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This alcoholic is not anonymous; by the Fallen Angel Himself
Topic Started: Apr 5 2007, 10:09 AM (45 Views)
CDaniels
Unregistered

Roi Rene Dupree walks into Christopher Daniels’ locker-room.

Rene: What the hell did we just witness out there? Joey Mercury, Chris Hero and Carlito on top of each other, doing who knows what.

Christopher: Take a look at sin. You don’t need to walk down Rue St. Catherine in Montreal to see it close-up anymore.

Why would we be walking in Montreal? We live outside Paris, and our parents live in New Brunswick.

It was the first street I could think of.

Rene just looks confused.

So this is what UCW is about? This is what you wanted to be a part of?

Well, look at them, they need some morality lessons.

Let us guess. That includes Sandman as well.

Of course it includes Sandman. He is an alcoholic. There is nothing wrong with drinking beer, but over-indulging is wrong. Nevermind the fact that when he smashes the can on his head, he wastes most of it.

Are you feeling alright?

Yes, why wouldn’t I be?

You are concerned about Sandman wasting beer by smashing the can on his head. You have never been before.

Well…umm…people spend many hours making the beer, and he just goes ahead and wastes it.

People? Did you just tell us that people make the beer. People put the barley in a vat with water. Bacteria makes the beer. People just take it.

Same thing, people need to work. Sandman comes to the ring drunk sometimes. It is amazing that he’s even still competing. How he doesn’t have liver problems is a gift from God. A gift he should thank God for, not continue abusing it.

Here we go.

It’s true. He has been blessed with good health, despite the damage he continues to do to his body. You’d think he would be a little more gracious with himself, but instead he just gets worse and worse. And to think, so many fans admire him while he sets such a horrible example. This is Unedged Championship Wrestling, where viewer discretion is strongly advised. Somehow, we know that a good portion of the audience, both live and watching on TV, will be young children, who are watching with or without their inept parents. And they will see this Sandman, and see how he carries himself and they will try to emulate him. Why? Because sin looks glorious. Why be righteous when you can sin? Why be celibate, when you can have sex with five women at a time, and different ones every night? Of course it looks glorious, which is why I am here. It’s my mission to make UCW better for the world. It is just starting and already there is an atmosphere of evil that I can feel. Well, it’s my job tonight to make Sandman look like the drunken monkey that he is, and show that there are better things to do than drink with the devil. Actually, let’s go see what Sandman is doing now.

Rene gets an uneasy look on his face, but follows Christopher anyway.

The two walk down the hall and knock on Sandman’s locker-room door. No answer, so they open it. Sandman is sitting, drinking.

Sandman: What do you want?

Of course, drinking, as always. Do you ever do anything else?

What business is that to you? Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be praying to God or f***ing a nun right about now?

Christopher looks stunned.

How could you make such disparaging comments about a woman of the cloth! That—

Stop with your big words, but I assume you’re trying to say you’d never do something like that. Well, I can see why. You spend a lot of time with your French friend, and everyone knows how fruity they are.

Hey, we are not homosexual, we are cultured. Just because you are too barbaric to recognize the accomplishments of other men, does not mean the French are too.

Seriously, did you forget how to speak? You sound like you’re reading an essay. Proper grammar, no contractions. Besides, what are you doing here? This is UCW, not the pussy-league.

Pussy-league? We are Iron Man Champion. All you have ever done with your life is swing a Singapore Cane, and horribly at that. We have fought in a slew of various matches and have come out better than someone who is supposed to be the face of hardcore has ever come out.

You want hardcore, I’ll show you hardcore.

Sandman sits up and grabs for his Singapore Cane.

No need for violence. We have a match tonight, we can let everything else out then. I’m just here to talk. And to let you know that you have no chance of winning. Drink up, because I’d like you to set a prime example to anyone else. If you’re a sinner, expect your demise. I offer forgiveness, but since you’ve continued to drink while I’m here, it’s obvious you’re not looking for any. Just remember, I’ll give you the Last Rites, because you’ll be dead to me.

Dead?

Sandman gets up and swings his Singapore Cane at Daniels. Daniels moves and the cane goes straight across Rene’s face. Rene goes down. Daniels spears Sandman into the wall of the locker-room. Not hard, but with just enough force so that he doesn’t bother them as Daniels tries to help Rene out of the room.
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