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| Tao Spin; short story | |
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| Topic Started: 15 Jul 2008, 03:04 PM (541 Views) | |
 Cameron
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15 Jul 2008, 03:04 PM Post #1 |
Administratinator
  ![]](http://209.85.117.197/static/1/pip_r.png)
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Tao Spin Greetings. My name is Chao Ling. I am a monk, dedicated to an ancient monastic order that serves the Tao. For millennia we have strived to maintain the balance between yin and yang, light and shadow, good and evil. Eight years ago, I was inducted into the order as a full member. Since then I have fought several battles to protect the world when the forces of evil threatened the balance. One day my master summoned me to his chambers. “As those who work for harmony in this world, who serve the Tao wholehearted, we cannot allow individuals to upset the balance of good and evil in this world. There is now a new threat to that balance. This time, it is the forces of good that need to be stopped. If they are allowed to continue in their righteous ways, the earth will be plunged into ten thousand years of light and goodness.” I was shocked and a thousand questions came to mind but I waited in respectful silence for the master to continue. “Brother Ling, I know this is your first quest, but I have faith you will be able to carry it out. “Master Fong, what happened to Brother Zhong? I would have thought him more worthy of this task, though I do not question your judgment, only wish to understand.” “Brother Zhong has… has fallen of the path.” “I see.” “The reason I have brought you here is that a man named Brennan Young has discovered a portal to the heavenly realms. He threatens to unleash a horde of celestial beings that will go around spreading joy and happiness across the globe. This cannot be allowed to happen. He is in a basement of a building called the ‘Manneheim Office Complex’ somewhere in New York. The Tao will guide your way.” I sat on the floor and meditated, opening my mind to the Tao. I immediately became aware of a third presence in the room. “Who is this?” I said, startled. A black shape detached itself from the shadows and took the form of a young woman dressed in black. “That is a ninja. She is a servant of the darkness and she will help you when doing what is evil becomes difficult for one so accustomed to good.” “I will accept her help.” Inwardly, I rebelled against Master Fong’s choice, though I knew that in my youth I must be mistaken. Ninja were normally our mortal enemies. I would rather team up with a swine than one of those shinobi. Still, there would be time for questions later. I opened my mind to the Tao once again and got a vision of the location I would be heading to. I opened a portal and pulled both me and the ninja to New York, picking a location that was as close as I could determine the source of the goodness would be. We faded into an alleyway unnoticed and stepped out onto the sidewalk. The transition from inside a monastery to the middle of a cityscape sprawling with skyscrapers took getting used to. I began walking down the sidewalk, heading the direction the Tao guided and she followed. I turned to my companion and got a closer look at her. She was white, not Chinese like me. Then I began to notice other things. “How old are you?” “Seventeen. Why?” “That seems a little young to be a servant of darkness.” “Nah. They’re going into high schools all the time these days. They say slaughter’s a young person’s game these days.” “You’d think they’d go someplace with more cruelty and suffering,” I said. “Such as?” “I see your point. I notice your accent seems to match this country quite well. Are you from this city ?” “Nah, I’m a Midwesterner. Say you speak English pretty good. It’s nice too ‘cause I was having trouble keeping up with you guys and your Chinese back at that shack thing.” “Interesting that you refer to our sacred monastery as a ‘shack thing.’ The Tao grants me an intuitive grasp of all languages. I simply do not wish to stand out in this crowd.” A shout came from behind us, a man who had apparently been drinking too much. “Hey baldy, nice pajamas you got there. And who’s your girlfriend, Miss Goth Queen there. Hey baby, why don’t you dump squinty eyes and hook up with me.” I heard a whoosh and felt her leave my side. There was a quick scream and she returned. “Did you just kill an innocent bystander because he was annoying you?” I asked. “No.” “You’ve got blood on your katana.” “Thanks.” She wiped it off on a nearby pedestrian and sheathed the blade. “My name is Chao Ling. I don’t believe we were introduced.” “I’m Laura Zeigler.” We came to a park and I sat on a bench, assuming the lotus position. “Whacha doin’?” she asked. “I am meditating once again to find the way to the Manneheim Office Complex. Please do not distract me.” “Okay.” I emptied my mind. I felt nothing, saw nothing, and heard nothing. With the slight exception of Laura saying “So, whaddya wanna do after this is over? I say we do some more evil. Gotta make sure that balance is maintained, right. We could bitch slap some nuns. We could go destroy all copies of the game Portal. We could make another High School Musical video. We could hack Steve Jobs’ computer and install Windows Vista. Oh, we could kill everyone!” “Are you seeking simply to annoy me or does your conversation serve another purpose.” “Um, first one.” “I see.” Against my better judgment I aimed a chop at a pressure point in her neck, which would knock her unconscious. If I had to begin perpetrating evil at some point, I might as well get used to it. Her reaction time was better than I expected and her skill with nunchaku quite remarkable. After she finished tying me up, I was able to once again regain my focus. Momentarily. “So, you’re looking for a building that says ‘Manneheim Office Complex.’ right?” she said. “Yes, a task you are making most difficult.” “It look anything like that building across the street?” I opened my eyes. “Yes, that would be it. If you release me we can continue our journey.” “No touching the ninja.” “Yes, no touching the ninja.” “All right.” She untied me and we came to the front of the building. It was almost nightfall, and the building was closed. And locked. I moved to break a window when her hand shot out stopping me. “They’ve got zillions of security systems,” she said. “You are wise. I had not considered that. Can you deactivate them without being detected.” “Please. I am ninja.” She faded into the shadows and I sat there and waited. Looking at a nearby clock on an electronic display sign I saw five minutes pass, then ten, then fifteen. Finally, after half an hour, she opened the front door from the inside. “All taken care of,” she said. “What took you so long?” “I got side-tracked. No biggie.” “I see. And did this side-tracking involve killing all of the guards?” “No.” “You’ve got blood on your tanto.” “Yeah, and I’m out of shiruken. Sometimes life sucks. You wanna get in here?” “Certainly.” “And I only killed most of the guards. There’s still a few left, so be careful.” We made our way to the basement. Upon exploring the bottom level, we came across a figure standing in a doorway with the light shining out from behind him. I recognized even his silhouette. “Brother Zhong. What are you doing. Master Fong said you fell off the path.” “Brother, Ling, I did not fall off. I walked off. I am committed to doing good now. No one can stop me.” Laura interrupted, “Chao can defeat you. I’ve seen him. He has a true warrior’s heart. Once he make it the focus of his fighting, nothing can stop him.” “Thank you,” I said. “I don’t know whether her words are true or not, but I know that good must be defeated and therefore I must fight you. Whether I win or lose, that for the Tao to decide.” Very well, the terms are: if I defeat you in a fight to the death then you allow us to pass and stop the man we seek. If I fail, then Laura and I will leave, never to interfere with your plans again. Do you accept these terms.” “Yes." “With the terms accepted the fight begins.” We exchanged punches, chops, blocks, and kicks. My wushu was strong, his stronger. As the battle progressed I realized he was a stronger opponent. But I slowly realized that I could incorporate the craftiness and stealth of my ninja companion. As a monk of the Tao, I realized that such a balanced approach would be superior. And eventually the fight ended, with brother Zhong flat on the floor, barely able to move and me, covered with bruises, but still able to stand. “Wow,” said Laura. “You beat him. I was hoping to see him whoop your ass, but that was much more fun.” “Wait, you said I had a true warrior’s heart and that nothing could stop me.” “Yeah, and you bought it.” “What made you so certain the other monk would win?” “Oh, he beat me a couple years ago. If you hadn’t won now, I would’ve had to use my ninja arts to blow this joint.” “And our mission would remain uncompleted.” “Not exactly. I’m in the summoning room, come on in.” I did. “Where is Brennan Young?” I asked. “I thought he would be in this room.” She pointed up. Duct taped to the ceiling was the man we sought. “While I was waiting for you baldies to fight I took care of a few things,” she said. “Excellent,” I said, “now all we have to do is find the portal and destroy it before anything comes through." She handed me something like a sledgehammer. “What’s this,” I asked. “War hammer.” “Why do you have such a weapon in your arsenal? Never mind. How are you carrying such an item? “I am ninja.” “Right. Forget I asked.” I hefted the object and looked at the portal, a stone circle with mysterious runes carved on it. Without delay I smashed it repeatedly until I was certain that it would never be used again. “What now?” she asked. “Well, I sense the Tao is still off balance. Regretably, we may have to perpetrate more evil. Do you have any ideas.” “Lemme think. Hmm… Okay, we’ll need a really big catapult and a box of ferrets. Now we take the ferrets…” The End
Edited by Cameron, 21 Jul 2008, 05:53 PM.
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Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.
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Cameron
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15 Jul 2008, 03:09 PM Post #2 |
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Administratinator
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You may notice the main characters in this story are not Christians. Taoism believes that a balance of good and evil must be maintained. I don't agree with that, and this story illustrates one of the things that can go wrong when you believe a philosophy that isn't in line with God's truth. Mostly, however, it's an excuse to have fun. Never take one of my humorous stories too seriously. Only bad things can come from it. |
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Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.
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| ARAZEC | 15 Jul 2008, 09:38 PM Post #3 |
This Person Has No Life
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 almost  pretty polished work cant be just a quick thinglike the banter between characters and the part when she ties him up but it works to his advantage. hope u dont mind feedback in the form of critique not that it would stop me if you do mind just hoping u dont Edited by ARAZEC, 15 Jul 2008, 09:47 PM.
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OTTOR BE SORRY | |
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Cameron
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17 Jul 2008, 05:15 PM Post #4 |
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Administratinator
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You can critique me pretty hard, harder than you would anyone else on these forums. I know how much I can take and I'm accustomed to people finding ways I can improve my work. It's part of what my writing professor has us do. |
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Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.
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Blaze
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17 Jul 2008, 09:22 PM Post #5 |
Health: 600/600
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The dialogue moves a little too quickly. Here's an example of how you could improve it: “What’s this,” I asked, puzzled. “War hammer.” She replied, like it was obvious a ninja would be carrying around a War hammer. “But...why do you have such a weapon in your arsenal?", I continued. She simply blinked at me, leaving me in no doubt as to my intelligence in her eyes. Sighing, I surrendered. "Never mind. How are you carrying such an item?" Obviously beginning to get annoyed at my stupidity, she glared at me and replied, "“I am ninja.” I must begin writing my own short story. Must think of topic! Also, very nice idea. However, I don't believe this is an accurate representation of the idea of balance between light and dark. Or maybe I've read WAY to much Sin War. All this "Cult of Rathma" ideology getting in my head >.< I need to stop talking about Diablo on these forums too. Edited by Blaze, 17 Jul 2008, 09:32 PM.
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"One day we'll get married. What do you think of that? My best man will be Harry. Your bridesmaid will be your cat!" -Ron Puppet | |
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| ARAZEC | 18 Jul 2008, 03:04 AM Post #6 |
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This Person Has No Life
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nah disagree the pace of the conversation is perfect the quick exchange is part of what makes it humourous for me i agree with blaze regarding the balance of light and dark for me its not so much thats its not an accurate representation as this is subjective the main thing for me that didnt fit was that the idea and irony didnt match the subject content. perhaps i have a sterotypical view of the target auidence of the storey? GRADE B MINUS Proff Arazec |
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OTTOR BE SORRY | |
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Blaze
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18 Jul 2008, 08:54 AM Post #7 |
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Yeah, the people who follow "Balance" don't try to alter it themselves, they just subtly help whichever side needs more power. For instance, let's say Obama is a "Balance" person. To preserve the balance, he would lower gas prices, but he might concentrate more on "at home" issues, and let Al Qida regain some of their footing. Even that example is a bit radical for that ideology. |
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"One day we'll get married. What do you think of that? My best man will be Harry. Your bridesmaid will be your cat!" -Ron Puppet | |
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Cameron
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21 Jul 2008, 05:55 PM Post #8 |
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Administratinator
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Oh, and how was my use of ninja terms. Could everyone follow that? Shiruken, tanto, nunchaku, and all that? If not knowing what those exact weapons are, I hope everyone could at least follow the story and realize that I was talking about ninja weapons. If you paused and thought "What's he talking about? Is this important?" then I need to change my terms. |
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Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.
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Blaze
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21 Jul 2008, 08:30 PM Post #9 |
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Health: 600/600
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I recognized Shiruken, and I could've guessed tanto and nunchaku. I wouldn't have come up with warhammer though. |
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"One day we'll get married. What do you think of that? My best man will be Harry. Your bridesmaid will be your cat!" -Ron Puppet | |
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| Petal | 22 Jul 2008, 04:38 AM Post #10 |
Horned Rogue
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the terms were consistent so i guess thats really the important thing. its obvious what they were weapons/tactics and any deeper meaning from speacifics is a bonus to the discerning reader i didnt get a bonus was there some to get? Edited by Petal, 22 Jul 2008, 04:41 AM.
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Cameron
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22 Jul 2008, 04:49 PM Post #11 |
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Not really. The only real thing I was doing with that was that she never used the same weapon twice. And still, I had plenty of ninja weapons left. Ninja Gaiden has a warhammer as one of the weapons you can use. |
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Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.
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| ARAZEC | 23 Jul 2008, 11:58 AM Post #12 |
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This Person Has No Life
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O |
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OTTOR BE SORRY | |
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Blaze
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23 Jul 2008, 02:49 PM Post #13 |
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o? Is that a grade or something? ...critisicm is not the same thing as a grade. Reading class taught me that. I got a C+ on some drawing assignment just because the teacher thought "I could do better." I can't. Drawing is not my strong point. What irritates me more is I aced the writing portion of the assignment. |
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"One day we'll get married. What do you think of that? My best man will be Harry. Your bridesmaid will be your cat!" -Ron Puppet | |
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| ARAZEC | 23 Jul 2008, 08:37 PM Post #14 |
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This Person Has No Life
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yes agree my o was an expression now my right click is not working |
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OTTOR BE SORRY | |
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Cameron
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24 Jul 2008, 04:53 PM Post #15 |
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Administratinator
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The non-right-click virus is spreading. |
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Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.
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5:09 AM Nov 23
