EST. AUGUST 2016 - TOKYO, JAPAN
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| Black Rose - #1 | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 3 2018, 10:17 PM (91 Views) | |
| Ryan | Apr 3 2018, 10:17 PM Post #1 |
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DTW/IJPW Co-Promoter
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BLACK ROSE - #1![]() [We fade out on the title and rose, transitioning to a black screen. Then a light comes on with the pull of a string. The Hanako Format has changed a bit. She still cuts her promos in darkness, but no longer with a bulb over her head. There's now an actual setting too. She's upgraded! Bringing light to the room is a black chandelier lamp with a drum shade. It rests on a black wood-carved table with a bottle of red wine and a full glass next to it. There's also a black rose in a vodka bottle that's been turned into a vase. Books line the shelves in the background. We can see the titles for various pieces of leftist literature. Sitting in a sleek, black Victorian chair is Hanako Takeuchi. She wears a little black lace dress with long sleeves. With her right leg crossed, the slightly-upward shot accentuates her height – giving her a more authoritative presentation. Takeuchi chooses to speak in English. She's 26-years-old and it's a language she's spoken for eighteen years. Takeuchi even almost sounds American when she speaks English with only slight hints of an Osaka accent.] TAKEUCHI: Holy shit balls! I go from fighting over some shit called a Blue State title, a plethora of meaningless triple threats, and letting Masatake down in tag team matches to matches with Andre Holmes and Aokigahara Zombie, to having the greatest tag match ever, to an Omega Academy invite, and now THIS! The Carnage Carnival! Have you seen who all is in this?! Okay, so I never got to be the champion of the educated states in America. Ya know, states like Eric O'Flaherty's beloved Minnesota. As opposed to the red states in, well, Red State Revolver where Josh Kennedy wrestles. Which is a minor reason why we decided not to join our Filth Parade pal in RSR. The main reason was because Masatake and I had traveled FUCKING EVERYWHERE and wanted to stay in Japan for a bit. We have a nice apartment in Tokyo, which is where I'm at right now. Nice, isn't it? Not bad for a pair of Kamagasaki dirt-kickers! It's kiiiiinda bourgie, but it's nice to actually be in it. Ya know? But can you imagine us in RSR? Well, they'd probably love Masatake because they would be all like, “HEY! IT'S THE JAP GUY WHO HITS PEOPLE WITH WEAPONS AND DRINKS BEER! I DRINK BEER TOO AND WISH I COULD HIT PEOPLE WITH WEAPONS! HE'S OKAY FOR A NIP, I GUESS! HUR HUR!” But me? The bitchy slot-eyed socialist woman with hammers and sickles in her Twitter screen name? Who believes in evolution, uses birth control, and also speaks fluent German? Um, yeah... No... Then again, the German would probably score brownie points with the far right down there. Aaaaand I'm sure that among them are weebs with neckbeards who say things like, “WOMEN WHO GET WITH INSERT-RACE-HERE GUYS INSTEAD OF ME ARE THE REASON WHY THE WHITE RACE IS DYING!” Then they'll say, “I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO BE WITH AN ASIAN GIRL!” Hmmm... [She reaches for the glass of wine.] Now that I think about it, a move to Red State Revolver could be beneficial in terms of fame and fortune. I could make a killing as their Asian Nazi Waifu – like Tila Tequila with a brain. I'm sure some horndog billionaire in the shadows would love to dump a truck full of cash at my door and have me do public speeches where I just say hateful bullshit like that Milo twat. [Takeuchi takes a sip, appreciating the drink before setting it back on the table.] ANYWAY... Carnage Carnival! The hardest thing we've done in our careers! You know we're in for some shit when someone like Erik Holland says this is the biggest challenge he's faced! Oh-ho-hoooo boy... Eleven nights of blood and destruction in the best deathmatch company around! I'll ask again: have you fuckin' seen who's in this?! Hold on! I have a list right here.... [Takeuchi picks up a sheet of paper off the side table and holds it in her lap.] These are my matches. Night 1. Tokyo Gore Noir 7 at Korakuen Hall. I fight The Psycho Kid! Hey! Masatake beat you in the King of Violence! And you have a thing with Rebel Manson right now! And you used to sign all our checks in Slaughterhouse! Can we talk about Slaughterhouse at this point or is that verboten? Wir dürfen nicht? After how it ended and all? Am I just bringing up bad memories at this point? I don't blame you for Slaughterhouse's death, TPK. I'm not an irrational Easter egg punk like Johnny Vachon. You did what you thought needed to be done. How in the butt fucking hell did you know the guy getting the company would be some Dimmu Booger asshole who hates deathmatch shit? I tried to get a tag team division going and represented his Slaughterhouse in that junior heavyweight tournament! All while a bunch of old Slaughterhouse people shat on the place from the outside AND RIGHTFULLY SO! How the fuck do you think I feel, dude?! Don't blame yourself for what Slaughterhouse became. But I'm gonna totally pwn your ass in the Carnage Carnival. Night 2! Sammy 3.0! The wrestling android! She beat a bull and a quasi-undead-dragon-clown-thing in Cancun! And beat Bronson in her DTW debut! But has she ever faced a 5'11” Japanese woman before?! Ooooh! How will the android handle this mythical creature?! Night 3! Oh fuck! A rematch with Aokigahara Zombie! He beat me in Iron Japan in this match where we had to completely soak a towel in the opponent's blood in order to win. He's a master! It was an honor fighting him! It will be an honor to fight him in one of the six main events he's in during the group stage! Oh, it would make it even sweeter if I could get a win! Night 4! Joe Stanton! Hey, pal! You pinned me to win the greatest tag team match of all-time! Can we call it that? I'm fucking calling it that! But Joe, that Shoryuken is FUH-CKING BRUTAL! But you know what this all means, right? Sorry, dude! I gotta get payback! And what could happen if I pin the IJPW Death Crown Champion? Hmmm... [She mischievously smiles.] A title shot? [Takeuchi's smile grows bigger and purposely sillier. She holds it for a few extra seconds before continuing.] Night 5! Well... Heh... Teiji Shintaro. The Terror. He beat Masatake in Cancun. That match went over an hour. Group stage matches have a thirty minute time limit. I need to pull out the big guns right away if I want to beat him. Only two people have pinned Shintaro, by the way. And Kalinda is the only one to beat him in the first encounter. Whether others will join that club before I get to him remains to be seen. How exclusive will it be by then? Eh. Either way, I gotta avenge my boyfriend and win this match for everyone around the world who knows how to shit in a toilet. I'm doin' it for us! Night 6! It's my friend, Rebel Manson! Filth Parade vs. Filth Parade! We're some tough peeps in Filth Parade. We know a thing or two about ultraviolence. You know Rebel and I are gonna give you all a show! But sorry, dude. I'm a chick on a mission! You understand! We'll all meet at some shitty dive bar in Nagoya and laugh about it afterward! Night 7! It's my friend, Erik Holland! Filth Parade vs. Badd Breed! Two badasses from badass factions! And we've had some great fun! It will be fun when we slice and beat each other up in Kyoto! Hey, that's Kansai region we're talkin' about. That's my territory! It's not Osaka, but still! I gotta represent! Gotta do it for KSP! Night 8! Lobo the Clown! Still in the Kansai region! Kobe World Hall! I don't hate clowns. I LOVE clowns! I mean, I love Claudia, after all. I don't get the hatred for clowns. So whatever I do to you in Kobe will not be a hate crime, Lobo. I'm just a lady who wants the glory. Night 9! Well, speaking of Claudia! I get Claudia in my hometown! Masatake's fought at Osaka-jo Hall twice now. I fought at Osaka-jo Hall. DTW was at the Nishinari Kumin Center the only time they were ever in Osaka. Waaaaay smaller than Osaka-jo Hall! So... Claudia, dear. I'm taking your Osaka-jo Hall virginity! [Takeuchi looks off to the side with a concerned expression before turning back to the camera.] Oh no. Did I just say that to fucking Claudia of all creatures? What kind of hell have I unleashed upon myself? What kind of batshit butt fuckery will she concoct in response?! [She tugs at her collar with a jocular look of unease, then shrugs before continuing.] Night 10! Cactus Jack Bronson in Hiroshima! This guy's talked shit to Rebel and wanted to fight him as if losing to him in the King of Violence wasn't enough. He might get a win over Manson in our group! He might not! All I know is that this guy is vile and he will get even better. It could be quite a challenge fighting an opponent like Bronson so late in the group. And on Night 11... it's Shakur Williams in Fukuoka! He wants to “fuck all the Asian bitches. Aaaaaall the Asian bitches!” He's fucking hit on me before too. Ugh! As if being affiliated with certified douche canoes like Riddick and Narwin wasn't bad enough! Oh, yeah! Riddick! Hey, Baldy McAngrybeard Stalker Edgelord Man! Fuck you! Masatake's kicking your ass in Osaka! And you have Kalinda on... Night 3? And Kennedy on... Ah! I don't have the Group A schedule! I only have my matches right here! Well, whatever. Honestly, I'm kind of impressed with Riddick in a way. He's spent a very large portion of his sixteen year career in Japan without learning any of the language and seemed like one of those American fuckwads who think all of us Japanese look the same. But no! He's managed to pick me out of a crowd and stalk the fucking bejesus out of me! Lucky me! Maybe I'm just so hot? Wait, no. It's because my height makes me stand out, doesn't it? It's the height. Ugh. Whatever. Fuck him. He filmed himself wanking off to a high school yearbook picture of me. A picture of me when I was SIXTEEN! And he blew his load into my stolen panties! Wow! Dude! Come on... Is there ever even just a single second in Riddick's day where he's not an absolutely reprehensible trash bag of a fucking person? I wish Riddick was in the same group as me. He's killing cute animals because he can't have me! Fucking hell! He beat me with a dead cat in Cancun! Who does that?! [Takeuchi holds up her fists.] Someone looking to catch these fists. That's who. I strike hard and fast! That goes for everyone in Group A. I'm looking to break out in my singles career in the Carnage Carnival. I've won singles matches, but I've lost all of the big ones so far. I'm putting an end to that in this tournament. And you better watch out! I fought in a match that went 89 minutes for a reason. I know I can endure this tournament night-after-night and close with a strong finish. I know I have what it takes to shock the world. Masatake and I have room in our apartment for more trophies, alright. He has his two trophies. The Yamashi Cup can be mine – even if I have to go through him in the final. And then... Kalinda? Stanton? DTW World title? IJPW Death Crown title? Heh. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's take it one step at a time. But I'll find a way to the top of Death Trip Wrestling even if I don't win the Carnage Carnival. How? Well, I'll just blow all the big wigs and turn DTW into yet another emo lesbian hellscape disguised as a wrestling promotion. We won't talk about wrestling anymore! The title belts will be ignored! Pushes will be given based on whoever can pop the biggest misery boner! We'll all just post sexy pictures of ourselves on Twitter and call it “character development!” And I'll make this all happen with my powerful vagina! Mwuhahahahaha! [Takeuchi reaches for the lamp string, then looks back at the camera with a roguish grin.] See, that's how you scare Kalinda. You're all doing it wrong! [She grabs the lamp string.] Anyway, deathmatch dudes and dudettes! I'll see you at Korakuen Hall, where this historic ultraviolent voyage of ours begins... [A pull of the string brings us to black.] |
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3:36 AM Jul 11