| A Pretty Big Deal.; Expect Beautiful Puns as Topic Titles. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 1 2017, 07:38 PM (94 Views) | |
| Samuel Hassoff | Jul 1 2017, 07:38 PM Post #1 |
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THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE THREE MONTHS AGO The scene opens to a beauty parlor. Getting his hair professionally styled is none other than Samuel Hassoff. Only his head and lower half are visible, the rest being covered by the black tarp-like covering around him. It's not a major cut, rather a styling. Subtle highlights are being put in that are only visible if one truly believes they are there. Every small detail counts, does it not? "So, where are you headed next? I saw you killing it over in Miami a few days ago." "Oh, you saw?" "Honey you know I did with you blowing up my Insta feed with it. I ain't complaining though." "Oh, I know you aren't Danielle. I mean look at me." "You know you attract a lot of business. You're pretty popular with aspiring models as the man to look up to." "A lot of people want to be like me, trust me, I know." "So... You have your next gig?" "Actually, I do..." As he says this, Samuel trails off. The Peak of Machismo looks down for a moment, which Danielle picks up on right away. It's very unlike Mr. Hassoff to have his head anything but raised for even a second. "What's the catch? Find out it was an adult film after you signed the contract?" "Well..." "Or worse! Are you hand modeling?! My baby please tell me you aren't hand modeling." "Oh God no! I will NEVER subject myself to that." "Then what's the catch?!" "It's something out of my range. It's a wrestling job." "O-Kay! Does that mean I get to see my favorite body in those short-short tights in the octagon?! You know, I don't know what it is, but there's something about bloody guys trying to take someone out that just gets me-" "Let me stop you. Not quite that either. It's professional wrestling." "Oh Baby! Like Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper!" "Those names are a bit outdated. When was the last time you turned off a TV?" "Uhh since when in the hell has wrestling been popular? Don't get snappy with me because you took a job that you don't like." "Yeah... Like I just thought it would be more, you know! I mean the money is nice. It's nothing earth-shattering but it's enough to buy me those trips we both know I love-" "Oh boy! Remember the last time, when you ate that apple after-" "Oh trust me, I remember." "So what do you hate about it?" "Exactly what you said. Wrestling isn't important anymore. Nobody cares about it. Do you know what that means? Nobody is going to care about ME. I'm supposed to be in the spotlight, and I thought I was when I took this job. Then I realized... I'm going to be another nobody! Look up the GCW roster and tell me a SINGLE name you recognize. Seriously, pull out your phone right now and look it up." "Hmm, I believe you." "No, look it up. I'm proving something here." After giving a Guinness Book sized eye-roll, Danielle pulls out her iPhone with a bedazzled pink case. "So what am I looking up again?" "Go to GCW.com and go to the roster page." "Hmm, alright." A few moments of swiping and clicking the screen go by, and then there's a slow scroll. "Ooh! You get to do stuff with Kevin Smith! He's big!" "One, wrong Kevin Smith. Two, you think that me fighting some nerdy fat-ass is going to get me in the spotlight?" "Maybe with those Comic-Con fans. After all those failed films that's the only reason Scarlet JoHan is still in business." "Keep scrolling." "Yeah... these are nobodies." "All of these guys are going to be piggybacking off of MY modeling career. It's not supposed to be like that! I'm supposed to be the one benefiting from this, not those guys! And have you clicked on any of their pages? They're all just so... Ugly!" "Yuh know, it's only a matter of time before-" "Stop that thought." "I'm just sayin'! You're rolling around with all these ugly people, eventually the agents are going to start calling you ugly!" "That will NEVER happen. Do you understand Danielle? I will NEVER.... Say it after me... NEVER be anything less than Pretty!" "Yeah, yeah." "Say it!" "You're making a pretty big deal over nothing..." "You're talking about my appearance, and my appearance is not nothing. Do you hear me woman?" "I hear you." "So say it." "Say what?" "Say I will never be anything less than pretty." "Ugh. You, Samuel Hassoff, will never be anything less than pretty." "Good." "You know, you overreact sometimes." "I react perfectly fine to everything. If I didn't act the way I did, I wouldn't be Samuel Hassoff." "I swear, honey, you gotta be able to back that shit up when you get to this... GCW... 'Cause I ain't gonna kick your ass. They will." "Do you hear yourself speak?" "Have you ever wrestled in a ring?" "For your information Danielle, I've got a very intensive wrestling training program I've already started." "Oh yeah? Who's training you?" "Quite frankly I don't feel I'm allowed to say." "Well, you think a few weeks in a ring is going to make you some badass?" "Honey, look at me: I'm already a badass. More specifically, a handsome one. My training program is for a few months, and I'll still be doing it going into my debut. But you know what Rowdy Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan had that these nobodies today don't?" "Hmm?" "The Look! Sure, they may not have been the prettiest men alive like myself, but if you watch those matches, you'll see it's not about just throwing punches and rolling around. It's about the LOOK! And honey, I have it." "Oh, I know you do. You can thank me for a piece of it." "Look at me! I think my Body-Fat Percentage is in the negatives! I've got the look that's going to put me way ahead of these forget-me-nots. I've already got the look of the star!" "So you think looking good isn't going to stop you from gettin' your ass beat?" "Well, it certainly will help!" "Hon', have you ever been in a fight?" "Well no but-" "What's going to happen when one of those big guys throws a fist right at your perfect jaw-line?" "Well, with my training that'll be the first thing I learn. Protecting my money-maker is my first priority." "God you are a pu-" "Don't say it!" "Yeah, yeah. I know you have a weird thing with that word." "It's just a disgusting word. That word is not nearly as pretty as the possible substitutes. Only degenerates pick that one!" "Fine. You're a coward." "But am I pretty?" "You're the Prettiest Coward." "That's all that matters, Danielle." |
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8:51 PM Jul 10