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Redo Pages; Because the intro needs fixing!!1
Topic Started: Jul 11 2009, 06:14 AM (3,312 Views)
Shadilyn Jul 11 2009, 06:14 AM Post #1
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Vanilla Watermelon Brownie Cake
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 Here's the archive for the new pages, if you missed out on voting:

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7

Chapter One
8 (cover; skipped) / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13

------------

What: Redoing the first 3 chapters of Key. Only it's not just a redraw of everything. Rather it's a reWRITE and a redraw.

Why: As some of you may know, Key started out as a 5-volume long story with a broken/nonexistent backstory. A few months (or maybe over a year ) ago, I attempted to fix the sloppy introduction by inserting three extra pages into the introduction and also taking the opportunity to redraw some of the earliest pages that made me cry.

But I personally still find the introduction confusing and badly written. So I rewrote it to fix up a lot of plot holes, etc. Not going to name all the problems and inconsistencies if you didn't spot them. 8D; Also, overall I want something more solid.

When: I'll be updating a redo page every Saturday as a vote incentive. And if you miss any (or don't want to vote ;_;), they'll be linked here. I've personally never liked it when authors would go back to redoing all their old pages once they got past the intro. So I'll be updating regular pages and redo pages at the same time. This way it won't affect regular updates. :)

Where: RIGHT HERE AT KEY.SHADILYN.COM! xD; and at TWC >_>

How: Uhh... I dunno how to answer this question, BUT! If you have any questions feel free to post them here and I'll answer them.



Edited by Shadilyn, Nov 17 2009, 08:45 AM.
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Elly the Orange Cake Jul 11 2009, 08:51 PM Post #2
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 So your going to redo them? Yeah, MAYBE the storyline needs a little work, but it'd be a hassle to re-do such nice pages! D;

Well, do what you need to do, Shadi-chan! ELLY WILL BE ROTTING ROOTING FOR YOU!!

Btw, is it just me, or is my giftart like an odd speck of gum on the magnificent picture of fanart?

What did I just say?? Cuz frankly it didn't make any sense, really.
Edited by Elly the Orange Cake, Jul 11 2009, 08:51 PM.
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Shadilyn Jul 12 2009, 01:45 AM Post #3
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 Thanks Elly! lol storyline needs a lot of work x_x; I'm still trying to figure out which pages past chapter three will need editing after I do the redo intro. xD And no, your giftart is awesome. I love how it's very in character. :)
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Elly the Orange Cake Jul 12 2009, 01:48 AM Post #4
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 *shrug* Thanku

Anyways, go for it!
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Caliburn Jul 14 2009, 03:49 AM Post #5
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 By redoing do you mean you're inserting some backround pages or are you replacing the old ones?
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Snofox Kari Jul 14 2009, 04:44 PM Post #6
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 you WILL still have links to the original...right? :ermm: :-/ :huh: :ninja:
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Magic Smoothie Jul 16 2009, 01:38 AM Post #7
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I forgot to buy rope! F-O-E!
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 Ahh, yes, the start was a bit rocky. Character motivations and explanatory asides that the reader needs to make sense of the scene (i.e. why Ki got up in the middle of the night, why nobody especially questions all the weird things going on, why Fey has heard of Jer, etc.) haven't always been abundantly clear, if there at all. Character motivation not being hinted at, especially, gives some scenes a "because I said so" feel to them. Treat your readers like idiots.

Also, I've always been a bit confused as to how Earth-like whatever the world they start out in is and whether or not knowledge of Feynia and Daemonikha is common.
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Shadilyn Jul 16 2009, 02:28 AM Post #8
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 @Caliburn: I will be replacing it completely.

@Snofox Kari: Yes. Just to make myself feel good whenever I feel like I haven't improved. 8D;;

@MagicSmoothie: YES! I'm glad you noticed so many problems. I was kind of worried no one was noticing anything, because I know the problems aren't just in my head. One of the main things I wanted to fix are character motivations. It all started out as a yay-happy-adventure-adventure-story-time kind of thing, which is why after I developed a real plot things started to fall apart. Ahaha... All of what you brought is will be addressed with the new pages and a lot of things are going to change drastically. I'm just trying to figure out how I can (or whether I should bother trying to) fit it all in the 84-page length of the first 3 chapters.

xD; And it's not that I treat my readers like idiots, but more like... I myself was an idiot back then so I never realized all the problems. 8D;
Edited by Shadilyn, Jul 16 2009, 02:35 AM.
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Magic Smoothie Jul 17 2009, 09:28 AM Post #9
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I forgot to buy rope! F-O-E!
[ * * ]
 Heheh, it must be frustrating to try to get the intro the way you want it while keeping the current story the way it is. It would have sucked if I started my novel when I first had the idea for it, because I had paper-thin characters and it was mostly just a ripoff of "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" in a fantasy setting, and apart from the premise, I had no idea what I was doing. I'm much happier with its current incarnation, which, of course, I'm still improving. Of course, I also look back on the short story I wrote for my creative writing class and everyone had voted was the best in the class and think it was terrible. There's another webcomic I read that the author has redone ENTIRELY twice, now.

So I guess the moral is "Writers are finicky."
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xero Jul 26 2009, 03:07 PM Post #10
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 The links to new pages 3 and 4 in volume one have no images embedded.

I wasn't sure if that was intentional, so I thought I'd let you know.
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Snofox Kari Jul 27 2009, 09:57 PM Post #11
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Magic Smoothie
Jul 17 2009, 09:28 AM
Heheh, it must be frustrating to try to get the intro the way you want it while keeping the current story the way it is. It would have sucked if I started my novel when I first had the idea for it, because I had paper-thin characters and it was mostly just a ripoff of "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" in a fantasy setting, and apart from the premise, I had no idea what I was doing. I'm much happier with its current incarnation, which, of course, I'm still improving. Of course, I also look back on the short story I wrote for my creative writing class and everyone had voted was the best in the class and think it was terrible. There's another webcomic I read that the author has redone ENTIRELY twice, now.

So I guess the moral is "Writers are finicky."
finiky?!...

well...it takes much to perfect a story and then remember what you changed so that there are no "broken links" :rolleyes:

don't worry shadilyn! we've stayed this long! we believe in you! ;)
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Shadilyn Aug 1 2009, 12:48 AM Post #12
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 @xero: fixed! Sorry. And page 4 is not up yet. xD; That will be up next Saturday... which mean tomorrow. lol

And thanks kari!
Edited by Shadilyn, Aug 1 2009, 12:48 AM.
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Magic Smoothie Sep 6 2009, 10:21 PM Post #13
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I forgot to buy rope! F-O-E!
[ * * ]
 Ack, a bit of a potential viewpoint problem with the new page. Although it's not quite so apparent as with novels, since there isn't so much change to the grammar, comics and film still need to choose a single narration mode. There's third-omniscient narrator, where an invisible, all-seeing narrator is telling the story, then third-omniscient over-the-shoulder, where one switches between multiple characters' perspectives, third-limited, where one tells the story from one character's point-of-view with third-person grammar, and then first-person. The rest of the comic feels like it's told in an omniscient viewpoint, but in this page, you have Jerlorn's thoughts in square boxes, which are nearly always used for narration. The viewpoint dissonance could easily be fixed by putting his thoughts in cloud bubbles, instead.
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towr Sep 7 2009, 07:36 AM Post #14
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 Since there isn't a narrator as far as I can remember, I don't see the problem with using square boxes for someone's thoughts. And I think it looks better than cloud bubbles.
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Snofox Kari Sep 7 2009, 02:58 PM Post #15
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 :-/ i agree...cloud bubbles tend to be limiting and parts of it get in the way
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