| Welcome to Democratic England. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| The Great Banana Rush | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 17 2007, 07:27 PM (8,471 Views) | |
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 24 2008, 10:14 PM Post #391 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[In the Regent's private office, Raspberry Fields, DPL] "Initiate connection to Symyano command ship." NAVIGATING HIERARCHY "What is it worthless human?" "Please accept my humblest apologies for interrupting sir, but we have a problem. The rebels in our city, Hollow have found a leader. It is General Vershner!!" "Nonsense. We destroyed the individual known as General Vershner. The rebel leader is an imposter. Eliminate him." "But how? I do not have the man-power needed to fight an armed rebellion." "That is your problem human. If you cannot control your population we will... by burning ALL your cities!" |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 24 2008, 10:17 PM Post #392 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Symyano ship Valleri, in orbit above DPL] Shipmaster Chohunakee, commander of the Valleri, stood on the bridge, gazing out of the needlessly large observation window. For some reason, despite having highly advanced video technology, the Symyans still constructed their starships with huge, vulnerable observation windows surrounding the bridge. Lieutenant Ryturnclydd approached the shipmaster. "Sir, we've got a report coming in from one of our agents in northern West-Side." "West-Side? Where's that?" "It's a semi-autonomous region of Disposablepuppetland, sir." "Disposable-what!?" "Disposablepuppetland, sir. The Barely Disguised Contempt of Disposablepuppetland in fact." "What sort of idiot calls their nation Disposablepuppetland? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Do these people take anything seriously? "It would appear not, sir. Their motto is 'A bicycle is not a horse'." "What's a 'bicycle' ?" "A self-powered, two-wheeled, ground vehicle, sir." "And a 'horse' ?" "A large, four-legged herbivore, usually domesticated, once used as the primary means of transport." "So a bicycle is in fact, quite obviously not a horse?" "Indeed sir. I must confess I've been puzzling over the phrase for sometime. I'm sure there must be a deeper meaning, but it escapes me." "It wouldn't surprise me if it were just a load of gibberish they all assume must be profound. Anyway, what about this report?" "Ah yes, these are the photos taken of what may be some kind of weapon." Gambilditt's photos appeared on the main viewing screen. "Mmmm... interesting... looks primitive." said Chohunakee, "Get engineering up here to have a look." |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 24 2008, 10:19 PM Post #393 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[690.013, 857.225, northern West-Side] After forcing his way through the dense hemp field Gambilditt finally reached the shack in the centre of the caldera and looked inside. He could already feel the heat rising from the shaft and crept closer to peer over the edge. Far below the lava boiled and bubbled. He took more photos and immediately sent them up to the ship. |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 24 2008, 11:03 PM Post #394 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Symyano ship Valleri, in orbit above DPL] Engineers Hamucuree and Enosmekyurii arrived on the bridge. "Sir." "What do make of this? Some sort of primitive weapon perhaps?" The engineers peered closely at the pictures. "This central hoop... do we know what it's made of?" "Some sort of superconductor apparently. The report says huge amounts of it were created when the golden crescent impacted and fused with the native bedrock." Enosmekyurii pulled out a notepad and began scribbling calculations. "Mmmm... errr... y over n squared... carry the one... urgh... erm...", he muttered, "Ah... it could conceivably be some sort of splorting device." "So they're going to splort lava at us?" "Looks that way..." "Ha! Is that really the best they can do! Pathetic. They won't even get through the dampening field. What a snivelling worthless planet this is. Never is all my yea..." "Ahh... they might...", interrupted Enosmekyurii, "this splort device isn't like any other I've seen." "Pah! Even if they did we can just splort the lava straight back to them." "That's correct sir." |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 25 2008, 12:09 AM Post #395 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[690.013, 857.225, northern West-Side] Devo, Cake, and Winston watched from the block-house window as Devo powered up the splortal. A low hum came from the generators. Devo explained the workings of the console as he activated each component. "This is the main power switch, that knob there controls the flow of bananium, that switch does the lasers, these buttons are for targeting, and that big red one sets off the dynamite." Devo increased the bananium flow and hit the lasers. There was a huge thunderclap. The splortal began to glow red with the heat, and a shimmering glow, like sunlight reflecting on water, was visible inside. They could now see leaves being sucked into the ring and disappearing. Devo turned up the power and suddenly the whole roof of the central shack was ripped clear off the walls and vanished into the splortal. This surprised Winston and Cake, but not nearly as much as it surprised Gambleditt, who was still inside the shack. He looked up at the splortal in shock for a moment before he and the remaining walls were sucked in too. Just then there was a noise behind them. Winston turned to see Evratrelss climbing up the stairs. "Hey Troop! You got here just in time to see us kick some Syrian ass!" Evratrelss punched him full in the face. |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 25 2008, 12:10 AM Post #396 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Symyano ship Valleri, in orbit above DPL] **ALERT! INCOMING SPLORT WAVES DETECTED** "Can we block it?" demanded Shipmaster Chohunakee. "No sir. The waves are uni-directional. Dampening field ineffective." replied Lieutenant Ryturnclydd, reading from a console screen. "Right then, locate the target, and splort it right back out of here." "Where sir? Back to the destination?" "No... that's just what they'll be expecting us to do..." mused the shipmaster, "Send it into the Rhanukhan government buildings. That aught to spice things up a little..." |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 25 2008, 12:12 AM Post #397 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Symyano ship Valleri, engineering section] Hamucuree and Enosmekyurii hurried along the corridor. They had heard the alert and were desperate to analyse this new type of splort wave. The automated door of the engineering lab slid smoothly open with a barely audible whoosh, just like someone whispering 'whoosh'. Hamucuree stepped through the door and was suddenly hit smack in the face by the roof of a shack. "Well I never..." began Enosmekyurii, but his exclamation was cut short by the arrival of Gambilditt, flying through the air and landing on the unfortunate engineer. He was followed by several bits of shack wall and a stepladder. **SPLORT TARGET LOCKED ON** "My!" **SPLORTING** There was a loud pop and suddenly the corridor was empty... |
![]() |
|
| United Idiocracy | Apr 25 2008, 08:00 PM Post #398 |
|
Squire
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
UITV1 News Good evening, I'm Bill Donkey. Our main news tonight: UI and Rutzatil Offensive begins in NDR. We now cross to Hugh Jarse, who is at UIAFB Sillyton: Thanks Bill, well its been all action here over the last 36 hours. MORON II and III bomber aircraft from this airbase have been involved in action. I can't say how many, but I counted them all out, and I counted them all back, then I counted them all out again. Unconfirmed reports from UIAF say they are surprised by the lack of resistance so far encountered in NDR, indeed it seems from observers across UI that the current wave has only half the fighter escort the primary wave had. Back to you Bill Thanks Hugh. Our Naval flotilla set out in the early hours of the morning, and now should be approaching NDR waters. Unfortunately their movements are a closely guarded secret and we have no further information on their whereabouts or mission. In other news, today was the start of Marmalade Appreciation Weekend in West Idiocracy. With more details, here's Amanda Hugginkiss.... |
![]() |
|
| United Idiocracy | Apr 25 2008, 08:24 PM Post #399 |
|
Squire
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
The Bridge of UIS Battleship Stupido, carrying the flag of Admiral Ian P Freely "Admiral, the fleet is in now in position 10 nautical miles off the coast of NDR sir." "Thank you Captain, any evidence of enemy operations?" "Negative sir, all's quiet" "Too damn quiet for me" "UIAF bombers have been on our radar for the past 10 minutes, they will shortly be dropping their payloads on the target" "Well, we better show our support. Instruct the fleet to begin bombardment of the shore" "Aye Admiral, issuing orders now" (with that, the night is lit up with the fire of heavy guns from numerous UIS ships) |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 25 2008, 09:10 PM Post #400 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[In his command bunker, His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, Horatio J. Prism is meeting with Zoe Washbasin, his new foreign minister] Your Resplendence, I've sent numerous messages to the Glericans regarding our citizens they splorted during the incident over the weekend but none of them seem to be getting through! Do we have a figure for the number of citizens ta- ...rescued yet? Yes, Your Resplendence. Barcode scanning is complete and we're missing almost twenty thousand people! Twenty... thousand? *beeeep* Ah, excuse me a moment, Zoe - I have to take this... *static* Go ahead, this channel is secure. Your Resplendence, the cargo has been secured and transferred to the required destination. Excellent, you'll find everybody already there - work can commence immediately. How many... items... were recovered in the end? Twelve intact plus parts of several more - it should be enough for initial study. Good. Now, if you'll excuse me? *static* Now then Zoe - where were we? Our splorted citizens in Glerica, Your Resplendence? Hmm, yes... and there's no evidence of any communication getting in or out of there? I think we've just found Malachite's first official mission! |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 25 2008, 09:12 PM Post #401 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet] Exalted Fleetmaster! The invasion gathers pace! The pitiful armed forces of these primitive creatures are proving no match for our superior technology! Pah - 'superior technology'! Have you seen what these creatures have managed to create in just the last few deca-turns? Enhanced soldiers bred from the waste products of our own superweapons! Flying island fortresses! A weapon that not only bypasses our damping fields but attempts to fill our ships with molten lava! This is a race of maniacs! No right-thinking creature would even dream of some of the devices they turn out. Indeed, exalted one - they are the stupidest of species. But they clearly aren't are they? These insane weapons all work! Who knows what they're working on right now? How are we supposed to defend ourselves against such randomness and disorder? They must be wiped out! *Coohudalss' aide glances at the small device he always carries* Your exaltedness! The first messages from Symyan'zu have just reached us! The Highmaster! He'll have expected Boohubalss to have conquered this place by now! I'll take the communion in my quarters... |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 25 2008, 09:14 PM Post #402 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta] I still can't raise any of the GBI-2s in Glerica, Constantine. No - it appears you're not the only one having trouble in that field, Lucy. See - no forms of communication have been getting into or out of Glerica for some time. Even the secure government channels - heh! Prism would be annoyed if he knew we were monitoring those! +++ATTENTION - SPLORT SIGNAL DETECTED+++ Constantine?! Don't worry, Lucy - the computer knows the procedure now. +++SPLORT SIGNAL ORIGIN: SYMYANO VESSEL, VALLERI+++ Hm... that's a new one. +++SPLORT SIGNAL DESTINATION: PARLIAMENT BUILDING, RHANUKHAN CITY+++ What?! Whatever they're playing at, shut it down computer! +++SPLORT DISRUPTER ONLINE+++ Excellent, now- +++ATTENTION - SPLORT DISRUPTER INEFFECTIVE! SPLORT SIGNAL OUTSIDE NORMAL PARAMETERS+++ Damn them! They must have figured us out! What got through?! +++INSUFFICIENT DATA+++ Put me in touch with- +++ANOMALY DETECTED - SPLORT SIGNAL WAS DIVERTED - TRUE ORIGIN: DISPOSEABLEPUPPETLAND+++ DPL? They have a splort weapon now? So it would seem, Lucy - and one that can bypass our disrupter! They're under Symyano control so they were bound to start using their technology sooner or later. But, why would they need to divert whatever they were splorting via one of their vessels? Hmm... I'm not sure. We need- +++INCOMING CALL+++ A minute's peace is what we need! Put it through, computer! "Malachite!" Your Resplendence! |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 25 2008, 09:15 PM Post #403 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Rhanukhan Parliament Building] Captain! Something just triggered the silent alarms in sector 12b and Sergeant Sockdrawer in sector 12c reported a sound, quote: "like the roof falling in"! Sector 12b? Nobody should be up there! Send an armed patrol - I want prisoners if possible. Yes sir! |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 25 2008, 09:16 PM Post #404 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Rhanukhani State News Network Late Night Bulletin] Good evening viewers. The time is ten o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to the Rhanukhan OrbiTech satellite communications network! Tonight's main headlines: Gathering Storm: The Symyano invasion is spreading with several nations now under direct assault and some governments clearly under the aliens' control. One government which may have thrown off the Symyano yoke, however, is New Drakensberg Range. We've received unconfirmed reports that known infiltrator, John Dulles, who had recently claimed control of the nation, has been killed although ongoing conflict in the country makes it impossible to get accurate information at the moment. The conflict is expected to escalate with the arrival of armed forces from Rutzatil and United Idiocracy. Glerican Silence: RSNN can confirm what many viewers have been calling in to ask about. A complete communications blackout appears to be affecting the nation of Glerica. Speculation that this is part of the Symyano attack is rife but right now authorities are in the dark. And fi- wait... I'm being informed... yes... Apparently the island of Lehpuhrta is on the move again! Within the last few minutes the floating province gained altitude and set off in a north-westerly direction. Where's it going? What will it do when it gets there? Stay tuned for answers as soon as we get them! All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break... |
![]() |
|
| Glerica | Apr 25 2008, 09:32 PM Post #405 |
|
Squire
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Secondary Splort Command, Glerican B-Base 4 "Is it on? Good... This is Doctor Jayne Rodgers and Captain Kelli Irving here... I'm going to fill you all in about what has happened to Glerica these last few days... I'll start from the beginning... When the missile heading for the floating island was splorted, it was met by a primary defence of the Symyans that we haven't seen before. It was a counter-splort. Essentially, they splorted the missile from where the initial splort signal came from... in this case, the Central Splort Command. I was there when a nuclear warhead materialised in the ops room... It was pandemonium, we couldn't splort it away, it had it's own dampening field. Everything was lost, so it seemed, but General Worstill acted quickly and decisively, and activated the Emergency splort system. It splorted almost every person within the blast radius away to a safe distance - where we are now - except for the two people that needed to stay behind to keep the emergency programme activated. The General and George.... Captain?" "The nuke detonated, obliterating the central computer network, the splort systems, everything. It was lucky that it was away from any civilian structures, there were... two fatalities. It was a miracle, it really was. The only reason we're still talking to you is the contingency plan here on B-Base 4. Anyway... then two things happened which put us in this position. 1) Because of the detonation, the back-up computer put the entire nation of Glerica on lock-down. No communications can go in or out, Any Aircraft entering Glerican air-space will be shot down, and any land forces landing on the island will be splorted away immediately, and even if they stay they will be hunted down by automatic defences. I've splorted a few times in there to check up on the place. The central government seems to be coping, and before you ask the refugees are fine. 2) The Symyans attacked. Well, sort of. The Symyans couldn't get a land force on Glerica because we would just splort them away, however... SOMEONE, by which I mean rhanukhan flooded the nation with their bastard super-soldiers, which a nana-enfused. You know what else is nana-enfused? Splorting... and the Symyans took over our splort station easy enough, so, of course when they detected a large disposable army, they took it and used it. Like I said earlier the government seems to be coping, and the army is holding up, but only for so long. No splorting... can take place because we're trying to get that back online. When we do however, we'll be sure to give you back your citizens, rhanukhan, even though it's your fault this whole this is-" "Captain, please...." "Sorry Doctor." "Anyway now you now. We are planning a take-back attempt as soon as the splort system is back online. Our resources are low, seeing as we have no access to our central nation." Commuication Ends |
![]() |
|
| Rutzatil | Apr 25 2008, 10:55 PM Post #406 |
|
Peasant
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
ENCODED MESSAGE TO UI: We'va managed to steal 10 miles inland of the coast. We've set up a campsite and have cleared an area for you to make the landing at the beach. Please contact when you make the landing. Sargent Quadrus |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 26 2008, 01:19 AM Post #407 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[690.013, 857.225, northern West-Side] Winston fell back into Devo, and the two of them collapsed to the ground. Evratrelss turned on Cake and tried a left-hook but Cake was ready, he ducked the blow and landed a punch in Evratrelss' stomach. Evratrelss barely seemed to notice though and caught Cake with an elbow to the jaw. Cake went down but Devo and Winston were now back on their feet. Evratrelss lunged at Devo but the professor quickly sidestepped and planted a vicious kick in the agent's groin. He doubled over but managed to stumble back and avoid Devo as he swung a wild punch. He was still focused on avoiding Devo as Winston stepped behind him and cracked him over the head with a fistful of jewellery. Evratrelss collapsed to the floor unconscious. "What the!?" exclaimed Winston. "Symyan agent." explained Cake "Can't trust no one." "Let's see what he was up to..." said Devo and started down the stairs. "Looks like he found our dynamite", said Cake looking around. Explosives were placed all over the generator, "lucky we found him before we set it off!" Devo started picking up the explosives and defusing them. "Me and Cake will put these back in place." "Winston, you watch that fella, an' if 'e wakes up, knock 'im out again." Winston was happy with his new role in the plan. It's didn't involve any running or heavy lifting. He walked back up the stairs to check on Evratrelss. "...and Winston, whatever happens, don't press that button!" Winston looked at the button... He didn't want to press the button. He had no intention of pressing the button. After all, he'd just been specifically told not to press the button, under any circumstances. It was the detonation button and he knew how important it was not to press the button before all the explosives were in place. ...But it was a big red button, glowing invitingly, urging him to press. "Preeeessssss" said the button, and Winston's hand seemed to reach out of its own accord. Floating dreamily toward the big red glow. "Noooooo!!" screamed the confused mess of tangled neurons that passed for the logical side of Winston's brain. "Preeeessssss" said the button. Winston pressed... ...and missed the button by several inches. "Left a bit you fool!" said the button. Winston pressed again. An alarm sounded, and a little '10' appeared on the console, shortly replaced by '9'. "Hell did you do!!" shouted Cake running up the stairs. "It was him!" answered Winston, pointing at the unconscious body of Evratrelss. "Crikey O'Reilly!" said Devo as the console continued to count down. '5'...'4'...'3'...'2'...'1' The ground shook beneath their feet and a muffled boom, more felt than heard, echoed around the caldera. They rushed to the window overlooking the mineshaft and watched in horror as the floor of the ancient volcano slowly fell away and slid down into the lava cavern. "Only the dynamite in the mine went off..." said Devo, shaking his head. "It's goin' too slowly. It'll never force the lava out." Another louder boom nearly knocked them off their feet as the thousands of tons of rock settled on the lava. A few small spurts of lava shot upward but not high enough to reach the splortal. "Damn fool!" said Cake and smacked Winston around the head with a stick of dynamite. The fallen rock slowly began to glow red as it heated up and smoke drifted upwards. "What do we do now?" asked Cake. "Nothing we can do." replied Devo despondently. "So that's it then?" "Yep." Devo sat down and took a deep breath. "Damn fool!" Cake smacked Winston again. "hehehehe...mmmm" chuckled Devo. "What's so funny?" demanded Cake, he was about to hit Winston a third time, but couldn't quite summon the energy. In fact, he was feeling really rather relaxed and mellow. "hehehehehe!!" giggled Devo, in fits of laughter. "Hey..." grinned Winston. "Yeah man." Winston took a deep breath. "Mmmmmm... I know that smell." They looked down into the pit. The hemp was now smouldering away on the hot rocks and releasing clouds of smoke into the crater. "Wait a minute..." Cake had an idea. "Lower the splortal!" Winston looked at the console in puzzlement. "Umm...." Cake pushed the winch release. The steel cables slowly wound out and lowered into the pit. Clouds of smoke began to be sucked into the splortal. "Ah man! What a waste." sighed Winston. |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 26 2008, 01:21 AM Post #408 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Symyano ship Valleri, in orbit above DPL] "What's the situation with this splort attack?" demanded Shipmaster Chohunakee. "Ongoing sir. It seems to be a continual splort connection, but so far they haven't sent anything else through." "What have they targeted?" "Engineering deck two and three sir. The target seems to move around at random." "Put it on screen." A view of engineering desk three appeared on the main screen. A shimmering pool of light was clearly visible in the middle of the floor. Suddenly smoke began pouring out of the hole. "What's that! Could be poison! Splort it out of here! QUICKLY!!" shouted Chohunakee frantically. **SPLORT TARGET LOCKED ON** **SPLORTING** pop The smoke vanished. Suddenly a crunching sound of metal grinding against metal filled their ears. **WARNING!! MASSIVE DECOMPRESSION DETECTED IN ENGINEER SECTOR** A hissing sound now replaced the grinding. **AREA SEALED. PRESSURE NORMALISING** "What happened?" screamed Chohunakee. "Splorting out the smoke meant splorting out the air!" replied Lieutenant Ryturnclydd. "We depressurised the engineering section!" "Well don't do it again!" "Look!" the Lieutenant pointed at the screen. The pool of light, still billowing smoke, moved upward and straight through the ceiling. "Where's that gone?" "Crews quarters sir." |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 26 2008, 01:13 PM Post #409 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta] Did you hear the broadcast from B-Base 4? I did, Lucy - something's not right... I know - how did the Symyano override the command conditioning on those GBI-2s? That's just it - they can't have! But... they must- No! Don't you see? The GBI teams everywhere else are fine. We're fine! Just because we have the appropriate mental blockers in place doesn't make us different to any of the other GBI-2s we produced. You must have noticed that you still receive the mental prompts when any blanket orders are sent out to the entire GBI network even though you aren't immediately compelled to act on them? You're right! But then why are they behaving like they are? I don't know... and I don't like not knowing! We need to tell the Glericans what's going on! Why would they believe us, Lucy? We have no proof - but I intend to find out exactly what's happening once we reach Glerica! |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 26 2008, 01:51 PM Post #410 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet] Report! Exalted Fleetmaster! Shipmaster Chohunkee informs us that the creatures of Disposeablepuppetland have started using their weapon - intelligence claims they call it a "splortal" - to dump a toxic gas into his ship! His efforts to dispose of the gas are only resulting in a loss of the vessel's atmosphere! Gah! Have him land his vessel and open all the airlocks! We have enough of a hold on that nation for such a maneuver to be reasonably safe. What else? There has been no word from Ojundasll - the reported death of his avatar may well be true. Grr... have you located his firstplace? No, your exaltedness, the ongoing conflict in New Drakensberg Range has made effective reconnaissance of the area impossible! Then he is lost to us. What else? The land invasion is not proceeding as well as initially expected, exalted one! Why doesn't that surprise me any more? *sigh* What problems are we encountering? The artificial lifeforms that Chonmiklatt distributed to this world's various militaries are proving to be a remarkably resilient foe. Plus, their resistance inspires the regular soldiers who would have ordinarily turned and fled before our might by now! They are indeed a parasite in our fur - at least they aren't present in every nation! That may not be a truth, your exaltedness... What?! Uh, we're receiving reports from many frontline units that they are encountering seemingly regular enemies who display the same properties as Chonmiklatt's - er... GBI-1s, exalted one! Intelligence speculate that the traitor may have developed a covert form of his enhanced soldier. After all did we not witness Chonmiklatt himself pull off some remarkable feats in the recording of his arrest by the Rhanukhani shortly before our arrival? You are right, we did... A curse on that traitor - he really did prepare for everything! Hnh... there must be some way to gain an advantage over these infernal creatures! |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 26 2008, 02:03 PM Post #411 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Rhanukhan Parliament Building] Sir! Over here! What is it, trooper? Sir! We've found... well, this... What would a shed roof be doing in the corridor? and... wait - is that a stepladder embedded in that chandelier?! Sir! It is, sir! How in the...? Hang on! Everybody! Defensive formation! You heard the sergeant - fan out! Sir! What have you seen? Look, corporal... over there - and further down the corridor - blood! We're not alone up here... |
![]() |
|
| New Drakensberg Range | Apr 26 2008, 03:04 PM Post #412 |
![]()
Lord
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Broadcast from Port Alpha, New Drakensberg Range This is General Owen Downguard. NDR soldiers were forced to give up nearly 40% of the port, but we have been successful in repulsing several assualts by Symyano forces since then. Our success is owed to UI and Rutzatil, who have shipped weapons and supplies to the port for use by NDR's armed forces. I wish to express my gratitude for their help. If allied forces arrive in significant numbers, I am confident that a counter-attack against Symyano forces in Port Alpha will be successful. |
![]() |
|
| United Idiocracy | Apr 26 2008, 04:50 PM Post #413 |
|
Squire
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[United Idiocracy War Rooms] "Report from Admiral Freely, sir. He reports bombardment continuing without enemy counter attack. He requests permission to begin land assault." War Secretary Bacardi informed the president. "Have we had reports from aerial reconnaissance planes?" President Foolery asked. "Yes, the coastal defences at the landing site appear to have been neutralised sir. Still no sign on enemy movements either" "Why does this seem so damn easy?, nevermind, what about the Rutzatil forces?" "ermm...there appears to be some confusion as to their whereabouts. We presumed they were going to support the NDR forces in Port Alpha, but it appears they have made a landing somewhere else, and managed to push 10 miles into NDR. They maybe attempting to attack the enemy on its flanks. Either way, they do not appear to be near our intended beach head, so the danger of friendly fire is minimal, sir" "Very well. Inform Admiral Freely he is free to begin land operations when he sees fit" "Yes Sir!" |
![]() |
|
| United Idiocracy | Apr 26 2008, 05:00 PM Post #414 |
|
Squire
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[on board UI Landing craft Blunderhead] "hey Jimmy, how much longer you think we'll be in this crate for" "dunno Timmy, but I hate the sea...can't be doing with sitting here much longer, and those damn big guns are really doin my head in" "ah, relax Jim, guns have gotta stop sometime, then it'll be our turn" "u reckon...those generals probably have the our own guns firing down on us..they ain't gotta clue" (tannoy system jumps into life) "THIS IS ADMIRAL FREELY, SPEAKING FROM THE UIS STUPIDO. WE WILL COMMENCE LAND OPERATIONS AT 05:00 TOMORROW MORNING. OUR INTELLIGENCE INDICATES COASTAL DEFENCES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED, SO IT SHOULD BE AN EASY TRIP ASHORE FOR YOU. FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS WILL BE GIVEN TO COMPANY C O'S. I WISH YOU ALL GOD SPEED, AND GOOD LUCK" "see, told ya Jimmy...Its our turn tomorrow! lets get some sleep. Its gonna be a big day" |
![]() |
|
| Glerica | Apr 26 2008, 06:35 PM Post #415 |
|
Squire
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Message from Central Glerican Gateway to Rhanukhan >Hi there! Thanks for connecting to the Central Glerican Gateway. Our scanners detect that an aircraft of yours, RHANUKHAN FLOATING ISLAND, is on a course that intercepts our air space. Unfortunatley, we are currently in a lock down situation and we have to ask you to refrain from entering our airspace. Thanks for trying to visit Glerica. When we go out of lockdown, be sure to visit the grey giants, an area of natural beauty in Glerica. Message ends |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 26 2008, 08:45 PM Post #416 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Symyano ship Valleri, in orbit above DPL] "Hehehehehe... hey Chohunakee, the boss wants to talk to you." giggled Lieutenant Ryturnclydd. "Mmmmmm....uh.... who?" mumbled Shipmaster Chohunakee. "Hehehehe... err... Coo...Cuh...err...Coodles... you know, that dude.... Muhahaha hehehehe." "Ohhh... ummm.... yeah.... well...uhhh... on screen... yeah..." Fleetmaster Coohudalss appeared on the main screen. "What's the situation Shipmaster?" "Errr...yeah...like, pretty mellow... you know?" "You are to land immediately and purge your air supply of this poison. If any human ground forces show hostility then eliminate them. Fleetmaster out." "Wha?" wondered Chohunakee, "Err... do that... or something. That's an order... hehehehe..." Lieutenant Ryturnclydd turned to his console and, after three attempts, initiated the landing sequence. "Hehehe... going down!" Chohunakee didn't hear him, he was staring at the main screen, where the rippling pool of light had just appeared. More smoke billowed out into the bridge. "Wow...." He stood up, wobbled, fell back down, then stood up again and started shuffling towards the pool. "Hehehe..." giggled Ryturnclydd and pressed a button on his console. There was a loud double-pop as Chohunakee was splorted back ten yards. "Wooo hahahahaha!!!" laughed Ryturnclydd and the rest of the bridge crew. **WARNING - LANDING CYCLE COMMENCING - ALL CREW RETURN TO FLIGHT SEATS AND SECURE FOR LANDING** "Heheheheeee!" Chohunakee fell over backwards as he tried to return to his seat. After several attempts at standing he gave up and fell asleep. Ryturnclydd pressed the splort button again but mistargeted and splorted himself into the cargo bay. **WARNING - LANDING CYCLE UNDERWAY** The ship began to shake as it was buffeted by the upper atmosphere. Suddenly there was another grinding metal sound, followed by a bang. **WARNING - HULL BREECH - ENGINEERING DECK 2** The buffeting increased and the weapons officer, who hadn't managed to return to his flight seat, staggered across the bridge and crashed into the main screen, smashing the glass. The sleeping Chohunakee slid across the floor and collided with the navigator who was curled up in the corner looking paranoid. **WARNING - FLIGHT CHARACTERISTICS COMPROMISED - INITIATING EMERGENCY LANDING PROCEDURES** A console in the weapons deck suddenly exploded in a shower of sparks. The Symyans always fitted their consoles with small explosives as an incentive to the crew not to damage the ship. **IMPACT IN T - 20 SECONDS** **EMERGENCY BREAKING ACTIVATED** The ship lurched violently and several crew members were hurled against the front observation window. **IMPACT IN T - 10 SECONDS** Chohunakee awoke to see a huge mountain pass narrowly below. He had just enough time to throw up before the ship hit the surface. The automatic pilot had levelled out the trajectory but they were still travelling too fast. The landing gear buckled as the ship hit the ground hard and skidded down a large open valley, eventually coming to a halt after ploughing into a small wooded area. |
![]() |
|
| disposablepuppetland | Apr 28 2008, 12:23 AM Post #417 |
![]()
Duke
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[A valley in northern DPL] It was late evening and the surviving Symyans had begun to regain their senses and explore the area. They soon spotted a human walking across the valley and took him prisoner. Chohunakee interrogated the man. "Where are we?" "Err... this is Brambleshire" "And where is that, you pathetic excuse for a creature?" "North DPL, n-nearest city would be Hollow." "Why were you in this valley?" "Err... birdwatching..." "What?" "You know, watching the b-birds..." the man said, nervously, and held up some binoculars. Chohunakee took the binoculars and examined them. "I see. Primitive vision enhancers. You were engaged in reconnaissance. Take him..." "No...no..." interrupted the man, pleading, "honest, I was just watching the birds." "A pathetic cover story. Why would anyone spend their time watching primitive flying creatures. No. You are a spy." And with that he took his laser pistol from his belt and shot the man in the chest. Shortly afterwards a soldier came running back to the ship to say he had spotted a group of armed humans coming their way. Chohunakee quickly issued orders and the Symyans armed themselves then formed a rough line across the base of the valley, ready to open fire. Chohunakee strode confidently forward to confront the humans. "Surrender, puny human!" "I am General Vershner. Leader of Disposablepuppetland. You will surrender to me." "Nonsense. We killed General Vershner!" "Yes. You killed my father." "Oh, and you think you can now reclaim this sorry excuse for a nation. Well think agi..." Chohunakee's words were cut short as a plummeting fiend smashed into his body at full force, the razor-sharp talons ripping straight through his shoulder and crushing his lower-torso into the ground. His severed head rolled across the grass, a look of surprise still clearly visible on his features. The Symyans stared in horror. In all their exploration of the galaxy, they'd never come across anything quite like this before. "eeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrk", screamed the fiend, and ripped off Chohunakee's leg with its hooked beak. The Symyans panicked then fled in disarray. Another fiend thundered out of the sky, talons fully extended and wings spread. A Symyan soldier was ripped in two by the force of the impact as the fiend crashed through his back. The small group of humans watched the scene impassively. |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 28 2008, 09:00 PM Post #418 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Rhanukhan Parliament Building] Sir! You need to see this! What have you found, trooper? Sir! The blood trail leads down these stairs towards th- *AWOOT - AWOOT - AWOOT* That's the fire alarm! Somebody's opened one of the fire doors. Get the captain on the radio! Sir! "Sergeant - what's going on up there?!" Captain, Sir! We have evidence of intruders. Means of entry unascertained. Uncertain number but at least one is badly injured. Somebody has also just opened an external fire door, tripping the alarm. "I can hear it well enough over here, sergeant - the door involved is 12b/003 - isn't that near your current position?" It's the one at the bottom of... oh! Captain! We need a perimeter establishing around the building - the intruders are making their getaway! You men - with me! |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 28 2008, 09:20 PM Post #419 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Rhanukhan Parliament Building, Outer Compound] You fool - anyone could have guessed that door was alarmed! Shut up, Enosmekyurii! And do something about your friend's infernal moaning! Hamucuree's injured, Gambilditt - you would be too if somebody had hit you with a whole roof! Stop looking at me like that - it's hardly like I threw it all into the splortal! Those accursed creatures in Disposablepuppetland - what on Symyan'zu did they think they were doing?! We presumed they were plotting to splort molten lava into the shi- Yes! I know! I was there trying to sabotage things! It was a rhetorical question! Shipmaster Chohunakee must have ordered a countersplort to protect the ship - send the lava back... This is not 'back'! I have no idea where we are but it's not the site of the attack! Then where- Quiet! Get down! ... They've gone - good. We need to get out of here - make contact with the nearest Symyano ground detachment. But how?! You might be able to wander around freely in that ugly avatar - none of these creatures would be able to recognise you - but what about us? And Hamucuree still needs medical treatment! Hnn... wait - that ground transport over there... I have an idea! |
![]() |
|
| rhanukhan | Apr 28 2008, 09:37 PM Post #420 |
|
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
[Rhanukhan Parliament Building, Main Gates] So, you reckon this is another drill? Wouldn't be surprised - we've been getting 'em almost daily since those hairy shirkers invaded. Hn - bet they don't know the meaning of an honest day's toil - coming here, in- Shh! You hear that? Sounds like... one of the trucks... Yeah... and it's coming closer... There! Look out! It's coming straight for- Don't just gawp! Open fire! *VROOOOOOOOMMMMM BLAM! BLAM! SKREEEEEEEEEECRASSSSHHHHH!!!* Do you think- *BOOOOOOOOOOOM!* Eesh! Toasty - nobody could have survived that! C'mon let's go grab the Captain. |
![]() |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · The Village of Trollington Bridge · Next Topic » |






![]](http://z4.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)





2:14 PM Jul 11