Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
News and Announcements

Starting January 18, 2010 we will be resuming our weekly discussions on various characters, couples, and plot points for the show Grey's Anatomy. If you are interested in seeing a similar discussion for another show let Danielle know. Be sure to check out some of the new fanfictions that been posted and show the writers your support!

DealsFor.me - The best sales, coupons, and discounts for you
Viewing Single Post From: Panicked
Marie
Member Avatar
Ultimate Member
[ *  *  *  * ]
AN: Here is the next instalment to this story. If you're reading it I'd really love some feedback. And also thank you Dee for reassuring me that this was okay. :kissy

Walking half a step behind Addison you head towards the ICU. Behind you you can hear everyone following, they’re not talking no one really knows what to say. You don’t know what to say. As you make your way along the corridors you can’t help comparing this to the last, the last time you walked the halls not as a doctor but as a visitor. When you made that walk years ago you swore you’d never do it again. You’d never let yourself get in that situation again, you’d never love someone enough to make that walk again. Yet here you are...again. It would be different this time though. When Anna was sick, when she was dying, you weren’t wishing and hoping and praying that she would live, you did at first but not by the end, by the end you were praying for the suffering to end, there was the point you realised you couldn’t save her and you just wanted it to end. Now though you don’t want it to end, Violet, your feelings for her are so new, fresh, the thought that she could be taken away, it terrifies you.

At her door you stop, Addison opens it but you don’t step inside, instead you just stand in the doorway and gaze at her, you’re trying to get your head around what you’re seeing. She looks different than before, smaller, the round mound you’ve become accustomed to seeing her with is gone, replaced by nothing. The bed she lays in is big in a different way, like a spaceship it engulfs her, dozens of tubes run out her body attached to bags of fluids you should recognize but you don’t. The biggest tube is the one coming out her mouth, a ventilator.

“Pete,” Addison’s voice breaks into your thoughts. “Are you going to go in?”

“Yeah,” You shake your head and take a step forward, enough for the others to pass you but not enough to reach her, you’re not ready yet, instead you look up at Addison. “What’s going to happen?” You ask.

She looks at Violet, and then back at you. “It depends how well she does.” She begins, “If she stabilises and keeps improving, we could wake her up in maybe twenty four, thirty six hours. If she doesn’t,” she pauses before she finishes her sentence, before she says what you know she’s going to say. “It’s too soon to say what’s going to happen.”

“Okay,” You say the one word and take the last few steps towards her bed. Cooper is on one side of her, you can see the tears running down his face; hear the words he’s whispering over and over.

“I’m sorry,” He keeps saying, “I’m sorry.” And you can hear Charlotte trying to sooth him, she keeps telling him it’s not his fault.

On the other side is Sheldon, “Just get better,” you hear him tell her. “I’m going to find your son and he’s going to need his mom. So you have to get better.” He bends down and kisses her forehead before stepping away.

“I’m going to find him,” He tells you, “So you have to look after her.” He gives you a sad nod and walks out the room.

As you watch the little man leave, you can’t help but feel grateful for his presence. You’d always found him to be a little annoying but now, you’re grateful he’s there to take care of half the things. You’re grateful that there is someone out there looking out for your son, someone who cares as much as you do.

You take the last step to Violet’s bed and reach down to touch her, you run your fingers down the side of her face and you feel the tears start to run. She’s cold, her skin is cool to touch, you’ve never felt her this cool, and you know it’s not a good sign. She’s fighting to survive, and it takes all your energy not to fall in a heap right there and then.

“Violet,” You whisper her name and blink back tears. “You’ve got to get better.” You tell her, “I love you. I want you.” You say the words and feel everyone in the room turn to look at you. It is the first time you’ve said the words in front of anyone. The feelings are so new, no one else knew about them.

“Pete,” You feel a hand rest against your shoulder, you look up and see Addison standing there. “We’re going to get through this.” She tells you. You look at her for a moment and then turn away. You don’t say anything back, if Violet doesn’t get better you don’t know if you’ll ever get through it.

You reach for a chair and pull it up beside her, you sit down and take her hand. With your fingers you begin to slowly run circles over her palm. You don’t know why you’re doing, it doesn’t really help but you need to hold on to her somehow. It is that position you sit in for the rest of the night, you watch the monitors, listen to the bleeping of the machines, and wait for some sign that she is getting better, that it’s going to be okay. Slowly the changes happen, her blood pressure comes back up and stabilizes, the colour starts to come back to her skin, they’re good signs but you know it doesn’t mean she’ll be okay. The complications Addison talked about could still happen.

Throughout the night the others slowly leave, first Dell who can no longer justify staying there with his daughter, then Sam and Naomi there are things at the practice which need to be taken care of, appointments which need to be cancelled. Addison doesn’t leave the hospital but she does leave the room, you’re not sure what she’s doing but it seems to be helping, every few minutes she comes back and checks on all of you. Eventually it is just you and Cooper and Charlotte left. Charlotte is there for Cooper, you listen as she tries to console him but he doesn’t want to be consoled, he just wants to blame himself.

As the night goes by it comes out that Cooper could have saved her that he was right there at the door and he heard something but he didn’t go inside. The information makes your gut twist and you want to blame Cooper as well, you want to blame him because it is easier to have someone to be mad at.

“It’s not your fault Coop,” Charlotte sooths for the hundredth time.

“No, it’s yours.” You watch Cooper push Charlotte away, you watch the hurt and pain hit Charlotte and twist within her. “It was your call, that’s why I didn’t go in.”

“Coop,” You watch Charlotte react, pain and guilt seem to visibly run through her. “This isn’t anyone’s fault.” She stammers, she doesn’t want it to be her fault; no one wants this to be their fault.

“No,” Cooper shakes his head and reaches for Violet, he starts rubbing his thumb over her temple and fresh tears run down his face. “It’s your fault.” He whispers the words in Charlotte’s direction and you watch as she pulls back, after a moment she reaches for him again.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” She whispers, and she rests a hand on Coopers back. You half expect him to push her away again but he doesn’t, he lets her stroke his back but he doesn’t turn to her, instead he keeps his eyes fixed on Violet.

It is a scene you’ve seen though out the night, you’ve felt yourself. That guilt that this shouldn’t have happened, that it could have been stopped. It has happened though and there is nothing you can do about it.

“She’s right Cooper,” you find yourself saying. “This isn’t anyone’s fault and blaming each other isn’t going to help.” You pull your chair closer and bring your free hand to Violet’s cheek. “It’s not going to make it easier for her.” You run your hand along her cheek and feel fresh tears brimming at your eyes. “You’ve got to get better Violet; you’ve got to get better.” You whisper to her.

They’re words you’ve said countless times, it is the closest you’ve come to praying. It is all you can do, pray, and wait, you hate the waiting and wish there was something you could do, but there is nothing you can do. It is up to Violet to pull through; everything else has already been done.

As morning rolls around Naomi and Sam return, they tell you they’ve cancelled everyone’s appointments for the next few days, that you shouldn’t worry about the practice, that they’ll take care of it. Sheldon comes back and tells you the police have been getting lots of phone calls, there are lots of leads, lots of people who think they’ve seen Katie and the baby, that they’re chasing the leads up and he thinks they’re going to find them.

They all ask how Violet is doing and you tell them okay. She’s doing okay; she’s pulled through the night and appears to be getting strong. They tell you, you should go home, get some sleep, that you’re going to wear yourself out if you just stay there. They tell you they’ll stay with her, that she won’t be alone. Her being alone though is not the issue, you just don’t want to leave her and neither does Cooper. Eventually they stop trying to make you leave; they just take their own seats and wait with you.

The hours tick by painfully slow, you want her to wake up but you know she can’t, twenty four hours pass, and you start asking her doctors when they’re going to wake her up, you’re told to wait, that they want to give her more time. Thirty six hours pass, you start demanding answers, and finally they say okay, they start easing her off the sedatives, four hours pass and they remove the ventilator. You hold your breath as they pull the tube from her mouth and wait for her to breathe on her own.

Her first breath sends a tingly feeling running through you, you begin to allow yourself to think she might be okay; she just needs to wake up. For the next twelve hours you just sit by her bed and watch her breath, you barely talk to the others in the room, they bring you coffee, food, tell you to get some rest, but you don’t want that, all you want is to know Violet is getting better; you want her to wake up.

“When is she going to wake up? It’s been two days. You said she’d be awake by now.” You’re not the only one who wants her awake, everyone wants her awake but Cooper is getting frantic and worried. “Is she going to wake up? You said she’d wake up.”

“She’s going to wake up.” You say the words as calm and as level and you can. “She just needs more time.” You reach for her and rub your hand against her face. You desperately want to believe your own words, you want to believe she’s going to wake up but as every minute passes you get more and more concerned.

“He’s right Coop,” Charlotte’s still there, still trying to console him. “She just needs more time.”

“How much more time?” The question is Cooper’s he’s not holding himself together well.

“I don’t know Coop, I don’t know.” Charlotte says the words with a sad tone, you see the fatigue in her eyes, the last two days have been wearing hard on her as well. She steps toward Cooper but he walks away, walks to Violet’s side and brushes his hand against her face. “She’s going to wake up.”

“You don’t know that.” Cooper’s words aren’t directed at you but they hurt just the same, you’ve got to believe she’s going to get better. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I should have been there.” You watch him tell her for the umpteenth as he rubs her hand.

“It’s not your fault Cooper.” You have to tell him that, you have to get that through to him; you don’t want him blaming himself. “She’s going to wake up.” You say the words with as much conviction as you can and rub your fingers along her cheek bone. It’s a motion you’ve been doing since you came into the room, it seems to sooth you, and then you hear her moan.

You’re not expecting the sound, you’ve been longing for it but you’re not expecting it. For a moment everyone is silent, and then you find your words. “Violet can you hear me?” you ask. “Can you open your eyes, wake up?”

The words spill from your mouth and you find yourself holding your breath, waiting for some response, some sign that you haven’t started hearing things. And then you hear it again, another moan and then she’s opening her eyes. You watch her blink and you can see her trying to focus, trying to work out her surroundings.

“That’s it Violet,” you tell her in time with Cooper, “You’re doing well.” For the briefest of moments you turn to him and smile, he looks as relieved as you feel and then your eyes are back on the woman you love. She wants to talk you can see the thought process in her eyes, across her face.

“Grasshopper.” She says the word, the nickname she’d given her baby, and you feel your gut begin to twist again. “Did you find him?”

At that moment you can’t look at her, you turn away and use your hand to wipe the tears which are starting to brim.

“They’re still looking.” You say turning back to her. “Everyone is looking, they’ve had Katie’s photo on the news, at every airport, bus station, they’re looking, they’re going to find them.” You try to sound confident, reassuring but the tone of your voice gives away your doubts, your fear.

“Okay,” It is the only word Violet says and you can see her breaking, you can see the devastation she is feeling. She looks lost and scared and you reach down for her, you pull her into your arms and she starts to cry. Loud, violent, uncontrollable sobs, you pull her closer to you, so close you can feel her heart thumping in her chest and you try to sooth her, try to stop her shaking. You whisper words into her ear, you tell her they’re going find him, that she’ll get though this, that it’ll be okay, they’re the words you think she needs to hear, that she needs to believe in. She doesn’t say anything back to you, she just keeps crying until she reaches the point of exhaustion.

Her sobs become quieter, less frequent, her weight rests against your chest and you can feel she’s starting to go back to sleep. You don’t want her to sleep but you know she has to, the sedatives might be out of her system but the painkillers aren’t and her body is still hurt, she still needs rest. You start to make the move to lay her down again, when the door opens and Sheldon comes walking in.

His cheeks are red, flushed like he’s been running, he sees Violet’s awake and moves to her, you let him give her a hug, hold her for a moment, but you want to know why he’s come back, he wasn’t supposed to be back yet.

“Sheldon what’s going on?” You ask the question and look him over, there is a spark in his eyes which wasn’t there before, he’s smiling.

“The LAPD just phoned,” He starts to tell you; “They think they’ve found them.”
Offline Profile Quote Post
Panicked · Fanfiction