| Sam's Smashed Statement; Seshmaster attempts to string together a coherent sentence about his Venom appearance. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 4 2017, 11:19 PM (22 Views) | |
| Seshmaster Sam | Dec 4 2017, 11:19 PM Post #1 |
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A shoddy phone camera quality is what the viewers get at the start of this one. It shows the inside of a flat bedroom, with a broken blind at the window, clothes strewn everywhere, and bottles of various alcoholic beverages lining the shelves on the walls. A wooden chair, with one of the arms hastily taped on, is facing the phone. A figure stumbles into view of the camera, semi-swaying to the muffled sounds of Camila Cabello's “Havana”, being played in the kitchen area outside, inferring there's a flat party in full swing right now. Lazily clunking down a cider (or hard cider for you Americans out there) onto the nearby desk, underneath the shelves, Seshmaster Sam relaxes himself into the chair. He begins to speak, slurring his words a little as he does. Well! So it uh, it would appear to me, it does seem to me, indeeeeeed, that I am on – I've been – I'm on Venom! That's uh, that's the one what has y'man on it. The guy, whatsisface, slimmer guy with the slick hair and the – CHAD BOWENS! Sam yells that name at full velocity, shaking the camera a bit. The door to the room opens offscreen, increasing the background music's volume, and a female voice is heard, directed at Sam, itself being quite loud due to the ongoing party atmosphere. The voice is unmistakeably Scouse, and as slurred and unthoughtful as Sesh's. Ey Sam, you alright in here? I just – I heard ya yell summat! Yeah, uh, I'm all Gucci here, Amy. Heheh. Guuuucci! Guuuuuuucci! Well alright Sam, I'll let ya do yer thing! And with that almost incoherent conversation, Amy leaves, closing the door behind her, muffling “Havana” once again. It takes a while for Sam to notice the camera again and get back to his promo, but that time eventually comes and Sam steadies himself. Slightly. Yeah, so uh, where was I at? I know I was talking about Venom and that guy what runs it – ah yeah! Chad! Now, personally I ain't had a problem with Chad so I can't say what's doing with that, but hopefully this whole thingummy will stop whatever's going on backstage from going on and we can focus on enjoying wrissle-wrassling again! And I think that's what's important, eh? Just some people wrisslin' there and – and wrasslin' there, and I think that's what – the thing that people wanna see, you know? Not people tryna murder each other over who had the last Jaffa Cake or whatever it was, I dunno. Buuuut anyway! A-nee-way-uh! I'm on Venom, opening up! That's quite nice, isn't it? Being the opener on a brand new show, that's really cool! I'm uh, I'm honoured really. And I'm up against some guy, James Crews was it? Yeah, think that were him. Ain't that one of the guys that strange man in a suit goes around chaperoning like some sort of overseer of the darkness? Mister Rundlefridge or whatever? He weirds me out a little. I hope he's not gonna be at ringside. But uh, let's take this back. Back, bickity back to James the mainframes Crews, the guy with some screws loose – nah wait, that's me! Hah. Yeah, so I'm a bit of an oddball. So what? I just love the sesh! The sesh is the way I roll! You gotta enjoy it, else what are ya doing? And Crews, you look like a man in need of a sesh! Mate, you come round here I'll get ya some – I'll buy Kopparbergs, I'll be – you're gonna enjoy the hell out of it, we've – there's a bunch of great – really great people here as well, you'd love em, we got uh, we got everything! Trust me, it's better than being lead like some kind of broken horse by a geezer with strange facial hair and eyes that could poison a chalice, I tell ya. But uh, it's up to you, Crewsie! I hope we have a good ol' contest, you and I, and you know, I hope I win but sometimes that ain't the way the wind bloweth, but hey! I'll deal with it. Drink it off, come back stronger, haha! Seshmaster puts on a strange, deep voice, as if quoting something from a film about gladiators, or something similar. He clasps his hands together, raising them above his head like an imaginary sword. “By the power invested in me through the God of Mixed Fruit Ciders, Kopp-R-Berg, I will return and smite thee down with drunken vengeance! Hyaaaah!” Sam swings his hands down vertically on “Hyaaaah”, and laughs to himself as he unclasps his hands. The background music has changed now, to Kaiser Chiefs' “Ruby”. Upon hearing this change, 'The Life of the Party' springs up from the chair and starts to leave the room, swinging his hands in the air uncontrollably and bobbing his head from side to side. He starts singing along to himself Da-da-daaa! Da-da- Oh hang on, nearly forgot! Dafty me. Stumbling sounds are heard behind the camera, as Seshmaster Sam clumsily stops the recording on the phone. |
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3:28 PM Jul 11