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It's a program. It involves steps. It's not a Stairmaster.; It might be an elliptical machine.
Topic Started: Jan 14 2011, 05:33 AM (97 Views)
Johnny Kerosene
Member Avatar
United States Champ
Brian: We got a problem, man. A serious one.

Johnny nods as the camera fades in. They're sitting in a sparsely populated bar, spaced out but more lost in thought than the dementia of alcohol. Johnny noticeably still sports bandages over his neck from the hellacious whacker shot.

Brian: I mean, let's not get too ahead of ourselves. Their win was a fluke, no doubt about it. They still couldn't take us down, and I don't think they'll pin us. But... I think we still got the advantage, but I ain't liking the odds anymore.

Johnny nods.

Johnny: They don't... gotta pin...

The voice comes out in a muted whisper and it's clearly taking effort. Johnny cringes before nursing his throat.

Brian: You okay? What happened to your Speak and Spell?

Johnny: Battery died... dunno Jap'nese... for 9-volt...

Brian: Oh. Well that sucks.

Johnny: But yeah. They won't pin... whacker shot... ends the fight. Gotta watch out.

Brian: Yeah. We're hardcore, but we're not that hardcore. Intimidation's not working, mind games aren't working...

Johnny: With Ballard... tried diplomacy. Rolled a two.

Brian: Right... plus the crowd loves these guys! Our one saving grace has been getting the crowd behind us and those bastards pulled that one right out from under us!

Johnny: I've been thinking... on that. Got an idea.

Brian: Well, your ideas are certainly... ideas. So let's hear it.

Johnny pulls a folded paper out of his pants pocket and hands it to Brian.

Johnny: If we follow this list... crowd'll be... eating out our hands.

Brian shrugs, then unfolds the list. He looks it over with a fair amount of scrutiny.

Brian: Are you serious?

Johnny nods.

Brian: You really think we can get all this done before the Pay-Per-View?

Johnny smiles and nods.

Brian: Well Johnny, normally I'd say that this is one of your crazy schemes that'll never work out, and in all honesty it is bad and you should feel bad. But this time, I'm shit out of ideas. So let's give it a try.

Johnny: I won't dis'point.

Brian: You better not.

Brian unfolds the list onto the bar as the two looks over it.

Brian: Let's see here...

STEP 1: Lose the Global Tag Team Titles

Brian: Well, that one was easy enough.

Brian pulls out a pen and checks the first step off.

Brian: What else do we got? Number two...

STEP 2: Sew seeds of dissension

Brian: Alright, um... Hmm. This one's gonna be hard. I've always thought you were a pretty standup guy.

Johnny: You just said... my ideas were stupid.

Brian: Oh. Well yeah, they are, but-

Johnny: Also last night... you left with Naomi... I took a cab.

Brian: In my defense, I know you got a solid view of her ass, so I cannot be held responsible.

Johnny: Bros... 'fore hoes, son.

Brian: I'll side with bros the second they start looking fine like that- hey, this seems like pretty good dissension! Check that one off. What's next?

- - -

STEP 3: Break up in dramatic fashion, preferably involving a pane of glass

Brian and Johnny walk into an empty gymnasium.

Brian: You're sure that you want to do this.

Johnny nods, smiling wickedly.

Johnny: Abs'lutely. Been a dream o' mine... in this business.

Brian: You probably shouldn't tell Waylon that. 'Cause he'll do it.

Johnny: Thought of that. But if he does it... won't be as special anymore.

Brian: You know, you're right. I guess not. Nice thinking.

Brian cranes his head around to behind him,

Brian: Alright, guys, bring it in!

Two men carry in a long pane of glass and hold it steady behind Johnny.

Johnny: Thanks, guys. So then... we were at...

Brian: Right, right. Well, you're just an idiot, you can't keep two facts straight, and I don't know how, but you're the reason we don't have the titles!

Johnny: You're the reason... I lost... X-Division title!

Brian: You never even had the X-Division title-

Johnny: Invis'ble... sleaze?

Brian: Oh yeah! I forgot all about that. That was awesome. But anyway, you're stupid, you're a weak link, and you're convinced you're British.

Johnny: So's Pablo!

Brian: He's legitimately British.

Johnny: Really? Huh. Didn't see that. Well, um... your mom's... a fat whore!

Brian: Dude I told you, that's glandular!

Johnny: So she's... still a whore?

Brian: Yeah, I'm not disputing that part.

Johnny and Brian stare each other down as Brian takes a few steps back.

Johnny: Running away?

Brian: No. Getting a running start.

Brian takes a few more steps back before looking at the glass, suddenly appearing worried.

Brian: Hey, Johnny? Where did you get that pane of-

Johnny: DO IT!

Brian shrugs, then takes in a deep breath.

Brian: WHO'S THE BOSS!

Brian runs toward Johnny, launching forward with a Blazing Arrow kick. The kick lands, causing Johnny to bounce off the glass, leaving a crack but no shattering.

Brian: See, that's what I was afraid of, dude. This is a car windshield. They're specifically designed to resist- Johnny?

The camera pans down to Johnny, face down on the floor, unconscious.

Brian: Oh fuck.

- - -

STEP 4: Have a short-lived feud culminating in general disappointment

Brian and Johnny are standing in a boxing ring at a local gym, no one around except for a few bystanders and a clearly confused referee.

Brian: So... I guess we have to fight now, right?

Johnny: No!

Brian: But we gotta have a feud now, don't we?

Johnny: Yes! But we can't risk... an injury.

Brian: Yeah, you're right. We have to make sure you're at 100% for the title fight, after all. So... rock paper scissors?

Johnny: Sounds good.

The two get closer as the referee calls for the bell.

Brian and Johnny: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

At shoot, Johnny throws scissors, whereas Brian decides to kick Johnny in the groin. Johnny collapses like a ton of bricks and Brian makes the cover. The referee makes a fast three count, and the bell sounds.

Brian: Woo-hoo! Dynamite, bitch!

The few people in attendance, expecting something resembling an actual fight, begin to boo. Brian poses, soaking in the boos. The camera freezes on a shot of this, complete with a graphic reading "HEEL TURN!"

- - -

STEP 5: Have at least one of the former team members undergo a gimmick change

The camera fades into a Brian entering a hotel room. He looks around.

Brian: Hey Johnny, you in here?

Johnny's voice calls out from the bathroom.

Johnny: No one saw you?

Brian: No one.

Johnny: Good. We're enemies now, right. Can't be seen together.

Brian: Of course, of course.

Johnny: But that's okay... for Johnny's not here! Instead...

Johnny opens the door dramatically. He's now wearing a blue and silver luchador mask, blue arm sleeves and blue and silver nylon pants.

Johnny: Enter Cerulean Dragon!

Brian: Oh thank God. I did not want to be the one to gimmick change. I love being Sleazy Entertainment!

Johnny: I know. So I took it upon myself... help you out. Besides, this was my backup plan.

Brian: Backup for what?

Johnny: In case Damage fired me. I'd come back as this.

Brian: But it's so blatantly obvious it's you under that mask.

Johnny: I don't see your point.

Brian: Well, anyway...

Brian pulls out the list, checking the last step off.

Brian: What's next on this list?

STEP 6: Ensure that each member has a relatively depressing singles career

Brian: This one might be tough. I don't see how we're supposed to get this step accomplished in time.

Johnny: Simple. I took the liberty to burn this highlights DVD.

Johnny puts the disc in a DVD player and hits play. The video shows clips from various singles matches the pair have had.

"Johnny is blinded he is scrambling around the ring trying to see as Mike grabs him and hits him with the King Krash!"

"DROPKICK INTO THE STEEL CHAIR INTO THE FACE OF BLAZE!!!"

"OH! Buzz hits a MASSIVE Big Boot right in the face of Johnny halting his offense immediately."

"Shawn made Blaze pay for that taunting with a big powerbomb!"

"AND SAWYER THROWS A FIREBALL RIGHT INTO JOHNNY'S FACE!!!"

"Slate with Blaze in a waistlock, into the ropes and he rolls him up!"

"Tolwar lifts Johnny up and connects with the Pretty in Pink!"

"BLOODY HELL. . .TIM JUST NAILED A FROG SPLASH ON THE CHAMP, WHILE HE WAS LAYING ON THE GURNEY!!"

Johnny turns the footage off, turning to Brian.

Johnny: Well?

Brian looks at the blank television screen for a while, lost in thought, before silently reaching for the list and checking off the sixth step.

Brian: Point taken.

STEP 7: Hint toward some semblance of reuniting that may or may not actually mean anything

Brian: But we are a great tag team.

Johnny: Of course. Greatest this company's ever seen.

Brian: We could accomplish a lot together.

Johnny: Of course. First two-time champs... longest reigns... everything and the world with it.

Brian: But we won't.

Johnny: Nope.

Brian: Because we have better things to do. Like lose to Tim Timmons and Chris Tolwar.

Johnny: Yep.

Brian: Well that just plain sucks.

Johnny: Sure does.

- - -

STEP 8: Have one member of the former team save the other from a beatdown (the best and/or only way of signifying friendship)

The camera fades in to Brian lying uncomfortably on the couch on the Kerosene's Garage set. Lying on top of him is a heavily duct-taped cardboard cutout of Kimo Newton.

Brian: Oh, crap! I'm being beat down by a cardboard cutout of Kimo Newton! The real one even! I've certainly brought this on myself with my recent dicksackish ways! Why did I have to be such an asshole?

Johnny dressed in the Cerulean Dragon getup suddenly enters, picks up the cardboard Newton, and delivers a Facemelter into the coffee table, breaking it in the process. Brian sits up as Johnny stands and dramatically sheds his mask. He then pauses for a few seconds before staring at Brian.

Brian: What?

Johnny: Look stunned!

Brian: Oh, right! Johnny Kerosene! I had no idea you were Cerulean Dragon...

Brian turns to face the camera.

Brian: ...and neither did anyone else.

Brian turns back.

Brian: Johnny, can you forgive me for punting you in the groin, and um, attempting to kick you through a pane- seriously, a windshield?

Johnny: No. But I can forgive you for cheating.

Brian: What? Cheating? How?

Johnny: Scissors beats dynamite.

Johnny extends his hand, and Brian shakes it.

STEP 9: Reunite to the roar of the crowd

Brian: The Spectacle is back in business! And we are gonna be unstoppable.

Johnny: You said it. Krew and Ballard are hard-hitting, hardcore, but... whatever they throw at us, we've seen better, harder, stronger, um... work is never over...

Brian: We can take whatever punishment they dish out!

Johnny: Exactly! And we aren't gonna just let some fluke champions hold our titles. We didn't go to all this trouble... for the reign of The Spectacle to end in a whimper. And dear God is Waylon gonna pay for that whacker shot. They hit us with hardcore... we counter back with a slow-burning Sleaze Fire. So let's get out of here, because we only have one more step to go. It's a doozy, but if anyone has what it takes to pull it off, it's you and me.

STEP 10: Become the first ever two-time CZW Global Tag Team Champions



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