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NARWINATION - Episode 1
Topic Started: Mar 7 2018, 12:16 AM (64 Views)
Ryan
DTW/IJPW Co-Promoter
[We see the opening graphic...]

NARWINATION
EPISODE 1


[... as “Skeletons of Society” by Slayer plays.]



[We see footage of Narwin's career. They range from a few of his fifteen total title victories to notorious moments like pissing on fans in the front row and rubbing his bare genitals on the Shootclub Wrestling Alliance's United States Championship.

This video montage goes on for about one minute and forty seconds before fading into Nate Narwin sitting behind a desk. There's a backdrop with framed pictures of himself throughout his career – many of them involve him degrading title belts. There's a red sign with “GET THE BLUE OUT OF DTW! DRAGONS OUT!” in white letters. There's another sign next to it that reads “FUCK BLUBACKS.”

Narwin is wearing a black suit with a black vest, red undershirt, and yellow and black tie. He polishes off a beer before throwing the bottle off screen to his left. The drunk and groggy DTW Tornado Rules Champion lets out a burp just as “Skeletons of Society” fades out.]


NARWIN: Welcome to the first episode of Narwination you fucking cock suckers! I'm coming to you from my place in Los Angeles! There's a lot to cover in this episode. Or there was. I can't be fucking bothered right now to talk about all of it because I gotta fucking twitch in my nut sack just a few moments ago and I'd rather get that taken care of with a big flabby granny with a big flappy fanny just down the fucking street from here than talk at you fucking faggots all night.

My wife is staying at a friend's house and took Nate Jr. with her tonight. She was cunting off and saying Marlboro Lights are not children's cigarettes or some shit. Fuck her! I don't fucking need either of them! That's why I'm gonna get that fucking granny to bounce on my dick after this! I looooove prostitutes but ya gotta love a free and easy fuck! Her husband shit his pants and died last year. I've been getting mine here and there when there's nothing else better. Dirty old bitch!

I was gonna talk about Kalinda, that bullshit at the Rail Rumble, and the DTW World title. There's a whole thing I'm gonna break soon about these dragons and their pedophile agenda. This is legit. I'm serious. You all know I have a good track record for exposing pedophiles in the wrestling business. I pulled the curtain back on The Masked Marvel all those years ago and now I'm about to do the same on The Menagerie. I'm gonna break it to everyone next month before the Carnage Carnival. I have a lot to say about those fucks but I'm gonna save it for next time.

Until then, the support keeps growing for the anti-bluback and anti-dragon movement. A lot of people agree that we should get the blue out of DTW and kick the dragons out. Fuck blubacks! Fuck dragons! Fuck whatever that other one is! That new broad! What the fuck is she?! I don't know! I just look at these things and it makes me fucking sick. This fucking bullshit has no place in wrestling. It has no place in the world! The smallest minority group on the planet is a dangerous one. I'm glad there's people out there who recognize this and are down to fight the good fight. We will get blubacks and dragons out of wrestling and off our planet.

But what's keeping me from talking more about the bluback menace on the first episode of Narwination? Me and Riddick are defending the DTW Tornado Rules Championship against The Outliers next week at Tokyo Gore Noir 6. Have you seen these guys? It's Joe Dirt and his fag lover. Look at this shit...

[Cut to footage of The Outliers skateboarding in Tokyo recently.]

This skateboarding bullshit! You saw me beat the shit out of some skateboarders in January. You know I hate skateboarders. Bunch of dick lickers who either wear jeans that are too skinny or too baggy because their unemployed single mothers were too busy turning tricks to pay rent than to teach their fucking retarded children how to dress properly. If they had a father figure they wouldn't get into a sport where the best guy is a scrawny faggot like Tony Hawk.

[He hear Narwin yawn.]

Speaking of faggots, let's look at our rankings for this episode for the five gayest in professional wrestling.

[Cut to a graphic. Narwin yawns again.]

FIVE GAYEST IN WRESTLING

1. CHRIS CALLUM (ADMITTED FAGGOT)
2. MASATAKE KAWAMATA
3. THE OUTLIERS (TIE)
4. PURPLE AKI MAN
5. CREEPY RUIZ THE DTW JANITOR


Callum is self-explanatory. After losing the Rail Rumble, I thought about starting my own CWC promotion so I can give title belts and pushes to all my friends and just give myself a World title. Then I realized that this queer boy runs the show over there. So fuck that!

Masatake Kawamata is number two. He's in a band with his girlfriend. I said this before but WHAT THE FUCK?! What's the point of being in a band if you're not fucking random sluts? Hanako must be his beard and she must be a fucking lesbo too. That's the only reason I can think of as to why she hasn't left that prick for Riddick.

[Narwin yawns. Again.]

Outliers are there for obvious reasons. Skateboarding cum boys is what they are.

Fuck Purple AKI Man.

Fuck Creepy Ruiz too. He apparently spent all that time making that big dildo! Send his fucking ass back to Mexico!

[Cut back to Narwin, who rubs his face.]

I'm fucking tired. I've been drinking all day.

[He looks under his desk.]

Hold on guys, I got it. I think I'm gon–

[We hear footsteps coming down the basement stairs. Narwin looks up, confused. The camera pans to the right and we see the huge 6'8” 300 pound Compton native, Shakur Williams, emerge.]

Uh, hey Shakur! How did you get into my hou–?!

[Williams grabs Narwin by his jacket and throws him down on the desk. He leans over him and gets right in his face.]

WILLIAMS: “If you don't get my dick hard, then you're not right if you're not white.”

NARWIN: Wha-what?

WILLIAMS: THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID! “IF YOU DON'T GET MY DICK HARD, THEN YOU'RE NOT RIGHT IF YOU'RE NOT WHITE!” WELL LEMME ASK YA SOMETHIN', MUTHA FUCKA! AM I GETTIN' YO DICK HARD RIGHT NOW?!

NARWIN: Uh, I, uh–

WILLIAMS: HUH, NIGGA?! AM I GETTIN' YO FUCKIN' DICK HARD OR AM I NOT RIGHT 'CUZ I'M NOT WHITE! ANSWER MY FUCKIN' QUESTION YOU JEWFRO BITCH!

NARWIN: Look, Shakur, I–

WILLIAMS: I GET ON YO FUCKIN' SIDE AND HELP YOU NIGGAS! I HELP YOU NIGGAS BEAT THE DRAGONS! YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THOSE MUTHA FUCKIN' BELTS IF IT WASN'T FOR ME AND YOU COME OUT SAYIN' SHIT LIKE “YOU AIN'T RIGHT IF YOU AIN'T WHITE!” UNLESS WE GET YO DICK HARD! WELL THEN LEMME ASK YA AGAIN, BITCH! DO I MAKE YO DICK HARD?!

NARWIN: Shakur, it's the Ultraviolence Union. We're not friends. We're not brothers. We don't have to like the same shit or even like each other. Riddick's a liberal cuck who hates Trump but he's my tornado rules partner. All that shit doesn't matter as long as we help each other out.

WILLIAMS: Oh yeah, nigga? How you helpin' me out? I got you those mutha fuckin' belts. How the fuck you helpin' me?

NARWIN: Can we not have this fucking conversation right now on a live web stream? Get the fuck out of my house! Breaking into people's houses! Fuck you! What the fuck are you doing back in America right now anyway?! Weren't you getting arrested if you came back here?!

WILLIAMS: [Leans in close, speaking quiet and tensely with gritted teeth.] I gotta military mind, mutha fucka.

[Williams pushes off Narwin and leaves. Narwin gets off the desk and dusts himself off, waiting a few moments for G Untouchable to go up the stairs and leave before speaking.]

NARWIN: You all saw that right? That jungle beast broke into my house...

[He readjusts his jacket before sitting down.]

Did he come here all the way from Tokyo just to do that? What the fuck is going on? No wonder those people never have any money. Good thing he left. He's lucky. I was about to let him have it...

[Narwin looks under his desk again.]

Hold on... I have some shit to say about The Outliers but I need to do this real quick. Cut to the song I made! Damn it!

[Narwin reaches under the desk as we fade out into a music video.]

SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR
NATE NARWIN

[Narwin walks down a residential LA street with a camera on level with his upper body. The camera goes backwards as Narwin walks along on a sunny day. Narwin wears his usual suit, but he's put on a blonde wig with long hair. He lip syncs to the rap, impersonating an annoying woman with a high pitched voice.]

NARWIN: I am a social justice warrior
I work harder than a quarrier
I will accuse anyone of injustice
Let me bust this
I can point at you
and tell you
what I think you're gonna do
You were gonna check me out
I don't care if you're blind
You were staring at my behind

It's not about if I lose
It's about who I can accuse
You were gonna spike my booze
I have the right to choose
and bully my way with
allegations all day
Be careful with what you say
That's the social justice warrior way

I'll accuse you for looking my way
Even if you are gay
You're treating me like prey
I'm allowed to point my finger
so the allegations linger
I know where you were gonna bring her
I don't care if she's your wife and you're
trying to bring her home
Watch your tone
You don't have the right to talk
So take a walk

It's not about if I lose
It's about who I can accuse
You were gonna spike my booze
I have the right to choose
and bully my way with
allegations all day
Be careful with what you say
That's the social justice warrior way

[The video fades out. Cut back to Narwin, who's just putting something back under the desk. He has some white dust around his nose and a trickle of blood running out of his right nostril. He wipes his nose with the back of his hand and, even though we know he knows the cocaine and blood is visible, he plays it cool.]

NARWIN: Listen here you fucking Outlier pricks. You might be Union Battleground Battalion Champions and have this big name everywhere else. I don't give a fuck. Fuck you. Fuck Union Battleground. When Riddick and I beat you, if you still have those belts and don't lose them to a pair of second rate dipshits like the fucking Firing Squad, I'm gonna do what I did to my DTW Tornado Rules belt.

[Narwin holds up his defiled belt. The shot zooms in on it.]

See this? Glued my pubes to this fucker. That's what I do to title belts. I treat them the way they fucking deserve to be treated. The rest of you fucking marks chase these belts so you can walk around with them and feel special. You all talk about “elevating the belt.”

[The shot zooms out to get Narwin back in it. He sits the belt down on the desk but still keeps it in hand.]

But I've been in and out of this stupid fucking business since 2003. There's a million feds out there and even more title belts. It's all fucking bullshit at the end of the day. In our corner of the wrestling world, the DTW World title is the be all and end all. The champion is the lord of deathmatches. Take it somewhere else and the DTW World title means fucking nothing and their belt would mean the same here.

You see people having pissing matches about all they've won. The company's prestige factors in. But who gives a fuck?

I hate this fucking business. I hate every single one of you fucking cunts. I hate all promoters and all promotions. Even DTW. I don't win title belts so I can proudly walk around and call myself a champion. “Represent the company” and wanky fucking wank. I don't care about being seen as the gold standard. I'm fucking great no matter what. The fucking best. I don't need a belt to prove that.

I win title belts so I can throw them around and piss everyone off. It's always been that way. I want to ruin your fun. I was somehow voted Most Entertaining Character in the Shootclub Wrestling Alliance all those years ago and didn't give one single fuck other than it gave me a chance to win a World title so I can trash that belt too.

That's what I'm gonna do to your Union Battleground Battalion belts. Union Battleground sucks fucking dick anyway which is why you're probably working for them. Whatever I do to your belts next week will be exactly what they fucking deserve. I'll also continue to treat my belt like shit. The very belt you fucking marks are chasing.

So bring it on, Outliers. Come try to “save the belts.” You're going up against two of the most notorious in this fucking business. You hear them say it on commentary all the time.

There's gonna be cinder blocks, light tubes, and kenzans. That's our fucking environment. Anything goes. Falls count anywhere. You're stepping up against the fucking gods of violence. We've done things that would make all these nu-male faggots and all these stupid Twitter bitches shit their pants. We're gonna do those things to you a week from now. We're not just gonna kick your fucking asses and pin you. We're gonna slice you, break you, and offend every fucking snowflake as we do it.

Because Riddick and I? We're fucking sick of what's become of this world. He's a liberal cuck but he still fucking gets it. He knows what I know – this world is fucking soft. We let minorities fucking cry and get their way without having to prove their individual merit. We have to pretend Black Panther and the Ghostbusters remake are actually good films and all hold hands. We have to pretend everyone was created equally and make sure nobody gets their feelings hurt.

Fuck that. We're not all equal. Feelings should be hurt. People should fucking die.

You, Outliers? You should fucking die. You're gonna fucking die.

You made a huge mistake when you agreed to take this match. You pissed us off at IJPW Battle Bash 2. Kawamata should've gotten his dick cut off but you two got in the way. You're gonna fucking pay for all that back at Korakuen Hall. The world famous Outliers are gonna die at the feet of the Ultraviolence Union at Tokyo Gore Noir 6.

Now shut the fucking stream down. I gotta get my dick wet.

[Narwin tosses the belt behind him and gets up as we fade to black.]
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