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 Cameron
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22 Jul 2008, 05:26 PM |
Administratinator
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A Very Modest Proposal I was recently pondering the issue of gun control. As the bumper sticker says, “Guns don’t kill people; people kill people.” Simply banning guns won’t stop the violence. After some thought, I came to a solution that I am certain will solve the problem: ban people. This would effectively relieve us of all murderers, robbers, and even potential criminals. It would also conveniently get rid of the victims, making sure that those who want to do evil won’t have anyone to do it to. No more temptation. This would also solve a whole host of other problems. No more social security crisis. No more wars. No more government corruption. No more frivolous lawsuits. In fact, the only problems that won’t be solved immediately will be the environmental concerns, and I doubt anyone will debate the fact that banning people is the quickest way to restore the natural order. Now, some of you may object to this plan on the basis of the fact that you don’t want to be banned. Personally, it is this sort of selfish behavior that necessitates these drastic measures in the first place. If each individual consents to giving up his existence, we’ll all be better off. Of course, this is the simple path. Most people won’t accept such a sharp change, so this will have to be done in degrees. So I’ve decided to chart a more realistic and gradual plan for self-extinction. First off is the process of increasing the use of capital punishment. Do you really think the jerk who keeps parking in the handicapped spot deserves to live? And while we’re at it, let’s make all crimes carry the death penalty. If it doesn’t get rid of the people, it will at least bring an end to the horrible wave of jaywalking and loitering that has been plaguing our nation. We could also stop idiot-proofing our society. Let’s just take off all the warning labels, remove all the safeguards, and let natural selection work its magic. To help speed things up, we can lower the minimum drinking age to three and make handguns mandatory. Also, we can also change the mission statements for some of our public works. For instance, if you take a fire truck and fill the tank with napalm instead of water you have a whole new twist on the outdated notion of a “fire” department. Or consider all the WMD that we have stashed somewhere, just gathering dust. Your parents always taught you not to be wasteful, and you wouldn’t want to disappoint them would you? I thought not. All this I consider the easiest way of solving our problems. Sure, the sissies will come up with stupid ideas like “talking out our differences” or “sharing responsibility.” Personally, I think when you compare their ideas to mine, you’ll know which one is the right choice. |
Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.
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| A Very Modest Proposal · Cameron | |
9:17 AM Nov 27
