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Set it Light and Set it Free
Topic Started: Oct 11 2012, 02:21 AM (123 Views)
Alan Fiscus
Member Avatar
Sadistic Solution
[ * ]
"War does not determine who is right - only who is left."- Bertrand Russell

-=- The scene slowly fades in on what appears to be night club of sorts. There is a large floor in front of a stage, with multiple tables filled mostly with young couples and a few older ones. There are two waitresses walking around, taking orders for drinks and food. Playing at a lower level in the background is Nirvana's "In Bloom." The lights slowly dim, as the crowd begins to applause. The music fades out, and a spotlight turns on, facing the center of the stage. A red curtain is draped six feet behind the stage's edge, with a mic stand and stool placed in the center. A chubby white man with brown hair walks up to the mic from behind the stage, wearing a dark purple button down shirt and black slacks. He checks the mic with a quick 'one, two' and addresses the crowd. -=-

Man
"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Laugh Out Loud comedy club right here in London, Ontario!!"

-=- The cheap plug earns a cheap pop from the crowd. -=-

Man
"We have a jam packed line up for you tonight, offering up some of the funniest comics on the underground circuit from Canada and the United States of America! And of course, our headliner of the night, the always funny and always cool... Freddy Lockhart!"

-=- The crowd pop louder for the main attraction of the evening. -=-

Man
"Starting the show will be a first for our club. You might know him from a completely different avenue of entertainment. You might know him as an ass kicker who takes no names, and he's made a legend of a career fighting all over the world in the sport of professional wrestling. Tonight, however, he's not here to kick someone's head in or to beat anyone down. He's here to try his hand at stand up comedy, and from what I've heard, he's got a lot of potential. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... ALAN FISCUS!"

-=- The crowd pop mildly, as Fiscus walks out from behind the curtain to approach the mic. He is wearing faded blue jeans, and has his hair pulled back in a pony tail. He also wears a green "LEGALIZE IT" shirt, but instead of a pot leaf underneath it shows a steel chair. He walks up to the man with a smirk on his face, coldly shakes his hand, and gets up to the mic. -=-

Alan
"Thank you, thank you. Quite an introduction there, friend, thanks for that. Oh, by the way, McDonald's called... they said they need you back to work as soon as possible, Grimace."

-=- There is a splatter of laughs from the crowd. -=-

Alan
"But he's right, he's right... I'm more used to punching dudes in the face than telling jokes. But everyone's told me I'm a funny guy, ya know? I get bored on the road, ALL the time. So I like to rib my fellow wrestlers, I like to screw with locals... anything to pass the time. There was one time I was walking down the street in Lawrence, KS... Bored out of my gorge. I noticed a table at some restaurant, out in front of the building, filled with high school girls. I walked right over to that table, slammed my fists down on it, scaring the living shit out of them... and yelled "WHO WANTS TO BE ON 16 AND PREGNANT!?"

-=- Another splatter of laughs, joined with quite a few groans. -=-

Alan
"Just kidding, just kidding. I would never do that. In fact, just the other night, my girlfriend and I were about to get it on... but she wanted to roleplay. Which is usually cool with me, but the thing is... she wanted to roleplay as a 14 year old girl. Damn! How disgusting and turned off I felt at that. I told her 'Honey, you'll be 14 in a few years, what's the rush?'"

-=- The laughs outweigh the groans, but there is one person in the crowd who groans a little more than normal. -=-

Alan
"Seriously, seriously... I'm not into underage meat. They're just jokes, people. That's why I'm up here, remember? So, I come from a simple home. We were fairly poor growing up. When I was a kid, my dad would make us share his bath water. One time, I nearly choked to death on one of his pubes while drinking a cup of coco."

-=- Laughs, groans. There is one person who boos, but Alan shrugs it off. He goes right into the next joke. -=-

Alan
"When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, 'Excuse my French' just after a swear word.I'll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French."

-=- Mostly laughs, but the boo is louder. Alan pauses, but chooses to keep ignoring it. He stops doing segue ways, and just spouts out the jokes.-=-

Alan
"Women are being so selfish these days. I mean I bought breakfast in bed to a girl and instead of getting a 'thank you' she yelled 'how the fuck did you get in my house!?'"

-=- Alan cuts right into the next one. -=-

Alan
"I saw a dead dog lying in the middle of the road today, so I wrote a suicide note and tucked it in his collar. Hopefully the owners will now get some closure."

-=- Most of the crowd is having a great time, but the one person who keeps booing is actually getting more and more noticeable. Alan shoots a look in that general direction, but he's not quite sure which guest it is yet that is having such a bad time. -=-

Alan
"They say when you lose one of your senses, your others make up for it. Well, the other morning I tripped up my blind neighbor and his fucking sense of humor hasn't improved."

-=- Again, Alan cuts right into the next one as most of the crowd is laughing. -=-

Alan
"Eggnog, who thought that one up? 'I wanna get a little drunk, but I also want some pancakes.' You know what eggnog really is. You’re not gonna want to hear it, but I’ll tell ya. It’s elf cum. You might as well pour it down your back and slap your self on the ass."

-=- The majority of the crowd is loving it, but the heckler is getting more and more distracting. He boos long enough to be heard after the cheers. Alan is still trying to maintain himself, and after another pause, he continues. -=-

Alan
"I always wondered if those WWJD bracelets worked, so I bought one the other day. Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guys cell phone went off -- don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm at the movies.' And so I say....and I'm not going to censor myself here 'Hey buddy, Get off the phone please!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business asshole.' Oh, now there is trouble in River City. I'm a man. So I reach over the seat, and at that moment I see my bracelet: What Would Jesus Do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell."

-=- The crowd loves it, even if it's a rip off of a Daniel Tosh joke. But the Heckler is growing more and more annoying. -=-

Heckler
"BOOOOO!!!!"

-=- Alan looks in that direction again, pausing a lot longer this time. The crowd senses he is getting annoyed. He can't quite place who it is, and after quite a long pause, he decides to continue yet again. -=-

Alan
"Here's a good thing to do, again if you get bored like I do. When going on a roller coaster, bring some spare nuts and bolts with you. When they strap you all in, lean over to the person in front and say 'SHIT Dude, these came out of your seat!'"

-=- Again, Alan cuts to the next one right away. -=-

Alan
"I like to taser people at Renaissance fairs....makes me feel like an evil wizard."

-=- The heckler is getting louder and louder. Finally, Alan has had enough. -=-

Heckler
"BOOOOO!!!!"

Alan, towards the direction of the heckler
"Hey man, what's your fuckin' problem? If you don't like the jokes, obviously the majority of the room does, so put the hell up with it. Shut your mouth and wait it out."

Heckler
"YOU SUCK!!!"

-=- Alan is really annoyed now. This being his first time on stage in such a format, he hasn't quite grasped the patience aspect of it. -=-

Alan
"... I..."

-=- The heckler cuts him off, obviously just trying to piss Alan off. -=-

Heckler
"YOU HAVE A SMALL DICK!!!"

-=- Alan quickly bites back. -=-

Alan
"I'll wrap my dick around your neck and start you up like a fucking lawnmower. You think you can do better than this? You got a beef with me, or just the jokes I'm saying, huh?"

-=- The heckler isn't even trying to go back and forth with Alan, just yelling out and making himself the center of attention. -=-

Heckler
"YOU SUCK!!!"

Alan, in the lighting guy's direction
"Shine the spotlight on this motherfucker, he wants to be the star of the show, let's have everyone in the damn look at him in the fuckin' spotlight."

-=- The spotlight moves from Alan to the area where the heckler is. The spotlight can't find him at first, but members of the crowd help by all pointing at the same man. The spotlight stops. Alan squints to get a good look. The man is in a grey hoodie, with a black beanie on his shaven head. Alan's eyes grow wide as he
thinks he knows who it is. -=-

Alan
"Ryan Shane! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

-=- Alan immediately sees red, and the heckler stands up. But he is more frightened than Shane would be. Alan doesn't see this, as he jumps off the stage and runs towards the man. When he reaches him, everyone can tell this is not Ryan Shane. It's too late, however, as Alan immediately kicks the man in the gut and nails him with a very quick and stiff DDT onto the club's floor. The lights go up, and most of the crowd has moved out of the way of the scuffle. The owner, multiple security, and even Freddy Lockhart come out from the back as Alan begins to pummel the fallen heckler. As they pull him off, Alan looks down and realizes it is not Ryan Shane. He shakes his head and mouths the word 'shit' as security seperate the two men, escorting the heckler out. The chubby man from before gets back on stage and addresses the crowd. -=-

Man
"I'm soooo sorry, ladies and gentlemen, so sorry! Alan's new to this, please forgive us. We'll
have a short break and then our headliner will come out. Everyone excited for Freddy Lockhart, aye!?"


-=- The crowd cheer, and even Freddy nods to the crowd, as he helps Alan to the back, as the security guards stay put. The scene cuts to behind the curtain. -=-

Freddy
"Alan, Alan... man, you can't do that, brother? Attacking someone at your first set? This isn't
wrestling, man..."


Alan, embarrassed
"I know, I know. I thought it was... him. I got a lot on my mind, man. I should have waited to try this out."

Freddy
"Well don't let it get you down, brother. That was great stuff you had up there. You got it in you, man. I think you should come back and do a few more shows with me. Once you're not so loaded with
other things on your mind."


Alan, smirking a bit
"That's the trouble, Freddy... I'm not going to quit wrestling, so... I'll always have something on my mind. Don't worry, though. I'm not going to give up on this. I enjoyed it too much, being up there."

Freddy
"Good, good. Now... before I go up and do my thing, let's do THIS thing right here, ya mean?"

-=- Freddy presents a joint, and Alan smiles and nods. They begin smoking it as the scene slowly fades to
black. -=

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

-=- The scene slowly fades back in, but this time, it's in a completely different setting, on a completely different night. It's inside of a cemetery, at dusk. The camera pans around, showing various headstones and crypts about the area... all rather old. The cameraman walks forward, with old and decaying trees showing all over the area. A few black crows suddenly fly right in front of the camera, causing the cameraman to jump back slightly. It's getting darker and darker quickly, and as the cameraman adjusts himself and begins to go forward again, he sees someone standing at a near crypt, leaning against an ancient pillar. The cameraman moves forward to the man, until it gets close enough that it's obvious who it is. It is the longest reigning CZW World Heavyweight champion in the company's history. A man who, over the course of 16 year long professional wrestling career, has made quite a name for himself worldwide. The One Man Riot... The new dirtiest player in the game... The Sadistic Solution. Alan F'N Fiscus. He leans against the pillar, with his arms crossed over a "John Carpenter's The Thing" t-shirt, which is missing it's sleeves. He wears tattered blue jean shorts, with black combat boots... traditional Fiscus attire. His four tattoos are visible, as is a gold necklace across his neck. His hair is long and unwashed, hanging untouched down to Alan's shoulders. He wears a fairly full beard, and he has a sneer across his face. He resembles Charlie Hunnam quite a lot, actually. He begins to talk, not moving a muscle. -=-

Alan
"Ryan, Ryan, Ryan... I tell ya what, boy... for one who bitches about too much talk, you sure do run your mouth, don't you? It really annoys me that you think you're so damn great. You think you're some sort of savior, some sort of martyr. Cass thinks you're so influential, so... philosophical. All I see and hear is a smart mouthed punk who has daddy issues, and hasn't gotten his ass kicked good enough yet to realize his proper place in this business. You keep saying the CZW must die... I don't know if you've noticed, son, but this promotion has risen from the dead every time it HAS died. A lot of good killing it is going to be, it'll just come back yet again, even bigger, even better. Give up on that dream, kid, you're reaching for stars you'll never reach. You are obviously in fear. When you use the old generic lines like I'm just a bunch of words and chest heaves. Nothing's changed, Shane. I am the same sadistic son of a bitch I was in 1996... 2001... 2004... 2008... 2010... right fuckin' now. No matter what promotion I work for, or what company I present, I am NEVER watered down. I am NEVER compromised. You say I'm trying to steal something from you... that I'm perhaps too old, too wilted to fully hate. Those are the words of an irrational man. Because if you ask any of the fans, or any of the wrestlers in the back, everyone KNOWS I'm at full throttle, brother. I am only 33 fuckin' years old. That's too old? I'm at the top of my game, kid, don't fool yourself. And taking something from you... your revolution... you want to destroy CZW. Are YOU too stupid to realize, that _I_ am CZW!? Obviously... you are. Your head is stuffed so far up your own ass, you've become accustomed to the stench and have decided it doesn't stink. _I_ am your wake up call, Shane. You cut me down with your words, but your eyes tell a different story. You don't have a full grasp... I'm not sure you have a full grasp on ANYTHING... but you know the threat that I am. That is why Derek Damage brought me back. That is why my blood, Sam Attic, has come BACK to the CZW. We are the most dangerous threat to your puny little movement you'll ever face, Ryan. Damage truly did sign a deal with the devil. If you CAN beat me, if you CAN survive Horrorcore... by all means, rape, pillage and plunder to your heart's content. But you don't really destroy, or kill, or annihilate. I mean, who? Who have you done this to? Where is this list? No, you're not this monster you claim to be. My actions, my legacy PROVE I am everything I say I am. Your legacy, if there will be one, is really just in its infant stage. Whether you add my name to the Victims of the Curse, remains to be seen."

-=- Alan pauses, but hardly moves a muscle other than to re-position himself. -=-

Alan
"The thing is, every single thing you say about me can be said right back at you. These words we're saying, these insults we're exchanging, the threats, the promises, they're not what really matters. What really matters is what happens when that bell rings for the Riot Match to begin, what happens during the following moments, and who is left standing when the bell rings again. You can recruit Mason Kaid into your little Upheaving stable... that dumb prick is a cancer, and I find it quite humorous how desperate it makes you look to take someone so different from yourself into your little fold. These dolts aren't going to be your puppets for very long, Shane. They're going to realize sooner or later that you're just using them. Covey, Blaze, Kaid.. for sure. They will wake up one day and realize they've been had. The others, I'm not so sure about. But they don't belong in the CZW in the first place, do they, Shane? Then what will you do... claim you never needed them in the first place, right? You see, Shane, I know a LOT more than you. I've seen a LOT more, done a LOT more... you claim you've destroyed men, I've destroyed WAY MORE THAN YOU. This is about the CZW, and this is about respect. RESPECT, Shane. You need to EARN it. And you need to GIVE it. Because, god dammit, I've _EARNED_ it! But I don't look over your strengths. No, no, I study you. I have absorbed you. You're not dealing with Mike King here. You're not facing Tim Timmons. You need to believe the words you've chosen to use, I AM the greatest world champion of ALL TIME. I don't say this to blow smoke up my own ass, I say this because it is the TRUTH and because you seem to so quickly forget. You forget what you're dealing with. Everything you're trying to do, I've already done and am still doing. You should be worshiping me. You should be my best friend. One day, you'll realize this. And that day will be October 15th. It will be in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. It will be at the Ted Reeve Arena. IT WILL BE AT HORRORCORE. _MY_ iPPV. I created it. Just I created most of the origins of CZW. This is MY company, Shane. And you are going to have to kill me in order to fully destroy it. You talk the talk, I talk the talk... but do we walk the same walk? You're too naive, and stupid, and clumsy to kill me. I WILL call you a boy. I WILL call you a pussy. Because, even though I see great things in you, you're just not there yet, punk. _I AM YOUR WAKE UP CALL_. I am going to beat the respect out of you that I deserve. I am going to beat the respect out of you that the CZW deserves."

-=- Alan stands straight, unfolding his arms. He begins walking down the short staircase, talking as he walks, and stops at the bottom to recross his arms again. -=-

Alan
"This is a war, Shane, and I believe that both of us are strong soldiers. But I can play with fire, don't make no mistake about that. I can withstand ANYTHING you can throw at me. You're right about one thing, you are playing under my rules. The Riot Match. A match that has been seen three times in the CZW. A match that I have won EVERY SINGLE TIME until the last Horrorcore, where I lost the World title in the first four way Riot match to Mortius. Look at the tape, I was screwed. I don't have two other men to worry about, Ryan, I have you and you alone in my sights. The Riot match has seen some of the SICKEST spots in the industry, ever. Falls count anywhere... anything goes... five count fall. Do you have what it takes, Shane, truly? Are you that thick-headed to not have doubts? You're going into the lion's den with the baddest lion of them all! But you are that thick-headed, because you are that over confident. Just like any other young punk. Full of yourself, nothing can kill you, yadda yadda yadda. I've seen so many like you come and go, Shane, ones who think they are the prophets when in fact they are only the sacrifice. You're going to be something great in this profession if you can get your head on straight, I'll make no bones about it. You have IT, if you can figure out how to use it. I am your teacher, I am YOUR prophet. This will be your lesson. You want to burn everything down, even yourself, to put an end to me... son, I'll be the one holding the flame. The time for words, the time for threats, the time for innocence... is coming to its end. There are only a few short days until we meet. Until we rip into each other, making each other bleed, making each other pay. No holds barred, knock down, drag out, train wreck. Just what a Riot match entails. I have proven what a monster I am, and you THINK you've proven what a monster you are. Only time will tell which one of us will withstand the flames. If either of us get out... alive."

-=- With that, Fiscus suddenly kicks at the cameraman who stumbles back hard... right into a freshly dug grave he didn't notice before. The camera falls to his side, and he screams for help. With the camera facing the grave's wall, you hear a schtick sound and suddenly a lump of dirt falls down and covers part of the lens. You begin to hear maniacal laughter as more and more clumps of dirt fall into the grave, with the cameraman still shouting for help. A larger thud happens, signalling a lump of dirt has fallen onto the camera's mic. Though muffled, you still hear the laughter until the scene fades to black. -=-
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