| A Journal of Sorts; I write an extensive recount of every day I'm away. | |
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| Topic Started: Oct 5 2015, 08:53 AM (363 Views) | |
| The first Dingus | Oct 5 2015, 08:53 AM Post #1 |
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good boi
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Hey there. Many of you may have noticed that I have not been on Skype in about a week or more now. I haven't died, I've just been silenced. These are my accounts of the days that have passed since I left. Hope you find some means of enjoyment in reading these, and prepare your eyes for walls of text. Day 1: September 26th: Today the ban hammer was dropped. The way I see it, the only possible means of internet for entertainment is, ironically, at school. I question whether or not I should use school wifi for communication as well. I won't be there when everyone is awake, but Flint may be awake when I arrive at school; however, I can't communicate via voice chat, so the tone of the conversation will be lost amidst the text. On the bright side, I will be able to communicate with someone. I discovered that the short in my laptop charger has finally burnt through the rubber surrounding it. Whenever I try to fix the short in the circuit, sparks fly from 3 millimeters to 2 and half inches from the sit. It is now a fire hazard, and I've placed a spare piece of electrical tape over the site to prevent sparking. I don't think it's going to work for long. Mom looked up prices of chargers like mine, but with current events happening, I don't think dad will approve of mom buying me replacement equipment for a device which is used mainly for entertainment. I used my excess energy today by being an utter goofball. I was "dancing" (if you can even call it that) with reckless abandon to goofy music. I played aggressively on my bass guitar and mildly aggressively on my guitar. I practiced the song of storms and song of healing on the piano. I still can't 2-hand the SoS on piano. I may or may not have an idea for a new song. I later felt myself slipping away, so I took my first nap in a very, very long time. I dreamt that I was in a love triangle with a young, fem-engineer with my body type and long auburn hair whom I had a one-way crush on. She was already dating a rich scorpion enthusiast who had an unnatural fascination with scorpions. His hair was blonde or orange kept short and neat. His attire was, more often than not, a light blue suit and slacks combo. He was expecting a package: a rare fat-stingered scorpion which was a large, sickly green scorpion decorated with black strips going down its abdomen and ending with a grotesque banana-shaped stinger the size of a pea pod. Every attempt at impressing or even just pleasing this girl was futile as it failed or even annoyed her to the point where she, and her scorpion-obsessed boyfriend were attempting to beat me up. Unfortunately for the both of them, I out-matched them and could escape with the greatest of ease and skill. Teleporters, free-running, and an abundance of stealth kept me out of harms way; at least until I infiltrated the scorpion lover's private RV. A futuristic vehicle crossed between a facility with chrome on nearly everything. In here were terrariums filled with scorpion colonies and stand-alone species. I accidentally knocked over some of the nastiest of the colonies: A terrible little experimental scorpion made specifically for killing humans and made completely out of metal. No larger than a key on your keyboard with legs made of thin wire and pincers made of sharp metal blades, the stinger was something akin to a thumb tack what with it being pointed and thick. Many, many, many times had I discovered one of these little mites trying to burrow into my flesh, and many times more would I painfully remove each one. Some bits would break of and stick in my flesh, which I had to pry out. In the end, I didn't win the girl over, but I at least managed to get all of those pesky things out of my clothes. Then I woke up at near 8:30 and proceeded to knock out my schoolwork. I was rather upset that I could not do it to music as per mom's rules. My devices have been blocked from my dad's internet still. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I still have work to do. I lack the inspiration to write music or draw art, but maybe I'll give something a shot. I've been wanting to draw something at a dynamic angle for while now. Trying to charge my laptop now, made me realize the short has literally burnt through the chord. I believe it is beyond the state of repair and I may not keep this journal up to date each day because of this. This was a spur of the moment thing, as is nearly everything else I do. I'm going to lie down in bed at 10:50 pm which is unusually early for me. I may not sleep until midnight or later, but I will certainly listen to music. Good night. Day 2: September 27th: Today, before we went to church, Andrew backed mom's car up into dad's truck and crumpled the bumper. Dad calculated about $1500 in damage, but knowing our family's tight budget, we're not gonna be spending that much money. I had to redo the backing up and pulling out into the driveway without crashing into the car. Then we were off on our way to Church. I saw two familiar faces, and today's message revolved around circumstances. It gave me a sense of direction, unexpectedly. My laptop's battery is going to die very soon, and my charger has burnt through. The electrical tape didn't help at all. Apparently this was a well-known fact to my dad, but no one told me it wouldn't help! Regardless of the slight humiliation, I learned that electrical tape doesn't fix a broken wire, and when something looks broken, it's probably broken. What will I do today, I ask? On my to-do list, I have some CPT homework to knock out, but I won't be using my laptop to do it. (This is when my laptop's battery died) Today I decided to play Spyro: A Hero's Tail for PlayStation 2. One of my childhood favorites. I had gotten to the 2nd realm when I overheard Ethan (brother #2 out of 3) going on about a contest involving the Terraria Community Forum. I began asking questions and I soon became very interested. Apparently there is a contest for four categories in which forum users may submit a tribute to the 1.3 update in celebration of the 1 year anniversary of the forum. The categories are Video, Music, Artwork, and in-game Building. The first prize for each category is $50.00 in the winners' Steam wallets. I have 1 month to submit, and I've decided to make a remix of one of the 1.3 songs as an entry. I have confidence that I may win, but I won't be disappointed if I lose; it will be fun. The only hinderance is that my laptop died this morning (I'm typing these notes on my phone), so I can't record my work. I plan on remixing the goblin invasion theme, and I am super excited to do so. I'm aiming for an edgy metallic cover. I noticed my guitar strings were coated in a sort of grime and I'm concerned they may break during the songwriting process. If I win, and I plan on it, I'll receive a massive payout of 50 freaking bucks. That's bananas!! Think of how many hats I could buy in TF2: 10! Or even better if I spend the money wisely. Heck, 50 is more than I know what to do with, but I eager as all hell. Schoolwork was tedious today, I began at around 7:40 and ended at 10:00 or so because the simulation of Microsoft Word that Microcomputer Applications (the class) uses is junk. I could easily rant for two paragraphs, but my screen is cracked and I don't want texter's thumb either. Yesterday my dad texted me that a guy wants to know if I can help do some computer stuff for his business. I don't know anything about networks or servers; it hasn't been covered in class. On the other hand, if I can do what he needs, then I may help myself in the direction of a paying job. Tomorrow I'm supposed to get in touch with this man, but I don't have much time for anything at all considering school, and the like. I had an idea: what if, if nothing happens on one day, I write a fictional story about how I go on a grand adventure? It sounds fun to me. This night was the night of the Blood-Harvest-Super-Moon, but of course, it rains out, so no super rare and awesome celestial event for you, Atmos. I'm pissed. I'll be lying down to sleep soon... About the day I left, I'm sorry I didn't say a proper goodbye to you lovely people. I wish I could've said an endearing goodbye to all of you. I'll see you all soon enough. Good night. Day 3: September 28th: Since I woke up before my alarm, I decided to start the day off with a shower. Mother Nature had the same idea, and it was raining in no time at all. I really like Autumn rain. Cool, refreshing, and scenic. I spent a little more time playing Spyro this morning, since dad was going to drive me to the interview. Yesterday, dad allowed me to charge my laptop. I managed to get to at least a 50% charge, which won't last too long, but it's enough to type out these entries. We arrived at his friends business, and I sat down and got to talking. I didn't try to sell myself; I didn't have the skills he was looking for, but I may at the end of the semester. Then I left and dad dropped me off at the college with only an hour to spare before class. Upon my arrival (and it's just my luck), I noticed that the wifi was not working. At first I thought this was a consequence of my phone's software not being up to date, but when I entered the library, I soon realized that this was not the case. It seemed that the whole network was down, because of "changes in the technology." I'm unsure why they're changing. Nothing was broken in the first place. At 11:10, my math class begins. I'm not really in the mood for mathematics, but it seems I have no choice. As a side note, I'm getting rather nervous with my grades. Some assignments I haven't been able to turn in or I've completed missed them entirely. Late work is not excepted, so I can't really make up what I've missed. If I can just stay on top of things, it will all balance out, but I just need to focus. When I get home I need to charge my laptop again, and begin that Goblin Invasion cover. Normally I can pump out a nice dance mix in 6 or 12 hours, but if I want to win, I'm gonna need this whole month to work on it. I'll have to use the time between classes to record the guitar and bass segments of the piece. In the meantime, I can make use of the school wifi (which is still down, mind you) to work on electronic bits... IF I REMEMBER MY HEADPHONES NEXT TIME. Nobody who isn't interested wants to listen to a musician making a track. They'd much rather hear the whole thing. There's a lot of rewinding involved in songwriting; a lot of "hey, let's change this and play it back again," and "alright, from the top," and even "messed that up, gonna have to start over," in music making. I started with a charge of 44% when I opened my laptop at 10:14, it is now 10:47 and my charge is 29%. Without a charger, my laptop's battery will go quickly, and I'm not even doing that much, nor am I connected to the wifi. If I were songwriting, I'd be draining the battery like nobody's business. My weekly schedule looks something like this: Sunday: Church, 6 hours of free time (at least), schoolwork, (extra time?) Monday: Wake up at 7:00 and get ready to be driven to school, ~3 hours of free time, class for 1 hour and a half, wait for ride (for 2 hours), 2 more hours of free time, drive to 3 hour lecture class, arrive home at 8:45, 1 hour of free time, pick up bread. Tuesday: Go to school at regular time, 5 hours of free time, class, 2 hours of free time, go home, 2 hours of free time, Bethany's soccer practice, 1.5 hour class, go home at 8:45, 2 hours of free time. Wednesday: Same as Monday Thursday: Same as Tuesday but without 2nd class at night. Supposedly more free time (~12 hours free time). Friday: Free all day Saturday: Free all day but schoolwork is due at some point! Repeat. It's a very nice college schedule. Only 2 classes a day. It doesn't allow me to work full time jobs, but it gives me plenty of free time to work on the submission. Class begins in ten minutes (@11:10, it's 11:00 now with a charge of 24%). I'll let you know how it goes, and who knows, maybe the wifi will come back, and I can actually get some work done. Class is now over, and the wifi is still wonky. I went outside and used my phone's 3G to open the original goblin invasion theme, and opened GarageBand, but my battery is near dead yet again. At the very least, I was able to get the right virtual drummer and the tempo of the song. I'll work on the details later. It's 1:00 and my battery is at 5%. The laptop died shortly after and I waited 2 hours with nearly nothing to do. Luckily Flint and Una were able to talk to me on separate occasions. I wasn't bored forever. Soon after, I was on my way home. Andrew drove us home, and even after yesterday's incident, he still isn't quite paying attention to everything. Luckily I didn't die before I got home. Once home, I sat right down to writing. The only progress I got done before it was time to go was four notes of electronic woo. Then it was my turn to drive. I did pretty well considering the traffic and the difficult roads; sure I messed up once or twice even, but the important thing is that I'm alive and mom is alive. I ended up hitting a speed bump a little too fast, and bounced mom in her seat. Dad's table saw was in the back for some reason and it jumped when I hit the bump too. Dad would've been pissed if he was in the car, but no harm done. I spent the next 3 hours in class listening to something I already knew about, but there were things I didn't know which I learned today which mainly revolved around cmd.exe. Then there was a whole lab on it that we didn't even finish. It's been saved for next Monday... hoo boy. When I got home I went back to the jam session, and found a gong sound effect, which I will be using. Then we went to Panera Bread like any other Monday night to pick up bread for us to distribute to the church and the needy. I drove to and from I got a Cherry pastry and I was very happy. Then the next few hours were spent working on my song. I managed to learn some of the tune by ear, and I'll be continuing the process tomorrow. My competition is 1 person thus far, and they haven't provided much challenge, thankfully; while their piece is nice and harmonic at least, it doesn't resemble any of the update's tracks, but that's not quite the main issue. I'm very pleased to see that someone is trying to get some music under their belt. Unfortunately for them, I have more. This pride trip I'm on is exciting, but I swear, my big head's not gonna fit through the neck of my shirt at this rate, and I'm hoping that there aren't any other musicians out there making something epic. I want that 50 bucks so bad; I've been learning how to play the Goblin Invasion Theme on guitar by ear. Needless to say, if I don't win, I'll be quite upset. And yes, I know what I said 2 days ago about not being disappointed. I wanna make it clear that I'll be proud of my work, but upset that I didn't win. I can feel more than one thing at a time when it comes to music, you silly. Anyways, good night. It's like 10 minutes past midnight over here. I should've been eaten alive by now, but I guess midnight could tell that I'm hot and sweaty. Day 4: September 29th: It's technically the 29th. I thought I said goodnight. Maybe I like saying it more than once, hm? I had a dream last night: It was a victorian time with victorian clothes, in a remote village where farmers and their families worked for hours a day. It was a time of civil war. Calvary would ride through villages stomping out any spark of uprising. Except our dream takes place at the end of the war and as it seems, the end of the world. The sun, eclipsed by the moon, was erupting in horrific pillars of fire. It was me, my wife (who I often referred to as Cran), and my friend who stood much taller than I. We were a part of the rebellion, and our time was at a close. I was leaving the world, already dying, and as I kissed my sweetheart one last time, I fell to the ground stone dead. She began weeping and crying out. Memories of her and I, years of memories surged in and out of my mind. Before I had dyed, I asked my friend to defend our own (meaning the rest of the rebellion), but as the cavalry breached our hideout, they struck him down first with a spear. Then a man with red locks of hair and a mustache-goatee combo of identical color dressed in bloody red leapt off his steed and onto the dirt floor. Cran, still in shock fell down, the man dressed in red pinned her to the ground by her throat, pulled out a dagger, and stabbed her thirty-seven times in the chest. She was dead before the 17th stab, but the man who was so convinced that we were witches and warlocks summoning the end of the world thought he could stop it by killing us all. As he stood from my wife's corpse, a grim expression came over his face. The dream goes white and from the view of my wife's eyes, I could see myself trying to get her to wake up. As she awoke, she found herself with me, and my friend in a sort of orchard. Soft, green grass, and a new sun un-eclipsed by the moon and not exploding. This must've been heaven. The sky had never been so blue, and the world never felt at such peace. I helped my wife up, and we began our eternal walk in the afterlife, together again. The dream ends there. It's not the first time I've dreamt of a girl with short dark hair who I call my spouse. I doubt it will be the last. I call her Cran because of one dream where her name is actually revealed. Apparently she is the only well-behaved side character from a nonexistent, adult's cartoon focused around the gothic occult. Think of it as a more adult version of the Adam's Family. Today I realized that I didn't do the work I was supposed to do. It's due this week, as is the following assignment. We took a test on the dreaded MLA citation format. I think I passed, but knowing me, any confidence is a fool's hope. I drew a really cool doodle of a goblin in class today. I'll take a picture of it: (Insert picture of Goblin on notepad Bethany's soccer practice was canceled today because of the constant rain. Now normally, I feel pretty cool when it rains constantly. I think there's something romantic about it. It gives me a kind of feeling like my life's background music is all by Coldplay; HOWEVER, this rain has been particularly warm, which is fine when it isn't humid. I really hate humidity. Now, cold humidity is fine, but warm humidity is gross, sweaty, AND sticky. Warm rain, a pleasant surprise- warm humid rain, I'll pass. I digress. Bethany's soccer practice was canceled, which gave me about 2 more hours worth of songwriting time. Something was missing though, so I saved my work, and left the house at around 6:40. Dad got on my case about something I can't remember, but no matter. I arrived at class not too shortly after. 7:05, class began. I sat next to my high school buddy as usual, and ranted about my situation. He understood, and I ranted in a way that got a chuckle or two out of him, so the positive balanced out with the negative. Then I told him about the song I'm working on. He was familiar with Terraria, so he could help. I let him hear it after class ended (and after I restarted GarageBand; there was so much temporary data since the last time I reset it that it would not play the music), and then he told me "it builds up like something is going to explode, but then it doesn't." which translates to "There's escalation and then it flatlines." Thanks to this and other little critiques like "it needs more substance," I was able to give myself a new framework to work with. When I went home, I got right to work. First I ironed out the guitar parts to satisfactory quality, and then I got to work on filling in the blanks. I've gotten a segment of the song to sound really nice, and I'm debating on whether or not to leave it as is or add one more thing, because it sounds so good. I took some time to look up my competition again, and the one person I was worried about was nowhere to be found. To my luck, I thought, they must've withdrew from the music category, but then I looked again, and found that they were still there. I wanted to check their age to see if they were as old as me or older than me. If they were, I knew I was in trouble, and boy was I in trouble. The one person I thought would give me a challenge was a 19-year old girl. So as far as that goes, I could be fighting for 1st place. On the other hand, this may be a good chance for me to get to know this miss, or I'm pitifully desperate for a significant other. Either way, it's not set in stone whether or not this girl is, in fact making music for the competition, so I may be able to dodge that bullet. If there's one thing I've ever known, there's always someone better than me skill wise. It's 11:16, I need to get ready for bed. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow; Good night. Day 5: September 30th: Last day of September, and nothing to really write home about, except for the dense fog in the morning and the lightning storm which passed by at the end of the day. School was pretty so-so, with not much to really talk about. I swear, if the high-schoolers in my class don't stop chatting at the back of the classroom, my math instructor is probably going to kick them out. After class I went to the library to play on my laptop which had powered down at a mere 17% battery life, and I was unable to fix it. Regardless, my battery was completely dead, and I was left with no one to talk to except for Flint, and while I enjoyed talking to him, he doesn't talk about much. Unfortunately for me, my unsung complaint was compensated for in a wrong way. Another one of my friends from school approached me, he suffers from some form of Aspergers, and today, much like nearly every day of high school, he would talk about what he talked about last time we talked... non stop.. until something important came up. INCOMING RANT. READERS ADVISED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED I like this guy. He's a good guy, but he just does not know when to stop talking, much less does he ever talk about something that somewhat interests me but can be spoiled. For example, just today he suggested I watch this anime for the 3rd time this semester, but I have not done so because I'm simply not interested enough, and I suppose he picked dup on this, so he began telling me the premise (and then some) of the story, but in doing so, he spoiled the plot of the first season, and some interesting and key facts about the show itself that you wouldn't know unless you watched it. So now he thinks I ought to watch the anime, but I'm like "you just spoiled the whole first season. Why should I watch if you just told me what's going to happen?" Not does he spoil this anime, but he goes on to spoil some bits of the new LEGO game, Lego Dimensions in specific character levels such as [SPOILERS], and [SPOILERS] levels where [SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS], but that's just me ranting. RANT OVER. It was me. I ate two servings of chicken. I'm sorry... Phew- now that that's out of the way, When it was time to go, I forgot my laptop, so I wasn't able to show my other friend the progress I made on the cover song last time I showed it to him, and really, I haven't gotten much done since last time I worked on it, I simply did some minute detail work and polishing. I still have like a whole minute's worth of the original work to cover, and if I want to be especially fancy, I'll have to work on my liberties throughout the song too, since those need a little more structure. At class, we sat through another lecture on computer parts, and then we went off to a surprise lab where we identified parts of a motherboard. It was an interesting learning experience, but if you ask me, I would've rather just gone home. This Wednesday has been an especially long one; I'm even considering just going to bed right now and not working on this cover song like past nights, but I am determined to have it perfect before the 26th of October comes, so I've got to get some work done tonight. I've counted the day until the submission period ends, and I've come to see that there are only 26 days left when the clock strikes midnight tonight. I know of two things in this world; 1. Girls are crazy, 2. Time flies when you aren't watching it. Lichway 4: Oktoberfest was supposed to start tomorrow, but due to my current situation, I am unable to host, and it pains me. I want to get Lichway 4 out, but it doesn't seem likely that it will be this Halloween. On the other hand, I thought of a way to release it in the winter, and I would call it "Lichway 4: The Dead of Winter." It's clever enough, but I think at that point, I'd rather just make it a straight-up role-play. I'm really frustrated that I couldn't host Lichway this October, and hold this festive, yet spooky game for the people of Terra Firma. There's always next year. I must get back to working, so I'll see you in a bit. At the stroke of midnight, with blistered fingers, I, Atmos Alae have finished playing that blasted solo. It may have taken me well over a hundred attempts altogether, but it was worth it. I'm exhausted and it's late, which means hallucinations. I see and hear things that aren't really there when I'm exhausted. It's like there are ghosts roaming around when I'm trying to be productive at night. I need bed. Good night. Day 6: October Feeeeeee- (Insert singing and dancing Medic): It's the end of the day and all I can think about is the Terraria Community Forum 1.3 Anniversary contest... or at least, my entry to it. I'm putting more effort into this than I thought possible. GarageBand has a fun way of saying "look how much work you've done." It counts how many recording takes you make on a single track. So far, my 1st lead electric guitar has had 168 takes to this point, and that, dear reader, is only one instrument. The other 8 combined take up more than 168 altogether. Is +168 not enough for you? Is that a challenge brewing in your mind? Very well then! I will meet your challenge with instruments, positions, and take numbers! Virtual Drummer: Lead Percussion: Not Applicable (N/A) Octave Crunch Guitar: 1st Lead Elec. Guitar: 168 Wah Guitar: 2nd Lead Elec. Guitar: 34 Distortion Guitar: 3rd Lead Elec. Guitar: 21 80's Sync Lead: Synthesizer Lead: (N/A) Airways: Ambience: (N/A) Dub Smash: Electronic Percussion: (N/A) Orchestral Kit: Ambient Percussion: (N/A) 60's Bass: Lead Bass: 21 Echo Bass: Ambient Bass: 2 The non-applicable instruments were created electronically, and although it may not seem like a big deal (hence lack of numbers), each piece took a lot of thought and concentration to sound the way I wanted it to, and the best part is, I'm not even halfway done. I could add new instruments, among other things (although this is not a good idea since GarageBand has recently been undergoing lag and overload). I have about 25 days left until the submission forum closes, but this is besides the point. The point, really, is that I am putting effort into this piece as if it's my final exam grade. At this point, if I don't win, I may be very upset. This may be my most thoughtful work yet, but it may not win the judges over, and I might just flip table after table after table if things don't work out the way I want them to. I know it sounds like poor sportsmanship, or even just plain spoiled, but hear me out: music is something I'm passionate about. Part of the reason I'm in college is to get money to fuel my love for making music. Instruments, equipment, and the like- all things that cost money- and the only way for me to get that money is by getting a paying job. I can't just stay in my parent's house forever, and I'm certain they want me out ASAP. I digress again. I'm only saying that this project is something I decided I would pour my whole effort into. I find myself taking breaks from this because it's so much work to do. I have to learn the piece by ear since I can't read sheet music, and I don't have a MIDI file to work with, so cheatsheets are out the window. Basically, I started with nothing and learned the song through repetition, and I'm still not done. I guarantee you that I alone take up a good fraction of the views of the original loop on youtube. It's so fulfilling to see the finished segments all polished up, fine-tuned, and ready for playback, yet so draining to have to work through it without anything but the original to build off of. Like I mentioned before: there is no sheet music. I don't know what note comes next unless I listen to the song and replay the small bit over and over. It's slow work, but I will have it done before the deadline. Taking a break from music, I now realize how stiff my calves are today. I tried learning a new, goofy dance that require so much leg work. I nearly had it when my legs started to cramp up. Today was all about progress, and 9/11. President Bush, 9/11, and Michael Moore. Don't ask, it's just English-101 (Composition 1). ... BUT YES! PROGRESS. I am moving onto the next piece of the music puzzle, I learned a new dance, and I survived another English class. Honestly though, I think I would've been happy to play just a bit of TF2 today. Even with a 98% charge, the battery went out like a light in no time at all. This is an exaggeration, of course. It actually went out in about an hour and a half. I really need to look into a new charger. Today I played Speedrunners. It was hilarious, and fun. Your favorite Youtubers may have played it, and you're just there for their goofy voices and stupid jokes, because what's happening on the screen may or may not make any sense, but I'm here to say, Speedrunners is super fun with others. It's awesome to laugh at them, and with them when you launch them to their death. I'd buy it, definitely. It's 12:30, but I don't feel like I've made enough progress yet. Tomorrow's Friday anyway, and according to my schedule, I have no class, so I have no obligation to wake up early tomorrow. I talked a little bit with Flint, Sharkpuncher, and Rainbow Poptart Man Guy (my favorite ball of dough under the cloud line). I talked the most with Sharky, and lost my marbles somewhere along the line. Regardless, I enjoyed spending some time with someone that day. I've been feeling rather cut off from my friends ever since the ban only 5 days ago, and it sucks. This journal makes me feel like I'm writing letters to my friends, and I'm not so far away as I think. It's all touchy-feely really, but it keeps me sane at the end of the day. Being a Thursday today, I was able to make it home in time and stay for the new Steven Universe episode, and I must say, it was absolutely precious in so many ways. I loved it. I believe this may be my new favorite episode. There are too many spoilers to talk about at this point in the story. I absolutely recommend Steven Universe to anyone who would like a plot-driven cartoon and a main character with magical powers, but you must start from the beginning, and admit NO SPOILERS. I spoke with a different in-real-life friend today. His constant run-ins with those of the feminine kind make me rather jealous and upset with my being single and getting absolutely no action (but maybe that is a good thing). So much [T-THAT'S LEWD!!] was talked about today. Strangely enough, I didn't feel too scandalous talking about it. We just sort of talked about it as if it were a normal thing or a topic of comedy. Which- in my thoughtful, midnight mind- makes me wonder: could it be that [T-THAT'S LEWD!!] isn't so lewd as we perceive it to be? Well if it's lewd enough for me to censor, then maybe it is. Either way, I'm going back to my musical work. I'll turn in for the night soon enough. I accidentally 1:30am. Goodnight though. Day 7: October 2nd: It has now been 1 week since my ban. Today, I did basically nothing but play. I didn't do much work on my music, and the lack of wifi really got to me today. I felt somewhat isolated, and you know I hate that. I confided in one of my Steam friends from the Skype chat that I missed the whole Skype crew, and they said that I was missed as well. The last of the for-sale puppies was sold, and little Lily (the one we kept) is feeling the isolation as much as I am. When my folks penned her up for the night, she insisted on escaping, and she did. The gate was even raised so she would specifically not escape, but she escaped anyway. Empathizing with the little pup, I thought perhaps she was feeling lonely and needed some company, and so I donned some shoes and a jacket to prevent myself from getting torn to red shreds by her ridiculously sharp baby teeth, and then I stepped over the gate and into her pen. Just as I suspected, she was happier and less set on escape when I stepped into her lonely room. She would tackle me and sit on my lap, and then she'd jump off. She went to the corner where she slept, and I followed. The puppies- when they were together- all slept in a pile near that corner, so I thought that maybe she just needed me nearby in order to fall asleep. At that moment, I slowly crawled over to where she was and she wiggled excitedly, getting to her feet, and "escorted" me to where she was going to sleep. I lay down on my stomach by her corner where my head was mere inches from hers, crossed my arms, rested my head upon them, and- after a few licks in to my face- in no time at all, Lily was asleep. I smiled and pretended to sleep. Soon, I realized I couldn't stay forever, so I slowly and quietly got up and left the room. Lily could use more attention, I think. Like mentioned earlier, I didn't do any musical work; something in me said I should take a break. It's only 11:31 and I feel like sleeping, granted I was up until nearly 2:00 am last night, but still; I don't know, perhaps I feel this way because I haven't done any work today. Does something within me say I'm guilty of shirking responsibility? Yes, something does, but if I listened to every single thought that popped in my head, there would be more dead things and less alive things in this house. [Dear Reader, the remainder of today's entry is filled with my internal issues, thoughts, and occasional anxieties and you should only read this if you want to take a quick look inside my head. If you do not wish to see the rest of what happened today, you should skip ahead to Day 8; otherwise, you may continue on. Thank you.] Today I was sitting in bed watching Jerma985's youtube channel when suddenly I received a text from Verizon saying that 50% of my phone's data is gone. I thought this was crazy; it had only been 7 days since the ban (and data renewal date) and half of my data was already gone. It wouldn't be gone nearly as quickly if I could just use the wifi here, but no, I'm being punished, so I just gotta deal with it. This isolation combined with the fact that now I have to care how much data I use absolutely sucks. I miss my friends, and I miss having someone special to talk with. I don't trust anyone except my mom and my older sister with my issues and thoughts. My mom is always busy though and I only talk to her about somewhat important things, and my older sister is busy with medical school. I could rant about how I'm the kid who's most likely to flunk out of college while my sister is learning how to become a doctor, but that's for another time. On the bright side, if I do flunk out, I won't owe anyone money because everything was paid for via scholarships and grants; HOWEVER, if I do flunk out, it means I need to get a job, get a license, and Get. The. F. Out. Unless someone has a need for an artist or musician, I'm fresh out of experience, and I'll have to get a job working counters, flipping burgers, stocking shelves, etc. I don't know crap about working a job. I applied to 3 different places, interviewed at 2, and apparently failed at something because I did not get any of those jobs. The only work experience I have is cleaning. I'm a janitor for corn's sake, I can't handle social interaction. My voice has a croak when I'm tired and accidentally rises into falsetto if I'm not careful. When I'm confronted by people with authority, I shut down and act as if I'm higher than the Empire State for some reason. I guess it has something to do with the "If you wish to avoid judgement, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing," quote I heard a long time ago. In a crowd of people I know, I'm bombastic, but shoot if I don't act like a stoner when authority's involved. Sometimes I wonder if I should really be in college. I don't understand the hardware part of my computer courses and I'm doing poorly in English because I didn't turn in that one essay. When I manage to turn in the work, I'm fine, but honestly, without the lesson's PowerPoint, I'm more lost than the Loch Ness monster in Wyoming. Constantly replaying this song I've been working on makes me see how imperfect it is, and each time marginally makes me see each little inadequacy. Each inadequacy, in turn, gives me more work to do in order to make it better. Sometimes I have to force myself to have an open mind when I play the song back in order to feel good about it. In a mere 30 seconds, the clock will turn to October 3rd and I will have only 23 days left until the contest ends. I want to sleep, but at the same time, I feel as if I literally need to work on this music. I have been treating this contest as if it's a final exam (as I've stated before and may state again), and I really hope that this sleep loss and work will be worth $50. I just had a thought: since I'm keeping a journal, you'll be able to watch and see my progress. You'll be able to see where I am in 23 days. You'll be able to see if I make it through college; and who knows? Maybe I will win the 50 bucks. Maybe I will make it through this semester. Maybe I'll find someone special to me and grow close to them. You, my reader, have been reading my entries, and I hope you don't stop here. Maybe no one else will read these, but if you do, then where does that put us? Perhaps you feel closer to me because I'm pouring my thoughts and feelings into virtual letters to a mystery recipient, but you must remember: I barely know you. If we spoke more often, then maybe I'd learn something about you instead. For now, it's just me to you, and nothing more. You may be criticizing, analyzing, and judging me throughout this entire journal, but no matter; it's all one-sided for me, anyway. I'd much rather have one person to write to who would write me back, but for now, this will work. It's good for venting, ranting, thinking, and reflecting. Speaking of thinking, I just had a counter thought to one of my recurring thoughts: sometimes I will think "if only I had a clone of myself whose only focus is to work, then I could get so much done while also having a nice time," but then I thought that if I did have that clone of myself, he would burn out quickly and need constant energy boosts at every 30 minutes. The reason I thought this counter thought is because I was just thinking to myself "I wish I could sit down and just do music, and only music all day," and then I thought, "I can do that, but I think I would die of tedious work for hours and hours with no real feeling of fulfillment and progress," because that's what I've been doing: hours of work with no feeling of profit. Nothing but a constant, "Good, but it's not perfect, and it's not even close to done. Keep working." I just looked up at how much I typed. "Goodness. If only I could write papers this easily," I thought. It's raining in waves out there. The noise of trickling water, chirping, and leaves rustling is rather serene. It's such a lovely cold. I just now started listening to the ambience, but I still feel as if my work needs more work. That's another thing: when it's schoolwork, I don't really care how much effort I put into it, but when it's something like music, I care immensely. It's this sort of ownership kind of thing; a kind of "I made this, this is mine, I wanna be proud of it" kind of thing, and so I work hard on it, and put a lot of effort into it, and so I went on to work until 1:30 something in the morning. I'm going to lie down and try to sleep, but my mind is still ticking about the timing of each note and harmony in the chords and tunes of each piece. It's not supposed to be a mimic of the of the original, but I want it to sound similar. If I finish early, I'll have time for liberties. Good night. Day 8: October 3rd: The Day of the Dead (laptop) A few days ago, I thought about making TF2 loadouts based on AtoL characters. I still haven't done that, but it’s obvious that Mirk would use the Huntsman. Today I had a breakthrough with the music and I've progressed to the point of being more than halfway done with the original melody. Since I think I've done a good amount of work, I think I'll boot up Terraria and play... solo. (Insert angsty groan here). I'll be okay though. But then the evil dragon known as "Gno Batteri Pauer" killed my laptop! In an epic duel in the dreamscape, I fought with the accursed Gno Batteri Pauer for 2 days and 2 nights, and on the second night, I, Atmos Alae, wielding the mighty relic known as "The Professional's Book of Macintosh Charger," emerged victorious and resurrected my dead laptop, and although I lost precious work time, I still came through, and can continue my work on the 5th of October. Day 9: October 4th: The Melancholy Sunday Just because you go to church doesn't mean your life is perfect. In fact, the least perfect people can be found in church, myself included. This Sunday was filled with negativity from the get-go. I failed to wake up at 8:00 am because of confusion and a lack of communication between me and my parents. Last Sunday, we visited a different church at 9:30 instead of 8:00, so I assumed we we're repeating last week's actions. In doing so, I essentially forced my parents and youngest 2 siblings to adhere to this schedule. 9:30 it is, it seems. As a counter argument, they didn't have to wait for me. They should have left me behind like they say they're going to, but didn't this time. It would be foolish of me to test this limit of their stance. It has been raining for about 5 days straight now. The rivers were flooding over, and it was wonderful to look at. It almost reminded me of the movie Ponyo. The lack of sun may be getting to my parents though, and I could sense their negative emotions ever since the car ride. I seem to be the only one that was in a good mood that morning. I got time to bond with Bethany (my youngest sibling, and only little sister) today. It was the best part of this day. In church, I got the opportunity to pick where we sat. The space is so much bigger than my last church, and the countless familiar faces makes me uneasy. I mentioned this earlier, but there is such a sense of urgency in the message they teach. It carries weight, and it is powerful (to me), but at the same time, it makes me feel majorly guilty (which may just be a product of my care-free lifestyle). After church, we went home and mom looked at my grades. I'm failing one class because of a menacing ZERO where my test grade should be. I need to talk to my Computer Systems Management instructor about that. I just set a reminder on my iPhone. I should be okay, but it's likely that I may forget which will be my undoing. Even if I remember, there's a chance that I won't be able to fix it. Mom was also rather grumpy all day, and dad, being her partner, was also cranky because of it. I can't shake the feeling that their anger is somehow related to me. I can't focus too hard on it or I'll fall into this shame that I don't want a part of. I already went on previously about how I feel like a disappointment to them. After some down time with the Playstation 2- today's game was Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex, a classic from 2001- we went off to my parents' friends' house for a church-related potluck. I got food, and a chance to make some new acquaintances in my age range. As usual, my brothers' style of comedy in front of others was derived from making me look like an idiot, and I couldn't do anything about it because I was in public. I had to roll with the punches, and it sucked. Either way, I got a chance to play Blokus: a fun board game (and I am not very enthusiastic about board games) where you place tiled pieces onto a board only touching corners with your own pieces. To explain it would take visual representation I can't recreate at the moment, so you'll have to do with that vague explanation and the name itself. When it was time to leave, I looked on the Terraria Community Forum submission thread for the contest and found that two other musicians had posted their entries: An 8-bit (and I mean NES-quality sound) chiptune cover of the Martian Madness theme, and another ambiguous remix, but this time, it was supposed to be a remix of the Pirate Invasion theme. Ethan, my 2nd youngest brother, and Terraria expert (as much as I hate to admit it. Luckily for me, he won't be reading this) was nearby to relieve me of my fears of being threatened by these entries. The Pirate Invasion remix wasn't resemblant of the original and lasted only 52 seconds; the Martian Madness chiptune was pretty good, but as Ethan said, "not exactly a winner." I shouldn’t be using Ethan as a means to put my fears to rest considering he doesn't do much music, and he isn't a judge, but he's been on the forum longer than I have, so he's a means of comfort, surprisingly. Today we did a tally count of competitors in the Music category; we came up to 11 supposed entrants (including myself), 3 of which have submitted a tangible piece, and 2 of which aren't 100% sure they will do music for this contest. The 3 that have posted in the first 9 days haven't gotten me worried; it's the people like me (whom take their time with their work) that worry me. (Pretty sure that last sentence had more than 2 grammatical errors.) At the end of the day, I had work I needed to do, but I began remembering a girl from my past whom I consider to not have enough closure with to let go of yet, and in a desperate attempt to arrange a reunion, I began thoroughly searching the internet for any sign of her name, using precise details such as hometown and the like. Stalker much, Alae? Sheesh... We were wonderful friends before she disappeared from my life, and I still find myself looking back and wishing we were still in touch. I don't have any leads to her whereabouts, and no contacts to try. I'm at a dead end, and that's all. I'll just have to keep rolling with the punches, won't I? At this moment, I reached out for a friend, and who would you expect to be on Steam at a reasonable-unreasonable hour? Why, none other than Aeront the Ducknut. I was very happy to see him with a status that actually read, "Online," and promptly began messaging him. I was very quick to expressing my gratitude that he was around. Aeront is a very understanding and caring guy, and was able to keep me from being utterly miserable at 11:45 at night on a melancholy Sunday. I spoke to him about how things are going, and he gave sound advice. I owe him my gratitude, and I need to remind myself to take a break from everything at some point and just refocus myself. Towards the end of our conversation, at approximately midnight, I turned around and stared into the dimly lit breakfast nook at the end of the living room, and immediately a joyful orchestra went off in my mind as I spotted dad's laptop charger- which, I will remind you, is compatible with my laptop- sitting upon a desk; left out for no other reason I can think of than for me to charge my laptop overnight. The orchestra continued as I messaged Aeront, telling him how my luck had changed. We rejoiced together, and exchanged "goodnights." I began packing for the next day, and promptly sat down to typing up that story I told in Day 8, and all of Day 9. And here we are now, at 1:10 am. I may have made a slight mistake of typing all of this, but I felt the need to do it; it's something I'm growing rather fond of. Now that my laptop is charged, I can get work done again. Tomorrow (October 5th) I'll post these entries onto Terra Firma from the school's wifi, and I will post again when I see it fit, but so I don't keep you waiting for too long, I'll try posting weekly updates give or take 2 days (5~9 days), and I close with this: Friends are absolutely irreplaceable. While many people possess similar surface-level qualities, you can't replicate the uniquenesses they hold, and every valuable quality about them that you hold dear, you must cherish. You, my friend, are irreplaceable to me. This isolation made me realize how much I hold you people dear, and at what lengths I'll go to stay in touch. Tell your loved ones how you feel. You never know when they will say goodbye for the last time, and I absolutely mean it when I say this: you will regret not telling them how you feel. That lack of closure makes you desperate for just a few more minutes to tell them "hey, I think you're awesome," "I really appreciate that you exist," and "I love you." I hope your day goes well, and I hope your dreams are sweet. Good night, friends of mine. |
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| The first Dingus | Oct 8 2015, 02:20 PM Post #2 |
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good boi
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Hello again, reader. I have a short amount of entries for you to read of this past week. I hope you enjoy. I received a PM from someone a few days ago, and I'm sorry I didn't reply. I hate to say it, but I've become very, very busy, and I need to spend my resources wisely. I'm very thankful that you sent that letter, and I am doing well, thanks. Here are the journals. Day 10: October 5th: I need to make up for lost time. I've lost 2 days of work towards my music, and I fear it may bite me in the butt. Today, the plan is to work hard on the piece and get to a point where I feel good about taking my break. Let's see how that goes. I accidentally fell asleep with my contacts in last night, which means today is a glasses day. As far as music work goes, I won't be able to do that until I get home. I've only been here for an hour and my laptop battery is already at 58%. And after editing out all of the corrected apostrophes, quotation marks, and ellipses, my battery is at 14%. I believe it has to do with the Youtube window up and running. Not smart considering I could be using my phone for that, but ohhh welllll. I think because of this, the first dump of entries will be the biggest, and from now on, I'll only put down 5 or 7 at a time. Depends on when I post. I finished editing at 9:54, and my battery is now at 8%. So we can determine that my battery life is approximately 2 hours and a bit. Not too bad, but not exactly dabes. The battery will die before class begins, so I'll just have to see you in a bit, and by "a bit," I mean hours. Many hours. Those many hours passed. There was a quiz in my math class that showed me how much I don't know about chapter 3, but that's not the highlight of my day. The weather was lovely. It was a gap between the rain and the air felt cool, and there was breeze that made the world feel alive. I saw multiple doofy birds being goofy, and I got to eat a sandwich. I'm gonna skip ahead though; today I told two of my friends that I was going to draw group pictures of the Defense of Terra Firma. The plan was to start today, but today got busy. Today I finally blew up at my brother for making me look like an idiot in front of others as a form of comedy. I'm known to be the butt of the joke on many occasions, but I don't appreciate it when that's all I ever am. Sailor Words Ahoy! It's just this dick move he does to be funny, and it's not even that funny. We're not even on good terms. Sometimes it's good, most of the time it's "CM you" levels of bad. It drives me insane; to the point where I'd like punch his stupid nose in. Anyways, after that rant went off, it was about time to go to school, and this time, I was driving.It was very stressful. The interstate is much scarier when it's rush hour and you're going 65 mph (the speed limit) when everyone else is going 70 and higher. Many black sports cars tailed me, and it has been proven to me that the aggressive ones drive black sports cars (granted I almost hit one trying to get into the turning lane; needless to say, he stayed way clear of me after that). Then I made it. I was safe. I went to class and sat down. One of my classmates sympathized with me about that road, and another recognized my headphones' brand (Sennheiser), approving of them. Not only that, but I talked to Jan and Flint for a little bit during class. Jan talked to me about college stuff and Flint talked to me about what the child of a demon and an angel would be (but most of us know the answer to that). It seems that even though I'm limited, I can still make contact, and it's good. We finished up computer labs and I got to leave early because I finished early. My parents pulled up with a spare milkshake for me; It was peanut butter flavored, and I liked it. On our way home, I took off my glasses and stared at the street lights, road signs, and headlights. My horrible vision turned each light into an unfocused orb of color glowing in the darkness. It seems some things are better seen when you can't see. We got home and I got some down time before having to do the regular Monday thing where I pick up bread from Panera with my mom. She showed me some ridiculous tweets and we laughed. We went home shortly after and I wanted to play some Team Fortress 2. So I booted up the computer and played offline with some bots. I went to play one map (rd_asteroid for you TF2 players) but my game kept crashing upon loading the map, so I gave up, basically. Now I'm about to work on my music even though it's 12:12 am, and at 1:17, I finished a good part of the penultimate phase of the remaining phases in the original work. I may go further and add some liberties here and there for fun, but that should be for tomorrow. Tonight, I must sleep, and so I bid you a good night. Day 11: October 6th: As with every Tuesday, I get to stay at home until 12:20 or so. This is when we leave for class. I'm spending my time before we leave to eat, and work on the music some more. I'm noticing that music is basically all I talk about here. Class went well; all we did was review some things about 9/11 and the war on terror and the like. I was going to make a joke once or twice, but it really wasn't in the best taste. Class ended, and I left. It is 2:05 pm. My battery is at 96% and running Steam. Let's see how long it lasts. It says it's updating, but not much is happening at all. I'll be here until 3:15 pm or something, but really- I'd rather stay here where the wifi is. Who needs food, am I right? I just opened TF2 and to my delight, there was Flint. I was looking forward to this. We used Steam's voice chat, only I couldn't talk because I was in the library. Other than that, communication went well. We played on Hightower, the payload race game that turned into an arena game, and I did some pretty upsetting tactics which me and Flint discussed later: This is a lot of text, so if you aren't really interested, just don't click this: TF2 Babble and Excusing TF2 Sins My loadout, which is one of my favorite engineer loadouts, is what is known as the "Fun Police," a name coined by Uncle Dane who talked down about the loadout as a whole, but not the weapons by themselves. The weapons consist of the Pomson 6000, Gunslinger, and Short Circuit. These weapons and tools allow the engineer to counter many different classes: The Scout and Pyro are denied with the Gunslinger's spamable mini-sentry, the Medic and the Spy are denied by the Pomson's ability to deplete cloak and uber, and lastly, the Short Circuit deletes projectiles such as the Demoman's Pipe and Sticky bombs and the Soldier's rockets. When used all at the same time, Uncle Dane says, "you're just being an annoyance... not really a threat." My counter-argument is as follows: this video and rant went out in 2014, before the Gun Mettle update. In the Gun Mettle update, every single class, including the Engineer got major balances in the form of nerfs and buffs. Both the Short Circuit and the Gunslinger's Mini-sentry were balanced to be non-spamable, which is essentially what made them the worst things in TF2. The Short Circuit is a robot arm which replaces the secondary weapon, the pistol. Before Gun Mettle, the Short Circuit's fire rate was very rapid, and a single click could delete any missile in an instant, making it spamable, and it encouraged engineers to run at soldiers and demomen zapping anything that came out of their weapons, essentially stripping them to melee only. If the engineer could dodge each swing of his enemy's weapon, then the only way to survive was to run, but it didn't always work since the engineer can just start chasing them; granted the Short Circuit did 10 damage a shot and fired about 4 or 5 shots a second, this was a slow, annoying and inevitable fate for anyone in range. After Gun Mettle, a few major things about the Short Circuit were changed: First and foremost, the ability to spam deletion was completely taken away; now you have a primary fire and a secondary fire. The primary fire is the same old spamable "zap-zap, Mother Hubbard," but now it does only 9 damage instead of 10 at the same fire rate for 5 metal each zap, and it does not delete missiles; it's purely damage. The secondary fire is a slow pulse costing 15 metal each time, only incrementally faster than the Pyro's airblast, and the deletion has the same effect as the previous Short Circuit's deletion, but instead of being spamable, it requires more timing and encourages players to learn Soldier and Demoman rates of fire in order to counter, of course it is still spamable, but spamming the alt-click is very ineffective if you want to last long against a soldier or a demoman. The Short Circuit was also given the ability to do damage upon this secondary fire; 20 damage per pulse at a cost of 15 metal which, if you ask me, is only sort of over-powered, but it only affects the enemy if they are 1. within range, and 2. in your field of vision. Enemies with high health counts such as the Demoman, the Soldier, and the Heavy are in less danger of getting M2-ed (M2 referring to the secondary fire button, typically the right mouse button) to death, but other classes who can't nail this engineer are in danger of getting slowly killed; however, a good player can easily dispatch the engineer. Many times have I been killed by a stray rocket that the M2 didn't cover because of the differing time intervals of the Short Circuit and the Rocket Launcher. Demomen are in more danger because the Grenade Launcher they use is closer to the interval of the Short Circuit; however, since they aren't exactly the same, a Demoman can quickly kill an Engineer with pipe and sticky bombs. Keep in mind that if the engineer isn't facing the projectile, he can't destroy it, so if one happens to roll under his nose, he'll be gibbed in no time at all. Pyros have no trouble at all; the engineer, like everyone else, is still flammable. Scouts, Spies, and Medics have the most trouble with an M2 Short Circuit considering either low health, low damage output, or even an un-willingness to fight. I have personally found that Spies will run away if encountered with a Short Circuit Engi, cloaking and trying to escape. What they don't realize (which I am now telling you) is that if the Engineer is facing you, or even has a general idea where you might be, he can just fire his secondary pulse and do an effective spy-check. If he finds you, your cloak will disrupt, and you will have to either uncloak and fight again, or keep running. If you choose to keep running, chances are he will chase you, and if he chases you, pray he doesn't have that much metal, because if he's good at chasing, you, the Spy, are basically dead. The same goes for the running Medic, but not so much for the Scout (since the scout is inherently faster). No, the only way to deal with the engineer is to make him dead. Travel with a buddy and overpower him, or just straight-up murder him on the spot. Whether or not the Short Circuit was buffed or nerfed is up for debate. In my opinion, the update buffed it in two ways: it takes away the player's ability to spam deletion, allowing any Engineer player to develop new habits such as timing and adapting to your situation. It also buffed the Short Circuit in the literal sense making it more of a weapon than its previous version, but like I said, it's still up for debate. Now I will talk about the Gunslinger: The Gunslinger is a melee weapon in the form of a robot-arm (just like the Short Circuit) and Before Gun Mettle, the Gunslinger was (and technically still is) infamous for being annoying as all hell. Let's list why: Spamable mini-sentries being the bane of everyone's travels. It only costs 100 metal. The Engineer gets 200 max, giving the Engineer the opportunity to throw down 2 mini-sentries, one after the other. This, combined with the fact that the mini-sentry could be placed and functional in an instant, it was spamable, and made for an annoying mechanic. It's only redeemable feature was that it could not be repaired, and it had less health than a standard Level-1 sentry. The Gunslinger gives the Engineer an extra 25 health to compensate for the less gun-power he had, making the robot-handed engineer harder to kill. Many Engineers use the Gunslinger solely for that reason; to keep them alive longer. This isn't really bad, but it is just another thing that makes the Gunslinger a sort of crutch for the Engineer. The Gunslinger, in a melee fight, is a force to not be trifled with. While it deals less damage than the standard Wrench, it has the ability to deal a guaranteed critical hit on a 3rd successful hit. In the hands of a skilled melee fighter, this robot-arm is a killer. This isn't so much as an annoyance as it is a novelty. The engineer can taunt with this weapon equipped and get a taunt kill. A sneaky engineer on an unsuspecting enemy will instantly kill them just as a Spy sneaks up and backstabs his target. Just rev it up, jam it in your enemy's back, and watch as their spine becomes bone meal. This is the pre-Gun Mettle Gunslinger. After the Gun Mettle balance of powers, the Gunslinger is a less over-powered robot arm, but it still makes enemies squirm with anger like a slug bathing in salt. The major changes were to the mini-sentry that the gunslinger deploys; the Gunslinger kept it's 25 health bonus and 100 metal cost of building a mini-sentry as well as it's taunt kill capability and it's ability to deal a critical hit on a 3rd punch to the stomach. By nerfing the mini-sentry, Valve was able to make the Gunslinger slightly more tolerable. Now the mini-sentry can't deploy in an instant, no, it takes more time to get functional now, and if the little gun is damaged while left alone to build on its own, it now receives a half-health damage penalty, but it's no trouble, because now the engineer can repair his mini-sentry (insert the groan of every other class here). Now many people would initially think that making the mini-sentry reparable is the worst thing that Valve could've done to it and every class that has to deal with it. On the contrary, all these nerfs and this one buff encourages the Engineer to stand guard, and eventually return to the little thing for repairs making the Mini-Sentry what it was intended to be: a low-cost, low-health sentry gun thereby balancing out the Gunslinger for the good of all classes including the user. It is still debatable that the Gunslinger is a crutch weapon and only low-skill engineers use it. I've seen high-skill players use the engineer to complement their style of gameplay. It forces the engineer to use their primary and secondary weapons more often to stay alive, and effectively forces the player to "git gud." The last part of this infamous loadout is the Pomson 6000 which received no change after the Gun Mettle update. Straight to the point, the Pomson is pretty overpowered. It is a laser rifle with a clip of 4 shots. Each shot is a slow-moving laser projectile that drains the cloak of a Spy, and the ubercharge of a Medic if hit, and each shot has a delay between each shot. The Pomson is basically the engineer's slow, draining rocket launcher (with no splash damage). Since the projectile is slow, it is strange in the fast-paced world of TF2, and effectively hard to dodge. The projectile only dissipates when it hits a wall, a player, or the skybox, making it a long-range weapon as well as a short range weapon. At a close range, the shot can deal up to 60 damage, at a long range it does somewhere near 37 damage. This weapon is certainly easy to use if you have a sliver of aiming ability, and even if you miss initially, you still have the chance of hitting your enemy if they backpedal. Before the Gun Mettle update, the "Fun Police" was easily one of the worst loadouts to deal with. It easily countered the Scout, Medic, Pyro, Demoman, Soldier, and Spy. After the Gun Mettle update, the "Fun Police" loadout became less spamable, and easier to deal with. It requires more skill to use than the previous version of the loadout, and really, it's all about the engineer that uses the loadout which makes the "Fun Police" hard or easy to counter. The reason I started using this loadout was hype for the Invasion update. I wanted to get some practice with the Grordbort weapons for the Engineer. I found that the Eureka Effect (the Grordbort wrench) really hindered my play style, or forced me to play a way I really didn't want to. I still have the loadout, in case I want to do wacky teleporter things, and it isn't a broken play style in my opinion, it's just not mine. So I thought, "what else is futuristic-y and technological?" and the answer was the robot arms, and so I placed them on, and I walked out of spawn. Shortly after, I died... many times. I didn't know what the new Gun Mettle Short Circuit did, so I went to the wikipedia page for it, and I did some research (never cite Wikipedia as a source, kids). Learning everything there is to know about the Short Circuit, I soon found that it was much better for me than the last version of the Short Circuit. I wished to use it for attacking rather than its intended use: deletion. The Pomson 6000 in combination with the Short Circuit and the Gunslinger may be remembered as the worst annoyance in history, but no longer, I say. I say the balances changed how you use this loadout, and enables the Engineer to be a viable offense class, and that's exactly how I like to use it. To me, the days of the "Fun Police" are no more, the age of the Laser Warrior has begun. (Goodness that took forever. My battery died finishing that. See you after class!) While me and Flint were playing TF2, my laptop crashed and couldn't stay on much longer, so I switched to mobile and we kept talking. We talked until it was time for me to go home. At home, I showed off my music's progress to mom, and I plan on working on it tonight. When it was time to leave for Bethany's soccer progress, we piled into the car, and drove off, but upon arrival, we found that soccer practice had been postponed, so my parents drove me to school early where there was wifi, but I decided to write this journal instead considering I only had half battery life. I went outside to sit when the library closed at 6:00, and I got to absorb the late day sun. Sunrise was short to follow, and the air around me quickly became cool as the sun descended behind the trees. It was time to go to class. I picked up my laptop and headed for the room to find my classmates standing in the hallway outside of the locked classroom door. I sat down and continued writing. When the instructor finally came around, she had no key, so she left once again and got a security guard who did. I assume she doesn't have a key because it is a computer lab, and she could potentially steal and sell all of the computers. Either way, today's lesson was on Microsoft Excel, and having previously taken a class on the Microsoft Office apps, I didn't really pay attention, so instead, I went window shopping for TF2 stuff. I have my eye on some relatively inexpensive stuff, but the total amount it'll take from my wallet will be $8, and considering I don't have the money, I won't be buying it any time soon... HOWEVER, if I win 1st prize in the music category, I could easily afford 5 times the total of my eyed items. I am very much looking forward to finishing my piece, especially if I am the one to win. It's not being rushed in the slightest, and each day I work on it, thought goes into it. Whether or not I'm actually adding to the song, or modifying the automation of each track, I am thinking about what it needs and where I could go with this or that. I think to myself; "surely with how much thought, time, and effort I'm putting into this, I must be a shoe-in for first place," but that is pride and arrogance. It's 9:09 now, I think I'll begin work early... my stomach rumbled... after I eat, I will begin work early. So I just now realized that my phone's data won't replenish until the 27th. This means I need to be careful with my data if I want to use my phone for anything when I'm not at school. If I'm not careful, I could be at home trying to work on my music, but failing to do so because I can't access the original track. If this happens, my progress could be severely hindered, and I may need to work at school more often than not. I can't record guitar segments at school though, so I may as well be in deep trouble. I'll give an update on that later. That was a burst of productivity; at 11:55 pm on October 6th, I, Atmos Alae have finished covering the original 1.3 Goblin Invasion theme for Terraria. It took me 8 days of work over the course of 10, but it's not done yet! I have some things in mind to add, which could be bad for me if they don't like adding to it, but it could help me win if they're going for creativity. On second thought, I think that it'd be best for me to stick with the original. I just now remembered some of the criteria, but it'd be best to double-check in case I can get away with a liberty or two. Either way, I'm done recording for now. We'll see where I am in a few weeks. I won't submit yet in case I have some new ideas or I think I need to change something. Now if you'll excuse me, I've been holding in urine for quite some time now so as to not interrupt the creative flow, and now I've got to let something else flow. Zing! I know someone might confront me about this, but I have been wearing this pair of socks for the past 3 days because I have no other pairs that are clean. I need to take better care of myself or something. I'll do a load of laundry soonish... I checked the criteria for the music category, and I'm fairly certain my cover is acceptable right now. As a rough draft, I'll post it onto my Soundcloud and share it around. I'll put a link here (https://soundcloud.com/atmos-11/goblin-invasion-cover-rd01), and you tell me if it's a winner or not. I'm sure some of you could throw some good criticisms around. What I'm going for is a rock cover of this theme here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tocVng5Mnfg) with bits of electronic instruments thrown in as an homage to what the cover is inspired by. I've also got some unused bits here (https://soundcloud.com/atmos-11/goblin-invasion-unused-solo) and here (https://soundcloud.com/atmos-11/goblin-invasion-unused-outro) that I was planning on using. One of them is the solo that gave me so much trouble a few days ago. They all sound their best with headphones. Tell me if you think they're worth using, where I should put them, or if I should just leave them out entirely. Thanks. I also checked to see if any other musician had posted, and lo and behold there was a new remix. This remix focused around the Moon Lord boss theme. I listened to it, as I do with all of my competition, and there's just one thing I think was done wrong: it was the same melody over and over through different dance/club/techno filters and instruments. It sounded nice, but you can tell where it loops (mind you, it only loops once). It certainly lasted longer than the other entries at 3 minutes 18 seconds. Do I feel threatened? Not against this one. I feel more fear from the chiptune remix than I do from this one. @12:23 am, I feel kinda tired. I just realized I didn't record a bass segment for one of the bars. Guess I have to record a little more. @12:44 am, NOW I'm done. I'm exporting an mp3 of the rough draft, and I'll post it to Soundcloud tomorrow. Sharkpuncher will likely be the first to hear it if she's still sick and in bed. Hang in there, Sharky. It's 1:00 am now, and I think it's time to call it a night, but before I go, I have something to say: Never stop going. Just as time passes, so will your obstacles, as long as you keep working. If you don't keep pushing forward, then you'll never get past whatever is in your way. For me, it's working on music. It just won't get finished if I don't keep working. Just never give up, and you'll make it through. Good night, reader. Sweet dreams. Day 12: October 7: Spooky Scary Skeletons send shivers down your spine! I could see my breath this morning. It was neat. Today Flint informed me that the INVASION UPDATE IN TF2 IS UP AND RUNNING I'M EXCITED. I sold some things in order to afford the invasion pass, and I have no regrets yet. TF2 keeps crashing for some reason... I showed Flint the Goblin Invasion cover, and he said it was missing some cackling and metal clanging. He might've been serious. Can't quite tell. Then my laptop crashed. I have a new plan for connecting to wifi. There's a public building with free wifi within walking distance of my house. It is... THE LIBRARY, and if the library doesn't work for me, there's another public building not too far from it. The plan is to charge my laptop to 100% and then get going. I might use a scooter or break out my caster board to reduce the physical toll of walking with a laptop slung over my shoulder. A scooter may better suit the balance situation of having said laptop in my bag. 2% laptop charge left. I'll have to write later. I spent a long time at school just looking up content about the Invasion Update and going absolutely nuts over the Shooting Star (which is a Machina reskin featuring my favorite funnel-antenna ray gun scheme). I love how it looks, and while I'm not used to the Machina style of Sniper, I'd pick it up in a heartbeat if I ever got my hands on a Shooting Star. Now, while I'm floored that the Invasion update is happening now, it was a bit of a letdown that only 16 cosmetics got into the game. The workshop was absolutely stuffed with intergalactic apparel and miscellaneous junk that I would've loved to see in the game. It upsets me that more stuff didn't get in, especially with certain weapons not being added in such as the L.A.S.E.R. Pan and the new heavy and medic weapons. I can understand leaving the throwable teleporter for the Scout out because that is broken beyond help. One beautifully displaced throw and you're gone, and what would happen if a Pyro airblasted it? Would the Pyro teleport, or would it just become inactive? A lot of things didn't happen that should've, but I had a thought: Valve said they were working on something big for the end of the year... I originally thought that this would be the Invasion update, and it'd be huge. I was excited, only to be pleasantly surprised and unpleasantly let down when the Invasion update released early. Now, the invasion update is not this year's Scream Fortress update, no; that update is in the hands of the community just as the Invasion update was. So now we know that Valve is being reclusive and secretive. They either have something big planned for this year's Smissmass, or something far more sinister. We also know one of the reasons why they didn't add much content in this update: They didn't want to delay the update, but they also didn't want to put in the time and effort into what should've been a content-packed, alien-themed update. I may sound a little upset. I am. I love this update for what it is, but looking at what it should have been, or even could have been, it leaves a more bitter than sweet taste in my mouth. So what is this big, exciting thing that's made Valve retreat into the cave of code? Only time will tell. I want to believe that Valve is going to make up for this half-assed event by adding in a second wave of aliens around the end of the year. One can only hope. On a happier note, the new maps Valve put into the game are on my local files so I can contently play these new maps by myself, missing only half of the update (or in my rant's case, a fourth). Getting off of the TF2 subject for now, I decided to start drawing those DoTF team pictures. I started with the Defenders and managed to draw (in order of completion) Ziggy Stardust, Arthur Black, Ling Gale, Qirbs (and a mini-golem), and Isaac Solloway (wielding his shield). I thought about using a pen to finalize it, but I always mess up with the pen, so instead, to keep the pencil look and quality, I'll coat the paper with hairspray which will prevent smudging, then I can continue without worry of messing the whole thing up. I just need to know what some of the player's characters look like so that I can draw them all. I went to class later and soon began talking about the Shooting Star to former TF2 players during breaks. My buddy pulled out a deck of Magic the Gathering cards, and he showed me what he called a "Proxy" card which is a card with the same stats, but with different art. He showed me a drawn card that looked as if a 4 year old was asked to draw a demon with wings. It was so stupid. I laughed so hard. After that, I was inspired to draw stupid Proxy cards. Needless to say, things got out of hand immediately. I gave the monster goofy, rounded teeth instead of sharp fangs, and instead of long, gangly claws, I gave him big old grabby hands, one of which was flipping the bird. It was so funny. He told me about a card that basically broke the game: Jace the Mind-Sculptor. A wizard in dark robes spreading his arms and making glowing, blue runes levitate in mid air. He asked me if I wanted to take that card and make the runes read "F- YOU" since the card pretty much effs the game anyway. I was very enthusiastic, but didn't have the time. Next time perhaps. Between putting the items on the market and now, I have sold the fists and the crate and have come up to 78 cents. I just need exactly $1.11 more which I can get if I sell my cleaver. If it doesn't sell by tomorrow, I'm taking it off the market and keeping it. I like that cleaver, but it's the quickest way to make up what I need. I'm dead set on buying into this event this time around, and even though my wifi situation is sucky, I don't want to miss an opportunity to get loot from this event, granted I'll have to spend more money to open the crates, but that will come later. I haven't had a dream in a long while. One of the last dreams I had (before the death of my dream wife during the sun apocalypse dream) revolved around the complete desolation of the earth in the alternate universe of Steven Universe. The atmosphere was ripped apart and the sky was pitch black like space but huge, deep-purple clouds plumed far away in the void. The light bounced off the clouds and the earth was covered in a dim deathly purple. The bad guys were a single step away from victory when Steven stood up against his adversaries. He was able to somehow keep it peaceful before the baddest of the bad girls killed everything. The dream ended before anything happened, though. If you want a vivid recount, I can deliver. I hope I dream again soon. Upon returning home, I decided to shower, and I desperately needed one. I feel fresh and clean and my wings have never seemed so soft. My hair is fluffy and silky soft, and my skin is as well. What's that? You want to feel my smooth feathers? Then I'll give you permission to touch me. Tonight I'm taking a break from songwriting. Seeing as I have no data (I ran out yesterday), I can't use the original track as a reference, and I don't really have anything I can think of adding yet. If anything, tomorrow my work will be more focused around polishing the sound, and maybe re-recording what needs fixing, and if I'm not doing music, I'll be relaxing and playing TF2's Invasion maps over at the library. It's all good over here. Tomorrow I only have one class, then there's Steven Universe, and I'll get a chance to use some wifi. My laptop's battery drains so quickly, though... it bothers me. TF2 crashed again... what am I doing wrong? I need a license very soon. If I don't get one, I can't do what I need/want to do. It's not an anxiety on its own, but I do feel rather troubled when the thought of getting kicked out pops into my mind. I'm just not ready to balance school, work, and trying to find a place to live. I might have to shave my head to deal with the grease of days without showers. I don't even know what I'd do for food. Probably steal. I'd probably go into stores and eat the food off the shelves. Arrested, maybe, but fed at least. I don't like to think about it. TF2 crashed yet again. I think I've found the issue. It's one map combined with a hot laptop. I'll do something to cool it off, and it is very hot in here; I'm wearing a bathrobe and jeans. I didn't want to part with the bathrobe, so I took off my shirt, and soon, I think the jeans will have to go next. Spoiler Alert They jeans are gone. If it gets any hotter, I don't know what I'll do. Now normally I'm not so suggestive, alright? You all know me. You all know I'm a relatively innocent person, but tonight, I wanna talk to you about something relatively inappropriate, and that is sleeping naked. So let's start with a general talk about sleeping habits. The majority of people typically have some form of sleepwear, whether it be pajamas, a t-shirt and sweat pants, or even just their underwear (personally, I enjoy a good t-shirt and pajama pants combo). This is not to say that other sleep in different things. I know people who sleep in their day clothes, and I'm sure many of you all know at least one person who sleeps in the buff. Some people just like to sleep the way they sleep. Some people sleep with only sheets, and some people have thick blankets to sleep under. Since I am a small, skinny guy, I lack natural insulation, and sleep with thick, soft, and fluffy comforters wrapped around me like a cocoon, and during the cold months, I sleep with flannel pajama pants and occasionally a sweater. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I know a guy who sleeps with nothing and just lies down on the bed, naked as the day he was born, asleep like a hibernating bear. I have a lot of respect for this guy. We graduated the same year, and while he may act like an dunce, his mind is incredibly sharp. If I didn't share a room with my younger brother, I honestly would end up sleeping as my friend does during warm months, but not the cold months 'cause that's really cold and dumb (for me). Now let's transition back into the nude slumber; maybe you haven't heard someone say it, but I'm sure you have thought at some point sleeping naked is inappropriate and wrong, to which I reply, "are you sure?" If you share a bed with someone who doesn't want you to be naked next to them, then yes, It's technically harassment, but typically if you're sharing a bed with someone, they must really trust you or you must really trust them, but I digress. Nudity in itself is controversial, and always has been. Ancient artists sculpted nude women in the image of goddesses and icons of great things such as beauty and fertility, saying "the nude is the most natural and pure form of human existence," but then someone important stepped in saying "ew gross, cover that mess up. I don't wanna see nobody's junk, 'specially not the marble mess over here." Since nudity connotes sexuality and sexuality can be taken perversely, it makes nudity a inherently lewd thing in many, many people's eyes. In some situations such as medical, and anatomical cases, nudity is just what the human body is without clothes. It's not indecent when it's in textbooks, but it's indecent when everyone else can see it. There's an inconsistency in culture, you'll find, but I digress yet again. Since nudity has a perverted connotation, it's widely regarded as a taboo to sleep while indecent, but you have to consider this: "Who is going to see your 'indeceny' if, A. you're under your covers and/or B. in your room by yourself?" The answer is obvious; Actual Cannibal Shia Leboeuf. He's after your meat. Another question you'd ask is "why would someone sleep naked?" The most common answer is that it simply provides more comfort than clothed slumber. On some bodies, an abundance of garments will bunch up and warm them up to the point of discomforted sweat. This happens especially if you toss and turn in your bed at night. When you aren't wearing anything, there's nothing to get bunched up in except for the blankets, but unlike your clothes (depending on who you are), they can easily come off of your body and won't bunch up around your armpits, neck, and junk drawer. For guys (whom, for obvious reasons have more junk to deal with), this can be a serious discomfort. Maybe you're the guy who wants to wear clothes to bed, but finds themselves re-adjusting every now and then, and you can't sleep because of it. If this is you, dude, just take it off and put it back on before you leave your bed tomorrow. Ladies, same advice. There are many reasons why you probably can't do this, but the only reason I can think of is if you room with someone; It's probably impolite to toss and turn the covers off your bed and be naked, accidentally showing it off without their consent. You might be saying, "okay well that makes sense, but it's still weird," and I'd say that "unusual" is a better term since it's more explainable than why people think Donald Trump would be a good president. Now, let's say you have a partner, a significant other, a spouse, or whatever. Let's say you share a bed with this person. It makes sense considering how close you are to this person, but why would you sleep naked next to this person and why would this person sleep naked next to you? My answer is simply "trust." You are with them for a reason, and the bed situation is filled with compromises, rules or lack thereof for the two. You might be sleeping naked for comfort reasons, and they're letting you. Maybe you express love through physical touch (hugs, high-fives, etc.), and nothing gets more physical than bare skin, or maybe it's sexy time. On a scientific level the touch of someone you feel love for releases chemicals from your brain and makes you feel absolutely wonderful regardless of being naked or not. So whatever your reason, whether it be comfort or affection, sleeping in the nude has more good to it than bad; there are more benefits I didn't cover And with that thought, I bid you a good night. My apologies if that threw you off. (See you next Thursday) |
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| The first Dingus | Oct 14 2015, 03:42 PM Post #3 |
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good boi
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Hello again. I know I said I would post on Thursday, but you should just read this now. Trust me. Day 13: October 8th: Shrieking skulls will shock your souls, and seal your doom tonight! Oh gee, oh golly, it's almost been 2 weeks since my ban, but this experience has been more of an eye-opener really. I'm enjoying what internet I get more now than ever since it was taken away from me, and to think, today I might even go on a walk. Can you imagine? Me, walking? I'm an angel. Angels don't walk, silly. Just kidding. But yeah, after class today, I'm going to see if the library has free wifi, and if it does, I'm going to play me some Team Fortress 2, baybeeee. I typed that paragraph before the day actually started, and that walk I spoke of was not to the library- no. Today I walked 8 miles... to class. I recorded most of my experience via voice memo and if I figure out how, I'll post the clips for you to hear. I did not figure that out, so it looks like I'm going to spend about 1 hour listening and 1 hour writing down whatever it is I said; here goes! 1 *click* The recording begins, occasional sounds of passing cars and the shuffling of my walk cycle can be heard, "Well it seems I've missed the bus this morning, and there's only one thing for it: walking. Yes, that's right; I'm on my feet now. If you're hearing this audio message, it means I got bored. Well actually, it means that I'm trying to conserve laptop power by not using its Notes feature. So I'm not typing the notes and you'll be asking 'why are you trying to conserve power?' Well reason number one is dad left for Nicaragua on a mission trip... d'uhh today, basically, and he took his laptop charger with him... and his laptop. It'd be silly to think that he only took his charger and not his laptop, unless he had a friend in Nicaragua who needed it, but I digress. I am on my way to school- walking- yes that's right, on the sidewalks of South Carolina, in Fountain Inn. Pray for me. Just kidding- if this actually gets to you, it means I made it... Uhm... So now, I guess I'm just gonna talk, or maybe I'll talk this down... So... today- oh, that was a car- today, I almost... well almost being a figurative term... I asked mom 'Hey, are you gonna call the cops on me if I drive my car without a license?' and she said 'I can't let you do that,' so I didn't... and there are some people looking at me like I’m kinda strange, and I am strange, but I'm also determined to get to school, unlike most people. I woke up at 7:00, hit the snooze, and succumbed to a dream. I had a dream, and it's a little too graphic for some listeners- readers- even though I talked about sleeping naked like last night. Anyways- uhh where was I- I woke up after the dream at 8:40, I was supposed to be- if I had followed the schedule, I would've been at the school by eight o'clock. Now- let's see if this voice memo is still going. Yep still going- anyways I was supposed to be ready to go by 7:30; however, falling back asleep and taking a dream, the passage of time is really weird, besides... the dream was fun. Hahah. Anyways... let's think here... gotta get my train of thought back together. So I'm on a road, on a sidewalk, I- I waved to some people driving, I high-fived another walker, that was pretty cool. Umm what else... I'm hot and sweaty, that's a fun combination. Luckily for me, I showered last night, so the effects of being hot and sweaty are diminished. Um, there’s not really much to talk about right now. Uhm- if- now, see, I live about maybe 7.2 miles away from school, or something. It's gonna take me 2 hours and a half, or simply 2 hours, or even 3 hours to get to school. Uhh before I started recording this (message), I turned on some Gorillaz and started walking. Gorillaz the band, y'know, Feel Good Inc., D.A.R.E., Fire Coming out of a Monkey's Head. Alright so, I guess that's basically it for now, nothing really interesting is going on there's a bird over there, there's grass, I saw a lot of grass. I saw a lot of dogs too, they barked at me. There's a building being built; people unloading what seems to be materials to build the building from a big ol' truck. I'm passing a sign that says 'Caliber Collision' which I assume is a car dealership, nah it's bodyworks, or something. It used to be Fountain Inn Bodyworks... since 1971, I guess there's (been) a recent change and now there is not Fountain Inn Bodyworks. Oh well. There's this really cool truck over here with a silver top, an orange stripe across the midsection all the way around and everything below the orange stripe is black. It looks like the kind of car Gordon Freeman would drive. Uhm, that's it- that's basically it for now- there's a fog going on, a sort of a haze. It's warmer than usual... that, or the sun is just at my back. I'm afraid I might get hit by a car if I'm not paying attention to where I'm walking, so I'll just have to get back to you sooner or later. Byebyeee... uh, where's the stop button on this thing? That's embarrassing. You go to say 'bye' and you can't find the stop button. Okay, here it is, okay g'bye." 2 "So you know that haze I talked about from before? That is actually smoke... and it's everywhere. Think about your light fog, now think about it, like, everywhere at- let's see- 9:30 am, and just imagine the smell of a wood fire everywhere. It's not even a good wood fire, it's like somebody smelled garbage wood or something... 'smelled garbage wood?' I'm pretty sure the only person who smelled garbage wood is me right now. No, I meant to say 'burnt garbage wood.' *sniff* I might sound different than normal, because I've been walking for a while, near half an hour really, and I'm not even halfway there. That would make sense since the walk is about 2 minutes, thirty... 2 minutes, wow, well I'm brain-dead. I'm not gonna make it, guys, see you later, bye." 3 "Okay let's talk about this for a second. You know that smoke that was everywhere? It was literally everywhere, and I was in the middle of it. I am not, anymore, and it's a beautiful day all that cirrus clouds everywhere, and it looks like cold is moving in again, and I appreciate that. It is Autumn, and there's a trail across the sky and I can't help but think- is someone honking at me? No? Okay- anyways, I crossed the railroad tracks a while ago, about two blocks down. I'm seeing all kinds of faces. Had to cross the uhh... I had to cross one of the streets, it didn't have a crosswalk, so I had to play real-life Frogger. It was awesome, I loved it. I don't know... agh... I'm starting to sound like someone uhh from youtube. Can't remember his name, but anyways, I am getting very, very, very, very, very close... to the crosswalk, here. There's a street light, nobody's coming. There's a plane up there! ...Hellooo!... Oh please, no, oh yes, no, yes? Does this truck need to turn? Does this truck need to turn? Does this truck have the right-away to turn? Do I have the right-away to go?? I don't know. Uhh let's see, 2 trucks, both of them don't seem to have their turn signals on. Guess- that thing says stop, I guess I'm gonna push this button." *clank* "Boop. So I guess I'll just wait. I pushed the button. Pretty sure everyone's mad at me, this thing doesn't say 'WALK' yet. It says 'DON'T WALK' it says, 'WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T WALK.' I really hope this line of cars doesn't do anything about that. I pushed the button to walk, but I'm not sure if it worked. The sign still says 'DON'T WALK.' Does this button work? Push the button harder? Okay something clicked this time, as if now it knows I need to walk. I'm just thinking forget it, soon I'm just gonna walk. What else, it still says 'don't walk!' The green light goes that way. People are just flying down the street. There's this one car across from me, they look kinda upset that they have to sit there for this entire time. This thing still says don't walk... Should I be standing on this yellow pad? I don't know." *mumble* "Just go-justgo, y'knowwhatjustgo. Forget it, I'll just use this rough walk. It still says 'DON'T WALK' but nobody's coming. What do I do? Do I just go? Do I just walk? Is anyone turning left? What's this- a panel? Well nobody's going so I guess I'll go... Strange. Either I need to learn the walking system- I need to learn how to walk- or I need to learn proper etiquette; pedestrian/vehicle etiquette. This thing says 'DON'T WALK' I'm jaywalking right now. Uhm let's see... Ah! South Columbia, left lane! North to Greenville! TURN ONLY. So let's see here, I'm on a sidewalk next to a turn-only lane." A loud car revs past. "VROOM VROOM, you too man, you too! VROOM. You know, the engines, and not having a muffler, y'know? It makes you a real badass. Not having a muffler, annoying everyone with your crazy sounds makes you a real badass. This isn't what I normally sound like, I'm just a little salty today. 'Cause well, it was my fault that I didn't get up in time to ride with the boys. It's also my fault that I don't have a license. It's also my fault that I only packed 2 water bottles. I used one already, and I'm not even halfway there! I might be a third of the way, but I'm not halfway there. Ohh we're living on a prayer y'know?, 's a good song, Queen- no, aw ****. Gonna have to bleep that out maybe, huhdunno. Anyways- let's see- yeah, I'll just have to put a spoiler that says 'HEY, Don't listen to this cause I swear sometimes when I'm alone and sometimes in public too.' Anyways, we're just walking, just keep walking y'know? Just gonna keep walking, keep walking, keep walking, nothing to see here, just a walking person, don't hit him, please? Hahboy... Walking is BORING. Just kidding. Walking is actually really fun. I get to see so much from a different perspective. I get to see it further down than I do in a car. I get to see it at a slow pace, I get to take everything in. Kinda learn the roads and how they work. Cigarette butts everywhere. Smokers like to walk to roads. I'm not a smoker. Can't help but think I'm gonna run into a druggy. Haven't yet. My mouth is dry, there's a butterfly, hello butterfly. I'm sure you never seen the likes of me. You only seen these metal hunks moving around. No, I move organically, see these joints? They're real. Made of flesh, bone, and gross, stretchy tendon stuff. Where's the crosswalk? Oh, I found it, I found the crosswalk... Is there a button I need to push to cross this crosswalk? And if so, is it on the other side of this fence? No, just kudzu. There are no cars coming up here, except for that one. I'm just gonna wait... gonna wait, just gonna wait it out. I'm gonna walk pretty soon. I need to stop waiting these things out, y'know what I mean, y'know what I'm sayin'? Okay there's a red light. Guess I'll walk. I need to hurry before that light turns green. That lights- Ooh ****!" The sound of running is heard for a brief moment as I prance widely across the crosswalk. "...The light turned green, and I was right in front of that truck, so I basically sprinted across the sidewalk. At first I was on a stroll because the light was red, there's not really much you can do about that, but then the light turned green, and then I ran, I hightailed it, I don't wanna be under somebody's grill. Oh my goodness, wow, the view is great from up here, by the way. I can see all the way down the- no wait there's smoke. There's still smoke. Still smoke that way, but not that way. That way I can see the mountains. I'm staring in your general direction, JAN. How does it feel?! Does it feel goood? I know you knoow. HAHAHAHAAA. Oh but no, really, a really good view from up here. I wish I could walk more often, or maybe I could just scooter or skateboard- learn how to skateboard, and skateboard down the sidewalks. Oh- gosh, wait no stop, stop. Let me- let me just backtrack for a second there. To learn how to skate board, I would need to practice, and I don't have time to practice skateboarding. There's brok-en glass ev'ry-where!~ Duh-dededup bup buhhh. Now, as for a scooter, I don't really need to learn how to use one, and mom's like 'no, don't use a scooter it's not safe!' and you'd have to carry the scooter when you can't ride the scooter, so that's more to carry. Same goes for the skateboard really. A bicycle maybe, but not really, cause I don't- I don't know the rules of the road. Really nice view, though, if it weren't for the smoke... But anyways, the reason I started backtracking was because my- of this accent I was adopting. Now, I am born and raised in the south. Some of you might've been able to tell that. Some of you might've been able to tell I was born and raised in South Carolina- South Cackalacky y'know? But, maybe you couldn't tell that, because I was raised by northerners, and they had northeastern accents. My mom did not, she just sound like a plain old human, but everybody's mom sounds like a plain old human, at least until you meet somebody else's mom, then they sound like a crazy person. Now my mom sounds like a normal human, and my blood- most of my genetics are from my mom, and my mom, she's not a Lamont, she's a Farrington. Now Farringtons, they're mostly Irish, and the most recent generation of Farringtons come from New York. New York. New YORK. Ne- New Yirk. New Yurk? Oh what am I doing? Basically, when I'm talking out loud, it's just easy for me to speak in this accent. I fink something happened and the ancient northerner- northeastern uhh force was awakened within me. Now, I think if I cross here, and if I stay in this midsection, I’ll be fine, because nobody uses the midsection. Uhh on the contrary, I might not be safe because nails, broken glass, and everything else, and anyone who is turning left here might kill me with their car. So I need to be careful. There's a drainage pond, I wonder if any Gollums and Smeagols live down there. Oh my gooossh. I wanna be on THAT thing. Uhh a truck- a big ol' truck, like one of the trucks that pull freight just passed by, but instead of carrying freight, they were carrying this huge, like, camper van, or whatever. Not even a camper van, just a camper, y'know the hitch-on ones? You put it on your truck, and you call it a mobile home. Mobile home, that's what it's called. But, they had a mobile home on this huge truck, and it was a huge mobile home, could easily fit something in the second story, and I'm thinking 'aw man, I've been on campers before,' I'm thinking to myself, 'ooh man, I'd love to be on that camper.' Is anyone turning right? Can they even turn right? Okay, oh that person's turning right, and that person's turning right. They have their turn signal on, but they're not turning right. I need to go. I just need to keep going. Keep walking. What. Is. This. A sign that reads 'SOUTH CHASE, STARLI-' I'll take a picture. Hold on one second, just gonna take a quick picture of this, I'munna take a quick picture, picture mode activate... Bloop blup. Alright took a picture, I'll just post it later. http://i.imgur.com/2XaOY2e.jpg There's little context clues- context clues that'll give me hints as to what's going on." I wave to a guy. "He's not paying attention to me. I wave to him, I waved to him twice. He's not waving back. He's not paying attention either. Is this person paying attention? I can't tell. I can't tell... I can't tell. I just can't tell, their windows are so tinted I just can't tell. I could wave to them, I could say, "Hey! How's it going buddy? I'm wavin'!" But you know, I just can't tell. I can't tell if they're waving back. Their windows are so tinted... I just can't tell. I'm pretty sure there was a black person in that car, so me not waving to them (but waving to the two white guys in front of him) might seem a bit racist. Accidentally. Oh wait is there a river down here? I never knew there was a river down here. Eh- it's more of a drainage pond anyway. Yeah, it's more of a drainage pond, oh wait! I think I just realized what I stumbled upon. This is the entrance to- what is this? A little park that I'm not allowed to be in, and since nobody turns this way I can walk right across the sidewalk (street). I don't have to worry about anyone turning right on me, but they might so I'll just have to keep an eye out. Anyways, I've always wanted to go down there. I've always wanted to see what goes on down there, but there's a gate which means it's private property, which means if I do go down there, I could get shot. I could get shot- WOAH! You're a big grasshopper ain'tcha? Hohboy, so I'm just kinda letting the northern accent happen... I like it... My grandmother has a little bit of a northern accent. I guess I'm accent-fluent (fluid)? I don't know. Oh man, I think I made it halfway. I think I made it halfway! What time is it? 10:13? Perfect. We started at 8:40 something? Okay that's good. Which means we'll be there on time! Hey, we're making good time; we're gonna make it! Eyy. That's good. Uhm, I'munna talk to you later. I think I'm just talking- I think it's just a talk show now, I'm a news reporter uhh WE'RE HERE LIVE AT THE uhh WHAT'S-IT-CALLED POND LAKE THING, and I'm looking over the edge I'm not gonna jump, I'm just looking, it's okay, don't call the police, don't call crisis hotline. Tell me- uhm... anyw- nam- ne- dis thing's- ugh... Somebody carved the letter- numbers '2006' onto that wall. So what does that mean, 'giving suicidal jumpers a platform since 2006?' Probably. I wonder if I'll come across a snake? It's very likely. Uhm, I'm gonna have to talk to you later. It's just a talk show now- somebody threw out this table- it's just a talk show now. I wanna get back to the journal format. I'm saving battery- I said this before- I'm saving battery because my dad took his charger to Nicaragua, and I'm all the way up here in South Carolina... and... ain't no way I'm gonna get that charger. Ain't no way I'm gonna be able to charge my laptop, which might put a damper on my plans today. Which means I'll only be able to use my phone when I'm at school and not even my laptop, and he's gonna be gone all weekend until Monday. So that's gonna ruin today's plans- I wonder if this recording's still going, it's going- okay, so, speed thought, speed thought. I'm gonna get my train of thought together... I'munna start talking really fast... SobasicallyIcan'tchargemylaptoporanythingforthatmattercan'tchargeaMacbookbecauseIdon'thaveaMacbook Ican'tchargeaMacbookifIdon'thaveaMacbook IneedaMacbookchargerIdohaveaMacbookactually I think I was trying to say I don't have a Macintosh computer, which is fine; I don't use that, nobody uses that, really. I need to get going. What is that clacking noise? And I've lost my tra- I've lost my train of thought. There's people looking at me, and who wouldn't look at me I'm just walking. I'm a weird site- I think there's an acorn stuck to my shoelace... but that's besides the point. I just want to get back to the journal format. I like typing. I like typing about my day, and not the- it gives it a kind of a... it's kind of like a storybook. Like a recount of what happened today, instead of 'hey it's happening right now, here's my stupid voice,'" I babble like an idiot, "Basically... Hello, geese! There's a bunch of geese over there, they're walking with me- walking in the same direction I'm walking. Pretty sure they're about to take off, or they're just eating. They're just grazing. But basically, I like the journal format because I leave out what happens, it's not cluttered, and you're not spending forever, but at the same time I can include the content I want to talk about, and that's really why I like the journal format. The voice memo format, you get to hear me! So that's one step closer! That's one me-being-closer-to-you, but not vice versa because I can't hear you. I'm still talking to someone- I'm just talking to the ambiguous reader. The reader, y'know, YOU. Yeah, you, um, you're the reader. You're now also the listener... Geese- uh huonking." Weird sounds from my throat, "That's not a geese noise- goose noise. Ugh... basically I'm just upset that my laptop's not gonna be charged... for the whole weekend. The weekend I was supposed to spend, y'know, selling my stuff on Team Fortress 2, buying a pass, and getting in on the invasion update. That's a whole weekend gone. I don't know if it's gonna be a few weeks or a couple of months (the update), I feel like it's just gonna be a few weeks, because you've got... Invasion update, barely anything to it; 4 weapons 16 cosmetics, 4 maps. That's basically it. Nothing really to talk about except for the 16 cosmetics 4 weapons and 4 maps. That's all really just reskins, except for 3 of the maps. The 2Fort map is a reskin with aliens, and it's really funny. They got posters everywhere for comical humor, but basically... uhh... yeah, well, that's it basically. I just hope it's not a few weeks because Invasion is one of the coolest things I've seen coming out of Valve's butt for while now, except for Team Fortress 2, really. Team Fortress 2 is really funny, but aliens make it kinda cool-funny, so it’s like this uhh- I think- uhh, what's his na- Aquinas- Aquee- Aquinas? But his name is AquEEnas, apparently, or... maybe it’s not (it really is not). I don’t know, I don’t remember, my brain’s dead, I’m thirsty, I’m side-tracking again. I wanna get back the journal format. Can’t. Gonna miss out on some things because the charger is not here. Which means I actually want to be a part of something, I need to be very, very, very conservative, and look out for cars that might try to hit me. You never know who plays Grand Theft Auto in real life. Uhm. Basically that's it. I'll talk to you later, if I have something else to talk about. Who knows. I guess I'll see you, so- I gotta get to the stop button. Gotta get to the stop button. Bye." 4 "Hey there I'm back, I just walked into the bazaar. That's B A Z A A R, or something like that. Not 'bizarre' as in weird. But- I call it the bazaar because I don't know what else to call it. I don't know the street name... I'm basically on a sidewalk, and there are shops EVERYWHERE. Y'can-yeah-y'cango-C'mon-... You can go. Ehehahah. I was signaling to this guy to go. But anyways, I need to be extra careful here, because anyone could turn onto the street. Anyone could turn onto any street, and I need to be careful because that's dangerous. I'm passing Ross for Less, I can see Sally's- wait no, yeah Sally's, and there's Nails... something. There's the GNC, I don't think that's supposed to be confused with GMC, the truck company, even though they have the same font, they just changed one letter. There's PetCo. There's the Smoothie Bar truck. I like that truck. I've never seen it in action, but there's the truck. Over there is the Verizon Wireless building, and to my right (across the road) is Mimi's Steakhouse. There's a person on a lawnmower, there's minivans, trucks, all kinds of cars everywhere. I need to be especially careful with this because people are always trying to get in and out of this entrance/exit. I'm gonna stay right here. Just gonna not say anything, because this car could hit me although I'm not sure if they will. I'm just gonna stay here, stay out of harm's way. Uhh... I'm not sure what this guy's doing. Uhh... maybe I'll just... go. Cool guy on a lawnmower. Probably can't hear me. It's really loud. I'm just gonna pop into Panera and say hi. Just gonna say hi. Let's see if there's anyone I know in there. I feel pretty awesome. I've made it this far. Halfway, maybe. It's just loud. I need to be careful. Always need to be careful. Just need to be careful. So I'm gonna pop into Panera and say hi... and I'll talk to you guys later... Byyyyyeeee." 5 "Status Update: I am passing Rocky Creek Missionary Baptist Church now. It is 11:48. Class begins in- eheh- nearly an hour. 57 minutes. I'll let you do the math. Uhm. I'm tired. This walk has been draining. My legs are still going, but they ache. Uhm... I'm out of water, and I really need to pee. Mom texted me and checked up on how I was doing. I told her I'm fine, I'm doing fine, I'm not even that far away. Like there is the- up ahead- there is the traffic light sign. It says 'hey there's a traffic light ahead,' and that traffic light is the last traffic light before I get on campus. In fact the campus is right next to that traffic light. I've got one hour to get there, and I'm still going, and I'm not stopping. I don't know if I said this before, but there wasn't anyone in Panera uhh... so I didn't say hi to anyone, I just sat down, connected to the wifi for a little bit, (it) didn't work out so well, so I left after getting a quick rest. Shoulda peed- shoulda used the restroom, but I didn't... cause I'm a dingus. So we're almost to the school, and I'll tell you when I get there, and at what time too. So I'll see you. Oh great now I gotta turn this thing on again- gotta turn on the phone and press stop... Okay, bye." 6 "Alright so, I can see the traffic light now, and- WOAH woah... okay, whew... You can tell that guy was texting and driving. He wasn’t even-... He was halfway in the other lane- that’s ridiculous. If you text and drive... you might kill me! Do you understand? You're not looking at me, you're looking at your phone. I could get killed because of you. So don’t do it. Alright? Cool. See you when we get to the school. And we're here! Okay. I'm on the field outside of the campus. I've got little more walking to do, but I am technically here. I did it. What time is it? 11:55? I have like, 50 minutes before class begins. Hoh- I don't know. I don't if I- hm. Y'know if I can't upload these voice memos, I'll just have to type them down anyway; however, if I did upload these voice memos, then you'll know. You will definitely know. In fact, this is probably the end of it, so you will have known for a long while. You'll have known technically before I've known- huh- right now, I mean. By the time I upload this, of course I'll know- huh- I'm tired, thirsty, I need to pee, dang man. I'll see you, later guys, mmbye." The recording continues because I forgot to turn it off. The sound of walking is prominent, and one can hear me distantly say things like, "I did it." "Ow." "...out of the way." "Wait a minute- aw sh... man. How long has thing been going?" The recording ended and I sat down in the library to relax for about 45 minutes more. When I finished class, I told one of my classmates about that walk, and they were impressed. Which is cool, but crap, did my legs ache. I got a ride home, and did NOT walk to the library, because everything hurt. What I did do was eat, then sleep later. My phone was my only electronic device with a charge, and it had no wifi. I just decided to draw that day. Then night came, and I slept. Day 14: October 9th: Spooky Scary Skeletons speak with such a screech. Week 2 of the ban. Today I woke up thinking I was late to class, but being a Friday, I had no class. I ached less than I expected to ache. Ironically, my shoulder hurt more than my legs did. The shoulder strap's pad kept sliding out of position and eventually bruised my shoulder by slow, effective means. After some hours of lying awake in bed, I decided to get up and get something to eat. Shortly after, I'd go walking again, but this time, I'd be going to a closer location; the library. At the library, there's wifi and girls. Girls like wifi, Always use wifi to your advantage. There are guys too. A guy walked past me and pointed at my drawing of Cayvus, nodding and saying it was pretty good. In my mind, I'm like "Awwwwyeahhhhh" but outside, I simply smiled, saying "thanks, man." I saw a cute girl, but I didn't approach her. She was on her laptop seemingly busy with school and junk. I need to act on impulse more often if I'm going to meet girls. I watched videos and drew some more, sending pictures to Flint, Shark, and Rena. Shortly afterward, I got bored and hungry, so I left. Next time I'll bring something else to keep me occupied. I didn't bring food because I can't, and I'm not feeling up to reading to satisfy my boredom. I went home and mowed the lawn because mom asked me to, even though I had filled my walking quota for today and yesterday and forever after. While I was mowing, the dogs would constantly get in my way. I guess dogs think it's funny to drop sticks in front of the mower or something. After mowing, I took a much needed shower. After showering and redressing, I walked out into the living room and watched TV. Mom came home with Ethan and Andrew from school, and Andrew was being all cranky about trying to do schoolwork in a loud house; I said go to a different room and he acted like the living room was the only room in the house. There's the office, which is made for working, but no, he just decided to complain. I left the house again after getting a late, light lunch, and went back to the library to draw some more, but I forgot my pencils and didn't realize until I got to the library, and so I proceeded to watch YouTube until I was utterly bored. Flint and I discussed a secondary tool for the Sniper in TF2, and how it could be better. This was about the time the library closed so I had to say goodbye and prepare to go home. Just before I left, though, I checked my inbox on Terra Firma and found that Hobbes sent a character description to me, which is awesome because that means I can draw him. Now I need to find out what Rodney (st0p) looks like so I can complete the Defenders group picture. On my walk home, I listened to the Gorillaz and saw a cat, a camper van, and a motor-tricycle. I also almost walked into a spiderweb. Look at me- I go on walks, I drink water every day; I'm like 3 times healthier than my high school self. I had a feeling this would happen; once I have more freedom, I'll be much better off, health-wise. I did the usual: drawing, watching TV, and the rest. My laptop is still dead until tomorrow or Monday. If tomorrow, it's because I'm getting a replacement cord for my charger. I am quite happy about that. If not tomorrow, it's because I am a well-behaved college student. I thought about my singing voice. I hope I can be proud of it one day soon. I'm thinking about watching Over the Garden Wall tonight. I still want to have a private showing of it as a family/team in a real living room... One day, Atmos. I just love Over the Garden Wall. There's this romantic feeling to it. The dark undertones, the mystery, and the endearing encounters along the way make Over the Garden Wall a story I'll tell my children one day. Speaking of children, and I've mentioned it before, but I'd really like to be a dad one day. I'd like to be a father of at least one girl, but I'd also like to have many kids (and I'll tell you exactly why, one day). I just have to find a woman who feels the same, and if that's the case, I'm going to have a lot of trouble finding a nice girl who'd want to have a lot of kids. My mom managed 6 somehow, and honestly, I could handle more, but my future partner... uncertain. I'll be a great dad some day, surely, but first I need to find someone who will be their great mom. It takes two halves to make a whole, but you already knew that. Either way, I'm off to watch Over the Garden Wall. This night I realized that I want to live forever. One day, when our culture is 100 years old, some people may look back and wish to imitate our lives in the form of short films and books. I want to see what they say about us. I have become increasingly dismayed knowing that I won't live forever. It was always a matter of fact before, and it never bothered me, but now I feel almost heartbroken that I won't be able to see the new century's turning or the the new works of art and sincere beauty. I sigh heavily knowing that each breath is numbered, and each second will be lost forever. What will they say about us when we're gone? When Nintendo and PlayStation are 100 years old, what will be left for the world to remember us by? We won't be there to tell them firsthand... a tear dripped off my eyelid. I need to sleep on this thought. What if the day comes when I meet the girl for me? Will I have 30 or so lovely people to introduce her to? Will I have a grand gathering of heroes and anti-heroes for her to meet? Time is limited, which is why life is precious, and those seconds should be spent on what you love- who you love. The day draws nearer when I will see you all, face to face. My adventure will begin some day soon, and I think that it would be better if I traveled only with those content to go the way I go, for what good are two birds tied together which wish to fly differently than the other? No- my travels can't be burdened by people who do not wish to go with me. It's not fair to anyone. One day soon. Good night. |
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| The first Dingus | Oct 14 2015, 03:43 PM Post #4 |
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good boi
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Day 15: October 10th: Last night I woke up from a repeated nightmare of the zombie apocalypse. The apocalypse was caused by an infectious fungus that manifested itself in the form of a red weed. It came from aliens invading earth, attacking by releasing spores of the red fungus into our water supplies. Luckily for my family, our water was from a well. I know how to keep zombies out and how to avoid the fungus because I had this dream before, but my family wouldn't cooperate. We needed to barricade the windows and every other possible entrance, wait until morning, and then we could be safe. I was the only one working. My past knowledge gave us a chance of survival. Soon the zombies were upon us, crashing against the doors and windows. The dream ended and I was in another place filled with ponds, lakes, waterfalls, and grottoes. It was a high school and college campus for animal-humanoid hybrids sorted by race rather than grade. A little kid antagonized me, and it took everything in my power to not kill this kid. I called out to the dean, asking him to remove this child, but he stepped in and told me that I was in the wrong somehow, reserving my cries of anger, I passed through crowds of students, bumping into one who apologized. I noticed this, saying, “hey, you're actually polite.” She replied with a “Yep. You look like you could use a hug.” I accepted and got a hug from a big old fluffy girl. It felt nice. The dream ended and I awoke to the bothersome neighbor girl (friend of my little sister) coming into the house at stupid-early-in-the-morning o'clock. She got the senile old matriarch German Shepard to bark like crazy. Not even Andrew had woken up yet, and he gets up earlier than me. I tried to get some more rest and slowly found myself in a new dream: I was Atmos Alae this time; wings and all. I was with two girls a little taller than I. One human with lightly tanned skin and long brown hair, and one bubbly angel with rosy red hair in a short haircut and icy blue eyes. We were in the medieval-fantasy equivalent of a boomtown. Colored lights and lanterns strung up all over the place, plenty of food stands, banners, and large inns here and there. Some authoritative announced from atop a building that a music festival would take place and there would be a prize to the artist who won the favor of the audience. Immediately I began searching for the instruments I brought with me and left at the inn: a mandolin and a guitar. The remainder was spent in our room. 4 beds, wooden floors, wooden walls with a huge glass window complete with a view of the mountains and the summit which went into the clouds of an overcast day. We spoke about where we came from. The human girl was born in a town not far away from the town we we're staying in. The angel girl said she came from the top of that mountain which led into the clouds. I said I was from the sky realm and had no idea how I came to this realm. I began playing my guitar for them. I believe the human girl was jealous of my friendship with this other angel. I think she may have had a crush on me, but I didn't notice at the time. Finding it a lost cause to pursue me, she left the room to think. I stayed in my bed with my guitar, and played a song or two. The angel girl had fallen asleep with this smile on. I got out of my bed, and laid down beside her, playing my instrument softly. The dream ended there. I wonder what it means. I got out of bed after waking up and Ethan walked in the door with a package in his hands. The package was the laptop charger cord for me. I was very happy to receive it, nearly immediately plugging it into my laptop, and letting it start up. One of the neighbor boys (much more behaved than that neighbor girl from this morning) arrived behind Ethan. This boy, like Ethan, was a Terraria fan, and listened to my Goblin Invasion cover saying I was going to win for sure. I'm unsure how well refined his taste is in remixes, but regardless, I was flattered to receive such a compliment. The time had come for me to leave, and it was lightly raining. I was happy to see the water again, but I lacked music for rainy day walks on my phone, so instead, my walk was to the first few tracks of Gorillaz' Plastic Beach. My stay at the library was a long one. I didn't do much drawing, but I did send new pictures to Sharky and Flint. I spent most of my time playing TF2 (big surprise, I know), and got a nice little haul of weapons that I didn't have. I had crafted nearly all of my weapons into scrap metal a month ago, and ever since, I've been trying to get my gear back. At the end of my stay at the library, I watched Flint's stream of Curses 'N Chaos. He never beat the boss while I watched, but he made it to the boss wave. I left afterwards, saying goodbye to my friends. The walk home was cold, windy, and rainy and bothersome. For the majority of the walk, I was in shivers; my teeth chattered, and my body shook, so why is it that I love cold rain? Is it the sound, or the sight? Is it a pretty picture or a soothing song that cold rain is? It sure isn't a warm blanket, or a dry one for that matter, yet I love cold rain. When I arrived home, my hands were on the brink of numbness, and I woke them to life with the warmth of the indoors. For some time, I relaxed and tried something new in an upcoming update for Minecraft. It was wings. I loved it. I glided around the cliffside, over treetops, and under arches of stone blocks, but like an adolescent bird just learning how to fly, my first attempts landed in me faceplanting into the ground. I expected flight, but got gliding, and I suppose that's really all flight is- gliding on air currents, but there's typically ascension involved, so I guess I was just expecting to go upwards as well. Perhaps they'll add flapping to the wings so that players can actually fly. That was when I realized that I needed to take a test. My body froze- and I realized with horror that I wasn't ready, but time was running out, so I went and took my test. To my demise, I stalled during this timed test, and didn't get to answer 5 questions. I just hope that my other grades can make up for my pitiful time management. In fact, I hope for my sake that somewhere in my book of grades, my work can save itself, because I'm doing a lousy job at saving it. I swear I keep seeing things that aren't there. Something in the window keeps glittering, and when I look to see what was mysteriously glinting, I find nothing. Out of the corner of my eye, I see movement, but when I turn. No one is there. Perhaps I can see things that no one else can, and I'm putting myself at danger for trying to find out what these peripheral visions are all about. A dog roamed out of the hallway and made my heart jump just now. I think now more than ever do I never want to know what's moving in of the corner of my eyes, because if I saw what it really was for more than a second, I might scream or cry. Something deep inside of me wishes to play beautiful music, but alas. Beautiful music doesn't just fly off the fingertips. I wish I could play the piano beautifully like many others, but practice, practice, practice is something I have no time or heart for, yet I'd like to be the mysterious man in the heart of the woods playing the piano which you are so drawn to. Like a spell cast upon you, you are unable to shake the calling of the piano's music. I must find my instrument. Captivating, and beckoning. Before I die, I wish to call someone to me by music alone while in the woods. A fated encounter, like in the stories. Until then, I'll have to just become better. ... And surprisingly, better became 2 minutes. I opened Garageband and sampled the keyboards finding the lovely key of C# Minor, and creating lovely melodies just ascending and descending the scale. Perhaps, now is the time where I take a synthesizer into the woods and play for anyone who wishes to come. Perhaps I'm just in love with idea of being something of interest; regardless, I am getting better at this music... maybe I'll play for you some day. I tire. It's 12:55 am here. I must be up by 9:30 am tomorrow morning, and I'm satisfied with the amount of playing I did tonight. Tomorrow (or the day after- I'll be very busy, you know) I'll actually do something that contributes to the Goblin Invasion theme, but just think what good I could do if I stayed up until 3:00 am. Aeront makes his best work then, and perhaps I do as well. I'm very sleepy. I retire to my chamber. Good night, reader. Day 16: October 11th: You'll shake and shudder in surprise when you hear these zombies shriek. All work and no play today. School decided 4 assignments was a good number instead of the usual 2 or 3... Half of the assignments are major grades, so I'm in deep trouble as usual. I decided to review my music once again, and something seems wrong... missing even. Could it be my own ears? I'm sick of all the noise these dogs make. I can't give my focus to my work while they bark. I don't even know what the dang dog barks at. I would break the stupid thing if it didn't live and breathe. I hate wasting life, but that darn dog barks every 5 minutes at NOTHING. I finally did some more polishing on my musical piece. Hopefully it's up to snuff now. Another musician is nearing his song's completion. This time I feel threatened, so for the next 15 days, I need to pay attention to my music, and how well it plays... Much later- after all of my work was complete- I soon found that I had the opportunity to upgrade my Macbook's OS from Yosemite to El Capitan. I wonder if this is as buggy as the PC's Windows 10... Either way, I'm on my way to El Capitan (the OS X version). To pass the time, I'll play a few games. My stress is higher than usual; I need a back rub and some loving, but instead, I'll take a shower. Last night I found out that my vocal range is alto. The shower gave me a chance to own my girlish singing voice. In the right conditions, it's really nice. Part of me wants to hold onto the mindset that I'm taller, rougher, and cooler than I actually am, and the other part of me wants to just be okay with being a short alto; the duality of man, am I right? I left the shower, and while brushing my hair, I received some good news: I’m coming back very soon. My home wifi for my laptop has been restored, but for my phone, not so. This has been the shortest "indefinite period of time" as far as bans go for me. Which means I need to get all of my journals up to date before Wednesday, the projected update day. I plan on coming back to the Skype chat after class on Thursday. I’m very excited to see you all again, and even hear your voices. It’ll be like old times. If I can, I'll even try to finish the group pictures, but this could be a problem if I can't get in touch with st0pnsw0p. I upgraded to El Capitan, and not much seems different, but hopefully there are improvements that I'm not noticing. You know the saying "Blood runs thicker than water," yes? It has been used to state that family is closer than friends, but the rest of the saying is lost. The rest of the saying states the reverse, saying "Blood shed on the battlefield runs thicker than the water of the womb." This simply means that the friends you make and experience life with will be closer to you than the bond of just being related to someone, but there is a loophole: If you shed blood on the battlefield with your biological relative, then you have a whole new bond right there. Just a thought. That'll be all for tonight, my reader. Good night. Day 17: October 12th: We're so sorry skeletons. You're so misunderstood. As of today- Monday, October 12th- I have today and 2 more days of journals left in me before I come home. 19 is the last number. As for the Terraria Community Forums competition, I have 14 days left; two weeks. Time will pass soon, and in these 14 remaining days, the remaining 8 musicians may rear their ugly heads (which aren't so much ugly as they are intimidating), and present their work. Anyone who hasn't posted yet is a threat at this point simply because what they have is at an unknown level of skill. I fear I may be outdone, but I am not defeated yet; I still have 2 weeks to sharpen my work, add something to it, and get it ready for presentation. I think it may be in my best interest to Google some mixing tips from GarageBand users today... after class perhaps. Sitting down in the library, I realize that I've forgotten my phone, so now I have no references to work with when drawing. Looks like I can't draw until I get home, but I won't be home long 'cause of the night class I have to take. I can spend some time in class to draw, but there are supposedly presentations today. I guess, for now, I'm waiting for my morning class to begin. After class ended, I read over some of my old entries to my private dream log. They're... steamy. Perhaps I shouldn't use such language to describe such things. I need to vent some thoughts- Only a few days ago, a guy I knew 3 or 4 years ago died in a car wreck, but that's all I know. I'm not exactly in tears, but it does make me feel and wonder. What's the afterlife like for him? It's strange to me that someone so full of life and energy lives no longer, and we was so young too, only a year younger than I. I hardly knew him, but his name and actions left enough impact for me to remember him. It's sad really. I suppose this means I miss him, but why does it matter to me now? I haven't spoken to or seen him in 3 or 4 years. For lack of a better word, it is simply strange. On a happier note, I think my Goblin Invasion theme cover is pretty much done. I may need to redo one short bit in the guitar recording, but other than that, I'd say it's pretty much done; but I won't exactly submit it until the deadline is one week from the present. Until then, I'm removing it from Soundcloud, and I'll be listening for improvements I could make. Skipping ahead a few hours to my night class, I find myself far ahead of the others with only my laptop and about 2 hours of nothing to do. I was going to play TF2, but that may be too distracting. Perhaps I'll just listen to music and finally draw. Dad came home today, and mom is happy. I'm glad he's safe and all that. Tonight we went to Panera to pick up the bread like every Monday night. I talked to mom about how worried I am that my music may not win. I, like the other musicians who have yet to post their work, have put a lot of effort and time into my piece, and would be disappointed to have it bear no fruit. What really worries me is the unknown. What if these other musicians are better than I? Will all these weeks of false confidence be for nothing? Is my work just not good enough? I'm almost treating this as a sort of milestone. If I achieve victory here, then it's a sort of sign that I can really make something with my music as opposed to simply being passionate about songwriting. If I fall short of 1st place, my short-term dreams will be dashed. This is the part where a good friend says, "Don't worry about being number one, just do your best and the rest will follow," and they'd be right somewhere in that advice, but this is the most work and effort I've put forward into my music, and to say that my absolute best isn't worth 1st place is very upsetting. A bit of distraction puts these worries to rest for a while. I found out my new curfew at home; it's 11:00 pm. What is your wildest fantasy? Is it to live in a fictional land? Is it to be with someone you like? Is it to overcome a fear? Whatever it is, there may be a good reason why it's your wildest fantasy as there may be bad reasons as well. Whatever the reason, you ought to always a backup plan if your fantasy never happens. I smoothened out the guitar bit that needed fixing. One step closer to the final product. When that deadline comes, ready or not, I have to post. I just want to be sure it's great when I put it out there. On a side note, my guitar strings are beginning to rust over with grime now. I think it's time to replace them. Which means I need money that I don't have and won't get until a job comes into play. Joy. After some midnight guitar jamming, I decided it was time to sleep, and then sleep in because it is Tuesday tomorrow, and I don't have to depart until later. Goodnight. Day 18: October 13th: You only want to socialize, but I don't think we should. I spent the morning getting Bethany caught up on Steven Universe. Being as young as she is, she isn't bothered by spoilers, so that means I can catch her up without any worry of her seeing something she shouldn't yet. She's still in Season 1, but we'll be done with it very soon. In class we watched most of "Bowling for Columbine," a documentary by Michael Moore. It's tragic events like this that make me wish I wasn't in the land of the free. I googled some information on how to move to England, but it almost seems like more work than I'm used to. If I really want to get out of here, I need to start making a checklist of things I need to do step by step. I learned that you won't be able to get into the United Kingdom without a visa. No exceptions. So now I need to learn how to get a visa for the UK. If I wanted to stay for more than 6 months, I'd need to find some form of work or citizenship. On the plus side, apartments (or flats as they call them) in Rugby, England aren't too expensive. Lucky me. I found out that someone already purchased the Professional Killstreak Pomson 6000 I was looking at purchasing. There goes my plans for having matching sheens in killstreak weapons. It's not a necessity, oh no, it's just a novelty. It doesn't really change much in the game, but it makes your weapon stand out from the others. It plays off of that desire to express yourself and adopting a unique style. It's something I just want to do in the game. Speaking of TF2, I decided to trade my only Invasion update crate over to Flint for uncrating. We agreed that I would receive it's contents. As a seal of promise, he sent over one of his favorite hats. The uncrating comes soon, and the results are... The Space Diver for Pyro. I'm not exactly thrilled, but hooray for participation! It looks good on Flint when I checked it out last. The rest of the day was pretty usual; however, when I went to my sister's soccer practice, I was hit with a beam of inspiration. Behold: Prologue 3029 years ago, a monumental flying object crashed into the planet. The impact caused earthquakes and tidal waves but the object remained undamaged and intact. Radicals believed it was the vessel of a deity and a god slumbered within. Others believed it was proof of life on other planets. Others still have tried to solve its mysteries and failed. As time passed, the earth grew around the object, and it slowly sank into the earth's crust. To this day, it remains as pristine as the day it impacted, and only a corner of the object juts out of the earth. It stands as tall as a castle and spreads as far as a city. It resembles a pyramid sinking on one side. It shines like the glassy, green sea and glimmers like a pearl, and all along its borders are lustrous metal frames that have remained unscathed by the wear and tear of the elements, and to this day still, no one knows for certain what it is or used to be. Everything about that is about to change in The Story with No Name I'm unsure if I want to write this into a full-fledged story or if I want to make this into a role-play. I don't even have a plot for it yet except for the obvious "the protagonist figures out what this thing is, duh." I'm going to give my Goblin Invasion cover a quick listen to see if there's something I want to change, and by the way, that list of instruments did change: Virtual Drummer: Lead Percussion: Not Applicable (N/A) Octave Crunch Guitar: 1st Lead Elec. Guitar: 272 Wah Guitar: 2nd Lead Elec. Guitar: 128 Distortion Guitar: 3rd Lead Elec. Guitar: 41 Chorus/Drive/Vibrato Guitar: Accomp. Elec. Guitar: 47 80's Sync Lead: Synthesizer Lead: (N/A) Airways: Ambience: (N/A) Dub Smash: Electronic Percussion: (N/A) Orchestral Kit: Ambient Percussion: (N/A) 60's Bass: Lead Bass: 48 Echo Bass: Ambient Bass: 15 To sum up this list, I basically added a new guitar, and the number of takes increased drastically. To be honest, I don't really see anything that could be added to it at this point, so I'll have to do some experimenting and jamming to see if something sounds nice. Those rusty guitar strings may serve to be a problem... I'll have to work around it. I did end up spending an hour or more on the automation and volume control. It also feels weak in some areas and may need more meat. Bass guitar, yes... hmm yes more bass-y meaty goodness, mmm, yes... Suddenly I want to watch Over the Garden Wall again, but I think I want to preserve it's magic a bit longer, so I guess I won't be watching it tonight. I've got plans to play TF2 with Aeront tomorrow night. It's gonna be all cool and stuff. It's late, my reader, I'm going to bed soon. I'll write to you tomorrow, and by the way, reader, tomorrow is the last day before I come back to the Skype chat. Good night; sweet dreams and the like. Day 19: October 14th: The Last Entry Spooky Scary Skeletons by Andrew Gold The indefinite period of time has come to a short end, but as a sort of brief farewell, I'll write to you one last time, and then, on Thursday October 15th, I'll come home and say hello. Here we go: Let's start by resolving some cliffhangers... The Goblin Invasion cover, like any piece of music, has yet to be 100% perfect, but it is in fact, presentable now. It took me about 3 weeks of time, and perhaps 2 weeks of working to finish, but it's done, and I will put it on my Soundcloud when the time is right. I eventually did buy into the TF2 invasion update, and so far I've received 2 update-only crates for my trouble. Only one has been opened. The other lies in wait. Gno Batteri Pauer was defeated in glorious combat, and shall stand down while I still wield the Professional's Book of Macintosh Charger, but evil never rests, so I must remain vigilant. The Defense of Terra Firma team pictures are finished, but Rodney has yet to be put into the Defender's picture. http://m.imgur.com/td6j1iv,YfZGYbb This will be changed later. I was able to fix some crashing of TF2 on my side, but the curse still lurks. Bethany finished Season 1 of Steven Universe and moves on to Season 2. My home wifi was restored to my laptop, and now I can come back to Skype whenever I'm at home, but my phone did not receive the same privilege. I'll see you folks soon. Whether or not I write it down, my day goes on. I'm not dead, and I don't plan on dying until many decades later, if I do happen to die while still in the company of you guys, I have a plan to let you guys know, but I ain't dying soon, so no worries. The plan was to post after class and come back to the Skype chat tomorrow after class, and since I haven't much else to say, I guess all there is to say is good night, reader, and I'll be coming home tomorrow. There are no more entries. |
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| The first Dingus | Oct 19 2015, 03:58 PM Post #5 |
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good boi
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What's this? Another entry? October 18th: Hello again, dear reader. What seemed like it was over has only just begun again. Today I did not wake up in time for church. There was an anniversary service for our previous church, and we attended. One of the announcers said "and don't show up to the building tomorrow, we won't be there," and so I was under the impression that we, as a family, were not going to church today. I was wrong, slept in, and woke up to find how wrong I was. So I did what any other guy at 18 years of age might do in the morning. I made myself some scrambled eggs; I'm aware of the other likely things an 18 year old guy might do when no one else is around, but I was hungry, so I made food instead of going back to sleep. As I was thinking of ways to make it up to my folks because I knew they'd come home angry- maybe I would vacuum, or even pick up- they pulled in the driveway and the dogs went nuts as always. I was sitting at the table, in front of my closed laptop eating my scrambled eggs when they walked in the door. Dad, as usual, was not pleased with me. He said to me, "you don't have permission to be on the internet," so I began typing to Flint saying that I wasn't going to be on today. As I was doing this, dad shouted, "get off of that thing!" And I He asked me ever so nicely, "have you got a backup plan? Have you got another place to live?" I said, "No, I do not." "Do you wanna find out what that's like?" "No, not really." He walked away saying, "you're walking on thin ice." My day was a mess after that. I got off the laptop, delivered my laundry to the laundry room, got my guitar in its case, my hat and my sunglasses, and that's when I walked out the door. I needed a walk. Something in my mind told me that when I got home, my dad would be angry with me that I left the house by myself (he was not). I passed Andrew who was coming home from the closed library. As he told me that the library was closed, I told him "I'm not going to the library." No, the library wasn't the right place for me that day. I needed some alone time. I walked into town, and headed for the "park." It's no Central Park, and it certainly isn't some nature trail either, no, it's just a small grassy lawn, a concrete stage with a metal fence behind it, and beside that stage is a roof on some posts next to a closed concessions stand. Here there was no one else except for me, my guitar, and freedom. I played for a solid hour and then some. A few people passed by. Some were within earshot, but they walked on anyway. Who would sit and listen on a busy Sunday? I walked home, thinking that I'd wash my car. I didn't, because of 2 things: One, dad was outside working on his truck because of engine troubles and I'd rather avoid him for now (as usual); two, because my dad's parents had arrived in their camper from Vermont. I gave them a visit, and they asked me how my day was, and how was school, etc. So I told them how it was: it was not good. We kept talking, and it turns out that my dad actually got kicked out of his house by his dad when he was my age. Apparently he used to act like I do now, except that he had a job, a car (with license), and a place to stay if he got kicked out. Grampie (that's my dad's dad) continued working in the camper, and eventually went inside the house. I stayed in the camper and continued talking with Grammie (that's my dad's mom) about my school situation and my home situation. She asked me if I was studying the brain, and I said no. So then she told me, to my relief, that my brain- like every other teenaged boy- is naturally stupid, and lacks mature judgement, and won't be mature until around age 22. I don't know why, but somewhere along the line, my voice started breaking, a lump formed in my throat, and tears started coming out of my eyes. She sympathized, and eventually I got better. Now I'm just trying to push through college. If I can just get past year 2 in college, I'll get a degree in something, and then I can get a nice job. That's what I need to achieve; it's not the end goal, but it's a milestone. The rest of the day was pretty much Nintendo games. Smash 4, and Brawl. Andrew played a savage Rosalina and Luma, and I got so angry that I needed to sink my teeth into something, so I started chomping at air like Wario does, hoping that the shock from mashing my teeth together would eventually stop me, but no, I was very, very mad, so I got up, resisting the urge to break Andrew's skin with my teeth, and I angrily grabbed an apple out of the fridge. CHOMP. A quick and forceful bite was taken out of the apple. My lower mandible cut through the skin and meat of the apple like a hole-puncher to paper- rough, but satisfying. I remember why I never play Smash with Andrew... or in general. After that I went to do some schoolwork. The only assignment for the day was some crappy simulation that I never finished because of laptop curfew. It's due at midnight on Sunday, but my laptop cut off at 11, so a whole wasted hour passed, and I'll probably get a zero or partial credit for that. I have one word for this scenario: ****. Tomorrow is my 2-day Fall Break. No college work whatsoever. I'll be spending part of my days at the library where there's wifi, and no family around to bother me. As of right now, only a few of my family members bother me, and those are; Andrew, sometimes Aaron, and sometimes my dad. Andrew bothers me a lot, the dogs always bark at something, and it's generally loud and obnoxious during the day. Whenever I try talking with Flint over Steam's voice chat, there's always a piercing bark, or Andrew will answer my questions to Flint during the call (he'll often make some sort of smart-ass comment too, and I hate it), or it'll just be generally too loud for me to communicate 1-on-1 with Flint, or anyone, really; however, I can't call Flint at all when I'm at the library, so there's the catch. Let's get caught up, shall we? Yesterday, I talked to a girl named [anonymous] who goes to my college, and apparently, to my church as well. We met at the anniversary service when I finally worked up enough nerve to actually introduce myself to a girl. Normally I'll meet girls through friends, online, or simply by working with them in class projects, and yes, there are some exceptions in which I'm an awesome guy who does something really nice for the girl in need of help (THIS MAKES FRIENDS IMMEDIATELY. NICE GUYS DO NOT FINISH LAST), but this time around, I actually sought her out, and introduced myself to her and her sister. We talked for about 3 minutes about our college majors, and then we parted ways. We'll most likely see each other again at college. Last Friday, I received a check from my college for $1753.00. That's the difference of what I was given through scholarships and grants. That's money I don't have to pay back. That's 1753 greenbacks for me to spend on whatever I choose. I'm gonna need to open a savings account. I jokingly thought "I'm gonna buy so much virtual junk with that money," and I laughed. In all seriousness, I think that money is just going to sit around in case I'm in real trouble. That money has now become the, "Oh crap, I just got kicked out of the house" money. That much money can get me enough food to live for guessed amount of one year, if spent wisely. If not, I can use it to pay some rent for maybe a month. It's not enough to live off of, but it'll help. As of tomorrow, I will have only 1 more week until the submission thread for the Terraria Community Forum Anniversary 1.3 Contest closes. This week is the week I need to use to make final tweaks, upload the track to youtube, and embed the link in the forum. Are you pumped? Because I am pumped. I can almost smell the virtual money (that can't be used for food or shelter). Assuming that dad won't let me use the home wifi yet again, I'm going to use the library and school wifi to do work. I'll post this regardless, and give an update when the time comes. For now, we wait and see. Good night, reader. Good to see you again. And as it stands today, on October 19th, I am once again limited. Today I get a list of what's expected of me at that house. We'll see how long I last. Edited by The first Dingus, Oct 19 2015, 03:59 PM.
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| The first Dingus | Oct 26 2015, 07:33 AM Post #6 |
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good boi
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Hey again, reader. It's me, as usual, and I've got another journal post for you to read or not to read. I'm not doing the daily thing right now, so you'll just have to read this to get caught up, but if you read this, beware, for you may find yourself having a bad day. This next entry is one filled with uncertainty, bad times, and a pathetic protagonist. I just needed to get these thoughts off my chest. October 25th: I see you decided to read this... I warned you. Let's get this over with. On Monday, I went to the library for Fall break. School was out and I needed wifi, which is why I needed to get to the library. I sat down and spent the day like any other normal day at the library, when at some point, I looked up and I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on, and I'm serious when I say this. For the rest of the day, I was partly dedicated to whatever I was working on and partly distracted by the beauty across the way. Thinking that I would only see her today, and seeing that she was busy, I decided to just leave her be and admire her from afar. I went home, and she popped into my head a few times more. The day ended shortly after with not much to report. On Tuesday, I returned to the library. I spotted her again, and my heart leapt. This was the 2nd and last day of my Fall break, so this, I thought, was my last opportunity to talk to her. A fork in the road, as they say. For a couple of hours I worked up the courage and resolve to talk to her- this unnamed beauty- and finally, I got up from my chair and introduced myself. Small talk began shortly after and we spent the rest of the time chatting it up. When she had left, I made myself a friend and a new SoundCloud follower. It seemed this girl and I had more in common than I could have ever hoped. We were both musicians, we both enjoyed the same kinds of books and music. Did I mention that she has the voice of an angel? Giddier than I had ever been in a long time, I strode back to my chair with an ear-to-ear grin on my face. The next step in the plan was to get to know this girl. On Wednesday, her name rang in my head time and time again. At this point, it was apparent that I had a crush on her. A nervousness rushes over me when I think of talking to her, yet still. I could not wait to see her again. On Thursday, I did not get home and to the library in time to see her, so I sent her a message over SoundCloud telling her that I'd be at the library pretty much all day. She replied with a simple "cool beans" and I did a little dance in my head. I frequently use that expression, so seeing someone else use that expression, especially my crush, would obviously put me in a good mood. I spent the Thursday at the library, and for some reason, it never felt so quiet or lonely. It was at this moment- unfortunately- that my drive for companionship was reawakened. I went home and acted pretty normal. On Friday, I went to the library as usual, and thought that she would not show up. She was too busy, I thought. When she did finally arrive, I was pleasantly surprised. We spent what little time she had just talking, sharing music, and getting to know each other better. Then, disgusting, teenager tragedy struck; she let loose the two words, "my boyfriend," and my heart was in shock. On the outside, I seemed unaffected, as far as I know, but inside, it was as if an arrow made of cold, unforgiving iron pierced my heart, flew out the back of my body and left my heart numb. I almost wanted to talk about this guy. I was curious as to what kind of guy she was into, but I never asked. No, we kept talking about things we liked and other personal experiences. Looking back, I'd say that I was too distracted by her to realize that my heart was hurting. I managed to give her my phone number before she had to go. When she left, I accepted the fact that she was already in a relationship, but didn't say anything about it; however, soon, I felt intolerable disappointment, sadness, or loss even, and bottling it up hurt. So I did what every other whiny teenager does in the situation of spoken-for crush. I complained about it. For the rest of the day, I proceeded through Denial, and Bargaining, two of the five stages of grief. "I can't believe it... I don't believe it... I wish it weren't so, maybe the relationship won't last and then I'll have a chance." I didn't feel like doing anything after that. I felt thoroughly effortless. "Why do I bother?" I asked. On Saturday, the clouds rolled in, and I laid in bed for hours before getting up to eat. I walked to the library, knowing she wouldn't be there, and I sat down to be as alone as someone does with a computer and access to Skype/Steam chat systems. I spent part of the day there. I knew soon that I would have to do important school work, but my heart wasn't in it; regardless, I managed to do that day's work. I felt so horrible in fact, that towards the end of the day, my heart literally felt pained. The pain is coming back even now as I type this. I was in the fourth stage of grief: depression. I somehow gave anger a miss. I didn't feel angry at anyone, certainly not her. I couldn't blame myself for the sense of loss. I never had anything to begin with but an inkling of hope for a personal, genuine relationship. The day was dark, and cold, like my outlook on life, and the night was no better. There was more important work to do, and I had procrastinated so much of it. The stress finally got to me. My chest tightened, and I felt my heart breaking. Fear and loneliness had a grip on me. That night I wished so desperately to not be alone. I wished that someone would hold me as I slept. I remembered that God was always with me. He would never leave, and at that moment I felt enough comfort to sleep, but it didn't quite satisfy my desire to be with someone who felt present. I always perceived God as distant, and only there for guidance. I could only rarely understand His direction, and the moment felt so directionless. God can't quite hold you either, or at least, I don't feel it. Perhaps my needs are simply selfish desires and won't be satisfied. Today, I woke up with the same depression from yesterday. I thought of her only when I remembered why I felt so bad, and tried so hard to distract myself. I procrastinated yet again, and two major assignments for the same course passed me by. They will be taken as zeroes, and I fear I may fail the courses. If I fail, my parents will find out, eventually, and my position in life will be so uncertain, I may as well be thrown out onto the streets then and there. I haven't failed yet, but the anxiety, the stress and the standard I have to live up to have gnawed at my optimism, just as I have nervously gnawed at my fingertips and nails. At the end of my internet time, a friend suggested that I have not much an idea of my own, independent worth and merit. They told me, "you can't depend upon others to define yourself," and I know this. I replied with a simple, "I do," in that moment, but I have thought that maybe I don't. They asked me, "are you sure you do?" they said from observation that I seem to dive head first into relationships, and then feel destroyed when trouble comes. Perhaps I'm basing an important aspect of myself in them, and when they're damaged, I'm thrown asunder. Which is fancy talk for "my self-worth comes from my relationships." My time was up before I could reply, or even hear more from them. I needed a shower so I went to shower. As I showered, I felt that his words were true. The fear of my own self-worth not being much grew. I observed myself, and as usual, I only saw my negative qualities. I'm a man of selfish desires, I can't drive, I don't have a job, I'm not even trying in school anymore, and I spent two days mourning over a relationship that never was with a girl I had known for only three days. I sum myself up as a pathetic beatnik with no desire to do any good. I see myself as a disappointment, and a shameful embarrassment to my mother and father, and on top of that, a bad example for my younger siblings. At this moment, I feel such pain. My entire chest is tight, and completely out of sync. I do not feel good; I don't even feel like a good person. I'm not Atmos Alae- He's merely a character I wish I was. A young, proud example of a dear friend who goes out of his way to help others, defend the weak, and make deep, personal relationships. The only thing I feel I relate to Atmos is that we're both single, except he's okay with it, and I can't judge my own worth unless someone else does. Thoughts arise about my imperfections, and I wonder if I'm simply born to be a loser. I'm shaping up to be a failure when it comes to my education, and I feel as if it's all hopeless. I don't have any direction now. For now I worry about school, while trying to fix my grade. I may solve my job problem by working at Walmart, but I need a license first, so my plan is to get a license ASAP. Me and Andrew are racing now. In about 2 months, he'll be able to take the driver's test for a restricted license, so I've decided to take the driver's test before December comes. Tonight I sleep with not regret, but shame. Death is not option. Suicide would be too easy. I'll remain alive. There's too much good in life to just throw it all away. If I'm thrown out onto the streets, I'll beg for meals. Hell, I'll rummage through McDonald's garbage bins for unfinished fries and burgers. I may even resort to theft. If I'm arrested, and sent to jail, at least I'll get food. I'll cross that bridge if it ever comes. I fear, and I pray for peace. I hope my life doesn't turn out to be a waste. The song of the day is "I Will Go Sailing No More." I hope your night is greater than mine is tonight. Good night, reader. (Author's note: I'm feeling better now that it's morning, but the stress is real. The bright side is that I still have a chance to make a good friend.) This story has no happy ending or sad ending, really. It's merely another excerpt from chapter 18 in the story of my life, and the book isn't finished being written. |
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| The first Dingus | Nov 17 2015, 02:38 PM Post #7 |
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good boi
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Let's forget about the tough times for now; something really cool is going on. Me and my little sister are playing a simultaneous playthrough of Pokemon FireRed and LeafGreen. The story so far: Day 1: The Journey Begins It's a wonderful day in Pallet Town where our two heroes wake up for a most exciting journey! Little 8-year old BETHANY (escorted by her 18-year old brother, DANTON), is on her way to the Pokemon Professor OAK's lab where they bump into ASH and ANDREW. ASH and ANDREW are identical twin brothers who walk and talk the same. Upon meeting in the Pokemon Professor's lab, they four each take a Pokemon (and I know you're thinking, "but there's only 3 in Pokemon FR/LG!" Play along, dingus). BETHANY received SQUIRTLE from OAK! DANTON received CHARMANDER from OAK! ASH received BULBASAUR from OAK! ANDREW received (the other) SQUIRTLE from OAK! CHARMANDER was nicknamed "Smaug" SQUIRTLE was nicknamed "SQUIRTS" The two set off. While DANTON ran ahead, BETHANY wandered around Viridian City and complained about the old man blocking the path. She stopped in the Pokemon mart and picked up OAK'S PARCEL! Going home only to find that her rival, ASH, was there too. They all received a POKEDEX from OAK and went on their way. BETHANY caught a RATATTA, and renamed her to "IDONTHAVE." (period included) She said to DANTON, "I named her 'I don't have period!'" DANTON smiled and nodded whilst thinking, "You will some day." and proceeded to mentally smack himself for making such jokes. DANTON was in Viridian Forest bumping into Pikachu after Pikachu, while BETHANY was getting lost in the wooded maze. At some point, they both ran into BUG CATCHER ANTHONY and fought with him at the same time. They both defeated him and took his lunch money, leaving him defenseless in a forest of wild bug Pokemon. Whilst in Viridian Forest DANTON caught a CATERPIE and a PIKACHU which he named (in order) "Belucia," and "Janine." He did not plan on using Janine for much but he wanted to have Pikachu in his Pokedex. During this expedition, Belucia began evolving! Belucia evolved into a METAPOD! Belucia learned HARDEN! BETHANY finally caught up with DANTON only after he stopped halfway through to write this journal. While DANTON was writing this journal entry, BETHANY went ahead into Pewter City and quickly confronted Gym Leader BROCK and his followers! In the heat of battle with one of the Campers, SQUIRTS learned WATER GUN and forgot TAIL WHIP! She hurriedly went and faced off with BROCK strictly using SQUIRTS' BUBBLE attack! Bam!- A One-shot to the GEODUDE! Wa-BAM!- a Two-shot to the ONIX! BROCK was defeated handily, and BETHANY received the BOULDER BADGE! At this point IDONTHAVE. is Lv3 and SQUIRTS is Lv14. BETHANY saved the game and quit for now. "Do you want to play when I get back from class?" DANTON asked. BETHANY gave a vague maybe-like answer. DANTON wasn't too worried about falling behind considering he had played through this game many times, however he did consider that Smaug was a FIRE-type and would be at a disadvantage when facing BROCK, so he pressed onward through the forest burning anything down which stood in his way with Smaug's EMBER, all the while letting Belucia take point to get EXP. Janine just sat there in the party waiting to be dropped off at the nearest Pokemon Center. DANTON arrived in Pewter City only to save and quit for then. The journey would continue when he got back from school! But it did not! Then they all went to sleep the end. Edited by The first Dingus, Nov 18 2015, 08:08 AM.
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| The first Dingus | Dec 3 2015, 08:27 AM Post #8 |
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good boi
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It continues Day 2: Rock Solid It is a great day for our heroes in the Kanto region. Freezing cold, frost everywhere and the occasional shivering makes winter a great season for staying indoors and playing Pokemon (at least until it snows)! When we last left off, BETHANY defeated BROCK in a gym battle at Pewter City, got the BOULDER BADGE and was on her way to Mount Moon where she would soon become lost. She found her way out, but unfortunately for her, the way out was the way in, and so she decided to take on the other trainers nearby. SQUIRTS the Wartortle is Lv 18 IDON'THAVE.the Rattata is Lv 3 DANTON was training his Pokemon to be strong enough to overpower BROCK'S Pokemon since type advantages weren't going to help him. Smaug the Charmander is Lv 13 Belucia the Metapod is Lv 10 The journey continues DANTON continued grinding on lower level Pokemon. By the end of his grind, he caught a Pidgey, naming it MAX. "Whoops- sorryallcaps," he thought. DANTON also leveled up both Belucia and Smaug by one. It was at this point that Belucia evolved into Butterfree! For Belucia, this meant trouble with Rock-Types. DANTON came to the conclusion that he would need to grind some more in order to heighten Belucia's ability, and so, he returned to grinding, but first he stopped in the PokeMart and bought enough potions to last him until Cerulean City (the next town over). DANTON continued grinding and by the end of his grind, Smaug is Lv 16 Belucia is Lv 13 MAX is Lv 5 With that, he took to the gym to have his rematch against BROCK. Using only Smaug's new METAL CLAW move, he tore through BROCK'S GEODUDE and ONIX. DANTON defeated BROCK and got the BOULDER BADGE! Meanwhile, BETHANY had returned to Route 1 to train IDON'THAVE. That was when DANTON told her of another way to train her RATTATA. By placing her in the front of the Pokemon party, she could gain EXP easily without having to fight. With this newfound information, BETHANY traveled all the way back to Mount Moon and began searching around again. DANTON began training MAX by using this method against the trainers on Route 3 and 4 after having received the Running Shoes from Professor Oak's Aide. He would make trips back and forth from the Pokemon Center to the Routes because MAX kept fainting, but she stuck it through to Lv 9 when she learned GUST- a Special Flying-Type move! MAX then became a formidable force against Bug-Type Pokemon! During BETHANY'S battling in Mount Moon, SQUIRTS learned BITE- a Physical Dark-Type move which can cause flinching! Soon after, SQUIRTS became Lv 20 (I know I'm skipping around- you try capturing every piece of information). It was then that BETHANY decided to save and quit for the day. DANTON was still on Route 3 fighting trainers when suddenly, his Gameboy Advance fell onto the floor and did a hard reset- And without saving! He was quite upset, and had to restart from before Route 3, but after he defeated BROCK. He made it halfway through the Route when he got bored and saved then quit. At this Point, MAX was around Lv 11, Smaug Hit Lv 17, and Belucia remained Lv 13. UPDATED Edited by The first Dingus, Dec 4 2015, 05:17 PM.
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2:20 PM Jul 11