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The Great Banana Rush
Topic Started: Dec 17 2007, 07:27 PM (8,472 Views)
rhanukhan
Member Avatar
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

+++ATTENTION! MISSILE NEUTRALIZED+++

What the...? Neutralized? How, computer?

+++SIGNAL CONSISTENT WITH SPLORT-BASED ATTACK DETECTED – ATTEMPTING TO DETERMINE ORIGIN+++

Splort? It couldn't be...

+++SPLORT SIGNAL POINT OF ORIGIN: GLERICA+++

But... that must mean...!

+++ATTENTION! LEVITATION GENERATORS ONLINE, FUNCTIONING AT 91.7% CAPACITY. ATTEMPTING TO STABILIZE ISLAND. GRAVITY FIELD RESTORED, ATMOSPHERE CURRENTLY EQUALIZED WITH EXTERNAL PRESSURE AND TEMPERATURE - RECOMMEND DESCENT TO LOWER ALTITUDE! CURRENT DESCENT SPEED: 60 KNOTS AND SLOWING, ALTITUDE: 12KM. ESTABLISHING MANUAL CONTROL+++

Lucy! You did it!!! Come up here! Computer - take us down to 1 kilometer and see about restoring the island's atmosphere.

Constantine! I'm so sorry I doubted you! You've done it! You... you've saved Rhanukhan!

No, Lucy... we've taken out one ship - it won't be long before the Symyano shipmasters elect a new fleetmaster from amongst their number... and then the war will really begin!

But...?

Hush - that can wait until tomorrow! I've waited a long time for this moment...

Constantine?

Lucy.

*The two lovers finally enjoy their first kiss... and probably whatever follows but you'll never know because, just like the best cheesey films, the camera fades to black...* :P
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
(OOC: End of this chapter :) Sorry the whole thing's been a hopelessly B-Movie cheesefest but, hey - I like that kind of thing! :P also sorry for totally dominating the thread for the last few pages - most of this was actually written last january and just needed minor tweaking (well, pretty major when I suddenly had to fit splorting in somehow) to make it fit around what everybody else has been up to... and all because I looked at the map last year and thought: "A giant banana?! Where the hell would that have come from?" :huh: An invasion fleet of space-monkeys seemed the perfectly reasonable answer ;) Naturally, Coohudalss is going to become the new fleetmaster and step things up but from here on out I haven't currently got anything planned in advance so it should be interesting to see what we all start coming up with, yes? And I imagine Trent Butterknife's next broadcast on RSNN will probably be a little embarassing considering the emotional farewell he's just indulged in!)
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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Evening bulletin - Channel Zero, Newz0r.]

Good evening, and welcome to Channel Zero Newz0r, I'm Page Nicely.

The main news tonight - Riots break out in north Raspberry Fields after Inter Nuan Tao controversially beat .303 Tortoise 2-0 in their top-of-the-table clash. A small minority of so-called fans, numbering around 40,000, hurled paving stones and other improvised missiles at police, who responded with tear gas and heavy machine gun fire. A large number of rioters have been killed or injured.

We now go live to Dune Carolee, at the scene of the disturbance:
Only thirty minutes ago a small minority of so-called fans, numbering around 40,000, hurled paving stones and other improvised missiles at police, who responded with tear gas and heavy machine gun fire. A large number of rioters have been killed or injured.
This is Dune Carolee, Channel Zero Newz0r.


In other news Kermorvan Energy Weapons and Lasers announced record profits today after a huge increase in demand for orbital laser platforms. Company spokesman Mint Crumble was quoted as saying this was the "best ever time" for the company and the outlook has "never been brighter".

There have been no developments at all in the on-going Symyan takeover of England today. A Symyan craft still orbits over Disposablepuppetland, and the assimilation of our population continues peacefully and meekly. Newly appointed regent Clarrents Vishni was quoted as saying he had "nothing further to add" in a recent press statement.
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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Somewhere in northern West-Side]

"So run this past me again, Devo, the Symyans invented splorting, but you can do it better?"

"Splortin' ain't the brightest way of goin' about things to be honest wiv ya. It takes shed-loads of power an' it only lasts a jiffy. "It takes so much power cos you're only pushin' the connection one-way. It ain't balanced up right, an when you take the power away, it all goes tits-up. You don't wanna be bovrin' wiv that malarkey. What you wanna be doin' is makin' a two-way connection, like, innit.
So I set up me own box'a'tricks. I call it a Splortal. The splort waves go in both directions, right, so it's stable, an' you can keep it runnin' for hours. Don't need so much juice neither."

"Yeah, and some Gin..." Winston was having difficulty keeping up with the explanation.

Cake ignored him and continued to question the professor. "What about their dampening field though?"

"Their field blocks incoming splort waves, yeah, but we're sendin' waves both directions. So... either the field won't block the waves at all... or it'll block the just the incoming waves and the opposing waves will suck the ship back through the splortal."

"Interesting", Cake grinned.

"Yeah, should be a right tin bath.", Devo picked up a step-ladder, "Next job, settin' up the lasers. If you fellas can grab those boxes an drag 'em up the apples an pears, we'll make a start."

They carried the boxes outside and followed the peak of the ridge. As they moved round the ancient caldera they stopped at 60o intervals, erected metal posts secured with guy-ropes, and attached a laser to the top of each. Cake noticed there were two more block-houses also perched on the ridge. Winston noticed the huge amount of hemp growing in the area and rolled a makeshift spliff to keep his spirits up. The workrate slowed somewhat after this.
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Allandaros
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For Tanith - For the Emperor
[ *  *  *  * ]
There has been little news from Irongaard in recent months, since even before the Symyano invasion. Other than rumors of the abdication of Grand Duke Allandaros, and a new government ("New Irongaard") being formed, under the leadership of the mysterious Grand Duke Caine, the borders have been quiet.

Yet there are always rumors. The Symyano landings at Swordsgate and Irongaard Keep were curiously unopposed, but no trace could be found of either Grand Duke.

"Hear that the entire council's missing..."
"...guerrilla raids from Teldreth Forest..."
"...Grand Duke Caine's still alive, he's leading the resistance..."
"...captured a Symyano lander..."

Then came the destruction of Ulric's Fist. "Punitive measures," the Symyano collaborators said. Yet photographs of the destruction circulated widely. Resistance groups, already present, became even stronger. The Irongaard Civil Defense Acts, passed under Grand Duke Allandaros (providing submachine guns to all Irongaard residents who requested one and had been certified by the Civil Defense Authority) meant that even after Symyano attempts to confiscate all weaponry, arms remained in the hands of the people. And the phrase kept circulating.

"Irongaard Resists."

Posted Image
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Rutzatil
Peasant
[ *  *  * ]
Rutzatil response to UI:

Rutzatil is interested in these disscussions and awaits the arrival of a representative from UI.

Sorry for the delay, we have been busy with internal matters.

Sir Bruce Pringle

Rutzatil Foreign Secretary
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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Kermorvan steel works, west-coast of DPL]

Clouds of steam rise from a massive cast as it is slowly opened. A huge black circle is revealed, and workers begin cleaning and polishing the surface.

"Dunno why we need to be 'ere, Fred.", said Smick grumpily.

"Boss wants to know the moment it's finished. Must be an important contract."

"When's the boat coming in?"

"Ain't going on a boat."

"Well how are they gonna shift it then? Won't fit on a train."

"They're gonna send an airship apparently."

"Oh very swish. Hope they don't drop it."

"Better give the boss a call then."

"Oh yeah." Smick dialled the number.

Administration

"Sorry to bother you sir, Mr. Smicker here."

Ah yes, is that shipment ready?

"Yes sir."

Excellent. Thank-you Mr. Smicker. Good day.

The administrator closed the call and immediately dialled another number.

Yeah.

"Ah Mr. Perez, our interesting cargo is soon to depart. I'll leave this matter in your capable hands..."
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New Drakensberg Range
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Lord
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
rhanukhan,20 Apr 2008
09:36 PM
(OOC: End of this chapter :) Sorry the whole thing's been a hopelessly B-Movie cheesefest but, hey - I like that kind of thing! :P also sorry for totally dominating the thread for the last few pages - most of this was actually written last january and just needed minor tweaking (well, pretty major when I suddenly had to fit splorting in somehow) to make it fit around what everybody else has been up to... and all because I looked at the map last year and thought: "A giant banana?! Where the hell would that have come from?" :huh: An invasion fleet of space-monkeys seemed the perfectly reasonable answer ;) Naturally, Coohudalss is going to become the new fleetmaster and step things up but from here on out I haven't currently got anything planned in advance so it should be interesting to see what we all start coming up with, yes? And I imagine Trent Butterknife's next broadcast on RSNN will probably be a little embarassing considering the emotional farewell he's just indulged in!)

OOC: Rhak, if there are new awards being given out, I will nominate this thread, and I will specifically nominate you to have an award, because of the effort you have put in to keep this thread alive. Keep up the great work. :D
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Rutzatil
Peasant
[ *  *  * ]
"TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY-NINE, TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY! Okay you worthless meatbags, on your feet"


The whole of Omega Company stood up. They started to line up at the drinking tap for water.

Private James Jones wondered over to the tap.

"Hey, big man, haazit going? You got any idea when we're moving out of here?"

"No."

"Fair enough, pal."

Jones returned to his comanpy's part of the campsite. He glanced up at Private Mark Wallace.

"Alright, Jonesy?"

"Yer, not bad. 'Ere, you tried talking to Omega Company? Right moody gits. Tell you something though, glad there on our side, they just banged out 250 press-ups like nothing. So what's happening with this invasion thing then?"

"From what i hear, us and Bravo Company are gonna get moved up by Wednesday with possible engagment. If we get turned over, they'll send the Air Force in to drop a few prezzies and follow up with Omega."

Jones fumbled with his cigarette lighter

"Gotta say, i been in the army for years, i ain't never seen anything like it, Omega i mean. An entire company of monsters. It's like that film, the one with the Australian guy, Arnold something."

"He was Austrian, you plank"

"Yeah well, still, it ain't natural. 'Ere, think about it, if we've got these bad boys on our side, think what everyone else has got in their hand. NDR and all 'em are much more advanced than us. We're the new boys."

"Mate, pound for pound, there isn't a better armed forces anywhere, not on this earth at any rate, believe me. I heard they're working on some super weapon to go with Omega. Like a laser cannon or death ray or something. Apperantly there's a electronic bomb or a sound bomb the Air force got which don't kill your enemy but leaves them totally helpless so you just walk over 'em."

"Yeah well, we'll see i guess. Crap, what time is? Bugger, Curfew, Night Wally."

"See ya mate."

As Jones walked off towards his tent, he saw two trucks pull up outside the perimeter fence. He could clearly see the emblem of the Rutzatil Secret Service on one of the trucks and the emblem of the Rutzatil Elite Army Corps on the other. Two men in combats jumped out the R.E.A.C truck and started unloading some crates. Two men in black suits got out the other and started talking. Jones couldn't see what the crates had stuck on to them.

"Huh, probably just food rations or ammo"

He climbed into the tent and went to sleep.

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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Somewhere in northern West-Side]

Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty, you're listenin' to the boy from the big bad city. This is...

"Yeah." Cake answered his phone. "....yeah......mmm.....ok.....yeah....ok. Final co-ordinates are 690.013, 857.225."

He turned to Devo. "The shipment should be here within the hour man."

"Nice one." Devo rubbed his hands together. "Let's get the winches fixed up then."

He led them around to the nearest block-house and showed them how to work the winches. Each block-house contained a single heavy-duty electric winch with a steal cable running down into the caldera. The cables were attached to a single loop of cable in the middle of the pit. As they wound in the winches, the cables pulled taught, and the central loop rose into the air. Directly underneath the loop was the old shack covering the top of the mineshaft.

"Next up: the dynamite!" said Devo excitedly.

"Dynamite?" Cake looked dubiously at the professor.

"Yes mate. Big ol' firecrackers." They went back to the first block-house, collected three boxes of full of explosives and placed them all around the edge of the caldera, then wired them up to a firing console in the main block-house.

"Now we need a few more down the mine." Devo led them towards the mineshaft. There was no lift, but a ladder descended down the side of the wide shaft. As they climbed down the temperature rose alarmingly and Winston was sweating heavily by the time they reached the bottom. Devo switched on a torch and they could now see three horizontal tunnels leading off from the main shaft.

"We just need dynamite at the end of each tunnel, then we can open up the lava pit."

"Lava?" wondered Winston.

"Yeah, you'll see" replied Devo and explained as they walked along the tunnels. "This volcano is no longer active right, and the lava underneath is no longer under pressure. In fact, since the National Bass started up, the vibrations have caused the magma underneath West-Side to flow away, reducing the pressure even further. That's why East-Side sank into the sea, see."

No bells at all were ringing in Winston's memory.

They returned to the main shaft and Devo pointed his torch down at the floor. There was a large manhole cover directly underneath the shaft. Devo picked out a crowbar from his belt and lifted the edge of the cover. The tunnel was suddenly bathed in a dull red glow and the temperature rose even higher. Devo gave another tug on the crowbar and lifted the cover free. They could now see a huge subterranean cavern with a lava lake bubbling away at the bottom. The heat was now unbearable. They quickly started back up the ladder.

"When we set off the dynamite, all this rock will fall into the lava, forcing the lava up this shaft, and through the splortal."

"Dis is crazy!" said Cake.

"Nah mate, it's simple, trust me, what could go wrong?"
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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[On the Da Maxos road, northern West-Side]

"Couldn't you have acquired a more suitable vehicle?" asked agent Evratrelss, as the stretch limo cruised along the two-lane highway.

"I'm Joe 'Shoulder' Perez, Minister of Demanding Respect. I have to fit the part." replied agent Gambilditt.

"I've been here three years now and I still don't understand a thing about these people's culture. They really are the most wilfully ignorant race we've ever encountered. They seem to have elevated mindless stupidity into an art form!"

"Yeah man, innit!" replied Gambilditt sarcastically.

"Don't you start! I've had about as much of that nonsense as I can take."

"Hey, there it is." Gambilditt pointed north-west, where a huge airship was floating serenely above the horizon. "Better take the next left."
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network Late Night Bulletin]

Good evening viewers. The time is ten o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to the Rhanukhan OrbiTech satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

It's War!: RSNN has received the first reports that the Symyano invaders have commenced their ground offensive. Observations from the Rhanukhani State Space Station indicate large numbers of small craft have been descending from the Symyano vessels over New Drakensberg Range for the last twenty four hours. Initial fears of some form of saturation bombing were calmed when no evidence of the expected massive destruction was reported, however, nations across England are now keeping a wary eye on the sky.

Take your filthy paws off me, you damn dirty ape!: Governor of Lehpuhrta, Constantine Malachite, the hero responsible for destroying the Symyano flagship, and, it turns out, saving His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman last week isn't about to sit back and take a break! As you can see from this footage, shot earlier today in the shadow of Lehpuhrta, he's been ferrying up supplies and ferrying down civilians. Commentators are speculating that the billionaire business mogul is preparing for war with the aliens and transforming the island into some sort of flying fortress. In spite of her traumatic experience on the island during it's maiden flight, Gillian Towelrail has opted to remain aloft and bring us exclusive reports from Rhanukhan's most unusual colony!

Just What Is He?: Staying on the subject of Constantine Malachite, mystery still surrounds the former Symyano fleetmaster's claims that the billionaire business mogul and provincial governor is, in fact, a Symyano infiltrator himself! If so, then his actions earlier this week must certainly have come as a surprise to his alleged employers! We join roving reporter, Sophie Futon for the opinion of the man in the street.

And finally: The crash site of the remains of the former Symyano flagship out in the Overleaf Ocean has been thoroughly investigated by Rhanukhani naval vessels operating out of the port at Verang. Although several Symyano bodies were retrieved from the water, no survivors were found and very little in the way of floating wreckage.

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

+++EVACUATION OF CIVILIAN POPULATION COMPLETE.+++

That's good to hear computer - with Lehpuhrta now mostly crewed by GBI-2s and our large defence force of GBI-1s backed up by all these new weapon systems we should be better prepared for dealing with the Symyano fleet. I'm surprised they haven't attacked already - I can only presume the shipmasters have been engaging in the... traditional... method of selecting their new leader. If they were still my people, I'd probably hope that most of them survived *chuckles*

Constantine! Reports are coming through that the Symyano have begun invading NDR!

Thank you, Lucy - I expected the new fleetmaster would opt for a ground assault - he probably wants to make England suffer for what we did to his predecessor

Then he will probably succeed - some English nations barely have armed forces worthy of the name and our own GBI-1 and 2s only account for a small percentage of the population, regardless of how superior they are to regular humans.

No, he's a fool - he could easily bombard the world into submission in a day or so. Instead, by following this plan, he's putting himself on a more even footing with the brave defenders of this world. hmm... Speaking of the GBIs, any luck contacting any of our GBI-2 primaries in Glerica? Something prevented them from knocking out the splort installation's power supply and I want to know what it was!

But, Constantine, surely you're pleased they failed - if it wasn't for the Glerican's splorting that missile we'd all be radioactive dust by now! You said yourself that you were satisfied that the Glericans weren't under Symyano control - you even spoke with the splort team and thanked them for everything!

I know, Lucy, but our records show that 1,574 GBI-2 primaries were in that country when the Symyano arrived, plus however many secondaries they'd created. I mean, we purposefully sent larger numbers there using the RhanuTour cover just because Glerica's ban on Banana based products meant they wouldn't buy our GBI-1s! Where are they all? There's been nothing on the Glerican news channels that could be related to them and no direct communication for days!

It is indeed most odd - I'll continue in my efforts to establish communications.
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Aboard the new flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

Fleetmaster Coohudalss - Exalted One! The ground assault has begun on the nation below!

Excellent news, we will observe the response of this New Drakensberg Range and factor it into our tactics when invading the other nations of this world. That fool, Boohubalss grossly underestimated the creatures of this world. Even before Chonmiklatt revealed the extent of his treachery it was plain to see that they were far more innovative and devious than first presumed! I want regular updates from all infiltrators - anything that could even remotely be another superweapon in development must be reported immediately!

It shall be as you command, your exaltedness! Ah... speaking of Chonmiklatt...

Yes?

There has been a great deal of traffic between the surface and his flying island during the last two turns of this world... the other shipmasters are concerned that he is preparing an offensive against us. After witnessing his mighty weapon in-

Pah! A curse on that traitor's name! That was no weapon - Chonmiklatt was clearly desperate, using the island's levitation systems like that! He nearly destroyed himself! It is a great pity he did not. I would have smashed that island immediately - whilst it was still weak from that insane attack on the flagship - if I hadn't been forced into the petty squabbles with the other shipmasters over who would replace Boohubalss! To think we are the most superior race in the galaxy - there are times when we can be worse than those savages below!
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Incoming Transmission... Strength 40%, Compensating. Location Glerica, ID: Captain Kelli Irving

...

...

...

They have it! They have the... ... taken priso... I'm onl... ne left... I have to get ou.... taken.... yellow ski.... control! Symyans have con....

Compensating Transmission... Please Wait

*gunfire*

Activate Emergency Splort!


Transmission Lost
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New Drakensberg Range
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Lord
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Transmission from somewhere in New Drakensberg Range

This...

....General Owen Downguard. New...

...erg Range has been invaded by Symyano forces. All cities have been occupied by the invad...

...Some NDR military forces not hit in initial bombardment. Nearly 7,000 NDR soldiers are still able to fight...

...NDR soldiers are ordered to withdraw to Port Alpha. We request either military assistance, or evacuation of NDR civilians and soldiers who can get to Port Alp...

...John Dulles is reported dead. Killed by bodyguards. Government under control of humans, but government cannot maintain control of suituation for much long...

Transmission ended
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Glerican International Gateway - Central Computer accessed by Rhanukhan Secure Server

Greetings Rhanukhan! Thanks for connecting to the Gateway. Unfortunately, all of our servers are busy at the moment, so you may have to wait for an estimate of TEN MINUTES. Please hold, your connection and the relationship between our nations is very important to us.

...

You selected "Urgent Matters" unfortunately, all direct pathways are busy so you may have to wait for an estimate of TWENTY MINUTES. Please hold, your connection and the relationship between our nations is very important to us. Would you like to hear out latest news bulletin?

[Y/N] Y

...

Unusually for Glerican news, this bulletin is purely audio file on the back drop of a Glerican flag

"Hi there, welcome to the evening news international edition. With the island disintegrating the Symyan mother ship with the help of the Glerican Splort Command by protecting said island from a nuclear warhead, all is well on Glerica and celebrations ran late into the night.

In other news, land advances from the Symyan forces were deflected by splort based defences, although other nations in England are not faring as well. However, government officials have pledged to support these natinos in these difficult times.

Thats all the news this time, thanks for watching!"

...

[Replay?] N

...

Thanks for connecting to the Gateway. Unfortunately, all of our servers are busy at the moment, so you may have to wait for an estimate of FOUR HUNDRED MINUTES. Please hold, your connection and the relationship between our nations is very important to us.

RAM CHECK FAIL> CRITICAL ERROR>WARNING! OVERLOAD>RE-ROUTING COMMAND>
SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT? Confirmed!

Thanks for connecting to the Gateway. Unfortunately, all of our servers are busy at the moment, so you may have to wait for an estimate of G5DE!" @:£%% MINUTES. Please hold, your connection and the relationship between our nations is very important to us.

MASSIVE ENERGY SURGE DETECTED IN ZONE GSC1 REROUTING> LIFE ENERGY DETECTED! CANNON?
SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPLORT?SPL@RT?SPL!RT?T5:0R1?

Rebooting. CENTRAL SERVER NOT FOUND. Rolling back to back-up Gateway. BACK UP NOT FOUND. Rolling back to remote access Gateway. Connected!

Thanks for connecting to the Gateway. Unfortunately, all of our servers are busy at the moment, so you may have to wait for an estimate of INFINITY MINUTES. Please hold, your connection and the relationship between our nations is very important to us.

I'm sorry, we're preforming vital updates to provide a better service and the gateway is unavailable at this time. Please try again later.

Disconnected

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United Idiocracy
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
UI NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL MEETING - MINISTRY OF DEFENCE, IDIOCRATON

President Foolery glanced round the table. In front of him were the best military minds in UI, he would need their advice in order to make the hardest decision of his life.

"What's the situation, Ron?", he looked the minister of defence direct in the eye.

"The NDR rebellion appears to have toppled the Symyano infiltrators running the Government, however the country appears to be in complete disarray since the ground assault began. We have reports that the remaining NDR armed forces are gathering at Port Alpha to mount a counter-attack. They are severly depleted and their chances of repelling the invaders is slim, sir"

"Any word from Johnnie?", refering to the Foreign Secretary's journey to Rutzatil. "not yet" replied under-secretary Grouse.

President Foolery sighed. "we really could do with knowing their position....whether they will work with us...before taking any decisions, what's the state of the armed forces, General Smirnoff?".

"At maximum readiness, sir. We can move within 24 hours, with a full force, but we cannot stay at this level indefinitely"

Foolery got up and walked to the window. "and whats the danger of doing nothing?"

"If NDR falls, we're next in line, along with Forthampton. Nothing's been heard from their government for some considerable time - they may have fallen already"

"OK, I think I need a moment to consider the options. You are dismissed, gentlemen"

With that the advisors left, leaving Gen Foolery to ponder his next move....
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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Slightly south of somewhere in northern West-Side]

Agents Gambilditt and Evratrelss ran through the hemp fields that lined the foothills of the volcano. They could see the airship ahead of them, it had slowed down and now looked like it was manoeuvring into position.

As they reached the ridge they stopped and assessed the situation.

"What do make of it?"

Evratrelss frowned, "Six lasers, all pointing at a big loop of superconductor, suspended in the air."

"And what will that do?"

"Melt, eventually... although it would take months."

Gambilditt pulled a camera from his pocket and began taking pictures. "We'll see what the tech boys make of it."

"Hey, what's that down there?" said Evratrelss, pointing at some wires poking out of the earth at the base of the ridge. They scrambled down to take a look.

Gambilditt gave the wires a tug and pulled something out of the ground. "Explosives. Interesting..."

"I wonder..." wondered Evratrelss. "I think we'd better defuse these, just in case. Have a look in that shack down there. I'll check out the block-house on the ridge."
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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[690.013, 857.225, northern West-Side]

Winston was first up the ladder. As he left the shack, he glanced upward and nearly tripped over his own feet in surprise. A huge airship was manoeuvring into position above him.

Devo stumbled out behind him and saw the airship. "Get in there! Now we're cookin' on gas!." He grabbed a stepladder leaning up against the shack and climbed up to reach the steel cables suspended above them. The massive hoop of refined BE ejecta was slung underneath the airship and slowly descending.

Cake took out his phone and called the pilot. "Yeah... that's it... down a bit."

As the hoop reached the cables, Devo attached them with clamps built onto the side of the hoop. As the airship continued to descend the supporting lines slackened and the winch cables took up the strain. Devo unhooked the airship lines and Cake gave the pilot the all clear. The airship began to drift upward and away.

Devo then fixed the bananium canisters to the inside of the hoop.

"Let's get this lot all powered up then." said Devo, and they walked back up the steep path to the block-house.
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Rutzatil
Peasant
[ *  *  * ]
Message to UI:

Your representative has arrived safe and sound. We are willing to aid you in the fight against the invaders. We shall look after your representative until we hear what you want us to do. Our army is stationed and ready to move out.

Yours,

Sir Bruce Pringle
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New Drakensberg Range
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Lord
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Transmission from Port Alpha in New Drakensberg Range

This is General Owen Downguard, commander of NDR forces in Port Alpha and the surrounding area. Symyano forces are only 30 miles distant from Port Alpha. I request immediate bomber support from the nations of England, against the Symyano forces advancing against us. I also request ground support as soon as possible. As a precaution, civilians have been evacuated from Port Alpha, and are setting sail west from New Drakensberg Range. If nothing else, please could the nations of England provide naval and aerial support for these ships, and could a nation please allows these refugees into their nation. Thank you.
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Rutzatil
Peasant
[ *  *  * ]
Message to NDR:

Rutzatil has created a refugee camp just inside it's borders and is has sent five personel carrier type aircraft in order to help with evacuations.

Waiting for a reply from UI before sending mililtary personel.
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Glerican International Gateway

Thanks for connecting to the Glerican National Gateway. I'm sorry, the country "GLERICA" cannot be reached at the moment, as it is in emergency lockdown. All border intruders will be immediately executed. It is in our and your best interests to not approach Glerican borders, or Glerican airspace.

Thanks for connecting to the Glerican National Gateway.
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United Idiocracy
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
In the UI President's palace, Gen Foolery stared out across the neatly-manicured lawns. There was a knock on the door - in walked Under-secretary Grouse and Defence Minister Bacardi.

"We have heard from Rutzatil, they have received our proposal favourably, and are awaiting further instructions, sir" announced Grouse

"Excellent! Mr Bacardi, We have a go. See to it please" Gen Foolery exclaimed

"At once, sir" Gen Bacardi replied, then left.
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United Idiocracy
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
ENCODED MESSAGE TO RUTZATIL GOVERNMENT FROM UI DEPARTMENT OF DEFENCE

We deeply thank you for agreeing to our proposal, to aid NDR in this hour of need.

We request that you despatch your expeditionary force immediately to aid the defence of Port Alpha, and to establish a beach head from which to expand operations when required.

The UI fleet will shortly be despatched to conduct an amphibious landing in central southern NDR, and will look to move on Englesburgh as soon as is practical.

Please advise your opinions in due course

Gen Ron Bacardi
UI Secretary of War
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United Idiocracy
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
UITV1 Breaking News

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you the following annoucement. We now cross to Bill Donkey in the newsroom.

In an annoucement made 10 minutes ago from the presidential Palace, President Foollery has announced that United Idiocracy, in a joint operations with our neighbour Rutzatil, has mobilise our armed forces in order to defend NDR from the Alien Invaders.

As we speak, the UIAF has launched squadrons of MORON II tactical bombers and MORON III high altitude bombers, together with fighter escort from UIAF bases all over UI.

The naval flotilla which has been building up in Port Stoopid Sound is also expected to get underway in the very near future.

We cannot say what the ultimate destination of the bombers or the flotilla is, but our thoughts are with our brave servicemen and woman who are putting their lives on the line for the defence of England

We will give further information as it is released by the Government.

We now return you to normal programming.

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Rutzatil
Peasant
[ *  *  * ]
The drone of what sounded like a R22 X-class SkyTiger grew louder and louder.

Sargent Quadrus looked out of his window and saw he was right, it a SkyTiger, the main Surveillance aircraft in Rutzatil's Air force. He got up and moved through to the mess hall. The room was full with the noice of dining and conversation

"Alright lads, Recon's 'ere, it's gonna have little look-see at what's up there and the defenses. If all's good they'll radio in and we can move up onto the beach. Everyone understand?"

There was a general murmer of mutal understanding.

"Good. Just sit tight and wait for the radio to spark up"

The Sargent turned around and made his way back to his quaters. His audience was Alpha Squadron of the Rutzatil Elite Army Corps.

"Hey, Jonesy, this close enough to action for ya?" asked Private Wallace with a grin on his face.

"Hmm, i'd rather get on land, i don't like boats. If i wanted to be on a boat i would have join the navy."

"Haha, ahh well mate, all we gotta do is set up camp on the beach, wait for the UI lads to meet us and then we can move on to the real business."

Suddenly the intercom crackled into life. The intercom was linked to the Officers quarters.

"Yes Sarge, the beach is clear and you've got a few miles clear after the beach. Wait, what's this, it's a...a...looks like a defense base but i can't see it clearly, what the! It's huge...and glowing...neon green, argh my eyes, i can't look anym- what in the name...*static* I'VE BEEN HIT! I'VE BEEN HIT! I'M LOSING ALTITUDE!! THE COCKPIT'S *static* -IRE! ARGH, THE HEAT! CHRIST SAKE!"

The intercom was cut-out.

In Sargent's quarters, Quadrus was trying to listen to the pilot's distressed garble.

"I'M BLIND, ARGH, GOT SO MUCH CRAP IN MY EYES!"

The sound of metal twisting and buckling as the plane slammed into the floor at several hundred miles per hour filled the room for a split second before the radio went dead.

"First victim. Now this. means. WAR!"
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disposablepuppetland
Member Avatar
Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Evening bulletin - Channel Zero, Newz0r.]

Good evening, and welcome to Channel Zero Newz0r, I'm Page Nicely.

A small minority of so-called citizens based in the city of Hollow have declared independence from the Symyano Hegemony. Police in the city refused to fight their own countrymen and instead joined the insurgents. The government of DPL have issued a statement warning citizens not to travel to the city of Hollow under any circumstances. A task-force is being organised to crush this insignificant little rebellion.

Symyano ground forces began retaliatory action against several nations foolish enough to offer resistance. There are no specific details available at this time but we can confirm that New Drakensberg Range has been largely overrun by Symyano forces.

In other news, Regent Clarrents Vishni today announced plans for the building of a massive summer palace, in the rolling valleys, south of Raspberry Fields. In these plans he decreed a 'stately pleasure-dome' should be constructed atop a giant 'sunless sea' inside a 'deep romantic chasm'. Building contractors have described the plans as 'baffling', but nevertheless announced their 'full commitment' to the Regent's vision.
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Rutzatil
Peasant
[ *  *  * ]
"Well Jenna, that was a delightful little story about a three-legged dog doing the marathon backwards on a unicycle! But now we have breaking news, Rutzatil leader and supreme leader of the Rutzatil armed forces, General Daniel Hooper, has issued this message. Roll the clip"

*picture of Rutzatil flag comes up with Hooper's voice-over*

"My people, we have been forced to flex our military muscles in order to keep this region a peaceful and happy place. With this in mind, i have decided to deploy an experditionary force to the beaches of NDR. However, we are not alone in this fight, we have formed a coalition with our nieghbours and allies, United Idiocracy. I swear, this land shall never be invaded by the same evil that has overthrown NDR. That is all."

*cuts back to studio*

"Yes folks, you heard it here first, Rutzatil is at WAR!. Sleep well folks, I'm Roger McFibber, this, has been the 10 O'clock news"
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