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The Great Banana Rush
Topic Started: Dec 17 2007, 07:27 PM (8,473 Views)
rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network News Flash!]

Good evening, I'm Trent Butterknife. This news just in! Massive seismic activity in the province of Lehpuhrta! We go live now to Gillian Towelrail who's on the island - Gillian?...

"H-hello Trent! I'm here on the island of Lehpuhrta w-where we're experiencing - Billy! Hold that thing steady! *camera swings side to side showing glimpses of terrified citizens running for cover* ...where we're experiencing a major earthquake r-right now! It's certainly the strongest I've eve-AAAH!! *a nearby shop window shatters* ever been in and I can certainly sa-"*static*

er... We appear to have lost Gillian there so we take you instead to Dwight Alabaster in Kharanwhari - just across the strait from Lehpuhrta - Dwight?

"Good evening Trent! I'm here on the shore at Kharanwhari and even though it's dark you can still see the distant lights of Lehpuhrta and the waves crashing behind me. These waves have been getting steadily bigger for the last few minutes... in fact, we're just going to move up here, behind the seawall... indicating quite severe activity out on Lehpuhrta. I have local seismologist, Donald Sugarbowl, with me now - Donald, just how big a quake is this?"

"Well, Dwight, it's certainly the biggest to hit the area in many a year! In fact I'd say it... oh... shirking... SKIVE!!!"

*Donald stares wide eyed over the camera, which swiftly pans around to see what has shocked him so badly*

"Donald, what?... uh... ooh... um... I... I can't believe what we're witnessing here, viewers... it-it's like something out of a science fiction movie!"

*With the sound of thunderous underground explosions finally reaching them, Dwight, Donald and the crew stare dumbstruck at the sight of the island of Lehpuhrta as it severs it's ties with the world and rises slowly and majestically into the night sky. A soft yellow glow shrouds the underside of the landmass allowing the watchers to see enormous waves crashing beneath it as the sea rushes in to fill the space it's just vacated.*

"This... this is truly amazing viewers! I really can't find the words to describe this..."

*The island, still rising, begins to travel towards the camera, it's sheer size making it appear to move ponderously slow when, in fact, it is already travelling at over one hundred miles an hour.*
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

+++LEVITATION GENERATORS FUNCTIONING AT OPTIMUM, MAINTAINING ISLAND STABILITY+++

Yes!!!

Oh, Mr Malachite! You did it!

I knew this would work! The banana left more than enough of its propulsion material in the crash site!

Propulsion? Wait - you mean you knew what Bananætherium was all along? How?

I, erm...

+++ATTENTION - SPLORT SIGNAL DETECTED+++

Quickly - return power to the disrupter!

+++ATTENTION - SPLORT SIGNAL NEUTRALISED+++

Alright computer - let us show Boohubalss what happens when he threatens the good people of Rhanukhan! Manual control!

+++COMPLYING+++
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

*Fleetmaster Boohubalss and his aide are overseeing final preparations for the bombardment of Rhanukhan*

There is not long left now - if Chonmiklatt thought I was bluffing he is a bigger fool than I took him for!

It is so, your exaltedness.

*Boohubalss' aide has his attention caught by the small device he always carries*

-GASP!- E-e-e-e-exalted F-f-f-fleetmaster!

What is it now?!

I-I-I... er... y-you sh-should really s-see it f-for yourself, exalted one!

Humph! Main Projection! This had better be- What is this?!!

Ah - scanners c-confirm that the landmass is from the yellow arc's impact site, your exaltedness! It appears to held aloft by the same technology that propelled the yellow arc a-a-and it's heading this way!

Unbelievable! These miserable creatures really are- wait! They couldn't possibly have come up with this!

Then who, exalted fleetmaster?

Put me in communion with them!
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

+++LEVITATION GENERATORS FUNCTIONING AT OPTIMUM, MAINTAINING ISLAND STABILITY. GRAVITY FIELD INTACT, NO APPRECIABLE LOSS OF ATMOSPHERE. CURRENT SPEED: 20 KNOTS, ALTITUDE: 50KM+++

Excellent! With any luck the launch didn't cause too much damage on the surface. Hopefully the citizens will forgive me this minor disruption once this is dealt with, eh, Professor?

Let's hope so, Mr Malachite.

+++ATTENTION - SPLORT SIGNAL DETECTED+++

The Glericans are still trying to kidnap Rhanukhani citizens, Mr Malachite!

+++ATTENTION - SPLORT SIGNAL NEUTRALISED+++

They can try all they like, Professor, the disrupter will keep them out. We have more important matters to attend to right now, such as-

+++INCOMING COMMUNICATION+++

Who-?

"CHONMIKLATT! I know that's you approaching!"

Exalted Fleetmaster! I would say it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance... but it's not. I'm Constantine Malachite - I'm sure you study our news broadcasts so I expect you've seen me befo-

"You try my patience, pitiful creature! I am certain that traitor, Chonmiklatt is responsible for your new toy - where is he?!"

I honestly have no idea who you're talking about, Boohubalss. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you and your friends to leave now.

"You believe you can threa-"
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

*Fleetmaster Boohubalss is suddenly distracted by his aide, pointing at the contents of a display and urgently whispering in his ear*

What?! I see... interesting...

*His lips part in a broad grin*

I want a global broadcast - this should certainly generate an interesting reaction!
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network Early Afternoon Bulletin]

Good afternoon viewers. The time is two o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to the Rhanukhan OrbiTech satellite communications network!

Today's main headlines:

Castle in the Sky: The island of Lehpuhrta, which spectacularly took to the air last night is on a final approach towards Rhanukhan city and, presumably, a conflict with the Symyano flagship currently overhead! Although nobody knows who is at the controls, speculation falls on the provincial governor, Constantine Malachite, largely because he is one of the few people who could have afforded such an extravagance! What he hopes to achieve against the Symyano is anybody's guess but if he has the resourcefulness to pull something like this off then I, for one, believe that Boohubalss and his cronies may just have bitten off more than they can chew! Gillian Towelrail has re-established a connection and will be bringing a report live from the flying island!

Stock Market U-turn: Since his release from custody and now the current speculation regarding Lehpuhrta, shares in companies under the Malachite Evolving Enterprises umbrella - particularly those involved in arms development and manufacture - have been steadily rising in...

*static*
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Simultaneous broadcast on all of England's television and radio channels]

*static clears, revealing the wrinkled features of Fleetmaster Boohubalss*

THIS IS FLEETMASTER BOOHUBALSS OF THE SYMYANO HEGEMONY! CREATURES OF THIS WORLD, I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN OBSERVING THE FLYING ISLAND WHICH, EVEN NOW, APPROACHES MY VESSEL. YOU BELIEVE IT IS UNDER THE CONTROL OF A HEROIC MEMBER OF YOUR PITIFUL SPECIES, HERE TO DESTROY ME AND SAVE YOU ALL. WELL, THIS IS THE FACE OF YOUR 'SAVIOUR'!

*Recent news footage of Constantine Malachite*

WE HAVE OBSERVED YOUR BROADCASTS. THIS CONSTANTINE MALACHITE CREATURE HOLDS A POSITION OF GREAT POWER AMONGST YOUR PRIMITIVE SELVES. YOU ALL KNOW I SPEAK TRUTH!

*The image of Boohubalss is replaced with the file of a Symyano Agent. Although dressed less flamboyantly, the alien looks similar to Boohubalss, with his wrinkled skin, large ears, flat nose, broad, flexible lips and furry body.*

AND NOW, WORTHLESS CREATURES... THIS, IS CHONMIKLATT. ONE OF MY INFILTRATORS SENT HERE SEVERAL ORBITS OF YOUR WORLD AGO IN ORDER TO DISRUPT YOUR SOCIETY AND PREPARE FOR OUR ARRIVAL! IT AMUSES ME GREATLY TO INFORM YOU THAT CONSTANTINE MALACHITE AND CHONMIKLATT ARE ONE AND THE SAME! MY AGENT HAS SERVED ME WELL AND IS NOW RETURNING IN HIS FEARSOME FLYING FORTRESS SO THAT WE MIGHT PURGE THE CITY BELOW TOGETHER!!!

*static, followed by the return of scheduled programming*
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rhanukhan
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[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

Mr Malachite! Say this isn't so!

I... I... curse him! Yes, Professor, I am Chonmiklatt of the Symyano.

But... I l-

Five years ago when I first established Rhanukhan ArmaTech, I wasn't just new to your country - I was new to this world! Firstplace is so much more than just my original head office.

All this time... the mission... it was all a deception in aid of your Symyano masters!

No!!! Lucy! Everything I've done since we met was because-

Silence! You forget, alien - I am a GBI-2, just like you - I can and will stop you!

*Lucy Sideboard launches herself at Constantine*
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rhanukhan
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[In his command bunker, His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, Horatio J. Prism has been called by Ignatius Lampstand, Director of the Rhanukhan National Security Agency]

"I knew it, Your Resplendence! We have to take Lehpuhrta down immediately!"

I can't order such an attack, Ignatius - the island is covered in Rhanukhani Citizens!

"Rhanukhan city is full of Rhanukhani citizens too! One group of them won't be seeing out the day at this rate!"

Gn! Malachite! I can't believe you've done this to me!
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rhanukhan
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[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

Exalted Fleetmaster! It has worked exactly as you planned! Observe! These news broadcasts from around the globe denouncing Chonmiklatt and the Rhanukhani!

Indeed! By betraying us, Chonmiklatt has actually provided us a greater service than he would have achieved by staying loyal! Where is his island? As soon as it gets close I wish to commence the bombardment!

It has been holding position since the broadcast, exalted one. Perhaps Chonmiklatt has realised his failure?

After he has gone to all this trouble - I doubt that very much! What is he doing over there?
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New Drakensberg Range
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NDR News at Ten

Jane Sidetable is reading the news. The programme is being being broadcast around the world.

The top headline; violent riots have engulfed the nation, as protesters against John Dulles's leadership were fired upon by the army, which is being led by the Prime Minister. It has been confirmed that, at least, 150 protesters have been killed, and at least nearly double that number wounded.

The protesters took to the streets earlier today, because they were demanding the overthrow of John Dulles, who is believed by many to be a Symyano.

Although a good portion of the army is following the orders of its commander-in-chief, many soldiers have deserted, and some are believed to be raising arms against the Dulles regime.

It is believed that the lack of a Symyano response to the launch of the NDR nuclear missle, is what has caused people to find the courage to protest.

John Dulles is believed to have left the capital, and retreated to a military base in the interior of the country.
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New Drakensberg Range
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Secret broadcast by John Dulles, a Symyano, and Prime Minister of New Drakensberg Range, to the mothership of the Symynao.

Humans have taken to the streets of New Drakensberg Range. They have buried the fear about us that should be occupying their minds, because there has been no response by the fleet to the launch of their nuclear missile.

I request immediate action, in order to terrify the humans of New Drakensberg Range, and to make them fear to take action against the Symyano.
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United Idiocracy
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MEETING IN UI's PRESIDENTIAL PALACE

GEN TOM FOOLERY, (President), GEN RON BACARDI (Defence Secretary) and GEN JOHNNIE WALKER (Foreign Secretary) in attendance.

TF: So gentlemen, what is the current situation?

RB: The department of internal security has now completed its investigation. It has found no evidence of any infiltration into UI whatsoever, especially since the absence of any attempt to make us surrender. It appears our decision to close our borders has prevented infiltration.

TF: If only the other nations of England had listened to us instead of denouncing us as criminals! What's the international situation, Johnnie?

JW: General disarray and backbiting. God knows what's going on in Rhanukhan! Glerica appears to have fully sided with the enemy. DPL seems to be leaderless. NDR initially surrendered, but there appears to be an uprising in progress. Rutzatil also appears to have escaped infiltration, possibly due to its less developed nature.

TF: Why have we not been targeted?

RB: Probably as we have kept a low profile recently, also because of our outcast tag. We are obviously not perceived as a threat.

TF: So what is our next move. We cannot sit here and assume nothing we happen to us if we stay quiet, and I'm sure as hell not going to surrender!

JW: Ron and I are in agreement, Tom. We should send a secret message to the leaders of the NDR insurgency, offering our support. We have an agent in NDR who has made contact with the insurgency leaders. We also recommend opening dialogue with Rutzatil. We must unite with as many nations as possible.

TF: Agreed. See to the message to NDR Ron, and contact Rutzatil, Johnnie.

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United Idiocracy
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ENCODED MESSAGE TO NDR

THE GOVERNMENT OF UI HAS RESISTED INFILTRATION AND WE ARE READY TO ASSIST OUR NDR BROTHERS IN OVERTHROWING THEIR ALIEN LEADERSHIP.

THE ARMED FORCES OF UI STAND READY TO DELIVER WHATEVER ASSISTANCE AS MAY BE NECESSARY TO DEFEAT THE ALIEN INFLUENCES IN NDR.

WE AWAIT THE WORD.

GEN RON BACARDI
UI DEFENCE SECRETARY
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United Idiocracy
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Message to Rutzatil

The Government of UI is eager to engage our neighbours in Rutzatil in discussions in order to ensure the security of our respective sovereign nations, and to discuss how we may best work together for the benefit of England.

I would very much like to lead a diplomatic mission to meet with your leadership at your earliest convenience.

Yours

Gen Johnnie Walker
UI Foreign Secretary
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rhanukhan
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[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

Exalted Fleetmaster! We have received an urgent communication from infiltrator Ojundasll! He appears to be having difficulty maintaining control of the nation he has claimed in our name. The one calling itself New Drakensberg Range!

Then this New Drakensberg Range will be the first to feel the might of our ground forces! It is about time we commenced this invasion properly.

As you command, exalted one!

And I grow bored of awaiting Chonmiklatt's arrival - commence final procedures for the bombardment of the city below!
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rhanukhan
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[In his command bunker, His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, Horatio J. Prism is about to make possibly the most difficult decision of his career]

Your Resplendence, the nuclear missile is targeted on Lehpuhrta. The island is currently over Harghattoria province - the whole place is just desert and uranium mines - it's the least occupied area in Rhanukhan. Any delay and we'll be bringing it down over somewhere far more densely populated - we have to act now!

Malachite... you've left me no choice...
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rhanukhan
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[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

*Constantine Malachite and Professor Lucy Sideboard are unashamedly brawling although Malachite is clearly holding back*

You... alien vermin! I trusted you throughout this!

Lucy! Please! Don't make me- gah!

What?! Kill me?! Like you're going to kill everybody else on this planet?!

I'm not!!!

I know you're not! I won't let you!

+++ATTENTION - SPLORT SIGNAL DETECTED+++

The -unf!- Glericans!

+++ATTENTION - SPLORT SIGNAL NEUTRALIZED+++

See - why would I be working to stop the kidnap of Rhanukhani citizens if I was a loyal Symyano?!

I don't know - maybe the Glericans are free of your corruption and trying to save us! It wouldn't be the first thing you've lied about!

I've always been as honest as I could risk with you.

Your outrageous explanations for how you'd come by the information about the upcoming Symyano invasion... I never questioned them! I can't believe I let myself be led along just because- no!

Because what? What is it, Lucy?

Stop calling me that - all these years you've only ever addressed me as 'Professor'! You've never seen me as more than just an employee, even though I... ohhh... I loved you, Constantine!

I know, Lucy... I love you too. It's why I did this... all of this... betraying my people... preparing this world to resist... it was all for you - I couldn't bear to see-

+++ATTENTION! SYMYANO FLAGSHIP IS POWERING UP ITS PRIMARY WEAPON+++

No! Lucy! Please! You have to trust me!

I...
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network Late Night Bulletin]

Good evening viewers. The time is nine o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to the Rhanukhan OrbiTech satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

And Finally?: The deadline has passed and we now await the inevitable. This will probably be my last broadcast from the RSNN studio, here in Rhanukhan city and I'd like to thank each and every one of you, devoted viewers, who have watched and listened to my colleagues and I since this station was established by our fine government just three years ago. Such a short space of time and yet so much has happened... and all of it covered by the RSNN news team! Hopefully those of us still out on location - science correspondent, Jonathan Spatula; financial correspondent Wendy Collander; our veteran newshound, Dwight Alabaster and of course our newest teammember, political correspondent, Gillian Towelrail - will continue to fly the RSNN flag alongside whoever replaces those of us here in Rhanukhan city. I'd like to leave you now with this recording of our first broadcast - a cheerful reminder of happier times!

Goodnight and goodbye, viewers - this has been Trent Butterknife for Rhanukhani State News Network.

(OOC: wow - that one was actually upsetting to write - methinks I'm getting far too involved with my little imaginary citizens!)
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rhanukhan
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[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

Exalted Fleetmaster!!! Chonmiklatt's island has begun to advance upon us again!

At last! Is the primary weapon ready?

It is, your exaltedness!

Then be ready - I want the traitor to witness the destruction firsthand!
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rhanukhan
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[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

Computer! As soon as we're within range I want you to channel the entire output of the levitation generators into a single pulse targeted at the Symyano flagship!

+++WARNING! CANNOT COMPLY. LEVITATION GENERATORS WILL BE TEMPORARILY OFFLINE FOLLOWING DESIRED ACTION+++

I know that, computer - we're just going to have to hope they can be brought back online before we hit the ground! Override all appropriate safety procedures!

Constantine - you can't!

No - but you can, Lucy! I'll be too busy with the attack - I need you ready to save us all immediately afterwards... I know you can do it!
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rhanukhan
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[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

Put me in communion with Chonmiklatt!

At once, Exalted Fleetmaster!

Chonmiklatt! I know you hear me - will you not open up visual communion? I would like very much to see your face as this city is destroyed!
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rhanukhan
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[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

You're not going to destroy Rhanukhan, Boohubalss - in fact, the only thing you'll do today is die!

"Ha! You think to threaten me!!! I have conquered other worlds, Chonmiklatt - you know this and yet you choose to defy me! We have scanned your flying island and there are no weapons of any note! How did you hope to defeat me? Purely with your charm?"

You'll see soon enough, Boohubalss.

"I tire of this - witness the destruction of your precious city, Chonmiklatt!"

My name, Boohubalss - is Constantine! Computer! Fire the gravity pulse, now!!!
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

Helloooo and good evening viewers! I'm roving reporter, Sophie Futon, here on the streets of Rhanukhan city where it seems that miracles do happen!

For over a day now, the horrified residents of our national capital have lived in terror of the object in the skies above - the Symyano flagship! But, as you can see from this footage recorded just moments ago, it was joined by a second object - the flying island province of Lehpuhrta - which, if earlier reports are to be believed, was also here with destruction in mind!

And destruction it brought - but not to Rhanukhan! Although the footage is shaky, that alone can't account for the curious atmospheric distortion seen... just here... occurring between Lehpuhrta and the Symyano ship. I have no idea what it was - and I'm sure scientists are speculating already - but it's effects were phenomenal! The Symyano flagship was pretty much disintegrated, blasted eastwards as an expanding cloud of rubble where hopefully it will come down in the Overleaf Ocean, miles fro- waitaminute - the yellow glow under Lehpuhrta... Tim - get me a shot of the island! Oh... my... it's coming down!!!!

Sophie Futon, Rhanukhani State News Network (Rhanukhan - 21:10, 20/04/08)
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[In his command bunker, His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, Horatio J. Prism is is suddenly regretting the most difficult decision of his career]

Malachite! You're incredible - you've saved everyone! Abort that missile launch and get me in contact with him!

Y-your Resplendence, the nuclear missile is already away!

But...! Can't we call it back??!!!
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rhanukhan
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[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

+++WARNING! LEVITATION GENERATORS OFFLINE! GRAVITY FIELD OFFLINE! ISLAND SURFACE ATMOSPHERE LOSS CRITICAL! RECOMMEND DESCENT TO LOWER ALTITUDE! DESCENT RATE CRITICAL! IMPACT WITH PLANETARY SURFACE IN-

Shut... up... computer!!! Lucy! We need the levitation generators back!

I'm working on it, Constantine!!! That pulse wave completely burned out the generators at the eastern end of the island and I need to-

Just do it! Computer! I want full manual control ready for me the instant we have power!

+++COMPLYING+++

+++WARNING! INCOMING MISSILE ATTACK DETECTED!+++

Now?!!! What happened? Did Boohubalss survive?!

+++NEGATIVE. SYMYANO FLAGSHIP COMPLETELY DESTROYED. MISSILE ORIGIN: RHANUKHAN+++

Oh no! Prism must have believed Boohubalss' broadcast! Lucy!!!
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rhanukhan
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[Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

This is Gillian Towelrail... on the flying - ha! On the falling island... of Lehpuhrta! Billy! Are....are you getting... all this?

The air... it's being sucked away by the speed... of our descent! It looks like everybody's... screaming... hard to hear... feeling... light-headed...

I hope... hoped to report everything... all the way down... what a story! Billy! Are... are you... Billy?...

Gillian Towelrail, Rhanukhani State News Network (Lehpuhrta - 21:10, 20/04/08)
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rhanukhan
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[On board the Symyano vessel over New Drakensberg Range]

Put me in communion with the Fleetmaster!

At once, Shipmaster Coohudalss!

Exalted Fleetmaster! The ground force is ready to descend - we await only your order!

Shipmaster Coohudalss! The flagship does not respond!

What?! Why not?

*Coohudalss' aide consults the small device he carries and suddenly looks up in shock before barking an order at a junior officer*

You! Confirm this at once! Shipmaster - there are reports from the primitive creatures below that suggest the flagship has been destroyed!

Impossible!!!
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Glerican Splort Command

"We just don't have that kind of power available on short notice, doctor!"

"But whatever was blocking the splort signal has gone! You saw the news - Mr Malachite is a hero! We could save all of Lehpuhrta by returning it to the Sea of Regret!"

"Mr Malachite was probably the one who's been blocking all our efforts!"

"We can't let Lehpuhrta crash into Rhanukhan! Millions of people will die!"

A security technician runs in:

"It might not get the chance - we've just had reports of a nuclear missile heading for it!"

"A missile! Oh my god!"

"Doctor... I think I've just come up with a way to kill two birds with one stone!"

(OOC: Sorry for swiping your characters, Glerica - it would probably have been a real pain to try and co-ordinate this with you - hope you don't mind!)
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Glerica
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[ *  *  *  *  * ]
(OOC: Lol! Don't worry! It's quite funny actually, when it began falling I was thinking about splorting it back xD! Carry on, I'm enjoying it immensely!)
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