A Very Modest Proposal

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A Very Modest Proposal; humorous non-fiction
Topic Started: 22 Jul 2008, 05:26 PM (730 Views)
Cameron	22 Jul 2008, 05:26 PM Post #1
Administratinator Posts: 1,740 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: 20 December 2007	A Very Modest Proposal I was recently pondering the issue of gun control. As the bumper sticker says, “Guns don’t kill people; people kill people.” Simply banning guns won’t stop the violence. After some thought, I came to a solution that I am certain will solve the problem: ban people. This would effectively relieve us of all murderers, robbers, and even potential criminals. It would also conveniently get rid of the victims, making sure that those who want to do evil won’t have anyone to do it to. No more temptation. This would also solve a whole host of other problems. No more social security crisis. No more wars. No more government corruption. No more frivolous lawsuits. In fact, the only problems that won’t be solved immediately will be the environmental concerns, and I doubt anyone will debate the fact that banning people is the quickest way to restore the natural order. Now, some of you may object to this plan on the basis of the fact that you don’t want to be banned. Personally, it is this sort of selfish behavior that necessitates these drastic measures in the first place. If each individual consents to giving up his existence, we’ll all be better off. Of course, this is the simple path. Most people won’t accept such a sharp change, so this will have to be done in degrees. So I’ve decided to chart a more realistic and gradual plan for self-extinction. First off is the process of increasing the use of capital punishment. Do you really think the jerk who keeps parking in the handicapped spot deserves to live? And while we’re at it, let’s make all crimes carry the death penalty. If it doesn’t get rid of the people, it will at least bring an end to the horrible wave of jaywalking and loitering that has been plaguing our nation. We could also stop idiot-proofing our society. Let’s just take off all the warning labels, remove all the safeguards, and let natural selection work its magic. To help speed things up, we can lower the minimum drinking age to three and make handguns mandatory. Also, we can also change the mission statements for some of our public works. For instance, if you take a fire truck and fill the tank with napalm instead of water you have a whole new twist on the outdated notion of a “fire” department. Or consider all the WMD that we have stashed somewhere, just gathering dust. Your parents always taught you not to be wasteful, and you wouldn’t want to disappoint them would you? I thought not. All this I consider the easiest way of solving our problems. Sure, the sissies will come up with stupid ideas like “talking out our differences” or “sharing responsibility.” Personally, I think when you compare their ideas to mine, you’ll know which one is the right choice.
	Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.


ARAZEC	23 Jul 2008, 10:13 AM Post #2
This Person Has No Life Posts: 4,049 Group: Members Member #48 Joined: 18 June 2008	for some reason strange reason the first 3/4 of this piece bears a strange resemblence to your description of college why ?
	OTTOR never BE SORRY


Blaze	23 Jul 2008, 02:44 PM Post #3
Health: 600/600 Posts: 1,574 Group: Admin Member #8 Joined: 6 January 2008	This is the best idea since one of Colbert's stating that we need to start eating endangered animals (and it makes sense, because you don't see cows going extinct.) Your idea makes sense too. I've always thought that humans will never evolve because we've effectively stopped natural selection. I mean, with a laboratory, we could create a breed of water-breathing humans by simply dunking a bunch of men and women in a tank of water, and then breeding the man and woman who survives the longest. Better yet, make it so only college grads can have babies. That's probably a more humane way of reinstating Natural Selection xD
	"One day we'll get married. What do you think of that? My best man will be Harry. Your bridesmaid will be your cat!" -Ron Puppet


Cameron	24 Jul 2008, 04:55 PM Post #4
Administratinator Posts: 1,740 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: 20 December 2007	Blaze 23 Jul 2008, 02:44 PM This is the best idea since one of Colbert's stating that we need to start eating endangered animals (and it makes sense, because you don't see cows going extinct.) Your idea makes sense too. I've always thought that humans will never evolve because we've effectively stopped natural selection. I mean, with a laboratory, we could create a breed of water-breathing humans by simply dunking a bunch of men and women in a tank of water, and then breeding the man and woman who survives the longest. Better yet, make it so only college grads can have babies. That's probably a more humane way of reinstating Natural Selection xD Meh. I know a lot of college grads. Most of them shouldn't be breeding.
	Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.


ARAZEC	24 Jul 2008, 07:08 PM Post #5
This Person Has No Life Posts: 4,049 Group: Members Member #48 Joined: 18 June 2008	did you meet them in the unemployment queue ? oh how i wish i could be as creative with compliments fortunately our exsistence dosnt depend on a scientific theory that can be demonstrated as a natural phenonem but cant possibly prove the evolution theory phew ! glad i graduated from uni not college !
	OTTOR never BE SORRY


stnkychesman	30 Jul 2008, 02:15 PM Post #6
Mud Vile Posts: 388 Group: Members Member #64 Joined: 27 July 2008	just simply banning people wont solve everything we have already tampered with the earth too much that our world NEEDS us to help restore it besides, if people werent around, there would be no more procreation of humans, thus bringing less souls into the world for God to judge, meaning less damnation, but also less salvation by banning people (essentially killing everyone) we would be commiting mortal sins where everyone who goes willingly under false pretenses would result in damnation and suffering for everyone ur talking about another holy war where we kill people for our religion this kind of thinking is why humanity always has a little bit of Satan's influence on our lives, where people will live for this life in moderate insecurity and only eternal death and suffering awaits them
	"You helped our nation celebrate its bicentennial in 17 -- 1976." --George W. Bush, to Queen Elizabeth, Washington, D.C., May 7, 2007 george bush when he gives a speech: "Iraq...problems of our world...defend ourselves...North Korea...Our economy is doing fine..." George bush negotiating with North Korea: "Warheads...danger to our world...trade agreements...hippies smoking pot...ur mom...scrabble..." North Korea: "What the #$&% u saying?!!?? I kick yo @$$ in Scrabble!!!!!"


stnkychesman	30 Jul 2008, 02:21 PM Post #7
Mud Vile Posts: 388 Group: Members Member #64 Joined: 27 July 2008	simply the idea of this genocide is a sin, and once we destroy all mankind, the world will have no beings on our plane of existence to take care of the world Genesis 1:27-30 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." 29 And God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was so. Genesis 3:22,23 22 Then the LORD God said, "Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, lest he put forth his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever" -- 23 therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from which he was taken. -http://www.bibleontheweb.com/Bible.asp
	"You helped our nation celebrate its bicentennial in 17 -- 1976." --George W. Bush, to Queen Elizabeth, Washington, D.C., May 7, 2007 george bush when he gives a speech: "Iraq...problems of our world...defend ourselves...North Korea...Our economy is doing fine..." George bush negotiating with North Korea: "Warheads...danger to our world...trade agreements...hippies smoking pot...ur mom...scrabble..." North Korea: "What the #$&% u saying?!!?? I kick yo @$$ in Scrabble!!!!!"


Cameron	30 Jul 2008, 06:15 PM Post #8
Administratinator Posts: 1,740 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: 20 December 2007	This is not meant to be taken seriously. I tried to make it sarcastic and unbelievable. I also named it after Johnathan Swift's A Modest Proposal, in which he recommends eating babies as a means of reducing poverty, as a joke not as a serious proposal.
	Note that Cameron is not Patrick and does not run Godlimations.


stnkychesman	30 Jul 2008, 07:01 PM Post #9
Mud Vile Posts: 388 Group: Members Member #64 Joined: 27 July 2008	yaaah... just the idea burns me up...sorry
	"You helped our nation celebrate its bicentennial in 17 -- 1976." --George W. Bush, to Queen Elizabeth, Washington, D.C., May 7, 2007 george bush when he gives a speech: "Iraq...problems of our world...defend ourselves...North Korea...Our economy is doing fine..." George bush negotiating with North Korea: "Warheads...danger to our world...trade agreements...hippies smoking pot...ur mom...scrabble..." North Korea: "What the #$&% u saying?!!?? I kick yo @$$ in Scrabble!!!!!"


ARAZEC	1 Aug 2008, 07:54 AM Post #10
This Person Has No Life Posts: 4,049 Group: Members Member #48 Joined: 18 June 2008	srry about that stinky sometimes Drunken can be quite aggressive. espeacially since he is associating his work with an almost impossible (unless u sit in the same lecture hall) adjacent piece not at all commonly known to his auidience Drunken- i am not being disrespectfull to the piece however personally i found it uninteresting and unoriginal Stinky- on the other hand your "burning" was captivating and "sincere" something the writer you were responding to has yet to demonstrate at least on this forums stories. now anyone reading this may have noticed the loyalty that exsists within the forum in regard to artwork in any form,which is great,however it also tells much about the personality of the forums creators. it is also interesting how and why this forum was created and what its purpose is? perhaps supporting Patricks work can be defined to include how? the answer may tell you why so many people join and never post or stay active for long- Drunken- and if you dont agree or want to ban me go right ahead its typical of the dictatorship u so proudly weild please dont hide behind your sarcasim with that one because its often the fruit of a very deep root. now this of course is just what i think and is no way an attack on you as a person just an opinion by an uneducated expert which may differ from the one you hold.
	OTTOR never BE SORRY


stnkychesman	1 Aug 2008, 06:26 PM Post #11
Mud Vile Posts: 388 Group: Members Member #64 Joined: 27 July 2008	i made three posts about this: ... ... USE SOME FRICKING COMMAS! please
	"You helped our nation celebrate its bicentennial in 17 -- 1976." --George W. Bush, to Queen Elizabeth, Washington, D.C., May 7, 2007 george bush when he gives a speech: "Iraq...problems of our world...defend ourselves...North Korea...Our economy is doing fine..." George bush negotiating with North Korea: "Warheads...danger to our world...trade agreements...hippies smoking pot...ur mom...scrabble..." North Korea: "What the #$&% u saying?!!?? I kick yo @$$ in Scrabble!!!!!"


ARAZEC	2 Aug 2008, 03:41 AM Post #12
This Person Has No Life Posts: 4,049 Group: Members Member #48 Joined: 18 June 2008	my previous post was like an idiom to make a point. theres nothing that i hate more than indifference so regardless of missing the intention of the storey stinky was passionate love and hate involve strong feelings of emotion but indifference dosent care. being lukewarm or indifferent will ultimately rob you of passion and limit ur potential-dont apologize about ur convictions ,,,,,(that was for anyone in general as i think stinky was apologising for not realising the storey was not meant to be taken seriously) that all.,,,,,,,,....,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Edited by ARAZEC, 2 Aug 2008, 03:48 AM.
	OTTOR never BE SORRY


Blaze	2 Aug 2008, 09:50 AM Post #13
Health: 600/600 Posts: 1,574 Group: Admin Member #8 Joined: 6 January 2008	"And so Guliver sold his children to the horey-hyms in exchange for the finest grain." I need to read that book again. Not for the lilliputian part, but for the horey-hym (I think that's what they were called) part. THAT, was a cool part of the story.
	"One day we'll get married. What do you think of that? My best man will be Harry. Your bridesmaid will be your cat!" -Ron Puppet


stnkychesman	2 Aug 2008, 10:33 AM Post #14
Mud Vile Posts: 388 Group: Members Member #64 Joined: 27 July 2008	im not naive only a truly evil person would think to do something like this Drunken's not evil, in case u didnt know besides, drunken is a GOOD guy, as in another follower of God (i hope) the thing is that i have heard this kind of topic before, though i have not answered it, where my immediate reaction has caused me to become incredibly angry at the idea and find many ways to contradict this topic on why it is our responsibility to preserve the earth, so that it may last til the sun burns out, or even longer, and the creatures upon it may be preserved ...(dammit! i rambled! hope arazec doesn't look up this post!) btw arazec (dammit) dont always agree with me, unless its ur true ideology each person is an individual temple of God which must be respected, and is individually different in every way to everyone else, so dont be afraid to voice ur own opinion rather than simply trying to agree over and over to get on someone's good side im not the kind of person who likes a butt-kisser Edited by stnkychesman, 2 Aug 2008, 10:36 AM.
	"You helped our nation celebrate its bicentennial in 17 -- 1976." --George W. Bush, to Queen Elizabeth, Washington, D.C., May 7, 2007 george bush when he gives a speech: "Iraq...problems of our world...defend ourselves...North Korea...Our economy is doing fine..." George bush negotiating with North Korea: "Warheads...danger to our world...trade agreements...hippies smoking pot...ur mom...scrabble..." North Korea: "What the #$&% u saying?!!?? I kick yo @$$ in Scrabble!!!!!"


Bob	2 Aug 2008, 02:32 PM Post #15
Crab King Posts: 53 Group: Members Member #24 Joined: 9 February 2008	uuh, wow, I was going to write something witty, but after that extended argument I'm at a loss. I thought the story was funny, usually only people with sticks in...an awkward place...don't find humor in satire. Oh well.
	You may feel alone when you're falling asleep, and every time tears roll down your cheek. But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet. ~DCFC


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