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The Great Banana Rush
Topic Started: Dec 17 2007, 07:27 PM (8,477 Views)
rhanukhan
Member Avatar
Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Transmission intercepted by Rhanukhani National Security Agency - Internal Division]

I saw yo........adcast earlier Profes.............ust say th......BI-2 proces........erformed flawles.............ook completely natu....

Thank you, Mr...................s you'll have seen in my rep..........ay look na..............t all test resul............r indicate that my bod...............ncements are ident..................ose exhibited by a GB.....

Excellent, excell...........o evidence of side eff.......

Not at al..........onality and intelle................pletely inta...

...en I shall comme.............edure mys..............oon as the oppo...................nts itself. And produc............ew GBI-........s alre.................derway, you say?

Indeed it is, Mr......................e have set aside seve...................tories for the developm.............I-2 units - they shou...............erging at aroun.........me time as th...........n run of GBI-1s

That is goo.......ws - we can comme...............xt phase of the pla.........hin the next few da............en - ..........ears everything is on sche......

[Signal lost]
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
[Extract from Glerican Science Magazine]

Banana leads to jumping?

The first official military test for "Nana Splorting" was carried out using the newly reformed substituent of Bananium, through extensive energy processes. The preliminary tests, which were sucessful, could lead to the secrets of instant teleportation, allowing troops, cargo and passengers of the Splort to be instantly transported to any location in the world.

"We're very excited! The first tests weren't done on anything organic, just a few crates because we don't know what it will be like when tested on humans" said head researcher of the project, Doctor Jane Rodgers. "But they were unresoundingly sucessful! We Splorted them a distance of 5 miles from ther original starting point, in a time of 0.03 seconds. We couldn't have asked for better"

Posted Image
The Splort Pad after teleportation yesterday

The process of Splorting involves a process of using the Banaium's unique properties to help duplicate and reverend the targets pysical form, allowing it to travel in unpresidented speeds to a designated location. The only major drawback at the current stage is the sheer mass of energy needed for Splorting to ocour, with yesterday's task requiring sole use of a near by nuclear reactor.

However, the test was sucessful, and the destination calculated by Splort Scientists gave an accurate Splort Spot to within 6mm, and there is no current "barrier" against Splorting, meaning that if this sience is developed, we could transport anything, anywhere in the world.
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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Dune Carolee, reporting live from a field - Channel Zero, Newz0r]

Posted Image

"Dune Carolee reporting live from a field just north of Limewood, where yesterday a number of crates appeared out of thin air. Local farmer Gryles Wyndsvept witnessed the event."

[Camera pans to a large bearded fellow]
"Mr. Wyndsvept can you describe what happened?"

"Well... I was just tilling yonder field just there, when I hears a loud 'ting' sound, and there theys all weres like that see. It were just like the kind of thing yer get in a bad comedy programme."

"And has there been any change since then?"

"No... but I tell yar... They'd better be a gettin' off my laand soonish, else I shall be takin' my axe to them there crates."

"Erm... Mr Wyndsvept, thank-you."

[camera pans back to Dune]
"So, crates appearing from nowhere. Locals in peril. Fear and panic spreads through the countryside. Back to you in the studio"
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Transmission intercepted by Rhanukhani National Security Agency - Internal Division]

...id you see it?!

I trust Pr......or, you are refe.............he recent announ.................arding teleporta.............nology?

.........urse I am! This changes eve.......................th a Splort we c.................t out the enti..................ge of the plan and simply deplo.............Is instantaneo........

Exac..............ssor - with a Splo...............echnology has only just been deve................ill never be at a suit...............vel of funct.............n time. We proce...............anned!

Humph! Very well then, Mr.........................as been your scheme from the st...................nd everythi............lling into place as you predic.....

...ank you, Profes....

Tell me, di................nage to retri................BI-X2s from the holding cam.........ople are beginning to noti.....................mblance to our GB........nits - I had that Agent Spicera...............e a visit today!

....yes, the GB..............er fear, Profes..............e GBI-1s in produc...................2s on the wa.............ave become obsolete - I ha..............ged for them to be dealt wi...

[Signal lost]
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network Late Night Bulletin]

Good evening viewers. The time is ten o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to Rhanukhan OrbiTech's new satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

Splort!: It sounds like the stuff of science fiction but Glerican scientists have announced the development of teleportation technology. Jonathan Spatula brings the full report.

Mystery Woman Still a Mystery: The possible Glerican survivor of the Alpha Outpost attack remains unconscious today and so far attempts to confirm her identity have failed. Dwight Alabaster brings us his latest report from Lazarastra.

Holding Camp Horror: Several huge explosions tore apart the holding camps which have housed Lazarastran POWs since the liberation today, killing all prisoners and personnel in what is now technically the largest single loss of life in the campaign. Nobody has claimed responsibility for the attack but the finger of suspicion is pointed at terrorists from United Idiocracy. Investigations are ongoing tonight.

And finally: With our new global audience exciting an interest in travel amongst Rhanukhani citizens, RSNN will be launching a fantastic new program! "On Holiday", with Fiona Candelabra, starts this week so stay tuned!

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
[Article from Glerican Science Magazine]

ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN - ONE GIANT SPORT FOR MANKIND

Earlier today history was made when aircraft pilot Arthur Gerals of The Second Fighter Squadron became the first human being to be teleported by Splorting. The pilot, aged 34 announced several weeks ago his intention to sign up for human trials in the experiments, and this morning he proved that Splorting is genuinely safe.

Posted Image
Arthur strikes a heroic pose after being flown back to Glerica earlier today

Yesterday's experiment, involving crates was deemed safe, and once background checks and COSHH tests were carried out, Gerals was allowed to stand on the Splort platform. "It's quite strange" reported Arthur shortly after his splort to rural DPL. "All you see is the platform, then a tiny flash of blue, then your new surroundings, which for me was rural DPL and a very disgruntled looking cow". Splorting was deemed safe by the Glerican Science Institute although directly after Splorting Arthur was observed to vomit into a bush, although this was put down to severe disentoriation.

Again, Splorting is in it's early stages, and requires massive ammounts of energy. Splorting also isn't mobile, that is to say that you can only Splort from a fixed position, although Personal Splort Devices (PSD's) are on the Institutes agenda. "We could be looking at transporting entire platoons, masses of passengers and mountains of aid to remote or difficult locations that would be hard to reach otherwise. There currently is no limit to the range of Splorting." says Doctor Jane Rodgers, head researcher of the project.
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Greetings workers and citizens of Rhanukhan, I'm Constantine Malachite and I'm giving you... the world!

Enjoy the natural beauty and wildlife of Disposablepuppetland - home of the legendary Fiend!

Thrill to the adrenaline rush of skiing down the Grey Giants in Glerica!

Marvel at the architectural beauty of Hevarta in Veltarna!

Savour traditional Hirotan cuisine in its own birthplace!

Experience the rich historical diversity of Nivogal!

Perhaps take in the cricket in Leetuania!

I can give you these things and so much more with RhanuTour - the latest member of the Malachite Evolving Enterprises family!

Fly in our planes, cruise in our liners, drive our hire cars... you can ride our donkeys if you're so inclined! And when you reach your destination prepare for true luxury...

Rhanotel - RhanuTour's exclusive chain of hotels have three, four and five star accomodation in all the major cities of England! Wherever you may wander you can be assured of finding the finest traditional Rhanukhani hospitality awaiting you so you never feel too far from home.

I'm Constantine Malachite and I'm giving you... the world!

[jingle]RhanuTour - wherever you want to be, you're there![/jingle]
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Telegram from Constantine Malachite to Doctor Jane Rodgers, Head Researcher, Splort Project, Glerican Science Institute (also delivered: a magnum of the finest Hesslian champagne)]

Doctor Rodgers,

Permit me to congratulate you on the successful human trial of your marvelous new Splort technology! Here at Malachite Evolving Enterprises we are always on the lookout for innovative developments such as yours and we are keen to invest in any new technology which makes the world a better place. I believe Splorting could well be the biggest technological breakthrough of the last hundred years and I wish to help you push it to its fullest potential by investing in the further development of your project. As you are no doubt aware, I have a vast budget and extensive resources including state-of-the-art scientific establishments at my disposal. I can put them at your disposal too in return for an appropriate share of the profits and the licence to develop products based on Splort technology. Malachite Evolving Enterprises is a big name in international business, Doctor - we could make you very rich and very successful very fast! Please consider my proposal - I hope we can come to a mutually profitable agreement and again, congratulations - enjoy the champagne!

Constantine Malachite
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Extract from new GeneTech promotional video, Head Scientist Beatrice Wardrobe narrating]

...and here we have them! The GBI program is now in full swing and GBI-1s will be emerging from our factories across Rhanukhan on a regular basis from now on! With such a regular supply of our patented super soldiers available we're naturally taking orders from the military establishments of other friendly nations throughout England and invite any government who haven't yet considered the many benefits offered by the GBI-1 over your regular personnel to contact us here at GeneTech for a full demonstration!

Now, over here we have...

[video continues]
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network Late Evening Bulletin]

Good evening viewers. The time is seven thirty and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to Rhanukhan OrbiTech's new satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

Lazarastra's Mystery Woman Identity Confirmed: With the help of photographs forwarded by the Glerican Navy, the mystery woman rescued by our forces in southern Lazarastra recently has been confirmed to be Captain Kelli Irving of the GMS Liberation. She remains unconscious in a Rhanukhani medical facility at present but shows no evidence of any major injuries. Glerican authorities have been appraised of her rescue. Dwight Alabaster brings us his latest report from Lazarastra.

Isles of Secrets: Rhanukhani military officials in Lazarastra are apparently growing concerned following the near total silence from the Isle of Tantrum and Jilted Atoll since the Nivogalese occupation. Although vessels of the Nivogalese Navy are regularly observed patrolling the area, there has been a curious lack of communication between the newcomers and their neighbours in the Sea of Regret. What could be going on? We have the latest theories and speculation from our panel of experts later in the program.

Stocks and Shares: Wendy Collander brings us this week's financial roundup and the official announcement which has surprised nobody on the stock market - Malachite Evolving Enterprises is Rhanukhan's fastest growing company.

And finally: We've been promoting it all week - our fantastic new program, "On Holiday", with Fiona Candelabra, starts immediately after this news bulletin so stay tuned for her guide to England's holiday hotspots and the chance to win an all expenses paid holiday to one of many locations, courtesy of the show's sponsors, RhanuTour!

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
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New Drakensberg Range
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Lord
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Flight Lieutenant Harry Gibson, of the NDR Air Force, is piloting a Boeing RC-135 over international waters near the country of Nivogal. His mission is to take photographs of Nivogalise ships travelling in international waters.

"Tom, check the sensor readings" says Gibson.

"I'm not picking anything out of the ordinary sir" replies Warrant Officer Thomas O'Daily

"Tom, you really must call me Harry. When you're in the air, there's no need to stick so ridgidly to the command structure." says Gibson.

"Yes sir, I mean Thomas" replied Tom abruptly.

Harry sighs. "Only my mother calls me Th..."

Their conversation was interupted when their plane shook violently from side to side. Red lighs began to flash everywhere.

"Harry, what's happening?" says Tom.

"Stabilise the left wing!" barked Gibson.

The plane began to steady, thanks to the efforts of the two pilots.

"Whew...Tom, check the readings.

What the hell happened?"

Suddenly, an alarm sounded throughout the plane.

"That's the radiation alarm" said Gibson worringly.

"I'm turning this bird around" said Tom.

...

...

"Oh my God!" exclaimed both of them at the same time.

As they were turning, they could see this.

Posted Image

"Damn. Get on the horn to Command. There's been a nuclear explosion, and it's happened on Nivogal" ordered Gibson.

"Yes sir, I'm sending the messa..."

There was another nuclear explosion, and the shock wave was seen coming towards the plane!

"TURN THIS THING AROUND. SOUND THE ALARM. PREPARE FOR DAMAGE!!" shouted Gibson. Gibson then grabbed the radio, and shouted into it "MAYDAY, MAYDAY, THIS IS ALPHA 7. WE ARE IN THE MIDST OF A MASSIVE NUCLEAR, I REPEAR, NUCLEAR EXPLOSION. WE WILL NEED ASSISTA..."

The radio transmission was terminated as the shock wave hit the plane.

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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
"This can't be serious?!"

"It certainly is - His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman has already been informed and the military high command is in chaos right now!"

"Quiet on set please! Trent, you're go in three... two..."

...

[Emergency broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network across all OrbiTech Communications Channels]

Good evening - we interrupt your scheduled program to bring you this breaking news. I'm Trent Butterknife.

Reports have just reached us here at RSNN of what appears to have been multiple nuclear explosions in the nation of Nivogal. Intercepted radio transmissions from a New Drakensberg Range reconnaissance aircraft in the area suggest at least two explosions of indeterminate size before the signal was lost.

Rhanukhani military officials are awaiting satellite confirmation of the extent of the explosions and have already initiated emergency protocols in the event that this turns out to be the start of a nuclear war. His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman has been moved to his secure bunker from where he is expected to make an official announcement later tonight and all forces are on full alert.

We'll bring you more details as and when they arrive. Our hopes and prayers go out to the citizens of Nivogal.
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Transmission intercepted by Rhanukhani National Security Agency - Internal Division]

...alm down Profes..............eports are too vag................................nfirm anything!

But... but... what i...........hem here alrea..................aven't had time to g................rything in pla......

....ssure you, Pr...................atever this is, it is most certai...........ot the.........................we would ha...............undated with rep.................tions all over Eng..............

Ca................e absolutely sure, Mr.........................as the satellite ne....................cted anything?

...........etwork has not, a.............ains in passive mo.....................ime being. At lea..............rt of our plan is alr..................pleted.

..................eel safe until everyth.................ete! I can't believ......................latant as to laun....................na offensive in the fir.............e! It must me..........ey've had agen......................ears already - who kn.............at they'd alre....................ved before you arri.........

....ll, whatever the.......ped to achieve with the b........................hot themselves in the foot! We'v..................ed to create an expan.......................sive forc...................rld with their own techn...................eaking of which, I trust produc......................I-1 and 2 units continues undisru......

...ndeed it does, Mr...............................ey're being distri.......................gland either as ar...............es purchas........................ations or unde..............ver of your very cle...............rist deception.

Excelle...............BI units will discretely sprea................V301 amongst the gene..................ation, ensu.................rever they put dow..................et with far stro.......................nce than they drea....................sible!

[signal lost]
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New Drakensberg Range
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Lord
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Outside of the NDR Parliament building, General Eric Winterbourne, spokesman for the military government of NDR, addresses a crowd of reporters, who have come from a variety of different countries.

"We have confirmed that 54 nuclear explosions took place throughout the entirety of Nivogal. Our intelligence suggests that Nivogal had launched 54 nuclear missiles, which were aimed to attack New Drakensberg Range, Glerica, United Idiocracy, asxtc, and Veletarna.

We believe that all the missiles malfunctioned, because of an unknown reason, and that they all landed, and detonated, on Nivogalise territory.

NDR reconnaissance aircrafts have surveyed Nivogal, and have declared that there have not been able to find a trace of life in the country anymore.

This is a sad day, due to the complete loss of life that is so far apparent. However, Nivogal would have caused terrible damage to other countries, had the missiles not failed to reach their targets. Nivogal, it would seem, wanted to destroy its enemies.

On another note, the entire crew of the reconnaissance plane which was caught in the midst of one of the nuclear explosions have been rescued after their plane landed in the sea. There have been some severe injuries, and all have been subjected to moderate amounts of radiation, but all are expected to make a full recovery."
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
From the Desk of Francis Be Frank, Officer of Announcing Things to Other People

Well, we're happy that the NDR crew were rescued safely from the blast zone as that was one hell of a dangerous mission. They should be commended for their actions and bravery.

Oh and Nivogal? I told him not to fart about with nukes!

Francis Be Frank,
Officer of Announcing Thing to Other People (OATOP)
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Found on an obscure internet forum

Posted by SplortBoy67
Hello, I'm.. well I better not say my name, but I'm a soldier of the Glerican Army, more specifically the secret (for now) Splort Squadron. They'll deny it, but I've encryped my location, so they won't know whose posting this. Anyway I'm making this my log.

I'm on Recon duty, currently using the new splort suits... these suits allow us to teleport anywhere AND allow us to teleport back without needing the massive ammounts of energy. Yesterday I was in the heart of the Defence Office of NDR, just splorted right into the records vault and back again after I... completed my mission. Anyway here is a piccy of the suit:

Posted Image

Nice eh? The helmet is rarely needed, but the real business is down at the boots... our own little mini splort-platforms. Anyway... more to come and don't tell anyone!

Posted By BerriesRFunxx
LOL u lier! Splortin is well not that good

Posted by JimGL
I dunno, that suit looks really authentic!
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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Statement from General Vershner, President of DPL]

With the sudden destruction of Nivogal, the treaty we have negotiated for the protection of DPL shipping is now null and void. Fortunately, we were already in talks with the Glerican government, and can now announce a new defensive pact with Glerica. The Glerican Navy will provide protection for DPL shipping and coastal waters, and in return will receive preferential rates on DPL produce, access to our surveillance and communications network, and considerable financial remuneration.

This pact represents a prosperous new future for our two nations in these troubled times.
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New Drakensberg Range
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Lord
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Secret statement from the NDR government to the Glerican government

Our intelligence service has discovered evidence that one of your teleporting soldiers infiltrated the records archive in our Defence Office. Several documents are now missing.

We demand an explanation, and we demand the documents back.
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Announcement to NDR

I'm afriad the intelligence that you've gathered is false. The reference is from an obscure website and is not an official announcement. We would also like to remind you that Splort Suits aren't even in production yet, so even if we did know where your central records are kept and indeed, did Splort one of our troops in there, they wouldn't be able to get back out as I assume you have tight security around the records.

Also, the suits look nothing like that. Damn... ignore that last sentence.

Gerry Tremms
Junior Foreign Affairs Minister
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Transmission intercepted by Rhanukhani National Security Agency - Internal Division]

So, splort tec...................uldn't possib.....................loped to a suitab.....................n time, hmm?

Thank you, Pr............................ead the report and you're ri..........................ite of the denia...............gly suspect Glerica has man-portable spl....................logy in develop.....................s we speak.

Wha.............................ng to do about it - Do................gers didn't even deign to rep........................fer!

I kn........................as most surp..............................urrently atte........................ltrate agents onto the splo........................pment sta..............................ade an even more gen......................fer to the Doctor.

...............ed a worki.................ple of that techn...................n develop a coun...............ure! If the Gle...............n't underst.......................uly abou....................et the wro...........................se it to disru..................ns - then the who................................ay the price!

Ind........................uld be disas - wait! Wha......................ady onto us? Think abo..................essor - how could Gleri................................sibly developed such a.........................nced technology in such a sho.......................me?

......................mean? Oh no!

.........es! Somewhere in the Gl..................rarchy there mus..................r more agents of th................

[Signal lost]
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Found on an obscure internet forum

Posted by SplortBoy67
Well, well well... security has been stepped up for some unknown reason back at the Institute. Something apparantly about a leak about the new technology... I wonder what that could have been? Anyway we've pretty much been on low duty since that exploit into NDR got aparantly found out and to all those unbelievers lets just say that the NDR government has a "Fruitbowl Alliance Backup Plan"...

Anyway, today something has got the Intelligence Office's attention, something about pirate broadcasts in Rhanukhani about Professors or something. Apparantly, we've been tracking them for several months, but since we have the Splort suits we can get right in there and have a good poke about. I was send to some remote - and I mean REALLY remote- locations where they thought they were being broadcast from, but nothing. Just some disused bunkers with odd markings.

Also, one of the squad miscalcualted his Splort zone and ended up getting spliced. Erm... this is when a part of you gets splorted and the other part of you doesn't. It isn't very nice... I bet they don't announce THAT in a hurry!
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Rhanukhani State News Network Late Night Bulletin]

Good evening viewers. The time is eleven o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across England thanks to the Rhanukhan OrbiTech satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

New Provinces: Now that the colony of Lazarastra is both fully occupied and firmly under Rhanukhani control the government has announced plans to split it into three new provinces. Dwight Alabaster brings us his latest report including speculation on those with their eyes on the provincial governors jobs.

Neutered Nivogal: We can confirm earlier reports that Nivogal's abortive and ultimately self destructive nuclear strike has left no survivors on the nation's mainland. Questions are now being asked about what will become of the Nivogalese colonists in the Sea of Regret who presently represent all that remains of the nation. Rhanukhani armed forces in Lazarastra remain on full alert although there have been no reported signs of activity since the devestation earlier this week.

Profitable Holidays: Malachite Evolving Enterprises continues to dominate the Rhanukhan Stock Exchange as shares in RhanuTour prove to be as lucrative as any of Constantine Malachite's other companies. Wendy Collander brings us tonight's financial news.

One Man and His Splort: Rumours abound regarding the possibility that Glerica has already managed to downsize it's recently unveiled splort technology to a portable level. Could this be the end of the road for conventional forms of travel? Jonathan Spatula reports on the matter and also consults our panel of experts.

And finally: Although slammed by officials for it's rebellious and insubordinate lyrics, The Shirkers' new single, "Time Off!", has made chart history by holding the number one spot for a staggering five months - beating previous record holders, Nose2Grindstone with "Callouses of Pride" back in the summer of 2002. Our own pop princess, Melanie Sofabed, interviews the band later in the programme.

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
[Announcement to Rhanukhan]

As you can understand, we are so proud and relieved that the missing Captian of the Royal Glerican Navy, Captain Kelli Irving has been found safe by your troops. You must understand her distress however, as during the time of her dissapearance she was on the frontline of fighting the virus and there was immence international fear over the Banalite virus, and therefore seeing your GBI-1s troops must have been a massive shock to her system.

We must ask you for her medical condition, and whether any further searches have occured near her area, as we currently have 30 men and women MIA after the attack by NDR on the GRS Liberation. If she is in a stable condition, we may request her to be splorted back into Glerican territory.

The people of Glerica once again thanks the Rhanukhan people for their support in this time.

Supreme Admiral Loius Mitchell
Head of The Glerican Royal Navy,
Awarded the Fanderk Cross in 1982,
Naval Operations Commander
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Transmission intercepted by Rhanukhani National Security Agency - Internal Division]

.....essor! Assem............earch team and prepare for transport imme..........

What is it? What's hap...............

.........ust received disturbing intel...................................ericans. You'll be joined by a GB....................ity detachment whe.....................................e at your destination.

...hat? Where?

............ormation is sketchy at be...................e's a possibil...................ica's splort infiltra...............ently visi................stplace!

You mea...

Yes! My initial bas..............ations when I first ar........................try. It wo...................ur commun......................n't as secure as we beli......

But... bu.............................hing there an..........................old me you mov..................................en you se............aTech!

I did - only s.......................ere and tha.............ied beneath the b.............................ld find it! But if a spl......................s made into Firs............n there may be some sort of evi.....................lp us develop a sui..................asure. Assem...........................eam swiftly, Pr..................................opter is already on it's w................nd I have other calls to ma......

[Signal lost]
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Telegram from the Rhanukhani Foreign Office to Glerica]

It pleases me to inform you that Captain Irving is in reasonable health considering all she has been through. She remains unconscious, however, and all attempts to rouse her thus far have met with failure. I have passed your request to splort the captain out of Lazarastra on to Governor General Gravyboat as it represents a potential breach of his security - you can expect to hear from him shortly.

Our patrols have not encountered any further members of her crew in the area at present though the terrain in southern Lazarastra is extremely rugged following the original banana impact and there are plenty of places they could remain hidden. We will keep you updated on this matter.

Best regards,

Allistair Ballustrade - Rhanukhani Foreign Minister
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Transmission intercepted by Rhanukhani National Security Agency - Internal Division]

Agent Yello.............e closest to wh.......................ding that Glerican capt.................ve a mission for you.

A..................mand, as ever, Mr......................

.............rican's have requested permi.................eir new spl.....................gy to evac...............tain - this is.........................portunity to stud............ction.

Ind.............s, sir - wha....................an?

.................ulling in a couple of fa.......................nsure they get that per.....................eed you to be in pos.............................cal facility. You we.....................ied with a range of sen............................rding devices whe...........................loyed in Lazaras...............re you not?

......as, sir

Then I ne.............ole of the splo............................ding in every ava...................edium. Once yo........................ation, I will arran.................................urned to Rhanukhan wher..................and it to me perso....................body else - understo.....

...es, sir!

[signal lost]
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rhanukhan
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Halfway 'twixt Mars and Venus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Telegram from the Lazarastran Governor's Office to Glerica]

Following careful consideration of the security implications surrounding this event, Governor General Gravyboat has given the go ahead for you to employ your splort technology within Lazarastran borders. Please find attached documents covering the co-ordinates you are to operate within and maximum number of Glerican personnel permitted to deploy. Please be warned that the entire operation at the Lazarastran end will be under scrutiny by our military and science observers.

Best regards,

Caroline Soapdish - Secretary to Governor General Gravyboat
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disposablepuppetland
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Duke
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
[Dune Carolee, reporting live from the skies over Raspberry Fields - Channel Zero, Newz0r]

Posted Image

This is Dune Carolee, reporting live from Raspberry Fields, on the most extraordinary story in Disposablepuppetland history. Just after 6am this morning, a 16,000 ton nuclear submarine materialised on St. Blanka's Avenue, in central Raspberry Fields.

The configuration and markings of the vessel suggest it is of Glerican design, but so far no contact has been made with the crew, if indeed there is anyone on board. The submarine appears to be functional as the propeller is still spinning. It is unknown whether any nuclear weapons are on-board.

Traffic has ground to a standstill and in fact a number of vehicles have been ground to a pulp. Police have now cleared the immediate area and issued the submarine with a parking ticket, congestion charge, and a fine for not displaying a valid tax-disc or licence plates.

Back to you in the studio!
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P-17
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Political Correctness Junkie
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Following a disastrous accident at our weapons research facility at Area 17, P-17 would like to announce the coversion of the base into a 5 star holiday resort on what is now "P-17 holiday Island"

P-17 Holiday Island is ideally situated near the centre of England, providing easy access to a luxury getaway for citizens all over the region. Relax in a tropical paradise populated with exotic flora and fauna. Take a stroll along the sandy beaches, ride on a self-propelled banana boat, and dine in any number of eateries. P-17 Holiday Island offers the ideal setting to mingle with residents from other parts of England or enjoy your own company.

- 5 star luxury resort
- Guided 'banana rush' tours
- Free bananas
- less than 1 hour's boat trip from Civil HQ!
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Glerica
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Squire
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Intercepted Microphone at the Central Command

Man1: "Who the HELL green lighted the Submarine SPLORT?! Michaels!"
Man 2: "It wasn't me! We don't even have that sort of splort technology to Splot something THAT big, right Doctor Rodgers?"
Rodgers: "Well, actually..."
Man 2: "You what? When exactly were you planning on telling us this?"
Rodgers: "Well I was scared... tests needed to be carried out"
Man 1: "How far have you developed this?"
Rodgers: "You mean apart from the suits?"
Man 1: "Of course apart from the suits! We've known about those bloody things for ages!"
Rodgers: "Well, we've equiped that submarine with it's own Splort device, but they must have used it before the Splort technichians were stationed there. Hence the erm... miscalculation."
Man2: "Thats one hell of a miscalculaton Rodgers"
Rodgers: "Look it's not my fault I TOLD the captain not to use it until the technitians got there!"
Man1: "How did it get on land?!"
Rodgers: "Its a Splort Submarine, not a bloody bus. Splorting means it can go anywhere, anytime. We're damn lucky it Splorted on the street rather than through it.
Man1: "What else have you developed?"
Rodgers: "We've equipped some other vehicles and of course the splort gun"
Man2: "Is this thing o..."

[Communication ended]
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