“Hey watch yourself man! As crazy as she might be she at least looks out for me! In fact she's just happy I'm not some drug addict like she thought I was going to be!”

(The DM slaps his forehead disgusted.)


“Ross… Man… Your dad would rather have his beer cold than you warm! Do the math!”


(He does have a valid point. However that’s my dad in a nut shell.)

“Ok I see your point! But let me tell you this. I’ve been at your apartment… I don’t think 500 a month is worth where you’re living. I mean really your one closet is still leaking every time the neighbor above flushes their toilet!”

(The DM sighs shaking his head. He knows that it’s a problem.)

“I must’ve left Mr. Daniels at least 15 messages about that!”

“Look who the repair guy is in the complex! He is literally the town’s drunk. You know he’s a drunk when the police station has an overnight cell with his name on it!”

(I say as I crack open a can of Mountain Dew from the case under my chair.)

“Ok where were we?”

(I ask The DM as I take a drink from the can. The sad part is my dad actually is right when he says the room is cold enough to keep his beer chilled!)


“Ok we were at the tavern… Tauren the barkeep was talking to you.”

“Right the giant towering minotaur.”


(A minotaur is a creature that is part man part bull. A very vicious creature when angered.)

“If you are crossing the Salt Flats you’re going to need to be careful. I have heard of many individuals trying to cross the land down under but never return.”

(I listen intently and nod my head.)


“So what should I be on the look out for then?”

(I ask not really sure what I’m getting myself into.)

“Well I can tell you this my friend. The dessert had 2 wanderers. They go around and kill anyone that come in there site. The one is much larger. He is much larger than myself. He is Colossal! He goes by the name of Garret Williams. He comes from a corrupted bloodline of warriors. No one has ever even came close to slaying this terrible person.”

(I look at him shocked. Colossal?!)

“My friend… I’ve been through battles… I’ve killed a hill giant, a fire giant, 3 shadow giants, 3 giant stone minotaurs, 7 troll giants, a balrog, a colossal sized soul eating demon, and I stood in front of an army of Goliath giants an I didn’t even back down… There is a reason they call me Grandore The Giant Killer!”

“The Minotaur takes a few steps back. Clearly he is quite taken back by what you just said.”

(I smile nodding my head drinking my Mountain Dew.)

“Oh but my friend you also have to worry about this assassin. He goes by the name of Alexander Slate. They say he is the most skilled killer around. Some even say he doesn’t even need a weapon to kill anyone. He can just use his bare hands. He cripples people with his unique fighting style.”

(I raise an eyebrow. Is this guy really an assassin? Or is he a monk?! Only monks are known for weaponless fighting!)

“He’d be a fool to come after me with no weapon! See this hammer? I pull the hammer off of my back and show it to Tauren. Last time I hit someone with this they went flying over an entire castle! And that isn’t an exaggeration either!”

(I say with a confident tone in my voice. I am not scared of any warrior that crosses my path unless they give me a reason to be.)

“Well then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Just follow the map and you should be on the path to glory.”

“I finish up my ale and walk out of the tavern after strapping up my hammer.”


(Right when things were starting to pick up the basement door suddenly flings open.)

“ROSMAN BALLARD YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING SACK OF SHIT!!! GET YOUR SORRY ASS UP HERE AND TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE!!!”

(The DM looks like he just seen a ghost as my mother’s booming voice is heard.)

“Mom! I’m in the middle of a game!!! I’ll get to it later!!!”

(My mom comes storming down the steps dressed in a pink bath robe and a cigarette in her mouth.)

“You listen to me Ross! This is my house and you’re going to follow my rules! As long as I am paying to keep your good for nothing ass here you do as I say!”

(I nod my head looking at my mom. This is downright degrading.

“Why can’t you be more like Kevin?!”

(Oh god… She actually called The DM by his real name?! Kill me… Kill me now…)


“At least he has a place of his own! And a job!”


(I look at my mom growing clearly agitated.)


“Mom I have a job! I’m in the CZW remember?”

“Oh god you’re still into that wrestling crap!? I swear you’re worse than your father!”

(I shake my head looking at her.)

“Mom I am traveling to Australia! I am going to be on live Television! This is huge!”

“Australia?! Why the hell would you want to go there?!”

(I roll my eyes. Sometimes my mother can be the most unreasonable person ever.)

“Mom please! Just go back upstairs! I’m trying to cut a promo right now!”

“Oh you are?”

“Uhhhh Ross I don’t think you should’ve said that!”

(My eyes grow as wide as half dollars as my mom proceeds to pick up the camera and stare directly into the lense.)

“Hello CZW nation! I want to let all of you know that my son is a worthless rat bastard failure in life. Do me a favor and watch him as he embarrasses himself and gets his ass kicked on national television!”

(And with that said my mom drops the camera onto my bed and storms back upstairs slamming the basement door. Right now my face is as pale as a ghost.)

“Wow… Dude... I’m not going to lie to you… That was hard to watch…”

(I shake my head clearly humiliated.)

“It’s ok… It’s ok… I can come back from this… I can come back from this…”

(I pick the camera up and adjust it placing it back to where it was.)

“Uhhhh are you ok dude? After that I wouldn’t be able to show my face in public ever again!”

“You know what they say DM. Actions speak louder than words! And when I slay that giant Garret Williams then I think they won’t be remembering this! So all I have to say to the CZW is this… Be a boy or be a man… GET YOUR GAME ON!!!”

(And with those words said the scene fades to black as I crack open another Mountain Dew.)


THIS RP WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MOUNTAIN DEW! THE OFFICIAL DRINK OF THE DUNGEON MASTER'S BASEMENT!

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