Viewing Single Post From: untitled

Viewing Single Post From: untitled
ARAZEC	9 Aug 2008, 04:27 PM
This Person Has No Life Posts: 4,077 Group: Members Member #48 Joined: 18 June 2008	i live in a big white house across from the ocean. when i go out my front door i can see the ocean but it looks black everyday. i am tired,so very,very tired i dont know how long i will be able to stay here because soon i will have not money to pay the rent.i do not know where we will go.my daughter asks me daily for a red leotard i can not afford for a musical i wont be able to see. when my children talk to me i can hear them but it sounds far away. i am always walking they run along side me hoping to get through my thoughts that are looking for solutions that dont exsist. today somebody might ask me to sit and rest instead of overting their eyes...... i wish i could sleep. but it never comes the friends and those that said they love watch me curiously waiting for me to die.so that they can salvage for themselves a profit from my lifes work.they wait. people talk to me about self worth-saying it is true....that i have it then why dosnt this body have even the desire to feed itself? and why wont it sleep? the comiseraters come with their looks of concern ready to refer,and to refer and to refer to someone else.my life is a consant referal with no one who will help. my enemies crouch ready to destroy me. i am someone betrayed. those that i trusted with my interests plot to quicken my end,in my time of weakness they benefit themselves. the thing that hurts the most is that you had no joy in life.the harder i tried the more your hatred of me grew.i wish that i could have made you happy that hurt me more than any blow to my body. you say that you love me. i dont even love myself you ask can i ever forgive you that its your fault i forgave you daily you say you cant bear to live without me but i am no longer here you ask is there ever a chance again but you already killed me sometimes i can cuddle our children they feel warm and soft and i smile i remember i am still alive and that we are alone and i am so tired so very,very tired. when it is all over there will be nothing left they will take everything the last cent they wont stop. they will take my means for providing for myself and the children and it all. there will be nothing left you say you dont care for material things that you lived with the homeless and in your car when you went. i tried to keep it all going but i failed while u were gone i was stuck i begged for help and cried but i couldnt go into work i had to be their mother. they wouldnt tell me anything from there -i begged.they would give me a puzzle with pieces that were not enough. and money they needed money slowly the money disappeared untill i had nothing left to give. i paid their wages with my credit card so they could profit themselves. you have changed now you say you left so you could be a better man but my eyes cant see anymore and the corners of my mouth wont stop bleeding there are ways to take the pain away but those are not options i can not take all the while the shadows taunt me and call soon the sun will come up and i will have work to do here we are alone here but i dont know for how long we can stay. i am so tired,so very very tired. i do not know where we will go we have no one who could take us in.
	OTTOR never BE SORRY

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