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The Great Banana Rush
Topic Started: Dec 17 2007, 07:27 PM (8,469 Views)
rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network Late Night Bulletin]

Good evening viewers. The time is ten o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to the Rhanukhan OrbiTech satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

Under Seige: RSNN can confirm that the provinces of Verang, Inukhanes, Bhanakha, Hesslia, Suria and Kanghari are effectively under Symyano control at present. No communication has passed into or out of the lost regions for over a day and the steady stream of refugees has all but dried up leading to fears of a possible massacre or vast numbers of Rhanukhani prisoners in Symyano hands. The public are up in arms over this and an angry mob has formed beneath the Golden Balcony, demanding to know how His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman will respond. Dwight Alabaster is on the border of Kanghari tonight and brings us a live report from the front later in the program.

Glerican Goings-on: Constantine Malachite and his remarkable base of operations are still holding position off the Glerican coast. RSNN has received confirmation from the Palace of the Dedicated Worker that he is indeed on a mission to retrieve the Rhanukhani citizens splorted, ostensibly to safety, by the Glericans during the incident that led to the destruction of the original Symyano flagship several weeks ago. Gillian Towelrail, on the flying island of Lehpuhrta reports.

And finally: Law enforcement officials refuse to give up the search for the Symyano infiltrators believed to be active somewhere in Rhanukhan city and urge the public to be alert for any suspicious activity.

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
*static*

Go ahead, this channel is secure.

Your Resplendence, we believe we have managed to isolate the appropriate genes but-

Then you can make me a weapon, yes?!

Theoretically, yes... but we've only had twelve samples to work with and our genomes are so similar - I can't guarantee-

I don't need your guarantees right now, doctor - I need something to send those apes packing! You've seen how much of Rhanukhan they're holding - I can't let that pass! Can you make me my weapon?!!

I... can't we?... *sigh* yes, Your Resplendence. It should only effect Symyano DNA but-

But nothing - we'll just have to take that chance, doctor. Keep testing to a minimum - I want something on the front line within a week!

A week???!!!

Get to work, doctor.

*static*
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Glerica
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[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Glerican Gateway

Hi there! I know you're out there. I can see you right now, what you did what you're doing and what your going to do. I can't allow you to do that. Cease movements now.

Thanks for connecting!
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rhanukhan
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[Rhanukhan city, Huwhorrad suburb]

Gambilditt! This is not what we expected as an escape plan!

Hamucuree is right, Gambilditt! This is humiliating! Where are our clothes?

And why must we ride in these cramped cages whilst you have the whole control cabin of this land transport??!!!

Silence, you fools! The humans outside will hear you!

But?

But nothing, Hamucuree! I already explained how we were taking advantage of the resemblance of our species' natural appearance to the indigenous creature known as a "Chimpanzee". It is not uncommon to see such animals transported as you are now.

I still can't believe there is a creature on this world that so closely resembles us and yet isn't the dominant lifeform! Are you su-

Be quiet! That law enforcer approaches!

...

Good day sir - might I enquire as to your name and where you are taking these two monkeys?

But of course, officer - I am Gary Mantlepiece, a courier for the city's scientific establishments and I am transferring these chimpanzees to the government laboratories in Tanhallen.

Tanhallen you say? That's rather close to the fighting with those filthy invaders, wouldn't you agree?

Indeed it is, officer. I can't say too much but the laboratories there are at the forefront of weapons development against the alien aggressors - these two animals are to be test subjects for a new chemical agent which will soon send those Symyano running home!

Ha ha! That's the sort of news we like to hear - carry on then, sir - don't let me hold you up!

Thank you, officer! Come, Hammy and Enny - we have an appointment to keep!
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Somewhere in Glerica]

Dave! Listen! Do you hear that?

It sounds like a fight... somewhere ahead.

What do we do?

It's probably whoever was in that camp we found. We'll close in and observe first.

And if it is a fight?

Well now, Jenny - that all depends on who's doing the fighting!
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rhanukhan
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[Somewhere in Glerica]

Jonnsteedd! Eefanhuntt! Fan out! It is only a machine like the others we encountered, merely larger - we can still take it down!

Gungh! It... it's so much faster than the... last ones, Dublosevann!

Ha! That just makes it a bigger and thus easier target, Eefanhuntt!!!

Jonnsteed! Now, whilst it's attention is on me!

Be my pleasure, Dublosevann!

*BLAFFFZZZZZZ!!!!!*

That should- NO! Jonnsteed! Get out of-

AAAIIEEEE!!!!!

JONNSTEED!

*BLAFFFZZZZZZ!!!!!*

*BLAFFFZZZZZZ!!!!!*
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rhanukhan
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[Somewhere in Glerica]

Dave, look! They're Symyano!

Too right, Jenny! What are they doing here?

And what's that machine?!

I don't know, Chris, but it's fast and powerful. I can't tell what that brown stuff is that the Symyano are firing at it but it doesn't seem to be doing much good.

I'm not so sure... see, it's corroding the - EESH! Did you see what it-

Shh! And yes, I did - I wouldn't like to have been that monkey.

There's only two of them left, Dave - what do we do?

Huh! We should really just sit back and watch... but I suppose it would be useful to learn what those Symyano are doing here and whether there's any more in the area. We'll help take down that thing and then capture them for interrogation. Draw your weapons men... we're going in!
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rhanukhan
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[Somewhere in Glerica]

*BLAFFFZZZZZZ!!!!!*

*BLAFFFZZZZZZ!!!!!*

Dublosevann! Our weapon has only limited effect! We will run out of ammunition befo-

Then we will die like true Symyano warriors - fighting with our teeth, Eefanhuntt!

*WHOOOOOOSH!!!!*

*BLAMMM!!!*

What in the name of the Highmaster-

Look, Dublosevann - humans!!!

We're surrounded! Let us-

*BLADAMM!*

*BLADAMM!*

Wait - they also fire upon the infernal machine... Eefanhuntt - continue firing on the monster - the humans are no threat!

As you command!

*BLAFFFZZZZZZ!!!!!*
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Glerica
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Glerican Gateway

Hi there! It seems that there are some unauthorised ground movements in sections 5HY, 9IUT and 4DD. We advise you to cease movements and await the automated response teams to vaporise you.

Thanks for connecting!
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rhanukhan
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[Somewhere in Glerica]

Je- Red! Indigo! Left and right! Concentrate your fire on the joints!

Sir!

*BLADAMM!*

Yellow! Look ou-

*WHRRRR!*

Whoa! Close!

*BLADAMM!*

*BLADAMM!*

Hmm... close... there's an idea... You - monkey! I know you understand what I'm saying!

You are correct, inferior creature...

*BLAFFFZZZZZZ!!!!!*

...what are your kind doing here, battling your own machines?

There's no time for that, monkey-

My name is Dublosevann!

Fine, whatever - we don't have time for introductions - I need this charge planting on that thing... up... there - behind the sensor cluster!

Ha! You expect to get that close without being crushed? is your whole species as deluded as you?

*BLAFFFZZZZZZ!!!!!*

*WHRRRR!*

Ghungh!!

CHRIS!!

Dammit! RED! GET HIM OUT OF THERE!

See, human - there is no getting close!

You're wrong monkey - here, hold the charge!

What? Wait - what are yo-urk!

Hngh! Ah!

Aaaargh! Get off me!

Just grab hold of that sensor cluster on your way past, monkey! And don't forget to jump off once you've planted the charge!

What the? YAAAaaarrgh!!! *clunk*

*WHRRRR!*

Aiiee!!

*WHRRRR!*

*tick tick tick*

Huuurk!

*WHRRRR!*

UMPH!

*tick ti-*

*BADDOOOOMMM!!!!*
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rhanukhan
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[Somewhere in Glerica]

You're coming with me, monkey.

uuuuuurgh!

Red! How's Indigo?

He'll live, Yellow.

Good, get him on his feet!

You - other monkey!

What?! My name is Eefanhuntt, inferi-

Shut it! You're hopelessly outnumbered and your partner is both unconscious and my prisoner - you can come with us or I'll just have Red shoot you down where you stand - we need to be out of the area a.s.a.p!

Hn! Very well, human - I will join you for now!
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United Idiocracy
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[UI Presidential palace, meeting between President Foolery and Defence Minister Bacardi]

Ok Ron, give me the latest.

We have completed search and Rescue in Englesburgh. We found 427 survivors.

Jeez, thats virtually none. Whats happened to them?

They were airlifted back here to be decontaminated, along with 53 of our personnel who showed some contamination.

Whats the situation in NDR?

Well, sir. Englesburgh is pretty much completely destroyed. The Symyano ship which crashed is continuing to burn. As I said earlier, we have completed Search and rescue, the area around the city is secure. We are now ready to expand our liberation operations. The CO is awaiting the word sir. We will then push west towards Port Alpha to join up with the free NDR and Rutzatil forces. Our forces await the go ahead sir.

Ok, Ron, give the Order. Lets roll!
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Glerica
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Hi there!

I'm sorry, but it seems that you have not been vaporised as previously planned. We're sorry for the inconvenience. However, more vaporisation squads have been dispatched to your current position. We recommend that you cease movements and be vaporised. This does not affect your statutory rights, all vaporisation is authorised by >GLERICAN GATEWAY MODULE3< under a lock-down situation; you may suffer slight disorientation whilst the vaporisation is taken place. Vaporisation is preformed under a first come, first targeted policy. The >GLERICAN GATEWAY< is not responsible for loss of sight, senses, life, limbs or sense of well-being or sense of oblivion whilst being vaporised.

Thanks for connecting!
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Glerica
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Secondary Splort Command, B-Base 4

"Doctor, I've been thinking. Do we really want the splort core back on-line at this moment?"

Doctor Rogers looks up from the control panel, her pale skin glowing blue from the computers monitor. "What do you mean?"

"Well, if the core goes back on-line, your giving control of splort technology back to us-"

"Yes."

"-Back to Disposablepuppetland"

"Well that's ok, they've had it before now"

"-and also back to the Gateway"

"Ah. Hmm I see you point. I'm getting worried about the Gateways control. Somehow its blocking messages, its completely locked down the entire nation, even refusing control to the Government. I tell you, when it was designed, the personality programme was meant to still be overall logical but-"

"But what?"

"Well, just look at when I try to log in to the gateway. I've had to roll it back to DOS to make any sort of headway:"

Both Jane and the Captain looked at the computer screen that Jane was working at. She brought up a window showing a mass of numbers flickering, before finally settling to a log in screen:

GLERICAN GATEWAY LOGIN SYSTEM
>Log In ID: RodgersGSD Password:*******
>RUN Homescreen.exe
"Greeting Doctor Rogers! You have zero messages. Your current position is: *UNKNOWN* The Splort Core is: OFFLINE"
>RUN MessageSys.exe
"The Message system is currently off-line, doctor. Please try again later. It seems that I cannot triangulate your current position. Would you like me to scan for you?"
>NO
"Scanning for you now.... It appears I cannot locate you doctor. Why are you hiding?"
> OPEN "Documents"
"Opening documents. You have very interesting work, doctor. Especially this Splort contingency plan. I wonder if I could take a look?"


Back in the control room, Kelli asked "Why it asking to read your documents?".
"That's what I don't get..."
Back on the screen:

>DENY ACCESS
"Thank you Doctor. I see there are four splort command centres. Two in Glerica, although one was destroyed, one in B-Base 4 and one in DPL. I wonder..."
>WHAT DO YOU WONDER?
"I wonder if I've just found you."


It took several moments before Doctor Jane Rogers, a theoretical scientist, pioneer of splort technology and widely credited as the modern Da Vinci, realised what she, or rather what the gateway had done. If, in less stressful times, Jane caught herself off guard like that she would be furious at herself, and punish herself by being mentally diligent for the rest of the day. However, this was not a less stressful time, as due to the rather loud alarm bell ringing just behind her, and Captain Kelli Irving shrieking, she had realised that several nuclear warheads where about to rain down on their position. Strangely at that moment, Jane pledged to herself that if she did find someone who would call this a "less stressful time" that she would kick them where it hurts. Hard.
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network Late Night Bulletin]

Good evening viewers. The time is ten o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to the Rhanukhan OrbiTech satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

Ongoing Conflict: Although the provinces of Verang, Inukhanes, Bhanakha, Hesslia, Suria and Kanghari are under Symyano control at present, the attack appears to have ground to a halt as our heroic armed forces, heavily supported by GBI-1 troops bravely hold the line in the face of fearsome alien assaults. Dwight Alabaster is on the border of Kanghari tonight and brings us a live report from the front later in the program.

Tanhallen Mystery Disappearance: Following yesterday's discovery of his abandoned van in western Kanghari, fears are growing for the safety of courier, Gary Mantlepiece. Mr Mantlepiece, about whom RSNN's investigative journalists have been unable to uncover much information, was last seen transporting two chimpanzees to an undisclosed laboratory in Tanhallen. The Rhanukhani National Security Agency has become involved in the incident as a result of speculation that the chimpanzees may, in fact, be the Symyano infiltrators known to be operating somewhere in the Rhanukhan city area. Agents have been dispatched in order to ascertain the true facts behind this case and to apprehend any Symyano operatives before they return to their fellows currently occupying our eastern provinces.

And Finally: With their governor away on his flying island, dealing with the Glerican situation, it appears that the citizens of Currakhan, Constantine Malachite's other island province in the Sea of Regret, are getting a little agitated. RSNN has been receiving reports of civil unrest in the province, which has so far avoided Symyano invasion - perhaps due to it's relative unimportance, for the last few days. Local law enforcement are maintaining control but officials warn that large scale violence could erupt at any time.

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
*static*

Go ahead, this channel is secure.

Your Resplendence, it has barely been tested but we have the weapon you asked for.

Excellent! Now we can show those damned apes who's boss! What kind of weapon is it?

It's a nerve agent, tailored to Symyano DNA, Your Resplendence - the results aren't expected to be pretty. We can release it as a gas cloud on the battlefield. We don't believe it will harm human soldiers but as I said before, it has barely been tested.

Then we test it tomorrow - on the front lines! Start producing as much as you can, take over any facilities you need - this takes priority, Doctor!

*static*
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rhanukhan
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[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

+++ATTENTION! MULTIPLE MISSILE LAUNCHES DETECTED!+++

What?! We can't possibly have tripped that damned defence network again! Computer, prepare to-

+++TRAJECTORIES PREDICTED - TARGET IS NOT LEHPUHRTA.+++

Not us? Then where?

+++MISSILES WILL STRIKE GLERICAN B-BASE 4 ON EGO ISLAND+++

B-Base 4? Why are they targeting their own facility? The mystery out here deepens... hmm... Computer - has there been any communication between B-Base 4 and mainland Glerica or are they as cut off as the rest of us?

+++AFFIRMATIVE. MULTIPLE ATTEMPTS TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE DEFENCE NETWORK HAVE BEEN MADE OVER THE LAST 72 HOURS - THE MOST RECENT JUST SECONDS BEFORE THE MISSILE LAUNCH.+++

That can't be a coincidence! You know what I think, computer? I think that Glerica doesn't have control over it's own defences any more. Damn! What have I sent Agent Yellow into? Have we heard anything from him since his team landed?

+++NEGATIVE+++

Pah! I wish I knew what was going on down there! Well, we can still be an irritation to that network's plans... computer - it's time we tested that new anti-missile system!
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rhanukhan
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[In orbit over Glerica]

+++RHANUKHAN ORBITECH COMMUNICATIONS SATELLITE NH-44/12 RESPONDING+++

+++MALACHITE EVOLVING ENTERPRISES MASTER NETWORK PRIORITY OVERRIDE - ENGAGE COMBAT MODE - TARGETS TO FOLLOW+++

+++COMPLYING+++
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rhanukhan
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[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

Exalted Fleetmaster! we believe the humans are stepping up their actions!

Gah! What now?!

We have just detected several nuclear missile launches from the nation of Glerica, your exaltedness!

These primitive creatures are insane! I am sure they will destroy their own world just to deprive us of it! Where are these missiles targeted? We will ensure that the appropriate def-

E-e-exalted one! I beg your forgiveness! A new report has just come in!

More missiles?

N-no, your exaltedness - a vessel over Glerica has just detected an immense power surge from one of this world's communications satellites in the vicinity! The shipmaster speculates that it may be a disguised orbital weapon of some kind.

But... there are thousands of those satellites up here... order it destroyed - immediately!

At once, exalted one!

And I want every other similar satellite targeted as soon as possible - we can be sure that the one over Glerica is not unique!
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rhanukhan
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[Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

This is Gillian Towelrail on the very edge of the flying island of Lehpuhrta! Billy! Are you getting all this? As you can see from the trails out there in the open skies, Glerica has launched a fleet of nuclear weapons at a presently undisclosed target but I've had word from... a source... that we might be in for some fireworks any second now. Billy - keep that camera steady! It shouldn't be long now, viewers bef- WOW! Did you get that Billy?! Viewers - you've just witnessed something extraordinary right now! Brilliant beams of pure white light lancing down from on high... look at that glowing cloud out there! Amazing - just... fantastic! What?... Don't be stupid Billy - you can't get sunburn on your eyes!

Gillian Towelrail, Rhanukhani State News Network (Lehpuhrta - 23:03, 15/05/08)
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rhanukhan
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[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

Tell that shipmaster to abort - now!

Yes, exalted one!

I want to know who's behind that satellite and why they're destroying missiles that could only have been aimed at us - have it brought in for study!
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Glerica
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Glerican Gateway to Rhanukhan

Hi there! You do like making a fuss don't you? Next time when I send missiles, please don't destroy them. If you don't destroy them, I'll spare you from a painful death!

Thanks for connecting!

##?##>LAUNCH MISSILES(2) AFFIRMED. TARGET B-BASE4.
>LAUNCHED.
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rhanukhan
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[Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

Good evening viewers! You join me, Dwight Alabaster, here on the front lines in Dariwhani where the full scale rout of the Symyano continues apace! Largely thanks to the new nerve toxin developed by Doctor Wallclock's team, the Symyano armed forces have suffered catastrophic losses on all fronts in Rhanukhan and have been falling back steadily eastwards towards-

"EVERYBODY DOWN!"

What's this? Viewers, there's some commotion at the northern end of-

"Get down you idiot! You'll draw it's attention!"

But?...

"FIRE AT WILL - IT'S ONE OF THE ALTERED!!!"

[signal lost]

Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Dariwhani - 20:57, 28/05/08)
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rhanukhan
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[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

Exalted Fleetmaster! We've received yet another request from the ground forces in Rhanukhan to withdraw back into orbit!

Grraah! That accursed country is becoming more trouble than it could possibly be worth! How were they able to develop a gas that slaughters my troops whilst their own can walk freely through it?!

Well, that didn't go entirely their own way, exalted one - what about the effects on Chonmiklatt's enhanced soldiers?

Hah! That might be some comfort if those... monsters... weren't tearing through our lines as well! Don't these creatures test their weapons first? Their losses must be appalling!

Indeed, your exaltedness!

And yet still they fight on. Hn! They saw what we did to that city... Englesburgh was it?... and yet act as if they have no fear of it happening to themselves.

Ah yes, exaltedness... but then, we did receive that counter-threat from Chonmiklatt when we declared our intent to destroy Rhanukhan city after the first deployment of that gas...

A curse on him! Why haven't we dealt with those satellites of his yet?! Tell me!

Ehh... eheh... after we pulled that first one in, permitting the nuclear missile strike on the Gelrican's island - which we still have no explanation for - it appears that all the others engaged some kind of stealth mode - we haven't been able to trace any of them since... um...

RAARGH! There were thousands of them! We must be surrounded by the things! You can't possibly tell me we haven't even found one of them! You've seen the power of their main weapons - they could annihilate this flee- wait! ...They could annihilate this fleet... if Chonmiklatt is so intent on protecting this world, why hasn't he used them?

E-e-exalted one?

Pah! I want answers and all you bring me is more questions! Complete your reports on our progress in the other nations and then begone from my sight!
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rhanukhan
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[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
*static*

Go ahead, this channel is secure.

Your Resplendence, please - you must stop using the gas!

Nonsense, Doctor - we have the Symyano completely on the run!

But you've heard what it's doing to the GBI-1's! Those beasts are devastating our own troops as much as the invaders!

That is why I had all the remaining GBI-1 units pulled back from the front lines, Doctor - the remaining Altered will be killed by us or the Symyano over time. You're fretting over nothing - you should be proud of your invention, Doctor - it's going to turn the tide of this war and earn you a suitably impressive award!

*static*
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rhanukhan
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[Glerican Secondary Splort Command, Lehpuhrta (no, really!)]

Doctor Rogers, you've been here for two whole weeks now and even with all our additional facilities at your disposal you can't tell me what's going on down there?

Professor Sideboard, thank you for dropping by! You'll be pleased to hear that we can confirm that the problem appears to lie with the artificial personality which acts as the interface with the Glerican Gateway-

That damned computer forced us to expose our most powerful weapon to the Symyano! If Mr Malachite hadn't had the forethought to include a variety of stealth features, the OrbiTech satellite network would have been wiped out by now!

And we thanked you for the effort - even though it wasn't entirely neccessary.

We were more than a little surprised when your entire base splorted onto the island! That's quite an escape route to have planned.

Heh, yes. We set this up back when the Isle of Tantrum was still uninhabited - I really should have moved the escape destination to a different remote spot when the Rhanukhani took over but, to be honest, I never expected to have to use the system.

Perhaps Doctor, but still, you're lucky that you chose to splort right as the nuclear missiles exploded - if our Splort Disrupter had been able to detect the signal amongst all that chaos it would never have let you arrive.

Yes, Mr Malachite always seems to be prepared for anything that's thrown at him... even alien technology he couldn't possibly know about in advance?...

What are you implying, Doctor?

Nothing at all - I'm sure that Boohubalss' broadcast about Mr Malachite was a pure fabrication intended to cause disruption and nothing more.

It most certainly was - and it very nearly succeeded!

Yes, if we hadn't splorted that nuclear missile away from you-

Look, Doctor - we'll achieve nothing with this petty point-scoring! We have agents and Rhanukhani citizens on the ground in Glerica who we've been unable to contact and you telling us that your country's defence system has a mind of it's own and is behaving in a thoroughly hostile manner which must be endangering your own countrymen! We need to stop it - what have you got so far?...
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Glerica
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Glerican Gateway

Hi there! I see you've splorted! Excellent! Thanks so much for getting the splort core back on-line, and don't worry doctor I'll take great care and responsibility for it. It's a shame that you didn't stay for the surprise doctor, the missiles I sent you weren't as nuclear as they were made out to be.

To the rhanukhan soldiers wandering around the country trying to find my central computer. You're going the wrong way, you should have made a right at that forest you just passed. Such a shame I have to eliminate you, you're like children, you're so cute! I wouldn't trust the Symians either. Have you noticed that whenever you look at them they stop talking to one another? Classic suspicious behaviour if you ask me, and you should, seeing as I'm a brilliant computer with access to all literature ever created by man.

Also to the people in Glerica. Do stop rioting, or I will have to ask you to assume the fun position and dispatch the automated fun happy droids.

Thanks for connecting!
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network Late Night Bulletin]

Good evening viewers. The time is nine o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to the Rhanukhan OrbiTech satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

Final Purge: The Symyano occupation of eastern Rhanukhan is almost at an end. The invading alien forces have been pushed back at every turn and now cling desperately to the coastal province of Verang. His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman made a morale-boosting announcement from the Golden Balcony to cheering crowds earlier today, declaring his intent to wipe the Symyano stain from Rhanukhan by the weekend and praising the hardworking soldiers and weapons developers for their achievements. Dwight Alabaster is on the border of Verang tonight and brings us a live report from the front later in the program.

Gone but not Forgotten: It seems that the former nation of Nivogal is not quite as extinct as was believed. The recent spate of terrorist attacks and general civil unrest in the province of Currakhan have been attributed to an organisation calling itself the Neue Nivogalese Volksarmee. The NNV released several videos onto the internet during the day claiming responsibility for the actions and demanding recognition of the island of Currakhan as an independent nation. His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman made a speech earlier this evening, denouncing the terrorists and comparing their projected fate to that of the invading Symyano. No members of the NNV have come forward to comment.

And finally: Authorities are dismissing reports of large, ferocious, yellow monsters evidently witnessed by civilians returning to the eastern provinces as "delusional hallucinations brought on by the stresses of the ongoing war". When presented with this footage, allegedly showing one of the creatures being pursued into dense woodland by an army patrol, a government spokesman suggested that our special effects designer should really be putting his skills to better use.

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Somewhere in Glerica]

And there it is, people... the Glerican Defence Hub... our objective!

At last! Perhaps if it had been where our intelligence said it was, Chris wouldn't be-

Pah! You're all less than worthless, inferior creatures! I do not mourn his pas-

Shut it, monkey! Agent Indigo was worth a hundred of you! If he hadn't bought us the time we needed to bring that last machine down intact we would never have been able to trace the controlling signal here! I don't like to think what would have been waiting for us at the fake Defence Hub - do you? The journey there was rough enough!

The human is right, Dublosevann.

rrr - silence, Eefanhuntt! Both of them will soon go the way of their partner, permitting us to-

Land your invasion fleet here? I don't think so, monkey! Once that network is down, we're getting our citizens back and Commander Green will be - well, let's just say that there's no way any Symyano ships are getting down here.

Ha! Your commander destroys one of our vessels and you believe the war is won! The rest of this pitiful world is doubtless already under our complete control, inferior creature!

I doubt that very much, monkey. Oh, and I guess you hairy boys were cuddled up together in a cave somewhere when it happened, but we actually lured a fairly sizable fleet of your ships to their death over this very land - just as a distraction so we could get in - something for you to think about whilst I plan our way into that complex.

*incoherent spluttering*
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Aboard the flagship of the Symyano Fleet]

I bring news, Exalted Fleetmaster...

I know, I know... fine - prepare to withdraw the last troops from Rhanukhan but keep ships over every major population centre - the instant we disable Chonmiklatt's satellites I want a complete bombardment of that nation! I don't care how many of our colonists are inconvenienced by the lack of good land when they finally arrive! The Highmaster can-

-GASP!-

nng - No, you're right - I am not so suicidal as to mock His Magnificence. But that nation - this whole world! - brings out the very worst in me!

Perhaps we have a second opportunity to take Rhanukhan, exalted one...

We do? How?!

A small thing, mentioned in their news broadcasts today. Our biggest problem down there has been that accursed gas which, whilst harmless to the humans, kills our own troops wholesale-

Yes! I'm well aware of why we're failing so badly!

I-indeed, your exaltedness! ah - w-what we need is an army immune to the gas, yes?

Of course, you fool! Do you consider me so dimwitted?

NO! No, exalted fleetmaster! P-please, I meant no offence!

Bah! Fine! Just tell me what it is that you're patently trying to build up to.

Exalted one, we could get humans to fight for us!

Are you insane??!!! Why would any of those inferior creatures possibly want to assist us?!

Your exaltedness - they wouldn't know they were fighting for us! Here - this report - there is a faction within Rhanukhan calling itself the Neue Nivogalese Volksarmee - see?! We could employ infiltrators to supply this group with more advanced weapons...

Go on.

I was thinking perhaps that agent, exaltedness - the one who rescued those two engineers from Rhanukhan a short while ago - he has had experience with the Rhanukhani - he would be ideal!

Indeed he would... Gambilditt was his name - I recall awarding him the Amber Banana for the rescue and his efforts to destroy the splortal in Disposablepuppetland... hn - did we ever find out what became of the crew of the Valleri? Never mind! Have Gambilditt sent to me for briefing!
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